Six Months Home
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: Ziva prepares for an event that will change her life in many ways, Tony takes a big risk, Abby and McGee's secret is revealed, and an old friend steps back into Gibbs' life. PART 4 in Remnants of Somalia series, sequel to Three Months Alive
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Surprise! I decided I couldn't wait until Friday morning so here we are, 10 hours early, with the very first chapter of __**Six Months Home**__. Welcome Back to all who have joined me through __After Somalia__, __Two Weeks Later__ and__ Three Months Alive__. To all of you and all who are new (this will make more sense if you' read the others first), welcome and thanks for coming. I hope you enjoy! Love, ~Aliyah_

***Present Day***

Tony opened his eyes on a Monday morning in the first week of March and smiled despite the early hour. Folding his arms under his head, he stared at the ceiling and thought about the last month and a half.

_Marlene had put his offer in on the house bright and early Monday morning, two days after their tour. The owner asked for twenty-four hours to consider it and Tuesday night the realtor called her client with good news. Wednesday Tony signed the papers and Thursday Ziva voted to skip Movie Night in favour of helping him start packing, knowing he'd want to move in as soon as possible. She was on a mission and spent the whole weekend meticulously labeling boxes and clearing out each room of his apartment one at a time._

_Tony hired a moving company to make things easier, not wanting to put his friends out. He got the keys late Friday afternoon and the following Monday after work, the movers had everything he owned unloaded and placed in the appropriate rooms under Ziva's direction and Tony's agreement less than three hours later._

_Ziva took one look at the mess once they left and promptly called Abby and McGee. Between the four of them and even with Abby's extreme excitement about his new place, they managed to get the basics unpacked. Over the next few days, Abby and Ziva took great delight in ordering around him and Tim and by Friday, Tony was as settled as he could be without buying more furniture to fit in all the empty spaces._

_In celebration of him being fully moved in, Abby declared a team night and no one had any argument. They ordered pizza and all four piled onto the couch for a well deserved break, with the company of the recent remake of Journey to the Center of the Earth, one of the first DVDs Tony could put his hands on until his collection was unpacked. It wasn't until Tuesday night after work that Tony put his next plan into action._

**NCIS**

***Flashback - February 2009***

Ziva walked in the front door of Tony's house on the second Tuesday in February, a week and a half after he'd gotten possession of it and only two days after he'd finished moving in. Her partner was sitting on the livingroom couch, head in his hands. Concerned, she went over and sat on the coffee table in front of him.

"Tony?" she asked.

He looked up at her, despair etched on his features. "I can't do it Zi."

Puzzled, Ziva raised an eyebrow. "Cannot do what?"

Standing up, Tony began pacing between the livingroom and kitchen areas in the open concept first floor. "I can't decorate this place! Look at my apartment? Did I know anything about how to make it look put together or feel homey?" He frowned and looked around the space. "This is my house Ziva, but I want it to look like a home. I just have no idea where to start." Tony shoved his hands in his pockets. "Maybe I should get some magazines or something," he muttered.

Ziva bit her lip, trying to conceal her amusement at Tony's dilemma. She never would've thought he'd get upset about something as simple as decorating, but the house was a big deal for Tony, one of his first real grown-up decisions, so she understood.

"Perhaps I can help," she offered. Even after so many years, Ziva still remembered the simple, beautiful touches her mother had brought to her childhood home. Her taste was similar, and she was certain she could handle the basics.

Tony spun towards with a light in his eyes. "Would you Ziva? That would be so great. I'll give you my credit card and you can seriously go nuts. Do whatever you like." He shrugged. "I've always thought your place looked great once you got everything, I'm sure I'll love whatever you can do here."

She smiled and shook her head. "We could start today." Seeing how excited Tony was, Ziva knew it was the right choice.

At Tony's insistence, Ziva did whatever she thought was necessary. A painting crew was hired and after Tony approved her colour choices with barely a glance, confirming in some strange way how much he trusted her, they were put to work for the entire next week, bringing warmth and style to the mostly empty house. She didn't discover until later that he'd changed the colour of one of the spare rooms to be yellow, with no explanation. But Ziva didn't say anything because it was his house and that was his choice. Plus, she'd always liked how yellow walls brightened up a room.

Having already decided that she liked the lighting fixtures and some of the other details that had been there when he moved in, Ziva turned her attention to decorating. She dragged Tony along with her to purchase paintings and prints for his walls, lamps, rugs and other small things.

With an idea in mind and holding on to Tony's promise that she could do whatever she thought the place needed, Ziva commissioned a man she'd heard of to build a special entertainment center for the livingroom. She didn't tell her partner about it and it was with great delight that, on their last movie night of the month, they walked in the door the find that it had been delivered and set up as per her instructions.

Tony was thrilled with the massive amount of space he now had for his DVDs - the center took up almost the entire wall, stopping at the window on the far left side of the room - and Ziva spent the evening helping him organize his collection. It fit, with space leftover. She added a couple of ornamental touches on top and in a few of the square cubbyholes. Drawers in the bottom provided storage for manuals, remotes, and extra cords that Tony decided to let McGee figure out what they were for.

The following weekend they did their last shopping trip to purchase new furniture for the livingroom. After standing back and surveying everything, Tony declared that his old stuff looked out of place in the new house. Ziva accepted his decision with a nod and added that to her list.

Upstairs, both of the guest rooms stood empty and though Ziva had tried to encourage Tony to turn at least one into an office or maybe even a storage room, he steadfastly ignored all her suggestions. After awhile she gave up, figuring that it was his house and if he wanted empty rooms, he could have them.

By the time the second week of March rolled around, Tony had a beautiful home. "It's all thanks to you Ziva," he told her, taking his twelfth tour and marveling at the minor miracle she'd managed in a month. "You have no idea what this means to me, thank you."

Tempted to put off his praise, Ziva changed her mind when she saw the seriousness in his eyes. She dipped her head. "You are welcome."

Glancing at his watch, Tony grinned. "So...want to help me cook a real meal in this place?"

They'd lived off takeout and leftovers while they worked. Ziva had been forced to make many additions to Tony's kitchen supplies, but now the space was completely stocked to her satisfaction and she'd only been waiting for an invitation. "Alright," she agreed. "Let me guess, spaghetti?" It was Tony's go-to comfort food, second only to pizza.

He winked. "You read my mind."

As she followed him, Ziva looked around, not able to see any place that did not hold her touch. In a house that was not hers, it was slightly unnerving. Thinking back to what her partner had said, Ziva wondered if the ability to read his mind might put both of their hearts in danger, or give them exactly what they had needed for so long.

**NCIS**

***Present Day***

It wasn't so much the progress his house had made over the last month that was most exciting for Tony. Instead what made the biggest impact was the way things had changed for him and Ziva. Somewhere in the course of the last several weeks, Ziva had stopped fighting him.

There had been no one moment, no announcement or honest talk. But somehow, for some reason he didn't know yet, Ziva had accepted him into a special place in her life and her heart. Tony wasn't yet privy to all her secrets, she hadn't confided to him any more about Somalia, and still everything was different.

They had gone from friends and partners to something more that hadn't been labeled for fear of messing it up. It was as if both had come to a silent acceptance of being together without actually making anything official. Tony felt the freedom to let a little more of the love he had for Ziva show in his eyes when he looked at her, and Ziva smiled more and was slowly, very slowly, letting herself be happy with him. That brought Tony more joy than anything else.

Suddenly Tony couldn't stay in bed any longer. Today was special, though he doubted anyone else was keeping track like he was. Six months ago today they had rescued Ziva from Somalia. And because she was home and safe, he wanted to celebrate.

**NCIS**

In the end he had to settle for a cupcake with a single candle and a whispered, "I'm so glad you're home Zi," because they got too busy to do more. Her expression softened in the most endearing way when Tony explained why they were celebrating, but the reminder also brought the shadows back, so he knew she'd be going to Ops tonight.

Whenever thoughts of Africa overwhelmed her, Ziva needed to be at the gym, to prove something to herself. So Tony retreated to his desk and spent the rest of their lunch break looking at his new favourite ad in the newspaper, while Ziva slowly broke chunks off her cupcake and ate it in-between phone calls and updates.

Tony read the words of the ad again, thinking about how he'd come across it so accidentally the previous Friday afternoon. When he'd seen the notice advertising the sale of a gently used baby grand piano, he nearly passed it over. Then a long ago conversation with his partner popped into his head and he'd turned the page back, reading over each word very carefully.

After work Monday night while Ziva was beating the memories into submission at the gym, Tony took a trip to the other end of the city and met a lovely lady named Grace McPherson. She was a white haired woman who quickly made him feel as if they were old friends.

She loved her piano. In fact, it had been a fiftieth wedding anniversary present from her husband Thomas. But with her arthritis getting worse Grace could no longer play and though it saddened her heart, she had finally decided to sell it. "I wanted someone else to get the same joy out of it that I have." She smiled at him, looking straight into his eyes. "What would you do with it, young man?"

Inspiration lit his expression and Tony accepted her offer of a seat on the couch. "Well ma'am, I have this friend."

By the time the conversation was over, Tony was the proud owner of a beautiful black baby grand piano. Grace sent him on his way with her card and an offer to come back any time. Once he made a phone call, he let his new friend know that the moving company would be over to pick the piano up on Wednesday. She agreed and Tony went home, excited to see Ziva's reaction at their usual Thursday evening Movie Night and dinner.

**NCIS**

"So Ziva," Devon smiled brightly Tuesday morning, "it's been six months since you came home. How do you feel?"

The Israeli's expression was solemn. "Six months and still the scars have not faded."

Devon's brow wrinkled. "It will take time for that Ziva. Surely you didn't expect..."

Her patient shook her head. "I do not mean the marks on my body Devon," she explained, "I doubt they will ever go away." Ziva touched her forehead gently. "I was talking about the scars my mind bears."

Devon's eyes softened. "They have faded considerably since October Ziva, and we will keep working on that. It's why you're here, remember?"

Ziva sighed. "I thought it would be different."

"How so?" the therapist questioned, anxious to know what was really going through the other woman's head.

She shrugged. "I guess I just thought one day it would all be over and everything would be back to normal."

Devon's expression bore only a hint of a smile. "If it was that easy, I wouldn't have a job." Seconds of silence ticked by before she started to offer the reprieve of another subject, but it looked like Ziva had something on her mind. "What are you thinking about?" she inquired softly.

Ziva's head jerked towards her voice. "Pardon?"

"You look like you're deep in though. Can you tell me?"

Sighing, Ziva laid her hand on her swollen abdomen. "I am not sure I can do this by myself, raise this baby." She looked out the window. "I am even beginning to wonder whether it is wise to keep a child born of abuse." Ziva met Devon's eyes. "Is it fair to either of us?"

Talk about a heavy question! To be honest though, Devon had been expecting this topic to come up for weeks and she had the information she needed to reassure her patient. "Ziva, I've done some research about this. From what I found, many women who conceived as a result of being raped and kept their children had no problem loving them. There are phrases being tossed around that include, 'My baby was something wonderful that came out of something horrible', 'I love my child beyond reason', 'The baby is still part of me,' 'The child is much loved by our whole family'."

Ziva still didn't look convinced so Devon continued. "There are of course just as many stories of people who chose not to go through with the pregnancy at all, or who gave up their child for adoption into a loving family. But Ziva, you stayed pregnant with this baby and you have a loving family around you. They will love the baby simply because he or she is a part of you. I think you will never be alone in this. At this stage, I believe it would hurt you worse to give up this child, since your first choice after Ducky told you was to declare that you were keeping him or her."

Her shoulders fell and Ziva nodded slowly. "I know," she said in a barely audible voice, "but it is still hard to think about what happens after this."

Choosing to let the woman think about what she'd heard, Devon moved onto another regularly talked about subject. "How are things with you and Tony?"

Ziva's smile returned and the change in her eyes was instantaneous, from gloomy to joyful. "We are good. This...whatever it is we are doing...it is nice."

Dr. Andrews nodded. "So you guys still haven't clarified your relationship?"

The dark haired woman shook her head. "No, not yet. But I think we will have to talk soon, to decide what we want."

"It's kind of obvious," the doctor put in.

Ziva frowned. "What is?"

Devon rolled her eyes. "Ziva, you love him. You've known since the middle of January almost two months ago," she reminded the agent. "It's clear that Tony loves you, he probably has since the beginning. You two are acting like you're married already." Devon pinned her patient with a look. "What are you waiting for?"

Ziva's belly jiggled and she rubbed the top lightly. Hiccups had been hard to get used to because she felt like she had them too, even if it was only the baby. "I do not know," she finally admitted softly. "Tony and I, we have never been very good at being honest about our feelings."

Dr. Andrews set her hand on Ziva's knee, pleased to see she did not react in the slightest. She truly had begun to heal. "Maybe it's finally time to start."

Ziva nodded vaguely. "Yes," she said, almost to herself, "maybe."

**NCIS**

Tony's partner followed him home after work Thursday night for movie night, and once they'd hurried up the front porch steps to escape the rain, he turned to her. "Close your eyes Ziva."

She looked at him suspiciously. "Why?"

He rolled his eyes. "I have a surprise for you."

Frowning, Ziva did as he asked but jumped away as soon as his hands came up to cover the top part of her face. Taking in the fear that was still so instinctive, Tony took a step back to make himself look less threatening. "What was that?"

Ziva clenched and flexed her fingers a few times. "I do not like...having my eyes covered." Memories of bags and blindfolds, of blows she couldn't brace herself for because she was unable to see them coming, of forced darkness even when it was light out that failed to protect her from their attacks, made her swallow hard and look away.

The anticipation faded out of Tony's posture and he leaned back against one of the supporting beams of the porch. "I'm sorry Ziva, I should've known." He scrutinized her expression. "That day wasn't the first time they used the bag, was it?"

He so often went back to that room without warning and Ziva took a deep breath to calm her racing heart. She shook her head minutely. "No."

"Okay." Tony looked like he was trying to figure something out. Finally he held her gaze. "Ziva, will you close your eyes, please?" Sensing somehow that this time would be different, Ziva let her eyelids slide closed. "Hold out your hands." Tony's voice was closer than it had been and she could feel when his body moved in front of hers. As asked, she held out her hands, palm up.

There was a smile in his voice this time. "I'm going to lead you into the house. It's okay, trust me." His large, rougher hands curled her fingers around his and tugged her forward. "Step up," he instructed, and Ziva did. She'd been in his house enough times to know the height she needed to lift her foot.

Once inside she heard Tony close the door. "Don't open your eyes yet, okay?" She nodded, curious now, not afraid. "Can I hang your coat up?" Appreciating how he was announcing every move, Ziva undid the tie that ran over top of her seven and a half month baby bump, and felt Tony's hands reach for it, helping her to get it off.

Her boots were next, slip on ones because bending over had recently become an impossibility. Finally they were ready. "Hands," he asked again, and Ziva let him grasp her wrists as he guided her across the livingroom. Having been responsible for decor, she knew precisely where they were in the room when they stopped moving. It was the far left corner, an empty space like an alcove that had bothered her because she couldn't figure out the right thing to fill it.

Tony moved behind her, resting his hands on her shoulders, the only thing he'd done without asking first. But this kind of touch had become so normal now that she didn't mind. "Okay." She could sense the excitement coming off of him. "Open your eyes."

She did and gasped in delight at the beautiful piano sitting in front of her. Taking a step forward, she reverently stroked the sleek black wood and ran her fingers over the spotless white keys. "Tony," she breathed, "you bought a piano." It seemed like too obvious a thing to say, but Tony understood her confusion.

"It's for you," the words slipped out and he hurried to cover the mistake, "for both of us, I mean." She glanced at him and he shrugged. "I thought maybe I'd take you up on those lessons."

After a moment remembrance filled her gaze and Ziva nodded slowly. "Good."

They took a seat on the bench together, her facing the piano and Tony sitting sideways to watch her. She set her left hand on the keys and he slowly placed his hand overtop, covering hers. Ziva looked at him with eyes that saw straight to his soul.

"Tony, you have changed so much."

He took her hand. "Because of you."

She tilted her head to the side. "I do not understand."

Tony tucked a curl behind her ear. "When I thought I'd lost you, I was forced to admit how much I'd taken things in my life for granted - my friends, my family, my partner." He touched her cheek gently. "And I didn't want to be that guy anymore."

"You are not," Ziva told him seriously. "Sometimes I do not even recognize the man you have become as the same person who was my partner for all those years."

"Is that a good thing?" he asked uncertainly.

"I think you always had it in you to be the man you are now. I saw glimpses of it before Somalia. I meant it when I said you are a good person. But since Somalia I have only seen that side of you." She glanced down at their tangled fingers. "I did not know you could care so much."

"I didn't know either," Tony admitted. "But when I saw you again, when that bag came off your head, I realized I didn't want to waste any more time. If you were alive and coming home, I was going to make sure to be the kind of guy who might one day be worthy of you."

She leaned forward and slid her arms around his waist. "You are," Ziva whispered, hoping someday she'd be able to stop believing the lies. Maybe it was okay for her to be happy after all.

Tony cradled her against his chest and buried his face in her hair. If any time had been right for him to say 'I love you', it was now. But somehow, after all the months of wishing for this moment, the words caught in his throat and he couldn't force them past his lips. So Tony just held her tighter and thought of the little box upstairs in his sock drawer. Maybe it was finally time.


	2. Chapter 2

_A/N: First of all, I'd like to apologize for the *Present Day* reference that confused some people. I should've specified *Present Day - Remnants of Somalia time*. _

_Second, I'll answer some questions that were asked in reviews. Updates will be Tues/Fri or Mon night/Thurs night depending on my schedule. Right now I'm just starting to write Ch 17, and it's looking like SMH will be at least 40 chapters, maybe more. _

_Third - I'm going to be sprinkling some Hebrew into the upcoming chapters but I am not Israeli nor do I speak Hebrew, I get all my information from Google. Hopefully I don't offend anyone if I screw it up but if anyone does speak Hebrew and wants to correct me, feel free! _

_Fourth - thank you so much for the overwhelming response to the first chapter! Wow! I am so amazed and thankful to all those who took the time to share their thoughts with me. Thank you and please continue to do so! _

_And now, without further ado - Chapter 2 :)_

_A/N2: Spoilers for the movie __**Paycheck**__ with Ben Affleck and Uma Therman, if you haven't seen it yet._

_Ziva, I love you._

The words echoed in Tony's head very early Friday morning, waking him up. He growled in frustration because it was the middle of the night and all he wanted to do was sleep until his alarm went off. Tony jammed the heels of his hands against his eyes and exhaled loudly.

She was right there. Ziva had been in his arms. It was the perfect moment he'd waited six months for - why hadn't he said it? Over and over Tony berated himself and the questions circled back for a second try, but he still had no answer.

It was bugging him so much that he almost picked up the phone to call her, but it was no fair to wake her up because he was an idiot. Besides, when Tony finally did utter those words, he wanted to be looking into Ziva's eyes. He wanted to see her heart, to hope she felt the same way about him.

Rolling over, Tony pounded the pillow beside him but stifled the urge to chuck it against the wall. He'd missed his moment to tell Ziva the truth and he had no idea when the next 'right time' would be. That alone was enough to make him want his gun and twenty minutes at the shooting range. He hated waiting, but this time it wasn't Ziva's fault.

**NCIS**

The phone rang in the last five minutes of _Paycheck_, just before they discovered the lottery ticket. It was one of Tony's favourite movies and he hadn't wanted to wait and finish it at his place, so Ziva left him to lock up when he was finished and went to the gym.

He snagged the phone off the coffee table, never taking his eyes off the screen. "You've reached Ziva's secretary, can I take a message?"

Tony heard background noise and then his partner's voice. "Tony, it is me."

He sat straight up and swung his feet onto the floor. "Zi? What's wrong?" She'd never called him from the gym before.

Ziva glared at her trainer and friend, standing nearby with his arms crossed and a 'not changing my mind' look on his face. She exhaled loudly into the phone, "I fell during my session today and Duke says no more training until after the baby is born." Ziva rolled her eyes at Duke's raised eyebrow, 'did you tell him?' expression. "He will not let me leave alone. Do you mind coming to get me?"

Tony did not like how it sounded and grabbed his keys. "I'll be right there." Having dropped her off numerous times after work now that she was seven and a half months and didn't enjoy driving quite so much, he knew exactly where to go. Ten minutes later he pulled up out front and a glowering Ziva was waiting in the entryway with the owner. As soon as she saw Tony, Ziva picked up her bag and marched out, clearly ticked.

"I will wait in the car."

"Take care of yourself Ziva," Duke called after her, "I'll see you in about three and a half months."

What Ziva muttered under her breath neither of them heard, but both men knew she was severely unimpressed. When the door closed behind her, Tony turned to face Duke, wanting the rest of the story. "She fell?"

The other man nodded. "Lost her balance during a kick. Landed hard on her butt. She's okay but I don't want to risk anything else happening. Exercise gets more dangerous later in pregnancy because of the hormones making joints loose. I would've cut her off in a couple weeks anyways."

Tony's eyes hardened. "You were fighting her?"

Duke held his hands up. "She was fighting me, but I never let her do anything dangerous, trust me."

Tony took a deep breath and nodded. "Sorry, I just...worry about her sometimes."

"Ziva's still going to need an outlet for when she gets overwhelmed," Duke cautioned. "Swimming is safest, but I'll be she won't listen no matter who tells her that."

Tony shrugged. "She's stubborn like nobody's business, but she wants to keep that baby safe." He slid his hands in his pocket and sighed. "I'll be glad when May gets here, she's too freaking independent for her own good sometimes."

Duke leaned against the wall and flickered his gaze out the door. "You claimed her yet?"

Tony clenched his jaw, thinking about the ring box in his room. "Planning on it." He met the man's eyes. "You gonna mess with that?"

Duke laughed and slapped Tony on the back. "Chill out man, I'm not trying to be competition." His gaze grew serious. "But she's my friend and I care enough to make sure you're going to do something about it sooner vs. later."

Tony nodded unsteadily. "Yeah, real soon. I'm just...waiting for the right moment."

Duke stared at him hard. "Don't wait too long."

Tony held out his hand. "I won't. It's been long enough already. Thanks for making her call."

Duke shook his hand firmly and jerked his head. "Get outta here, she's probably stewing out there."

Tony grinned and headed out to the car. Ziva was facing the window, arms crossed when he got in. "Did you have a nice chat?" she asked through gritted teeth.

He tried not to chuckle. "Duke only wants to keep you from getting hurt."

Her glare was only a few degrees shy of deadly. "I can take care of myself!"

He looked back at her for a long moment. "You've never been pregnant before Zi, I think you're still learning your limits." Ziva's expression fell and Tony's eyes narrowed, though his voice was feather soft. "You haven't...been pregnant before, right?"

Ziva scrambled to get some distance from the care he was showing and shook her head once, forcing her gaze back out the window. "No." Beside her Tony sucked in a breath and Ziva suddenly realized she might've answered the wrong question. "No, I mean yes, I have not been pregnant before this. There was a...scare once, when I first joined Mossad. But it was wrong."

Tony sighed, in relief she hoped, and Ziva got back to the subject at hand. "Please take me to NCIS. I want to use the gym."

Her partner stared at her. "Didn't Duke just say you've had enough?"

Anger flared in her face again. "Tony, I will go with or without you. Now, will you take me or not?"

Tony wrapped his fingers around the steering wheel, silently cursing her stubbornness and his inability to say no to her. "I'll take you." Better to keep an eye on her than to let her loose by herself when she was already upset.

She fell back against the seat. "Thank you."

They slipped into silence for the drive and the process of getting in the building. Once they stood in the training gym, Ziva looked away. "I do not want you to watch. You can wait outside."

He snorted. "Fat chance." Ignoring her displeasure, Tony walked over and started stretching on the mats. He could do the basics of a workout while she did what she had to do to get rid of her frustration.

Ziva glared daggers at him for several seconds before wrapping her hands and moving to the punching bag in the corner. Tony watched her in his peripheral vision as she started with gentle hits and small kicks but continually increased the strength of her movements until the bag was swinging wildly and Ziva was putting everything into her kicks and punches.

Without asking permission, Tony walked over and grabbed the bag, holding it steady so she could put more focus on her form. Ziva didn't say anything one way or the other, just kept doing what she was doing. When she swung around for a kick and jab, Tony saw her wobble and grabbed her arm to steady her, but just managed to take them both to the floor instead. They lay there for a minute all tangled up before Tony laughed.

"Are you sure you don't want to stick to swimming Zi?"

Drained, the Israeli pulled off one of her gloves and dropped it on him. "You better not be calling me heavy."

Tony coughed. "No, but you are sitting on my stomach. Can you get up?"

She rolled her eyes and stood slowly. "You are such a gec."

He screwed up his face. "A what?"

Ziva sighed. "A gec. A nerd."

Tony shook his head. "I think you mistake me for McGee. How do you say 'super awesome cool' in Hebrew?"

Ziva made a noise in her throat. "Ha'ita met."

Tony ran to catch up with her. "I didn't quite catch that."

Ziva turned and patted his cheek lightly. "It means, 'you wish'." Then she winked and he followed her out, repeating the saying and butchering the pronunciation.

"Yeah, whatever David. You only wish you were as cool as me."

She shook her head. "Lo."

Tony frowned. "Since I only speak English, this game is kind of unfair."

Ziva chuckled. "Whoever said it had to be fair?"

Tony caught her hand and opened his car door for her. "If life was fair Zi, I never would've had a chance to be with you."

Her eyes shone. "Toda ha-chever sheli."

Tony smiled a little. "Bevakasha einayim sheli."

Ziva could not hide her shock. "Tony, where did you learn that?"

He touched her cheek. "I have my sources. Just so you know, I mean it Zi."

Tony went around to the other side, got in and drove her home. Ziva spent the whole time trying to figure out if he knew how significant it was in her culture to call someone _precious_. And if so, now what? Maybe Devon was right.

**NCIS**

Gibbs knew the moment he walked into his house Friday night after a trip to the hardware store that he wasn't alone. He headed straight for the basement, following the scent of a particular perfume that hadn't touched these rooms in several years. He clumped down the stairs and saw a familiar redhead running her hands gently over the frame of his new boat.

"Celeste."

His first ex-wife smiled and moved into his arms to kiss his cheek. "Hello Jethro."

Gibbs looked her up and down. She'd hardly changed at all since the last time he saw her. "It's been awhile."

"Four years," she said lightly, "but who's counting?"

"What are you doing here?"

Celeste laughed. "Always straight to the point." She dropped onto the small couch beside his workbench. "I'm back in DC."

He raised an eyebrow. "I can see that."

She shook her head. "I mean I'm living here again. Just moved in this weekend." She played with her watch. "You know that house around the corner that I always wanted? Turns out they were looking to rent it."

Gibbs stared at her. "We're neighbours." It was a statement, not a question.

Celeste smiled easily. "You will come over for dinner soon, won't you Jethro? For old time's sake?"

"Still have your car?"

"I always knew you liked that convertible more than me."

"Nice car," he commented, reaching for a jar to hold his bourbon. "But the company wasn't bad either."

Celeste finally looked away, staring up the stairs as if expecting company. "Are you still single Jethro? I'd hate to be stepping on any toes."

He snorted. "Only people who use those stairs are family, and they'd be awfully curious about you."

"Family?" She tilted her head. "Did you adopt the lot of them then? Even DiNozzo?"

Gibbs took a long swallow of bourbon, wondering if he needed liquid courage for this visit. "Had to. He's planning to marry one of my daughters."

"Ziva," Celeste spoke without hesitation.

"You've been taking lessons."

She walked over and took a sip of his drink, grimacing. "Tobias is right, it does taste like paint thinner. And I remember how you talked about her, there was something special between the two of you from the beginning. Besides, it couldn't be Abby, not the way Tim looked at her." Celeste shrugged. "Besides, she and Tony were always more like siblings anyways."

"Good memory," Gibbs commented.

"I can read between the lines." Celeste turned her attention to the boat. "I know you burnt a couple of them, so I hope your naming scheme is different now. What number is this?"

Gibbs reached for his sanding block, needing to focus somewhere else. "Seven," he answered finally.

"What are you going to call it?"

He grunted. "Won't know 'til it's done."

She watched him for a few more minutes, then rested her hand on his arm. "Well, I better go. Wouldn't want to get in the way."

Glancing past her, Gibbs nodded. "Couch is still free."

"I don't read the newspaper so much anymore," Celeste confessed, "too depressing. Historical fiction is my newest obsession."

"Got that house filled with books yet?" He'd never seen another person who owned so many books, except maybe Ducky.

She smiled. "Still unpacking. And I better get back to it." Celeste climbed a few stairs. "Thanks for the drink."

"Next time get your own jar," he said gruffly. Then he let his eyes follow her to the door. "Celeste." She turned back. "Good to see you."

"Supper invitation is always open, don't forget."

He waited until he heard the front door close and set down the sandpaper to finish his bourbon. Celeste had been his first date, his first kiss, his first everything after Shannon. The red curly hair was similar but different, her sparkling blue eyes a shade lighter, her smile quick and easy. But it had been too soon and not many months passed before she realized he was using her to try and replace a ghost.

Celeste had accepted Shannon's memory, never asked about the picture of the little girl that was tacked above his workbench, and tried to love him into healing. But Gibbs hadn't wanted to move on, he only wanted a warm body in his bed to make him forget, another person around so he could pretend he still had a family.

Then the Boone case came and Gibbs poured himself into chasing a monster, seeing his girls in all the women Kyle murdered. He hardly slept, didn't eat, couldn't focus on anything else except his pursuit of the one man determined to play games with him, mess with his head and make everything ten times worse. He spent a year chasing Boone and failed to notice that Celeste was slowly giving up.

When she left he didn't get angry, didn't let himself feel anything. He wasn't surprised and he couldn't even feel one more layer of hurt on top of everything else. So he let her go, didn't fight the decision, and signed the papers that were delivered three months later. She'd given him a chance to make up his mind, but he couldn't let go of the case.

It was Ducky who finally woke him up, but by then it was too late and he didn't see his ex-wife again until after his marriage with Diane had ended with her trying to take his head off with one of her golf clubs. She was still beautiful, still smiled easily, and amazingly enough, they still had things to talk about. So they started spending time together just because they could, and discovered that despite their failed marriage, they could still be friends.

Celeste dropped out of the picture again when he found Stephanie and moved to Moscow for an assignment. Four years later, when he was still bitter about the situation with Jenny in Paris and trying to rebuild his team, she appeared again, slipping right back into the role of companion and friend, someone to spend time with and a shoulder to lean on, if he needed it, just like she'd been before.

They enjoyed the speculation her appearances caused within the team, and he knew the curiosity level had tripled the day she dropped his glasses off. They'd spent the previous evening reading books together on her couch while they shared a bottle of wine, since she refused to develop a taste for his drink of choice.

She'd moved again shortly after Ziva was assigned as their Mossad Liaison Officer, taking a job in California. There had been no goodbyes, no promises to write, no 'see you later' because neither of them could promise that, and saying it out loud would've turned the relationship into something it hadn't been in over a decade. They parted ways as always, with a warm smile and a kiss on the cheek.

Gibbs wasn't sure he'd ever see her again until she turned up at his house tonight, carrying the surprising news that she was back and in the same neighbourhood even. He wasn't sure what to think. But it had been a long time since Jenny's death, a long time since he'd had more than a fling, a long time since he'd had a friend. And if that's what Celeste was offering again he'd take it, because a friend was something everyone needed, even him.


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N: Okay, this is almost completely a McAbby chapter, but rest assured that Tiva reappears and pretty much dominates Chapter 4. So, confession: I am struggling with how to fit A&M into this story because my focus is so much on T&Z's journey and relationship etc. I have some scenes for them but not a lot, so if you have any suggestions for moments you'd like to see between our married couple, they would be welcomed. I can make no promises about putting any submitted ideas into the story, but I will definitely read and consider them. Thank you :)_

_PS. Also, my apologies once again for Chapter 2. I know what the Hebrew phrases mean because I've been writing this story for the last month, but I forgot you guys can't see inside my head. So, here's a translation for the Hebrew part in the last chapter._

_After they left the gym, Ziva said, "Thank you my friend," in response to Tony. And Tony said, "You're welcome precious."_

_Hope that clears up any confusion. ~Aliyah_

_PPS. I tried really hard to upload this Thurs night but FF was not interested in helping me out. Sorry for the delay!_

Gibbs came down to the lab Monday morning and stood silent as a shadow in the doorway until she noticed him. Abby was humming and smiling, her music quieter than usual and wearing pants, a relatively new trend she'd started over the last week. Suddenly she turned around and jumped.

"Geez Bossman, warn me or something if you're going to be sneaky like that. You almost gave me a heart attack!"

Far from apologizing, Gibbs didn't move, studying her for a minute before he said anything. His scrutiny was making Abby nervous and she was about the break the uncomfortable hush when he spoke. "When were you going to tell me Abs?" Gibbs asked.

Abby's heart leapt into her throat but she kept her expression carefully neutral. "Tell you what?" she questioned innocently.

His expression and tone softened. "That you're pregnant."

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "I don't...how..." She put her hands on her hips. "Gibbs, how could you possibly know that? I just found out."

Shrugging, Gibbs dismissed her surprise and outlined the reasons in a nutshell. "You're wearing pants, you've asked to be brought No-Caf Pow instead of the regular stuff, you've had the music on low for days, and...there's something different in your eyes." He took a sip of his coffee. "McGee's the father." It was a statement, not a question.

Abby closed her eyes._ Timmy, you were supposed to be here for this_. Swallowing, she nodded slowly. "Yes Gibbs, my husband is the father of our baby." At the same time she pulled the chain out of her shirt, displaying her wedding rings for the first time.

Gibbs set down his coffee. That he hadn't seen coming. "When?" he demanded, frustrated at being left out of the loop.

Abby sighed. "The baby or the husband?"

"Both."

"I'm about thirteen weeks. And McGee and I have been married just over four months."

He moved closer, searching her eyes as his hand fell to her cheek. "Why didn't you tell me Abby?"

"Tim thought..." she began, then shook her head. "With everything that Ziva was going through, we didn't want to cause a scene. There'd be too many questions and everyone really needed things to stay peaceful for awhile. Then after Ziva found out..." Abby swallowed. "How could we tell? We're happy and she's pregnant because she was raped?" She shook her head. "There was never a right time after that." Looking up at Gibbs she practically begged him. "Please don't lecture me Papa Bear. Can you just be happy for me, for us?"

"Oh Abs," Gibbs hugged her tightly. "I'm happy for you."

Abby soaked all the comfort she could out of his embrace. "I love you Gibbs," she whispered. "I've missed you. I thought maybe now..." her voice went quiet, "...maybe you liked Ziva better." It was selfish, but everyone's focus and attention had been on Ziva lately, and Abby was starting to feel left out.

"Hey," Gibbs tipped up her chin, "I love you both." He shook his head. "And fathers don't ever choose a favourite daughter, but sometimes one needs him more."

Abby nodded. "Okay. But I need you too, don't forget." She smiled. "Thanks Gibbs." He kissed her forehead and turned to go. Suddenly a thought occurred to her. "Gibbs! Timmy doesn't know yet, so please, don't say anything."

Gibbs raised one eyebrow at her. "He hasn't noticed what I have?"

Abby bit her lip, not wanting to tell her father how she was keeping her husband suitably distracted. "Not everyone is as observant as you Gibbs," she said finally.

He smirked. "Might want to hurry up. Something like that can't stay a secret for long."

Abby breathed out a sigh. "I know."

**NCIS**

Gibbs marched into the bullpen a few minutes later and pointed at McGee, grateful that Tony and Matt were out on an interview and Ziva was getting Ducky's latest report. "You - Abby's lab. Then my office."

McGee gulped, but stood and calmly headed for the back elevator. It seemed they'd been found out. But then, both he and Abby had been surprised that the team, especially Gibbs, had managed not to notice for four months. When the elevator dinged, Abby turned to see who it was and Tim could've sworn she looked nervous. As soon as he saw his wife playing with the rings on her necklace and looking distracted, he sighed.

"Busted?"

Abby nodded. "Gibbs send you?"

"Mmhmm. Then apparently we're having a heart to heart in the elevator."

She winced. "That's my fault."

He took her hand and frowned. "How so?"

Abby looked away. "I told him about us."

Tim held her gaze. "Why?" He wasn't upset, but the last time they'd talked about it she hadn't wanted to tell anyone yet, so he assumed they'd be waiting for awhile, then making the announcement together.

"Some things can't be kept a secret for very long," she echoed Gibbs' words. "It's going to be obvious pretty soon that something is going on." McGee looked confused and Abby couldn't find a delicate way to break the news. "I'm pregnant Timmy. Thirteen weeks. I can't hide it forever."

A look of shock passed over Tim's face before he repeated the word. "Pregnant?"

Her tone gentled, her eyes fixed on his. "Yes Tim, pregnant. As in, carrying your baby."

McGee's lips were on hers before she could think and Abby felt immense relief. Having only been married for a few months, she wasn't exactly sure how he'd take the news. He pulled away first, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "We've having a baby?"

Abby blinked back tears and nodded. "We're having a baby." Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and held on tight.

Tim wasn't even sure he could process the information, let alone figure out how to feel, then something she'd said jumped out at him and he moved back. "You said you couldn't hide it forever," he reminded his wife, "so how long have you been hiding it?"

The Goth bit her lip and looked away but his earnest gaze deserved an answer. She shrugged, "I've known for a week."

Hurt flooded his voice. "Abbs, why? Why didn't you tell me?"

Abby took a step back from him, fiddling with her rings and looking even more anxious, she couldn't even meet his eyes. "It hasn't...we're not..." Abby frowned and tried again. "We haven't been married very long Tim, we never talked about kids. I wasn't sure..." she trailed off and McGee understood.

"You weren't sure I'd be happy about it."

"I don't like keeping secrets from you," she said quickly, "but I wasn't even sure how I felt about it." She gave a half-laugh. "At least it explains why I was sick so much the last couple of months."

Tim leaned back against the table and slipped his fingers between hers. "I'm not mad Abby, I just wish you'd told me right away."

Her eyebrows came together. "Would you have been happier if I'd told you a week ago? What are you feeling now?"

"Honestly?" He shrugged. "I'm surprised Abby. Well, shocked is more like it. We were both using protection-"

"Only effective 99.99% of the time," she muttered.

Tim snorted. "Thanks for the flashback to Junior year health class." He could see her uneasiness though and quickly got to the point. "But I love you Abby. You know I've loved you for what seems like forever. We're married and having a baby - what's not to be happy about?"

A grin took over her face and Abby launched herself at him for another hug. "I'm happy too," she whispered.

McGee buried his face in her neck. "Have I ever told you that gunpowder is my favourite perfume?"

She laughed loudly. "That's why I love you Tim, even the little things you get right."

"So," he stared into her eyes, rubbing his thumb over one of her braids, "how did you figure it out?"

Abby's expression became decidedly guilty. "Do you remember when Gibbs made me go see Ducky when I was sick at the end of January?"

Tim nodded. "I was glad. It worried me to see you get sick twice in one month when you hardly get sick ever."

She slid her arms around his neck. "Ducky was the same way. So anyways, he gave me a check up and couldn't find anything wrong, so he drew blood. But I told him I could test my own blood thank you very much. Then I put it in my fridge and conveniently 'forgot' about it for a month. I only just found it last week when I was cleaning. Even though I'm not feeling sick anymore, I still figured I'd see what my blood had to say." Abby smiled and her eyes twinkled. "Imagine my surprise when it told me I was pregnant. It's taken me this long just to get used to the fact that it's real."

McGee shook his head. "Only you Abbs." He leaned in and kissed her softly. "So now that we both know, what are we going to do about it?"

**NCIS**

With great reluctance Tim left his wife in the lab some time later, pressing a final, ardent kiss to her lips and whispering a quiet, "I love you."

The elevator had never gotten upstairs faster and McGee winced at his boss' glowering expression when he stepped inside and punched the button for the evidence garage. Less than four seconds later, Gibbs hit the switch and the elevator jerked to a halt, the lights dimming as Tim waited for the headslap he was sure was coming.

Instead Gibbs' voice came out low and gruff. "I would've walked her down the aisle Tim. I would've stood in for both of you."

Completely thrown by the man's unexpected admission, McGee swallowed. "It seemed...it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"And now?" Gibbs asked, one eyebrow raised.

Tim sighed. "I'm tired of keeping the secret. But Abby," he shrugged, "she decided she liked having it just between us."

"No arguing with her, huh?" Gibbs commiserated with a smile, having been down that road many times before.

McGee leaned back against the wall. "I honestly think we might've told sooner Boss, but then Ziva found out..." he trailed off. "How could we after that? Even now that Abby's pregnant, she doesn't know how to tell. She's thirteen weeks, I'm not sure how long before it's noticeable. She's...afraid to talk to Ziva about it." Abby hadn't said those words, but he could see it in her eyes.

"Ziva will be hurt that you hid the truth so long," Gibbs pointed out, then cuffed Tim on the back of the head. "That's for not asking. And DiNozzo may do it again when he hears that you knocked up his sister."

Tim frowned at the crass wording and fingered the ring on the keychain in his pocket. He sighed. "Abby's worth any reactions I have to deal with."

Gibbs leaned one shoulder against the wall and eyed Tim slowly. "News sunk in yet?"

McGee couldn't contain the grin. "I don't think I ever saw myself as a father Boss, but now..." he shook his head in mild disbelief, "I already am one." His brow wrinkled. "Is it possible to love someone you've never met?"

The silver-haired man blew out a hard breath. "Oh yeah Tim, it's possible."

McGee swallowed, paying even closer attention when the boss used his first name. "Can I ask Boss, about when you knew?"

It wasn't an easy topic and Gibbs was silent for several seconds. He wasn't sure anyone else on the team had ever felt okay broaching it with him before. Finally he found the words, even though speaking them out loud bruised his heart. "I loved Kelly from the minute I knew about her. But it got even more real when I could feel her kick and move inside her mom."

Tim's eyes rounded. "When?" He hadn't even thought about that part yet.

"About a month after Abby can feel it from the inside. Five months give or take." He cleared his throat, ready to be done with the emotional stuff, and stood up straight, glaring at Tim. "You take care of them, you hear? There's no greater gift."

Just like that the moment was broken and the doors slid open. Tim needed a few more minutes to process everything and borrowed Gibbs' office after the man left. He was going to be a dad. All at once it scared him to death and made him so giddy happy that he couldn't hold still. Tim wasn't sure that anything else in his life had compared to right now.

**NCIS**

"Are you excited about your ultrasound Ziva?" Mandy asked that afternoon.

Ziva smiled. "I just like to watch him moving, even if I cannot see what you see."

"Or her," Tony put in, pulling his chair closer to where Ziva lay.

She rolled her eyes. "Or her."

Mandy chuckled at the exchange that gave the appearance of having happened several times before. "Do you have a preference for gender Tony?"

He shrugged. "Not really. Either/or will be cool, at least I know it's one of the two. But I just keep picturing a little girl with Ziva's curls and big brown eyes." Tony spoke the words to the doctor, but kept his gaze on Ziva's face. She smiled a little shyly and slipped her hand into his.

Mandy watched the interaction with interest before clearing her throat to get the couple out of their own little world that they seemed to have fallen into momentarily. She smirked when Tony jumped, as if he suddenly realized they weren't alone in the room.

"Let's get started, shall we?"

**NCIS**

Celeste opened the door that night surprised but pleased to see her ex-husband standing on the front step. "Come to collect?" she asked brightly. That he'd waited a few days before showing up didn't surprise her. Leroy Jethro Gibbs only did something when he was good and ready.

He entered without waiting for an invitation and looked around for the drink he needed. She shook her head. "Follow me, I'll show you where I keep my stash."

Once he was armed with a glass of amber liquid, he leaned against her kitchen counter. "Found out my daughter's pregnant, and married."

Celeste tilted a little of the wine past her lips. "Which came first?"

"Husband," he grunted. "McGee's lucky I didn't slap him into next year."

She smiled knowingly. "Still giving your agents wake up calls with great regularity Jethro?"

"When they need it," he retorted.

"Let me guess," Celeste considered the options, "Abby?"

"You know me too well woman," Gibbs said darkly.

"Ah, well, some of us who've had the opportunity to know you can look past what everyone else sees as flaws, to the real man inside who has gotten just a little bit too good at hiding over the last twenty years."

"Safer alone," he commented.

"Must be hard sometimes though." Throughout their marriage she'd tried very hard to learn how to read him, but many things still had to be guessed at. Then she changed the subject suddenly, knowing introspection just depressed him. "Sit down Jethro, the lasagna will be ready in ten minutes."

"Expecting company?" he asked.

"Always anticipate," she shot back, smirking a little.

"Didn't teach you the rules so you could use them against me."

She raised an eyebrow. "You didn't teach them to me at all, I watched and I learned."

Gibbs snorted. "Franks would like you."

Celeste joined him at the table and leaned her head on one hand. "Oh, I'm sure I would love to hear the stories he could tell."

"Long way to Mexico," Gibbs pointed out. "You hate flying."

She frowned. "Hate is such a strong word. I just..."

"Have an acute dislike of traveling in something that could fall out of the sky and kill me," he quoted her oft-used saying.

"Someone was paying attention," she observed quietly.

The timer went off and it was for the best, because right then and there Gibbs almost started to admit that he'd been the cause of their marriage breaking up. It had been so much easier to blame her than to reflect on his behaviour. But friends had to be honest, and honestly, Gibbs wanted to forget Rule #6 and say he was sorry. He hadn't meant to hurt her.

**NCIS**

Abby and McGee lay in bed that night, Tim on his side with his head propped up on one hand, running his fingers across Abby's bare stomach. "It's hard to believe you're three months pregnant and I can't feel a change yet."

She nodded and put her hand over his. "Crazy huh? There's a little person, our baby, growing inside me and you'd never even know it."

Tim drew his eyebrows together. "Do you feel different?"

Abby shrugged. "Yes and no. Apart from being sick when I never am - which now has an explanation, I've been pretty emotional lately and my breasts are sore like they are during my period. But my clothes still fit and I haven't had any weird cravings, so I don't know." She made a face. "I don't know what I'm going to do when I can't wear my normal clothes. Maternity clothes look great on Ziva, but they're not exactly my style."

McGee threaded his fingers into her hair. "Speaking of Ziva..."

Abby rolled over on her side and moved closer to her husband, resting her head on his arm. "I don't know how to tell her Timmy. I mean, she and Tony are doing great, she seems okay with the baby and everything, but Gibbs is right." She sighed. "Ziva's going to be hurt that we didn't share our news and let her worry and I can't even imagine how she'll feel knowing we're married and pregnant and happy about it after all she's had to fight."

Tim shook his head. "She'll be happy because she loves us Abby, and we have to tell them soon. You said it yourself - our secret can't stay secret much longer."

She sighed heavily. "Just give me a little more time McGee. I can't think about it any more right now."

He held her close. "Okay Abbs, we'll figure it out." He captured her lips for a kiss. "I love you."

Abby smiled. "I know. Goodnight Tim."

"Goodnight."


	4. Chapter 4

Ziva fidgeted through half of her session before finally getting up to pace. Devon watched with mild concern. She hadn't been this agitated in awhile.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"I am not allowed to go to the gym anymore," the Israeli murmured, still traveling from one side of the room to the other.

Devon raised an eyebrow, knowing how important that outlet was for her patient. "Why is that?"

Ziva shrugged distractedly. "I am almost eight months, many things are no longer safe."

"How do you feel about that?"

She stopped moving and frowned at her therapist, then slowly took a seat once more. "It is...disconcerting to have the gym taken away from me now. It has been a security cover for three months and I am not quite sure what to do without it.

Dr. Andrew's looked thoughtful. "Is there anything you are still able to do?"

Ziva nodded slowly. "Yes. Swimming is okay."

"So have you been doing that?" Devon inquired.

Ziva played with a piece of hair. "I go every day, but being in the water is not the same as taking my frustrations and feelings out on the punching bag, or sparring with Duke."

"Maybe not, but it's safer for you and your baby Ziva," Devon said gently. "Do you think you can make it work for two more months?"

The woman sighed. "I feel already as if I have been pregnant forever. Two months sounds so far away."

Devon's smile was compassionate. "Many expectant mothers feel that way. But Ziva, your baby will be worth all the sacrifices and all the waiting. Do you believe that?"

Ziva's expression was a mixture of sadness and hope as she laid her hands on her growing belly. "It is what keeps me going."

"Hold onto that then," Dr. Andrews encouraged. "You'll make it."

**NCIS**

Later that night Tony and Ziva sat at her small kitchen table, enjoying a vegetable and chicken stirfry over thin rice noodles. Ziva ate each piece separately while Tony shoveled large forkfulls into his mouth and went back for seconds. Ziva shook her head.

"Have you eaten at all today Tony?"

He stopped with the fork halfway to his mouth. "I uh...missed lunch because Gibbs sent me and AP out on that interview. I'm pretty sure he was timing me, no way to stop and get anything."

She smiled. "It is a good thing I made extra then."

Tony grinned. "You know I love your cooking Zi."

"Next time it is your turn to cook for me," Ziva reminded him.

"My pleasure. It's nice to be able to make more than just Italian now."

"You are a good learner," she commented as she rose to take her plate to the sink.

Suddenly she stopped and pressed a hand to her side, sighing in what sounded like exasperation. "Hakatan, we talked about this. Ima does not like when you kick her in the ribs." She frowned. "It is very uncomfortable."

Tony around and laughed. "Lectures before she's even born Zi?"

Ziva glared at him. "Maybe you should try being pregnant and see how much fun it is."

He held up his hands in surrender. "Uh...pass. I'm pretty sure there's a reason God only lets women do that." Tony shrugged. "We'd probably just mess it up somehow." Ziva started doing dishes and he joined her. "Hey, what was that you called the baby?"

She looked up at him. "It means small one."

"Little one?" Tony asked to clarify, but Ziva wasn't worried about semantics. He handed her his plate and grabbed a dish towel. "That's cute, that you talk to her."

Ziva stopped for a minute, realizing that this might have been the first time he'd heard her say anything to the baby. "I think it makes me feel less alone." She looked down at her bump. "And I wanted her to know my voice."

Tony tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "You're gonna be such a good mom Zi," he whispered.

Her smile was faint. "I hope you are right. A baby is too precious a gift to mess up."

Tony watched her for a long moment, wondering if maybe this time they'd both get it right.

**NCIS**

They were watching a movie Thursday night, sitting comfortably together on Tony's couch. Suddenly he paused it and the next thing Ziva knew he was down on one knee beside her holding a small box. Her eyes widened.

"Ziva," Tony began, "I've loved you for a year. It's taken me months to find the courage to ask you this, but...will you marry me?"

Not sure what she was feeling, Ziva started to shake her head, worried that it was just a pity offer, that Tony thought she needed someone to look after her.

"Just hear me out," he said, holding up and hand and cutting off her refusal. Tony took a deep breath and let it out, looking right into her eyes. "Since the first day you walked into NCIS Ziva David, you have captivated me. You were my partner, my friend. We teased, we taunted, we flirted, we nearly drove each other crazy. We were never together, but we were always jealous just the same."

"We've had our moments where I wondered if there could be something between us. But then Michael," he looked down, not wanting to bring up the bad parts they'd already forgiven each other for in his proposal, "and you leaving." He paused. "I never realized how much I needed you until you weren't there every day. Losing you was like losing the most important part of myself, and I wasn't me again until we got you back."

Tony swallowed, feeling a flicker of hope at the sheen of tears in Ziva's eyes. "For months I've watched this little kid grow inside you Ziva," he looked fondly down at her protruding belly. "I've gotten to be there for all the firsts. The first one you told you were pregnant, seeing your first ultrasound and hearing the baby's heartbeat." He shook his head, still in awe remembering that moment.

"You were so excited the day you told me about the first kick, and let me put my hand on your stomach a month later so I could feel it from the outside. I was there the first time you had one of your crazy cravings, even if a banana and chocolate sauce is something I'd eat with you." Tony closed his eyes, trying to say it all just right.

His eyes caressed Ziva's face and he put one hand on her pregnant belly. "Every time I've touched your bump or talked to your baby I've wanted to say 'I love you', to say 'Hi, I'm your dad." Tony shrugged, self-conscious when Ziva looked startled. "I've been there for it all Ziva and I feel like I should be this baby's dad. I want the baby to know my voice, to feel safe with me. If you will let me Ziva, I want to be your husband and this baby's father. I promise to love you and he or she until the day I die. Please Ziva, will you?"

Even after he poured out his heart and asked her, Ziva still shook her head, blinking back tears. "I do not want you to marry me because of the baby." _I want you to marry me because of me_, her inner self, so long starved of affection and worth, cried.

Tony panicked for a second. He knew he was losing her and with her, the chance for everything they could be. He had to fix this fast. Moving to sit beside her again, Tony let his love for her show in his eyes and the expression on his face became even more tender. He held her hand tightly.

"Ziva, don't you see? If I thought you could've handled hearing it, I would've said 'I love you' the day we brought you home. I would've married you then - demons, nightmares, scars and all. Knowing what I know now, what we've been through together these last seven months, I would still have you. I love you Ziva, I want you, I have for years."

He sighed, caressing her bump gently. "For the baby you're carrying to become ours as a result of you being my wife is just the biggest bonus ever."

Through her tears, Ziva laughed, real joy lighting her eyes for the first time in a long time, and finally she did something Tony had dreamed about. She took his hand, kissed his palm and smiled. "Yes," Ziva whispered, "I will marry you."

Tony leaned close to kiss her softly, still one of the first times he'd dared to do that, even after six months. But for her he didn't mind being patient. Opening the blue box, he took out the gold ring and slipped it onto her finger, a pink heart shaped diamond surrounded on either side by perfect white diamonds. He pointed to the unique stone.

"That's for our baby Ziva," Tony choked up when he said the word he'd been thinking secretly for months, _ours_, "I just know she's going to be a girl. And the other diamonds are us, her parents, so she'll always be loved and protected."

Ziva stared down at the ring, completely overwhelmed. Tony tipped her chin up and their lips met for the second time. He slid his fingers along her cheeks and into her hair. He'd never touched her like that when they'd kissed before and somehow it felt more possessive. His lips sought hers again and again and while it felt amazing, finally Ziva couldn't take any more.

She pulled away and Tony's glazed eyes quickly focused, apologizing before he squeezed her hand in remorse. As much as she could with seven and a half months of baby getting in the way, Ziva curled up and turned into Tony's shoulder, burying her face there to hide her tears while he held her, murmuring softly against her hair.

"I love you Ziva," he whispered, feeling the freedom to say those words for the first time. "Don't worry if you can't say it back yet. I just hope that someday you'll be able to."

She was quiet for several beats of his heart, then Ziva sat up again and put her hand on his face, smiling up at him. "I can say it now Tony, I have known for awhile that the words are true." She took a deep breath, finding courage she didn't really need because she didn't have to be brave for Tony. "I love you."

The joy in his eyes made it worth all the uncertainty Ziva felt, saying those words and really meaning them for the first time. She could read it in the way he looked at her, that Tony wanted to kiss her again, but right now she couldn't handle any more and it seemed that he knew that, because he didn't even try to move.

She took a deep breath and laid her head on his shoulder. The desire she felt when he touched her was something she didn't know what to do with. After Somalia Ziva never expected to feel wanted again, much less to want anyone back. Now she loved Tony, she trusted him, but they still had a long way to go before she was ready for more.

Tony held her so carefully, savouring the freedom to have his arms around her like this. Finally he chuckled and threw on that teasing grin she loved and tilted his head to look at her. "You're not just saying yes because of the piano, are you?"

Ziva wanted to laugh but the idea was too serious to her. "No," she replied honestly, "this is what I want." It was remembering Tim's question from months ago that made her realized she'd finally figured out the answer.

**NCIS**

Looking down at the ring on her finger, Ziva hated to ruin their joy with reality, but if Tony was going to become her husband, there was more that needed to be said. "Tony," she began quietly, not looking at him yet, "are you sure you want to make this offer?" Ziva sighed. "There are things you may not have thought of."

His heart dropped and the hurt was evident in his voice. "You said yes Ziva. Please tell me you're not trying to get out of it now."

Her head jerked up in surprise and Ziva saw his fear and vulnerability and tried to soothe it with her touch, a gentle hand on his face. "No Tony, I do not want to get out of it. I said yes because I want this. I need you, I love you. But..." her voice faltered.

"But what Zi?" Tony demanded, ready to shake her if she didn't start making sense soon. She shifted against him and Tony could feel the tension in her body. When she spoke, her words were quiet.

"How long are you willing to wait?"

"Wait?" Tony frowned. "To marry you? Not long, before the baby comes. Is that a problem?"

Ziva leaned her head forward so that her long wavy hair fell in front of her face, hiding her expression from him. "Not to get married. To be...together." She struggled to get her point across using innocuous words.

Tony got it and his arm tightened around her. He pressed a kiss to her hair. While he'd admit to having thought about sleeping with Ziva on more than one occasion, he got less joy out of the idea since she'd told him part of her Somalia story the day Ducky informed her she was pregnant.

"Oh Zi, I'll wait for you, I promise."

Finally she looked at him, sadness written on her face. "But how long Tony?" she pressed. "We are together now. In truth, we have been together for months. We have slept in the same bed and yet you have never tried to touch me." Ziva paused, weighing her words and continued in a softer tone. "I am not even sure if you want to, but you have been with many women and it cannot be easy to wait."

Tony chuckled. "Oh yeah. Believe me Zi, I want to touch you, to be with you. But before I didn't want to make you more afraid, and now you have my promise that I will wait until you're ready."

She sighed. "It is not so easy for me to think about." Ziva turned to him. "You have never physically hurt me Tony, and it is you I have trusted with my darkest moments since I returned. But I have not willingly had sex in almost a year, since before I left NCIS." She wrapped her arms around her baby bump protectively and her voice got quieter. "And I have never been with someone I love, not like you. I do not know what it will be like, what to expect, or when I might be ready. Are you sure?"

Tony settled his lips gently on her cheek for a long moment, letting his actions be his answer. "I'm sure Zi," he whispered, looking into her eyes. "You're all I've ever wanted. No matter how long it takes, I'll be here."

Ziva's lips curved into a smile. "I love you Tony."

He held her close. "I will never get tired of hearing that. And I will never take it for granted either." Cupping her face in his hands, Tony leaned his forehead against hers, staring into her eyes. He sighed, like a burden had been lifted and grinned. "I love you too."

**NCIS**

After the momentous change that had occurred in their lives over just a few minutes, finishing the movie seemed anticlimactic. So Tony convinced Ziva they needed to go out for ice cream to celebrate. With their spring coats on and shoes instead of boots now that winter was finally over, the couple walked hand in hand to a small ice cream parlour four blocks over from Tony's new house.

The redheaded teen at the counter looked up and grinned when they came in. "Welcome to Scoops, what can I get for you?"

Tony peered into the first freezer while Ziva wandered slowly down past the others, looking at all the choices. "What do you recommend?"

Sam, as his nametag announced, looked back at the board behind him. "New York Cherry Cheesecake has been pretty popular lately, my sister had two scoops of it earlier."

"Why not?" Tony declared, in the mood to be happy with anything.

"Bowl or cone?" The teen questioned.

"Sweetheart," Tony got Ziva's attention, "are we staying here or going for a walk?"

She tilted her head to the side, smiling softly at his use of the endearment now that he could get away with it. "Let us go to the park, yes?"

He grinned. "Fine by me." To Sam he said, "Cone, waffle please."

"Coming right up." Sam pressed two generous scoops into a dark waffle cone, then handed it to Tony. "And for the lady?"

"Orange sherbert, just one scoop," she decided. Then she smiled. "Do you have any strawberries?"

Sam nodded enthusiastically. "I've got any sundae topping you want." He raised an eyebrow. "Just strawberries?"

Tony shrugged and glanced at Ziva's bump. "Cravings," he explained and Sam acted like he understood because he didn't want to ask.

When Ziva reached for her waffle cone, Sam caught sight of her ring. "Wow, that's nice. How long have you guys been engaged?"

Tony handed over a bill to cover their ice cream and a generous tip and slid his fingers between Ziva's. "Since about an hour ago."

Sam rang everything in and offered Tony his change, which he gracefully refused. "No kidding! That's awesome. Congratulations!"

Both of them smiled and Tony nodded at Sam, pleased as punch that someone had noticed so soon. "Take it easy." He held the door for Ziva and they were quiet as they ate walked and ate their desserts.

Once at the park, Ziva tugged him towards the first bench she saw. Tony liked feeling like they were on a date, and shielded by the shadows he tipped her chin up for a kiss. Ziva's hands came up immediately and she pushed on his chest gently, keeping him away. Seeing her expression, Tony frowned and touched her cheek.

"What's wrong Zi?"

Fiddling with her engagement ring, Ziva fixed her eyes on his. "Tony, you are acting as if this is all okay now - kissing, touching. You are trying to put your claim on me and I understand. But," she looked away, "nothing has changed."

Tony's face was a myriad of emotions before he settled on confusion and mild disbelief. "Nothing has changed?" he repeated. "Ziva, in an hour everything has changed."

"Tony," she said quietly, putting her hands on his face to make him focus, she needed him to really hear her, "I love you. I have gotten used to your touch. And I," Ziva coloured but still admitted the truth, "enjoy being kissed by you. But I only said yes an hour ago and I feel like everything is happening too fast. I can only handle...expressions of love in small doses, not all the time."

Tony sighed. He should've realized his proposal wouldn't fix anything for her, but somehow he thought it would make more okay. He lifted her hand and kissed the back. "You're right. I'm sorry Ziva. I've just waited so long to have more freedom with you, to show you how much I love you."

Ziva shook her head. "You have spent months showing me Tony. Tell me now. Hold my hand. Kiss me sometimes. I am sorry it is not so easy as you had hoped. I think I will still be needing so much of your patience."

He pulled her close to his side and slipped his arm around her. "Whatever you need Zi," he whispered, feeling the words as a promise. No matter what he wanted, Tony knew he had to do what was best for her. He just wished that the rest of his dreams didn't still seem so far away.

It was so hard to let Ziva leave that night, to hold her for a moment and then watch her walk away. Even knowing he'd see her tomorrow didn't seem like soon enough. Tony stayed up late, wandering through his house, seeing Ziva in every corner of every room. He couldn't wait until the day when it was their home together, instead of just his. He was ready to share a life with her, ready to not be alone anymore. But who knew that a month could look like a whole year stretching before them, until Ziva was his in everyone's eyes and they could go home together, as husband and wife?


	5. Chapter 5

_A/N: Okay, so prepare for a monster A/N, I have a lot to say this time._

_1 - I was so excited that you guys were all surprised by the proposal. That was the whole point, that it was unexpected, because Ziva certainly didn't expect it either. So the reactions were fabulous! :) Thanks._

_2 - Because I have no patience and I'm pretty much as excited as you all for this story, I'm going to do 3x a week updates (Mon/Wed/Fri) for the month of February. I'm in the middle of writing Ch 23 and you guys are way behind so this will help us catch up a bit. Hope that works for everyone ;)_

_3 - To my un-signed in reviewers: EowynGoldberry, Anonymous (there was no name left), Tiva lovah (who faithfully reviews and whose reviews I would love to reply to), juli (another faithful reader who I would love to chat with in replies), and wanderer5 (someone brand new who can be assured that she does stand out and I appreciate her words so much). Thank you all so much for your lovely reviews. They are a joy to read and I look forward to every one!_

_4 - Until I come up with a good way to translate the Hebrew in the story, I'll stick it in the A/Ns if I remember. So:_

_ktantonet - term of endearment, something like 'precious little one'_

_boker tov - good morning_

_matok - sweet one_

_lehitraot - see you later_

_Okay, I think that's it for now. Enjoy everyone! (I think the first two scenes are my favuorites)._

0600 Friday morning Ziva was laying in bed, looking at her ring and talking to the baby. "This is real ktantonet, your-" she stopped short, having almost slipped up and called Tony her child's father. Ziva shook her head. _Not yet_. "He asked me and sometime in the next month we will be married." She caressed her bump as the baby moved, jabbing an elbow into her ribs before finding a comfortable position and settling down. "You will have a father matok, and he will love you enough to make up for everything."

Her cell rang and Ziva reached for it, checking the caller ID before she answered. "Boker tov," she said softly.

Tony's grin could be heard through the phone. "You really said yes?"

She laughed. "Yes."

"And that you love me?"

"Yes."

"Say it again," Tony asked, sure that he would never get enough of this.

Ziva closed her eyes and imagined his earnest expression. "I love you."

"No regrets?"

She understood his insecurity. "None," she stated firmly.

Ziva felt more than heard his sigh of relief. "Good. I love you Zi."

"I know," she said in a quiet voice.

Tony bunched the pillow up under his head. "What're you doing right now?"

Ziva held up her hand again. "Looking at my ring, telling the baby how lucky we are." She smiled. "Do you want to say good morning?" she asked spontaneously, surprising herself.

Loving this step they'd taken, and how everything was new and different yet familiar and perfect all at once, Tony agreed. "Sure."

Turning the speakerphone on, Ziva held the phone against her belly and listened to Tony's muffled words. "Hey there Chipmunk, how's it going? Did you let Mommy have a good sleep last night? I hope so, it was pretty emotional for both of us." Closing his eyes, Tony took another risk. He'd been waiting so long to be able to do this. "Daddy loves you baby," he said softly, "I'm going to make sure I tell you that every day so you never have to wonder."

At that point Ziva moved the phone and tried to stop the silent tears falling from her eyes. "Are you sure you are ready for this Tony?"

He smiled. "I can't wait until we don't have to do this over the phone Zi, until I can roll over in the morning and see you lying next to me."

Ziva bit her lip. "Tony..."

He pressed the phone tighter against his ear. "Does that scare you?"

Her answer was barely audible. "Yes."

Tony's forehead wrinkled. "Why? We've shared a bed before."

She was quiet for a long time. "Yes, but then you were only my partner and friend. As my husband..." Ziva trailed off. "Everything changes."

"Your husband," Tony's grin was back, wider than before, ignoring her trepidation for now. "Boy I like the sound of that."

His enthusiasm was catching and Ziva pushed all her fears away momentarily. "Me too." Her eyes strayed to the clock. "I should get ready for work."

"Okay. I love you." He would say it now every chance he got after six months of holding it in. "See you there."

"Lehitraot," she responded, in the mood to use Hebrew more these days than she used to. If Tony paid attention, he would eventually learn something.

**NCIS**

Just over an hour later the newly engaged couple shared an elevator to their floor. About halfway up Tony hit the emergency switch and turned to Ziva, grinning like he knew a secret. She glared at him and crossed her arms. "If you have any fantasies involving elevators, I do not want to know."

Tony pouted. "I'm about to reveal my deepest darkest secrets to the love of my life and she just shuts me down? Cold Ms. David, very cold." The look she gave him made Tony reconsider playing the martyr. "Don't worry Zi, I was actually just going to ask how we're telling the team."

Not certain whether to believe him or not, Ziva held out her hand and flashed the ring. "Call everyone upstairs. We may as well get them all over with at once."

"No guessing games? No hints? No seeing who notices first? Since when do we do things the easy way?"

Ziva sighed. "Since I have discovered that drama in one's life is not always a good thing."

"Ah," Tony nodded once, "point taken. So that's it then, a team meeting?"

She shook her head in amusement. "Only if that way does not ruin all your fun Tony."

He kissed her fingers. "My fun is getting to tell the world that I'm in love with you, and that you are going to be my wife. It doesn't get better than that until we say 'I do'."

His words melted Ziva and she leaned up to press her lips to his cheek. "Thank you Tony, for loving us."

Tony held his fiancee close and just breathed in her scent. "Always Zi, there will never be a time when I don't. I love you."

Ziva smiled and looked down. "The baby too?"

His eyes widened. "Of course the baby too."

"Tell her," Ziva demanded, joy lighting her eyes.

Without even a pause Tony leaned down and kissed her bump. "Daddy loves you Chipmunk. You're gonna get sick of hearing it before I get tired of saying it."

When his eyes met Ziva's, the emotion there was so overwhelming he just had to kiss her. His concern about her response was immediately drowned in the love she poured out as she kissed him back. They broke apart, breathing a little heavily and Ziva looked away as if embarrassed, but Tony turned her face back to him. "Being able to do that with you is always going to feel like a gift Zi."

She tucked herself into his side. "You make me feel beautiful again Tony," she whispered, "and worthy of being loved."

He closed his eyes and held her close. "I told you I would show you that you were worth it sweetheart. I keep my promises now."

"Yes," Ziva replied sincerely, "you do."

"So, time to go tell the family?"

She laughed. "Yes, it is. Before you get distracted."

Tony glanced at her. "Not even possible, you're my favourite distraction."

Ziva gave him a flattered look. He grinned, then flipped the switch and seconds later the doors slid open. Abby was standing beside McGee's desk, looking for all the world like she was stalling until Gibbs sent her down to the lab. McGee was watching Abby play with one of her braids, remembering what it was like to slide his fingers into her silky hair while they lay in bed. Gibbs was hitting buttons on his computer and seemed ready to throw the whole assembly out the fifth floor window.

Everyone and time itself seemed to freeze when Tony and Ziva walked in the room. It took mere seconds for Abby to realize they were holding hands, less time for Gibbs to check her ring finger and nod as though he approved. McGee was focused on the smile Ziva wore, how she looked truly happy for the first time in months. Without even a word, Tony held out Ziva's hand for Abby's inspection.

"I knew it!" she squealed. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!" Abby turned back to McGee. "Timmy, didn't I tell you?"

He shrugged and glanced at Tony. "She has been predicting it for awhile now."

As soon as Abby was done gushing about her abilities to know things, she smothered Ziva in a hug and Tim came over to shake Tony's hand. Tony was so pleased at the reaction that he couldn't do anything but stand there grinning like a fool. McGee was next to congratulate Ziva and he wrapped her in a tight brotherly hug. She leaned into the embrace, needing it from him, glad he was willing to take that place in her life.

Gibbs walked up behind Tony and smacked him sharply. Tony ducked instinctively and whirled around. "Boss..." he whined, but Gibbs just glared.

"About time DiNozzo." To his adopted Israeli daughter, Gibbs took a closer look at her ring even though he'd seen it before and folded his arms around her. "Congratulations Ziver. You deserve this happiness and so much more."

"Gibbs," she whispered, overcome with the emotion. So she blinked back tears and rested in the comfort of her father's love.

Matt poked his head around the cubicle wall and grinned at McGee. "See, I told you they belonged together."

"Huh," Tony remarked, "I guess the new guy got something right after all."

Agent Collins stood to shake hands with them both briefly. "It was just a matter of time. Seriously, that's great news."

"Thank you Matt," Ziva smiled.

Just then Ducky and Jimmy walked in from the back elevator. "Well, well, it seems that we did not get invited to the party," the ME commented.

Jimmy looked around at everyone's faces, feeling like he'd missed the surprise until Tony pointed at Ziva's finger. The young assistant's mouth fell open and then a grin took over his lips. "You and Ziva got engaged? Wow, that's awesome!" He tried to high-five Tony and because it was a special occasion, the agent took pity on him and reciprocated the gesture.

Ducky moved towards them and put a hand on each of their shoulders. "My congratulations to you both. May you find every happiness together."

They were all standing there grinning at each other when Gibbs' phone rang. He snatched it up with an impatient, "Gibbs," and dropped it back in the cradle seconds later. "Gear up, got a case, party's over." Gibbs stuck a sticky note to Abby's shoulder. "Take Ziva with you and find me everything you can on that guy."

Abby saluted. "Aye, aye Cap'n...uh, Skipper, sir," she corrected when he stared.

"Abs, don't call me sir."

"Yes my silver-haired fox," she grinned. Then to Ziva. "Come on assistant, we have work to do." Suddenly Abby narrowed her eyes at her friend. "Wait, this isn't some underhanded plot to try to take over my lab, is it? I have bad luck with assistants."

Ziva held up her hands innocently. "I am strictly an observer unless otherwise stated."

The Goth grinned. "Perfect, let's go."

Tony waved as his fiancee got dragged away by their overly enthusiastic co-worker. "Have fun."

She tossed a smile back at him. "Go catch the bad guys."

"Yes ma'am." He continued to stare in her direction until Gibbs literally began breathing down his neck.

"Sometime today DiNozzo."

Tony was immediately unfrozen. "Right away. Coming Boss."

"And Tony." The man stopped dead in his tracks. "Keep it out of the office."

He bit his lip, not sure he could completely agree to those terms. "As much as we can?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "This is what happens when you break Rule 12."

"Well, technically Rule 12 states that we should never date a co-worker." Tony shrugged and stared straight ahead at the elevator doors. "I don't remember anything about not asking a co-worker to marry you."

The sound of a hand connecting with the back of a head resounded in the small room, making both Matt and McGee wince in sympathy. "I'm adding an amendment."

Tony nodded seriously. "Right after the wedding." He could feel the glare boring into the side of his head. "Shutting up Boss."

"You better learn that a whole lot quicker before you get married DiNozzo," Gibbs grumbled as they followed him to the car.

Tony and Ziva being engaged was going to be a headache for him as long as they worked in the same office. But he hadn't seen Ziva look like that since long before Somalia. To see her happy was worth any price the rest of them had to pay. This time breaking the rules was probably the best decision his senior field agent had ever made.

**NCIS**

Mail had been delivered by the time the group was back from the crime scene. Tony walked in to see his favourite person looking at the paper lying in front of her. With a dark glare, Ziva scrunched it up into a ball and tossed it without aiming. Tony caught the crumpled stationery and turned towards her desk. "What's the matter Zi?"

She frowned. "That is a letter from the government, my citizenship test is on Monday."

He smoothed out the paper and read it over carefully. "That's a good thing though, right?" Tony had a feeling she wanted to become a citizen all on her own, rather than just acquire it by default when she married him.

Ziva crossed her arms over her stomach. She wasn't as big as she'd expected to be at thirty-two weeks, but the bump was still starting to get in the way of things. "I cannot believe I have to remember all that information when my brain is full of baby."

Tony choked on a laugh but quickly sobered when she sent him a threatening glare. He cleared his throat. "I think the term is pregnancy brain Ziva."

"I do not care what it is called, I am full of holes!"

Tony didn't bother with that one as he tried to figure out how to encourage his brand new fiancee. This was a test he could not afford to fail. Just then Gibbs walked in. "David, first amendment!"

Startled, Ziva rattled off the words without even thinking about it. Five months of hard studying had paid off. Gibbs gave her a rare smile and she realized what he had done. Tony squeezed her hand. "You're gonna do great Zi, and we'll all be there to see it when you say your oath."

Her eyes softened and she mouthed the words, 'Thank you' before getting back to work. Tony shot a grateful look at his boss. One crisis successfully averted, he only hoped any others would be this easy.

**NCIS**

"So that's good news about Tony and Ziva, right?" Tim asked his wife later while they cooked dinner.

Abby grinned at him over her shoulder. "The best. I knew it would happen eventually, but I honestly thought Ziva might have the baby before Tony stepped up."

"He's been waiting a long time for the right moment. Hard to believe six months of dancing around each other finally led to Ziva wearing a ring," he commented.

"And it's pink too, isn't that cute? Ziva's the furthest thing ever from a girly-girl but Tony got her a pink diamond. Did you see how happy she looked? Has Ziva ever smiled like that before?" Abby asked, almost ready to cry from pure joy.

"I've waited to see that look from her for a long time," McGee admitted. He reached over and snatched a bean out of the frying pan. Abby made a show of trying to get him with her wooden spoon, but it was all in fun. "Does it make you feel any better about telling them, now that Ziva has Tony for real?"

Abby set down her spoon and leaned back into his chest. "The longer I wait, the harder it gets. I think if I just told it wouldn't be such a big deal but I'm," she hesitated, then took a breath, "I'm a coward Timmy."

McGee slid his arms around her waist, resting them over the not yet existent baby bump. He rested his chin on her head. "You're not a coward honey, it's just a strange situation. I don't think it ever occurred to me that complications might arise from keeping our secret." He sighed. "I just wanted to marry you so badly, I wanted to claim you as mine before you could change your mind. I didn't want to wait and plan before we could have what we have now, a life that is truly and completely shared together."

Abby nodded. "I know. It was your secret first, then it was mine, now we have two. I know we have to tell them sooner or later but right now..." she trailed off. "I'm voting for later. Let's give them some time to get used to their own news, before we go spilling ours, okay?"

Arguing with her was not an option and to be honest, Tim wasn't sure what to think anyways. He kissed her temple. "Okay babe." McGee fingered the wooden spoon. "Need any help?"

"Yes." Abby turned around and pushed his chest lightly. "Shoo. Go write your book or something Timmy, I can't cook with you staring at me like that."

Stealing a kiss before he followed orders, McGee grinned and headed for the stairs. "Yes ma'am. Call me if you need me."

"I always need you Tim," Abby said quietly to his retreating back. _I'm so glad you're here._


	6. Chapter 6

Tony showed up at the pool just as Ziva was getting out of the water. "Hey," he looked puzzled, "you didn't wait for me."

Ziva squeezed out her hair and then shook it, sending water drops flying into the air. "I did not know getting engaged meant we were attached at the elbow," she teased.

He rolled his eyes. "The saying is 'attached at the hip' Ninja." Tony shrugged. "We just usually come together, that's all."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "But it is Saturday today, not Sunday and I have to study." Ziva headed for the changeroom. "You are not supposed to arrive until after lunch."

Tony grinned. "Are you saying I'm a distraction Zi?" He looked way too pleased about the prospect.

Ziva tossed him a smile over her shoulder. "Maybe I am."

He waited on the chairs until his fiancee returned, freshly showered, her damp hair pulled up into a ponytail. Tony picked up the conversation right where they'd left it. "Okay, so can I come over if I promise not to say a word?"

Her expression betrayed her surprise. "Not one word for three whole hours?"

Tony looked crestfallen. "Well...there's still breakfast, so it'll be closer to ten by the time we get back." He shrugged. "I think I can manage two hours. Can I watch a movie?"

Ziva laughed. "That is fine. I will study in the kitchen."

They took Tony's car to the diner because Ziva had walked and shared an hour of their typical banter before Helen came to get their plates. Spying the ring on Ziva's finger, their waitress winked at Tony. "Well young man, it certainly took you long enough."

He reached for Ziva's hand. "She was worth the wait."

It was hard for her not to melt every time he looked at her with more love in his eyes than she'd ever known one gaze could hold. With her finger, Ziva traced a pattern on the back of his hand and graced him with a special smile just between them.

True to his word, once Tony had walked her upstairs he zipped his lips, grabbed _Mission Impossible_ off the shelf and settled in for an action movie that would hopefully distract him from staring at his fiancee for the next one hundred and twenty minutes.

With remarkable concentration, Ziva buried herself in citizenship test study materials - reading, highlighting, murmuring facts over and over under her breath, and using the flashcards they'd made to test her memory. Halfway through the movie Tony realized his plan wasn't working because he'd missed some of Tom Cruise's best moments and all he could think was how cute Ziva was when she was so focused on something that everything else disappeared.

Only once did Ziva look up and catch him staring. When Tony wasn't quick enough to avert his eyes, she just smiled and shook her head slowly, then went back to the notes she was taking. Tony leaned back against the couch cushions and found a grin on his face he just couldn't wipe off. It felt almost too good to be true that after all the events of the last six months, they had finally made it here, together.

A gentle hand on his shoulder brought Tony out of his musings. "I am finished for today, you may speak."

He sighed in relief. "Good. Want to watch the end with me?"

Ziva agreed and settled against his side. "The end is always the best part, yes?"

Tony wrapped his arm around her. "Nah, I think getting there is even better."

She smiled up at him and leaned her head on his chest, watching as the light caught her ring. "Yes, I think you are right."

**NCIS**

Sometime after the lunch they made together, causing quite a mess in Ziva's small kitchen followed by her laughter as she watched him try to clean it up, Tony looked at Ziva over a game of Pente. "So I was thinking we should probably start talking about wedding plans, if we're going to do this in a month."

Ziva narrowed her eyes at him. "You are trying to distract me," she accused.

He chuckled. "Not really, but it doesn't matter, you're going to beat me anyways."

She shrugged. "Maybe not."

Ziva finished her turn and as Tony was making his move, he leaned over and kissed her. "I guess I win after all."

She rolled her eyes at her fiancé and began putting the pieces away. "I suppose we need to pick a date."

"It's a good place to start," Tony commented, reaching into his backpack for the pocket calendar he'd started writing in once he was keeping track of Ziva's doctor's appointments and the weekends they were on call. He flipped the page to April and then glanced forward into May. "Mandy said you're due mid-May?" he checked.

"The eighteenth," Ziva confirmed, rubbing her stomach lightly. Even at thirty-two weeks, the end of her pregnancy still felt years away.

"Okay, well I want to be sure we have the wedding before she comes, so what weekend in April works for you?"

Ziva gave him a funny look. "I do not make plans with anyone other than you and the team." She lifted one shoulder and let it fall. "You pick, I do not care."

Tony closed his eyes and pointed to a date. "Alright, the twenty-first of April it is."

"We should tell Abby first, she will want to help with the details."

"What kind of details do we need to work out?" Tony asked, wondering if they should make a list.

Ziva frowned. "Location, wedding party, music, food, clothing. Shall I continue?"

He sighed. "I guess this is going to be more complicated than I thought. Well, I have a lot of nice suits, I'm sure one of them would work unless you want me to wear a tux."

She shook her head and brushed her hand down the front of his shirt. "I think you will look quite handsome in a suit Tony."

Tony puffed up his chest momentarily and grinned. "I do have that affect on the ladies."

Her eyes hardened. "That will not do."

He kissed her fingers and amended his statement. "No worries Zi, there's only one woman I want to have that affect on and she's already wearing my ring."

Ziva sat back and grew quiet as she fingered her jean skirt. "I cannot wear a white dress," she whispered, eyes downcast.

Tony didn't like the look of things already and put his finger under her chin so he could see into her heart. "Why not Zi? Do you have a different tradition in Israel?"

She still wouldn't look at him. "White is for purity, for a bride who is not defiled. I just..." Ziva shook her head. "I cannot wear it Tony."

Biting back the words he wanted to say because he'd said them before and obviously they weren't getting through, Tony played with her hair. "Alright honey, that's fine. I know you'll look beautiful in whatever colour you choose." He leaned closer to whisper in her ear, "But just so you know, when I look at you I will see white. You may think you can't wear it and I won't argue, but I think you've earned the right."

Before he could change the subject, Ziva suddenly shifted her eyes back to his. "Will you not be embarrassed to be walking down the aisle with a bride who is already pregnant?"

"Hey," Tony said sharply, "cut that out Ziva, you know better." But in case she didn't he told her again, resting his hand on her bump to feel the baby move. "I'm proud to see you like this Zi. You're giving life and that's a victory and a strength. Besides, now it's our baby you're carrying and no one will ever be able to tell me different." He emphasized 'our' and Ziva wondered how it was that he could love this child so much already.

Leaning forward, he held his mouth a breath away from hers, not wanting to take advantage just because he could. Her hand on his face encouraged him to close the gap, even if she couldn't make the first move. Several sweet seconds later Tony looked into her eyes again. "I can't wait to meet her. I'm gonna be a good dad Zi, I promise. Neither one of us had good examples growing up, but I'm going to be there for her every step of the way."

His words caused tears to flood Ziva's eyes and she furiously wiped them away, hating that she couldn't always control what the hormones did to her. Tony let her calm down a little before stroking his fingers over the back of her hand and broaching a new topic.

"Ziva, I'd be honoured to have you take my last name, but I don't want you to feel like you're losing any part of yourself. If you want to keep David or hyphenate it...whatever you want Zi, I'm okay with that. And the baby..." Tony trailed off, not wanting to assume.

Ziva smiled gently, a little more in control of her emotions now. "She needs your name Tony. You have waited a long time to be her father. And I have waited my whole life to belong somewhere. So I will be Ziva DiNozzo in five weeks when I say yes. Gibbs always uses my first name anyways."

A grin took over Tony's face and he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. "You sure do know how to make a guy happy Zi."

She rested her head on his shoulder and put her hand over his heart. "You know how to make me feel loved Tony. That is no small thing."

**NCIS**

That night Ziva walked Tony to the door when the episode of _Crossing Jordan_ - that day's old TV show - ended. He paused on his way out and turned back to her. Ziva loved looking into Tony's eyes these days - they were clear and unburdened for the first time in months, maybe ever, and his beautiful green gaze reflected every ounce of love his heart held for her.

What a change from two months ago when everything had seemed so complicated because she was scared, and he was still fighting so hard for a place in her life. She used to have to look away to avoid the truth she saw shining in his eyes, now that truth filled her with the kind of happiness she never thought would be hers to have.

"Ziva," his voice was low, his expression full of want, "can I kiss you goodnight?"

Her eyes widened briefly until she caught sight of his ring on her finger. Then she smiled gently and nodded once. Tony moved closer until their bodies were touching, which wasn't as close as either wanted because of the baby getting in between them, but it was better than nothing. He slid his fingers along her cheek and Ziva raised her face, tentatively tilting her head to let him capture her lips.

It was sweet and just a little too short, but neither of them were pushing things, not now. There was be time for exploring all the lines that had been drawn and the boundaries that were still set after they said their vows. Right now in this moment, all that mattered was that their love for each other was no longer hidden.

**NCIS**

Sunday afternoon found the newly engaged couple curled up together on the couch, absorbed in a drama that kept them both on edge until it ended with hope and happiness. Shutting the TV off with his remote, Tony stretched his arm out above Ziva's shoulders and settled back into the cushions of his new couch. He reached for her hand and started playing with her engagement ring.

"Zi?" he asked quietly.

Ziva was feeling so comfortable and warm and at home that she barely moved so as not to disturb the peace. "Mmm?"

"What's it feel like for you, being engaged?"

She leaned her head back against his arm and though about it for a minute. "Like knowing I will never be alone again," Ziva answered finally. "It feels like something out of a dream I thought I would never be allowed to have." She drew her finger slowly over the back of his hand, a new habit Tony noticed she'd picked up. "When I said yes, somehow all the walls and barriers I had used to try and keep you out just fell away. When you told me you loved me, I knew that moment was what I had been waiting for."

They sat in silence until she turned the question back on him. "What is it like for you?"

Tony put his feet up on the coffee table and slouched down, nudging Ziva into a more comfortable position beside him. He sighed. "It feels like a weight lifted off my chest from all those months I couldn't love you out loud. It feels like freedom to say those words and freedom from the stress and worry of not having a place in your life that let me into things and of never being sure you'd say yes." He reached over and rubbed her belly gently, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Basically it feels like the best thing that's ever happened to me."

Ziva slid her hand over to rest on his, stilling his movement while they waited to feel the baby. An elbow grazed her skin from the inside and Tony chuckled. "Hey there Chipmunk, feeling left out?" Kicking in response, the baby continued squirming for several seconds before settling into a comfortable position. Tony kept his hand the last place he'd been able to feel something. "Don't worry baby, Mommy and Daddy haven't forgotten about you."

Looking at Tony's face, Ziva's eyes grew troubled. She curled her fingers around his. "Tony, are you sure?"

His focus quickly shifted, wondering what made her so serious this time. "Sure about what?"

Ziva's voice was even quieter this time. "About being her daddy, especially when-"

Tony's finger touched her lips gently, cutting off any more words. "Don't say it Zi." He grasped her hand firmly in his. "I've had three months to be sure. I've thought about it since the day you told me you were pregnant." He smoothed his thumb over her knuckles. "By then you'd already been part of my future for more time than I'm willing to admit. I've thought about it since the first time you felt her move and wanted to show me, since your first doctor's appointment when I heard her heartbeat, since I was finally able to feel her kick." Tony lifted his palm to her cheek. "Zi, I've been ready to be her dad for a long time."

Tears pricked the corners of Ziva's eyes and she closed them briefly. "How can you be okay with this baby not being part of you? How can you be okay with how she was conceived?"

He waited until Ziva could look at him again and his tone was grave. "I'm not okay with you got pregnant Zi, not by a long shot, no one is. I hate every second we wasted not trying to find you because we didn't know, and what happened because we were late. But sweetheart, this baby is part of you and you've been part of my heart since before Somalia, so really she is a part of me. That's what love does, it makes family where there wasn't any before."

Though Tony had said all the right words and she had no doubt that he meant every single one, Ziva was still struggling with the whole concept of him raising a child he hadn't fathered. However, neither could she deny that she'd grown to love the baby in her womb just as she'd fallen in love with Tony - slowly and without hardly even noticing.

Tony watched the emotions tumble across her face and tried to guess what she was thinking. "Are you okay with me talking to the baby and calling myself her daddy?" He didn't know what he'd do if she said no, there wasn't any way he could change the way he felt about either of them now.

"I think," she said slowly, "that I love you even more when you do." Ziva looked up at him and Tony wondered if she was asking for his touch without saying the words.

He leaned closer, preparing for rejection if he'd read her wrong. But Ziva accepted his kiss, brushing her soft lips over his as he deepened it just a little, aching for more contact with her. When she pulled away, Tony had to work hard to think clearly. He flashed her a grin. "I guess I'll take that as a yes?"

Ziva laughed and tucked herself back against him, slipping her hand under her head which was resting on his chest. Tony enclosed her in his embrace once more and she sighed happily. "Definitely yes." Then he kissed her head and settled back to watch the rain fall while sunshine peeked through the clouds. Tony had never been this happy.

**NCIS**

Gibbs sighed in relief when he got into Celeste's car after spending several hours in the office clearing paperwork from his desk. She glanced at him as she pulled out of the Navy Yard. "Long day?"

"Lots to think about," he admitted, glad the rain had stopped so they could have the top down.

Celeste chose a quiet backstreet to take them down and drove slowly, letting the silence settle for awhile before she poked his arm gently. "Anything you want to share?"

Gibbs rubbed both hands over his face. "Tony asked Ziva to marry him on Thursday night."

Celeste signaled to turn and found a road that took them down by the river. "Are you concerned?" She only knew the barest of facts about what had happened to Ziva, but enough to understand that Gibbs had good reason to worry about her and how she would handle this change.

Gibbs made himself more comfortable in the seat. "It's a tough road they've chosen, not gonna get any easier just because she said yes."

She smiled gently. "You need to have more faith in your people Jethro."

He looked out at the water, wishing life was as simple as spending it out on a boat where so much more made sense to him there. "Yeah, maybe," he agreed finally.

Celeste watched him out of the corner of her eye while she paid attention to the road. "What can I do?"

Gibbs glanced over hopefully. "A drink would be nice."

She laughed. "Too early for that yet. What else?"

He'd figured as much, her rules for drinking were much more structured than his. Gibbs watched the wind tease her hair away from her face before staring back out ahead of them. "Let's just drive for awhile."

Celeste patted his knee. "That I can do. Close your eyes and enjoy it Jethro. Things will work out, you'll see."

Following orders, Gibbs leaned back against the seat and blocked out the world. All he could do was hope she was right.


	7. Chapter 7

Tony had been watching the clock count minutes for over an hour. A report lay untouched on his desk, the pen drooping uselessly between his fingers, and he was so tense that every time the elevator doors opened or a phone rang, he jumped like he'd been shot.

Tim watched in mild amusement but refrained from teasing his friend because he understood the seriousness of the situation. Gibbs, while mildly sympathetic to Tony's predicament, finally grew tired of his distraction and barked at him. "DiNozzo!" The man jolted to his feet and Gibbs pointed to the back elevator. "Lab. See what Abby's got."

Tony looked confused but obediently followed instructions. When he got to the other side of the room, Gibbs glared as him, focusing on his empty hands. Tony stared down momentarily before the light went on. "Oh right, Caf-Pow." Then he turned and looked at McGee. "Is she still on her no caffeine kick?"

Tim nodded wearily. "Uh huh. And it's making life a little more interesting than usual."

Nodding in understanding, Tony left on his quest. Within short order he appeared in the lab bearing their forensic scientist's favourite non-caffeinated beverage. She spun around and gave him her best smile when she saw the blue cup. "Tony! You remembered!"

He shrugged off her thanks. "I had to check with the McBoyfriend first."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Would it kill you to call him by his actual name?"

Tony pasted on a grin. "You don't want to take away all my fun, do you?"

She indulged in a long suck on the straw before putting the drink down on a counter. Abby placed her hands on Tony's shoulders, reading everything she needed to know in his shadowed eyes. "She's going to do fine. Ziva's been studying for months and she has a mind like a steel trap. The test will be a synch."

He sighed heavily. "If she doesn't pass..."

Abby pinned him with a stare. "Not an option." Then she gave Tony a small smile. "Although I guess you could just marry her tomorrow, if it came to that."

Tony dropped into a chair and put his head down. "If Ziva doesn't get her citizenship..." He lifted a troubled gaze to meet hers. "What if she changes her mind about everything?"

"Oh Tony." Abby rushed to throw her arms around him. "Ziva loves you, nothing is going to change that."

He combed fingers through his hair, messing up the careful styling. "I'm so afraid of losing them Abs. With the wedding more than a month away...there's so much that could still go wrong."

Abby's hands found her hips and she gave him a good stern glare before going Gibbs with a headslap. Tony jerked up, not expecting that reaction to his admission. "Snap out of it Tony!" she demanded. "Stop listening to your fears. You and Ziva are like...like Ariel and Prince Eric - totally meant to be." An IM popped up on her screen and she whirled around to look, then turned back to him. "Better hurry big brother, your future is on her way up."

Never had a man moved so fast as Tony tearing up the stairs, wanting to be the first to hear from Ziva's lips how her interview and test had gone. He'd just pushed his way through the stairway door when the ding of the elevator signaled its arrival. Ziva emerged with a huge smile on her face, waving a piece of paper as if she'd known he would be right there.

"I passed!" she announced, throwing her head back and laughing when Tony swept her into his arms and swung her around once, kissing her full on the mouth and not caring who was watching. Ziva pulled away and hid her face in his chest momentarily before she added the rest. "I take my oath on Friday."

He saw the uncertainty in her eyes and brushed his thumb over her cheek. "We'll be there Zi, I promise." Tony's face hovered close to hers for a moment, then he pulled her tightly against him, not wanting to push his luck with kissing since the first had already been without warning. "Congratulations Ziva David, you made it."

Gibbs' appearance behind them put an end to the moment and he eyed the now slightly crumpled paper she held. "Good news?"

Ziva left Tony's embrace for Gibbs', feeling the careful way he held her with the baby bump between them. "I am home Abba," she whispered and he kissed her temple.

"Well done."

The group moved into the bullpen where Abby tried to tone down her happy hug to accommodate Ziva's pregnancy. Tim held her gently, a joy in his clear green eyes that spoke of burdens lifted. "I never had any doubt," he said into her ear and her smile softened to thank him without words.

Gibbs sat down and they took the hint that work still had to be done. But Tony hovered near Ziva's desk until a stare threatened to go right through his head and Abby had to be personally ordered back downstairs, much to her disappointment. And even when Tony returned to his place on the other side of the room, his gaze was never far from his fiancee. Every time she looked up, there was Tony's smile waiting for her.

Several minutes later Ziva suddenly remembered something and left on an errand before heading upstairs. After checking with the Director's assistant, she was ushered into his office. Without a word Ziva laid a photocopy of her confirmation form in front of him.

Vance looked at it for a moment, then made a note on his calendar. "Good work Agent David. It looks like January of next year will conclude your probation and you will be a full fledged agent." Ziva's brow wrinkled as she calculated the time since her reinstatement to NCIS, but the Director was ahead of her. "That takes into account the weeks you will be off for maternity leave." She nodded in understanding and Leon checked his watch. "When are you taking leave again?"

Ziva frowned quickly, then carefully blanked her expression. "My doctor would prefer if I left at the end of the week."

"That's probably a good idea," Vance agreed knowingly. "Thirty-two weeks gives you time to get everything in order before the baby comes. I remember how happy Jackie was to have some downtime prior to her delivery dates." Her eyes narrowed, surprised that he was keeping track of how far along she was. "And I hear you've got some extra planning to do anyways, right?"

Ziva twisted her engagement ring around and smiled softly. "We have only just started talking about everything."

The Director nodded once. "Good luck." She turned to leave but his next words stopped her. "And David, congratulations."

They exchanged brief smiles and Ziva returned back downstairs, reassuring Tony with a look that everything was fine. One phone call regarding a dead petty officer near Rock Creek Park, seven hours and three suspects later, the case was still open and active. Matt and McGee were out chasing a lead while Gibbs and Tony tried to figure out what they'd missed.

Having done all she could do for the moment, Ziva started getting ready to go. On her way out, she stopped at Tony's desk. "I will see you tomorrow, yes?"

Disappointment flooded his face. "Maybe I can come over afterwards, if it's not too late. I could drive you to the pool or something."

Ziva put her hand over his. "I will not change my mind if I do not see you every second that we are not at work. In fact," a teasing tone was clear in her voice, "if you were around that much, I may have to reconsider."

Tony smiled sheepishly. "Sorry Zi, this is just really new for me."

"Not only you," she pointed out, tracing a finger over the back of his hand. "Do not worry, we are just relaxing tonight. It is nice to finally have the interview over with."

"Text me if you need anything," he tried, wanting to leave the door open, but one look at her face said he wasn't getting away with it.

"You will be very busy Tony," Ziva reminded him. "Laila tov."

He squeezed her fingers. "Buona notte mia bella." _Goodnight, my beautiful._

It was harder than Ziva expected to walk away from him after that.

**NCIS**

An hour later found Ziva sitting on a chair in an exam room at her doctor's office, waiting for Mandy to come back and tell her if there was anything about the uncomfortable physical exam she'd just endured that they needed to talk about. Dr. Meyers finally opened the door, offering Ziva a smile just a shade too bright.

"I noticed your ring earlier Ziva," she began, "and I wanted to offer my congratulations." The woman tilted her head. "Is it from Tony?"

Ziva nodded in confirmation, then folded her hands and looked directly into the doctor's eyes. "What is it that you are trying not to tell me?"

Mandy's expression sobered and she sat down next to Ziva. "I really wish I had good news today because I hate to dampen your excitement."

"But?" Ziva's hands automatically encircled her pregnant belly while she braced herself for whatever came next.

She let her hand rest on her patient's knee and Ziva's apprehension grew. "There is no easy way to tell you this Ziva, but because of the extensive trauma you suffered during your captivity, I'm afraid you will not be able to have anymore children after this baby is born."

Absorbing Mandy's pronouncement as if it was innocuous, every day information, Ziva didn't let her expression betray the hurt that was slowly making its way to her heart. She swallowed slowly. "My baby?"

Dr. Meyers sighed. "There are really no guarantees at this point Ziva. You're almost thirty-two weeks and this could go several ways. To be perfectly honest, I'm rather surprised that you've made it this far into your pregnancy and I highly doubt you will be able to carry this child to term. As of this week you will be under my careful supervision and I want you to call me immediately if you feel like something is wrong."

A barely visible dip of Ziva's head was Mandy's only indication that the woman had heard her words. She put her hand on Ziva's knee again. "I'm truly sorry about this Ziva. I'm sure this is not how you imagined things would turn out."

Ziva stood quickly, needing to get out of the room which was suddenly several sizes too small. "There has never been room for hope in my life Mandy, perhaps it is best that way." Then she turned and strode out quickly, hearing the inaudible crash as dreams that had formed without her permission slowly shattered in the wake of the doctor's news.

**NCIS**

Ziva's first stop after her appointment was the pool, which she'd been frequenting since her banishment from Ops. Weeks had passed since she had wanted so badly to be at the gym, but because Duke would not let her get further than the front door, Ziva settled for slipping into the warm water and battling her emotions with swift sure strokes back and forth across the open water.

In the comforting familiarity of water and the rhythm of swimming, Ziva tried to lose herself. She blocked out thoughts and feelings, noise and distractions and the questions of what impact this ultimatum would have on her future. She focused solely on her breathing, on lifting her arms and kicking her legs, on executing a perfect somersault at the end of each lap and pushing off the wall with strong legs to resume her therapy.

But it soon became obvious that the tactics which had served her so well as a solider, an assassin and a spy, had little to no effect on her now that the title 'mother' encompassed almost her entire being. The loss of her ability to conceive any other children, children that would have been hers and Tony's both, became so overwhelming that Ziva could barely breathe.

After an uncountable number of laps, she dragged herself from the pool and stood under the shower's hot spray to wash away both the smell of chlorine and ache in her soul. Evening faded slowly as Ziva made her way home and slid _A Walk to Remember _into her DVD player, recalling what Tony had said about it being the movie to watch if she ever needed a good cry.

She curled up alone on the couch, the red fuzzy blanket cuddled around her shoulders, eyes riveted on the TV screen. At first it seemed like she had chosen the wrong movie because she felt indignant on Jamie's behalf with the teasing she endured, and frustrated at Landon for acting like Tony used to. But by the time he was flipping through the yearbook to find her picture, Ziva was intrigued and when he became Jamie's first kiss, her smile was hard to beat.

The scene by his car where the young couple cried wrapped in each other's arms sent tears streaming down Ziva's cheeks and even though it was something she swore she'd never do, the grieving woman gave into the hormones and her own sorrow and let the tears come. Ziva fell asleep on the couch as the credits rolled by and promised herself that she would not tell Tony what Mandy had said, not yet. She could not bear the thought that he might change his mind when he learned what else they had taken from her in Somalia. He was her everything and Ziva could not be without him now.

**NCIS**

Minutes into their session on Tuesday morning, Devon was thoroughly puzzled. Ziva had showed up for her appointment on time and settled into her usual seat. But instead of speaking or making eye contact, the Israeli stared into her tea mug and remained as silent as if she was invisible.

Having exhausted her usual means to start a conversation, Devon focused on the diamond that her patient hadn't been wearing the week before. "Is there any news you want to share with me Ziva? It looks like something has definitely changed for you."

The other woman wobbled her drink, nearly slopping it onto the rug, but she recovered and gave no other sign that she'd heard what had been said.

Dr. Andrews leaned back in her chair and studied her patient. Since the very beginning, all the way back to her mandatory psych evaluation appointments, Ziva had never wanted to talk. But rarely had she refused to say a single word and never had she been this unresponsive.

She tried again. "You had an appointment with Mandy yesterday, right? How are things with the baby?"

Ziva's mouth tightened into a thin line and Devon began wishing she possessed mind reading skills, as that was obviously the only way she'd be getting anything out of her client today. She wracked her brain for anything else that might spark a conversation and flipped through her notes to see what had been written down from their last session. But there was nothing else and from the intense staring contest Ziva was having with her fingernails, it was clear they would be making no progress this time.

When she mentioned something about rescheduling for later in the week, Ziva's ears perked up and as Devon got up to check her calendar for open times, she made the mistake of turning her back. The click of the door was the only thing that gave away the woman's escape and Devon looked up to find an empty room. If the nearly full mug of tea hadn't been left sitting on her table, the doctor would've seriously wondered if she'd dreamed the entire thing.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva met at his house for dinner Tuesday night, and Tony spent their entire cooking time rambling on and on about his childhood obsession with _Magnum PI_ and why it was the best series of all time and listing reasons to love it simply for being awesome. It wasn't until they were sitting at the table that Tony frowned, trying to remember if Ziva had said one word since they walked in the door.

He put his hand over hers before they had even taken a bite, surprised when she drew away from his touch and relocated the hand to her lap. "Zi?" Tony asked, wondering if he'd been pushing the touch and intimacy issue past acceptable lines in the last few days. But she didn't respond and his confusion only grew.

However, not being one to give up easily, Tony continued to look for a way into wherever she was. "It was nice to have a quiet day today," he mentioned after several minutes had elapsed. "That case yesterday was brutal. Be glad you left when you did Zi, Gibbs kept us until 2300 to finish those dang reports. He was pretty tense about the whole thing, it's never good when we're wrong the first time."

Ziva nodded, the only indication she'd heard. Tony watched her eat her meal slowly and with what appeared to be very careful thought. The quietness about her disturbed him, reminding him of the days immediately following her rescue from Somalia when she barely said a word to any of them for any reason.

Standing to take their plates to the sink, Tony came back with ice cream and cleared his throat before trying again. "So did you end up having a relaxing evening by yourself last night? I'm sure you were ready for the break after all the time you've put into studying."

Her eyes met his for the briefest of seconds and the sadness Tony saw there made his heart stumble over a beat. He went around the table and knelt down in front of her. "Honey, what's wrong? Come on, you can tell me. It must be pretty bad if it's got you so deep inside yourself that I can't even find you."

His hand on her knee seemed to be what got her attention, and Ziva broke her trance long enough to smile faintly down at him and ghost her fingers over his cheek. "It is nothing Tony, I am just thinking."

She returned to her own silent place right after the last word left her lips and Tony's eyes never strayed from her the rest of the time they spent together. After watching her drive away at the end of the night he closed the door with a heavy heart, hoping with all of his might that Ziva wasn't regretting saying yes.

**NCIS**

Wednesday morning Ziva awoke, feeling that some of the fog had finally lifted. The last day and a half seemed like she had spent it behind a curtain, living life by rote but not really experiencing anything for herself. She did not regret keeping Mandy's news to herself during her time with Devon, at that point she had not been able to bring herself to speak the truth out loud. And her silent promise to herself Monday night meant that Tony was not an option when it came to sharing her secret. But neither could she continue to act the way she had during their time together, pushing him away and keeping him out so she wouldn't have to feel the hurt.

All night as she'd watched him over dinner, Ziva could only think of the life they would never create together, if she was ever able to endure intimacy again. She thought of the child that would never be biologically theirs, one half of each of them blended together to make a whole new little person. Even though Tony had made no secret of his love for the child she carried, Ziva still wondered if he didn't harbour a secret hope for a baby that was truly theirs, not just legally or because of love. Now they would never know who their child might have been.

The loss of that possibility haunted Ziva as she readied herself for work, dreading what she would do with her thoughts the day she could no longer use her responsibilities at NCIS as a distraction from them. Completely unexpected was when she emerged from the building to find Tony pacing out front.

With concern already claiming her features, she hurried over to them. "Tony? Is something wrong?"

He stopped and stared at her, holding her eyes in such a way that she could not break the contact. "I feel like I should be the one asking you that question."

Unconsciously Ziva took a step back. "Why?"

Tony checked her left hand, his relief visible when her ring still sat where he'd put it almost a week ago. "You really freaked me out last night Zi. You wouldn't talk to me, I couldn't touch you, it was like you were a million miles away. What's going on?"

Forcing herself to stay calm, Ziva prepared to lie to him for the first time in months. "I was just thinking about...things. I am sorry that I was keeping you out, it was not my intention for you to worry."

Jamming his fingers into his hair, Tony dropped onto the bench behind him. "It hasn't even been a week yet, what am I supposed to think? I was sure that you had finally realized it was a mistake, that you didn't actually want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life, that-"

She cut him off with a hand over his mouth and pulled him to his feet. "Tony, you will drive yourself up the hall thinking like that." Ziva pressed her fingers above his heart. "Trust my words, my answer. Trust my love _ana_...please, even when my actions make you question everything." She lowered her eyes. "I cannot always explain what is going on in my head."

Tony lifted his arms, then hesitated, so Ziva took the first step and slid her arms around his neck. He immediately reciprocated, holding her firmly against him. She could feel his sigh of relief as he buried his face in her curls. Ziva was suddenly glad she'd left her hair down this morning.

His grip tightened and the baby moved strongly, protesting the pressure on his or her quarters with a well placed kick, but neither of them let go. When Tony finally spoke, his voice was muffled. "I can't live without you Ziva. I've tried and failed, I couldn't do it again." He pulled back just enough to lock eyes with her. "I love you so much sweetheart, please don't shut me out like that again. It scares me when I can't find you."

Ziva rested her forehead against his, feeling their breaths mingle. "We are okay Tony, I promise." She positioned her mouth barely a hair's breadth from his, still needing Tony to initiate it. He did not disappoint, capturing her lips gently between his own, making the kiss soft and reassuring as much as comforting. She broke it before he was ready to let go, but Tony counted himself beyond lucky to be allowed to do that with her at all.

A glance at her watch alerted Ziva to the fact that they were about to get in a whole lot of trouble for showing up to work late. "We need to go," she told Tony urgently.

He stepped back, catching her hand in his. "Okay, I'm ready now."

Ziva fell into step beside her fiancé. "You do not have to worry ahava, I will not be changing my mind."

Tony didn't know what she'd called him, but he liked the way it sounded on her tongue. "Thirty-one days Zi, but I wish it was tomorrow."

She waited until he got in the car. "Trust me Tony, I would not leave you standing on the altar."

The mental picture he got because of the way she'd twisted the words made him laugh. "I'll hold you to that," he warned.

"Good," Ziva said with finality, "because there is nowhere else I would rather be."


	8. Chapter 8

When it came time to talk to her friends, Abby took the cowards way out and sent Tony a text on Thursday afternoon. _McGee and I need to talk to you and Ziva - free this weekend?_

Tony frowned and immediately showed his fiancee. She felt his concern and scribbled something on a scrap piece of paper, as if she forgot no one was on the phone listening. He nodded and relayed the message. _Dinner Sunday at my place?_

Though she dreaded the meeting, Abby's response was a quick, _Okay_, before she changed her mind.

Tony flipped his phone shut and sat on the edge of Ziva's desk. "What do you think that's about?"

Ziva's gaze strayed to McGee's desk. "Maybe he finally asked her." She looked down at her ring and ran her thumb over it slowly. "Is it really so hard to ask the question?"

He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger. "When you're not sure what the answer will be, yeah, it's a big risk. But for them..." Tony shrugged. "McGee is guaranteed that Abby will say yes, but it's also Tim and I can see him freaking out about it just because he can."

Ziva smiled softly and met his eyes. "I am glad that you asked."

Tony took a quick look around for witnesses and leaned in to steal a kiss. He grinned. "Me too Zi. I still can hardly believe it's real, even after a week."

She moved his hand to her bump and pressed on the spot she could feel the baby moving. "It is real."

"I know." His eyes were so full of love that Ziva wanted to hug him. "I can't wait until April twenty-first."

Gibbs walked in just then and ended the private moment, but the conversation wasn't far from either agent's mind for the rest of the day.

**NCIS**

The first time Tony's touch scared Ziva was that night and it took her only seconds to realize he hadn't noticed what he was doing, but significantly longer to push away the memories the situation brought up. They were sitting on the couch in Tony's livingroom, his right arm just above her shoulders on the back of the couch, his left hand laying in his lap and occasionally picking pieces of popcorn out of the bowl beside him.

Then it happened, Tony's hand moved to rest on Ziva's thigh and she froze. "Tony." She hadn't meant the word to come out like a whimper, but a flashback threatened at the edge of her consciousness and some things she could not control.

Tonight's fare was _Transporter 2_, and Tony was so involved in it he hadn't heard her quiet voice. It took Ziva minutes to relax. As much as he had touched her over the last several months, his hands had rarely been somewhere that made her uncomfortable.

But halfway through the movie Tony began sliding his hand slowly up and down her leg. Panic coursed through Ziva's veins and this time her tone was sharp and forceful. "Tony stop!"

Her fiance's focus on the movie vanished and he turned quickly towards her, noting the way she was trembling and how hard she was fighting for control. He moved before he even realized he'd touched her and when Tony tried to put his arms around her, Ziva slid to the other end of the couch, curling up as much as she could around her baby bump.

Not good. This kind of reaction was not good. Shutting off the TV, Tony was kneeling on the floor in front of her seconds later. He reached out a hand to smooth back her wavy hair. "Zi? Ziva? What's wrong? What did I do?" She was almost crying and it was scaring him.

Ziva was too wrapped up in her own memories to even register his words. Naked in a cell with unwanted hands on her body. Thick darkness that hid dangers but did not mask the pain and shame. Shackles and ropes and handcuffs and so many, many things done against her will.

He was losing her to Somalia, he could see it in her face. Risking making it worse because he so desperately wanted to make it better, Tony leaned close to put his lips by Ziva's ear, whispering 'I love you' over and over again while his hand moved in gentle circles on her stomach.

She didn't want him there, breathing on her and wreaking havoc on her emotions, but Tony's nearness was the very thing that brought her back. His calming touch on her...on their baby, his heartfelt expressions of love, his oh-so-familiar scent - in the same moment Tony was everything she needed and everything she wanted to stay away.

Ziva opened her eyes to see only compassion and concern on Tony's face. "Whatever it is Zi, I'm sorry. But at least tell me so I don't do it again."

She kissed him, surprising Tony and shocking the heck out of herself. It was the first time she'd initiated that kind of touch. But his lips moved with hers, following her lead and giving only what she was taking, no more, no less. When Ziva pulled away, she rested her head back on the throw pillow she'd picked out to match the colour in his livingroom. "I am sorry for freaking out."

He eyed her a little warily, trying to find some sort of balance over the strangeness of the last few minutes. "I'm sure you had a good reason."

"Your hand was on my leg." She blurted it out and even to her own ears the fear sounded foolish, but she didn't have to explain it. Tony's eyes widened and he looked at his hand, then back at where they'd been sitting on the couch, trying to remember.

"I...I wasn't even thinking Zi, it just happened. If you hadn't said anything, I might not've noticed."

She nodded slowly. "I know you would not test me on purpose."

He threaded his fingers lightly into her loose curls. "Never honey, I won't do anything you don't want."

The endearment sounded sweet and Ziva closed her eyes. "I want this." His innocent touch did more to heal her hurts than any words that could've been said. Tony smiled briefly before changing positions so he could sit on the floor. He slid his fingers in-between hers and kissed the back of her hand.

"You are my light Ziva,_ mia luce_."

She squeezed her fingers tighter around his, enjoying the sound of another language on his tongue and how much meaning lay behind his words. "And you are everything that I have needed." It was getting easier to admit the truth, the deep emotional thoughts that had been swirling around inside her head for months. "I love you Tony."

His eyes closed and he leaned his head carefully against her belly. "I love you both."

It was a strange night, in the end. They almost fell asleep in those positions, but good sense prevailed and they said goodnight at his front door. She took his heart with her when she left and when Tony couldn't sleep that night, it wasn't because they weren't together. It was remembering the look in Ziva's eyes the moment it had changed from fear to trust. That's what he wanted to see every time he looked at her. He would not be one more man in a long list of all those who had ever made her afraid.

**NCIS**

Friday morning dawned sunny, bright and warm. Anxious as she was about her citizenship ceremony, Ziva called Tony at 0800, asking if he could pick her up right away. Luckily he had prepared for that contingency and showed up at her door fifteen minutes later.

Ziva was pacing around her small apartment, dressed in her nicest maternity outfit - a long sleeved, dark purple shirt with a wide drooping neckline that gave the appearance of a looped scarf but barely revealed the scar that snaked up onto her collarbone, and a pair of fitted tan pants. Her hair was half up and pulled back with a clip and because of the way her outfit worked, at first glance it wasn't immediately obvious that she was pregnant. She looked amazing.

Tony leaned against the door frame and watched her for a moment, she hadn't noticed his arrival nor his frank appreciation of what she was wearing. "Zi," he said softly and she tensed, then looked over at him with a faint smile. "Ready?"

She nodded slowly and let him hook his arm around her waist to guide her out of the apartment. Ziva settled into the passenger seat of Tony's car and tucked her hand inside his. He grinned and squeezed her fingers reassuringly. They rode in silence to the building where the ceremony was being held and arrived by 0830. People were just starting to filter in and Ziva wasted no time joining their numbers.

Outside the door to the room she stopped, took a deep breath and shook out her hands, trying to still the trembling. Ziva frowned and looked up at her fiancé. "I have gone up against men with guns and not even blinked an eye. My life has been in danger more often than not. Why do I have nerves about standing up and saying those words?"

Tony reached out to touch her hair but then thought better of messing with her appearance right before one of the most important moments of her life. He settled for taking her hands in his. "It's a big step Zi, it's permanent, and a lot changes today. It's okay to be a little uncertain."

Ziva's smile reached her eyes. "Are you going to tell me that on our wedding day as well Tony?"

"If you need me to," was his quick reply.

Before she had time to focus on what was about to happen, an arm slid around her waist and Abby leaned in to give her a side hug. "Well hello lovebirds," she grinned. "Everyone ready?"

Looking around, Ziva counted the members of her family that were still missing. "Is Gibbs-"

She didn't even get a chance to finish her thought before the man himself strode in, trailed closely by Ducky and Jimmy. Gibbs went right to Ziva and kissed her temple. "Wouldn't miss this for the world Ziver."

Smiling briefly, she couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. "It is alright for everyone to be here?"

"Carter's team is on call, we're clear until lunch," Gibbs replied, leading the way into the room.

They all fell into step behind him, like a grown up version of follow the leader, with Tony and Ziva last. Letting out her breath slowly, Ziva moved forward into the moment that would cement her future in this place and with these people. There was no turning back.

**NCIS**

Tony knew what it was like to be proud of his partner, to brag about her skills and to revel in her accomplishments, but watching her stand straight and confidently beside him, her right hand raised as she repeated the words, her left hand resting on her belly as if she were promising for both her and the baby, he had never known a brighter moment.

Ziva's slightly accented voice clearly annunciated each word of her oath, while the others looked on with shining eyes and hopeful hearts. "I hereby declare, on oath, that I absolutely and entirely renounce and abjure all allegiance and fidelity to any foreign prince, potentate, state, or sovereignty of whom or which I have heretofore been a subject or citizen."

Just like that her ties to Israel were gone. While her heart might always be Israeli, she was now pledging to be loyal forever to America. Blinking back tears as she said goodbye to a part of who she had been her entire life, Ziva focused again on the task at hand.

"That I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegiance to the same; that I will bear arms on behalf of the United States when required by the law; that I will perform noncombatant service in the Armed Forces of the United States when required by the law."

Smiling a little at the thought of the badge and gun tucked safely away in her desk drawer at the office, it filled Ziva with a sense of accomplishment to know that she had already sworn a different oath to protect and serve and to bear arms as part of her job at NCIS. Only two lines remained and she said the words after the presenter with as much dignity and certainty as she could muster.

"That I will perform work of national importance under civilian direction when required by the law; and that I take this obligation freely without any mental reservation or purpose of evasion; so help me God."

And with those words Ziva David, former Mossad operative and daughter of Israel, became in one moment a citizen of the United States of America. She was home, she was safe, she was loved, and the darkness could never touch her again. Maybe it still resided in her mind until she could one day purge the memories, but today she was a free woman and nothing could ever take that away.

Tony let Ziva have her moment to absorb the depth of the commitment she'd just made. When she turned to him with eyes bright and cheeks flushed with joy, he gladly pulled her into his arms to offer a congratulations without words. Before anyone else got to her, Tony kissed her cheek and gave the woman he loved his best smile. "I am so proud of you," he whispered.

Her smile couldn't get much bigger, but it softened as she leaned into the embrace her father offered next. He hugged her briefly and spoke familiar words right by her ear. "No regrets Ziva, you're home."

Ducky came after, with Jimmy hovering nearby as always, his faithful shadow. The older man kissed her cheeks and held her momentarily. "We are lucky to have you my dear. Congratulations." Jimmy just nodded and patted her shoulder, grinning for all her was worth.

Then came Abby's exuberant welcome, even though she had been back in the country for many months. McGee was last to flash a smile at her and draw her close for a hug. When he pulled away, his eyes probed hers deeply. "Now you can decide what you want Ziva."

His words drew her back to their conversation months ago, the day he'd helped her pick out a computer. Ziva was happy to have an answer for him this time. Taking Tony's hand, she offered her choice for his approval. "I already have."

Tim squeezed her arm lightly. "I knew you'd be brave enough someday." He locked eyes with Tony for a moment before starting to follow the group out. "It really is good to have you back."

Leaning into her fiancé, Ziva smiled genuinely, with no masks, for one of the first times. "It is good to be here."

**NCIS**

It was the end of the day and Ziva had yet to stop staring at her Certificate of Naturalization that she received after the ceremony. It listed her date of birth, sex and height. Tony wasn't a huge fan of her marital status being listed as single, but that would change in less than a month anyways.

Then her former country and a recent photograph. On the other side was her signature, the city and state where the certificate was authorized, her name and the city and state where she lived, and lastly the city, state, and date in and on which the ceremony was held.

But her favourite part was the words right at the bottom, _'...admitted as a citizen of the United States of America._' Ziva could not get over how validated that sentence made her feel. She finally belonged somewhere. She had a home and a family, and she would soon have so much more to call her own - a husband and child.

These were dreams that never should have come true, but yet they had and she had never been more thankful for the circumstances that brought her to NCIS. In a strange way, Ari had been her redemption, even if he went about it the wrong way. But despite the hurt of everything he had done and the pain he caused, Ari also lead her to this place and these people. For that Ziva would always be grateful.

Just before the team expected to be dismissed, Director Vance called Ziva up to his office to offer his personal congratulations and get her paperwork in order. Knowing Leon could stall for the time she needed, Abby hurried around the corner with her arms full of streamers and balloons.

Ducky and Jimmy followed in her wake with the food, and wrapped presents began appearing from behind desks and inside file cabinet drawers. Tim and Tony worked together to put up Abby's rather creatively worded banner and the whole group pitched in for the rest of the set up.

When Ziva returned downstairs, she couldn't believe her eyes. "What is this?" she asked incredulously, taking in the streamers hung around her corner, the small folding table laden with cake, punch and other goodies, the balloon bedecked office chair in the middle of the room and the pile of gifts surrounding her desk.

Abby bounced up and down and grinned, gesturing at the banner. "It's a Congratulations slash Going Away slash Baby Shower...party."

Ziva didn't know what to say so Gibbs jerked his head at her. "Sit. May as well enjoy it."

Cautiously she moved forward to sit in the highly decorated chair. Abby was so excited she couldn't hold still, hurrying forward holding three separate shiny gift bags stuffed with black tissue paper. "Okay, so the silver one is yours, so is the green one, but the purple bag is for the baby."

"Alright." The rules seemed simple enough and Ziva reached for the first bag, but bending over didn't work so well anymore and Abby was quick to hand it to her, watching and taking notes for what she would need in five and a half months, give or take. The girl was careful not to touch her stomach or glance back at her husband. Sunday was soon enough to be giving away their secrets.

Pulling the tissue paper out, Ziva found a long sleeved black shirt with the American flag flying proudly across the chest. Ziva raised an eyebrow at her friend and Abby hastened to reassure her. "Don't worry, it's a maternity shirt, I wanted you to be able to wear it right away. The lady at the store said it stretches and is super comfy, perfect for later in pregnancy. You can wear it for good or as pjs, whatever." She shrugged. "But you're one of us now and you may as well flaunt it."

"Thank you Abby," Ziva told her, genuinely appreciating the gesture. Then she moved onto the purple bag.

"So that was your congratulations gift and this is your going away present," the Goth explained. Inside was a collection of various things. "Your very own copy of_ The Princess Bride _because no collection should be without it, _America's Sweethearts _mostly because of the colours on the cover,_ Legally Blonde _- it's funny but Tony might have to explain most of it. Also an American Trivia Puzzle book. Now you can put all that studying to good use," Abby teased. "You probably know more about the country now than we do."

"That is very sweet Abby." Before opening the last one, Ziva turned to her fiancé and held out a hand. "Tony? This one is for you too."

Their eyes locked and the group was aware that a conversation was going on which in no way included them. Tony wheeled his chair beside hers and Abby jumped over to attach a blue balloon to the back. "It can be the dad seat," she said with a wink.

Tony watched Ziva slowly lift a collection of sleepers, onesies and rompers ranging from newborn to six months. A tiny yellow sleeper sported a smiling sun and the words 'Happy to see me?'. Next was a black onesie with a white bat outline, then a tan romper showing a karate kid shadow and the phrase 'Ninja in Training' that made Tony laugh.

"Genius Abs," he commented, and she looked very pleased with herself.

A pink skull and crossbone onesie made Ziva glance uncertainly at her friend, but the hearts that stood in for eyes made it a little less scary, as did the pink bow stuck to one side of the head. Then a purple footed sleeper with crowns and scepters and jewels sprinkled all over it. After that a white one with an angel holding a wrapped present above the clouds and the caption 'Precious Gift'. Last was a navy blue romper that read 'NCIS Special Angel in Charge'. That one brought Ziva's eyes up to Gibbs as a smile lit her face.

In the very bottom of the bag was something thick and folded. Curious, Ziva reached for it and the material fell open, revealing a vibrantly coloured quilt sporting a handstitched Noah's Ark scene, complete with the rainbow promise overhead. Ziva's expression was incredulous.

"Abby, this is beautiful. Did you...?"

Abby held out her hands and her eyes widened. "Oh no, not me, it was the nuns. I told Sister Rosita and the girls that a friend of mine was having a baby and they all wanted to give you something. Pretty sweet, huh?"

Ziva ran her fingers slowly over the details. "It is wonderful."

Tony, thrilled with how happy this was making her, just sat back and smiled.

Gibbs' gift came next in a wooden box with a lid. Inside was a hand carved mobile and he knelt down to explain it to her, acting as if they were the only two in the room. "A Star of David for your heritage and an eagle to represent your new citizenship. Ballet slippers because you used to dance and your heart never stopped. A horse because I know you love them and this," he tapped the last one, "is your new identity as a mother - your hand holding your child's."

"Gibbs." Ziva had to blink back tears as he stood and kissed her forehead, unable to say any more.

The group let the moment rest briefly and Tony squeezed her hand. Then Ducky approached. "We will miss having you here Ziva," he told her, his grandfatherly smile warming her heart.

She smiled softly and slowly peeled back the paper from the package he'd set on her lap. "Oh Ducky." Ziva flipped through the book of classic lullabies around the world that came complete with sheet music. "Thank you. I will enjoy learning these." Underneath lay a plaque that said 'Welcome to Our Home.'

Ducky patted her shoulder. "I have heard that you have a lovely voice my dear, now you can sing to your child before and after he or she is born. And the sign gives you something to look forward to, your home together."

She cut her eyes to Tony and his gaze was just as eager to have their home together become a reality.

Jimmy stepped forward next and held out three items. "Sorry Ziva, I didn't have time to wrap them."

"It is the thought that adds Jimmy," Ziva told him, perplexed when Tony laughed. She made a face at him. "What?"

"Counts babe. Thoughts count, they don't add."

"But sometimes they add up," McGee pointed out and Tony scowled.

"Stop confusing my fiancee McNutterButter. Our kid is going to have enough issues with English as it is."

The words just slipped out but he could've heard a pin drop in the squadroom as they all absorbed the revelation. Ziva noted the reaction and realized that the family they were creating together would still take some time to get used to. She touched Tony's arm. "Let us look at Jimmy's gifts."

From the Autopsy assistant came a pink teddy bear, a pair of tiny pink socks with lace around the top, and a book titled 'Greatest American Legends'. Ziva stroked the soft inside of the teddy's ear. "Thank you Jimmy, they are very thoughtful."

The younger man blushed and returned to his place beside Dr. Mallard. "Breena helped me pick out the baby stuff," he admitted.

Breena, his girlfriend of just over a month whom he'd met at a Valentine's Day party one of his dormmates had thrown. She was petite, blonde and beautiful. And for reasons he hadn't figured out yet, she genuinely liked him. Abby sent him a significant look, pleased that all her New Year's Eve resolutions for the group were slowly coming true.

After Jimmy moved, McGee took his place in front of the couple, but his gaze was solely on Ziva. "Abby kinda did the shopping for both of us, but I thought you might like this as well."

Intrigued, Ziva tore the paper off the flat item to reveal a framed picture. It was a collage of DC landmarks and monuments with a blue sky overhead and a watermark of the American flag flying proudly across them all.

"It's for your house," he smiled shyly. "A constant reminder of what you've achieved."

Because she was sitting, Ziva tugged Tim down to her level and kissed his cheek quickly. "Thank you Tim, I love it."

Thinking everyone had gone, Tony pulled a white t-shirt out of the bag at his side. A picture of a fresh, steaming pie graced the front and underneath were the words 'American as Apple Pie'. The others laughed when Ziva's face screwed up into a confused expression.

Tony chuckled. "I know I'll have to explain it later but trust me, it's an American saying. And also," he bent over to retrieve something at the bottom of the bag, emerging triumphantly with a small Statue of Liberty figurine in one hand, "this. See," Tony grinned and pushed a small button on the back, "the flame lights up into a flashlight. Pretty cool huh?"

Ziva bit her lip as if she wasn't quite sure what to do with a gift like that, but then she leaned over to kiss his cheek. "Thank you Tony."

Before he could make some random comment about his creative giving skills, Matt moved to the front of the group and held out a large bag to Tony and Ziva. "We all chipped in for these," he told the couple as Ziva examined the many small articles of baby clothing in neutral whites, greens, yellows, cherry reds and printed patterns. "I know Tony thinks the baby is a girl but my sister suggested a few other colours might be good to have, just in case."

Ziva was surprised at the amount of clothing in the bag. "I do not think we are going to have to buy anything at all for the baby to wear."

Abby grinned. "I don't know about that, most of this stuff is like pjs or hanging out at the house type of clothes. Wait until your kid is born and we can buy gender specific outfits." She danced around in a circle. "Baby clothes are so much fun to pick out!"

Tim had to work really hard not to lose himself in pictures of he and Abby shopping for clothes for their baby, so he was grateful for the interruption of Director Vance striding into the bullpen. Gibbs' drew his eyebrows together and Vance just smiled.

"At ease Agent Gibbs, I come bearing gifts." He set a large round hatbox on Ziva's lap. "This is from Jackie. She insisted, so don't even try to get out of accepting it."

Neither Tony nor Ziva really knew what to say. Such a gesture was completely unexpected. "Umm, thank you Director," Tony managed, as Ziva still looked a little unsure.

"Well go on, open it," Leon encouraged her. "Jackie will want to know what you thought."

Ziva carefully lifted off the lid revealing an entire collection of things for the baby that they hadn't even begun to think of yet. She looked at their boss and he smiled knowingly. "She figured there was a lot you wouldn't even know you needed. Jackie's done this twice and she's very organized. I'll be surprised if there's anything she forgot."

Tony was already sifting through the multitude of gifts. Two pairs of teeny-tiny baby shoes, several pairs of socks, lotions, baby soap, talcum powder, nail clippers, diaper rash ointment, baby tylenol, an ear thermometer, bibs, burp cloths, bottles, gripe water, soothers, wash clothes, receiving blankets, and long letter full of advice and tips and examples of situations they might encounter. Sharing a glance, it was obvious that the two were overwhelmed.

"It'll be different around here without you Agent David," the Director told her, "but at least this time we know you're coming back. Congratulations again and good luck." With that he left to return to his office and they all watched him go, wondering just when it was that Leon Vance had turned into a respectable human being.


	9. Chapter 9

Once the all important aspect of presents had been taken care of, the team dug into cake and snack foods and mingled around, chatting with each other and just enjoying the chance to be together without the threat of a case looming over them. Weekends when they weren't on call or working the hotline let everyone relax a little more than usual.

After about an hour though, Tony could see that Ziva was ready to go and they made their rounds to say thank you again before they left. Ziva also bid a final farewell to the group for several weeks while Tony went to his desk and pulled out a brightly coloured piece of paper. With great flourish he taped it to Ziva's chair and aimed a playful glare at Matt.

"Don't get any ideas newbie, this chair is filled."

Everyone laughed at his antics and Math held up his hands in surrender, grinning. He knew he was the odd one out on the team and he'd come to terms with not really fitting but just being. Ziva rolled her eyes and started to steer him towards the elevator, but the remembered the presents. Tim and Abby immediately volunteered to help carry all the bags down to Tony's car before anyone else had a chance and so the four of them ended up alone in the garage a few minutes later.

Having organized everything in the backseat, Tim stepped back to stand beside Abby, automatically taking her hand. It was rather like Tony with Ziva, they couldn't be that close and not touch. Tony made sure Ziva was settled in the car before turning to his friends.

"So we'll see you guys Sunday night then, around five-thirty?" he clarified, knowing Ziva would want to cook.

Because he wasn't watching closely enough, Tony missed the weighted glance the two exchanged and the look of apprehension that flitted across Abby's face before she swallowed. "Yeah, definitely, we'll be there."

"Okay then, have a great weekend McCouple."

His send off inspired a roll of the eyes from both Tim and Abby, but they had to admit that it wasn't the worst nickname he'd had ever come up with.

As they left, Tony glanced over at Ziva, who was leaning back in the seat with her eyes closed. He let his fingers slide through hers. "Hey, you okay?"

She turned her head slowly and blinked at him. "Yes, just a little tired."

Not sure he entirely believed her, Tony waited until the next red light to look in the backseat. "So that's a lot of baby stuff, want to drop it off at my place first and then I'll take you home?"

Because he was touching her, he could feel the way her muscles tensed a little. Without saying a word, he rubbed his thumb over her engagement ring to send a silent message and after a moment Ziva relaxed, turning her hand to fit in his. "There is so much to get used to," she explained, wanting him to understand her reaction. "Sometimes I almost forget how much things have changed."

"Not me," Tony laughed. "I'm keeping a countdown. We're currently at twenty-nine days until I no longer live in that big house all by myself."

Ziva scrunched up her face. "That is only four weeks Tony. We have so much to plan!"

He kissed the back of her hand. "Chill Zi, I think we have less to worry about than most people."

She raised an eyebrow. "How so?"

Tony signaled to turn and relaxed into his seat. "Well, Ducky's offered Mallard Manor for the ceremony, so location is covered. There are exactly five other people in our family, which makes choosing a wedding party much less of a hassle since one is father of the bride and the other two will probably bear the title of ushers. That leaves McGeek to be my sidekick and Abby to stand up with you. Our taste in music is a little bit different, so we might have to work on that, and you have to pick flowers and get a dress. But other than that, am I missing anything?"

Ziva passed a hand over her eyes. "You make it sound so easy. I also have to move again, we have to fit my things into your house, I have to find a dress that I am comfortable wearing in front of others, and it would be nice to hire a photographer." Her eyes met his significantly. "I only plan on being married once and I do not want to forget any of it."

"Huh." Tony frowned and tapped the steering wheel with one finger. "What we need is a list. Then we can cross things off when they're done and we won't have to worry about forgetting anything." Realizing they were pretty much in his neighbourhood now, he checked with her again. "So we can leave this stuff at my house?"

Not sure why it felt like such a big deal, Ziva nodded and rested her hand on her belly. Twenty nine years old and thirty-two weeks pregnant and she needed a nap because she was tired. The symptoms of pregnancy were starting to get ridiculous.

**NCIS**

After dinner, Tony sat down beside Ziva on the couch holding a wrapped package. He smiled and held it out to her. "What I gave you in front of the team, that was kind of a gag gift, you know, a joke? But this is what I wanted you to have."

Curious, Ziva peeled back the paper to reveal a framed picture of the two fo them. She couldn't tell when it had been taken but it looked to be somewhere near the beginning of their partnership. She was laughing and he was smiling at her with something in his eyes that was just a little more than friend.

Tony shrugged. "Abby...uh, found all these old pictures from crime scenes that McGee left on a memory card. It had gotten stuck in the lining of one of the camera cases and she only noticed it...last summer." He swallowed hard and she knew exactly when the forensic scientist has presented him with long ago pictures of them - it was when he thought she was dead and never coming back.

Ziva leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you Tony, I love it." She held it out and looked at it again. "I will put it on my nightstand, where I will see it before I go to sleep."

A grin spread over his face. "So you can dream of me?"

She shook her head. "No. So I can remember who it is I am waking up to. And what a gift this chance is."

It was incredibly hard for Tony not to crush her in his arms and kiss her entirely senseless, but he restrained himself and only brushed his knuckles down her cheek. "You're my best gift Zi and I'm never going to forget." The look in her eyes, the love that he saw, was more than enough. In fact, it said everything he'd ever wanted or needed to know.

**NCIS**

Down in Gibbs' basement, Celeste sat on the couch with a book in hand while her ex-husband pulled a plane over the ribs of his boat, smoothing the wood. After awhile she stopped paying attention to the story and started watching him. While she could probably count on one hand the number of times she'd seen him truly happy, he didn't usually look this morose. Finally she set her book down and walked over to lean against his workbench.

"Jethro, you're brooding."

He scowled at her and wiped at some sweat on his forehead with his arm, only succeeding in smearing sawdust across the skin. She hid a smile and waited. "I don't brood," Gibbs growled eventually.

Celeste raised an eyebrow. "Yes, well, whatever you don't do, that's what it looks like." She picked up one of his chisels and ran her fingers over it. "What are you thinking about?"

Gibbs stared at her for a long moment, unsure whether to be glad or frustrated that she knew him so painfully well. He dropped the tool on the workbench and sighed. "I'm proud of Ziva, for today. But that country is where she was born, it made her who she is today and it will always be part of her." He rubbed the back of his neck. "For her there's no such thing as a former Israeli, just like I'm not a former Marine. It's who we are."

She listened and observed, then stepped closer and put her hand on his arm. "She made her choice Jethro," Celeste countered quietly. "She wants to be here. She wants to be part of the people who have taught her how to love." A smile claimed her lips. "And between you and me, I think Ziva made a pretty good choice."

He grunted. "Yeah, maybe. But it's also one more loss and her quota should be filled by now."

Celeste shook her head sadly. "Unfortunately, there's always a possibility of one more. But we can't live in fear of what the next one will be. That ruins our ability to cherish today."

Gibbs needed space and picked up some sandpaper. "I'll put you to work when you get bored of that book."

She laughed, accepting that she wasn't getting anything else out of him at the moment. "I'm only spectating tonight." She tilted her head to one side. "But maybe some other time."

He held onto her words like a promise and got back to work. It was the easiest way not to think any more.

**NCIS**

It was a tired, sweaty but very content Tony that walked into his house Saturday afternoon following a pick up basketball game with some old buddies from college. Now that the weather was turning nice they tried to get outside as often as possible and it felt so good to be on the court again.

He dropped his keys in the dish on the table in his entry and started for the stairs, thinking of a nice cool shower and hopefully a visit to see his favourite ninja. That was about two seconds before it registered that said favourite ninja was currently curled up on his couch fast asleep, wearing her new black American flag t-shirt and a pair of tan cargo pants.

Confusion, surprise and indecision warred within him as questions flew fast and furiously through his head. But even if he wondered why, what and why again, the need for a shower pushed everything else into the background. Even a fiancee would not appreciate being dripped on because curiosity overrode good sense.

Tony's shower, of course, was cut much shorter than originally intended and less than ten minutes later he was jogging back downstairs in bare feet, black sweatpants and a college t-shirt - the quickest, cleanest things he could find to put on. He had laundry facilities in a closet between the kitchen and bathroom, but sometimes getting his clothes all the way from upstairs to one flight down was more effort than he felt like putting out. Something that would have to be remedied immediately upon his return as a married man one month from now.

Once back on the main floor, Tony knelt in front of the couch and brushed back a piece of hair that had fallen over her face. "Zi," he said quietly, but she didn't move. "Ziva?" he asked again, and this time she stirred, blinking as if he was something she had imagined. Her brow furrowed.

"Tony?"

"Hi." He wasn't sure exactly what else to say until she either explained her presence or ... or something.

She sat up slowly and looked around, her eyes falling on the clock. "When did you get home?"

Tony's smile widened when her words registered but he bit it back, not wanting to point out the significance of what she'd said and make her uncomfortable. "About fifteen minutes ago."

Ziva sighed disappointedly. "I was going to make you something for dinner, it was supposed to be a surprise." She glared down at the comfortable couch and innocent looking throw pillow, blaming them for ruining everything.

"Well it's still a nice surprise to walk in and find you sleeping on my couch." He cupped her cheek. "Do you do that a lot?" As much as he wanted to be, Tony knew she wouldn't allow him to spend every moment of his free time at her place, so maybe he was missing something that had changed.

She shrugged one shoulder. "I do not think so, but I have been feeling very tired today."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "How many laps this morning?" She would wear herself out with the exercise unless someone kept her accountable.

Ziva looked away. "I did not even make it to twenty." Her gaze fell to her belly and she folded her arms on top of it. "Being in the water is the only time I do not feel big and clumsy."

He looked her up and down. "Big would not be an accurate description sweetheart."

Her eyes had a steely glint that made him nervous. "How would you describe this then?"

"Zi," Tony said softly, "it's a baby. It's about this big," he held out his hands, trying to recall what he'd read when he was doing some research on pregnancy and development, "and has just eight weeks left before she is ready to meet us." He slid his hand along the side of her bump. "And really, you're not that big. Trust me, I've seen pictures."

She had to smile. "Are you haunting maternity stores and doctor's offices now Tony?" The mental image was more than a little amusing.

He pursed his lips. "Hadn't thought about that being an option. All my information comes from Google and Google Images. Gotta love modern technology."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Yes. Well, now that you are here, shall we start dinner?"

Tony offered her a hand up. "I'll do whatever you want as long as you keep saying 'we' and acting like this is home Zi."

She patted his chest as she walked by, ignoring what he was trying to do. "Did you have fun at your game?"

He stopped and narrowed his eyes. "How did you know where I was?"

Ziva gave him a look. "You are not the only one with sources Anthony."

"Ooh, a woman with skills," he whistled, "nice. So," Tony joined her in the kitchen, watching what she was getting out and helping when he recognized the recipe, "did your sources tell you what else I did today?"

She tilted her head as if trying to recall something. "I will let you tell me."

He kissed her cheek. "I found us a photographer."

Ziva's eyebrows rose. "Really? We did not even make a list yet."

"Yes really," he confirmed. "And when we make a list, we can cross that off first."

"Who is it?"

"One of my frat brothers, Adrian Platz, is in advertising, but he does a little photography on the side. I told him what was going on and he offered to do the wedding. He'll be practically invisible, you'll hardly even notice him." Tony pursed his lips. "Okay, well, you might notice him, and probably Gibbs, but I doubt anyone else will worry about it. We'll get a lot of nice candid shots that way."

She shook her head. "I am impressed. You work fast."

Tony leaned against the counter beside her. "You said yes Zi, for that I'll make anything happen."

"You are very sweet," she acknowledged and in the same breath changed the subject. "Can you do the chicken?" Ziva made a face. "I am not handling raw meat very well right now."

"At your service m'lady," he offered gallantly, and as they worked together to make supper in his kitchen, Tony relished how it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

**NCIS**

Sunday morning they drove to the pool but after less than fifteen laps, Ziva stopped and slowly moved towards the steps that lead out of the water. Tony frowned and dropped his phone, hurrying over to her. First of all, it was rare for her to do less than thirty laps and even then he usually had to coax her away. Secondly, she never ever took the steps out of the pool, she always hoisted herself out on her arms and one knee.

"Sweetheart," he asked, concern lacing his words, "what's wrong?"

Ziva made her way unsteadily to the nearest chair and sank down, cradling her head in her hands, water dripping from her dark hair onto the tile floor. Tony realized she was shivering and grabbed the blue towel she always brought to drape around her shoulders. She thanked him with a nod and finally looked up.

"I feel...tapped," Ziva answered at last, "like all of my energy is just...gone." She waved her hand towards the entrance as if it had just suddenly flown out the door.

Tony knew she meant 'drained' but correcting her common sayings wasn't a priority at the moment. "Maybe you've had enough for today babe," he suggested, knowing she wouldn't like the answer.

Ziva surprised him by agreeing almost immediately. "Do you think we can make breakfast at your house, instead of going out?" They hadn't missed a Sunday morning at the diner since their last weekend on call, she loved the security of knowing it was something they were going to do. So changing that meant she really wasn't feeling well.

Trying hard to hide his worry, Tony pasted on a grin. "Bacon and eggs, toast and oatmeal, french toast, waffles, omelettes - take your pick."

She smiled briefly and pushed herself out of the chair. "I will be back soon."

He watched her go with no small amount of unease. It only grew when 'soon' turned out to be so long that he almost knocked on the changeroom door to see if she was still there and hadn't escaped out a window or something. Eventually Ziva reappeared, her swimming bag slung over one shoulder.

Tony looked her over cautiously. "You okay?"

Ziva slipped her hand into his linking their fingers, and leaned into his shoulder a bit as they walked out. "Will you feel terribly ignored if I lay on the couch for awhile?"

He brushed his hand over her stomach, hidden underneath the black maternity coat that made her look fashionable even in a long sleeved t-shirt and yoga pants. "Baby's tired, huh?"

She chuckled. "Yes, that is a much better excuse. We both need a nap."

Tony didn't bother to point out that it was barely ten o'clock in the morning. He simply tucked her into his car, drove back to his house, and watched her settle on her side facing the back of the couch. He turned his phone over and over in his hand, wondering if he should call Dr. Meyers. But it was a Sunday and she had kids and it wasn't technically an emergency. Besides, Ziva had her next appointment Monday afternoon, only a little over twenty-four hours away.

By the time his fiancee was asleep, Tony had talked himself out of playing the panicked husband/father since he couldn't claim either of those titles yet, and began preparing the kitchen for what would be one spectacular brunch buffet as soon as Ziva woke up. Until then, he could think of far worse things to do than watching the woman he loved while she slept.

**NCIS**

Several hours and lots of relaxed, enjoyable time together later, Tony opened the door when the bell rang and found Abby and McGee standing on his porch holding hands. "Come in."

Abby smiled but it dropped quickly and she looked nervous. Tim's expression was carefully blank, but Tony could almost feel the tension coming off his friend. Suddenly the odds of this being a good announcement plummeted and Tony's stomach clenched.

Ziva came out of the kitchen and smiled at the couple. "I put the casserole in a little late, there is probably still twenty minutes left before it is ready."

Abby sighed. "Time to get this over with then and decide if you still want us to stay for supper."

Ziva frowned. "Why would we not want you to stay?"

Slowly Abby pulled the chain out of her shirt. McGee had already freed his wedding band from the keychain and reached into his pocket to slip it on. Abby took the chain off and slid the rings on her finger. Tony and Ziva looked on in shock.

"You are...married?" Ziva asked, struggling to understand.

"Five months," Abby said softly. "But that's not all." She turned to McGee, unable to finish.

Tim laced his fingers through hers. "Abby is fifteen weeks pregnant."

Tony's eyes hardened. "You let us worry about you for two months, thinking that something might be wrong, and you were married the whole time? Why would you do that?"

The anger in his friend's tone put McGee's back up. "I didn't want to wait any longer to be with Abby for real, forever. But Ziva," he let out a breath and looked into her eyes, pleading with her to understand, "I knew you needed things to stay the same for awhile. At the beginning I thought it was best and Abby went along. And then," McGee shrugged, "it didn't seem like such a big deal to keep the secret anymore."

Ziva sank down to the couch, grateful for Tony's hand on her shoulder. "Abby," she asked gently, "how long have you known about the baby?"

Abby twisted her fingers together. "I found out the first week of March, but I didn't even tell McGee until the week you guys got engaged." Her words started to flow faster, desperate to fix the hurt in Ziva's expression. "At first I didn't know what to think and then...I couldn't tell you Ziva, not when we're happy and you..." Abby couldn't say it, couldn't bring up what had happened to her friend.

Ziva held out her arms to Abby and the other woman gladly accepted. "It is alright to be happy about your baby Abby," she said softly. "Just because I did not plan to get pregnant does not mean I would be upset." Ziva looked back at Tony. "He loves both of us and it is a greater gift than I ever imagined."

Abby was crying into Ziva's shoulder now. "I'm sorry for not telling you that we were married, there just never seemed to be a right time and I got to like the secret. But we shouldn't've let you worry."

Ziva stroked Abby's hair gently. "I do not have to worry now Abby, it is alright." She met Tony's eyes again and with one look he understood. Dragging a hand down his face, he sighed and then put on a smile, holding his hand out to Tim.

"Congratulations."

McGee let out a breath and smiled a little, accepting the handshake. "Thanks Tony."

The older man gave him a mildly disbelieving look. "Geez, who know you were so good at keeping secrets McGoo?"

Tim glanced at Abby. "I had pretty good incentive."

Tony held up his hands. "Whoa there! Let's not be giving away too much information there McTim."

McGee rolled his eyes. "Really? That's the best you can do?"

Shaking her head at the boys but glad that they were acting normal again, Ziva smiled. "Well," she began once Abby pulled away, armed with a handful of kleenex, "I think it is time for supper."

The group agreed and they followed her across the room. After a little shuffling, they all found places around the table while Ziva pulled the casserole out of the oven and Tony went over to help her dish it up. Drinks were inquired about and delivered and finally they were all sitting down together.

Abby took one bite of the food and closed her eyes. "Mmm, comfort food, good choice Ziva."

The other woman smiled. "I was not sure what to expect when you said we needed to talk, but I assumed that we would need something that would help ease the tension." Ziva shrugged. "Good food has a way of making friends out of enemies, even if we do not qualify to be enemies."

Tony stroked the inside of her wrist idly as they ate. "So, any other secrets you two want to share while we're at it?"

Tim glanced at Abby and then back at Tony. "Well, as long as we're putting everything out there uh...Abby and I bought a house."

Tony dropped his fork. "I wasn't serious about the secrets."

"Yeah, well," McGee shrugged, "surprise!"

Abby bit her lip at Tony's expression. "That's the reason we had to do New Year's at Gibbs' place."

Ziva looked back and forth between her friends. "Perhaps we can come over sometime and take a tour."

Tony made a face. "I have had enough house tours to last me until I die!" he said dramatically.

Abby tilted her head. "Suppose the tour was accompanied by Andy Griffith re-runs and board games?"

He perked right up. "Ooh, you know my weaknesses Abs."

She laughed. "I better, after..." she squinted, "how many years have I know you for?"

Tony leaned back in his chair, tapping his fingers on the table. "You joined the team in 2000 and I was less than a year later so...wow, over eight years now." He grinned. "I'm impressed, all that time and I'm still alive."

Abby took another bite and leaned her head on one hand. "You were an interesting case. Drove me absolutely crazy the first few months and then you suddenly changed, as if you'd figured me out and knew exactly what kind of person I needed in my life. At a year I still wasn't sure you were going to make it with Gibbs, by two years we were friends, and when we hit year three I could definitely call you my best friend."

Tony scowled at McGee. "And then he showed up and ruined everything." His tone was teasing and his eyes showed he didn't mean it so McGee didn't bother trying to come up with a retort.

Abby's eyes were drawn to the ring she still wasn't used to seeing on her husband's finger, but it felt so good to know that her claim on him would be obvious to everyone now. "Five years together made us closer than blood and now at eight years we are definitely family." She twirled one of her pigtails thoughtfully. "Any regrets?"

His half-grin promised an interesting answer. "Only that we didn't grow up as siblings, I imagine you were a lot of fun when you were little."

Her eyebrow rose lazily. "There are some things that will always be a secret Tony."

They locked eyes for a long moment and then it broke, and other people were welcomed into the conversation. But Tim and Ziva didn't worry at all about being left out. Watching Tony and Abby together, acting like the brother and sister they'd adopted each other to be, was a special thing. And with Tim being married to Abby and Tony and Ziva's wedding only weeks away, it was safe to assume that family was a definition for their group that would only get stronger as time went on.

**NCIS**

A couple hours later Abby and McGee walked down the front steps after saying goodbye to their friends and Abby drew her first full breath in what felt like weeks. Understanding completely, McGee locked their fingers and rubbed his thumb over the back of her hand.

"So now that we've told...?"

She looked at him with eyes that caught the moonlight and he still thought beautiful was not a good enough word to describe her. "It feels like a thousand pounds I'm not dragging around anymore." Abby sighed. "I think you were right."

Tim's eyebrows shot up. "Words I'm sure every husband dreams of hearing. I hate to spoil it by asking what I was right about."

Abby cracked a smile. "It's better to tell. The secret was fun, having it just between the two of us, but I'm glad we had to finally let the others in on it. It's just better."

"Gives me a lot of reasons to look forward to tomorrow," McGee commented.

She didn't follow. "Like what?"

He shrugged. "Wearing my ring to work, the freedom to claim you and shut up all of the guys that stare, just knowing that I can talk about you as my wife now, not my girlfriend."

Abby glanced back at the lights glowing in Tony and Ziva's...in Tony's house, wondering when they had to say goodnight or if Tony was right now trying to talk her into staying. "With their wedding everything changes Timmy."

He opened the car door for her and leaned on the top. "Why?"

Her forehead creased. "Ziva's off work for months, there's a new guy who will take her place even if Tony won't let him near her desk." They both smiled, remembering Tony's sign. "Tony and Ziva will have a baby, then we will. It'll be all couples except for Gibbs and Matt." She fluttered her hands. "We're more family now than ever before, but I..." Abby stared down the quiet street, "I don't like change McGee."

"You don't like certain kinds of change," he clarified, getting in on his side. Tim claimed her hand again. "It might scare you to think about now babe, but when it's happening it'll go so fast that you'll be afraid to miss something."

"Maybe." Abby changed the subject when he kissed her fingers. "I have my first appointment with the midwives at the birthing center after work Wednesday. Can you try to get Gibbs to let you off before seven?"

Tim grinned. "I'll be there even if I have to get Tony to create a diversion and make a run for it."

Abby laughed. "Gibbs would still know."

"Yeah, well, he never says no to you, maybe some of that will rub off on me."

"Unlikely," she countered, patting his chest, "but nice try." Abby looked back again even though the DiNozzo house was far behind them. "Do you think Tony and Ziva are ready for this?"

McGee was quiet as he thought back through life since September. "I think they've been married since those two weeks she stayed with him," he said finally, "and it just took them this long to figure it out."

A smile curved over her lips. "I guess hearts know it before heads."

"But now," Tim let out a breath, "now they're going to have the best of everything. I don't think I've ever seen two people who love each other the way Tony and Ziva do. They've been part of each other since long before Somalia and they work best together." He met his wife's eyes. "You remember what Tony was like when she was gone."

"I'd rather not," Abby admitted, "because he wasn't Tony, just some shadow that looked like him."

Tim's expression was serious. "That's my point. They have the strongest connection I've ever seen. They have to be with each other or nothing is right at all." He stared straight ahead like he'd suddenly figured something out. "Maybe that's what soulmates means."

Abby leaned back into her seat. "Mr. Gemcity, I think you just made a wonderful discovery to use in your book."

She had a feeling that as much as it mildly annoyed the team to be written into fiction, on some level they enjoyed it, because Tim could type things he wasn't necessarily good at saying out loud. And making his friends his characters was a unique way of telling them how much he cared.


	10. Chapter 10

_A/N: This first part is a direct continuation from Ch 9, right after A&M leave. _

_So, it looks like I'm going to be posting whenever I feel like it now, I can't seem to stick to the schedule, lol :P It'll be roughly every other day :) Thanks for keeping up!_

_PS. I hope everyone was able to see Ch 9 because I think the website went down shortly after I posted it. Good old FF, bailing just when we need it, lol. Thanks for all the comments, please keep it up! You guys make my day, so glad you're still enjoying the story! _

_~Aliyah_

_Hebrew translation:_

_**boker tov ktantonet**__ - good morning precious_

_**beseder yashan**__ - sleep well?_

Tony leaned against the counter and dragged a towel over the last plate while Ziva drained the sink. She turned around to face him, smoothing out a damp dish cloth over the empty rack. "What are you thinking about Tony?" He'd been far too quiet since Tim and Abby had left.

He sighed, placed the plate on top of the others in his cupboard and looked down, bracing his hands on the edge of the sink. "I want to be happy for them Zi, but I'm still a little ticked at them for not telling us." Tony glanced over at his fiancée. "She's like my little sister, but she got married and I couldn't even hug her and say congratulations and tease her about being stuck with McGeek forever." He dropped his head. "Now I'm going to be an uncle and there was almost a whole month when I didn't know about it."

Ziva watched him with gentle probing eyes before moving over to stand beside him and let her hand fall slowly down his back. It was such a normal yet intimate moment, one he imagined happened between husbands and wives all the time. But they weren't there yet and his breath caught at the care she conveyed in one simple touch. That Ziva let him have his thoughts and feelings without telling him to let it go or that he was wrong, and didn't feel the need to fill the silence with words meant just as much.

He finally met her brown eyes again. "What about you Zi? Aren't you angry at being left out? You were worried about them for awhile."

She shook her head. "I am relieved that there is no reason to worry. And though I care for Abby and McGee a great deal, sometimes I was using concern for their relationship as a way to hide how I felt about you."

Tony turned around and slid down to sit on the floor. With a bit of maneuvering, Ziva joined him and curled her hand around his forearm. "How did you feel about me Zi?" he asked, more focused than curious.

She played with the hair under her fingers, rolling with the shift in subject. "For a long time I did not know how to feel. You were always there, trying so hard to be everything that I needed when even I did not know what that was. Our lives were so entangled it scared me. I could not find the separation and after the night I danced, I was not even sure I wanted one." Ziva ran her pointer finger experimentally over his empty ring finger.

"You confused my emotions because there was too much distance between my head and my heart to sort it out." She shrugged. "And yet somehow we ended up here. I can plan missions and move undetected through a crowd of people, but I cannot explain this."

Tony folded her long, graceful fingers around his. "Why did you stop fighting me Zi? When did you decide to let me love you?"

Ziva smiled faintly. "I stopped fighting because I suddenly realized I did love you and I did not want that to change." She skimmed her knuckles down his cheek. "You had been loving me for so long Tony, that I did not know any different. But I knew I wanted it - I wanted your touch and your words and the way you looked at me, telling me everything just the way you always had. We never needed to talk to understand one another."

Tony chuckled. "McGee used to complain about us having eye sex in the bullpen. I think it made him uncomfortable."

Her eyes darkened. "You do not look at me that way now."

"Hey," he tilted her chin up, "it's not because I don't find you beautiful or attractive or sexy or desirable. You're the hottest woman I've ever met and you make even bare feet and yoga pants look classy."

Again he was reminded that Ziva used to always walk around in bare feet before, but he hadn't seen her feet bare yet in six months. The idea that he knew now what she was hiding did not make him feel better. She was still watching him though, waiting to hear, wanting to understand and believe him, so Tony went on.

"And it's not because I don't want you in a physical way, because I do. But that Tony DiNozzo you used to know? He grew up a lot and realized there was a whole lot more to relationships than sex, a whole lot more to love than stolen looks and forbidden touches, as fun as they are."

Tony smirked and rubbed his thumb over her lips. "But you can be sure that when I know being with me like that doesn't scare you any more, I'll be making up for lost time with lots and lots of flirting and teasing and starting stuff I know we can actually finish, okay?"

Ziva nodded, not really trusting herself to speak as the future unfolded before her in his words and promises. Then Tony went back to the start of their conversation, wanting to settle one last thing. "How are you doing with Abby being pregnant babe?" He laced their fingers together, not sure which one of them he was trying to comfort but wanting to keep the contact with her skin.

She didn't want to look at him because he could read her like a magazine. "It is easy to be happy for them and I think it will be good for Abby and I to share the experience, in part. But when I think about never...not knowing what it is like to get pregnant by a man I love and share my life with already..." Ziva shrugged. "Yes, it is hard." She was hoping he would focus on everything she said, not just the word she stumbled over that almost gave away her secret.

In true Tony fashion he enveloped her in his arms and sighed into her hair. "I'm so sorry we were late Zi."

She pushed away from him, holding his face between her hands. "I will not let you keep feeling guilty about that Tony!" She glared fiercely at him, if only to get her point across. "We all made our choices last year, we cannot change them." One hand fell to his heart. "Stop blaming yourself Tony and remember that I am alive today because you came."

With her other hand she took one of his and pressed it to the front of her belly where the baby was practicing his or her kicking skills again. "Do not regret this Tony, because neither can I. As hard as last summer was, this baby gave me a reason to be alive, and she gave me you. For that I am grateful."

It didn't take more than a few seconds for Tony to absorb her words and she knew what he wanted and maybe needed before he leaned forward. Ziva met his mouth with hers, gentle and comforting and whatever else could be said in that sort of kiss. Tony's hands gripped her hips, pulling her closer, and Ziva allowed it when he deepened the caress, wanting more of her than he usually got.

But he didn't completely shatter the lines that stood between them, pulling back for a breath so he could kiss her slowly one more time. Ziva's eyes were still closed when he stopped and she held onto the feeling of being so cherished for as long as she could.

They sat on the floor staring at each other, sharing months of missed conversation in their unwavering gaze. Then Tony finally helped her up and drove her back to her apartment. He kissed both Ziva and the baby goodnight and wished with everything he had that it was the end already of their four week wait. He was so tired of saying goodbye to her.

**NCIS**

When the elevator doors opened Monday morning, Abby was surprised to find herself sharing the car with Ducky and Jimmy. "Morning gentlemen," she smiled brightly and raised one eyebrow. "Either you two are late or I'm very early, I never see you at this time."

"We're running a bit late I'm afraid Abigail. Mr. Palmer took a wrong turn."

"I was only following your instructions Doctor," Jimmy protested, cut off by a scowl from Ducky.

Then his eyes fell to Abby's hand and he almost choked, coughing to cover. "Did you do anything exciting this weekend my dear?" the medical examiner managed to ask.

Abby shrugged. "Not really. Tim and I had dinner with Tony and Ziva on Sunday, but that's about it."

Ducky's gaze hadn't left her rings. "I don't suppose you got married at some point over the last forty-eight hours?"

She looked at her hand as if she'd suddenly remembered that she was wearing them. "Oh, that. Um, yeah. McGee and I. Five months ago," Abby spluttered, cutting her sentences up into little pieces. She'd forgotten there were others left to share their story with and she hadn't planned on doing it alone.

Both men gaped at her and Abby glared at Dr. Mallard's assistant. "Stop staring like that Jimmy, I don't have any new tattoos."

The elevator opened suddenly at her floor and Abby got off. She remembered one more thing and quickly spun around. "By the way, I'm pregnant. Bye." She waved at their shocked expressions as the doors slid shut and closed her eyes in frustration.

"Not exactly my best moment, but they had to know sooner or later. I'll call that one the shock value way of doing things," Abby muttered to herself. Walking into her lab, she stopped at the sight of Gibbs standing by her computer. "This better not be bad news." She was not in the mood for more drama today.

"You won't like it," he warned.

She put her things away, shrugged off her jacked, slipped a white lab coat on over her Android Lust t-shirt and faced him with crossed arms. "Let's get it over with."

Gibbs dropped a small stack of files on her desk. "Individuals qualified in Forensic Science." He pointed one finger at her. "You need an assistant."

Abby's mouth fell open. "Do you remember what happened the last time?"

He shrugged like it was of no consequence. "Get to pick your own this time."

She rolled her eyes. _Yeah, because that is sooo much better. Not!_ "Gibbs!" Abby started to protest, but her boss slash father's stare was aimed directly at the still barely noticeable roundness of her midsection. She sighed in resignation. "Well, at least if my body is found in the Ballistics Lab, you'll know who to blame."

Gibbs' kiss to her forehead hardly even began to soothe her frustration. "Paperwork day unless something comes up, lots of time to take a look through those and see if anyone catches your eye."

Abby hugged Bert tightly to her chest. "It'll be worse than having an intern around," she complained. "At least I know they'll go away in a week. We're talking months here!" She gazed forlornly around the room. "I'm going to miss my lab."

Gibbs gave in and hugged her. "You've got at least four months left before you have to think about saying goodbye," he reminded his black-haired girl. "And it's not a punishment Abs, but some of the chemicals you play with are not safe for babies."

Her resolve to be stubborn crumbled at his gentle words. "I hope I haven't messed it up already."

"Everything is going to be fine," Gibbs promised, and she believed him because she wanted it to be true.

While she was thinking, he left silently and her comm link with Autopsy beeped to life. "Abigail," came Ducky's familiar brogue, "I think Mr. Palmer and I are entitled to a bit more explanation regarding your...announcement."

Abby hid her smile behind Bert. "Sorry Duckman, that was a bit abrupt."

"Well?" the older man prompted.

She twisted her rings around and began the story, anything to ignore those files a little longer. "He asked me in October..."

**NCIS**

Monday morning Ziva woke to a text when her phone beeped. Rolling over, she was surprised to find it was already after 7am. She reached for her cell and flipped it open, smiling at the message from her fiance.

_First day without my partner :( Miss you already, love you - T._

It made her feel appreciated even if she didn't like being reminded that she was officially banned from work until eight weeks after the baby was born. With almost eight weeks left in her pregnancy, the time she would be off seemed interminable. But at least there were wedding plans she could work on, packing she could do as she prepared to say goodbye to her apartment, and baby things to organize. Hopefully it would keep her busy enough not to dwell on missing the team.

Slowly pushing herself up, Ziva laid a hand on her belly. "Boker tov ktanonet," she murmured to the baby. "Beseder yashan?"

Getting showered and dressed took longer than usual, especially when she wanted to look professional today. Her doctor's appointment wasn't until two o'clock, but before that Ziva had a few very important errands she needed to run. After breakfast and straightening her hair, the newly minted American citizen drove to the nearest Social Security Administration office with her certificate of naturalization to update her social security record.

The process was lengthy but Ziva hadn't expected it to be easy. Next on her list was taking her completed application for a United States passport to a passport agency she'd found online. Again it was a long wait and a lot of questions to be answered. By the time she left the building, it was nearly time to go see Dr. Meyers.

While she waited in the exam room for her doctor, Ziva just leaned over to lay on the table and rest for a few minutes. Only awake for seven hours and already she wanted to go back to bed, it was very unlike her. And that was exactly what Mandy thought when she walked in the room to see Ziva laying there with her eyes closed. Alarmed, she closed the door and walked over to put her hand on her patient's shoulder.

"Ziva? Is everything alright?"

Forcing her eyes open, Ziva managed a smile. "I am fine Mandy."

The other woman rolled her eyes. "Now why don't I believe that is the whole truth?" She glanced at the empty chair by the table. "Where is your human lie detector when I need him?" Mandy eyed the expectant mother seriously. "Want to run that by me again?"

Ziva sat back up and brushed her hair out of her eyes. "I have been very tired this weekend, or maybe it started on Friday, I am not sure. It was a stressful day despite everything working out just fine."

Dr. Meyers grinned. "Yes, I guess I should say congratulations and welcome home." She raised an eyebrow. "You did take maternity leave like we talked about, right?"

With a slight frown, Ziva nodded. "I am to return in sixteen weeks, once the baby is two months old."

Smiling sympathetically, Mandy sat down in one of the chairs. "It really is for the best."

"I will do anything for my baby," Ziva reiterated, "but it has not sunk in yet that I am away from my team for such a long time."

"I am sure there will be lots to keep you busy between now and May eighteenth." She raised an eyebrow. "Remember that I am expecting him or her to be early. I wanted you off work because you really could go into labour at any point during the next eight weeks." A critical glance at Ziva's file creased a frown across Mandy's brow. "If you make it past thirty-five weeks, I'll be impressed."

"I am very stubborn," Ziva assured her and the doctor laughed.

"You may be, but babies come when they feel like it and what you think or want has absolutely no effect. It's why I always hesitate to give a due date. No one ever tells a baby when it's time to be born unless a c-section is scheduled."

Ziva nodded, then lay down on her back so Mandy could take measurements and check the position of the baby. After coming for so many weeks, she was well used to the routine. Dr. Meyers got to work, chatting the whole time to fill the silence sometimes broken by Tony and Ziva's banter or quiet conversation.

Pressing on Ziva's abdomen, Mandy tilted her head as she tried to discern which way the baby was facing. A smile spread over her lips. "Ziva, give me your hand." Puzzled, she nonetheless did as asked. Mandy ran Ziva's fingers across the side of her belly. "Do you feel that?"

Frowning, Ziva did it again. "It feels like little bumps."

"That's her spine Ziva," the doctor said quietly. "She's curled up with her back against this side, which means her arms and legs are facing more into your body. If you feel a lot of kicks aimed at your ribs or kidneys in the next little while, that's why."

In awe, Ziva rubbed the spot again slowly. "I cannot believe I can feel parts of the baby so clearly from the outside."

"It's nothing to worry about," Mandy clarified, "she's very protected in there. Don't be afraid to touch little feet you feel pressed against your skin or rub her back. It's something your baby will respond to after birth as well, if you do it often. The same with your voice, if he or she has heard you talking a lot."

"Sometimes I think Tony may talk to her more than I do," Ziva revealed, her smile soft as she continued to follow the line of her baby's back.

Dr. Meyers turned towards the drawers on the far wall to get some supplies she needed, allowing the tender moment between mom and baby. When she returned, she noted the apprehensive look Ziva gave the empty blood vials and sealed needles.

"Not your favourite, I know," Mandy sympathized, "but you being so tired concerns me. I want to have your blood iron level checked and run a few other tests to see if we can figure out what's going on." Sitting up, Ziva submitted to having her blood drawn with reluctance and let Mandy take a look at several other things as well before she was declared free to go.

"I'll know more next week when the results come back," the doctor told her as they left the room, "but for now just take it easy Ziva. Growing a baby is hard work and requires a lot of energy. Enjoy the chance to relax now that you don't have to work."

The Israeli-American woman smiled and returned to her car. She sat in the parking lot, trying to figure out what to do now. But fatigue was pressing at her eyelids, so going home quickly became the only option. Back at her apartment Ziva changed into pyjama pants and a t-shirt before crawling into bed. She sighed in relief as her weary body found a haven between the sheets. Nestling into her pillow, Ziva closed her eyes and let the sleep take her away.

**NCIS**

Later that evening Ziva was still in her pjs, sitting on the couch with her laptop on the cushion beside her, critically examining each image she clicked on. The sound of a key being inserted into the lock perked her ears up and she quickly saved the page and shut it down.

Tony pushed the door open slowly and peeked inside. He smiled when he saw her. "Hey."

"Hey yourself," Ziva retorted, raising one eyebrow. "Do you make it a habit of sneaking into women's apartments?"

Her tone indicated that his answer better be in the negative. Tony shook his keyring and chuckled. "Only when she gives me a key."

"Oh." Ziva smiled and looked away, immediately earning Tony's curiosity. He joined her on the couch.

"Why do you look so guilty?"

She feigned innocence. "Maybe this is how I look."

"Nope." Tony shook his head. "Not buying it. You're blushing Ninja. What were you doing on that computer?"

Ziva leaned back against the cushions and got comfortable. "Looking at wedding dresses."

His eyes lit up. "Can I help?"

Her look of shock almost made him laugh. "Is there not a rule about that?"

He sighed dramatically. "Well, yeah technically there is, but since when have we ever followed the rules Zee-vah?"

Ziva tilted her head to the side and thought about it. "You have a point."

"So can I see?" For one moment he actually thought he'd won.

Amusement sparkled in her eyes. "No."

Tony's shoulders fell. "You're teasing."

"You have never found that to be a problem before," she shot back, loving that they could be so light-hearted and playful with one another.

"Okay fine, you've got me there." He put his hands on her arms and leaned over to kiss her cheek in greeting, since he'd been preoccupied the second he'd walked in the door. Ziva turned her face just in time for his lips to catch hers. It was only a short kiss, but Tony appreciated the permission she was slowly granting for more to be okay between them.

Then something registered and he pulled back, staring down at her arms like he'd never seen them before - once really didn't count. It had been five months since the last time her skin had been bared for him to see and Tony was as shocked as if he'd walked in the room to find her in nothing but a towel.

Noting his uncharacteristic silence and following the direction of his gaze, Ziva suddenly felt naked without a long sleeved shirt and made a move to get up and change. But Tony's hand on her arm stopped her and he pulled her back beside him. "No, don't, please," he said softly, letting go before she saw him as a threat.

"I did not mean for you to see-" she started, but Tony stroked her hair and leaned close.

"Shh, it's okay Ziva, you just caught me off guard." He slid his fingers lightly over the marks on her forearm. "They look a lot different now."

Although the scars were still very visible, they'd lightened considerably, no longer as dark as they had been in October. The ends of each cut, shallower than rest, had already started to fade into her skin and Tony wondered what the rest looked like, even though he had nothing to compare them to. This was the most he'd seen of her since before last summer.

Ziva touched her skin experimentally, scrutinizing the lines, and shrugged. "I do not look at them very often. I know they will always be there, so I try not to care."

Taking them right back to that night in his bed when she first pulled up her sleeve to show him, Tony leaned over and brushed his lips over the cuts that no longer hurt. He looked up to meet her eyes. "I don't care about the scars Zi, you don't have to hide them from me. The only reason they matter is because they remind me that I got you back, that you survived." He tilted his head to kiss her lips again, soft and slow. "I love you sweetheart, nothing will change that."

Her posture relaxed and he thought he heard her whisper, "Thank you." Then she took his hand and slid it over to rest against the side of her belly. "Move your fingers over that spot there," she directed him and Tony obeyed without understanding what he was doing. It was an easy way to change the subject, by getting his focus on the baby. Just like Mandy had, Ziva smiled. "Do you feel that?"

He made a face. "All those little bumps? Yeah, what about them?"

Ziva lifted her palm to his face. "That is the baby's spine Tony, you are rubbing her back."

Staring down at her stomach in amazement/reverence, he repeated the motion gently over and over. "Can you feel that Chipmunk?" he whispered, totally into the moment. "That's Daddy's hand baby girl. Wow," he looked up at Ziva and grinned. "And I thought getting to feel her kick was the coolest thing ever." Tony bent to kiss her belly and couldn't stop the satisfied smile that seemed permanently plastered on his face. "Thanks for sharing that with me."

She intertwined their fingers. "You will hold her when she is born and tell her stories when she asks what it was like before she came out, I do not want you to miss anything that you might one day want to share with her."

He wanted so badly to kiss her again but Tony knew he was already pushing her limits with two in not so many minutes. He looked down at their hands all tangled together. "So you had your appointment this afternoon, right? How did it go?"

Ziva rubbed her eyes. "Mandy did several tests and took some blood samples to send away, she does not like how tired I am any more than you do."

"Did she have any theories?" he wanted to know.

Ziva shrugged. "It is possible that my iron is low, Mandy also said that growing a baby takes a lot of energy, maybe all pregnant women feel this way when they get close to the end."

Tony leaned his head back. "Did you get to the pool today?"

"I had too many things to do," she explained, feeling the lack of exercise acutely. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Did you nap today?"

She frowned. "You are full of questions."

Tony kissed her knuckles. "I'm just catching up on my Ziva news. This is the first time in months when I haven't spent at least twelve hours around you at work, I want to know if I'm missing anything."

Frustrated with what felt like weakness, Ziva nodded. "For a couple hours I think, it seemed to help."

"Can you schedule your next appointment later in the afternoon?" he questioned. "If Mandy's giving you those test results, I really want to be there."

She agreed without debate. "I would want you there."

"Good."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You can stop worrying about me now."

He shrugged lazily. "Yeah, I could. Maybe when I'm dead."

She didn't like the way that sounded and frowned at him. "Is that what it would take?"

Tony began tracing his fingers up and down each of hers. "I worry because I care. If I didn't worry, it would mean I don't care. And if I didn't care about you than I would most certainly have to be six feet under. That's the only way you're going to get me to stop."

She flipped her hair over one shoulder. "I will keep that in mind for later."

The teasing was a way to keep things from getting too serious and Tony read between the lines, offering to throw together something for dinner as he stood up. Knowing he would do it anyways, as he seemed particularly interested in making her eat something since he realized she'd skipped lunch at the office one day, Ziva agreed and watched Tony take over her kitchen. This was the new normal and sometimes it felt like a whole new world. But she wouldn't trade it for any thing in the one she used to know.


	11. Chapter 11

An hour after her morning text from Tony, which complained that McGee wasn't stimulating enough conversation and stated how much he wished the desk across from him wasn't empty, Ziva let out a breath and knocked on Devon's office door. "Come in," her therapist called, so she turned the handle and stepped inside.

A steaming cup of tea was waiting on the table, one of Ziva's favourite flavours from Devon's collection. The other woman stayed at her desk, shuffling through papers, until Ziva sat down. The lack of greeting bothered her, so she waited to see what would happen. Finally Dr. Andrews took her usual seat and stared at her patient with a mix of compassion and apology.

"I need you to tell me about last week Ziva," she said softly, "because I've never seen you like and that I should not have let you leave in that state."

Her question pulled Ziva back into the vortex of emotions that had consumed her after her appointment with Mandy the previous Monday. Since last Wednesday she had successfully put the thoughts from her mind, but now they came roaring back, determined to smother her again.

She took a small sip of tea and dragged her thumbnail down the handle. "You could not have stopped me," Ziva pointed out, knowing herself too well to think she could have accepted help then.

"Maybe not," the doctor conceded, "but running away isn't an option this time." She shook her head slowly. "I don't want to have to make this mandatory."

Ziva's eyebrow curved up. "Threats Devon?"

Devon smiled. "Care disguised as one, if that's how you want to look at it. However, I think it's so much better when you choose to do this on your own."

The dark haired woman sighed. "What do you want to know?"

Dr. Andrews smiled. "That's a start." She glanced at her patient's left hand. "Why don't you tell me about that?"

Relieved to be starting with the easy stuff, Ziva's face broke into a genuine smile. "Tony proposed a week and a half ago."

Pride lit Devon's face. "Do you know what a tremendous step is it for you to have said yes?"

Ziva set her tea down and tucked her legs under herself, eyes shining. "He has become my everything," she almost whispered. "I cannot imagine my life without him."

"And now you don't have to," Devon assured her. "I'm sure the feeling is mutual. When is the wedding?"

The woman who refused to develop idle habits twisted the ring around on her finger. "April twenty-first."

The doctor checked her wall calendar. "Four and a half weeks. In a hurry?"

Ziva's hands cradled her bump. "Tony wants us to be married before the baby is born. He will be the father then, according to law as well as love."

A faint smile found Devon's lips. "I get the feeling he's pretty excited about that part."

She looked down as the baby shifted. "He will be a good father. It should be impossible how much he loves us, but Tony has made it a reality."

Devon nodded. "How are plans coming?"

Ziva shrugged. "Slowly. Many things still need to be decided."

"You have time," the therapist commented, skimming over her notes before looking up. "What else did I miss last week?"

Her eyes flitted to the sun-kissed window. "Monday I wrote my citizenship test, Friday I took the oath." She struggled to look happy. "I am an American now. This is home and I am safe."

Devon read between the lines that weren't all that hidden. "But you will miss being Israeli, and perhaps you feel disloyal for cutting ties?"

"My heart will always be Israeli," Ziva said softly, though her words were dead serious. "It is a very large part of who I am, no matter what my passport says." She changed positions slightly. "But I cannot go back and I-" she faltered and took a breath. "I will miss my country. I will miss belonging there."

"Do you regret your choice Ziva?" Dr. Andrews ventured to ask.

The look in her eyes sharpened. "I cannot, because then I would not have this." In a significant gesture, she splayed her left hand over her growing belly, ring fully visible.

"Okay." Devon accepted her honestly. "Now that we have that settled, what are you trying not to tell me?"

Still avoiding the topic of her doctor's appointment, Ziva picked a reliable tangent, revealing something different instead. "I had a flashback on Thursday."

Frowning, Devon paid close attention. "That's the first one in awhile."

Ziva did not disagree. "I could do without them."

"What was the trigger?" the doctor wanted to know.

Uncomfortable placing blame on the man who had been there for her every step of the way, Ziva looked anywhere but Devon's eyes. "Tony...put his hand on my leg." She swallowed, again feeling the panic that had overwhelmed her. "It brought some memories back."

Devon did not look impressed. "Engaged a week and he's already pushing boundaries? Ziva..."

"It was an accident," the other woman hastened to assure her. "We were watching a movie and...he did not do it on purpose Doctor. Tony is not like that."

"He better not be," Dr. Andrews said, clearly doubtful. But she let it go and focused again on the passage of time. "How was this weekend?"

Ziva thought back to Sunday night. "McGee and Abby came over for supper. They had a rather...unexpected announcement."

"Oh?" Devon's lips smiled. "Did he finally ask her?"

"Yes," Ziva said slowly, "but five months ago, not recently. They were married on October twenty-eighth."

Devon said back. "Wow, didn't see that one coming."

"Us either," Ziva replied. "It is a little hard to wrap my head around." She rested on arm over her belly. "It is also hard because she is pregnant, and in them I see what I will never have."

Not wanting to guess, Devon forced herself to ask. "And what is that?"

As much as she didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to say the words out loud, Ziva forced them out. "A child with the man I love." Her words were barely audible. "A child conceived in love, not abuse. Our child, mine and Tony's together."

"Why can't you have that someday Ziva?" Devon hated to step on what still sounded like a fresh wound, but it was necessary.

Ziva closed her eyes, she didn't want to make it real and not just another nightmare. "Somalia has taken even that away from me." She reluctantly opened her eyes to meet her therapist's concerned gaze. "My doctor informed me on Monday last that with the scarring from...everything they did, I will not be able to get pregnant again." She touched her belly carefully. "Even this child will likely be born early. I cannot keep him or her safe for as long as I should."

"Oh Ziva," Devon breathed out, for once very nearly at a loss for words, even when her job required her to know all the right ones to say, "I'm so sorry."

Her expression was infinitely sad. "As am I. And I was a mess last week because I did not want to accept the truth. I could only think about what Tony and I will never have."

"How did Tony react?" Devon asked, ready with the questions again. She hoped he had not made the situation worse, even if the news was very hard to hear.

Having the decency to look a little ashamed, Ziva looked away. "Tony does not know. I...I cannot tell him Devon. I cannot lose him too."

Giving the subject a wide berth for the time being, because if nothing else had made her shatter this news might, Devon let her patient have a few minutes to compose herself before taking them back to the previous topic. "How did Tony take Abby and McGee's news?"

Ziva licked her lips. "He held it together until they left. But he is angry and hurt at not being included, worried about how it affects me."

"Did he deal with that?" Repressed anger was a ticking time bomb.

"We talked about it, yes, but I cannot say whether it will come up again or not." She sighed. "I think it must be hard for him to always be the strong one. He is my comfort, everything that I need in the darkest moments, but he keeps his own demons far inside himself." Ziva looked at Dr. Andrews. "I do not want him to break."

"He's got you holding him together Ziva, but if he broke I know you would put him back together just as carefully as he has picked up the pieces for you these past several months. I'll bet Tony knows that too."

"I think I would do anything for him Devon," Ziva admitted quietly, "but I am afraid because there is still so much that I cannot give him, things he deserves from a wife."

Devon leaned forward to put her hand on Ziva's knee. "That will come Ziva. For heaven's sake please don't rush it. The way Tony has worked himself into your heart gives me hope to believe that you will one day be able to trust him with your body as well. It won't be easy," she cautioned, "but I am confident that together you and Tony will make it." She smiled. "I'm guessing that subject will come up more in about fourteen weeks, give or take."

Ziva didn't respond, so Devon picked a new topic. "So, second day off work right? What are you thinking?"

**NCIS**

Later, utterly drained from her session, Ziva stood in the hallway, feeling lost. She had no strength left to face Tony in the wake of everything she'd shared with Devon and the many thoughts that weighed heavily on her heart. She was afraid that with one look he would be able to read them all and that simply would not do. But neither could she drive home just yet, the way she was feeling.

And idea presented itself just then and Ziva hurried to act on it. Taking the elevator down to Abby's lab, Ziva was relieved to find it empty of the girl herself. As much as she harboured no anger towards the couple for keeping their secret as long as they had, she was not ready to talk to Abby about it yet.

Creeping into the Ballistics Lab, Ziva found Abby's roll up mattress and, to her surprise, also the pillow, sleeping bag and camping mattress Gibbs had made her use during their last overnight case. Spreading everything out in the corner, Ziva relaxed into her pallet and tugged a corner of the sleeping bag over her shoulder. Her eyes fluttered shut and sleep pressed in on her before she had time to fight it. Her last conscious thought was the worry of being caught and trying to explain without hurting anyone's feelings.

**NCIS**

Halfway through the day, Tim strolled back into the bullpen, having just finished sharing his lunch break with Abby. He glanced around and frowned when he saw that they were the only two in the room. "Hey," he asked Tony, who was diligently plowing through piles of paperwork so he wouldn't have to stay late, "is Ziva here?"

The sound of his fiancee's name got his attention fast. "Ziva? Why would she be?"

McGee shrugged. "I don't know, but her car is in the parking lot."

Tony's face was a mask of confusion. "Are you sure?"

Tim chuckled. "Her car's pretty memorable, I'm sure."

Immediately Tony stood up, reaching for his gun, badge and keys. "Maybe I will take a break after all. Tell Gibbs-"

The man in question strode in, stopping to give his senior field agent a look. "Going somewhere DiNozzo?"

"Boss, Ziva is-" he tried to explain, but Gibbs cut him off.

"Need that autopsy report from Ducky."

"Okay, as soon as I-" Again he wasn't allowed to finish.

"Now DiNozzo," Gibbs ordered with a tone that said argument was futile. "You'll see her tonight. Focus on the job."

Tony clenched his teeth and stormed towards the stairs before he said something that might or might not get him fired. At this rate, it was going to be a long day.

**NCIS**

Much to her surprise, Ziva managed to escape the lab unnoticed shortly after lunch. Everything was left just as she'd found it, nothing to give away that she'd been there. A minute later she knew she was lucky to have woken up when she did, because as the stairwell door was swinging shut, Ziva heard the elevator ding and Abby's voice.

"Hi, I'm Abby Scuito. Welcome to my lab."

It was clear to the forensic scientist within five minutes of meeting her first assistant candidate that the woman would not work. At least this time around all the prospects were female, that was something. And she was fairly certain it was Gibb' doing.

Shortly after her realization, Abby ended the interview and sent the lady away, waiting for her next appointment to show up. Two hours later she was certain this hunt was an exercise in futility. That was until the fifth person arrived. With mousey brown hair and a bright smile, Abby was ready to give her a chance. There was something about her eyes that seemed worthy of trust.

The girl reached out her hand. "Ms. Scuito? I'm Tami Larsen."

Abby took the hand. "It's Abby, actually." Tami's quick blue eyes flitted around the office behind stylish glasses, taking it in. Then her expression grew incredulous. "Is that a Plastic Death CD?" she questioned, glancing at the stereo. "I love your outfit by the way, nice to know the dress code leaves room to be yourself."

Tami had just won herself Abby's admiration and instant friendship, even if she didn't know it yet. "You like Plastic Death?"

"Well," she hedged, "'like' might be too strong of a word. Appreciate, maybe?" Tami shrugged. "My twin brother is a huge fan though, so I've been to a couple concerts."

Abby looked her over. "I'm impressed." She gestured to the empty chair. "Please, have a seat." Abby opened the folder in front of her, then leaned her chin on her hand. "So Tami, why NCIS?"

The girl bit her lip, trying not to smile. "Do you want the real answer or the interview answer?"

Abby was intrigued. "Both."

"Okay." She didn't seem at all flustered. "The interview answer is that my dad and granddad served in the Navy and this is as close as I'll get. True of course, but not as much fun as the real answer."

Abby raised an eyebrow. "Go on."

Tami glanced around before sitting forward and lowering her voice. "I wanted to see if the rumours about Agent Gibbs are true."

Abby laughed out loud. "Only half. The trouble is figuring out-"

"Which half," Tami finished with her and they shared knowing grins.

Finally Abby shook her head and got back to Tami's file. "So, Youngstown State University for Forensic Science, and then two years interning at the American Institute of Applied Science and a brief stint at the National Institute of Justice. You certainly get around." Her eyes caught Tami's birthdate and she looked at the girl. "Seriously? You're only twenty-five? Gosh I feel old!"

Tami eyed her critically. "You don't look it. How old are you?"

Abby snorted. "Classified. I am, however, very impressed by your references." She lifted one eyebrow. "You're aware that this is only a temporary position?"

"Six months, give or take right?" Tami clarified. "I figure six months of experience is something. And working under you will look good. You have quite the reputation in the forensics world Ms. Scu-Abby."

"I like you," Abby decided suddenly. "I've had...difficulties with past assistants, so you'll be on probation for awhile. But if you want, the job is yours."

Tami's mouth fell open. "Realy? Wow, that's awesome!" Then she schooled her features into a more appropriate professional expression. "Yes, that would be wonderful."

Abby rolled her eyes. "You can drop the formality Tami, we're all family here." She chewed on her lip. "Well, you might be a visiting, out of town relative or something. We'll see how you work out first before you get a label."

They stood and shook hands to seal the deal. "Thank you for this opportunity Abby," the girl said, still slightly in awe.

Abby shrugged. "Don't make me regret it. Come on," she waved her into the lab, "I'll give you a tour." Then she turned, frowning. "Do you know why I need an assistant?"

Tami shook her head. "Not really, no."

Abby leaned against her desk. "That would probably be good to know." She looked down. "I know you can't tell yet, but I'm pregnant and-"

A light went on in Tami's eyes. "The chemicals." Abby nodded. "How are along are you?"

Drawing her fingers over her abdomen, Abby smiled. "Just over fifteen weeks."

Tami glanced at her rings. "And when did you get married?"

Abby smiled sheepishly. "Five months ago on Wednesday."

She did the math instantly and grinned. "Didn't waste any time, did you?"

Abby played with one of her braids. "Yeah. Not gonna lie, the baby was a complete surprise. But we're happy. Actually, you'll probably meet my husband later, he's on Gibbs' team." Tami's eyes widened and Abby continued. "But for now, let me introduce you to my electronic team."

As the afternoon wore on it became clear to Abby that Tami would make a great assistant. She listened, watched, asked insightful questions and accepted Abby's originality without ever blinking an eye. Tami, the forensic scientist decided, would be fun to get to know. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad having an assistant after all.


	12. Chapter 12

_A/N: Again, another direct continuation from the last chapter. It's still Tuesday in the story, the afternoon. Ziva had her appointment with Devon in the morning. Also there might be a bit of a delay with the next chapter, I've got to figure out some details, make sure I haven't forgotten anything and add another scene. Hopefully Saturday :) Thanks for everything guys, enjoy! :) ~Aliyah_

It took Ziva over two hours to gather enough courage to go into a dress shop she saw downtown. It was calm and peaceful and relaxing as soon as she walked in the door, everything she wasn't feeling inside. A girl she guessed to be a couple years younger than herself walked up and smiled, her nametag introducing her as Claire.

"Good afternoon," she said serenely, "can I help you find something?"

It seemed rather redundant to state that she was looking for a wedding dress when she was standing in a store filled with them, but Ziva didn't know what else to say. The lost look on her face must've garnered Claire's sympathy, because she gestured to a large, empty fitting room and once they were inside, closed the door for privacy.

"Do you know what you're looking for?" Brides came in all different shapes, sizes and temperaments and she could see that this one needed a little guidance.

Ziva blinked and it came to her with startling clarity how much she had truly changed over the last year. She was not the same woman she had been when she started at NCIS, or when she left it four years later. And Ziva felt unsettled because she really didn't know this woman that she'd become at all, even after six months.

She shook her head to clear the thoughts away and reached into her bag. "I brought pictures. These are the ones I was interested in." Ziva held the papers out to Claire but stopped, one hand falling to her rounded belly. "It is not what you think," she said softly.

Claire smiled gently. "And it is not my place to judge," she informed the woman. "Now, give me some details. When is your wedding date?"

"April twenty-first," Ziva answered.

"Wow, soon," Claire commented. "We might have to work some serious magic to get alterations done, but it's possible." She flipped through the pictures. "Tell me about your dream dress."

Ziva smoothed a hand over her hair, frustrated when she recognized another nervous habit she refused to pick up. She clasped her hands int front of her stomach. "I need ivory, not white," she said firmly. "I like this one." Ziva pointed to her favourite from the styles she'd looked at. "The wrap is nice, but it would need to be attached to the dress somehow." She shrugged self-consciously. "I am a federal agent and there is some...scarring on my back and shoulders that I wish to cover up."

Claire nodded, tapping one finger against her lips. "Okay, got it. Give me a few minutes and I'll see what I can come up with."

She left in a flash and Ziva was suddenly both glad to be alone and afraid of the thoughts that would find her without others around. Talking to Devon had been hard today, there was so much she hadn't wanted to say. Yet every time the therapist drew her out about something, her soul got that much lighter as burdens of fear, guilt, anger, blame, helplessness, loss, and pain were laid to rest.

Then Claire was back and she had no more time to dwell on the serious stuff. The girl had found four dresses that fit Ziva's general criteria and she did an admirable job of concealing her shock at the mess that had been made of Ziva's back. As she got into the first one, Ziva realized that Claire was the only other person besides Ducky and the doctor's who treated her, who had seen the damage inflicted upon her body.

"These dresses are several sizes too big - to accommodate your pregnancy," the girl explained. "I'm guessing you're usually a six?"

Ziva shrugged. "Maybe even smaller. I had lost some weight before..." She looked down at her bump and Claire understood.

"Well, no problem. I can still show you what it would look like with the alterations."

The first two dresses did not match the image in Ziva's head, but the moment she stepped into number three, Ziva knew. "This is it," she whispered and Claire beamed, adjusting the clips at the back to give a preview of the dress once it was adjusted to her specifications.

Claire turned her towards the mirror, completing the look with a couple pins in the wrap. "Congratulations," she said, "you look beautiful."

Ziva had to stop the tears from welling up when she looked at her reflection and saw not a victim or a survivor or an agent, but a bride. She wanted to image Tony's expression when he saw her for the first time, but knew it would look so much better in real life.

"Thank you," she told Claire.

The younger woman had an enraptured look on her face. "This is the most satisfying part of my job."

Together they admired the dress until finally Ziva was ready to be back in her own clothes. Claire helped her out, took some measurements and then glanced up from her notepad. "So Ziva, I'll just leave this with out seamstress and we'll do our best to have it ready before the twenty-first. Does that work?"

For some reason she couldn't explain, Ziva felt strange about that arrangement. "I do not know," she said slowly. "Perhaps I will just take the dress and measurements with me today. I might have a friend who can do the sewing." She shrugged. "I am uneasy about leaving anything to chance." Too much had already gone wrong, she didn't want to leave room for any other problems.

Claire stared at her for a minute and then found her voice again. "Oh, of course. I'll have the dress wrapped for you." She disappeared up to the front to give the price and details to the owner so Ziva could pay.

Olivia Owens, who looked every inch the classy, professional businesswoman she was, started to say hello to her customer, but the words died on her lips and she surveyed the woman before her with surprise. "I'm sorry, but you wouldn't be Ziva David, would you?" She made sure to pronounce the last name properly, as per instructions.

Ziva's eyes got a confused and slightly dangerous look in them. "Do I know you?" She was certain she had never met this lady before.

"No, it's just..." the owner shook her head and extended her hand. "Olivia Owens, this is my store. So you are Ziva?" she clarified. The dark haired woman nodded slowly and Olivia smiled. "Well, in that case you've just solved my newest mystery."

Ziva frowned. "I do not understand."

Olivia held up a piece of paper, a message that had been taken more than a week ago. "Last Monday a gentleman called here. He was rather gruff and very determined. He said his daughter was recently engaged and would likely start to look for a dress in a few days. He described you as beautiful, young and pregnant, with olive skin and dark hair and instructed me to make sure you were taken care of." Seeing that the reason hadn't quite dawned on her customer yet, Olivia smiled. "They left enough money to cover any dress you wanted."

Ziva's eyes widened in astonishment. "They? Do you have names?"

Olivia shook her head. "Just initials I'm afraid - JG and DM."

Awe fell over her - Gibbs and Ducky were paying for her dress, proving once again that family meant more than just words to these men she loved. "I do not know what to say," she managed at last.

"It's a gift Ms. David, just take it," the owner encouraged.

So Ziva did, and left the store minutes later carrying her wedding dress after thanking both Claire and Olivia for all their help. A short stop on the way to the pool let Ziva leave her dress with a trusted contact who promised it would be finished within the week. Spending years in Mossad still came in very handy at times, she knew people even her father and unit had no idea about.

Though she didn't stay very long in the water, it felt good to be doing something and she enjoyed the feeling of weightlessness being in the water provided. Back at home Ziva soaked in the tub until she was so relaxed that she ran the risk of falling asleep where she was. So, moving slowly, the tired woman got out, toweled dry, and found her way to the couch clothed in a comfortable long sleeved shirt and pants.

The addition of a light blanket made everything perfect and she didn't even last for fifteen minutes of _The Notebook _before dreamland called and she could not ignore it's pull any longer. The movie was still playing when Tony checked on her a couple hours later, deciding he'd go home and order Chinese before calling to wake her up. Ziva was just so peaceful when she slept lately that he had no desire to disturb her until absolutely necessary, even if it meant he got to see her sooner.

**NCIS**

They were nearly finished with dinner and the longer Ziva spent with him, the quieter she got. Finally, tired of being shut out, Tony leaned back in his chair. "So I was kinda hurt when I heard you were at work today and didn't even bother to stop in and say hi. Tired of me already?"

His words carried just an edge of frustration and jolted Ziva out of wherever she was inside her head. She sighed. "I was not at NCIS for social reasons Tony."

Her attempt at deflecting only made his gaze harden. "Well excuse me if I'd like to know that the woman I love doesn't want to be around me." He yanked their dishes off the table and stormed into the kitchen, dropping them in the sink with a loud clatter. "Geez Ziva, what happens Tuesdays that sends you so far away?" He was starting to see a pattern developing and he didn't like it one bit.

Ziva looked up from fiddling with her chopsticks and saw that the time had finally come to tell him. "I have a standing therapy appointment Tuesday mornings," she relayed quietly, and Tony's mood spun on its head in the time it took for him to return to his chair. Her fiance's open, apologetic expression encouraged her to continue.

"I made my first voluntary appointment during the last week of October, when I could not take the nightmares or handle not sleeping by myself anymore." Ziva's eyes fell to her lap. "It is the same doctor who did my initial psyche evals. Her name is Devon Andrews and as much as I hate being shrunk," she shrugged, "it is helping." Looking into his caring eyes again, Ziva gave him what she could. "But some days what we talk about is not easy and it is hard to pretend that I am okay."

Tony's expression exuded understanding and he reached for her hand, drawing his thumb lightly over her fingers. "So today was one of those rough days, huh?"

She nodded, though if he hadn't been paying close attention, he would've missed it, so small was the movement. "I am sorry Tony. Next time I will come to see you. I did not want anyone to know. Please do not be angry." Ziva used to be able to handle when they fought, when they were made at each other or disagreed and weren't speaking. But it was different now and she didn't want to be okay with tension between them.

"Gibbs knew," Tony stated quietly.

"Yes," Ziva agreed. "I had to have his permission to leave every week."

Tony stared at her for a minute then pulled his hand away and rested his head in his palms. "Sometimes this is really hard Zi." He blew out a breath. "I never thought about what came after loving you, and I don't regret it for a second." He made eye contact with her so she could see the truth. "I just...I just can't always pretend everything is alright either. And I can't help feeling like I'm going to lose you someday, somehow, because there's no way we're both allowed to be happy, to have things work out for once."

Ziva had to blink back tears at his admission. Of course it would not be easy, not after Somalia, but she had not often thought of the heavy burden Tony carried for choosing to be part of her healing. Without a word she stood up, took his hand, and led him to the couch. They settled with hardly any space between them, their fingers intertwining as if it was a reflex they could not help.

Tony lifted his knuckles to brush them down her cheek and leaned in, but Ziva put her palm flat on his chest, stopping him from getting closer. "Maybe we cannot always just kiss and make up. Maybe we have to talk about why it hurt in the first place."

He chuckled. "Actual honesty from both of us? That's a big step Zi."

Her look warned him not to joke about this. "We are to be married Tony, honestly should be automatic."

"Not likely with us," Tony declared bluntly. "But I'm willing if you are." Ziva's slight smile was his answer. "Okay, so why don't you want anyone to know about therapy?"

Ziva sighed. "I wanted to be strong enough to go through it on my own, to not need anyone's help. But I could not and I was embarrassed."

"Zi, you're not the only pers-" he tried, but a shake of her head cut him off.

"It is one thing to be told that needing others is not a weakness. But in my head it still goes against twenty years of training." Ziva shrugged. "American or not, what Mossad enforced is not an easy skin to shed." Tony got it, he did, but everything was going to take twice as long to accomplish if that was her mindset even now, six months home. Ziva nudged him when it seemed that she'd lost him to his thoughts. "Your turn. Why were you so upset that I did not come to say hello?"

His fingers traced her ring over and over. "Y'know, since we got you back I don't think there's been more than a couple days when I haven't seen you. I can take one look at you and tell your mood by your posture. Your eyes catalogue every emotion, every fear, every everything unless you intentionally shut me out. When I'm with you, all it right in my world and when I leave..." he took a breath. "When I leave there's a whole lot of room for bad thoughts in my head." Tony feathered his fingers through her hair. "You're not the only one with nightmares Zi and in mine, for a thousand different reasons, we never get to have forever."

Her eyes bored into his, sincerity shining in every fleck of her dark chocolate gaze. "In twenty-six days then Tony, there will be no more nightmares, because whenever you look I will be right by your side always." She kissed his knuckles. "Then maybe neither of us will have to worry about the bad thoughts any more."

Tony's voice was husky as he cupped her face. "So I'm not the only one keeping a countdown." His lips barely brushed hers before he looked at her again. "Are you ready for this?"

Even if the wedding was weeks away, there was still no backing out now. They had already shared each other's lives and invested so much of themselves, they couldn't be apart without ripping all the threads that bound them together. And neither could survive a break like that now, after everything else that had happened.

Ziva closed her eyes. "I am terrified of this commitment, of what it means to share one life with you and not two. But I am more terrified of being without you."

"I wouldn't go willingly," he promised, wiping at a tear with his thumb. "Nothing could ever make me choose to give you up."

Ziva let him bring her face close and felt the gentle but firm press of his lips on hers. She kissed him back slowly, wondering what it would be like to share frantic, hot kisses with him and touches that explored and brought pleasure, to not have to worry about what memories that kind of intimacy would bring up. But Tony didn't do anything to rush the moment and pulled away a few seconds later to rest his forehead on hers.

"It's really hard to just kiss you a couple times Zi," he confided, clearly fighting the want in his body for more. "But when I remember that I might never have gotten to kiss you ever," he breathed out and she felt it warm on her lips. "Well, then it just feels like the best gift ever."

"I love you," she whispered, "but please let me go." Ziva looked down. "If you asked for more now, I am afraid that I would not be able to say no."

Tony kissed her cheek. "Remember what I told you when I asked for one more night, the second time I kissed you?" She nodded, trembling under his touch. "Never," he repeated. "I will never ask for more than you are able to give me, even if it's months before we can work towards anything else. That's a promise Ziva." Then Tony cleared his throat and gave her one of his half grins. "But yeah, maybe going home is a good idea. I would hate for either of us to do something stupid."

The got up and moved to the entry so Ziva could get her coat and shoes. On her way out the door, Tony stopped her and brought her back to him, holding her closely for a minute and kissing her hair. "I love you. See you tomorrow?"

A glimmer of a smile appeared in her eyes even as the emotions of the day and evening still threatened to overwhelm her. "Tomorrow. Good night Tony."

He closed the door and leaned his back against it. Wishing the wedding was this weekend didn't make it so, but they would have to be more careful in the future. Being close to her was so easy and Tony struggled, wondering if one day he wouldn't be able to let her go. There were times he wasn't sure he could trust himself and he needed her to trust that he was telling the truth when he promised. Never.


	13. Chapter 13

_A/N: Please note that this will probably be the first and only of Abby's midwife appointments that will be seen in this story. I'll still include lots of pregnancy moment with her and Tim, but I hate writing about something I know nothing about and my research really didn't turn up enough for me to be comfortable writing more of these appointments. Thanks for reading!_

"Abby!" Matt called Wednesday morning, trying to be heard over the music. "Good grief, what is that noise? I think the CD must be scratched or something."

She turned off the stereo just in time to hear his comment. Abby crossed her arms and glared at him darkly. "That happens to be my favourite band."

Matt stopped. "Oh." He couldn't think of anything brilliant to say and couldn't in good conscience take back the words because he wouldn't mean it. "Well, Gibbs sent me - "

Abby frowned. "Where's my Caf-Pow?"

His eyebrows rose. "I...uh, forgot?"

Tami watched from the door of Abby's office as her boss's white complexion slowly flushed and she clenched her fists. "Get. Out."

Matt looked at her in confusion. "But Gibbs-"

"No," she said firmly. "I don't care. Send Gibbs or Tony but you are hereby banned from my lab. Leave!" Wrapping her arms around Bert, Abby squeezed him for comfort and his signature sound had Matt turning around in shocked surprise.

"Was that the-"

"Agent Collins you have two seconds to remove yourself from my space before-" Abby didn't even get to finish her threat before Matt was out the door and into the stairwell.

Tami glanced from Abby to the open lab door and decided she'd better go try to straighten things out before the rumours started flying. Still steaming, the forensic scientist didn't even notice that her assistant had gone AWOL. Tami hurried out and threw open the stairwell door.

"Agent Collins!" she called, hearing slow footsteps rounding the corner. The steps stopped and she jogged up the stairs to join him. He eyed her warily when she held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Tami. We haven't met but I'm Abby's new assistant."

Matt was slow in shaking her hand, sure he'd heard somewhere that the forensic scientist didn't allow assistants. "Hi. Did Abby send you after me with the rest of that threat?"

Tami bit her lip. "Um, no. I just wanted to..." She made a face. "You do know that couldn't have gone much worse, right? I mean, I've only known Abby since yesterday and I already know you insulted pretty much everything she holds sacred except Gibbs and Agent McGee. How long have you been on the team?"

Matt sighed and rubbed his face. "A few months. But my introduction to Abby was brief and I haven't often been sent to the lab. At first it was Ziva, now Tony and Gibbs always go instead, or McGee if there's something involving computers." He shook his head. "I guess with her taste in clothes I should've guessed at the death metal, but a farting hippo, really?"

Tami shrugged. "I don't get it either, but I don't have to. The lab rules are simple: Don't lie to Abby, respect the music, Bert is sacred, and never come without a Caf-Pow. You broke three of them."

He echoed Ziva's first question about the rules. "I don't suppose those are written down somewhere?"

"No," Tami agreed, "but you might want to memorize them. And I'd bring a peace offering as soon as possible." She turned to go back downstairs and then looked over her shoulder. "The blue cup Agent Collins, Abby's pregnant and can't have regular Caf-Pow anymore."

While he hadn't been told directly, adding to his feeling of being an outsider in the close knit group, Matt had found out that Agent McGee and his wife were expecting a child. Truth be told, because she didn't look it he'd forgotten he was dealing with a pregnant woman whose moods could be unpredictable. He'd never been quite so scared of women as when his sister was pregnant and flipping out over the dumbest things. But there had been no reasoning with her either. "Tami," he called, waiting for her to look at him again, "my name is Matt, Agent Collins is a little too formal." Matt took a breath. "Look, would you maybe like to get a coffee sometime? Y'know, us newbies should stick together."

She seemed nervous all of a sudden and he wondered if she was in a relationship, which would make things awkward. But after staring at him just long enough for it to be uncomfortable, Tami nodded. "Yeah, maybe, sometime." She started down the stairs. "Peace offering, don't forget."

Trying to decide which was more important - sending someone else down to the lab on Agent Gibbs' errand or soothing the ruffled feathers of the intriguing but probably deadly forensic scientist, Matt headed towards the Caf-Pow machines first. Explaining the situation to Gibbs was definitely the less scary option at this point. He'd heard that Abby could remove a person from existence without leaving any forensic evidence and Matt wasn't particularly interested in being the one to test that theory.

**NCIS**

"Did you hear him?" Abby fumed the minute Tami returned. "Insulting my music, not bringing any Caf-Pow and was he really asking if that was Bert or me?" Her ire was only fueled by remembering her brief encounter with the temporary team member. "What kind of person doesn't like Plastic Death?"

Tami moved closer and put her hand on Abby's arm. "I don't think he meant it the way it sounded. You know how guys tend to dig deeper holes when they're nervous."

Having experienced that with Tim many times, Abby calmed down a notch. "Fine. But he started it and if he thinks he's coming back into my lab any time soon, he's very mistaken."

"I bet he comes armed with Caf-Pow and doesn't say a word about your music," Tami predicted, opting not to share yet that the new guy had, in a way, asked her out.

Abby crossed her arms and kissed her hippo's nose. "He should apologize to Bert too."

The assistant could have mentioned that it was unlikely, but refrained. Sometimes, and she'd picked up on a lot of things awfully fast since yesterday afternoon with the many chances she'd had to observe Abby with her team, it was better just to let the woman vent without trying to correct her.

"So we're still waiting for the analysis on that blood you got last night, right?" she asked, going for distraction over resolution.

Abby glanced back at her mass spectrometer. "Yeah. And I want to take another look at the tox screen. Something seemed hinky."

"Can I help?" Tami offered, hoping to make up for Matt's unintentional error.

"Fingerprints," Abby said, pointing towards the table. "We need to look for a match."

**NCIS**

By the time Matt had finally finished telling the story, McGee looked like he was debating whether even he wanted to face Abby right now, while Tony was laughing so hard he could barely breathe, not even trying to disguise his utter amusement at their assistant probie's grievious error in judgement.

Gibbs glared at the newest agent. "Fix this."

Matt sighed. "Yes sir, I'm trying, but she won't let me back in the lab."

The team leader did not care. "Get creative."

In desperation Matt looked to McGee but he was not getting in the middle. Tony shook his head slowly. "Poor assistant probie. Well, at least you survived to learn the lesson." He leaned over his desk. "I'd suggest copious amounts of Caf-Pow, concert tickets and maybe a new dog collar for Bert." Tony put his hands on his hips. "And then never, ever, ever get on her bad side again."

Rolling his eyes, Matt made his way to his cubicle desk and Tony pulled out his phone to text Ziva. He tried to word it to be amusing, although telling her the full story later in person would be so much better. _AP put his foot in it with Abby. He now owes her Caf-Pow for life_.

Then Tony checked to see that Gibbs was gone and Matt was too busy thinking to listen in, and walked over to his co-worker's desk. "Hey McGoogle, I need a favour."

McGee eyed his friend skeptically, still thinking about his wife. "What kind of favour?" Friends they might be and it was long overdue, but Tim wouldn't put it past Tony to make things difficult somehow.

Tony leaned casually against the filing cabinet. "Need you to find the best CDs for learning a different language."

Sensing a seriousness in the request, Tim leaned back. "Hebrew?"

"Bingo," Tony grinned. "You'd be good at Twenty Questions, didn't even need three guesses." He ran his fingers through his hair. "That's a part of her I can't even get close to and I need to try. I think she's trying to teach me a little bit here and there, but I really want to know more and I need to learn it fast."

Tony didn't mention that he'd never been able to forget the words Ziva had whispered one night when he held her after a nightmare. It had sounded important, like she was pleading with him for something, but she hadn't spoken in English and he needed to find out what the phrase meant.

McGee nodded in understanding. "Give me some time, I'll see what I can find."

Tony clapped him on the shoulder. "'ppreciate that Tim, thanks."

"You can return it some day Tony," Tim called after him and Tony winked.

"Will do." Whatever it took to get further into Ziva's world, Tony was all over it.

**NCIS**

Abby and McGee walked into the midwife clinic shortly after five pm. They sat down but didn't have to wait long before Abby's name was called by a smiling woman with long brown hair. She held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Cassie. I'm kind of in charge of our group."

Tim shook her hand, then raised an eyebrow. "Group?"

"Yes," Cassie explained. "Midwives work in groups of three or four and we'll take turns overseeing your appointments." She led them back to a comfortable, well lit room where three other ladies sat with welcoming expressions on their faces.

"Abby and Tim," Cassie said, "this is Brittney, Kylie and Delaney, your other midwives."

Brittney, who looked college aged with dark rimmed glasses and hair back in a clip, grinned. "We're the i's and the y's." She chuckled and Cassie rolled her eyes.

"Britt is our student midwife. She's been with us about three months and is doing well. If you're comfortable, she'll join us in providing your care."

Abby shrugged. "Umm, sure, I guess."

Cassie regarded the black-haired girl seriously. "There's no pressure. We want this to be a good experience for both of you."

"No, it's okay," Abby decided, "she can stay."

Delaney, whose long blonde hair was pulled back in a french braid, shook hands with them next. Kylie, who looked to be about Abby's age, had auburn hair cut very short. She reminded Abby of a pixie and she liked the woman immediately.

"Okay," Cassie declared, "now that we're all introduced, let's get started. First, the boring stuff. I'm going to need medical history from both you and your husband."

That part actually didn't take very long. Aside from Abby's parents being deaf and her aunt's memory problems, there wasn't much to say. Her grandparents on her mom's side were healthy and active up until their deaths. Her dad's parents had been quiet and gentle people, dying of old age within weeks of each other. Tim's family was also clear. Nothing notable on his mom's side. and he assumed his paternal grandmother would be the opinionated spitfire she was until death dragged her away kicking and complaining.

Cassie looked over her shoulder when they finished. "Britt, first test question - can you explain to Abby and Tim the difference between midwives and OBs?"

With three months of practical application to back up her schooling, Britt had no trouble answering the question and then Delaney stepped forward wearing gloves and holding a needle and a handful of vials. "Time to take some blood I'm afraid."

Abby held out her arm without hesitation, though McGee turned a little green. "I've had lots of tattoos, so needles don't bother me," she explained, patting her husband's leg. "Timmy, on the other hand, is a little squeamish." He shifted uncomfortably and didn't really make eye contact with any of them.

Drawing blood didn't take long and Tim relaxed visibly once the needle was disposed of and the blood out of sight. Crime scene blood was one thing. Blood belonging to his wife was something different entirely. Cassie ticked off another item on her list and pointed at Kylie.

"Can you do her vitals Ky?"

The pixie-ish woman quickly and efficiently checked Abby's blood pressure, heartrate, thyroid and lungs while Cassie jotted down the numbers. Then she grinned at Abby and McGee. "Okay, now the fun part. Since you're here kind of late for your first appointment - most are before ten weeks - we're going to do to do a dating ultrasound to make sure your guess is right. And then," her eyes sparkled, "you get to hear the baby's heartbeat."

Abby grinned real big and hugged Tim. "Our first look at our baby," she whispered and he just squeezed her hand, the whole experience leaving him at a loss for words.

The woman had Abby lie down on the exam table with her shirt rolled up to her ribs and her pants pulled down just below her hips. Cassie rolled the tube of gel between her hands for a minute to warm it and then squeezed some on Abby's stomach, sliding the transducer over it. The machine in the corner came to life and a fuzzy picture filled the screen. McGee stared in awe as Cassie pointed out body parts and facial features and turned up the volume so they could hear the baby's heart.

Abby's eyes widened. "Wow, it's so fast."

"Fast is good and it's a nice strong heartbeat," Cassie reassured her, doing measurement and checking for the routine things. "Congratulations guys, you have a healthy baby here."

Tim's fingers curled around Abby's and he kissed her cheek. This was definitely one of those moment when he felt like a dad already. Getting to see their baby on screen, alive and moving, just made it so much more real.

After a couple minutes Cassie printed them a picture, shut the machine down and wiped the gel off with a cloth. Then she felt Abby's abdomen to check the size of her uterus. Finally she sat down and made some notes while Abby fixed her clothes and McGee stared at the first picture of their baby. His baby. Geez, he'd never imagined using those words.

"Okay," Cassie said at last, "everything looks good. Now Abby, I know you mentioned that your cycle is quite irregular, which is why it took so long to discover your pregnancy. So the due date I give you will be tentative, but I'll be able to confirm or change it as you get further along. From the baby's size, I think your guess is spot on at fifteen weeks. That puts your estimated delivery date at September fourteenth."

Abby slid her arm through Tim's and wiggled in her chair. "September? Gosh, that feels so far away."

"Twenty-five weeks," Brittney confirmed. "But it'll go so fast you won't even notice until the end."

"I'll take your word for it." Abby made a face. "Uh, can I use your bathroom?" Her trips there were becoming more frequent, but weren't excessive yet.

"Good timing," Delaney commented, handing her a sample cup. "We need to do a urine test."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Oh the joys and glamour of being pregnant."

The women chuckled and Tim took advantage of his wife's absence to ask a few questions about her care and how often appointments would be, among other things. It didn't take long for Abby to return and then Cassie announced that they'd end with checking Abby's height and weight and would he please step out into the hall for that?

Knowing women's sensitivity about their weight, Tim agreed and left. He wasn't sure what they talked about while he waited, but when he returned, McGee could see by the tightness around her mouth and the hard set of her eyes that she was less than impressed. All told, the appointment lasted an hour and then they said goodbye and walked out. Once they were back in the sunshine, Tim pulled Abby to a stop and faced her.

"What happened Abbs?" She avoided his eyes but he wouldn't let up and grasped her shoulders lightly.

Abby crossed her arms. "I know they're just doing their jobs, but even after seeing us together Cassie still had the nerve to ask about our relationship. Is it healthy? Is it safe? Does he abuse you? What's your living situation like? Does his job make him violent? Does he ever react in a way that makes you afraid? Did he want this baby?" She growled the words out and stamped her foot. "I think they're great and all but I really don't like them right now."

The questions shook Tim to the core and he wasn't sure how to feel. Had he given any indication that he didn't love Abby and wasn't excited about their baby? Did they see something in him that questioned his treatment of her? Abby read each insecurity in his eyes and threw her arms around him.

"They have to ask," she whispered, "it's just routine. But I told them that you're the best husband anyone could ask for and no one's ever loved me like you do and told them to please mind their own business."

Tim held her tightly, smiling a little when he imagined the scene because it was unlikely she'd been that polite about it. He sighed into her hair. "I wonder if they saw something in me-" but Abby put her finger over his lips.

"No Timmy, don't. I know you. You're not like that."

He framed her face with his hands. "I would never hurt you Abby, I need you to know that I couldn't. But if something happened and I did-"

She snorted. "You're right, it wouldn't happen. But if you did somehow go all Jekyll and Hyde on me, I'd drop kick your butt and leave you for Gibbs." He swallowed and she leaned in to kiss him. "I know you wouldn't Tim, you don't have it in your to hurt people."

He hugged her hard, beyond grateful for the way she believed in him and always saw the best, and they continued to their car. Tim opened the door for his wife and walked slowly around to his side. Of everything he'd seen and heard at the appointment, it was the memory of hearing his baby's heartbeat and the picture in his pocket that would stick the longest.

**NCIS**

"Alright," Tony declared after supper, dropping onto the couch beside Ziva and waving a notebook. He scrawled something across the top of the first page, underlined it with a flourish and presented it, grinning, for her inspection. "The Official DiNozzo-David Wedding To-Do List!"

Ziva raised one eyebrow lazily. "Why does your name get to be first?"

"Uh..." Tony stalled because even with the teasing glint in her eyes, he knew she'd probably hurt him if his answer was, 'I'm the guy.' "Because my name has two capital letters," he said slowly, not sure if it was supposed to be a question or a statement.

She stared at him long enough to make him want to squirm, before settling back into the couch and nodding. "Okay."

Tony sighed in relief. That had been a close call. "So," he held the pen between his fingers, ready to take notes, "what's first?"

"Let us write down everything and then cross off what is already done." Tony nodded in agreement, so she started. "Location."

"Wedding party," he put in, "photographer."

Ziva pursed her lips, thinking. "Music, dress, flowers."

"Pack so we can move you again," Tony added, sure that wasn't her favourite thing that needed to be done. "Ooh, and food! I wonder if we can get someone to cater?"

Ziva frowned. "We have not even picked a time!"

He laughed and put that next on the growing list. "Yeah, I guess that would help." Tony thought about it. "Probably need to find volunteers to help with set up and take down. I don't think there will be a lot, but it would be good to have that covered anyways."

Ziva touched her ring. "And we have to find someone to perform the ceremony."

Tony's eyes widened like a light had gone on. "Right. Wow, I can't believe I didn't think about that before." He eyed his fiancee carefully. "Are you okay with just a Justice of the Peace? They're best for short notice."

She let herself briefly imagine what a Jewish wedding would have looked like, with all the traditions and customs that made it beautiful and meaningful. But just as quickly she shook the thought away, not looking at him when she answered quietly. "Yes, that will be fine."

Tony caught her expression, which was pretty much the opposite of fine, but filed it away and chose not to comment about it now. "Anything else?"

Ziva shrugged. "I cannot think of any more things to add right now."

"Okay, well let's cross off what we've already done then and see what's left." He added a note by 'photographer' and drew a line through it. "Someone to take pictures - check."

"Location," Ziva pointed, scooting closer to read the list. Tony put 'Mallard Manor' in brackets, then stroked that item off. "Wedding party, since you already sorted it out." Another line and notation. "Dress." Tony nodded and Ziva paused, waiting for the news to sink in.

He drew a line through the word and then looked at it again before turning to stare at her. "Wait, you found a dress already? When?"

She couldn't help but smile. "Yesterday."

Tony looked dumbfounded for a moment, then grinned. "That's awesome." He frowned. "When were you going to tell me?"

"I just did," Ziva said matter-of-factly.

"Fine, keep your secrets," he grouched good-naturedly. "But I'd tell you if it was something exciting like that."

Ziva bit her lip to keep from laughing. "I am not sure how I would react if you told me you had found the perfect dress Tony."

He rolled his eyes. "That is not what I meant." Then his eyes lit up. "Do I get a sneak peek of this perfect dress?"

"Not unless the rules have changed since the last time you asked," she said seriously.

Tony shrugged. "It was worth a try." He glanced at their list. "So, flowers. Any ideas?"

A smile spread slowly across Ziva's mouth as a picture popped into her head. "Yes. I think I will carry three dark pink, long stemmed tulips."

Tony's eyebrows jumped up. "I didn't think pink was a ninja colour."

"I want them to match my ring," she explained. "One for me, one for you and one for the baby. Abby can have white rose buds." It was her concession to not actually wearing white. At least it would still be included in the wedding.

He winced. "As long as I don't have to wear pink, we're good. It's not exactly a guy colour Zi." He tapped his pen on the page, keeping their conversation focused. "Music?"

"What would you like to hear Tony?" Ziva asked. "It is your wedding too."

He grinned. "I'm thinking Sinatra, a little Elvis maybe, a few of the classics. What are your favourites?"

"There are some beautiful Hebrew hymns I would enjoy playing during the ceremony, but it is not really important."

Tony tipped her chin up. "Your wants are very important to me Ziva."

She sighed and rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you." She couldn't remember another time in her life when someone had valued her opinions and thought what she wanted actually mattered.

He turned to kiss her forehead and saw her fighting to keep blinking normally. "Getting tired sweetheart?"

"I think I like that name," Ziva murmured, not really answering him.

"Do you want to keep going?" Tony secretly hoped that she'd be too tired to drive home. Even having her in the same house would be better than nothing, at this point he'd take what he could get.

Ziva yawned. "What do we have left?"

He checked. "Just choosing a time, for now. We can worry about packing up your apartment later."

Ziva's hand found his, a pattern he was used to but hadn't figured out yet traced on the back over and over. "An afternoon wedding would be nice. Then there is no rushing to get ready."

"I like the sound of that," Tony decided immediately. "How's two o'clock?"

"What? Oh, fine," she responded sleepily.

Tony set his notebook on the coffeetable and his priorities quickly rearranged themselves. "Okay Sleeping Beauty, time for bed." She opened her mouth to protest but he set his finger on her lips. "No Zi, no arguing. You're exhausted and you shouldn't be driving right now."

She glared at him through half-closed eyes, which kind of minimized the effect. "You are taking advantage of my condition."

He laughed. "I'll take the couch Zi. I just want you here and safe."

Ziva touched her belly lightly as they moved slowly up the stairs. "He is being smug," she told the baby, everything combining at the moment to make her a little grouchy.

"Uh huh, I love you too," Tony said with a smile, ignoring the look he got in return.

Once in his room he handed her the clothes of his that she used as pyjamas. The shirt was snug over her bump but still fit and the pants, if tied under her growing abdomen, worked well enough. He tucked her in, kissed her forehead and turned around at the door, knowing she'd already be asleep. Tony smiled as he leaned against the frame to watch her. Ziva sleeping in his bed? Yeah, that was a sight he could get used to.

**NCIS**

"Five months," Tim whispered against Abby's sweat slicked skin that night, still breathing hard from their recent activities.

Abby laughed and kissed his chest, tasting salt on her lips. "Yeah, and I'm four months pregnant. Ironic, isn't it?"

His hand fell to below her navel, where the beginning of a bump was just starting to be noticeable. He pressed his lips to her hair. "Wouldn't change a thing." McGee thought about it for a moment and chuckled. "So what, maybe six weeks after our wedding? I wonder if you ever know the moment it happens."

Abby's eyes lit with a teasing glow and she wound her arms around his neck. "Well, we didn't miss a whole lot of days in the beginning."

He snorted. "Not like we miss many now either." But Tim's body warmed just from the way she was looking at him and he knew what she meant. After two months of sleeping side by side and only sleeping, they'd been more than happy to indulge in the pleasure of each other whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Abby pulled back suddenly. "Do you remember what you promised me when you proposed?" The look of panic that leapt into his face told her he didn't. She kissed her husband slowly. "You promised me that once everyone knew, we'd take the honeymoon we never got."

Recognition replaced worry and Tim slid his arms around her back. "Right, I remember now. What are you thinking?"

"Second week of April," Abby replied immediately. "For one week. It's before Tony and Ziva's wedding, before their baby is due and before I get too big."

"Okay." McGee liked that she already knew the details. "Where are we going?"

"Well..."she hedged, "I haven't figured that part out yet. Dollywood just doesn't seem romantic enough for a honeymoon." Abby shrugged. "But we have to decide asap so we can book it."

"Sounds good to me," Tim agreed, dragging her back into his body to cuddle. "Time for bed now?"

Abby leaned up to cover his mouth with hers. "Soon," she whispered, her kisses, touches and caresses working them back into a frenzy.

McGee complied with no complaints, quickly getting lost in his wife again. If he'd thought sex with Abby before was great, now it was even better thanks to the pregnancy hormones. Nope, he definitely wouldn't change a thing.


	14. Chapter 14

They had been engaged for exactly two weeks and Ziva was still getting used to the huge change it had brought. Every time she looked at her ring she thought of Tony and the child that would now be theirs. But even more she still wondered how it was possible that this was real, that this relationship with Tony had actually happened. Not that he ever thought differently, he was prepared to wait fifty years for her to be ready if that's what it took.

A relationship. Against all odds, that's what they had now. When Ziva accepted Tony's proposal and his ring, when their hearts were finally free to let the words 'I love you' leave their lips, the world had tilted and all of a sudden everything was different.

Even though Tony was being careful not to push her, Ziva knew that sooner or later she would have to get used to a greater level of intimacy between them. Her current struggle was with the desire Tony's kisses stirred in her. It wasn't anything she was prepared to even think about yet, being intimate with him even though he had her love and a decent chunk of her trust. But just the gentle touches and brief kisses were something so normal, so tender and beautiful that it make her want to enjoy this time.

Still, it was always Tony initiating and her reciprocating. She tried hard not to outright reject his physical expressions of love, but Ziva knew his self-esteem was fragile, his hold on hope that they could really be together tenuous. So after a great deal of thought, she decided to surprise him when he came over. Ever since Duke had banned her from the gym, they'd been spending every evening together and occasionally with Abby and McGee.

So tonight when Tony's familiar knock sounded on her front door, Ziva smiled and moved to answer it, leaning up to put both hands on his face and kiss him lightly before he could even get the words out to say 'Hello beautiful', his new catch phrase for her.

When she pulled away, Tony blinked and swallowed. "Uh...hi." She bit back a smile and just looked at him. Tony glanced over his shoulder and back at her. "If I go out and come back in, would that happen again?" Eyes shining, Ziva shook her head slowly and Tony pushed her hair back. "Too bad," he whispered, "I could get used to that."

Settling for a hug instead of giving into the desire she saw in his gaze for more, Ziva rested her head on his chest as Tony's arms came around her. "Maybe someday it will be a habit."

Tony held her tightly and kissed her hair. "Works for me." If she could just get comfortable with loving him and expressing that with her touch, it would be a huge step towards where he wanted them to be.

**NCIS**

On Friday Gibbs left work early and without warning or explanation. Tim and Tony barely even looked up at the grunted order to have their reports on his desk before they even dreamed of heading home for the night. It was nothing less than the agents expected from their boss.

Gibbs grabbed his keys, tugged on his jacket and drove back to his neighbourhood, parking in a now familiar driveway. Because it was such a nice sunny day, he didn't even bother to knock on the door. Instead Gibbs walked around to the back of the house and found Celeste sitting on the porch swing, watching flowers grow. That's what she always said she was doing when he caught her outside, not doing anything. She had never been able to stay inside when the sun was out.

Celeste didn't seem the least bit surprised to see him. "Hello Jethro."

He nodded at her, crouching down to inspect the fragrant blooms. It had been a long time since he'd had a garden. "These yours?" She had always loved the colourful ones.

The red haired woman tiled her head to look at him closely, then leaned back and set the swing in motion again. "They will be, someday."

Gibbs stood slowly but made no move to join her yet. "How so?" Celeste was only renting the house and she rarely stayed in one place longer than a couple years.

Celeste opened one eye and patted the seat beside her. "Come sit Jethro, I feel like I'm being interrogated." With a sigh he complied and waited to hear her answer. She was silent several moments and then stared across the yard, watching a squirrel scramble up the tree in the back left corner.

"The couple who used to live here are older and have more money than they know what to do with. They're moving south and made me an offer I couldn't refuse." Celeste still wasn't looking at him and Gibbs wondered if it was because even after a decade and a half he still knew her too well.

"Rent to buy," she finished at last, "for a very reasonable price." Turning her head, she tried to gauge his reaction. "I'm ready to be done with the nomad lifestyle. And I've fallen in love with DC all over again." Gibbs heard extra significance in her words, but chose not to read into it.

"What about LA?" he asked gruffly.

Celeste shrugged. "It survived without me all those years, I think it will be fine."

He rolled his eyes at her deflection. "Clients?" Gibbs questioned with a raised eyebrow.

"I'll still fly out occasionally to meet them. But Jenna thinks I shouldn't have any trouble keeping up business here."

Jenna Monroe, who had been her boss several times and kept tabs on Celeste even when she was freelancing. Jenna still hoped to entice his ex-wife into accepting a permanent editor's job at her company. And while Celeste hadn't ruled it out, she still preferred the freedom she enjoyed working freelance and being her own boss.

"So, you're sticking around this time." It was a statement that could be taken as a question.

"That depends," was her vague answer.

Gibbs huffed, tired of the non-specifics. "On what?"

Celeste locked eyes with him for a split second. "If what I'm hoping for pans out. If not," she shrugged, "it will still be nice to have some place to come home to."

He absorbed the news without a hint of emotion showing, but inside he was pleased at the prospect of having her as a permanent part of his life again. She was his best friend, but more than that too because of what they'd shared in the past. Somehow this felt like a new beginning for them, a chance to make right what went wrong before.

"Planning to stay out here for awhile?"

If she was surprised that his thought had nothing to do with her announcement, Celeste hid it. "No, time to go in." She patted his knee and stood up. "Come help me with dinner Jethro, and I'll let you play with my BBQ."

He considered the offer for all of a second before following her inside. "Deal." Celeste had always been an excellent cook. Gibbs had no intention of turning down a free meal that came from her kitchen, even if it required him to play sous chef for an hour. The reward was worth the price he paid.

**NCIS**

Friday night as they were getting ready to leave, Abby turned to Tami. "So, how was your first half week?"

Tami leaned against the table and smiled slightly. "I think I'll have a better idea once I've been here longer, but it was certainly eventful."

Matt's infamous lab encounter still wasn't being spoken of, though he'd faithfully found creative and unexpected ways of delivering No Caf-Pow to Abby three times a day since it happened. Either enlisting other people as his vessels, using the patented knock and run away technique children applied when pranking neighbours or Tami's personal favourite - sending a cup in on the back of a remote controlled truck while he hid in the hallway.

She could tell that Abby wasn't ready to forgive him yet, but Tami thought he might slowly be working his way out of the hole. Though with her boss being pregnant, she wondered if the grudge might last for the next four months. It seemed possible.

Abby didn't react to Tami's hint about Wednesday and chuckled. "Life is rarely boring around here." She tilted her head to the side. "Any insights about NCIS?"

Having learned the hard way that the team leader appeared when one least expected him, Tami glanced around cautiously. "Well, I think the stories about Agent Gibbs are true."

Abby grinned. "There's a reason he's a legend." She put on her coat and grabbed her bag. "Got any plans this weekend?"

Tami lit up. "Actually, yes. Trevor, my brother, is coming to visit. I haven't seen him in over a month. It's a long drive from Michigan." She shrugged. "We're really close, I guess it's a twin thing."

Abby looked interested. "Is it just the two of you?"

The girl shook her head. "No, I have an older brother too, Tristan. But he lives in California, we don't get to see him much. And my baby sister is Tori."

"All T's, huh?"

Tami rolled her eyes. "Our parents were going for a theme. It's a good thing there's only four of us or people would get really confused. Tristan, Trevor, Tami, Tori - we could make our own tongue-twister." She changed the subject. "What about you and Agent McGee?"

"You can call him Tim, Tami. The agent titles are only necessary when we're introducing them to someone," Abby explained. "I don't think we have any plans. He'll probably work on his book and I'll play video games once the laundry is done."

Tami raised an eyebrow. "Tim writes?"

Abby froze. "Uh...you didn't hear that. And even if you did, you don't have clearance to know about it. Forget I said anything. See you Monday."

The forensic scientist flew out the door leaving Tami more than a little confused. But she'd accepted that around Abby, she often wouldn't know what was going on. With one last look to make sure she hadn't forgotten anything, Tami grabbed her things and headed out the door, making sure lights were off and the lab was locked. Trevor would be at her place in time for supper and she wanted to have everything ready.

**NCIS**

Tony made it to Ziva's place just after five-thirty pm. He was a little late because he'd stopped to pick up some banker's boxes and packing tape. She was sitting on the couch reading when Tony let himself in and Ziva smiled at her fiancé, but it fell as soon as she saw the boxes.

"Tony, I do not want to do this," she said quietly.

He sat down on the coffee table in front of her. "Why not?" It was never safe to assume he knew what she was thinking.

Ziva closed the book and looked down, tracing her finger over the cover. "I have been here only five months. It was finally starting to feel like home." She sighed. "I am so tired of pulling up all the roots I try to put down."

Tony put his hands over hers and waited for her to look at him. "This is the last time, I promise Zi. Five years and that house is paid for, it'll be ours and we'll never have to move again." He reached up to touch her cheek. "Can you handle once more honey, so you can come home with me for good?"

She leaned into his hand and tried not to cry about something so silly as packing. Finally she nodded once. "This is the last time," Ziva whispered, and let Tony help her to her feet.

When he hugged her, Tony wasn't sure if it was because he needed it or he thought she did, but Ziva clung to him for a long time before she rested her forehead on his collarbone and breathed out. "Okay."

Tony slid his fingers through her hair. "Where do you want to start?"

Ziva wiped at her eyes. "My room first." He nodded and followed her into the small bedroom, staying near the door until he knew if she was comfortable having him invade her space. Ziva looked at Tony and smiled. "You may come in."

Walking over to her bed, Tony deposited one package of boxes on it and started putting them together. Ziva left for a moment and came back with a black marker which she left beside him. She opened the top drawer in her dresser and started sorting through clothes, checking what she'd written on the tag and setting it aside or putting it back. After a few minutes she handed him a pile.

"That one you can label five months."

So Tony did and put in whatever Ziva handed him. They did a box for six months as well, but left the rest because even at thirty-three weeks she wasn't big enough to be in eight month sizes yet. The next box was winter pyjamas and other cold weather articles of clothing. Then extra blankets, flannel sheets and some of what was kept in her wardrobe. When she had run out of possessions that could be packed, Tony stacked the boxes in one corner and they moved out to the kitchen.

At this point Ziva put some music on to fill the silence and began sorting through what she did and did not need for the remaining twenty-three days before the wedding. Once that was done, she took a step back. "We have done enough for today." It was a final statement that Tony had no intention of arguing with. He was not going to push her to make this okay. Considering everything that had happened in the last year, Ziva was allowed to hate even the thought of more change.

She went for a notepad and sharpie and began meticulously detailing what was in each box, while Tony stood and observed, waiting to be needed. The list she made was taped to the lids so she would know exactly where to find things when they unpacked. At last Ziva put everything away and Tony checked his watch.

"Okay Ninja, time for supper." She smiled faintly and he saw the fatigue settle into her eyes. "So, what sounds good?" Tony wrapped his arm around her waist, partially supporting her weight as they walked out to the car.

"Pasta salad," Ziva decided once she was buckled in. "And garlic fingers with cheese."

He chuckled. "Feeding the cravings tonight, are we?"

She ignored him. "Do you have jello?"

"Lime and strawberry," Tony answered immediately, then gave her a doubtful look. "What are you putting in it this time?" He should've learned to stop asking by now, but Ziva had been doing some weird things with food recently and he found himself morbidly curious about tonight's fare.

Ziva crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at him, daring Tony to comment. "Mini M&Ms."

He nodded as if that made perfect sense. "Of course, why didn't I think about that?" Tony wondered how far he could push his luck. "Can I share those with you? I'll put them on my ice cream."

She lifted one eyebrow. "Tony, your ice cream already has smarties in it."

Tony grinned. "Chocolate crackle tonight."

She thought about it for a moment. "Fine, you may have some."

"Alright then," he reached over and squeezed her hand. "Let's go home." He wanted her to get used to that word and know it meant them.

**NCIS**

Somehow or other in the course of getting comfortable on the couch after their late, strange dinner and interesting dessert, Ziva's feet had ended up in Tony's lap and he was now gently massaging them while she watched the end of a new show on TV. He'd read that expectant women usually had sore feet from the extra weight they were carrying around and the changes in their body, and he wanted to help. From the way Ziva laid her head back and closed her eyes like she'd suddenly found herself in paradise, he guessed what he was doing felt pretty good.

Once Tony had done both of her feet thoroughly, he let out a breath and prepared to push rather forcefully against one of her barriers, hoping it didn't backfire completely. He let his fingers idly wander up to her ankle and slowly slid them into her sock, slipping it off in one quick motion.

Ziva jerked, her eyes flying open and she struggled to sit up while the heat from his palm sank into the top of her foot. He didn't once look down, keeping his eyes focused on hers. Ziva's voice wobbled. "Tony, what are you doing?"

Tenderness filled his gaze. "You used to love being in bare feet Zi, but you've worn socks constantly since you came home. Why?"

She tore her eyes from his to stare at the floor. "You know why," she said very quietly.

Tony tapped her foot, needing her to look at him. "Do you trust me Ziva?"

Like she knew what was coming, she made a great effort to sound like she believed the word she was about to say. "Yes."

He reached over and tipped her chin up. "Can you trust me with this?" He didn't want the scars to always come between them.

Ziva trembled, wrapping her arms around herself before finally giving a barely perceptible dip of her head. Tony turned his gaze to her uncovered feet, tracing the thin lines that had faded but were still visible. When he got to the sole though, his breath caught and his head whipped around to meet her eyes.

"Zi?" he asked, dreading the explanation. Jagged scars and multiple lacerations, plus several puncture marks marred the sensitive skin, along with patches that looked like burns and round dark circles obviously left by cigarettes. Her expression was pained as she opened her mouth.

"I tried to get out once," Ziva whispered. "My punishment was the methodical, routine mutilation of my feet." She shrugged. "You cannot run if you are unable to even stand." She sighed. "They did that until I was too weak to walk on my own."

Tony closed his eyes, fighting the nausea that washed over him. Then he looked back at her. "I hate what they did."

Feeling self conscious, Ziva curled her toes and sighed. "All of the stories will be hard Tony, some I may not even be able to tell."

"I can handle it," he insisted hoarsely.

She looked tired and sad. "Maybe I cannot."

Tony shook his head. "Don't bury them Ziva. If you share the memories, they're out in the open and we can lay them to rest. Please, please be willing to work through this with me."

The acceptance in her brown eyes was the only answer she could give. And as soon as she relaxed, Tony took off her other sock, gently running his fingers over every inch of the soft skin, hoping his touch could somehow heal what had so long been hurt. Two tears escaped to slip down her cheeks but he pretended not to notice. What a long road they still had to walk! The only comfort he found was that they would walk it together, every step of the way. Tony just hoped that in doing so, the journey would not push them apart when it hurt.

**NCIS**

"It's been hours," Celeste said finally, breaking the silence between them as they walked slowly down the quiet street, "are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Obviously it was something big, he usually didn't stay this long.

Her hand brushed against his, the non-verbal support something he needed tonight even more than her words. Gibbs sighed. "There's a lot going on with the team. Wish we could have a little peace for awhile."

She surveyed him thoughtfully. "You carry a lot for them - father, confidant, friend and protector. Do you need to solve all their problems now too?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Father?"

Celeste laughed. "Come on Jethro! Look me in the eye and tell me you don't seem them as your kids. You call the girls daughters and look out for and love Tim and Tony as if they were blood to you. Face it, you're the dad of the group."

"Didn't ask for this," he said gruffly, almost wishing he could've stayed in the solitary shell he'd created for himself after Shannon and Kelly died. But over the years it began to crack and slowly but surely each member of the team found their way inside, closer than he thought he'd ever let anyone again.

She bumped his shoulder lightly and smiled. "But I bet you wouldn't trade them for anything." Gibbs didn't answer, wanting to stay away from looking like he'd gone soft, but Celeste could see right through him. "So, what's going on?"

He dragged a hand down his face. "Ziva. She's ours for good after taking that oath and she's safe, like we wanted. Her father can't touch her now."

"Do you think he would try to?" Celeste questioned, hearing the tension in his tone.

Gibbs shrugged. "I don't know. He sent her on a suicide mission to prove her loyalty. In the past Eli ordered Ziva to kill her own brother. The man doesn't seem to have great attachments to his children."

"But?" she knew there was more.

"But he's a proud man and she was the best. I wouldn't put it past him to try something, even after all this."

Celeste touched his arm. "Even Eli David couldn't get through Vance and you and Tony and McGee and Abby. She's got lots of protectors Jethro, it doesn't fall only to you to take care of her."

"Feels like it," he argued, then waited for her to change the subject. He hated worrying.

She could take a hint. "Abby and McGee?"

Gibbs tried to relax his shoulders, but tension had the muscles coiled too tightly. "They finally made the announcement, told Tony and Ziva last weekend."

Celeste's tone was careful. "How did that go?"

Gibbs thought about the last week. "Hard to say. Things are normal at work, but I don't think they've really talked about it. Ziva and Abby especially need to sit down and deal with the issue, because they're going through the same thing even if their situations are light years apart."

Celeste's fingers caught his casually. "It doesn't sound like you need to play mediator just yet. Give them a chance, and the time, to work through it on their own."

He was frustrated by her calm approach. "Fountain of wisdom now, are you?"

She shook her head lightly "I know you Jethro and what you need to hear sometimes." Celeste squeezed his hand gently. "You carry the burdens for all of them. Who helps carry yours?"

Gibbs glanced at the woman walking by his side. "You looking for a second job?" It was very rare that he could admit to being vulnerable or needing someone, but tonight he was ready to share the weight of caring for the team.

"Hmm..." Celeste pretended to think about it. "That might be right up my alley."

Gibbs swallowed hard. "Thanks."

"Anytime," she smiled, stars reflected in her blue eyes. "Anything else you want to tell me?"

He shook his head. "Enough for tonight."

They'd circles the block many times, finally ending up back at her front door. She faced him and Gibbs missed the warmth of her fingers on his. "I'll say goodnight then." Celeste turned to go inside and looked back over her shoulder. "Don't be a stranger Jethro."

He stared after her and shoved his hands in his pockets. It seemed like such an abrupt ending when he'd just poured out his thoughts and feelings to her, but the current label of friendship they lived under didn't allow for much more. Gibbs got into his car and backed out, wondering how much longer before friends wouldn't be enough anymore and one of them wanted a change. If that happened, he needed to be ready. Second chances only came around once. His, it seemed, were coming all at the same time.


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Hebrew translation:_

_tinoket - baby girl_

_ahuvati - beloved_

_ktanotnes - little miracle_

_Ani ohev atach - I love you_

When Ziva woke up in Tony's bed for the second time that week, she was confused. She didn't remember falling asleep, nor how she got upstairs. Ziva frowned and slowly rolled to her other side to check the time. Before her eyes made it as far as the clock though, she caught a whiff of Tony's scent on the pillow and turned her nose into it, breathing deeply. It was enough to put a smile on her face.

Just then there was a gentle tap on the door and Tony walked in, carrying breakfast on a tray. "Mornin' beautiful," he grinned. "Sleep well?"

Ziva slowly pushed herself up and nodded, brushing messy hair out of her eyes. "I did." She looked confused. "I do not remember how I got here."

Tony set the tray down and sat on the bed beside her, looking at her carefully, as if trying to gauge how much she remembered. "You were pretty out of it."

"Did I walk up stairs?" she asked.

He looked a little embarrassed. "Uh, no. I...I carried you."

Ziva's eyebrows jumped up. "Tony, I-"

"Weigh less than most women who aren't pregnant," he stated firmly. "I'm not gonna say it was easy or that you're light as a feather, but I'd be surprised if you're more than one-twenty."

Ziva looked away and crossed her arms. "That information is private."

But she knew he was right. Mandy had expressed concern more than once about her lack of weight gain, but there was little she could do to change that fact. She'd been only just over one hundred pounds when they brought her back from Somalia and even now her pregnancy weight was almost half baby and fluid and placenta. Tony did not need to know that, Ziva reasoned, he would only worry more.

Then the numbers on the clock captured her attention and she looked back at him. "It is after ten!"

He leaned in to kiss her, morning breath and all. "Weekends are for sleeping in Zi." Tony nodded towards the tray. "Hungry for breakfast?"

There was orange juice, toast with strawberry jam and a bowl of sliced fruit. "It looks wonderful," Ziva commented, then narrowed her eyes. "We are not supposed to be playing house for three more weeks yet Tony," she reminded him.

His expression was supposed to be innocent. "Can't we practice a little?"

She considered his argument and had to smile. "I suppose. But only for today."

Tony kissed the back of her hand. "Okay."

They chatted for awhile, with Tony sharing her food here and there. It felt like a glimpse into the future, a preview of what things would look like when they were married. Ziva cherished every second because she knew today was special somehow, even if nothing spectacular happened. They were together, that was enough.

Finally Tony leaned back on one hand. "So, what do you want to do today?"

Ziva took a bite out of a bright red strawberry and shrugged. "I did not have plans. What are you thinking?"

"Well..." he looked a little sheepish, "I'm really not that great at grocery shopping by myself."

Ziva rolled her eyes and leaned back with a knowing smile. "Have you been living off take out again Tony?" Hardly possible when they spent almost every spare hour together outside of work and usually made meals side by side in the evenings at one of their places.

"No, no," he protested quickly. "But my cupboards are starting to look like Old Mother Hubbard's." Seeing her forehead wrinkle because she didn't get the reference, Tony shrugged. "They're kind of empty."

"Very well," Ziva agreed. "I will take a shower and then we can do an inventory of your kitchen." A look of surprise crossed her face. "I guess that will soon be my responsibility," she said quietly.

Tony tipped her chin up. "No babe, not yours, always ours. None of our life together should be obligation. We'll be partners in this just as we are at work."

Ziva grinned wickedly. "So you will quote movies when things get tense and I will take the vacuum cleaner out when it will not work?"

His face mirrored hers. "I'm sure you've got some crazy, household appliance take down tactics you can use."

"Hmm..." she drew the sound out, "we shall see." Then she leaned forward to kiss his cheek. "It was very sweet of you to bring me breakfast, thank you."

Love flowed from Tony's gaze. "What can I say Zi? You deserve to be spoiled once in awhile. Well, actually more than that," he decided, "but I wouldn't want you to get used to it. Spoiling should be a surprise."

He moved the tray out of the way and put his hand on Ziva's bump. "Want to go shopping with Mommy and Daddy Chipmunk? It's gonna be lots of fun. I'll buy you all that sweet stuff Mommy has been craving lately." He chuckled. "I think you're taking after me."

The words left his lips and Tony froze, realizing when he'd just said. Ziva, still trying to get used to hearing him talk about them as 'mommy and daddy' to the baby, was just as shocked. But recovering quicker, she continued on as if his last comment hadn't been heard.

"She will have to come whether she wants to or not," Ziva pointed out. "She is kind of attached for now."

Tony, slower to get his tongue working again, coughed. "Uh, yeah, right." But he wasn't okay and Ziva could tell. They were so bad at hiding from each other these days.

"Look at me Tony," she requested softly, firmly, waiting. Finally his eyes came up to meet hers. "You have accepted this baby as your own child. You have named yourself Daddy. You have been here for it all and you have loved her. She will grow up adoring you, following you, copying everything you do. I think she will look like me, but she may end up being just like you ahava. It is alright to think and say that, even if it is not your DNA that helped to form her. Please do not look so sad."

It was another moment when Ziva wasn't sure if love alone would be enough for Tony, or if he would always look at her baby and see something missing - him. Tony sighed and closed his eyes, then leaned down to kiss the top of her belly.

"Your mommy's pretty wise sometimes baby girl." He looked up at her. "How do you always know what is right to say?"

Ziva shook her head slowly. "I never know what is right Tony. I never know how to make this okay for you, how to make this normal, like we are really a family." She touched his cheek. "But my heart is what I listen to and in my love for the two of you I find what we both need to hear. I love you," she whispered, "I want that to be enough."

Tony closed the space between them and kissed her with more feeling than he'd allowed himself before. "It will always be enough Ziva," he spoke the quiet vow against her lips. "We're going to make this be okay, somehow, I promise."

She let her lips find his again briefly, and it was only the second time she'd led the kiss. Tony let himself enjoy the change even as Ziva put both hands on his face and pulled away. "I believe you," she said softly, "you keep them now. We will do this together." Then she smirked and pushed at his chest. "Now go away, I want to shower."

Tony moved back. "Yes ma'am." Escorting her to the bathroom and handing her the go-bag that had mysteriously found its way into his trunk, he left her with one final gift. A brush of his hand down her hair, one of his signature half-grins, and three of her favourite words. "I love you Zi," he whispered, and was gone.

Refusing to allow herself thought of a day fast approaching when Tony might not feel the need to take his leave just because she was going to get into the shower, Ziva undressed and gratefully placed her body under the hot spray. Thinking to take her time, she was annoyed when fatigue crashed over her before she'd even finished applying the body wash. Ever the stubborn one however, Ziva pushed through - washing and conditioning her long hair, and just enjoying the peace of the steam filled shower.

But soon she could not ignore the feeling any longer and reluctantly turned to shut off the shower. The movement was too quick and her legs buckled, sending Ziva crashing down on one knee. Bracing herself with one hand, she stayed where she was, needing a moment to slow her racing heart. The near fall scared her because it could have easily been worse. Her free hand found her wet, taut belly and Ziva was relieved when the baby kicked and she knew he or she was okay.

A knock on the door got her attention and Ziva flipped the water off to better hear if Tony spoke. "Zi?" he called from the other side. "Ziva? Hey, I won't come in but uh...I thought I heard something fall. Are you okay?" Maybe she'd just dropped a bottle and he was over-reacting, but his gut said otherwise.

She sighed. "I am fine Tony. I will not be long."

Having said that, Ziva still did not rush through getting dried, dressed and doing her hair. She came out of the bathroom in casual jeans and a white t-shirt that stretched over her bump, with a loose gray sweater hanging open over top, still plaiting her hair into a braid that hung over one shoulder. An anxious looking Tony met her before she'd gone three steps.

"Are you really okay?" he asked, touching her face gently because it made him feel better.

"I fell," she whispered, not looking at him. "In the shower, I fell because I got so tired." Tears shimmered in her eyes when brown met green. "Tony, I do not think this is normal."

Ziva looked like she was going to cry, immediately putting Tony's protective instincts on full display, and he drew his arms around her body, holding her against him. A few wet drops fell on his shirt and Ziva hated the hormones that made her such a mess.

Tony crooned nonsense into her hair until he could feel her calming down, then he pulled back and tipped her chin up. "Fell how Zi?" He needed to know.

She wiped her face and gestured to her leg. "On my knee. It was lucky that I did not land in such a way as to injure the baby."

He nodded slowly, his throat thick. "Yeah," he managed, "I'm glad you're both okay." Tony considered the options and decided they had no choice. "We have to make sure that doesn't happen against Ziva." She opened her mouth to protest, but his mind was made up.

"What if you'd been at the apartment? What if I wasn't around? What if you had gotten hurt?" He shook his head. "Three weeks it too long for me to worry about what might happen." Tony raised an eyebrow. "Getting something that will help keep both of you safe is not weakness Ziva, it's smart."

Her heart agreed before her head and Ziva gave in. She drew her fingers lightly across her belly. "I do not know how much longer I can do this," she admitted.

"Seven weeks Ziva," he said quickly. "Only seven, and I'll be here whenever you need me."

Too weary to argue and drained already at the prospect of a shopping trip, Ziva changed the subject. "Let us go see how bare your cupboards are."

Tony let her drop the issue and once downstairs, he lifted her up to sit on the counter while he opened all the cupboard doors so she could see and wrote down everything she named. He tried to insist on a forty-five minute nap before they left, but Ziva shook off his concern, knowing the tiredness came in waves and she would soon feel more like herself, for a little while at least.

They left hand in hand and spent half an hour in the grocery store to re-stock Tony's food supply. Then a stop at Target for a bath stool Ziva could use in the shower. Of course, while they were there he had to add a variety of snacks to his junk food stock. "For movie nights," he explained when her expression disapproved.

When they got back to his house, Tony suddenly remembered that laundry needed to be done. He ran upstairs to collect his dirty clothes, together they sorted them into piles based on colour on the livingroom floor, and he put them in the washing machine. Finally he popped in a movie and settled into the overstuffed chair to the right so Ziva could have the whole couch.

Against her wishes, the spent woman fell deeply asleep and woke hours later when the afternoon was nearly over. Tony had just finished mopping the entry/kitchen/diningroom floor and came over when he noticed her stirring. "Hey," he said, sitting down beside her and sliding warm fingers into the thick hair that had come loose from her braid, "how're you feeling?"

Ziva shrugged. "I am hungry."

Tony grinned. "Yeah, we kind of skipped lunch. Anything in particular you want for an early dinner?"

She thought seriously about his question and finally came up with something. "Chicken alfredo? I will make a salad."

"Unless you just want to play princess," he suggested with a grin, "and I'll be your faithful servant and wait on you hand and foot?" Ziva's look clearly expressed what she thought of that plan and he chuckled. "Yeah, I didn't think so." Tony held out his hands to help her up. "Okay, up and at 'em then." He gallantly led her into the culinary center of the house. "My kitchen is yours."

Working side by side in the quiet room, filled only by the sounds of food preparation, was possibly Tony's favourite part of the day. When they did things together he was never more sure that they belonged like this - partners always, in every sense of the word.

The dryer beeped and Tony hurried over to get the clothes out before they wrinkled. Ziva stepped into his place - watching the sauce and stirring pasta until he returned - without even being asked. They were that good. Her creation was an apple salad tonight, dripped with raspberry vinaigrette, and as soon as it was done she made her way to the couch to start folding clothes while he put the finishing touches on their main course.

Tony watched her deftly match socks, hang shirts and crease pants and grinned, loving everything about this night. "Look at us being all domestic," he teased. 'I knew we were going to be good at this married stuff." Ziva rolled her eyes but couldn't quite hide the smile playing on her lips.

The meal was shared with loving glances and lingering touches, and Tony stared at Ziva in amusement as she had helping after helping of salad, devouring it like candy. They did dishes, switching between washing and drying, and when Ziva insisted on scrubbing the upstairs bathroom so she felt like she had done something useful today, he wisely didn't question her declaration. Tony simply toted the vacuum cleaner up with them and took care of a month worth of collected dust in the others rooms while she worked.

Finally Ziva emerged from the now sparkling bathroom attached to his room, and he could see her energy was depleted again. "Why don't you take a bath?" he suggested. "Now that the tub's nice and clean, you may as well enjoy it."

She didn't seem sure, biting her lip as she looked around the room. But the pull of a nice relaxing soak won her over and she nodded. "Very well. I will not be too long."

Tony shrugged. "Take your time, I've got Magnum to keep me company." A new season had just been released with extra special features and he was pretty excited. It would keep him busy and occupied for awhile.

Ziva smiled faintly and gathered what she needed for her bath. Tony wasn't offended when she locked herself in the room, settling back to enjoy his show. That she was here was simply enough for now. Complete trust would come when they said their vows and shared this space for real. He was pretty sure he smiled through the entire first half hour. It was something he just couldn't help. At this point, he didn't even want to.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat submerged in a tub full of warm water, bubbles covering the surface and her head leaned back against a rolled up towel she'd nestled in the corner. She closed her eyes and let herself relax. Her baby moved and Ziva smiled, opening her eyes to run both hands over her belly.

"Daddy is right tinoket, seven weeks does not seem so long until we get to meet you."

She caressed the little bumps she could feel at the bottom of her belly. The baby had taken a liking recently to laying with his or her back facing out. Ziva personally thought it was because she and Tony enjoyed getting to touch their child and because the baby liked all the free backrubs.

"You are my little miracle, ahuvati, my ktanotnes."

Scenes from Somalia threatened at the edge of her memory, but she refused to let them ruin this moment and how she felt about her baby.

"We are survivors, nitsolim," Ziva whispered, cradling her belly protectively. "I am so glad that I am not alone, that I was not alone even in that camp when I thought I was, that I brought you home with me. Without you," she shuddered at how different things might have been for her and Tony if not for her pregnancy, "we would not have all this. And I need your daddy's love more than air."

She closed her eyes and remembered when she first came back. "Sometimes I think it kept me alive, even before I knew he cared that way." Ziva took a deep breath, admitting it out loud for the first time. "Ani ohev atach," she whispered, feeling a tiny foot pressed against her skin. This part she would definitely miss when her child was finally born.

The water was growing cool and Ziva grudgingly got out and dressed in her pjs that were Tony's clothes before she realized the mistake. She shrugged, deciding to wash and bring them back rather than change again. Leaving the bathroom, Ziva was surprised to see Tony sitting in the middle of the bed, staring at the TV that sad on the dresser. She'd expected him to watch his show downstairs.

He looked over and smiled, trying not to appear too pleased that she was wearing his clothes again. Pressing his luck a little further, Tony held out his hand. "Zi? It's not too late yet, want to watch an episode or two with me?"

Finding it very hard to say no to his pleading green eyes, Ziva crossed the room and snuggled against his side, curling into his warmth. Tony tucked his arm around her and completely missed the opening sequence because he was far too busy memorizing the scene they were a part of. This was what happiness was, Ziva in his arms.

Halfway through the second episode, both Tony and Ziva had fallen asleep on each other, wrapped in peace like a warm blanket. It wasn't planned and it wasn't the best way to spend a restful night, but it was them and it was perfect. Sleeping together this way was exactly how to keep bad dreams away.


	16. Chapter 16

When Tony opened his eyes Sunday morning, squinting against the light, he looked down at the woman fast asleep on his chest and wondered if they'd somehow managed to skip three weeks and it was the day after their wedding. They hadn't fallen asleep together since he'd stayed at her place while he was sick. But no, a glance as his watch confirmed reality. It was, however, the first day of April and one day closer to having Ziva forever.

As if she could hear his thoughts, Ziva stirred, blinking slowly as sleep left her. She looked up at him and around the room, then closed her eyes again, showing no interest in moving from her current position. "You are getting sneaky," she murmured.

He ran a hand over his face. "As much as I'd like to take credit for our impromptu sleepover, that wasn't on purpose." But he certainly loved how comfortable she was waking up with him, not being in a hurry to get out of his space.

Ziva's hand crept up to cover his mouth. "Shh. I am having a good dream."

Tony tugged her hair gently. "Hate to break this to you Ninja, but you're awake and it's time to get up."

She made a face but didn't open her eyes again. "No. We slept last night and now it is time for a nap."

He started to contradict her just because it was fun to get a rise out of her, but then Tony shrugged. Who was he to refuse a little extra time holding his wife-to-be while she slept? "Okay," he whispered, "have a good nap Zi."

Apparently satisfied that he wasn't going to interrupt her rest further, Ziva's breathing soon resumed the deep, even cadence that meant she was no longer awake. Tony dozed on and off for another hour, finally pulled back to full consciousness when he could feel the baby moving.

Almost of its own accord, his hand moved to Ziva's abdomen. "Mornin' Chipmunk," Tony yawned. A sharp jab hit his palm and he suddenly felt more awake. "Hey, take it easy baby girl, Mom is trying to nap. That can't be easy with you practicing kung fu moves inside her."

He moved his fingers in slow circles over the spot he could feel movement and gradually the baby settled down. "There you go, just relax," Tony whispered. "I bet you're getting a little cramped now that we're getting closer to the end. But don't worry, it won't seem so long."

Pictures of future moment popped into Tony's head and he shared them with the...with his baby. "Then we'll get to hold you and touch your little feet and hands, and see those beautiful brown eyes I know you're going to have. We'll feed you and rock you and even change your diapers without complaint. Mommy and I will just be so glad you're here, it will make up for everything else Chipmunk, I promise."

He had to blink a little more rapidly than usual and knew if he continued this line of thought, he'd be wiping away tears and DiNozzo men did not cry. Tony leaned down to kiss Ziva's bump, not noticing the way her eyes flickered. She'd woken up when he started rubbing her stomach, and it was all she could do to keep up the pretense of sleep when she heard what he was saying to their baby. Keeping her eyes closed, Ziva breathed a silent prayer of thanks for this wonderful man. There was never a doubt that she had made the right choice.

**NCIS**

Abby was upstairs making the bed when a brilliant idea came to her. "Timmy!" she yelled. "Come here!"

A faint, "Almost finished Abbs," floated up the stairs and she huffed, annoyed at being put off when she wanted to share her inspiration.

Just then his words made sense to her and Abby practically flew down to the basement. "Almost finished?" she questioned. "Do you mean you finished your book?" Her tone demanded to know the answer immediately.

Pulling the last page from his typewriter, Tim set it on a stack of many others and spun around in his chair, a satisfied smile on his face. "Yup."

Then he stood up quickly to catch Abby as she squealed and flung herself at him, giving Tim one of her very best hugs. "Congratulations Mr. Gemcity," she whispered in his ear. "We are so proud of you."

He pulled back. "We?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "Me and the baby of course McGee! He's going to be your biggest fan someday."

"Of course," Tim agreed. Then he suddenly got nervous. "I had to make a last minute change." Turning around, McGee shuffled through pages to find the one he wanted and handed it to her. "I hope you don't mind sharing the dedication."

Confusion wrinkled her brow but Abby took the sheet and read over the words, a smile spreading slowly across her face. She leaned closer and kissed his cheek. "Not at all. This is perfect Tim. What a sweet thing to do!"

Embarrassed, he stuck his hands in his pockets and changed the subject. "So, what was it you wanted?"

Her eyes lit up as she remembered. "Let's drive over to Alexandria and go shopping for baby stuff."

McGee's gaze drifted to her abdomen, still almost unchanged even at sixteen weeks. "Baby stuff, now?"

Abby's expression fell. "You don't want to?" A sheen of tears glistened in her eyes and Tim knew he had seconds to make it better.

He cupped her face in his hands. "I definitely want to babe, you just surprised me, that's all. Come on," McGee dropped a kiss on her nose and pulled her towards the stairs.

Abby's smile came back and he breathed a sigh of relief. The pregnancy hormones were making her emotions a little wonky lately and he often didn't know what reaction he'd be dealing with from one minute to the next. But as long as he didn't upset her, Tim was happy.

They got in the car and enjoyed a relatively peaceful half hour drive to the city. With some help from their GPS, the couple located a store called The Baby Boutique and decided to give it a try. Once inside, Abby was in her glory, gushing over all the adorable infant wear.

Tim, feeling a little out of his element, stopped at a rack holding what the sign called 'onesies', with different sayings on them. After some investigation, he found sizes on the tags and looked through the different colours until he found a black newborn one with white letters that said, 'Wake me up, I dare you'.

The tiny garment was only half again as long as his hand and Tim stared at it in wonder. He barely remembered when Sarah was born, she certainly hadn't seemed this small. Abby came up behind him and hugged him much like she had in the evidence garage after the OTTO incident. She rested her chin on his shoulder.

"Hard to believe, huh?"

McGee shook himself out of his thoughts. "What?"

She smiled. "That ours will be that little." Abby let go and looked down at her relatively flat middle. "Even harder to imagine when I still have no physical proof that there's a baby in there somewhere."

Tim swallowed hard and held the outfit up to her stomach. "At least you'd match," he said, referring to the black tee his wife was wearing.

Abby leaned up to kiss his cheek. "This can be our first one then."

For the next couple hours as McGee trailed her around the store, he often felt eyes on them and was certain the staff were immensely amused at the Goth's enthusiasm for all things baby. She admired the cribs, gushed over cute little animals (and when she spotted a black bat among the group, it was instantly added to the growing collection in the cart), ooh'd and aww'd over stuff she never even knew existed, and was generally enthralled with the entire process.

By the time they reached the checkout, Abby had filled their cart with a miscellaneous assortment of anything that had caught her eye. Not sure it was the most effective way to go about stocking their as of yet un-designated nursery, Tim none the less pulled out his wallet, happy to indulge Abby for this. She wasn't the only one excited about the baby.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva waited until afternoon to go for a walk, seeing as she hadn't been in an active mood earlier. Aside from Tony bringing up fruit and cereal for brunch, they hadn't left his room, spending the entire morning cuddling on the bed and watching whatever was on for Sunday TV.

While he'd enjoyed it a lot, the relaxed, married time atmosphere, Tony found the change in their usual routine a little unsettling. He was glad when she finally suggested getting outside to enjoy the day. Thankful it was sunny out and very mild, they walked slowly through his neighbourhood until they came to a park.

Ziva watched the children run and play under the watchful eyes of moms and dads and leaned back against Tony's chest, wanting his arms around her. Without prompting he obliged, sliding his hands along the sides of her belly in a gesture so intimate Ziva had to force herself not to pull away. It felt so right and yet that feeling scared her, for a reason she could not put a name to.

It wasn't long before they moved on and Tony could see Ziva's energy flagging. He didn't find it hard to convince her to head back to the house. Once inside he guided her gently to the couch and helped her lie down, then draped a light blanket over her sleeping form. When he was sure she wouldn't wake again for awhile, Tony grabbed a phone and called his buddies, setting up a basketball game in half an hour.

The time on the court helped him clear his head and work out the emotions that had been gathering inside him all weekend. It was good to be active and get down and dirty with the guys, to not have to think about all the serious stuff for an hour. During that time he realized how much Ziva must miss going to Ops. She had precious little outlet for any emotions she was dealing with and the stress they'd face over the next six weeks was going to demand a release at some point. It was something to think about.

Tony had just started downstairs after his shower when he heard Ziva in the kitchen. He took a moment to appreciate something that would soon be a normal occurrence before continuing. She smiled when he came around the corner but didn't say anything. He stood leaning against the wall, watching her until Ziva frowned at him.

"I do not need a spectator for making cookies Tony," she flapped her hand at him. "Go watch a movie or something."

Staring a little bit longer just to annoy her, Tony finally turned towards his movie collection and thought long and hard before slipping in the first Indiana Jones movie. Starting a trilogies month would keep them, or at least him, busy until the wedding. An hour later the smell of cookies wafted over to the couch and Tony took a deep breath, pausing at the scene where the Ark had been opened and angry spirits smote all those who looked upon their faces, to enter the kitchen in hopes of snagging one or two.

"Smells great Zi, what kind?" he asked, peeking through the oven door.

Ziva swatted him with a dish towel. "Watched cookies do not bake Tony." Before he could tell her that the saying was actually about watched pots, she gave him a gentle shove towards the sink. "Here, wash. I will start supper."

"You shouldn't have to do both," he objected. "Let me help."

She shook her head. "You are helping by doing the dishes. And you do not know how to cook what I have in mind."

Intrigued, Tony set to work at his task, watching Ziva closely as she gathered the ingredients she needed. Admittedly he made a nuisance of himself in order to get her attention - stealing cookies while they cooled, getting in the way as he tried to guess what she was making, pestering her to let him at least play her assistant, if nothing else. Ziva nearly lost her patience with him, but then banished him to the other side of the counter to cut vegetables while she prepared the meal. At least it kept him out of trouble.

By six pm, they were seated at the table, Tony carefully sampling everything on his plate, most of which he'd never tried previously. "Mmm, wow, this is really good Zi," he commented, surprised again at her cooking skills, even though he should have known better after all the months and years they'd spent together.

Ziva took a bite and closed her eyes, sighing with pleasure. "It tastes like home," she said softly, a hint of sadness in her gaze when it fell on him. She shrugged. "Sometimes I just need to remember."

He put his hand over hers, wishing he could take away the ache, the longing for something that was no longer hers. "You can use me as your guinea pig anytime you want to remember." Tony chuckled and winked at her. "Free food, I'm game."

She smiled faintly and they finished their meal with little conversation. Once everything was cleaned up and put away, Ziva watched him head back to the couch and walked to the entry, reaching for her coat. Tony looked over and frowned. "Leaving?"

He didn't sound too pleased about it and Ziva shook her head. "I have somewhere I want to go." She searched his eyes for a long moment. "I think I will be back."

Swallowing the words he wanted to say, Tony nodded. "Okay. I love you." Whatever she was doing would remain a mystery for now. He figured she'd tell him sometime, but Tony wanted Ziva to be able to share her secrets when she wanted to, and not because he pressured her into giving up the information. Enough people had taken away her freedom of choice, he would not be the next one in line to do that.

Appreciating his understanding, Ziva returned the words and stepped out into the night. She was in need of some wisdom again, and there was only one place she could go for it now. Getting into her car, Ziva settled back into the seat and drove. She needed to see her father.

**NCIS**

When Gibbs heard soft footsteps on the floor overhead, he started running through his options for late night visitors. Celeste had yet to invite herself over since their reunion, though that could begin happening again at any time. However, his ex-wife would probably come right downstairs and not make herself at home first.

Abby had already called earlier to tell him in one very long sentence how excited she was about the baby items she and McGee had purchased. His junior agent hadn't paid a visit to the basement before, which didn't mean he wouldn't, but it wasn't likely. That left Tony or Ziva for a Sunday evening.

His guess was proven right when Ziva came slowly down the stairs with a mug of tea in her hands and sat on the step she always claimed. The two remained in silence while Ziva sipped her drink and Gibbs smoothed the ribs of his boat. Finally she looked down and spoke quietly.

"Tony calls himself Daddy. He talks to my baby with all the love of a man who actually fathered her." Ziva hesitated and hunched over, curling herself around her baby bump. "Gibbs, how am I to tell my child about her father? How do I explain what happened and not bring darkness and evil into an innocent soul?"

Gibbs had moved closer when she started talking. Now he stood before her and eyed the ring sitting boldly on Ziva's left ring finger. He touched it lightly. "You tell that little girl or boy that their dad is a good man. He works hard, he loves deeply and he chose you to be his." Her eyebrows drew together and Gibbs sighed.

"Some things Ziver, don't need to be told. For everything that matters, Tony has been this baby's father since you found out. When you say 'I do' at the end of the month, he'll be the father legally and forever. That's all your child ever needs to know."

Tears streaked down Ziva's cheeks. "I wish she was Tony's in every way."

Letting out a breath, Gibbs sat down and put his arm around her. "It's too soon to think about, but someday you and Tony may have a child together."

Ziva shook her head, crying harder. "No, we cannot. Mandy, she told me one day when Tony was not there. I have too much...damage." She wiped at the wetness. "I will not be able to have another child. She is surprised that I have almost carried this pregnancy to term. At least, she was not sure we would make it this far."

There was always one more thing, wasn't there? Gibbs ran a hand over his face. Hadn't she suffered enough? But no, even now Somalia still followed her. He hugged her close. How strong and beautiful this woman was. Gibbs had no doubt that Ziva would make an amazing wife and mother and he looked forward to seeing how Tony's love helped heal all the hurts.

When her tears slowed down, Gibbs kissed her head and made her look at him. "Did he tell you it doesn't matter?" If Tony had said the wrong thing about this issue and that's why she was so upset, he was going to suffer for it.

Fear hung heavy in her eyes and Ziva shook her head frantically. "I did not tell him. I cannot...lose him that way. You have to promise you will not tell him. Promise me Gibbs."

Already foreseeing huge complications if she kept the news from Tony indefinitely, Gibbs started to offer his opinion. "Ziva..." but she stopped him before he could say more.

"Please do not try to make me change my mind." Ziva's hands hovered protectively over her belly. "I cannot do this without him," she whispered.

He sighed. "You don't trust his love."

Her eyes widened. "I know he has not broken one promise to me since I've been home. He already has as much of me as I can give. I have no reason to think he will run away now." She looked at the stairs. "But there is only so much loss a person can take before they decide it is not worth the trouble any more. I do not want this to be the thing that breaks us both."

Gibbs stared at her for a long time. "For the record, I think he deserves to know. But it's not my secret to tell, so I promise he won't hear it from me."

Ziva let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you."

"You're not alone any more Ziva," Gibbs said firmly. "Start asking for what you need. We're family, here that means something special. It's more than just words." He brushed a tear off her cheek and helped her stand up. "We're not going anywhere."

**NCIS**

Tony was halfway through _The Last Crusade_ when Ziva returned. As interesting as _The Temple of Doom_ could be, he really couldn't handle the drinking blood and voodoo dolls parts - it made him shiver and he was glad Abby had flushed hers, even if it did cause a flood.

She stood just inside the door staring at him for a long moment before admitting something in a whisper. "I do not want to go home and be all alone."

This newly clingy side of Ziva was something he both enjoyed and feared. His stubborn, independent ninja wasn't acting like that right now and Tony wondered if she would ever get her confidence back, or if loving and being loved had fundamentally changed her. But Ziva didn't need his concerns right now, apparently she just needed him.

So Tony took her hand and led her upstairs. He waited while she brushed her teeth and got ready for bed, then tucked her in. He lay down on top of the blanket behind Ziva and cuddled with her, offering his warmth and presence until she fell asleep.

**NCIS**

Tony woke in the middle of the night and moved slowly off the bed so as not to disturb his fiancee. He passed a fitful few hours on the couch downstairs and went into the office early, needing some space to think. But so Ziva would know he was thinking of her, he left a note taped to the door. _Zi - I love you. Pick you up at ten after five for your appointment. T._

Glad for the quiet of the empty bullpen, Tony slid his fingers into his hair and rested his head on his arms. He thought about the weekend and last week and all the changes that had taken place over the last couple of months. He was so absorbed in his reflections that it didn't even register when the elevator dinged.

Gibbs paused in front of his senior field agent's desk and sighed, taking a sip of coffee to prepare himself. Ziva last night and Tony this morning, he should've figured. They were pretty much a package deal these days. "Out with it DiNozzo."

Tony jumped and stared at Gibbs for a moment before he found his voice. Then he leaned back in his chair. "Hi Boss."

The older man raised an eyebrow. "Well? You don't just sit there looking like someone kicked your dog for no reason." He took a not so wild guess. "Ziva?"

Tony nodded slowly. "Is there ever anything else?" Not since the Damocles, since Somalia, since Michael, since so far before and long ago that he couldn't remember just exactly when it started, his care and worry for her, wanting the best, but wanting that to be him.

Gibbs snorted. "She said yes DiNozzo. You're marrying her in three weeks. What now?"

That was a loaded question if there ever was one. He pressed one fist to his mouth. "There's something wrong Boss," he said hoarsely. "With Ziva, with the baby maybe." Tony clenched his jaw briefly. "The doctor did some tests last week, hopefully we'll know something today. But..." he trailed off and quickly stood up to pace, unable to sit still any longer.

"She's been really tired Boss, ever since her last day of work. She sleeps a lot, I never pictured Ziva as the kind to take naps. And she's...different." Tony shrugged. "She doesn't want to be alone anymore and it's strange. After months of her pushing me away, I don't know what to do when she seems to want to be around me all the time now."

He ran out of words and Gibbs took another gulp of coffee. "You done?"

Tony dropped into his chair again. "Yeah."

"Okay." Gibbs set his gaze firmly on the younger man's. "Ziva's appointment isn't until this afternoon. Put it aside, worry then if you need to, when you know what you're up against." His lips curved up at the corners. "My dad used to say that worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but you never get anywhere. As for the other..." He reached over and smacked Tony on the back of the head.

"Make up your mind DiNozzo. Either you want all of her or you don't, but you can't pick and choose bits and pieces. You have to love her through every change or not at all." Gibbs got in Tony's face and glared. "Don't make me get Abby to test her ability to leave no evidence. Got it?"

Tony leaned back a little, rubbing his head. "Got it. I'm not gonna hurt her Boss, I will love her no matter what." He couldn't imagine doing anything else.

Gibbs sat down at his desk. "You're wrong. You will hurt her and she'll hurt you. Both of you will say things you don't mean and when you fight all the past stuff will suddenly come back. There will be some days you don't feel like loving Ziva, some days she'll find it hard to love you. Love is a choice you make, like forgiving and forgetting. You need to be ready for the tough parts too." He paused and let himself picture his girls for the briefest of seconds.

"But Ziva and that child will also be the best thing that ever happened to you. They will light up your life when the darkness is so thick you can't find your way out. They will be your joy, your reason to smile every day. And loving them will be worth any trouble you face together. That is what you need to think about when you promise her all the days of your life."

Tony stared at Gibbs as if he were an imposter, but then he blinked and committed the man's words to memory, knowing he spoke from personal, painful experience. Finally he nodded and gave him a tight smile. "Thank you Boss." This was a moment he would not soon forget.


	17. Chapter 17

Five-thirty found Tony sitting in the exam room with Ziva, holding her hand as she lay on the table. They were quiet, both wondering what the tests would say and hoping it was good news. Mandy walked in a few minutes later and smiled at the couple.

"I'm glad you both could come today."

Ziva forced herself to sit up a little. "Do you have the results?" She was not interested in beating around the basket today.

Bypassing the question, Dr. Meyers perched on her stool. "How are you feeling this week?"

"Very tired." Ziva avoided the woman's gaze. "I fell in the shower on Saturday."

Mandy frowned, that didn't sound good. "Care to elaborate?"

Ziva looked at Tony and he explained. "Only on her knee, but it kinda shook us up."

"Yes..." Mandy said slowly. "I can understand that. She sighed and caught Tony's eyes, nodding towards the hallway.

He took the hint, brushing his hand over Ziva's hair, and kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back sweetheart," he promised. She nodded tiredly and her eyes slid closed again. Tony followed the doctor, concern filling his expression. "What's wrong?"

Dr. Meyers looked down at her clipboard. "I have the test results from last week and..." she hesitated and Tony's heart dropped. "Ziva was extremely unhealthy when she returned from Africa. Aside from the injuries and dehydration, she was acutely malnourished and underweight. At that point no one, especially Ziva, knew she was pregnant. Her recovery has been slow and often took a step in the wrong direction. And even though it's been six months, she's still not back to normal."

Tony crossed his arms and mimicked Gibbs. "The point, Mandy?" Her explanation seemed like the long way around something she didn't particularly want to say.

"Basically the baby is sucking all the nutrients and energy out of Ziva's body. It's why she hasn't been gaining weight properly and why she's felt so tired recently."

Tony's brow furrowed. "So what do we do?"

Mandy glanced at the closed exam room door. "I'd like to do a c-section in two weeks. Thirty-six weeks gestation gives the baby the best chance without taking too much more out of Ziva. At this point if things keep going like they are, I don't think she has the strength to go through labour and delivery."

Tony clenched his jaw. "Ziva's too protective of ou-" He cleared his throat and paused, feeling the empty spot on his ring finger deeply. He was still three weeks away from having any rights to them. "Of the baby," he continued, "to let you do anything until he or she decides they're ready to be born. She won't agree."

Mandy nodded, having come to the same conclusion. "Then I'll need your permission Tony, if you want to get both of them through this."

"I can't..." he ran a hand down his face. "I can't make a decision like that without talking to Ziva."

"I'll give you a couple minutes with her before I come back in," Dr. Meyers said, turning away. Then she remembered something. "Tony? I don't know if I need to tell you this or not, but with the wedding approaching..." The doctor crossed her arms and stared at him seriously. "Trying to have sex would be dangerous right now for both Ziva and the baby, even if she was ready, which I don't think she is. So regardless of what normally happens on wedding nights, I have to be very firm about that not being allowed."

Tony leaned against the wall and slid his hands into his pockets. "I know she's not ready Mandy. We've got a whole lot of other hurdles to cross before physical intimacy is even an option. Even if she wasn't pregnant, I still wouldn't be trying anything yet. Trust me, I want what's best for her too."

Mandy gave him a small smile. "Okay. Now go talk to her. Hopefully we can make the right decision for both of them."

Taking a deep breath, Tony went back in and sat on the chair beside Ziva. He covered her hand with his and Ziva opened her eyes. "What did Mandy say?" she asked, blinking as she tried to shake off the exhaustion that was starting to become a constant thing.

Tony lifted her hand and kissed the back. "This pregnancy is taking a lot out of you Ziva," he began, trying to make the news sound less devastating. "Mandy wants to do a c-section two weeks from now. She thinks it would be best for you and the baby."

Ziva was already shaking her head. "That's too early Tony, she needs more time to grow."

"Zi," Tony's voice grew serious, "if this keeps up you won't have the stamina to make it through labour."

Ziva touched her belly gently. "I need to do what is best for...for our baby, Tony," she whispered, the first time she'd dared to claim him as her child's father out loud, even though he had been 'Daddy' since their engagement.

Knowing an argument would not change her mind, Tony merely rested his head on her shoulder and Ziva's fingers combed through his hair. "I love you," she murmured in Hebrew just before the door opened.

"Ziva," Mandy began, "did Tony explain everything to you?"

Ziva struggled to sit up and Tony immediately slid his arm around her back and helped her change positions. Her expression brooked no argument. "I will not give my baby less of a chance to be as healthy and developed as possible."

Mandy smiled. "I figured as much." Ziva looked confused. "So I'm putting you on partial bedrest," the doctor announced. Ziva's eyes widened in protest but Dr. Meyers shook her head. "That's the deal Ziva. You want to make it to forty weeks, to your due date, then you'll follow my instructions to the letter." The Israeli drew her eyebrows together but said nothing.

"First - you're done with this workout routine you've been keeping. I know how much you like to be active, but there will be nothing strenuous allowed for the next six weeks and for six to eight weeks after birth as well, depending on how you're doing. When you're tired sleep or rest on the couch. Sleep is not going to hurt either of you. No cleaning except simple dusting and dishes, light cooking only. I want you eating plenty of protein to try to up your energy levels and you need to make sure for both your sakes that you have something at every meal whether you feel like it or not."

Between Ziva and Tony, the doctor had concluded that getting the pregnant woman to eat was sometimes an issue, but it couldn't be allowed when two lives were depending on how well she took care of herself. Discouragement settled on Ziva's face as Mandy continued, looking between the couple. "And I think you should consider moving the wedding up, because you're going to need the help Ziva. It won't be long before even things like showering and dressing will require more effort than you can give."

Ziva's grip on Tony's hand tightened and she dipped her head. "I will do whatever needs to be done to make sure my baby gets here safely."

"Alright." Mandy made a note in the patient file. "I'll see you next week then Ziva. Call me if you change your mind."

"I will not," Ziva assured her doctor.

The door closed and Tony helped her stand. "Come on Zi, let's go over to my place for awhile."

"Tony," she sighed, "I do not need watching over."

He raised an eyebrow. "Did you just hear the same conversation I did? You do need looking after and guess what?" He touched her engagement ring. "It's my job now."

Ziva huffed in annoyance. "I will not be a burden," she muttered.

Tony smiled and kissed her cheek. "No, you won't be. You're the woman I love and I enjoy being able to take care of you."

Ziva frowned even as she leaned into him for support while she slipped her shoes back on. How could she argue with something like that? But just to show that she still got a say, she jutted out her chin. "I want grapefruit first."

Tony chuckled. "Okay. We'll stop on the way back. Anything else?"

Her spirits fell. "Nothing you can give," she replied.

He kissed her temple. "It's going to be fine Zi, I promise."

Ziva shook her head slowly. "No. You cannot promise that Tony. Please do not make one you will be unable to keep."

Tony hugged her then, the look in her eyes all but haunting him with visions of all the things that could still go wrong. "I love you Ziva." It was all he could think to say because she was right. He couldn't fix this, he couldn't make it better. All he could do was make sure he was there for her, whatever came next.

**NCIS**

After a quick stop at the grocery store for the aforementioned craving and the time Tony took when Ziva was busy selecting her fruit to text Gibbs and let him know coming back to the office wasn't an option today because his fiancee needed him, the couple returned to Tony's house. Despite protests, he insisted she lay down on the couch while he started dinner.

"Chicken stirfry okay?" Tony asked.

Ziva gave a sleepy sound of agreement and nodded off almost immediately. Tony watched her for a moment before walking into the kitchen. He loved that everywhere he looked in the house, Ziva's touch was visible. Ever since Duke had banned one of his favourite members from Ops three weeks ago, Tony and Ziva had been spending at least four nights out of seven together. It just felt right. And in less than a month this house would be theirs, not only his, and Ziva would live here, not just come over during the week to be with him. Tony smiled to himself as he got out all the ingredients and a cutting board. Ziva had taught him well.

He was just finishing supper when a noise from the livingroom alerted him. Tony flipped the burner off and raced over to the couch. Ziva was crying in her sleep, her cheeks wet with tears, her expression reflecting whatever she was seeing. Kneeling beside her, Tony touched her cheek. "Zi? Baby? Come on honey, wake up."

Her eyes flew opened, not panicked as with a normal nightmare but rather achingly heartbroken when her gaze fell on him. "Tony...Tony..."

His heart hurt at the tone in her voice. "I'm here Ziva. What's wrong?"

Her hand clutched at his. "I want you to marry me now Tony. If something happens and Mandy has to take the baby sooner..." She looked away. "I just want her to be yours, in case."

Tony felt stricken as her meaning sank in. "Zi, don't even think like that. I can't do this without you."

Her eyes softened at the fear in his voice. "You will be a wonderful father my love, with or without me there." Ziva's gaze sharpened. "Promise me you will still love her even if something happens."

Tony's hand moved to her bump and he closed his eyes. "I promise Ziva. She'll be my daughter either way." He was so certain their baby was going to be a girl.

"Will you marry me then? Sooner than we planned?" she persisted, needing to know.

He kissed her slowly before answering. "I thought you'd never ask," he teased, trying not to show his concern. "How about Wednesday?" So what if they had to change everything and move the date up? If it would make Ziva feel better to say their vows 3 weeks earlier, he would do it. It wasn't like he wanted to wait anyways.

Ziva smiled. "Thank you."

"Anything for you beautiful," Tony told her, grinning as he assisted her off the couch. "Now come on, supper is getting cold."

**NCIS**

Once their dishes were washed and leftovers put away, Tony took a seat on the coffee table facing his fiancee. "I think you should stay here tonight."

Ziva crossed her arms. "I am pregnant Tony, not invalid."

Her inflection changed the meaning of the word and Tony bit back a smile. "No, you're not invalid, nor are you an in-val-id. But it wasn't easy to hear what Mandy told us earlier and I'd just...really like it if I knew you were right upstairs instead of a ten minute drive away."

Out of energy to argue, Ziva got a sulking look on her face. "Whatever."

He stood up and kissed her forehead, glad to have won this round but not really feeling victorious. "Thank you." Tony stared towards the kitchen to put on popcorn. "You can pick the movie."

Rolling her eyes but not really wanting to be mad at him for caring, Ziva stood to look through his DVD cases. "Do not forget the cheese."

He knew better than to comment about the state of her tastebuds at this point and simply took the request in stride. "You got it."

Two hours later, after seeing Ziva safely asleep in his room, Tony turned off most of the lights and sat on the stairs, able to let his fears and feelings surface for the first time since they left the doctor's office. When he thought about Ziva's dream and her urgent need to see them married right away, Tony could barely swallow because his throat was so tight. He reached up to rub his face and his hand came away wet.

_So much for things DiNozzo men don't do_, he thought without mirth.

At that point Tony sighed and pulled out his cellphone, dialing the direct number for a voice he desperately needed to hear. But it was not the one who answered the phone. "Hello lab," an unfamiliar woman said and he was confused until he remembered about Abby's new assistant.

"Uh, hi." Tony couldn't think of her name so didn't bother trying to guess. "Is Abby there?"

"Just a moment," she replied and the line was quiet for all of five seconds before Abby's welcoming voice rang through loud and clear.

"Tony!"

He had to smile. "Hey Abs. Having fun with your new secretary?"

Her sigh was barely audible. "Not that I had a choice because it was Gibbs' orders, but for an assistant, Tami's not so bad." Then he could almost hear her frown through the phone. "What's wrong?"

Tony stalled. "I call to say hello to my favourite forensic scientist and something has to be wrong?"

She gave an indignant huff. "You didn't come back to work today. We're in the middle of an active case and Gibbs isn't growling about firing your butt for taking vacation time without permission." Abby's tone gentled. "And your voice is a dead giveaway big brother. What's going on?"

He was having a hard time keeping it together. "Can you get everyone on conference call with me?"

Abby didn't like the way that sounded. "Just family, right?" The new guy and her assistant did not count.

"Yeah," he exhaled slowly, "just family."

"Give me a minute," she said, putting him on hold. Abby looked over at her assistant. "Tami, why don't you take a break? It's been a long day. I'll text you when I need you back."

Having quietly observed the conversation from this end, Tami nodded and gathered her things, leaving without comment. Whatever was going on sounded personal and she hadn't been around long enough to have that kind of clearance.

Abby sealed the lab after Tami's exit and her first call was to her husband. "Hey babe," he answered and she knew Gibbs wasn't in the room, "got anything for us?"

She couldn't keep the fear out of her voice. "Timmy?"

Switching from agent to husband mode in a split second, he started to get up. "What's wrong? Are you okay? Is it the baby?" He knew things could go wrong early on and it sometimes kept him awake at night.

"It's not me," she reassured him, "but I need you."

"On my way."

That taken care of, Abby gauged the danger of calling Gibbs in case he was doing an interrogation, but decided it was worth the risk. After all, she was the favourite for a reason. "Yeah, Gibbs," he answered, and because of traffic noises she figured he was on his way back from getting coffee.

"It's me." She bit her lip. "Stay on the line, find somewhere to sit."

Gibbs' voice was gruff, as usual. "What's going on Abby?"

"Tony called," was all she said before putting him on hold and hitting the button for Autopsy.

"Autopsy," Jimmy's cheery voice announced seconds later. "Dr. Mallard is with a patient right now, can I he-"

"Jimmy, it's Abby," she said, having no time to talk any more. "I'm patching you and Ducky through to the rest of the team. Tony needs to talk to us."

At that moment a loud banging came from outside and Abby unlocked the door long enough to let her husband in. Immediately she threw herself into his arms and tried not to cry. Tony needed her to be strong, whatever this was about. "Something's wrong," she whimpered against his shirt. Then she pulled away and gave him a headset, slipping hers on as well. "It's Tony," she said before taking him off hold. "Okay, you've got all of us."

Gibbs spoke first when Tony didn't. "You took Ziva to her doctor's appointment today."

"Yeah," Tony confirmed, "and it wasn't good news."

"Is something wrong with the baby?" Abby ventured to ask, and McGee took her hand.

"No," Tony shook his head even though they couldn't see him, "the baby's fine. But Ziva..." he trailed off.

"Anthony," Ducky began in a soothing manner, "just tell us."

"She wasn't healthy enough for this pregnancy Ducky," Tony blurted out, unable to keep it in any longer. "Now the baby's taking everything and there's not enough left for Ziva."

"Ah, I see," Ducky said, understanding the medical side of it. But instead of elaborating on the wealth of details he could share, the older man fell silent and waited for Tony to continue.

"This exhaustion that she's been fighting since last week, it's going to get worse." He wiped his eyes again, glad the tears weren't in his voice. "The doctor said we should move the wedding up because she's going to need help with everything soon." Tony let out a breath. "Mandy put her on bedrest."

McGee found words quicker than the rest. "What can we do Tony?"

Tony gave a broken chuckle. "Ziva wants to get married on Wednesday. Is that possible?" They'd only just started planning. How could they do in a day what they were supposed to spend three weeks putting together?

Gibbs was next. "We'll make it happen." For Ziva and for Tony they'd move all the monuments in DC if that's what it took.

"What do you need?" Abby wanted to know, desperate to do something.

"Uh..." Tony thought about their list. "I can find a Justice of the Peace and call my buddy who's taking pictures. Ducky, can you get one of those arch thingys for us to stand under? And maybe arrange for some snack foods for after?"

"Certainly," the ME agreed. "Mr. Palmer and I will do that first thing in the morning."

"Abby, I need you to track down some music for me and burn it to a CD to play during the ceremony. I'll text you the list. And if you could pick up the flowers for Ziva's bouquet and yours the morning of the wedding, that would be great."

"Not a problem," Abby said eagerly, happy to help.

"McGee, if you and Jimmy can take care of set up and take down, I'd appreciate it."

"Sure thing."

They could hear a hint of a smile in Tony's next words. "Okay, so that's it for the wedding that I can think of right now, but I have one more big favour to ask and then Black Lung, I have a mission for you."

He felt more confident now that the others knew and they had a plan. He just hoped they could get it all taken care of in time. It would be their only wedding and Ziva deserved the best.


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry, I meant to put this up yesterday but my schedule really wasn't cooperating with my intentions. And I just wanted to thank everyone. The response to the last chapter was incredible and I'm really, really appreciating it. I've read all your wonderful comments and I will reply as soon as I get time._

_Also, I just thought I should clear something up. A lot of people have been asking when Ziva is going to tell Tony that she can't have any more kids. Well, she's not. I know she probably should, it would be the right thing to do, but just because it's the right thing doesn't mean it always happens. People lie because they're scared, they hide things because of the consequences, they don't always share what they should with the people they love. As I am trying to make this story semi-realistic, I'm not going to attempt to talk Ziva out of her decision. She will tell him eventually and yes you will get to see that, but it won't be for a long time. Sorry if that frustrates everyone, but it's out of my hands. The characters talk, I listen, lol. I don't usually make the important decisions, they do. Hope that helps, thanks! :)_

_~Aliyah_

When the call with Tony was over, everyone hurried to get back to the case, but before he could focus on catching the bad guy, Gibbs had a mission. He made his way quickly to the Director's office and barged in unannounced, as usual.

Leon looked up. "What can I do for you Agent Gibbs?"

He got right to the point. "Need you to put my team on emergency leave until Thursday."

Vance raised an eyebrow. "You have an active case."

"We'll close it by morning," Gibbs asserted, not willing to be put off.

"What's the occasion?"

Gibbs didn't want to get the Director involved in family business, but he knew he didn't have much of a choice if he wanted the man's cooperation. "Wedding's been moved to Wednesday. Doctor put David on bedrest. They need help with the details."

Chewing on his toothpick, Leon took time answering. "Who'll cover Major Crimes while your team plays wedding planners?"

Gibbs gritted his teeth, he did not appreciate being mocked. Sometimes he really didn't like this man. "Carter owes me a favour. Rankin's team has been stuck on cold cases all week. Plenty of agents to share the load if we get a case."

It was feasible, so Vance nodded. "Alright. Hand me your report on the current case by morning and you have a deal."

Not one for thank you's, Gibs turned on his heel and left, punching his speed dial number for Abby as he went. Six hours later they had the guilty parties in handcuffs and Gibbs briefed Agent Carter, as well as loaning him Matt, while Abby turned her lab over to Tami for her trial by fire test. Then they all went home to grab a few hours of sleep, knowing the next couple of days were going to be busy. They had a wedding to throw.

**NCIS**

Gibbs was just finishing his first cup of coffee Tuesday morning after a relatively short night, when the phone rang unexpectedly. Snatching it up, he suddenly registered that it was his landline and only a few people were privy to the number. "Yeah, Gibbs," he said out of long habit.

"Good morning Jethro," Celeste's familiar voice came through the line.

He frowned. "You're up early."

She chuckled. "It's not so early. The sunrise was beautiful though."

Gibbs wasn't sure how to ask without it sounding like he didn't want to talk to her. So finally he just said her name. "Les?"

Celeste sighed. "Is everything alright Jethro? I just had this feeling I should call you."

He leaned back against the counter and poured more coffee, unnerved by her perception. "And Abby accuses me of having ESP."

Her silence spoke volumes. "So I was right. What's going on?"

Gibbs closed his eyes, dragging one hand over his face. "The news at Ziva's doctor's appointment yesterday wasn't good. It's taking a lot out of her to be pregnant and she's going to need more than just occasional help." He swallowed. "They moved the wedding to tomorrow."

"Ohh..." Celeste breathed, sympathy gripping her heart. "That's got to be hard to hear. How is Tony taking it?"

"DiNozzo is doing everything he can to pull this off for Ziva. He's enlisted all of us, so the team is off today. But despite the circumstances, I don't think he's upset bout not having to wait any longer."

"Can I help?" she wanted to know.

"We've got it covered." Abby would not appreciate an outsider being brought into family business and he did not want to fight with her today.

"Alright. Well, I'm glad you told me. Good luck."

He sighed. "We're going to need it."

Celeste paused. "If you need anything..."

Gibbs nodded. "Thanks Les." Hanging up the phone, he thought about his ex-wife and wondered if they really were still only friends.

**NCIS**

The house was quiet when Ziva woke up and though she called for him without thinking, she knew Tony had probably left for work awhile ago. Right then Ziva decided she wanted Tony to wake her up before he left from now on, so she would know he was gone.

Looking over to the empty place beside her, it occurred to Ziva that by tomorrow night they would be sharing Tony's bed and if he got up, she would likely notice. Heck, if he twitched she would know it. Sharing a bed, among other things, would take some getting used to.

Her cheeks warmed thinking of how, thirty-six hours from now, where she lay would be their bed and Tony would sleep by her side. If she dreamed he would be there, if she needed anything he wouldn't even be a phone call away, and she wouldn't have to worry about being alone again.

Shaking the thoughts away, Ziva sat up slowly. There was a lot that had to get done today and she wasn't even sure where to start. Just then her phone rang and she reached for it. "Shalom," Ziva answered automatically.

Tony's voice was warm in her ear. "Boker tov yafa." _Good morning beautiful._

Her face broke into a smile. "You have been learning Hebrew behind my back."

He shrugged. "Nah, only the important stuff." Tony paused to enjoy the contentment he could almost hear from her. "I figured you'd be up by now."

"I think we need a new rule," Ziva declared before she forgot. "No leaving without saying goodbye."

Tony's grin practically danced over the phone line. "I get the feeling that after tomorrow that's really not going to be a problem."

Conceding the point, she changed the subject. "How is the case?"

"Can you believe it?" he asked, feigning indignance. "They solved it without me last night."

"I guess that is what you get for playing hokey."

He coughed. "It's called 'playing hooky' Zi. But even without a case, today is still pretty busy."

Ziva worried her bottom lip with her teeth. "Do you think you could get off early? I am not sure we will have time to get everything done."

"It'll work out," he said confidently and she wanted to be annoyed with his flippant attitude towards their rushed wedding. Then someone called his name. "Oops, gotta go babe. See you later?"

"I will drop by after my appointment," Ziva offered, remembering last week's fallout.

"Oh right, it's a Dr. Devon day. Umm...I really appreciate the thought, but there's no guarantee I'll be around. How about I take a raincheck and we do dinner out instead? Our last non-married date."

She chuckled. "We have never been on a date."

He was silent for a minute. "Well...will you go out with me tonight?"

Ziva laughed. "Yes. I will see you later." She was quiet for a moment. "I love you."

Tony couldn't stop the thrill of happiness that surged through him at her words. "Say it again."

It was like he didn't believe his ears, but Ziva was content to repeat the phrase as often as he needed to hear it. "I love you."

He grinned. "So I'm not dreaming?"

She shook her head. "Not unless we are having the same dream."

"Who knows?" Tony shrugged. "Maybe we'll never wake up." A voice echoed in the background and he groaned. "Okay, really need to go. I love you Zi. Bye."

He was gone before she could reply and Ziva sighed. Only a week and she already desperately missed being a work, her place at Tony's side as his partner. "You are well worth the sacrifice ahuvi sheli," she whispered to her baby, "and I will cherish out time together. But that does not stop me from looking forward to being back where I belong. Who knew that home could mean so many different things!"

Allowing plenty of time to accommodate her waning energy levels, Ziva showered, dressed and made her way downstairs for a light breakfast. She did the dishes, made a batch of brownies just because and finally sank into the sofa, acutely annoyed that she already felt worn down and the day had barely begun.

Ziva spent a blissful half hour lost in a book, but was startled out of her concentration by a knock on the door minutes before she needed to leave for therapy. Surreptitiously she peeked at the visitor and then opened the door. "Gibbs?" she asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Playing chauffeur," he said, as if it should be obvious.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. "Tony?"

Gibbs shrugged one shoulder. "Partly." He looked her up and down. "I'm no doctor, but I don't think 'partial bedrest' includes driving yourself around."

Ziva frowned. "He told you?"

"That was not a secret to keep from the family Ziver," he admonished gently. "DiNozzo isn't the only one who cares."

Her embarrassment fled and she looked down, chastened. "I know."

"So let us help. I hear plans have changed?"

She nodded. "We are getting married tomorrow."

Gibbs didn't even blink so it was hard to tell if the news was a surprise. "Then you're gonna need some help. Good thing there's five of us."

Though she wanted to protest, Ziva accepted his decision with a simple dip of her head. "Thank you." Then she slipped on her shoes and let Gibbs take her arm while they walked to the car. Even if she hated needing help, Ziva was glad he could come. She very much wanted her father around today.

**NCIS**

If Devon noticed the brooding mood Ziva was in when she arrived, the doctor had the grace not to say anything at first. But after they had glossed over several other things, it was time to get to the real problem and she didn't mince words. "Did you get your test results back yesterday?" Devon asked.

Ziva closed her eyes. "Yes."

Seeing that she wasn't going to make this easy, Dr. Andrews continued to gently prod. "And?"

"The baby...the pregnancy...it is draining me." Ziva rubbed her forehead. "Mandy put me on partial bedrest until my delivery date."

"I see." Devon made a note. "I guess we'll be setting up phone sessions for the next several weeks."

Ziva frowned. "Why?"

Devon gave her a look. "Because bedrest means no driving."

"Gibbs brought me," she defended, but the doctor didn't change her mind.

"You might not always have a volunteer to get you here and with all the changes coming, skipping sessions really isn't a good idea. Hmm..." Devon thought about it. "Maybe we'll do Skype therapy instead. I have a feeling you might be too good at pretending if I can't see you."

"You have been taking Tony notes," Ziva grumbled. "He always has to see me to tell how I am doing as well."

"Good," Devon affirmed. "Now, tell me how you feel about the doctor's orders."

Ziva sighed. "I feel like I cannot do anything, that I must just sit around and wait for this child to be born. I am not weak anymore, but it seems that way. There is much I want to do but I am tired all the time." Her voice dropped. "Mandy wanted to do a c-section because it is best for me, but my baby..."

The woman glared at Devon as if she were going to convince her it was a good idea."He or she is my responsibility. More important than what is good for me is what is best for my baby. Even if I am confined to bed for weeks, I will not give this child less of a chance to be healthy and ready to come out."

"Just keep in mind that your baby will want his or her mother around too. That might be worth spending a couple weeks in NICU."

The icy glare Ziva gave her doctor closed that subject, or at least sent her on a small detour. "So, what was Tony's reaction?" Devon questioned.

"He is worried for me," Ziva admitted. "I think Tony would have preferred Mandy's plan, but he knew I would not agree."

"Make sure your stubbornness doesn't rob you and Tony of everything you have worked so hard for."

Surprised because Devon was not usually so blunt, Ziva decided to keep her advice in mind. A disturbing thought hit her and she lifted concerned eyes to her therapist. "Do you think Tony would choose me or the baby if there was a problem?"

Devon's expression softened. "Men will typically chose their wives over their children. It is hard for them to think of raising a baby alone, hard for them to imagine life without the one they love by their side, almost impossible sometimes for them to ever give their hearts to another." The woman smiled sympathetically. "Tony needs you Ziva and you need him. Focus on that because wondering about 'what ifs' will make everything ten times harder."

It wasn't a very comforting answer and Ziva circled her belly with her arms. The protective gesture was not lost on Devon but the psychiatrist chose not to comment. Silence rested between them for nearly a minute before Devon got back to work. "Is there anything else I need to know about?"

Ziva didn't answer right away, twirling a piece of hair around her finger. "We are getting married tomorrow."

Devon blinked. "Tomorrow? What happened to the twenty-first?"

She shrugged. "Mandy suggested the change. I will be needing help with...everything soon."

That made sense. "Are you excited?" Devon ventured, not sure how her patient would take the change.

Ziva smiled. "Excited, nervous, terrified. It feels like a dream that we have finally made it to this point."

"But you have," Devon confirmed. "That in itself is such an accomplishment. I'm really proud of you."

Ziva touched her ring and stared out the window. "I think I am proud of me too," she said softly. "I am a person finally, not just a soldier or a weapon. I look forward to finding out what that means."

"It will be worth all the work," Devon said confidently. "Of that I have no doubt."

When the hour was up Ziva returned to the waiting room and saw Gibbs reading the paper. "You did not have to stay," she commented. "I could have found you upstairs."

Not without someone letting it slip that the MCRT wasn't actually on duty today, as she presumed. "Thought I'd take you to lunch," he said instead, folding the newspaper and standing up.

Her eyes widened. "Are you sure you have time?"

Gibbs grunted. "There's a reason I have a team."

She smiled. "Letting them do all the work Agent Gibbs?"

"For now," he said gruffly. "Come on, I know a place."

Gibbs drove them to a nice little restaurant that served a variety of cultural foods and let Ziva choose. When she selected a dish from her homeland, he was not surprised. In fact, he'd counted on it. Everyone needed comfort food once in awhile. He figured today especially it certainly couldn't hurt.

Ziva was not sure what a meal would look like with a man who barely spoke, but as soon as their meals arrived, he tapped her hand with one finger, reminiscent of their moment in interrogation months ago. "You ready for this Ziver?"

Taken aback by his serious tone, Ziva twirled her fork through her food, thinking. "I do not know if you can ever be ready for something like this. But I know it is right. I love Tony and he..." She shrugged. "Against all odds and barriers, he loves me Gibbs. I do not think he knows what he is getting into, but I am glad he is willing to try."

Gibbs shook his head once. "Tony's not just going to try this husband and father thing and then give up when it gets too hard. He's waited months for you Ziva, maybe even years. This is the real deal."

Ziva took a bite and let the taste of home roll over her tongue before she met his gaze again. "I will not leave either Gibbs," she tried to reassure him. "I will not hurt Tony."

The conversation sounded very familiar and Gibbs gave her the same advice. "You will hurt him. And you'll apologize and he'll forgive you. And you will forgive him. It's give and take, forgive and forget, fight and make up, getting mad but not giving up. It's not always going to be pretty or easy, but if you truly commit to Tony for better or worse, I guarantee it will be worth it. Love like what you two share," he cleared his throat, memories once again too close, "it doesn't come along every day. Hold onto it Ziver. With Tony and that baby, you'll get no greater gift."

Ziva curled her fingers around his and had to blink back tears. "Thank you Abba."

"And if he ever really screws up, I'll have Abby take care of him," Gibbs winked.

She laughed through her tears. "You are the only one who has ever treated me like a daughter, like that word means something more than just a label." Ziva squeezed his hand tighter. "I think Kelly would have been so lucky to have a father like you. I wish she had gotten to experience your love for more than eight years."

Gibbs couldn't speak at first and he had to swallow before he could force the words out. "Me too." He glanced out the window. "But who knows? Maybe she sent me you and Abby. She always was good at sharing."

Ziva gave him a watery smile. "I am honoured."

It was enough of heavy conversation topic then and he let them eat for awhile before asking another question. "So, what needs to be done for tomorrow?" Gibbs knew Tony was on top of things, but it was always good to have a second opinion, especially when she was the bride.


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: Just for reference in case anyone wanted to ask:_

_The Wedding - Ch 21_

_Baby Born - Ch 37_

_Length of SMH - currently unknown_

_Thanks for reading guys, I'm thrilled that everyone is enjoying it so far! ~Aliyah_

Ziva greeted Tony at the door when he returned, much earlier than expected, and he was pretty sure she could do that every day and he would never get tired of it. Then she stood back, crossed her arms and glared at him playfully. "I hear you are keeping secrets from me."

Tony looked panicked for a second before he tried to cover. "Uh...what kind of secrets?"

Ziva raised her eyebrow when he didn't deny it. "Getting the team to help us with the wedding."

He made a face. "Gibbs?"

She inclined her head. "Some. Then I called Abby and she told me everything."

"Everything?" T almost squeaked.

"Well," Ziva conceded, "she would not share much about your plans for tomorrow."

He let out a breath in relief, some things were supposed to be unexpected. Tony took a step closer and ran his fingers through her hair. "Would you be terribly disappointed if our date tonight included the whole team? I don't think Abby can wait until tomorrow to see you."

Ziva shook her head. "I will be glad to see them as well." She glanced towards the kitchen table where she'd spread out their wedding list and notes. "Shall we see what is left to do?"

He leaned forward and kissed her. "Hold that thought. I have someone I'd like you to meet first." Ziva was startled when Tony pulled open the door and a short, older man was standing there. His appearance was very much like the Orthodox Jews she had known in Israel. He stepped inside and Tony smiled at her. "Ziva, this is Dr. Jacob Kalev. He's a Justice of the Peace and has agreed to perform the ceremony tomorrow."

Dr. Kalev dipped his head at her. "Shalom Gveret David."

Ziva held out her hand. "Rabbi."

Jacob chuckled. "No need to be so formal my dear." He looked her up and down but not even a hint of censure entered his eyes, leaving Ziva to wonder how much Tony had told the man. "I understand plans have had to change in a hurry, but your fiancé said you might like to include some Jewish traditions in your wedding, so I thought we should speak."

Ziva's gaze flitted to Tony, appreciation and wonder shining in her eyes, before she indicated the couch. "Thank you for coming Doctor, please have a seat."

Warmth filled Tony's heart as he took his place at Ziva's side and listened to her speak to the older man in a mixture of Hebrew and English. He wondered how good it felt for her to share her native language with another after so many months. Dr. Kalev stayed for nearly an hour and Ziva smiled almost the entire time. Tony couldn't help but feel a little bit proud - it seemed like this was something he'd definitely done right.

**NCIS**

As it happened, Tony and Ziva ended up sitting across the table from each other at the restaurant. Abby had insisted on claiming a spot by Ziva and McGee was on her other side. Then Tony, Gibbs and Ducky, with Jimmy squeezed onto the end beside Ziva.

There was no arguing with the seating order and in the end he found he didn't want to. For the first time in a long time he was looking at her across the table with everyone else around, and it was just like the private, silent conversations they used to have in the bullpen. Tony rather liked that they could be enveloped in their own private bubble even when they weren't alone.

Right now though the group was halfway through dessert and all laughing at a story Abby was telling - even Gibbs cracked a smile. Finally the Goth wound down and took a breath, still grinning from the joke. "Wow, that was fun. But I guess we better go over plans for tomorrow, right?"

Ducky sat back. "Mr. Palmer and I have fulfilled our end of the bargain."

Abby put up her hand. "Music is good to go - great choices by the way Tony - and I'm on flower duty tomorrow afternoon.

McGee took a drink. "Palmer and I will be at Ducky's by twelve-thirty to set up. And I think everyone will pitch in to do take-down."

"Awesome," Tony grinned. "Ziva and I took care of details with Dr. Kalev earlier - thanks again for all your help on that one Jimmy," he winked at the shy younger man, "and my buddy Adrian will come around one pm to get some shots before the ceremony." Tony glanced at the group, his eyes settling specifically on Ziva. "Did we miss anything?"

She shrugged. "I have my dress. There is still the matter of moving my things to your house, but that can be done a little at a time I guess." Ziva looked down then and missed the conspiratorial glances shared by the others.

This time Tony wasn't the only one who noticed Ziva's energy fading and Gibbs wrapped the early dinner up when he motioned for the waitress and pulled out his wallet. "Not very often we have a night off, enjoy it."

Ducky moved so he could get out and turned his gaze to Jimmy. "Uh, I think Breena and I are going to a movie. See you all tomorrow."

Smiling at Ziva, Ducky put his hand over hers. "Get some rest my dear, doctor's orders."

She accepted his care with a nod. "Good night Ducky."

It was down to the four them and Tony stood to help Ziva up. "So McLoveBirds, any plans tonight?"

McGee linked fingers with Abby, ignoring the nickname. By now it was clear that Tony would never give up. "I think I'm helping her choose a dress, maybe go for a walk. It's a nice night."

Tony grinned and offered Ziva his arm. "Alright. Have fun kids."

Ziva smiled at their friends. "Thank you for everything."

"Our pleasure," Tim insisted, watching as they left. He looked at Abby. "Think she'll be surprised?"

Abby snuggled against his shoulder. "I wish we could be there to see the look on her face. But wedding nights aren't to share."

He kissed her cheek. "Well Mrs. McGee, shall we?"

She turned shining eyes on him. "Yes, let's go home."

**NCIS**

A month had passed in which Gibbs and Celeste slowly fell back into their familiar pattern of friendship again. She'd occasionally bring a book and sit in the corner of his basement with a cup of tea while he worked on the boat. He would go over for dinner whenever he didn't want to be alone or if he needed someone to talk to, and sometimes they took long drives in her silver convertible, letting the wind blow in their faces and not having to say a word.

The night before Tony and Ziva's new wedding date, Celeste did the unthinkable and came over with the intention of actually having a serious, real conversation with one Leroy Jethro Gibbs. She knocked, which was quite unusual, and since they'd just seen each other on Friday and talked that morning, he wasn't expecting her. But Gibbs was only in the kitchen and didn't leave her standing outside too long.

He took in the coat draped over one arm and her grave expression and sighed, feeling an acute sense of disappointment. "You're leaving again."

Celeste looked at him for a long moment, then stepped inside. "No, I haven't changed my mind yet." Waiting until the door closed, she leaned against the wall and faced her ex-husband. "Why is it that we can be friends like this, but we didn't work as a couple?"

Gibbs' eyebrows rose and he sensed this wasn't a query he could brush off. "Need coffee," he said, striding back to the kitchen.

She took a seat on the couch and stared out the window. He returned with a mug for each of them and Celeste gamely took a sip, expecting it to be straight black the way he liked it. Her expression became one of surprise. "You remembered the sugar Jethro."

"I like the caffeine, you live for the sugar," he said simply.

Silence stretched out long enough to be considered awkward if they hadn't been two people that once shared a life, a home, a bed, and everything but their full hearts. Finally Gibbs reached out and put his hand over hers. "I'm glad you came back Celeste."

"I wanted to see..." she began, but felt her courage fading.

"You wanted to see if we had a chance," he finished for her.

Celeste's eyes filled with compassion and gentleness. "Does it still hurt Jethro? When you think about them?"

Gibbs sighed and sent his gaze past her and out the window, where the sky was slowly fading from dusk to twilight. "In some ways yes," he answered at last. "But I'm beginning to think Shannon probably would've lectured me good for holding on this long. My life didn't stop when they died, even if I wanted it to."

She tried to figure out the right thing to say. "I never wanted to get in the way of your memories of them."

"You understood better than others," Gibbs told her, appreciating her sensitivity now as he had then.

"I know I never really stood a chance then Jethro, not only a year after you buried them. But I was wondering," she took a deep breath, "do I stand a chance now?"

Gibbs set down his mug and forced himself to meet her eyes. "I always regretted what happened in our marriage. Ducky said once that you were wonderful and I drove you away, made it impossible for you to stay."

"I didn't want to leave," Celeste confessed, "but I couldn't stand being so lonely when we were in the same room. I told myself if I just got away, it would be okay. That it wouldn't hurt, that I would forget." She touched his face softly. "But it did hurt and I didn't forget, so I've kept coming back, just to see if anything would change."

"You deserve better than the guy who messed it up for you the first time," Gibbs told her sincerely. "I'm still difficult to get along with, still tied to my job, still have a hard time getting close."

She blinked twice. "I think it might be worth the work."

He smiled for the first time since she arrived, but it dropped quickly. "Might mess it up again."

Her reply surprised him. "And I might stay this time, just to prove you wrong."

"Always have to win, huh?"

"No." Her answer reflected a new maturity. "I'm after something more than just a prize."

"What are you looking for Les?" he asked, the nickname he had for her slipping out.

"Something you might be able to give this time, if I stick around."

Getting a straight answer out of her wasn't easy, not this night. But Gibbs had a feeling she was keeping it all ambiguous to protect them both in case of a fall out. If she never said the words, there'd be less hurt to walk away from. "You got time?" he questioned finally. "Might take awhile."

"All the time in the world," she said with a slight smile.

"Take it slow?" he confirmed.

"Snail's pace if that's what works."

"No pressure?"

"Practical expectations," she amended. "Are you willing to try to make us work?"

"There's every reason why we shouldn't," he hedged, then covered when her expression fell, "but I think we could beat the odds."

Celeste smiled into her coffee and brushed back her hair. "Alright then. I look forward to the challenge Jethro."

To his surprise, he felt the same. "Me too."

Afraid to mess it up if she stayed too long, Celeste stood. "I better be going."

He caught her hand as she walked past. "Les." Her eyes asked the question. "Come with me tomorrow?"

She smirked. "First date to a wedding? Aren't there superstitions about that?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Don't believe in superstitious nonsense."

"Of course you don't." Celeste decided that she'd really like to finally meet the people her ex-husband had deemed family. They must be pretty special to have gotten through his armour. They might actually be closer to his heart than she ever had been, maybe they knew the secret. "What time does it start?"

"1400."

"Father of the bride needs to be early. Pick me up around one?"

"I'll be there," he confirmed.

In an unexpected move, Celeste tugged him to his feet and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I missed you Jethro." She breathed in his familiar scent, and then let go quickly, before she made a fool of herself.

Celeste was gone before Gibbs could find any words and he looked after her in consternation, wondering if he was ready for what he'd just agreed to. But some things were worth the change, and he was fairly certain that building something with Celeste, stronger for the second time, was one of those things.

Draining his coffee, he headed back downstairs to his boat. Worth it didn't mean easy. He still lived with the ghosts and Gibbs wasn't entirely certain he wanted to be without them. Ghosts of memories were better than letting go completely. If he forgot, that would hurt worse than his wife and daughter being gone.

**NCIS**

The phone rang at Tony's house later that evening and he quickly snatched it up, hoping the noise hadn't disturbed Ziva, who was sleeping on the couch. "Hello?"

"Mind if I bring someone tomorrow DiNozzo?" came Gibbs' familiar gruff tone.

Tony's eyebrow rose and he shook his head. "Of course not Boss."

"It's mostly family," the older man reminded him.

"Yeah, but Ducky asked to bring Dr. Jordan and Jimmy's girlfriend Breena is coming too. No reason you can't do the same." He hesitated. "But I should probably check with Ziva, just in case."

Gibbs snorted. "Get used to that DiNozzo, always ask the wife first."

Tony smiled slowly and savoured the title Ziva would have come tomorrow. "I plan to Boss. Umm...she's sleeping right now, can I-"

"I am awake Tony," Ziva called, pushing herself up a little.

"Hang on, I'll let you talk to her." Tony rushed the phone to his fiancee and explained quietly. "Gibbs wants to bring a guest."

Ziva's eyes widened in surprise. "Hello Gibbs," she said softly.

"Ziver. How're you feeling?"

She was getting so tired of that question. "No different. Tony told me why you called."

"Got a preference?"

"Bring someone," she smiled, "our joy is meant to be shared."

"See you tomorrow," was Gibbs' sign off.

"Good night," Ziva returned. She hung up the phone and looked at Tony. "I need to go home."

He frowned. "This is home Zi."

Ziva put her palm on his cheek. "I have lived here for days Tony," she pointed out. "But tomorrow this becomes permanent and I want it to be like with other couples." She smiled. "You should not see me until tomorrow afternoon."

"That's fourteen hours," Tony joked. "I don't know if I'll make it that long." He slid his fingers between hers, letting his thumb play with her engagement ring. "What about getting ready?"

Ziva's eyes softened. "Abby is going to come over and help me in the morning. She and McGee will deliver me to Ducky's one hour before the ceremony."

He leaned forward and kissed her. "I love you Zi. I can't wait to promise that in front of everyone."

"I love you too." She shifted positions uncomfortably. "I need to use the bathroom."

Tony followed her as far as the kitchen, not giving her support unless she asked. Ziva despised showing weakness above all else. When she came out, he took her back to her apartment for the last time and kissed her goodnight. He couldn't resist running his fingers through her hair and gave her a half smile.

"You'll call me if you need anything, right? Promise?"

Ziva smiled softly. "Tony, I will be fine."

He nodded. "Yeah, but I've gotten really used to having you at my house where I can see that for myself."

She touched his face gently. "You can get used to it again after tomorrow levav sheli. I am not going anywhere."

At that point Tony had to make himself leave or else he knew he wouldn't, and he went home to dream about tomorrow and what it would be like to call Ziva his forever.

**NCIS**

Tony got back to his dark, empty house and dropped his keys in the dish. After standing there for a moment, he took some time to wander through the rooms while it was just him for the last time. When he got upstairs, Tony knew exactly what he wanted to do before he went to sleep.

He grabbed his laptop and got comfortable on his side of the bed. As much as he enjoyed sprawling out when he slept, Tony wouldn't miss that luxury when it meant trading his space for Ziva laying by his side every night. He glanced to his left and pictured her there before turning back to his task.

Pulling up a new document, Tony saved it to her folder and positioned his fingers on the keys. Words flowed out of him tonight, he barely had to pause to think. It was his heart poured out onto the blank screen.

_It's the night before our wedding Ziva, three weeks earlier than expected, but except for the toll this pregnancy is taking on you, I wouldn't change a thing._

Tony read the words over and smiled. Each one was the truth.

_I can't wait until tomorrow Zi. Aside from the surprise I have planned for you, what I most look forward to is standing there in front of our family and promising to love you for the rest of our lives._

He could imagine exactly the way the moment would go.

_I'll hold your hands, looking into your eyes as I say those words, so you know I mean them from the depths of my soul. And it's okay if you're a little afraid - it's a big step we're taking and it's permanent. There's no going back, no changing our minds after tomorrow. But because of how long we've waited and how hard we've fought to get to this, the day our marriage begins, I don't think we're going to have any doubts or regrets._

Tony took a deep breath, near the end but trying to get through it without crying as he thought about the day she would read all his thoughts and his heart for her.

_I love you Zi and I love your baby, who is about to become mine too. I'm ready sweetheart, to be her dad and your husband. I've run from that commitment and responsibility for years, but I'm not running now. It'll be worth it Zi, it will be so worth it once we finally have her to hold in our arms, once I have you with me for good._

He glanced at the clock and grinned.

_It's almost tomorrow honey and I'm counting down the hours until you're my wife. I love you with everything I am - Tony._


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: An extra chapter! Mostly because I don't want to mess up the posting schedule I have written in my calendar, lol (mock me if you will), but you are free to feel spoiled if you want. Thank you all once again for the lovely response I've been getting to these recent chapters and this story in general. Your faithfulness amazes and humbles me and I love you all for it. Thank you :) ~Aliyah_

_PS. And because a couple people have asked about them, yes Ziva will eventually see all the letters Tony has written to her over the past year that are on his laptop, but it will happen in one of the last few chapters of this story. Something to look forward to, I guess :)_

Ziva woke shortly after ten am when her phone beeped. With a sleepy smile she reached for it and Tony's words reminded her why today was so important._ Four and a half hours Zi, I'll be waiting. PS. Don't freak out if you hear noises, it's just A&M. ILY, T._

She put a hand on her bump. "This is our last morning alone ktantonet. Tomorrow Daddy will be right beside us and we will be a family." The baby kicked and she sighed. "I am glad you are getting stronger. Please stay where it is safe for just a little longer."

Even with the warning, Ziva still tensed when a thump came from the livingroom. Seconds later there was a gentle tap on the door and Abby poked her head in. "Good morning Miss Bride-to-Be. Sorry if we scared you, Tony gave us a key." She held up the shiny object and then smiled. "Are you ready to get up? McGee and I brought breakfast."

Ziva pushed herself into a semi sitting position and leaned back against the wall. "I will be out in a moment, thank you Abby."

She moved to the edge of the bed and slowly slid off onto her feet. Taking a moment to get her balance, Ziva looked down at the pyjama pants and long sleeved shirt she was wearing and added Tony's hoody, just in case Tim was uncomfortable seeing her in sleepwear. Locating an elastic band to tie up her flyaway curls, Ziva emerged from her room but stopped at a familiar smell.

Her eyes widened. "Abby, where did you find latkes?"

She grinned. "Did I get it right? I read somewhere that it's a staple in Israel." Abby glanced back at her husband and shrugged. "I thought maybe some comfort food before your wedding couldn't hurt."

Ziva moved towards the plates already set up on her small table and broke off a piece of crisp potato pancake, dipping it into the small bowl of applesauce beside her plate. She took a bite and sat down slowly. "I have not had these in years." She indicated the other chairs. "Do not let me enjoy this feast all alone." The couple quickly took their places and Ziva continued to sample her food. "My mother used to make these for dinner on Friday nights, before the Sabbath. It was our favourite food, my siblings and I."

Abby and McGee stayed quiet, just listening. They had not heard Ziva speak about her family before. Just as quickly though she shook off the mood and looked back at them. "Has anyone talked to Tony yet today?"

They exchanged glances and then McGee took the lead. "He called us at six this morning, freaking out because he was sure he forgot something, worried that it might rain..." he trailed off and Ziva's eyes narrowed.

"And the last thing?"

McGee made a face. "I think he's a little bit afraid of you changing your mind."

Ziva shook her head. "Stupid man," she muttered. "What part of 'I love you' does he not understand?"

Abby ran a hand through her hair, which Ziva had just now noticed was hanging loose around her shoulders in a way she'd only see once before. "Well, it would've been funny if it wasn't six am. But don't worry," she assured the other woman, "we told him that everything was taken care of. McGee checked the weather on his phone and guaranteed Tony that there was no rain on the forecast until early next week. And," she looked at her husband again, "both of us made it clear that we wouldn't let you change your mind."

Ziva closed her eyes and took a breath, then remembered the text she'd gotten this morning and figured Tony had probably gotten over his panic attack by now. She smiled at her friends. "I will not make your job very difficult."

Tim's arm was slung loosely over the back of Abby's chair. "We didn't think you would, but it's nice to hear you say it."

They spent the rest of breakfast chatting about innocuous things and then McGee volunteered to do the dishes and Abby suggested she lay out Ziva's dress while the bride took a shower and got ready. The other woman agreed and disappeared into the bathroom, locking the door behind her.

True to his word, Tim did actually wash the dishes. He even dried them carefully and put them away. Abby laid the dress on Ziva's bed but wanted to admire it on her friend, not on the hanger. Then she turned her attention to more important things - notably how Ziva preferred to pack.

After a little careful investigating, she saw the stacked boxes and careful lists taped to the tops. Using hand signals and whispers, Abby got her husband to put together more of the boxes while she went in search of things that could be packed without Ziva noticing. They'd have a lot of work to do after the ceremony, may as well get a head start.

While Abby and McGee played the packing fairies, Ziva had changed her mind about a shower and instead was soaking in a tub of hot water and bubbles, with her hair twisted up on top of her head. She leaned back against the wall and sighed, knowing this was as close to a mikvah - a Jewish purification bath - as she was going to get.

There was no rush. She'd planned the morning so she could sleep in and hopefully be refreshed for their early afternoon wedding. They had plenty of time to get ready and go over to Ducky's. So Ziva enjoyed the chance for her last bit of relaxation before Abby went into crazy maid of honour mode as she tried to help.

Soon enough the water cooled and Ziva got out, quickly completing some personal hygiene tasks before wrapping herself in a bathrobe and opening the bathroom door a crack. "Abby?" she called.

The girl appeared in a second as if she'd been waiting to hear her name. "What's up?"

Ziva sighed, hating this part still even though she'd have to get used to it very soon. "Can you help me wash my hair?"

Abby smiled and started to come in, but leaned back out to see her husband. "If we're not out by twelve-fifteen, go to Ducky's and help Jimmy set up. Just make sure you're back to get us for one."

"Yes ma'am," Tim quipped from his place in the livingroom where he was unhooking and labeling wires and cables for Ziva's TV, DVD player and speakers. It would be one more thing they wouldn't have to worry about later on.

Abby closed the door behind her and went to kneel beside Ziva at the bathtub. Leaning her head on a towel she'd gotten out, Ziva closed her eyes and let herself enjoy the feeling of Abby's fingers running gently through her hair, of the warm water massaging her scalp, of the clean feeling that came as the shampoo and conditioner were washed away.

Once that was finished, Abby insisted on helping Ziva blow-dry her hair, but before she could start doing the dark curls in the style Ziva had chosen for the ceremony, the Israeli woman stopped her. "I should put my dress on first. It will have to go over my head and I do not want to mess up your work."

Having looked forward to this part since she woke up, Abby agreed and gathered everything from the bathroom that she needed to do her work, depositing an armful of stuff on the desk in Ziva's room. She walked over to the bed and smoothed her hand over the soft, cottony material of the gown. (McGee already gone?)

"It looks lovely on your bed, but I bet it looks a hundred times better on you," she commented, noting that Ziva didn't look as sure. "Are you ready?"

Ziva's fingers fiddled with the tie on her robe but she couldn't yet bring herself to untie it. "Abby," she began, struggling to share the truth she'd been hiding from her colleagues for months, "you may not know this but..." she swallowed hard and Abby put her hand on Ziva's arm.

"Is it the scars?" she whispered.

The other woman's eyes flew open. "How did you know?" she asked, confused and frightened and angry and hurt and self-conscious all at the same time.

Abby's gaze fell. "The first night you stayed at Tony's he..." She twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "I called to warn him about your nightmares, to prepare him for how bad they could get. But I couldn't get the words out right away and he asked me if I was talking about the scars." Tears glistened in her light green eyes.

"I didn't know Ziva. I didn't even think about what else you might have brought home with you. He never-Tony never said anything more than that but his words..." she shook her head, "they've haunted me ever since." Abby was almost afraid to ask. "How bad are they?"

Closing her eyes, Ziva undid her robe and let it fall from her body. All she wore underneath was a strapless bra, panties and a silk slip that started at her chest and fell to just above her knees. Abby remained silent as she surveyed the damage done to the friend she was slowly coming to love as a sister. She put one hand over her mouth and was almost unaware of the tears streaming down her face.

Before she even asked Ziva for permission, her fingers traced a couple of the darker lines on her back, then she pulled away as if the touch had burned her. "Do they hurt?" she whispered.

Swallowing back her own emotion, Ziva made herself look into Abby's eyes. "No," she answered gently, "they do not hurt. And you may not believe this, but they do not look as bad as they did when I first returned." She hugged her arms around herself, feeling exposed and vulnerable. "Tony should have been the first one to see them. He has waited...so long to gain my trust, to hear the stories of Somalia that I still relive in dreams. But I am not brave enough." She shook her head. "It has been months Abby, and I have still let him in so little."

Unable to help herself, Abby folded Ziva in her arms, squeezing her tightly as she sought to make this better, somehow, when that was not even close to possible. "You let yourself love him Ziva," she said in a choked voice. "And maybe Tony won't be the first to see your scars because there was the doctors and Ducky and maybe even Gibbs and then me, but," she pulled away to look into her friend's eyes, "maybe he will be the one to heal them."

This time Ziva was the one reaching for a hug and Abby held on like she would never let go. Finally they parted, both smiling at each other and wiping away tears. They each took a deep breath and then Abby said firmly, "Okay Ms. David, we have work to do."

Submitting to Abby's ministrations, Ziva cooperated as best she could while the Goth helped her don the surprisingly light-weight dress. After turning it over in her hands for a few moments, she fixed what looked like a little shrug over Ziva's arms and shoulders and found where it attached at the back. The material was similar to her dress and gauzy but not see through, covering all the scars on her back and forearms.

The last detail was using a bit of cover up on the scar that crept from the top of her right breast up to her collarbone. By the time her friend was finished, Ziva couldn't even see the mark and she was glad. She did not want to have a reminder of Somalia intrude on her wedding day.

As Abby was checking to make sure the dress was perfect, she ventured another question. "Are you nervous?"

The other woman didn't hesitate at all. "No," she said firmly. "I am excited. I feel as if I have been waiting for this moment my whole life. Tony...he is my home now." She smiled. "I am glad we are not waiting any longer."

Happy to hear her say that, Abby finished what she was doing and then had Ziva sit in her desk chair while she finished doing her hair and put on just a touch of make up. She'd always thought Ziva looked beautiful without any extras. Once that was finished, Ziva returned the favour by helping Abby into her, predictably, black knee length dress. It had roushing on the bodice, thicker straps and more of an empire waistline. And when she twirled around to get the full effect, the material swished out around her, making Abby grin with glee. She loved fun clothing.

Abby wet her hair down and fixed her customary buns that were worn for special occasions, sticking glittery bobby pins in around each of them to dress the look up a bit. Ziva toned Abby's normal make up down a bit but did something new that really accentuated her eyes and Abby loved it.

When they were both completely ready and just awaiting their chauffeur's return, Abby glanced at Ziva a little shyly. "Is the baby awake? Can you tell?"

Ziva smiled, perfectly understanding her curiosity. "Yes, she is awake. She has been trying to turn cartwheels for the last little while I think. Maybe she knows that something important is happening today."

Abby bit her lip. "Can I...can I see what it feels like?"

"Of course," came Ziva's immediate reply. She took Abby's hand and pressed it to the front of her belly.

It was mere seconds before the girl's eyes widened and she stared at Ziva. "Wow, that is so weird!"

Ziva laughed. "You have no idea what is like from the inside." Her expression softened. "But you will soon."

Abby looked down at her own abdomen, the only evidence of her pregnancy still had to be felt to be notice. But she was starting to see a change, just barely, and she was more impatient than ever for some actual proof of the life she carried. "When did you feel it the first time?"

Ziva thought back. "I was nineteen weeks," she remembered. "Mandy said anywhere between eighteen and twenty-two weeks is normal."

Abby frowned. "That's still ages away for me."

"I know it is fun to think about," Ziva sympathized, "but it will not be long before you are tired of the baby always sitting on your bladder and kicking you in the ribs when you are trying to sleep. Do not wish away these early days, enjoy them. Things will change an awful lot very soon."

The black-haired girl leaned back against the wall. "Tim and I are going on our honeymoon next week." She gave a weak smile. "Five and a half months overdue, but at least we're getting it." Abby looked up. "I thought you'd like to know."

Ziva's eyes lit up, she wasn't even thinking about the honeymoon she and Tony were not taking for several different reasons. "Where are you going?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "Tim says it's a surprise. He won't tell me until we get to the airport." She chuckled. "I guess that's what I get for telling him I couldn't decide on a destination."

Just then the door opened and McGee walked in. "Talking about me?" he grinned, kissing Abby's cheek lightly as he took in their appearance. "Wow, you guys look fantastic. Ziva," he shook his head, "Tony's going to fall over when he sees you. That dress is perfect."

Ziva couldn't help the smile that spread over her face at his praise. He held out his arms and looked expectantly at them. "Shall we? Only one more stop to make before we deliver Ziva to Ducky's, did we forget anything?"

"No," she shook her head. "I am ready."

"Okay then." He looked like he wanted to hug her but refrained, not wanting to mess up how she looked. "Let's get this party started."

**NCIS**

Gibbs arrived at Celeste's house promptly at 1300 on Wednesday afternoon. He let himself in just as she was coming downstairs. She took in his frank appreciation of her outfit - a stylish, purple, knee length, short sleeve dress accented with a forest green wrap that hung from her arms - and spun around slowly so he could get the whole effect. When he didn't say a word, she smirked.

"I'll take the staring as a compliment."

Gibbs cleared his throat. "You look great."

Her eyes lit up. "Ah, he speaks! For a minute there I wasn't sure."

He made a face at her. "Can we take your car? It's a better wedding vehicle."

Celeste laughed. "What you really mean is you want to drive my car." He shrugged but didn't deny it. She rolled her eyes and handed him the keys. "Fine, you can have your fun. But if you mess up my hair..."

She left the threat hanging and Gibbs held up his hands. "I know, I know, you probably won't feed me for weeks."

Celeste grinned. "At least."

Holding out his elbow, he looked at her expectantly. "Ready?"

She tucked her hand around his arm. "Yes." He led her out to the car, playing the gentleman and holding her door as well. "Thank you kind sir," she teased, waiting for him to settle in. As per orders he drove at a very reasonable speed towards their destination. She let the silence rest between them for awhile, then turned her head to watch him. "Are you nervous?"

He eyed her curiously. "Why?"

Celeste shrugged. "No reason. I just think being father of the bride is a lot of responsibility." She traced her fingers over her dress for a moment, then decided to ask regardless of the consequences. "Does it make you think of-"

Gibbs cut her off with a pained look. "Don't Les," he choked out. "I can't think about her today."

She swallowed and nodded, understanding completely. What thoughts must be rushing through his mind as he prepared to give an adopted daughter away, knowing he would never get that chance with Kelly, knowing that he should have, but nothing would ever change the fact that she was gone.

Celeste put her hand on his knee. "I'm sorry Jethro," she whispered, and he couldn't tell what the apology was for, but the warmth of her hand and the support she gave without saying a word enabled him to keep himself in today and not think back eighteen years to the last time he'd seen his little girl alive. Today the past had to stay in the past. He wouldn't let it ruin Ziva's special day. He loved her too much for that.

**NCIS**

When Gibbs escorted his date to the chairs set up in Ducky's backyard near the arch where the couple would stand to say their vows, eight in all, Tony's mouth fell open. He elbowed Tim. "That's Gibbs' mysterious redhead, the one who used to pick him up all the time."

They were close enough to hear and Celeste smiled at the group warmly. "Jethro, you didn't tell me I'd become a legend."

Gibbs stared Tony into silence before introducing her. "Team, Celeste Casey."

McGee reached forward to shake her hand and looked at her curiously. "Celeste Casey, the editor?"

She grinned. "One and the same. And you must be Thom E. Gemcity, renowned author."

Tim blushed and stepped back beside Abby. "Oh, I don't know about that. Ask Abby, it's more of a hobby." Then he realized he'd neglected to do his own introductions. "Celeste, this is my wife Abby."

"Hello Abby," Celeste greeted, "I remember you. You always were Gibbs' favourite."

"Still is," Tony muttered under his breath, then grinned when it was his turn. "Very Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo at your service."

"Always the charmer, aren't you Tony?" she inquired, a knowing look in her eyes.

Tony's expression grew more serious and he shook his head. "No ma'am, not anymore. At least, not for anyone except my fiancee."

Gibbs cast a glance around the property. "Where is Ziva?"

"Ducky let her use the downstairs bedroom to get ready in. She'll probably want to see you." Tony looked that way himself, anxious to get things stared.

He turned to Celeste. "Alright out here if I go see her?"

"I'm sure present company will keep me most entertained. Go Jethro, you have a daughter who needs you."

Gibbs left her side to kiss Abby's cheek, making more of an effort to be lavishing attention on her as well. "More than one," he whispered so she could hear, then strode off towards Mallard Manor.

Tony looked after him longingly and even took a step in that direction, but McGee stepped in front of him. "No way pal, you know the rules. You'll see her in less than half an hour, just cool it."

The groom did not seem to be in the mood to follow tradition. "What if I promise to keep my eyes closed? Then I won't actually see her. I just want to talk to her for...a minute."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Nice try DiNozzo. You. Stay. Put. Here. That's an order. Do not make me break out my superglue."

Tony looked at the small black clutch she was carrying with mild fear and respect. He'd seen what Abby could do with superglue and it wasn't pretty. Heaving a frustrated sigh, he dropped into one of the chairs and glanced towards the manor again. So close and yet so very far away...

Seeking to be a distraction, Celeste moved closer and took a seat across from him. "So Tony, tell me how you met Ziva."

At the mention of his fiancee's name, the man lit up and he grinned before settling back to tell the tale, while the rest of the group gathered around to listen in. "Well, it all started six years ago when she walked into the bullpen and asked me if I was having phone sex..."


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: Finally, the chapter you've all been waiting for. I sincerely hope it lives up to expectations. I did a decent amount of research on Jewish wedding traditions but please forgive me if I've gotten anything wrong. Enjoy!_

Gibbs knocked twice on the door, then pushed it open. Ziva was standing by the window staring out, bathed in muted sunshine through the gauze curtains. She turned to greet him, holding her flowers, and smiled. He had to do the same. "You're living up to your name today Ziver. You look beautiful."

Ziva swallowed and blinked quickly. "Thank you." She brushed her hand over her dress. "It was a great gift."

His nod was brief. "Nothing more than you deserved." Gibbs walked over and took her hands. "It's almost time."

She glanced back towards the window which faced the yard. "Is Tony here?"

He snorted. "Yeah. And trying everyone's patience because they won't let him near the house."

"He is not the only one who is anxious to begin," Ziva admitted softly. Then her gaze shadowed. "We are doing the right thing, are we not?"

Gibbs regarded her seriously. "Why ask?"

She fiddled with the flower stems. "We have always been all wrong for each other, but neither could we stay away. It was always the wrong time and I...want to be sure."

Gibbs tipped her chin up. "Six years ago you were all wrong for each other. You were wild and impulsive and Tony was too immature to see through that. Four years ago you were friends who weathered a storm together but had no chance as anything else. Two years ago the timing didn't work - both people and issues professional and personal stood in your way."

"But now," he gave her a small smile, "now there is nothing and no one between you. The two of you have become so much more than partners and everything about the promise you are making today is right." He kissed her forehead. "Trust your heart Ziva, it chose the right man."

It was a watery smile she returned and then she rested her head on his shoulder for a moment, basking in everything he was offering - the love of a father and the wisdom of one who had seen even more of life than she. Finally he stepped back and looked into her eyes. "Ready?"

Ziva nodded. "I love you Abba. Thank you for...thank you for this."

Gibbs understood and accepted her appreciation. "It's my honour to be given that place in your life Ziva. Now let's go, you have a fiancé waiting."

The moment Gibbs and Ziva stepped out of the house, music began playing and Tony grasped a microphone in sweaty hands. Ziva heard the opening words, but from the distance they were away she couldn't see that it was him singing. Then she couldn't do anything but stare as each step took her closer and what he was saying finally made sense to her ears.

"I may not say it quite as much as I should/but when I say I love you darling that means for good./So open up your heart and let me in./And I will love you until forever/until death do us part we'll be together./So take my hand and hold on tight/and we'll get there, this I swear."

Ziva had forgotten, or maybe she'd never heard how good Tony's voice was. He'd timed the song perfectly so when he sang, "So take my hand..." with his own outstretched, she placed her palm over his.

When Tony got his first close up look at Ziva, he almost forgot the next words. She was practically glowing as she walked on the grass towards him in a dress more beige than white that flowed softly over her bump and down to the ground. He didn't think he'd ever seen her look more stunning.

Ziva's hair was down and curly, just how he loved it, gathered over her shoulder and off to one side, secured with a white flower behind her ear. It was all Tony could do to keep his mouth from falling open. He hoped his eyes conveyed to her what words could not.

By the time she reached his side, Ziva could no longer keep the tears from dripping down her cheeks and was glad that Abby insisted on using waterproof make-up. The love and truth shining in Tony's eyes as he sang her a promise just multiplied the happy tears and she gratefully took the handkerchief Ducky held out.

Her husband-to-be looked so handsome standing there in a black cashmere suit with a white shirt and stylish silk tie. She ran her fingers down it and then hugged him, almost overcome by emotion. Whoever thought she, Ziva David, would ever be here - about to be married, about to have a child, about to be truly happy for the first time in her life?

Tony held Ziva close, crooning soft words in her ear that sounded like, "It's okay," and, "You look amazing." Then he pulled back just enough to kiss her cheek and murmur the words against her skin. "You ready for this?"

She nodded and wiped her eyes, but nearly cried again when he reached out to catch a tear she'd missed. Ziva took a deep breath and looked at Gibbs who stood back, waiting. She went to him for a hug which he willingly gave, then kissed her cheek. Gibbs cupped her face and stared into her eyes.

"I love you like my own Ziver and this family isn't right without you in it. Mazel tov." Ziva put her hand over his and closed her eyes, convinced now that they'd all conspired to see how much they could make her cry today. He turned to Tony next and held out a hand. "You do me proud son." Gibbs squeezed harder and looked at Ziva. "Take care of her."

Tony swallowed hard, his own eyes a bit shiny. "On it Boss."

The familiar reply caused a tiny bit of laughter from the group and finally they faced Dr. Kalev. Ziva handed Abby her flowers so she could hold Tony's hand. The older man looked amused at the proceedings, but didn't comment. Instead he gestured to the small table set up to his left.

"Because Tony and Ziva are of two different faiths, they have chosen to include a few Jewish customs in their otherwise traditional American ceremony. This is a ketubah, a traditional marriage contract. We will now sign it in the presence of myself and Dr. Mallard."

Tony held her hand as they walked to the table and he scrawled his signature. Then Ziva took the pen, signing her own name for the last time. They returned to their place under the arch and Jacob continued.

"In Israel when a couple is married they come together under the chuppah - a canopy held up on four poles, symbolizing their new life. But today this arch stands in. With its open sides it encourages Tony and Ziva to have their home open to family and friends as they begin their new life together."

At that point they took a step back and Ziva started walking slowly around Tony while Dr. Kalev explained. "The seven circles reminds us of the seven days of creation and represents the new life the bride and groom are creating together. Also, it parallels the story of Jericho and just as the walls came crumbling down after the seventh day and the seventh time around, so Tony and Ziva face the challenge of breaking down any walls that exist between them from this day on."

That statement cut to the heart and Ziva's steps faltered. But she completed the final circle and smiled a little uncertainly at Tony as he tightened his grip on her hand. They would get through this, through all the walls that still stood between them. It wouldn't be easy but Tony was prepared to work as hard as need be for it to happen. Gibbs was right, it would be worth all the effort.

Jacob smiled and opened the small book he held. "Tony and Ziva, if you would face each other and join hands." They did and he began. "We are gathered here together in the sight of God and the presence of these witnesses to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony. If at this time anyone can show just cause why they should not be wed, please speak now or forever hold your peace."

Everyone held their breath and no one moved a muscle. Tony and Ziva looked intently into each other's eyes, holding a silent conversation.

_Are you sure about this? _he asked with raised eyebrows. _There's still time to back out._

Ziva took one of his hands and set it on the side of her belly. _We are not going anywhere_, her gaze and her touch promised. _There is nowhere else I would rather be._

Then the moment was over and Dr. Kalev cleared his throat. "Very well then, we shall begin. Do you have the rings?" McGee reached into his jacket pocket and handed Tony a small black box that held both of their wedding bands. Tony gave it to Jacob who opened it and offered the box to Tony first, then Ziva. He looked up at the guests. "Tony and Ziva will now take turns exchanging vows."

Tony took a deep breath and began. "I take you as my partner, my lover and my friend."

Ziva swallowed and met his eyes. "I pledge to you my life and love from this day on."

"I promise to treat you with tenderness, devotion and love. To be there when the darkness comes, to dance in sunshine and shelter you from shadows." _And from everything hiding in the shadows_, he added silently.

"I will be your light when you cannot see in the dark, I will be your joy when there is none to be found."

Tony caressed her knuckles with his thumb. "I will be your strength when you can't stand and your happiness even in a well of tears."

Ziva kept her gaze locked on his. "I will be strong for you when you cannot be strong anymore. I will love you with every breath for every day we have left."

"I promise to stand by you through trouble, trials, and truth," he continued. _Truth I don't even know if I'm ready to hear._

"I will do my best to share not only the easy things, but those that are hard." She knew what he was thinking of and it was why she couldn't promise, but she could promise to try.

Tony stood a little straighter, sparing a glance at her belly with a smile. "I will raise our child with everything we never had - two parents who love her and each other more than anything else, who make their family their number one duty because it's the most important one."

Ziva blinked back more tears because she didn't want to ruin this beautiful moment. "I will be forever thankful because you have saved me in so many different ways."

"I promise to protect and defend you - even if you don't need me to fight for you - because you deserve for me to." It was important to Tony that he be the man, that he be the one who cared for his family even if Ziva could take care of herself perfectly well without him.

She smiled. "I will be your helpmate and partner in life and in love, at work and at home, raising our baby and working side by side with you always."

Tony cleared his throat, they were nearing the end. "I promise you all the days of my life. I told you once that I couldn't live without you. Today I am so grateful that I'll never have to do that again."

Her eyes were a deep well of everything he wanted to explore with her in this life. "I trust you with my life, my heart and my child. Thank you for being exactly what I need." With a gentle push she slid the band over his knuckle and repeated the quote that had been engraved inside their rings. "Ani l'dodi, ve dodi li."

He pressed the ring onto Ziva's finger and said the same words in English, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

When they finished speaking, Jacob smiled broadly. "By the power vested in me, I now pronounced you man and wife. Tony, you may kiss your bride."

Feeling like he'd been waiting his entire life to hear those words, Tony lifted his hands to Ziva's face. "Ani ohev otach," he whispered onto her lips. Before Ziva could even show her surprise, he kissed her softly, then pulled back, there was no pressure at all for it to be anything more than a simple sealing of their promise.

Ziva closed her eyes and drank in the scent of him. "I love you too."

He leaned down to kiss her bump. "I love you too Baby DiNozzo." She smiled brilliantly at him and Dr. Kalev had to clear his throat to get their attention.

They held hands and faced their family. "I give you for the first time Mr. and Mrs. Tony and Ziva DiNozzo. Mazel tov."

The team jumped from their seats and hurried to surround and congratulate the couple. Hugs, kisses and pats on the back were exchanged, with everyone laughing and smiling and crying for joy. When things had settled down, Dr. Kalev held up his hands to get their attention.

"We are going to employ a Jewish custom called 'yichud' which means 'alone together' and gives the bride and groom some quality time following the ceremony. Tony and Ziva, Tim and Abby, if you will come with me to sign the marriage certificate, the newlyweds can begin their time alone."

With Abby and McGee acting as witnesses, Tony and Ziva signed on the appropriate lines, barely able to concentrate for the joy fogging their minds. At long last it was official and they were a family. Ziva had to take a breath to calm down before she could sign first her old and then her new name without a shaking hand.

Then it was done and Jacob clasped their hands. "Congratulations. May God bless your lives together. Kol tuv, be well." With that he left them and headed for the refreshments table where everyone had gathered.

Tony turned to Ziva and pulled her so close he could feel her trembling. "You okay?"

She nodded and tried to smile. "I cannot believe this is really real."

He grinned. "As real as the rings on our fingers babe." Tony tipped her chin up, searching her eyes. "How're you holding up?"

Ziva tilted her head to the side. "I am too happy to be tired."

Tony raised an eyebrow as he softly traced the skin under her eyes. "Want to try that again?"

Ziva wrinkled her nose at him. "Perhaps I am a little tired."

"I thought so." He slid his fingers through hers. "Take a short walk with me for our yichud time? Then I promise you can sit down for awhile."

She leaned into him. "I would love to."

The team watched as Tony and Ziva started a slow circuit of Ducky's yard. Gibbs stood beside Celeste with his glass of punch. "We've got two hours, three max, to pack, move and unpack once they leave." He glanced at the Goth. "Abby, how's it look?"

Perched on McGee's lap, Abby sung her small bouquet back and forth. "Ziva had several boxes packed when we got there, and Tim and I got the kitchen mostly finished while she showered. So it's clothes, books, movies and decorative stuff that still has to be packed, then the furniture. There's five of us, how long can it take?"

"Five?" Celeste interjected, looking around the group. "I count eight."

McGee slid his arm around Abby's back. "This is a family thing Celeste. It's not fair to ask guests to help."

"What if the guests volunteer?" Celeste wanted to know, though she could tell she was treading a thin line.

Abby didn't look too happy that she was interfering. None of them were certain what her role was in Gibbs' life yet and she could see from their expressions that they were protective of him. She would remain on the outside until she proved she was going to stay, or until they could see her make him happy again. It was a sentiment she understood and a boundary she wanted to respect.

Gibbs gave her a mild glare that might've been a warning. "Les-"

She cut him off. She'd never been very good at listening anyways. "Jethro I want to do something! Let me be useful, please."

Aware of the tension, Breena twirled a section of hair around her finger. "Jimmy told me some of what is going on and I wish I could stay, but it was hard enough to get my father to let me off work for a couple hours, let alone the rest of the day," she explained apologetically.

Jordan laid her hand on Ducky's arm. "I'd love to offer my services as well Donny, but unfortunately I have bodies to get back to."

"Down to six then," Gibbs growled. "Think we'll make it?"

"Doesn't seem to me as we have much choice Jethro," Ducky observed. "But if anyone is capable of pulling it off, I believe it is this group. We are, after all, doing this out of love."

The newlyweds made it back then and everyone sat and chatted for awhile longer once Ziva was off her feet, more to keep her distracted than anything else. After a few minutes Adrian approached the group, camera in hand. Tony stood to shake his hand.

"You throw a pretty decent wedding DiNozzo," his friend smiled.

"Yeah, well you're not too bad at that photography stuff you were always playing around with. I barely even noticed you." He saw Adrian eyeing Ziva and stood to the side to introduce his wife. "Adrian Platz, this is my...Ziva."

Adrian grinned and took the hand Ziva held out, kissing the back rather than shaking it. "It's a pleasure to meet the woman who claimed Anthony DiNozzo Jr.'s heart. To be honest, I wasn't sure it could be done."

Ziva's eyes sparkled. "It was not an easy task." She reached for her husband's hand. "But well worth the wait." The two were quickly lost again in one of their intense staring competitions and Adrian cleared his throat.

"Okay guys, before any serious PDA'ing begins, let's get some group shots, shall we?"

He led the way back to where the arch was set up and positioned everyone where he wanted them. Tony and Ziva, with Gibbs and Ducky slightly behind and to their sides and Tim and Abby sitting on the grass in front of them. Jimmy was put on Ducky's right, while Breena, Celeste and Dr. Jordan watched from the chairs.

Adrian took several pictures, calling out instructions and changing things around until he was sure he had enough to choose from. Just before he dismissed them, Ziva caught his attention. "May we have one with everyone? I would like to have it as a memory."

"As you wish my lady," Adrian bowed and motioned the waiting women to join in.

Ziva's eyes flickered to Tony's at the well-remembered phrase and he mouthed the words, certain lip-reading was among her skills somewhere. And even if it wasn't, Abby did possess the ability and felt a thrill shoot through her watching how happy her friends were together. She slid her fingers into Tim's and leaned against him, soaking in the joy of the day.

The last photos taken were of all the couples together and separately. Then Tony joined Adrian to thank him again for being so discreet and ask how he thought the pictures were going to turn out, and the ladies chatted while McGee and Jimmy began slowly folding up chairs and returning Ducky's yard to its previous undecorated state. Finally everything was back to normal and while the team enjoyed their time with Tony and Ziva, they had places to be and things to do, so one by one they stood and found reasons to leave.

"Thank you for loving him Ziva," Abby whispered as she held her friend tight. "You have no idea how much he needs you."

"Almost as much as I need him," she replied quietly. "Have a great honeymoon. After this long of a wait you deserve it."

Tim was next to wrap his arms around Ziva as Abby tackled Tony with a hug, for once out of words to say. "Congratulations Ziva. I'm so happy for you."

Ziva relaxed against him. "Thank you McGee, for everything. You gave me this chance by bringing me back. You and Abby always believed, you saw somehow that we could do this, that we could be together. Thank you."

"My reward is to see you happy. I cherish that." He smiled. "We'll see you in a week and a half."

Ducky and Jimmy and their respective dates offered congratulations and best wishes to the couple before leaving. When the ME bent down to kiss her cheek, Ziva whispered a thank you in his ear for what he and Gibbs had given her, causing the older man to smile broadly.

Then only Gibbs and Celeste were left. Celeste hung back when he approached them, not wanting to intrude. Gibbs nodded at Tony. "I don't want to see you until Monday DiNozzo. I'd give you longer but with Abby and McGee gone I need you around."

Not knowing what to say because he'd been expecting a day at the most, Tony threw on his familiar grin. "Ah, at last you admit it, you need me." Gibbs glared and Tony swallowed, then shook his boss's hand. "Thanks."

Ziva was next. "Bedrest. Follow the rules. I want you both healthy." He moved closer. "He's a good man, trust him."

She nodded and hugged him. "I will try, thank you Gibbs."

"Take care Ziver."

Celeste tucked her hand into Gibbs' elbow as they walked away. "You made a good choice," she commented, and he turned to her.

"For what?"

She looked around at the people leaving, at the couple they'd left behind, and smiled. "For a family."

He sighed and put his arm around her waist, holding her close for a brief moment. "Yeah. They're one thing I finally did right."

Celeste touched his cheek gently. "Whether you believe it or not, you are a good man Jethro Gibbs. And they are lucky to have you."

Gibbs didn't say anything else as they got in her car and drove away. But he spared a glance back at Tony and Ziva with mixed feelings. They deserved for this to be easy, to work out well, to be without complications. But it wasn't going to happen like that and he wondered what challenges they might be facing next. The games had just begun.


	22. Chapter 22

Once their guests were all gone, Tony held out his hand to Ziva. "Ready?"

She accepted his help and followed him to his car, only mildly festooned with streamers and a 'Just Married' sign. They got in and Ziva leaned back, glad for the padded seat. Tony glanced at her. "Is that dress comfortable? Did you want to change?"

She smiled at his thoughtfulness. "It is comfortable but I would rather be in jeans I think."

Tony pointed to the bag in the backseat. "I put Abby in charge of getting you another outfit. We can change at my...I mean, our house, okay?"

"Our house," Ziva repeated slowly. "Yes, that is fine."

The rest of the drive was spent in quietness, only Tony's thumb stroking over the back of her hand. They pulled into the driveway and he ran around the car to assist her. He brought the bag in and when Ziva opened the door, she suddenly knew. "You did this on purpose."

He looked confused. "What?"

She waved her hand to encompass the room. "This - getting me to decorate. You planned it."

Unsure if he was in trouble, Tony put his hands in his pockets and answered. "Umm...yeah, yeah I did." He watched her expression carefully. "Is that okay?"

Ziva shook her head. "I did not realize how far you were planning ahead."

He quirked a grin. "Are you scared off yet?"

She was intent on her thoughts. "No. I am...amazed." She looked around again. "I am glad it is ours now. It feels like a good place to make home."

Tony stood beside her. "I've been waiting months for this moment, but having you here is even better than I imagined." He brushed back one of her curls that had escaped from the hairstyle. "Get changed down here and avoid the stairs for now. I'll be right back if you uh...need help with anything."

Ziva smirked. "You are hoping I need help."

He shrugged, there was no point in hiding it. "Guilty."

She put her back to him. "There are little hooks holding the back and sleeves on the dress. Can you undo them?"

Not in the least bit interested in pushing his luck, Tony quickly found the fasteners she'd indicated the separated the two pieces of material. "There." He frowned. "Did it come like that, your dress?"

Ziva turned around and shook her head. "I got it made with the same material. I am not ready for everyone else to see...what was done."

He touched her cheek. "There's no pressure Ziva, know that. But when you're ready to show me the rest of your scars, I'll be here."

She smiled briefly. "I know. I will go change clothes now."

Tony gave her the bag and went up to switch his own formal clothes for worn in ones. When Ziva emerged he pointed to the couch, kissed her forehead and watched her fall asleep. Then he headed for the kitchen, there was work to do.

**NCIS**

Sometime later when everything was ready, Tony sat down carefully beside his sleeping wife on the couch. She looked peaceful and happy and he smiled at the gold band on her left hand. They'd really done it, they'd actually gotten married and Tony was pretty sure it would be a month before he stopped grinning constantly. Or until Gibbs slapped the expression off his face, which was a possibility.

With a gentle touch he ran his knuckles down her cheek and bent to brush his lips over Ziva's. As much as he knew surprising her wasn't the best idea, Tony really wanted a Sleeping Beauty moment with her. She stirred and he pulled away, thinking of all the mornings he had to look forward to when he could kiss her awake.

Ziva blinked and her eyes slowly focused. She smiled faintly. "Hello."

"Hi," he chuckled, absently rubbing his thumb over the side of her bump. "Ready to be awake for awhile?"

She pushed herself up a bit. "What did you have in mind?"

Tony pointed to the basket on the floor by the door. "A picnic?"

Her face lit up. "Yes." She took his hands to get up and slid her feet into flats. "Where are we going?"

He shook his head. "That's for me to know and you to find out. Are you ready Mrs. DiNozzo?"

Ziva bit her lip. "You like saying that."

Tony's self control lost the battle and he skimmed his fingers across her cheeks and into her hair. "Yes," he whispered onto her lips. "You're my wife Zi, that's never going to get old." He captured her lips for a kiss, glad to find her responsive to his touch but ending it before he got too involved. "So, ready?" Tony asked, staring at her with so much love and joy that Ziva almost felt like she was drowning.

She laced her fingers with his, trying to tell him everything in her heart with a look and a touch. "Let us go."

Us. That's what they were now for better or worse. Together in a way that overshadowed everything they'd ever been. As far as Tony was concerned, today was the best day.

**NCIS**

Gibbs lifted the last box into his borrowed truck and trailer at five-thirty pm, two hours after they'd arrived at Ziva's apartment. Abby's cellphone emitted a ghostly cackle and she pulled it out to read the text. "Tony took Ziva on a picnic, he thinks he can keep her busy until six-thirty at the latest." She looked up and frowned. "Geez, that only gives us an hour."

"Let's go!" Gibbs barked and everyone jumped to obey.

They all piled into vehicles and headed for Tony and Ziva's house. Abby, entrusted with the keys to both places, unlocked the door, propped it open and came bouncing back out waving a sheet of paper. "Tony left instructions," she announced, "and presents. But those are for later."

Six people soon formed an assembly line to unload, though Abby did most of the directing and only carried light stuff because McGee wanted her to be careful. At six-fifteen she texted Tony and asked him to stall - they needed another half hour. He informed her they would stop for ice cream and to let him know when the coast was clear. Finally everything was arranged and what had no place to go was left in the upstairs guest room. The group gathered in the kitchen so Abby could pass out the thank you gifts and cards Tony had left for them.

"Bourbon for Gibbs, a bottle of wine for Celeste," she began, smiling as she handed them out.

Over the last couple of hours she'd warmed to Celeste. The woman pitched in and worked hard and she and Gibbs moved together with an ease that spoke of years of practice. It had been a long time and Abby wanted him to be happy. For now, she'd decided Celeste was okay. She was a long way from being accepted into the family, but she was okay.

"Jimmy, here's a gift certificate for you to take Breena out to dinner," she continued. "And Ducky, tickets to a play for you and Dr. Jordan." Abby giggled as she gave her husband his. "He found you a jetpack movie Tim, and ooh!" she squealed, "the new Plastic Death CD, yes!" She did a happy dance and they all tried not to laugh at Abby being Abby.

Ducky checked his watch. "I believe it is time to make ourselves scarce. Good work everyone, and goodnight."

They collected their things, did a cursory check to make sure everything looked good, and locked up, leaving the keys behind a loose shingle on the porch. Their work here was done.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat with her legs stretched out on the blanket, leaning back on one hand and eating grapes with the other. They were in a small meadow outside the city. It was quiet and peaceful and perfect. She smiled at Tony. "I like your surprises."

He flopped onto his back and stared up at the blue sky. "I'll keep that in mind." He folded his arms under his head and grinned. "I think this is my favourite day ever."

Ziva raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Is it? Even better than Spring Break or our first undercover assignment?"

Tony caught her hand in his. "Definitely. Because this is real Zi and it's ours forever. Nothing else compares to that." She lay down near him and placed her hands over her stomach. Tony rolled over and propped himself up on his elbows. "What's the baby up to?"

Ziva thought for a moment. "She has settled down. She was very active during the ceremony, I am surprised you did not notice."

He grinned. "I was a little preoccupied with a certain dark eyed exotic beauty." He paused. "Were you happy with how it went?"

"I am glad we were able to put in the traditions from my culture. That made it complete." She glanced at him. "I am excited to see the pictures. Your friend was very discrete."

Tony nodded. "Adrian's good at what he does." He checked his watch and gave her a searching glance. "How're you feeling?"

"Content," Ziva answered before she realized the context of his question. She sat up to shake her head. "Can you at least pretend to stop worrying about me? I am fine."

He was not convinced. "I think we have very different ideas of what that word means. It's probably time to head back anyways."

Conceding the point, Ziva helped Tony pack things up and fold the blanket. On the way back he felt his phone vibrate and waited until Ziva wasn't looking to check it. A text from Abby begged him to buy them a little more time, so he took a right turn.

Ziva looked at him. "I thought we were going home?"

Tony put on his best smile. "I kind of feel like ice cream. Do you mind?"

Dessert didn't sound half bad so she nodded, accepting that being married to Tony would sometimes be like experiencing life with a ten year old on a sugar high. But it was nothing she wasn't used to already and it would certainly keep things interesting.

"I would like a brownie with whipped cream."

Tony seemed surprised. "Ahh...a challenge. Okay, let's see..." He put some serious thought into their choices and then snapped his fingers. "I got it!"

Without sharing his revelation, he took them to an old fashioned, nineteen-fifties style diner complete with soda fountain. They fit right in with the varied patrons and sat in a booth while they waited. Lindy, their waitress, appeared a minute later and assured them that both Tony's desire for a banana split and Ziva's warmed up brownie with whipped and ice cream could be satisfied.

The couple sat smiling at each other until their orders arrived and Tony watched Ziva close her eyes at the first bite like she was getting a little taste of heaven. "Mmm..." Her sigh was pure bliss. She held out her fork to him. "Try some."

It was as close as they'd get to sharing cake and he obliged, his eyes widening as the chocolate almost melted on his tongue. "Wow, good choice."

She declined to try his split because he'd eaten all the chocolate sauce and they sat quietly until their desserts were gone. Tony left a generous tip and they got back in the car to head towards the house. It was just after seven pm and Tony hoped that was enough stalling. A confirmation text arrived five minutes later - _Mission complete_! - and he smiled. So far, so good.

**NCIS**

An hour and a half later Tony and Ziva were hanging out on the couch watching the end of _A Walk In The Clouds_. He'd saved that one special because in some ways the movie mirrored their story. Ziva had started out just cuddling with him, but now she lay curled up beside him, her head resting on the pillow in his lap, his fingers running through her messy curls. She was fighting sleep but Tony hoped she could hold out for awhile longer, he still had plans for tonight.

When the credits rolled Ziva looked up at him. "It is a good thing Eli does not own a vineyard." She fingered his shirt. "You do not like to get dirty."

Tony chuckled. "I think I could handle it." He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "How about we head upstairs and get changed for bed? That way we're ready once we do feel like sleeping."

A wariness crept into her eyes but she gamely walked with him to the second floor. At the bedroom door she stopped as something suddenly occurred to her. "Tony," she said quietly, "I do not have anything to wear. My sleep clothes are still at my apartment."

Tony chuckled and led her into the room walking backwards, then indicated her dresser and wardrobe already fit in along the wall. The bookcase Gibbs made and her chair and footstool were in the corner. "Actually, they're not."

Ziva's eyes widened. "How...?"

He shrugged. "I asked the team for a favour and they said yes. Well..." he amended, "Abby volunteered them to help and no one felt like arguing with a seventeen week pregnant extremely hormonal Goth who has the ability to make all their lives miserable." Tony looked hopeful. "Are you surprised?"

Her brow creased. "I think I am...speechless." She looked around and rubbed her forehead. "I appreciate everything that has been done, but it all feels like too much for one day."

Tony turned on the stereo on the far side of the room and soft strains of classical music drifted through the speakers. He moved in front of her. "Ziva DiNozzo, may I have this dance?" It was something they hadn't been able to work into their change of plans, but he still wanted the moment.

Ziva flashed him a pleased smile and stepped into his arms. It was a little different, dancing with the baby between them, but right now Tony wouldn't have it any other way. He cradled her body against his for the length of several songs, leading them in slow circles around the room. The more they danced, the more Ziva relaxed and finally he stopped.

"Thank you."

Her hand found his cheek and she went to her dresser, glad to find Abby had put everything back where it was originally. She made a beeline for the bathroom and as soon as the door closed, Tony threw on a pair of drawstring pj pants and a white t-shirt. He was waiting on the bed flipping through TV channels when Ziva returned. But the guarded look was back and that wouldn't do. Tonight needed to be relaxed and comfortable. The last thing he wanted was a reason for her to dream.

He patted the spot beside him and held out his hand. "C'mere."

Ziva didn't look certain about being on the bed with him yet, so Tony got another idea. Motioning for her to sit, he went into the bathroom and paused momentarily, soaking in the sight of Ziva's things mixed with his. He grabbed her brush and returned. "Can I braid your hair?"

Smiling at the memories his words evoked, Ziva nodded and angled her body so he could sit beside her on the edge of the bed. He couldn't put into words the intimacy he felt brushing the brown waves and running his fingers softly through them as he separated her hair into three sections and slowly wove them together. But touching her that way had always seemed to bring them closer and he wasn't going to question it.

Tony did it wrong the first time and Ziva laughed at his frustration over something so small, saying he was out of practice and she would show him again. But she didn't seem as tense, so having to try a second time was worth it. Finally he set the brush down and tugged her around to face him.

"Our first night together married Zi, are you nervous?"

Looking into Ziva's eyes, he saw fear directed at him for the first time, because he now had a right to ask for everything she was still unable to give. Even if she wasn't eight and a half months pregnant and Mandy hadn't expressly forbid it, physical intimacy still wouldn't've been a question.

"Ziva," he whispered, caressing her face, "I said I would wait, I promised. I'm not going to ask until I know you're ready."

She swallowed and looked away. "And if I am not?"

Tony turned her chin back towards him. Leaning in, he captured her lips in a gentle, loving kiss. "I have you now Zi, that's all that matters. The rest is not that important."

Ziva threw her arms around him, holding on for dear life. Her side was pressed against him, because hugging him with the baby in the way would've put too much space between them and she needed this. "I love you Tony," she said into his shirt.

He drew his arms tightly around her. "I can never hear that enough." Then Tony bent down and kissed Ziva's belly. "Time for bed Chipmunk. You be nice and let Mommy rest, okay? It's been a long day."

In a moment that took Tony back to their two weeks at his apartment, Ziva stood to pull back the covers and crawled in on her side. Tony joined her and they lay there just looking at each other. Finally Tony brushed her hair back. "Was it a good wedding Mrs. DiNozzo?" He just wanted to make sure.

She had to blink back tears as she nodded. "Yes." Ziva took a breath. "I am an American citizen now. Today I am a wife. In a month I will become a mother. This is a dream I never thought I would have."

Tony pressed his lips to hers for a long moment, then pulled back and looked deeply into her eyes. It was so tempting to take liberties with her now, but that was not what she needed. "I plan on making that a habit," he informed her, running his thumb over her eyebrow, down her cheek and across her lips. "And it's something I won't get tired of. But I don't want to take advantage of those vows we made today. You'll let me know if it's ever too much?"

Rolling over to hide from him just how overwhelming everything was at the moment, Ziva reached for his hand and pulled him in to lay behind her. She tucked a pillow between her knees and tried hard to relax. Tony's warmth and solid body behind her was something she had never expected to feel again after she moved to her own place. Now she would have it for always, because he was her husband. Just thinking the word still sent shivers down her spine. _My husband_. It was enough to keep the smile on her face. But Tony wasn't done with her yet.

He sat up halfway so he could see her face and shook his head slowly. "Don't hide from me Ziva. Don't start our marriage this way, with secrets. You need to tell me what you're thinking." Tony gave her a half grin. "As much as I wish I had that power, I can't always read your mind."

Ziva sighed and closed her eyes. "Today has been overwhelming. Everything the team did, our wedding, seeing the differences and the way we act now that we are married." She reached up to caress his cheek and he held her hand to his skin, not wanting to lose the contact. "I think everything will feel like too much for a long time. But that does not mean I do not want to get used to it." She smiled softly. "I will not ask you not to kiss me, that is not fair. But I will let you know how much I can handle."

He kissed her palm and her shoulder and snuggled back down behind her. "Thank you," he whispered. Ziva wondered if he would be so grateful for her honesty once he found out everything he had yet to hear, but that he cared enough to not let her push away even the little things was so much more than she deserved. He wanted to start their marriage right and she would do her best to follow his lead.

Satisfied, Tony rested his head beside hers on the pillow, turning slightly so that when he breathed, her scent was all he could smell. This, laying here in bed with Ziva in his arms, was everything Tony had wanted for a year. Now it was finally his. At that moment, there was nothing else to wish for because he had it all.


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: So glad you all enjoyed the wedding chapters! I loved how the wedding turned out but this morning after is one of my favourite scenes, such a great visual of T&Z together. So much more to come, I can't wait to share it with you guys. Thank you so much for your faithful reading and reviews, you guys are amazing! :)_

_Hebrew:_

_**Ahava **__- love_

_**Tinoket **__- baby girl_

_PS. Tiva Lovah - are you SURE you don't want to get an account just for reviewing and PM'ing? I would so love to chat with you and respond to all your lovely reviews. Your perspective, thoughtful words and reactions are very much appreciated! _

_And thank you to all my other non-signed in reviewers. I read each of your reviews and wish I could respond and let you know how much I love hearing from you. Thank you!_

Tony opened his eyes the next morning to bright sunshine. But it wasn't the time that surprised him. Brown wavy hair rested on the pillow inches from his nose. His arm lay over a woman's body, her stomach rounded from thirty-four weeks of pregnancy. Her soft breathing spoke of sleep not yet disturbed, her warmth against him welcome even though April mornings were not as chilly as those in March.

Lifting his left hand, Tony focused on the solid gold band firmly hugging his fourth finger. The ring still felt strange, he wasn't used to the weight, but Tony loved the constant reminder it was that this was real. Not a dream, not a hope, not something he'd imagined. But they were here and Ziva was his and it was finally real.

Grinning like he'd won the lottery, Tony suddenly felt movement against his arm. Gently he rubbed Ziva's belly. "Mornin' Chipmunk," he whispered. "I know you're running out of room in there, but could you let Mom sleep just a little bit longer? Yesterday was a big day for us and she's probably still pretty tired."

The reason they'd moved up the wedding nagged at the back of Tony's mind, but he pushed it away. This was their first morning as husband and wife, he didn't want to ruin it by worrying. Relaxing again, Tony was content just to lay there and listen to his wife breathe, to watch her sleep, to marvel at the miracle that was their new life together.

Wife. What a beautiful word. Ziva was his wife. A giddiness he couldn't control ran through his body and Tony fought the urge to laugh. This, right here in their room in their house sharing their bed, was something at one point he'd almost lost hope of ever getting. That it had finally happened was still hard to comprehend. Their entire journey to get to each other had taken so many twists and turns, it was close to unbelievable that they could have made it to the same place at the same time at long last.

Ziva stirred as she began to wake, interrupting Tony's thoughts. She'd barely moved when she suddenly froze and Tony held his breath, unsure of what her first coherent moments would look like. "Tony?" she said in a small voice, like she wasn't sure who to expect in her bed.

Tony rubbed his hand over her shoulder and down her arm. "Right here Zi,"

She hesitated a beat, then slowly the tension he'd felt in her body drained away. "Sorry, I am just...not used to this yet."

He understood. Even though they'd spent so much more time together recently, actually being married and living together was going to be a huge change for both of them. Tony slid his fingers between hers. "Are you okay?"

Ziva rolled onto her back and Tony leaned over to kiss her bump good morning. She held up her left hand and smiled softly at the rings that held their promise. "It is hard to believe."

Tony grinned and kissed the simple gold band sprinkled with diamond chips that she wore. "Not a dream anymore beautiful." He studied her expression, so thoughtful it bordered on serious. "No regrets, right?"

Her hand fell to her bump, caressing it gently. "Only that we did not figure this out before." She shrugged sadly. "But if not for Africa, I am not sure I would have ever let myself love you like this."

Tony pressed in closer, not liking what he saw in her eyes. "I hope we would've figured it out Zi, when you came home."

Ziva turned to face him and put her hand against his cheek. "Do not be sad Tony, there are no more what ifs."

He leaned down and kissed her, needing the reassurance. Ziva pushed her lips onto his, just as eager for his touch, but after a few seconds she pulled away and Tony fought to get his brain working again. Ziva was like the most wonderful, non-illegal drug he'd ever had access to and it was so hard not to get completely lost in her when she wasn't ready for more just yet. He brushed his lips over her eyebrow and rested his cheek on her hair.

"Sorry babe." When he got his breath back and his heart under control, Tony moved and caught her frown. "Zi? What's wrong?" With the knowledge that the baby could come any time, that she was lucky to have made it this far, he was prepared to watch her like a hawk.

She shook her head and shifted. "I am just uncomfortable." Ziva poked her belly gently and sighed. "He is sitting on my bladder again."

Tony chuckled and placed his hand on hers, tapping her engagement ring lightly. "She Zi, the baby is a girl."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "So you say. But unless you have suddenly developed x-ray powers, you cannot be certain. I do not think your gut is a reliable source."

He pretended to be offended. "I'll have you know-" She started to sit up, a look of urgency on her face, and he got out of bed quickly. "Need a hand?"

Ziva accepted the help with less reluctance than before. "I wish it was not so hard to do the simple things."

He kissed her temple. "That's what I'm here for." Tony walked with her to the bathroom and waited outside the door until she finished.

Ziva opened the door and leaned against the doorframe. "I think I will take a shower. Abby put gel in my hair yesterday and it feels sticky." She ran her fingers through the brown waves and made a face.

It was far too soon to suggest that they share the shower so he could help her, much as he wanted to, so Tony just nodded. "Use the stool if you need to." He knew she would. Mandy hadn't been kidding when she explained how much the pregnancy was draining Ziva, he didn't even think she'd last five minutes on her feet.

She turned to go back into the bathroom, then stopped. "I am sorry Tony. I know this is not how you planned the day after your wedding."

He reached out a hand and stroked her cheek. "I didn't plan it at all until you Zi and while I know our first married days and weeks are going to look different than other couples, it doesn't matter. I love you. You're here finally, a permanent part of my life. That's the most important thing of all."

A faint smile crossed Ziva's lips and she kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you." Then the door closed and Tony was left alone with his thoughts again.

To distract himself from worrying, Tony walked across the hall and surveyed the set up in the guest room. The team had moved most of the things from Ziva's apartment in there and Abby had supervised the set up. Her dresser and the bookcase Gibbs made had gone in their room, along with a chair for the corner.

But the bed, wardrobe and night table now provided furniture for his previously empty guest room. Stacks of boxes piled on any empty floor space spoke of everything the team hadn't been sure what to do with. Tony was grateful for Abby's meticulous written and picture labels - it would make finding anything they needed much easier later.

Ziva's couch, his old TV and the coffee table now had a home at the far side of the unfinished basement. The small table from her kitchen was currently in the garage, but they'd have to decide at some point if they were keeping or donating any duplicates of things they both had, especially kitchen stuff.

Down the hall from their room was the nursery, though Ziva didn't know it yet. Gibbs was going to deliver the furniture next Monday while Ziva was at her doctor's appointment and Tony hoped they'd be done work in time for him to join her. He was officially the baby's dad now and Tony didn't want to miss a second.

He finally decided to get dressed, just sweatpants and a t-shirt, and was about to go downstairs when Ziva opened the bathroom door in her robe. "Oh, Tony." She looked surprised and embarrassed to be seen not fully clothed.

Wanting to dispel the awkwardness she was feeling, Tony smiled and kept his eyes on her face. "Hey, ready for breakfast?"

Ziva sighed and shook her head slowly. "I am very tired. Maybe I will go back to bed for awhile." Her expression was apologetic. "I am sorry-"

Tony took two steps towards her and placed his finger on her lips. "Zi, don't. I told you, it doesn't matter. I want you to stay strong and healthy for you and the baby, so if you need more rest, that's what you should do." He slid his fingers through her wet hair, looking at her so tenderly Ziva had to blink back tears. "I love you sweetheart, you don't have anything to be sorry for."

She reached up to kiss him, lost for words to describe how thankful she was for his love and understanding. Ziva tried to pour all her feelings into the kiss, but with Tony's hand on the back of her head and his other arm around her back, the intensity started to make her uncomfortable, so she pulled away. She saw the flash of disappointment in his eyes and tried not to smile. Tony, it seemed, would happily kiss her all day if that was allowed. It was nice to feel so wanted when she was fully pregnant and getting self-conscious about the changes in her body, now that there was someone around to see them.

Tony made sure she was tucked in again and leaned down to press his lips to her forehead. "Sleep well Zi. Call me when you wake up. I might run to the store for a few things." He set her cellphone on his pillow within easy reach, then started to leave.

"Tony," she called and he turned back. Ziva smiled. "I love you too."

His grin lit up the room and Ziva knew she would give her husband that gift as often as she could.

**NCIS**

Alyssa and Megan were behind the counter at Maternity Moms when a tall, handsome, green eyed man walked in looking very lost. "Oop, there's another one," Alyssa giggled. "Well meaning husband at two o'clock."

They exchanged glances and Megan elbowed her. "Uh-uhn, I took the last one. It's your turn."

Heaving a sigh, Alyssa put on her best smile and approached him. "Sir, can I help you find something?"

A look of relief crossed Tony's features and he nodded. "I hope so." He pushed a few buttons on his phone and handed it to the girl. It was a picture he'd snapped of Ziva during their picnic yesterday. "This is my wife." He stopped briefly to enjoy getting to say that out loud to someone else for the first time, then Tony cleared his throat. "Can you tell from that what size to get her?" He shrugged. "It's kind of a surprise."

Warming to this man already, Alyssa examined the picture closely and nodded. "I think I can. What do you have in mind?"

Feeling self-conscious, Tony stuck his hands in his jean pockets. "She's eight and a half months pregnant and it's hard for her to turn over in bed if she'd uncomfortable." He shrugged. "I was thinking silk pyjamas might make it easier."

Alyssa smiled. "That's very thoughtful of you Mr...?

"DiNozzo," he put in.

"Alright then, why don't you follow me and I'll show you our selection of sleepwear."

When they got to that side of the store, Tony immediately pointed out a particular pair. "Those ones," he said confidently. "Ziva loves green."

They were short sleeved, deep jungle green pyjamas with snaps instead of buttons, a small pocket on the left side and drawstring pants, suitable for long term pregnancy wear. The girl checked the tags. "Very good. We have that in your wife's size. Will there be anything else?"

Tony glanced around uncertainly. "Why don't you give me a tour and I'll let you know?"

Alyssa agreed and began to show him around the store. One thing she knew for sure - this Ziva was a very lucky woman.

**NCIS**

Ziva was in the kitchen making lunch when Tony returned bearing bags he was careful to keep concealed. If it piqued her interest, she didn't say anything. She just smiled when he went over and hugged her from behind, kissing her neck. Tony buried his face in her curls and took a deep breath.

"Has anyone ever told you how good your hair smells?"

Ziva chuckled and nudged him out of the way. "I think I may have heard that somewhere once." She tilted her head to the side. "You look sneaky again."

He spread his hands and put on his best smile. "It's part of my charm."

Ziva arched one eyebrow. "Sometimes."

"This time too," Tony assured her, "promise." He looked over her shoulder. "So, what's for lunch?"

Shaking her head, she handed him a plate bearing a toasted tomato and cheese sandwich and a small pile of salad. "There is a saying that if I feed you, you will love me, yes?"

He led the way to the table and snickered. "Close enough. But I already love you Zi, no bribery needed."

"Cake points for that," she said finally and Tony didn't want to correct her. Ziva's idiom issues were only one of the reasons he loved her. If she ever did start speaking proper English...well, he actually hoped she never did.

As soon as the food was gone, Ziva went to the door and grabbed a sweater off the coat rack. "I am going for a walk."

Tony didn't waste time getting to her. "You want company for that walk, right?"

Ziva bit her lip to keep from smiling. "You are a little bit sticky today."

He stared for a moment before starting to laugh. It took him a minute to compose himself. "I hope you meant 'clingy' and that wasn't a comment about me needing a shower." He sniffed his shirt. "I don't smell, right?"

Ziva leaned in and kissed his cheek, breathing as she did. "You smell like Tony and for six months that scent has comforted me, made me feel safe and spoken to me of home and belonging. There is nothing wrong with the way you smell."

Touched by her words but not sure what to say, Tony fell back into his old habit of playing things off. "You might not say that after I've been playing basketball."

She understood better than he gave her credit for. Ziva wrinkled her nose and opened the door. "If you come in all drippy I will not kiss you until after you shower."

His face lit hopefully. "Does that mean you'll kiss me now?"

Trying to retain at least a shred of self-respect when she wanted to act like a smitten schoolgirl, Ziva sent him a coy look over her shoulder. "Maybe later."

By the time his brain caught up with his facial expression and wiped most of the silly grin off his face, Ziva was already down the steps and headed for the sidewalk, but it didn't take Tony long to catch up. He wrapped his fingers around hers and fell into step beside her.

It was a beautiful day - sun shining, birds singing, a light breeze that carried the fragrance of spring - and the couple took things slow to savour it. After a few blocks Tony saw Ziva's spark begin to fade. He started to suggest heading back but she turned on him with a fierce stubbornness in her features and let go of his hand. She was so tired of feeling weak and inadequate.

Feeling frustration rise as she stalked ahead on her own, Tony let out a huff and jogged a couple steps to get back beside her again. There was hint of apology in her brown eyes but he didn't hide the worry this time. They came to the small park at the end of the street and Ziva sat down in one of the swings.

Tony dropped down onto the sand in front of her. "Want to talk about it?" She probably wouldn't, but he could try.

Ziva's expression was hard to read. "Are you always going to be this patient? Do you not ever get mad because of how I act, because this is hard, because we should be on a honeymoon right now but that is not even a possibility for so many reasons?"

Her question sparked a longing in his body but Tony ignored it and rested his arms on pulled up knees. "I've been angry a few times honey - at what happened, at the limitations, at the steps backward, at how long it took for us to get to more than friends. But," he shrugged, "anger doesn't get me anywhere and being patient will." Tony shook his head slowly. "I don't want to waste energy being angry when there are other options. It's not easy all the time but I can handle being patient. At least then I know there's a chance for things to change in a good way."

Ziva looked past him, seeing something or nothing, he couldn't tell. "I have been angry for so long," she confessed quietly. "When I was first back there was nothing, only nightmares. I could not think or feel or do anything except wait for it to be a bad dream. For three days I sat in that room at Gibbs' house, not sure if I was dead or alive, not sure which one I wanted to be."

She directed her gaze closer to him but still didn't make eye contact. "That changed once things settled down. Staying with Abby was hard - to see her scared of my nightmares but she did not have to live them, to watch McGee comfort her when there was none available for me, nothing anyone could do."

Finally her eyes met his. "Then there was our two weeks and you. You did everything, tried so hard to make it better. I did not think there was a chance for healing, but you taught me to accept touch, to be vulnerable and share what was in my head, to be a person again." Ziva held out her hand and he took the swing beside her. "I do not know if I ever said thank you."

He kissed her palm. "I didn't know if I was doing anything right."

"Not always," she acknowledged, "but you did not give up trying."

"I won't this time either Zi. We have so much more to lose now, but I won't give up if you won't."

Her fingers played over his knuckles and she continued as if he hadn't spoken. "When I found Ops there was finally an outlet for everything stuck inside me. All the guilt and shame and anger and pain could get out." She swallowed. "I would go and think of one thing and then work my body until it was gone or I could not feel it any more."

Ziva touched her bump. "I hated the memory of what they had done, not just the torture but...everything else. I was so angry because I had gotten caught, because I survived, because you and Gibbs and McGee put yourselves in danger to save me, because I could not control the nightmares, because as much as this baby is mine, he or she is growing inside me against my will. Sometimes," she blew out a breath, "sometimes it still hurts and I am still angry. Being helpless now just makes it worse."

Tony turned her face towards him. "I can't say anything to make what hurts better, I wish I could. But I'm here and you can be as stubborn and difficult as you want, but I'm not going anywhere. Your anger doesn't scare me Ziva, the only thing that does is losing you."

A tear fell onto her cheek and she leaned her head on his shoulder, sighing. "If you want to be angry, I will understand. This is not going to be an easy journey Tony. Even after the baby is born I cannot just flip a switch and be your wife." She looked up and tapped her temple. "The damage still runs very deep in here and," Ziva pointed to her chest, her heart, "here. Your expectations...know what is realistic, what is possible now. I can make no promises about later."

He tucked her hair back. "That felt like a therapy session." Tony cupped her cheek. "I'm not worried about the challenges sweetheart, you and I are partners. We can do anything and get through anything as long as it's together." His gaze dropped to her mouth and he licked his lips. "Is it later yet?"

Ziva smiled and willingly pressed her lips to his. Tony shifted closer, taking over her mouth, his lips sliding over hers with careful restraint. He pushed the limits a little bit further this time, both for confirmation of his promise and a release of emotions for both of them.

To her credit, Ziva trusted him enough to end it before she had to and he cherished her confidence. Pulling back, he leaned his forehead on hers. "I love you babe, I always will. Thank you for sharing that with me." He kissed her softly once more. "Can we go home now?"

A sheepish look crept onto her face. "Yes. I am sorry."

Tony shook his head and pulled her to her feet. "Nothing to be sorry for. I'd be frustrated too if I was on partial bedrest." He glanced around carefully. "We better watch ourselves or Mandy might ground both of us."

Her eyes shadowed but she said nothing and set a leisurely pace towards their house. Once they were back inside, Tony motioned to the couch. "How do you feel about _Rush Hour_ Zi?"

She frowned. "Not my favourite time to drive."

He groaned. "No, no Zi, the movie! Chris Tucker, Jackie Chan - you really haven't seen it?"

Ziva shook her head. "I do not think so."

His eyes widened. "How can you have known me for six years and not seen _Rush Hour_?"

She sat down. "I am ready."

Tony grinned. "Alright." He grabbed a DVD and put it in. "Get set, go!" He pushed play, snaking his arm around her shoulders. Twenty minutes later she was shifting uncomfortably and at half an hour she leaned over as much as she could. He paused the movie. "What's wrong?"

She sighed and sat back again, hiding a grimace. "Nothing." Tony gave her a look that said 'Try again' so she rolled her eyes and admitted the truth. "My back...it is just an ache."

He snorted, sensing a gross understatement. He turned her shoulders. "Put your back to me, that's it." From his research, he knew it was the lower back that caused problems for pregnant women and gently dug his fingers into her muscles.

Ziva tensed at first and then let go and gave him full control to help. The movie played in the background and Tony massaged her tight lower back until she finally pulled away from his touch and smiled. "Thank you."

He gave her a half smile. "This isn't just your battle anymore Zi. If there's anything I can do to help, please tell me."

Seeing the sincerity he offered, she agreed. "I will try." Then she curled up away from him and fell asleep, missing the ending and all of the sequel. Tony waited supper until she started to stir but she didn't seem interested in eating much. It concerned him, but mention of that fact would not be appreciated.

Despite the nap, Ziva was tired early. She tried to convince Tony he didn't need to go to bed simply because she was, but he wouldn't listen. This whole married thing was still brand new and he didn't want to miss anything - especially the chance to lay beside his wife and watch her while she slept.

While Ziva was brushing her teeth, Tony grabbed one of the bags he'd stashed away from his shopping trip earlier and took the stairs two at a time. He stopped at the bedroom door and tried to act nonchalant. She came out to get something to wear for bed and saw him.

"Tony?"

"I...got you something today." He held out the bag awkwardly like a little boy not sure if his offering would be accepted.

Curious, she walked over and reached for it. Pulling out the soft silky nightwear, Ziva's eyes danced to his, soft joy in her face. "Presents already?"

Tony chuckled nervously. "First of many, I hope."

She laid the top and bottom out on the bed, noting the short sleeves but not commenting. Finally she smiled. "They are beautiful Tony, but why?"

He edged closer. "This is going to sound kind of dumb, but I thought maybe silk jammies would make it easier for you to roll over and change positions in bed." Tony felt foolish now. "It just seemed difficult, when I watched you."

Ziva stared at him, ignoring her discomfort at the thought of him watching her during the night, then looked back at the pyjamas before she made her way to him and put both palms against his cheeks. A tear escaped before she could say anything and Tony was suddenly sure he somehow screwed up big time.

"Zi?" he asked, wiping it away. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

But she shushed him with a finger over his lips. "The hormones make everything worthy of tears, you do not need to apologize." Ziva shook her head once. "But even if they did not, it would be happy tears. Thank you for the gift ahava. No one has ever cared as much as you." She kissed him and Tony tried to process her words and delight in her touch all at the same time. Ziva pulled away and winked. "You will ruin your reputation with all this sweetness."

Tony leaned back against the wall and crossed his arms. "Hate to break this to you Zi, but after getting married, promising to be faithful and having a baby on the way, I'm pretty sure my reputation is completely shot."

She frowned at him from beside the bed. "You are not allowed to get shot."

He came behind her and wrapped his arm around her shoulder, resting it on her collarbone. "It's just a figure of speech." But Ziva flinched, actually flinched at his touch for the first time in months and drew away, covering with a smile.

"I will go change."

Tony sighed heavily and fell back onto the bed. He knew, he understood that easy would not be part of their life for a long time - years maybe - but to have little tiny things he forgot to think about cause problems he wasn't aware of them was exhausting.

He stayed like that until Ziva returned. She was glad to have shaved her legs that morning. The silk felt cool and soft on her skin, the sensation spoiling her. The top draped nicely over her bump - not huge and not too tight - and she loved feeling pretty and special. But her smile fled when she took in Tony's position. Somehow his body language spoke of defeat. Ziva sighed and sat down beside him, tracing her finger over the back of his hand.

Tony stared at the ceiling when he spoke. "Why Zi?"

There was no point in stalling and asking 'why what?' when she already knew. Ziva hugged her arms to her chest. "Someday I may find it a very comforting gesture, but right now it still reminds me of a choke hold." Before he could say anything, Ziva narrowed her eyes at him.

"I do not want you to apologize again. Saying 'I am sorry' does not fix anything and I have heard it too much." Her tone softened. "This will likely happen a lot more now that we are married. We share the same space and all our time, at least for a few days. There are more chances for me to remember."

He captured her fingers in his hand and just held them. His lack of response worried Ziva, but finally he sat up and then stood, kissing the top of her head. "It wouldn't mean nearly as much if we didn't have to work for it Zi," he murmured, leaving to get changed.

She heard the shower turn on and could tell he needed some time to process what had been shared today. Crawling under the covers that now smelled of them, Ziva drew her knees up and slid her hand under her head. "He is a good man tinoket, but even good men break now and then." She sighed sadly. "I do not think Daddy saw how hard it was going to be to love us. But he promised not to give up and I am holding hard to that."

Then Ziva closed her eyes and hoped she fell asleep before her husband returned. Only two days and already reality declared the honeymoon phase to be over. She wished it wasn't so blunt. On nights like tonight, the truth really hurt and no bandaid could make it feel better. They say things take time, but Ziva was tired of the time healing took and she wanted it to run out so everything could be over and life could be just a little bit of happily ever after. Even if she did not, she felt that Tony at least, deserved it.


	24. Chapter 24

_A/N: This chapter is a direct continuation of the last one. At the end of Ch 23 Ziva went to sleep and Tony left to have a shower. That is where we pick up._

Tony sat on the bathroom floor in front of the sink and just let the water run. He shoved his fingers through his hair. He was glad that Ziva felt comfortable enough with him to share why his actions scared her, but he wished to the depths of who he was that she didn't have to, that Somalia wasn't something they'd be dealing with every day for longer than he cared to think about.

Sighing, he got up and finally undressed and stepped into the shower. Despite what he'd told Ziva earlier, the little incident they'd had did make him angry. But instead of raging about the unfairness, Tony took it out in short, fast, harsh movements as he washed his hair and body. When he shut the water off and got out, rough strokes of the towel dried all the moisture off his skin.

He stepped into boxers, then drew sleep pants over them and finished with a t-shirt. His days of sleeping in nothing at all were over, but Tony would settle for just boxers if it meant he got to hold Ziva against his bare skin. He scowled at his reflection when he caught a glimpse. Who knew when she'd be ready for something like that?

Shutting off the light, he moved quietly thought the silent bedroom and got in carefully on his side, not wanting to disturb Ziva. Whether she was actually sleeping or just pretending he didn't know yet, but he'd learn. Sighing, Tony decided to be thankful that she was laying there so close in his bed, where he knew she belonged. The rest could wait for another day, for tonight it was enough.

**NCIS**

Their first nightmare to deal with as a married couple came only hours later. When Ziva thrashed, trying to get away, Tony woke up. He hadn't even realized that he'd reached for her in sleep and molded his body to hers in the darkness. At any other time she might welcome his touch, but in the throes of darkness he became a threat.

"No, please. Let go!" she demanded, then repeated the command in what he assumed was Arabic.

Ziva's pleas cut into his heart and Tony remembered how long it had been since he'd seen one of her nightmares and wondered how often they came now. He started to change the way he was holding her, wanting to help, but at that moment she moved and he lost his chance.

Torn from the relentless memories when she wrenched herself away from the arm grabbing her, Ziva found her face wet with tears she didn't remember crying and for one horrible moment, she thought she was alone. But then her ears became attuned to the stillness and she heard measured breaths and sensed the presence of another.

Glancing over her shoulder, Ziva saw her husband's concerned eyes watching her and she willingly shrank back into Tony's embrace. His strong arms came around her, securing her body against his, trying to make her safe. Ziva shook with the force of remembering and covered her eyes, trying to block them out.

The baby kicked and Tony felt its movement. He pushed back her hair and put his lips by her ear. "See there? She's worried about you too." It passed through his head to question whether or not the baby experienced any kind of reaction when Ziva dreamed, but that was something they would never know.

His wife must've been thinking the same thing because she held his arm tighter and whispered, "I hope she does not see what I dream."

He closed his eyes, glad she wasn't looking at him right now, and forced levity into his voice. "Nah, she's probably dreaming about being out of there and running around in the sunshine."

Ziva slid her hand over the place where the baby was active. "Do not wish her out too soon Tony, she needs these last six weeks."

Tony kissed her cheek. "I know sweetheart." Once she'd stopped shaking and her breathing was not so ragged, Tony rested his chin on her shoulder. "Want to tell me about it?"

She immediately shook her head. "Some of them are not worth telling about."

He rubbed his hand down her arm, feeling scars grace his palm. "I'd still listen."

There was a tightness in his voice and Ziva rolled over to see his face. He was right, the silk made that maneuver much easier. Her hand came up to his cheek and she searched his eyes, seeing what he wanted to hide. "I do not only dream about...being used," she hesitated over which word to use. She still could not handle the term itself, but she wanted to clarify this for him. "There is so much else they did that creates the nightmares."

Her explanation didn't seem to help and the look on his face broke her heart. She wished Tony could hold her the way she wanted, face to face and touching from head to toes, but until the baby came that was impossible. So she settled on her side with her head on Tony's shoulder and her hand over his heart. The steady beat was comforting and Ziva decided this was how things felt right. Then Tony's arm curled around her back and she smiled. That was all she needed to think good dreams for the rest of the night.

**NCIS**

When Tony woke up Ziva was not beside him and he was glad her things were in his room or the panic might've lasted more than just a moment. Throwing on a sweater, he started wandering from room to room looking for his wife. He found her sitting at the kitchen table, her hair sleep tousled in a way he loved, wearing the hoody that used to be his. After that night at his apartment she had never given it back, but he didn't mind sharing.

She looked up from whatever she was writing and smiled at him. Tony leaned down to kiss her, pleased that even after her early morning nightmare, Ziva was still able to easily accept his touch. He glanced down at the paper. "Whatcha working on?"

Ziva indicated the title. "Our Rules. I do not think Gibbs is the only one who can make a list."

Tony pulled out a chair and sat down beside her. "Rule #1?"

She added the final few words. "Do not apologize when it is not your fault." Even with the rule, he still wished he could apologize for everything he would do in future days to bring Somalia back to the present. Ziva sought to understand the look in his eyes. "Is there anything you want to add?"

He looped his fingers through her hair. "That will have to be Rule #2, you already came up with #1 - Never leave without saying goodbye." She nodded, remembering, and waited. Tony gave her a half-grin. "Mine would be more like, 'Say I love you every time you think it', 'Kiss me every day for the rest of our lives'." He sighed and leaned his head on her arm. "Thank you for letting me hold you after a bad dream."

Ziva ran her hand over his spiky hair. "That is not a rule," she murmured, "but it is what I have wanted every time I woke up since October."

He pulled her into his arms. "Ziva..."

"I am alright Tony," she assured him, but he frowned.

"You go through that how many times a week? How can you possibly be okay?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "It has been a part of my life for seven months. I cannot make them stop but I try not to let them haunt my days as well as my nights."

Tony blew out a breath, not wanting to be able to take it in stride like she did, to accept it. He stood and touched her cheek. "I'm not alright with your nightmares Zi, I never will be." His gaze held a deep sorrow. "I wish you didn't have to be." Then he smiled because he had to. "Pancakes for breakfast?"

She nodded once. "Thank you." This man she'd married was a mystery in so many ways, not the least of which was how much he had learned to care. If life couldn't be sunshine and rainbows, Ziva reasoned, at least she would always have his love.

**NCIS**

Abby stamped her foot and threw the sweater she was holding on the floor. "How can I know what to pack if you won't tell me where we're going?"

Their flight left at noon the next day, it was ten o'clock at night and Abby had unpacked her suitcase three times. Tim didn't know whether to laugh or pull his hair out in frustration. He settled for a patient repetition of his reasoning. "It's a surprise." She'd heard this six times already since they got home and it wasn't helping.

Abby glared at him and crossed her arms. "That does not answer my question."

McGee gestured to his suitcase. "See what I'm bringing? Just pack similar kinds of clothes." That suggestion hadn't gotten him anywhere last time, but it was worth another try.

She frowned and flopped down onto the bed. "Oh just tell me what to take already!"

He leaned against the wall and tried not to roll his eyes. She'd called him bossy two hours ago when he'd offered to help that way, but this time it was her idea so that probably made it better somehow. "Pants, long sleeved shirts, sweaters, comfortable shoes."

"We're either going camping or to Antarctica," she muttered darkly. "Can't I bring any skirts?"

While Tim wasn't one to argue about seeing his wife in her customary short skirts, it wouldn't be his first choice for a non-tropical destination. Still, that was not the answer she wanted. "Sure, bring a couple," he agreed. "But I'm warning you now that you might be cold."

"Not when I have you to warm me up," Abby argued, a coy smile crawling over her face. Her mood had turned on a dime and Tim wasn't sure if he should be grateful or scared. "It is our honeymoon after all, right?"

He crossed the room and took her in his arms, kissing her until neither of them could breathe, the look in her eyes totally irresistible. "Well yes," McGee agreed, "there is that."

She pulled him back onto the bed, already working the buttons on his shirt. "Abby!" he protested. "We have to get ready to leave." Her mouth on his interrupted his words and Tim knew he wouldn't be able to refuse her. He wanted her as much as she needed him. It was a pregnancy side effect he hadn't gotten tired of yet.

"We can pack tomorrow," Abby whispered huskily into his ear. "I want you."

McGee shoved her suitcase off the bed and placed a trail of kisses down the creamy line of her throat. "Just using me for sex, huh?" he tried to tease, but his concentration was pretty much out the window by now.

"Yeah, because that would be a problem," Abby panted, pulling her shirt over her head and fumbling with his belt.

"Well, I wouldn't want you to think I was easy," Tim commented, taking care of their remaining clothes.

Abby crawled on top of him and chuckled. "Timmy, you've always been easy for me."

As she leaned down and capture his lips in a deep kiss, slipping her tongue into his mouth, McGee had to admit she was right. Against Abby he was defenseless, but to be perfectly honest he wouldn't have it any other way.

**NCIS**

Gibbs was slightly taken aback when he opened the door early Saturday morning and found Celeste on his doorstep carrying a covered dish. He rubbed his face, sure now that he wasn't getting any more sleep. When he didn't ask, she rolled her eyes and stepped past him, heading for the kitchen. Gibbs followed her and watched as she got out plates and forks to set the table.

"I made you breakfast Jethro," she said by way of explanation as she cut and served what looked like quiche. Celeste turned on the coffee maker and got out a mug for him, pouring orange juice for herself. Finally she raised an eyebrow and pointed to the chair across from her. "Sit. Eat. No arguing."

Gibbs sat and took a bite. It was delicious but he wouldn't be conversational until after he had some coffee. Two minutes later he got up and tipped a good portion into his mug. A few sips and another mouthful of quiche finally loosened his tongue. "It's good."

Celeste smiled. "Next time I'll meet you at the door with a cup. You're quite the grizzly bear before you've had your coffee. I'd forgotten that part."

"Been a long time since you were here for a morning," he pointed out, then glanced at the clock. "0800?"

She shrugged. "The man I remember never slept in on Saturdays even if it is customary."

"I'm a stubborn, grouchy old dog, not company good this early."

Celeste chuckled. "Some might say you're never good company, but your moods don't scare me, I can handle silence and if you ever try to headslap me it won't be easy to get yourself out of that hole. Now finish your breakfast and get dressed. I have an appointment with Jenna downtown, you can read the paper while you wait."

Normally Gibbs didn't let many people boss him around. Celeste could get away with it because of their history, but he had a feeling he was being set up for something. "And?"

She didn't meet his eyes. "There's an opening of a new gallery exhibit that I wanted company for. We could do lunch after." Feeding him might be considered a bribe, but she wasn't against using that when necessary.

"I'm feeling manipulated," he grumbled.

"You'll live," Celeste said lightly, draining the rest of her juice. "Hurry up please, Jenna will throw a fit if I'm late."

He barked a laugh. "Might be worth it to see the fireworks."

"Jethro," she chided, "be nice."

He ate the last bite and finished his coffee. "Next time we work on the boat."

Celeste smiled gently. "I promise I won't drag you out to experience culture and society more than once every few months." She lifted an eyebrow. "Boat and basement? It's a date."

Gibbs stood to go upstairs and get ready, still finding it hard to believe that they'd gotten a second chance. And contrary to his gruff and abrasive behaviour, he had no intention of purposely screwing it up, even if he was testing to see how far Celeste would let him push. Accidentally? Well, that was another subject entirely.

**NCIS**

Abby was buzzed on her final cup of non-Caf Pow before they left the country and so excited she was practically jumping up and down as they stood in line to get tickets and check their bags. Despite her mood last night, improved greatly by the physical release compliments of her husband, she really was excited about finally getting a honeymoon with him, especially now that she'd get to find out their destination.

Tim dealt with tagging their luggage and then grinned as he handed over her ticket. Abby's eyes ran over the words, leapt to him and read them again. He braced for the hug and then she twirled around in a circle. "Ireland? You're taking me to Ireland? Really?"

"Really," Tim laughed, glad she approved. "A cozy little B&B, a couple guided tours, and lots of time to wander off by ourselves and see the sights, especially those old castles and churches with the Gothic architecture you love."

She kissed him full on the mouth in view of everyone else, not caring who saw. "Thank you," she whispered.

He fit his arm around her waist and led her away to wait at their gate. Even if people thought her appearance strange, Tim was pretty sure he was the envy of many other guys in line. "For you Abbs, anything," he murmured. Forever and ever this would be his life. And if the look on her face as any indication, it was going to be a fantastic honeymoon. Timothy McGee knew he was one lucky man.


	25. Chapter 25

Ziva was nudged back into consciousness when Tony's lips brushed her forehead. She struggled to open her eyes and looked up at him. Dressed in his normal suit and tie, he was showered and ready to face the day. She sighed. "It is Monday."

He smiled. "I'm afraid so. But on the bright side, you're not stuck with me 24/7 now."

She played with his fingers. "That was not a problem."

"Glad to hear," Tony grinned, kissing her lips this time. "I gotta go but I had to follow Rule #1. Go back to sleep."

Ziva nodded and started to close her eyes, feeling him move away. Then she remembered. "Tony." He stopped and looked back. "I have an appointment with Mandy at four pm."

Tony rubbed his face. "Right, I forgot. I'll try to be there honey, but you know Gibbs..."

She shrugged, unconcerned. "If you cannot, I will see you at home." Though it would be nice to have him there for her first appointment after their wedding, Ziva understood that he needed to be at work. "I love you."

He returned to kiss her one more time, knowing he'd miss everything about not being around her today. "Always babe, I love you."

She waved her hand. "Shoo. I do not want a dead husband because you are late and Gibbs has no patience."

"Okay, bye."

It was harder than Tony had expected, tearing himself away after four full days of being by her side, laughing and talking with her, cuddling on the couch, making meals, and sleeping with her in his arms. He checked his watch and hurried the pace. He had fifteen minutes to get his butt to work. It was going to be a long day. He almost hoped for a case so he wouldn't have time to think about missing her.

He made it out of the elevator and to his desk with only seconds to spare, forgetting until he glanced to his right that Tim and Abby were now away on their honeymoon. A sigh escaped when Tony realized that he really had no one to talk to. Matt was still the new guy and too easy-going to be able to relate with what they'd been through. And Gibbs...it seemed that just thinking about the man conjured up his presence, because at that moment he came striding in and set a cup of coffee on Tony's desk. He raised his eyebrows in amazement.

"Boss?"

"It's for you to drink, not stare at DiNozzo," Gibbs growled and Tony realized he knew better than to ask.

Silence fell between them while both men got to work, but after several moments Gibbs looked up at his Senior Field Agent. "Well?" Tony cocked his head, not sure what question he was expected to answer. The older man glared. "Sorry you said 'I do' yet?"

Tony stared at him. "No way Boss, never gonna happen."

"You say that after four days. Tell me again after four years."

"I will," he replied sincerely. "But nothing could make me regret Ziva."

Gibbs' expression softened. "So?"

Tony sighed. "I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I didn't expect hard to show up so soon."

Gibbs stared at him evenly. "Gonna be a long road DiNozzo."

"I know. But to have Ziva in my life..." Tony shook his head. "I don't ever want to be without her Boss."

He nodded. "Don't lose that," he warned. "If you're thankful for her every single day no matter the challenges, then you two are gonna make it. Never take her for granted."

Tony swallowed. "I won't. I know what it's like to lose her, I won't make that mistake again."

Their eyes met and then Gibbs took a drink of his coffee, ending the conversation. But it took a headslap several minutes later to get Tony's thoughts off his wife and back to work. He couldn't wait until it was time to go home.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat waiting in the doctor's office for her name to be called. Ducky, who was her Gibbs or Tony appointed chauffeur for the appointment, had gone to get a cup of tea and said he'd be back to get her in half an hour. A nurse came out and glanced at the chart in her hand.

"Ziva David?"

She stood slowly, feeling big and ungainly, and made her way over. "It is Ziva DiNozzo now," she clarified, showing off her wedding ring. It was the first time she'd said it out loud and Ziva found she liked the way it sounded.

"Congratulations," the nurse smiled and made a note. "Dr. Meyers will see you in Room #1."

Ziva was only alone for a couple minutes before Mandy came in with a smirk on her face. "Ziva DiNozzo? Wow, I never thought you'd follow my advice so quickly. When did this happen?"

She smiled. "Wednesday."

Mandy's eyebrows rose. "Okay. You guys sure move fast."

Ziva shrugged. "There did not seem to be any reason to put it off."

The doctor held the clipboard against her chest and surveyed her patient carefully. "So, how're you handling the intimacy?"

The Israeli woman was shocked and blinked once, trying to make sense of the words. "We are not...I cannot... No."

Dr. Meyer's bit her lip. "Hmm, interesting. But no, I wasn't talking about sex Ziva. Simply sleeping in the same bed and sharing your space is a huge jump in the level of intimacy you've been used to so far."

Understanding crept into her eyes. "Yes. Well...most of the time it is nice. Very little has made me nervous yet."

"Good," Mandy nodded. "Now tell me about this week. How's your energy?"

Ziva shrugged. "On and off. I am taking a lot of naps." She shook her head. "Tony has been watching me carefully."

"That's what husbands are for," Mandy confirmed. "He's allowed to worry now."

Ziva snorted. "He is getting a lot of practice."

Dr. Meyers chuckled but said made no comment. "Okay, why don't you just lay down and I'll go through my checklist." She looked at Ziva's chart. "You're almost thirty-five weeks and I'm impressed we've made it this far. Every day gives the baby more time to grow and develop. But it also drains you a little more." Her face reflected concern. "I'd really like for you to consider the c-section Ziva, it would just-"

But Ziva shook her head, resolve in her hard gaze. "That is not an option Mandy."

The doctor rolled her eyes. "I didn't think so. But that doesn't mean I'll stop asking."

Ziva pressed her lips into a thin line, a sign of her annoyance. "My answer will not change."

"Said like a stubborn woman and a good mom," Mandy pointed out and began the exam. This baby was already a miracle and it was clear that Ziva was taking no chances, except with herself.

**NCIS**

Tony stared longingly at the clock but freedom was hours away. Turning back to his report, his gaze fell on the sign he'd taped to Ziva's chair the day she unwillingly took maternity leave. As soon as he'd come back from his newlywed week off, Tony had amended it - _Reserved for Special Agent Ziva DiNozzo_.

Every time he saw it, his chest swelled with pride knowing she now had his name. He never thought he'd be one of those guys, but suddenly Ziva taking his name was a huge thing, just one more way to tie them together, one more piece of the puzzle that made them one.

He sighed for the umpteenth time that afternoon. He missed Ziva, he didn't even try to deny it. Every spare second his mind drifted to her, wondering how she was spending the day. Did she miss him? Was she lonely without him? Tony dropped his pen on his desk, unable to answer those questions but hoping it would be yes.

Gazing around the bullpen, he tried to find a distraction but had absolutely no willpower to keep his mind on work. He missed spending all day with Ziva, their constant time together had been too short. He missed having her there every time he turned around. And he worried, because he wasn't there to keep an eye on her and who knew what she was up to without supervision.

He was just reaching for his cellphone to text or call her when suddenly Gibbs got up, strapped on his gun and jerked his head at Tony. "DiNozzo, with me."

Confused, Tony grabbed his stuff and hurried after the boss. "Did you get a call, a case? Where are we going?"

Gibbs frowned at his senior field agent and slapped the back of his head. "Got furniture to deliver."

Tony's eyebrows jumped up. "Oh, right. Thanks."

The ride to Gibbs' house was short considering the older man's creative driving skills. Tony followed him down tot he basement and watched at he tore an old sheet off a pile of stuff in the corner. There it was, beautifully handcrafted and lightly stained nursery furniture that might make Ziva cry when she saw it.

Tony tilted his head. "Why'd you cover them up?"

Gibbs snorted. "You're not the only one who hangs out in my basement DiNozzo." So Ziva had been by, probably more often than Tony had realized.

"Wow Boss." Tony reverently ran his hand over the smooth wood. "Ziva's going to love this."

It was all there, just as he'd asked, everything off the list Tony had given his boss more than a month ago. Together the two men carried up the crib, changetable, rocking chair and dresser. A wooden shelf with six square cubbyholes, each filled with a different coloured box for storing toys, two small bookshelves, and a toy chest that already held a set of wooden blocks with letters and numbers on them. Tony could also see on the workbench the beginnings of more toys to come. Gibbs had done so much more than he had asked for.

When everything was loaded, Tony turned to his boss. "You really love her, don't you?"

Gibbs leaned against the bed of the truck. "I used to think Kelly was my only hope of being a father, then Abby came into the picture. I never expected Ziva. And now they're both going to give me grandchildren. Yeah I love her." He stared heavily at Tony. "A second chance at a family is a precious thing DiNozzo, I don't plan on wasting it."

Tony fought hard to keep his mouth from falling open. That kind of disclosure from Gibbs was rare. "Gee Boss, when did you start sharing?"

Gibbs stared and his hand twitched with the desire to slap that look of his senior field agent's face. "Don't get used to it." He waved at the younger man. "Come on, let's get this stuff set up before your wife gets back."

Tony grinned and hopped in the truck. He couldn't wait to see Ziva's reaction.

**NCIS**

Her car pulled into the driveway moments after Gibbs left and Tony hurried out to give her a hand. He didn't like that she was still driving but he hadn't touched that subject yet. "Hey babe, sorry I missed the appointment. Gibbs was keeping me busy." He kissed her cheek. "Mandy say anything interesting?"

Ziva shrugged. "The usual. Rest, take care of myself, no unnecessary exertion." She sighed. "I am bored of doing nothing all day."

Tony already had a back-up plan for that one. "I'm working on it Ziva. I'm sure we can come up with something to keep you occupied." Once inside he looked at her closely. "You up for climbing the stairs? I thought maybe we could go through all the baby stuff from the shower." He chuckled. "I don't even remember half of what we got. I was watching you more than the gifts."

Ziva looked at him curiously. "Tony, we do not have anywhere to keep it yet."

He shrugged. "I know, but maybe we could just sort through it, see if there's anything we still need. We can go shopping this weekend."

She rubbed her belly slowly and smiled. "I think Daddy is getting very exited for your arrival ktantonet," she told the baby.

Tony put his hand over hers and waited to feel a kick. "I can't wait."

Ziva headed for the staircase, feeling like an old woman when she had to lean on Tony for support. They walked around the rail that bordered the stairs and he opened the door to the room he'd insisted on painting yellow. She finally understood that it was because Tony had wanted it for the nursery.

She hadn't been in the room for a couple days and gasped at the transformation. "Tony! How did you...?"

"It was mostly Gibbs," Tony explained modestly. "I asked and he made it happen."

Ziva walked around slowly, touching everything as if to make sure it was real. The crib sat between the two windows they'd stood in front of the day they looked at the house, a mobile hanging above it. On the far right wall were the bookcases and between them, the storage shelves. To the left of the door was the changetable, with the dresser in the corner. And in the corner beside the crib was the rocking chair with the word love etched in Hebrew characters on the headrest.

Blinking back tears, Ziva turned to hug Tony. She'd straightened her hair this morning for something different and it swung out behind her as she moved. He caught her with a grin and eagerly accepted her kiss. Ziva pulled back, her eyes shining. "It is wonderful."

"Glad you think so Zi, I've been planning this for months." He twirled a lock of hair around his fingers and Ziva cocked an eyebrow at him.

"When did you ask Gibbs?"

Tony kissed her again. "The day after we found the house."

She looked confused. "The nursery?"

He chuckled. "It's the reason why I wanted a three bedroom house."

Bewilderment filled Ziva's gaze. "Tony, how long were you thinking about all this?"

Tony cupped her face with his hands, glad he could no longer scare her away with his intensity. "Since Somalia. Since I stayed with you that first night. Since the next day when I was sure you were alive and knew I loved you and realized I didn't want to waste another minute." He brushed his thumbs across her cheeks. "I started saving and planning right then Zi. I had some money from my mom that I'd almost forgotten about - I wasn't allowed to touch it until I was thirty-five." He chuckled, "I guess she knew I'd need some extra time to grow up."

Ziva couldn't hold back the tears and Tony wrapped her in his arms while she cried. He rubbed her back gently and crooned soft words in her ear. "Don't cry Zi, I did it because I love you."

She wiped the wetness away. "It is the hormones."

He tipped her chin up. "Come on, let's go through this baby stuff."

Tony brought it all over to the rocking chair and began putting things away wherever Ziva wanted them. She folded each sleeper, softly running her hands over the pastel colours and adorable animal prints. He held a yellow one in his hand and looked at it in awe.

"Wow Zi, look how tiny these are. Do you think our baby will really be that small?"

"Our baby," she repeated with a smile, wanting to get used to those words. "It is so different to hear you say it."

He kissed the back of her hand. "I've been waiting a long time for the freedom to say what I was thinking."

Ziva's eyes were washed with love. "You are an amazing man Anthony DiNozzo."

"Oh, I don't know about that," he hedged, "but as long as you think so, I'm okay with it."

Their conversation turned silent as they held each other's gaze, but finally they got back to work. The baby could come any day now and they still had a lot to do to get ready.


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: I think I may have gotten the episode wrong that is referenced here. If anyone knows the episode I should have used, please let me know. PS. I love this chapter because we get to see Tony doing some sharing and Ziva being the one who has to deal with the emotions. Hope you all enjoy! Thanks for the lovely reviews for last chapter, I'll reply as soon as I get some free time! ~Aliyah_

Jimmy had been reluctantly elected to play her driver for Tuesday's session with Devon. But he was so nervous and unsure of what to say that Ziva was glad she'd booked a later appointment so she and Tony could go home together. The freedom to think that way hadn't yet ceased to amazing her and the thought still created a pause - their home together. Sometime soon they really should hang up the plaque from Ducky. She hadn't paid as much attention to it yesterday when their focus had been on all the baby things.

When Jimmy left her at the elevator to return to Autopsy with a smile and an awkward little wave, Ziva pressed the button for the third floor and was suddenly glad she was a few minutes early. Standing inside the car was none other than Gibbs. He smiled and moved to the side to make room for her, but Ziva invaded his space and hugged him.

"Thank you," she whispered with tears in her eyes. "I never expected such a wonderful gift."

The tenderness in his expression went straight through her heart as he brushed his hand down her cheek. "Neither did I."

She leaned up to kiss his cheek and suddenly couldn't find any more words. But Gibbs was a man who used only a few of them and used them to great advantage and with purpose. So there did not seem to be any more that needed to be said. He knew, without her saying it, how much the furniture meant, that she thought it was beautiful and would treasure it forever. And Ziva knew without hearing it again, that he loved her, had come to love both her and Abby, like the daughter he never got to watch grow up. They remained in comfortable, significant silence until the elevator stopped at her floor and she got off, leaving him with a smile.

Taking a few minutes to get her head in the right place for a session, Ziva walked into Devon's office right at five pm and the second both women were seated, the therapist's eyes snapped to her ring finger and delight filled her expression. "How was the wedding?"

Smiling, Ziva rested her hands on top of her bump. "Beautiful and surprisingly well put together when we only had a day to do it."

"Does it feel real yet?"

She shook her head. "It could still be a dream, I am not always sure."

"Enjoy that feeling," the doctor recommended, "of everything being brand new. Sometimes the glow wears away."

Her eyes shadowed. "Yes. I think perhaps it already has."

Devon cocked her head. "What do you mean?"

Ziva spread her hands. "It was never going to be easy, but this new closeness has brought out truths that Tony did not expect so soon. We are dealing with them slowly. I am just...unsure of how that will look once the baby is born. It will take away one of the things keeping him from me."

"We'll work on the intimacy stuff Ziva," Devon said softly, "and that will get more specific when you can give me examples of what is hard, what sets off you memories, what moments make you afraid. Being with Tony now...you'll learn the triggers pretty quick."

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "Some things I am trying to be okay with. I want to get used to the way he wants to touch and kiss me. But everything else will take a lot of time, I am not sure how much. I cannot even think of...that act without fear and revulsion. I still dream about their interrogation techniques and abuse. I do not want to be afraid of Tony."

Devon sighed. "It won't be easy, but we'll take it one step at a time Ziva, I promise. One day you will be able to accept every part of being married to him."

Wishing she was as confident, Ziva shrugged one shoulder and Dr. Andrews took the hint, shifting the subject slightly. "Okay, so you've been married four days. What's that like?"

Ziva smiled softly. "It is like coming home. We have been close for months but this is different, knowing we belong now. Some of the rules have changed and I am glad." She looked down at her fingers and slid her gaze over the rings Tony had given her. "I like going to bed now because he is always right there when I wake up. To be comfortable sleeping in his arms...to want that..." she trailed off. "I did not even think that was possible."

Devon was happy for her patient, that she'd finally found some happiness, but that in itself would not fix any of her issues. She stared at Ziva evenly. "What kind of affect does Tony have on your nightmares?"

The answer was slow in coming. "He is there to tell me they are not real, to hold me until I feel safe. I had one the night after our first and I may have had one Sunday night, but I did not wake up and it just went away." She looked perplexed because this had not happened before. "I think Tony may have touched and talked it out of existence."

"Well, that's something you didn't have before," Devon commented. "It's probably going to take some time for you to process the change."

Ziva nodded. "Perhaps next week I will be able to put more of my thoughts into words."

"About next week," the doctor began, "I was serious about those Skype sessions." Ziva started to protested but she wouldn't hear her. "It's great that people have been able to bring you in so far, but don't even try to tell me you're not exhausted right now. It's written all over your face." She lifted one eyebrow. "Dr. Meyers put you on partial bedrest for a reason."

Her expression clouded and Devon knew it was taking hard work for Ziva not to say anything. "I promise you'll be glad for the extra rest. And once you feel up to it, I'll be happy to see you again in person." She glanced at Ziva's belly. "You and your little one."

Mention of the baby crumbled Ziva's defenses and the tension dissipated so that they were able to get some more work done. At the end of her session, Devon's assistant Jorah knocked on the door. "Dr. Andrews? Sorry to interrupt but there's a man here to pick up Ms. Dav...uh, Mrs. DiNozzo."

Devon shot a curious glance at Ziva and smiled. "Thank you Jorah, send him in."

Tony entered the room a bit hesitantly, glancing around with what could be seen as nervousness or apprehension. But the moment his eyes fell on his wife, his grin bloomed and Devon had no trouble seeing how Ziva would have fallen for him. He held out his hand to her.

"Hi, I'm Anthony DiNozzo, Ziva's husband." She could tell he hadn't used those words much yet, the man still sounded like it was Christmas morning. He took a seat beside Ziva and leaned over to kiss her cheek quickly, looking into her eyes. When nothing he saw there worried him, he wove his fingers with hers.

"Since I'm sure you talk about me a lot, I figured we should meet," he smirked and Ziva rolled her eyes. This kind of remark was all they saw of the old Tony DiNozzo these days. Sometimes she missed the class clown part of him. Tony had grown up so much that she felt like she was still trying to absorb the change, even if she loved all the different parts that made him up.

Devon observed them without a word for several moments, noting the interaction between them and how much was said that didn't require either of them to open their mouths. Eye contact, looks, facial expressions and touch said it all for them. To be honest, she was kind of enjoying the show. Ziva was herself with him. Finally though she broke the spell when she spoke.

"I'm glad to meet you Tony," she wanted to laugh when it seemed the couple had only just remembered they weren't alone in the room, "and it's good that you came. Not right now but sometime after the baby is born, I'd like to do some joint sessions with both of you. A version of couple's counseling, if you will."

Tony swallowed hard at the though of seeing a shrink again, but he nodded anyways. "Sure, of course, whatever we need to do." He wasn't sure he wanted to talk with anyone else about their relationship, but it seemed to be helping Ziva, so maybe talking could help him sort through his thoughts as well.

Dr. Andrews watched Tony and was intrigued. He was clearly reticent about the idea, but willing to do anything for his wife. Right there he moved up a few notches on her respect scale. "Great," she said, making a note on her clipboard. "Well, that's it for today Ziva. I'll see you online next week."

Ziva wrinkled her nose but did not complain. "Goodbye Devon."

Tony and Ziva walked out of the building hand in hand and got in his car. He glanced over. "Did you want to go out tonight or stay in?"

She blinked quickly, trying to keep her eyes open. "I would probably fall asleep at a restaurant," Ziva admitted apologetically. "But I can make supper after I lay down for a bit."

He shook his head. "Allow me babe."

"You should not have to work all day and then make dinner as well!" Ziva insisted.

"Hey, thanks to your tutoring I've become a pretty capable cook over the last several months. At least let me try."

Ziva gave in gracefully. "Very well." She looked at him for a minute before voicing a question. "Tony, why did you get so tense when Devon suggested we come together?" She had felt it in his touch but didn't understand.

His fingers gripped hers a little tighter and he shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. It didn't work. "Being in therapy isn't part of my best memories."

Her eyes widened as she took in the information. "I did not know you had...seen someone before. When?"

Tony's tone was brittle even though he forced a smile for her. "Let's talk about this after dinner, okay?"

Ziva stroked her thumb slowly over his, trying to offer the comfort he always was for her. She was deeply familiar with needing time to work up the courage to share secrets. "Alright," she replied quietly and didn't push at all.

Relief showed in his eyes. As soon as they got home, Ziva made her way to the couch and Tony covered her with a light blanket, wishing now that there was a bedroom on the first floor - a bed would be much more comfortable than the couch, but it was too much effort to be coming up and down stairs all the time.

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Sweet dreams Zi."

While she slept, he got out ingredients and slowly put together a dish that was usually her specialty, then set the timer on the oven for an hour. Needing an escape, Tony went upstairs and into the spare room, still a mess of boxes that he and Ziva hadn't gone through yet. Maybe this weekend.

Lowering himself to sit on the bed that had been hers, he propped his elbows on his knees, dropped his head into his hands and blew out a breath. Telling Ziva why he'd gone to therapy would bring back dark days. Days that were still all too close even with them married and her alive and within arms reach most of the time. His head pounded as he thought about voicing those words, bringing to life what he'd prefer to think had been a nightmare instead of reality.

**NCIS**

Though Ziva had fallen asleep right away because her body needed to relax, she was restless, concern for Tony and general discomfort in her body making it difficult to give into slumber. Eventually she dropped off but the pained look in Tony's eyes that she'd seen in the car was still so close to the surface when he woke her less than two hours later.

Ziva blinked slowly and examined his face, her hand coming up to touch the skin softly. He leaned into the caress, closing his eyes and sighing. Then he pulled her up and nodded towards the kitchen. Ziva already recognized the aroma of her lasagna recipe.

Tony shrugged at her look. "Italian comfort food." She had a feeling they were going to need it.

But despite the meaty, cheesy, noodly goodness, neither of them ate much. They held hands across the small table that had been hers, saving the larger dining room table for company, Tony's finger sliding over her wrist to feel her pulse every few seconds. Finally Ziva set down her fork.

"Tony, you are not eating. You have not looked at me once. I think it is time to talk."

He sighed and squeezed her hand tighter. "Will you come upstairs with me Ziva?" Her gaze was inquiring, trying to discern how he meant those words. Tony shook his head in case she was thinking the wrong thing. "I just...want to hold you, okay?"

Tony knew he couldn't talk about this while looking into her eyes. He didn't want to see pity or guilt or sadness or regret or whatever else might be there. Ziva stood and followed him without question or comment and went willingly when he tugged her onto their bed.

She hesitated when he sat with his back to the headboard and propped his feet up on the bed, creating a space for her between his knees. But they were both fully clothed and Ziva knew Tony was not a threat to her. She settled with her back against his chest, conscious of the fact that they hadn't really been this close before.

After a few slow deep breaths however, Ziva made Tony her focus, because it was obvious he needed her right now. He folded his arms around his wife, enclosing her in a comforting embrace and started playing idly with her fingers. Finally he swallowed and she felt the change in his heartbeat. Whatever was next would not be easy to say.

"The first time I saw a psychiatrist was right after I left Baltimore PD. It was a big mess and there was a fallout with my partner and a woman I was seeing..." he shrugged. "I just needed help sorting out everything in my head." Tony closed his eyes and remembered the case with a guy on a ledge.

"McGee almost found out one time, but I played it off and he didn't ask again. Anthony DiNozzo doesn't go to therapy," he scoffed at himself. "He doesn't need anyone else, he doesn't have issues, he's too good for that." Tony sighed. "And then I wasn't."

Ziva leaned her head back onto his shoulder, her hair brushing his jaw, and pulled his arms more snugly around her. "The second time?"

His whole body tensed and his heart sped up, she was afraid of what he was thinking. "When you were dead." The words came out in a hoarse whisper, like he couldn't say them any louder. Ziva froze and she felt Tony's mouth by her ear. "I lost it Ziva, without you. No one's been exaggerating about how bad things were then." He clung to her presence here, her body in his arms, Ziva alive and breathing and with him. "It was either get help or give up and Abby wouldn't let me give up."

Ziva couldn't believe what she was hearing. She shifted so she could see his eyes and searched them carefully. He didn't shut her out, but the reluctance to let her in all the way was obvious. "You thought about giving up?"

Tony swallowed. "Uh, yeah."

She lay her palm on his chest to feel the comfort of his heartbeat, unsure if she really wanted to hear the truth. "How close did you get?" she whispered.

He didn't say anything for the longest time, then he finally spoke while twirling her hair around her finger so he didn't have to see into her eyes. "After a month there was a night McGee came over and asked for my gun." Tony shrugged. "He didn't trust me not to do something stupid. He was apologetic but insistent, wouldn't take no for an answer. I was so ticked at him, but I'm also not sure I've been more proud. Tim did what he thought was best, that makes him a good friend and a good agent."

Remembering was hard and Tony stole little glances as his wife as he continued. "The more I withdrew, the more Abby worried. She started tracking my phone, quite possibly bugged my apartment with micro-cameras just to keep an eye on me. When it got really bad, she made me call her every hour for two whole days until I promised not to do anything without giving her a chance to talk me out of it." He chuckled. "I got Bert as a roommate for two weeks to remind me of my promise."

Ziva didn't want to interrupt his train of thought with any questions. She was afraid if he stopped sharing, the subject wouldn't open again. And though it tore at her heart to hear how her absence had affected him, she felt something else as well. While she'd been getting ready to die in that cell, Tony had wanted to die because he thought she was already daed. It was a depth of loyalty and love that she had never known before, not in the live she used to live. She rested her head on his shoulder and kept listening.

Tony forced himself to keep going, knowing she deserved the details even if he didn't particularly like how they sounded. "When Gibbs actually started bringing me coffee in the mornings and Jimmy cornered me at odd times trying to get me to talk, I knew I'd reached a point where a choice had to be made - to come back from the grief or to give into it."

He shrugged. "That's when I started planning the mission to get Saleem. That was when I decided I'd do one last thing for you and leave everything else behind." He leaned his head back against the headboard. "No one else knew it was a suicide mission. Gibbs might've guessed, but he never tried to stop me." Tony sighed. "I guess he knows what the kind of loss feels like."

Startled at his confession, Ziva sat up again and met his troubled gaze. "Why did you care so much?" she asked, completely overwhelmed by what he was willing to do for her. "Why did you put yourself at risk for me?"

Tony brought his hands to frame her face, remembering their argument on a rooftop in Israel before she disappeared out of his life. "Because," he whispered, "I didn't know how else to show you that you mattered. Partner, best friend, almost something more. You were a constant in my life, always there until you were gone." Tony rested his forehead on hers. "I think I invented a thousand ways to say 'I love you' and hope that you would read between the lines."

Tears welled in her eyes, spilling down her cheeks when she closed them. Tony nudged her face up and captured her lips. The passion in his kiss took her breath away and Ziva was reminded of the night she danced - it had felt the same then too. The raw pain and desperation, the deep need to know this was real, it all came out again tonight.

When she couldn't handle any more she broke away, holding Tony as they both grieved for damage done. There was nothing else that night, only them together. Tony and Ziva didn't even bother getting changed for bed, they just slid down under the covers and Ziva stayed wrapped in the circle of her husband's arms. That he held her all night long, her scent infusing each breath, her pulse the thing that lulled him to sleep, was probably the greatest healing of all.

**NCIS**

By mid-afternoon on Wednesday, Ziva had tired of reading and relaxing. So when she woke up from her second nap, she headed to the kitchen, put on her iPod and got to work. Much later, when Tony came home from work shortly after the normal supper hour, he caught Ziva washing dishes.

He gave her a forlorn look. "Did you eat without me?"

Ziva shook her head. "Can you not smell it? The food is almost ready."

Tony hurried over to take a peek in the oven and licked his lips. "Mmm, shepherd's pie, I can't wait!"

She smiled. "I thought you would approve."

He eyed the pile of dishes in the sink and those she'd already done. "Okay, so if supper is in the oven, what's all this from?"

Ziva indicated the cooling racks and trays covered with dish towels that lined the island. "I needed to keep busy."

Tony's eyes widened. "Wow Zi, when Mandy said you could do light cooking, I'm not sure three different desserts and two full meals is what she had in mind."

His wife huffed and set her hands on her hips. "I wanted you to have good food to take to work for lunch. You should not always be buying something to eat." She shrugged. "And you can share the desserts with the team."

Sensing arguing was not the appropriate strategy, Tony slid his arms around Ziva's back and grinned. "Who says I want to share?" he retorted glibly, then raised an eyebrow at her. "I think I need a proper welcome home."

Any annoyance Ziva was feeling evaporated when he looked at her like that and a slow smile crawled across her face. "I am glad you are home," she said softly, meeting his lips with hers. The kiss was slow and sweet but interrupted by the oven buzzer.

Tony sighed dramatically and reluctantly released her to go get supper out. He retrieved something from the entry alcove and when Ziva turned around to get the plates, he was standing there with a bouquet of lilies and a tender expression. "Happy one week anniversary Ziva," he murmured, pecking her on the cheek.

Ziva was genuinely surprised at the unexpected gesture and she held the flowers gently, running her fingers over the petals. "They are beautiful, thank you." Her brow wrinkled. "Is it customary to celebrate each week?"

He stuck his hands in his pockets and shrugged. "I'm not sure. But each day with you is a miracle, so I wanted to make sure a whole week didn't go unnoticed."

Tony set the flowers aside and gathered Ziva into his arms, breathing in her coconut shampoo and absorbing her warmth. "I love you Zi." The baby kicked and he chuckled, leaning down to caress and kiss her bump. "I love you too Chipmunk, sorry for ignoring you." He glanced up at Ziva. "Sometimes it's really hard not to get distracted by Mommy."

Ziva's eyes glistened as she watched the scene. She would never get enough of seeing Tony like this.

**NCIS**

After dinner and dishes and putting away all evidence of Ziva's marathon cooking session, she settled on the couch and Tony grabbed something out of his bag and took a seat beside her. "So I've been thinking," he began, and Ziva smiled teasingly.

"That can be dangerous, can it not?"

Tony wrinkled his nose. "Hey now, no picking on the husband."

She raised an eyebrow lazily. "You are mine, yes? I should be able to pick on you a little."

He made a face. "Yeah, but you're supposed to be nice to me."

Ziva gave him a patiently humouring look. "What were you thinking about?"

Tony showed her what he had. "We're running out of time to pick a name for the baby. Unless," his expression became questioning, "you already had something in mind?" It was really her baby first and if she'd chosen something, he wouldn't get in the way. But he was hoping they could do this together.

Ziva opened her mouth, then closed it again and shook her head. "I have not..." She blinked. "I think I forgot about that part."

He grinned. "Well than Ms. Dav..uh, Mrs. DiNozzo, you're in luck. I stopped and got three baby names books on the way home." Tony handed them to her one at a time. "The first is Hebrew, next is Italian and I also got a normal one for if we really get stuck." He waggled his eyebrows. "Got a notebook?"

Ziva laughed at his enthusiasm and produced one out of her purse. She had a pen poised when Tony opened the first book, ready to take notes. He started at the beginning, pulling out names that sounded interesting or had cool names. She tried not to make fun of him when he struggled with the pronunciations, and helped whenever he looked too lost.

By the time they were halfway through the C's, Ziva chuckled. "Tony, these are all girl names. I know what you think about this baby, but what if you are wrong and we have a boy?"

Tony frowned in her direction. "Ziva, she's a girl. I just...know it. I can't explain how. Our baby is going to be a girl and we need to have a nice girl's name ready for when she comes." He stared at her belly. "Which could be any day now so there's no time to waste."

Ziva rolled her eyes but said no more. He was convinced and there was no arguing with him. Still, she decided to pick a boy name just in case. Caleb had been a childhood friend of hers who died during their time in IDF. But she'd always loved the name. And if they had a boy, he should have his father's name as well.

Biting her lip, Ziva hid a sigh, wondering if it would always feel like a lie to call Tony her child's father. Then she shook her head and jotted 'Caleb Anthony DiNozzo' in the margin. It was just right. After staring at it awhile, she interrupted Tony's list with an idea.

"We should each pick one name," she suggested. "One Hebrew and one Italian so our baby will be a reflection of both parents and cultures, even if she will be American by birth."

Tony paused. "That's a good thought. And I know we haven't gotten to the Italian book yet, but...my nonna's middle name was Caprice, same with my mom. It's a family tradition. So...y'know, if you like it, maybe our little girl could be part of it too."

Ziva's expression softened. "I would like that." She glanced back at the names she'd compiled so far and one caught her eye. "Tony," she asked, "what was the meaning of 'Chaya'? C-h-a-y-a," she spelled it in case the way she said it confused him.

He flipped back through the pages and quickly found it. Tony stared at the words a moment and focused his gaze on her. "Life. Chaya means life, Zi."

Ziva made a notation beside the name and suddenly had no desire to look further. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo," she said slowly, meeting his eyes. "What do you think?"

Tony scooted closer and slipped his arm around her shoulders, kissing her cheek. "I think it's perfect Ziva. Chaya, the reason for our new life and a new little life of our very own."

She smiled and their hands linked over her belly. Chaya. She had a name, now they just had to wait.


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: This chapter is going to get emotional. You have been warned. Enjoy and have a great weekend! :)_

Tony called Ziva from work around ten am Thursday morning, hoping he wouldn't wake her up. She'd still been sleeping when he left at seven. Concerned when he had to try twice before she answered, the first words out of his mouth were, "Hey, are you okay?"

Ziva smiled. "I was outside."

A wrinkle creased his forehead. "You're not going for walks when I'm not around, are you?"

She poured a glass of water and shook her head even though he couldn't see her. "I was looking at the backyard. I think we need to plant some flowers."

Tony sighed inaudibly. "Okay, we'll talk about that. Just don't start any projects without me, okay?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Did you only call to check up on me Tony? We are fine." She felt a kick and settled on the couch. "The baby says hello."

He grinned. "Thanks. And I wanted to give you a head's up. A friend of mine is going to be stopping by any minute now. Don't worry, she's safe. You won't need your gun."

It was upstairs anyways and she couldn't move that fast right now. Ziva raised an eyebrow. "She?"

Tony shrugged. "Sorry Zi, I can't tell you any more, it would ruin the surprise."

The doorbell rang and Ziva looked up. "Is it a good surprise?" she asked, standing slowly.

"I hope you think so. Love you Zi, gotta go."

"I love you," she replied, though he was already gone. She peeked out the window and opened the door. On their front porch was a shorter, older woman with white hair and a gentle smile. Ziva had to agree, she did not look dangerous.

"Hello," she said cautiously.

The woman extended her hand. "Hello Ziva. My name is Grace McPherson. We've never met but your husband bought my piano. May I come in?" Ziva stood back and allowed her to enter. Grace looked around, her bright eyes taking it all in. "You have a lovely home."

"Thank you," Ziva replied, still not sure what she was doing here.

Grace's face lit up when her eyes fell on the piano and she looked at Ziva for permission. "May I?"

It was like watching someone find an old friend and Ziva smiled. "Yes."

Grace slipped out of her shoes and walked over to the instrument, running her fingers reverently over the shiny top and smooth keys. She turned back to her hostess. "Do you like it?"

Ziva moved closer and nodded. "I love it. I never expected such a wonderful gift. But I have not had time to enjoy it yet." She gestured to her midsection and twisted her rings around. "I am not sure how much of our story Tony has told you, but things have been a little batty lately."

If Ziva's word choice confused her, Grace didn't say so. Instead she sat on the couch with an expectant expression. "I only met your husband once and hadn't heard from him again until this week. I was surprised to hear he has a wife now." She glanced at Ziva's belly. "And expecting a baby I see. But if you don't mind, I would love to hear whatever you want to tell me."

Completely at ease with the woman even though they just met, Ziva smiled. "Would you like some tea? It is a very long story."

Grace looked pleased. "I would love some."

**NCIS**

Hours later and after a light lunch, Ziva had told Grace the PG and national security safe version of how she and Tony ended up together. It was complicated and she left out a great deal, but the important parts were still there. Grace leaned back when Ziva finished and folded her hands together.

"Your husband told me he wanted my piano for someone very special. I see now that I made the right choice to sell it to him." she glanced back at her prized, former possession and then to Ziva. "Would you play me something? It has been too long since I heard the music."

Happy to oblige and glad to have a reason to finally indulge in the instrument, Ziva moved gracefully to the piano bench and sat down. Her fingers fell into position on the keys, her eyes slid shut and from memory she began to draw a song from them.

Grace watched with a mixture of pride and fascination as Ziva threw herself into the music, letting it pour out of her soul as it had not done in years. So powerful was the release and connection, that it reminded Ziva of her dancing and she let her fingers waltz across the keys. Notes flowed forth and filled the room, leaving a reverent hush when she finally stilled and the last lingering echoes faded away.

Her face flushed and eyes aglow, Ziva looked at Grace with a joy filled expression. The older woman clapped in delight. "That was wonderful my dear. You have a great deal of talent. To play like that you must have studied for years."

Ziva inclined her head. "Playing has always been one of my escapes, but I have not done that in...a long time." She eyed her guest questioningly. "Would you...like to play a duet?"

Grace rubbed her hands together and regret showed on her face. "It isn't easy to play anymore. My arthritis..." she sighed.

"We could do something short and simple, maybe a children's song or a hymn," Ziva suggested.

She considered this and finally nodded. "I can try."

They sat side by side and Ziva picked out the beginning notes of 'Joyful, Joyful'. Grace set her long but slowly twisting fingers on the keys and began to fill in the melody. They only played a couple verses, but it was enough to bring tears to Grace's eyes.

"I've missed this," she confided when they finished. "Music has been a part of my life as long as I can remember and the arthritis has taken that away, as well as many other things."

Ziva frowned. "Can the doctors do nothing for it?"

Grace shrugged. "There isn't a cure, but I will be starting some new medication soon. Maybe it will do something the others haven't."

It was sad to see an older person still so vibrant who could not do the things she loved. Ziva remembered her tour of the backyard earlier and gazed out the sliding glass doors behind their diningroom table. An idea occurred to her. "Grace, do you know anything about flowers?"

Curiosity infused the older woman's eyes and she nodded. Ziva had a feeling it was going to be a wonderful afternoon.

**NCIS**

When Tony got home around seven pm, one of the first things Ziva did was thank him for sending Grace over. "I enjoyed spending time with her."

He grinned. "I thought you might. She'll probably come back often. I think she's lonely now that she'd not teaching anymore."

"I would like that," Ziva decided. "Grace stayed for most of the afternoon. She is going to help me choose flowers to plant in the yard."

"Sounds good," Tony agreed. "Why don't you ladies come up with a plan and pick a Saturday? I'll be in charge of the digging."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "I think I can manage a hand shovel Tony."

He looked her up and down. "Not if I tell Mandy."

The threat was serious and Ziva gave up for now. Suddenly five weeks felt like forever with all the restrictions she faced. Instead of arguing though, she pulled out two servings of lasagna leftover from Tuesday and warmed them in the microwave. They sat at the table and spent the meal catching up on each other's day.

After their late dinner, Tony suggested a movie in their room and decided to put on pjs first so they could go right to sleep when it was over. Ziva followed suit and they spent a relaxing couple hours cuddled together on their bed. As the credits rolled, Tony looked down at Ziva in his arms, his eyes raking over the dark lines on the skin he could see. He licked his lips and hesitated, then finally turned towards her.

"Ziva," he asked, running his fingers lightly over her forearm, "will you let me see your scars..." he paused, then forced the rest out. "All of them?"

Ziva's eyes widened and she tensed automatically. Her heart started racing, her breathing accelerated and she shut her eyes tight as she fought the reaction. Beside her Tony curled closer, aware of at least some of the turmoil she was facing. Deep inside Ziva knew what else he was asking - it had been six years since he saw her naked while they were undercover. He wanted to see her, to look at her body, probably to touch and she was afraid, so afraid of the unknowns.

Already he was holding her tighter, murmuring quiet, soothing words in her ear, using his voice and his hands to help calm her. They stayed for a long time in that silence while her thoughts flew around in circles and she battled her instincts for safety against her love for Tony and the trust he deserved. Finally she drew a shuddering breath and moved away from him to stand beside the bed.

Her fingers fumbled with the snaps on her shirt, unsteady because she was literally shaking. Tony saw and in a moment was in front of her, putting his hands over hers. "Only if you're ready Zi," he whispered, looking into her eyes. "Only if you want to share this with me. I don't want to pressure you honey, I don't want you to be scared."

Bolstered by his strength and love, Ziva shook her head. "I will never want to share what they did Tony, but you have waited so long to be let into my life." She drew a breath. "If I do not do this now, I will not be able to."

He nodded in understanding, ready to take this step with her. Or at least, he hoped he was. With Tony's help Ziva unfastened all the snaps and let him slide the shirt from her shoulders. Reaching for the tie on her pants, she undid it and allowed them to fall to the floor as well.

Standing there practically naked before him, Ziva kept her eyes shut, unsure of what she would see if she looked. But Tony stepped closer and cupped her face in his hands, breathing against her lips as he stared at her closed eyelids. "Look at me sweetheart. Open your eyes Ziva, please." Reluctantly she did, but instead of the revulsion she feared, there was only love in her husband's eyes. He smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips softly, briefly. "Thank you."

Tony grasped her hands and moved back a little to take her in, trying to control his reaction to Ziva in just her bra and black lace underwear. As much as he liked and approved of her choice in lingerie, that was not his focus tonight. Someday hopefully, but not now.

Swallowing hard, his eyes skimmed over her from head to foot, feeling his gut clench at how many scars there were. This was everything he hadn't been allowed to see before it and it was harder than he expected just to look at them. Not because the scars detracted from her beauty, but because they screamed of her suffering and Tony suddenly wasn't so sure how long he could listen.

For Ziva's sake though, he tempered his reaction even as he slowly spun her around to see the rest, then led her back to the bed. They sat facing each other for a moment before Tony picked up her hand and kissed her palm, seeking permission with only his gaze to touch her skin.

The trust in Ziva's expression was mingled with a deep fear bordering on panic. The last time a man had put his hands where her clothes always covered... She shuddered and had to fight the urge to push him away. But this was not some terrorist here to hurt her, this was Tony. Tony who loved her, Tony who was safe, Tony who had not caused even one of her scars. Tony, who perhaps as Abby hoped, might be the one who could help heal them. So with her eyes closed, Ziva nodded once and held her breath.

The touch of Tony's fingers were like fire, but she savoured it just the same. Gentle, willing touch with nothing harsh about it, such as she hadn't felt in so long that Ziva couldn't remember a specific moment. Slowly, carefully, Tony traced every one of her scars, letting his fingers run over every inch of her skin that they covered except the private areas of her body. That would scare her whether she trusted him or not and Tony knew she would have no control over her reaction once the flashbacks hit. They had enough to deal with tonight.

He brought his hand to her face, caressing her cheek with his thumb and staring deeply into her eyes. "Why are there no marks here?"

Ziva shivered, remembering when black eyes, a broken nose and split lips healed. "Because the men wanted something pretty to look at," she shared in less than a whisper, hating the words. Left unsaid was why they wanted that and what they were doing while they looked.

Tony closed his eyes and brought his forehead to hers, absorbing her words and trying to figure out how to undo the damage. It wasn't in anything he could say, only in his actions and choices every moment of every day they got to spend together. So he kissed her forehead and brushed his lips over the childhood scar on her earlobe before continuing his perusal.

He trailed his fingers lightly down her neck and across her shoulders. There were old burns there, but no dark lines from whips or blades. Ziva's arms he was already familiar with, so Tony kept his attention to a few brief kisses on each side. Then came the scar he'd seen on her collarbone the night she let him watch her dance. It had haunted him for days afterwards. His fingers ran down the length of it, treading on dangerous ground as it ended right where her bra began. Ziva's hand covered his, stopping him from going any further.

"Tony..."

He kissed her fingers. "It's okay Zi." Her eyes said it wasn't but he needed her to believe him. "I won't do anything that makes you afraid babe. I'm not one of them." Slowly she released his hand, but not before he felt how fast her heart was beating. It was costing her a lot to let him do this.

Tony eyed the taut skin of Ziva's abdomen that had stretched to accommodate their growing baby. He spread his hands over her belly and bent down, pressing feather soft kisses on lighter lines crisscrossing the skin there and along her ribs. He ran his thumb under her right breast where the damage seemed deliberate.

A tear slipped down Ziva's face and she fingered the raised area. "Acid," she said finally.

He traced the spot again. "What were they trying to get rid of?"

She drew a sharp breath. "It used to be a tattoo, Tali's name and birthdate. I got it after she died." Her breath caught. "They took great pleasure in...obscuring it once they realized it was personal."

Tony sighed. Her sister's name. Was there anything they hadn't taken away? Lost for words, he returned to his exploration of the faded slashes up and down her legs, ending with the abused soles of her feet. At last she turned so her back was facing him and Tony saw the worst they had done.

Dark raised lines - the healed welts from whip lashes. Burns - from many different sources. Long lines - carved deeply by knives into the muscles. Smaller grooves - possibly bullet grazes, meant to cause pain but not to kill. He wished that he couldn't imagine her torment, but he'd seen that room and it was all too real.

Overcome with the need to hold her, Tony enveloped Ziva in his arms, pulling her back against his chest and dropping his head to her shoulder. When Ziva felt wetness on her skin she turned, unable to keep back her own tears when she saw her strong and confident husband crying over what they had done. Tenderly she wiped them away and he kissed several of hers.

Tony was grateful that tonight was not also the time when he would hear her stories of the camp and find out what had caused all her scars. Those he would learn one by one over the years, there was no rush. And maybe one day Somalia would finally fade from both of their memories. But the anger filling him as he pictured Ziva being hurt made that day seem so far away.

With her eyes fixed on his, Tony ran his hands over her body again, not wanting to lose the opportunity to touch her and wanting to appreciate what she was allowing him to do. Along the way he stopped to kiss many of the larger scars, letting his lips linger on her skin. He felt so helpless realize that was the most he could do. Nothing else, maybe nothing at all, would ever make them better.

His touch was infinitely gentle and another tear escaped her eyes. Tony brushed it away. "What Zi?"

She shook her head, lips trembling as she spoke the words. "I do not know how you can touch me as if no one else ever has."

Splaying his fingers over her pregnant belly, he smiled at her with so much love in his eyes. "I want my hands on you to be a memory that covers over all the others. I always want to be the last man who has touched you this way."

Ziva had no words left. She tugged him closer and skimmed her lips over his. But that wasn't enough and Tony captured her lips again as soon as she pulled away, molding his mouth to hers, his lips moving with hers, telling her everything that look and touches hadn't already proclaimed loud and clear. Nothing would ever change his love for her.

As the moment grew more heated, Ziva broke the kiss and held her hands out to keep him from coming closer. Sitting there in only her bra and underwear and making out with her husband was something she wasn't ready for yet. He understood and didn't move when Ziva got up to put her pjs back on.

Breathing hard, Tony lay back on his pillow and waited until she crawled into bed. When he was sure he'd calmed down enough, Tony slid over to her side and lay facing his wife. He tucked some hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for trusting me to see them."

Ziva held his hand to her cheek. "You have not given me a reason to be afraid."

He wanted to promise that he never would but knew it was impossible. The closer they got, the more her memories would come up and Tony already wanted to brace himself for the next time she looked at him with fear in her eyes because of something he had done. Instead he stared into her beautiful brown gaze.

"I love you even more for having seen the scars Ziva, I promise. You're still the most beautiful woman know."

She raised her face to his, this kiss slow and grateful and reassuring without crossing any lines. Ziva nestled her head into his neck and Tony just held her for the longest time, hoping she couldn't feel the emotions that continued to course through his body. His last thought before falling asleep as he pressed a kiss to Ziva's curls was wondering if tonight would make her dream. He didn't want her to have anything else to fight.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: Sorry, meant to put this on the last chapter. Almost everyone asked about the pronunciation of 'Chaya'. To be honest, I don't know. I'm not even sure I want to know because I keep waffling between what I want it to sound like. So I'll let everyone decide how they want to pronounce it. Lame, I know, but that's as good as it gets. Thanks for all the reviews, you guys are fabulous! :)_

_Cierra - you're my newest non-signed in reviewer. I would LOVE to be able to reply to your comments, any chance of you getting an account or signing in so I can? Thanks so much for the periodic reviews you've been doing as you read, it means a lot. ~Aliyah_

Abby was in their bathroom at the quaint little B&B on the second last day of their honeymoon, doing her hair when she suddenly felt something and stopped. It gave her a pause but as soon as she figured out what it was, she squealed and dropped her brush. "Timmy, come here!"

McGee raced in from the bedroom. "Abbs? What's wrong?"She had both hands pressed against her abdomen, but the look on her face was awe, not pain.

She felt it again and flung her arms around him "I think I just felt the baby move Tim."

He pulled back. "Really? You did?"

Abby twirled around in a circle. "Yes! I did and it's..." she stopped and frowned. "It's a weird feeling."

Remembering what Gibbs said, about his turn probably still being a months away, McGee was a little jealous. "Like what?" he asked, not wanting to be completely left out.

Abby bit her lip. "You're going to laugh."

He took her hands. "I won't babe, I promise."

"Well," she searched for another descriptions but couldn't find anything, "it kind of feels like there's a goldfish swimming around in there."

McGee bit his lip so as not to break his promise. "A baby goldfish, huh?"

"Tim!" she shoved his shoulder when she saw he was teasing. Then her eyes lit up. "Ooh! I have to tell Gibbs! Where's my phone?"

While McGee would've preferred not to think of his boss at all on his honeymoon, he knew it was different for Abby. "You left it in your jacket last night."

Giddy with happiness, Abby dashed out of the bedroom and grabbed her phone, sending off as much as she could fit in one text. It was expensive outside of the States. Then she returned to McGee and squeezed him tightly. "I can't wait until you can feel it too!"

He hugged her back. "Me too Abbs, me too."

**NCIS**

It was barely six am when Tony was jerked from sleep by a nightmare that disappeared the second he opened his eyes. Feeling groggy - it had been an incredibly emotional night, though not altogether late - he rubbed his face and slowly untangled himself from Ziva without waking her.

Tony realized he was far too unsettled to go back to sleep and decided an hour at the gym might do him good. Twenty minutes later he let himself into the NCIS training gym and started stretching. Even though running wasn't his forte anymore, Tony still chose to warm up with two miles on the treadmill. He began slowly but increased the pace steadily, anger and oxygen fueling his muscles.

Scenes from the night before played over and over in his head and all Tony wanted to do was purge the images. His run barely put a dent in what he was feeling, so he returned to the mats and worked weights until his arms shook and his legs threatened to give out.

Then he strapped on gloves and went to the punching bag in the corner. Tony knew he wasn't as good as Ziva, but he'd taken boxing lessons once upon a time and was familiar with the basics. He threw some light punches and bounced on the balls of his feet, getting reacquainted with the motion and finding his rhythm.

But practice quickly became real, a new picture or face or scar dancing before his eyes on the bag with each punch and jab. Tony was breathing hard, jaw clenched and dripping with sweat when Gibbs found him shortly after seven, led by a concerned text from Ziva when she woke up without him and the gnawing feeling in his gut when Tony's car was in the parking lot but the agent himself was nowhere to be found.

It took Tony too long to notice the older man and when he finally did, there was no expression on his face, only a darkness in his eyes that Gibbs knew all too well. He stared at his agent for a long moment, then took a sip of his coffee. "You broke Rule #1."

The pulled Tony up short. "I haven't-"

Gibbs cut him off. "Your wife's Rule #1." He was slightly amused that Ziva had started her own list but he approved too because after all, everyone needed a code they could live by.

Tony let his arms hand down by his side. "I didn't want to worry her."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "She's worried now."

He breathed out hard. "Yeah. I wasn't really up to pretending this morning and Zi...she knows me too well. She'd see it in my eyes. I can't hide anything from her anymore."

Gibbs grunted. "Probably best."

"No!" Tony asserted, tearing off his gloves and throwing them to the floor. "It's not best! I'm so angry today that I can't see straight. I didn't want Ziva to see that in me."

Gibbs walked closer and slapped the back of Tony's head hard enough to sting. His eyes came up and he looked ready for a fight no matter who the opponent was. "Deal with it."

"I tried!" Tony yelled, pacing in a tight circle. "I've been here for an hour and it's not helping." His voice dropped and he suddenly looked so vulnerable Gibbs almost wanted to hug the younger man. Tony's words were choked. "Did you ever see her after...the camp Boss?"

Gibbs had tried to forget Ziva laying face down on a hospital bed, naked to her waist while doctors worked to clean and stitch the worst cuts on her back and salve the other wounds because it was all they could do. He stood in the shadows and watched, a silent guardian because he knew Ziva wouldn't want any of them to see her so weak but he couldn't stay away. It had been hard enough to convince Tony to let his partner get checked out alone when all he wanted to do was be with her, but the man felt guilty enough already , he didn't need to see this.

A female nurse came in to give Ziva a sponge bath and get rid of the worst of the dirt and grime, but she had to wear the same stained, dirty clothes that smelled of sweat and desert. Gibbs had determined to get her something to change into as soon as they got home. That moment was hours away however and all he'd wanted right then was to know his agent was alive. He passed a hand over his eyes and nodded once.

"I saw her."

"So...you know what they did." Tony wasn't sure how he felt about that - relieved to share the burden or frustrated and jealous that he was the last to see her scars.

"I know what I saw," Gibbs corrected. "Mostly the damage to her back. The rest I can guess at."

Tony shook his head. "I don't know how to handle what they did. I thought I knew, but to actually see the extent of what she went through..." he clutched his head. "I can't...I can't stop thinking about it."

Gibbs sighed. "Three truths DiNozzo." Tony looked up, hoping beyond hope for something to hold onto. "Ziva is alive. She's safe. She loves you. And after Somalia there isn't anything the two of you can't get through if you do it together."

Tony forced a smile. "That's four."

Gibbs glared for the normalcy of it and growled. "You're late. Be at your desk in ten minutes or Matt's paperwork becomes yours."

Taking a deep breath and releasing it, Tony felt his body relax as tension flowed from him. Eight and a half minutes later he was showered and dressed. He sat at his desk for less than two minutes, long enough for Gibbs to walk in and notice, before grabbing his phone and retreating to the alcove by the stairs. He pressed speed dial #2 for Ziva and waited.

Her voice came on the line seconds later. "Tony?" He could hear the concern and closed his eyes, trying to sound normal.

"Hey Zi, sorry I forgot to say goodbye." He winced at the almost lie. "I didn't want to wake you."

She was quiet for too long. "I would rather you did. I have all day to sleep." Ziva bit her lip and pictured his tortured gaze from looking at her scars last night. "You are not okay."

Tony swallowed hard and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm...working on it."

Ziva didn't know how to make it easier for him. She laid her hand over her stomach. "Does it help that I love you?"

He sighed and chuckled a little. "It doesn't hurt." All he wanted to do was hold her, but he had to be at work. The team was too short handed for him to take a personal day. "I love you Ziva. Take is easy, okay?"

She felt sadness gather in her chest. "This will not be easy Tony. Not now, maybe not ever." It was clear she was talking about them, not her pregnancy.

"Ziva," Tony said seriously, "you're alive and you're here. That alone is worth any amount of effort it takes to make this work." He rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, but sometimes I just need space to think."

Ziva blinked back tears, knowing that he often thought the wrong things when he was alone. "As long as you come home to me when you are done thinking."

"Trust me Zi," he smiled for the first time, "it'll be the highlight of my day. I love you."

Her smile was faint. "We love you too." They didn't say goodbye out of long habit. Neither wanted those to be the last words they heard.

Tony flipped his phone closed and took a few minutes to compose himself before returning to the bullpen. Ziva was right, he wasn't okay but he would be, just as soon as he held her in his arms tonight. Right now, that was all that mattered, and all he had to do was survive until then.

**NCIS**

At the house Ziva clutched the cellphone to her chest and wiped away tears that had fallen while they talked. "Ima is sad today Tatelah," she said softly. "Daddy is trying so hard, but I wish he did not have to hurt so much." The baby moved and Ziva got up to take a shower. Any more sleep would be impossible for awhile.

Three hours later however, a nap looked incredibly enticing, and being that she was already downstairs, wearing her American flag shirt from Abby and light cargo pants, Ziva got comfortable one the couch. She curled up around a throw pillow and let the bliss of dreamless sleep carry her away.

It was early afternoon before she woke to a gentle, persistent knocking on the door. Rubbing her eyes, Ziva pushed herself up and walked slowly over to see who it was. Surprised, she unlocked the door. "Grace, I was not expecting you."

The older woman smiled. "I know, I'm sorry. But I just made cookies and I wanted to share them while they were still warm." She shrugged one shoulder. "Besides, I had such a good time yesterday, I hoped you wouldn't mind another visit."

"Of course not. But I hope Tony is not bribing you to come over."

"Not at all dear," Grace reassured her. She stepped inside and indicated the bag she carried. "Actually, I thought we might start our lessons today."

"Lessons?" Ziva was confused. "I do not understand."

"Oh," Grace paused, "I thought he would've told you. Tony knew you'd be getting bored without anything to do, so he asked me to teach you something. Have you ever done knitting or crocheting?"

Ziva sat down. "There was never time for such things when I was growing up."

Grace tilted her head. "Would you like to learn now?"

Ziva caressed her bump. "It would be nice to make a blanket for my baby."

"Crochet then, that would be perfect. The ripple stitch is my specialty. I've made them for all my grandchildren." She set a plate on the coffeetable. "Let's have cookies first, then we'll start."

Ziva picked up a warm, gooey cookie and bit into it. "Mmm. Dessert first, I like that idea."

**NCIS**

Tony finally made it home shortly before eight, kept late because of the case they'd caught. He walked in the door and took off his coat, careful not to drip water on the floor. It had started pouring a couple hours ago and there was no end in sight. "Hi babe, sorry I'm late."

Ziva was on the couch, her legs tucked under her, steadily working with a crochet hook and yarn on a rippled strip already several inches long. _The Sound of Music_ played in the background, but Ziva's focus was entirely on her project. He chuckled. "Let me guess, Grace came by?"

She looked up and smiled. "Thank you for asking her to do this. Once I figured out how the stitch worked, it was not hard." Ziva held up her progress so far. "It will be a blanket for the baby. If I stay pregnant long enough, I may be able to finish it."

Tony leaned down and kissed her forehead, then sat beside her, smiling even as his stomach clenched at the though of the baby coming early. "That's my ninja, good at everything."

Ziva set her yarn aside and gave him her full attention, searching his face for any of last night's ghosts that might still be haunting him. "I think you need a hug," she said at last.

"Yeah." Tony touched her lips, her cheek, staring at her like she still might be a figment of his imagination. "I do."

She wrapped her arms around his neck almost too tightly, but Tony didn't mind. His arms encircled her back and for the longest time they just held each other. When Tony finally felt okay to let her go, he leaned back and smiled. "Should I make popcorn?"

Her brow furrowed. "Did you eat?"

He shrugged. "Sort of."

"I can heat something up," Ziva offered, starting to get up.

Tony put his hand on her shoulder. "Or you can stay there and work on your blanket and I'll find something." He didn't want her to have to wait on him all the time. Ziva would never be the typical suburban housewife and for that he was glad.

Ten minutes later he returned with microwaved meat pies and a pile of peas and carrots. They sat on the couch together and watched the rest of Ziva's movie. It was nice and relaxing, just the break they needed after last night. Tony only hoped they could have a few more days like this before the next dose of reality hit.

**NCIS**

Gibbs showed up at Celeste's house after work that night, the first time he'd seen her all week. She greeted him with a hug, as natural as the days when they were married and she would welcome him home with a smile and a hug. Not a word was said about how long it had been - they'd both seen a busy week that started with Monday and ran full speed ahead with no stops. It wasn't just one of them to blame and even if that was the case, they had an unspoken agreement not to hold any grudges this time around.

He held her close for a moment, then showed her the bottle of bourbon in his hand, Tony's gift for helping move Ziva's things. "Brought my own."

Celeste rolled her eyes. "Are things that bad?"

Gibbs moved around her to enter the kitchen. "I need a drink."

"Almost always before we talk," she observed, leaning against the counter as he poured a glass and looked ath er questioningly. She declined the offer and waited for him to start.

He opened his phone and showed her the text from Abby. _Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, guess what? I felt my baby move today. Weirdest and coolest thing ever, McGee's jealous. Love - Abby and Baby_. Gibbs tucked the phone back in his pocket. "Got that at five am this morning."

Celeste bit her lip, hiding a smile. "At least you know she's happy."

Gibbs snorted. "It's Abby. If she isn't happy we have a problem."

Celeste cocked her head to the side. "So you're happy for her, but it's brought back some memories. Am I close?"

He ran a hand over his hair. "I can't seem to forget."

She frowned. "Forget what?"

Gibbs sighed. "Anything about my little girl. All it takes is a word or a look or a moment and the memories are so real I'm not sure she's gone." He curled his fingers into fists. "I close my eyes and everything is there. I can still remember how she smelled fresh from a bath and the feeling of her arms around my neck for one last goodbye hug." Gibbs' pained gaze met hers. "And I'm not sure what's worse - remembering or forgetting."

Celeste put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry Jethro. I wish I understood how hard this is for you."

He shook his head. "No, you don't. Don't wish you knew that kind of pain Les, because once it's there it never goes away."

"I wasn't," she said softly, trying to explain. "But I'd like to be able to share the burden with you." Celeste stroked her fingers over his cheek. "It's so heavy to carry all alone."

Gibbs slid his fingers into hers. "I'm not alone."

"No," she agreed, leading him into the livingroom to sit and settling facing him. "You very well might be stuck with me now Jethro." He played with her fingers but didn't say more. She let him get halfway through his drink before speaking again. "Do you want to talk about her? I'll listen if you need to share."

Gibbs thought about it, going back to the first time he felt Kelly kick inside her mom. But he didn't dare dwell on those memories. It was so easy to drown in them. "Not tonight," he forced the words out while she watched. Silence rested between them until Gibbs slouched down and closed his eyes, picking another topic. "Tony and Ziva are already dealing with reality. The honeymoon phase didn't last long."

Celeste leaned her head on one hand, going with the subject shift. "It couldn't, not with them. Ziva's baggage has to be unpacked first and they need to learn to live with it before they get to have a break." She saw how tired her ex-husband looked and feathered her fingers through his hair. He cared about them all so much, she wondered if his team could see the way they mattered to him. "How bad is it?"

He heaved a sigh. "They did a lot of damage to her physically in Africa. Tony just saw the whole of it yesterday. He was pretty messed up this morning."

She gave him a knowing look. "Did you talk him down?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Tried to give him an out, but Ziva is the best medicine for him and he had thirteen hours without her today."

"But he got to go home to her," Celeste reminded him.

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed. "And every time that happens it's going to help a little more. But it's still a long road."

She waited until he looked at her. "Don't borrow trouble Jethro. Tony and Ziva have made it this far, I don't think they have it in them to quit." Celeste examined his eyes. "Now, do you want me to stay or do you need some space?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Can't think anymore. Stay Les."

"Glad to," she smiled, linking their hands again.

They passed the evening without another word, but just to be with her was all he really needed. Even when Celeste reached for a book and Gibbs got his current project out of the box and started working with his knife, the contentment he found in her presence didn't lessen. If Ziva kept Tony's darkness away, then Celeste was the light in his world. Tonight her company was his greatest comfort.


	29. Chapter 29

Abby and McGee dragged themselves in the door of their house mid-Saturday morning, exhausted from the long flight and the time different. Suitcases were dropped unceremoniously in the livingroom, clothes were peeled off as they walked upstairs, and showers taken in an only semi-conscious state. Then they crawled into bed, settled their heads on pillows and almost immediately fell into a deep, restful sleep.

**NCIS**

It was his first opportunity to sleep late all week and Tony was taking full advantage of it. Ziva too, he decided, since she hadn't shown any signs of waking. Or perhaps she usually stayed in bed this long now and he just wasn't around to notice. He rolled over to lay on his back and tucked one arm under his head.

For once Tony felt perfectly content. Last night had been peaceful and today was a beautiful, sunny April morning that for right now held lots of promise. He couldn't think of much else, given their current limitations, that could make today any better. Then Ziva turned on her side and smiled at him and Tony's heart skipped a beat. Scratch that, it just got better.

He faced her and threaded his fingers into her hair, a grin claiming his lips. "Mornin' beautiful."

She blinked sleepily. "Are you still going to be saying that in fifty years?"

"If we're still here in fifty years, absolutely," he confirmed. Tony fingered a piece of brown hair. "Think your hair will just be really grey or go completely white?"

Ziva raised one horrified eyebrow. "Definitely not. Once it starts to change colour, I will dye it until I am too old to care."

He inched closer. "Ah, but those beautiful brown eyes will never change, and I'll wake up every morning just to see our love reflected in them."

Ziva tilted her chin up, enjoying the firm press of his lips on her mouth. She flattened her palm against his chest. "I think we need to find a distraction," she murmured as a warning, but Tony wasn't interested.

"What if you're my distraction?" he countered, leaning in to kiss her again, longer this time.

She allowed it, but finally broke away, her eyes narrowing. "Tony..."

He sat up and chuckled. "Okay, okay, I get the message." He traced her nose, the outline of her lips, her face from ear to jaw, appreciating her reaction to his touch. "How about breakfast in bed? My treat?"

Ziva smiled and rested back against the pillow, looking quite pleased. "If you are sure you want to spoil me." It seemed she approved of the idea.

Tony stared into her eyes. "I am."

Reaching for a book on her nightstand, Ziva settled back to read while her husband went downstairs. Not in a rush, Tony took his time preparing food, even snagging one of the more alive looking blooms from her Wednesday bouquet to decorate the tray. He carried everything carefully back upstairs and nudged their bedroom door open with his foot.

"Today," he began in a cheesy, fake French accent, "ze chef has prepared scrambled eggs au fromage, sausage and bacon, fresh squeezed orange juice, and nice crisp toast." Tony set the tray over her lap and looked up expectantly. "Is everything to ze lady's liking?"

She could not help a smile. "Oui monsieur," Ziva replied in flawless French, "est tres magnifique. Bravo, et merci."

"Anything for my best girl," Tony intoned and Ziva eyed him suspiciously.

"Best?" she questioned.

"Well..." Tony held out his hands, "you're my only girl right now. But I have to say Zi, you may fall out of favour after this one comes along." He patted her belly fondly and picked up a fork.

"But I will always be your first favourite, yes?" Ziva asked, sounding insecure.

He kissed her quickly lest he be tempted to devote more attention to her full pink lips. "Always and forever Zi, no exceptions. You're it for me, no one could ever take your place."

Satisfied, she accepted the declaration and took a piece of toast, gazing at it intently. "How did you know I like grape jam the best?"

Tony tucked her hair back and made a face. "Uh...three months of sharing breakfast with you every Sunday?" It wasn't too difficult a detail to pick up on.

She sniffed, not sure why that was suddenly so significant. "Thank you."

He observed her carefully, wondering at the emotion in her voice. "Alright, so remember the details, I'll keep that in mind." Tony's face brightened hopefully. "Do I get extra points for that? Maybe I can save them up for kisses or dates or something."

Ziva averted her eyes. "I will start a list."

"Good," he nodded, beginning with the eggs.

When they were finished, Tony picked up the flower and slid it behind Ziva's ear, enjoying her shy smile and the way she looked bathed in sunshine. Ziva let him have his moment before she started to laugh. "Tony, you are quoting Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" she blurted, finding it sweet and amusing all at once.

"Technically I didn't say anything," he pointed out. "But yeah, maybe I was paraphrasing a little. Looks like someone's been paying attention."

"It is good to appreciate what is important to those you care about, yes?"

Tony nodded slowly and thought about it. "Totally. Mind you, I'm still working on _The Sound of Music_, but one day I'll figure it out."

Ziva tilted her head to the side. "You watch it for me Tony, that is enough."

Right then and there Tony decided that someday he was going to build Ziva a dance studio, or at least somewhere she could practice. And he'd take her horseback riding and dance with her in the rain. He wanted his wife to know that he'd been paying attention to almost every word she'd said over the past six years. And everything she loved he was determined to care about to, and do it with her if possible.

Whatever he did, it would never be enough to show her how grateful he was that she loved him. That thought caused him to lean forward and give Ziva a surprise kiss. She hadn't expected it, but instead of questioning him, she just smiled and Tony wondered if she knew that his heart flipped over every time she looked at him like that.

Finally he moved the tray to the floor and flopped back down on the bed beside her. "What do you want to do today Zee-vah?"

Ziva reached over and ran her fingers through his hair so softly that Tony almost forgot the question. Maybe they could just stay in bed all day. Someday they would, but the timing wasn't right yet. "I should probably finish unpacking," she said after some thought. "It has been a week and a half and my things cannot stay in boxes forever." Her hands moved to her bump. "I will not have time once the baby comes."

"We," he corrected. "I'm game."

She shook her head. "You are in charge of hanging pictures, if you do not mind. It is a guy job, yes?"

Tony's eyes lit with interest. "Anything that lets me play with a drill is a guy job. You decide where and I'll get to work."

For some reason it didn't seem so important to get changed out of pyjamas and they walked into the spare room without even a thought about it. Tony plunked a box on the bed, Ziva read the label and then began sorting things into piles to go to different rooms. They worked steadily for a couple hours with Ziva unpacking and Tony playing errand boy. Then a break to shower and change was in order.

When Tony walked back into the room and saw Ziva in just a regular t-shirt and capris, with bare feet for the first time in months, he wanted to hug her tight and kiss her breathless. But he settled for a huge grin instead. He felt like this was a step forward, a way for Ziva to show him that she trusted him more now. She wasn't covering up the scars any longer and Tony felt honoured.

Once all the boxes were taken care of, the couple wandered slowly around their house and Ziva marked all the places she wanted pictures hung with masking tape. Then she made soup for lunch while Tony started working. The very last thing put up was the 'Welcome to Our Home' plaque from Ducky. It went on the front door and made them both feel so proud.

This house was truly their home how and would only become more when a baby slept upstairs and the years slipped slowly past. After that however, Ziva was in desperate need of a nap and Tony decided to join her. Cuddled up behind his wife on their bed, Tony closed his eyes and couldn't think of a better way to spend a Saturday.

**NCIS**

Sleeping in was starting to become a regular thing on weekends and by Sunday Tony was pretty sure he could get used to it. Opening his eyes to see Ziva curled up beside him would never get old. It was remarkable how quickly she'd grown comfortable sharing the bed with him and sleeping close together. Any step forward was something to celebrate.

He smiled and lifted a piece of hair away from her face. She was so beautiful. The shadows under her eyes caught his attention and he frowned. Yes, she was beautiful, but it seemed like every day the pregnancy took more and more out of her. Ziva still insisted on showering in the morning, but they lasted three minutes max and he'd started washing her hair separately after she finished.

Tony wanted their baby to be healthy as much as Ziva did, but it was hard to watch her get worse. She napped at least three times a day now and he wondered if he only noticed because he was around. Likely she would downplay it if he was working and only saw her early in the morning and at night.

As if she could sense his gaze on her, and ninja skills made it very possible, Ziva opened her eyes to look at him. "Is something wrong?"

Tony realized the worry was still etched on his face and he smiled, pushing it back so she couldn't see. "Nah Zi, I was just thinking."

She nodded and closed her eyes again. Tony kissed her cheek and snuggled close, but a few moments later decided to get up. He made his way to the spacious spare room which, now that the boxes were gone and Ziva had directed its rearranging, doubled as an office.

Sitting down in front of his laptop, Tony brought up Google and started doing some end of pregnancy research and finding out what he should expect after she gave birth. Some of the information caused him to grimace, other made him glad he hadn't eaten yet and a little was just too much information. He was better educated but still mildly grossed out when he concluded that he knew enough and started playing a game instead.

Tony got so into attacking martians with lasers that he didn't notice Ziva get up. Nor did his Ziva-sense go off when she paused in the doorway to watch him with a small smile on her face before moving quietly away. What did finally get his attention was the sound of the piano.

Instantly he shut down his game and crept to the top of the stairs. Notes poured from the instrument and Tony wished he could find a way to watch her as well as listen. The familiar tune of 'Hush Little Baby' soon reached his ears and he was even more surprised when Ziva added her voice to the music.

He'd never actually heard her sing, though there had been rumours of an undercover Mossad operation he was sorry he'd missed. The rich velvety tone of her smooth alto voice drew him and Tony knew he could listen to her all day. But the words were not the ones he remembered, neither were they in English. Either she'd found a Hebrew copy or was translating as she played, but he didn't think anything had ever sounded so beautiful.

Slowly, stealthily, Tony slid down one step at a time until he could see Ziva around the wall. She turned the page and started 'Twinkle, Twinkle' but soon changed from lullabies to a complicated piece he recognized - she'd been teaching it to him back before their friendship broke.

The memory brought a lump to his throat and Tony swallowed hard, willing away the tears that pricked at his eyes as he left the stairs and inched towards her. Ziva had hers closed and was completely wrapped up in playing, her fingers graceful and swift as they moved over the black and white keys. Tony got to the couch and said her name softly, repeating it twice before she jerked towards him, pulling her hands into her lap and abruptly ending the song.

"Don't stop on my account," Tony protested, wondering at her sudden shyness.

Her eyes flickered around the room. "I did not know I had an audience."

Tony sat on the arm of the couch facing her. "I didn't want to interrupt. That was...really good Zi. Were you singing for the baby?"

Ziva touched her bump lightly. "I think she likes the music. I can feel her moving much stronger when I play."

"That last piece...y'know, I never did get the hang of it." He looked at her hopefully. "Will you teach me?"

Sliding down the bench, she patted the spot beside her and smiled. "Come sit Tony. I would be happy to show you again."

The memories were heavy for both of them as she placed his hands where she wanted them and demonstrated the first section. Tony watched her movements carefully and did his best to copy them. It was just another example of time with Ziva that he wanted to cherish.

**NCIS**

Later in the evening while Tony was absorbed in a movie, the phone rang. The sound startled him and he jumped up, grabbing it off the holder. "DiNozzo Movie Hotline, what's your question?" A female voice shrieked his name and Tony winced, holding the receiver away from his ear. "Abs, you're back! How as the honeymoon? Oh wait, don't answer that yet. Let me put Ziva on first."

He called up the stairs. "Zi? Abby's on the phone, can you grab the extension? It's probably easier if she talks to both of us at the same time."

Ziva left the nursery where she was reorganizing baby clothes and got the other phone. "Hello Abby."

"Ziva!" Abby crowed. "How are you? How's the baby? Do you and Tony like being married?"

She chuckled. "I am tired, but good. The baby is fine." Ziva paused and smiled. "Tony, do we like being married?"

His voice was a little rougher than intended. "Oh yeah, definitely."

Abby giggled and then was suddenly serious. "Is my lab okay?" She'd never been away this long. She had no idea how she was going to survive two months of maternity leave.

Tony laughed softly. "Don't worry Abs. Tami hasn't broken, burned or blown anything up yet. Bert makes a good supervisor and I think Matt might have a crush on your assistant."

Abby frowned. "I'm still mad at him."

"One strike and he's out, huh?"

"It's been months Tony, he should know better by now."

"In his defense-" Tony began, but Abby refused to listen.

"I don't want to like him Tony, he's messing with our family dynamic." She stuck her lip out. "I miss Ziva."

Ziva smiled. "Thank you Abby. It is nice to be missed. There is a time when you would not have said that." Suddenly she changed the subject. "Now, tell us about your trip. Did you have a good honeymoon? Where did McGee take you?"

Abby's sparkle returned. "Ireland! And it was gorgeous. Cool most days and it rained some of the time, but the castles and the sights were amazing and everyone is right in what they say - it's so green! I think I need a new, celtic themed tattoo!"

"We had a great time," Tim put in, hoping to distract his wife from the topic of additional body art. "You and Ziva should go sometime Tony."

"McGoo! You're here too!" he exclaimed. "Survived the whole week without your computer?"

McGee chuckled. "I had other things to keep me busy."

"Stop right there!" the other man warned. "I don't want to know anything else. Please remember that you are married to my little sister."

"Tony," Ziva said pointedly, "do not let your mind in the sewer."

All three burst out laughing at her but Tony recovered first. "It's gutter Zi, and the saying is 'get your mind out of it'."

"Oh." Ziva shrugged and moved on. "How are you feeling Abby?"

"Craving grapes and fried chicken," McGee answered for her, thinking of their week. "Do you know how hard it is to find real Southern style fried chicken in Ireland?"

"Want to know something exciting?" Abby interrupted.

"We're all ears," Tony declared.

"I felt the baby move for the first time on Friday!" she squealed. "Weirdest. Feeling. Ever!" she said emphatically. "What did you think Ziva?"

"It scared me," Ziva answered honestly. "That was when I knew this was real and I was going to have a baby that I was not even sure I could care for." She smiled, remembering. "Tony was so disappointed that he could not feel it too."

"So was Tim," Abby agreed. "How long before you could feel the baby from the outside Tony?"

The moment flashed into his memory and he grinned. "Coolest moment ever except for hearing her heartbeat," he said, then realized he hadn't answered the question. He frowned. "It was after that case where the suspect went after Ziva in Interrogation. Uh...what were you Zi, twenty-one weeks?"

"Twenty-two," she corrected, impressed that he had been keeping track even then.

Abby sighed. "That's almost a month away!"

"It will go fast Abby. You will get to August and wonder where the time has gone."

"Yeah, that's what my midwives said, but...I'm not very patient."

"Never would've guessed," McGee said dryly and they heard what sounded like a punch to the shoulder.

"So did you guys just call to catch up?" Tony ventured. It was never safe to guess with Abby. Especially pregnant Abby. He wondered if it was ironic that a happy go lucky Goth was more scary than his slightly deadly, former Mossad assassin while pregnant.

"No, we were actually wondering what you guys were doing tomorrow night. Abby is in team withdrawal and we never did have you guys over for a tour and TV shows."

"Oh yeah." Tony recalled the tentative plans that had been made at their long ago dinner and shrugged. "I don't think we had plans tomorrow, did we Zi?"

"I may be able to find room in my stuffed social calendar," she joked. "These days it is an event if I leave the house."

"Okay," McGee nodded, making a note in his phone. "Want to say seven, depending on when Gibbs lets us out?" He groaned. "I bet I have a three foot high stack of paperwork on my desk to deal with."

"Nope. Made the newbie do it," Tony announced. "Good practice for him. You can start with a clean slate if you promise never to leave me alone with Gibbs and Collins for that long ever again."

"Uhh..."McGee hesitated, "since we'll both be taking paternity leave in the next five months, can we call it even?"

Tony had forgotten about that part and he was thrilled at the prospect of days and days alone with Ziva and their baby and no work to worry about. He sighed dramatically. "Okay, but only this once."

Tim coughed a little. "I guess that depends. Good, so we'll see you guys tomorrow after work."

"Have a great night!" Abby chimed in and they hung up.

Tony noticed Ziva was unusually quiet. "Zi?" he asked.

"I think I will take a bath," she said in monotone, "and then it is bedtime. Enjoy your movie Tony."

She shut the phone off before he could say anything and he ran back through their conversation with Abby and McGee, trying to find what might have affected her. When nothing came up he shrugged and leaned back on the couch, maybe it was just a pregnancy mood thing. But his gut disagreed and Tony couldn't shake the feeling that there was something she wasn't telling him. He found it very hard to concentrate on the TV after that.

_A/N: Apologies if I got any of my details about Ireland wrong. I've never been. Thanks for reading :)_


	30. Chapter 30

_A/N: Thanks for sticking with this guys! Chapter 30 - woohoo! Lol, we're now just over a third of the way through the story. I'm estimating around 80 chapters but don't quote me on that, my stories have been known to take on a life of their own._

_Anonymous/Un-signed in reviewers from the last couple chapters - I wish I could respond to every one of your reviews! Anyone who wants to get an account or sign in so I can...that would be fabulous. But if not, I want you to know I'm very glad to have you along for the journey. Thank you to: HotChocolateStar99, Tiva lovah, Chez, Juli, Her-my-own-ee, KEL, Aspenxo, TivaGirl26, and Mickey :)_

_Hebrew: __**ahuvi **__(beloved)_

Abby stood in front of the mirror Monday morning, turning this way and that and scrutinizing her midsection carefully. "I think I'm getting a bump," she announced to her husband, who was in their room finishing with his tie.

He appeared in the doorway seconds later, looking puzzled. "What kind of bump?"

"A baby bump, silly," she giggled. "See?" Holding her hand under her ribcage, Abby flattened her shirt over her stomach and McGee could detect a roundness that hadn't been there before.

He ran his hand over the firm area and grinned. "Well, there's your proof."

"That and I can still feel goldfish swimming around," Abby added, then bounced around in a circle. "I can't wait to get back to my lab and my Bert and my Gibbs and my Caf-Pow. Ooh, Timmy!" she exclaimed with wide eyes. "Can we stop on the way to work and get a Caf-Pow?"

Tim rolled his eyes and chuckled. "I don't know how you can get addicted to No Caf-Pow. Isn't that impossible?"

"Not with me!" Abby sang out, grabbing her coat.

Twenty-five minutes later McGee dropped a happily Caf-Pow'd Goth off at her lab and took the elevator up to the bullpen. Abby unlocked the door and flipped on the lights with a grin. "Hi gang! Did you miss me?"

She stored her lunch box in the fridge, started her Wake Up Mix and slid her arms into a familiar white coat. When Abby returned to the main lab, she laughed out loud to see a piece of black poster paper attached to Major Mass Spec, red and white letters spelling out the message, 'WELCOME BACK ABBY!'.

"Tami, I think I may just keep you," she said quietly to herself, jumping when a voice answered her from the hall.

"Well, that's a relief," Tami smiled. "I'm really enjoying my job."

Abby cast a glance around her lab. "The place looks great Tami. How was your first unsupervised week?"

Tami dropped onto a stool. "Exhausting. I now know why you live off caffeine. The team caught several cases, which meant I was drowned in evidence. Agent Gibbs had us working at least sixteen hour days for part of the week and I don't think he was sleeping much at all because he uh...was even more Gibbs like than usual." She pushed her glasses up. "And of course Burt complained the whole time about missing you." Tami shrugged one shoulder. "He didn't like my music."

Abby picked up her stuffed hippo and squeezed him tight. "Back to normal now buddy." Then her eyes lit up. "Oh! I have to go give Gibbs an 'I'm back' hug."

She flew out the door and Tami chuckled, patting Bert's head. "Much better. It was way too quiet in here while she was gone."

Abby shifted from foot to foot impatiently as the elevator rose and hurried out as soon as it dinged. "Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" she cried, his only warning that a tackle hug was forthcoming.

He stood quickly and braced for her excitement. She threw her arms around his neck and held on tight until he patted her back. "Need to breath Abs."

Abby kissed his cheek and stared at him happily. "There, now everything is right again."

"Did you have a good time?" Gibbs asked, knowing that he might regret it.

At those words Abby launched into a hundred mile a minute monologue, in which it seemed breaths were optional, describing almost everything they'd seen and done while on their honeymoon., leaving out, of course, the details no one else needed to know about. Finally Gibbs put a hand on her shoulder.

"Take a break Abby," he said, certain she was starting to turn blue from lack of oxygen.

Just then Tony walked in and quickly became on the receiving end of an Abby hug before he could even say hi to McGee. The group chatted for a few minutes and Abby went back and forth between her three favourite guys until Gibbs' phone rang. She gave a long suffering sigh and then winked at them.

"That's my cue." She kissed her husband while Gibbs wasn't looking. "Bring me back evidence!"

Tim and Tony chuckled and grabbed their backpacks, all ready to go when the familiar order was barked. Matt ran in just on time only to follow them out and stayed at the back, hoping to avoid a headslap, not knowing that Gibbs would deliver it when least expected. Tony stared straight ahead and grinned. Everything was pretty much back to normal.

**NCIS**

Luckily Monday was a slow day, as their case turned out to be in Fornell's jurisdiction and everything had to be handed over. Gibbs was still growling about FBI interference and Director's who bowed to the slightest amount of pressure, but all Tony felt was relief when he picked up the phone to call Grace and let her know he could take Ziva to her doctor's appointment after all.

"Thanks for volunteering though." He appreciated the way Grace was getting involved with them, especially his mostly house bound ninja.

"It's my pleasure to spend time with her Tony, with both of you. Now promise you'll ask if you need anything else."

"Yes Nonna," he teased, because she was acting so much like the grandmother he remembered from childhood.

Grace rolled her eyes but accepted the compliment with a smile he could hear. "Go home to your wife Anthony."

"I've been waiting to hear those words all day," Tony grinned. "Later Grace." He hung up, grabbed his gear and left in a hurry.

Ziva was ready when he pulled in and they arrived at the doctor's office with less than a minute to spare. The appointment was fairly routine except that it was an ultrasound day and for that reason Ziva was very glad her husband could be there. The chance to see their baby never ceased to amaze him.

When Mandy was finished she wiped the gel off Ziva's stomach and let Tony help her sit up. "I have good news. Ziva, you've almost made it to thirty-six weeks, remarkable considering the circumstances. The better news is that if your baby is born now, the only problem I can see is that he or she might be underweight, but will still be fully developed and perfectly okay to live outside your womb."

The news brought a measure of relief to both Ziva and Tony, easing some of their fears and they reached for each other's hands, instinctively wanting the reassurance of contact. Mandy's brow creased. "To be honest Ziva, I never expected you to make it this far. It's definitely better for your baby but I can also see it's taking a toll on you." She sighed, wishing her patient would think about those in her life who cared about her and not only her child when she made the decision not to have the baby earlier. "I need to ask again whether-"

Ziva shook her head once, exhaustion lining her face and accenting the dark circles under her eyes. "You know my answer. I will wait." Beside her Tony's eyes clouded with worry but she didn't see and he said nothing. When it came to Ziva's health over their baby, argument was futile.

Mandy nodded, having expected that. "Fine. But if this keeps up much longer, I'm not going to give you a choice. Remember that his or her health depends on you. A mom who's so weak she can't go through labour isn't going to do your baby any good."

Ziva absorbed her words wearily, leaning on Tony for support. Finally the other woman smile and handed a book to the expectant mother, changing the subject. "This is for you to keep. It's a kind of 'what to expect at the end of your pregnancy, for labour and delivery, and dealing with a newborn' guide. Try to read it now while you still have time. The information will come in very handy once the fun starts."

"Thank you." Ziva looked at it curiously, deciding it would be one of the first things she did tomorrow.

"So, your marching orders are once again: don't yourself, eat proper meals three times a day and snack often, and rest as much as possible." She eyed Tony. "Make sure she does." Husbands were so much better at following the rules than their wives.

He slid his arm protectively around Ziva's waist. "I'll do my best." Even if it meant delegating Ziva watching duties to Grace, whether she liked it or not.

They left after that and were home by six in the evening. It wasn't even a question of Ziva laying down before they went to McGee and Abby's and he tucked her into bed with a kiss on the forehead. Back downstairs Tony paced back and forth through the livingroom, finally pulling out his phone to text Tim.

_Ziva needed a nap, we might be late._

But his agitation persisted and he ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. He had no outlet here and he desperately needed one right now. Tony understood that Ziva was just protecting their baby, but who was protecting her? It was his job as her husband and partner, but aside from laying his fears and guilt on her very thick, he could think of no other way to persuade her to take Mandy's recommendation.

Tony sighed and fell heavily onto the couch. It wasn't fair! Why did he have to spend the next month wondering how much Ziva would suffer for her decision? In a fit of needed stress relief, he flung one of the throw pillows across the room, watching it thud softly against the wall and wondered idly if that's where they got their name. But that didn't help enough so he chose to take a walk around the block, or maybe a jog at this point. Anything was more productive than sitting around thinking about the worst that could happen.

**NCIS**

It was an hour before Tony woke Ziva and almost seven-thirty before they plugged Abby's directions into their GPS and found Tim and Abby's new house. The couple greeted them at the door and Abby smothered them both in enthusiastic hugs before dragging Ziva upstairs to take a look at the beginnings of the nursery.

Tony and McGee shook hands, looking after their wives in mild amusement. "She's going to be like that until she dies, isn't she?"

Tim kept his eyes glued on Abby's back until they rounded the corner. "Probably. But my life would be boring as all heck if she suddenly decided to be normal."

Tony clapped him on the back as McGee led him downstairs to check out the video game system he had set up. "So, how are you Tim?"

McGee raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Are you channeling Mr. Rogers?"

"Hey!" Tony protested. "I can be genuine...sometimes."

McGee chuckled. "Yeah, I know. But I'm not used to it yet. Ziva's a good influence on you."

Tony nodded. "The best. This last week and a half with her..." he shook his head. "I can hardly even remember what it was like when we weren't married. She's so much a part of me already."

"And you guys don't even have the baby yet."

Tony sighed and leaned back on the couch. "It's hard to imagine what that's going to feel like."

Tim looked down at his hands. "For me too. I mean, Abby's got us buying baby clothes and toys and accessories. We'll probably spend the rest of the month working on the nursery. She's barely showing, she's not even nineteen weeks, but the baby's already taking over everything."

"I've had a lot longer to think about it than you," Tony began, "but I saw the baby as an intruder at first too. Wait 'til you watch him grow inside Abby, until you can feel his movements, until all of a sudden you wake up one day and realize you're somebody's dad. Then the baby will be so intertwined in your lives that life without him or her, even when they're not born yet, seems inconceivable."

McGee mulled over his friend's words for a moment. "Thanks Tony. I didn't mean that I don't want our baby, that I'm not excited, reality's just taking a little longer to set in."

"It'll come Tim."

Getting comfortable, Tim suddenly switched the focus of the conversation. "So you and Ziva...how's that working out?" He remembered back to the days when no one could touch her and fast forwarded to her being brave enough to ask for a hug. But Somalia still haunted her eyes, it wasn't likely that everything could be happily ever after yet.

Tony cracked his knuckles. "It's the best thing that's ever happened to me, mixed with the worst kind of hurt I've felt. To have her at home all the time, to look at her rings and realize we finally made it, to see her smile and get to hold her in my arms..." he shook his head. "Sometimes I feel like it can't get any better than this. But that joy is balanced by each of her ghosts that I've bumped into, by the times my touch has scared her, by her nightmares and her scars. So sometimes I also feel like I'm not sure how it could be any harder."

Tim blew out a breath. "I can't imagine being married but not being able to..." He couldn't think of a good way to end the sentence. "Sleeping in the same bed with her every night...are you really okay with that being all you can do?"

Fighting back the urge to headslap his friend for asking personal questions, Tony flexed his fingers slowly. "I'm so grateful to just be able to share the bed with her that it doesn't come up much. But..." he thought of all the nights he watched her sleep, all the times they'd kissed and she'd pulled away, the very new experience of really being able to put his hands on her body. He sighed. "Yeah, sometimes it's a struggle. But I knew when I committed to her that we might have to wait...a long time for the chance to act like newlyweds."

Rubbing a hand down his face, Tony clenched his jaw momentarily. "The harder part than waiting on the physical stuff is watching how much this pregnancy is taking out of her. Did you really look at her tonight?"

"Didn't have much of a chance," McGee pointed out.

"Try again later," Tony advised, "maybe you'll see what I see. Our doctor wants her to have a c-section, says the baby is taking too much out of Ziva. But she won't...she won't let the baby come any earlier than she's supposed to. It's frustrating, because I just want her to be okay."

McGee laid a hand on Tony's shoulder. "She knows what she's doing Tony, Ziva's smart. She fights so hard for the important things, that's what she's doing right now."

Tony nodded, but couldn't handle any more serious subjects. "Tell me about your trip McLeprechaun. I want to hear some funny Abby stories."

Glad to oblige in whatever way he could to take Tony's mind off the tough stuff with Ziva, Tim began weaving into a conversation the kind of things he'd usually write into books. If there was one thing he was good at, it was embellishing reality and telling stories people wanted to hear.

**NCIS**

Up in the spare room that was still a collection of clutter mixed with spread out piles of baby things, Abby was sitting on the floor talking a mile a minute about everything in general and nothing in particular, while Ziva relaxed in the glider rocker that was their newest purchase.

Finally Abby took a breath and looked up at her friend. Ziva seemed tired, even though she'd just had a nap. Under her eyes the skin was dark and she just didn't seem quite herself. The change concerned her, because it had only been a week and a half since Abby had seen the Israeli, but on her wedding day Ziva had glowed with happiness and health. She wondered what else was under the surface.

Biting her lip, Abby ventured a question, her arms draped protectively around her stomach. "Ziva? Are you really...okay? About us, about the baby?" she sighed. "I know we haven't really gotten to talk about it since our announcement."

Ziva recognized and understood the gesture. She ran her hands slowly over her bump as she rocked, feeling the baby move gently within her. It was more than a minute before she gathered her thoughts to speak. "I am going to be very honest with you Abby and tell you what I told my therapist." She took a breath, something that was becoming more difficult as her growing uterus claimed space that used to belong to her lungs.

"I am happy for you and McGee - you are married and happy and expecting a baby - there is nothing to feel bad about." Ziva heaved a sigh. "But my heart aches with hurt and even envy because I do not know what it is like to get pregnant by a man I love." Her voice and eyes lowered. "I do not even know what it is like to give my body to him."

In one moment Ziva had given Abby so much to think about, she wasn't sure which question to ask first. She went with the most recent. "Umm...I know it's really none of my business, but you and Tony haven't...ever, you know...at all?"

Ziva read between the lines and stared at her friend sadly. "Even if my doctor had not told Tony that...intimacy was unsafe for me and the baby right now, it would not be possible. I do not believe you can understand Abby, what it is like to have that taken from you against your will."

She closed her eyes and leaned back in the chair. "I love Tony. I have given him my heart, my trust. But it may be many months or more before I can even think of giving him my body as well." She swallowed hard and admitted the last words in less than a whisper. "Even if sometimes I wish I could."

Abby, who always seemed to have something to say, was lost for words in the face of her friend's anguish. Ziva was right, she couldn't understand what it was like to love her husband but not be able to experience that love in a physical way because of a past trauma. Her heart broke for everything Tony and Ziva had been through and all that they had yet to face. The odds were stacked so high against them, but no partners had ever fought so hard to stay together. That might be just the trait that would eventually lead them to a happier ever after ending.

After awhile, she broke the silence again. "You mentioned your therapist Ziva, have you been seeing someone for a long time?" Goodness knew she needed to talk about things and Abby had a feeling some of the details were so horrendous that Ziva wouldn't want to burden Tony or anyone else she loved with them.

Ziva's eyes flew open, she only realized when Abby said something that she'd let the secret slip. She rubbed her forehead. "I did not want anyone to know, but I suppose that is not important any more." She shrugged. "I began therapy at the end of October."

Abby bit her lip. "Is it helping?"

"Sometimes I am not so sure. I hate talking about the past, about things that hurt, about mistakes and choices that were made and their consequences. But..." she met Abby's eyes again, "I do not dream so often now as I did. I am learning to open up to Tony, and to my family. My doctor, she has helped me to learn a lot in the time I have been going. So I think it is a good thing."

"It is," Abby assured her.

Ziva looked right at her. "I want to be able to share this experience with you Abby. For both of us to be pregnant at the same time is exciting and even though our circumstances are different and you are at the beginning while I am nearing the end, I do not want this to be something that comes between us. We are friends. We cannot change the past. I love my baby but I cannot take back the camp or how she came to be and make her conception different. And you would not want to take back marrying McGee or keeping it a secret or that fact that you are carrying a child born of love. So let us just understand and move on. I do not want anything to get in the way of either of us enjoying the rest of our days while we are pregnant."

Abby blinked back tears and reached up to touch Ziva's hand. "Okay. I'd like if we could just start clean." She let them sit in comfortable silence for several moments and then the conversation changed again.

"Are you sorry you got pregnant so soon after being married?" Ziva asked, seemingly out of the blue.

She chewed on her lip. "I wasn't sure what to think when I found out. I mean, a baby is always supposed to be good news." Abby sighed. "To be honest, I never really thought about being a mom or having kids. McGee and I, we're really good together, by ourselves." She shrugged. "I think it scares me a little, but we're both happy about it and now that I can feel movement...well, there's really nothing I want to change."

The oven timer beeped downstairs and Abby jumped up. "Supper is ready!" She was slightly relieved to escape a conversation that made her think far too much, but she felt better now that she and Ziva had really talked.

Ziva followed at a slower pace, smiling when she saw the smell of food had brought the guys to the kitchen as well. McGee stepped in to help Abby and Tony stood behind his wife, lightly clasping her fingers. They all sat down together for a meal of fried chicken and vegetables with a potato, egg and cheese casserole and spent a relaxing hour hearing more about Abby and McGee's trip and just talking about whatever came to mind.

Afterwards, the guys volunteered to do dishes and Abby and Ziva worked to pack leftovers. Then Abby and McGee took the DiNozzo's on a leisurely tour of their house before meeting back in the livingroom. Abby put in an Andy Griffith DVD as promised and they played Scattegories, Pictionary, and a few rounds of cards before wrapping their evening up. The couples parted with hugs and handshakes and McGee and Abby watched their friends leave.

Abby slid her arm around Tim's waist. "Are they going to be okay?"

He held her close and kissed her hair. "They've got a lot of work to do Abbs, and it's gonna be the hardest thing they've ever done. But yeah, because they love each other like that, they're going to make it and in the end they'll be much more than just okay."

She kissed his cheek. "Will you hold me while we fall asleep?"

McGee closed the door and led her upstairs. "Always Abbs, always."

**NCIS**

In the middle of the night Ziva woke, plagued by the insomnia of expectant mothers and the threat of dreams that seemed too real. She opened her eyes and smiled at the man sleeping, for once, on his side of the bed. Her husband. How many times had she thought she would never say those words, that someone like her did not deserve joys like a husband and children? Now she would have both.

Slowly Ziva stretched out her hand and rested it on his bare back. She knew he usually wore a shirt to sleep for her sake, but Tony had come to bed fresh from a shower tonight and Ziva hadn't been quite awake. Without her reminder, he must've forgotten. His skin was soft and warm and she found that she did not mind.

Very lightly, Ziva began tracing the muscles in Tony's back - hard and toned - it looked like he'd been working out without telling her. Even though she was only ghosting her fingers over his skin, Tony still stirred. "Zi," he murmured sleepily, "what's wrong?" When she didn't answer, he rolled over to face her, blinking in an attempt to force himself awake.

Ziva smiled shyly. "I am sorry I woke you Tony I just..." she looked a little embarrassed.

Tony focused on her eyes. "What Zi?"

"I wanted to touch you," she finished quietly, not looking at him.

Tony smiled even as his eyes slid closed again and moved as close as he could get with the baby between them, curling his arm around her back. "Don't need to apologize honey, you can touch me whenever you want."

She leaned forward and kissed beside his eyes. "I think it is easier when you are not looking at me."

He nestled down into the pillow and nodded, though she wasn't sure he was completely coherent. "'kay."

With only the darkness to witness her act, Ziva moved her hands to his cheeks, slowly slid them down his neck and over his chest. Her fingers swirled delicately through Tony's chest hair and across each rib. He chuckled. "That tickles."

What a gift it was to have her initiate touch! There was a time when Tony had been sure she would never be able to do that. To have her willingly putting her hands on him now was more than he'd hoped for so soon. Though he was pretending to be asleep, the feel of her soft hands running over his top half was enough to send his thoughts dangerous places. Tony moved back from Ziva a little to hide the evidence of how much she affected him with such a simple touch. Opening one eye, he kissed her nose.

"I could get used to this."

Ziva only smiled and shook her head, her hand reaching for his so she could see his ring. Tony DiNozzo, a married family man. Whoever thought that would happen? She kissed his palm and closed his fingers over the space. Tony smiled without opening his eyes, loving the reminder of her promise.

"Love you Zi, but gotta deal with Gibbs tomorrow. Can't sleep?"

"I do not want to dream," she confided in a low tone.

Tony sighed. "C'mere." He lifted his arm off her enough that Ziva could turn over - a far easier task now with silk pjs. She let Tony snuggle up behind her and hugged his arm across her collarbone, something that she was learning to be okay with because it was Tony and she did not have a reason to be afraid. "I got you Zi," he whispered. "I'll keep them away."

"You will try," she responded practically. "That you want to means just as much."

He breathed in the scent of her hair and relaxed. "Goodnight sweetheart."

Ziva smiled faintly, already feeling sleep reaching for her again. "Laila tov, ahuvi."


	31. Chapter 31

_A/N: Just want to clarify because I might've gotten the chapter wrong - all baby questions will be answered (I hope) by Ch 37. Enjoy, more sharing in this one! :)_

_Tiva lovah - Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm glad you're enjoying it. As always, so nice to hear from you. Would love to PM if you get brave enough to sign up! :)_

_juli - Thanks :) Glad you enjoyed the two couples spending the night together, it's fun to write them as a group. Ooh...okay, if you have personal experience with L&D and babies, any chance you could PM me sometime? I could use some insight for my research. PS. Happy Birthday! Hope it's a great one! :) This one is for you! ~Aliyah_

_Hebrew: __**neshama**__ - darling_

Tuesday afternoon Ziva was sitting on the couch with her computer in front of her, looking at Devon on screen. "It is almost like I am there," she commented.

Devon's voice was nearly as clear as when they were sitting across from one another. "The miracle of modern technology." She glanced down at her notes and got right to work. "How are you this week?"

Ziva sighed. "I am tired of being tired."

The doctor frowned. "No improvement in that area? What did your doctor say?"

She shook her head. "It comes and goes, but I need more rest than before." Ziva rubbed her stomach absently. "Mandy still thinks the baby could come any time, I think now I would welcome it." She shrugged. "If my pregnancy lasts much longer, she will not make the c-section optional."

Devon made a sympathetic face. "I'm sorry Ziva. But it might be for the best. Caring for a newborn will be exhausting enough, you'll need all the strength you have left just to make it through those first few days." Ziva nodded by it was time to move on. "Tell me about everything since your last session," the therapist requested.

Rubbing her forehead, Ziva thought back to Tuesday after they left Devon's office and briefly considered telling her that Tony had admitted to being in therapy before, and to some of what transpired while she was away. But what he confided to her seemed too personal and if her doctor was going to find out about it, that information would have to come directly from Tony. So she skipped instead to Wednesday.

"Tony brought flowers home to mark our first week and that night we looked through books and came up with a name for the baby." She rolled her eyes. "Tony would only consider girl's names. He is so sure."

"Well, he's either going to be right and suddenly think he has a super power, or it will be a bit of a shock," Devon commented. "At least he's getting the special stuff right." She made a note and looked up again. "What about Thursday?"

Ziva swallowed and decided to get the easy stuff out first. "Tony sent a friend of his over to entertain me, I played the piano for her." She hesitated, then continued. "Before we went to bed he asked if he could see...all of my scars."

"Ooh..." Devon let out her breath slowly and chose her words carefully. "Did you let him?"

She nodded jerkily, flashing back to the moments of Tony's gentle hands on her body, trying not to confuse them with Somalia and unwanted hands that did so much more than touch.

Devon observed her reaction with concern. "Ziva, are you okay?"

"I do not know," Ziva admitted. "I did not think it would be so hard to let him look. And when he touched me...he was so tender, so loving about it. But..." She hugged her arms around herself. "I did not want him to hurt because of it."

"What do you mean?" Devon tilted her head to the side and waited.

Ziva drew a breath to calm the memories. "He left without saying goodbye the next morning. When I woke up he should have still been in the house but he was not. I texted Gibbs because I was concerned." She shrugged. "Tony called me less than half an hour later and we talked a little, but I knew he was not okay. I wish he could have come home because he needed me even if he wanted time to think." She rubbed her forehead. "I just held him when he got back. It is hard to watch him hurt for me."

"You have to remember Ziva," Devon began gently, "that you've had months to accept Somalia. You fought and raged against the memories and battled nightmares, but you knew what had been done and you knew it wasn't going away. For all Tony thought he knew, he still has no idea. He hasn't heard all the stories, you've only just shown him all the physical scars. It's a lot to take in." She smiled sadly. "If he didn't love you, it wouldn't hurt. But he does and I'm willing to bet he carries your pain as his own and probably a lot of guilt too."

"But it was not Tony's fault!" Ziva protested. Why was it that everyone could see the truth except him?

"And everyone can tell him that, but it doesn't mean he'll believe it. Out of self-defense he killed Michael and the consequences of that act left you in Israel because you couldn't trust him. He watched your boss get back in and the plane leave without you. By the time he decided it had been too long, Gibbs told him you were dead and Tony blamed himself. If he had done things differently you would still be sitting at the desk across from him instead of drowning off the coast of Africa. Try to see things from his perspective Ziva, it's a lot to go through."

Ziva narrowed her eyes. "Why do you know all of that? It is not something I told you." Just the same, her heart was sore with the implications of the other woman's words.

Shock leapt into Devon's eyes for a fraction of a second before she clasped her hands and took a moment to collect her thoughts. "I took over this practice from the previous psychiatrist who retired last August. Part of my duties required me to get familiar with his case files and all his patients. It took me awhile to get through them and I only looked really in depth if a person came back to see me."

She played with her pen for a moment and sighed. "Tony's reaction last week to my office, looking around like he was surprised to find it changed, and his discomfort when I mentioned couple's sessions made me suspicious. So I did a little digging and found Dr. Trax's notes in Tony's file." Devon leaned forward. "I didn't mean to break confidentiality, the observations just slipped out. But I hope you can understand where he's coming from, why his fears and hurt run so deep."

Ziva didn't know what to say. "I need to tell him that I know. I do not want Tony to feel betrayed."

Devon nodded. "Share what you need to, that trust is very important."

Ziva closed her eyes. "I did not realize...he told me he had seen someone, he told me the others were worried about him, but I did not know that he had taken the responsibility for Somalia inside. It is no wonder..." she shook her head. "I will speak with him tonight." It would not be an easy conversation and she did not look forward to having it.

"Maybe we can come back to that next week or when the two of you come together. Let's finish the rest of your last week for now," Devon suggested.

Ziva tried to think when it was Tony who consumed her thoughts. "We did not do much this weekend. Tony made us breakfast in bed on Saturday and helped while I unpacked. Sunday I started to teach him piano again after he listened to me play. Later Abby and McGee called, they returned from their honeymoon on Saturday."

Devon seemed interested in that news. "Do you wish you and Tony had been able to take a honeymoon?"

Ziva shook her head. "No. Even if I was not pregnant and we had gotten married, we would still not be like other newlyweds. I cannot think of enjoying that kind of time with him, not yet. Maybe not for a long time."

"Fair enough," Devon agreed. "But when you are ready to share your body with him, when being intimate no longer frightens you, when you can trust Tony as your lover and husband both, you should think about going away together." She smiled. "Find out what you missed."

With a shrug Ziva dismissed the idea for the measurable future and they wrapped up their hour soon after.

"I'm glad we could make this work Ziva. Same time next week okay?"

The woman nodded. "It is not as if I have anywhere else to be. And today Tony gave me strict orders not to leave the house until he gets home."

"Sounds like a surprise," Devon smiled.

"He is good at them," Ziva shared. "Goodbye Devon."

For the next couple hours she worked on her blanket, watched TV movies and paged slowly through the book from Mandy. Tony got home promptly at five-thirty pm and she rose slowly to greet him. The conversation with Devon hung heavily on her heart but Tony's eyes were alight with excitement and she didn't want to ruin that. They could save the serious talk for later.

He cupped her face in his hand and kissed her, then stood back and took her hands. "Are you up for an outing?"

Ziva's eyebrows rose. "I think so."

Tony grinned. "Great! Because I have a surprise for you." He went to the closet and pulled out a bag. "I got you something else that day I went shopping." He held it out to her, looking uncertain. "I hope you like this."

Ziva took the bag from him and peeked inside. "Oh Tony..." she breathed, looking up. "I do not know..."

He pulled the knee length red dress out with a flourish and held it up so she could get a good look. The skirt hung down in soft folds, the waistline altered to fit around her belly. It had short little cap sleeves and a neckline only two inches below her collarbone, hiding the worst part of the scar. But it would show her arms and more than usual of what always hid under her clothes.

Ziva met Tony's hopeful eyes as she chewed on her lip and saw what he was trying to tell her. He wasn't ashamed of the marks and he didn't want her to be either. He was proud of her and wanted to show her off - scars, baggage, thirty-six weeks pregnant and all. Staring at the dress, she wondered if she could be brave enough to go out in public without being afraid of what people might think. Finally her gaze fell on her rings and she smiled timidly at her husband.

"I will try it on."

Tony trailed her upstairs like a little puppy dog and plopped himself on the bed to wait while she changed, smiling in anticipation. Ziva rolled her eyes and walked into the bathroom. Slowly she stripped off her clothes until she was standing in front of the mirror in only her bra and underwear.

Staring at her reflection, Ziva analyzed her scars in a way she rarely chose to do. They were hideous, she decided, almost giving up before she even tried. But then her thoughts turned to the love in Tony's eyes when she'd undressed so he could see, the gentleness in his touch, his soft kisses all over her skin, and tried to see herself as he did - worthy to be cherished.

Before she could talk herself out of it, Ziva slid her arms into the holes and pulled the dress over her head. It was made of soft, stretchy material that flowed out when she turned. Tugging it down, Ziva found it fit perfectly over her bump, accentuating her figure which was normal except for her midsection and that was almost all baby.

Finally she took a deep breath and looked at herself. Disregarding the fading marks on her arms, she actually looked nice and more than that, she felt attractive. Swallowing hard, she opened the door and waited for Tony's reaction. He stood and drew his green eyes up and down her body.

"Sweetheart, you look fantastic. What do you think?"

Ziva fingered the fabric and spun around slowly, feeling like a little girl playing dress up. "It makes me feel pretty."

Tony grinned and tucked her hair back. "I'm glad. You deserve to feel like that every day." He picked up the flower on her nightstand that she'd dried from the bouquet for her memory box and held it out to her. "Ziva DiNozzo, will you go out with me tonight?"

Ziva accepted the flower and curtsied, holding it to her nose even though the scent was now gone. "Yes, I think I will."

He grinned and kissed her hand, then shoed her back into the bathroom to get ready so he could change. "Good. Our reservations are for six-thirty."

She turned incredulous eyes on him. "How did you know I would say yes?"

He shook his head slowly. "I didn't. But I hoped you would." Tony moved into her space again, his hands falling to her hips. "I love you Ziva and I'm so proud of you. You've already proved you can do anything. I want to take you out so that everyone else can see what I do."

She stood on her tiptoes and lightly touched her lips to his. "I do not know why it is me you chose to love, but I will forever be grateful."

Tony rested his forehead on hers briefly, staring into her eyes. "We chose each other neshama, from day one we never let go willingly." _Except once_, the thought jumped unbidden into his head and his grip on her tightened. "And I hope it never happens again."

"I love you," she whispered, retreating to the bathroom to finish getting ready and leaving Tony to stare foolishly at the door before he shook himself and went to his closet.

In the bathroom Ziva took time to apply a little cover up to disguise the circles under her eyes, then swiped a light layer of mascara onto her lashes. It was, after all, their first date. Some creatively applied eyeshadow set off her brown irises with a subtle smoky effect and lastly lipstick, though Ziva doubted it would last the evening. Tony seemed to have developed an addiction to her lips and with unexpected pleasure, she realized she welcomed and even looked forward to the next time his mouth sought hers.

Standing back, she smoothed her dress and smiled, pleased with her appearance. Tony knocked on the door and almost dropped his jaw at the transformation. "Wow," was the only thing he could think of to say, but from the way Ziva's eyes sparkled, she wasn't going to complain.

Like the gentleman his mother had raised, Tony held out his arm and Ziva accepted and he felt like the awkward kid at prom, awed that the most popular girl had picked him. He was the luckiest man on earth because she loved him. They arrived at the restaurant just in time and were escorted to their table.

It was a beautiful, romantic place and Ziva felt appreciated by the care Tony had put into planning a date for them. She looked down at their hands linked casually across the table. "Most men stop working at impressing her once a woman says yes," she commented. "Why does it seem like you are trying harder?"

His fingers brushed over the inside of her wrist where he could feel her steady pulse and he met her eyes. "I don't ever want to stop trying Ziva. I want to spend the rest of my life attempting to deserve the answer you gave me." Tony swallowed. "The day we stop trying is the beginning of letting go and I...can't...I won't."

It sounded like a promise but there was fear behind the words Ziva wasn't sure she would have noticed before Devon gave her observations on what Tony was still dealing with. But for now it was about them and enjoying this night, which could end up being one of the last times they were out together before the baby came.

A well dressed server appeared and took their requests for drinks, leaving them to peruse the menus. Ziva decided on grilled fish with vegetables, Tony got a fancy sounding pasta dish. They ate slowly, reveling in the normalcy, sharing long looks and brief touches and talking about whatever came to mind.

Finally they finished and Tony glanced over to an open space where a few couples were swaying gently to soft strains of music. His face asked the question and Ziva extended her hand in response. Tony led her over and lost no time in putting his hands on her waist. She lifted her arms to rest on his shoulders and linked her fingers loosely behind his head.

They stayed like that for the rest of the current song, moving in small circles, staring into each others eyes and taking solace in the peace surrounding them. Then the next piece of music began and a smile spread over Tony's face. Holding her a little bit closer, he leaned forward so that his face was next to hers and began to sing the words in a low voice.

"Some day, when I'm awfully low/When the world is cold/I will feel a glow just thinking of you/And the way you look tonight."

Ziva couldn't stop her lips from curling up and she rested her head on his shoulder, listening as her husband continued to sing to her, a song that just happened to be exactly what he was thinking. It was hard to remember another moment when she had felt so loved and Ziva realized that she hadn't once wondered if anyone noticed her scars.

At the very end of the song, Tony let go and spun her around in a slow circle before guiding her back to their table. He paid the bill and draped a cream coloured pashmina over his wife's shoulders to combat the slight chill that still hung in the evening air. Then, with the light from the fading sun at their backs, Tony and Ziva headed home.

**NCIS**

After work, which he'd left at a reasonable time for once, Gibbs had gone over to Celeste's for supper. She had invited him on the weekend, wanting to be sure she would see him at least once during the week. It had been delicious, as always, and then they took a drive in her car with the top down and for awhile conversation hadn't been necessary.

Now they were walking down by the river because Celeste wanted to watch the sun set. They moved slowly along the water in companionable silence, their fingers laced together. It was one of the few concessions Gibbs had made when they decided to try again. Touching her more intimately than a friend was all too easy after having been married to her and there was no way he wanted to mess up his chance. They were taking things slow, almost excruciatingly slow, but Gibbs knew it would be worth the time.

When she'd finally had enough of being quiet, Celeste turned her head to look at him. "How are the kids?" She insisted on calling his team that now and though Gibbs put on a front about it annoying him, he could hardly disagree that they'd long ago become a family.

He shrugged, relieved for once that there was no major crisis to report. "Abby and McGee got back on Saturday and she made sure to fill us in on their trip first thing Monday morning. She let it slip that they were getting together with Tony and Ziva, so maybe they finally got to sort things out." Gibbs decided he didn't want to focus on the team tonight. "How's your project coming?"

Rolling with the change of subject and pleased that they could concentrate on each other, Celeste stared at the colours streaking across the sky. "I'm down to the final chapters and then I'll spend the rest of the week compiling my notes and suggestions." She glanced towards him. "I'll have to fly back to LA to deliver everything and talk to my client."

His pace slowed and his grip on her hand tightened a fraction. "How long?"

Celeste shrugged. "Only a couple days. Think you'll make it without me?" Her teasing smile gave him a way out, but Gibbs didn't want one this time.

"As long as you don't decide to stay," he said gruffly, eyes on the horizon.

She chuckled. "Why would I want to stay there, when everything I've worked for is here?" The significance was not lost on Gibbs but he chose not to comment and Celeste ran her thumb over his knuckles. "I think I'll tell Jenna yes about her offer. I worked with the author she was telling me about several years ago on a co-written project. I'd enjoy the chance to see how much she's grown since then."

"Huh," Gibbs grunted. "You know she's reeling you back in. If that woman gets her way, she'll have you signing a twenty-year contract and taking that position she's been pushing at you for the last decade."

Celeste laughed. "Jenna knows me better than that. I've agreed to come back for one job, that does not mean I'm ready to give up my freedom entirely."

"As long as you're happy." His words were unexpected and she stopped.

"Are you happy Jethro?"

Having to look into her eyes to answer the question made it a little more difficult, but Gibbs swallowed and gave her his honesty, knowing she wouldn't accept anything less. "I'm closer to it than I've been in a long time."

Some women would have been offended to not receive an immediate and convincing 'yes'. Others might have been annoyed that he didn't elaborate or offended at how little he shared. But Celeste proved once again why they had a better chance of working than any relationship he'd tried to have in more than fifteen years.

A smile worked across her mouth and she leaned in to kiss his cheek. "That might be the best news I've heard all day." She saw something closer to disbelief than confusion in his eyes and shook her head. "Don't you know that's what I wanted Jethro? What I tried so hard for last time? I wanted us to be happy together, but more than that I wanted to see it in your eyes, to know that it was real for you. If you're even close to that line where you can be truly happy again, then it's worth everything."

Without words to say to express his gratitude for her, Gibbs put his arms around her for a long hug. But he held in the declaration that danced on the tip of his tongue, because it had only been two weeks and now that they were together, he didn't want to rush any of the most important things.


	32. Chapter 32

_A/N: Again, a direct continuation of last chapter. This follows T&Z home after dinner and dancing. Thanks for the reviews guys and all your support, it means a lot! :)_

_PS. I'm a little nervous about the Hebrew especially since I know a couple people who actually speak the language are reading this story. My sincerest apologies if I've messed something up, I really did try hard with my research to get it right but I only speak English, so be warned._

_PPS. I'm bored and I've been doing research all day, so I'm taking a break and posting twelve hours early. Enjoy and thanks! :)_

Once at home, Tony followed Ziva upstairs to their bedroom. She headed for the bathroom with lounge clothes and looked back over her shoulder. "Thank you for the dress Tony. It is lovely, but I am much more of a pants girl."

He stepped closer to her, his tie hanging loose around his neck, and ran his fingers down her arm. "Why do the scars bother you so much Zi?"

Prepared for a serious conversation about him, not her, Ziva leaned back against the doorframe and sighed. "All my life I have been confident of certain things - my skills, my usefulness, my body. Now one of those is gone and I fear the others may soon follow. I am not sure yet how to change the way I see myself." She lowered her eyes. "I wonder if I have been Mossad too long to simply be human now."

Tony tipped her chin up, reading what lay behind her eyes and gave her a half-grin. "If you had any idea how much I've wanted you..." he swallowed hard and looked up for a moment, "...how much I still want you, you would have no doubts about your ability to seduce without even trying." He shook his head slightly. "You could've had any man Ziva, why did you pick me?"

Ziva smiled, glad for a question she could answer, and raised her hand to his face. "You are the only one who never left," she said softly. "The only one who tried to save me. The only one who has ever owned my heart and my trust." She smiled, with an expression full of love. "You are the only one for me Tony. We are a match, zeh zeh."

Unable to resist, he pulled her close and kissed her over and over. When her palm flattened against his chest he stifled a groan and pulled back. He couldn't even look at her for a moment, while he tried to get his control back. Finally Tony squinted at his wife. "Are you convinced now?"

She laughed and it was such a light happy sound that Tony wished she would never stop. Her eyes twinkled and she shook her head. "You may have to tell me again. Some other time," she warned, when he seemed about to take her up on her offer right way." Ziva backed into the bathroom to change and Tony took a few deep breaths before finding his own comfy clothes.

Only a few minutes later she came out wearing yoga pants and the 'American as Apple Pie' t-shirt he'd given her. He started to leave the room but felt Ziva's hand on his arm. The look on her face made him long to ask what was wrong, but she shook her head when he opened his mouth and pulled him back to sit on their bed.

"I need to tell you something." Six words he was sure she didn't know could strike fear into the heart of any man in a relationship. But since she was already pregnant and he was about 98% sure she wasn't going anywhere, he didn't know whether to be nervous or not. Ziva swallowed and forced herself to meet his gaze. "When you told me you had been in therapy, I did not realize you used the NCIS psychiatrist."

He frowned, not following. "I didn't think about it. Is that a problem?" He could feel the way she trembled as she kept his hand clasped in both of hers and Tony wished she'd hurry up and get to the point so he could try to make whatever was wrong better.

"It would not be," she began slowly, "if I was not seeing the woman who took over his practice."

A foreboding washed over him and Tony tensed. "Took over? As in, had the right to look through all his old patient files?"

Her answer was a barely perceptible nod and he didn't know what else to say. She held his hand tighter. "Today was my first online session with Devon. I told her about last Thursday, about your reaction, and she tried to explain to me why you might be taking things so hard." Ziva ran her finger over his ring. "She did not even realize she had told me something confidential until her observations had already spilled out."

Tony pulled away from her and used both of his hands to rub his face. She could tell he was trying very hard to react cautiously. Finally he stared at her. "What did she say?"

But instead of answering the question, Ziva put her hands on his chest, finding comfort in his heartbeat against her palm. "When you told me how bad things had been while I was away, I did not try to see it from inside your head. But I think I can see now how you would think it is your fault." She gazed into his eyes, searching them for something.

"It is not your fault Tony. It cannot be when there were two of us making decisions and sometimes choosing wrong. You heard me tell Gibbs that it was my choice to go on after the others had been wounded, it was me who got captured because I went on my own. But I have stopped trying to change what cannot be altered."

Ziva kissed the corner of his mouth and made sure she had his full attention. "If it is my forgiveness you need Tony, you have it. If it is my understanding, I will give it to you. If you need to hear from my lips that I do not blame you for Somalia, then listen to me now. You did not send me to that camp, you did not cause my pain. But you have helped me through my nightmares, you have held me while I cried, you have been my strength so many times when I could not ask for it. You have been there since the beginning, since the first night I was back. And you never left me even when I would not let you in. With your love and your support I have finally begun to heal. So please do not let the guilt take over your heart, when you are the reason I survived."

He stared at her, dumbfounded by the words pouring from her. Then, without any warning Tony crushed her against his chest, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe, but that did not matter. What did was that he finally started showing her how broken he was and how much he needed to heal as well, when his body was wracked with sobs and his tears wet her hair.

Ziva could not keep her own emotions from spilling over as she wrapped her arms around her husband, trying to think of things that might comfort him. First she just held him, adjusting the positions of her arms more than once just so he could feel more of her touch. Then she started gently drawing her fingers through his hair, her nails scraping his scalp lightly. That motion seemed to calm him and she kissed his cheek, breathing in his scent before she began whispering words he would not know but would still grasp the meaning of.

"Yi'heye beseder ahavati." _It will be okay, my love._

"Lo tivki, bevakasha." _Please, do not cry._

"Hineni. Ani azav al'avah. Betach bi." _I am here. I will not leave._ _Trust me._

"Ani ohevet otcha." _I love you_. That one she repeated over and over because Tony was familiar with the translation, then those words could never be said enough.

Finally his grief slowed to gasps instead of sobs, and then long slow breaths as he composed himself. At last he pulled back and held her face in his hands. "I love you," he whispered, then wiped his eyes and attempted to chuckle. "DiNozzo men don't cry, you know."

Ziva brushed more of the moisture from his cheeks. "But it is alright if you do." She kissed his knuckles. "You do not always have to be so strong or brave." She smiled. "We can be a mess together." It was an echo of something he'd once told her, when she thought she had to do it alone.

Tony threaded his fingers into her hair. "Thank you Ziva." Her support, her understanding, her willingness to stand in the gap for him like he had so often done for her meant more than he could tell her.

She tugged him further up onto the bed. "Come fall asleep with me Tony." Ziva could see that he needed her nearness and since he never slept on his own side of the bed anyways, she would not make it hard for him to hold her.

He followed, kissing her for a long moment before he lay down behind her, hugging her against his chest. They fell asleep with tear tracks on their faces but peace, finally, in their hearts. With old wounds laid open and drained of everything that caused pain, together their healing could begin anew.

**NCIS**

Wednesday morning, after waking up to find that Ziva had managed to get out of bed without disturbing him, Tony stripped off his pj pants and walked into the bathroom in just his boxers. He could hear the water running and had made a decision about something he needed to at least try, no matter what her reaction would be.

Ziva was just about to get in the shower and she yanked her robe closed, alarm leaping into her eyes. Her gaze took in his mostly unclothed form and she pressed back against the wall. "What?"

He didn't like how tense she was or the uncertainty in her voice, but he moved into her space anyways and reached up to caress her cheek, seeing how she tried not to jerk away. His voice was low when he spoke. "Do you trust me Ziva?"

She blinked several times and drew in a breath. "Yes," Ziva answered slowly, almost afraid to find out. "Why?"

Tony fingered a lock of wavy hair. "I know how difficult it is getting to take a shower." He took a deep breath. "I'd like to help you."

For a moment Ziva stopped breathing. Her eyes widened and she fought the urge to push him away. But Tony just kept standing there staring at her with eyes transparent with love and she did not know how to say no. So she stalled, because letting him see her in only her underwear was still so much different from having him look at and touch her with no clothes on at all.

Ziva averted her eyes. "Tony, I am not sure-"

He cut her off. "I promise I won't do anything you don't want sweetheart. You can lead and show me what is okay." Her eyes flickered up and down his body, but it was not the slow, sultry elevator eyes she used to tease him with and Tony stifled a sigh. "I'll go in like this, not naked if that's what you're worried about."

It pained Tony that Ziva was uncomfortable with his body even though he knew it wasn't him but the memory of all the other men who had violated her that made her want him clothed when they were together. It wasn't anything she'd ever said out loud, but he knew just the same.

"Please honey," Tony added, "I just want to do something nice for you." Goodness knew she'd done enough for him last night when she held him through the tears of remembering what it was like to lose her and blame himself.

She looked down, twisting the tie on her robe around her finger. "For you too, yes?" The words came out very quiet.

Tony shook his head. "It's not like that babe. Someday, yeah I hope showering is all about us being wet and naked together. But today I only want to make it easier for you."

Ziva finally met his eyes again. "I am not sure. I do not know how I will react. But," she swallowed and closed her eyes, "we can try."

Accepting what she could give, Tony moved the bath stool into the tub and looked away while she removed her robe. Ziva stepped in and got settled, then he slipped in behind her. Without waiting for her instructions, he grabbed the shampoo bottle and did what he'd been doing all week. While hot water ran and steam filled the shower, Tony shampooed Ziva's long, wet hair, then reached for her bath puff.

At this point Ziva tensed and shook her head, so Tony dropped his hand but let her lean on him for support as she stood and slowly scrubbed the creamy lather over her skin. He tried not to watch, not to react, but he couldn't resist the occasional peek. Tony would've given a lot in that moment for the freedom to touch and kiss her all over while they were alone in that small space. Still, Ziva was showing a tremendous amount of bravery and faith by letting him do this much after only two weeks of marriage.

When she had done what she could, Ziva handed the bath puff to her husband and pointed to her legs, very grateful that he didn't let his hand get to close to the area between her inner thighs where so much damage had been done. He moved to do her back next and Ziva closed her eyes, wondering if she'd ever learn to love this type of touch or if she would merely tolerate it.

Tony turned to hang the puff up by its string and his fingernails accidentally grazed a few of her scars. Immediately Ziva went rigid, her hands clenched at her side, yanked back into a world of pain and fear and hopelessness and being alone. "No," she whimpered and it was barely audible.

But he noticed right away and got as close as he could, ignoring her warm, wet body pressed against his - it wasn't the time or the place to be having those thoughts. His hands came up to frame her face, just like so many other flashbacks he had fought with her.

Resting his forehead on hers, Tony started to talk, hoping it would help, needing her to come back. "Ziva, Ziva, come on sweetheart, listen to my voice. You're not there, you're not in that camp anymore. It's just you and me here babe. I swear you're safe. Look at me, please."

Ziva battled for control, for what was real and right and forced her eyes open just a crack. Any other time having a man's face that close would not help, but his face was so familiar, so loved, that she breathed a sigh of relief and watched the images fade. She held onto his arm and nodded once. "I am alright."

He stared into her eyes, wanting to make sure she was telling the truth. Claiming her lips for a brief moment, Tony smiled. "Good." He raised an eyebrow. "Want to tell me what you saw?"

She shook her head. "It was all a jumble of memories."

"Why?"

Ziva didn't want to blame him, but she could not lie to him any more. "Your nails scraped my back." She shrugged. "It does not have to be something big that sends me back."

Tony closed his eyes. "I'm sorry Zi." Apparently he had already forgotten about Rule #2.

"I am not," Ziva said softly, touching his face. "This is something that will happen more than once Tony, but you already know how to bring me back, you've been doing it all along."

His eyes said 'I love you' and tried he tried to prove it by not looking any lower than her lips. Ziva was suddenly uncomfortably aware of her nakedness but Tony didn't let her dwell on it. He turned her gently into the spray, washing the last soap bubbles from her body and the suds out of her hair.

Then Ziva sat again and Tony squeezed the thick conditioner into his palm, combing it through dark waves with his fingers. He loved how smooth it felt against his skin. When at last Ziva was clean, Tony turned the water off, kissed her lips softly and whispered, "Thank you."

She didn't know what to say. Every day with Tony, being married to him, showed her another facet of the person he was inside and gave her one more reason to love him. Ziva knew she didn't deserve to be loved like this, so tenderly and fully as if she were a pure bride, but Tony made her feel like that in every touch, ever kiss, every action. She had never been loved this way.

He got out first and wrapped a towel around his waist, holding up one for her next. Ziva grabbed his hand for support, stepped slowly onto the bath mat and tucked the material into itself to cover her. Tony caressed her cheek with his knuckles and left so she could finish getting ready. Ziva looked after him and couldn't help smile. She had never known Tony could be the man he was becoming, and to be on the receiving end of his greatest care made her feel more cherished than she could put into words.

**NCIS**

Partway through the morning Abby got a phone call and started acting very excited. She scurried around the lab, making several small adjustments and re-positioning certain pieces of equipment. Tami watched her curiously, but the forensic scientist didn't say a word. Then, suddenly, she disappeared out of the room and returned twenty minutes later with the cutest, sweetest, golden retriever puppy Tami had seen in years.

Her eyes lit up and she knelt down to offer her fingers and pet his soft fur. "Well hello handsome," she cooed. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your visit?" Tami glanced up at her boss. "Is he yours?"

Abby grinned. "For the next few months he is." At her assistant's confused expression, she explained. "I foster guide dog puppies - teaching them basic training and commands, helping them with socialization, exposing them to different places and people. Then, when they're seven months old, the Guide Dog group places them with a long term family until they're a year and a half, when they being six months of formal training."

Tami couldn't've been more thrilled. "So...he's our mascot for awhile? He'll be here every day?"

Glad to find someone who adored animals as much as she did, Abby nodded. "Yup. So let me introduce you two. Tami, this is Samson, but I'm going to call him Sammy."

Tami chuckled. "I'll stick with Sam I think, I'm kind of over rhyming names."

Abby shrugged. "Okay by me. As long as we don't confuse him." She tugged the leash gently. "Come on Sammy boy, let's get you settled." The black suitcase she dragged into her lab held everything the puppy would need while he stayed.

Tami stared after them happily. That little guy was going to give her a reason to smile even when Agent Gibbs was having a bad day. She was excited to see how the next few months played out. Having a puppy around would be a fun experience, though she was sure she would never concentrate as well again. Nothing worked better for an improved attitude than something warm and cuddly who loved you simply for being you.

**NCIS**

Tami had already left for lunch by the time Tim came down to collect his wife. It surprised him to find Abby curled up in a corner with her head on Bert and her arm around a little golden ball of fur. The puppy cracked one eye open and yawned at Tim, but made no effort to move, instead nuzzling his nose deeper into Abby's t-shirt and sighing contentedly. McGee knew the feeling.

He couldn't help but smile and wonder if he should just leave them alone. While he was making a decision, Abby stirred, blinking slowly. She focused on him. "Timmy?"

He lifted her hand to kiss her fingers. "It's time for lunch, but I didn't want to interrupt your nap."

She looked around and groaned. "I didn't mean to fall asleep. We just laid down to cuddle." Abby bent to kiss the pup's furry head. "This is all your fault Sammy. It's a good thing you're cute."

Tim cocked his head to the side. "Should I be wondering why there's a puppy in your lab?"

Abby sat up and Sammy tumbled into her lap, yelping in protest. "I got a call this morning that the guide dog program had another puppy for me to foster. Isn't he adorable?"

McGee reached his hand towards the puppy and received an enthusiastic lick for his efforts. "So that means he's living with us for a couple months?"

Abby's mouth fell open. "Well I can't leave the poor thing here by himself all night. You'd get lonely, wouldn't you buddy?" She scratched under his chin and Sammy closed his eyes in bliss.

Tim made a face. "Don't you think we should've talked about this Abby?"

Her expression fell. "But...you like dogs Timmy, you almost got one once."

He sighed. "That's not my point. If I were going to get a pet, I'd want to discuss it with you because it's our home and our life, not just mine."

"You don't want him." She sounded incredibly sorrowful but Tim wasn't ready to give in.

"Sometimes you act like you're still single Abbs, but it's not just you and me anymore babe, it's us."

Abby looked down. "I didn't think about it that way." She ran her hand over Sammy's tummy, struggling with herself. Finally she gave up and met his eyes. "Can we keep him?"

He'd never be able to say not to that face, and if they had a little girl and she ever looked at him like that, he'd be in trouble. Regarding the puppy seriously, he fingered the silky ears and sighed. "Yeah, I guess he can stay." Immediately McGee was smothered in a hug and when she kissed him, Tim decided getting up with a puppy in the middle of the night was probably worth it.

Reluctantly he pulled away and raised an eyebrow. "You did ask Gibbs about this, right?"

Abby narrowed her eyes. "It's my lab," she declared firmly, her expression defying even the bossman to argue with her.

Tim kissed her nose. "Okay babe." He tapped her rings. "Just remember next time, okay?"

She nodded. "I will."

McGee stood and offered Abby his hand. "So, lunch?"

"Sure," she agreed. "Tacos?"

"Sounds good." He waited while she got Sammy's leash and blue Puppy-In-Training jacket and they headed out.

Running into Tami just outside the lab, Abby looked between her assistant and husband and made a decision. "Can you puppysit for me Tami? Tim and I are running late for lunch." She looked skeptical. "He probably needs to go out by now."

Eagerly Tami reached for the leach. "Not a problem, seriously. I'll take any quality time I can get with this little guy."

Abby grinned. "He's all yours then. For now," she warned. "Be good."

"Who?" Tami chuckled.

"Both of you," Abby laughed. "Thanks Tami!" Then she and McGee clasped hands and walked into the elevator, looking for all the world like a couple of teenagers on their first date.

Tami knelt by the puppy and rubbed his side. "Think I'll ever be that lucky buddy?"

She stood and Sammy jumped forward, ready for a romp. Tami laughed and shook her head, enjoying every minute. On her way to the stairs a shadow fell across her path and a dark-haired agent with an easy smile handed her a cup of tea, just the way she liked it. As they stood and talked in the doorway while a puppy played with their shoelaces, Tami wondered if maybe Matt had just answered her question.


	33. Chapter 33

_A/N: I know, another one so soon, right? Lol, this one is more to keep us on schedule than anything else and also because you guys are awesome! I've so enjoyed reading your reviews - I'll reply as soon as I get time, probably Thurs. If things go according to plan this week, the birth chapter should go up on Sunday. I only have until Ch 43 written right now because I've been swamped with research, so I may have to take a week off after the baby is born, just so you're warned. Thanks again everyone, I really appreciate your dedication to this story/series :)_

It was late afternoon by the time Grace showed up, bringing her own project this time so they could work on things together. Ziva gladly welcomed her in and turned the TV down low while they got settled. Grace was two rows into her slipper before she looked at Ziva with a twinkle in her eyes.

"So, tell me about this husband of yours Ziva. Was he always this wonderful?"

Ziva laughed, a blush creeping into her cheeks. Then she shook her head. "No, he was not."

Intrigued, Grace raised her eyebrows and encouraged her friend to continue.

Thinking back, Ziva remembered Tony when she first met him. "Six years ago Tony was very different - shallow, crass, self-centered, very much focused on drinking, goofing off and sleeping with as many young, beautiful women as possible."

Grace looked shocked. "Are we talking about the same man?"

Ziva's smile was a little sad. "We are. There were times when I glimpsed the kind of man he could be, like the summer we spent together when our boss left and we needed someone to turn to and found each other, but even more so when he got into the first serious relationship I had ever witnessed. He changed during that time and we grew apart. It was then I realized that I cared for him as more than a partner and friend." She sighed. "But the chance was gone."

She crocheted a few more stitches, gathering her thoughts. "When his relationship ended, for a long time Tony struggled with who to be between the person he was and the man he was becoming. We slowly mended our friendship and I suppose even then there was something more, but it never had a chance to grow."

Enthralled by the story, Grace leaned forward. "Why not?"

Ziva was back in LA, knowing something was wrong but unable to convince Tony, standing there in the Director's office and hearing that the life she valued was being torn from her with no choice, sitting in a darkened Autopsy and trying to stop her partner from taking all the blame on himself.

"There was a...tragedy within the agency that caused our team to be split up. Tony was reassigned to a ship as Agent Afloat and I was sent back to Israel and put on an undercover Mossad mission. We did not speak until four months later when Gibbs finally got us all back."

"He seemed older then," Ziva shared, "and we had missed each other. But I was seeing someone in Israel, a man my father approved of, and we last another opportunity." She shrugged. "The rest you know. At the end of that spring I did not return with them to DC and that decision marks everything."

"That's quite the history you two have," Grace observed.

Ziva nodded. "Yes. And it is strange to look back on it now. That man you know, the man I married, is who he became while I was away, who he has grown into since they brought me back. He is caring, loving, patient, gentle, tender, thoughtful." She shrugged. "Very nearly perfect and most days I do not know how to deserve him."

"Those are just my good qualities," came a voice from the door. "Ask her again when I've done something to really tick her off." Tony stood leaning against the wall, noticed by Grace but not Ziva as she gushed about her husband. His wife's smile was the special one she saved for him and Tony walked over to kiss her because he could.

Sitting down next to Ziva, Tony looked at Grace. "Nice to see you again Non-" He cut himself off and chuckled. "Sorry, I keep wanting to call you 'Nonna'. You remind me of my grandmother."

Grace's countenance glowed. "Call me what you like. It's an honour to be thought of that way."

"Be careful, I might take you up on that."

"As you like," Grace smiled and stood to pack her things.

Ziva exchanged glances with her husband. "Would you like to stay for supper?"

The older woman declined gracefully. "It's sweet of you to offer, but Thomas will be expecting me. I always visit in the evenings to read to him." Her eyes took on a far away look. "He doesn't always remember me now, but I know he loves me." She looked down at her wedding ring. "We have forty-seven years together to prove it."

Not knowing what to say, the couple held onto each other, hating the idea that someday one of them might not know the other, nor remember the life or love they shared. As Grace was leaving, she turned back. "Cherish each other. What you two have is special. That kind of love doesn't come around every day."

Ziva leaned against Tony as the door closed and just listened to his heartbeat for several moments. Then he cleared his throat and broke the moment, telling her about events of the day, namely Abby's new lab buddy. They worked side by side in the kitchen, getting supper ready while Ziva listened.

"Abby got a puppy?" she asked incredulously.

"Yup," Tony laughed. "I don't think McGee's quite sure yet about it, but she's happy as a clam. Abby loves her animals." He tossed the salad and set it aside, then found a frying pan for Ziva. It was in a lower cupboard and bending over wasn't an accomplishable task at this point. "What did you do today?"

Ziva made a frustrated noise. "Do you know what is on TV during the day?" He was afraid to guess so remained quiet and waited. "Ridiculous reality shows about petty people on islands and dating twenty men at once hoping to find true love. There are shows to decorate your house and sell your house and listen the people argue about parking tickets." She threw up her hands. "Why would I want to watch that?"

Tony coughed to cover a laugh because she looked seriously indignant about this offense. "I guess you don't."

She crossed her arms. "I am fed out. It is pointless."

"Fed up Zi," he corrected, kissing her cheek. "But I might have just the thing to fix it." Tony went over to his backpack and tossed her a TV season that she caught by reflex. "It's a SWAT show. We can watch how the real cops do it."

Ziva rolled her eyes but was pleased to have something new. After the meal they settled on the couch and cuddled. The show was well done and Ziva enjoyed it, glad for to have another way to help pass the time while he was at work. When they turned the TV off, Tony suddenly looked like he wanted to ask her something. She gave him her full attention and he took a deep breath before meeting her gaze, laying his hand on her belly.

"Ziva," Tony asked quietly, "do you know who the biological father was?"

Hurt pooled in her brown eyes and she closed them, pulling away from his touch and wrapping her arms protectively around her bump. "There were thirty men in the camp Tony," Ziva said in a brittle tone, "it could have been any of them. I stopped looking at their faces."

Tony instantly regretted asking, wishing he hadn't, except that he would have always wondered and now he didn't have to. It was unclear yet whether the knowledge was worth the price he might pay. He reached towards her. "Zi..."

But she shook her head and moved closer to the other side of the couch, focusing only on the movement of her baby and trying not to think about Somalia or what had been done. He sat there, miserable as she withdrew, but finally knelt on the floor in front of her, desperate to fix this.

"I'm sorry Ziva. I won't bring up Africa again unless you do. At least, I'll do my best not to."

When at last she looked at him, Tony did not like what he saw in Ziva's eyes. "I think I will go to bed now."

Aware that she wouldn't just bounce back from this moment, Tony sighed and stood to help her. He walked beside Ziva all the way upstairs and changed when she did. For one of the first times since their wedding, they got in on separate sides of the bed and stayed there.

Tony kicked himself for asking something like that, but wished Ziva could understand the questions and thoughts and issues he still harboured about Somalia, even more so now that she was his wife. They were eventually going to have to talk about it. Those months of captivity weren't only her nightmare.

**NCIS**

Somewhere in the early hours of morning, Ziva woke herself from a dream that left her gasping for air and hating the memories that still seemed so permanent. She rolled over to find Tony as close as he could get without actually touching her and her heart warmed. With a soft kiss on his lips, Ziva forgave him for the hurt and nestled against him. She was just falling back to sleep when his hand moved to her stomach and she smiled, knowing they were okay.

**NCIS**

Saturday morning Abby announced that she was going shopping for maternity clothes, no she didn't want company, and Tami and Matt were coming over to take Sammy for a couple hours. Matt had a big chocolate retriever who played well with others and they were headed for the dog park to run off some energy and do some socializing. It would be good for the puppy, who was still settling into life with them.

Taking in all the information, Tony made a face. "Tami and Matt?"

She nodded. "He's been pardoned on account of making my assistant smile and turn red every time his name comes up. She swears they're just friends but it's still pretty cute." Abby grinned. "Apparently going out for coffee while I was away was more than just a one time thing." She shrugged. "Tami could do worse."

Tim shook his head. "Well that I didn't see coming."

"Me either," Abby agreed. "But I'm not one to argue with workplace romances when that's how I got my fairy tale." She settled in his lap and hooked her arms over his shoulders. "Thanks for never giving up."

He grinned. "What can I say Abbs? You ran away with my heart." Tim leaned in and kissed his wife slowly. She didn't notice it was more until his hand slid under her tanktop. Breaking away, Abby smacked his chest.

"Stop trying to distract me Timmy, I'm on a mission!"

"But it's Saturday," he pouted. On weekends when they actually had time to spare, he liked to spend the day in bed with her.

Abby smirked and wiggled a bit in retaliation before she stood up. "Uh huh. And a certain author's editor sent him a list of things that need to be reworked, right?" She arched an eyebrow. "I'm sure you have lots to keep you busy."

McGee rolled his eyes. "Fine, deprive me of your company. But that means you're mine for the evening."

"Really?" Her inflection and expression was the same as when he threatened to tie her up during the Michael Mawher stalking case. But this time he was the opposite of exasperated. Abby danced upstairs to get ready, leaving Tim with his coffee and his thoughts. The day certainly held promise, as it did every time he woke up to realize this wasn't a dream but the life he thought he'd never have.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva were laying in bed enjoying each other's company without a word. But Tony could only do silence for so long and kissed her rings. "Do you know that if things had been different, today would've been our wedding day?"

With two and a half weeks of marriage already behind them, it was hard to comprehend. Ziva wouldn't have wanted to miss even a moment of their time together or spend two more weeks sleeping all by herself in her apartment and wishing Tony was there when she woke up from a nightmare. She snuggled closer. "It is good that we did not wait."

Tony looked down and kissed her, then shook his head. "I don't know how I would've waited eighteen more days to hold you like this, to belong together."

She put her hand on his cheek and smiled, but didn't feel the need to say anything. Sifting his fingers through her curls, Tony's gaze moved to her belly where the baby was refusing to be ignored. He rubbed the edge of her shirt between his thumb and forefinger. "Can I Zi?"

He sounded so much like a little boy that she smiled and nodded. It was the fourth day since Tony started helping her shower in the morning or evening and ever so slowly she was getting used to it. She wasn't comfortable yet being naked with him, but it was a start.

Lifting her shirt off her bump and pushing it up to under her bra, Tony laid on his stomach and propped himself up on his elbows, fascinated with the movements coming from inside her. He drew his finger firmly over her extended abdomen to see what he could feel.

A tiny foot pressed against her skin insistently, like the baby was trying to find a way out. And it was the strangest feeling, but Ziva thought she also detected fingers brushing over the inside of her womb. They tried to tell the different between head lumps and bum lumps, to decide whether hard points were elbows or knees and guessed at what the baby was doing in there.

Of course, Tony's favourite part was when the baby settled with her back out and he could trace her spine gently. He leaned forward and kissed Ziva's belly. "Not long now Chipmunk, less than four weeks and you'll be here in front of us instead of cozily tucked inside Mommy. We love you baby girl, we can't wait to meet you."

Ziva's smile was a little watery and she soon had Tony's full attention. "Are you nervous?"

She shrugged. "Not really. Not yet." There was a pause and she sighed. "Maybe a little."

"I'll be there," Tony promised. "You can squeeze my hand and yell at me in foreign languages and I'll only quote a few movies. I'll do everything I can, whatever you need. You won't be alone Ziva."

He touched on one of her greatest fears and she nodded. "I know. I love you."

Tony kissed her palm. "No question." He glanced towards the bathroom. "Did you want to have a shower before we go downstairs?"

Ziva shook her head and pointed to the stack of DVDs that had collected beside the TV. "Let us not get up yet. Pick something to watch."

Though Tony suspected it had more to do with her not having the energy to deal with showering rather than Ziva's desire not to move, he willingly chose a James Bond movie and put it in. No guy in his right mind would argue spending more time in bed with his wife, no matter what they were doing.

**NCIS**

It was Sunday and Abby was in the bathroom getting changed into one of her new maternity outfits while Tim waited, playing tug of war with Sammy. She'd returned from shopping yesterday carrying an alarming number of black bags but refused to show him what she got. He'd see them one at a time and it would be a surprise, so said her logic, which of course there was no arguing with.

Finally Abby stepped out, flaunting her usual pigtails and accessories, tall black boots, a special maternity mini-skirt similar to her old ones, and a black t-shirt with a pink scull and crossbones on it that also had pigtails. She eyed him expectantly and though he should've known better, the first word that popped out of his mouth was, "Interesting."

Abby's eyes narrowed. "Interesting? What does that mean Tim?" She smoothed her hands over her abdomen and looked in the mirror, gauging the difference. Her cheeks flushed and McGee knew he was in trouble. "Interesting means fat, doesn't it? You think maternity clothes make me look fat?" She spat the words out, leaving no pause for him to correct her. "Well fine, it's your fault anyways. I didn't get pregnant by myself." She stormed over, grabbed Sammy and proceeded to lock herself in the bathroom.

Tim dropped his head into his hands, doubting that could've gone worse. A minute later he drew a breath and approached the closed door. He knocked tentatively. "Abby? I didn't mean it that way, honest." No answer, so he knocked again. "Please let me in."

"No!" she yelled, cuddling the puppy to her chest and wishing she had Bert for a good squeeze. "Go away McGee. We're not talking to you right now."

Frustrated, he sighed and retreated to their bed. Half an hour later the silent standoff continued and Tim was ready to give up. He went out to the hallway, pulled out his phone and dialed a number, wondering who would be worse to deal with - Abby or the man who treated her like a daughter.

"Gibbs," he answered after three rings.

"Uh, hi Boss, it's McGee."

The pause lasted four seconds before Gibbs prompted him. "What?"

Tim ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm, umm, having an issue with Abby."

"I don't do couples' counseling," Gibbs growled.

"No, I know," Tim stammered, "but I could use some advice. You've...had a pregnant wife before." Afraid he'd overstepped, Tim swallowed and pushed on. "I didn't call her fat Gibbs, I wasn't even thinking it, but now she won't talk to me and I can't get her out of the bathroom."

Gibbs relaxed and snorted. "Doesn't matter what you said, that's what she heard. Now's when you learn two important phrases McGee - 'yes dear' and 'I'm sorry'. Doesn't matter if you know what you're apologizing for, that's your best bet."

Tim hesitated, always surprised when Gibbs actually talked. "Rule 6?"

"Ha!" Gibbs barked. "Just try applying that one while she's pregnant. I'll come to your funeral," he muttered so Tim could barely hear."

"Right. Thanks Boss." He sighed and glanced back at the bathroom door. "I'll try."

"Nope. Don't try, do it."

"On it."

They hung up and Tim warily made his way back into the room like a man facing his own execution. Or at least, potential banishment from their bed. He tapped on the door again. "Abby? I'm sorry honey, I shouldn't've said interesting. I love what you're wearing. I love everything you wear because you always look stylish and sexy and seeing you pregnant with my baby...I love the way you look sweetheart. Come on, please talk to me."

Minutes went by before there was a click and the door opened a crack and Sammy poked his nose out. "Hi buddy," Tim let the puppy sniff him. "Is she going to let me in?"

"Yes," came a quiet voice and he pushed the door open all the way and crawled over to sit by her side. Abby was sniffing from crying even though her tears were dry now. "You really didn't mean it? You like my outfit? You like how I look even though my body's changing?"

McGee put his hands on her hips and turned his wife to face him. "Absolutely." He pushed his luck with a brief kiss she didn't return. "I'm sorry babe. I love you, that's not going to change no matter what else does."

She surveyed him with a frown before brightening and throwing her arms around his neck. "Okay." Abby looked a little sheepish. "Sorry for making it a big deal." She scowled. "Stupid hormones."

Tim kissed her cheek. "As long as you promise to love me even when you're angry, I won't take it personally."

She grinned. "I promise. I love you Timmy."

"Always Abbs," he smiled, holding her close. "Always."

**NCIS**

Early Sunday afternoon, Celeste dropped by Gibbs' house unexpectedly. He invited her in and she held out a key. "My flight leaves in two hours. I was hoping you could drop by and water my plants. I'll probably be back Tuesday afternoon at the latest."

He was slow to take the key. "I've been known to kill plants."

Celeste smiled. "I'll take my chances." She held his hand loosely, glad to feel his fingers curl around hers. This was all still new to them, things had looked much different the first time they were together. "Think you'll survive without my cooking?"

Gibbs' grip tightened. "Only two days." It was both a statement and a question.

She invaded his space and slid her arms around his neck. "I promise." He enfolded her in his arms and they stood like that for almost a minute before Celeste pulled away. "I need to go. Stay safe Jethro."

Gibbs found his voice as she turned to go. "Celeste." She looked back and he forced the words out. "I wish you weren't going."

It was the closest thing to admitting that he'd miss her and Celeste appreciated the effort. "Thanks. I'll see you Tuesday."

She left without goodbye and Gibbs dropped onto the couch. Sometimes it felt like he was always letting go of everything that was important.

**NCIS**

Ziva and Tony were laying in bed that night facing each other. Ziva was fighting sleep because of late her dreams had been all too vivid, taking her back to the severity of nightmares from her first months home. Tony had his head propped up on one hand and was twirling a piece of her hair around his finger, a contented smile on his face.

Ziva yawned. "I think you are enjoying this a little too much Tony."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "Enjoying what? Being married to you? Not having to hide how I feel? The freedom to touch you like a husband and not a friend? Getting to really see you?" He chuckled. "Yeah Zi, I'm enjoying it. And sometimes this still feels like a dream."

"What?" she asked as Tony's hand came to rest on her belly. For once the baby was resting while Ziva was trying to.

"Knowing you love me," he admitted softly. "For so long I looked into your eyes, hoping to see it."

Ziva brushed her palm over his cheek. "What do you see now?"

Tony scooted closer, the intensity in his eyes deepening. When he spoke, his voice was husky. "I see my whole world. Because everything I ever wanted is wrapped up in you and our baby."

Ziva could see it coming, his eyes reflected his next move before he leaned in and she had already raised her face so he could kiss her. Warm breath, soft lips, carefully concealed passion. Ziva put her hand on Tony's neck, still getting used to touching him without having to think about it first.

They broke the kiss and she snuggled her head into his shoulder, wishing she could get closer, but the baby was already protesting his or her cramped quarters. Tony sighed against her hair, then took a breath, her scent surrounding him. This was his life now and man was it good.


	34. Chapter 34

_A/N: Lol...sorry for drowning you guys in chapters the last couple days, I figured I'd spoil you all a little bit since I'm probably taking a break next week. Thanks so much for commenting on all the new chapters, you guys really know how to brighten my day. The countdown in on! Baby in 3 chapters..._

_Hebrew: __**Lehiraot **__- see you later_

Monday morning Gibbs was in a foul mood. The team took it without complaint for as long as they could, but at 1300 when he left for coffee, all three guys escaped down to Abby's lab. After asking permission, Matt whisked Tami and Sammy away to the breakroom upstairs, leaving Tim and Tony to consult Abby about the situation.

"We didn't do anything Abbs," Tony lamented. "Tim's kept the geek-speak to a minimum, I haven't been slacking off and Matt's been practically invisible. I don't get it."

McGee, always happy for an excuse to be with his wife, accepted the hug she offered to both of them, topping his off with a kiss. Tony watched, feeling a flare of jealousy as he thought about how many weeks remained before Ziva worked by his side again and they could share little moments like that. He sighed. She hadn't even been gone a month and even living with her never seemed to be enough. He just couldn't be with her too much. Tony had to face the facts: he needed Ziva like he needed air and it sucked not being able to breathe until he got home at night.

Abby turned her back and Tim obligingly started to rub her shoulders. "You know him best, any ideas Abbs?"

She rolled her neck, grateful for the massage, and shrugged one shoulder. "I have a guess, but it's pretty out there."

"We'll take anything at this point," Tony said eagerly, leaning forward.

Abby chewed on her lip. "Well, he said Celeste has to travel for work sometimes. Maybe she's gone and he misses her?"

McGee nodded. "At the wedding she mentioned having clients in LA. She goes out for a couple days to discuss things with them once she's finished with a book."

Tony frowned. "When did she say that? I don't remember."

McGee and Abby exchanged a glance and Abby smirked. "I think your attention was...elsewhere at that point Tony. Once Ziva came out, no one else existed."

He absorbed her comment and had the grace to look a little ashamed. "What can I say? She's my whole world."

Tim rolled his eyes. "They're so cute when they're in the honeymoon stage."

Tony raised an eyebrow at his friends - Abby leaning back against Tim's chest, her head resting on his shoulder, and McGee holding her loosely with a contented expression on his face. "Yeah, because at five and a half months you guys are so far out of that phase."

Tim chuckled but neither confirmed or denied the statement, simply changed the subject. "How serious do you think Gibbs and Celeste are? I mean, are they dating? Together? They obviously share a history, we witnessed part of it."

Abby made a face. "You know how I feel about outsiders, but if he's this grumpy because she's gone, he's obviously happier when she's around."

"They did seem kind of cozy at the wedding," McGee pointed out.

"And they worked really well together when we were moving Ziva's stuff," Abby remembered. "But as for details..." she shrugged. "Gibbs is never going to spill."

"So maybe we ask Celeste?" Tony suggested, but before he could get an answer, Tami and Matt came flying in the door.

"Or maybe we get back to work before we get fired!" Matt blurted. "Gibbs sighting outside the building. We have like, a minute to get back to our desks."

Ignoring the fact that five grown adults should not be scared at the mere mention of a man who was still mortal, boss or not, the guys hurried upstairs. McGee lingered long enough to kiss Abby's cheek and Matt sent Tami a smile, then with only seconds to spare they lit out of the lab like something was on fire. Two contemplative women stared after them.

Tami sank to the floor and ran her hand over Sammy's soft fur. After only four days the puppy was already a fixture and it was hard to tell who loved him best. Abby finally shook herself and looked at her assistant with raised eyebrows. "So, you and Matt...?"

The girl's eyes widened and she picked up the puppy. "You know, he still needs to go outside. I better take him. Be right back!"

"You can't escape that easily!" Abby called after her. She had to come back sometime, and when she did it was definitely time for secrets to be spilled.

**NCIS**

Once again Tony got off early to take Ziva to her doctor's appointment. This time when Mandy palpitated Ziva's abdomen to check for the baby's position, her eyebrows rose. Apprehensive, Tony took Ziva's hand. "What?"

Mandy felt again and shook her head. "The baby's dropped." At Ziva's look of confusion, she explained. "She's head down towards your cervix. It's the proper birth position."

"Maybe that explains the pressure I am feeling...there." She didn't look at her husband because some things were still uncomfortable to talk about with him in the room.

The doctor nodded. "And it's probably easier to breathe now that he or she is facing away from your lungs."

A light went on in Ziva's eyes. "Yes. I noticed when I got up this morning but I did not think anything of it."

Tony frowned. "You said that baby's in birth position. Does that mean she's coming soon?"

Mandy glanced sympathetically at her patient. "Ziva, I know how much you wanted to carry this baby to term, but thirty-six or thirty-seven weeks isn't bad, especially when I didn't think we'd get past thirty-five." She turned back to Tony. "In answer to your question, yes. We're looking at days, not weeks before this little one arrives."

Ziva caressed her belly slowly, heart racing. She wasn't ready for this yet, she wasn't ready for the baby to come now. Almost three weeks and she was still trying to get used to being married, let alone all the changes becoming a mother would bring.

Dr. Meyers caught Tony's eyes and looked towards the door, much like the last time when they talked about Ziva's test results. Tony sighed and kissed his wife's forehead. "I'll be right back babe. Just close your eyes for a few minutes."

Out in the hall, Mandy crossed her arms. "This is the part where you might regret that wearing that ring means sometimes you have to make the tough decisions, whether she likes it or not, when it's for her own good."

Tony eyed the woman warily. "I don't like the sound of this."

Mandy shook her head. "I can't, I won't let Ziva go through more than five or six hours of labour Tony. She's just not strong enough." Her gaze was unrelenting. "I need your permission to do a c-section if necessary."

He looked up at the ceiling and blew out a breath. "Mandy, that's something Ziva and I will have to talk about. I can't just make that decision without her."

The doctor stepped back. "Maybe not now, but if something goes wrong you might have to. Just keep that in mind."

Tony nodded. "Is that it?"

"Call me if you think anything is happening at all. I'm worried that she won't come to the hospital early enough for us to help if there's complications."

His jaw tightened. "You have my word." Ziva would be that stubborn.

"I'll leave you with her then," Mandy smiled. "By this time next week, I think you're going to be a daddy Tony."

He wished he was free to be happy about that. But it was hard with the dark cloud hanging over their heads. Ziva was laying on her side when Tony went back into the room and as soon as the latch clicked into place, she opened her eyes. "What was that about?" She did not like being left out.

Tony shrugged. "Just some stuff Mandy wanted me to know." He hoped she wouldn't ask for details but he knew better.

Ziva's gaze narrowed and she pushed herself up on one elbow. "Do not keep secrets from me Tony, I want to know what she said." As the words passed her lips, Ziva could feel a check in her conscience. She, who was keeping a secret, has no right to speak, but at the moment she did not care if she was a hypocrite. This was about her baby, their baby, and she needed to know.

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair. "Mandy's going to have to do a c-section if you're in labour too long." Ziva's expression dropped and he slid his fingers through hers. "If it means saving both of you, I have to give my permission."

Fear and concern flooded her face and she tightened her grip on him. "Tony, I need you to promise me that you will choose the baby over me if it comes to that."

Tony froze, then shook his head vehemently. "I can't...Ziva, please don't ask me to make that choice."

His tone bordered on panic and she used his arm to pull herself up so she could hug him. There would be no easy resolution to this because, as evidenced by the way he held her, Tony would not let go easily.

**NCIS**

After a leisurely supper, Ziva settled on the couch and waited for Tony to pick a movie. He was more reluctant than usual to be away from her side since their conversation at the doctor's and Ziva understood. Hopefully a couple hours of holding her would help allay his fears. And she certainly didn't mind being ensconced in her husband's strong arms. It was a win-win.

Just as he was narrowing down his selection, Tony's phone rang. He flipped it open, still running his finger over movie titles. "DiNozzo."

"Got a dead woman on the Marine base. Gear up."

Tony's heart dropped and he turned to look at Ziva, sighing. "Yeah, got it Boss." His eyes apologized before he spoke. "We have a case." They both knew that getting called in now mean he'd be pulling an overnighter and while that had never been a problem before, this would be their first night apart since their wedding.

Ziva nodded. "Gibbs would not call you in unless it was serious." She held out her hands for him to help her up. They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before she gave him a small smile. "You better go. He does not like to be kept waiting."

Tony groaned and pulled her into his arms. "I'm gonna miss you tonight."

"It is only one night." She tried not to make it sound so bad, and he let go to frown at her. Ziva hugged him again. "But I will miss you as well. It is a comfort knowing you are so near."

He brushed his knuckles over her cheek and leaned in to kiss her softly. "I love you." He tapped her nose with one finger. "Be good."

Ziva made a face. "Try not to get headslapped."

Tony chuckled. "I'll text if I get time."

She rolled her eyes. "I love you. Now go before you get in trouble."

He bent down and kissed her bump. "Goodnight Chipmunk, Daddy loves you." He kissed his wife one more time and ran out the door with his backpack before temptation took over.

Ziva leaned against the door and watched him go, then looked around at the empty house. "What are we going to do now?" she asked the baby. It had never seemed so quiet during the day, but without Tony's voice and presence, the house felt very lonely indeed.

**NCIS**

The scene was chilling. A woman dumped in the front yard of her home, laying in a crumpled heap with eyes closed, but far too still to be sleeping. Tony took pictures and felt his guy coil when he saw the wedding band she wore. Some man would get off duty tonight to find a husband's worst fear come true.

Ducky knelt on the ground beside the victim, giving observations for Jimmy to write down and trying to answer Gibbs' questions. He pointed to the marks on the woman's neck. "Signs of manual strangulation. There's skin under her fingernails, so I daresay she put up quite a fight, but it was in vain. I'll have Abby run DNA when we get her home. The body bag if you please Mr. Palmer."

As he straightened her body out and opened her hand so Tim could scan her fingerprints, he found something. "Hello, what have we here?"

Gibbs looked up from his notebook. "Whatcha got Duck?"

"It seems someone has left us a note Jethro."

Gibbs reached for the folded piece of paper and opened it. He stilled, read the words again and handed it to Tony. "Bag it. McGee!" he barked. "Get back to NCIS. I want you and Abby on this."

Tony handed the bag to his friend, noting the web address scrawled at the bottom, and watched Tim absorb the message. His startled gaze came up and he bolted for the car. The note made it clear there was no time to lose.

_She is the first. One of them will die every eight hours until you stop me._

**NCIS**

By midnight they were still scrambling to find answers and leads to follow. A countdown ticked off seconds and minutes on the plasma, Abby and McGee were wearing the skin off their fingertips trying to trace the source, Ducky and Jimmy had finished the autopsy but still scoured the body for clues, and Tony was running former Marines with a grudge while Matt checked everyone and anyone who might have had something against the husband and wife themselves.

Gibbs was impatient - running around barking orders and demanding answers. But they all understood because the closer they got to 3 am, the closer another woman came to meeting the same fate. By 0245, Gibbs ordered the team back to base and they started patrolling. Gibbs' phone rang at three-ten am to tell them they were too late. Another woman had been found in her yard, the back this time. The crime scene process started all over again and when the clock hit 0700, they were barely closer to having a suspect than before.

At 0800 Tony stood in front of the plasma screen, noting that they had only three hours left to find something before they got another body. Since McGee was still in the lab, he had been bouncing his ideas off Matt for the last little while. He tapped the remote against his chin and stared at the scan of the note that had been left.

"What did he mean one of them?" This wasn't the first time he'd tried to figure out the riddle and Matt waited in silence, wondering if he would have anything new to add this time. Tony pondered the phrase. "Is he talking about women in their thirties? Marine wives? Red-haired women? I mean, come on, it has to be something significant."

Matt sighed. "Until we know who this guy is, talking ourselves in circles isn't going to help. Unless we know if his mom ignored him or a red-haired woman broke up with him or his wife left because he was in the Marines, this train of thought is useless."

Tony turned and glared at the younger man. "Who gave you permission to think, Assistant Probie?" The irritation he felt as the deadline approached had begun flaring rather unpredictably at the other members of the team. Matt looked at him cooly for a minute and then thought about the lack of sleep they were dealing with and decided not to take the comment personally.

A gleam lit Tony's eyes and he started typing a list. "Actually, you might be on to something. Have these women been separated from their husbands? Were they unfaithful? Were they pregnant? Newly married? There's got to be a common denominator between them, a reason he targeted them specifically."

"Or were their husbands working similar jobs, possibly with high clearance levels?" Matt added, catching onto his process. They brainstormed like that for several minutes. It didn't really get them anywhere but they felt better doing something.

Suddenly a break-through came - Abby and McGee had cracked the encryption and traced the website back to its creator. He was useless, having been paid just to set it up to start at 7 pm the night before. But by tracking the money transfer into his account, McGee got them an address and a name. No one was home when they barged in with guns drawn and they were running out of time. A hit on the guy's licence plate put him at the base and Gibbs broke land speed records getting them back.

They caught a man trying to sneak through the gates and when he ran Matt and Tony gave chase. For former football players, they tackled him cleanly like a tonne of bricks. No one had any sympathy for the man's dislocated shoulder or his three broken ribs.

And even though they had tried their best, a happy ending was yet to be found. The woman's body was still warm but Ducky's mournful expression and shake of the head declared her too far gone to be revived. They were too late. Gibbs threw his phone across the yard and watched it shatter against the porch, cursing the man, their timing and a failure someone else would pay for.

Tony slapped his hat on the ground and looked down at another wife they had not saved. And though it was not gruesome or gory, McGee's thoughts of his own wife in the same position caused him to lose his lunch behind the bushes. As soon as he wiped his mouth however, he was on the phone to Abby, wanting to make sure she was safe.

Retreating to lean against the side of the house, Tony took a deep breath before dialing his wife's number. It was just after 1100 and he knew her session with Devon started soon, but he so desperately needed to hear her voice. He closed his eyes, fatigue crashing over him, but it wasn't yet time to rest.

"Tony?" Ziva answered almost as soon as it began to ring, but there was only silence on the other end. "Tony? Are you there?" She frowned. She could hear his breathing, but nothing else. Her tone softened. "Talk to me ahava, please. Tell me you are alright."

The emotion was thick in his words. "I'm not hurt."

His clarification told her a lot. "It will be okay Tony."

He sighed. "I'm not so sure." Gibbs yelled for him because they had work to do and Tony rubbed his face. "I gotta go Zi, but I just wanted to hear your voice. I love you."

"Ani ohevet atacha," she said quietly. "I will be here when you get home."

Tony uttered something that sounded like, "Promise?" before he swallowed and tried to pull himself together. "I'm not sure when I'll be back. Don't do too much, okay?"

"I will not," Ziva whispered. "Shalom ahuvati sheli."

"Lehiraot," he replied and closed the phone. It was going to be a long day.


	35. Chapter 35

_A/N: Wow. I wasn't really paying attention until someone pointed it out, but we just passed 1,000 reviews! Thank you guys so much! I am totally blown away! You are all amazing! Alright, new chapter :) Baby in 2..._

Devon came online shortly after Ziva hung up the phone and her focus was more on her husband's state of mine than her session. The doctor had to repeat her name twice before Ziva acknowledged her. "Hello Devon."

"Hi yourself. Where were you just now?"

Ziva held up her phone. "Tony called. He has been walking on a case since last night." She sighed. "He did not sound very good."

Devon raised her eyebrows. "Was that your first night apart?" Ziva nodded. "How did you handle it?"

"Not well," she admitted. "I did not realize I had become so used to falling asleep with him until I tried to go to sleep without him." Ziva shrugged in bewilderment. "Devon, I never thought I would enjoy sharing my bed again. And even though we are not...doing anything besides sleeping, it is a comfort to have him there." She brought her hands up to her face. "Last night I dreamed of Africa and Tony was not there to tell me it was not real or help me feel safe." Ziva sighed. "I think I am a love sap."

Devon laughed, because even though she was used to Ziva's confusion with certain American words, this was a new one. "I'm not sure if you mean 'love sick' or if you were thinking along the lines of 'besotted fool', but either way, I guarantee you it's not a bad thing."

Ziva made a face. "I have never been so dependent before."

"Think of it as progress," her therapist suggested. "Now, tell me what's on your mind today."

She immediately brought her hands to her belly. "At my appointment yesterday Mandy said the baby has dropped. It could be any day now."

Devon looked interested. "How do you feel about that?"

"Like I am not ready. We have a nursery and baby things, I have read books and heard advice. Tony is so eager to meet this child and yet now that we are so close to that day, I am afraid."

"Why?" When Ziva felt like talking, Devon wanted to encourage her to keep going and listen carefully. It definitely happened more often than it used to, but her openness was not something to be taken for granted.

Ziva looked down. "It has been easy to keep my baby safe inside me. I am not sure how to protect her once she comes out."

Devon shook her head gravely. "Ziva, no one is going to do to your child what was done to you. As parents you and Tony can assure her the childhood you never got."

"I will fight for her innocence," Ziva declared, eyes flashing.

"That is only one of the reasons you will make a good mother," Devon countered.

Ziva sat back. "I am nervous about the birth. Feeling that much pain...there...what if the memories take over and I cannot focus on what my baby needs me to do?"

"Tony will be there to keep you grounded and your instincts will kick in Ziva, you'll know what to do."

"I suppose it will be worth everything once she is finally here."

"I agreed," Devon smiled. "Everything you've worked for, all you've endured, the life you and Tony have built, the home you're creating together - this child is only going to enrich that and empower you. You're better than the men who hurt you Ziva, you're giving life."

Ziva's baby moved and she wished she could describe how it made her feel. "Because I have life inside me, I was given a reason to live. Because I lived, I have a new life I never dreamed possible. Everything is connected."

"You deserve it Ziva," Devon told her sincerely. "You are worth it."

Looking at the rings she wore, Ziva knew she was starting to believe it. Surrounded by Tony's love, by her family, by everything good, the lies were so much harder to hear.

**NCIS**

At NCIS the day dragged on. It had been hours since the arrest and the team was still trying to get a confession from the man they had in custody, but he wasn't cooperating. Gibbs had gone to take another crack at it, though with fingerprints, skin cells and fibers, they didn't really need the man to talk.

The rest of the team worked on filling out the mountain of paperwork created by the case, most surviving solely on coffee and sugar fueled energy. Abby, who had gotten sick earlier, was sleeping in her lab and Tim was under strict orders to take her home the minute his report was finished.

Matt had left ages ago to take everything down to evidence lock up and Tony suspected he'd arranged to meet Tami and was stealing a little time to help her decompress. It was the lab assistant's first serial killer case and she'd taken it hard. Sammy, who might've been some comfort, was acting as Abby's breathing security blanket at the moment and could not be moved.

Tony sighed. He was only halfway through his report and the chance to go home looked no closer now than it had twelve hours ago. His head pounded from too much caffeine, his eyes burned from lack of sleep and his handwriting was about to become illegible.

Gibbs strode back in and gave the bullpen's occupants a cursory glance, then waved his hand. "It's late. Go home. This will all be here in the morning. 0800," he said, stressing the change in start time.

As it was now 2000, that gave them the opportunity to get a decent night sleep before it started all over again. Tony didn't need to be told twice and grabbed his bag, eager to see his wife. It had been a long twenty-four hours and he needed to hold her, to hold them both. On a currently all guy team with men either married or having significant others, they were all too close to this one.

He made it home two minutes faster than usual and opened the door to find Ziva waiting on the other side. Gibbs must have called to say he was on his way. She welcomed him home with a hug that lasted minutes instead of seconds. Tony buried his face in her wavy hair, savouring her scent and her warmth.

Pulling back, he brushed his thumb over her cheek. "Did you miss me?"

She smirked. "It was very quiet." Ziva's eyes darkened. "It was worse to have the nightmares without you. I need you now to tell me it is okay."

Tony clenched his jaw and put his arms around her again. "I'm sorry Ziva. I promised to keep them away."

She pushed away and shushed him with her fingers, shaking her head. "I was not blaming you. They come when they wish. But I am glad you will be here tonight."

Tony tipped up her chin and stared into her eyes before kissing her longer and deeper than he'd let himself before. Ziva put her hands on his face, but instead of making him stop, she kissed him back with the same passion, allowing him the freedom to explore her mouth with his tongue, which hadn't happened before. But he could feel her hesitation when it became too much and broke the kiss, though it was almost painful to let her go.

He framed her face with his hands. "I think I'm addicted to you."

The smile reached her eyes. "You are delirious from lack of sleep I see." Ziva led him towards the stairs. "Perhaps it is time for bed?"

Tony slid an arm around her shoulders, blinking to keep his eyes open. "Probably not such a bad idea," he mumbled.

She shook her head but said nothing more. He was in bed before Ziva even finished changing into her pyjamas and she crawled over to lay by his side. Tony's lips curled up and he shifted to accommodate her without opening his eyes. "I missed this."

Ziva smiled. "Laila tov ahuvati."

He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her temple. "At levav sheli."

_You are my heart_. She shifted her head to listen to it beat and closed her eyes. Did it really get any better than this? Ziva was glad to have a lifetime with him to find out.

**NCIS**

Celeste had been home since mid-afternoon and was still buried in her new project several hours later. Papers spread all over her office table, a red pen balanced between her fingers and reading glasses perched on her nose. The doorbell rang, startling her out of the focused concentration. It went off again and she hurried to answer the summons.

She opened the door, confusion in her expression. "Jethro, you have a key."

He dropped it in her palm. "Didn't want to assume."

Celeste slid it back in his coat pocket. "Thoughtful. But keep it, someone should have a spare." Then she looked into his eyes and her face softened. He looked exhausted and...haunted, for lack of a better word. "What's wrong?"

Gibbs closed the door and stared at her. "Just wrapped up a case. Guy was going after Marine wives with red hair." He tipped her chin up, allowing her to see the vulnerability in his eyes. "Reminded me of all the women I've loved and lost."

"Oh Jethro." Celeste put her arms around his neck and held on tight, feeling the need in his touch. "I'm sorry."

He sighed into her shoulder, letting her warmth seep into him as she shared the burden. "Rule 6."

She ran her fingers through his hair. "I don't follow all your rules Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs let her go slowly but kept her close. "Need to be here for awhile."

Celeste touched his cheek. "You're welcome anytime. Your box is in the library."

He followed her down three steps and into the room that housed her impressive literature collection. A couch on the left side, a fireplace near it, comfortable chairs in the middle, and what doubled as Celeste's office in the right corner. Gibbs reached for his knife and pulled a piece of wood from the box by the couch. Since there was no boat here, he settled for whittling. It was a good place to work on new toys for his grandchildren. He already had quite the collection going and they weren't even born yet.

"You get to vacuum up your own shavings this time," Celeste commented without looking up. She read a few more lines, crossed out something, and scribbled a note in the margin. Gibbs watched her with interest. He'd forgotten how intent she always was on her work. Finally Celeste sighed. "I can feel you watching me."

He turned his attention to the small block of wood and cut away one corner. "I'm allowed to look," Gibbs pointed out.

She raised one eyebrow. "It's kinda hard to concentrate when you do."

A smile lifted the corner of his lips. "You saying I'm a distraction Les?"

Seconds later Celeste invaded Gibbs' space and sat down in his lap. "Am I?"

He eyed her warily, shifting slightly. "Yes," he ground out.

She patted his cheek and stood up. "Just making a point."

Gibbs scowled. "Not playing fair Lady."

Celeste laughed. "Do we need rules Jethro? Like no teasing?"

Leaning back against the couch, Gibbs chipped away some more wood. "No fun in that."

"I agree." Celeste put her glasses back on. "I'm ignoring you now."

Gibbs snorted. "At least you warned me."

Regardless of how hard it was, Celeste paid no attention to the presence of her ex-husband sitting in her library for another two chapters, then finally set her glasses down and rubbed her eyes. "I could use a drink."

Gibbs jumped on that boat fast, returning with a glass of wine for her and bourbon for himself. The bottle he'd brought over was at the back of her liquor cabinet, but at least she'd kept it.

She accepted the glass gratefully. "Thank you." A sip cleared her head and she curled up in one of the chairs facing him, swirling the liquid around thoughtfully. "Do you have nightmares after the bad cases Jethro?"

A swallow of alcohol followed her question and Gibbs kept careful attention on his project. She couldn't tell yet what it was going to be. Finally he admitted something he'd never told any of them. "Don't sleep if I think I will."

The insight told her a lot, and finally made sense of some of his behaviour during their marriage. Celeste appreciated his honesty. "And tonight?" she asked gently.

Sharing didn't come easily, but Celeste wasn't so much prying as caring. "Lot to be done on the boat," he said at last.

That sent her into silent contemplation for long enough that Gibbs looked up, wondering what she was thinking. "Do you like puzzles?" she asked seemingly out of nowhere. "I don't remember ever playing any sort of game with you."

Games reminded him of Shannon and Kelly and everything that had been. Gibbs could see that idea had occurred to Celeste as soon as the words left her mouth and her eyes sent a silent apology. He shook his head. "Not much for games. Put together puzzles for a living."

Celeste rolled her eyes. "Picture puzzles Jethro, not case puzzles." She got up and pulled a card table from behind the couch. "My last roommate adored puzzles, she got me hooked."

Without waiting for him to say something, Celeste went to a shelf and selected a large square box. She dumped it out on the table and started turning all the pieces right side up. Gibbs watched her in silence for some time before he offered his two cents' worth.

"Start with the corner pieces, goes faster."

Celeste pretended she hadn't heard him and began fishing through the pieces, looking for any two that would fit together. Finally Gibbs sighed and got up to join her. They worked separately for awhile until part of the picture began to take shape and Gibbs frowned.

"Titanic?"

Celeste's expression admitted her attempt to slip it by him. "It is my favourite movie Jethro."

"It sank," he said bluntly, "how can you love that?"

"You're talking to the woman who spent four months researching a paper on that ship. I'm a history buff. Plus," she shrugged one shoulder, "there's a great love story that goes with it."

He shook his head vehemently. "Don't do chick flicks."

She chuckled. "I didn't ask you to watch it with me."

"You were going to." Having been married to her once did give him inside knowledge.

Celeste flicked a piece across the table at him. "Well now you'll never know."

He snapped several more pieces into place before opening a new subject. "How's the book?"

Her project from Jenna was taking up a lot of her time lately and Gibbs was glad, if only because it meant she stayed in DC and didn't have to make any more trips to LA in the near future. The team had borne the brunt of his frustration, even though he wouldn't admit to the loneliness that came from knowing Celeste wasn't just around the corner.

"Surprisingly good for a first solo work," Celeste admitted, "I'm twelve chapters in and I've been intrigued since Chapter two. I'm still trying to figure out who did it."

"Edits?"

"There are some issues with repetitive wording and flow, but I haven't turned the document too red yet."

"This one's red, huh?" She picked a colour theme with each book she worked on, unable to handle using the same colour of pen every time.

"Purple is up next," she revealed. "But this will be my baby for at least a month." Working diligently on one of the smokestacks, Celeste remembered something. "Does Tim still write?" He hadn't said anything at the wedding and that was the only time she'd seen the whole team together so far.

Gibbs sighed. "He took a break for awhile, but Abby let it slip that he's working on something new."

She waved towards one of her many bookshelves. Gibbs could see all six of McGee's thick, hardcover books lined up together. "I happen to be one of his biggest fans." Celeste grinned at Gibbs' unbelieving look. "It's so much more fun to read them when I know the people he's writing about."

Gibbs made a dismissive nose in his throat and Celeste shook her head. "Don't be so cynical." She pushed his shoulder lightly. "He captured you pretty good."

"Needs better code names," Gibbs said firmly, and Celeste took his side this time. "Well yes, that part was kind of obvious. But only if you know that Thom E. Gemcity is really Tim McGee, NCIS Special Agent."

"He's got nerve, I'll give him that," Gibbs grunted, filling in the waves washing around the prow of the ship.

It's quite an honour to be immortalized in fiction," she informed him.

"Good thing none of you guys write," Gibbs decided.

"Afraid of the secrets ex-wives could tell?" Celeste teased.

He froze and looked up at her slowly. "No. Afraid of what I might see."

Compassion filled her gaze. "A marriage doesn't fail with one person. It takes two people never facing the problems, always thinking that - if ignored - they'll get better by themselves."

"But?" Gibbs prompted, hearing more than what she said. It paid to have been married to her before. He could always read her. Well, almost always. Not when it counted, not when it mattered, not back then when they might've had a chance to fix things the first time.

"But they don't. And both of us had to be willing, or both you and Stephanie, or both you and Diane. We all dropped the ball, we all let our marriages to you fall apart. Maybe we didn't realize how difficult it could be, being married to a federal agent. Maybe we didn't understand how much the job affected you. Maybe we didn't try hard enough. For that I'm sorry. It wasn't only your fault Jethro." There had to be a way to make him understand that.

Gibbs put his hand over hers, finding his throat thick. "I never meant to hurt you. I wasn't ready to deal with the loss of...the girls. I wanted someone who could make it better. I'm sorry I used you."

That might've been the first time Celeste had ever heard her ex-husband utter those words. She turned her hand to hold his. "I'm not sorry I married you. There are some good memories. And now I know things about you that have drawn me back year after year to be your friend and learn more. I'm ready for our second chance and at least this time, I know what I'm getting myself into. Are you ready Jethro? Can you forgive yourself for everything that went wrong the first time so maybe we can have a future?"

Gibbs had never been overly good with words, not since Shannon and Kelly died, because much of him had died with them. Instead he stood up, walked over to his first ex-wife, and bent down to kiss her. It was their first kiss in sixteen years and everything about her was familiar - her scent, her touch, the smell of her perfume, how she tasted sweet like the wine she favoured - but new at the same time, tinged with time and experience and hope.

For Celeste, it felt like coming home and she knew she'd been away too long. The kiss was short and sweet, that kind of touch so easy to fall back into. Gibbs smiled against her mouth. "If I have to do a whole puzzle about Titanic, I need more alcohol."

Celeste closed her eyes and laughed, drawing him in closer as she stood up. "My couch is always open if you can't make it home." She turned and headed upstairs to change into something more comfortable, then glanced back over her shoulder. "My bed however..." Celeste shot a pointed look at her left hand, grinning as she wiggled her fingers, "that you will have to earn, Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

Gibbs' eyes followed her upstairs and for the first time in a decade, he was beginning to think it might just be worth the work.


	36. Chapter 36

Even with Tony's heart beating in her ear and his arms loosely drawn over her body, a nightmare still seized Ziva in the early hours of the morning, leaving her whimpering and shaking. Her reaction drew Tony from the hold sleep had on him and with oppressive weariness muddling his thoughts, he kissed and touched and whispered the bad dream into oblivion.

Ziva opened her eyes a moment later and stared at him. "I do not know how you do that."

His sleep clouded eyes held only love. "They don't belong here. I just remind you that this life is stronger than the memories."

Her hand caressed his face. "I am sorry to wake you." She kissed the corner of his mouth. "Go back to sleep."

Tony was about to follow orders when he felt her move away and squinted into the darkness. "Bathroom?"

Ziva stopped. "Partly. But I cannot sleep any more right now. It is too close."

He sighed and waited for her to close the door. Ziva was up, so he was up. Stifling a yawn, Tony pulled on a t-shirt, since it wasn't a requirement for sharing the bed since the night Ziva decided she liked touching him, and shuffled downstairs to the kitchen.

The kettle was filled and a mug found without any lights. Sugar was a little more challenging, but it eventually turned up and Tony realized he hadn't made Ziva tea since they'd been married. It was an old ritual, a comforting one that reminded him of their two weeks and what it was like to have her back. He'd have to rectify that error and do it more often.

Back upstairs, Ziva met him in the hall, confusion written on her features. "Tony, why are you awake?"

"Because you are," he said simply, handing her a DVD. "Put it on. It'll be like old times." _Only better_, his mind added. She looked ready to argue with him, but Tony shook his head. "I love you Ziva, let me do this."

Ziva acquiesced and did as he asked. Soon they were cuddled back together in a semi-sitting position on their bed, with his wife sipping her tea slowly, watching the opening credits of a drama he knew would be fine to fall asleep with. Only they didn't. To his surprise, they made it to the end before Ziva gave up fighting to stay away. Tony wasn't sure how he'd make it through two hours, but when he finally closed his eyes shortly before 0400, he knew it was going to be a very long day.

**NCIS**

Ziva didn't wake until almost ten am the next morning and was distressed to realize she'd slept through Tony getting up and ready. A piece of stationery on his pillow caught her eye and she reached for it. The folded paper was marked with her husband's bold scrawl and she smiled before she even read it.

_Z - this is as close as I could get to following Rule #1. After last night, I couldn't wake you up just to say goodbye, we don't like that word anyways. I hope your sleep was peaceful. I miss you and I haven't even left yet. I love you. Sleep. Rest. Eat. Take care of yourself and our baby. Call me if you need anything. I'll see you tonight. - T._

She rolled her eyes at all of his precautions and shifted uncomfortably. Her lower back was unusually sore today and getting up suddenly didn't seem like such a good idea. Ziva reached for the remote and found a channel airing a romance movie marathon. She dozed for the rest of the morning but by noon was definitely aware that she'd missed breakfast.

After her third trip to the bathroom in less than that number of hours, Ziva tugged tony's hoody over her head and slowly made her way downstairs. She settled for eggs and toast which were eaten slowly at the table as she paged through more of the pregnancy and baby book from Mandy.

Finding it hard to keep her eyes open by the time dishes were done and supper was in the crock pot, Ziva pulled a fuzzy blanket from the closet and got settled in the chair near the piano that reclined. For awhile she napped but one position was only comfortable for so long and her discomfort necessitated yet another bathroom visit and a move to the couch. With the romance movie marathon playing in the background and a headache doing more than just threatening, Ziva curled up with the blanket and pillows tucked several places to support her body and started drifting off to sleep.

A knock on the door interrupted and Ziva wearily lifted her head in time to see Grace peek through the window. Not wanting to get up, Ziva motioned for her to come in. Grace found the spare key and unlocked the door, slipping out of her shoes so she could sit on the coffee table in front of her friend.

"I have terrible timing, don't I?" she commented. "I'm always showing up in the middle of your naps."

Ziva's smile was faint. "Normally I do not mind, but I am not myself today. I am sorry Grace, I do not think I am down for a visit."

Grace's forehead creased and she laid her palm on Ziva's forehead. "Do you feel sick?"

"No, just very tired and my head is pounding," she replied, blinking slowly.

"Can I get you anything? A cold cloth? Tea, maybe?"

Ziva shook her head and her eyes slid closed. "No thank you Grace. I will just rest."

It wouldn't have bothered her so much except Grace knew this was no ordinary pregnancy. She bit her lip. "Maybe I should call Tony."

"No!" Ziva protested, struggling to prop herself up and focus on her guest. "He has had some very long days and because of me he could not sleep last night. Please, do not bother him at work."

Uncertain as she was, Grace had no choice but to respect Ziva's wishes. "Alright. But I want you to promise to call someone if anything changes or you feel worse." The older woman found the downstairs phone and set it up within reach, along with a glass of water and straw. "Get some sleep."

"Thank you," Ziva murmured, barely aware as Grace locked up and left.

The sun was low in the sky when Ziva woke, feeling slightly rested and very hungry. Untangling herself from the little nest she'd created on the couch, the woman retraced the familiar route to the restroom, then back to the kitchen to check on dinner. The pot roast and vegetables were tender and fully cooked, so she fixed a plate and left the rest warming for Tony to have when he got home. The book from her doctor absorbed her with fascinating and sometimes unsettling details of labour and delivery and newborn care while she ate dinner.

Ziva was just putting her dishes in the sink when a twinge gripped her abdomen and she stopped. Instead of dissipating, it only grew stronger and she gripped the edge of the counter, bracing herself against the discomfort. Then it was over and Ziva frowned, wondering if it was one of the 'practice' contractions she'd read about.

She waited a minute but it didn't happen again. The episode did remind her that the baby could come anytime so Ziva made her way upstairs and found a backpack and dufflebag. Propping the book up on a pillow, she started collecting everything suggested to take to the hospital.

There was one for her and one for Tony, because heaven knew he would probably need to be entertained if she was in labour for awhile. For herself Ziva packed a full outfit, going into the back of the closet and digging maternity pants out of her five months box and adding a nursing shirt as well. Her body wouldn't be back to normal right away, much to her dismay.

Next a cheap and relatively unflattering nightgown she'd ordered online that would work for labour and delivery, Ziva didn't want to ruin any of her good things with the mess that had been described. With that went a nicer pair of nursing pyjamas she could wear after the birth, a package of plain and inexpensive underwear and thick pads that would apparently be a necessity, socks, a nursing bra and breast pads.

A small zippered bag from the bathroom soon contained several hair elastics, an extra brush, travel size shampoo and conditioner, deodorant, lip balm, a toothbrush and toothpaste and moisturizer. Ziva rolled an old towel she found in the back of Tony's linen closet and added it to, then tucked her iPod and headphones into a side pocket.

She reached for Tony's backpack and again felt the tightening in her abdomen. It started out feeling like period cramps, but built until Ziva wanted to cry out. But she didn't, only held her breath until she thought of the baby and grabbed a quick gulp of air. Like the other one, the pain eased and disappeared. A glance at the clock showed twenty minutes in between. Shaking it off, she tried to think of what Tony would need beyond the list of suggestions.

Fishing through his drawers, Ziva packed a t-shirt and sweatpants, sock, boxers, a couple magazines and comics, the portable DVD player and a few movies, though favourites where hard to pinpoint. His camera went in the front pocket with their cellphone charger, a toothbrush and deodorant. Making an extra trip downstairs, Ziva went about packing small bags of snacks for both of them and added a couple water bottles with fliptops.

Her last stop was the baby's room and Ziva re-familiarized herself with what she'd put in the diaper bag days ago after their shopping trip to purchase all the baby things they'd been missing. A warm soft blanket, several receiving blankets and baby cloths for spit up, a purple hat with daisies on it and a couple tiny pairs of baby socks.

Unsure of what size their baby would be, Ziva added a handful each of preemie and newborn diapers and six outfits in different styles, colours and sizes. Wipes, diaper cream, nail clippers, baby powder and anything else that looked useful joined the collection.

Ziva then took all three bags and the nursing pillow, also from her online shopping, and left them behind the railing at the top of the stairs. Another pain had come and gone while she was in the nursery and with her lower back discomfort increasing, she decided to have a bath and go to bed early.

Stripping down, she plaited her loose hair into a tight french braid and clipped it to her head so it wouldn't get wet. Sinking into the hot water felt like heaven and after several minutes Ziva closed her eyes to relax as the achy feeling in her body eased somewhat.

Only one pain came during her bath and was less severe than the others. When she nearly fell asleep in the tub, Ziva finally decided to get out and slipped on a pair of comfortable cotton shorts under one of Tony's t-shirts. It was large on her and comfortable and best of all, it smelled like him.

Ziva smiled as she crawled into bed but a contraction caused her whole body to tense and without even looking she knew it had been less than twenty minutes since the last one. Shutting her eyes and taking slow deep breaths, she pushed back the fleeing thought that wondered if maybe she was in labour for real, none of that Braxton-Higgs nonsense.

Ignoring it did not make it go away and with each pain worry assailed her, but it was the memories that she couldn't forget which hurt worse. The waves of relentless, regular pain brought back scenes from Somalia - hours and days of torture that should have made this seem mild by comparison but did not. She tried to sleep but those moments were haunted by echoes of screams and sounds of torment Ziva had once thought would never end.

**NCIS**

It was after eight pm when Tony finally got home to a dark house. There had been a lot of wrap up from the previous day's case - reports to file and paperwork to fill out - then a cold case they got sucked into until Gibbs finally sent them out of the office. It had been a long day and he wanted nothing more than to collapse into bed and stay there for hours and hours.

The gnawing hunger in his stomach sent him searching for food and Tony stood over the sink eating leftovers out of the crockpot. A shower was next, necessary if only to wash away the stress. With how quiet it was, Tony knew Ziva was already in bed, so he tiptoed into the room, grabbed pjs and a towel and didn't turn on any lights until he was in the as of yet unused bathroom at the other end of the hall.

Tony stood under the hot spray with his head leaning against the wall, utterly exhausted from the last couple days and being up with Ziva last night. Wryly he thought he might be getting a taste of what life with a newborn would be like. It was 2100 before he crawled into bed beside his wife, careful not to disturb her.

She moaned quietly and Tony held still, studying her. Ziva's sleep didn't seem peaceful but she needed all the rest she could get. He slept better when touching her, but at the moment the need for sleep trumped his insecurities. After a final look at Ziva, Tony lay down and was asleep before he remembered closing his eyes.

**NCIS**

A sharp contraction woke Ziva up and though she tried to ignore it and go back to sleep, the next one hit before she could. They were getting closer together, roughly eight minutes apart if the clock was accurate. For a brief moment she considered waking Tony up so she wouldn't be alone in this, but the lines of exhaustion on his face stopped her. After last night Ziva couldn't bring herself to intrude again on the sleep he so desperately needed.

She suffered in silence for over an hour, counting in Hebrew in her head and forcing herself to think of other things, before her reaction to the pain could no longer be hidden. Curling around her bump and panting quietly, Ziva squeezed her eyes shut and allowed a noise to escape.

Tony's hand was on her back before she had time to notice he'd woken up, but until the contraction eased she couldn't answer his concerned queries. Finally she let out a breath and relaxed. "Zi?" Tony's voice broke through. "Honey, are you alright?"

Gingerly rolling to her other side, Ziva met Tony's eyes. "I think...I may be in labour."

His eyebrows rose and he gave her an 'are you kidding me?' look. "You're what?"

She sighed. "I am having contractions. I was not sure at first, but I think I am in labour."

Tony ran a hand over his face. "You were going to mention that before I had to call on my limited First Aid training and deliver the baby in our bed, right?"

Ziva shrugged. "They were not so bad earlier, and I wanted to sleep before-"

"Earlier?" Tony repeated. "Ziva, how long has this been going on?"

She avoided his gaze and didn't answer the question. "When did you get home?" She frowned. "I did not notice you coming to bed. You look very tired."

He sighed, deciding to wait it out before he tried asking again. "I don't know, after eight sometime. It's been a long day Zi." Tony feathered his fingers through her hair. "You didn't look like you were sleeping very peacefully."

Ziva looked at her rings. "I was dreaming. The pain...reminded me of-"

"Somalia," he finished for her. "Honey, when-"

Before he could finish his question, the pain gripped her abdomen and Ziva instinctively reached for Tony's hand, grasping it as she rode out a contraction that lasted longer than the others. Tony's eyes went to the clock and worry shadowed his expression. When it was over, she released the pressure on his hand but didn't let go.

"Geez Zi, that was only six minutes. We need to get you to the hospital."

Ziva was beyond protesting and only nodded. Tony jumped up and changed his flannel pants for a pair of jeans laying by his dresser, grabbing a t-shirt from the drawer before he started down the hall with his cell. The first number came from his contacts, it was off the business card from Dr. Meyers.

She answered at two rings and Tony paced barefoot on the carpet, starting to feel a little panicky. It was happening now, the baby was coming and his hands shook a little as the implications settled in. "Mandy? It's Tony DiNozzo. Ziva's in labour, I'm taking her to Bethesda now." He listened a moment. "You'll meet us there? Okay, great, thanks."

His second call was programmed into speed dial #3 and Tony noted the bags by the stairs as he waited for Gibbs to answer.

**NCIS**

At Celeste's house, Gibbs was carving more detail into the pieces for a dog that could be pulled on a string. Celeste, taking a break from her editing project from Jenna, sat sideways on the couch with her knees pulled up and her feet tucked under her ex-husband's leg, absorbed in a thick historical novel.

At the sound of his cell, Gibbs dug it out of his pocket. "Gibbs."

"Boss?" Tony tried to keep the tension out of his voice. "Sorry to call so late, but Ziva's-"

"In labour," Gibbs finished for him, dropping the wooden pieces in the box and catching Celeste's attention.

Tony's mouth fell open. "How did you know?"

Gibbs snorted. "Been there DiNozzo. I'll let the team know, you get Ziva to the hospital."

"On our way." Tony hung up and Gibbs stood.

"Les..." he began, but she shushed him and got off the couch.

"You need to be there, I understand." Tucking her book into the bag hanging off her chair, Celeste followed him to the door. "I'm ready."

Gibbs eyed her curiously. "You're coming?"

She laughed. "Someone's got to keep you from harassing the nurses and drinking that awful hospital coffee." Celeste raised an eyebrow. "If you want me there."

He slid his fingers between hers, feeling relief at her intentional involvement. "Let's go."

They took her car and Celeste drove - Gibbs had phone calls to make.

**NCIS**

Hurrying back into the bedroom, Tony helped Ziva out of bed, stopping when she had to concentrate on a contraction. He held her hand and rubbed her back gently, hating the pain he saw in her features, even if she barely made a sound. When it passed, Ziva stood and let him help her put his hoody on over her sleep clothes.

Tony's eyes caught her rings when she pushed the sleeves up and he made a face, touching them lightly. "Zi, we should probably leave those here. You won't want anything on your fingers while you're dealing with labour and contractions at the hospital."

A look he didn't recognize took over her brown orbs and she shook her head, holding her hand to her heart. "They are my promise Tony. I do not want to take them off."

He pushed a loose hair behind her ear. "Hey, my promise isn't attached to your rings babe. I made it here." Tony put her hand on his chest.

Ziva blinked away tears. "I want to keep them."

Failing to understand the significance and not really having time to argue with her, Tony looked for a solution and his gaze fell on her Star of David. "Okay, why don't we put them on your necklace? They'll be close but not in the way."

After a moment of thought, Ziva agreed and slowly twisted the rings off her finger. Tony unclasped her necklace and let her slide them on, then did it back up securely. After a reassuring smile as she rubbed the empty spot, they started towards the stairs and she looked at him questioningly.

"How did you know six minutes apart meant we should go to the hospital?"

Tony looked offended. "Hey, just because I'm a guy doesn't mean I'm completely clueless."

She looked at him with mirth, trying not to laugh. "You have been reading my baby book, have you not?"

He tried to deny it but gave up. "Alright, fine. I was curious."

Ziva nodded, growing serious again. "I am glad." She pointed to the bags she'd packed earlier. "Those need to come."

Tony frowned. "Were they here this morning?"

She shook her head. "No, I got them ready before bed. But I did not expect to need them so soon." Her mental checklist scrolled through, checking off items until she came to one she wasn't sure of. "The carseat is installed?"

"Got the guy at the store to check it for me," Tony confirmed. "We're ready Zi."

She lowered herself to the arm of the chair to wait while he took the bags to the car. "I hope so."

Tony made the trip quickly and came back for her, leaning down to kiss her. "I love you sweetheart. Let's go have a baby."

Staring into his eyes, Ziva leaned on everything she saw there, knowing she'd need his strength to make it through the next several hours. Another contraction came before they made it out the door and Tony braced himself against the doorframe to hold her. The force of her grip bordered on painful and gave him a glimpse of what things were going to look like at the hospital. But they were together, partners, and just like every other time, they'd make it through whatever was to come.

_A/N: And so it begins :) I could make you wait 2 days but that would be mean and I don't have that much patience anyways, lol. The next chapter will be up in about 7 hours. Stay tuned! I can't wait to hear your thoughts! Baby in 1..._

_PS. I guess alerts were down when I posted the last chapter, a lot of people were asking about them. I'm hoping the problem is fixed now and that everyone did actually get to see Ch 35. FF seems to be having some technical difficulties lately, let's hope that doesn't interfere with today. Thanks for everything guys! :)_


	37. Chapter 37

_A/N: Direct continuation of the last chapter, of course :) Time to welcome Baby DiNozzo to the world! I was so pleased with all your responses to the last chapter, thanks guys! Enjoy! I hope this chapter is everything you were all looking forward to!_

_Hebrew: __**Baruch haba ktantonet**__ - welcome little one_

_(The rest of the Hebrew is kind of explained shortly after it's said, by Tony's responses to Ziva. If there's any confusion, let me know!)_

By the time they got to the hospital, Ziva's earlier confidence had fled. Contractions were only five minutes apart and lasting longer, it was a kind of pain different and more severe than what she'd felt before. Tony helped her out of the car and she stopped.

"Tony, it is too soon for the baby to come. This is not right. It is happening too fast." Her words ran over each other and in Ziva's eyes was a reflection of their first two weeks after Somalia. "I am afraid."

Despite the time they didn't have to waste, Tony pulled her into his arms. "I'm going to be there Ziva, every second, I promise." He held her gaze and framed her face with his hands. "You can do this babe, I believe in you."

With no other choice but to accept his declaration, Ziva nodded. Once inside the doors, Mandy met them with a wheelchair but before she could sit down, Ziva felt a gush of liquid between her legs and looked down to see a puddle forming on the floor.

Embarrassed and concerned, she looked at her doctor. Mandy moved them a few steps away and got Ziva in the chair. "Your water broke, we're going to get you to a room." She looked at Tony. "I need you to fill out some paperwork."

He set Ziva's bag on her lap, hoping she could get changed out of her messy clothes. He didn't like the fear in her eyes. "Can I do it in the room?"

Mandy smiled sympathetically. "By the time you finish, we'll have Ziva changed and settled. I'll take good care of her, you have my word."

"Tony..." The pleading in Ziva's voice almost broke him.

"Five minutes Zi, then I'm yours for as long as it takes. I love you." He had a feeling he'd be repeating that assurance a hundred times tonight but that didn't matter.

Tony struggled to concentrate on the forms he needed to fill out and sign, then grabbed the other bags from the car, got his wife's room number and looked at the duty nurse. "We've got family coming. Dad, siblings, possibly a grandfather and cousin. Is there a place they can wait near Ziva's room?"

The woman nodded. "Just down the hall. I'll see that they get there."

He grinned in relief and took off. He would be grateful to have the team close by, moral support was better than none at all. It was close to 2330 before Tony took his place by Ziva's side, his hand reaching for hers. She was dressed in a plain light pink gown, her hair still neatly confined to a braid, with a sheen of sweat on her forehead and a great deal of uncertainty in her eyes.

Ziva glanced at the clock. "That was nine minutes."

He chuckled. "Timing me, huh?"

Her answer was interrupted by a contraction and he let her squeeze his hand as hard as she wanted, wishing she would do more than just grit her teeth at the pain. As soon as it was over, Mandy returned and hooked Ziva up to a fetal monitor, wanting to keep an eye on both of them.

Tony's phone buzzed a few minutes later and he read the text from Abby. "They're here Ziva, Gibbs is on his way."

A knock on the door got their attention and Mandy frowned at the man. "I'm sorry sir, only family allowed in here."

"Mandy," Ziva pushed herself up, "he is my father."

The look Gibbs and Ziva shared was significant and he moved to stand beside the bed. The doctor took that moment to motion to Tony that she needed to see him in the hall. He grimaced. It was getting to be a habit he didn't like. He leaned down and kissed Ziva's forehead. "I'll be right back."

Gibbs looked her over solemnly. "How ya doin' Ziver?"

She blinked back tears. "I do not know if I am ready to be a mother."

His smile was brief. "You'll feel like that until you hold that baby for the first time. Then there will be no more 'what ifs' or questions, because you will be a mother."

She reached for his hand. "I am glad you came."

He smoothed her hair back. "I take my job seriously."

Out in the hall, Mandy faced Tony with a clipboard full of questions. "How long has she been having contractions?"

Tony ran his hand over his hair. "I don't know. She was asleep when I got home. I only woke up because I heard something. She wouldn't answer when I asked." He shrugged. "Best guess - a few hours at least."

Mandy scribbled a note. "She's progressing awfully fast. I'll see if I can get any more information out of her." She met his eyes. "So far both Ziva and the baby are fine. Ziva's holding her own and the baby's heartbeat is strong. I'm going to be monitoring them both closely. We'll see how long Ziva's strength holds out."

Tony crossed his arms and clenched his jaw. "Doc, if something...goes wrong," he swallowed hard, praying Ziva would forgive him, but he couldn't be without her, "save my wife."

Mandy smiled gently and put her hand on Tony's arm, understanding the turmoil he faced. "I don't foresee anything that severe. But in any case, I'll do my best to give them both back to you."

He sighed in relief and glanced over his shoulder. "I need to get back to her."

"I'll come with you," Mandy decided.

Gibbs met Tony at the door. "Take care of her."

Tony nodded. "I will. I'll let you know when there's news to share."

Gibbs snorted. "Abby brought Caf-Pow, Tim's already sleeping on the couch, Ducky is telling Jimmy stories - there's no time to be bored."

"Thanks." Tony hoped that one word conveyed everything he felt, how grateful he was for the support.

Gibbs put his hand on Tony's shoulder and squeezed, then left. Tony returned to his place and found Ziva in the middle of another contraction. He still wasn't sure what would help, if anything, so he sat close and held her hand, resting his other one on her very hard belly.

Mandy waited it out, then moved to Ziva's other side. "I need you to tell me how long you've been in labour Ziva." Her eyes sought the clock and she bit her lip, remembering what Tony had told her, that the doctor wouldn't allow her to go too long. Mandy understood. "It's important."

Ziva sighed and shifted to ease the pain in her back. Tony noticed and started rubbing the tight muscles. "Since seven."

Both husband and doctor froze and she knew they didn't appreciate being kept in the dark. "That's five hours," Dr. Meyers said, checking vitals on mom and baby.

Tony stared at her and Ziva had a hard time meeting his gaze. "Why didn't you call me?" he demanded.

She looked timid and her answer was quiet. "I was not certain, at first. And then I did not want it to be happening, so I went to bed and tried to ignore it. When I woke up..." Ziva shrugged. "You were asleep and I did not want to disrupt your rest again."

"Oh Ziva..." he let out a breath and tried to let go of his frustration. Odds that women in labour probably weren't thinking rationally was pretty high. Tony shook his head. "I can deal with the lack of sleep, what I don't like is being left out."

It was on the tip of her tongue to assure him that next time he would be informed immediately, and then she remembered there would be no next time for them and lowered her eyes. "I am sorry."

He kissed her temple. "I forgive you. You need to know I'll be there no matter what Zi, you just have to ask."

She nodded and turned to the doctor, who was trying not to eavesdrop. "I can do this Mandy."

The woman shook her head. "I don't like it. But we'll talk again in an hour. Good luck."

Left relatively alone for the moment, Ziva gestured to Tony. "There are water bottles in your backpack."

Taking the hint, Tony got one for her, holding it so she could drink. He could tell just by looking at her when the next pain started and held her hand tightly, reminding her to breathe as it peaked and she clamped her lips together. Then it was over and Ziva laid back on the pillow with her eyes closed.

"It is hard to rest when I know what is coming."

Tony kissed her hand. "How bad are they?"

Ziva didn't look at him. "The contractions make other things I thought were painful like nothing at all." Which was saying a lot considering her history and high pain tolerance. She rubbed her belly carefully. "They are like the most severe cramps I have ever felt multiplied. At the worst before they ease the muscles are so tight my hips feel like they are being pulled apart." She sighed. "It radiates all over my stomach and back, I feel great pressure like someone is squeezing very hard and I just want it to go away. Then it does and I can breathe again." Ziva frowned. "You cannot understand unless you feel them."

He laughed softly. "If I had to go through labour, there would be a lot of screaming and probably a lot of begging for drugs." Tony's eyes wandered over her body and he was about to say something when another contraction hit. He checked his watch - three minutes.

Ziva squeezed his hand and squished her eyes closed, breathing out in little pants and curling in on herself. The length of time they lasted was growing and the time between contractions was shrinking, things were definitely moving forward. When she opened her eyes again, Tony caressed her cheek.

"Did you want to ask Mandy for something to help with the pain? I hate seeing you go through this." Ziva shook her head and the set of her jaw told Tony she was going to play the good soldier and tough it out because that's what she'd always done. He leaned his head against hers and felt her hand brush over his hair.

"You don't have to be so quiet you know," he whispered in her ear. "Make as much noise as you want. Scream, yell, threaten me, curse in other languages if that helps. Don't keep it all inside."

She shook her head, saying the words in such a low voice that he strained to hear. "I do not want to hear screams again. I do not want to remember what it sounds like. They still echo in my dreams." A tear slid down Ziva's cheek. "I will not bring Somalia into this room because today is about giving life and in that camp was nothing but death."

Her truths sliced through his heart and Tony pressed his lips to hers. "I'm sorry Ziva." Rule #2 was 'Don't apologize when it's not your fault', and he was not trying to take the blame anymore. But not being able to fix it caused a hurt that throbbed inside his soul. He would spend the rest of his life keeping her safe, even though it wouldn't make up for the time that he hadn't.

**NCIS**

In the waiting room, Abby and Gibbs took turns pacing while Ducky educated Jimmy on some of the finer points of entomology and McGee caught up on some sleep. Not that he didn't care, but until Tony came to update them or someone needed something, there really wasn't much he could do.

Finally, while Abby was sweetly trying to wheedle information out of a nurse, Celeste put down her book and joined Gibbs where he was leaning against a wall. They stood in silence for several moments before she put her hand on his arm. "You're very pensive Jethro. Does being here for Ziva, anticipating the arrival of a child..." she hesitated because she didn't want to bring him more pain, but unless she knew what he was thinking, she couldn't help, "...does it remind you of Shannon and Kelly?"

He didn't brush her off as she feared, but shrugged. "Some, but more when we took Ziva to get checked out after we got her out of Africa and before we came back to DC." Gibbs sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I talked to the doctor and found out what had been done to her." He leaned his head back against the wall. "I hate hospitals Les, it's always bad news."

Celeste invaded Gibbs' space and hugged him, wishing she could promise that this time would not be like the others. But all she could offer right now was herself and with a relief that showed in his touch, Gibbs accepted. Across the room where Abby stood near the nurses station waiting for a change in shift and new people to badger, the forensic scientist watched Gibbs and Celeste's exchange, sucking furiously on her straw.

She moved back to where her husband lay and gently moved his head to her lap, swirling her fingers through his hair. Tim stirred and smiled. "That feels nice Abbs."

The black-haired girl was still focused on her boss and the redhead who seemed to be becoming a fixture, going against her conscience to read some of their conversation. McGee felt her tension and opened his eyes, determining in seconds the cause.

"Gibbs shouldn't have to stay lonely Abby," he pointed out.

"He has us," she argued grumpily, and Tim wasn't sure how much of it was the hormones talking.

"Family isn't always enough," McGee said gently. "If she makes him happy or even happier, isn't that a good enough reason to accept her?"

Abby glared at the couple. "I'll tolerate her for now, we'll see about the rest later."

"Good enough." Tim sat up and kissed her cheek, peeking under the bench to check on the sleeping puppy. Sammy was oblivious to his mistress's mood, sweetly curled up with his head on his paws. McGee made a mental note to put the puppy in her lap if his wife kept being so hostile, she couldn't be mad around the little furball. "Did you text Tony again yet?" he asked.

The distraction worked and Abby broke her stare, digging through her purse for her cellphone. They were all anxious to know how Ziva was doing.

**NCIS**

Ziva groaned deeply as the contraction peaked and then faded. Tony felt helpless to do anything but watch her suffer, whispering words of encouragement and love between the pains that wracked her body. His phone buzzed for the tenth time and he didn't even check, knowing it was Abby.

He stood, thinking to stretch his legs during the break and Ziva looked up when he moved. Tears shimmered in her eyes and she held her hand out. "Lo lekh, bevakasha." The words came out as a whimper and Tony was back at her side in an instant, smoothing her damp hair back. It was the same phrase she'd whispered after a nightmare, the one he'd felt compelled to discover the meaning of, this time accompanied by a 'please'.

Tony looked into her beautiful brown eyes, clouded with fear and pain. "Oh sweetheart, haven't I shown you yet that I won't? I promise Zi, I'm not going anywhere."

She sagged back against the pillows. "I am sorry. I do not doubt your promise. It is probably the hormones."

Tony kissed her slowly, well aware that their time between pains was running out. "You can only blame those for a few more hours."

The contraction came sharp and fast, stealing her breath as she hissed against the agony. He held her hand, reminding her again to breathe in through her mouth and out through her nose, but otherwise stayed silent to let her concentrate. She lay back when it was over, feeling pretty spent after almost three hours of consistent contractions.

A minute later she opened her eyes. "Where were you going? I will not stop you from using the bathroom or getting coffee."

Tony checked his watch. "I wanted to give the team an update, Abby's going nuts wanting to know how you are. And I was going to grab a coffee too. But I'll miss one, maybe two if I leave."

Ziva waved him away. "I will survive. You need the caffeine and they have been waiting. Go."

He leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'll be back in a flash."

She screwed up her mouth. "No pictures please."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Very funny. I love you."

"Ani gam." He started to move away and she called his name. "Tony." He looked back. "Could you find me some green iced tea please?" It was something new they tried last week and Ziva had fallen in love.

Tony grinned. "Absolutely." She'd asked for nothing the whole time, he was glad to be able to do something.

He left the room, deciding to talk to the team before getting something to help keep him awake. It was a pleasant surprise then, when he walked into the waiting room and Gibbs handed him a cup. At Tony's dumbfounded expression, Gibbs inclined his head towards their favourite Goth.

"Knew you could only ignore Abby for so long."

Gratefully Tony sipped the hot beverage, bracing himself for Abby's hug. "Tony!" she squealed, unbelievable perky for shortly after 0100. "How's Ziva? Is the baby coming soon? Why'd you take so long?"

Tony chuckled and tried to remember the questions. "Ziva's okay. Not sure how soon before the baby comes. And it took me this long for the same reason it will take the Jaws of Life to pry McHusband here away from your side when you're in labour."

Abby giggled and slid her arm through McGee's, who smiled but didn't refute Tony's logic.

Celeste joined the group gathered around Tony and Gibbs eyed him. "Ziver?"

Tony sighed, 'okay' had been a little bit optimistic. He glanced at the puppy prowling around their feet. "She's struggling. I hate having to just watch her be in pain, but..."

"Nothing you can do," Gibbs filled in the blanks. "You better get back."

He nodded wearily. "I wasn't sure about leaving her, even for a few minutes." Tony looked at McGee. "Tim, can I send you out for a request?" He reached for his wallet but the younger man shook his head.

"I got it. Tell me what you need."

"Thanks," Tony grinned, scribbling a few items on a scrap of paper. "I'll let you guys know when something happens. Thanks for coming, it means a lot."

"We're family Tony," Abby put in, "this is what we do." No one could say it better.

Coffee in hand, Tony returned to Ziva's room and by 0130 he got a delivery from the nurse - three bottles of green iced tea, a chocolate bar and energy drink to help keep him awake, and a Hebrew language magazine. Tony knew how Ziva hated being confined and after she gave birth being in bed would frustrate her. Plus, he didn't want her to have to try and translate in her head when she was so tired. He put everything except one bottle away for later. That he poured in one of the empty water bottles. Ziva had just taken her first sip when a contraction came and Mandy walked in.

Both husband and wife ignored the doctor to focus on dealing with the pain. When it passed, Mandy shook her head with a grim look on her face. "I'm sorry, I waited as long as I thought was safe, but I'm afraid we're going to have to do a c-section whether you like it or not. You can't keep this up Ziva."

The woman didn't want to agree, but she was worn out. The idea of being cut open made her shudder with the memories of knives on skin and no anesthetic for the pain, but she had to do what was best for her baby. Suddenly her eyes widened. "I need to push."

Mandy frowned. "Not yet. You were only just over half-way dilated when the nurse checked you a few minutes ago."

Ziva shook her head, adamant. "No, I have to push now!"

Taking the urgency in her patient's voice seriously, Mandy inspected Ziva's progress again and came up looking shocked. "You're fully dilated, that happened over less than ten minutes." She smiled a little. "I think you're right, this baby is coming now."

Ziva gave the doctor her best impression of Gibbs' 'ya think?' look and squeezed her eyes shut as a contraction came and she pushed. After twenty minutes she fell back, tears and sweat streaming down her face. "I cannot do this anymore."

The look Tony exchanged with Mandy made it clear that stopping was not an option - the baby was already in the birth canal. He wiped her skin with a cool cloth and kissed her forehead. "You're stronger than this babe, I know you are. You can do this Ziva, for our baby you can do this."

Ziva nodded wearily, bracing herself for the next one. Tony supported her back with his arm and let her grip his hand as tight as she wanted. Between Tony and Mandy they coached her through another twenty minutes of pushing before the doctor exclaimed, "I see the head!"

That seemed to give Ziva new energy and she put her all into the next push, trying to slow down when Mandy urged her to even though all she wanted at that moment was to get the baby out. She winced at the sharp stinging sensation as the head was born and finally, in a wet rush, she felt the baby slip from her body. The contractions continued for several minutes until she passed the placenta as well, but her focus was on the mewling cries she could hear from her child.

Then Tony placed a wet, wiggly infant covered in a white, waxy film, fluid and blood on her chest. Nurses hovered around cleaning the baby off while Tony cut the cord. Ziva felt an aching loss as the baby was whisked away to a table in the corner to be cleaned and have a few simple tests done. The alarm must have shown on her face because Tony immediately moved close to watch what they were doing, somehow having the presence of mind to get his camera out.

While the baby was being looked after and Tony was taking the first pictures for their album, a couple nurses helped Ziva to the bathroom and explained what the next several hours would look like. Then she was back to bed to await her first formal meeting with her child. It seemed like forever but was really only a handful of minutes before the tightly swaddled baby was handed into her mother's arms. Mandy stood to the side, beaming.

"You have a healthy baby girl. Five pounds, six ounces, seventeen inches long. Born at 2:17 am and scoring seven out of ten on the Apgar scale at one minute and nine at five minutes. She's perfectly healthy and NICU will not need to see her. Lucky kid," the doctor smiled, "she's one ounce over being underweight."

Ziva ran her pointer finger over the baby's soft cheek. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo," she whispered. "Baruch haba ktantonet." The new mother kissed her child's forehead. "Bat sheli, at yafa."

Tony perched beside her on the bed. "Of course she's beautiful Ziva, look who her mom is." She looked up and Tony captured her lips. "I'm so proud of you honey."

Mandy cleared her throat. "I'll be back to talk to you guys later, but for now I'll leave you alone." Assuming Ziva would want the baby close, she wheeled a plastic bin beside the bed. "Being born is hard work, so she'll probably fall asleep within the hour. Take advantage of it and get some rest, newborns are very demanding. Oh, and congratulations." She left and Tony leaned down to kiss his baby girl.

"I never imagined it would feel like this," he told Ziva in awe, "being a father. My world has been completely rocked."

Their daughter stared solemnly up at them with the same dark blue eyes all newborns had. They touched her gently, counted fingers and toes, marveled at how small she was, and when the baby fell asleep, Tony lifted her into the bin and kissed Ziva's forehead.

"You need to rest Zi, I'm going to tell the team our news."

She wouldn't release his hand. "You need sleep as well, you have been up for days."

"Coffee and chocolate worked pretty well for me." At her look he gave in. "I'll catch a nap as soon as I get back, promise."

Ziva let go and whispered, "I love you," before closing her eyes. Her mind thought the words, _Thank you for being here_, but she couldn't make her mouth work to say them. Utter exhaustion claimed her immediately and Tony watched her for a second, wondering if she'd ever looked so beautiful, before jogging out to the waiting room with a gigantic grin on his face.

"We have a little girl!" He announced with flourish. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo. Five pounds six ounces, seventeen inches long. She's beautiful."

Abby jumped up and danced in a circle before running to hug him. Celeste offered her congratulations and Tony accepted her gentle hug. The guys all shook hands and everyone took a minute to revel in the joy of a new life. "Can we see her?" Abby wanted to know.

Tony made a face. "Both Ziva and the baby are sleeping. We absolutely want you to meet her, but it's going to be a couple hours before that's possible." He checked his watch and found it almost three in the morning. "I don't know if you want to go home and come back..." Tony shrugged.

Gibbs shook his head. "We've waited this long, another couple hours won't hurt."

"Tim and I will take Sammy for a walk," Abby decided and looked at Gibbs. "Don't let us miss anything."

"Wouldn't dream of it Abs," Gibbs chuckled, relieved that for once he was at a hospital for good news.

Ducky smiled. "You need some rest as well Anthony, both you and Ziva have a lot of responsibility ahead of you." Tony nodded, feeling almost overwhelmed at the thought of being responsible for the little person sleeping down the hall. Turning to his protégé, Ducky motioned to the couch. "Well Mr. Palmer, let's get comfortable. Did I ever tell you about the time I visited India?"

Tony listened to the familiar sound of storytelling and looked around the small room. "Thanks for being here. I'll let you know as soon as they're ready for company." He swallowed hard. "Thanks for being family."

Then he turned and left before they could react. His wife he could cry in front of, but he didn't want the team to see his tears yet. Tony wasn't sure how much more emotion he could take. This night had changed his life and he couldn't wait to see what the morning held.

_A/N2: If you guys are really anxious to see the team meeting T&Z's baby, I might put it up tomorrow morning before I go to work. Unless that's too many chapters in 2 days :P lol. Let me know what you think. And I'm debating on whether to take my break now or after Ch 40 (which would be Friday if I put Ch 38 up on Monday), then we'll start back on the second week of April when Z&baby come home from the hospital. Thoughts and opinions are welcome :) Thanks for everything!_


	38. Chapter 38

_A/N: I'm not trying to confuse anyone, but it might seem that way. When Tony's thinking about the birth, you're seeing details that weren't in the last chapter, but you can assume they happened while Ziva was delivering the placenta and before the nurses took the baby to clean her up and before Z&C fell asleep. Hope that helps. Enjoy!_

It was late. The hospital room was dark, lit only by the dim light seeping under the closed door and the orange glow off the streetlights outside the window. Tony sat in a chair beside Ziva's bed where she slept on, apparently oblivious to anything but the rest she had finally been able to give into. But he knew that if the baby made any sound at all, Ziva's eyes would open and she would immediately do whatever was needed. He knew he should be sleeping, he'd promised to take a nap, but something else held his attention and it was so much more important than a little shut-eye.

He closed his eyes and flashed back to the moment, not even two hours ago yet, when the doctor had delivered a squalling, five and a half pound, guck covered baby girl. Mandy had tried to hand her to Ziva, but her eyes suddenly widened and she shook her head. "Tony first," she managed to say.

For all that they'd gone through together, for the love he knew Ziva carried for this child, she was still afraid to look at the baby and see something that reminded her of Somalia. Without worrying about the mess it was going to make of his shirt, Tony instinctively held out his arms to receive his daughter.

Her eyes were squeezed shut and her face all crumpled as she vigorously protested this cold new environment, so harsh and different than the almost eight and a half months she'd spent curled up and protected in her mother's womb. Her hair was wet, her skin covered in a chalky film, even a little blood, and wet from the amniotic fluid.

But even though she was completely different from what Tony had expected, all that mattered in that moment was that she was theirs - his and Ziva's. Her name had been picked for a couple weeks and he smiled now, getting to say it to her face for the first time.

"Hi Chaya. I'm your dad."

He'd told the baby this many times since the engagement, but the thrill of the words never ceased. Chaya had her mom's olive skin tone and dark curly hair, though the ringlets were currently plastered to her slightly misshapen head. She had ten tiny fingers and toes - he counted - and was pretty much perfect in every way.

These details he registered in mere seconds while Chaya screamed her displeasure and Ziva watched him, waiting. She was exhausted, thrilled and terrified all at once. But then Tony's eyes met hers and he grinned like she'd never seen before. "Zi, she looks just like you."

Relief had tears streaming down Ziva's cheeks before she even knew she was crying and then she held out her arms for her baby. Tony placed the wet, squirmy little girl on her chest and she brushed back the dark, damp hair. "Shalom ahuvati sheli," she whispered.

Turning towards her mother's voice, the baby started rooting around on Ziva's shirt. Glancing at Mandy in a way that begged for help, Ziva reached pulled open the front of her nightgown. Being exposed in front of the other people in the room didn't matter now, she just wanted to feed her daughter.

The nurse standing nearby hurried over and showed Ziva how to help Chaya latch onto her breast. The instant shock of connection hit Ziva and the place in her heart that had been reserved, afraid to love this child because of how it started, suddenly gave way and let the emotion course through her. She leaned down and kissed the baby's head, watching in awe as Chaya sucked and swallowed, making greedy hungry noises as she ate.

It wasn't long before she was satisfied, and then Tony had gotten to cut the cord and watch as they cleaned Chaya up, did a few quick tests, and wrapped her snugly in a blanket. It was over in the blink of an eye and the doctor and nurses had left the new little family alone to bond.

Looking down now at the little girl cradled in his arms, Tony could still feel the rush of love that had flooded him as he held her for the first time. He wasn't ashamed to admit that he'd cried once he and Ziva were alone, and it was ages before they could tear their eyes away from their daughter.

He'd kissed his wife, told her over and over what a good job she'd done and how proud he was of her. And he hadn't been able to resist touching her engagement ring and grinning, pointing out that he'd been right about the gender. But Ziva was too happy to even glare at him for saying 'I told you so' less than an hour after she'd given birth.

Now Tony couldn't take his eyes off Chaya. He knew she should probably stay sleeping in the little plastic bin placed only a foot away from the side of the bed, but he couldn't resist the chance to have her to himself while Ziva rested.

He stood and walked with her to the window where the moonlight shone in. Ever so gently, Tony used one finger to trace Chaya's eyebrows, her tiny nose and soft cheeks. When he brushed his finger over her hand, she grasped onto his finger without waking up and that was it, he was a goner.

Tony had heard about dads being suckers for their little girls, but he hadn't really known what it meant until Chaya wouldn't let go, then it all became clear. He was a dad, he was her dad. This baby depended on him and Ziva for everything. He would be the one she looked up to, the one who would be her hero, the one she could come to with any hurt knowing he would make it better. The responsibility overwhelmed him for a moment and Tony clutched her closer to his chest. Was anything more precious than the bundle of pure innocence he held?

Leaning down, he pressed a kiss to the top of her head, breathing in her sweet baby scent. He liked it even better than Ziva's bodywash and was immediately addicted. "Hello princess," he murmured. "I know we've already met, but I forgot one thing. I forgot to tell you how much I love you." Tony sighed and glanced back at Ziva.

"I thought I knew what love was sweetheart, I really did. Then I watched your mom spend hours enduring terrible pain just to get you here. I saw the look on her face when she held you. I know my heart almost burst when it was my turn. I feel like I've rediscovered love for the first time again."

Ziva stirred and Tony moved back to her side. She opened her eyes and stared into his, exhaustion still cloaking her features. "Chaya?" she asked.

He smiled. "Right here babe. We were just having some daddy/daughter bonding time."

It hadn't been meant as a profound truth, but Ziva still teared up anyways. "Tony, how can you act like this is so normal. She is-"

Tony kissed her, stopping whatever thought she was trying to finish. "She is my daughter Ziva. This is normal. You're my wife, I'm your husband, this is our child. We're a family now." He chuckled. "This is as normal as it gets."

Unable to make him understand because she did not even understand what was going on in her head and her heart, Ziva lifted a hand to caress the baby's head. An IV line was taped to the back, because Mandy had wanted to give her some extra fluids after the birth. "She is so small."

He kissed her forehead. "She's perfect Ziva. And you are so amazing." Not ready to relinquish his daughter yet, Tony sat beside Ziva and she shuffled over to make room, wincing at the discomfort the movement brought. He noticed and was almost afraid to ask.

"Are you in a lot of pain?"

Feeling awkward because they were talking about an area of her body Tony hadn't even seen yet, Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "I am very sore and tender. I did not tear because she was small, but there is still bruising and other...damage done."

Changing the subject because he didn't particularly want to think about the trauma her body had sustained, Tony traced Chaya's facial features. "She probably looks like a copy of you as a baby. Too bad I'll never see those pictures."

"They do not exist anymore as far as I am aware," Ziva divulged like it was no big deal. She took a closer look at the baby. "She is like me, I guess, but Chaya reminds me more of Tali's baby pictures. I hope she will have that playfulness and peace I always saw in my sister's eyes. Tali was...my light. She was the only one with any innocence left." Ziva sighed. "I miss her."

"I know," he whispered, handing the baby over, hoping to comfort her. "I'm sorry Ziva."

Chaya's fussing interrupted their conversation and Ziva parted the fabric of her nightgown so the baby could nurse. Tony watched the process in awe, seeing it more as a beautiful thing his wife and baby got to share rather than focusing on Ziva's breasts. Chaya's little mouth and chin moved rapidly as she sucked and swallowed, making funny little noises that brought laughter from her parents.

"Does it hurt?" he asked finally, curious.

Ziva scrunched up her face as she tried to think how to describe what she felt. "No," she said slowly. "When she first latches on it is a bit uncomfortable and everything is tender right now. It is a strange feeling."

"Strange how?" Tony questioned.

She bit her lip. "I do not actually have any milk for her yet, it is called col-something." Ziva shrugged. "I cannot remember the word. Right now it is like...a little suction and pressure, I guess." She wasn't terribly happy with the description. "I feel very close to her, like now," Ziva stared at the baby, "when she it looking into my eyes like she knows I am her mother, that I will take care of her." She closed her eyes to keep in the tears. "Tony, I am so glad to not be doing this alone."

Tony rubbed her back, propping his chin on her shoulder. "It's okay Ziva, shhh. Don't worry about it. I'm here honey, we're going to do this together."

Ziva turned her head and sought his lips, kissing him gently and slowly. They savoured the moment, then turned their attention back to the baby, cooing at her and generally acting like her adoring fans. Once Chaya had burped, propped up on Ziva's shoulder while Tony listened for the air to escape, and content again in her little bed, Tony met his wife's eyes.

"The team is dying to see you and meet our daughter. I told them they could come as soon as you were ready."

Feeling her greasy, stringy hair and looked down at the stained nightgown, she made a face. "I would like to shower and change into clean pyjamas before I see anyone else."

Tony bit the inside of his lip. "Do you want me to get a nurse?"

Ziva smiled softly, seeing right through him, and shook her head. "I would like if you helped me."

He pulled back the covers and took her weight as she slowly moved to stand up. "As you wish."

She smiled, but that changed as she walked at a snail's pace with Tony by her side to the bathroom. While Ziva used the toilet, he got the shower ready and tried not to look to see what she was doing. She came up behind him with a worried expression. "Tony, my body will not look very pretty right now, I still appear five months pregnant and the stretch marks will be dark for awhile. There will be...blood." She looked away. "There is still the lining of my uterus that must come out."

He put his hands on her arms. "Ziva, I've been helping you shower for the last week and a half. I've watched your body change with this baby and I've seen your scars. I love you. Nothing about your body is going to disgust or repulse me, I promise."

Trying to believe him but certain he spoke too soon, Ziva lifted her arms and let him help her take off the nightgown, which was summarily disposed of. Then he stripped down to his boxers while she finished undressing like this was any other morning and they stepped into the shower together.

Tony had brought her bag in and the shower things she'd packed were already on the shelf. He pulled the elastic off the end of her braid and unraveled her hair, trying not to snag his fingers on the tats. Using liberal amounts of shampoo and conditioner, Tony washed Ziva's long, wavy hair and handed her a cloth loaded with body wash.

They took turns using it. Tony did her back and legs, Ziva took care of her front and private areas, using extra care not to make the soreness worse. It felt strange not to have to do everything around her bump - she was back to the barely there belly she'd had at twenty weeks, though it was still hard to the touch and the skin was stretched out.

Ziva ran her fingers across her stomach and shook her head. "It is easy to forget there is not still a baby inside me." She sighed. "I already miss feeling her movements." She leaned back into Tony and he put his hand over hers on her abdomen, just holding her as he forced his body not to react to her closeness.

"It's going to be so much better now that she's here Zi and we can do this parenting stuff together. I'm glad we get to share now."

Ziva nodded. "You will be mud in her hands."

He chuckled. "Putty Zi, not mud. But yeah, that's pretty much a given."

They stayed in the shower a little while longer, Tony ignoring Ziva's embarrassment when the water tinged red with the blood still flowing from her. He got out first and gave her some paper towel, along with the underwear and pad she had to swallow her pride to ask for.

Once that was taken care of, he draped a towel around her shoulders and when she was dry, handed Ziva the nursing bra and breast pads with a skeptical look on his face. She laughed and explained that they might leak, enjoying the expression on his face.

Tony admired the chocolate and pink nursing pyjamas she'd purchased to use now. A pair of socks was last and she sat on the toilet to put them on, not trusting her balance. That she could even pull her leg up to reach her foot was something she hadn't done in a couple months and it felt like an accomplishment even if movement came at a rather high price.

When she was dressed, Tony used the damp towel to squeeze water from her hair. Ignoring the hand Ziva held out for her brush, he drew the soft bristles through her wet curls and stood back to watch as she used the blowdryer provided to take the worst of the water out.

Ziva scrutinized her appearance in the mirror when she was finished. "This will do."

Tony pushed away from the wall and gently hugged her from behind, ruffling her hair. "That is fabulous. No woman should look as good as you only," he consulted his watch, "three and a half hours after giving birth."

She rolled her eyes and moved outside the door so he could change into dry boxers and get dressed again. Then he helped her back to bed and even though sitting was not her favourite position, Ziva was glad not to be standing any longer. She looked pleadingly at Tony, so he smiled and lifted their tiny baby out of the bin and transferred her carefully to Ziva's arms.

Holding the little girl close, Ziva kissed Chaya's cheek. "Tsiporkatan, ani ohev atach."

Tony dragged his chair closer to the bed. "I didn't catch that first part, what did you call her?"

Ziva's eyes narrowed. "Exactly how much Hebrew do you know?"

He shrugged. "I know the important stuff. What does that word mean?"

It was cute that he was so eager to learn. Ziva smiled at the baby. "Little bird. That is what my mother used to call Tali. Our flighty little bird, full of dreams and hope."

"I like it." He brushed his finger over Chaya's palm, loving the reflex that had her fingers closing around his.

She lightly drew her fingers over Chaya's olive coloured skin, tracing her dark eyebrows, upturned little nose and pouty lips. "She is my redemption Tony," Ziva shared. "The one beautiful, perfect thing that came out of all my suffering in Somalia. She gave me a reason to be alive again and I will never take that gift for granted."

Tony didn't move, didn't breathe, didn't do anything to ruin the moment. Then Ziva's eyes met his and he kissed her. "Can I tell the others to come now?" He was so proud of their baby, so eager to share her, that Ziva couldn't refuse him.

She smiled and nodded and Tony sent the text. Only seconds later the sound of footsteps was heard and Abby squealed, causing the baby to wake. She winced, putting her hand over her mouth and tiptoeing closer, speaking in a much quieter voice. "Ohhh..." she breathed, "you got a mini-Ziva."

Everyone else laughed but Abby was too busy grabbing her camera and taking pictures. Sammy got handed off to whoever was close enough to grab the leash and their Goth went into full-fledged photography mode. When she was satisfied with her collection of the little family, she dropped her bag and held out her arms, looking hopeful.

"Can I hold her?"

Accepting that their baby was going to become public property for awhile, Ziva shifted her daughter into Abby's hold, biting her tongue against the cautions she wanted to speak. Abby pushed back the little hat and fingered Chaya's soft curls, gasped in awe at her tiny fingers and features, and was generally giddy with delight over the newest family addition.

"Hi there princess," she cooed. "I'm your Aunt Abby."

Tony sat watching Tim watch his wife with a baby and knew the feeling that matched the look on McGee's face. He was getting a preview of the day he became a dad and it was hard not to smile at the thought. Finally Abby realized her turn was probably up and handed the baby to her husband. She put up her hand.

"We volunteer to babysit!" Tony and Ziva chuckled and Abby leaned into Tim's shoulder. "McGee needs the practice."

"I don't know..." Tony eyed his friend. "He seems to be doing pretty good to me." He frowned. "Why do you look so comfortable holding a baby McNanny? I thought you'd be worse than the Autopsy Gremlin."

McGee chuckled. "I was twelve when Sarah was born, I got a lot of practice. It's not hard to remember how careful to be."

Ducky was next, welcoming the newest member of the Team Gibbs family with a promise to tell her all sorts of stories about her parents when she was older. Jimmy stood back, looking nervous and unsure. Tony moved to stand beside the ME. "Jimmy, get over here and meet my daughter."

Palmer inched closer and gave Sammy's leash back to Abby, then held out his arms. He got it wrong the first time and Tony corrected him. Jimmy stood frozen to the spot, holding Chaya like she was made of glass, afraid to move or breathe. After a minute, Tony rolled his eyes.

"Well, I don't think we'll be asking you to babysit anytime soon, but at least you didn't drop her."

He took the baby and walked over to Gibbs, all eyes shifting to follow his progress. "Boss," Tony cleared his throat, "I'd like you to meet your granddaughter."

Large, rough hands and strong arms reached out to receive the little girl and all the women in the room had to blink back tears as Gibbs cradled the small bundle close to his chest. He didn't say anything, just stroked her cheek and stared at her in something akin to wonder. Adult and infant regarded each other solemnly, then Chaya wrapped her hand around his finger and Gibbs had to swallow before he could speak, locking eyes with the woman in the bed.

"You did good Ziver." It was the highest praise one could receive from the crotchety, aging man and Ziva nodded, the words for 'thank you' forming on her lips but never making it into the air.

Celeste, who had been hovering in the background, stepped forward to admire the baby. "She's beautiful."

Her words broke the spell and the group began talking again. "So Tony, you're a daddy now, how's it feel?"

The question came from McGee but Ziva spoke before Tony could answer. "Tony was Chaya's daddy since long before she took her first breath."

Tony threaded his fingers between hers and the couple shared a look. He loved that it was important to Ziva for everyone to know that. He turned his attention back to his friend. "It feels pretty amazing Tim. Being her dad, it's...beyond description."

It was several minutes before Gibbs reluctantly returned his granddaughter to her father and for awhile the team hung around talking and laughing and hearing all the details. Ziva just sat back and soaked it all in, not sure she had ever felt so much a part of this family as right now.

Watching her husband and daughter together in those early morning moments, Ziva knew she was right - the little girl would have Tony wrapped around her finger before she could talk. She felt so grateful that out of everything broken and ugly, out of the ashes of Somalia, she had been given this magnificent gift - her daughter, a family, and the love of the one man she thought she'd never need. But Tony had shown Ziva she deserved to be loved, no matter what had happened in her past, and what he said earlier held true, it was beyond description.

Finally Gibbs cleared his throat and pointed at Tony. "DiNozzo, I don't want to see you for two weeks. Any longer than that and I might give Collins your desk," he grumbled. Tony looked a little concerned but hoped his boss was joking. It was hard to argue with being given time to spend at home with his girls.

To the rest, Gibbs waved his hand. "You've all got the day off." It was already 0600 and none of them had slept yet.

Not waiting around to see if he changed his mind, the group said a quick goodbye to Tony and Ziva and left the room en mass. Gibbs and Celeste followed slower, with Gibbs casting a last look at the family before taking her hand and walking out. He drove them back to his place, ignoring Celeste's raised eyebrow look because her house was just around the corner, and let her find her own way to the guest room. For reasons he wasn't ready to examine, Gibbs wanted her close while they got some sleep. It would be nice for once to not wake up to an empty house.

Abby, being the more awake of the two, drove Tim's car back to their house. She couldn't stop thinking about Tony and Ziva's baby and wondering what her and McGee's would be like. She sighed and stuck her lip out. "Twenty more weeks seems so long to wait before we get to meet out baby."

Tim, stroking his hand over the puppy contentedly curled up in his lap, squinted and tried to focus. "The last seven weeks have gone pretty fast Abbs, I think we just have to take it one stage at a time."

"Easy for you to say," Abby grumbled. "You don't have some...thing growing inside you."

He chuckled. "A thing huh? Are we basing baby nicknames on Dr. Seuss now? Thing One and Thing Two?"

Her eyes widened. "Only one thing, thank you very much. One is more than enough."

"What are we going to call it?" McGee continued. "We can't just say 'the baby' or 'it' for five more months."

Abby shrugged. "I don't know, what fits us? Byte, pixel, ET, gamer?"

McGee made a face. "I'm not sure. It has to be something creative." He thought about it for a moment. "What about beta?"

She giggled. "Baby Beta - like baby in development?" He nodded. "Okay, I can work with that."

They made it home and wasted no time heading for their nice comfy bed. Once settled, Tim slid his hand over her bump and kissed her. "One of these days I'll be able to feel it for myself. I can't wait."

Abby snuggled against him. "You're going to be a great daddy McGee. I love you."

He pulled her close and his eyes fell shut. It had been an eventful week and there was so much to look forward to. But at least for the moment they could finally just sleep and enjoy being together.

_A/N2: Okay, thanks for all the feedback on my "break" question. So because of all the opinions I got, some with lovely logic to go with them, I will be posting Ch 38 Monday, Ch 39 Wed, and Ch 40 Fri of this week. Starting Sat Apr 7 I will be on a week break and will return somewhere between Apr 13 and Apr 16, depending on how much work I get done. Thanks guys, you are all fabulous! The reactions were wonderful, just what I'd hoped for, and they made me very happy! :) See you tomorrow!_


	39. Chapter 39

_A/N: Hey guys! So sorry about the issue with Ch 38 not showing up right away, I don't know what happened. I've never had that problem before :( At least it worked eventually and I was at work all day so I couldn't've reposted anyways, but sorry to all the people who tried to look at it and couldn't._

_And a HUGE thank you for the OVERWHELMING number of reviews I got for the birth chapter - 58! Isn't that ridiculous? But so amazing too :) Wow. You guys are fabulous, I can't tell you that enough. I am so thrilled to have dedicated readers who are so excited about the story and so encouraging for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you! ~ love always, Aliyah_

After the team left, Tony sat nearby while Ziva fed Chaya and after she'd fallen asleep, he helped Ziva to the bathroom and back into bed again. Sitting in the chair by her bed, he watched his wife drift off and finally crashed on the couch for some much needed rest. A couple hours later, shortly after ten am, Chaya's unhappy cries filled the room, dragging first mother, then father back to consciousness. Before Ziva could move Tony was up and handing her the baby.

Ziva yawned, then winced when Chaya didn't latch on properly. Slipping her pinky finger in the baby's mouth, she broke the suction and they tried again. This time Chaya got it right and sucked greedily, making small grunting noises as she ate. One of the little girl's hands came to rest on her mother's breast, kneading the skin gently much like baby kittens did to get the milk out. Ziva smiled at the closeness and connection she felt to her daughter, gently stroking the baby's cheek.

Tony almost felt like he was intruding on the moment, but he didn't want to be left out. Sensing this, Ziva transferred the receiving blanket to his shoulder and let him try to burp Chaya. It took a little doing but finally a small bubble of air escaped and Tony smiled proudly.

"That's my girl." He supported the baby on his shoulder, enjoying the way her head nestled into his neck.

Ziva laughed softly. "I think she likes you."

His hand brushed Chaya's downy curls. "She's so soft." Tony changed his hold a little and breathed in the scent of his baby. "And she smells really good."

Ziva nodded. "I noticed that as well. I think..." she collected her thoughts, "...that is what innocence smells like."

Tony grasped her hand and they were in the middle of one of their deep looks when Mandy walked in and cleared her throat. The sudden noise startled the couple and when Tony jumped it disrupted Chaya and she started to fuss. A little unwillingly, Tony returned the baby to Ziva. The new mother pulled the shoulder of her pyjama shirt down and settled Chaya on her bare skin. The little girl calmed immediately and Mandy looked impressed.

"Congratulations, you've already learned one of the tricks of the trade. Infants, especially early ones, thrive on skin to skin contact and that's something dad can take a turn with as well." She eyed Tony. "Try not to feel left out if Chaya wants Mommy more in these early days. She knows Ziva's scent and Ziva will also smell like breast milk, something that will comfort your daughter." The doctor looked back at Ziva. "I'd suggest sleeping with one of her toys or blankets, something that can be used anytime by anyone. Once it's 'mommy scented', putting the item in her crib will help her calm down if she's fussy at night."

Both Tony and Ziva listened intently, taking mental notes of the advice. Odds were the information would come in very handy in the near future. Mandy stepped closer and held out a clipboard to Tony. "First, some formalities. I need you to fill out the birth certificate."

Tony put in his name as the father, sharing a long look with Ziva. No matter who asked or how the story got told, that was the truth. He handed the clipboard to his wife, leaning over to whisper in her ear. "She's mine now."

Ziva's eyes sought his and she barely kept the tears back. She was so thankful to have married this man. Smiling at him in a way she hoped conveyed a silent 'I love you' and shifting the baby, Ziva took the pen and filled in her name and Chaya's full name. Mandy took it back and added the particulars like her height and weight, the date, time and place of birth. Once that was finished, she got serious again.

"I'm going to keep Ziva and Chaya here an extra day, just to be safe. Pregnancy, not to mention labour and delivery, took a lot out of Ziva's body and I want to see how she holds up. Chaya was on the line for being underweight and since babies can lose up to ten percent of their body weight after birth, that puts her just over five pounds. It's a good idea to keep an eye on her colouring and breathing and make sure she's ready to go home with no complications."

If Tony expected Ziva to argue, he was mistaken. With dark circles under her eyes and exhaustion clear in her expression and posture, she just nodded, rubbing Chaya's back slowly. Mandy almost wished she would try to fight it, because going along meant she really wasn't feeling like herself yet.

"I'd recommend you all get some rest," Mandy said softly, "it seems like your little one has the right idea."

Chaya was fast asleep on her mother's chest. The tired parents smiled at each other as the doctor left. Ziva moved very slowly to lift the baby off of her and Tony transferred Chaya to her bin. Ziva took his hand. "You need to go home and get some sleep in a real bed Tony, napping on the couch is not enough."

Tony shook his head. "I'm fine Ziva, I've had about six hours since last night." She lifted an eyebrow and he kissed the skepticism off her face. "I don't want to leave Ziva." He looked at his daughter. "I don't want to miss anything."

Finding it impossible to argue with his logic, Ziva lowered the bed and found a comfortable position. Just before she gave into the sleep tugging at her, Ziva opened her eyes and looked at him. "Tony?"

He hadn't even gotten to the couch yet and returned to her side, brushing back her hair. "Yeah?"

She traced her finger over the back of his hand, so softly it tickled. "What I said when I was in labour - how did you know I was asking you not to go?"

Tony drew his finger over her eyebrows, down her cheek, across her nose and around her mouth, coaxing a smile from her. He stared at his wife for a long time before answering. "You said it once, after a nightmare the weekend you found out you were pregnant and I stayed." He shrugged. "I thought it sounded important enough to look up once you said yes and I knew I'd get to have you forever."

Ziva kissed his palm. "I have thought it many times that you did not hear." She sighed. "I am trying so hard to trust you Tony, but my whole life I have never heard those words and seen that promise kept. I think," she closed her eyes, "I think that I will always be afraid to lose you now that I knew what it is to love you."

Why did her truths always have to be so hard? Tony leaned down, capturing her lips and kissing her deeply, because if he hadn't he probably would've cried and he didn't want Ziva to worry. "I love you," he whispered onto her skin. "I swear Zi, I will be the one to prove my words can be trusted." He buried his face in her hair. "This is where I want to be. I'm not going to change my mind."

She nodded slowly. "I believe you."

Tony kissed her forehead. "Sleep honey, I'll be here when you wake up."

If it took the last breath he had, he would prove to his wife that she hadn't made a mistake when she said yes.

**NCIS**

It was early afternoon before Celeste woke up and she stretched, confused for a minute before she remembered where she was. The silence intrigued her. She wouldn't've believed it possible that her ex-husband could actually sleep in. Getting dressed again in the clothes she'd been wearing, Celeste tiptoed down the hall and peeked in the open door of the master bedroom.

She found it empty, the bed already made, and headed downstairs, surprised that Gibbs hadn't started coffee yet. What she found in the livingroom made her stop and seriously consider how to handle the situation. Without a sound Celeste made her way to the kitchen and brewed a fresh pot of coffee as quietly as she could.

Sweetening hers, she poured a second cup and went back to the livingroom, taking a seat on the coffeetable and watching to see how long it took Gibbs to notice. The smell brought him back to wakefulness with impressive speed and when he opened his eyes, Celeste almost laughed at his expression. Her question, however, was serious.

"Jethro, how long have you been sleeping on the couch?"

He thought hard about lying to her and saying it was a one time thing, but those dark blue eyes held him and Gibbs sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "About ten years."

"I see." Celeste absorbed the information and held out the mug of black coffee as he pushed himself up. "You do know there's a perfectly good bed upstairs?"

He took a long swallow of the strong liquid. "Unless you're going to join me there, I think I'll stay."

Her eyebrows rose at the less than subtle invitation. "Since we're missing a few steps, I guess that's your choice." Celeste held out her hand. "Come help me make breakfast Jethro, I'll let you be in charge of the bacon."

Just like that they were back in safe territory and on familiar ground. Gibbs had missed having someone around to share a routine with and he liked how easily he and Celeste fell into the comfortable rhythm of making a meal together. It was something he could see himself getting used to.

An hour later when they were sitting at the kitchen table enjoying seconds on their coffee, Gibbs leaned back in his chair. "Plan to go see Ziva today." The way he said it made Celeste realize he was trying not to seem like he was ditching her. She smiled.

"Go on and have some father/daughter time. I'm going home to shower and change so I don't smell like Old Spice. Then I have an idea I want to run past Abby." Gibbs looked curious and Celeste shrugged. "I have to get on her good side at some point Jethro, if we're serious about making this work." Her inflection made it a question and his nod confirmed it as he finished his coffee.

"I'm serious."

"Me too. So I want her to accept me as part of your life sooner vs. later. She was not happy to see me at the hospital."

Gibbs grunted. "Abby doesn't like change, especially when it involves the family. Give her time. Bring treats for that puppy of hers if you visit, appreciate her music, praise McGee's writing, surprise her with No Caf-Pow - you'll make it into the inner circle eventually."

Celeste arched an eyebrow. "When you talk that much I start paying attention. Thanks for the advice." She took her dishes to the sink. "Now go shower so you can visit with your daughter. I'll see you later."

"Later today or just later?" It was important to clarify.

Celeste smiled. "Do you really want to see me again today? We've already spent close to fifteen hours in each other's company."

"Come work on the boat with me tonight?" He missed her when she wasn't around. That was one step closer to needing her in his life and then things got complicated. They'd been here before.

She patted his arm. "I'll try to stop by. Thanks for breakfast." Celeste kissed his cheek, gathered her things and walked out the door.

Gibbs stared after her with a empty feeling in his chest. Was it possible that she was what he was missing? The implications were startling and Gibbs was suddenly glad he had plans. It was better to put that off for as long as possible. He really didn't want to screw this up. She meant too much to him.

**NCIS**

By shortly after two pm Tony and Ziva were just finishing a late lunch of breakfast foods that he'd run out to pick up from Joe's Diner near her apartment, since that's what she was craving and hospital food had absolutely no appeal. He hadn't wanted to leave the room, but Ziva insisted, saying it would give her time to shower and feed Chaya. Tony didn't really want to miss either of those things and he would have preferred to help his wife shower rather than leave her with a nurse, but Ziva had some questions she wanted to ask without her husband in the room.

He had to admit, it was nice to get out of the hospital and breathe some fresh air. It got frustrating though when he got to the diner and encountered Helen. She saw his ring and wanted to know all the details. Then he made the mistake of letting it slip that he was taking the food back to Ziva in the hospital. Helen freaked out and he had to tell the story and promise to bring both wife and daughter by very soon before she would let him leave.

Tony didn't mind the extra time so much because a re-telling of the episode made Ziva laugh and she looked relaxed and happy, though still tired, after a shower and getting Chaya taken care of earlier. He knew she'd be ready for another nap soon and was about to start talking her into it when their baby woke up and started fussing.

He picked her up and held her carefully. "Hey princess, what are you doing awake?"

Ziva watched Chaya turn her head towards Tony's chest and stuff her tiny fist in her mouth. "I think she is hungry again."

Tony frowned. "Didn't you just feed her?"

She nodded. "An hour ago. But I am told that newborns do not always stick to a feeding schedule."

"I guess you get to run the show now, don't you?" Tony commented to his daughter, transferring her to Ziva.

The new mom got Chaya into position and helped her get a mouthful of breast. The baby began nursing immediately and Tony sat down again to watch. When she was finished and Tony had burped her, he put his hand on her bum. "Uhh...Zi? Her diaper feels kinda...squishy."

Ziva tried not to laugh and checked the clock. "It has been twelve hours, maybe it is time for her first diaper change."

Looking entirely at a loss for how to handle the situation, Tony was about to call for help when a nurse walked in. "Good afternoon," she smiled. "I'm Cara, I just wanted to check and see how everything is going." She took in Tony's expression. "Is something wrong?"

He coughed. "Uhh...no. Well, yes." Tony sighed. "I don't know how to change her diaper."

Cara's gracious smile almost made up for the amusement in her eyes. "Alright Daddy, this will be your first lesson." She moved the chair away from Chaya's bin and found a clean diaper, wipes and diaper cream from the stash left in the room for this moment. "Once you have everything you need, lay her down and undress her. Make sure you push her clothes up far away from her bum, because things can get messy."

Tony's eyes widened and he looked to Ziva for support but she was enjoying the show. He put Chaya down and fumbled a bit before he got her onesie undone and moved out of diaper range. Cara handed him a clean diaper. "You'll know the front from the back because the front has a picture on it."

He nodded, that seemed simple enough. Holding the newborn diaper, Tony was amazed. "Geez these are small." The whole thing fit in his hand. "Okay princess, ready for this?" He turned to Cara. "What next?"

"You want to lift up her bum holding her ankles and slide the clean diaper under the one she's wearing." Cara instructed but let Tony do all the work. "Unstick the tabs and open her diaper, let's see what we're dealing with."

Tony did as he was told and drew back at the sight of the black guck in his daughter's diaper. "It looks like tar."

Cara laughed and exchanged glances with Ziva. "It's her first bowel movement, the technical term is meconium and I think we're going to need a lot of wipes for this one."

Tony pulled a handful from the box and stood very still for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I'm going in." Holding Chaya's legs towards her tummy, he wiped and wiped, slowly cleaning the gunk off her little bum.

"Make sure you get all the cracks and crevices too," Cara advised, "we don't want any of it left behind and getting in the wrong place. And always wipe from front to back to prevent infection."

Once he was finished, Tony again waited. "Put all the dirty wipes inside the soiled diaper and roll it up, then secure it with the tabs. It's fairly sanitary, nothing is going to escape and since Ziva's breastfeeding, the good news is Chaya's diapers will not have a bad smell."

Tony let out a sigh. "That's a relief."

"You're doing great," the nurse encouraged him, "many new dads struggle with this particular procedure."

"Not me." Tony puffed out his chest. "With practice I will be the best diaper changer in the District of Columbia."

"It is only your first Tony," Ziva warned, "do not get ahead of yourself."

"Hey, you're feeding her, I can change diapers. In fact, I promise."

"You can't take it back," his wife pointed out.

"I won't." He wanted to be involved, whatever it took.

"Back to the task at hand," Cara reminded him, pleased to see that he kept his hand on Chaya out of instinct, even though she couldn't roll out of the plastic bin. "When your baby is having normal bowel movements, you can drag the diaper down her bum to clean off some of the poop and then fold it under her while you use the wipes. Just something to keep in mind."

"Got it." Tony wasn't sure he'd remember later, but he was taking careful notes in his head for right now.

"Okay, get a little bit of the cream on your finger and rub it on her bum. You don't need a thick coat of it, just a little to prevent diaper rash."

Tony did and then at Cara's nod, pulled the new diaper over Chaya's front and after a couple tries, got the sticky tabs to go where he wanted them. "You don't want to make it too loose because it might leak, so check the back and legs for gaps. Don't make it so tight that it pinches her skin, you want it just to be a snug fit. And after her umbilical cord stump falls off, the diaper should actually cover her belly button. A common mistake is making the diaper too low."

Bringing her clothes back down, Tony fixed her onesie and then picked her up carefully and kissed her cheek. "Look at that kiddo, success!"

Cara laughed. "Well done Daddy. Great first diaper changing experience. You've got a lot more of those to look forward to."

"Thanks for the help." Cara left and Tony kissed his daughter again before noting the sleepy eyes and putting her back in the bin to nap. He looked at Ziva. "Not bad, huh?"

She chuckled and tugged him down for a proper kiss. "My hero."

A throat cleared and they both turned to see that Gibbs had arrived and stood in the doorway.

Ziva's eyes lit up and Tony grinned. "Just couldn't stay away, huh Boss?"

Gibbs glared at him but turned gentle eyes on Ziva. "Figured I'd spend some time with my granddaughter before Abby declares herself to have exclusive holding rights." He stared at the sleepy baby slowly falling asleep in the plastic bin by her mother's bed. "Go home and shower DiNozzo, I'll stay with your girls." Tony opened his mouth to protest but Gibbs shook his head. "I want some time with Ziva."

Meeting Ziva's eyes, Tony saw that she would be okay with his absence and stood slowly, leaning down to kiss her in full view of their boss and father figure and lightly brushed his hand over Chaya's curls before gently pressing his lips to her head.

Ziva saw his reluctance to leave and smiled. "We will be fine Tony. Enjoy the break."

He sighed dramatically, not liking being dismissed. "I love you guys."

Gibbs snorted. "I'm not available."

Tony cringed and beat a hasty retreat. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Take your time," the older man called after him and then looked at Ziva, shifting his gaze to the baby.

The tired new mother nodded and settled back against the pillows. "You may get her."

Gibbs rounded the bed and slid his hands under Chaya's swaddled body, carefully lifting her into his arms. Ziva watched with a smile as Gibbs gazed down at her daughter. Chaya regarded her grandfather with peaceful eyes before falling completely asleep and Gibbs stroked her soft cheek with one finger.

"Hello there sweetheart, aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" He moved to Ziva's other side and sat down in the chair provided. "Mommy and Daddy are awfully glad you're here little one. Maybe someday you will, but you have no idea now what a gift you are Chaya."

Ziva blinked back tears as she listened to Gibbs coo at her baby. "Abba..."

He looked up and tried to be stern. "This doesn't leave the room."

She laughed. "Before Christmas you will have two grandchildren and everyone will know you are all soft inside."

Her phrasing was a little off but Gibbs didn't care. "Been a long time since I held someone this small."

Ziva grew serious, sure he was thinking of his little girl. "Does it make you sad?"

Gibbs was busy admiring the fine features Chaya inherited from her mother and was startled by the question. "Sad? No Ziver, I'm grateful for the gift." He let go of the baby long enough to squeeze her hand. "Without you I wouldn't have this chance."

The absence of a majority of the pregnancy hormones did not seem to affect Ziva's tear ducts and she wiped the wetness away and took a deep breath. "Thank you."

Gibbs smiled, a rare moment. "You did it Ziva, you overcame. I know you'll have to do it again and again over the next few months, but you'll make it." He stared at the baby in his arms. "You may have never thought it possible that you would get here, but you're going to make a great mom."

Ziva's smile was watery. "I did not know how easy it would be to love her until Tony laid her on my chest. She is my baby, my gift, my light. And Tony," the tears started afresh, "he already loves her so much, so much." She shook her head but Gibbs interrupted.

"He's her father Ziva, it comes without even thinking."

That she was still struggling to accept that concept was evident, but neither could she find the words to express everything she was thinking and feeling. "He saved me Gibbs," Ziva said simply, at least. "He saved us both and this is everything I never deserved but still dared to want."

Gibbs stared at her evenly. "You'll get it back Ziva."

She frowned. "What?"

"The confidence you lost, the ability to hope and dream, to know you are worthy of love, that you are strong and beautiful and capable and deserve the very best this life can offer. They tried to beat it out of you Ziver, but one day you'll stop believing the lies."

Ziva fixed her eyes on her daughter. "When I look at Chaya I almost forget I can hear them."

"By the time you come back to work, they won't even exist," Gibbs predicted, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "You are irreplaceable Ziva, remember that when the nightmares try to tell you otherwise."

He stayed for awhile longer and they talked about simpler things, but Ziva stored every word he said in her heart. The little girl so long starved of a father's love now lived in a treasure trove of it. Letting him have Eli's place was a choice she would never regret.

**NCIS**

As much as Tony didn't want to be away from Ziva's side, he was suddenly glad for the time to make sure everything at home was ready for when Ziva and Chaya were allowed to return. On impulse, Tony stopped at a toy emporium downtown and started wandering through the stuffed animal aisle, looking for something for his daughter.

As a child his favourite toy was a brown bear named Tom, but Tony thought Chaya should have something more girly. Halfway through his perusal, he came across a soft, cream coloured bunny with floppy ears and pink thread marking the nose, mouth and whiskers.

The animal stared back at him with black eyes holding a sewn in sparkle and Tony knew this was the one. It was the perfect size for little arms to wrap around and he already foresaw the ears becoming matted from being chewed on. The picture he imagined of a toddler Chaya dragging the bunny around by one leg cinched it and he proudly carried his purchase up to the front counter.

The older woman accepted the toy and rang it in with a smile. "Let me guess, new dad?"

Tony grinned self-consciously. "That obvious?" He checked to make sure he wasn't sporting spit-up or something.

She chuckled. "Only men with baby girls spend that much time with the stuffed things. Trust me."

He shrugged, having no intention of denying the truth. "Not even twenty-four hours old and I'm already crazy about her."

Handing him the bag, the woman looked at him and nodded. "She's a lucky little girl."

Tony fingered his ring and shook his head firmly. "Nah, I'm the lucky one. Thanks."

He was back at the house minutes later but the extra cars in the driveway gave him a pause. Then Tony chuckled, remembering that Abby knew where the spare keys were kept. She was probably organizing a welcome home present for Ziva. Pushing open the door, he peeked his head in cautiously. The multicoloured banner hung on the wall behind the piano definitely screamed Abby, but what he didn't expect was Abby and Celeste laughing as they took over the kitchen.

He stepped inside and sort of smiled. "Hi." Not sure they heard him over Abby's toned down music or the intense conversation they were engaged in, Tony cleared his throat. "Uh, hey."

The women looked up and Abby waved like this was completely normal. "Hi Tony."

He looked back and forth between them, taking in Abby's happy demeanor and Celeste's relaxed smile. Tony crossed his arms. "Okay, when did you two become best buds?" He'd sensed Abby's dislike for Celeste and knew it had to do with her strong attachment to Gibbs and her issues with outsiders.

Abby beamed. "Since she called me an hour ago with the best idea ever!"

Tony stared at them. "Uh huh. So now to the obvious question - what are you doing here?"

Celeste took the lead now. "Odds are high that Ziva won't feel like cooking for a long time and you are going to feel like a zombie for the first few weeks. Abby assured me that without intervention you would live off Kraft Dinner and take-out. Since that is not good food for new parents who will desperately need the nutrients, we're going to stock your freezer with healthy, pre-made meals that can be reheated on demand."

Tony didn't know what to say. His mouth fell open slightly and he forced it closed and swallowed. "Umm...wow. Thanks. That's...that's really great of you." He set down the bag. "How can I help?"

The women shared a glance and laughed. Celeste turned him towards the stairs. "Go get cleaned up so you can go back to your family."

"Yeah," Abby grinned, "leave this to us."

Utterly overwhelmed and still carrying the edge of exhaustion from the past couple days, Tony could only do as he was told. The hot shower felt wonderful but when he almost fell asleep standing up, he decided to allow himself a twenty minute nap before going back to the hospital.

He was wishing for more when his alarm went off but he needed to go. Yawning, Tony stumbled downstairs only to find Ducky had joined the cooking crew. He was sporting an apron and already telling a, "This reminds me of a time..." story. A finished pan of lasagna sat on the island and Abby and Celeste were so busy putting together the ingredients for several other dishes, they barely noticed him.

Just when he was sure he couldn't handle any more surprises, the doorbell rang. Tony answered it a little warily, wondering who else was coming to join the party, but threw on a full grin when he saw who it was. "Grace!" he exclaimed. "Please, come in."

He kissed her cheek and accepted the plate of cookies and container of cupcakes she offered. Grace smiled at him fondly. "I thought you might need something for your sweet tooth."

He nearly inhaled a chocolate cupcake smothered in homemade icing and she wiped the crumbs off his cheek. He swallowed and beamed. "I did, a lot, thank you. You must be a mind reader."

Grace only shook her head and got around to the important things. "So," her eyes sparkled, "tell me."

Unable to contain his joy, Tony pulled out his cellphone and showed her a snapshot of his daughter. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo. Five pounds, six ounces, seventeen inches long. Born at 2:17 am this morning. Gorgeous just like her mom."

"Every inch the proud father, aren't you?" Grace teased, then grew solemn. "How's Ziva?"

He sighed. "Seven hours of labour - she got lucky, but I don't think exhausted even begins to cover it." Tony rubbed his face. "The doctor's keeping them an extra day, just in case. Chaya was pretty small, even for three and a half weeks early and she'll probably lose a little weight before they come home."

Grace patted his arm. "They'll be fine Tony and back here where they belong in no time."

He forced a smile. "Yup." But talking about Ziva and Chaya made him even more anxious to get back to them. "I'm hoping to keep the first week just for us, but you haven't met Chaya yet and I'm sure Ziva would love to see you. Why don't you come over Sunday after you're done with church? I can't promise it'll be a long visit, but it's something."

Grace nodded. "Thank you. I'll call first to see what time is good. Give my love to the girls. And this is for Ziva." She handed him a beautiful and intricately designed baby book. "Take it with you, there's a place for her footprints and hospital bracelet."

"I'll make sure she gets it, thanks Grace." He saw her out, turned back to the group bustling around his kitchen and set the plate and container on the counter. "Hey guys, thanks, really."

Ducky smiled. "It's our pleasure Anthony. Now go, we'll take care of things here."

Tony flashed them a grin and headed out. It had only been a couple hours but he just wanted to see his girls again. Ziva and Chaya held his heart and everything important, not being with them was just not an option any longer.


	40. Chapter 40

_A/N: Okay guys, here we are, the last chapter before my break. I'm officially "off duty" until April 16. Hopefully by then I'll have enough chapters stored up to keep us going for awhile. Thanks so much for the great responses to the last couple chapters, even though the website was being difficult. I appreciate your thoughts, comments and support so much! Enjoy :)_

On the way back to the hospital two ideas caught Tony simultaneously and he made a couple quick turns to take him back downtown. His first stop was at Just Blossoms where a lovely young woman named Melissa that he used to flirt with helped him choose a very nice bouquet for his wife.

Next Tony went to the jewellery store where he'd gotten Ziva's ring. Walking inside, he spied the man who helped him last time and waited rather impatiently for him to finish with the lady at the counter. Once she was satisfied, the clerk scanned the store and his eyes settled on Tony.

Stepping forward, Tony held out his hand. "John, right?"

John looked surprised. "I'm sorry, I can't place you."

Tony smiled. "You helped me find an engagement ring for my wife a few months ago."

A light went on in John's eyes. "The pink diamond, heart shaped, I remember now." He glanced at Tony's left hand. "So, you're married now? That was fast."

"You have no idea," Tony chuckled.

"What can I do for you today ...?"

"Tony," he supplied. "I need a new mom present and I was hoping you guys do custom designs."

Leading the way to the counter, John pulled out a blank notebook and pencil. "What did you have in mind?"

"A bracelet," Tony said decisively. "I want the band to be leather and three links across the top in white gold. One stone in each link - yellow topaz, diamond and sapphire - with sturdy settings so she can wear it to work. We have a demanding job," he explained.

John sketched while Tony talked and after a few simple changes, the picture he'd seen in his head began to take shape. Finally he nodded. "That's perfect. And can you burn her name in Hebrew characters with the words 'ILY Forever' on the inside of the band?" He spelled Ziva's name and waited hopefully.

Considering the request, John agreed. "We'll figure it out." He made some notations about size and other details on the paper and looked at Tony. "I think two weeks at the earliest. You can pay for it on pick up, how's that?"

Tony shook his hand again. "Fantastic, thanks man."

John smiled. "Anytime." Observing Tony's anxiety, he gestured towards the door. "Got to get back to the hospital?" Tony's eyebrows rose and the other man chuckled. "I've got three kids, I never liked leaving my wife alone either."

Glad someone understood, Tony grinned and started to go. "I'll be back."

"We'll call," John promised as the younger man left in a hurry.

It was shortly before six pm when Tony returned to Ziva's room after he'd acquired a vase from the nurses' station. Noting that his wife was asleep, he filled the vase with water and positioned the flowers so she'd see them when she opened her eyes.

When Tony checked on Chaya, he found her awake and calmly looking at what she could see of the world from her curled up position inside the bin. He noticed the blanket tucked around her waist but left loose at the bottom so she could kick. She was wearing one of the outfits Ziva had packed, white with purple cuffs and a butterfly pattern. The small purple cap covered her curls and she looked far too cute not to be held.

At just over five pounds, Chaya felt so light, so fragile in his arms and he settled her on his lap, where she fit with room to spare. "I guess I missed a few things while I was gone, didn't I princess?" He stroked her arm gently as she stared at him. "An outfit change, so I'm guessing your last feeding didn't agree or Grampa Gibbs was a little too enthusiastic about burping you."

The image of Gibbs wearing baby spit-up made him chuckle. He lifted the baby close to his face and breathed her in. "I think Mommy smells good, especially her hair, but this newborn perfume beats even that." Tony laid her on his chest and her little head nestled into his neck.

He enjoyed the cuddle until it became clear that she was rooting for something. Shifting her a little, he shook his head. "Sorry baby girl, you're not going to find what you're looking for on me." Ziva stirred and he smiled. "But it looks like Mommy's on top of things."

Ziva's eyes fluttered and she smiled at the picture. "Tony," she murmured, then saw the baby's head moving and sat up, holding out her arms. "My turn."

Tony transferred Chaya carefully to Ziva and watched as she adjusted her shirt to reveal her breast and helped her daughter latch on properly. A lactation consultant had been by after Gibbs left and before Chaya's last feeding and she felt better equipped now. She winced at the discomfort but her expression relaxed as it eased. He felt a little jealous that only Ziva could have that connection with Chaya and leaned forward.

She looked up and smiled at him. Tony cleared his throat. "Does it make you uncomfortable when I watch Zi?"

A frown creased her forehead as she thought about it, then shook her head slowly. "No." She seemed surprised by the answer and tried to explain it for both of them. She shrugged. "This is natural, this is how it is supposed to be. Feeding my child is what my breasts were intended for." She caressed Chaya's cheek, watching to make sure she was sucking and swallowing. "I am proud to be able to take care of her this way."

Tony bit his tongue, stifling things that didn't need to be said yet and gave her a half-grin. "I can honestly say I never thought of that use for them until the first time you fed her."

Ziva met his eyes and tried not to blush, but her smile was a little shy. "This is what they are for now." She hesitated but pressed on. "Perhaps one day they will have another purpose." Hope filled him that she could even think that way and he rubbed his thumb over her knee under the blanket. She glanced away to escape the intensity of his gaze and gasped at the huge bouquet of deep red roses.

"Oh Tony," she breathed, reaching out to gently finger the petals, "they are lovely. Thank you."

He kissed her hand. "You had to go through labour, flowers were the least I could do." He made a face. "How sore are you? Does it hurt a lot?" Without getting specific, she knew what he meant.

"Only when I move or stand or sit or walk." She shrugged one shoulder and kissed the baby's head. "She is worth it. I would go through that again just to have her here." The thought made her cringe but it was the truth.

"Brave words for less than twenty-four hours later," Tony commented, leaning back. "Gosh, has it not even been a day yet? It feels so much longer."

"I agree," Ziva said, letting Chaya finish and switching her to the other side. She kept the baby tucked close to her body and couldn't get over how tiny she seemed.

Tony rubbed his fingers over the receiving blanket in his lap. "How come she wasn't all bundled up when I got here?"

Ziva's eyes twinkled as she teased him. "I think you mean swaddled Tony. It is not often I get to correct you."

He leaned forward to kiss her. "Probably won't be the last time when it comes to all this baby stuff." Chaya's cap was slipping so he tugged it off and ghosted his fingers over the silky curls before looking at his wife. "So?"

Ziva rubbed the baby's back to keep her from falling asleep. "I think she was done tolerating being cooped up. When I tried to wrap her back in the blanket after Gibbs left, she started crying. I laid her down and just tucked it around her and she stopped. I think she wanted the freedom to move her arms and legs."

"Stubborn and free spirited just like your mom, huh princess? Well, I guess I can't blame you. Those last few weeks probably felt very cramped."

Chaya finally had enough to eat and pulled away. Ziva handed the baby to Tony for burping and rubbed a little expressed breast milk on her nipples as a nurse had suggested to prevent drying and cracking. Watching her seemed too intimate and Tony turned his focus completely on his daughter. Once she was put back together, Ziva took in her husband and baby with a smile.

"Tony," she said suddenly, "put her down and take your shirt off."

His look was quizzical and he lifted an eyebrow. "Want to cuddle with me Ziva?"

"No." He looked disappointed and she rolled her eyes. "Yes. But that is not why I asked."

She didn't offer any more of an explanation and Tony didn't bother asking. "Okay," he said slowly, setting Chaya on the bed in front of Ziva as he pulled his shirt off.

Ziva started undressing Chaya, speaking softly to her in Hebrew the whole time. Tony caught words like 'beautiful', 'baby girl', 'Daddy' and 'Mommy' and a few others he couldn't pick out as she slid little arms and legs free of the clothes. She gestured for Tony to pull his chair closer and she leaned towards him, placing the almost naked infant on his bare chest. She draped a blanket over Chaya and smiled.

"Lean back Tony, just let her feel your skin and hear your heartbeat." He smiled but still seemed puzzled by what she'd done. The baby's weight was comforting and he relaxed, kissing her soft head. When he looked at Ziva again she could read the question and smiled softly.

"I know you feel left out when I am feeding her," she elaborated. "This is a way to be close to her. Babies thrive on skin-to-skin contact. It is very good especially for early ones."

"You've been doing your homework," Tony remarked, feeling the fast flutter of Chaya's heart.

"I have been reading," she told him, "but Mandy said it first." Then Ziva patted the magazine on the bedside table. "Thank you for the Hebrew one."

He grinned. "You're welcome. I didn't know if you'd have time to be bored but I know you don't like staying in bed."

Ziva rested back against the pillows. "Normally, no. But I am grateful for the extra time to rest." She closed her eyes and Tony had to ask.

"How're you feeling Ziva, really?"

She blinked slowly and smiled. He hadn't seen her smile so much in months. "I am very happy Tony. As much as I did not want her to be early, it is a relief not to be pregnant any longer. I am hoping to soon feel more like myself." Ziva read in his eyes that it was not the answer he wanted and she sighed. "I am tired, my energy is still low and I am sore, but I am okay."

Tony let out a breath and squeezed her hand. "Good enough for now."

When both mother and baby were sound asleep again, Tony wrapped Chaya up as best he could in a couple blankets and returned her to the plastic bin. She squirmed a little and yawned before settling down and Tony thought it was the cutest thing. Realizing he'd forgotten her present, he took the stuffed bunny out of its bag and propped it up in one of the bottom corners. Then he stretched out on the couch and prepared for another catnap.

**NCIS**

Tony didn't wake until almost nine-thirty that night, when Ziva was just finishing burping Chaya. She smiled at him and pointed to the toy. "I see you found a friend for her?"

He stretched and yawned, making his way over to his chair. "Well, it is her birthday, so she should get a present. I hear it's hard work being born."

Ziva cuddled the baby on her chest and smiled. "It can be Bunny for now," she decided. "Chaya can name it when she is older."

"Fine by me." He eyed the two of them. "I can take her if you have to go to the bathroom or anything."

Ziva sighed and lifted her eyes to his. She was a little tired of always having to let someone else hold her baby. "I have never had something that is mine before Tony, now I have a whole little person."

"We," he corrected gently, "we have our own little person."

Ziva nodded, realizing that he was taking every chance now to be with his daughter, since during the pregnancy she'd had the baby all to herself. "I will have to get better at sharing. Yes," she decided, handing the baby to him, "I will be right back."

Ziva slid out of bed slowly and moved gingerly towards the bathroom. Her muscles felt stiff and sore after being tensed so tightly during labour and the burning sensation when she used the toilet made her put it off as long as possible, even with the peri bottle the nurses had given her. Then pads and underwear had to be changed and she did feel more human after a fresh layer of deodorant and running a brush through her hair.

She returned and found Tony asleep in the chair, still holding Chaya. Her alarm was tempered by amusement and she walked over, whispering his name softly as she gathered the baby into her arms and deposited her carefully in her little bed. Tony jerked, startled out of sleep and immediately tightened his arms even though they were empty. His eyes widened and he sought the clear bin. His breathing relaxed when he saw Chaya sleeping peacefully.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry Zi! I don't even remember closing my eyes." Tony rubbed his face. "What if I'd dropped her?"

Ziva touched his cheek. "You would not have. Subconsciously you knew you were holding her." She kissed him. "I trust you." She got back into bed and curled up comfortably. "I love you. Go home."

He frowned. "What? No way! I'm supposed to be here for night feedings and I promised to change diapers and I just-"

"Have not slept since Sunday night," Ziva finished for him. She shook her head. "That is not good for you Tony. You need a proper night's sleep in a bed that is not interrupted every two hours by an infant wanting to be fed."

"You don't want me here?" The insecurity from him sounded like hers and Ziva held out her hand, smiling at the speed with which he grabbed it.

"Of course I want you here," she whispered. "And if these beds were not so small, I would want you laying down with me. But tomorrow everything changes when we bring her home. I need you rested."

He kissed her wrist and sighed in defeat. "Okay."

Ziva smiled. "Good. You can enjoy having the bed to yourself again."

"Not likely," he argued. "It's a whole lot nicer with you in it."

Her eyes got heavier, she couldn't fight sleep much longer. "I love you Tony."

Tony brushed his lips over her forehead and stood up. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Mmhmm," Ziva murmured, already drifting off.

Tony pressed a soft kiss to Chaya's head and slowly walked out the door with his hands in his jacket pockets. A couple nurses at the station giggled at the well recognized look of a husband kicked out for the night as he slowly made his way to the doors.

The clock read 2230 when he got home and dropped his keys in the dish. Too tired to think about food or read the note Abby left on the fridge, Tony dragged himself upstairs, undressed, and collapsed into bed. Pure exhaustion made him drop off immediately but he was awake less than an hour later, reaching for the warmth of his wife that wasn't there.

He sighed and glared at the clock, red numbers glowing innocently. It took only minutes to realize that sleep was going to be elusive now, so Tony put his clothes back on, grabbed his keys and headed for the one place that might offer relief or at least some advice he could desperately use.

**NCIS**

Gibbs and Celeste were in the basement sanding his boat late Thursday night. Or rather, they had been sanding his boat. But now Celeste's back was against it and Gibbs was pressed in close, savouring the pleasure of not just one kiss, but several, with the woman he was fast falling in love with all over again.

The door slammed, heavy footsteps trod the floor above their heads and Celeste pulled away just as Tony came into view on the stairs. The shocked expression on his face made it clear he'd expected to be Gibbs' only company. "Uhh..." he looked a bit like a deer in the headlights, "I interrupted something. I'm gonna go."

"No Tony," Celeste said in a soft voice, "it's alright. It's time I was getting home anyways." She kissed Gibbs' cheek. "Be nice," she whispered. "He needs a father, not a boss tonight." His glare was not reassuring and she shook her head. "We can finish this another time." The promise of kissing her again softened his features and he nodded.

Celeste slipped past the frozen in place agent and let herself out, still feeling the burn of her ex-husband's lips on hers. The interruption was probably a blessing. She wanted to do things right with Gibbs this time and they had been on their way to getting carried away.

When the front door closed, Gibbs waved at Tony. "Don't just stand there DiNozzo, get down here." Gibbs reached across his workbench for a bottle of water and tossed it at Tony. Giving the new dad bourbon was a bad idea and he needed sleep, not coffee. It would give him something to hold while he thought about talking, if nothing else.

The younger man rolled the bottle back and forth in his hands and leaned back against the solid workbench. "Ziva kicked me out," he reported finally. "Said I should enjoy having the bed to myself." Tony snorted. "She really expects me to fall asleep without her?"

Gibbs picked up one of the forgotten sanding blocks and went back to work. "You haven't been married long enough to want the bed to yourself."

He gave a soft laugh. "Yeah, uh, I don't think I'm ever going to be married long enough for that." Tony slipped one hand into his pocket and pulled out the small cap of Chaya's that he'd taken off earlier in surprise. He didn't remember keeping it. He rubbed it between his fingers, still smelling his daughter on the fabric. Tony sighed. "Is it always going to feel like I left my heart in her hands every time I'm not with her?"

Gibbs stopped what he was doing, memories returning hard and fast. "Yeah," he sighed, swallowing. "After that first time you hold your daughter, she never gives it back."

Tony raised tired eyes to look at his boss and nodded as if a great revelation had just been confirmed. Gibbs left the silence for a few minutes, then finally pointed to the stairs. "Take my room. Easier to sleep somewhere you won't expect to wake up to your wife."

The logic caused Tony to raise an eyebrow, but he decided to take Gibbs up on his offer. When he noticed the pillow and folded blanket on the couch, he realized his boss knew from experience that it was true.


	41. Chapter 41

_A/N: Hey guys! I'm so sorry I took so long to get back to posting! Thanks so much for the concern, PMs, and reviews that encouraged me to post again. I never meant for my break to last so long. The last couple of weeks have been crazy busy in RL, not to mention the fight I had with my characters when they tried to change some things I already had planned (I won :P). I spent a lot of time organizing story notes and condensing research and I just didn't have enough time to write._

_Unfortunately I have to announce that updates will be only once a week, possibly twice, for awhile so I can hopefully store up some new chapters. Anyways, thanks so much for your patience and please enjoy this next part of Tony and Ziva's journey together. ~ Love, Aliyah_

Eight o'clock Friday morning found Ziva sitting cross-legged in bed and dressing Chaya in a new onesie after her diaper change. She was talking to the baby in Hebrew and Chaya's wide eyes seemed to understand every word. That was the scene Dr. Meyers walked in on.

She smiled. "You've taken to motherhood like it's second nature Ziva," the doctor commented.

Ziva looked up. "It is hard to believe she is only a day old. I feel like she has been here so much longer."

"Give it a month," Mandy laughed, "and you won't be able to remember life before your baby." She moved closer and bent down to get a better look at the little girl. "Of course, it helps that you ended up with such an angel. She's one of the calmest newborns I've seen."

Ziva gathered her daughter into her arms and cuddled her. "She is a gift."

Mandy glanced around. "I'm surprised your husband isn't here yet. I expected him as soon as the sun was up."

Just then Tony walked into the room carrying a white paper cup. "Sorry I'm late babe, I thought you might like some tea."

Ziva held out her hands eagerly but Tony kept it out of her reach and shook his head. "Uh-uhn, there's conditions. You have to trade me the baby and I get a kiss."

She arched one eyebrow and her eyes fell to Chaya. "That is a very steep price." She sighed and gave in. "Fine."

Tony handed her the tea, captured her lips and picked up his daughter. "Good morning princess." He held her close and breathed in the scent of her. "Daddy missed you last night baby girl. Twelve hours is a long time when you were only born yesterday." He looked at Ziva, who was enjoying both her tea and the scene. "I'm never going to survive going back to work."

Mandy chuckled. "And this is where I exit. I swear, the rest of the world doesn't even exist when you tow are in the same room."

Tony finally noticed her. "Oh, hi, sorry Mandy." He looked between wife and baby. "Can I take them home today?"

Dr. Meyers nodded. "I'll be back this evening. If everything looks okay, I'll leave you with discharge papers and instructions. For now enjoy having people around to help."

She left and Tony locked eyes with Ziva. "Last night was miserable without you. I can't fall asleep by myself anymore."

Ziva sipped her hot drink and tried to look apologetic. "I cannot say the same. I was so exhausted that the nurse had to wake me to feed Chaya a couple times."

Tony shrugged, his gaze focused on his baby. "I won't hold it against you, y'know, since you just gave birth and all." He examined her closely. "How do you feel this morning?"

Despite her desire to never hear that question again, Ziva answered honestly. "Better. I am more awake today even after being up every two hours. I have a little more energy today."

"That's good." It was hard to tell by looking at her and Tony still wasn't convinced she wasn't making it sound better than it was. He laced their fingers together. "I missed you Zi."

She smiled, feeling the force of his smile in her heart. He made it impossible to perceive herself as a burden, when love was so evident in everything he did.

Eight hours and a few well needed naps for both Mom and Dad later, Mandy was back, true to her word. While Tony and Ziva signed papers, she gave instructions. "I'm letting you go home because both you and Chaya are doing well. She's lost some weight, but is otherwise healthy and you're holding up remarkably well. But," she continued, looking stern, "I want you in bed as much as possible for at least the first couple of weeks. No arguments."

Ziva, who had opened her mouth to say something, frowned at her doctor. Mandy stared back. "You have a lot of strength to gain back, this pregnancy really wore you out. Two weeks," she repeated, "then we'll talk when you bring Chaya in for her first check up." Her gaze moved to Tony and he nodded, rubbing his thumb over the back of Ziva's hand soothingly.

"I promise. I'm home for two weeks anyways, so that will help."

"You should not still have to take care of me," Ziva said in a low voice, resenting feeling like the weaker partner.

He kissed her fingers. "As soon as you're allowed back to everything you used to do, I'll let you spoil me shamelessly to make up for it."

His grin brought her smile back and Ziva heaved a sigh before looking at her doctor. "Very well, I will be good."

"Thank you." Mandy checked her notes. "As far as your body goes, the soreness could be completely gone in two weeks, or it may take a little longer. With breastfeeding you're likely to lose some weight, but please don't try to. I'd actually like to see you gaining some since you were underweight before the baby." Ziva made a face but said nothing. Her body felt foreign right now, like everything had been rearranged and misplaced. She looked forward to the chance to get back to normal, but once again that seemed like a long way off.

Mandy continued. "Anytime in the next couple days your milk will come in, so expect a change in size. Your breasts may become hard and sore if you get engorged and nursing could become painful, but it will help lessen the pressure so try to feed her quite often. Otherwise, just take care of yourself as you've been doing, which includes not lifting anything heavier than your baby for six weeks. And Tony, you're in charge of making sure she eats and rests as much as possible. Ziva, the bleeding should slow and stop by the end of three weeks." She shrugged. "That's all I can think of for now but if you have any questions, please call me."

Once the doctor left, Tony looked at Ziva. "Ready to get out of here?"

Ziva smoothed the shirt of her nursing pyjamas. "Will you be embarrassed if I go home in just this?"

He frowned. "Of course not."

She shrugged. "I would like to have a bath at home and there is no point in putting on clean clothes before that."

Tony gave her a half-grin. "Whatever you want." He placed their daughter back in Ziva's arms. "I'll go get the carseat."

Ziva was out of bed with her shoes and his hoody on, trying to collect the remnants of their things that had wandered over the last two days. Tony shook his head and finished packing for her, saving her from having to move any more than necessary. She crossed her arms. "The diaper bag is probably heavier than our five pound baby, am I not allowed to do anything?"

Tony quirked an eyebrow at her. "I'm already on diaper duty. And since you didn't get a pink bag or anything, I guess I can handle toting it around for awhile." He kissed her cheek. "Don't expect to get your warrior princess status back all at once. I want you healthy honey, take it slow."

She rolled her eyes and pulled her hair back into a ponytail, then lifted Chaya into the gray and green checkered carseat, securing the straps in a matter of seconds. He came around to watch how it was done, marveling at how Ziva just seemed to know things about being a mom already. Chaya looked a little funny, such a small baby in the roomy seat with the headrest and blankets tucked around her.

Tony made a quick trip out to the car to take their bags and pulled around to the front to get his girls. He took the carseat and felt concern when Ziva didn't even refuse the wheelchair that took her right to the passenger side door. She really wasn't superwoman, not today. When they were all in he turned to look at Ziva and held out his hand. "Time to go home?"

"Yes," she said with a smile as his fingers wrapped around hers, "I am ready."

The drive turned out to be longer than usual because every time Tony wanted to push the speed limit or take a chance, he remembered he had his most precious treasures in the car with him and drove to protect them. At the house he left Ziva and Chaya in the vehicle while he ran their things inside.

Ziva was getting the baby out of her seat when he came back out. "We can bring the carseat in with us," he said, but his wife shook her head.

"I want to carry her."

He shrugged. "Okay." With an arm around her back, Tony supported them up the steps and swung open the door. He kissed Chaya's head. "Welcome home princess."

Ziva noticed the welcome home banner first and Tony explained it as Abby's handiwork. He held out his arms and Ziva let him take their baby, smiling as she trailed him slowly around the first floor while he gave Chaya a tour of her new home. The livingroom with his prized collection of movies was first.

"Just wait until you're a few weeks old sweetie and you'll appreciate Daddy's form of entertainment a lot more." Tony grinned at the stack of little girl type movies on the coffeetable. "Looks like the gang already started a collection just for you. Aren't you lucky?"

The diningroom came next. "This is where we eat when family comes over because there's lots of extra chairs, but when it's just the three of us, we'll use the little table." A quick walk down the hall showed the bathroom and laundry closet before they made it into the kitchen.

At the fridge he paused. "And your Aunt Abby and Grampa Ducky and Grampa Gibbs' friend Celeste were awfully nice and decided Mommy shouldn't have to cook right away." He met Ziva's eyes. "They stocked the standing freezer in the garage too. I think we're good until Christmas."

Amazed at what their friends were willing to do, Ziva just leaned into him and let Tony guide her upstairs. Again he had to show their daughter around, even though she was too young to appreciate his enthusiasm. He ended up in Chaya's room and gave her back after Ziva shed the sweatshirt and settled in Gibb's rocking chair.

He got out the baby book from Grace, complete with all the particulars that had been filled out during one of Chaya's nursing sessions as well as her tiny footprints and the clear hospital bracelet taped at the bottom of one page, and left it on Chaya's dresser. Then Tony kissed Ziva's forehead. "I'll go run your bath."

She nodded wearily, drained from doing more in an hour than she had in two days. Tony started the bath, went through Ziva's bags of nursing clothes to find clean pjs, set a glass of water on the nightstand and put the white bassinet on the other side. All was ready.

Chaya was still eating when Tony returned and he pulled up the padded footstool to sit beside them. As soon as she finished, he lifted the baby and a receiving blanket over his shoulder. "Go have your bath Ziva, I've got this."

So grateful to have his help, to not be doing this on her own, Ziva kissed his cheek and did as he suggested. Tony watched her go and rubbed Chaya's back, waiting to hear the air escape from her tummy. When it did, he laid her on the changetable and started the process of undressing and changing her diaper.

He'd had some practice after his first time with Cara's coaching, but now he was really on his own and Tony felt a little uncertain about his abilities. "You'll have to bear with me baby girl," he told the sleepy infant, "Daddy's gonna try real hard to get this right."

Being careful not to touch her umbilical cord stump, he pulled the sticky tabs off the diaper and held her little legs in one hand as he lifted her to slide the clean diaper under her and the dirty diaper out. Armed with a handful of wipes, Tony gently wiped the greenish-black muck off her bum and smeared on a thin layer of diaper cream.

Not sure how long Chaya could wear an outfit before it was considered dirty, he opened the drawer marked 'sleepers', from Ziva's nesting stage when she decided everything needed to be labeled just in case they forgot, and found a pink one with the outline of purple giraffes on it. The sleeper was zippered and after getting her arms and legs in, he inched the zipper up, afraid of it catching on her sensitive skin.

Mission accomplished, Tony felt pretty proud of himself and carried her into the bathroom to show Ziva. A thin layer of bubbles covered his wife and she smiled at them. He bent down so she could kiss Chaya. "I'm gonna put her down. Want me to come back and do your hair?"

Ziva laid her head back. "If you do not mind."

His thousand watt smile appeared. "My pleasure."

Tony went back into the bedroom and gently placed the nearly fast asleep baby in her bassinet. "Goodnight princess," he whispered, watching her shift into a position with her arms up by her head. "Daddy loves you." He stood staring at her a few minutes longer, then set the timer on his watch for two hours. He and Ziva would be lucky to get half that.

In the bathroom, Tony got out two folded towels - one for beside the tub to kneel on, and the other to dry Ziva's hair. She handed him the shampoo and turned on her side with her back to him so he could reach easier. Tony loved the process of first washing, then detangling his wife's hair. During her pregnancy Ziva had thought once or twice about getting it cut to a more reasonable length, but every time he helped wash or brush her hair, she was glad she hadn't. These were moment she would hate to miss.

Finally he rubbed the water from the thick brown waves and twisted her hair up in a clip so it would be out of the way while she dried and dressed. Tony hesitated, wondering how much freedom he'd gained with her. "Zi..."

Her expression became wary. "Tony, just because I am no longer pregnant does not mean-"

He frowned, cutting her off. "No Zi, don't. Gosh, I'm not expecting anything. Not now, not after you just gave birth and especially not with our daughter in the room." Tony was hurt that she'd even wondered about his intentions.

Her brow creased. "I am sorry for assuming."

Tony leaned over and kissed her. "Forgiven. I just wondered if I could help you with anything else." That wasn't exactly what he'd been thinking, but it was a close enough amendment.

She shook her head. "Not right now. I am still bleeding and leaking and I feel...unclean. Maybe when I am more myself."

What Ziva couldn't tell him was that the soreness she felt between her legs reminded her of Somalia, of being raped and she hated it. She did not want the darkness back, she did not want it to soil the precious light Tony and Chaya had brought to her world.

Tony nodded, wishing he understood the look in her eyes, and brought her pjs and hospital bag into the bathroom, closing the door so he could change as well. He took a chance and went to bed without a shirt on, hoping that was still okay. Ziva came in a few minutes later, checked on Chaya and climbed in beside him, still warm from her bath. She shared his pillow and ran her fingers through his chest hair, pleasantly surprised at how close she could get to him now.

He turned to look at her. "This is nice."

She sighed into his hair. "It is good to be home." Tony brought his other hand over to grasp her arm, having a feeling she meant more than just their house.

"I love you Zi." He checked his watch. "An hour and a half until she's hungry again, try to get some rest."

Ziva kissed his temple. "You are a good father Tony, thank you."

He shook his head and pulled her closer. "She saved me too Zi. I'm a better man because I wanted to be that for both of you. So thank you for letting me share this gift."

Tony thought he felt a tear hit his cheek before Ziva rolled over and claimed her own pillow. He wished she would stay right beside him, but a lot was new right now and if she needed time to adjust, he understood. After being touched and handled so much the last couple of days, it made sense that she'd want some personal space.

He turned onto his side in spooning position but left several inches between them, setting his hand on Ziva's hip to see what would happen. Moments later her fingers slipped between his and Tony realized that Ziva in his bed and their daughter sleeping nearby was all he'd ever need to feel complete.

**NCIS**

Of course, by the third time one-thirty am and the third time they'd been up with a hungry baby, he wasn't feeling as content. Listening on the monitor as Ziva changed Chaya's diaper and spoke to her softly, all in Hebrew now as she was too tired to think in English, Tony realized this was what she had done alone last night so he could sleep. Instead of feeling guilty, he reset his watch alarm and resolved to get Chaya next time she cried so Ziva didn't have to move. Even if he couldn't feed their baby, at least he could share the responsibility. After all, she was his kid too.

In spite of his silent declaration, Ziva beat him to the bassinet the next time Chaya's wails broke through their sleep. He rubbed his eyes and sat up, trying to think of what he could get Ziva while she prepared to nurse. A glance at the beside table showed her water glass empty so he refilled it and brought back an elastic for her loose hair as well.

Ziva was settled back against the pile of pillows that had become her backrest, but instead of contentedly feeding, Chaya continued to cry. Confused, Ziva covered herself back up when Chaya refused her breast for the third time and unzipped her sleeper to check the tiny diaper. Her brow furrowed and she spoke, her words just loud enough to be heard over the baby's thin cries.

"I do not understand tatelah, your diaper is clean and you do not seem hungry. Why are you crying?"

Tony sat down beside them. "Maybe she was lonely and just wanted to be with us."

Ziva held the baby close but Chaya did not calm, even as her arms were stroked lightly and her fingers kissed. Minutes later Ziva turned to him with a sheen of tears in her eyes. "Tony, I do not know what to do."

His heart broke for the vulnerability in her gaze and he held out his hands. "Let me try." Swallowing, Ziva gave him the baby and Tony started walking slowly back and forth across their room as he held her to his chest. "Shh, shh, it's okay baby girl, we're here."

With her head tucked into his neck, their daughter's cries continued but they faded to whimpers when Tony began running his fingers up and down her spine. Both parent's eyebrows rose and Ziva shook her head. "I wonder if she remembers when you used to do that before she was born."

The idea made Tony feel accomplished, and very much like her dad. It was like Chaya knew it too. But she was still upset and finally Tony returned to bed. "I know she won't nurse Zi, but why don't you take off your shirt and just hold her?"

His suggestion to partially undress earned him a skeptical look, but Ziva saw that he didn't mean it in any way except to help. She nodded and carefully pulled her shirt over her head while Tony undressed his daughter. He placed Chaya on Ziva's bare skin and almost immediately the baby settled, nestling her head over Ziva's heart and quieting so only her soft breaths and occasional hiccups were heard.

Tony and Ziva looked at each other in amazement, the silence sounded pretty good right now. Tony shrugged one shoulder and stretched out on the bed next to her. "Mandy mentioned it at the hospital."

Ziva slouched a little, using both hands to hold the baby against her. "I cannot believe I forgot."

She sounded annoyed and Tony tugged lightly on the end of her ponytail. "Cut yourself some slack honey, it's been a long couple of days."

Ziva nodded and closed her eyes. She must've dozed off because Chaya rooting around on her chest woke the tired new mom and she adjusted her position so the baby could latch on. She started sucking immediately and Ziva shook her head. "Now you are hungry," she murmured, caressing Chaya's fine curls.

Tony was fast asleep on his stomach and Ziva smiled, sliding her fingers gently through his messy hair. He made a noise and turned his head into her hand, but didn't wake. "I love you," she whispered into the stillness, letting the words apply to both husband and daughter.

Four hours later Tony and Ziva took turns showering and met in the kitchen for breakfast, still wrapped in a fog of fatigue but grateful to grab a few quiet moments together. Tony brought his wife tea and Ziva kissed him, taking her time because they hadn't really touched except for switching the baby in what felt like ages.

He pulled back, eyes glazed. "I think I'll make you tea every morning."

Ziva chuckled. "That is only once a day. Perhaps you will have to come up with more reasons for me to kiss you."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "Oh, I can handle that, trust me." He flashed his most charming smile and sat down across from her, his fingers idly stroking her wrist as he worked on his second cup of coffee. "So, what do you think of your second day of motherhood?"

Ziva dropped her head into her hands. "I did not know a person so small could take so much work. I have not been so tired since-" She stopped abruptly and glanced out the window. "I wonder if two hours of sleep at a time will ever feel like enough even with all of them combined."

Not knowing if she'd been referring to Somalia or the days when the nightmares refused to let her rest, Tony squeezed her hand and nodded. "I feel the same way. But then she looks at me, right into my eyes when I'm changing her diaper and it's the most amazing thing, to be depended on that way."

Ziva blinked back tears. "To hold her in my arms is such a precious thing. She is lucky to have you for her father Tony."

He kissed her knuckles, noticing something missing. "Thank you for letting me share her." Tony ran a finger down her necklace and pulled it out to rest on top of her shirt. "I think there's something we need to remedy before we go any further." Moving behind her, he unclasped the chain and slid off her rings. At his expectant expression, Ziva held out her left hand and he slipped first her engagement ring, then her wedding band back into place.

There were tears in her arms as he leaned in to kiss her and sensing she was overwhelmed, Tony took his plate to the sink and put his hand on her shoulder. "I'm going to put a load of laundry on, why don't you relax or take a nap or something?"

Ziva shook her head. "I am tired of being in bed. Maybe I will read for awhile."

Upstairs Tony opened the windows in ever room except where his daughter slept and gathered the dirty laundry from their room and the bathroom. He brought it down and Ziva sorted it while he opened windows in the livingroom and kitchen to let the house air out. After clothes were separated into baskets by colour and the washing machine was running, the couple tidied the kitchen and Ziva noticed for the first time a box and covered plate by the fridge.

"Who are the cupcakes and cookies from?" she asked, swiping a bit of icing off one to taste.

Tony came up behind her and kissed her to catch a bit of the lingering sweetness. Ziva smirked but didn't say anything. "Grace made them," he offered. "She dropped by when you sent me home the first time. That's when she gave me the baby book for you."

"Very nice of her," Ziva commented and Tony rubbed the back of his neck, a sign that what he said next might not be good. She waited.

"That reminds me," he looked a little uncertain. "I did invite her to drop by and meet Chaya Sunday afternoon. Is that okay?"

Ziva didn't seem concerned. "Of course. I expect that people will want to see her when she is so little."

Tony slid his arms behind her back and held her loosely against him. "I was kinda hoping it would just be us for the first week Zi, to give us some time to get used to being a family. People can always come next week."

Ziva put her arms over his shoulders, hooking her hands together behind his head. "If you want it just to be us for now, that is not a problem." She pressed her lips to his.

Tony tried not to take advantage of her willingness, but it was extremely difficult to pull away after only a few kisses. He sighed and slid his arm around her shoulders. "Want to see what's on TV?"

Ziva appreciated more than she could say the careful way he handled their moments of closeness, the way they flirted with all the lines she'd drawn. She draped her arm across his waist. "No reality shows."

They settled on the couch and Tony chuckled. "Deal." He chose an old movie and tucked Ziva into his side. Nothing was more important than this time with her.

_A/N2: Now to be totally random - I have a favour to ask. One of my favourite stories on the site was called Philosophy By Inebriation by an author named OwlandthePuppy. It's basically a long conversation from different perspectives between T&Z when she is incredibly drunk one night after being at a club. It's one of the funniest stories I've ever read and I went to find it recently but it seems to have disappeared. _

_It looks like the author deleted all of his/her stories and changed their penname and they no longer have PM'ing enabled. So my question is: does anyone know this author personally and could maybe find out what happened? And does anyone happen to have a copy of that story? I'd really love to read it again, I'm kicking myself for not printing it off the last time I enjoyed it. I'd be grateful for any help, but if not, thanks anyways!_


	42. Chapter 42

_A/N: First of all, thanks for all the lovely reviews and the welcome backs, very sweet :) Secondly, thanks for all the help offered to find the story I mentioned - you guys are the best readers ever! Now a note of caution, actually, two. 1) I have done a TON of research about newborns and parenthood etc., but please keep in mind that I have no personal experience in that area so if I mess anything up, my apologies. 2) I got really caught up in writing about this little family so for basically the first week and a half of Chaya's life, there is very little interaction/scenes with the rest of the team. The focus is very much on T,Z and their baby. I hope you guys can handle that :) Thanks so much for everything! Much love, ~Aliyah_

Chaya's cry rang clearly through the baby monitor half an hour before the movie was over. Tony was on his feet in seconds and taking the stairs two at a time, wanting Ziva to stay put. Chaya was whimpering in her bassinet when he appeared but calmed as soon as she was in his arms and not alone.

Tony brought Ziva's nursing pillow and stopped in the nursery to grab a receiving blanket and some burp clothes. She'd hardly spit up at all yet, but he wanted to be prepared in case of. Ziva was ready when he handed Chaya to her and on smelling Ziva's scent, the baby turned her head, found the nipple and latched on, getting a mouthful of breast and sucking like they hadn't fed her in days.

Tony slid back into his place beside Ziva and watched the baby eat. "Geez C, you'd never know it's only been a couple hours." He stroked her cheek and tickled her feet, causing Chaya to squirm.

Ziva frowned at him. "Stop distracting her Tony."

He chuckled. "Sorry, her feet are hard to resist." Ziva rolled her eyes but kept her attention on her child.

A half hour and time on both breasts later, Chaya was finished eating and Tony took her and a blanket, holding the baby on his shoulder as he gently patted her back. Ziva was ready with a cloth when the bubble of air escaped along with a dribble of milk. Tony heard a noise and lowered Chaya into his arms, scrunching his nose.

"I think someone needs a diaper change." He stood and walked upstairs slowly, Ziva at his side. Her blinks were getting longer and she kept forcing herself to look awake, so his next priority was to get her to take a nap.

In the nursery Ziva got out a change of clothes while Tony carefully undressed the baby and used several wipes to clean her bum. A fresh diaper in place, Ziva took over and slid on something that snapped up between her legs. She lifted the baby, kissed her head and whispered soft words he couldn't hear in her ear.

With Chaya's weary eyes falling closed and fighting open a few times, sleep wasn't far away and she settled into her bed no problem. Tony stood behind Ziva as they watched their baby fall asleep and then spoke quietly. "You need sleep too Zi."

"I have had eight hours," she protested half-heartedly.

His chest rumbled as he choked back a laugh. "Doesn't count when it's not all at once, and may I remind you that you only gave birth two and a half days ago? A nap is not a bad thing."

She sighed and lowered herself to the bed, rearranging pillows and the covers. "Maybe just for a little while."

"Good idea." Tony tucked her in, his lips lingering on her forehead. "Sweet dreams."

Ziva's eyes struggled open. "You should too."

"Later," he promised, "I have to change the laundry and do a few things." She was out before she could demand clarification of what needed to be done.

Pushing back his own fatigue, Tony made his way to the spare room and turned on his computer. Once he found the file, a blank page appeared on screen and he set his fingers on the keys.

_Ziva, as is the meaning of your name, the brilliant light you have brought to my life is far beyond what I deserve. And now to have our daughter...I am left with the profound conclusion that I am unworthy, but I am incredibly fortunate to be loved anyway._

He considered the words and smiled.

_Don't laugh Zi, I was trying to be poetic. Here we are on Day Two of being parents. I'm done in from lack of sleep, so how you're still standing after going through labour and delivery I have no idea. You're stronger than me, but I think it's because you love our daughter so much. You're already willing to do anything for her._

Tony's thoughts drifted back over the months since Ziva's test results came back and he remembered the first time Chaya had been put in his arms.

_Our daughter. If you'd told me in December that I'd one day be claiming your baby as mine, that on my finger would be a ring announcing our commitment to the world and our promise of forever, I would've laughed because that was a dream I had no chance of reaching. But here we are sweetheart and even if it's months before I get a full night's sleep and months longer before I can do more than hold you, I have no regrets._

The sentence stared back at him in stark contrast to the white background and Tony could find nothing false in it. Each word was true.

_You are my light, my love, my gift Ziva. You and Chaya are the best things that have ever happened to me. I feel nothing but gratitude. Thank you Ziva, for loving me and for being my soulmate, my neshama. I will love you every day of my life. -T._

Pouring out his heart was draining and Tony suddenly found he could barely keep his eyes open. Saving the document and setting aside his computer, Tony trudged back into their room, peeked at his sleeping baby and crawled into his side of the bed. Even deeply asleep, Ziva moved back into him. Tony shared her pillow, laid his arm over hers and fell into dreams. This was peace.

**NCIS**

Despite their attempt to be up for the day, Tony and Ziva napped away the rest of the afternoon, sleeping whenever their daughter did. By the time early evening rolled around and Chaya finished her eighth feeding, both parents were a little more rested and actually made it all the way to the first floor to get something accomplished rather than fall back into bed.

Tony leaned against the counter and held out his arms. Ziva went willingly to him and laid her head on his chest. For awhile they just held each other, feeling their hearts beat together. Then Ziva sighed. "If I do not do something, I will fall asleep."

He kissed her head. "She's two and a half days old Zi, if you want to sleep, you can." One of Tony's eyebrows rose. "According to Mandy, you should still be in bed."

Ziva shook her head and brushed her knuckles over his stubbly cheek. Shaving hadn't exactly been a priority yet. "I do not want the only time I see you to be when we go to bed."

When her eyes dropped to his lips, Tony grinned and took the invitation but didn't rush the kiss. They needed this time to connect when neither of them were holding a sleeping baby or fast asleep themselves. Ziva pulled away and pressed her lips to his again briefly before eyeing the sink full of dirty dishes.

"Wash or dry?"

Sighing at the loss of contact, he made a face. "Wash." It was important to take turns.

After the kitchen was made mildly presentable, Tony grabbed the last load of laundry out of the dryer and they sat on the couch watching re-runs and folding clothes. Unlike a similar evening at his apartment months ago, Ziva didn't shy away from touching his boxers. Instead she made them into neat squares and ran her fingers over the pile softly. Her actions were enough to make Tony squirm even though she wasn't doing it on purpose and he had to look away.

Seeing the flush that crept into Ziva's cheeks if he even glimpsed her underwear, Tony made a point not to reach for any of the silky or lacy pieces. Finally everything was loaded back into baskets for transportation upstairs, and since Ziva wasn't supposed to lift more than Chaya, that got to be his job.

Ziva curled into his side to see the end of the program and Tony put his arm around her. It would've been nice to talk, to share whatever was on their hearts, but being together in the silence was enough for now, when simply being awake was a huge accomplishment. As the credits rolled, she turned her head and softly kissed his neck.

Tony froze, wanting to capture the feeling. He cleared his throat. "What was that for?"

She smiled. "For everything. Thank you."

He was puzzled, she'd been saying 'thank you' an awful lot. "If you tell me what I did, I'll do it again."

Ziva sat up a little to meet his gaze. "It is not just one thing, it is all the things you have done. From loving me to being Chaya's father, and so much in-between." She shrugged. "I feel like I have not said it enough."

His wife had a knack for leaving him speechless. Wishing he was better with words, Tony lifted her hand and kissed the back. "I'd do it all over again," he said hoarsely and Ziva's smile went straight to his heart. He stood and helped her up, trailing his fingers over her face before kissing her forehead. "I bet she's just waking up now."

Ziva nodded and headed upstairs while Tony stacked the laundry baskets and carefully climbed all sixteen steps. She was kneeling by the bassinet when he set the clothes by the closet and he walked over, looking at Ziva as she watched the baby stir. Chaya started sucking her tiny fist and Ziva scooped her up, settling back on the bed and getting ready to let her nurse.

Tony got her some water and when he returned, motioned for her to leave forward so he could slide in behind her. Ziva looked curious. "You want to be my pillow?"

"Your support," he corrected, encouraging her to relax against his chest. She did and Tony watched over her shoulder as Chaya sucked and swallowed, the sound audible in the quiet room. He kissed her neck and could almost feel her smile. "You're really good at this, being her mom."

Ziva considered his comment. "I thought it would be scarier, having her depend on me, being responsible for a life not my own. But with you it is not. Somehow I know what to do, some of the time at least."

Their sleepy baby barely stayed awake to have her diaper changed and was out moments after they laid her down. Ziva stood and got lightheaded. She grimaced. "I do not think I can keep my eyes open any more."

Tony checked his watch. "Good a time as any to hit the hay." She gave him a blank look and he shook his head. "Bedtime Zi." She followed his lead and minutes later they were laying down, separated by only the blanket, sure they would be exhausted until the end of time.

**NCIS**

Five feedings later Ziva woke up with very full breasts. She was surprised at the change in size and realized her milk must've come in. Chaya woke just as she was sitting up and started gnawing on her hand, her little lips smacking together. Latching on took a couple tries and by the time it worked Chaya was getting frustrated. She was hungry every two hours to the minute and it was taking too long. But then she got a good latch and began suckling in earnest.

Nursing lasted longer this time because the baby was getting actual milk now, not just colostrum. Ziva was relived because Chaya's hunger helped relieve a little of the pressure, but she was still feeling uncomfortably hard when the baby finished. Nudging Tony, who slept face down on the pillow, she waited.

Tony snorted and groaned. "S'ok Zi, I'll get her."

Ziva giggled. "She is already here Tony. Can you burp her?"

Coming fully awake, Tony yawned and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah, sure, sorry."

"Do not apologize for sleeping," Ziva said, draping a blanket over his shoulder and settling the baby against his chest. Tony blinked at her, his eyes drawn to her chest and back up. His mouth opened and she held up one finger. "Seriously consider your next words, because this is not as fun as it looks."

He pressed his lips together and focused on rubbing Chaya's back. Tony coughed and stared at a point on the bedspread. "Uh...I...don't know what to say."

She smirked. "That is a first. And probably for the best. I am not sure I want to know what you are thinking. This is not what I expected either."

Unsure if her comment needed a response, Tony kept quiet. Chaya burped and he felt her bottom. "Looks like the diaper brigade is needed again. We'll be right back." Knowing that Chaya would go right to sleep afterwards, Ziva lay down and closed her eyes, trying to find a comfortable position. She heard Tony return to the room and put Chaya in her bed. He climbed in beside her but faced the other direction and both were quickly enveloped in sleep again.

The next feeding did not go so well. Her breasts were engorged to the point that Chaya couldn't latch on. The baby cried because she was hungry, Ziva was frustrated and hurting, and Tony didn't know what to do with either of them. Chaya finally got just the nipple and sucked vigorously. It was incredibly painful for Ziva and she could only bear it for a few minutes before pulling away.

Chaya protested loudly and feeling overwhelmed, Ziva shoved her at Tony and put herself back together, helplessness consuming her because she couldn't feed her daughter. With a little bit in her tummy, Tony was able to calm the baby as he walked the room and she was in a very light sleep when he lay down with Chaya on his chest. Ziva refused to acknowledge him and waited until Tony was breathing deeply before she slipped out of bed and went into the bathroom.

A few minutes later Ziva was in shower, trying to relax before attempting to feed Chaya again. She knew the nap wouldn't last long and needed to express some breastmilk so it would be easier for the baby to latch on, but her breasts were painful to the touch and reminders of Somalia crowded in. Unwelcome memories intruded and Ziva remembered methods of torture that targeted specific body parts. She started crying because it hurt, both physically and emotionally, and she didn't have the strength to push it away this time.

She thought she was alone, that she was being quiet enough, that no one could hear, but Ziva forgot the door had been left open in case Chaya cried. Tony had predictably woken shortly after she left the room. From the bedroom he could hear soft sounds he recognized from her after nightmare moments and he gently laid Chaya down in the bassinet before moving quickly to the bathroom, glad he'd just been wearing his boxers when he collapsed into bed after an earlier feeding. It had felt too hot in their room to bother with pants and Ziva was already sleeping so he didn't bother waking her up to make sure it was okay. When she said nothing the next time they woke, Tony assumed she didn't mind.

Before she had time to register the movement, his body was pressed against her back, his soothing voice whispering in her ear that it was alright, that they were going to make it through this, and his hands come up to gently cover hers on her breasts. He held her in the shower, under the running water and let her cry.

The pain flowed from her, as visible as if it were tinged red with the blood washing down the drain. Tony didn't ask what was wrong, at that moment his throat was so tight that speaking would've been impossible. Through the haze of fatigue and the agony gripping her body, Ziva thought that maybe her husband was able to guess at what she was thinking and feeling. How else could he do so well to bring comfort?

With a tenderness he seemed to have developed since the first time he held their daughter, Tony helped her release some breastmilk to relieve the pressure on her swollen, aching breasts. She put her hands over his, showing him the way the nurses had shown her, and didn't say much. Ziva couldn't even find the words to thank him for understanding when she was so tired and overwhelmed, but she hoped that somehow he knew how much she appreciated what he was giving.

While she dried off and got partially dressed to feed her daughter, Tony disappeared. He was back minutes later to sit with her while Chaya nursed and she wondered why he didn't sleep, but knew he wanted to support her however he could. When the baby finished, he was gone again before she could ask if he wanted to burp Chaya and although Ziva was mystified, she felt too worn out to contemplate his absence.

She almost kissed him in pure gratitude when he came back, having followed one of the strangest pieces of advice they'd read in the book about how to deal with breast soreness - two tiny newborn diapers filled with water and chilled that were then placed inside her nursing bra. The soothing of the cold against her skin made Ziva close her eyes in relief. It helped as well that the little girl had been hungry since she'd barley gotten any milk before and had nursed long enough to soften both breasts.

He slept against her when they lay down after putting the sleeping newborn back in her bed, and Ziva could only whisper 'thank you' before falling asleep, wishing she had more adequate words to describe what he had done for her. Tony was the best remedy she'd ever experienced.


	43. Chapter 43

_A/N: I have good news. I have now written far enough ahead to start posting 2x a week again. So starting today, we will go back to the original schedule of Tues/Fri new chapters. Thanks so much for all the reviews and support. There is so much more coming for this family and I can't wait for you to see all of it! :) ~Aliyah_

Ziva woke up an hour after laying down to discover her husband missing from beside her. Peeking in on Chaya who was still sleeping peacefully, she went looking for Tony. She found him in the kitchen stirring something in a frying pan. "Hey," he smiled as she ran her fingers through her messy hair. He loved when her curls looked wild and untamed, like in the early days.

"Hi." Ziva moved closer to investigate what he was making. "Breakfast?"

Tony checked the clock. "More like lunch by now. You must be starving." They'd been so focused on Chaya and sleeping the last couple days that food had been forgotten, but he knew both of them, Ziva especially, needed to eat.

She looked surprised, as if she'd only just realized they'd missed a couple meals. "I am."

He glanced at her chest then quickly away. "Uh...how are you feeling?"

Ziva grimaced. "I am dreading her next feeding."

Tony nodded at the fridge. "I've already got diapers chilling."

Ziva walked up behind him and slid her arms around his waist, holding him lightly because her body was quite sore at the moment. "You are the best."

He flashed a grin. "I aim to please." Flipping the omelette onto a plate, he added a sprinkle of cheese and a slice of toast, handing it to her with a kiss on the cheek. "Your breakfast, m'lady."

Ziva sat on one of the stools at the island. "Are you having one?"

Tony joined her, pushing a bowl of fruit towards her, and set down his own plate. "I put peppers in mine but left yours plain, just in case."

Her brow furrowed. "In case what?"

He chuckled. "In case our three day old baby doesn't want milk tasting like peppers."

She smiled. "Have you thought of everything?"

Sitting beside his wife was too tempting and Tony didn't even try to resist kissing her. "I hope so," he whispered.

They enjoyed their meal and time together and were startled out of their silent communication of looks and touches when the phone rang at one pm. Tony grabbed it. "DiNozzo residence."

"Good afternoon Tony," came Grace's familiar voice.

He grinned. "Hi Nonna, are you coming to visit?" He listened and looked at Ziva. "Yes I cleared it with my wife, she's looking forward to seeing you." She spoke again and he nodded. "Fifteen minutes? Okay." Glancing around, Tony winced. "Uh, don't expect much - we're in pjs and the house in a little...lived in at the moment." Grace's answer made him laugh. "See you soon."

Ziva waited until he returned the phone to it's stand. "It is a good thing I showered this morning."

Tony lifted his shirt and sniffed it. "I'm beginning to wish I had too." He frowned. "When was the last time I took a shower?" His hand scraped over the stubble on his chin. "Or shaved?"

Ziva searched her memory and shrugged helplessly. She couldn't remember if he'd been clean shaven at any point yesterday or not since Friday. "Yesterday, maybe, for the shower. The days and nights are kind of blending together."

Tony bit his lip. "I think I'll go grab a quick one before Grace comes. That way at least we know I'm sanitary."

She put their dishes in the sink. "I will work on my blanket until she gets here, there is not much left."

"Alright." He kissed her again and Ziva smiled. Nearly a month and she still wasn't used to this, to loving him, but she was glad for a lifetime stretched before her to cherish these moments.

When the doorbell rang at quarter past one, Ziva set aside her crocheting and Tony appeared on the stairs cradling a sleeping infants in his arms. Ziva opened the door and smiled. "Grace, welcome."

The older woman stepped inside and hugged Ziva carefully. "How are you?"

She glanced back at her husband and daughter. "Tired and sore but very happy."

Tony was next and Grace leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I won't stay long but I just had to come and meet this little angel." Her arms formed the shape to hold the baby that Tony handed her as carefully as a great treasure. Chaya barely stirred and curled up tighter.

"Oh, what a sweet thing you are!" Grace whispered, sitting down in the nearest chair while Tony moved to Ziva's side. They watched with proud, tired smiles as their friend blinked back tears of joy at their baby. "You are a miracle little one," she informed Chaya. "Mommy and Daddy have been waiting a long time to meet you."

Grace ran one fingers along Chaya's arm and leg, caressing her sleeper covered foot. Finally she looked up at Tony and Ziva. "She's so precious."

"She is," Tony agreed, his arm around Ziva. "It's hard to remember what life was like without her."

Ziva leaned on Tony's chest as Grace held Chaya and just savoured the moment. It was a great thing to watch another find the same delight in her child that she and Tony did. Several minutes later the clock struck one-thirty and right on cue Chaya started to wake. Having forgotten about that part in the excitement of having a guest, Ziva's eyes widened and she looked at Tony.

He read the concern in her expression - she hadn't nursed in front of anyone besides him. "I'll get a blanket."

Tony hurried upstairs to grab the required items, and Ziva watched as Chaya turned her face towards Grace. The older woman shook her head. "I'll give you back to Mommy love, I'm afraid I don't have what you want." Once the baby was settled in Ziva's arms and making her hunger more apparent, Grace touched Ziva's shoulder. "I'm just going to use the bathroom. Take your time."

Tony returned with a receiving blanket and the nursing pillow and Ziva adjusted her pyjama top. It was excruciating when Chaya latched on and Tony hated seeing the pain in her eyes and be unable to do anything about it. That she was hurting was not evident in her voice as she spoke softly to her daughter. He was relieved to witness her relax a few minutes into it and knew the discomfort had eased somewhat.

He draped the blanket over Ziva's shoulder and chest, covering both breast and baby, and Grace looked around the corner to make sure it was safe before she returned. She shook her head at the way in which Tony observed his wife. She almost didn't want to interrupt.

"You look like a boy with his first crush," Grace commented and Tony looked at her.

"That obvious, huh?"

She laughed. "You couldn't hide it if you tried."

He shrugged. "Wouldn't want to anyways."

"No, I didn't think so." Grace watched them for a moment. "So, how is parenthood?"

Ziva sighed and tried to smile. "Can you ask again when I remember what it feels like to sleep?"

Grace chuckled. "Yes, I can imagine that would make it more difficult."

"I did not know how much I would love her though," Ziva continued softly. "None of the inconvenience means anything now that she is here." Tony kissed her temple and glanced between them.

"No two people deserve this more." She turned her watch around. "Thank you for letting me come, but I think I'll leave you to your routine. Call me when you're feeling up to company."

"Tony is back to work after next week," Ziva pointed out. "Come then."

"I will. Goodbye and good luck."

Tony saw her to the door and returned to sit with his wife. "Was that kind of awkward? I wasn't thinking about the timing."

Ziva shrugged. "It was not so bad because she wasn't watching when Chaya started and I did not mind since she could not see. I do not know how I will feel in front of others or outside the house."

"At least we'll never run out. No trying to get milk at the store for a two am feeding," Tony pointed out.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "It will be better then things are not so uncomfortable." Chaya finished on one breast and Ziva switched her to the other side, desperately needing the relief. Her breasts were so full before Chaya nursed that she thought they might explode if she did not get the milk out.

Tony took Chaya for a diaper change before it was time to go back to bed and after getting the chilled diapers for his wife's bra. Ziva followed him up the stairs wearily. She's been up less than two hours but it seemed like much longer. Tony found her curled up around a pillow when he returned to their room. He drew the blanket up to her shoulder and crawled in, landing on his back. He was asleep before he could move to hold her. At the moment, it was the only thing that mattered.

**NCIS**

Even after a couple solid hours of sleep before Chaya needed her again, Ziva was far from alert when she left the baby with Tony to be burped and went to the bathroom, then slowly descended to the kitchen to heat them up something to eat from the multitude of single portions stacked in their freezer.

She left the food on the desk in the spare room and returned to their bedroom where the sweetest sight awaited her. Tony was wandering the floor, rocking Chaya gently. As he stared into her beautiful eyes, he was singing, "Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you./Let me hear you whisper that you love me too./Keep the lovelight shining in your eyes so blue./Let me call you sweetheart, I'm in love with you."

Ziva wished for a video camera. He laid the baby down and turned, looking only mildly self-conscious about being caught. "Hi."

"I think you are smitten Tony." Ziva's smile drew him in like a magnet and he wove their fingers together.

"Not only by her." The comment earned him a look he wished he could capture and hold onto forever. But he settled for just a taste of her lips before they retreated to the other room.

They ate dinner together, Ziva on the bed and Tony at the desk because he was less likely to make a mess on a hard surface. It was nice just to talk, not to have to rush, because they were almost guaranteed two hours before their little milk machine wanted Mommy again.

Ziva set her plate aside when the food was gone. "We cannot just keep sleeping all day because she is."

Tony pursed his lips. "I think we can, at least for the first week or so until we get used to a night's sleep being so broken up. And Mandy insisted you rest for two weeks, remember?"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "I do not want to stay in this house forever!"

He caught one of her hands in his. "Not forever, but let's give it a few more days." She looked defeated and he kissed her fingers. "It's been a really long five weeks Zi, you've got a lot of strength to get back. You're not a failure if you take it easy for awhile."

Ziva fought the incredible urge to pout and at last muttered, "Fine."

"You don't believe me," Tony could see it, "but it's true." Until it was time for Chaya to eat again, Tony played on his computer and Ziva napped. After Chaya nursed and Ziva took care of her aching breasts, Tony was in charge of the baby while his wife called Gibbs.

"Gibbs," he answered.

She smiled. "Hello Abba."

"Ziva." Celeste looked up from where she relaxed in his arms, her raised eyebrow a question about pausing the movie. He nodded and waited to see what his daughter wanted. "Everything okay?"

Ziva sighed. "Yes." She didn't say any more and Gibbs was confused.

"Why did you call?"

She thought for a moment. "To hear another voice."

He smiled, remembering what it was like with a new baby and feeling like he and Shannon were the only ones left on earth. It was very isolating. "Sick of Tony already, huh?"

"No." Ziva sounded like she was trying not to cry. "He is being too nice and it is wrong that I just want to hit him or scream."

"That'll pass." Gibbs paused. "Well, maybe not the wanting to hit him part, but feeling alone and housebound. Try to get outside every day even if you just sit on the front porch. Let Tony take care of Chaya for a few minutes if you need a break."

"I should not want a break from her." Ziva's voice was quiet and miserable and Gibbs wished he was there to give her a hug.

"You've been taking care of that baby twenty-four/seven for months Ziva," he said gently. "You had to deal with morning sickness, kicks at all hours of the day or night, your body changing and being worn out. Tony is Chaya's dad, it's his turn." She sniffed and he felt awful. "Go find your husband and get a hug honey, you don't have to explain your tears."

"I love you Gibbs," Ziva whispered and hung up.

"I love you too," he sighed into the silence.

"Is she okay?" Celeste asked because she cared.

Gibbs dragged one hand down his face. "She will be. But Ziva isn't used to feeling overwhelmed and this is hard."

Ziva dropped the phone and left the room, nearly running into Tony in the hallway. He saw the tear tracks and frowned. "Hey, Ziva, what's wrong?" But she shook her head and threw her arms around his neck. Tony held her, gently rubbing her back. "Oh Ziva, it's okay." He could feel her shaking as she wept onto his shirt. Holding her tighter, he kissed her hair, having to guess at what the problem was. "I love you, we're in this together."

For a long time they stood there because Ziva refused to let go. Finally she pulled away, touched his cheek and applied the gentlest pressure of her lips, much like in the bathroom after Somalia. Then she went downstairs without a word, leaving Tony feeling hollow because he didn't know how to help.

He shook himself and grabbed the phone from the spare room, wandering into the nursery as he dialed. A familiar voice answered and just the sound made him smile. "Hi Abs."

"Tony!" she squealed and he could picture the grin on her face. "How are you? How's Ziva and Chaya? When can I come see my adorable niece?"

Tony chuckled. "We're still getting the hang of things. You won't believe how tiring it is to take care of a newborn when all they do it eat, sleep and dirty diapers."

She giggled. "So can we come over? It's been two days and I'm dying to see you guys."

He sighed. "Not yet. We really need this week to figure out how to be a family. Maybe next weekend though, if that works for you."

Abby's pout could be heard through the phone line and she sighed heavily. "You know that's like, six days away, right?"

"I know," Tony commiserated, "but I think you'll understand when it's your turn."

She thought about that. "Okay. But remember we're here if you need anything."

Tony smiled. "Just hearing your voice helps Abs, trust me."

"Good." He heard muffled voices and Abby came back. "I gotta take Sammy out, but McGee wants to talk to you."

"Okay. Say hi to the team for us."

"Will do. Bye!" The phone switched hands and McGee came on.

"Tony, how's parenthood?"

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Exhausting. Chaya sleeps like, seventeen hours a day, but only in one or two hour snatches. It's worse than working an overnight case because we just get to taste real sleep and she's up again."

McGee was quiet a moment. "Do you guys need anything?"

Tony shook his head. "Besides sleep, which isn't going to happen for months probably, we're okay. Just need some time to get used to this new routine, I guess."

"How's Ziva?"

It was nice to know they cared. "It's been a rough day. Between nursing difficulties and the drop in hormones, she's feeling kinda overwhelmed and a little teary. I'm not really sure what to do Tim," he confessed.

"Don't be far away," McGee advised. "I've watched you guys for six years Tony. The only time things go wrong is when you don't share the same space or have those crazy eye conversations. Touch her, talk to her, say 'I love you' a thousand times if need be, but don't let her pull away."

"Thank you ," Tony teased, secretly grateful for the third party insight. "Look at you being all profound."

Tim chuckled. "Yeah, only when it's not my life I'm talking about." He glanced around to make sure his wife was still out of earshot. "Abby on pregnancy hormones is intimidating."

Tony laughed. "Welcome to your next five months McGee. You might want to ask for a temporary transfer to Siberia."

"Nah," McGee decided, "I'd hate to miss out on the fun, even if it is like playing with matches in a room full of dynamite." The door slammed and Tony heard Abby's voice.

"Have a good night Tim, and thanks."

"Anytime. Call us if we can help."

"I will." Tony hung up and took a deep breath before going downstairs.

Ziva was sitting on the couch, intensely focused on the yarn in her hands as her fingers and the small metal hook added stitch after stitch to the yellow blanket. He sat down beside her and reached over to still her movements. "Zi," he whispered, "come here, please."

Her eyes flitted all over the room before stopping to rest on him and Tony saw the war waged in her gaze before she dropped her project and decided to be vulnerable with him. In a way they hadn't done in months, Tony laid down on the couch and pulled her back against his chest. A throw pillow supported their heads and Ziva tugged his arm across her shoulders, holding on tightly.

He brushed back her hair and kissed behind her ear. "Talk to me honey."

She sighed. "It is not just you and me anymore Tony. We are us now, we are parents and a family." Ziva pressed back into him and her voice was very quiet. "I am afraid to lose this."

Her words shocked him. "This? You and me? Why would we lose it? I think it's only going to get better and be more from now on."

She shook her head. "We have Chaya now. What if we get so caught up in the baby that we forget about each other?"

"Never gonna happen," Tony said firmly. He turned her face towards him and Ziva rolled over, staring into his eyes, desperately needing the reassurance. But he couldn't find the words and kissed her instead. He parted her lips gently, drinking her in, his fingers weaving into her hair. Ziva's hand fisted in his shirt and she tried to get closer. He almost lost it when she whimpered into his mouth and Tony had to break the kiss.

He was breathing hard, trying to get his heartrate down and wishing so hard for the freedom to do more than just kiss her. It was a struggle, because even though he knew the noise she made was involuntary, that she hadn't done it to test him, Ziva made him want her without even trying and Tony wasn't sure he wanted her to stop. But what he wouldn't give for nothing keeping them apart.

Tony sighed and rested his forehead on hers. "I'm not going anywhere Ziva, I love you. We're not going to lose us, I promise. I'm not letting go."

He felt tears on her cheeks again but somehow he knew they were tears of relief, not sadness. In her eyes he read everything she couldn't say and for a long time their locked gazes were their only communication. Then Tony needed a break and got up, coming back with two bowls of smartie ice cream, kissing her after the first bite just to see her smile.

She pointed her spoon at him. "Eat your own ice cream." But the life was back in her eyes and it was worth the frustration of being so close but so far away from being able to have her.

They were back upstairs before Chaya woke up and ready for bed so they could go to sleep as soon as their baby did. An uncomfortable nursing session for Ziva and a clean diaper from Tony later, both parents were under the covers and spooned together in their favourite position. Ziva was drawing her finger over the back of his hand while they drifted off and finally Tony had to ask.

"You've been doing that for months Zi, does it have a meaning or do you just like touching me?"

She looked back over her shoulder with a coy smile. "I do like touching you," Ziva agreed, "but you are missing the point."

He started paying more attention when she slowed down the motion of her fingers and repeated the pattern very deliberately. "It feels like letters," Tony realized and she kept doing it. I...L...Y. ILY. ILY over and over. "I love you?" he guessed, swallowing hard and wishing he'd caught on sooner. She'd been saying it all along and he never knew.

Ziva grinned. "I hope that is not a question."

"Is it the answer?" She nodded and met him halfway for the kiss she knew was coming.

"I love you Tony," she whispered into his neck before rolling over.

Tony held her close, gratitude welling up in his heart. He could hardly believe he was really here with Ziva and Chaya, that this was real. But it was and nothing could ever be better than right now.


	44. Chapter 44

Chaya's four am feeding did not go well. She was fussy because they woke up late and kept latching and unlatching as she snacked rather than ate, bringing Ziva very close to tears with the pain. It was five before she could be soothed to sleep and then it started all over again two hours later.

Ignoring the clock, Tony and Ziva stayed in bed until noon and then decided to get up and shower. They were tired but had the urge to do something. Both were extremely glad Tony didn't have to go to work and he made them peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch, much to Ziva's amusement.

Two-thirty found them back in their room with a hungry baby. When Chaya finished eating, Ziva handed the baby to her father. "She needs a bath."

Tony raised his eyebrows and drew a circle on Chaya's tummy around the umbilical cord stump they'd been careful not to touch. "I thought we weren't supposed to get this wet."

"A sponge bath then," Ziva amended and got up to start gathering what they needed.

She came back with a clean cloth, the hooded bunny towel they'd purchased, a clean diaper and wipe, a new outfit, a cup and the empty baby tub. She filled it a few inches with warm water from the shower and brought the bottle of baby shampoo from Jackie out as well.

Ziva set everything up on the floor and Tony joined her with Chaya, laying his daughter down to carefully undress her. Ziva wet the washcloth and wiped the baby's eyes - which she didn't like - then her nose and ears. Dipping it in the warm water again, she gently washed Chaya's face and moved onto Step Two.

"Hold her head over the tub," she instructed her husband. Tony looked confused and Ziva rolled her eyes. "Just hold her like a football."

The example helped and Ziva poured water out of a cup over Chaya's hair. The baby squirmed but didn't otherwise protest and Tony adjusted his hands to keep her from falling. With gentle fingers Ziva massaged the shampoo over Chaya's head and rinsed the lather off. Then Tony laid Chaya down on the towel again and took the cloth to clean behind her ears, her neck, arms, back, tummy and legs with Ziva patting the skin dry after.

Last was a diaper change, using wipes first and then the cloth to make sure her bum was really clean. The newly washed, happy naked baby lay before them for only a few seconds before she was in a clean diaper, having her hair rubbed dry and ready to be re-dressed.

But since she wasn't dressed yet, Tony took off his shirt and lay on the bed with her. The little girl fell sound asleep to the sound of her daddy's heartbeat and Ziva let them both nap for awhile before she lifted the baby off and swaddled her for warmth before putting her down in the bassinet.

With that done, she curled up next to her husband and lay listening to him breathe, her fingers trailing through his chest hair and enjoying the warmth of his skin. Tony woke up to the feeling and kissed her until Ziva pushed him away with a shake of her head and a smile that promised more later.

The couple slept until Chaya's next feeding and then had supper. Being awake and doing things had taken a surprising amount of energy and they were getting ready for bed a couple hours later. Ziva spread out one of Chaya's nicer blankets on her side and settled in, her daughter's bunny tucked in her arms. Tony came back from brushing his teeth and gaped at her.

"Have I been replaced?" he asked, pointing at the animal.

Ziva glared at him. "It was Mandy's idea, do not laugh." Tony tried hard to obey but a chuckle escaped and her eyes narrowed. "You are mocking me."

He bit his lip. "I just didn't see you as the type who needed a security item. Y'know, being a ninja and everything."

She sat up and threw her pillow at him. He caught it, laughing, and kissed her before he got into bed. "I love you Ziva, stuffed toys and all."

"If you take a picture, I will kill you in your sleep," she warned. "Maybe with a diaper. I am sure they are good for smothering."

Tony's eyes lit up. "I didn't even think of that. But now that you gave me the idea..." He should've known better than to taunt a former assassin and even though it was a warning, the punch he caught in the stomach still hurt.

"Ow," he complained, rubbing the spot.

"Baby," she muttered, rolling over.

Tony was smart enough to wait a few minutes before he tried to cuddle with her. "Still love me?"

She nodded. "Even when you are a pain." Ziva relaxed in his arms and Tony closed his eyes, knowing that in an hour or two they'd be up again. Right now he'd trade his least favourite movie for five hours of solid sleep.

**NCIS**

By early Tuesday morning Ziva's breasts were feeling much better. Chaya's one am feeding had lasted longer than the others, leaving her relatively pain-free and much less swollen and tender than the last two days. The routine of feeding and sleeping continued until nine am when Tony left Ziva sleeping in bed to get some things on his list done.

He went down two flights to scope out the basement and see what needed to be done to turn the front half of it into a workout room/dance studio. He wanted a place for a punching bag and treadmill, weights and also a bar and mirror to practice her ballet moves with. The floor could be mostly mats with a section of wood flooring and Tony paced it out to figure the size.

Making some notes to check cost estimates for materials and equipment, he decided he'd have to find a way to get Ziva out of the house for a couple hours on a regular basis so work could get done. Tony knew because it was for Ziva he could rope Gibbs and McGee into helping him with the heavy lifting and the building required.

The right side of the room he didn't bother with. It currently had Ziva's old TV, couch and coffee table in it, but there was still space to make it into a playroom later on. With that taken care of, he picked up the phone. Ziva's standing Tuesday appointment would not be happening today and Devon at least deserved to know why.

After three rings her assistant answered and put him through to Devon. "Dr. Andrews."

"Hi Devon," he began, "It's Tony DiNozzo."

Devon dropped her pen. "Is Ziva okay?"

He chuckled. "Depends on when you ask. Taking care of a newborn is keeping both of us pretty busy."

The doctor's mouth fell open. "She had the baby already? When?"

"Very early Thursday morning," Tony reported.

Almost afraid to ask, Devon made a face. "How'd it go?"

"Seven hours of labour," he replied, "and being the stubborn woman she is, didn't bother to mention it to me until she was almost halfway into it. But things went well and the c-section wasn't necessary."

"I'm glad," Devon breathed a sigh of relief. "So, I'm not going to be seeing her at eleven."

Tony shook his head. "No. Mandy tasked me with keeping her in bed as much as possible for the next couple weeks while I'm off and Ziva's recovering. But I guarantee she'll be stir crazy by the weekend so maybe we'll come in for her appointment on the eighth."

Devon made a note. "Only if she's up to it. Congratulations Tony, give Ziva my regards."

"I will. Bye Devon." Tony hung up and looked around the downstairs, trying to figure out where to start with cleaning.

Ziva came downstairs after Chaya's feeding and her shower, just in time to sample the sandwiches and salad Tony was putting together for lunch. He was trying to use up all the perishable in the fridge before they began relying totally on the pre-made meals from their friends.

She dug into the apple salad like she hadn't eaten in weeks and Tony smiled when she closed her eyes in pleasure. Ziva looked up. "I sleep through breakfast so often now and do not realize how hungry I am until I taste food."

Tony took a big bite of his sandwich. "Looks like I need to do a better job of feeding you."

Ziva swallowed and pointed her fork at him. "We need to focus on rest this week." At the look he gave her, she shrugged. "Shall I say it?" When he nodded eagerly, she sighed. "You were right." Tony grinned with glee but coughed and tried to hide it when her expression became a warning. "You can work on feeding me more often next week."

Tony chuckled and looked at his watch. "Any plans for the afternoon?"

She snorted. "I am going back to bed after her next feeding."

He smiled. "That sounds pretty good to me." A yawn followed his words and Ziva lifted an eyebrow.

"Why did you get up early?"

Tony shrugged. "I had things to do," he said vaguely, looking around. "You're doing all the hard work of breastfeeding, the least I can do is keep up with the cleaning so our house stays mildly presentable."

She smirked. "I bet we could get the team to volunteer as household help."

He nodded. "Maybe, if you asked Abby first. But I think I can handle being a domesticated house-husband for a couple weeks before we call in reinforcements."

Ziva laughed softly, remembering the case he referred to and they finished their lunch.

Chaya was up less than an hour later and soon after she finished nursing, both Tony and Ziva returned to bed for some much needed sleep. Later that evening, Chaya refused to settle after eating and the tired new parents took turns pacing around the downstairs with her. Tony figured out that she liked it when he swayed back and forth and added a little bounce to his movements. But when that didn't work for long and all else failed, snuggling on Mom's bare skin was the cure and the baby fell asleep in minutes.

Ziva just sat there rubbing her back gently and breathing in Chaya's scent. She could never get enough of it. The sweet weight of her baby was something Ziva didn't want to part with, but evenings were becoming a time for her and Tony to spend together and that was important enough for her to take Chaya to bed instead of staying on the couch.

When she returned downstairs Tony already had a movie playing. Ziva leaned down and kissed him slowly, something she was trying to remember to do at least once every day, before settling down beside him and retrieving her blanket. It was almost finished and she was eager to see her handiwork displayed in her daughter's crib. It was just one more thing that made her feel like a mom.

**NCIS**

Around two-thirty am, after she was fed and changed, Chaya decided she wasn't going to sleep. But instead of being fussy like before, now she only cried if they put her down. So Tony and Ziva took turns cradling their baby and enjoying how alert she was even though it was the middle of the night.

Tony scooted closer to Ziva and bent to kiss Chaya's head. "Look who's a beautiful wide awake girl. Not sleepy even after that nice warm breastmilk princess?"

The little girl surveyed him with dark blue eyes as if she was soaking in every word he said. Finding himself with a captive audience, Tony turned on his thousand watt grin. "I think you like being the center of attention little one, with me and Mommy all to yourself."

"Kind of like your daddy," Ziva murmured, brushing her fingers over Chaya's fine curls.

Tony made a face at his wife. "Not exactly where I was going with that."

"But it is true, n'est-ce pas?"

"Too tired to stick to one language ninja?" he teased gently.

Ziva closed her eyes. "They are getting all tumbled together. It is a good thing she is too young to be confused."

"I can take her," he offered and Ziva relinquished her daughter, sliding down a bit and shifting pillows to get comfortable.

"Thank you."

"We're supposed to be doing this together, right?" Tony wracked his brain for a good one sided conversation to have with the baby and settled on a lecture about the best silent films. It didn't exactly have the effect of lulling her to sleep as he'd hoped, though Ziva stifled a yawn or two. He frowned. "I'll try not to take that personally."

She waved her hand. "I have heard this rant before."

Tony pouted and then looked at Chaya. "Hopefully you'll soak up some of the movie experience I have to offer kiddo." The baby blinked and her eyes were definitely getting heavier. He got another idea and stood up to walk the floor. His voice was soft and low as he began a lullaby rendition of Nat King Cole's L-O-V-E.

"L is for the way you look at me/O is for the only one I see/V is very, very extraordinary/E is even more than anyone that you adore can love."

The sound of his singing finally carried Chaya into dreamland and when he stopped, Ziva smiled and opened her eyes a crack. "I love you."

Tony grinned and leaned over to kiss her before laying Chaya down. "That song applies to us too babe." He returned to bed and took her in his arms.

"Love is all that I can give to you/Love is more than just a game for two," he crooned into her ear. "Two in love can make it/Take my heart but please don't break it/Love is made for me and you."

Ziva sighed contentedly, snuggling back even further into his embrace. "I will take care of your heart Tony."

He kissed her temple. "And I will cherish your trust, mio amore."

The love between them was almost something that could be reached out and touched. And even if they might only sleep for an hour, Tony knew these were the best moments and this was what he wanted every day for the rest of his life.

**NCIS**

Tony smiled down at his wife who lay with one arm up by her head, the other across her stomach. Wild brown hair was splayed over the pillow and the ivory sheet was pulled up to cover her chest. She looked so utterly kissable right now that he couldn't help himself. He rested one hand on her hip and leaned down to brush her lips lightly with his.

Despite his gentle touch, Ziva still jerked in surprise and tried to move. He kept his hand holding her and used the other to push back her hair. "Hey," Tony said softly, "easy Zi, it's only me."

Ziva instantly relaxed and closed her eyes again. "You would think that after this long I would get used to having a man in my bed."

"And not just any man," he grinned, "but your very own husband."

She smiled but didn't open her eyes. "I really like the way that sounds."

Tony lifted her left hand and kissed her fingers. "Do you now? Well I love every time I get to introduce you as Ziva DiNozzo."

"A new life, a new name," she said philosophically. "It is strange not to sign David. I did not think it would ever change."

"But you're not sorry it did, right?" His confidence seemed to need constant reassurance about this momentous step they'd taken, even though it was far too late for either of them to turn back now.

Ziva finally looked at him, her eyes caressing his face with a tenderness he'd never even hoped to see. "Tony, do I have to say it again?"

Tony bit his lip. "Well, it has been at least four hours since the last time. And you were half asleep, I'm not sure it counted."

She rolled her eyes. "We should all be asleep at three in the morning. But your daughter was hungry."

He smirked. "Mine huh?"

Ziva waved her hand. "Are not parents supposed to blame it on the other one when a child is out of line?"

"A newborn being hungry is out of line?"Tony protested incredulously.

She considered this. "No. I suppose if my stomach was only the size of a large marble, I would be hungry every two hours as well."

"So?" he asked.

Ziva eyed him as if she had no idea what he was talking about. "So what?"

He frowned. "Are you going to say it?"

She reached up to touch his face. "I love you Tony. I have loved you since..." Ziva trailed off, unable to pinpoint the exact moment.

Tony realized he'd never asked her that either. "When did you start loving me Ziva?"

She shrugged helplessly, coming up empty in her mental search. "I do not know. Somewhere between being broken and starting to heal. Between the terror of the dreams and the comfort of your arms. Between pushing you away and letting you get close. I do not remember when, but I knew that I loved you the night you were sick and I stayed on the couch."

A slow smile spread across his face. "That was the first time you knew you loved me? Before I got the house and let you decorate it? Before the piano? Before I all but told you and then chickened out?"

Ziva held onto that memory, of sitting in the livingroom with him. "It was written all over your voice and your touch. But somehow it still surprised me when you said those words in your proposal."

Tony snorted. "Longest proposal on record. Most guys keep is simple, four little words. I had to tell you everything all at once. I was so afraid you were going to say no."

She slid her hand around the back of his neck and pulled him down to kiss him. "No was not an option," Ziva said simply, unable to imagine a different outcome than the life they now shared, and he had to kiss her again just for saying it.

Then Chaya cried and interrupted the moment and Tony left to get her. It was nice to hear the things he didn't know, but even better to hear them now that she was his. Ziva and Chaya, they were his miracles every day. Nothing compared to the gift of getting to hold them and knowing that he would love them forever and ever, with all of his heart.


	45. Chapter 45

_A/N: I' m here to announce another change in the posting schedule. I've had a lot of time to write in the last week and a half so I will be posting Mon/Wed/Fri this week :) Surprise! Lol...enjoy! Thanks for sticking with this guys. ~Aliyah_

Chaya had fed four more times by mid-afternoon and Ziva flopped back on the pillows, watching the little girl who had fallen asleep on the bed after having her diaper changed. She frowned. "I am tired of being in bed!"

Tony, just returned from disposing of the dirty diaper, paused. "Okay." He pulled on a shirt and Ziva stared at him.

"Just okay? What does that mean?"

He walked over to kiss her and gathered up his sleeping daughter. "I have an idea. I'll take Chaya so you can shower and get dressed because you'll feel better in something that's not pjs. Meet me downstairs when you're ready." Tony kissed the baby's head. "She can sleep in the swing for a bit." Ziva opened her mouth to say something but he grinned and shook his head. "You'll see Zi, just meet me downstairs."

Since his surprises had not been bad yet, Ziva decided to trust him and nodded, moving a little less slowly than the day they came home as she looked for an outfit to wear and got ready to shower. Tony meanwhile, wasted no time getting busy. Carefully depositing Chaya in the swing set up behind the diningroom table, he went through the fridge and got out everything he needed, then retrieved the picnic basket from the garage. Checking to make sure the baby hadn't stirred, he began putting together a generous lunch spread.

Leaving the sliding door open so he could hear Chaya if she cried, he took a couple thick blankets and laid them down under the large maple tree near the back of the yard. The basket and several pillows followed, along with a couple of Chaya's toys and her baby blanket.

On his way back inside, Tony studied the back of the house, trying to envision the covered porch he and Ziva had talked about when they found patio furniture the day they'd gone shopping for baby stuff more than a week before Chaya was born. This summer would be too busy, with a new baby and his plan to finish the basement, but maybe he'd talk to Gibbs about starting it next spring and see how much the older man thought it would cost. They'd have to do some careful saving between now and then, until the mortgage was paid off.

He made it to the kitchen just as Ziva came downstairs looking very nice with her hair half pulled back in a clip, wearing black yoga capris and a bright blue nursing shirt. That she was sporting short sleeves and bare feet, her olive skin free of make-up, was just a bonus.

Tony swept her into his arms and twirled her around once before taking over her mouth for a long, deep kiss that left them both breathless. Her eyes twinkled. "I think I like how you say good morning."

He didn't bother to remind her that her morning was long gone. Instead he fingered a piece of her hair and smiled. "How are you feeling? Because you look beautiful."

The expression on her face clearly thought he was lying and she shrugged. "Tired, but not as sore. Being in something other than pyjamas helps." Ziva raised an eyebrow. "What is the surprise?"

Tony gently lifted the still sleeping baby and let her settle on his chest before moving. "Come and see."

He took her hand and led her out into the sunshine and through the soft grass over to the spot he'd created under the tree. Ziva took a deep breath and turned her face tot he sky. She stopped and Tony left her while he lay Chaya on the blanket and tucked a thin receiving blanket around her.

Ziva looked at him when he returned. "Thank you. It is so nice to be outside."

He slid his fingers between hers and kissed her again. "Anything to make you smile sweetheart."

She arched one eyebrow. "Those are brave words Senor DiNozzo. What if my smile comes at a price?"

Tony wrapped her in his arms. "It would still be worth whatever I had to give."

Ziva swallowed and pulled back to trace his face. "You are spoiling me again."

He dropped a kiss on her nose. "Part of my job." Tony caressed her cheek and looked towards the lounge chairs he'd set up, complete with the dark blue cushions they'd picked out. "Want to relax for awhile?"

She bit her lip. "I am more hungry than tired."

Tony walked backwards over to the chair holding Ziva's hands. They both sat and he opened the lid of the picnic basket. "Ta-da! Sandwiches, salad, fruit, vegetables, water, green iced tea - anything you want."

She stared at the food and back at him. "Tony..."

"It's okay Zi, I like doing this."

After a glance at Chaya who was sleeping like a rock, Ziva pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth and sighed. "Thank you."

Needing her, he took a kiss, savouring the softness of her lips. "I could get used to this being my reward."

She pushed at his chest playfully and shook her head. "If you keep stealing my breath, you will have to earn that kind of kiss."

It was in his eyes that he would do whatever it took and she suddenly didn't know how to respond. Her smile was just a glimmer but Tony understood and handed her a sandwich. "DiNozzo five star catering service is at your disposal."

Ziva shook her head and accepted the food. Between them they managed to devour most of the contents of the picnic basket. Breakfast had again been waived in favour of sleep. Finally they lay back and looked up at the leaves. Tony turned on his side to watch his wife.

"Zi? Why don't you take a nap? She'll probably sleep for another hour."

She closed her eyes without a hint of protest and he draped a light blanket over her. Then he lay on his stomach on the blanket, propped up on his elbows and watched his daughter sleep. Chaya twitched and made funny noises, even pursed her lips as if she was nursing.

Tony chuckled, wondering what she was dreaming about. His eyes caressed the tiny girl who weighted maybe five and a half pounds at the most. He brushed his finger over her palm and the grasping reflex connected them. Tony kissed her fist. "Hold on as long as you can baby girl, I promise I won't let go."

When Ziva woke up as Chaya started stirring, she had to smile at her husband. He was stretched out beside the baby, his finger caught in her grasp, fast asleep. Ziva knelt beside them and slid her fingers into his hair. "Tony..."she said softly, drawing out his name. He shifted and murmured something she didn't catch. Ziva smirked and leaned down to kiss him and the man was instantly awake to return the gesture.

"I'll play sleeping beauty any time you want to wake me up like that," he offered as soon as he could think again.

Ziva shook her head and lifted their daughter into her arms. Chaya immediately turned her head to nuzzle Ziva's shirt. She looked at her husband. "Be my pillow?"

Tony grinned. "Wouldn't miss it."

With pillows supporting his back, Tony leaned against the tree with his knees propped up and Ziva and Chaya in the space between his legs. Ziva unhooked one side of her bra and exposed her breast through a slit in the nursing shirt for Chaya to latch on. Ziva relaxed in front of him and Tony just enjoyed holding them.

He kissed Ziva's neck and she smiled at him, reaching her arm behind his head and tilting hers to the side, giving him better access. Surprised and thrilled to be granted more freedom, Tony kissed his way down her neck and across her shoulder, sliding one of the sleeves down and pressing his lips to an old burn scar. Ziva tensed and dropped her arm, cradling Chaya close and keeping her focus on the baby.

Disappointed, Tony moved the sleeve back up to cover her shoulder and put his arms around Ziva's waist. She shook her head, pushing his hands away and Tony sighed, knowing he wouldn't get an explanation until Chaya was finished eating. Ziva deliberately loosened her tight muscles and they sat in silence thinking separate thoughts until she gave him the baby and fixed her clothes.

Chaya burped with hardly any encouragement and Ziva lay her back on the blanket, rubbing her tummy until the little girl's eyes started getting heavier. Then she returned to kneel between Tony's knees and kissed him, holding his face between her hands. "I am sorry," she whispered on his skin.

Her husband's eyes begged for an explanation, why she had rejected his touch when she seemed to be enjoying it. Ziva looked away. "My clothes were always removed by force at the camp, or under order. I need to not feel that way again. If you want to touch me, I have to be the one adjusting my clothing."

Tony swallowed hard and kissed her soundly before wrapping her in his arms, securing her against his chest. "I won't rush you Ziva, I wasn't trying to. I thought you wanted me to."

Ziva met his eyes. "It was a reflex," she admitted. "Sometimes I forget. But I enjoyed your lips on my skin."

He gave her a half-grin. "I can guarantee a repeat some other time, but I'm good for a massage now."

She looked at him for a long moment before returning to her previous position and Tony knelt behind her to get the right height. He pressed his thumbs into the muscles between her shoulders and slowly worked his way down. When she had enough, Ziva simply leaned back and Tony changed positions to hold her. Words didn't seem necessary and it was suppertime before they went back inside.

**NCIS**

Shortly after three am Thursday morning, Tony and Ziva finally crawled back into bed. It had taken more than fifteen minutes for them to calm Chaya enough that she comforted, and another quarter hour after that before she settled down to sleep. Ziva suspected it was gas and had tried some methods she'd read about to help.

They'd only had about three hours of sleep so far and the couple were ready to embrace it again. Tony checked his watch as they curled up comfortably under the covers and smiled. He kissed behind Ziva's ear. "We made it."

She frowned without opening her eyes. "Mmm?"

He chuckled. "It's after three, Chaya is a whole week old and we survived."

A smile tickled the corner of her mouth and Ziva buried her face deeper in the pillow. "We will not see two weeks without sleep. Good night."

Tony wasn't ready to close his eyes yet. "I want at least ten thousand weeks with you."

Ziva laughed softly and rolled over to face him. "That is almost two hundred years Tony, I do not think we will get that far."

He made a face. "Five thousand?"

"You will be lucky to see one hundred my love, let alone one hundred and forty years of age. But you are getting closer."

Tony sighed. "What's three thousand weeks?"

Ziva put her hand over his heart. "It is a lifetime Tony, fifty-seven years."

He lay down finally, a satisfied smile gracing his face. "Fifty-seven years. That's what I'm shooting for then."

She kissed him. "Go to sleep." It was an order. Ziva returned to her side and waited for Tony's breathing to change before she relaxed. The man would drive her insane one day, but after a month with him, Ziva was certain even sixty years would still not be long enough. She was afraid to miss even a moment of being loved like this.

**NCIS**

It was after lunch before Ziva made it into the shower and Tony took their reluctant to fall asleep daughter downstairs to follow through on an idea. "You're one week old today princess," he informed the baby, "so it's about time you saw your first Disney movie."

When Ziva came down less than twenty minutes later, she raised an eyebrow at her husband, who sat on the couch holding Chaya with Little Mermaid playing. "What are you doing?"

Tony glanced at her, sure the answer was obvious. "Watching a movie."

She eyed the sleeping baby. "I see."

He snorted at her tone, which was entirely unbelieving. "You wait Ziva, it will be her favourite. You'll see."

"Yes," Ziva said slowly, "but in three years she will not remember the first time she saw it."

Tony ignored her and slouched down further, settling Chaya on his chest. "Don't pay attention to her baby girl. You're a DiNozzo and we can absorb movies subconsciously."

Ziva rolled her eyes and went to heat them up some chicken with vegetables and rice. She traded Tony his plate for the infant and once Chaya was in bed, they switched to grown-up fare - more of the new SWAT TV show Tony had purchased a few weeks ago.

After lunch they did dishes and took a nap following Chaya's next feeding. Just like that the day was drawing to a close and supper was eaten as twilight fell.

**NCIS**

For the day marking one month since he and Celeste had decided to give their relationship another try, Gibbs told his ex-wife they had plans and instructed her to dress up. When he walked in the door wearing a suit and tie, his mouth fell open at the silky blue dress that hugged her curves and drew all his attention to her eyes.

Slipping a matching wrap over her shoulders, Celeste smiled. "You're catching flies Jethro."

He snapped his mouth shut and cleared his throat. "Wow."

She chuckled. "You may have to expand your vocabulary a bit, but I'll take it."

Gibbs tipped her chin up and kissed her. "Nice colour."

Celeste pulled back and grinned. "That's a start. So, where are we going?"

He tucked her hand into his elbow and led her out. "Can't tell you."

"A surprise?" Celeste got in the car when he held the door and smoothed her dress. "Now I'm intrigued."

Gibbs drove them to an upscale restaurant and watched her eyes shine when she realized there was dancing as well. "Oh," she breathed, "we haven't been dancing since..."

"Our honeymoon," he finished for her, remembering. It had been bittersweet and far too soon after losing the girls to be able to really enjoy it. But for Celeste he had tried.

They were led to a small, intimate table and Celeste looked through the menu for something she'd never tried before. Gibbs admired her bravery and excitement for new things. She finally closed the cloth covered book and leaned her chin on her hands, watching him knowingly.

"You're getting steak."

He crossed his arms. "Hard to go wrong with steak."

Celeste rolled her eyes. "But it is a little boring, always getting the same thing."

Gibbs grunted. "I want adventure, I'll try yours."

She smirked. "If you ask nicely, I might even share."

The food was exquisite, the company familiar and enjoyable as Celeste insisted on teasing him the entire meal. Finally their plates were cleared and she looked longingly towards the dance floor. "Jethro..."

He was already in front of her, holding out his hands. "Dance with me Les?"

It was her best smile. "I'd love to."

Gibbs led her out into the center and drew her close - one arm around her waist, the other holding her hand over his heart, just like they used to do. They swayed gently to the music and occasionally he spun her out slowly and brought her back, finally linking both hands behind her. Celeste's came to rest over his shoulders.

"I want to tell you Les, but everything changes when I say those words and I don't want to rush this."

Celeste stilled and looked into his eyes, knowing immediately what he was trying to convey. She appreciated the care he was taking, how he was trying not to mess it up and knew that it would be worth the wait. Trailing her finger down his cheek, she smiled.

"I can wait. That you want to feels like a promise of its own."

He kissed her then, expressing in touch what he couldn't with words, and they were lost in their own little world until the song changed and Celeste realized they might have an audience. So Gibbs held her close and Celeste rested her head on his shoulder, thinking she could never get enough of this.

**NCIS**

During Chaya's seven pm feeding, Ziva looked over at Tony. "She is a week now, I think we need a routine."

He rolled over on his side and propped his head up with one hand, touching Chaya's feet until the baby squirmed and curled up away from his touch. Ziva glared and Tony shrugged. "Sorry, can't resist. What kind of routine were you thinking?"

Ziva shrugged. "I am not sure, but we can start with a bedtime one to help her learn the difference between day and night."

"Like a bath and putting pjs on and feeding her in the nursery and reading a story?"

She nodded. "Yes, I like that. And when Chaya is a bit older, we can have a wake up feeding and put her to bed at the same time every night."

"Works for me." He held his arms out when the baby finished. "Come here princess, Daddy will burp you and check that diaper while Mommy gets bedtime stuff ready."

By the time Chaya was burped and changed, Ziva had the sponge bath necessities gathered and they took turns washing their baby. Tony left Ziva to get Chaya in a clean sleeper while he emptied the tub and smiled when he heard her talking to the baby in Hebrew. He'd been kind of slacking off on his language lessons since the baby was born, but Tony knew he needed to get back to them. He didn't want to be left out of that part of their lives.

After Chaya was dressed, Tony and Ziva carried her to the nursery and Ziva got comfortable in the rocking chair while Tony selected a book from the shelf and took the stool. "Corduroy Bear," he began and turned to the first page, slowing Chaya the pictures even though she was falling asleep and probably couldn't see them from a little over a foot away.

Ziva smiled as she listed to Tony read, as dramatic with bedtime stories as he was describing his beloved movies. Chaya was lost in dreamland before the last page and Ziva lay her in the bassinet, watching her eyelids flutter as she settled. Tony came up behind her and put his arms around Ziva's wait, nuzzling her neck.

"Time for a you and me hour?"

She turned around and kissed him, noting that the action was now as natural as drawing her next breath. "Is that more important than sleep?"

He captured her lips again, answering the questions with a gesture rather than words, but he still wanted to clarify. "Most definitely."

"Then yes," Ziva smiled, taking her husband's hand.

Downstairs Tony put on a Will Smith movie and Ziva found her pregnancy and newborn book. They sat close on the couch, engaged in separate activities but very aware of each other. At one point Tony leaned forward, caught up in the action and Ziva idly began rubbing her hand up and down his back.

The heat from her touch electrified Tony's body and though his eyes stayed glued to the screen for safety reasons, all his senses were tuned to his wife. His physical reaction to her almost embarrassed him and Tony knew if she were every to really touch him, his self-control would snap and things would be over before they started.

Ziva felt his tension and frowned, setting down her book. "Tony?"

He shook himself and glanced at her. "Huh?"

"Why are you so on edge?" Tony make eye contact and Ziva sat up. "Do you want me to work out the knots?"

He forced a chuckle. "No offense Zi, but I don't think you touching me is going to help matters any." Tony knew the moment his words made sense because Ziva jerked her hand away as if his shirt was on fire. He sighed. "I can't help it, I don't think there's ever been a moment when I wasn't attracted to you."

She looked down and swallowed. "I wish life could be fair Tony. I wish I did not need you to be so patient." Their eyes met briefly and hers were troubled. "I cannot give you what you want."

Tony let out a breath and took a moment to calm down before reaching for her hands. "You're what I want Zi and you've already given me such a gift by becoming my wife, by building this life with me." He kissed her fingers. "I don't want you to have to be careful every time you touch me, and I don't want to stop you from getting comfortable enough to do that without a second thought. But just know that sometimes I might need space and sometimes I might act tense even if I enjoy what you're doing." Tony brushed his knuckles down her cheek. "I don't want to scare you honey and sometimes it's hard."

Ziva acknowledged his words and understood better than she wanted to. Though their hands remained joined, her thoughts were centered on how unfair it was that Tony still had to wait when it had already been months and they were married and in love. But overcoming her fear was not a simple matter of deciding it would happen, and right now the day when she didn't dread intimacy still felt a thousand years away.

Less than ten minutes later Ziva stood and left to go to bed early. Tony stayed up with the movie playing in the background but his attention was on his wife. Just once he wanted things to be easy, he wanted their love not to feel like a burden when things got hard. But in life he rarely got what he wanted and even though he had Ziva, there was so many things that had to wait.


	46. Chapter 46

Tony woke at six-thirty Friday morning when Ziva got out of bed to soothe Chaya's fussing noises with her milk and instantly realized what day it was when he caught a glimpse of Ziva's rings. She'd been quiet since their conversation last night and he wanted to make it better. As soon as Chaya was situated, he leaned over and kissed her. She didn't kiss him back, like she was waiting for an explanation.

"Stop," he whispered. "I cherish every second of this Zi, of us. I can handle the desire sweetheart and I promise I won't push you. But I need you more than I want you. Please don't pull away." Her sigh sounded like one of relief and he felt her fingers draw the pattern of letters on the back of his hand that he finally understood. Tony lifted her hand and kissed her wrist, pressing his lips to the place he could feel her pulse. "I love you."

He kept her company while she nursed and bided his time until she fell asleep. Then he slipped out of bed as stealthily as when he didn't want her to know he'd fallen asleep holding her, and took his clothes into the hall to dress without making noise. A glance at his watch showed an hour and a half until Chaya was hungry again and Ziva wondered where he was. Setting the timer on his watch just in case, Tony grabbed his wallet and keys and drove to get coffee first. He was on a very important mission.

**NCIS**

Despite his best intentions, it was almost nine-thirty when Tony finally made it home. In his arms he juggled several items including a tea for Ziva, hoping she would buy it as an excuse for him to have left. He was very surprised then when he got upstairs to find Ziva and Chaya both still asleep. The baby started to stir when he entered the room and Tony knelt by the bassinet and stroked her cheek.

"Hi princess." He picked her up and walked over to find the bag holding her present. Tony sat on the end of the bed and pulled out both items. "For being one week old you get a new book, The Balloon Tree, and a movie. It's called Tangled. I think Mommy will like it too."

"Tony?" Ziva pushed herself up, rubbing her eyes and glanced at the clock. Her mouth formed an 'O'. "She slept for two and a half hours," she said softly, then her gaze fell on the bags and the wrapped bouquet of yellow and white daffodils.

He chuckled and looked down at Chaya. "I think Mommy forgot what day it is princess. I wonder if she'll guess." Ziva frowned and shook her head. Tony grinned. "Today's the fourth Zi."

Her eyes widened and she blinked back tears. "We have been married for a month?"

"Yup," he said triumphantly, "and for that you definitely deserve flowers and tea and, oh yeah, a present."

Feeling overwhelmed, Ziva touched the flowers and breathed in the steam from her tea. "A present?"

Tony smiled. "I wasn't really sure what to get you, but I loved the way this looked." He handed her a flat package covered in brown paper. Ziva tore it open to reveal a framed picture of a beautiful day where is appeared to be raining cherry blossoms. Tony explained.

"A few years ago there was a huge windstorm at the festival and it blew all the blossoms off. Good thing there were tourists with cameras." He shrugged. "I figure you can't live in DC and not have something about the cherry blossoms."

Ziva hugged him gently, mindful of the baby in his arms. "Thank you Tony, it is beautiful."

He grinned. "Happy One Month Anniversary sweetheart."

Chaya, smelling Mommy, started crying and Ziva lifted her out of Tony's hold. "Hello sweet girl, are you growing up on us already? Two and a half hours was a nice surprise." The baby, only interested in food right now, squirmed and cried and Ziva pulled open her pyjama shirt. "You do not have very much patience tatelah, Mommy knows you are hungry."

Sucking like she was starving, Chaya put all her focus on her meal, one little hand kneading Ziva's breast as she nursed. Ziva kissed her daughter's fist. "Ani ohev atach," she whispered.

When it was clear that Chaya was going to spend longer than normal eating, Tony got Ziva's brush from the bathroom and slowly tamed the wild waves before braiding her hair to keep it out of her face. She smile her thanks and when Chaya finally finished, handed over the baby for burping and diaper change. Not that Ziva had any problem being the one to get her daughter a clean diaper, but Tony insisted that while he was home it was a Daddy job, so she didn't argue.

Both parents went back to bed after that and enjoyed the one hundred and fifty minutes of uninterrupted rest. In fact, they slept for two more of their daughter's naps with only brief moments of grabbing something to eat before they finally got up in the early afternoon.

Between the long showers both took, doing dishes and Ziva's insistnece that the floor be swept and mopped, they'd used up most of their energy and ended up falling asleep on the couch for the last hour of Chaya's nap. It was only her disgruntled cries that roused them and even then both Tony and Ziva wondered if they would ever truly feel rested again. The constant weariness made it hard to think of anything but sleeping and baby needs.

They got to spend some time holding her and talking nonsense and playing with fingers and toes before the baby grew sleepy again. Ziva had just returned from putting her down when there was a knock on the door and she changed directions to answer it. "Gibbs," she said in surprise, having not expected him of all people. Ziva glanced down at her pyjamas and felt embarrassed.

"Ziver." He walked in when she stood back and nodded at Tony, sprawled on the couch in plaid pj pants and an OSU t-shirt.

Tony blinked as if he wasn't sure he was seeing properly. "Uh, hi Boss."

No one was sure how to ask and Gibbs finally took a seat and waved towards the door. "Get out of here. Go for a walk or something, I'll stay with my granddaughter."

Tony and Ziva exchanged glances and Tony cleared his throat. "That's nice of you Boss, really, but-" Gibbs' glare cut off whatever he was about to say.

"It's been a month and you haven't had any time alone yet. Take it now."

Realizing what he was doing, Ziva closed her eyes for a moment before kissing his cheek. "Thank you."

She practically dragged Tony upstairs and pushed him towards the other bathroom with a change of clothes. Having not worn anything but pjs in what felt like forever, not including Wednesday afternoon, Ziva dug through her boxes looking for something that would boost her confidence. The real boost came when the five month pants she tried on were too big and she cautiously found a pair of her old cargo pants.

When they fit she was in mild shock and stood on the scale in the bathroom, finding herself back to the weight she was in December, before she got the news that she was pregnant. Knowing that it was below what her pre-Somalia weight had been, Ziva could imagine that Mandy would be concerned, but she hadn't even tried to lose anything, it had just come off.

Biting her lip, Ziva resolved not to worry about it. She loved getting to pull on one of her non-maternity long sleeved shirts and enjoyed Tony's reaction when she finally came out of the bedroom. "Wow," he said, taking a good look. "There's a flashback." He raised an eyebrow. "No more maternity clothes?"

Ziva shrugged. "I guess breastfeeding is good for more than just Chaya."

Tony threaded his fingers through hers and they walked downstairs. "I've got my cell phone Boss, if you need us."

"She may sleep right until seven, but we will be back by then. There is a blanket under my pillow that might help if she gets fussy before then."

Gibbs shook his head. "Out. I can handle a newborn."

Ziva's confidence in his abilities didn't seem high, but she nodded. "Alright. Goodbye."

They stepped outside and Ziva blinked at the sunshine. They wandered quietly out of the neighbourhood and found a hotdog vendor sitting on a corner. "Dinner m'lady?" Tony asked, sweeping his arm towards the cart.

She nodded. "Ken. Toda." _Yes. Thank you._

He grinned. "Al lo davar." _You're welcome_. Ziva made a mental note to keep testing his knowledge of Hebrew. She wondered how much he really knew.

Tony and Ziva each ordered two hotdogs. Tony smothered his in every condiment available, while Ziva went simpler with just ketchup. A bench nearby became their table and resting place and they laughed when Ziva got a daub of ketchup on her nose. Tony got it with a napkin and pushed back the strands of hair escaping from her braid.

"I feel like we are on a date," Ziva commented.

"We are," Tony confirmed. "The first one was an example of fancy, this one is our uber casual version."

She laughed. "I will take it."

They threw away their napkins and Tony caught her hand again. "Walk with me?"

Ziva kissed him. "Of course."

They found a park to wander through, well aware that their time was running short. Stopping at the playground down the street from their house, Tony pushed Ziva on the swings until sunset began to colour the sky. He sighed. "Time to go."

Their fingers were linked as they returned home. Ziva was thoughtful. "I have enjoyed this time with you."

Tony squeezed her hand. "Me too." He studied her. "You're thinking about Chaya."

She looked at him. "She is never far from my mind. It is strange to be further away than arm's reach."

"We need time just for us sometimes Zi, it doesn't mean we love her less."

Ziva smiled. "You sound very wise."

"Much to learn you still have," Tony intoned in his best Yoda voice.

When they reached the front porch, Ziva faced her husband and slid her arms around his neck for a hug. Tony embraced her carefully but firmly, needing the closeness. A thought ran through his mind and he frowned, wondering if he'd truly hugged her at all in the last week.

"I haven't been able to hold you like this since you found out about Chaya."

Ziva nodded. "It is nice. I have missed you this way."

While Tony agreed and enjoyed the intimacy of having her flush against his body, it also wasn't doing much for his self-control. He pulled back and kissed her cheek. "I love you Zi, thanks for this."

Ziva, in flats for the walk, stood up on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his. Tony got in the spirit of an intense kiss, cradling her head in his hands while hers rested over his heart. She ended it and smiled. "Happy One Month ahuvati. _My love._ Thank you for giving us this chance."

He hugged her once more and they walked inside. Gibbs sat on the couch holding a wide awake Chaya with her Mommy scented blanket over his shoulder, shaking a small rattle. Ziva smiled. "Well, it seems as if you have playing grandpa figured out."

He shrugged and stood, transferring the baby into her arms. "Blanket helped."

Ziva brushed her finger over Chaya's cheek and Tony kissed her head. "Did you have fun with Grampa Gibbs princess?" He looked at his boss. "How long's she been up?"

Gibbs divested himself of baby things. "Ten minutes. Not a peep before then. Nice walk?"

Ziva nodded. "Thank you for that gift of time." She turned to Tony. "I will go get her ready to nurse. You can read us a story."

Tony felt a little embarrassed that she'd said it in front of Gibbs, but the older man only looked interested. He shoved his hands in his pockets. "Kelly's favourite was If You Give a Mouse a Cookie."

"I like the idea of bedtime stories, to have something that's ours for her childhood."

"Don't rush it," Gibbs advised. He glanced up the stairs. "How's Ziva?"

Tony shrugged, mirroring Gibbs' stance. "She's sick of being in bed. I think she's starting to feel claustrophobic from being cooped up in the house since she got out of the hospital and for a couple weeks before that." He sighed. "She loved being outside just now but she still gets tired pretty easily."

"She's got a lot to come back from," Gibbs pointed out, an echo of Mandy's words. "You know Ziva better than that doctor. If she needs to get out, go. Take an hour, then convince her to nap when Chaya does. If it helps, lay down with her so she doesn't feel weak. It's going to get easier but her body needs to heal."

Having expected Gibbs to leave with as few words as he came, Tony was surprised but thankful for the wisdom. "Thank you Dr. Oz," he joked, his smile dropping at Gibbs' glare. "Appreciate the recommendations Boss. Good talk."

Gibbs scowled and left before more could be said. Tony looked after him then locked the door and took the stairs two at a time to the nursery. He picked up the book he'd purchased that morning and opened to the first page. "Long, long ago and far away across a wide ocean there was a small, happy kingdom. In a big castle on top of the highest hill lived the King and his daughter, Princess Chaya." Ziva thought it was cute that Tony changed the name of every princess in every story to reflect his daughter.

It didn't surprise Tony when Ziva decided to lay down after Chaya was asleep, shortly before supper. He kissed them both, made a round of the house to check for locked doors and windows and quietly got ready for bed. He slipped into bed beside Ziva but moved back to watch her instead of snuggle.

Alone in the darkness with more sleep deprivation than logic guiding his thoughts, Tony mused about how strange it was to always be sleeping alongside his wife but to have never slept with her. Technically their relationship with only seven weeks old, even if they had unofficially been together for months before that. But still, it was his longest relationship ever to not include sex.

He knew they had a mountain of issues to work through, that Ziva needed more time to heal physically and emotionally. Getting married didn't immediately erase the effects of being raped repeatedly over several weeks. And even though Tony couldn't think of it without horror, what his sweet wife had gone through, that knowledge didn't stop him from wanting to experience making love to her. He felt like a jerk for even thinking it because Ziva needed his patience, not his desire. Even so, it was impossible to help. He was, after all, a guy and programed to want the physical stuff.

With a sigh Tony relaxed into his pillow and closed his eyes. This was only going to get harder as Ziva returned to normal and more weeks passed, but he still firmly believed that she was worth whatever sacrifices he had to make so that she could put Somalia behind her and finally be free.

**NCIS**

Saturday's highlight was putting Chaya down to nap in her carseat, snapping it into the stroller and taking their first family walk out in the fresh air and bright May sunshine. It wasn't a long walk, just around the neighbourhood with a quick stop to watch kids playing in the park and think about when their daughter would be counted among them.

Doing their first load of baby laundry was as productive as the couple managed to be and both Ziva and Tony were amazed that someone so little could soil so many clothes. Other than occasionally remembering to eat, the new parents spent most of the day sleeping when Chaya did.

When Tony opened his eyes at three in the morning, he knew he should be sleeping while he could. But moonlight streamed in through the curtains they'd forgotten to close and fell on Ziva's sleeping form. He lifted one of her ringlets and rolled it gently around his finger. Her hair had gotten even curlier since she gave birth. It annoyed Ziva to no end, but Tony loved how she looked now, surrounded by a halo of light and soft curls.

Smiling in a way that was part sleep deprivation and part utter contentment, Tony watched his wife sleep. His wife. Those words still caused a grin he couldn't contain and he used them as often as possible, even after a month. Ziva was so beautiful when she slept, peace softening her features, her quiet breathing his lullaby. The snoring he'd teased her about years ago was no longer present, and Tony could only wonder if it had something to do with her time in Africa. But she hadn't said and some things he wasn't sure he wanted to know.

Somalia made him think of the scars and Tony slid his hand under Ziva's t-shirt, fingers lightly tracing the marks still etched into her skin, the freedom to do that now incredibly precious. He slid a bit closer to her, propping his head up on one hand while he again explored her back and wondered for the thousandth time if the scars or her nightmares would ever fade away completely.

Not that he cared. Tony didn't think the proof of what Ziva had survived took away even a little from her beauty and attractiveness. He had loved her scars ever since she'd first let him see them all and he'd kissed them better, for both their sakes. But for Ziva, Tony wished that she would not always have a reminder of the pain she'd suffered over days and weeks and months. He wanted her to feel confident about her body again, to see herself as beautiful through her own eyes and not just his.

Ziva's breathing changed and she didn't move or open her eyes, but just murmured, "That tickles."

Tony looked down and realized he'd been skating his fingers lightly up and down her ribs. "Oh," he said, removing his hand from her shirt, "sorry."

Ziva reached back and put his hand on her bare skin again. "I did not say it was not a nice feeling."

Grinning, Tony happily obliged, kneading slow circles into her lower back. Ziva settled even further into the mattress, her sigh almost a purr of enjoyment. Finally she opened one eye to look at him.

"You should be sleeping Tony, she will be awake soon."

He scooted over to press his body into hers and kissed her cheek. "This was more important."

Ziva frowned even as she snuggled into his chest. "Spying on me while I am asleep?"

"No." Tony had never been more serious. "Making sure I didn't miss a thing."

Her eyes slid closed again and she wove her fingers with his. "If you make me cry you will be sleeping on your side of the bed."

He tightened his arm around her waist, then remembered her body might still be sore from giving birth. "Can't have that."

Leaning back, Ziva touched her lips to his. "Go to sleep ahava, or you will miss the chance to get Chaya when she cries."

"Oh," amusement coloured his tone, "so now I'm getting her up? I thought it was your turn."

Ziva sighed. "I am too comfortable to move. She will have to nurse laying down this time."

"Sleep Zi," Tony laid his head on the pillow, blowing a piece of her hair away from his nose, "you need it more than me."

Ziva traced her finger over the back of his hand and Tony lifted her hand to kiss her palm. The pattern was familiar now and it meant almost as much as hearing the words out loud. With a smile, Tony closed his eyes and let sleep return. These moments were the best of everything.

**NCIS**

It turned out to be a good thing they had slept so much during the day because early on Sunday morning, the baby broke her two and a half hour sleeping streak and began feeding every hour and a half, even more than she had during her first week of life. By ten in the morning Ziva was exhausted, having just fed Chaya for the fourth time in seven hours. Tony groaned and buried his face in the pillow.

"What's going on with her?"

"It is probably a growth squirt, the book said increased feedings could last as long as a week." Ziva felt like crying just thinking about it.

Tony was too tired to correct her mistake, but he rolled over and rubbed her back. "I wish I could help Zi."

"You would need to grow breasts," she said grumpily and then sighed. "Sorry, I am just tired."

He kissed behind her ear. "You're allowed. No apology necessary, I know."

Sunday was a blur of feeding and changing and crying and trying to grab scraps of sleep here and there. They were more short tempered with each other than usual, but they still curled up together in bed that night, seeking the comfort they always found when they were together.

It was two very weary parents who came together late Monday afternoon on the couch for half an hour of time when they weren't holding a baby or desperately trying to store up sleep. The TV was on but Tony wasn't paying attention and Ziva realized how quiet he had been all day. Pushing aside her own fatigue, she curled up against his side and brushed her fingers through his hair.

"What is wrong?"

He seemed startled to hear her voice. "Huh?"

"You have been off today. Will you tell me what you are thinking?"

Tony dragged a hand over his face. "It's been six years."

She frowned. "Since what?" He turned distressed eyes to her and Ziva remembered they had been partners for six years. "Kate," she whispered. It was so easy to forget about the woman, Tony's former partner, when they had never met. But her husband was in pain and Ari had caused it. Ziva couldn't help but feel a little responsible. "I am sorry."

Tony's expression held no blame, only sadness. "She was my friend."

Ziva shifted to sit sideways on Tony's lap and put her arms around him, her head on his shoulder. "Tell me."

He locked his hands tightly around her waist. "What do you mean?"

Her hand caressed his face and she made him look at her. "You cared for her. She was important to your life. Tell me about Kate."

The first words out of his mouth she didn't expect and Ziva tensed. "I watched her die." His voice was tortured. Ziva bit her lip and waited for him to continue.

"We were just standing on the rooftop, laughing at the false alarm - a bullet she'd taken in the vest. Kate," he choked on her name and closed his eyes, lost to the present, "she was saying how she thought she'd be dead before she heard Gibbs say 'good work' and before she even finished her sentence, we heard the bullet and she fell."

Tony buried his face in Ziva's hair. "Kate's blood sprayed on my face and I couldn't move. She was gone, just like that, and I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"Oh my poor man," Ziva whispered into his neck, trailing her fingers over Tony's skin.

He shook his head. "I used a water bottle from the car and Gibbs' handkerchief to get the blood off and I scrubbed my face raw back at the office. Later the rain washed away any that remained, but I felt it for weeks and every morning when I woke up I was afraid it was still there."

Ziva didn't know what to say. She wanted to apologize again, but he didn't hold her responsible for her brother's actions. So she just held him, murmuring comfort and rubbing his back. When she started dropping little kisses on his neck, Tony pulled her face up and kissed her hard. Ziva responded, letting him take what he needed, only pushing back when she couldn't handle any more. She kissed him lightly and stood up, holding out her hands.

"Come to bed my love," Ziva urged him. "I cannot be what you need yet, but I will not let go." He didn't move and she let out a breath. "I am so sorry for your loss. I wish it had not-"

Tony shook his head, cutting off the rest. "You are everything I need Ziva." And with those words, somehow she felt forgiven.

**NCIS**

A few naps later Ziva lay in bed, alternating between letting her eyes rest and watching Tony attempt Chaya's sponge bath by himself. Not because she didn't want to help, but she sought to comfort her husband by letting him be a father. After all, what was more reassuring than knowing you are capable of taking care of your child?

Tony drew the cloth over Chaya's skin, making silly faces at her and talking in a low voice. "What a good girl princess, letting Daddy do your bath. There's one eye, two eyes, a little nose and that cute mouth. I need to lift up your chin honey, gotta make sure we get all that spilled milk. Uh huh, then behind your ears because mommies are always saying that's important. And your tummy next, that's right."

He leaned down and put his lips to her belly, blowing hard. It made a loud noise and Chaya squirmed, her dark eyes watching Tony's every movement. "Let me see that arm Miss Chaya, now the other one. Gotta do your legs too. I know it's a little cold baby girl, Daddy will fix that in a minute." Rolling her over onto his arm, he washed her back and laid her down.

Tony dropped the cloth back in the water and patted her dry. Wrapping the wiggly baby snugly in her hooded bunny towel, he tucked her into the crook of his arm like a football and held her head over the tub. With a mug he poured water over her hair, used one hand to flip open the top of the baby shampoo and squeeze some on her head, then lathered it up.

Rinsing it off, Tony rubbed his nose on Chaya's. "You know, I do the same thing for Mommy sometimes. I bet your hair is going to be just as beautiful as hers." He snuck a look to see if Ziva was watching and she gave him a soft smile. Gently rubbing her hair dry, he held up the sleeper for her inspection. "I think it's lollipops princess, but it might be flowers. What do you say?" Since Chaya didn't cry, he took that as a yes. "Lollipops it is kiddo. I knew you were gonna have my sweet tooth, and your teeth aren't even in yet."

Once Chaya was snapped into her pjs, he held her up to his face, his hands protecting her neck. "You may just be the best medicine I could've gotten today." He kissed her. "I love you sweetie." Tony's eyes found Ziva's and she had to blink back tears.

"I never love you more than when I am watching you be her father."

Tony returned the baby to her bassinet and crawled in behind Ziva. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing her. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Me either. So it is a good thing we do not have to worry about that, yes?"

Tony smiled. "Yes, a very good thing. I love you Zi."

She pulled his arm around her. "Ani ohevet otcha."

Sleep did not last long, but every time Chaya cried or fussed for the rest of that long night, Tony simply decided to be grateful for his family. They so easily could not have had this chance and he wasn't willing to take even the less than enjoyable parts for granted. Ziva and Chaya meant everything to him and he wanted them to know that truth with every breath.


	47. Chapter 47

Ziva's first face to face therapy appointment with Devon was at two pm and for that reason, after Chaya's twelve-thirty feeding, the baby was put in her car seat to nap. By quarter after one pm, Tony and Ziva were showered, dressed, and ready to go, but when they got downstairs, Ziva dropped onto the couch.

"I wonder if I will ever feel awake again." A little make-up, a shower and real clothes had helped, but she dreaded another day of the constant feedings.

"I know babe, but maybe she'll settle down a bit after this growth spurt."

Not willing to raise her hopes, Ziva looked at him. "What will you do while we are with Devon?"

Tony shrugged. "I think I'll try to get a bit of a workout in. I wouldn't want to lose my manly physique."

She walked over and patted his stomach. "I do not think marriage has spoiled you too much yet."

He linked his fingers behind her back and leaned down for a kiss. "I don't know about that. As long as I keep getting free rein with your lips, I think I'm pretty spoiled."

She hugged him once and pulled away. "Let us go."

Tony was in charge of the baby seat and soon they were all strapped into his car and ready to go. They arrived just in time and he dropped wife and baby off at Devon's office. "You will be back to get us at three?" Therapy was still not her favourite place to be.

"On the dot." He kissed her nose but avoided disturbing the sleeping baby, waving at her instead. "Be good for Mommy princess, I'll see you in an hour."

Tony turned away and with a deep breath, Ziva steeled herself and entered the familiar office. "Ziva!" Devon exclaimed as if they hadn't spoken in weeks. Ziva set down the baby seat in front of the couch and took her usual place while Devon squatted down to get a better look. "And who is this little angel?"

Ziva smiled. "Chaya Caprice DiNozzo, named for life and Tony's grandmother, to continue a tradition."

"She's gorgeous," the therapist breathed, stroking the baby's cheek lightly. "And what lovely hair. Taking after Mom already I see."

Ziva shrugged. "Tony says she looks just like me, I am not sure."

Devon looked up, the tone of her patient's voice alerting her. "Something is bothering you."

The woman caressed her baby's soft hair. "As much as I would like for her to resemble Tony in some way, it is not possible. But what if..."

Dr. Andrews nodded. "What if she looks like the man who fathered her." Ziva nodded miserably and Devon returned to her seat. "Would you love her less?"

There was a long silence before Ziva shook her head. "No. But that would make it harder not to remember."

"I don't think you need to worry Ziva, I agree with Tony - when I look at Chaya, all I can see is little bits of you in her features."

Ziva's smile softened. "She is like Tali more."

Devon's eyebrows shot up. "Your sister?" It was a topic they had only touched on. Ziva kept her memories close.

"I wish she could be here. Tali...would have loved this family. She would have approved of Tony as my choice. And she would have loved my baby."

"I know it's hard Ziva, but you love your daughter and so does Tony. That alone will make the difference." She paused and checked her notes. "So, how is being a mom?"

Ziva leaned over and dropped her head into her hands. "It is exhausting. I have been on missions before that included very little sleep, but waking up with a newborn every two hours or less is something else entirely." She sighed. "And then she looks at me like I am the most important person in her world and I would not trade her trust for a month of sleeping through the night."

Devon laughed. "I think you're doing fine Ziva, you obviously love doing this already, even if it is hard." She glanced at Ziva's rings. "How is Tony handling all the newborn stuff?"

At the mention of her husband, Ziva's eyes lit up. "He is wonderful. Chaya has had her daddy wrapped around all her fingers since the first moment he held her. Tony...he is trying so hard to be helpful, to be involved. It is a joy to watch him love her." Ziva thought for a moment. "I think Tony is trying to do right with Chaya everything his father did wrong. I believe he has inside him a very specific idea of what a daddy should be like and he is doing his best to live up to it."

"That's quite insightful," Devon commented, saving it to mention during one of their couple's sessions. "How is parenthood affecting your relationship?"

Ziva lifted one shoulder and let it drop, but her eyes drifted to Chaya before she could speak. Watching the newborn stir, she knew what was coming. "Is it alright if I nurse her in here?" Ziva was uncomfortable with the idea, Grace and Tony has so far been her only audience, but her daughter needed to eat.

"Of course," Devon agreed. "I'll make some tea while you get settled."

Grateful to not be watched, Ziva reached into the diaper bag for a receiving blanket and draped it over her shoulder and front. She readied her breast through the slit in the nursing shirt and bent over to turn the car seat around and unbuckle her baby.

"Shalom tatelah," she said as she lifted Chaya out. "Bo'i li Ima." _Come to Mommy._

As soon as the baby smelled milk, she turned her head towards Ziva's breast and latched on. Ziva kissed the baby's hand and covered them both as Devon sat down and resumed the conversation. "You were about to tell me how having a baby is affecting your relationship with Tony," she reminded the woman.

Ziva rubbed Chaya's back as she ate, wanting to keep her alert. "There is much less time for us, but I am trying to be careful to give Tony my attention as well. And we have started spending one of Chaya's evening naps downstairs together." She remembered Friday and smiled.

"Gibbs came by before the weekend to stay with Chaya so Tony and I could go for a walk. Friday marked one month since our wedding." Ziva leaned back into the cushions. "It was very nice to get time out, just he and I. If we could make that a habit, I would enjoy it."

"Still can't get enough of his company, huh?" Ziva shook her head and Devon chuckled. "You guys are such newlyweds." The other woman's eyes shadowed and the light drained away. Dr. Andrews paid attention to the change. "What's that look?"

"Nothing." Ziva didn't want to think about it.

"Not nothing," Devon pushed. "Please tell me. I can only help you if you share what's going on in your head."

Ziva's expression became unreadable. "You cannot help with this," she insisted. "Talking will not fix everything."

Devon changed positions, surprised at the conviction she heard. "Maybe not, but talking can't make it worse either."

Several minutes passed before Ziva let out a breath, finally willing to test the theory. "I wish we could be newlyweds," she said quietly. "I know it is difficult for Tony because he wants much more than I can give. Even though six weeks must pass before I heal enough, I do not think I will be ready even then. But sometimes when he touches or kisses me, I cannot help but wish there were no barriers between us."

Devon's face showed her amazement, she had not expected full disclosure. She took a moment to absorb Ziva's confession. "What scares you the most about being intimate with Tony?"

Ziva readjusted the blanket and switched Chaya to the other side while her doctor busied herself making notes, taking time to think before she answered. It was not a comfortable topic and she shifted uneasily. "Tony has seen me naked," she began, clarifying at Devon's confused look, "when he had to help me shower. I can relax given enough time, so we have already crossed a hurdle without doing it on purpose. But I cannot...I do not want to see him without any clothes at all. I feel safe only if he is wearing something. To get to the point when I could let him...inside," she choked on the thought. "No. I do not know if that will ever be okay."

That she was fighting memories was clear as a shudder rippled through her. Chaya sensed her tension and came off the breast, crying at the interruption. Pushing the thoughts away, Ziva focused on her baby, speaking soothingly in Hebrew as she made herself relax and Chaya latched on again. Ziva frowned at Devon. "I cannot talk about this while I am feeding her. She should not have to suffer for my fears."

Wisely Devon remained silent, concentrating on jotting her observations as Chaya finished nursing and Ziva got put back together. She held the baby on her shoulder and patted her back lightly. Chaya burped and spit up a bit but Ziva took it in stride and wiped her mouth before settling the baby on her chest, wanting or perhaps needing the comfort of holding her.

Devon tapped her pen. "You may not yet be able to see a day when intimacy is not something you dread, but the progress you've made already..." she shook her head. "When you came back, no one could even touch you but Tony was the first. Physical contact was something you couldn't tolerate but you let him hold you. Until your engagement it was rare that he be allowed to kiss you, now I know it's more than an occasional thing. You are sharing a bed with him Ziva, a home and a life. You had the courage to accept his help showering, you admit that you enjoy his touch. Can't you see how far you've come in these seven months?"

Ziva didn't look impressed. "It never feels like enough."

"Uh huh." Devon took in her posture, the possessive way she cradled her baby and the look in her eyes that hinted at memories she didn't want to deal with. From experience the doctor knew that Ziva needed space or she would bolt. "We'll come back to that."

She glanced up at the clock, relieved to find it nearly three. "Actually, our time is running out. Was there anything else you wanted to cover before we call it a day?" The shake of Ziva's head was minute and though expected, Devon stifled a sigh. "Alright. Same time next week then. Thank you for coming."

Right on cue there was a knock on the door and Tony came in, eager to collect his girls. He sat down, rubbed Chaya's back and kissed Ziva lightly. When he met her eyes though, it was clear something was wrong and he frowned at Devon, helped Ziva up and grabbed the diaper bag and empty car seat.

"Later," he muttered at the shrink, needing to get Ziva alone. They were in the elevator mere seconds before he flipped the emergency switch and crowded Ziva's space, threading his fingers into her hair. "What's wrong?"

She leaned her head against his shoulder. "I hate it when she makes me talk. I hate the reminders of everything I am still trying to escape."

Tony held her carefully, mindful of the sleeping infant in her arms. "What was it today?" The past was so unpredictable, it was impossible to guess what might have triggered this mood.

Ziva shook her head. "Not now," she whispered, laying the baby in his arms. "It is not a conversation for now."

Hating being left out of her thoughts, Tony returned Chaya to her car seat, brushing a kiss over her forehead. He stood and pulled Ziva to him, noting the slight resistance as he tipped her chin up. "Don't shut me out Zi."

She swallowed and placed her palms on his cheeks. "I will tell you someday, but we cannot talk about it yet. Please trust me on this." Ziva swept her lips over his lightly and Tony gripped her arms, leaning his forehead against hers.

"One more kiss?" he asked hoarsely. Ziva smiled and obliged and Tony took as much as he could get. For extra reassurance, he wrapped her in a hug and kissed her hair. "I love you. No matter what therapy makes you remember, keep that truth. I love you and you can't tell me anything that will change my mind."

"Ata hakayim sheli," she said softly. _You are my life._ He had no idea what the words meant except something about 'you' and 'my', but Tony gathered she'd just told him something of great significance.

He pulled back and grinned. "Toda."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "We should go say hello. If Abby hears that we came and did not see her first..."

"I know," he winced. "Do not make the pregnant Goth mad."

The elevator resumed its course and soon opened at the lab. Abby turned around in response to the ding, only quelling her squeal of delight when both parents put a finger to their lips. "She is asleep," Ziva explained.

Abby settled for bouncing up and down, wearing a grin so wide it almost split her face, before launching herself at Tony. He grunted slightly as he caught her and squeaked out a desperate plea for air moments later. She stepped back and his eyes dropped to her midsection. "Is that a baby bump?"

She brushed prettily and nodded. "Not very much of one, but it's proof." Abby turned to Ziva and looked her over before carefully folding her arms around her friends. "How are you? Gosh you look good for only a week later. I have a present for you!"

Abby ran to her office and reached for a folded piece of material on top of her filing cabinet. She returned and placed it in Ziva's hands. "It's called a kangaroo wrap. There's instructions inside but basically it's a way to wear your baby and leave your hands free to do other things." She pointed to Ziva's chest. "The wrap will hold Chaya right over your heart so she can hear it beat like she did when she was in the womb."

Ziva smiled. "Thank you Abby, what a lovely idea."

The scientist's attention was already elsewhere. "Hi Chaya!" She squatted down and couldn't resist touching the baby's finger. "You look so much different than when I met you." Abby stood and smacked Tony's arm. "Shame on you for letting me miss a week of my niece's life, her first week I might add." She propped her hands on her hips. "Is the moratorium on visitors lifted now?"

Tony laughed and held up both hands. "Don't you ever take a breath?" He shook his head. "I don't even know where to start. Ask my wife your question, I'm pretty sure company will be accepted at some point in the near future."

Before Abby could demand that Ziva set a time for her and Tim to come see them, Sammy trotted over to inspect the guests. Tony knelt down to pet him and the puppy put one paw on Chaya's car seat and stood up to get a better look. "Sammy, no!" Abby hastened to say, but surprisingly Ziva lowered herself to the floor and smiled.

"It is alright Abby, baby animals and baby people often get along quiet well." She held out her fingers for Sammy to sniff. "Shalom." He looked at her expectantly and she fondled his ears. "You may say hello to my baby, her name is Chaya."

Tony and Abby exchanged looks, this was unexpected. They'd never really seen Ziva with a pet before. Sammy's pink tongue lapped at Chaya's outfit before he lay his head on her leg, looking very content. Abby giggled. "I think she has an admirer."

Tony shook his head. "So you have a secret love of dogs, huh? What else don't I know?"

Ziva's eyes twinkled. "A great many things. It may take you an entire lifetime to learn them all."

"I've got time," he smiled, then looked up when Sammy yapped and ran towards the door. Tami appeared, followed closely by a certain temporary team member. Tony stood up and offered his hand to Matt. "Shmoozing with the assistant lab rat are you?"

Tami turned red. "We uh...we're just friends."

Tony saw something in Matt's eyes at her declaration and wondered how long that would last. To dispel the awkward tension, he swept his hand towards Ziva and Chaya. "Well, you're just in time." He helped Ziva up and put his arm around her. "I believe you've met my wife, Ziva DiNozzo. This," Tony gestured to the car seat, "is our daughter Chaya."

Tami was immediately enthralled and bent down to get a better look, earning a kiss from Sammy before he lay down beside Chaya again. Matt smiled. "She's beautiful." There was no mention of who she looked like, he still didn't know the whole story but he knew enough.

After a few minutes Ziva excused them. "We still need to visit the bullpen and get home before she wakes up." She hugged Abby. "I will call."

Abby nodded and reached for Tony again. "Thanks for coming. We really miss you around here."

They left and went up several levels to the squadroom. Gibbs and McGee were sitting at their desks doing what looked like case reports and Tony grinned. "The fun has arrived!" Gibbs glanced up, his scowl softening at the sight of Ziva. Tony set the seat on his boss's desk and sauntered over to McGee. "Surviving without me Probie?"

Tim rolled his eyes. "Twelve whole days without my daily movie trivia. I don't know how I'll ever get over it."

"Don't try to hide it McGoo, I know you miss me," Tony teased, in his element.

Gibbs meanwhile hugged Ziva gently and rubbed his thumb over Chaya's tiny fist. "First outing?"

Ziva looked up in surprise. "Yes, I guess it is. If you do not count the park." She leaned against his desk. "Chaya has been asking all weekend when she gets to see Grampa Gibbs again." Her smile was shy. "I think she missed you."

He slid his arm around her back. "Celeste volunteered to help me babysit again sometime."

"Chaya would like that. And I think we need to get to know her better as well, yes?" Fatigue began to gather in Ziva's eyes and Gibbs looked significantly at Tony, who came to stand behind his wife, his hands on Ziva's shoulders, then at his watch. Tony took the hint and coughed.

"Oh, yeah, right." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "It's almost four hun, we better head back."

She nodded and Tim held out a CD case as they turned to go. "It's a bunch of lullaby music, for when she starts sleeping in her own room."

Ziva took the disk and slid her arms around his neck. "Thank you Tim," she whispered as he embraced her gently. She kissed his cheek and stepped back beside Tony, tangling her fingers with his. They waved goodbye and headed out to the car. Their ride back was quiet and he knew the feeling, he was tired too. It would be nice to fall back into bed after supper and catch an hour of sleep. These days it was worth more than gold.

**NCIS**

Later, Tony came back upstairs after having left Ziva to feed Chaya while he warmed them up something for supper. Entering their bedroom, he found both wife and baby had fallen asleep nursing. He had to smile. Tony watched them for a minute and then walked quietly over.

As he'd seen Ziva do, the new dad slid his pinky into Chaya's mouth to break the suction and slowly moved the nipple away. Tony gently lifted her into his arms and moved her to the bassinet. She squirmed when laid down and her lips and cheeks continued the occasional sucking motion but she soon settled and he turned back to Ziva.

It was nice to have the opportunity to just look at his wife without her eyes on him wondering what he was thinking and how much more he wanted than what he was currently getting. Tony brushed his thumb over the curve of Ziva's breast before hooking the side of her nursing bra back up, longing for the day when intimate touch wasn't forbidden.

Ziva grabbed his wrist before he moved away, speaking without opening her eyes. "That felt like red light behaviour Tony," she teased and Tony climbed over her to lay on the other side.

"Was it unwanted?" he asked with a grin, wondering how far she'd let him push.

Her right eye cracked open. "It was definitely deliberate." She paused. "I have not decided yet."

Tony's face lit up. "I could do it again." Any opportunity to touch her, he'd take.

Ziva slouched down and rolled over to face him. "Perhaps when our daughter is sleeping longer than ninety minutes at a time." She sighed and shifted to get comfortable. "I do not want you to get frustrated with the limitations."

_Too late_. He pushed back her hair. "I can handle limits Zi, it's better than not getting to do anything at all."

She wrapped her fingers around his hand. "I love you."

Tony kissed her wrist and closed his eyes. "I love you too."


	48. Chapter 48

_A/N: Well, guess what? I'm writing 18 chapters ahead of you guys right now (just starting Ch 65) and I'm impatient so we're going back to every other day postings for awhile. Can't promise it will last until the end of the story but I'll do what I can. Hope you enjoy the chapter, glad everyone still seems to like the story so much :) Stick around, lots more to come! Thanks! ~Aliyah_

The every hour and a half feedings continued until early Wednesday morning, when Ziva woke at six am to realize she'd slept soundly for two whole hours. Her elation disappeared when Chaya didn't eat as long as usual and got fussy. Ziva tried the usual methods to calm her, but the baby was having none of it and after several minutes Ziva's frustration level rose. She shoved Tony's shoulder and handed him the crying baby as soon as his eyes were open.

"I need a break," she said shortly, stalking out of the room.

Tony blinked a few times, feeling a little bewildered. He sat up and laid Chaya in his lap, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. With a yawn he reached for the mommy blanket hanging from the headboard and tossed it over his shoulder, slouching down as he rested his daughter on his chest, running his fingers gently up and down her spine.

"Hey princess, what's all this fuss about, hmm?" He felt her diaper but it was still dry. "Shh, shh, shh," Tony whispered right in her ear and slowly Chaya responded to the combination of Mommy's comforting scent, her daddy's voice and the sound of his heartbeat.

He stayed still for awhile after Chaya fell asleep, enjoying the feeling of pride and accomplishment that came from being the one to quiet their upset baby. Finally though Tony got up to put her in the bassinet, threw on clothes, grabbed the baby monitor and went to find his wife.

After a quick search of the house he found her sitting sideways on one of the lounge chairs outside. Moving slowly, Tony sat down beside her and started observing. She was staring at the grass, her expression pensive. "I do not deserve to be her mother," Ziva said in monotone.

He faced her, his tone urgent as he tried to protest. "Zi-"

"No Tony," she insisted, meeting his gaze finally. "I got angry with an infant. Crying is her only way to communicate, she does not know any better." Ziva shook her head. "I should not have lost my patience."

Tony grabbed her arm and made her look at him, as if that could also make her listen. "You're not perfect Ziva," he said firmly. "You're human and in the last year you've gone through more than anyone should ever have to face." He cupped her chin. "Cut yourself some slack honey, caring for a newborn is going to be stressful. It'll happen again but that's why I'm here, we get to take turns."

Ziva put her arms around him and buried her face in his shirt. Tony turned them and leaned back, holding Ziva between his legs. The moisture he felt, silent tears soaking through, made his heart ache but there was nothing he could do to make her feel better. She was taking being a mom seriously, was bent on getting it right and she didn't know how to handle when she couldn't handle it.

Tony let his arms, his presence, his love comfort his wife until he sensed that she was drifting off. With a gentle nudge he got her to sit up and kissed her softly before leading her back upstairs and tucking her into the guestroom bed. She was dead to the world in seconds and Tony wished he could crawl in beside her, but someone needed to listen for Chaya. In their room Tony pulled a notepad from the bedside table drawer, jotting down the thoughts in his head.

_**What you see as weakness, I call strength. **_

_**What you think is failure, I see as love so deep you don't want to get it wrong.**_

_**Where you see scars, I celebrate victory.**_

_**When nightmares consume you, I am only glad they are not still reality.**_

_**When you worry about patience and it not being fair, I can only think how lucky I am to be where you are.**_

_**When you can't, I can. Remember my vows, we are strength for each other.**_

_**Love makes us and this family and parenthood possible. Don't give up.**_

_**Always, T**_

He folded the paper and slid it under Ziva's pillow but didn't put the pad of paper away, instead starting something new. _Dear Chaya, you're almost two weeks old and life without you already seems unimaginable. Today you were crying and Mommy was sad because she didn't know how to make you happy again, so I got a turn. You made Daddy feel pretty special when you let me put you to sleep. Every time I rub your back and you calm down, I remember what it was like when you were still inside Mommy and we used to do the same thing_. Tony sighed. _We sure do love you little girl._

Two hours after he'd talked her into napping, Tony woke Ziva gently and brought Chaya to her. He sat on the bed and kept her company while she nursed. When she looked up and still had the reflection of defeat in her eyes, Tony took her hand and kissed the back. "Let's get out of the house for awhile, go grocery shopping or something."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "She will be asleep."

He shrugged. "No problem. I'll just wear her in that baby carrier we got. Gotta break it out sometime."

A smile touched her lips. "Can I shower before we go out?"

"Absolutely," Tony grinned, reaching for his daughter. "Time for a diaper change missy." Ziva watched them go, without words once again to express her gratitude for how much Tony loved her and Chaya.

Once they got to the store it took a little doing to get both Tony and Chaya into the baby carrier and personally Ziva thought he looked a little funny. But he was so proud to be showing off his little girl and he answered all the curious questions from teenage girls and little old ladies who caught a glimpse of their baby. The sight kept a smile on Ziva's face the whole time.

Tony trailed his wife around as she shopped off her list and his phone rang while Ziva was picking out oranges. "Dinozzo," he answered out of habit.

"Are you aware that tomorrow is Mother's Day?" Tim demanded.

Tony's mouth fell open and he coughed to cover when Ziva looked at him. "Uh, I wouldn't worry Probie, weird cravings are normal." He thought a moment. "I think Ziva's strangest one was mini M&Ms in jello."

"Ziva's right there, isn't she?"

He grinned. "Yup." Covering the phone, he spoke to his wife. "We're comparing cravings stories." She rolled her eyes. "Chaya and I will go look at magazines for awhile." She nodded and Tony moved away, putting the phone back to his ear. "Okay."

"Let me guess, you need me to tell you some crazy Abby stories so you're not lying to your wife."

"Bingo!" Tony sang.

McGee sighed. "Well, last night she made cookies and had to dip them in yogurt before they were fit to eat. On the weekend Abby felt like MacDonald's so we went and she dipped her fries in the McFlurry we were sharing. Monday it was pizza dipped in ketchup." He chuckled. "Everything has to be dipped lately."

"It'll probably get more bizarre," Tony warned. "Whew, thanks for the call. I would never have forgiven myself if I forgot Ziva's first Mother's Day."

"You're welcome." Tim lowered his voice. "I'm making Abby a cake."

"But the baby's-" Tony began.

"Not here yet, I know," McGee finished. "But according to my wife we were parents the second he or she was conceived and therefore Abby deserves a proper Mother's Day."

Tony snorted. "Good luck with that. You can tell me about it on Friday."

"It'll be good to have you back," Tim said sincerely. "Are you going to be glad for a break or not ready to be finished your time off?"

Tony sighed heavily and kissed Chaya's head. "Gonna be one of the hardest things I'll ever do, leaving them behind Friday morning."

"At least the weekend comes right after," McGee pointed out.

"Yeah." Tony looked down at his daughter. "I'll never take those two days of liberty for granted again. Later Tim."

"Bye Tony."

Ziva put her hand on his back and Tony had to remind himself not to jump or he'd wake the baby. "So you will miss us?"

He slung his arm around her waist and leaned over to kiss her. "Every second," Tony whispered, "never doubt that."

She smiled and gestured to the cart. "I think we are finished."

Tony winced. "Sorry, I meant to help."

Ziva touched his cheek. "You are helping. You have Chaya and I did not need to worry about her."

He grinned. "Alright then."

On the way home Tony surprised Ziva by pulling into the parking lot of a large bookstore. He parked and turned to his wife. "We've got at least an hour before she wakes up Zi, go get yourself something new to read. You deserve it." Tony handed her his credit card. "On me."

Ziva looked from the card to her sleeping daughter and finally kissed Tony's cheek. "Thank you for knowing me," she said softly, getting out of the car.

As soon as she was safely inside, Tony moved to face his baby. "Okay C, we need to figure out something really special to do for Mommy. The first one should be a day she won't forget."

**NCIS**

Chaya had a good long feed when she woke up mid-afternoon and then promptly drifted off right after her diaper change. It was wash, rinse and repeat the next time she woke but this time Tony and Ziva took her into the nursery to get her in pyjamas and work on their bedtime routine.

Tony unzipped Chaya's outfit and freaked. "Crap! I think I broke it!"

Alarmed, Ziva whirled around to see her husband holding up the shriveled brown stump from their baby's umbilical cord. She moved beside him and lightly touched Chaya's brand new belly button, watching to see if it seemed to bother her. But the infant showed no reaction and Ziva relaxed.

"It has been two weeks Tony, it is supposed to fall off eventually."

He bit his lip and leaned down to kiss Chaya's tummy. "You okay princess? You scared Daddy."

Ziva patted his cheek and pointed to the garbage. "Throw it out and pick a story, I will get her dressed."

Doing as asked, Tony thumbed through the children's books they'd manage to collect and pulled out a Robert Munsch one - Purple, Green and Yellow. He took a seat on the stool and waited for Ziva to sit down with their baby. "Robert Munsch is classic," he informed his wife and opened to the first page.

Throughout the story Ziva began wondering what she would do and how she would react if she found Chaya drawing on the walls or the floors or herself. She made a mental note to keep markers out of reach until she was old enough to understand. When Tony finished reading, Ziva stood to take the infant back to their room but his hand on her arm stopped her.

"She's two weeks old Zi, why don't we try putting her to bed in the nursery this time?"

Ziva held the baby tighter to her, anxious at the thought of being down the hall instead of just across the room. She shook her head, hearing the plaintive note in her voice but doing nothing to disguise it. "I am not ready yet. Please Tony, let us wait."

He drew his knuckles down her cheek. "Okay sweetheart, it was just a suggestion." Tony put one hand on their baby. "I'm not going to force you into anything. Besides, it's nice to have her in the same room." He chuckled. "Less distance to go when I get up to make sure she's still breathing."

Ziva smiled her thanks and returned Chaya to her bassinet. For the rest of the night and into the next morning, Chaya proved that she was willing to sleep three hours between feedings, which was probably the greatest gift she could've given her mother.

But even with the extra rest, Ziva was still tired enough not to notice when Tony called on all his meager stealth skills to slip out of bed shortly before nine am so he could leave on a very important mission. If she wondered why he wasn't there for Chaya's next feeding, he didn't hear about it, but Tony still timed his re-appearance perfectly.

As soon as Ziva put Chaya in the bassinet and was comfortably settled back in bed, Tony nudged his way into the room. "Good morning." Ziva looked up and smiled. The way she looked in the sun was dazzling and he paused a moment to appreciate the vision. She gazed at him as if her whole world rested on the solidity of his presence. He set the tray over her lap and leaned forward to kiss her. "Happy Mother's Day sweetheart."

Ziva's eyes widened as she glanced down at the square velvet box that sat beside her plate. She touched it lightly and met his eyes. "Today is...Mother's Day?" she asked.

Tony nodded. "Your first." He pushed the box towards her. "Open it."

Picking it up, Ziva held the box between her fingers and opened the lid. "Oh Tony!" she gasped, running a finger over the three stones set securely in the top of the bracelet.

He lifted it out and raised an eyebrow in question. Ziva gave him her right wrist and Tony showed her the inside of the band first. Her eyes grew shiny at the words and he snapped the ends tightly together, pleased with how it had come out. Tony turned her wrist over and pointed. "Yellow topaz for your birthstone, diamond for Chaya's and sapphire for mine." He put his hand over top. "That way you can always carry us with you."

She had no words but hastily moved the tray out of the way so she could shower her husband with kisses. Tony slid his arms around her, holding her firmly against him, his lips finding hers again and again. It felt like a great loss when she finally pulled away, tears still shimmering in her eyes.

"Thank you does not seem like enough," Ziva whispered, caressing his cheek.

Tony pressed his lips to her fingertips. "You smiled Zi," he told her. "Your happiness means everything to me. Believe me, it's enough."

How did she convey the effect his words had on her? No one in Ziva's whole life had valued her the way Tony did and it was hard to get used to, even after months of experiencing his care. And since, even if it were possible, she could not make love to him only two weeks later, Ziva was determined to find something she could do, a way to thank him without over-using those words.

She nestled her head in his neck and felt Tony's hand run up and down her back. She melted into him and he smiled against her hair. "Like mother, like daughter," he murmured. "Chaya does the same thing when I rub her back."

Ziva sat up and kissed the corner of his mouth. She pointed to the tray. "Share with me?"

Tony's grin widened and he nodded. The turkey bacon, scrambled eggs and toast were pretty good, and the joy in Ziva's face brightened his whole morning. They talked and laughed and shared long looks and brief touches throughout the meal. When they finished, Tony leaned back on his hands. "I hate to ruin all our fun, but Chaya's first doctor's appointment is at two today."

Ziva's eyebrows rose. "I forgot about that." She played with his fingers. "And today is your last day off."

Tony sighed, not wanting to be reminded. "Yeah. And you know I love my job Zi, but the last thing I want to do is go back to work tomorrow." He kissed her wrist. "Especially without my partner."

She frowned. "It is hard to believe that in six weeks I will return as well." Ziva glanced at the sleeping baby. "I hate the thought of someone else being with her all day."

He smoothed the worry lines on her forehead. "Don't think about that now honey, today is supposed to be happy." Tony bit his lip and trailed a finger up her arm. "I could help you shower, if you want." He looked hopeful and Ziva was torn.

"I am still bleeding," she said quietly, averting her eyes. "And Chaya..."

Tony shifted closer. "Two hours before she wakes up, I'll bring the monitor into the bathroom. And I'm not worried about the first part." Ziva's eyes flickered over his body and he took the hint before she opened her mouth. "I can go in with my boxers on."

Ziva shook her head. "I am afraid to be naked with you."

He was in her space already but still moved nearer and brushed back her hair. "I won't touch you Zi, not that way." Tony swallowed. "Not unless you want me to."

"I do not know."

Her answered killed a little of his hope and Tony cupped her face, meeting her eyes. "We've done this before Zi, several times now. What's different?"

She trembled under his hands and pulled away. "Before I needed your help, now I do not. We have not showered together just to be together." Ziva squeezed his hand. "I am sorry Tony, I am not ready for that yet."

Tony swallowed his disappointment and gave her a small smile, kissing the back of her hand. "No rush." He tried hard to mean that and hugged her tightly. "I'll wait Zi, as long as it takes. I'm not going to change my mind, I promise."

She nodded and sighed, slipping out of bed and moving towards the bathroom. "Thank you for my present."

Tony watched her go and fell back on the bed, wishing that waiting wasn't so hard.


	49. Chapter 49

_A/N: Hey guys, I'd just like to address a couple questions I've been getting. Yes, Ziva will see the letters Tony's writing but not until pretty much the very end of the story (which may or may not end up around 100 chapters). Yes, Ziva is going to tell Tony about her inability to conceive at some point but again, it will be a long wait. I promise I haven't forgotten! And to my dear un-signed in reviewers - THANK YOU! Your comments and questions and all the sweet things you say make me so happy, I just wish I could reply and talk to you guys more but thank you for taking the time to review! That goes for all my readers, you guys are fabulous! :D ~Aliyah_

It was noon by the time both parents were showered and dressed. Tony checked the diaper bag and added a few things while Ziva picked something for their daughter to wear and grabbed the notebook she'd been jotting baby information in. They managed a quick nap before Chaya woke and Tony and Ziva ate lunch in the kitchen while the baby nursed. Finally they were ready to go.

Ziva was a little nervous walking into the doctor's office with the diaper bag over her shoulder and Tony carrying Chaya's car seat. He reached for her hand when they sat and followed her minutes later when the nurse called their names. As soon as they were inside the exam room, Ziva unbuckled Chaya and lifted the sleeping baby into her arms. Tony put his arm on the back of the chair and that was the picture Dr. Meyers walked in on.

She smiled. "Welcome DiNozzo family, how are we today?"

Tony shrugged. "We're here, that might be as good as it gets."

Mandy made a note on her clipboard. "Sleeping is still a little rough?"

"It is getting better," Ziva shared. "She is eating every three hours now."

"Before you know it she'll be sleeping through the night. But I remember the early days when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel." she glanced at the infant. "Well Miss Chaya, I see you're determined to sleep through our first formal meeting? But if you can, that's alright with me." Mandy nodded towards the parents. "Ziva, can you get her undressed please? I need to do some measurements to start with."

Ziva stood and put Chaya on the examination table, gently stripping her down to her diaper. Mandy measured Chaya's length and the circumference of her head. Next the baby was transferred to a metal scale so she could be weighed. Tony got up and covered Chaya with a blanket when she protested the cold on her bare skin and they watched as Dr. Meyers started the physical exam.

She checked Chaya's soft spots and reminded them to change the position of her head when they put her down to sleep. Mandy got out an otoscope to check Chaya's ears for fluid or infection and looked into her eyes with an ophthalmoscope. After washing her hands, the doctor tested Chaya's sucking reflex by placing a finger in the baby's mouth and when she yawned, checked for any issues inside.

Removing the blanket, Mandy did a careful inspection of Chaya's skin including her healed belly button. She warmed the end of the stethoscope in her hand and listened to the baby's heart and breathing. With gentle fingers she pressed on Chaya's abdomen to check for tender areas.

To Chaya's displeasure, Mandy manipulated her legs to test the hip ligaments and joints. A quick look inside her diaper revealed nothing to be concerned about and Ziva dressed her daughter again. The doctor observed Chaya's arm, leg and head movement to assess muscle strength and tone. The last thing she tested was Chaya's reflexes and responsiveness before leaving the parents alone for a few minutes to calm their now disgruntled baby girl.

When all else failed Ziva nursed Chaya briefly and she settled right down, sucking contentedly. Her eyes got heavier, her drinking slowed and they let her fall asleep completely before moving her back to the car seat. Then Mandy came back in and leaned against the counter.

"The good news is that you guys have a beautiful, healthy baby girl. You've survived the first two weeks, so that's a plus and now some of the fun stuff begins." The parents sat forward in interest so she continued. "When she hits three weeks you can start doing what's called 'tummy time'. Just lay Chaya down on the floor on her stomach and let her spend a few minutes in that position. Odds are good that she won't like it at all in the beginning," the doctor warned, "but it's good for her. Being on her tummy gives her the chance to lift her head, even if it's just for a second or two, and use her arms and legs differently than when she's on her back. It will also help strengthen her back and leg muscles for when she starts sitting and crawling."

Taking a look at the sleeping baby, Mandy smiled. "I'd suggest getting one of those unbreakable baby mirrors for her crib, she's going to find her reflection fascinating pretty soon. As she grows, some things will be the same as they are now - Chaya will enjoy listening to you talk, keeping eye contact with you and being held skin to skin. By four weeks she'll start to turn her head from side to side when she's laying down, you'll notice her responding to sound and focusing on your faces. At that point she'll also become more interactive: grunting, gurgling, cooing and sighing, which will no doubt amuse all of you. Chaya will begin smiling, both in her sleep and at people, and playing with her fingers and toes. So offer her toys, talk through everything you do and encourage each milestone."

Mandy's serious gaze rested on both parents. "If she seems a little behind or doesn't reach a certain developmental level at exactly the right time, don't worry about it. She was a few weeks early and because of that she may be a bit behind other kids her age or she may excel at everything. Just look forward to the changes that are coming and remember to enjoy all the moments because even if it's hard to believe, they do go so fast and in a couple years you're going to wish for these days back."

Tony eyed his daughter. "I'm just getting used to her now, to being her dad, I can't imagine what the rest is going to look like."

Ziva squeezed his hand. "But it will be amazing to watch her grow."

"It's like nothing else," Mandy agreed, rolling her wrist to see her watch. Sitting on her stool, Dr. Meyers looked at Tony and Ziva and started on a list of questions for them. "So, how are you guys adjusting to life with a newborn?"

The couple exchanged glances and Tony nodded. "Pretty good I guess. We're working on a schedule, trying to sleep when we can, remembering to eat most of the time, going out occasionally - all that jazz."

Mandy eyed his wife. "Ziva, anything to add?"

Ziva shook her head. "That is a good summary."

"Okay." Mandy checked her clipboard and directed her gaze at the baby. "How much does Chaya cry? Is she easy to soothe?"

Tony slid his fingers through Ziva's and waited, answering when she didn't. "I don't think she really cries that much, at least, it's less than I expected. Chaya's happy as long as she's fed the moment she wakes up. We've gone through a few fussy periods and we're still experimenting with what works, but she's a pretty good baby."

Mandy chuckled. "I noticed that at the hospital. I think you guys deserve it." She made a note and continued, making sure Ziva had to answer this time. "Are you and Tony getting any time to yourselves?"

Ziva leaned against her husband. "We have been careful to take time together in the evenings. And Gibbs came over last week so we could leave the house for a short while." She smiled. "I would like to do that more often."

"Plan for it Ziva," Mandy advised, "don't let quality time get lost in the shuffle." Tony squeezed Ziva's hand in silent promise and they waited for the next question. "Tell me about a typical day at your house."

Ziva scrunched up her nose. "Some days we do not leave the house. I am feeding Chaya every three hours and Tony takes care of burping and diapering each time. Sometimes we nap with her and other times we try to stay awake to get things done or just relax. We usually get a chance to shower, remember lunch and dinner and have our time before going to bed again. Chaya is rarely awake longer than a feeding and changing."

"That's not unusual at this age," Mandy commented, "newborns are typically very sleepy." She scanned her notes and looked up. "Is breastfeeding going well?"

Ziva remembered back to their first few days at home. "Things were very difficult when my milk came in, and earlier this week when she went through a growth spurt I was having a hard time just surviving all the feedings." She caught Tony's eyes and he agreed.

"The every hour and a half thing Chaya was doing was exhausting and overwhelming, but we got through."

Dr. Meyers' expression grew thoughtful. "It seem to me that you're trying to do a lot of this on your own. You guys have a tight knit family, don't forget to let them be your support." The couple nodded and Mandy leaned back. "Are there any questions you have for me? Nothing is too trivial when it comes to caring for your baby."

Ziva ran a hand through her hair. "I will let you know, but nothing comes to my head right now."

"Comes to mind Zi," Tony whispered in her ear. When she didn't respond, a look in her eyes confirmed the need to rest and he hoped the appointment would wrap up soon.

"Well, I think we're done here then." Mandy tucked her pen back in her pocket. "Ziva, as long as you're feeling okay, I'm lifting the bedrest ban. But if you need to nap, don't feel bad about it. And as long as you can wear a seatbelt and turn comfortably, you can start driving again next week if the soreness is gone. Tony," Mandy smiled, "take care of yourself and your girls. I think you guys are doing just fine. Don't hesitate to call if you have any questions. Ziva I'll see you in a month for your six week check up and Chaya needs to come back at two months for her first vaccinations. Have a good day!"

As soon as she left the couple gathered their things and their baby and went to the car. On the way home Tony stopped at a store and came back bearing a lovely bouquet of wildflowers. Ziva took them with tears in her eyes and kissed his cheek, while Tony grinned, loving that he was allowed to spoil her now.

By the time they got back to the house, the new parents were exhausted. Being out took more energy than they'd expected and all three went back to bed. Chaya woke earlier and nursed longer than usual and after her diaper change had to be cuddled and walked before she would fall asleep again, but otherwise it was same old, same old.

That evening Tony and Ziva sat together on the couch, Ziva curled up against Tony's side and playing with his fingers. He sighed and kissed her hair. "Whatcha thinking?"

She lay her head on his shoulder. "I will miss this, our quiet time at night."

"Yeah, me too." Going back to work in the morning was not a welcome prospect. "I wish I wasn't leaving you to do everything on your own." Just thinking about not being around for feeding and changings and naps together was depressing.

Ziva didn't say anything and he felt worse. "Are you mad?"

Ziva shook her head. "Can we go to bed? I want you to hold me."

He grinned. "You don't have to ask me twice." Tony stood up and took her hand, leading his wife upstairs and crawling under the covers to lay behind her. But Ziva rolled over and fit herself into his body, sliding her arm under his and nestling her head in his neck. Tony pulled her as close as possible and buried his face in her hair.

"I love you Zi."

She kissed his neck and Tony tipped her chin up, molding his mouth to hers. Ziva kissed him again, slowly, and he felt tears on his skin when she pulled away. "I am still blaming the hormones," she whispered, listening to his heartbeat, his arms her favourite place to be.

**NCIS**

He had to let her go when Chaya fussed an hour later and even when the baby wasn't waking them, Tony found it very hard to sleep that night. He made sure he was showered and ready to go so he could spend time with Ziva and Chaya during her morning feeding.

When the baby spit up all over his shirt, Tony wiped her mouth, kissed her nose and changed quickly before doing her diaper. In the nursery he took his time, wanting to hold onto the memory of his last moments with his daughter because it would have to last him all day.

Tony put Chaya in the bassinet to sleep and Ziva followed him downstairs. "I have heard it said that you can tell a lot about a person by the way he handles rainy days, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights." She hugged him. "But in our case I could say I have learned a lot about my husband by the way he handles nightmares, having to wait for everything he wants, and newborns." Ziva looked at him closely. "I have learned that you are a very good man Anthony DiNozzo and I am so proud to be your wife. Thank you for loving us."

They reached the door and she kissed him gently, then more demandingly, ensuring that he'd have a hard time keeping his mind on work. He whispered 'thank you', 'I love you', and 'there's nowhere else I'd rather be', held her tightly, grabbed his backpack and tried not to look back. But it didn't work so he grinned and waved instead, then left before he changed his mind.

If Gibbs was surprised that Tony arrived on time, he didn't show it and they all watched as Tony pinned up pictures of his girls on the wall behind him and taped two more to his computer monitor. He stared at the images and sighed, he missed them already.

Tony's head snapped forward and he spun around, rubbing the spot. Gibbs dropped a pile of folders on his desk. "Welcome back. Get to work."

He rolled his eyes. "Good to see you too Boss." Tony picked up the first one and leaned back in his chair. It was going to be a long day.

**NCIS**

Around lunchtime Tony finally remembered what he wanted to ask McGee. Walking over and grabbing a stress ball to juggle, he lifted an eyebrow. "So, how was Abby's Mother's Day?"

Tim grinned. "It was fun. She was very sweet about my first attempt at making cake, even if it had to be smothered in icing to be really edible. We took a walk, I got her flowers, and made supper. We went bowling later - even pregnant she's really good at it." He chuckled. "When we got into bed she told me it was the best Mother's Day ever. I decided it was best not to point out that it was her first Mother's Day."

Tony nodded. "Probably wise."

"Was Ziva surprised?" McGee asked.

"Oh yeah." He remembered the look on her face. "I ordered her a bracelet the day Chaya was born and it was ready just in time to be her present, you'll have to take a look when she comes back. We had Chaya's first doctor's appointment and getting out of the house was really tiring, so we didn't do much else. She was kinda bummed that I had to come back today."

"It can't be easy when she's used to having you around all the time. You think she'll be okay?"

Tony stared out the window and sighed. "I hope so Tim, but I don't think she'll admit it if she isn't. Ziva needs someone to believe she can do this."

**NCIS**

Two feedings later Ziva was realizing how much she liked having Tony around for support. She felt less confident, unsure and overwhelmed trying to do it all by herself. But when Chaya fell asleep on Ziva's chest in the livingroom and she got a chance to enjoy her baby, the new mother discovered that being home alone with time and space to think and just be wasn't really so bad.

She changed Chaya's diaper on a blanket on the floor because she didn't feel like going back upstairs. Ziva chuckled when the baby stared at her. "You are used to having Daddy do this, yes? Do not worry tatelah, Ima has had lots of practice." She left the baby in her diaper and settled back into the soft cushions as Chaya curled up contentedly on her mommy's bare skin. Ziva ran her fingers slowly over Chaya's spine.

"I am sorry it has taken so long for us to spend peaceful time together tsiporkatan. I do not want to forget what it is like to have you so little, when you are happy to just listen to my heart beat." She kissed Chaya's head. "Ani ohev atach. I have not been telling you that enough, hmm?"

It was a long time before Ziva could make herself get up to put her daughter to bed. With the baby monitor in hand, she ran a bath and spent a blissful half hour soaking away all the stress and tension of the previous days. With more than an hour left before Chaya would be hungry, Ziva got into bed and closed her eyes. So far, so good.

**NCIS**

Tony took Abby lunch early that afternoon, wanting to catch up with his little sister. It had been all about Ziva and the baby and last few weeks and as much as he loved that, he missed the team. Since he'd already seen Matt whisk Tami and Sammy away to eat outside, he knew she'd be alone.

Abby was working at her computer when he set a blue Caf-Pow cup in front of her and kissed her cheek. "Still love me?"

She spun around with a frown on her face but immediately threw her arms around his neck. Then she pulled back, smacked his chest and glared. "Visiting hours. I'm not asking, I'm telling."

Tony held his hands up in surrender. "Sunday afternoon. I'll clear it with Ziva. The last week wasn't on purpose. I promise we're not shunning you."

Abby stared him down for a minute just to be sure, then spied the bag in his hand and her eyes lit up. "What did you bring me?"

He chuckled. "McGee told me you felt like tacos earlier."

Her grin brightened the whole room and she tucked her arm in his as they walked to the office. "I knew there was a reason you're my favourite."

Tony kissed her hair. "Missed you Abs."

They found spots to sit around her desk and chatted over tacos and milk, sharing the cinnamon twists he'd ordered for dessert. Abby shared the story of Father Nate catching her and McGee kissing at Christmas and Tony laughed. "You think that's embarrassing? How about walking in on the bossman and his lady friend getting cozy in the basement?"

Abby froze and her eyes flashed dangerously. "What?"

Tony backpedaled rapidly. "Well, I mean...I didn't see anything...not that there was anything to see of course, but it was just-" She stood up and raced for the computer in the other room. "Abby, what are you doing?" Silence met his inquiry and Tony groaned inside. _One of them is going to kill me._

Cautiously he joined Abby, watching warily as her fingers flew over the keys. Her indignant screech put fear into his heart. "She lives around the corner from Gibbs?"

He winced, not bothering to mention to an incensed, pregnant Goth that Gibbs would not see the humour in her hacking Celeste's information. "Abby, just calm down, okay?"

Abby whirled on him. "I will not calm down!" she shouted. "I'm getting to the bottom of this, now!"

Afraid of what would happen if he didn't follow her, Tony trailed Abby to her car. It was more a precaution than anything, even if he did admit to his share of curiosity. They arrived in Gibbs' neighbourhood in record time and Tony stood beside Abby when she rang the doorbell.

Celeste answered, as pleasant as he remembered her from the wedding. "Tony, Abby, what brings you here?"

Tony rubbed the back of his neck when Abby crossed her arms. "What is going on between you and Gibbs?" she demanded furiously.

The other woman leaned casually against the door frame and surveyed them, folding her arms across her chest. "Normally I'd thank you very much to mind your own business, but there's nothing normal about this situation." She pushed the door open. "You better come in, we need tea for this conversation."

Tony and Abby exchanged glances, confirming that they had expected a very different reaction. Nevertheless, they stepped inside and stood waiting in the entry until Celeste returned, carrying a tray with mugs of steaming water and an assortment of tea fixings.

She looked at them. "I'm not sure about the making yourselves at home part, but you may as well sit down."

Once they were all holding hot cups of tea and sipping them carefully, Celeste let out a breath. "Let's get this over with."

Tony decided to start, hoping he could keep the tone more neutral that what Abby might come up with. He chewed on the inside of his lip for a moment and leaned forward. "I guess what we're wondering Celeste, is what are your intentions towards our boss?"

To their surprise, Celeste laughed lightly. "So this is an interrogation. I wondered how long it would take before someone started asking questions." She took a drink of tea and tapped her nails against the mug. She focused on Abby first. "You don't have to feel threatened by me Abby, I'm not trying to take anyone's place." Celeste shrugged one shoulder, trying to decide how much to share. "Jethro and I have been friends for years, but I'm not sure either of us are willing to settle for that anymore. Right now I'm enjoying my time with him and waiting to see how it goes."

It was hard to be upset with her when she was being so honest, but Abby tried. "You're not family," she muttered, shooting a dark look at the other woman.

"No," Celeste shook her head, "I'm not, and I don't expect it to be easy to earn a place in this group. But I'm willing to try and I'd appreciate your respect, if nothing else." Abby's eyes widened like she had not expected to get told. Her gaze hardened even more at Celeste's next words.

"I know you're protective of him, but I have no intentions of hurting Jethro. He means a great deal to me and with all due respect, I've known him much longer than you. You don't have exclusive rights to his heart Abby. If Jethro can love Ziva's baby and yours, then I'm sure there's room for me there too, without any of you losing your spots in his life."

Abby stood. "I think I want to leave now," she said coldly, marching out of the house. Tony moved to stand as well.

"I'm sorry," he said sincerely, feeling very much like they'd overstepped. "Abby...she doesn't like change. She's always been the favourite Celeste, Gibbs' first daughter after Kelly, proof that he could still love. But she's feeling the competition with Ziva since she...came back and I think she's just scared." Tony wished he could explain better. "You'll never have a better person on your side than Abby, just keep that in mind.

He left and Celeste looked after him. _Tony, you've changed_. She ran a hand through her hair. "Well that went well," she said to no one in particular, absently rubbing the ring finger of her left hand._ Jethro, if you only knew what your kids are willing to do for you. I wonder if you know how deeply you are loved._


	50. Chapter 50

_A/N: To answer a question..._

_Shayu26 - Tony went back to work on a Friday. I figured it would be an easier way to work Ziva into him being away instead of immediately having her face a week of doing everything on her own._

Having been tipped off by a very nervous senior field agent, McGee made it to the lab just in time to see Tami scurrying out, an odd look on her face and he assumed she was running for cover from Abby's ire. Letting out a breath, he steeled himself against what he was about to find and stepped inside. Abby whirled around to see who dared to disturb her and glared fiercely at him.

"I hate her!" she said vehemently and he winced.

"Hate is such a strong word Abbs."

Abby crossed her arms. "Well, I dislike her more than just a lot. She's trying to steal Gibbs!"

Tim considered his next words very carefully, realizing that between Ziva coming back and taking a lot of Gibbs attention, them being married and getting pregnant, and the hormones, she wasn't thinking very clearly and logic probably did not play any part in her emotional response to a new person in Gibbs' life.

"Is that what she said?" he asked, knowing her reaction could go either way.

Abby's eyes flitted around the room. "No. But it's what she's doing no matter what she says. Did you know she just lives around the corner from him?" she demanded.

That was news. Tim shook his head. "No, can't say I did. Don't you think Gibbs would say something if it was worth worrying about?"

Her gaze darkened. "She's probably convinced him to keep it a secret from us, why else wouldn't he tell?"

McGee rubbed his forehead. "Gibbs...he really doesn't share that easily Abby, maybe he's just not ready to make any announcements yet."

"He has us," Abby said, stabbing her finger into the air and echoing her words from the hospital, "what does he need her for?"

"Everyone should have someone to come home to, someone to sit on the couch with after a long day, someone to talk to," Tim pointed out.

Abby stomped around the lab in the knee high boots she was still wearing, her lab coat flying behind her. "He could talk to me!"

McGee risked getting closer and put himself in her path. "Yeah, but then who would I come home to?"

A flicker in her eyes made Tim wonder if he was getting through. "I don't want things to change Timmy."

"Hey," he put his hands on her arms and drew her against his body. "Nothing's gonna change Abbs, nothing important. Gibbs is always going to be Gibbs and he'll always love you best out of all of us. Even having an extra person around isn't going to affect that."

"It already has," she said grumpily, but she was beginning to listen to reason. "I miss him Tim."

"So tell him," McGee encouraged, kissing her nose. "He may be Gibbs, but he might not realize you want him around just as much now even though we're married."

"Yeah," Abby sighed, "maybe I will."

He hugged her carefully. "And if it's any consolation, I love you."

Her smile came back and she kissed him in the middle of the lab with no witnesses and no regards for Gibbs' 'keep it out of the office' order. "Thanks Tim. I love you too."

**NCIS**

When she was changing Chaya later that afternoon, Ziva touched her belly button gently. "I think it is time for your first bath hakatan, what do you think of that?" Chaya looked up at her with those trusting blue eyes and Ziva lifted her until their faces were even. She brushed her nose over the baby's and smiled. "It seems we are in agreement."

With the infant held securely in one hand, Ziva made several trips to gather everything she needed and set up shop on the towel lined diningroom table. Setting Chaya in her swing, she laid out a clean outfit and diaper, q-tips, washcloths, a comb, and her hooded bunny bath towel.

Filling the tub with a few inches of water, Ziva brought it back to the table and put a small towel in the bottom so the baby wouldn't slip. Testing the water with her elbow, she found it to be comfortable and brought Chaya over. Quickly stripping the little girl of her diaper, Ziva slid her into the tub, keeping one hand around her.

For a moment Chaya just lay there while Ziva poured cups of warm water over her body. Then her legs kicked out and made a splash, which seemed to startle her, but she didn't protest so Ziva took it as a good sign. Going by both information she had read and a little video she'd watched online, the new mom dipped a cloth in the water and wiped the baby's eyes, then used to q-tip to get into the folds of her ears.

Next, much like the first sponge baths, she washed Chaya's face, talking to her softly as she did so. Ziva got under her chin where milk sometimes spilled and moved to her belly. Drawing the washcloth slowly over the baby's skin, she smiled and made faces and cooed to Chaya, pleased that the baby seemed to be enjoying her first real bath.

Continuing downwards, Ziva swiped the cloth down her skinny little legs and turned her carefully to do her back. She worked her way down to the baby's toes and played a quick game of 'This Little Piggy,' changing the words as she saw fit. Lastly she cleaned Chaya's bottom from front to back to prevent infection.

Before doing her hair, Ziva lifted her daughter out of the tub and wrapped her in the pink towel, then held her with the baby's back along her forearm and her feet tucked into Ziva's elbow. Holding her head over the tub, Ziva used a mug to pour water over Chaya's hair. She rubbed a small amount of baby shampoo onto her head and then rinsed it off. Picking up the rounded comb, she pulled it softly through the baby's hair, having read that the action would stimulate her scalp and make it less likely that she would develop cradlecap.

For the whole process Chaya never made a sound. She was calm and collected and clearly enjoying the one on one attention. With her bath completed, Ziva laid the baby on the table and gently patted her skin dry, making sure to get between all her fingers and toes before re-diapering her and putting Chaya in a fresh outfit. Then it was time for a feeding and back to bed for baby, but Mom stayed up to get a few things done.

After washing the dishes that had again accumulated in the sink, Ziva turned on the TV to the old movie channel and settled in, greatly determined to finally complete the project she'd started a month ago. By the time the music played and the couple kissed at the end, Ziva's yellow blanket was finally done. She'd even added a white border around the edges, which finished it quite nicely.

Feeling very pleased with herself, Ziva held it up to examine it closely before leaving it laying over the arm of the chair to show Tony when he got home. He walked in the door just as she was bringing Chaya downstairs after her last pre-midnight feeding. Instantly his face lit up and he reached for the baby.

He nuzzled his face against hers and kissed her cheek. "Hello beautiful girl, Daddy missed you today. I'm not used to being so far away." Tony cradled her in one arm and held out the other to hug Ziva. He tucked his head into her neck, breathing her in. "Hi."

She smiled. "Did you miss me too?"

His response was to kiss her breathless and even then he still didn't want to let go. "You bet." He twirled a piece of her hair around his finger. "Wish I could take a year off to spend with you guys."

Ziva placed her palm on his cheek. "I am very used to having you here. It was strange to be alone."

Tony looked sad but swallowed it and forced a grin. "I'm yours for the next two days." He rocked Chaya slowly, watching her eyelids flutter. "So, what did I miss?"

Ziva took his hand and led him towards the stairs. "I will fill you in after. Now it is time to get her ready for bed."

He heard some tell-tale noises coming from Chaya's bottom and made a face. "Home five minutes and I'm already changing a diaper?" Tony shook his head. "Who knew I would miss even that?"

This time Ziva picked a book while Tony got Chaya taken care of. Since she'd already fed and was fast falling asleep, they switched places and Ziva began reading a story called Something From Nothing, while Tony sat in the rocking chair holding his daughter. He liked listening to his wife's voice, intent on regaling Chaya with the sweet tale also came with a lesson. Chaya seemed to know her mommy's voice and turned her head towards Ziva as if she was listening quite carefully.

When the story was over he didn't want to put her down but he had to, kissing her soft head. Then Ziva looked at him with longing in her eyes. "Come downstairs with me, for a little while?"

He waited until they were on the couch before kissing her, and then it was more than one because he just couldn't get enough. Tony pulled his wife beside him and wrapped her securely in his arms. Ziva almost purred and closed her eyes, snuggling into him. He sighed. "I've waited all day to hold you."

She opened her eyes. "And I have wanted all day to be held. We make a good team."

Kissing her hair, he got comfortable. "Okay, fill me in."

Ziva smiled. "Chaya had her first bath today."

Tony frowned. "We've given her baths before."

"Sponge baths," Ziva clarified. "But this time I put her in the tub with water since we no longer have to keep her belly button dry. I think she rather enjoyed it."

He made a face. "I'm sorry I missed that. My turn next time?"

"If you are here."

Not entirely pleased with her answer, he continued. "What else?"

Her face took on an expression of satisfaction. "I finished my blanket."

Tony sat up a little. "Yeah? Good for you. Where is it?" Ziva looked towards the chair and Tony pulled the bright rectangle towards him, holding it up. "Nice job Zi, are you happy with how it turned out?"

She nodded. "I will put it on her crib tonight. I am glad to have that task accomplished." Her fingers found the back of his hand and Tony treasured the letters she drew. "How was your day?"

He shrugged. "Paperwork mostly. Then this evening we got pulled in to assist on another team's case, which is why I'm home so late. Oh, and Abby and I may just have found a really great way to get ourselves fired."

Ziva looked at him, her expression wary. "Do I want to know?"

Tony ran his fingers through his hair. "We umm...sorta went over to talk to Celeste and find out what's going on with her and the boss."

Shock took over her face. "I hope you are joking."

He shook his head. "At this point I wish I was. I'm not sure we'll make it through Monday unscathed."

"Was there a reason you chose today for your investigation?" Ziva questioned.

Tony sighed. "I only went along because I was afraid of what Abby would do without supervision." At Ziva's look he rolled his eyes. "Okay, and I was curious too. But it didn't turn out the way I thought. Now Abby's hurt, Celeste is probably going to tell Gibbs and I'm wishing I had a way to be invisible for awhile."

Ziva leaned into him and kissed his shoulder. "Perhaps Gibbs will spare you for my sake." She was quiet for a moment and then pulled a folded piece of paper from her pocket. "I found this when I was making the bed." Ziva opened it and looked over the words again, though she'd read them several times since the morning. She looked up at her husband. "Do you mean it?"

Tony nodded, stroking her cheek softly. "Every word honey, I just wanted you to remember."

Ziva smiled. "Thank you. To see how you feel in writing...it means a lot."

He tried to keep a straight face, but inside he was thinking, _If you liked that, just wait until you see the rest of the letters. _Tony wondered if she would cry when he finally let her read them. The old Ziva didn't cry, his Ziva was a different story.

She yawned and he rubbed his eyes, letting out a chuckle. "We're a sorry pair, can't even stay up until ten."

Ziva relaxed against him. "Only because we, or at least I will be up at twelve to feed her again."

Tony rubbed her arm. "How old does she have to be before we can give her a bottle? I'd like to help."

She shook her head and touched his cheek. "During the week you will have to go to work in the morning Tony, it is I who can get up with her and sleep as much as I want during the day."

"That's not sharing," he grumbled, chafing at the responsibility of balancing work and family.

"You can help as much as you want tonight. Now come," she stood up and tugged on his arm, "I am ready meet the sandman."

Figuring she was close enough to the actual saying, Tony followed his wife to their room and fell asleep shortly after they climbed into bed. Holding her was still his favourite way to nod off and for her part, Ziva didn't complain a bit.

**NCIS**

It was late by the time Gibbs knocked on Celeste's door, but he hadn't seen her since Monday, when she'd accompanied him to Kate's grave to leave a flower. She drew him out about his former agent, hearing stories about her and Tony, listening to his accounts of how they worked together to haze McGee, reminiscing about the traits of hers that he'd admired and finding underneath all that the guilt he still felt over seeing her killed in front of him and not being able to stop it.

For hours she held his hand and leaned against him while his mind revisited the past of six years ago. Her presence had been the balm he needed, her wise words what he wished he could believe. That time together had been extremely emotional and for a man that didn't show that side of himself often, very draining. So when he said he needed some time afterwards, Celeste was neither surprised or judgmental. She simply told him to come over when he was ready to be company again.

She opened the door and smiled, hugging him before he even got inside. Without asking she poured him a mug of coffee and Gibbs accepted it, knowing she was always trying to balance which dependency she was going to feed - caffeine or alcohol. He kissed her before taking a sip and she leaned into him.

"I missed you." They sat down on the couch, her fingers slipping between his. "Hard day?"

He shrugged. "Not really, mostly paperwork."

"Tony was back to work today." A statement, not a question and Gibbs wondered how she kept track of everything.

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Putting up pictures, watching the clock, whining all day about missing Ziva and Chaya." He shook his head. "Those two are something else."

Celeste examined her fingernails. "He and Abby make an interesting team."

Gibbs frowned. "Since when?"

She shrugged one shoulder. "Since they came over today to find out what my intentions towards you are."

His eyes darkened. "That's crossing a line." In his head he was already thinking of punishments and lectures to dish out first thing Monday morning.

Celeste tilted her head to the side. "I'm not sure. They clearly care for you a great deal, Abby especially, and from what I gather you haven't been too open about what we're doing." She raised an eyebrow. "Do they know anything about us?"

He made a noise in his throat. "Only what they discovered at the wedding, that you're my 'mysterious redhead'. At least they have your name now."

She dropped her hands into her lap. "Are you going to tell them?"

Gibbs harumphed. "None of their business."

Celeste laughed. "They're family Jethro, sooner or later they'll want to know."

"Later's fine with me," he said flippantly, catching the expression in her eyes. "Stop that. I'm not embarrassed or ashamed of our relationship. But curiosity won't kill them and I don't see a need to make this public knowledge yet. Though they are going to hear from me about it."

She sighed. "Don't be too hard on them, they're only doing it because they care about you."

"And they're all too nosy for their own good."

Celeste leaned her head back. "I may have given Abby another reason to hate me." His gaze became wary and he just waited. She sighed. "I think I was too honest with her, too harsh in my wording. I started out by saying that I have no intention of taking anyone's place and then told her I at least deserved her respect, if nothing else. But what I maybe shouldn't've blurted out was that she doesn't have exclusive rights to your heart. I was trying to show her that you have room to love all of us, your family and me. Did I go about it the wrong way?"

Gibbs rubbed his fingers over her leg. "No good way to tell Abby something she doesn't want to hear. Harsh maybe, but it's the truth. Wrong time to have the conversation though, she's even less rational than normal with the pregnancy hormones."

"Yeah, that's what I thought of after I opened my big mouth." She chanced a look at him. "Want to dump me now and just get it over with?"

He snorted. "Not an option. You'd have to work a lot harder than that to get away from me. I'll talk to Abby and DiNozzo on Monday. Don't beat yourself up about it Les." Celeste had a habit of doing that when she realized she'd made a mistake, he'd been trying to break the habit for years.

She put her hand on his arm. "Go easy on Tony, I think he came as moral support only. He said some things to me after Abby stormed out. He's really changed Jethro."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed. "When I remember how he came to us - cocky as heck and so full of himself that there wasn't room for anything else - it's hard to believe he's the same man."

"Ziva's done wonders for him," Celeste noted, curling up against his side.

"It's amazing the influence a good woman can have on the man she loves."

Surprised to hear him say something like that, Celeste realized he was probably not talking about Tony any more. But neither of them had said the 'L' word yet and she wasn't about to make him uncomfortable about the slip. So instead she laid her hand over his heart and they sat together in the quiet, just being. Tonight being together was all they needed.

**NCIS**

Saturday morning Timothy McGee woke up and rolled over to kiss his wife. Abby was laying on her side, curled up around her pillow. She smiled at his greeting and opened her eyes a little. "Morning."

Tim pushed aside the covers and leaned over to place a kiss on her belly. "Good morning Baby Beta, did you let Mommy sleep last night?" He laid his hand over the slowly growing bump and froze when something hit his hand.

Abby rolled her eyes. "Well it looks like someone is up. No such thing as sleeping in for babies in progress, huh?" When McGee didn't answer she looked at him. "Tim?"

He blinked rapidly to avoid breaking down completely. "I can feel it Abby."

She stared at him. "What?"

McGee grinned for all he was worth. "I can feel our baby."

Abby sat up slowly and pressed her hands over his, joy radiating through her. "This is your daddy, baby," she whispered before pressing her lips to Tim's.

His arms came around her and it became several kisses - slow, languid and loving - as they expressed their pleasure over this new development. For a long time they lay in bed with Tim's hand resting on Abby's abdomen. This was his baby and McGee didn't think he'd ever get enough.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva's day began at seven am with Chaya's first reasonable hour feeding and then Tony took her so Ziva could shower. When she finished it was his turn and he came downstairs to find his girls outside in the yard, staring intently at the strip of dirt where Grace had helped them plant flowers three weeks ago. Watching Ziva wander along her flower bed, Tony was drawn back to that bright and sunny April day.

_Grace arrived in early afternoon carrying a basket full of seed packets, trowels, gloves and wearing a sun hat. Tony opened the door to let her in. "I hope you're ready to work hard young man," Grace teased, pointing a small hand shovel at his chest, "because your wife and I are on a mission."_

_He grinned. "Yes ma'am. Ziva and I already staked out the spot she wants for a flowerbed. She's been a slave driver all morning." At the older woman's look he clarified. "She pointed, I staked and I got to play with the shovel. Don't worry Nonna, I'm making sure she rests. I've left her in the backyard with a book and a glass of lemonade. Want some?"_

_Grace smiled. "Please. I haven't had time to make my own yet." Then she walked right through the house and out the sliding doors to find Ziva. The younger woman was sitting on a blanket on the grass, looking beautiful and content in cotton capris and a brightly coloured gypsy top._

"_Hello Ziva." Grace leaned down to hug her friend, checking out the work that had already been done. Tony had turned the grass under, leaving a strip of rich topsoil just ready for planting. Grace took a seat on Ziva's blanket and pulled a folded piece of paper from her basket. "This was the plan I came up with, let me know if you want to change anything. I remember you wanted very colourful flowers, hopefully low maintenance. These are our options."_

_Ziva studied the sketch and the name of seeds and bulbs Grace had brought. Coneflowers in orange and pink, snowdrops, dark purple and yellow crocuses, yellow and white daffodils, daisies, tulips in pink, yellow, purple and red, dark pink and purple superbells, jasmine, lavender, pink armeria, red and orange marigolds. "You have brought all the colours possible!" she exclaimed, pleased beyond words at the selection. "Thank you Grace."_

"_It was my pleasure Ziva. And," she held out her keys to Tony, "if your husband wouldn't mind, there are a few surprises in the backseat of my car."_

_Curious, Tony took the keys and returned in three trips with small lilac bushes, two butterfly bushes in purple and dark pink and three small rosebushes all in pots and ready to be transplanted. Ziva's mouth fell open. "Grace, it is too much!"_

_The older woman disagreed. "I am thrilled to have a part in bringing joy to your backyard."_

_Tony grinned. "You are so much like my nonna you have no idea. Thanks."_

_She chuckled. "You can thank me after you've spent a few hours digging and planting and sweating. Then we'll see if you still feel the same way."_

_He brushed off her comment and played landscape architect for awhile as Ziva and Grace discussed where to put the bushes before laying seed packets and bulbs out in the order they wanted. Then came the manual labour part where he had to plant all of the living things. The women sat side by side on the grass and chatted while working with the small trowels to plant seeds and bulbs. _

_It was a few hours later when they all stood back to admire their work. Grace put her hands on her hips. "I know it doesn't look like much, but in a few weeks you are going to have all the brightly coloured blossoms you can handle."_

_Ziva walked over to touch the soft hanging flowers on the butterfly bushes. "Thank you for this Grace, I will have a reason to smile every time I come outside now."_

"_Then my work here is done," Grace said, smiling._

_They persuaded her to stay for an early supper and when she wasn't looking, Tony slipped a couple of twenties in her purse, to help offset the cost of what she'd brought. They both hugged her goodbye and Ziva made her promise to return to see the product of her work when it was all visible. That day Tony was never so thankful that he'd met Grace McPherson. Seeing Ziva smile was worth everything._

It was that smile he saw now and Tony strode over to find the cause. Ziva heard him coming and turned. "Tony, they are growing!"

Sure enough little green spikes were poking up through the dirt. The lilac bushes, thanks to some careful care, were beginning to show their tightly closed clusters of flowers and even the rose bushes sported buds not quite ready to show off. He slipped his arm around her waist. "It's going to be beautiful out here. I'm glad you and Grace came up with this idea."

Ziva looked down at her baby. "I can just see her in a couple of years, running around in the backyard as you chase her and tiny fingers exploring each and every flower." She leaned against him. "This still feels like a dream Tony."

He kissed her temple. "Maybe it always will Zi, but that's what makes it so special. We've had to work really hard to get here, we have no idea what it's like to take our love and our life together for granted. Most people will never know what that's like. I think..." Tony sighed, "I think it's a gift."

She laid her head on his shoulder. "I know that you are mine."

Tony bent to kiss Chaya's head. "It's hard to imagine life getting any better than this." Ziva slipped her fingers through his and they walked slowly back inside together. The day had just begun and it was off to a wonderful start.


	51. Chapter 51

While Tony was changing Chaya after her mid-morning feeding, Ziva picked up the phone and dialed a number she'd found in Tony's contact list. It rang three times and a man's voice answered. "Adrian Platz, photos and ads. What can I do for you?"

"Hello Adrian," she began, "this is Ziva DiNozzo. Do you have a moment?"

He stopped what he was doing and spun around in his chair. "Sure, what's up? Need me to take Tony off your hands for a few hours?"

Ziva was impressed. "Actually, yes. But not because I do not want him around. He has been doing everything for me lately and I think he needs a break."

Adrian thought about it. "Do you have something specific in mind?"

"I do," she replied, "You will need a pen and a piece of paper."

"Got it," Adrian replied, "start at the beginning."

Half an hour later the doorbell rang and Ziva let Tony answer it. She was too busy being enthralled by the baby who had fallen asleep on a blanket in only her diaper. Tony opened the door and grinned. "Hey Adrian, what brings you by?"

Adrian held up his camera. "I got to thinking that today might be a good time to take some newborn pictures, if you want." He leaned around Tony and waved. "Hi Ziva."

She smiled. "Adrian, how nice to see you again. Please come in." Looking at the baby, she made a face. "Chaya just fell asleep. Will that still work?"

He nodded. "As a matter of fact, the best way to photograph babies is when they're sleeping." Adrian looked around. "We're going to need a few props. Can you guys grab some of her toys, a white blanket for the background, a couple comforters or towels, maybe a basket if you have one? I can keep an eye on this little darlin' for a minute or two."

Tony and Ziva went upstairs and began looking for the items Adrian had requested. When they returned to the livingroom, Adrian had pushed the piano back a bit to create a nice open space in front of one of the windows. At their curious expressions he explained.

"Natural lighting is best. We want a gentle glow but no shadows if we can help it." He took the white blanket from Ziva and laid it on the floor, then stuffed the oval basket with one of the blankets and tucked a dark blue towel overtop of it. "Okay, someone want to put the little angel in that? I'll arrange her as need be."

Tony scooped up his sleeping daughter in two hands and at Adrian's instructions, laid her on her stomach in the basket. The photographer didn't have to do much as Chaya naturally curled her arms and legs tighter for comfort. She looked gorgeous with the fine layer of curls covering her head and a contented expression on her face.

The parents stood back as Adrian got to work. After numerous shots he got Ziva to move Chaya to the blanket on the floor and set up a few toys around her. "For size comparison," he explained, "she's so little that this will work perfectly."

Once the prop part was over, Adrian instructed Ziva to sit on the floor with Chaya in her lap. He snapped a few pictures and then stood up. "Is it safe to take her diaper off? It's really beautiful and natural when babies are just in their own skin and nothing else."

A shared look between the parents weighed the danger and Tony decided it was worth the risk. Setting Chaya's diaper aside, Ziva cradled the baby on her chest and Adrian asked Tony to sit behind her. The little family was very photogenic, especially when mom and dad only had eyes for their baby girl.

Adrian soon moved on to close up shots, getting Chaya's little hands and feet and her sleepy face. He directed Tony to take his shirt off and got some really nice daddy and baby shots before showing Tony how to hold Chaya in both his hands, again as a size thing. Ziva reached over to brush her finger over the baby's cheek and Adrian kept pressing the shutter, wanting to capture every moment.

He took a picture of Chaya's hand in the center of Ziva's palm and the baby's hand wrapped around Tony's finger. Adrian made sure to get the look of adoration on both parent's faces as they looked at Chaya and also each other. Finally he stood back and grinned. "And that folks, is a wrap." Adrian shook his head. "Gosh she's been good. I thought for sure she'd wake up and start screaming, but she just slept like she's used to the royal treatment."

Tony smiled. "Chaya is one of those newborns that is practically impossible to wake unless she's hungry or wants to be held, then she lets you know about it." He looked at Ziva and back at his friend. "Did you want to stay for lunch Ade? I'm sure we've got something edible around here somewhere."

Adrian glanced between them. "Nah, it's okay. Thanks for the offer but maybe some other time." He kissed the back of Ziva's hand much like he'd done at the wedding, and pressed his lips to Chaya's tiny fist as well. "Ladies, it's been a pleasure as always." He left just as suddenly as he'd come and Ziva returned the baby to her bassinet, hoping she'd continue to sleep for the last hour and a half of her nap.

Less than ten minutes after Adrian's departure, Ziva sighed. "Tony, would you mind very much running out to rent a movie?" She shrugged. "Something we have not seen? I feel like spending a quiet afternoon."

He got up and started putting on his shoes. "Only because it's the weekend." Tony reached for his keys and the doorknob before turning back to look at her. "Anything else while I'm out? Weird cravings? Odd requests? I aim to please."

She bit her lip and looked hopeful. "I would enjoy some more of that green iced tea, if it is not too much trouble."

Tony crossed the room and kissed her. "No trouble at all. Don't do anything fun without me."

He was moving some stuff from the backseat of the car to the trunk when it happened. A hood was pulled over his head, strong arms grabbed him and despite his struggles, Tony was dragged to another vehicle, thrown inside and restrained. Several minutes later they pulled him out again and dumped him unceremoniously on the ground. His heart was racing when the hood was removed and he found himself looking up into the eyes of...his frat brothers.

Tony let out a breath and took a swing at whoever was nearest. "Geez, you guys almost gave me a heart attack. What, you couldn't just ask if I wanted to play basketball today?"

Darien hooted. "Did you see your wife? If I was married to her, no way no how would you be getting me to leave the house on a Saturday."

Conceding the point, Tony glanced around the group and his mouth fell open. "Adrian, you were in on this? What gives man?"

Adrian smirked. "The great Tony DiNozzo can't handle a prank right out of the hazing handbook?"

Tony stood up and dusted off his pants. "When a federal agent gets kidnapped, he's wondering who's holding the gun, not if he's going to make it through initiation." He looked in the direction of his house. "Did someone warn Ziva about this?"

A round of coughs and nudges and laughter traveled through the group before Adrian spoke up. "It's cool, she knows."

Tony rolled his eyes. "I knew it was dangerous to leave you two alone when I went to the bathroom." Then his smile returned at the sight of the basketball court. "Alright, who's ready for a little three on three?" A cheer went up, a basketball came flying through the air and shirts came off as the guys prepared for some good old fashioned fun.

A couple hours later they were all sitting on the grass, breathing hard and drinking water bottles from the cooler in the back of Mark's car. Tony was the first to find his shirt and start to wind things up. "Well guys, it's been fun, thanks. But I better be getting home. If someone could-"

But before he could finish Adrian slapped him on the back. "Can't get rid of us that easily man. Come on, there's a game on at the bar and I know you love their stuffed crust pizza. It's on us, what do you say?"

Tony looked conflicted. "But Ziva-"

"Is a big girl," his friend finished, "I'm sure she'll survive without you for a few hours. Don't leave us hanging buddy."

He sighed. "Fine. Pizza and the game and then I need a lift home."

"You got it."

But on the way to get food the group got distracted and ended up at a video arcade, acting like a bunch of teenagers as they challenged each other to different games and traded in change for tokens. Tony was back to protesting when they insisted on eating since it had been hours and the pick-up basketball had really built up their appetites, but he was overruled. Given no choice but to go along and realizing he'd inadvertently broken Rule #3 because his cell phone was in his jacket pocket and he didn't wear it today, Tony let himself be included in the fun.

He started getting antsy once the pizza was gone and was on his third soda before the game finished. Much to the guys' disappointment, their team lost and there were moans and groans all around. Peanut shells and greasy napkins littered the floor, empty pizza boxes covering the table reminded Tony of the house they'd shared in college and as much as a trip down memory lane had been fun, he was more than ready to call it a night.

Pulling Adrian aside, he resorted to begging. "Please man, I need to go home. It's been hours and I miss my girls."

Jordan heard him and flicked his wrist. "Guys, I think DiNozzo here has been whipped." He made all the right sound effects and laughter from the others drowned him out.

Tony slid his hands in his pockets. "Since when is that a bad thing?"

"Ooh," Brent shook his head sadly, "dude, you've got it bad."

Tony chuckled. "And you guys don't have a freaking clue what you're missing."

Adrian shook his head. "Alright, alright. Don't cry loverboy, I'll take you back to your lady."

Tony shook hands with the others and flashed his famous grin. "Thanks for the day guys. Next time a little warning, okay?"

By the time they got to Adrian's car, Tony was starting to get really jittery. "Hey, could we stop at a Blockbusters before we go back? I promised Ziva a movie earlier, I'd hate to disappoint."

Obligingly Adrian played chauffeur and it was after eight when they finally made it back to Tony and Ziva's neighbourhood. Tony shook his friend's hand before getting out of the car. "Thanks for coming this morning, I can't wait to see how those pictures turn out."

"Give me some time," Adrian answered, "I'm still trying to finish up your wedding photos."

"No rush, whenever you get a chance is fine. Have a good night." With great relief Tony climbed the front steps and stuck his key in the lock. "Zi? I'm home. I brought your movie." He'd asked the girl at the counter for a good chick flick and she pointed out one that didn't look familiar.

Ziva appeared at the bottom of the stairs and welcomed him back with a hug. She pulled away, her eyes sparkling. "Was it fun?"

He flopped down on the couch. "Did you know I was going to be kidnapped?" She looked guilty and his eyes narrowed. "Wait, did you get me kidnapped?"

Ziva bit her lip. "I might have."

Tony frowned. "Why?"

She sat down beside him. "I thought you deserved a break. It has been a long couple of days and you have been doing so much for me. You needed a daddy day out."

Tony shook his head, reaching for her hand. "You don't get it, do you? I don't need a break from being a dad or a husband. I love it. This isn't something I just accepted and have to make the best of. This is a choice I embraced and it's become the best thing that ever happened to me."

Ziva tried to blink back her tears but two escaped. "You are too nice."

He leaned over and kissed her. "And you still don't think you're worth it. But you will, someday Zi." Tony hugged her, breathing in the scent of her hair. "Thank you for my day out sweetheart, but next time, can it be something we all do together?" He chuckled. "Eight hours apart is really more than I can handle."

She nodded and rested her head on his shoulder. For awhile they sat like that until Tony got up to put the movie on and came back from the kitchen with ice cream. Somehow or other during the course of the film, Ziva ended up sitting behind him, with Tony turned to fit between her legs.

After several minutes Ziva started rubbing her hands slowly up and down his neck and back in the precursor of what would become a massage if he let her give it to him. Tony had to work hard to steady his breathing. He was enjoying her touch immensely but his senses were all on hyper alert from her closeness and it was nearly impossible for him to relax. He got the feeling that a massage would not help matters much.

Ziva noticed the tension he was trying to hide and stopped moving her hands. Instead she leaned against him, sliding her arms around his waist and listening to him breathe. She felt a thrill of pleasure run through her, knowing the effect her touch had on him, but now was not the time to explore that yet.

When he'd calmed down, Tony held her hand against his stomach and tried to pretend he was interested in the movie. But he was getting so bad at lying to Ziva and he had a feeling she knew. As long as she let him pretend though, he wouldn't have to tell her the truth about how much he wanted her. The last thing Tony wanted was to scare his wife and give her a reason to stop getting closer.

**NCIS**

When Chaya seemed determined to stay awake after her eight am feeding Sunday morning, Ziva left her with Tony and went to take a shower. It was delicious to step beneath the hot spray and take the time to wash and shave. To her relief the discharge seemed to be slowing down and was beginning to change colour. Ziva felt better than she had in days and hoped that meant normal was coming soon.

She toweled off her hair and decided to let it air dry, Tony liked when she did that. Opening the bathroom door, Ziva saw Tony laying on the bed with an almost sleeping Chaya. He was watching her every move, tracing her face gently and kissing tiny hands. When he started trying out his Hebrew, Ziva's breath caught.

"You're Daddy's beautiful girl, aren't you princess? Bat yafa, just like Mommy." Tony grinned and brushed back her soft hair. "Oh sweetie, I wish you could understand how much we love you, but even if Mommy and I used every word in every language it still wouldn't come close to expressing what's in our hearts." He sighed, nuzzling her cheek gently.

"Sometimes I think my heart's going to explode because of all the love inside. I know I told you this before baby girl, but I would do anything for you. Anything," Tony stressed, resting his hand on her tummy as he made his declaration. He'd move heaven and earth for his daughter, if that's what was required and he'd battle anyone who tried to stand in his way.

Ziva stayed frozen in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe, afraid to move and spoil the moment. She swallowed back the emotion clogging her throat as she focused husband and daughter together. Ziva knew she'd never loved Tony more than when she got to watch him pour out love on their child.

Tony looked up and smiled. In his wife's eyes he could see her heart and the love there was enough to bring him to tears. He got up, careful not to jostle Chaya and walked over to hold her. Ziva hugged him tightly. "I did not know it would feel like this," she confessed.

He took her face in his hands, caressing her cheeks with his thumbs. "What Zi?"

She shook her head. "All of it. Is this what a father, what a family is supposed to look like? Because I never knew and I never expected to love so much that it hurts."

Tony leaned in and pressed his lips to hers. Ziva responded, drawing out the kiss as their mouths slowly matched each other's movements. He rested his forehead against hers when they stopped to catch their breath. "This is what our family looks like sweetheart, this is who I'm determined to be as a father and a husband. That's more than enough for me."

"Lo lekh," she whispered, flattening her hand over his heart, "Do not let go. Promise me you will not."

He was more serious than he'd ever been. "I can't Zi." Her eyes widened, misunderstanding his answer and Tony explained. "I can't let go. Where we once had two lives we now have one and I will fight to my last breath to keep this. Ziva DiNozzo, I will love you until the end of time. That is my promise."

Tears spilled down her cheeks and over his fingers and Ziva drew in a shuddering breath. "My heart is yours Tony," she said softly, her lips sliding over his in a desperate attempt to match his vow.

Tony pushed back after only a few seconds, breathing hard. "We have to stop honey. I'm sorry, I just...don't trust myself sometimes."

Ziva put her arms around him. "I trust you." Then she moved away and Tony closed the bathroom door, leaning against it. He rubbed a hand over his face. Four weeks for Ziva to finish healing physically, who knew how many more for her to be ready emotionally. How much longer could they keep this up? It was hard to play with fire and not get burned.

**NCIS**

While Tony was showering, Ziva got dressed, still amazed that she could fit into her clothes from early pregnancy, before she knew about Chaya. It was a good feeling. She pulled part of her hair back in a clip, pleased with the outcome. Sparing a glance at the sleeping baby, Ziva hesitated and then tapped lightly on the door.

"Tony, may I come in for a moment?"

He froze, feeling like he was caught doing something he shouldn't. "Uh...sure."

She quickly crossed the room and pulled a couple towels out of the linen closet. Tony sighed in relief when he heard the door click closed and frowned. That had been awkward.

Out in their room, Ziva rolled the towels and placed them on either side of Chaya so she couldn't move and returned silently to the bathroom to put on a little make up. She was fine going without it but knowing they were leaving the house, she wanted to put in a little extra effort.

The cover up mostly hid the dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep, a few swipes of the mascara wand brought out her eyes and a little colour on her cheeks almost disguised the evidence of the last couple of weeks. She heard the water turn off and quickly added some lip gloss before exiting the room.

As a precaution, Tony peeked out the curtain to make sure he was alone before getting out. He was just in time to see Ziva's hair and back disappear around the door as it closed quietly behind her. He stood there feeling a bit perplexed. Slowly but surely the walls were starting to come down and at this moment Tony didn't really know how to handle it. Normal was a dangerous state of being, it made him hope for so much that was still out of reach.


	52. Chapter 52

Their entrance into the diner half an hour later caused quite a stir. Helen was all over them like syrup on pancakes the second they stepped in the door, it was like she had a radar or something. She came flying out from the back with the worlds biggest grin on her face.

"Tony DiNozzo, I wondered if I'd ever see you again." Her eyes lit up and she smiled at Ziva before peeking into the carseat. "And hello darling! Aren't you just the sweetest bit of goodness the Almighty ever dreamed up?" Helen pushed them towards their regular booth. "You three are a sight for sore eyes. Now sit down and get comfortable, I'll be right back with your menus."

Ziva chuckled as she slid onto the seat across from Tony, Chaya's seat tucked in the corner within easy reach. "She has not changed."

"Not a bit," Tony agreed with a smile. "We seem to have a knack for getting adopted by the older members of the female population."

She leaned back. "It does feel like an entire lifetime ago that we came last. Do you remember when it was?"

Tony made his thinking face and closed his eyes, counting backwards. "Probably the week after we were engaged," he decided. "Basically right after Mandy's announcement that the rest of the pregnancy was not going to be easy. Everything pretty much stopped at that point."

Ziva ran her fingers through her hair. "I am quite relieved to be past that." She suddenly looked excited. "I will be glad to be driving again." At Tony's momentary look of panic, she snorted and rolled her eyes. "Do not worry, I will not resort to Israeli driving standards with our daughter in the car."

He covered her hand with his. "She's not the only one who matters you know."

Ziva smiled slightly and then Helen returned, shaking her head and clucking her tongue. "That's enough lovebirds. Food first, flirting later."

Tony resisted the urge to snicker, figuring it wouldn't earn him any brownie points at all. Instead he dutifully accepted the thick menu and paged through it, trying to decide what he felt like. He glanced at his wife, watching Ziva absently rock Chaya's carseat as she browsed through the food options. It was such a lovely domestic scene that he couldn't help but stop to appreciate it.

Eventually their choices were made and soon steaming plates of diner fresh food appeared in front of them. Helen lingered a moment, studying Chaya carefully. "You're the spitting image of your mama little lady, I think Daddy's going to have to beat the boys off with a stick when you turn sixteen."

Tony looked pained. "Let's not rush things Helen, we only got her two weeks ago." Ziva linked their fingers again as if she suspected he needed comfort and he didn't find it necessary to ask until she didn't let go. "Zi?"

She sighed. "Will it never bother you Tony?"

He lifted an eyebrow. "What 'it'?"

Ziva looked at their daughter. "That no one will ever say how much she looks like you."

Tony stared at her, he thought they were past that already but the stupid subject kept returning like a bad boomerang. He lifted Ziva's hand and kissed her fingers. "I'd want her to look like you anyways. What could be better than having a mini-ninja running around?"

Her expression conveyed a lack of belief, like he was hiding the truth from her, but Ziva said no more and Tony was at a loss for how to reassure her further. As the morning wore on, the topic was forgotten and they left the diner with their still sleeping infant just in time to get home for her next feeding.

The whole family took an early afternoon nap and then, after Chaya was taken care of, Tony and Ziva set about making at least the downstairs of their house presentable before their company came. It hadn't really been an option by the time Abby called Saturday night - she was ready to launch a full scale invasion of epic proportions if they didn't tell her what time was good. In truth, Ziva was glad they were coming. Having their friends over signaled a return to a normal routine and after the last two weeks, she was ready.

The doorbell rang at precisely five-thirty, just as Ziva was pulling a tray of macaroni and cheese from the oven. Tony opened the door, bracing himself for his little sister's hug. "Hi Abs," he grinned, "you didn't miss me, did you?"

Without answering Abby released him and launched herself at Ziva before scanning the area. "Where's my niece?"

Ziva's expression was of tolerant fondness. "Chaya is sleeping right now Abby." The girl's face fell and she hastened to finish. "But she will be hungry by six, you may claim her after that."

Satisfied, Abby asked how she could help. While the women took care of things in the kitchen, Tony and McGee shook hands and stood in the livingroom, keeping an eye on their wives. "Having a good weekend Probie?" Tony asked, slipping his hands in his pockets.

McGee let Sammy off his leash, knowing the puppy would trail Abby around at least until Chaya appeared. He'd heard how taken the animal was with his friend's baby. He stood up and smiled. "I got to feel the baby move yesterday."

Tony's grin was entirely genuine. "Nothing compares, right?"

Tim shook his head. "Not until he or she is here, but I'm okay having some time yet to get used to that idea."

Tony slapped him on the back. "You'll do fine. It's a lot of trial and error but really, how seriously can you screw up a newborn?" He shrugged. "I think they'll forgive us for any mistakes."

McGee didn't need to answer because suddenly Ziva was greeting him with a hug she didn't even have to think about first and Abby was impatiently waiting for them to sit down at the table. It was good food, lively conversation and the company of longtime friends for a full twenty minutes before the monitor reported Chaya's demand for her supper. Ziva excused herself to nurse the baby and after a moment of thought, Abby quietly followed her. The guys thought about warning the Goth that she had a tagalong but decided to wait and see what happened.

As soon as the girls were out of earshot, Tony turned to McGee. "What are the odds that Abby can convince Ziva to leave the house with her for a couple hours? I have something I want to talk to you and Gibbs about."

Tim leaned back with a knowing smile. "Close to ninety-five percent. We can even make her think it was her idea."

"I like the way you plan McGoo," Tony praised, "I'll make a sneak out of you yet."

Upstairs, Abby tapped her knuckles softly on the open door of Chaya's room. "Can I join you?"

Ziva looked up in surprise but indicated the footstool. "We would be glad for the company." She checked on the baby. "Usually Tony is here to keep us entertained." Then she glanced behind Abby and smiled. "Sammy, did you want to come and see your new friend too?"

The puppy entered the room cautiously, sniffing all the new baby smells and taking a careful survey of everything before trotting over to the rocking chair and sitting on his haunches, nose up in the air while he tried to get a better look. Abby scooped him up in her arms and took a seat. "If I have to wait, you have to wait. Sorry buddy." She kissed the puppy's head and leaned forward. Her scrutiny made Ziva a little uncomfortable but she hid it well. "Does it hurt Ziva, feeding her?"

Ziva shook her head, glad to dispel any concerns her friend harboured. "No. It is a very pleasant experience for the most part. We have had some rough days, especially in the beginning when both Chaya and I were learning how to do it right, but after that it is just the normal thing to do."

Abby scrunched up her face. "Does it feel weird?" Such a sensation was hard to imagine.

"No," Ziva said thoughtfully. "I am very glad to be able to nourish her this way, it makes me feel...pride in being a mother. I know I am helping her to grow, that it is my milk giving her everything she needs to be happy and healthy. To share this connection with her is very special."

Abby rubbed Sammy's ears. "I don't know if I'm ready for all this mom stuff Ziva. You seem to have it under control, but I don't know if it'll work that way for me."

Ziva removed the baby from her breast and set Chaya on her shoulder, patting the baby's back lightly. "Abby, it is very normal to feel uncertain when you are still pregnant. I was not sure about anything right up until I was in labour. But then Gibbs told me we would figure it out and when Tony laid her on my chest, I knew he was right. I was her mother and she was my responsibility, mine and Tony's to take care of."

She leaned forward and handed her daughter to her friend, while the puppy was relegated to the floor. "It is not always easy. It is frustrating and overwhelming and exhausting. But when your baby looks at you like you are their whole world, there is no better feeling, no greater calling, no deeper love."

Abby cradled her niece in her arms and sighed. "I'm kinda glad you did this first Ziva, at least you understand my questions, you remember what it was like to be scared."

Ziva touched her shoulder. "You can ask me anything Abby. That is what family is for, yes?"

"Yes," Abby grinned. Sammy stood up, putting his paws on her knee and she leaned forward a little so he could sniff the baby. "Be gentle buddy, she's awfully little." Chaya got a kiss on the cheek before Ziva moved to the floor and began lavishing attention on their furry friend to distract him.

It was ages before the girls came back downstairs and then Ziva excused herself to go to the bathroom. Instantly the guys surrounded Abby and began explaining their plan. They were picking movies when Tony's wife returned and didn't look the least bit suspicious. Handing Chaya to her husband, Abby returned to the kitchen with Ziva to help put away leftovers. The guys had already been voluntold to do dishes later.

"How long before Chaya is hungry again?" she asked under the guise of being a curious mom-to-be.

Ziva began portioning the macaroni into single serving containers while Abby separated the vegetables. She checked the clock. "She will likely sleep right until nine-thirty." She smiled. "Plenty of time for us to hang up."

"Hang out," Tony called from the livingroom, pausing his conversation with McGee.

Abby glanced towards their husbands. "Well actually, I had a thought. See, the guys want to watch Avatar and I just cannot care about blue people in loincloths. Do you want to go out maybe? Get something to drink and go for a walk? We can take Sammy too."

Ziva thought about it. "I would enjoy getting out of the house." She chuckled. "It is still a bit of a novelty. And I supposed Chaya can sleep in her stroller."

The guys overheard and Tony looked at Ziva. "Actually babe, we would like to keep Chaya, if possible. It'll be good practice for McExpecting here."

McGee rolled his eyes but didn't acknowledge the nickname. "I'd be glad for the extra time to get to know your daughter Ziva."

Tony could read in her expression her feelings about being away from Chaya, but it was something she would have to get used to sooner or later. June twenty-fifth would come before she knew it. He lent her his silent support and finally Ziva nodded. "Very well, but call us if you have any problems."

The group was relieved and excited, so far the plan was working. Abby jumped up and down and grabbed Sammy's leash. "Come on mister, we're going out." At the last work his ears perked up and he started towards the door. Ziva followed slower, stopping to kiss her daughter and husband before submitting to Abby's pleading expression and following them outside.

Tony gave them three minutes before he slid Avatar into the DVD player and reached for the phone. "Boss, can you come over for a couple hours? I need a favour. It's for Ziva."

**NCIS**

Tony's phone call interrupted the quiet evening Gibbs and Celeste were enjoying, but without any reservation she urged him to go and find out what Tony needed. Grudgingly Gibbs told his senior field agent fifteen minutes and kissed Celeste goodbye. She smiled and very nearly made him forget his own name when she returned the gesture before letting him go. He scowled and made sure to point out that she was not playing fair, but pressed his lips to her fingers before leaving so she knew he didn't mean it.

As promised, Gibbs arrived at Tony's house and let himself in, surprised to find Chaya sleeping in her swing and Tim and Tony arguing about whether the pot that had just been washed was actually clean or if he'd 'missed a spot'. Tony looked up and grinned. "Hey Boss, right on time."

Gibbs looked around. "Girls?"

McGee shrugged. "Out. We're not sure where, but they'll be back between eight-thirty and nine almost guaranteed."

The older man wandered over to check on his granddaughter before staring at the guys with a frown. "Why am I here?"

Tony opened the basement door and tugged a folded piece of paper out of his pocket. "I've been planning to do something special for Ziva and I'm hoping I can get both of you to help." He led the way downstairs and gestured to the first half of the room. "A workout/ballet studio. Punching bag, free weights, treadmill, mats," he pointed to where he visualized those things going eventually and handed his estimates to Gibbs. "What do you think?"

Gibbs studied the list and the space. "Two months max, if we can work on it a few hours twice a week. Gonna cost though."

Tony swallowed and nodded. "I know. It'll be worth it. She needs the outlet and with Chaya around, she won't always be able to get to the gym like she used to."

"I'll borrow a truck, we can get the lumber and supplies tonight. We'll stop at my place for tools and start on the framing."

Tim looked at Tony. "Ready?"

He checked his watch. "We've got two hours, let's make it count."

They got back tot he first floor and Tony looked towards the sliding doors. "If you can spare two extra minutes Boss, I'd also like to feel you out on the idea of a covered porch back there. Ziva and I talked about it, she wants a swing."

**NCIS**

A couple hours, a long walk and tea and dessert at an out of the way restaurant later, Ziva was anxious to get home. "I am not used to being away from her for so long. Maybe we can talk Tony and McGee into playing cards and finish the movie later."

"Sure," the Goth agreed. "I'll get the bill." Ziva allowed it only because she'd forgotten to bring money with her since they left in such a hurry.

While she was standing in line, Abby surreptitiously sent her husband a text, giving the guys fifteen minutes to quit whatever they were doing, send company home and pretend like they really had been watching a movie all this time. Abby and Ziva left the restaurant and kept up a brisk pace on the way home, with Sammy frolicking between them.

They entered the house to see Tim and Tony sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the screen. A now awake Chaya lay in her daddy's arms and he kept looking down at her and whispering quiet words, his expression one of total adoration. As soon as the presence of their wives registered, the movie was paused and both men stood up.

"Have fun?" Tony asked.

Ziva nodded. "It was nice to be out." She slipped her finger into the baby's hand. "How long has she been up?"

He shrugged. "Not long, ten minutes maybe."

Ziva frowned. "You were supposed to sleep for another half hour tatelah, I hope this does not mean we are out for an interesting night."

Tony kissed his wife. "Want to do her bedtime routine now? Then she can nurse while we hang out, if that's okay with you."

Ziva took Chaya and snuggled her. "Abby and I were thinking we should play a board game. Maybe Pictionary?"

"Fine with me." He looked over his shoulder. "Can you guys set up a game? Ziva and I need to take Chaya upstairs for a few minutes. They're in the closet."

"Sure," McGee agreed, chuckling as Sammy followed the couple upstairs and turned to meet Abby's gaze.

"Well?" she demanded.

He kissed her. "Phase One, complete. We didn't get much done yet, so your mission and Tony's, is to find a way to get Ziva out of the house a couple times a week without making her suspicious about your motives."

"That's easy," Abby replied, opening the closet door, "I'll just re-institute girl's night. It's been a long time. And we can probably figure something out for a couple weekends too. I think a day at the spa sounds good to me." She grinned. "How long did Gibbs say it would take?"

Tim shrugged. "Two months max, if the plan works. Tony would like it to be done before she goes back to work, but I don't think that's going to happen."

Abby pulled out a game box and headed for the table. "He's so sweet doing this for her. I never knew Tony could be like this. I mean, he's always been a good guy deep down, but this is something else."

McGee slipped his arms around her waist, his hands resting gently on her baby bump. "He's in love babe, that's how we act when we're trying to show it."

She spun around and kissed him. "Good answer Timmy."

Upstairs Tony was reading a short bedtime story, Goodnight Moon, to Ziva, Chaya and the puppy curled up with his head on Tony's foot. When he finished, Ziva knelt to let Sammy sniff Chaya, his little tongue darting out to taste her hand. The baby squirmed and his tail started wagging like there was no tomorrow. Then she grabbed a blanket, Tony brought her nursing pillow and they returned to their guests.

McGee and Abby busied themselves getting drinks while Ziva began nursing. The group played for nearly an hour, taking breaks for Chaya to be burped (Abby wanted to give it a try) and changed (Abby insisted Tim go too and at least see what he was in for), before getting put in her bassinet to sleep. Things starting winding down and hugs and handshakes were exchanged, along with plenty of pets for Sammy, prior to the McGees' departure.

Tony closed the door and Ziva leaned against him. "That was nice," she murmured.

He agreed. "Always good to take a night off." Kissing her head, he smiled. "But I think it's past your bedtime."

Ziva stifled a yawn and walked behind him up the stairs. "Yours too," she reminded her husband. "Chaya will be up at least twice before you go to work in the morning."

He shrugged. "It comes with the territory. I wouldn't trade her for anything."

Ziva wearily changed into her pjs and crawled under the covers. "Goodnight," she whispered, closing her eyes before Tony even made it into bed. He smiled and watched her drift off, wondering how much better life could get. Every day with her and Chaya, even the challenging ones, were truly a dream come true.


	53. Chapter 53

_A/N: Don't ask me what happened because I'm as surprised as you. Apparently one of my background couples decided they weren't getting enough mention because they went and took over half of this chapter. And the flashbacks are scenes I meant to use in earlier chapters but forgot about until it was too late. Umm...unexpected? Yes. But hopefully you will enjoy what will likely be the longest glimpse at Matt and Tami for the rest of the story. Thanks!_

"He's going to kill me," Tony fretted as he got ready for work Monday morning. He was so flustered he couldn't do his tie right and Ziva stepped in to help him. "Thanks." He dropped his hands to his side, clenching and unclenching them. "Or maybe he'll smack me so hard I'll get amnesia and won't remember you and Chaya." Tony froze. "Oh man, what do I do if he fires me?" Ziva finished with his tie and ran her hand down the length of it as Tony moved to pace around their room. "Why didn't I tell Abby 'no'? Why didn't I stay at NCIS and let her get into that mess all on her own?"

He stopped pacing and sighed, they both knew the answer to those questions. Saying 'no' to Abby was not a wise choice and after all, she was his little sister, so he had to go with her. Plus, leaving her unsupervised still might have resulted in Gibbs' wrath being poured out on his senior field agent because the team was his responsibility when the boss wasn't around. Tony dropped onto the bed and groaned.

"I don't know what to do Zi."

She sat beside him and brushed her fingers over the back of his hair. "It might be better just to get this over with ahava, procrastinating will only make you worry more."

He looked at her. "Really could use someone to watch my back today."

Ziva laughed. "Relax Tony, Gibbs cannot fire or kill you. First, he has no wish to train another to take your place. Second, he would have to deal with me if he harmed you. And third," her expression grew tender, "you are family. He loves you even if he barks like a bear when he's grouchy."

Tony started laughing. He had no idea what idiom she was trying to use but it was nice to have the comic relief. "I love you."

She shook her head and pressed her lips to the corner of his mouth. "And I you. Now go."

His eyes widened. "You don't think I'm actually leaving without a proper kiss, do you?" Smirking, Ziva leaned towards him and Tony joined their lips, kissing her softly and slowly, letting her touch be a balm to soothe his frayed nerves. He sighed. "Much better."

Ziva walked him to the door and watched him go, hoping she was right about Gibbs' reaction.

**NCIS**

It was with great trepidation that Tony stepped off the elevator twenty minutes later, glancing this way and that as he tried to get a bead on the boss. "Nice of you to show up," Gibbs said from behind him and Tony nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Boss! Uh...hi."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. The office was nearly empty and with no one around to witness their conversation, he got in Tony's face. "Next time you have questions, you come to me," he said firmly, "Celeste is off limits."

"I was just...we were..." For a moment Tony couldn't find any words at all, then cleared his throat. "Won't happen again."

Gibbs stared him down. "See that it doesn't." He slapped the back of Tony's head for good measure, then stood back and crossed his arms. "I'm the one that should be dealing with Abby's reaction."

Tony nodded slowly. "In that case, I hope she's still talking to you."

Gibbs grunted. "Guess we'll see."

**NCIS**

The lab was silent when Gibbs came out of the elevator, that in itself was already bad news. He walked in and looked around. "Abs?"

Her voice drifted to him from her office. "We're not talking to you right now."

He made his way through the lab and found her in a corner of the dark room, both Bert and Sammy resting on her crossed legs, though Sammy was trying to use Bert's tail as a chew toy. "I wouldn't if I were you buddy," Gibbs said, squatting down to their level, "Bert's her favourite."

Abby sighed. "I used to be yours."

Gibbs sat down on the floor. "You'll always be my favourite Abs."

"But you don't love me the same any more!" she accused hotly, her eyes flashing.

"Nothing will ever change the way I love you," he insisted, though the affirmation fell on deaf ears.

Abby pushed away from the wall and began pacing the length of the room. "You have a girlfriend Gibbs, a girlfriend and you didn't tell me. I've hardly seen you at all in months because of Ziva. What am I supposed to think?"

The hurt in her voice was the only reason Gibbs didn't get gruff with her. It was obvious that the recent changes in their lives had made his perceived neglect even more poignant. "Abs, look at me." She shook her head and crossed her arms, keeping her back to him. "Abby," he said more forcefully and she reluctantly glanced over her shoulder. "How do you think I felt when I knew you got married and didn't even want me there? You have a new important person in your life too."

Abby's eyes widened and she flew at him, her arms tight around his neck. "I wanted you there," she whispered. "I wanted you to walk me down the aisle and trust me to Tim without giving me away. I wanted you to be my dad that day." She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "But I wanted Timmy to be happy more, and he wanted it just to be us."

Gibbs brushed his fingers down her cheek. "I've been your dad for years Abby, I'm not giving up that role. But this jealousy you have for Celeste is unfair. If you can love me and Tim both, then why can't I love someone else too? It's not going to change how I feel about you."

Abby sniffed and took a step back. "She's taking you away from us Gibbs. She isn't...she doesn't get to be family, she doesn't understand."

Gibbs shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere Abby and I'm not neglecting this family. Celeste has been around for a long time, she understands better than you think how we work. I think I deserve someone too."

"I don't know how to be second in your life Gibbs," Abby admitted. "I feel like I'm losing you to everyone else."

_You're my girl_, he signed, getting her attention with the language they shared. _You need to apologize to Celeste_.

Abby narrowed her eyes. _No. Rule six_. He stared at her and she looked away._ I don't like her Gibbs. You can't make me._

_So next time stay out of it._

She looked shocked at his bluntness. _Fine. Goodbye._

Gibbs sighed. He'd known this wasn't going to go well. _I love you_, he reminded her, though it was hard to tell if she'd seen what he said.

He didn't feel right about leaving things that way, but Abby was done talking to him.

An hour later a card was delivered to her desk. Abby hadn't seen the person who left it there, but she suspected her assistant had somehow been involved. Curious, she opened it and then smiled for the first time all morning. _**Abs, dinner once a week on me. You choose the place. I'll come get you after work.**_ She closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. Then a note at the bottom caught her eye and Abby looked closer. _**You were my first Abby, I'll always love you best**_. Her smile became a grin. He hadn't forgotten about her after all.

**NCIS**

Tony waited until Gibbs left for his second coffee before casually walking over to McGee's desk. "What Tony?" Tim asked before he could open his mouth.

He frowned. "How did you know what I was going to do?"

McGee sighed. "Because you only ever come to this side of the bullpen to ask for something."

"Oh." That stopped him. "Sorry."

Tim shrugged and looked up. "I'm used to it. What can I do for you?"

Tony perched on the corner of the desk and crossed his arms. "Well, I was wondering if you could help me find a good video camera." He rubbed the back of his neck. "Chaya is growing and changing so much in just two weeks. I don't want to forget or miss any of this."

Thinking of the newest ultrasound scan tucked in his wallet and how much more aware he was of his own baby now that he could feel the movements, McGee leaned back. "Sure. If we get out at a decent time tonight, want to go then?"

Tony's eyebrows rose. "That would be great, thanks."

Tim turned back to his computer. "That's two you owe me."

The senior field agent smiled. "I'm good for them. You're a good man Tim."

It was nice to hear those words from a man he loved and respected. With a nod he resumed typing. Tony sat down, shooting a smart remark at the new guy who had just returned from getting Ducky's latest report. All was right in the little world of the MCRT. For now it was enough.

**NCIS**

As had become their custom over the last several weeks, Matt came to the lab to collect Tami for lunch and surprised her by taking her to the coffee shop where they'd gone the very first time, when Abby was on her honeymoon and Tami had suddenly gone from brand new assistant to being in charge of Abby's lab.

_Mid-afternoon Matt knocked on the open door of the lab. "Am I still banned while you're in charge?"_

_Tami looked up from the list of instructions Abby had left and smiled uncertainly. "None of the rules mention you, so I guess it's okay."_

_He walked inside and studied her face as he got closer. "Are you doing okay?"_

_Tami sighed and wrapped her arms around her waist. "When I got this job, I didn't exactly expect to be flying solo a week and a half later." Although she knew it was impossible, Tami wished Trevor could be around for the week. She always felt better about her abilities with her confident other half nearby._

_Matt leaned casually against the desk. "From what I can see, you're doing a pretty good job on your own."_

_She shrugged. "I have the experience to know what to do, but Abby's been here almost ten years and she's fantastic at what she does. Those are tall shoes to fill."_

"_Well, Gibbs isn't threatening to fire you yet." He stuck his hands in his pockets. "Did you want to grab that cup of coffee now? A little fresh air might be good for you."_

_Her eyes brightened a little. "Uhh...sure, why not?"_

_She followed him to the stairs and they climbed in silence. At the main floor Matt held the door for her and raised an eyebrow. "Coffee shop or coffee stand?"_

"_Coffee shop," Tami said decisively and closed her eyes, enjoying the warm breeze._

_They walked down the street together not needing to talk and Tami smiled when Matt pulled out his wallet to pay for their drinks. Choosing a table in the sunshine, the couple sat and took their first cautious sips. "Sorry I cheated and got tea," Tami began, "I've never been able to handle the taste of coffee."_

_Matt leaned back in his chair. "I'll let you away with it." He took another drink and regarded her. "So tell me about your family Tami. Big family, small? Lots of siblings, only child? Cool grandparents or ones stuck in the fifties?"_

_Tami took a tip of tea and smiled. "Decent sized family. Three siblings. World's best grandparents on one side, other side gone before I could remember them."_

_Matt's face sobered. "I'm sorry."_

_She shrugged. "The ones we have love us enough to make up for being the only set."_

"_Brothers or sisters? Do you get along with them well?"_

"_One of each, Tristan and Tori, and my twin, Trevor. We actually get along great. Tris is the classic, protective older brother. Tori is the much loved baby sister and Trevor is my best friend."_

"_Sounds nice." Matt swallowed back some more coffee and Tami took a turn._

"_What about you? All of the above questions."_

_He crossed one leg over his knee and leaned back. "One older sister Rebekah, and two much older brothers, Derek and Kyle. My sister and I get along much better as adults than we did as children. I don't see my brothers so much anymore, but it was fun growing up in their shadows. I wanted to do everything they could do and for the most part, they would show me how. I'm blessed enough to still have both sets of grandparents, and being the youngest grandson I have been delightfully spoiled my whole life."_

_Tami chuckled at the way he said it. "And still so modest."_

_Matt grinned. "I didn't always give my parents much to work with, but I think they did a pretty good job considering."_

_She eyed him through her glasses. "Best memory."_

_Knowing that saying 'meeting you', would sound far too cliche, he went for the right answer. "Meeting one of my surfing idols when I was ten. He never treated me like a kid and I've followed his tips my whole life. You?"_

_Tami shifted positions. "Spending a week at an orphanage in Mexico with some friends from church." She looked down. "Sixty-six kids and I fell in love with several of them. I learned their names, they taught me Spanish. And though my mom expressly forbid me from bringing any home in my suitcase, there were two I wish I could've Javier and Nayeli. I'll never forget them."_

"_Wow." Matt was impressed._

_Tami shook off the wistfulness of remembering. "Worst thing you've ever done."_

_He made a face. "Stole a candy bar when I was in Gr. 5. I think I lasted a week before I couldn't take the guilt and confessed. Mom making me go back and apologize, as well as pay for it, was harder than being grounded for two weeks. Your turn."_

"_I was a rather accomplished liar by the time I was eleven. But eventually I got caught and no punishment was worse than losing my parents' trust. It took me years to earn it back." She gave him a small smile. "Lesson learned."_

Returning to the present, Matt checked his watch. "Lunch hour goes so fast when I'm with you."

She chuckled. "I'm glad you're no longer banned. I enjoy our coffee breaks."

"Me too." He grinned. "Remember how I got back in Abby's good graces?"

Tami thought back to when Abby returned from her honeymoon and asked how things went in the lab.

"_I'm impressed with how much you got done," the Goth said, looking around. "You even managed to make it through some of those backlogged reports I've been avoiding."_

_Tami smiled. "Matt made sure I took the occasional coffee break, that helped. And sometimes he would help me out, if it wasn't something that required scientific training."_

_Abby's eyebrows disappeared into her bangs. "Matt?"_

_Tami's eyes widened and she backtracked. "Uh...Agent Collins I mean." She looked concerned. "Your list didn't say he had to stay away."_

"_Huh." Abby didn't know what to say, which was a first. "Minor oversight."_

"_He was really nice," Tami tried to put in a good word._

_Her boss was not convinced. "I guess we'll see."_

_**NCIS**_

_That afternoon Matt cautiously approached the lab and knocked on the door. Abby and Tami were looking at something on the computer and turned. Their reactions were opposite Abby's expression darkened and Tami sent him a nervous smile. He wondered if she'd gotten in trouble for letting the exile in while her boss was away._

"_Welcome back Abby," he began and held up the box in his hands. "The guys sent me back with evidence."_

_She frowned and pointed. "Table."_

_Matt took three steps into the room to set the box down and cleared his throat, glancing at Tami. "I was wondering if I could borrow your assistant for a quick coffee break." He checked his watch. "I've got about fifteen minutes before Gibbs gets back. It's become rather an enjoyable habit."_

_Tami blushed and Abby crossed her arms, staring him down. Finally she shrugged, turning her back. "Fine." Her tone indicated it was anything but._

_Relief swept over him and Tami moved to his side. He smiled reassuringly and wrapped his fingers around hers, feeling Tami start in surprise. They turned to leave but he stopped. "I'm sorry for before Abby, for literally putting both feet in my mouth that day. I guess I wasn't thinking before I spoke. Will you forgive me?"_

_Abby's stance relaxed and she faced him. "You just broke Rule #6, but in this case it was probably a wise decision." She took in Tami's red face and her attempt to avoid eye contact and hide that fact that they were holding hands. "I probably overreacted." Abby waved her hand. "Go. She deserves a break." She thought about it for a second. "And you're pardoned. Don't do it again."_

_Matt flashed her a grin and pulled Tami out with him. "That was fast."_

"_You're lucky," Tami agreed, looking down. "Why are you holding my hand?"_

_He shrugged. "Because I like it and it feels nice." He chewed on the inside of his lip. "Is that okay?"_

_Tami thought about the question. "It's not, not okay." She settled her hand in his more comfortably. "No one except my brothers have held my hand in a long time."_

_Matt held the door for her. "In that case, I'll have to do it more often." When she didn't argue, he decided he'd moved a step closer to where he wanted to be in her life._

**NCIS**

"So I've been thinking," Matt began when they finished reminiscing about the beginning of their friendship.

"Y'know, that could get you into trouble," Tami teased.

He rolled his eyes. "Seriously Tam, we've been friends for awhile now and I was wondering...if you'd like to be more." Matt's palms were sweaty and his mouth was dry as he waited for her answer. He felt like he was in high school again, taking a chance and nervous about asking the smart, pretty girl out.

Tami looked shocked and bit her lip, so Matt prepared himself for rejection. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "I uh...wasn't expecting that." She clasped her fingers around her mug. "Why?"

Matt was perplexed. "Why? I thought it was obvious. I like you Tami. I think we'd make a good couple. I want you in my life." He figured he may as well just throw it all out there now.

Her expression softened. "That's probably the nicest thing a guy has ever said to me."

He tried to hide the wince. "Why do I sense a 'but' coming?"

Tami let out a breath. "I've never really had a serious relationship before. I've been focused on school for as long as I can remember. I just...I would hate to lose you as my friend."

His shoulders slumped. "You're already assuming it wouldn't work."

"No," Tami quickly reached over and put her hand on his, "I'm not. I'm just asking for more time as friends before we jump into something else."

His smile returned. "So you're not completely ruling out the possibility?"

She shook her head. "Not at all. It's an honour to be asked, really. So...ask me again sometime, okay? But let's just take it slow."

Their time was up and they stood to go. Matt dropped money on the table and caught Tami's hand. "Slow I can handle. No pressure is good. As long as you don't say no."

She pulled away and twirled around in front of him. "Stop being so serious. Come on, I'll race you back to work."

Not caring what other people thought, Matt took off after her, certain he'd be willing to chase Tami Larsen to the ends of the earth if that's what it took. Luckily for him, it didn't seem that she was planning to make things that difficult. With a silly grin on his face, Matt pushed himself faster. He didn't ever want this woman to get away.

**NCIS**

"Tell me," Abby demanded after Tami had been dancing around the lab humming for an hour.

Her assistant blushed and looked away. "Tell you what?" she asked innocently.

Abby glared and pointed at Tami's face. "It must be Matt who's responsible for that look. Now spill."

Tami gave in easily, squatting down to pet the puppy. "He wants to be more than friends."

Squealing and clapping, Abby grinned. "I knew I unbanned him for a reason. So, what did you say?"

She heaved a sigh and cuddled Sammy. "I asked for more time just to be sure." Tami looked up with uncertain eyes. "Do you think he'll mind?"

Abby's look was knowing. "If there's one thing I've learned working here it's that the guys who love us will always be willing to wait until we're ready."

"Yeah," Tami muttered, "I hope so." Matt was a good guy but a relationship with a big deal and she wasn't confident in her ability to make it work.

**NCIS**

Grace just happened to drop by in early afternoon as Ziva was coming downstairs, having slept for most of Chaya's nap. She peered through a window and knocked gently. Ziva, confused at first, smiled broadly when she saw her friend. "Grace, hello, come in." She took the older woman's hand and pulled her across the room and out the sliding doors to the backyard. "Come and see your flowers."

It warmed her heart to see the young mom so excited and Grace smiled, admiring the bright blooms. "Everything is coming up quite nicely." She bent to smell the light purple bunches. "Lilacs are my favourite."

"Take one if you like," Ziva offered, but Grace shook her head.

"Thank you my dear, but Thomas planted an entire border of them around our yard the year we married. I have enough lilacs to keep my house fragrant for the whole season."

"Would you like some tea?" The warm weather notwithstanding, a good cup of tea was always welcomed.

Grace, of course, said yes and Ziva led the way back into the house and put the kettle on. When they were seated on the soft, Grace leaned forward a bit. "How are you Ziva?"

She looked down. "Chaya has been fussy today." Her eyes were watery when she met Grace's. "I am not very good at doing this without Tony."

"Oh honey." Grace put their mugs aside and drew Ziva into her arms. Ziva clung to the embrace like a lifeline, ashamed of the tears that wet her friend's shirt. Grace stroked her hair and lent silent support, not letting go until Ziva had regained a semblance of control. "It might help to talk about things."

Ziva sniffed. "I have heard it said that father's voices calm their babies. So today I think she is missing her daddy and I can do nothing to fix that!"

"Ah." Grace put her hand on Ziva's. "But it is you that child needs. You are providing her food, your heartbeat is her favourite lullaby, your scent her greatest comfort, your voice the one she would recognize even in a crowded room. Don't sell yourself short lovey, you are Chaya's mother and that is a role not even Tony, bless his heart, can fill."

Ziva blinked slowly. "Thank you," she whispered. "Sometimes I cannot think so clearly on my own."

"Maybe this is more about you missing Tony, hmm?" Grace guessed.

The woman shifted her gaze. "I am aware that I cannot be with him twenty four hours each day of the week." She pressed her hands to her heart. "But there is such a loneliness inside me when he is not here. I fear he take my confidence and my independence with him when he leaves."

"It is easy to base everything, your whole worth, on the one you love," Grace began wisely. "They make you happy, they feed your needs and nurture your trust. But you will find very quickly that Tony cannot satisfy you completely. It is up to you and," she touched Ziva's necklace, "your faith in the one who holds your life in his hands, to find a way to be Ziva, to be happy and confident even when Tony is not around." She reached for her mug again. "Just something to think about."

Chaya cried then and Ziva stood. "Did you want to wait? I can bring her down."

Grace shook her head. "Go tend to your little one Ziva, I know my way out."

She smiled faintly. "Thank you."

Grace returned the expression. "You are most welcome my dear. Being allowed into your home and your lives brings joy to this old heart. I am glad that Tony came to me."

"You are in our hearts also," Ziva assured her. "Come back anytime Grace."

"That I will do. Off with you now."

Chaya had worked herself up quite a bit by the time Ziva made it upstairs, but she was evidently hungry enough to overlook her mother's tardiness. They settled into the rocking chair and Ziva bent to kiss her daughter's head. "I think your Nonna Grace is a very smart lady. Perhaps you and Ima shall have to find our own way to be happy, yes? Daddy needs to know that we are okay even when he is gone." So Chaya nursed and Ziva rocked, thinking about a way to put her words into action.


	54. Chapter 54

Gibbs showed up at Celeste's Monday night with a bouquet of roses. She met him at the door and her eyes lit up. "Oh Jethro, they're gorgeous! What's the occasion?"

He leaned in to kiss her, thinking it was a dangerously addictive habit. "There a rule that says I can't bring the cook flowers?"

Celeste smiled brightly and started towards the kitchen. "Not on my list. Now come sit down, it's almost ready."

Gibbs followed her and set the table, pouring drinks for both of them while Celeste got the plates ready. They'd no sooner been seated than Gibbs leaned back in his chair. "Talked to Abby and DiNozzo today."

She paused with her fork halfway to her mouth and winced. "Are they still in one piece?"

He snorted. "I didn't draw and quarter them if that's what you're asking. But I made it clear that you're off limits."

"My hero," Celeste said dryly, trying a bite of chicken and finding it moist and savoury. "Dare I ask what their reaction was?"

"DiNozzo was typical in his 'appease the hungry beast' attitude. Abby," he sighed, "is a whole different story." Gibbs looked at Celeste seriously. "Even I don't know what happened in her past to make her so possessive and protective of those she cares about and so insecure in the love others have for her. But it must've been something tragic for her to respond that way."

Celeste took a sip of wine. "That was practically a speech Jethro. What is it about Abby that makes her so special? You change for her."

He speared a few peas with his fork. "Don't know when she decided I needed a daughter, but then there she was every time I turned around, getting under my skin and crawling into my heart. She brought to life the part of me I thought was dead after I lost the girls. She taught me that I could love again Les, that I was still capable of giving love. That's why she'll always have my favour, even when she acts like a child instead of a grown adult."

"Leroy Jethro Gibbs," Celeste said in a tone of near reverence, "I believe you're human after all."

"Nah," he chuckled, "I wouldn't go that far. But I'll give her one night a week just the same. I want her to know she still has my love, that even you haven't changed that part."

Very little was said after that but Celeste was so busy absorbing what he'd already revealed to her that she barely noticed. And she liked the way he held her hand whenever he wasn't using it to eat. They retired to the livingroom with their drinks after the meal and Celeste barely let him sit down before turning those knowing eyes on him. He'd gotten even quieter than normal during dessert and that meant something was going on. It was her job to find out what and how she could make it better for him.

"You're awfully pensive tonight Jethro. What is it?"

"Do you know what I would give for just one more minute with Shannon and Kelly?"

Caught off guard at the change in subject, Celeste shook her head. "I can imagine just about anything."

He took a long swallow of bourbon. "And yet DiNozzo is at work every day away from his girls when he should be soaking in every moment of this precious time."

She faked a look of shock and put her hand to her chest. "Don't tell me Leroy Jethro Gibbs is going soft?" He glared and Celeste smile, scooting closer. "What are you going to do about it?"

Gibbs frowned. "What do you mean?"

She laughed. "You're his boss for goodness' sake! Find a way to help."

He looked straight ahead as if the idea had never occurred to him. "Huh."

Celeste settled in beside him with a satisfied smile. "You're welcome."

Gibbs put his arm around her. "You're good for me Les."

"Figure out a way to get Abby to like me and I won't charge you for the advice."

He reached over and tickled her, enjoying when she squirmed away. Swatting him, Celeste rolled her eyes and risked coming back. Being with him now, older and wiser for the second go around, was worth the challenge of being whatever he needed.

**NCIS**

"We've covered all the usual Ziva," Devon said partway into the session, "why don't you tell me what's bothering you?"

Ziva looked up from studying her baby's face. "I wish that Tony had not gone back to work. I do not..." she struggled to find the words, "...trust myself to be alone with her."

Devon frowned. "Why not?"

The woman got agitated. "What if I get angry? What if I hurt her? What if I do something wrong?" She crossed her arms tightly over her stomach. "At least with Tony Chaya is safe."

The therapist leaned forward. "I believe that you would fight to the death to protect your little girl Ziva. There had not been one second since you learned you were pregnant that you did not care for the child inside you. I can't think of a force in this world that would cause you to hurt her for any reason." She shook her head slowly. "Not even you."

Tears filled Ziva's eyes at her doctor's words. "But I am still afraid. I do not know how to do everything - how to be a mother and a wife and a friend. It is all too much!"

"Then let someone help you. Call your family and ask for what you need. Get out of the house and find other new moms who are going through the same things. Don't isolate yourself, don't think life has to revolve completely around your baby now. Take some time for you too."

They talked for awhile longer until Devon began to wind the session down. "I'd like for Tony to come with you next week Ziva, it would be good to talk with the two of you together."

Ziva nodded. "I will see what we can work out." Chaya started to stir and she hurried to the elevator. Tami and Matt were just leaving and she smiled but didn't stop to chat. Walking into the lab, she found the forensic scientist herself. "Hello Abby."

The girl whirled around. "Ziva!" Then she looked at the fussing baby. "What's wrong with her?"

Ziva smiled. "She is hungry. May I nurse her in your office?"

Abby nodded. "Sure. Can I come too?"

"I need a little time alone with my baby," Ziva tried to explain. "Maybe next time."

"Okay." There was something in her eyes that Abby couldn't decipher but she didn't seem alright.

Ziva settled in Abby's chair and got Chaya situated. She held the baby's hand and sighed. "This means as much to me as it does to you tatelah. There is no one in the world who can take you away." She kissed Chaya's fist. "What would Ima have done if Daddy did not decide I was worthy of love? How would I have taken care of you on my own?" Ziva watched her daughter's lips and chin move as she sucked and swallowed. "I am glad we do not have to think about that."

Abby had already left for lunch with her husband when Ziva and Chaya slipped quietly out of the lab. "Let us go see Daddy, hmm?" She walked into the squadroom carrying the diaper bag in the empty carseat and Chaya in her arms.

Tony's eyes lit up when he saw them. He stood to kiss his wife and reached for his baby. "Hi princess." He kissed her head and cradled her against his chest. "I'm glad you came to see me. It gets lonely here all day without you and Mommy." Tony met Ziva's eyes. "She just eat?"

Ziva nodded and bit her lip. "Would you mind changing her? I need to use the restroom."

Tony shook his head. "Not at all, go."

When Ziva left Tony opened the diaper bag with one hand and found the changing pad, wipes and a clean diaper. He put the pad on his desk and lay Chaya down. Making silly faces and talking to her like he would at home, Tony unzipped the baby's bright blue elephant sleeper and started maneuvering her legs out of the holes.

The team watched in mild amusement, finding it fascinating to observe the difference in Tony when he was with his daughter. With the dirty diaper tightly rolled and inside a small bag, he disposed of it, zipped Chaya back up and held her in front of him. Tony flashed a grin at the rest of the room. "And that's how it's done folks!"

Gibbs rolled his eyes and strode over to take possession of his granddaughter. Tony pouted until Ziva returned. "May I see you for a moment?"

Taking her hands, Tony led her to the alcove and silenced any words with a long kiss before wrapping her in a tight hug. Ziva clung to him briefly and then stepped back. "What was that for?"

He shrugged. "Looked like you needed it." Ziva looked very professional today - her hair braided away from her face, in pants and a nice top - but her appearance was only a thin veneer shielding her insecurities. Tony tugged the bottom of her braid. "What's up?"

Ziva slid her fingers between his. "Devon asked if you would come next week." Seeing him swallow, she put her hand over his heart. "I know it is not so easy for you to talk about things, but will you try just once?"

His hands framed her face and Tony captured her lips again and sighed. "Yeah, absolutely. Let's talk to Gibbs."

They stole a few precious moments together before returning to the bullpen where Chaya was getting fussed over by everyone. Seeing that she was on the verge of getting cranky, Ziva retrieved her daughter and started calming her before settling the baby in her carseat. Tony nodded at Gibbs and the older man met them by Ziva's desk.

"Boss, Ziva's shrink wants us both to come in for a few sessions. Can I get the time?"

Straight to the punch line with none of the bumbling around he used to do. Gibbs was impressed. He gave a curt nod. "Fine," and leaned in to kiss Ziva's cheek while glaring at Tony. "Back to work."

Tony sighed dramatically and took Ziva in his arms again. "See you tonight?"

She smiled and touched her lips to his cheek. "We will be waiting."

It was an hour and one rather forceful headslap later before Tony stopped staring longingly at the elevator doors where his family had last been seen. At the end of the day, Gibbs dropped a sheet on the desk detailing all of Tony's comp time. He pointed.

"Use this. Come in late, leave early, take a day or half day now and then. I'll only call for a case. Spend time with your girls DiNozzo and stop moping around my squadroom."

Gibbs stalked off before Tony could even thank him. Staring at the sheet, the new dad couldn't remember the last time he'd felt so much like hugging his boss. He was so excited to get home and show Ziva.

**NCIS**

Ziva only made it a few hours into the afternoon before she conceded that she really did need help, that maybe she couldn't do everything on her own yet. With Chaya crying in the background, Ziva picked up the phone and dialed the lab. "Abby?" she asked, hating the tremble in her voice, "I think I need someone to come."

Wishing she'd paid more attention when Ziva seemed off earlier, Abby promised that she'd have company in half an hour or less. Then she blew out a breath, swallowed her anger and pride and picked up the phone.

"Celeste Casey," the woman answered.

"Celeste?" she began. "Umm, hi, it's Abby Scuito."

"Abby," Celeste paused, unsure of how to handle the situation, "this is a surprise."

"I know," the girl agreed, "and I wouldn't be calling if I had any other options but you're the only one not at work right now. Can you help?"

'It depends' and 'shouldn't we talked about the elephant on the line first' came to mind but Celeste bit her tongue this time and just did the right thing. "What do you need?"

If Abby had expected any other answer, it didn't show. "Ziva needs some help. Chaya is crying and she's upset...can you go? Only for a couple hours, I'll try to get off early. She just needs somebody."

"I can be there in fifteen minutes. Anything else?"

Abby was quiet for awhile. "No." She sighed. "Thank you."

Celeste smiled. "You're Jethro's family Abby, all of you. How could I do anything less?" She hung up before the Goth could formulate a response, leaving Abby wondering if she had seriously misjudged the other woman. It looked like she was about to find out.

**NCIS**

The doorbell rang and Ziva answered it wearily. Celeste smiled sympathetically and followed the cries to the baby sitting in her bouncy seat. "What have you tried?"

"Everything!" Ziva threw her hands up. "She has been fed and changed. I have tried to play with her. I have held her. She is probably tired but she will not sleep and I do not know what else to do."

Celeste watched the baby for a moment and then began examining her hands closely. She moved to Chaya's feet and smiled, carefully unwinding a dark hair from her toes. Ziva's eyes widened and she looked to Celeste for an explanation as Chaya's cries lessened.

"I've picked up a lot of random facts over the years Ziva. A hair wrapped around baby fingers or toes can be quite painful, but it's something you'd hardly notice if you weren't looking for it." She lifted Chaya into her arms and walked towards the sliding doors and into the warm sunshine. A light breeze blew and Chaya seemed to settle right down.

Celeste moved towards the flower bed and looked back at Ziva. "These are beautiful. Did you and Tony do this?"

Ziva was still trying to work out what had just happened. "Yes, with the help of a lady we know. She has very good taste. I wanted bright flowers."

"The best kind," Celeste agreed, savouring the weight of the calming baby. When the little girl was completely relaxed, Celeste handed her back. "I think it's time for a nap." Ziva turned to go inside and Celeste put a hand on her shoulder. "You too Ziva, I'll stay downstairs in case I'm needed."

Ziva closed her eyes in relief. "Alright."

For a couple hours Celeste sat at the table with papers spread out around her and a purple pen in her hand to make corrections. A more rested Ziva appeared shortly before supper and offered tea. Celeste accepted and soon both woman sat holding a mug.

"Thank you," Ziva said finally. "It is easier when someone else is around."

"It always is," Celeste commented, sipping the brew. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she replied, then looked down. "But I am not a very good mother if I do not know when my child is hurting."

Celeste reached over and squeezed her hand. "You are a wonderful mother. You knew when to ask for help. Sometimes that takes more strength than toughing it out alone."

Ziva nodded but said nothing more. The clock struck five and she glanced at the kitchen. "I am not sure what I can offer for supper. Salad maybe."

"That would be fine. Want some help?"

She thought about it. "You can slice the apples."

"Done."

They were just finishing putting everything together when Abby burst in. "I brought Chinese!" she announced. "All your favourites." Sammy made a beeline for the softly whirring swing as if he had a baby radar while she took in Ziva and Celeste working at the counter and bit her lip before dropping everything and rushing to hug the older woman. "Thank you," Abby whispered. Then she started unpacking everything. "Now comes the important decision ladies, what do we want to watch?"

**NCIS**

They were in the middle of a chick flick marathon when the guys got home - Tim had decided to follow Tony after hearing that Abby begged off early to go be with Ziva. She looked relaxed and happy, petting the puppy in her lap when they walked in, and Tony was grateful. He greeted her with a kiss. "Okay?"

Ziva smiled. "They have done a good job making me smile."

"That's what friends are for," he quipped, shooting Celeste and Abby his best 'thank you' grin. The guys helped themselves to the leftover takeout and joined their girls on the couch. Tony made a face. "_10 Things I Hate About You_, really? What are we, in high school now?"

Ziva looked at him in surprise. "Is that what you did in high school Tony?" she asked, pointing to the guy running around on the bleachers singing to one of the female soccer players.

His eyes widened. "What? I don't know what you're..." He trailed off and shook his head. "Never mind."

They finished the movie together and took turns cleaning up. Celeste excused herself shortly after and then Abby brought up the next phase of her plan. "We're going out Ziva," she declared.

Ziva frowned. "Out where?"

Abby shrugged. "Just out."

"But-" she began, cut off almost immediately.

"I think two men can handle one baby, it's like the movie only one less guy. Let's go."

Ziva looked to Tony for support but he shrugged. "Sorry honey, you know we can't argue with Abby."

Rolling her eyes, Ziva followed her friend out the door and Tony reached for his phone, glancing sideways at McGee. "I hope Gibbs doesn't have plans tonight, I really don't want to get on his bad side."

**NCIS**

The three men got quite a bit accomplished in two hours, thought they were still only scratching the surface of what needed to be done to fulfill Tony's vision. Abby's text gave them less than fifteen minutes to get cleaned up and conceal any evidence of their project. Gibbs had scarcely left when the girls returned and Tony and McGee tried to play it casual. The evening was pretty much wrapped up and Tony and Ziva said goodbye when Abby and McGee took their leave.

Tony stood behind his wife and slid his arms around her. "Guess what?"

She leaned back into him. "Hmm?"

He nuzzled his nose in her neck and grinned when he felt her squirm. "Gibbs is letting me use comp time so I don't have to be away from you guys so much."

Ziva spun around. "What does that mean?"

Tony kissed her. "Half days, days off, long weekends, going in late, leaving early." He punctuated each option with the gentle pressure of his lips on hers. "It means we can slowly get used to being apart instead of doing it all at once." Tony grinned. "And I've got enough time saved up to last months."

Ziva breathed a sigh of relief and rested in his embrace. "Thank you Gibbs."

Tony held her tighter. "I agree." He pulled back to look at her. "He said I was moping, can you believe that?"

Ziva brushed her lips over his. "Yes." She tapped his face lightly. "I have seen that look every time you say goodbye."

He fingered a curl. "Can we got to bed now?"

"If you want," Ziva said flippantly, heading towards the stairs, "but your daughter will be awake by the time you change."

Tony hurried after her. "In that case, I'll just spend some extra time kissing you. I don't want to miss my first chance to see her awake in ten hours."

Ziva glanced over her shoulder and smirked. "I am not sure if you have enough points for extra kisses."

He looked aghast. "But...I got you a Mother's Day present!"

She chuckled. "Hmm...very well."

They changed for bed and Tony trailed her into the bathroom, dropping small kisses on her neck and shoulders as she brushed her teeth. Exasperated, Ziva pushed him away. "Tony, you are distracting me!" The force of her glare was lessened by the toothpaste foam on her lips and the dripping toothbrush she pointed at him.

Tony grinned. "That's kind of the idea."

She rolled her eyes and Tony decided to be good for awhile. He finished his teeth while Ziva washed her face and then tagged after her when she returned to their room. A gentle push landed her back on the bed when she moved to face him and Tony lowered himself beside her, part of his weight resting on her body.

"Is this okay?" he asked.

Ziva's fear at being pinned was instinctual and for a moment she couldn't respond. Then she swallowed. "I am not sure."

He leaned forward to capture her lips. "Tell me to move," he whispered, but suddenly Ziva wasn't certain that's what she wanted. They were just getting into the next kiss when Chaya woke and started smacking her lips. But even Ziva didn't notice until she started crying.

Tony groaned when she moved him off of her and fought his desire for his wife until he could face her. No wonder they called it forbidden fruit - just a taste and he was hooked. Difficult didn't even come close to describing the challenge. Staying away from Ziva was more like the equivalent of impossible. He simply didn't know how.


	55. Chapter 55

After Chaya's one o'clock feeding, Ziva brought both baby and bassinet downstairs separately. She set it up beside the counter so Chaya could sleep while she worked in the kitchen. Ziva felt like cookies and quickly threw together her favourite - chocolate chip oatmeal. While the first tray was in the oven, Ziva went through both freezers and made a list of what meals were remaining.

The oven beeped and she quickly switched trays, letting the cookies solidify a little before moving them to a cooling rack. Going through the cupboards, Ziva decided they were in serious need of a shopping trip to restock, but she found enough ingredients to throw together a lentil casserole. It had to wait until the cookies were finished but once the pan was in the oven, Ziva took advantage of the quiet to relax on the couch with a plate of still warm cookies and her new book.

When the door opened shortly after four pm just as the casserole was coming out, Ziva was startled. "Tony, what are you doing home?"

He waved a sheet of paper at her. "I'm instituting Tony hours thanks to my collection of comp time." Tony crossed the room to kiss her. "Mmm, smells good Zi." Turning around, his eyes lit up. "Hello beautiful! Aren't you a good girl sleeping so nicely for Mommy?" Then Tony's gaze narrowed. "How did the bassinet get down here?"

Ziva shifted from foot to foot. "It was not that heavy."

"Three weeks Zi, three more weeks that you are not supposed to lift any more than our six pound baby. What part of that was hard?"

She frowned. "Why are you so upset?"

"You could've tripped!" he ranted. "What if you fell down the stairs and got hurt? You couldn't call for help, no one would be around to get Chaya. Good grief Ziva, I just want you to be safe, is that too much to ask?"

Ziva walked over and laid her hand on his heart. "I was careful Tony. And I am fine. You do not always have to protect me."

Her soft words drained his anger. "But it's my job. I wouldn't care if I didn't love you. And I love you so much it scares me. Please follow the rules Ziva, even if it's just for me."

She pulled his face down and their lips met. "For you then," she whispered. "I would not have you worry any extra."

Even if it did interrupt their moment, Tony was glad when Chaya woke and he got to lift her up for a cuddle while Ziva went for her nursing pillow and a glass of water. "Hi sleepyhead," he cooed as she scrunched up her face and started sucking on her fist. Tony swayed gently back and forth. "This is my favourite part of the day princess. Nine hours is a long time to be without you and Mommy." He sighed. "I love you Chaya, you are my greatest treasure."

Tony turned around to see his wife standing by the couch smiling. "I hate to interrupt, but it is time for her dinner."

He sighed and reluctantly handed her the baby. "It's not fair, I want to share this part too."

Her eyes scanned him briefly. "You are missing the equipment." Tony was still sulking so she tugged him down close beside her on the couch. "Here, I will let you help." He put his arm around Ziva and she took his other hand, allowing him to support her breast as she brought Chaya to her. It took a couple tries to get a good latch because Tony had only watched before, not participated in the process. But finally it worked and Ziva suddenly realized what she'd done. "Tony," she said softly, "let go."

He jerked his hand back and Ziva felt a flush of embarrassment creep into her cheeks. "Sorry," he muttered, averting his eyes. His hand fell uselessly to his lap and Ziva bit her lip.

"It is so easy to forget. I do not know how to be normal any more." She took his hand and put it on her knee. "But I am not afraid to have you touch me."

Tony met her gaze and bent to kiss their baby's head. "It gets harder to stop every time you give me more freedom, every time I get to do something we haven't done before. You don't know what you do to me Ziva."

She tensed and swallowed. "And I cannot know, not yet." Ziva caressed Chaya's soft hair. "Even when she is six weeks..." she shook her head. "I do not want you to hope for something that may not be possible for a long time."

Tony pressed a kiss to her temple. "I've learned how to be patient sweetheart, I've had eight months of practice. And if it's another year," he closed his eyes at the thought of ten and a half more months sleeping beside her and only sleeping, "before you can handle intimacy, that won't change anything. I love you and I'll tell you a thousand more times until you believe it - I will wait for you."

Ziva lifted her face and his mouth met hers. Then she switched Chaya to her other breast and Tony got more practice helping. They sat down to supper once she was full, clean and asleep and were just starting dishes when the doorbell rang. Ziva looked at Tony and he shrugged. "I didn't invite anyone." He dried his hands on a dish towel and opened the door. "Boss." His eyes flickered between Gibbs and his redhaired companion. "Hi Celeste."

"May we come in Tony?" Dumbly he stood back, noting their linked hands. Gibbs let go to hug Ziva, who looked happy to see both of them.

"Shalom Abba," she said, kissing his cheek.

Gibbs' gaze was drawn to the bassinet. "She asleep?"

"Until eight o'clock if we are lucky. Why?"

"Two and a half hours," he said gruffly, dropping onto the couch. "Get out of here."

Tony grinned. "Free babysitting again? What did we do to deserve this?"

Gibbs glared and Celeste put her hand on his arm. "It's always nice to get out of the house for awhile. Enjoy it."

This time the parents had no arguments and quickly grabbed cell phones and keys and said goodbye. They got out on the front porch and looked at each other. "So, what do you want to do?"

She shrugged. "I am not cleared for what I want to be doing."

Though their previous conversation had made it quite clear that intimacy would not be an option any time in the near future, that was still the first thing that popped into his mind. Tony cleared his throat. "Yeah, no twelve mile runs for you for awhile yet Ninja."

Ziva slid her fingers between his. "I like when you call me that."

He kissed her knuckles. "Oh hey, I have an idea!" Tony led her to the car. "Get in."

Ziva laughed. "Where are we going?"

Tony grinned. "You'll just have to wait and see."

Rolling her eyes, Ziva gave up trying to get an answer out of him and settled back to enjoy the drive. They ended up on a quiet back street at a small bar. Ziva's brow furrowed but she let Tony take her hand and walked inside with him. Tony nodded at the bartender who was also the owner, and his attractive daughter. A detective he knew from Metro PD sat with them and it was obvious that the daughter and the detective were more than just friends.

Tony pulled out a chair for Ziva at the first table they came to and returned to the bar to order a couple virgin drinks. Max, the bartender, raised an eyebrow. He'd seen the agent in before and the man usually went straight for the good stuff. Tony chuckled and leaned against the bar.

"New parents," he explained, looking over at Ziva. "Our daughter is almost three weeks old."

"Well, congratulations," Max smiled, setting the drinks in front of him. "First round's on the house."

"You're a good man Max," Tony grinned, going back to his wife.

They sat and sipped their drinks, staring at each other and basking in the atmosphere. Then the owner's daughter pressed a button on the CD player and beckoned for her detective friend to join her. Tony and Ziva watched the look on his face, laughing at how smitten he was. The two started dancing, attraction evident in their every move.

Seeing how comfortable they were together, how much they reveled in each other's company, Tony waited only a minute before standing and offering his hand to Ziva. She took it and let him draw her across the floor. The bar was mostly empty now and Max stood back, drying glasses and keeping an eye on the couples dancing like they were the only ones in the room.

A slow song came after the first more upbeat one and Tony slid his arms around Ziva's waist. She rested her head on his shoulder and they swayed gently in small circles, ending with a sweet kiss. Behind them the detective whistled and Tony pulled away with a grin. "I'd keep your comments to yourself Hoiyt, it works both ways y'know."

The woman by his side chuckled nervously and patted his arm. "We're just friends."

"Very good friends," the detective added.

Tony looked down into Ziva's eyes. "Yeah, that's what we used to say too. Next thing I know we're wearing rings." He turned back to the other couple. "Don't waste time pretending, it's not worth what you lose."

They returned to their table and Ziva smirked. "Playing matchmaker Tony?"

"Just sharing the wealth of my experience with the undeserving commoners." He played with her fingers. "Seriously though, I've known them a long time and they're just as bad at hiding their feelings as we used to be." Tony kissed the back of her hand. "Figured I may as well give them a shove in the right direction."

Ziva glanced back at the detective and the woman who were sharing another dance. "I hope they listen. To miss out on being loved is a great tragedy."

They stayed a little longer but soon Tony's watch announced that it was time to go home. Reluctantly he stood and dropped a couple bills on the table. "Ready?"

She looked down at her chest. "I can feel it is almost time to nurse her again. We better go."

They stalled for a few minutes on the front porch when they got back to their house. Tony took his time kissing his wife and Ziva returned the favour, leaving them both breathless. He leaned his forehead on hers. "You're teasing me."

Her eyes sparkled. "And you are enjoying it." Then she turned and went inside.

**NCIS**

Early Thursday afternoon Ziva decided it was time for her and Chaya to go for their first walk together. Instead of turning down the street, Ziva headed out of the neighbourhood, to the larger park she and Tony had found the first time they were kicked out of the house. The park boasted lots of trees, a paved path, benches, water fountains, a small pond in the middle, and lots of large open space perfect for picnic or playing frisbee. Ziva set out at a brisk pace on the path and did three circuits before beginning to tire.

Finally she sat on a bench beside another mom with a stroller and started in surprise when the woman began speaking to her child in Hebrew. Turning, she couldn't resist asking. "At medebar Ivrit?" _You speak Hebrew?_

The woman spun to face her. "Ken." She held out her hand. "Shmi Elina, kara oti Lina bevakasha." _My name is Elina, please, call me Lina._ She smiled at her daughter. "Zot Claire." _This is Claire._

Ziva smiled. "Shmi Ziva, ve'bar sheli Chaya." _My name is Ziva, and my daughter Chaya._

Lina looked interested. "Hashem yafa." _Beautiful name._

Ziva leaned forward. "Na'im me'od Claire. Bat kama at?" _Nice to meet you Claire. How old are you?_

Lina chuckled. "_She is almost three months old. And yours_?" (A/N: Sorry, ran out of Hebrew phrases but you can just assume that as long as Lina and Ziva are talking, it's in Hebrew, not English.)

It felt so good to be speaking Hebrew with someone again. "_Chaya is three weeks today_."

"_I remember what that's like. How is she sleeping?_"

Ziva ran her fingers through her hair. _"Three hours between feedings but I never feel rested no matter how many naps I take._"

"_That'll pass_," Lina promised.

Ziva leaned back. "_Are you Israeli_?"

Lina shook her head. "_Spanish actually. Although my parents were Spanish and Israeli, so I spent half my life in each country. My husband Adam is Israeli also. He works here in the Israeli Embassy_." She made a face. _"Long hours. Sometimes it is hard to be alone so much and America is much different than either Spain or Israel._"

"_It is nice to talk to someone who understands_," Ziva commented.

"_I'm glad we met Ziva,_" Lina said. "_Maybe we could be friends_."

"_I would like that._"

Lina checked out Ziva's ring. "_What does your husband do?"_

Ziva smiled. "_He is a federal agent, as am I, but I am on maternity leave for five more weeks._"

Lina's eyebrows jumped up. "_That's so soon for you to go back!_"

The other woman frowned. "_Yes. I am not happy that she will have to be in daycare. But there is one in our building, so I can still breastfeed her._"

"That's good," Lina nodded. "_That's what I'm doing with Claire and I think it's the best way." She bent down to kiss her daughter. "It is nice that she is starting to be more alert now, I enjoy playing with her_."

Ziva glanced at Chaya. "_I suppose I am looking forward to that part, but maybe after we are both sleeping through the night._"

Lina laughed. "_I know it seems like it lasts forever, but that stage will pass. Claire was six weeks when she decided she could go more than three hours without being fed at night_."

"That gives me hope." Ziva checked her watch. "_I think we should go, she will be hungry very soon._"

Lina shook her head. "_Stay Ziva, feed her here. It's one of the advantages of being her food source_." Ziva hesitated and Lina nodded knowingly. "_You haven't nursed in public yet_."

"_No._"

"_You have to remember that no one is looking at you even though it feels like everyone is watching. What you're doing is normal and natural and you can do it anywhere. Just try it,_" she suggested. "_If you're too uncomfortable I won't protest again_."

Chewing on the inside of her lip, Ziva sat down and began getting out what she would need. She fumbled a bit getting herself ready and as soon as Chaya opened her eyes, Ziva got the baby situated. It was terribly awkward at first but soon Lina distracted her with conversation and afterwards the two ladies went out for a late lunch. Lina nursed Claire in the restaurant and sat there looking relaxed and content. Ziva hoped that someday she would be that confident again.

Ziva was waiting when Tony came home, excited to tell him about her new friend. "It was so good to talk to another mom who understands, to hold a conversation in Hebrew. She was a nurse before she had Claire and she has lived in Israel." Ziva took a breath and Tony loved to see the happiness in her eyes.

"I'm proud of you Zi, that's great."

Ziva tilted her head to the side. "Lina is the first friend I've ever had outside the team, not including Grace or Duke."

He trailed his fingers through her hair, the revelation hitting him hard. "I'm sorry honey, I didn't realize."

She shrugged. "It does not matter. At least I have one now."

"Yeah." Tony pulled her into his arms. "I'm glad." There were so many things he hadn't thought about and hearing that truth for the first time, Tony wondered how much else he'd missed.


	56. Chapter 56

_A/N: I won't have any time to post this tomorrow morning, so you get it 9 hours early. Thanks so much for sticking with me in the crazy long ride this story has become. Just so you know I'll be away Wed/Thurs but will try to post something Thursday night. Keep the reviews coming, I love to hear what you guys think! You're the best! Love ~Aliyah_

When Chaya finished her last pre-midnight feeding at nine pm Thursday night, Tony was all ready with the necessary supplies to give her a bath. They did it on the floor of Chaya's room - Tony washing and Ziva drying, Tony putting on a clean diaper and Ziva dressing the baby in a fresh sleeper. Then they sat in the rocking chair and Tony got out tonight's story - Robert Munsch's Love You Forever.

This time when he finished, Tony stood in front of Ziva. "Three weeks honey, want to try putting her to sleep in the nursery?"

Ziva looked down at the baby and smoothed her fingers over Chaya's brow. "We can try," she said finally. She reluctantly surrendered their daughter to her husband, kissing her cheek. Tony brushed his lips over Chaya's forehead and gently laid her on her back near the bottom of the spacious crib.

She looked so little and lonely all by herself. Ziva disappeared but returned moments later and tucked the mommy blanket around Chaya. She propped Bunny in one corner furthest from the baby and the pink teddy from Jimmy in the other. Ziva smiled when Tony draped the finished yellow blanket she'd made over Chaya and with a final look, she allowed him to pull her away.

They stood outside the nursery feeling a bit bereft. A thought occurred to Tony and he quickly moved the baby monitor from their room into Chaya's and took the other one with him, leaving her door half open. "Let's go downstairs Zi."

The couple cuddled on the couch with a movie playing and changed for bed hours later, more aware of each other now without the baby in their room. Ziva wondered when it was that she got comfortable enough to take her clothes off around Tony and when it had stopped bothering her that he wasn't wearing more than one layer for sleeping.

She did Chaya's night feeding in the rocking chair with Tony close by and put her back down after he took care of burping and diaper change. It was strange to leave the room without her, to go to sleep without the little noises Chaya made and it took Ziva longer than usual to drop off.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke up in a terror in the wee hours of Friday morning, gruesome scenes from a rare nightmare gripping her heart. Without warning she jumped out of bed and hurried down the hall to the room where Chaya slept. As soon as the anxious mother laid eyes on her baby girl, her heart rate began to slow and she could finally draw a deep breath.

Slowly she approached the crib, her soft steps on the carpeted floor not disturbing the sleeping baby. How long she stood there just staring at her miracle, counting breaths and watching Chaya's eyes move while she dreamed, Ziva wasn't sure. But she wasn't fully reassured all was well until she laid her hand featherlight on her daughter's chest to feel the rapid heartbeat fluttering beneath her fingers.

With a sigh, Ziva barely touched the baby's soft hair, whispering 'I love you' in Hebrew. Tony stood at the door watching his wife with their daughter. He'd been startled awake when she left their bed so abruptly and it had taken him only seconds to realize where she'd probably gone in such a hurry.

Turning, Ziva saw her husband waiting for her. Tony wrapped his arm around her waist, waiting until they were laying back in bed before he asked. "What was that all about?"

She shook her head, closing her eyes against the images that returned like a roaring wind. "I cannot..."

Tony stroked her hair. "Sweetheart, talk to me. Please." It never did her any good when she tried to keep things bottled up inside.

Ziva rolled to her side, burying her face in his neck. "They took her Tony. I screamed and I fought but they ripped her from my body and just...threw her away-" Her words broke off into gasps as she struggled against the tears. "I had to see her. I had to make sure she was here, that she was alright."

Tony closed his eyes, the images something he could see now too. "Oh babe, it's okay." He choked the words out through a closed throat. "You're safe here Zi, I promise I'll keep you and our daughter safe." He fit her against him, his arms holding her firmly, speaking of safety, of being loved and cared for.

After a long time, Ziva's palm found his face. "I love you Tony."

He pressed a kiss to her hair. "I love you too Zi. I will never let you go."

**NCIS**

Tony called Gibbs an hour before work started to say he'd be in late. He didn't explain, but Gibbs was pretty sure something had happened with Ziva that made him not want to leave her. Tony shut the phone and wrapped his arms around the sleeping body of his wife. He kissed her shoulder and slid even closer, trying not to remember the shards of pain in her voice when she described her nightmare earlier.

Three weeks. They'd gotten a reprieve for three weeks and now the nightmares were back. It had been all Tony could do to get Ziva to leave their baby in the nursery after her last two feedings. She wanted to bring Chaya to bed with them, but he knew that might undo all of their hard work and coaxed her to put Chaya back in the crib.

He knew his wife wasn't sleeping well, Tony hadn't closed his eyes in over an hour, just in case. If Ziva needed him to wake her, he wanted to be ready. Tony didn't want her to have to suffer an extra second of a nightmare if he could help her. He must've dozed despite his intentions because the next thing he knew, their baby alarm clock was going off and Ziva scrambled to get out of his arms so she could comfort their daughter.

Tony was relieved when she brought Chaya back to their room and sat in front of him, making it clear she wanted to be close for comfort. Tony had no problem obliging and settled for rubbing her shoulders slowly while she got Chaya situated. Ziva leaned back against his chest but was far from relaxed.

However, the hormones released by breastfeeding slowly calmed her and by the time Chaya was ready to switch sides, Ziva was able to let him in. "You may help Tony," she said softly, moving Chaya to face the other way. Just like she'd showed him, Tony helped his daughter latch on and kissed Ziva's neck.

"Thank you."

She turned her head, her lips finding his jaw. "I want to give you what I can."

He rested his chin on her shoulder. "Can you believe today was her original due date? I can't imagine being without her this long."

Ziva grimaced. "I am grateful I did not have to spend three extra weeks pregnant." She could only guess how stressful and uncomfortable that would've been. "But it seems like so much longer that we have had her."

Tony chuckled. "We're sure glad you're here princess, Daddy couldnt've waited almost another whole month to hold you."

When Chaya finished eating, Tony took her to get a new diaper but Ziva reappeared in the nursery before he could put the little girl back in her crib. "I need to hold her." Without comment he set the baby in her arms. Ziva glanced at the clock and frowned. "You are late for work."

Tony shook his head. "I'm taking advantage of Gibbs' comp time offer, not going in until noon."

She nodded. "I am glad."

Ziva walked downstairs and settled the baby on her chest, where her nightgown gaped open. Tony chose Old Yellar and sat beside them as close as he could get. They watched animal themed movies for awhile, the next one was Free Willy. After Chaya's next feeding, Tony tried to get Ziva to take a nap too but she shook her head.

"Every time I close my eyes I see it again." Ziva clutched the baby tighter as if someone might at any moment break down the door and try to take Chaya from her arms.

"Oh sweetheart." Tony put his hand on her face. "It was a nightmare honey, it wasn't real. They didn't know you were pregnant and they're all dead now. No one is ever going to take our daughter away." His thumb swiped at a tear and he held her as much as he could without squishing Chaya.

"I know," she sniffed, running her fingers over the baby's nose and eyebrows, "but I cannot get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach every time I think about it."

"Hey," he forced her gaze back to his, "don't do what ifs Ziva, don't. Not with us, not with Chaya, the fear will cripple you if you fall into thinking about what could've happened."

She cuddled back against him without responding and half an hour later she was asleep. Tony gently took Chaya and put her in the bassinet in the kitchen, then rearranged Ziva into a more comfortable position before covering her with a light blanket. He kissed her forehead.

"I love you sweetheart. This is home. You don't have to be afraid any more. I will always keep you safe."

Tony had to rush through showering and dressing and because lunch hadn't even been on the radar, he stopped to grab something on the way. He was later getting in than he'd planned and Gibbs met his eyes with a question but Tony shook his head. No, today Ziva was not okay.

Three hours later Ziva was back in the same position on the couch, holding Chaya while she slept and watching movies about parents with special needs children, the touching stories an excuse to let herself cry. The doorbell rang and Ziva wondered if it was Grace but she got up to check anyways. The identity of the visitor surprised her and she quickly pulled a sweater over her nightgown before opening the door.

"Adrian, what are you doing here?"

He grinned at the baby in her arms. "May I come in?"

Ziva stepped back. "Of course."

Adrian leaned down to kiss Chaya's fist. "How's the little lady doing?"

Ziva smiled. "Very content today." She cocked an eyebrow. "Why did you come?"

He held up a manilla envelope and two albums. "I thought you might like to see how your wedding photos turned out."

Ziva's eyes lit up. "Thank you." She gestured to the couch and sat down beside him. "Show me."

Adrian began flipping slowly through the first album. "These are some of the candid shots I took while you were getting ready and the guys were setting up." He chuckled. "Here's your nervous husband getting told he is not allowed to see you before the ceremony and I love this," Adrian turned the page, "the way Tony looked when your boss's girlfriend asked for the story of how you two met."

"Then we have the actual ceremony. My favourite moment is when a groom clearly sees his bride for the first time. Sometimes the guy cries but the Big D held it together pretty well. There's you when you realized he was singing and that impromptu hug before the Rabbi started talking."

On and on they went. Tony and Ziva in front of the arch holding hands, Ducky waiting his turn to be a witness as they signed the ketubah. Tim handing over the rings, Ziva walking in slow circles around Tony. The kiss, signing the marriage certificate, Tony and Ziva's moment alone after and going for a walk during their yichud time.

Adrian had captured the team together - Abby sitting on McGee's lap, Ducky and Gibbs talking, then Tony and Ziva joining them. Then next album was filled with pictures of all of them in the official family pictures and then the couples separately. One of the last pictures was her and Tony kissing and then Gibbs and Celeste walking towards the car holding hands.

Finally he closed it and smiled. "What do you think?"

Ziva brushed her fingers over the cover, tears in her eyes. "They are beautiful Adrian. I am so happy to have those memories preserved." She glanced at Chaya. "Someday we will show them to our daughter."

Adrian grinned and his excitement reminded her of Tony. "We're not finished yet." He opened the envelope and withdrew two CD cases. "I took several hundred over the course of the day, there are only a quarter of those in the albums." Adrian turned the envelope upside-down carefully and a stack of 8x12 photographs fell out.

"I enlarged some of the ones I thought you might like to frame." He held them up to show her. "You looked so beautiful staring out the window, holding your bouquet as you waited, it was a great shot. So was this one with your boss. He acts more like your dad y'know." It was the moment Gibbs had kissed her cheek before taking her out to Tony.

"The first married couple kiss, everyone loves those, then the official portrait of you guys in front of the arch and one of your entire group." Adrian shrugged. "You can see the rest for yourself but I thought you'd like them.

Spontaneously Ziva leaned over and kissed his cheek. "Everything is amazing, thank you for doing this." She bit her lip. "What do we owe you?"

He held up his hands. "Nope, no way, your money is no good with me." Her eyebrows drew together and Adrian stood, shoving his hands into his jeans pockets. "Your husband saved my butt in college. He woke me up, really changed my life. I'll owe him that debt forever." Adrian pointed to his work. "Those are a gift, please accept them."

Ziva saw how important it was to him. "We will treasure them."

Adrian said goodbye and took his leave after that, and Ziva curled up on the couch again, moving only to change positions and feed her daughter. That was how Tony found her three and a half hours after Adrian's visit and his concern rose. He went to the couch and bent to kiss her, studying her eyes. She stared back.

"What do you see?"

Tony dropped down beside her. "There's still a few shadows. You okay?"

She shrugged one shoulder and then brightened. "Oh, Adrian brought over our wedding photos this afternoon. They are so lovely."

Tony eyed the baby, pretending not to notice how his wife avoided answering his question. "You're kind of hogging her Ninja. Why don't I take her so you can grab a shower?" He'd guessed correctly that she'd barely left that spot all day.

Ziva sighed and agreed. As soon as she was upstairs Tony got comfortable and pulled the first album into his lap. "You won't remember this sweetie, but you were at our wedding. See that bump right there? That's you." He came across a picture of Ziva caressing her belly and sighed. "Your mom is so beautiful princess and you're going to be just like her." He kissed Chaya's head. "You're daddy's best girl, you know that?"

Ziva came downstairs twenty minutes later feeling refreshed and the scene in the livingroom stopped her mid-step. Tony was slouched on the couch, a sleeping Chaya nestled on his chest. Trying to remember where they'd left the camera, Ziva finally found it and snapped several pictures before preparing to wake him up. A knock sounded on the door before she made it to her husband's side and Ziva frowned. They certainly were popular today. Again the person standing on the other side of the door was not who she expected.

"Hello Ziva."

"Celeste." Her expression was curious bordering on wary. "What are you doing here?"

Celeste bit her lip. "I heard through the grapevine that it was a rough night. Would you be interested in going out for tea? Just for an hour or so, I don't want to keep you from your time with Tony."

Ziva opened the door fully. "Take a look."

Celeste grinned at father and daughter sleeping on the couch. "Oh, isn't the precious? Please tell me you took a picture."

She nodded. "I did. They were too cute to resist. Come in. I will put Chaya in her carseat and we can go." Ziva lifted the baby off Tony's chest and kissed his cheek. "Wake up my love, did you have a good nap?"

He jerked awake and swiped at his mouth in case there was drool. Seeing her with the baby, Tony groaned. "Sorry Zi, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Ziva smiled. "It is fine." She motioned behind her. "Celeste is here, we are going out for tea. Will you be alright without us for an hour?"

He sighed. "I guess I'll live. But I won't have any fun."

Ziva chuckled. "I thought so." Placing a proper kiss on his lips, Ziva knelt and swiftly buckled Chaya into her seat, leaving with a wave. As soon as the car pulled out of the driveway, Tony was on the phone with Gibbs and McGee.

"Celeste is on Ziva detail, you guys got an hour to work on the basement?"

Since Celeste was with Ziva and Abby was busy giving Sammy a bath, both men were free and they pushed themselves hard to do as much as they could in the time allotted. Celeste's text gave them ten minutes warning, so they stopped and McGee left in a hurry. Tony passed the message to Gibbs that Celeste would meet him at his place and then he ran upstairs and jumped in the shower.

When he got out, Ziva was in the nursery feeding Chaya and Tony went to the bookshelf, deliberating about tonight's fare. To his surprise, Ziva didn't put up any resistance to leaving Chaya in her crib for the night and he pulled her out into the hall to kiss her deeply, conveying his relief. They spent half an hour in bed talking before getting comfortable and going to sleep. It had been a long day and Tony wasn't anxious to repeat it any time soon.


	57. Chapter 57

Saturday was peaceful, something Tony didn't take for granted. They spend a good chuck of time grocery shopping because Ziva felt like making Israeli food and they didn't have any of the ingredients. After supper Chaya was wake for a little bit and once they made it through her fussy period, the baby was content just to be held and look at her parents' faces.

Tony and Ziva took advantage of her evening nap to relax but yesterday had been emotional and they both felt like being in bed early. Anxious to touch his wife, Tony started kissing her as soon as she lay down and Ziva pulled his face close, molding her mouth to his, showing no resistance at all. It was nice, indulging in the pleasure of each other and knowing they had time before Chaya woke up to feed again. He was careful not to put too much of his weight on her and Ziva enjoyed the warmth that was building between them.

He rolled them on their sides, gripping her hip to keep her close to his body. His touch felt more possessive than normal and it reminded Ziva of other hands and tightly clenched fingers leaving deep dark marks in her flesh. Somalia returned in a heartbeat and at first she couldn't move, couldn't think, couldn't breathe.

Then Ziva gasped and Tony took it as pleasure until she whimpered. "Stop. Tony, please stop."

He was a little frustrated but moved his arms to cradle her against him, kissing her cheek and trying to tuck her head into his shoulder, hoping to reassure her. But Ziva finally had control of her body and shoved him away, jumping out of bed and quivering with emotion. Tony looked shocked and reached for her, seeing now that something was very wrong and it wasn't just a case of making out being more than she could handle.

"Zi..." Before he could even get the words out to ask, she shook her head.

"No!" Her tone was forceful and he watched in confusion as she ran down the hall to the nursery in bare feet and gathered a sleeping Chaya into her arms. Before Tony could register what was happening and try to stop it, she was downstairs and in the car. He heard the door slam, the engine start and his heart fell to his feet.

Ziva showed up at Gibbs' house ten minutes later in her pyjamas and bare feet, holding a crying baby, with a look in her eyes that made him want to strangle Tony. He opened the door wider to let her in but didn't touch her, the fear was practically shimmering off of her.

Pointing her towards the couch, Gibbs went upstairs to grab something. Ziva cried when he came back down with one of Kelly's baby blankets so she could nurse. As soon as Chaya latched on he saw sanity begin to return to her expression. She talked soothingly to the baby in Hebrew and Gibbs began to wish that was one of the languages he was familiar with. Instead he only had Russian, Spanish and a smattering of French and Arabic that didn't help him at all.

Breastfeeding helped calm both mother and baby and after awhile Gibbs finally opened his mouth. "What happened?"

Ziva started with, "We had a fight," but shook her head and amended the statement with a sigh. "What is that saying you Americans have - what does not kill you makes you stronger? I do not think that is what happened in my case."

"What did DiNozzo do?" he growled out.

Ziva's defeated eyes came up. "Nothing," she said quietly, able to think more clearly now and beginning to remember the moment as it was and not how she perceived it, "he did nothing, it is all me. It is always me. I cannot even think of being intimate with my own husband. He..." she choked on the words, her own twisted version of the truth, "he deserves better than this."

Gibbs opened his mouth to set her straight but before he could speak Tony came bursting in the door and rushed towards Ziva. Taking in the way she held the baby tighter, instinctive fear in her movements despite what she'd told him, Gibbs stepped between them. Tony looked confused but not guilty, he could see that. So instead of berating the man, Gibbs gently removed Chaya from her mother's arms and took her out of the room to burp and cuddle her.

Ziva stood with her arms crossed and stared at her husband. "What are you doing here?"

He inched closer, watching her body language carefully. "Did you really think I wouldn't come?" Her expression was hard to read and he sighed heavily. "It only took me a few minutes to realize what had happened. I know you were running scared, Gibbs' was the first place I checked. I was angry when you left but that's certainly not worth losing you over." Tony tried to hold her but Ziva still wasn't having any of it and he looked at her more closely. "What happened Z? What did you see?"

Her eyes bored holes straight through him as her voice rose. "You would not stop, you would not let go! I could feel your fingers digging into my skin and..." She scraped her fingers through her disheveled hair. "You were one of them."

Tony felt sick but he swallowed the bile and moved towards her again. Ziva's eyes flashed dangerously when he reached for the waist of her pyjama bottoms but he stilled her with a look, brushing his thumb over the skin on her hip. "No bruise." He settled his hands on her cheeks and skimmed his lips across hers in a kiss she didn't return. Tony pushed her hair back. "I wanted you to want it the way I did Ziva. It was selfish and I'm sorry. I hate when I scare you."

Her eyes fell. "I panicked. You were holding me too tight and I felt trapped. Then I could not turn it off." Ziva tentatively laid her hand on his chest. "I should not have run away, but it is a very long habit to break."

Tony's thumbs caressed her cheeks. "If you do it again, I'll come after you. I can't let you go sweetheart."

She shook her head. "I would not want you to."

Gibbs returned with Chaya to see the couple locked in an embrace and sharing a desperate kiss meant to apologize and say so many different things. "I see you two have made up," he said dryly.

They pulled apart and Ziva reached for her baby, holding the infant against her chest. Tony caught her eyes and the anguish she saw there distressed her. "Tony?" He held out his arms and Ziva gladly relinquished Chaya, sensing his need. He tucked Chaya's head into his neck, resisting the urge to clutch her tighter.

"You took my little girl and left Ziva," he whispered, keeping his eyes closed. "Do you know how much that hurt?"

Regret washed over Ziva's expression and she touched his cheek. "I would never keep you from your daughter Tony, even if-"

He stopped her with a finger on her lips and traced her rings. "No ifs Zi, no you and me anymore, remember? It's always going to be us honey. We're a family, there's no such thing as it not working out." Ziva wrapped her arms around him and held on tight. The relief Tony felt at being able to cling to both of them was intense. "Can we go home now?" he choked out into Ziva's hair.

She nodded and went to thank Gibbs. He tipped her chin up. "I'm glad you feel safe here Ziver, but," Gibbs pointed to Tony, "you're safe with him. That man would do anything for you, he's proved it." He kissed her forehead. "Next time talk first, run second. If you still need me to knock some sense into him, I'll always be here."

Ziva bravely accepted his pronouncement and after a nod of thanks to Gibbs from Tony, the three left to go back to their house. It was past Chaya's bedtime but for tonight that didn't matter. Tony and Ziva sat close together on the couch, Chaya in Ziva's lap and a movie playing that they didn't pay attention to.

Tony kept one arm around his wife, the other hand resting near their baby, her fingers grasping his. Every once in awhile he pressed his lips to Ziva's temple and thought about the consequences of rushing her, of pushing too hard and bringing up memories she needed to keep buried. He would be so much more careful in the future. As much as he wanted intimacy with Ziva, this kind of cost was too high. He could not handle losing them again.

**NCIS**

Tony woke up the next morning to find Ziva on the other side of the bed instead of in her customary place beside him. Her back was facing him and if Tony wasn't mistaken, there was something wrong in her body language. "Zi?" he called sleepily, watching her carefully. His wife tensed but didn't move. "Hey." He slid closer but before he could touch her Ziva sat up and held her hands out.

"No."

Surprised because he hadn't seen that reaction in a long time, Tony stayed where he was. "What's wrong sweetheart?" She wouldn't look at him, whatever spot on the floor that she was staring at held her full attention. "Did you have a nightmare?" he tried again, knowing it was unlikely because he would've noticed.

Ziva told him one time that he kept the bad dreams away as long as he held her while they slept. "That's because they have to go through me to get to you, and all this," Tony had gestured to his body, "is much too intimidating." She's laughed at him then, a smile teasing her lips, but she wasn't laughing or smiling now.

Her voice was quiet when she spoke. "You were dreaming last night," Ziva said finally. "I think you were dreaming about me. And I..." she swallowed hard. "I felt you pressed up against me and it scared me. I moved and you reached for me and it was Somalia all over again, everything bad that ever happened in the darkness..."

She broke off, covering her face with her hands as the pictures that had been playing in his mind came back to Tony suddenly with startling clarity. Yeah, he'd been dreaming about Ziva and everything they still couldn't do. But he hadn't meant to scare her, especially unconsciously. It was happening too often lately, this who week had been one big emotional mess so far and he'd hoped so hard that they were past all that. He was the one who was supposed to make her stop being afraid, not bring up bad memories.

"Oh Zi," Tony whispered, "I'm sorry babe-"

"How can you do this?" she asked suddenly. "How can this be okay?"

Tony frowned, not understanding. "Do what?"

Ziva's eyes flashed. "They used me Tony. Not every hour of ever day but most nights and some days, just to show that they still had power over me. It didn't matter whether I was bleeding and broken, trying to sleep, weak or strong, they-" she looked away. "There were so many of them and they never stopped coming. After all that, how can you possibly still want me?"

Desperation filled her eyes and Tony could read in them the terror of rejection, because she still thought one day he would wake up and realize she wasn't good enough and leave and this, everything they'd built over the past year, would be gone. "The child one of them forced on me sleeps just down the hall in your house. I do not understand!"

"Hey, wait a minute!" Tony said firmly, finally having the chance to get a word in. "This is our house Zi, you helped me pick it out, remember? Chaya is my daughter. She has my name and no one can ever take that away. And you," he wrapped his arm around her even as she shrank from his touch, "you're my wife Ziva, my heart. Nothing is too awful to keep me from you."

She nodded. "I am your wife Tony, and yet you cannot really touch me." He dropped his arm from her shoulders, not wanting to think about how hard it was sometimes to keep his hands off of her, to show by his actions that he would respect her body no matter what. "You have a right to my body," Ziva continued flatly, her voice tinged with sadness and regret, "but I do not know when I might be ready to have sex with you."

Tony shrugged, trying to play it off like it was no big deal when sometimes it hurt how badly he wanted her. "We've got weeks yet before we have to worry about that part Zi."

Her brow furrowed. "You should not love me. You should not love Chaya. Why are you here Tony?"

Their baby cried then and Tony leveled a hard gaze at his wife. "I'll get her." He came back moments later, cradling his daughter close and whispering to her as he rocked her gently.

"Good morning Princess, did you have a good sleep? I bet you want to go see Mommy and get some breakfast, don't you?" Chaya chewed on her fist and looked up at him, perfectly content in her father's arms. She had known nothing but love since the moment they welcomed her into the world and into their lives. "Well," Tony continued, "you're going to have to wait for a minute more." He raised his eyes to Ziva. "Mommy and I are having a very serious conversation."

She looked away, the sight of him with a child that had started as a curse but become a blessing too dear, too precious to watch. But Tony's voice brought her back to face him. "Do you want her Ziva? What you said before...I know she wasn't your choice, but I thought you really loved her."

Ziva blinked back tears. "I did not mean it like that." Her arms ached to hold her baby, her breasts needed Chaya to nurse, but she didn't think Tony trusted her with their daughter at the moment. "Of course I want her Tony. Over the months I was pregnant Chaya became my gift. But you..." Ziva shook her head. "It is not your blood running through her veins. How can you be okay with that?"

Tony's gaze never wavered. "You gave me yourself Zi, when you took my ring. When Chaya was born I gave her my name, but almost from the moment I knew she existed she has had my heart. Can you not let me love her, let me love both of you? You two are my family, everything I've ever wanted. Please Ziva, don't question that."

Ziva held out her arms and Tony moved closer, pulling her against him so that he held them both. She kissed Chaya's forehead, crooning reassurances in her native tongue. Tony sighed. He really needed to learn Hebrew faster. He kissed her head, tightening his arm around her.

"Don't ask me again Ziva, please. I love you and Chaya because if I didn't, I wouldn't have a reason to live. You and our daughter are everything to me."

Tears slipped down Ziva's cheeks and she sobbed into her husband's shoulder, stopping only when Chaya sensed the mood and began to fuss. Then she took her daughter from Tony's arms and opened the front of her nightgown so the little girl could nurse.

The instant connection that formed as Chaya sucked still made Ziva's heart ache with the tenderness of it and she stroked the baby's soft cheeks, ran her finger down her nose and smiled at the little bit of damp curls that covered her head. Tony didn't leave her side the entire time, staring at both of them like they were the greatest treasures he'd ever seen. It did wonders for Ziva's sense of self when she realized that he meant it with everything he was.

**NCIS**

The good feelings didn't last and things were different the next time they woke up. Two strange days in a row was pushing things and by evening Tony knew Ziva had to get out. She was fidgety and antsy, avoiding his touch and unable to settle and do anything. Finally he put Chaya in her bassinet and caught Ziva by the shoulders. She flinched and he stifled a sigh.

"Ziva, I know why you're doing this. It's been an emotional couple of days and you've got nowhere to put the feelings." He brushed back her hair. "Why don't you go break into that dance studio again and give yourself and outlet, even if it's just half an hour." She thought about it and Tony kissed her forehead. "I don't want you to have to fight everything so hard."

She looked at him questioningly, because she'd promised. "What about the rules?"

Tony did sigh this time. "Sometimes they have to be bent, if that's what's best. But take it easy, okay? Mandy would kill me if she found out."

Ziva nodded and went upstairs to change. She grabbed the keys and left without goodbye. Tony watched her go, then started on the supper dishes. To keep himself busy, he vacuumed as well, then swept the kitchen and diningroom. When he resorted to dusting, Tony knew he had it bad. In frustration he tossed the duster across the room and lost himself in disaster movies, staring with Twister.

Ziva didn't come home until almost an hour and a half after she'd left and by then Chaya had been crying loudly for fifteen minutes. She walked in the door slowly and Tony barely had time to register the exhaustion in her face before she moved to take the baby from him.

Chaya started rooting as soon as she was in Ziva's arms and she sat down carefully, pulling up her shirt to unhook her nursing bra. The baby latched on and sucked like she was starving and Ziva looked up at Tony in confusion. "She should have slept until eight-thirty."

He shrugged. "I know. But she woke up and started screaming and nothing worked. I was about to call you."

Ziva stroked Chaya's hair. "I am sorry tatelah, Ima did not know you would be hungry again so soon."

Tony sat with them until Chaya pulled away, sleepy and content, and then he reached for his daughter and pointed Ziva towards the shower. He did Chaya's bath by himself and had in her bed before Ziva came out of the bathroom in pyjamas. Not taking no for an answer, he gave her a gentle push in the direction of their bed.

Sitting behind her, Tony dug his thumbs into the muscles and felt more than heard her groan. "I guess you missed the part about taking it easy, huh?"

Ziva tried to shrug but stopped partway through the motion. "It was hard to stop once I started."

He worked on her back for several minutes before moving to face her and putting his hands on her knees. "Did you hurt yourself?"

She avoided his eyes. "I am sore. I have not done so much in months."

Tony's gaze fell to her feet, they were a mess. "Oh Ziva."

"It takes time to get them used to dancing again." She tried to play it off but Tony knew she was hurting.

Without a word he tucked her into bed and crawled in beside her. "Did it help?" he asked.

Ziva turned towards him, touching his cheek. "I needed to do something Tony, even if it is too much." There had been so much going on in the last few days and she didn't want to process and work through it, she wanted it to go away. Pushing it out of her mind by dancing was the only solution that had presented itself and she was glad he had suggested it.

When Chaya woke them up at ten, barely two hours after she'd gone to bed, Ziva dragged herself into the nursery. "Please tatelah, not another growth burst." She cuddled the baby to her chest and Tony soon joined him. They returned Chaya to her crib half an hour later and went back to bed, dreading the next feeding. All they needed was sleep and right now it didn't seem forthcoming.

**NCIS**

Tony left just before Chaya's seven am feeding, after which Ziva went straight back to bed, sleeping soundly until the baby woke again at ten-thirty. With her body sore, physically and emotionally drained, Ziva did little besides lay out in the sun while her daughter slept and soak her aching feet whenever walking became more than just uncomfortable.

She was dozing on the couch with a book when Tony got home around one pm. Hearing the door, she sat up suddenly. "Tony, what's wrong?" He positioned himself beside her and leaned in for a kiss, testing her reaction. Ziva responded and for a moment the sensation of their mouths meeting and melding was all that existed. But it felt different and she pushed back. "Tony?"

"I couldn't stay away," he said hoarsely. "I wanted to make sure you were okay. You've been so distant this weekend Ziva, I'm not sure what to think."

Ziva kissed him again, slowly and hugged him hard, trying to put his fears to rest. She looked into his eyes and caressed his face. "Do you remember what it was like when I first came back?" He nodded, pain etched into his features by the memories. "Sometimes it takes awhile for what I am feeling to fade. But I am not trying to push you away. You are..." she paused. "You are everything I need Tony. Please do not worry so much." She held up her left hand. "I said yes, remember?"

Tony tried to believe her words, to trust her touch and her kiss, but that didn't stop him from becoming rather clingy for the rest of the afternoon. When the phone rang after supper, it was Abby and he grinned. "Hey Abs, what's up?"

He could hear her smile through the phone line. "Tony, can I borrow your wife for a couple hours?"

His gaze found Ziva's. "I don't know if I can part with her Abby."

She huffed. "You are such a baby."

Tony laughed. "I'm not sure about that. But I have one."

"Let me talk to her!" the girl demanded, having no patience for his jokes this time.

He obediently handed the phone over and Ziva smiled. "Hello Abby."

"Ziva! It's been days since I've seen you. Do you want to come to a movie with me or go for a walk? Or both? I'll bring Sammy," she added, hoping the puppy would be good enough incentive to entice Ziva to say yes.

Ziva laughed. "I would love to spend time with you Abby, but if I have Chaya we cannot go-"

Tony interrupted quickly. "I can keep Chaya honey, if you guys want to go out." It would also work well for his plans.

She considered this and nodded slowly. "Alright," Ziva said to him. And into the phone, "Chaya can stay here with Tony. I'll feed her and then we can go." Thinking about yesterday, she frowned. "But we should be back in two hours. Last night she was group feeding."

Tony laughed. "Cluster, not group Zi."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Whatever."

Abby grinned. "Awesome. So I'll see you in about half an hour?"

"Can you still bring Sammy?"

"He's a service dog in training. Lucky for us his little blue jacket lets him come everywhere. And a movie will be extra fun with a puppy to snuggle."

"I agree. Thank you Abby."

After they hung up, Tony went over to hug his wife. "Quite the social life you've got these days."

Ziva looked bewildered. "Yes. I am not sure what happened."

He leaned back to see her eyes. "Are you enjoying it?"

"I suppose. It is nice to get out, especially if the day has been difficult. I like when we can go together. But I think I am still waiting for life to be normal." She shrugged. "Maybe when I start working again."

Tony dipped his head, his lips finding hers for a gentle kiss. "Believe me, that day can't come soon enough. AP is no replacement for my partner."

Ziva lifted her face and breathed a whisper of words against his mouth. "I love you."

They were still lost in the embrace and pleasure of their kisses when Chaya awoke and loudly demanded her first evening feeding. Tony took her after for a change and story and Ziva met Abby at the door. Upstairs Tony laid the baby on her changetable and got out the now familiar supplies.

She stared at him the whole time and Tony started giving a play by play of the process. "Would you believe that a month ago I'd never changed a diaper? Never wanted to either. Now it's one of my favourite parts of the day because it's one of the only times you're awake so I can see those beautiful blue eyes princess." He leaned down to rub noses with her. "I do hope they turn brown someday, just like Mommy's. Your mommy has the most beautiful eyes. I could just about drown in them if she'd let me."

Finally he was ready. "Let's start by getting this outfit off, there's a good girl. One arm, two arms," he bent down to drop a kiss on her tummy. "Now your legs and those cute little toes." He brushed the bottom of her feet, watching her toes curl and chuckled. "Ticklish huh? I'll have to remember that for when you're older. It's gonna be so much fun to chase you around the yard and give you piggyback rides and push you on the swings, but I don't want to rush this part either."

Tony grasped her ankles between his fingers and lifted her bum to slide the clean diaper under before undoing the dirty one. "I don't know who came up with these sticky tabs baby girl, but they always seem to go everywhere except where they belong." He wiped it down her bum and wrinkled his nose. "That is a pretty impressive colour C, yuck. It's a good thing Mommy's breastfeeding or this would be much worse."

A few wipes solved the problem and he spread a light layer of diaper cream over an area that looked like a rash. Finally clean, Tony kept one hand on the baby and slid her sleeper drawer open to choose one. It was tan coloured and covered in little brown monkeys in different positions.

"Monkeys are kinda fun, right princess?"He continued narrating his actions as he got her dressed. Then Tony carried Chaya to the bookcase to look for something to read. "Hmm, what sounds good tonight?"

While perusing the shelf, he came across another princess story (they were getting quite a collection of those thanks to his nickname for her) and settled in the rocking chair with his daughter. He read slowly, showing her the pictures even though she was falling asleep. It had a good message and at the end Tony kissed Chaya's head.

"I'm going to make sure that the guy who wants to be with you knows what a treasure you are and how much you are worth to us. It won't be easy to get my approval Chaya, I take my job of guarding your heart very seriously."

Carefully he lowered her into the crib and tucked a receiving blanket around her waist. Chaya's legs kicked out and she squirmed but then yawned and curled up again. Tony watched her for a minute before leaving the room and taking the monitor with him. Once downstairs, he got ahold of both Gibbs and McGee.

"Ziva's out with Abby right now, we've got an hour and a half window if you guys are free."

Tim was ready to go and had been expecting the call. Gibbs didn't say no so Tony took it as a yes. When he put the phone down, Gibbs looked at Celeste and growled about Tony always interrupting the time they had together.

She shook her head. "First of all, you're the one who doesn't want them to know. Why would he think the man who builds boats in his basement might have other plans? And second," Celeste smiled at him, "do what you have to for family Jethro."

He frowned. "Quoting Franks to me?"

"Well, I know you listen to him," she pointed out, putting her book in the bag she took everywhere. "But if you're that grumpy about it, I'll come with you. I can listen for Chaya and you guys can focus on what needs to be done." Celeste pulled him to his feet and kissed him before tucking her hand around his arm. "I like to be near you even if you're busy."

Gibbs relaxed. "Thanks Les."

"I know what they mean to you. Now let's go, your time is limited."

At Tony and Ziva's house Celeste settled on the couch with the baby monitor close by. Having all three men working meant they could get a lot accomplished and tonight they finished the framing finally and started on the partial wall that would separate the playroom from the workout area.

After awhile, Tony wiped some sweat away. "The mirrors and equipment are on order, you still okay with them being delivered to your place?" he asked Gibbs.

"Already said yes," the older man replied. "Bar's almost finished. Celeste is helping me varnish it once it's sanded."

"Great," Tony grinned. "This is going to be the best surprise ever."

"If you can keep her out of the basement," Tim commented.

Tony chuckled. "I've had the house for three months and the only time Ziva went downstairs was on our house tour. I think she's kinda forgotten it exists."

"I hope so," Tim said.

It was nice to have everyone in on the secret now. Abby again gave them a few minutes warning and Gibbs and Celeste and McGee hurried out while Tony changed shirts and tried not to look like he'd just been doing manual labour. Continuing with his disaster movie streak, he threw Armageddon in the DVD player and grabbed a bottle of old-fashioned soda out of the fridge. Now he just looked like typical Tony and hoped his wife wouldn't suspect a thing.

**NCIS**

Abby and Ziva walked out of the theater praising the movie. "I did not expect it to be that good," Ziva admitted.

"It was so sweet how they fell in love," Abby gushed. "I think somehow she must've remembered him at the end."

"Many years have passed since I trained with a sword," Ziva mused, "I wonder if I could still fight?"

Abby giggled. "Tony doesn't call you his crazy ninja chick for nothing Ziva. Although I doubt you'll run into any sword wielding suspects in DC."

Ziva shrugged. "Maybe not. Thank you for the invite Abby, this was nice."

Abby picked up Sammy and set him on Ziva's lap when she got in the car. "I've missed our girl time. It hasn't been the same since...well, for a long time anyways." She turned on the car and her eyes widened. "Maybe we could start Girl's Night again, on Wednesdays. I mean, maybe not this week because we've already gone out, but next week. What do you think?"

Ziva smiled. "Yes Abby, I think that would be fun. And just think, this time next year we will be having playdates with our children."

Abby ran her hands over her slowly growing bump. "Yeah, won't that be something?" And that seemed to sum everything up.


	58. Chapter 58

Tuesday morning Tony went in to work early to make up for the hour he'd be missing later and resolved to spend lunch working on his Hebrew language lessons. He felt left out whenever his wife was talking to Chaya and he wanted to be a part of it. Ziva finished feeding Chaya right before they needed to leave and for the first time drove her and the baby somewhere by herself. It was a taste of freedom after months of restrictions and she enjoyed it. But her driving style had changed drastically, for with every decision Ziva made she was conscious that her child was in the backseat and needed to be protected.

They arrived outside Devon's door seconds before Tony and he kissed her cheek and took Chaya's carseat before opening the door. Ziva slid her hand into his, knowing he was nervous. They walked into the office and sat close together on the couch. Devon noticed and could instantly see that they gravitated towards each other for support. But she could also see that Tony was not the only one feeling apprehensive about the session.

She smiled welcomingly. "Thanks for coming Tony. I know this isn't your favourite place to be, but I really think coming together will be good for both of you." There was no way to really ease into therapy so Devon just started with the usual. "Ziva, why don't you tell me about your week? Tony, if there's anything you want to add, feel free to jump in."

Ziva rolled her shoulders, realizing suddenly how uncomfortable she was sharing anything with Tony right there. It was odd because they shared so much, but all along therapy had been hers and she wasn't sure now if she was ready to let her husband in on this part. It was, however, too late to change her mind.

She sighed and began. "I took your advice Tuesday afternoon and asked for help." Ziva ran her fingers through her hair. "I had a small thaw down when Chaya would not stop crying." Tony tried not to chuckle and Ziva raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Melt down honey."

She fluttered her fingers. "Yes, one of those. So our boss's..." Ziva hesitated and looked at Tony. He made a face that indicated he wasn't sure what to call her either and Ziva continued. "Celeste came over to be my support. Later Abby brought supper and we made a girl's night out of it."

"I'm proud of you for asking Ziva," Devon affirmed. "I know it isn't easy." She waited to hear more and Ziva looked at Tony, letting him take the lead on Wednesday.

He cleared his throat. "Gibbs gave me some flexibility with my hours so I don't have to be away from Ziva and Chaya all the time. I used that to work only half a day Wednesday so I could come home and check on Ziva." Tony squeezed her hand. "I wanted to make sure she was okay after Tuesday. Then Gibbs and Celeste came over and kicked us out for a couple hours." He looked at Ziva. "That was nice."

"I am really glad to see how supportive your family is being while you guys are figuring things out. You're really lucky."

"We are," Ziva agreed, moving on. "Thursday afternoon I took Chaya to the park for a walk and met another new mom who is part Israeli and speaks Hebrew." The excitement sparked out of her face. "We are meeting this week as well."

Devon's eyebrows rose. "I don't see you for a week and your progress suddenly skyrockets. I hope I'm not holding you back," she teased. "What else?"

Tony chuckled. "Thursday was also Chaya's first night in the nursery instead of our room but," he hesitated and checked with his wife, "it caused a bit of a setback."

The doctor frowned. "How so?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead. "It was my first nightmare in three weeks," she revealed quietly, trying not to focus on the contents of the dream.

"You haven't had a nightmare since your daughter was born?" That was huge.

Ziva didn't seem as impressed. "The effects lasted the rest of the day. Tony stayed home with me Friday morning to make sure I was alright."

"And were you?" Devon wanted to know. The question was entirely avoided and Ziva's gaze became absorbed by her baby while the doctor tried to wait her out. In the end she gave up and looked at Tony but he seemed just as perplexed. She rolled her eyes. "What about Saturday?"

Ziva immediately tensed, clenching her fists in her lap. Tony put his hand over hers, slowly uncurling her fingers. He gave the doctor a perturbed glance and it was obvious he wasn't happy with the direction this was going. He sighed. "We had an...issue Saturday night, but we worked it out," Tony hastened to say, unwilling to relive the half hour his heart had been in his throat.

Devon set her clipboard down and dropped her pen. "Look guys, I understand that this is difficult, it's not easy to talk at the best of times, let alone in front of someone you might hurt with your honesty, but the only way this is going to work is if you actually talk to me."

Silence filled the room for far too long before Ziva leaned forward and propped her elbows on her knees, motioning for Tony to tell her therapist what happened. Tony sighed. "Saturday I pushed too hard wanting to be close to her and she lost it. Took Chaya and ran to Gibbs'. I was there as soon as my brain started working again but the torment we put ourselves through in those twenty minutes..." He trailed off. "I scared her and it ripped out my heart when she took our baby and left." Tony swallowed. "I had a hard time letting go of them that night."

Ziva put her hand on Tony's knee. "It was not his fault Devon. A flashback caught me by surprise and I could not get out of it. I did not know what to do, so I ran."

Devon leaned back. "We've got to do something about that habit Ziva."

She nodded. "I know. I would not...I would never keep Tony away from Chaya. It was a reflex but," Ziva looked at her husband. "I am sorry."

Tony kissed her palm and continued. "I encouraged her to dance Sunday night because that morning I woke up and realized," he didn't know exactly how to phrase the situation, "my uh...close proximity plus a dream I had ended up scaring her. She pushed herself too hard so I came home early on Monday too. We got a chance to talk but...that doesn't mean it's easy."

Devon tapped her pen on the top of the clipboard. "Ziva, why don't you give me your account of Sunday morning?"

Extremely unwillingly, Ziva did as asked. When she finished describing what had happened, Devon's expression grew serious. "You don't trust his love. What else does he have to do to prove it?"

Ziva's eyes flickered first to Tony and then back to her psychiatrist. "It is not that I do not trust his love, but that I do not know how. How do you believe something you have never seen happen before? How do I learn to hope when it has been disappointed my whole life?" She stared at her husband. "I never knew love like this was possible and most days I have to convince myself that it is real, that I am not dreaming or imagining it."

Devon turned to Tony. "How does that make you feel?"

He swallowed hard, hating the patented therapist question. "It hurts to hear that you still can't let go of your insecurities even after all we've been through together. It hurts like-" Tony cut himself off, drowned in a sudden wave of memories. He coughed and checked his watch. "Oh wow, look at the time! I better...get back to the team." Tony glanced at Chaya as he got up and practically ran out the door.

The women looked after him in shock. Devon laid down her pen. "Well, I think he's beaten your record for making a quick escape."

Ziva frowned, not in the mood to joke. "He did not say goodbye."

**NCIS**

After the session, which she finished alone, Ziva moved down to the lab and was greeted by an affectionate puppy and his hug loving mistress. Sammy went straight for Chaya as soon as she put the carseat on the floor. Ziva knelt down to pet him and to be close in case he got too enthusiastic. But Sammy lay right beside the baby after sniffing and licking her a little. She looked up at Abby and sighed.

"Tony ran out of Devon's office without any explanation. You should have seen the look on his face. It was..." Ziva shook her head, "heartbreaking."

Abby sat down. "Tony's never been really good at sharing his feelings. Even when Kate died all he did was get real quiet, he never talked. When he was accused of murder he joked around. When Jenny died I thought he was going to drink himself into oblivion those first few days. His way of dealing with the fallout in Baltimore was to run here. After you..." she sighed. "I don't want to watch him go through that again. I've never seen him so broken."

Ziva stood to hug the other woman. "I will not put him through that kind of pain Abby, his hurts are my own. But I wish he would talk to me instead of just leaving. I am worried."

"Give him until tonight Ziva," she suggested. "And then don't take no for an answer. He's let you into his heart but in six years as partners you've hurt each other a lot. Maybe there's stuff he hasn't forgotten."

Abby's words were soft but the blow hit home. Kneeling beside her daughter again, Ziva closed her eyes and began to remember.

**NCIS**

It was late when Tony finally dragged himself home, dreading the confrontation he was sure would follow. But Ziva didn't say a word as she handed him a mug and sat on the couch, tucking her legs underneath herself. He tried to smile. "I was hoping for something a bit stronger than tea."

She shook her head. "Do not start that again Tony, do not try to cover up the things that cause you pain."

Tony joined her, sitting within arms' reach. "Heck of a lot easier than dealing with them."

"Not really," she commented sadly.

They drank their tea in silence and Ziva didn't speak until his empty mug moved to the coffee table. Then she shifted closer. "Will you tell me what made you leave today?"

Tony's hand fell to her leg, his grip on her knee tense, the look in his eyes of one who wanted to avoid the subject at all costs. "Can't."

Ziva moved towards him, framing his face with her hands as she rose up to kiss him. "You can," she said simply. "I am here. Talk to me Tony."

"You don't understand," he choked out.

"What do I not understand?"

He pushed her away. "That so much still hurts!" Tony exploded. "I've tried to forget but then something like Sunday happens and I'm right back to that summer Gibbs was gone and you didn't trust me to help you when you were in trouble. I go back to the Rivkin fiasco when you started hiding things and how bad it hurt on that rooftop when you wouldn't believe the truth, when you really thought I'd killed him just to spite you. I think about Damon, about the games we played when I tried to pretend it didn't matter." He dropped his head into his hands. "I don't know how to make it stop Ziva."

Ziva stayed where she was, stunned by the revelations, taking precious moments to collect her thoughts. "When I called Gibbs back from Mexico, it was not because I did not trust you or the team to save me. You were my best friend, I did not want to put you in danger when I did not know what was going on." She slid her fingers into his hair.

"I am sorry about Michael, for how I acted. He was part of my father's plan to bind my loyalty back to Mossad. I heard nothing from you for months, I did not know if you ever wanted to see me again, so I finally gave in to Michael, hoping he would make me forget. And then I did not want to accept that I had been betrayed again by people who were supposed to care." She sighed. "When he died I was angry and hurt. My trust was broken, my heart bruised black, I did not know what to think or feel or believe. It seemed like everyone had turned their backs on me and I was alone."

"I had your back," Tony reminded her quietly.

Her hand fell to his cheek. "You always have. And yet I felt like no one could be trusted. It was to hard too try and find the truth within the lies and I was so tired of that." Ziva stared into his eyes. "I expected to be lied to by then, so I could not believe your words were truth. But I wish I had been able to see what you were trying to do. I wish the explanation could now heal what still hurts, but I know it is not that easy."

"Damon?" He forced the word out.

"He was only ever my friend. He was a soldier, which I could relate to. He was a good man despite what he did. Trouble seemed to find him, but he tried to do what was right. I admired him but there was never any more." She looked away. "But I supposed in a way I was trying to make you jealous, to see how you really felt."

"Well, it worked. I was jealous of him, of Michael," Tony admitted. "They both managed to have the only thing, the only person I wanted - you." He saw her next question before it was spoken. "Jeanne was just an assignment, I never planned to get in so deep, to care so much. But Gibbs came back and I got left behind, like I didn't matter. She made me feel important, she wanted me around, so I stopped holding myself back." Tony looked at her with sadness deep in his eyes. "We were great together that summer Zi, and then just like that, nothing. You stopped having me over, you stopped hanging out with me after work and you never told me why."

Ziva traced his wedding ring. "Mossad was watching me Tony, they had pictures of you at my house, of the time we spent together. My loyalty was suspect. If I had not broken things off - they assumed we were sleeping together - I ran the risk of being recalled to Israel and by then..." she lifted one shoulder and let it drop, "I did not want to go back."

"I could've had my own team, you know, after Gibbs came back." Tony had never told anyone else what almost happened.

Ziva's brow furrowed. "You could've stayed as our team leader?"

He shook his head. "Jenny offered me Rota."

The news shook her. "You would've left us," she whispered.

Tony shoved his fingers through his hair. "I didn't think anyone cared one way or the other."

Ziva swallowed and closed her eyes. "I would take back the way we acted then, if I could. I do not know why...I was so glad to have Gibbs back, to see things return to normal. I did not think about how his return affected you." She held his gaze. "You were a good team leader Tony, you kept everything together after Gibbs...abandoned us. I am sorry for not telling you that sooner."

Tony slumped forward and pulled her into his arms. "All the things I never knew," he said hoarsely, his words muffled in her hair, "I wish you'd told me."

She hugged him back. "It was not my way to explain or share my feelings and I never allowed myself to see how much you truly cared, how much we needed each other." Ziva shook her head. "We wasted so much time."

He moved back and looked at her. "No regrets Zi, no more secrets. From now on we share when it hurts, we talk and set things straight or figure it out before it gets this far." Tony held up his pinky. "Promise?"

She hooked her little finger around his and smiled, pushing away the secret she was still keeping it, shoving in a locked box at the bottom of her heart. He could not know. "I promise." Then she kissed him fervently and leaned her forehead on his collarbone. "Do not run away again."

Tony kissed her hair. "I won't if you won't."

Her smile was a glimmer. "I will not." She hugged him, wanting the contact as she thought about what they could've lost. "I love you."

Tony grinned. "Babe, those are my three favourite words."

**NCIS**

At two o'clock on Wednesday afternoon, Celeste showed up and Ziva opened the door with raised eyebrow. "Did Abby send you?"

Celeste paused for a moment. "Should she have?"

Ziva shrugged and moved aside to let her enter. "Yesterday Tony and I had a therapy appointment." She really didn't care who knew now. Keeping secrets took too much energy and the one she still harboured was nearly crippling in its weight. "It was not easy. I would not put it past her to send a distraction."

Celeste smiled. "I'm happy to be a distraction if you need one Ziva, but I actually came to offer my services. After last week I got to thinking, maybe you could use some help around the house occasionally. It would give you a chance to get some extra rest now that Tony isn't around all the time."

Ziva blinked. "That is a very nice offer."

"Are you going to take me up on it?" she wanted to know.

Ziva smoothed her ponytail. "I..." she hesitated and then finally gave in. "Yes, I think I will."

"Good. What needs to be done?"

Running through a mental list, Ziva picked one job. "Laundry?" She couldn't remember the last time they had gotten around to doing it.

"I'd be happy to," Celeste told her, "anything else?"

Ziva shook her head. "That is enough for now. I will nap for a couple hours and help with the rest."

Celeste thought she was maybe missing the point of accepting help but didn't bother commenting. Once all the dirty clothes and bedding were gathered up and Ziva allowed the other woman to carry the baskets downstairs, she reached for the monitor. Celeste took it from her.

"I'll get you if she wakes, just concentrate on your sleep."

Ziva seemed uncertain but abided by her request. Once she was upstairs Celeste began sorting laundry into piles, keeping all of Chaya's things separate. Putting the first load on, she hummed to herself as she found cleaning supplies and started with the downstairs bathroom. When she was changing loads, her cellphone rang.

"Celeste Casey." It was always possible a client was on the other end, so she was usually professional about answering.

"Hi Les."

Her eyebrows jumped up. "Jethro. You never call me during the day, what's wrong?"

He frowned. "I can't just call to say hi?"

Celeste snorted. "That's extremely out of character for you." She poured in detergent and shut the lid.

Gibbs heard the washer start. "Laundry day?"

She moved to lean against the kitchen counter, smiling at the face Chaya was making in her sleep. "I'm actually spending some time with Ziva this afternoon and right now I'm watching your granddaughter sleep. She must be having an interesting dream."

"You're at the house?" She knew he was taken aback. "Why?"

"To help of course," Celeste told her ex-husband, shaking her head slightly. "How many times do I have to tell you Jethro? These people who have become your family are important to me because they're important to you. I won't just sit on the sidelines and watch them struggle when I can do something useful."

"That's DiNozzo's line," Gibbs said gruffly, at a loss for how to respond. He'd never expected her to get this involved.

Celeste's tone gentled. "They might be my family someday too silly man, I've got to start somewhere. And I have more free time than the rest of you combined."

He swallowed hard, knowing the day was fast approaching when he would be able to tell her how he felt, but she was already showing him she was ready for whatever he had planned. "Jenna won't be happy." Her current boss was always afraid Celeste would get distracted away from her work.

Celeste shrugged. "Jenna can wait. This is important."

Gibbs was having a hard time wrapping his head around what Celeste was willing to do to be a part of his life. He hadn't felt this cared for in a long time. "Dinner tonight?"

She laughed lightly. "You just saw me Monday and we have plans Friday. Are you sure it's not too much?"

"Maybe I want too much," Gibbs said, the words out before he even realized he'd said them. He cleared his throat. "Will you come?"

"You know I will. What time?"

"1930. Bring your own sauce." He knew Celeste was picky about what she put on steak.

"How's your day?" It was time to stop being so serious.

Gibbs shrugged. "Started with a dead body. Investigation's moving a little slow."

"Good luck," she offered.

"See you tonight. And Les?"

"Hmm?"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Stay safe Jethro."

They hung up and Celeste took her supplies upstairs, along with the monitor, to do the other bathroom. Once that was finished, she spread out her editing project on the kitchen table, taking breaks to change loads and fold anything that came out of the dryer.

True to her word, Ziva came down two hours later and checked on Chaya. The baby's eyes were just starting to flutter. "Hello hakatan," she whispered, picking her up and settling into a chair to nurse.

Celeste did nothing until Ziva was covered with a baby blanket, then she came over and took a seat on the couch. "Did you have a good nap?"

Ziva smiled. "I think so. But no matter how many I take, it never feels like enough."

"Is she eating every three hours around the clock?"

"No," Ziva shook her head. "Chaya has two cluster feeds in the evening and she has been sleeping for four hours at a time at night." She shrugged. "That is better, but I am still looking forward to sleeping through the night again, someday."

Celeste clasped her hands around a pulled up knee. "I bet that will happen before you know it and you will miss these early days." She was thinking of a country song she'd heard on the radio.

"Everyone says they go so fast," Ziva shared, rubbing Chaya's back.

When the baby finished, Ziva put her in the bassinet and got out a mop for the floors while Celeste started loading the dishwasher. They worked quietly for a little while until finally Ziva looked up. "What is Gibbs to you?"

Celeste turned around. "You too Ziva?"

The other woman shrugged. "I think we would all like to know, but Abby is more outspoken than the rest of us. He brought you to our wedding, he sees you outside of work, you come together to babysit my child and now you are helping people you don't really know." She ticked off all the reasons on her fingers and scrutinized Celeste. "Is there something we need to know?"

"Jethro would say no, but if you want a straight answer, it's yes. We are seeing each other as more than friends. He means a great deal to me Ziva, I'm just trying to get involved in his life and the team is very important to him."

No shock registered on Ziva's features. "Are you serious?"

She smiled. "We both are."

Ziva said no more and Celeste began moving chairs and stools into the livingroom so Ziva could get a majority of the floor. Laundry finished and the two women folded the rest together. When Tony got home Celeste excused herself and left to meet Gibbs.

Tony said goodbye and turned to Ziva, who was in the kitchen warming up leftovers for dinner. "How long was she here?"

Ziva checked the clock. "About five hours."

He looked concerned. "Did something happen today?"

She waited for Tony to come to her and pulled his arms around her waist. "No. Celeste just wanted to help."

"Did she?"

Ziva leaned into him, brushing her lips over the corner of his mouth. "I like her."

Tony remembered when Celeste held Chaya Monday night. "I think she's good for Gibbs, whatever they are to each other."

She pulled away before he could kiss her the way he wanted to and soon after they sat down to a quick dinner before Chaya woke up for her first of two evening feedings. Ziva got comfortable and cradled the baby close. "I think she will be doing this for awhile." So far it had been three days.

Tony touched Chaya's hair and kissed her head. "Any idea why?"

"We have not been in the right frame of mind to notice, but Chaya has been sleeping for four hour stretches at night."

He frowned, trying to think back. "I can't believe I missed that. So she's like...a hibernating bear, storing up food so she can sleep longer?"

Ziva laughed. "She is too small to be a bear."

Tony rolled his eyes. "A bunny then. A baby Chaya bunny who's being so good to her poor parents by trying to sleep more."

"Something like that," Ziva conceded. She handed him Chaya when the baby was full and put her hand on his cheek. "Do you mind if I go take a bath?"

He shook his head. "Have at it. Chaya and I have a date with the changetable and then her crib." Tony couldn't wait and stole a kiss before she stood up. "Enjoy."

Ziva smiled and left them. Tony made his way through Chaya's bedtime routine and chose a board book for the short and simple story. He was sitting on their bed working a crossword puzzle from the 'One Hundred Best Movie Trivia Puzzles' book Ziva had given him on their last stakeout when she walked out of the bathroom. Tony looked up but any greeting died on his lips when he saw her standing there in nothing but a towel.

"Zi?" he asked, for this was new.

She seemed on edge and swallowed before holding up a small jar. "Ducky told me this cream would help with the scars." Ziva shrugged. "I did not care then, it was unlikely that anyone would ever see them. But now..." she trailed off and met his eyes. "Will you help me?"

"Of course."

He stood but waited to see how she wanted to handle this. Ziva moved to sit on her side of the bed and Tony lowered himself behind her, struggling to control his reaction when she let go of the back of the towel and it fell open, revealing her back and more skin than he'd seen in weeks. Ziva brought her hands up to hold the rest over her front and Tony reached for the jar.

He let his fingers trail lightly over the lines etched into her skin, feeling Ziva start as his touch. Tony kissed one on her left shoulder blade and started there, smoothing cream over the marks and rubbing it in gently. Ziva's non-verbal reaction to his touch - slowly relaxing, even moving back into the pressure of his hands - gave Tony hope that she would someday be able to accept his hands on her body for more than just helping.

When he got to her lower back and his fingers lingered over the skin just below where her underwear usually covered, Ziva suddenly seemed to remember herself and tensed, though he wondered if it was more out of habit than actual fear. She was so used to the idea that being close to him scared her that Tony was curious if she'd stopped recently to think about how she really felt.

He moved his hands back up to her shoulders, savouring the soft, warm skin. Ziva glanced back, her damp hair falling over his fingers. "Thank you."

Tony pushed his luck by kissing her neck. "You're welcome." Ziva gathered the towel into her hands and stood. "Anytime," he grinned and she rolled her eyes. He had a hard time keeping his mind to safe topics after that but knew he needed to keep himself under control for her sake. No more pushing the boundaries, not so soon after the last time had a disastrous outcome.

Ziva emerged again in pyjamas and slid beneath the covers. For tonight Tony let her have her space without him invading it, but he was incredibly grateful when she rolled over after he lay down and got close enough to rest her hand on his back, rubbing it back and forth occasionally over the t-shirt he for once wore. After the week they'd had, Tony would take whatever he could get.


	59. Chapter 59

A week from the day they'd first spoken, Lina and Ziva again met at the park, this time planning to do their walk together. It was good to be out in the sunshine and Ziva craved the exercise, chafing at the two weeks she had left of doing as little as possible. Lina was good company and kept up a fast pace and they chatted while they circled the large track.

When they needed a breather the women found a bench and Ziva got ready for Chaya to nurse, getting more comfortable every time she did it outside the house. Claire slept through everything and after Chaya had closed her eyes, Lina pulled something out of her diaper bag.

"This is for you."

It was a bottle and Ziva examined it closely. "Thank you Lina, but I am planning to continue breastfeeding."

Lina smiled. "I know, but when you go back to work you'll have to start pumping so you can keep her supplied with milk when you aren't around to nurse." She lifted the tag hanging off the bottle. "It was designed by a mom and is supposed to be the closest you can get to imitating the breast. Even though you're able to breastfeed all the time now, you might want to try just hand expressing some milk to put in the bottle. I'm sure your husband would like the change to feed Chaya sometimes." Lina shrugged. "Or you may want to go out once in awhile and not have to worry about being back in three hours."

Ziva knew Tony would love to be able to be able to feed their daughter. She tucked it into Chaya's bag. "That is very thoughtful."

"I remember how left out Adam felt when Claire was too little to take anything but my breast." She laughed. "The poor man pouted at every feeding for a whole month until I finally broke down and bought a bottle." She patted Ziva's leg. "You may want to have your camera handy."

Once they had rested long enough, both women returned home, having lists of things that needed to be done. Knowing Chaya would nap for the foreseeable future, Ziva shut herself in the upstairs bathroom with the monitor, bottle and a plastic bowl. She stripped from the waist up so she could practice expressing milk. It was harder than she expected and took several tries as she recalled the various information the nurses and lactation consultant had given her in the hospital, but eventually Ziva got the hang of it. When she finally had a few ounces in the bottle, she laughed at the mess she'd made, glad Celeste hadn't cleaned this bathroom the day before.

It was a good excuse to clean and then Ziva hopped in the shower to wash off the milk she'd spilled. A nap sounded appealing after she got out and Ziva curled up on top of the covers, falling asleep almost immediately. She didn't wake until Chaya's loud cries sounded through the monitor. Ziva noticed Chaya nursed longer than usual and she made a point to check when the best time was to express milk so there would still be enough for feeding her baby.

Against what she'd planned, Ziva's attention only stayed on her book for ten minutes after Chaya was asleep before she drifted off and dropped it on the floor. It was Tony's gentle hand on her shoulder that finally brought her back to consciousness. He kissed her cheek. "Enjoy your nap?"

She stretched but made no effort to move. "I suppose, though it was unintentional. How was work?"

"Caught a killer," he shrugged. "Good day in my books."

Chaya started fussing and smacking her lips and Tony went to her, scooping the baby into his arms. "Awake already princess? Mommy's going to think you only love her for the food."

Ziva stood up and smiled. "I have a surprise for you."

He looked interested. "Okay. Before or after you feed her?"

She shook her head. "No, right now." Ziva went to the counter and returned, handing him the bottle. "Chaya is four weeks old," she said simply, "it is your turn." Tony just stood there staring at her until Chaya began crying in earnest. "Feed your daughter Tony."

She watched as he sat on the couch and rubbed the nipple over Chaya's lip like he'd seen her do. The baby latched on with no trouble and began sucking and swallowing, all the while staring up into Tony's face. He blinked back tears but she could hear them in his voice.

"What do you think Chaya? Is Daddy doing okay? I know I don't have as much practice as Mommy, but gosh little girl, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do this."

Ziva left them to it and went for the camera, taking a few pictures before Tony noticed. He looked up and grinned. "Thanks Zi."

"I am glad you can share it now."

He cocked his head to the side. "You okay?"

She shrugged and sat down in the chair. "It is strange to be over here when she is eating. Lina gave me the bottle. If we like it I may buy more and I will probably express more milk after, so I will not be too full before her next feeding. We will have to get a breast pump eventually I think."

That conjured up odd pictures in his mind. Tony shook his head. "That reminds me, Abby sent a bunch of pictures home, the ones she took at the hospital. Some of them are pretty cute. There's also a CD. They're in my backpack."

Ziva retrieved the photos and began flipping through them. She glanced up at Chaya. "Was she really so tiny when she was born?"

Tony nodded. "Almost a whole pound lighter. But I still think she'd little now."

Ziva went through picture after picture, seeing her and Tony with Chaya, them as a family, each member of the team taking a turn. Then Gibbs. "Oh, I am glad someone captured that moment," she smiled, showing her husband. "I think I will make a copy for him." She set it aside.

"Yeah, Boss is just an old softie at heart."

Ziva snorted. "Do not let him hear you say that."

Tony glanced around nervously. "We're alone, right?"

She came to one of the last photos and studied it. Ziva turned the picture around so Tony could see. "Do you really look at me this way?"

His expression grew serious. "Like you're the center of my whole world? Yeah, I'd like to think so."

Ziva perched on the arm of the couch and leaned over to kiss him. "I think you get points for that."

Tony swallowed. "Do I have enough for a date yet?"

Ziva looked over her shoulder. "You are very close."

He met his daughter's eyes. "Hear that C? Mommy's going to owe me her undivided attention for an entire evening. Maybe we'll get Aunt Abby and Uncle Probie to babysit, huh? And you can play with Sammy." The prospect was something to look forward to.

As Ziva had said, she returned to their bedroom to express more milk while Tony entertained Chaya and they gave her a bath together before reading from a fairy tale book about twelve dancing princesses and putting her to bed. Ziva moved easily into Tony's arms out in the hallway and nuzzled her face against his chest.

Tony kept her by his side as they went downstairs and brought her feet into his lap once they were on the couch. Ziva just smiled and slouched down to get more comfortable and started reading her book. Tony turned the TV on and spent the rest of Deep Impact rubbing his hand slowly over her feet and up her legs, stopping at her knees and going back down.

It felt nice enough that Ziva had a hard time concentrating on the story. The movie intrigued her as well and she eventually gave up on her book so she could see the end. Tony tagged along when Ziva went upstairs for Chaya's dream feed and fell asleep beside her with his arm draped across her stomach. It was the perfect end to the day.

**NCIS**

After her shower Friday morning, Ziva's hair would not cooperate when she tried to straighten it and finally she dropped the flatiron, flipped off the lights and went downstairs. Transferring Chaya into her carseat and grabbing the keys, Ziva prepared to leave.

"Tatelah, we are going out," she informed her daughter.

Driving to a little shop called Eclipse near where she used to live, Ziva carried the baby inside and approached the front counter. "Good afternoon," the receptionist smiled, "can I help you?"'

Ziva scanned the room. "I was hoping to say hello to a friend. Is Gabrielle on today?"

The lady pressed a button the counter. "As a matter of fact, she is."

Ziva set Chaya at her feet, bracing herself for Gabrielle's surprise. The girl's eyes lit up. "Ziva!" She hurried over with her arms spread out for a hug. "Oh my gosh! Where have you been? I haven't seen you in...wow, almost a year, right? I thought you moved."

Mind racing to find a suitable explanation, Ziva settled for something that was partly truth. "I was sent on an assignment for work." She looked down.

Gabrielle sucked in her breath. "Oh Ziva, you had a baby!" She squatted on the floor to get a better look. Dressed in a pink striped sleeper, it was impossible to confuse the baby's gender. "She's perfect."

"I like to think so." Ziva held out her left and. "And I did move."

Gabrielle's mouth fell open and she propped her hands on her hips. "You got married too? Any other surprises?" She clasped her hands and grinned. "Please tell me it was that guy from work you were always talking about."

Ziva's brow furrowed. "Did I really talk about Tony so much?"

The girl gave her a 'duh' look. "Uh, yeah, you did. So it is Tony?"

Ziva nodded, unable to keep the happiness off her face. "Yes. And it is better than anything I ever expected."

"I'm so happy for you." Gabrielle looked her up and down. "Geez your hair got long. Are you here to make an appointment?"

Ziva flipped some hair over her shoulder. "I just got out of the shower. It is driving me crazy and I was hoping..."

Gabrielle checked her watch. "Y'know what, I'm on my lunch right now, but I'll squeeze you in. What are we doing?"

"I want it cut," Ziva decided. "I am out of patience."

"Okay, well come back with me and I'll at least wet it down before we start."

Leaving Chaya's seat at Gabrielle's station within sight and under the watchful eyes of nearly every other lady in the shop, Ziva settled back and let Gabrielle wet down her hair with warm water. It felt heavenly to have someone else doing her hair and Ziva realized she missed when Tony used to wash her hair after a bath.

They returned to the chair and the girl used a towel to rub the worst of the water out. "Okay, how short are we talking?"

Ziva examined her reflection in the mirror. "Just at my shoulders I think."

Gabrielle eyed the dark tresses. "Are you sure? You're looking at losing about ten inches Ziva."

"I am sure."

"Alright." Out of caution and her respect for curly hair that would look shorter once it dJune 11, 2012ried, Gabrielle made her first cut a little below Ziva's shoulders. After the bulk of the hair lay in a heap on the floor, Gabrielle pinned the top layer up and began working on evening everything out, chatting the whole time.

Less than an hour after her arrival, Ziva was smiling at her new look. Gabrielle had blown her hair dry, allowing Ziva's natural curl to take over. She'd always thought it a shame the woman straightened it. Ziva tossed her head, enjoying the light feel of her hair now.

She turned to hug Gabrielle. "I love it, thank you."

Gabrielle shook her comb. "Don't stay away so long next time."

"I will not," Ziva promised.

Gabrielle grinned. "You can bring this little beauty back for her first haircut in a couple years too."

"Maybe." Ziva wasn't agreeing to anything so far ahead. Saying goodbye, she paid and left Gabrielle a nice tip to compensate for missing her lunch. Feeling too good to be inside, Ziva drove through the city until she found another park and clipping Chaya's seat into the stroller, began walking a route she used to run.

They got back just before Chaya's afternoon feeding and settled on the couch with a TV mystery movie playing in the background. She watched Chaya eat, drawing her fingers over the baby's soft cheeks. "At nifla, ahuvi sheli._ You are amazing, my love_. What would Ima do without you, hmm?" She kissed Chaya's head. "I cannot even begin to think how empty my life would feel, even with Daddy around trying to fill all the hollow spaces."

When Chaya finished, Ziva didn't move her right away. She was slowly discovering how comforting it was for both of them if Chaya was allowed to remain at her breast, in contact with her skin, and fall asleep to her heartbeat. Doing it all the time would spoil the little girl for sleeping on her own, but sometimes it was alright.

In the end Ziva did lay down for part of Chaya's nap, tired from the long walk earlier. She set her watch for a quarter to five, guessing correctly that Tony would use comp time to be home early enough for Chaya's next feeding. To prolong the inevitable, she pulled her hair into a ponytail and got up to warm the bottle, running hot water from the tap over it until it was a drinkable temperature.

Tony walked in the door minutes after five and she handed him both bottle and baby as soon as he shed his suit jacket. He kissed her before sitting down and getting comfortable. Tony began telling his daughter how Sammy had gotten loose in Autopsy earlier and run in front of Jimmy, who tripped carrying a tray of instruments. When Abby rushed in after him to see what was going on, she ran into Ducky who was trying to help Jimmy up and they all ended up in a pile on the floor with Sammy licking all of them in undisguised glee. Abby put the puppy in time out for three whole minutes until she couldn't stand his whimpering and sad eyes any more. Needless to say, he forgave her.

"And they lived happily ever after. Well, for today anyways," he finished. Ziva chuckled and went upstairs to express more milk and it went better than the day before. Practice makes perfect, or so she had heard.

**NCIS**

Gibbs stared at Celeste in mild disbelief. "You want to go to a movie?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes Jethro, in an actual theater." Celeste raised an eyebrow at his expression. "It's not actually painful you know. And there is an advantage to sitting in a dark back row with your date."

That got his attention and Celeste smiled. She knew it was bribery but she'd been wanting to see the movie for weeks and she didn't want to go alone. If she had to put up with wandering hands that reminded her of times long past and kisses that still set her blood on fire, it was a sacrifice she was willing to make.

Gibbs wore a hoody and jeans, shedding his federal agent persona, but not his gun, for their evening out. Celeste settled for a zip up sweater and dark jeans she knew held his attention. She insisted on popcorn to share and Gibbs threw in licorice, knowing her weakness.

They spend the wait sharing about their days and then Celeste missed all the previews as Gibbs made sure she fulfilled her end of the deal. He distracted her completely during the actual movie, always touching her and watching her and trying to find a good time to steal a kiss.

At the end she pushed him away playfully and they headed to the car. Once inside, Celeste crossed her arms and faced him. "It's not going to work."

He glanced at her. "What?"

She narrowed her eyes. "Don't play all innocent with me Jethro, I know what you were doing. You hoped that if you were annoying enough I'd never make you go out to a movie again." Gibbs stared straight ahead but Celeste could read the guilt in his expression. "So next time we'll pick a movie for you and I'll show you how distracting I can be."

Gibbs swallowed and glanced at her. "Always have to win?"

Celeste smirked. "I'm just playing fair Jethro."

He sighed. "Well, at least it was fun."

She slid her fingers over his hand and smiled. "Yes, it was."

Gibbs knew she wasn't mad but Celeste getting revenge was dangerous. He only hoped she wouldn't carry out her threat any time soon because if Celeste was intent on starting something, he wanted to make darn certain they could finish it when they got home.

**NCIS**

Ziva came out of the bathroom as Tony was getting ready for bed and tugged the elastic out of her hair, running her fingers through it. Tony stopped with his pants half off and stared. Ziva dropped down on the bed and smirked at his reaction. "You got your hair cut!"

She tiled her head to the side and the dark waves flowed across her shoulders like they had years ago when they were undercover. "Is that a problem?"

Tony stepped out of his pants and sat down beside her, running his fingers through her soft hair. "It's short," he pouted.

"It will grow." Ziva's face fell. "You do not like it?"

Tony laid on his back, pulling her on top of him so her hair formed a curtain around their heads. He kissed her. "I love everything about you Zi. This," he held out a piece of shortened hair, "will just take a little getting used to." She smiled and caressed his cheek. Tony did the same. "You're beautiful honey."

Not 'you look beautiful', because appearances could change, but 'you're beautiful', meaning it never depended on how she looked. Ziva pushed some hair behind her ear and leaned down, planting tiny kisses all over his face until she finally got to his mouth. Resting more of her weight on him, Ziva tucked her hands behind Tony's head and let her lips part, giving him more access.

The gentle pressure of Tony's kiss was welcome after being without him all day, but even now Ziva could sense how much he was holding back. She wondered at the self-control it took to keep his hands flat on her lower back instead of sweeping them all over her body as he was no doubt longing to do.

In truth, Ziva had thought about what would happen if she said yes. But at only four weeks it was still too soon and she broke the kiss, sliding off her husband slowly, wishing they didn't have to stop. Tony lay there watching her for several moments with pure, undisguised longing in his eyes.

Then he coughed and buried it, staying on his side where it was safe rather than cuddle up to her and give evidence of how much her mere presence got to him. It seemed so simple to be ready, to trust this man enough to give him everything. But deep in her soul Ziva knew that no single act would ever be so hard or require so much faith in the depth of Tony's love for her. Only time would tell if she could ever be brave enough.


	60. Chapter 60

_A/N: Hi guys! So wow, 60 chapters, right? I hope everyone can hang in with me for awhile longer, we're looking to hit at least ninety by now, maybe more. I've kind of given up predicting the length of this story, it will just end whenever it ends. On that note I really hope this chapter makes sense. I had to add a bunch of scenes so it feels kind of broken up to me. Any questions, feel free to ask. Thanks so much for the reviews and comments and for sticking around for the journey. Enjoy! ~ Love, Aliyah_

Despite the way they'd fallen asleep, Tony and Ziva woke up Saturday morning all tangled together. Ziva had meant to stay awake after Chaya's seven am feeding but the allure of a warm bed and a warm husband was too strong a pull to resist and she returned to her place under the covers. At what point Tony had moved closer and cocooned her in his arms Ziva was not sure, but as she lay her hand on his chest to feel his heartbeat, she smiled, not wanting to change a thing.

Chaya's fussing soon came through the monitor and Ziva reluctantly extricated herself from her husband's grasp. By the time she returned to their room with the baby, Tony was half sitting up and rubbing his eyes. "Good morning."

She smiled. "Did you sleep well?" Ziva adjusted her pyjamas so Chaya could nurse and Tony scooted closer. He leaned down to kiss Chaya's feet.

"Hi princess, hungry again huh?" Then he met his wife's gaze. "I sleep fine until you move, then I just lay here waiting for you to come back. I miss when I was with you for her night feedings."

Ziva touched his cheek. "We are not supposed to make them exciting so she can go back to sleep. If you came, you would distract both of us."

Tony grinned and kissed her fingers. "I'm a distraction?"

She rolled her eyes. "You are searching for compliments."

"Fishing Zi, and yeah, I never really get enough of them."

She wrinkled her nose. "What does fishing have to do with anything?" Then she reached up to press her lips lightly to his. "This is all you get."

"I'll take it," he assured her.

Tony got dressed while Ziva finished nursing and went downstairs, returning with tea and toast. He took Chaya to do his part and looked hesitantly at his wife. "You might want to grab a shower." She raised an eyebrow and he winced. "Don't hate me. You've got company coming." Ziva opened her mouth and Tony held the baby against himself like a shield. "It's not my fault!" he protested. "Abby decided and neither one of us had a choice. She's scary," he stage whispered.

Ziva chuckled and relaxed. "Where are we going?"

Tony shrugged. "Beats me, she wasn't telling. I was just supposed to have you ready by eleven-thirty."

She checked the clock and sighed. "I will hurry."

By the time Chaya was napping in her bassinet and Tony had cleaned the kitchen, Ziva was showered and dressed and downstairs. He barely had time to appreciate her appearance before there was a knock on the door and Abby stuck her head in. "Ready?" Her eyes widened. "Ziva, your hair!" She came closer and walked around her friend to get the full effect. "Wow, it's like when you first came to NCIS, only shorter." Then Abby beamed. "Say goodbye, we have to go."

Ziva turned to hug Tony and gave him a brief kiss. Abby peeked in on Chaya and then looked up. "What time do you need to be back?"

"I should not miss more than one feeding," Ziva decided. "Four-thirty at the latest."

"Okey-dokey." Abby flung herself at Tony and he put his hand on her belly, smiling when he felt movement. "Have fun ladies." He caught Abby's significant look and nodded almost imperceptibly.

Abby grabbed Ziva's hand and pulled her out. Tony waited until the car left the driveway and then picked up the phone. He had five hours to work on the basement. If reinforcements were available, they'd get a lot done and would be one day closer to finishing Ziva's surprise.

**NCIS**

Once they were in the car and on their way, Ziva turned to Abby. "Will you tell me what the surprise is?"

Abby glanced at her with a smile. "I booked us in for a half day at the spa. We're getting manicures, pedicures and massages." At the last thing Ziva's face fell and she seemed to curl in on herself without moving. The other woman shook her head. "Don't worry Ziva, I made sure we'd have female masseuses."

Ziva closed her eyes, her mind racing. She was only just getting used to having Tony's hands on her body. Allowing a stranger the same liberties seemed wrong somehow. "Abby...my back," she whispered and felt a hand on her arm.

"I'm sorry Ziva. I didn't think...I just forgot about that part." Abby bit her lip. "Do you want to cancel?"

Ziva saw the disappointment in Abby's eyes and swallowed. "I know you are only trying to do something nice." She thought back to one of the few times she'd experienced a massage and knew it would likely take care of the lingering discomfort from pregnancy and labour and recovery, not to mention the number she'd done on her body by dancing. She sighed. "I will...try. But it will have to be modified." Ziva shook her head. "I can only handle a certain amount of touch."

Abby nodded. "The ladies who do the massages are friends of mine - Emily and Heidi. I'll explain."

"Alright." Ziva didn't feel very sure, but neither did she want to ruin what her friend had planned.

Despite her concerns, Ziva enjoyed the massage very much. Emily was a skilled masseuse and never once showed a reaction to Ziva's scars except to make sure she wouldn't be hurting her in any way. Anytime Ziva tensed, Emily simply moved away from that area and continued loosening her tight muscles elsewhere.

Abby loved her massage as well, though hers was done differently because she was pregnant, and she talked to both ladies the whole time, leaving Ziva free to close her eyes and relax. She was tender afterwards and was glad to be sitting while they got their nails done. Ziva chose a simple milky prism polish while Abby went with sparkly black nails and got the esthetician to paint red stars on when they were dry.

By the time they got their pedicures, Ziva felt like she could dissolve into a puddle on the floor. She couldn't remember the last time she felt so stress free. Abby delivered her home just before four-thirty and Ziva thanked her, then went inside. Tony met her at the door and she melted into his hug.

He kissed the top of her head. "Have a good time?"

"Mmm," she hummed in appreciation as his fingers traced a path down her back. Tony had a hard time recalling if he'd ever seen her so relaxed.

Ziva moved to check on Chaya and the baby stirred, sucking on her hand. She lifted her up and went to the couch to nurse. The hormones released by breastfeeding sent a wave of sleepiness through her and Ziva fought to keep her eyes open. She'd lost the battle by the time Tony returned from changing Chaya. Once the baby was settled back in her bassinet, he knelt by the couch and started running his fingers through Ziva's hair.

"Tony, stop," she protested weakly, "you will put me to sleep."

"That's kind of the idea," Tony chuckled, kissing her cheek.

"I am only resting my eyes."

"Uh-huh," he said unbelievingly and continued his ministrations. Ziva was out in a few minutes and he smiled as he watched her. "Sweet dreams Zi."

While he got things out for supper, Tony wedged the phone between his cheek and shoulder and called Abby. "Well?" Abby asked. "How is she?"

"Sleeping," Tony reported. "It was a good idea Abs, thank you. She just looks so...serene. I think her being this relaxed is a first. It's nice."

"I aim to please," Abby chirped. "Oh Tony, don't forget to notice her nails, the little details are important."

He grinned. "Thanks for the head's up."

"See you Monday!" Then she was gone, leaving Tony alone with his sleeping girls.

**NCIS**

The aroma of homemade pasta sauce and garlic bread woke her before the baby did. Yawning, Ziva got up and shuffled into the kitchen to stand beside Tony. Leaning up to kiss him, she smiled and he rubbed her shoulders. "No knots, that masseuse must've been good."

Ziva wrinkled her nose. "I have never been very good about being touched by other people." She blinked and her eyes twinkled. "I think I like it better when it is your hands."

Tony grinned. "I'll keep that in mind." He lifted her hand and kissed the back, then examined her fingernails. "I don't know if I've ever seen your nails polished before."

"It did not used to be an option." Mossad did not allow for small indulgences like that unless she was running a seduction game on a mark. She wiggled them. "It changes colour." Holding her hand up to the light, she showed him the subtle rainbow hues that danced over her nails.

"Pretty." He raised an eyebrow. "Get your toes done too?"

"Yes," Ziva answered, "but you will have to wait until bedtime to see them."

Refraining from making any comments that could be taken the wrong way, Tony stirred the sauce and checked on the pasta. The evening was comfortable, warm and quiet, enjoyed by two people who used words only when they conveyed something looks and touches could not. And for this particular couple, they could say an awful lot.

Tony came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth to find Ziva on her stomach on the bed reading a book. Her feet were in the air, crossed at the ankles, so he plopped down beside her and grabbed one foot. Ziva shrieked with laughter when he tickled the bottom of her feet and squirmed around to lay on her back, trying not to kick him. Her look was a warning and he moved his hand so his palm cradled the bottom of her foot instead. Ziva smiled as his thumb caressed her toes.

"Green, huh?" And not just any green, but a dark, rich green with a hint of sparkle to it.

Ziva dragged her finger down his chest. "That is my favourite colour."

"Really?" he smirked. "You'd take the royalty green over army green like that shirt you used to wear?"

"They are both parts of me," she explained, "but you are spoiling me with this life, so this green fits."

Tony leaned down and Ziva could smell a hint of the cologne still clinging to his skin. Their lips met and his hand slid along her cheek to tangle in her hair. Soft, yielding mouths, shared breaths and the heat from his touch overwhelmed her, almost too much until Tony pulled back.

"For the record," he whispered in her ear, "I like spoiling you. I want you to feel like a princess every day, to feel...cherished. It's okay to get used to it sweetheart, I promise I won't stop."

Ziva brushed her fingers over the bit of scruff on his face and along his jaw. "I love you." Sometimes, when she was at a loss for words, she used those ones. Tony loved to hear them and she hoped, somehow, that he could read into them everything she wished she could say. Because he did cherish her and Ziva had never known what she was missing until now.

**NCIS**

It was later on Monday night when the phone rang at the DiNozzo house. Ziva shifted the baby to one arm and picked it up. "This is Ziva."

Tony sighed on the other end. "Hey Zi."

She could hear the heaviness in his voice. "Is everything alright?"

"Can I say goodnight to Chaya? I'm sorry, but this case really swallowed us and I won't be back until late."

She was disappointed but understood the demands of the job. "Of course. Count to three, I will put the phone by her ear."

Tony's words carried through the speaker, even though he wasn't talking very loud. "Hi princess, it's Daddy. I'm sorry I won't be there to read you a story tonight, but tomorrow, okay? Be a good girl for Mommy. I love you." He let out a breath. "Sleep sweet baby girl."

Ziva smiled. "You are very good with her."

He hated missing out on any part of his new life. "Think she knows my voice?"

Laying the drowsy infant on her back in the crib, Ziva rubbed her tummy gently. "Yes. I think she has known it since before she was born. Go work Tony, we will be here when you get home."

"Yeah." He shifted in his chair, getting the look from Gibbs. "Don't wait up for me honey, it might me a long one."

"I love you."

Those words made his whole night. "Me too. Laila tov."

"Buona notte."

Pressing the off button, Ziva checked on her daughter a final time and walked down the hall to get changed for bed. It was strange to put on pyjamas and brush her teeth without him there, making funny faces at her and teasing her with looks and touches. She got into bed alone and found out immediately that she didn't like it. Tony's pillow lay across the bed so Ziva reached for it and pulled it against her chest, breathing in the familiar and comforting smell of her husband. It was hardly a substitute for the real thing, but tonight she would take what she could get.

**NCIS**

When he got home shortly before midnight, Tony undressed as quietly as he could, although it seemed like he was never louder than when he was trying not to make a sound, and slipped into bed behind Ziva, who was already asleep. He chuckled the realize she was sleeping wrapped around his pillow, though somehow the gesture made him feel special.

Tony lifted the sheets on his side and slid close to his wife, needing to be touching her while they slept. His hand barely grazed Ziva's arm when she sat straight up, eyes wild, reaching for the gun he was trying to convince her to put in the bedside table drawer when their daughter was older.

Immediately Tony moved away, holding his hands up. "Whoa Zi, it's okay. It's just me."

The sound of his voice brought her back to reality and Ziva blinked once, then laid the gun back on the night table shakily. "Tony, you startled me."

"Yeah," he swallowed, "I can see that." He paused a moment to let his heart recover and moved to lie down, tugging her with him. Ziva followed his lead and slowly relaxed as her husband drew tiny circles on her arm.

"I am sorry," she whispered. "It is not you."

Closing his eyes as he understood her meaning, Tony sighed. "I know babe." He didn't want to think about all the other men that came into the room after she was asleep, only to prolong her torture in the darkness. "It's okay." She snuggled back into him and Tony held her tightly, wishing his presence and his touch could erase all the memories that still haunted her at night.

**NCIS**

Monday marked McGee and Abby's seven month anniversary and she waited until they were getting ready for bed before she showed him her surprise. "What do you think of my new tattoo?" Abby pulled her hair to the side to reveal a now inked spot behind her ear - a heart with a three inside that was somehow done to resemble a four leaf clover as well.

"Isn't it cool?" she gushed. "The heart is for our love, the three is you, me and the baby, and the clover is to remember our honeymoon." Tim was quiet and Abby looked at him. "What's wrong?"

He hesitated. "Is it safe for the baby for you to get a tattoo now?"

Righteous indignation sparked in Abby's eyes and her hands flew to her hips. "Do you really think I would do something to hurt our baby McGee? What kind of person do you think I am?"

She pushed past him into their bedroom and curled up on the bed, her fingers stroking the firm roundness of her stomach. Tim sighed and rubbed his face, cautiously joining her. "I'm sorry Abs, I didn't mean it that way. I just...worry, okay? Every day about you and the baby in the lab and driving and every time you're out of my sight." He kissed her fingers. "Forgive me?"

Abby's features softened and she turned to hug him. "Yes." She slid his hand to the front of her belly and watched his face while their baby kicked. He smiled and bent to kiss the spot.

"Daddy loves you baby." Tim sat up and captured Abby's lips. "I always like when you get a new tattoo." He kissed down her neck and pushed his hand under her shirt where the cross was. "But my favourites are the ones no one else gets to see." McGee brushed her hair back. "Does it still hurt?"

Abby shrugged. "A little, but I'm used to it. Do you really like it?"

He pushed her down on the bed. "Mmhmm..." His kisses didn't stop and Abby closed her eyes, extremely willing to follow her husband's lead. She was one lucky woman.

**NCIS**

Tuesday Chaya's third feeding was going to coincide with the time they had to be in Devon's office, so Ziva pushed it back a bit and then had to nurse immediately when they got in the room. She beat Tony by a few minutes and was chatting with Devon about innocuous things when he showed up. He kissed his wife, nodded at Devon and sat down close enough to be in Ziva's personal space. It was with great interest that the doctor observed Ziva's non-reaction to his nearness.

"So," she began, "does anyone want to tell me what happened last week?"

Tony rubbed his forehead and Ziva caught his gaze, somehow reassuring him with whatever he saw in her eyes. She turned towards her doctor. "Our partnership has never followed the smoothest road. We have spent six years together and there are many things for which hurt still lingers." Ziva slid her hand into Tony's. "It was not easy to talk about, but I think, I hope we have started to heal now."

Tony nodded in agreement, remembering the tender way she'd held him, the honesty with which she'd explained her actions, and the understanding he'd been so grateful for. It was a huge weight off his chest to have finally told her everything he was keeping inside, things he didn't even realize were still bothering him. And even if it was uncomfortable, he was glad the therapy had forced them to have that conversation. His eyes drifted back to his baby, who was focused on her mother.

"Nothing I need to do then?" Finding it quite difficult to get the couple to focus while their baby was eating, Devon nonetheless persisted because they were on a time limit. She got the minutest reactions from both spouses and continued asking question, hoping for a response. There was a surprising lack of things to share from the previous week and the therapist had a hard time keeping Ziva's attention as she watched her husband burp their baby and spread a change pad on the floor to take care of her diaper.

Tony returned to his place beside Ziva and held Chaya in his lap. That he found comfort in his daughter was obvious. He sat there brushing his thumb over her fist as Chaya's eyes fell shut, staring at her like she was the eighth wonder of the world. He clearly couldn't get enough.

Devon looked at her notes. "Tony, Ziva shared an observation with me a few weeks ago. She thinks you're trying to do right with Chaya everything your father did wrong with you. It seems to her that you have a very specific idea of what a dad is supposed to be like and you're working hard to live up to that."

Tony's gaze flickered to Ziva, reading her concern for his reaction. He smiled faintly and reached to slide his fingers between hers, preparing to be very honest. "Ziva and I, we didn't grow up with the greatest dads. Good moms yes, but we both lost them too soon. Our dads put everything else before their kids - work, duty, country, vision, deals, wants - everything."

He looked into his wife's eyes and saw her agreement. Tony touched Chaya's foot. "I want more than that for our daughter. So yeah, I'm going to do whatever it takes to give her everything I always wanted from a relationship with my dad." He gathered Chaya into his arms. "My little girl will never have to wonder if her father loves her, I can promise you that."

Ziva turned to face her husband and daughter, putting her hand on Tony's arm and leaning close to whisper to him. From what Devon could tell, it didn't sound like English, but clearly Tony understood because the look he gave Ziva was enough to freeze the moment. After a minute Devon shifted in her chair.

"Okay, you guys need to have eye sex on your own time. I feel like a third wheel and this is my office." The couple broke their gazes with a laugh and she wondered if they'd been told that before. "What's your relationship with your dad like now?" Devon asked Tony, knowing full well that Eli was an off-limits topic for Ziva.

Tony sobered and sighed. "I don't think you'd really call it a relationship. If he's in town sometimes he calls, or if he needs something. Trouble has a way of finding my father, but for the most part he leaves me out of it."

Dr. Andrews stared evenly at him. "What does that feel like, to be an afterthought?"

He shrugged. "I don't really feel it any more. It's normal, I guess. I've never been anyone's first priority."

The blow hit Ziva hard and Devon watched her take in his statement. "Ata sheli," she told him firmly, hurt swimming in her gaze. _You are mine._

Tony frowned as if the words didn't make sense and then a light went on and he wanted to kiss her so badly, but settled instead for caressing her cheek, a grateful expression on his face. Devon rolled her eyes, beginning to re-think this idea of couples' counseling. They were extremely distracted when they were together.

**NCIS**

Later that evening Tony was watching _Stuck on You_, with Chaya fast asleep on his chest. After the last feeding, he wanted to keep holding her and Ziva understood, moving to the kitchen to make some sort of dessert so they could have time together. It was peaceful for awhile, then the conjoined twins in the movie did something really funny and Tony laughed out loud, startling the baby.

Chaya, rudely awakened, started crying, bringing both Tony and Ziva's attention immediately to her. Tony looked chagrined and rubbed her back, kissing her head and murmuring apologies for interrupting her nap. Ziva chuckled quietly and stood behind the couch with her hand on Tony's shoulder.

"That is the only problem with having a baby sleeping on your chest. You need to be careful how you move."

Tony looked up at her. "I'd do this even if there wasn't a movie on. Just to watch her breathe is pretty much the best feeling ever. I can't take my eyes off her Zi, she's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. I still can't believe she's really ours."

Ziva blinked back the tears that threatened and leaned down to kiss the top of his head. "That is worth more than I have words to tell you," she whispered, retreating back to her pastry. She wondered if any father had ever been more in love with his daughter than Tony was with Chaya. Nothing was ever so precious as the way he looked at her and loved her.

**NCIS**

Since the case on Monday had interfered with Gibbs' and Abby's plans to go out, he showed up at Tim and Abby's house after supper Tuesday and offered his arm. Abby waved goodbye to her husband, tucked her hand into his elbow and let her father escort her down the sidewalk.

They walked in silence for only a few minutes before she bit her lip. "You didn't have something going on with Celeste tonight?"

Gibbs grunted. "Have time for both of you Abs. Don't exactly have a packed social calendar."

Abby giggled at the picture that brought. "I wonder if you were ever a normal teenager who just went and hung out with his friends, or if you were at home in the basement practicing your woodworking skills."

He sighed. "Normal changed a lot after the girls. The team and Celeste is as close as I'm going to get again."

Her expression dropped. "I'm sorry."

Gibbs frowned. "Rule 6. Wasn't trying to make you sad."

"I think we should do something different," Abby announced suddenly.

The look in his eyes grew wary as they circled the block slowly. "Different."

"Yeah, you know...dinner has been fun and all, but tonight we're going for a walk and I'm enjoying that. So maybe next time we could go bowling or something!"

Gibbs shook his head swiftly. "No bowling."

Abby laughed. "Fine, be an old stick in the mud. Geez Gibbs, my nuns have more of a life than you." She tossed her pigtails. "Anyways, what do you say? Variety is the spice of life."

He nodded slowly. "Got an idea for next week. Come to my place."

She frowned. "This isn't a ploy to make me talk to your mysterious redhead, is it?" He shot her a glare and Abby shrugged. "Just checking. I'm sure you could be underhanded if you really wanted to be. Okay, cool, next week I'll meet you after work."

Quiet surrounded them again and Abby leaned into him. "Gibbs?" she whispered. "Thanks."

Gibbs kissed the side of her head. "You're still mine Abby, I'm not letting you go."

To the girl who loved him like a daughter, those words meant everything.

**NCIS**

Wednesday night was Girl's Night which meant the guys spent two hours working on the basement and Ziva took Chaya with her because of the baby's more frequent evening feedings. He was in the bathroom brushing his teeth when Ziva got home and put Chaya to bed. She seemed quieter than usual and Tony wondered if he should ask but figured she was probably just tired. Spending time with Abby could be exhausting.

Thursday, however, when she continued acting the same, Tony tried to get her to talk to him before they went to sleep. He got into bed and rolled over to face her. "How was your day?"

She shrugged. "It was good to see Lina."

Tony tucked some hair behind her ear. "Chaya behave herself?"

Ziva frowned. "She is an infant Tony, there is not much she can do wrong."

He sought her eyes, tired of beating around the bush when she was being deliberately evasive. "What's wrong Zi?"

She turned away from him. "Nothing. I am just tired. Goodnight."

Tony lay there staring into the darkness and sighed. With Ziva, 'nothing' never actually meant nothing, it was always something. And how the heck was he supposed to figure out what it was when she wouldn't talk to him?

**NCIS**

Ziva waited until she was fairly certain her husband was asleep before she cuddled up to his side and rested her head on his chest. She knew he was weary from a long day at work and he only wanted to help. Ziva wished she hadn't snapped at him, but Tony was probing and she was not yet ready to share her thoughts and anxieties.

Going to therapy together was a two edged sword - good because she was getting insight into her husband's thoughts and feelings, but frustrating because she wasn't able to completely open up with him there. So much of what was in her head was left unsaid and unworked through and it was building up.

Ziva sighed silently and ran her fingers through his chest hair. This was not fair to him. He gave her everything and she could not give him herself. Pressing a soft kiss to his collarbone, Ziva rolled over to lay by herself again. "I am sorry Tony," she whispered.

Tony didn't dare move a muscle until she settled, didn't even open his eyes until her breathing evened out. Pretending to be asleep so he could enjoy her attention and touch was a fine line to walk. He was surprised Ziva hadn't felt his heart speed up just from her nearness.

Now Tony wished he hadn't been faking because Ziva's quiet words that he wasn't supposed to hear wouldn't leave him alone. They haunted his thoughts as he tried to go to sleep for real. Why did she feel the need to apologize? It was something he wouldn't easily forget and Tony would've given a whole lot that night to have all the answers.

**NCIS**

Tony never got the chance to ponder the question until it drove him crazy because in the wee hours of Friday morning, Chaya woke up crying and started her six week growth spurt ahead of schedule, reverting to the hour and a half feedings they'd suffered through during the first one.

They were two incredibly sleep deprived people by the time the sun rose and Tony called Gibbs to explain why he was taking the day off. There was no way he'd be able to function at work, let alone chase bad guys or interrogate suspects or write reports without falling asleep.

The grueling schedule continued for the day, which meant they barely moved except for bathroom breaks as they clung desperately to the little sleep allotted them. Later in the afternoon, Ziva suddenly realized she needed to eat and went downstairs. After a moment's thought, Tony followed her, feeling the need to inject a little fun into their exhaustion laced moments of being awake.

He snuck up behind her as she was making breakfast for a late lunch and grabbed her ribcage between his hands, wiggling his fingers up and down her sides. With barely a pause Ziva drove her elbow back into his chest and Tony doubled over, gasping. Ziva immediately dropped the knife she was using to butter toast and reached for him, horror written all over her face.

"Tony! I am sorry! I did not mean to." Then her hands found her hips. "You should know better than to surprise me by now."

Tony coughed and finally took a breath. "Yeah," he wheezed, "I got that." He pulled her against him. "I was only trying to have a little fun. I thought your reflexes would be slower when you're so tired."

She snorted as if the idea was ludicrous, then Ziva's eyes dropped. "I am not very fond of being tickled."

He stored that information away and gave her his best puppy dog face. "Are you at least going to kiss me? I think I'm bruised."

The long suffering look Ziva gave him told Tony she knew he was milking the injury, but she still lifted his shirt and pressed her lips gently to his sternum. Tony sucked in his breath and his voice was husky. "That wasn't what I meant."

Her eyes twinkled with mischief. "How can I kiss it better if I do not kiss your bruise?"

"Well," he cocked his head to the side, "can I get more than one?"

"Bruise or kiss?"

"Kiss," Tony hastened to say, but when she leaned towards his stomach again he grabbed her face and captured her lips with his, kissing her soundly.

Ziva pulled back after a long moment and patted his chest lightly. "I think you will live."

He put his finger under her chin. "And because of you Zi, it will be a happy life."

Just for that, she kissed him again. Then they ate their toast and went back to bed, this time with smiles on their faces and contentment in their hearts.


	61. Chapter 61

Chaya's frequent nursing sessions continued into Saturday, completely obliterating Tony's plan to get Ziva out of the house for a chunk of the time. Neither of them felt like moving, let alone going anywhere. To say that it was a long weekend was an understatement. So it was a relief when Chaya moved into a two hour eating schedule which let them be a tiny bit more rested in the latter part of Sunday. By that time Tony and Ziva were thankful for all small mercies.

**NCIS**

To celebrate two months of being together, Gibbs took Celeste for a drive on a Sunday afternoon and brought a picnic basket with him. They found a quiet spot in an out of the way park and spread their blanket on the grass. When dessert finally came around - strawberries, whipped cream and sponge cake - Gibbs couldn't wait any longer. He used his thumb to wipe a little cream off Celeste's bottom lip and actually smiled, which got her attention.

"I love you Les," Gibbs said in an intimate tone she hadn't heard for more than a decade.

She set her dessert down and leaned over to kiss him. The words warmed her heart and gave her hope she was afraid to trust. Gibbs' fingers slid into her hair and Celeste smiled against his lips. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me since I came back."

He pulled back and frowned. "I don't think it's my best line."

Celeste scooted closer and took his face in her hands. "Oh, but it is. Don't you know Jethro? Those words are a woman's greatest treasure. It's very nice to be chosen." She joined their lips again, emboldened by joy. Air was becoming scarce when they finally broke apart.

She studied his dear face and feathered her fingers through his hair. Gibbs closed his eyes and Celeste draped her arms over his shoulders. "I love you too," she whispered, leaning in for a hug after she saw something in his eyes so close to happiness that she could be content. "I'm not sure I ever stopped."

Gibbs lay back in the grass, keeping his arms firmly around her waist. They felt no need to move or speak and were satisfied to simply bask in the quiet delight of their mutual declaration. _Two steps down, two to go,_ Gibbs thought, kissing her again. It wouldn't be long now. And maybe this time he'd never have to worry about being alone again.

**NCIS**

Monday was much better, though it was still a weary Tony who dragged himself into the office for a 0730 start. After one look at him. Gibbs confined his senior field agent to desk work, complaining that he couldn't be responsible for him in the field in this condition. "Ziva would kill me if you got hurt," he muttered, setting a cup of coffee in front of the only semi-coherent man.

Ziva was still sleeping when he got home, but was more than happy to let Tony take Chaya's first cluster feed while she expressed some milk to add to the supply accumulating in their freezer. When she finished, Ziva returned to the couch and sat beside him.

"She has been back to three hours since you left this morning. Perhaps we will actually sleep tonight, yes?"

He smiled wanly and kissed her fingers. "I hope so."

Ziva's strange mood from Friday had been long forgotten in the wake of very little actual sleep over the past few days. They fell asleep in each other's arms, spooning, their favourite position. But when Tony was pulled from a deep sleep by something he couldn't put his finger on, he groggily rubbed a hand across his eyes and tried to figure out what was bugging him. With everything he and Ziva had been through together, he knew better than to ignore that sense that something wasn't right.

Then it dawned on him that Ziva wasn't in bed. Tony pushed himself up and looked around the room. She hadn't gone far. Ziva was sitting on the window seat across the room, staring out at the night sky. Her wavy hair feathered over her shoulders as she tilted her face to the moonlight and pulled her knees close to her chest, sitting very still.

"Zi," Tony called softly, not sure what had driven her to get up.

She turned contrite eyes towards him. "I am sorry if I woke you."

Getting out of bed, Tony crossed the floor to sit facing his wife. Sliding his feet between hers, he leaned against the wall. "You okay?"

Ziva nodded once. "I miss watching the stars at night. There are some places in the world where they are so clear and bright that you feel you can almost touch them."

Tony reached for her hand. "I remember the stars when I was Agent Afloat." Her eyes met his, interest piqued in her gaze. Resting his head back, Tony thought about those days. "I was so lonely on the ship Zi. I'd go out and stand on the deck at night and it was so cold and clear. I'd watch the stars and hold your picture and wonder where you were."

Her smile was a glimmer. "I missed you as well."

He tugged at her hand and Ziva turned around so that she was sitting between his legs and using him as a backrest. "I missed the summer that Gibbs was retired, when it was just you and me, all those nights we spent together. You were the reason I survived being Team Leader."

Ziva shook her head. "You could have done it without me Tony."

Tony crossed his arms over her chest, hugging her against him. "But you believed that I could do it Zi, and that meant more than what anyone else thought."

She leaned her head back on his shoulder. "Those last few nights I stayed at your apartment before I moved, that was not the first time we had shared a bed."

He recalled the many times they'd fallen asleep together while watching a movie, or been too tired to go to separate apartments and had just slept in their clothes on her bed or his. "No, but it was so different when you came back."

Ziva glanced back at their bed. "How did you know I was not still asleep?"

Tony chuckled into her hair. "I've gotten really used to having you in our bed Ziva, I sleep so much better when I sleep next to you. I guess I miss you even when I'm not awake."

She turned her head and kissed his neck, curling up in his arms. "I did not think I would ever want a man in my bed again, after Somalia. But you keep the dreams away Tony, and I feel safe when I know you are there."

He kissed her temple. "I always want to make you feel safe babe."

Ziva looked out at the DC sky. It wasn't as clear as in the middle of the ocean or in remote European towns, but a handful of stars peeked out from above and tonight it was good enough. "Can we just stay here for a little bit longer?"

Tony buried his face in her hair. "Absolutely Zi, as long as you want. I'm not going anywhere."

Of all the promises he had made to her over the last year, that was the one she liked the most.

**NCIS**

Although they hadn't been able to enjoy all of it, Tony and Ziva realized that Chaya had slept five hours through the night and hoped against all odds that she would feel like repeating that for awhile. Tuesday had come much faster than they expected and it was with a bit of trepidation that they again met in Devon's office for their joint session.

Ziva had adjusted her appointment time to work around Chaya's feeding schedule and with the baby asleep, Devon wasted no time getting to the point. "I hate to bring up the elephant in the room, but your baby is almost six weeks old. Have the two of you talked about what does or does not happen at this point?"

Tony shifted and darted a glance at Ziva. Her expression clearly wondered what large mammals had to do with the question before her mask fell into place and she wouldn't look at either of them long enough for them to try and crack it. Tony cleared his throat and flexed his fingers.

"Ah...no, we haven't."

"Ziva?" Devon asked.

The look in her patient's eyes couldn't believe she had the audacity to call her out on a subject she was steadfastly avoiding, but Devon knew by now that sometimes Ziva had to be pushed. Tony must've come to the same conclusion because he moved closer and took her hand, ignoring the tension clear in her body language. He leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"Remember my promise Ziva, it's okay."

She relaxed fractionally and dropped her shoulders, losing the coiled tight about-to-bolt-look. Ziva looked at Tony first, touching his face and staring into his eyes as if they were alone in the room. "I am sorry Tony, I wish I could be ready." Her words, though spoken softly, were still caught by Devon.

Tony's eyebrows rose. "That's what you were talking about? The other night when you thought I was asleep? Oh sweetheart." He pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back gently. Moving back to look at her, he shook his head. "What part of 'I'll wait' aren't you hearing?"

"It is not fair," Ziva replied, repeating the assertion for Devon. "It is not fair that he should still have to wait. That I cannot forget what they did. That even though I do not fear my husband, I cannot...I cannot give him that part of myself."

Devon tapped her pen on the clipboard. "It seems to me that Tony loves you more than he cares about life being fair. Why don't you listen to him Ziva?"

Ziva slumped back into the cushions. "Can we talk about something else?" Having someone tell her something did not make it true and she did not have to believe what was said. Couldn't, as it turned out.

Devon and Tony exchanged glances and the doctor decided to change the subject, Ziva wasn't ready to talk about the reasons behind her fears. The session ended without much progress at all and when Tony stood to leave, Devon asked Ziva to stay behind. She shrugged and said goodbye, leaving Tony feeling bereft without her touch. The door closed and Devon looked at the woman in front of her.

"Nothing is going to get better if you keep this up Ziva. And I'm going to have to switch joint sessions to Wednesday, because you're hardly telling me anything when Tony's here."

Ziva swallowed. "He does not want to hear what I feel."

She sat back. "But maybe he deserves to."

Ziva stared at her rings. "Things have not changed. We kiss and touch and back away because that is all there is." She looked out the window. "He asked to shower with me a few weeks ago but I...could not be that vulnerable again. It was one thing when I needed him, when I was unable to do it on my own. Quite another if it was only to be with him."

"Is that such a bad thing if it was just so the two of you could be together?" Devon questioned.

Ziva squeezed her eyes shut. "I have not see a naked man since..." She shook her head and looked beseechingly at her therapist. "How can I tell Tony that I am uncomfortable with his body? That I can handle him only as long as his lower half is covered? That I cannot yet see a day when I would be okay sleeping beside him or showering with him naked? That it may be months before I can bring myself to touch him? I do not want to hurt him Devon, and none of this is easy to hear."

Devon smiled sympathetically. "I think you're hurting him more by keeping him out."

"I wish I could give him hope, tell him there is an end to this road that I can see. But I have not had sex by choice in a year and I am not even close to allowing him more freedom with my body now."

"Rape isn't sex Ziva," Devon told her seriously, "and you can't count it. You were forced to give up something instead of it being your choice. Now I think you're terrified of losing that control again by letting Tony closer."

Ziva dropped her head into her hands. "I never knew when they would come. It was never gentle, never anything except painful. I always hurt, there was never time to heal between attacks. The way I felt inside...it was excruciating in a way I cannot even describe." She shook her head. "I promised myself that I would not show weakness, that they would never see me cry, that they could not make me break. But every time I screamed, every time I begged for them to stop and they just came back for more, or they laughed. I never knew humiliation could cause such agony in my soul."

Ziva looked up with anguish etched into her features. "I used to enjoy the power I had over people when I took them down or performed interrogations. I knew I was superior, to me they were nothing. I was calculated, methodical, cruel." She swallowed. "They all came back to haunt me in that cell. Pointing fingers and saying I deserved everything I was getting, now I knew how it felt, what it was like to be helpless." Ziva took a breath. "I will never voluntarily cause pain to another person, not after Somalia, not after it was me."

"They're lies Ziva," Devon said softly, "no one deserves anything like that." It was impossible to tell if the woman heard or believe her. "Are you still in pain?" she asked. "What does your doctor say?"

Ziva sighed. "I have been examined. Aside from the scar tissue because of what they did, I am healed. Friday will tell whether or not I have healed again, after giving birth."

"So though you aren't in pain, you're afraid that if you try having sex with Tony, it will hurt?" She had revealed so much and Devon was just trying to understand.

Ziva nodded. "I think I always will fear pain now, in that area. There is little that is worse than the shame and suffering that comes from being violated. I felt it again after labour, the same kind of soreness, though less intense, and I hated the reminder." She stared at Chaya. "I do not know how I can love her when that is the way she was conceived. But she is my light and I hold onto her when the memories are worst."

"I'm sorry Ziva," Devon said quietly. There was very little else to say. She put down her pen and clipboard. "If Tony were to ask you for more, not all of it but just a little bit more, what would you say?" Her answer would be telling.

Ziva was silent for a long time before shaking her head. "I do not know. And that is why we cannot speak about any intimacy things yet."

**NCIS**

Ziva pulled into herself for the rest of Tuesday and Tony was at a loss for how to draw her out. She let him help with Chaya, she slept in his bed, but Tony felt as if she'd put up a wall between them every time he tried to touch her. After two months of slow progress, Tony quickly learned how much he hated being shut out.

He came home from work Wednesday night at a reasonable hour for once. The house smelled like supper, roast beef if he wasn't mistaken. But after taking an appreciative sniff, Tony's eyes fell to his wife, sitting on the couch, her feet up on the coffee table and Chaya laying stretched out on her lap. Ziva's expression was a mix of pain and love as she slowly traced the baby's features with one finger.

Toeing off his shoes, Tony lowered himself to the seat beside her and brushed his fingers over his daughter's tiny fist. Leaning down, he kissed her soft head and stretched an arm out behind Ziva, waiting, glad when she didn't move away. Just before he would've asked, she finally spoke.

"It has been a year," she said softly, almost in monotone.

Tony wracked his brain, but couldn't come up with an event that matched the date. He rubbed his thumb over her shoulder blade. "A year since what?" Better to know for sure than try and guess and get it wrong.

Ziva met his eyes and Tony didn't like the darkness he saw inside the brown irises. "Since the Damocles sank."

His heart beat painfully in his chest and Tony did his best to resist the flashback her words brought, complete with an echo of Gibbs' voice saying flatly, _"No survivors."_ He swallowed hard. "Zi?"

She sighed. "That night I crept into Saleem's camp, determined to kill him or die trying." Ziva stroked Chaya's cheek with aching tenderness. "I accomplished neither."

The second part was all Tony could focus on, yet another reminder of how close he came to losing her again. He shifted closer, instinctively pulling Ziva into his body to protect her from the memories, surprised when she went willingly. Usually any mention of Somalia made her need more space between them rather than less, especially when yesterday still loomed over them.

She leaned her head back against Tony's shoulder, letting all the thoughts today brought up spill out into the silence between them. "If I had succeeded, I do not know what would have happened." Her face darkened. "I do not know if I could have returned to Mossad, under the orders of a Director who sent his last living child on a mission to be completed 'at all costs', to prove that her loyalty was to him alone."

Ziva shrugged half-heartedly, her eyes remaining fixed on her daughter's innocent countenance. "Maybe I would have just disappeared, let everyone think I was dead and start over again as someone else who would never let anyone close again to avoid the pain of being betrayed one more time." She slid her hands under Chaya's body, just holding the little girl. "But if I had not been captured, I would not have her." Ziva bent over and put her head next to her baby's. "I do not know what to think anymore."

Rather than interrupt with his own feelings, Tony let Ziva's thoughts and questions and confusion and hurt pour out, knowing she needed to let them go. But now he tightened his arm around her and whispered into her hair. "We can't go back Zi, we can't ever know what would have happened. So much of last summer was worse than the darkest nightmare, yet it brought us here together, with our daughter." He turned her face towards him. "I can't regret the circumstances that made us a family, even if remembering them always hurts."

Ziva received his kiss with a thankful heart, knowing her husband was right. They couldn't change any of the events that haunted them, all they could do was move forward and appreciate how far they'd come. She smiled when he pulled back and lifted Chaya onto her chest, settling against him.

"Hold us for awhile?" she asked.

Tony set his hand on hers, warming the baby's back. He kissed the side of her head and smiled. "As long as you want Zi, as long as you want." He would never forget what a gift it was that she allowed him that freedom, just to hold her and feel her body against his, to breathe in the same rhythm and feel her pulse beat on his skin. This kind of oneness was worth more than all the physical stuff he ever wished they could do.

They had made it. Over hurdles, around obstacles, through trials and tests that broke them apart and put them back together, fractured trust and friendship and healed it again, separated them by distance and time and still allowed a reunion that had given birth to dreams come true. There was nothing more in the world Tony could ask for than what he currently held in his arms. His family was everything.


	62. Chapter 62

Thursday night they were back to normal and into the second time of Chaya sleeping six hours. Though he should've been taking advantage of the chance to sleep, Tony couldn't settle and his thoughts refused to shut off. Probably because of Tuesday but more likely just because he kept track of the weeks whether he wanted to or not, Tony was thinking about the timing.

Laying in bed watching his wife sleep, he knew that under normal circumstances they'd be looking forward to her six week appointment tomorrow and if all went well, they'd be trying to have sex for the first time that night. But this was the farthest thing from normal circumstances and it was beyond frustrating that they were nowhere close to being able to try new things when it came to intimacy, let alone actually having sex.

Reminding himself again that sex wasn't everything, that just being here with Ziva was something he should've never gotten, Tony tried to push the thoughts away. But it was a long time before he was able to fall asleep, and when he did, the dreams that haunted his restless mind were close to nightmares because he wanted so badly for them to be real.

**NCIS**

Ziva showed up for her six week check up inexplicably nervous. She sat in the exam room with Chaya, trying to focus her energy on something besides the impending exam. Mandy entered the room and closed the door, sympathy in her expression. "Let's get the worst stuff over with first."

Ziva made a jerky motion with her head that might've been a nod and slowly took off her jeans and underwear. Mandy had her lie down and did a thorough physical exam, being as gentle as possible. Starting with the external stuff, she felt Ziva's belly and asked about any tenderness, also checking that her uterus had shrunk properly. Then the doctor moved to the end of the table.

She explained every move she made, warning Ziva ahead of time, aware of what her reflexes looked like when she was caught off guard. The speculum examination was one of the worst parts and Ziva had to fight very hard to stay in the present, when the sensation of having something unnatural pushed inside her reminded her far too much of what they had done in the desert.

Mandy kept up a running commentary during the procedure as she checked to make sure the bruises and tiny tears from delivering the baby had healed. Once the speculum was removed, she used her fingers to make sure Ziva's cervix had closed and check her ovaries. Ziva remained stoic but very tense throughout and was extremely relieved when she was allowed to redress.

Knowing enough to realize her patient would not voluntarily get completely naked, Mandy did the breast exam afterwards, on the lookout for any lumps, tenderness, redness or cracks that might need to be addressed. Aside from the mandatory inquiries, she tried not to ask any unnecessary questions until Ziva was fully clothed again. Starting with the basic stuff, she leaned against the counter.

"How are you feeling physically? Any discomfort or discharge?"

Making a face, Ziva shook her head. "The discharge stopped a couple weeks ago. And I feel almost back to normal."

"Almost?" the doctor questioned.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "As much as I can be at this point. The exercise will help."

"Alright." Mandy checked her clipboard. "Breastfeeding still going okay?"

The woman nodded. "I am enjoying it. We started giving Chaya a bottle at four weeks, so Tony could have a turn. He looks forward to the feedings as much as our daughter does."

Dr. Meyers chuckled. "Tony seems like a very hands-on dad, I'm not surprised that he's so excited to try something new with her."

"Yes," Ziva said softly, "he is a very good father."

"I'm sure. He was awfully anxious to meet your baby, I remember. Now," Mandy raised an eyebrow, "I'm warning you so I don't get any dirty looks or bruises later - I have to take some blood for testing."

Ziva straightened her shoulders and stared straight ahead, her lips compressed into a thin line. Finally she nodded once and waited while Mandy got the necessary supplies. The doctor tried to keep her mind off the process, well aware of how her patient felt about needles, and within a couple of minutes she had the vials she needed and began marking down what she wanted them checked for on the sheet, while Ziva held gauze against the inside of her arm.

Once that was taken care of, Dr. Meyers went back to her list. "Any problems with post-partum depression? Feelings unusually tired or sad all the time, overwhelmed, anything like that?"

Ziva answered in the negative. "There were a few times in the early days when my emotions were very confused, and when Tony went back to work, but nothing ongoing."

"Glad to hear it." The last thing her patient needed was something else to fight. She took a blood pressure reading and made Ziva get on the scale, frown when she read the number. "How are you eating Ziva?"

Ziva shrugged. "Normal. Better now that Chaya is sleeping longer at night. I remember my meals easier when I am not napping all day."

Mandy didn't look happy. "You're below your original weight from our first appointment. That concerns me."

Ziva pulled up one knee. "I did not try to lose weight Mandy, it just came off." She was thoughtful for a minute. "I know it is not ideal, I have not been this light since high school."

"We'll have to work on that," the doctor decided. "And on that note, I'm clearing you for light exercise, but I'm going to repeat that - light exercise only Ziva, gentle stuff. It takes three months before the pregnancy hormones fully leave your body, so until then you are more susceptible to injury." She handed Ziva a small pamphlet. "Try doing these exercises often during the day. Your body went through a lot between pregnancy and delivery, Kegels will help strengthen your pelvic floor muscles and get things back to normal more quickly." Mandy sat down on a stool and regarded the other woman seriously. "Is there any sign of your cycle coming back?"

Ziva laughed. "I have not had my period in over a year."

"Well, it could last four to six months with breastfeeding, but I'll write you a prescription for a low dose of birth control though, just in case."

Ziva took the piece of paper but saw no need to fill it. What was the point if she could not get pregnant again? "Are we done?"

The doctor snorted. "Don't you wish. You know what the purpose of this appointment is." Ziva sighed and crossed her legs. "In case you want to know, you are fully healed inside, so should you be ready to try having sex, it's now safe. The scar tissue and other damage to your uterus is still present, that hasn't changed, but it shouldn't interfere with lovemaking in any way. I don't want you to rush into anything," Mandy cautioned, even though Ziva's expression made that comment unnecessary.

"Keep in mind that some women don't feel like having sex for months after giving birth, even those without the trauma you've faced. So don't worry if you don't feel up to it in the near future. Wait until you feel ready, okay?" The look in her patient's eyes was so close to fear and Mandy's tone softened. "I see no reason why you should feel pain Ziva. If that's what's holding you back, I want to ease your mind. And remember that breastfeeding can leave you dry, so keep some lubricant handy in case that day comes, okay?"

Ziva shrugged, nowhere near ready to have this conversation or think in terms of imminent intimacy. Mandy shook her head. "Fine, be stubborn, but remember that sex is supposed to be fun Ziva, it's okay to think about your own pleasure and Tony's too. Don't let that have been stolen from you as well." The woman nodded and stood and Mandy let her go, wishing her healing didn't have to be so hard.

Now officially allowed to be more active, Ziva found a community pool and registered herself and Chaya for a mom and baby swim class that ran Tuesdays and Thursdays. Her next stop was a baby store for Chaya's first swimsuit, which resembled her own full body one, except that it was done in different shades of purple and yellow, designed to keep the baby warm in water, not to hide anything. She bought it a bit big, hoping it would last Chaya for a couple months or more. Then they went to the park for a walk and Ziva planned the first thing she would do tomorrow with her newly issued freedom.

**NCIS**

Girl's Night had been switched to Friday because Ziva called Abby on Wednesday and cancelled and after a brief explanation from Tony at work the next day, she understood why. Because evening ran into Chaya's cluster feedings now, Ziva took the baby with her. She noticed that Tony was quiet when she left, but assumed he was put out because he'd miss the chance to give Chaya a bottle. It never occurred to her that he knew what today was as well and was struggling with it almost as much as she was. As soon as the door closed behind Ziva, Tony took himself down to the basement and got ready to start putting up drywall. It was hard work, just what he needed to pour out his frustration on. He was dripping with sweat and covered in dust by the time McGee showed up an hour later, having waited long enough for a phone call that never came.

Sensing the mood once he got downstairs, McGee silently took his place beside Tony and began doing his part. Gibbs appeared minutes later with a coffee in hand, citing his reason as the need to supervise them to make sure things were done right. But he pitched in too and they got a good amount done before Abby's text to all three of their phones that suggested they make themselves scarce. The reminder jerked them back to reality and they hurried to clean up and leave.

Tony was still in a black mood and left Ziva a note on the door - _Gone for a run._ At least that would explain his physical state. He did run, out of their neighbourhood and pushing himself past the usual two miles that was his limit. Upon his return, Tony went straight upstairs for a shower, leaving Ziva perplexed when he barely acknowledged her presence. She finally shrugged and chalked it up to having told him if he came home sweaty she wouldn't kiss him until he was clean, but it seemed to be more than that somehow.

She fed Chaya in the nursery and heard the water shut off but Tony never came in to read them a story. Her brow furrowed and she kissed the baby's head before putting her in the crib, murmuring that Daddy loved her, he was just tired. Then her temper flared and Ziva knew with absolute certainty that she would not become one of those mothers who always made excuses for dads who disappointed.

Stalking into their room, she found Tony laying on the bed and crossed her arms. "If you are angry with me you should not take it out on Chaya." He looked at her without comprehending and Ziva's gaze narrowed. "We waited for you. No diaper change, no story. You should at least go say goodnight."

His eyes darkened when her words registered and Tony left without a word to go to the nursery. She heard him over the monitor apologizing to Chaya, could visualize the tender expression on his face as he brushed his large hand over her soft hair. Knowing he would take care of it, she went to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He came back several minutes later and leaned against the doorframe. "I'm sorry."

Ziva barely glanced at him. "For what?"

Tony sighed. "For being selfish." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I wasn't thinking about you guys, just about the stuff in my head. It won't happen again." She nodded curtly and he realized he'd lost a lot of ground by his actions. He crossed his arms. "Why do you think I'm mad at you?"

She brushed past him. "You did not give me a reason to believe otherwise."

They couldn't go to bed like this. Tony put his hand on her arm, stopping her. "I'm not mad at you."

Ziva turned around, her expression guarded. "Who then?"

Tony gave her a look. "Six weeks Zi, it's just the situation I'm frustrated with."

Her shoulders fell. "I do not know how many more times I can apologize."

Taking a step closer, he lifted her chin. "I don't want another 'I'm sorry' Zi. I don't want promises you can't keep. I don't like being honest like this because I don't want you to feel guilty or bad about things you can't control. But I think it's better to say something than be thinking all this and keeping it from each other. Just...cut me a little slack, okay?"

Ziva dropped her arms and sighed. "Light exercise. Fully healed. No reason I should feel pain. And it does not change a thing." Her gaze was heavy and sad. "I still cannot forget."

Tony wanted to say he didn't need her to forget, that he wanted her to trust him in spite of the memories, but it seemed like enough honesty for one night and he pulled her reluctant form into his arms. Cupping her face in his hands, Tony swallowed. "I want you to know that I will be gentle, that I will stop no matter what we're doing if that's what you need. I don't love you more or less because of what we can or cannot do, I just love you, no strings or conditions attached." He kissed her lips softly. "Goodnight Ziva."

Leaving her standing there trying to absorb his promise, Tony got into bed. Ziva followed after awhile and stayed on her own side, mind clouded with thoughts. If that was a glimpse inside her husband's heart, she had no idea how she'd be able to handle seeing everything. Sometimes his tenderness made her want to cry. How was she supposed to give him even a fraction of what he was giving her?

**NCIS**

Ziva was gone when Tony woke up, surprised that he hadn't noticed her leave. He tried to think, but couldn't remember even hearing Chaya cry for her middle of the night feeding. He'd slept hard, probably due to the emotional and physical energy he'd put out the night before.

Checking the clock, Tony realized Chaya would be hungry in a few minutes and got up to warm her bottle the way he'd seen Ziva do it. Testing it on his wrist, Tony decided the temperature was fine and went to check on his baby. Peeking in her room, he found Chaya laying there, her wide eyes staring at the crib mirror they'd added a few days ago.

"Just you and me this morning princess," Tony said, leaning over the side. "Who's that beautiful girl in the mirror? That big girl can't be my baby, can it?" Chaya looked towards his voice and her lips curved up at the corners. Tony stared at her. "Did you just smile at Daddy princess?" She stuck her fingers in her mouth and made a grunting noise. He chuckled. "Okay, I get the message, you're ready for breakfast."

Lifting her up, Tony took her to the rocking chair and Chaya latched onto the bottle, sucking and swallowing steadily as she stared at a point on the wall. He bent to kiss her head. "I love you Chaya, I can't believe how fast you're growing." He rocked back and forth slowly, more than happy to spend this time with his daughter. But in the back of his mind Tony was wondering where Ziva had gone and when she'd be coming back.

**NCIS**

Ziva tried three gyms that morning before she found one that met all her criteria - pool, hot tub and babysitting service. She signed up for a month, knowing that as soon as she was back to work she'd be returning to Ops, but this would do for now. A slow jog on the treadmill began her workout and then Ziva spent half an hour in the pool, determined not to push things her first day back, but anxious to be active again. When she finished, Ziva talked to Beth Merry, who ran the on-site childcare, to find out how everything worked.

It was ten-thirty before Ziva made it home and she could see the relief in Tony's eyes when she walked in. He eyed her damp hair with a smile. "Couldn't wait huh?"

"I have waited months for this," she replied, reaching for a banana. "How was Chaya?"

"Good. I could really get used to this routine, I like feeding her."

Ziva looked down at her chest and made a face. "My turn next. I am going to grab a shower before she wakes up."

He kissed her. "Okay."

Tony was holding Chaya when Ziva came out of the bathroom and he looked up. "Gonna show Mommy your new trick princess?"

Ziva was curious and walked over to sit with them. She leaned down to kiss Chaya and rub noses with her. "Boker tov tatelah. At tov L'Papa?" _Good morning darling. Were you good for Daddy?_ The baby wiggled in Tony's arms and repeated the same facial expression she'd given her father earlier. Ziva drew in her breath. "She is smiling Tony." Slipping her hands under the baby, Ziva held her close. "I think that is worth everything, yes?"

Tony grinned. "Definitely."

**NCIS**

In early afternoon Tony called Adrian and the guys and proposed a pick-up basketball game, just for an excuse to spend a couple hours out in the sun, sweating and working hard. When he offered for her to come along and watch, Ziva gave him a lazy smile with a look in her eyes perhaps imagining her husband shirtless and showing off, but finally shook her head and stood to kiss his cheek.

"I will let you go without me. I might crimp your style."

Tony snorted. "The term is 'cramp' Zi. And it's probably a good thing you stay here." She raised a warning eyebrow and he shrugged. "What? You think anyone would be able to keep their mind on the game with you sitting on the grass looking all hot and sexy in shorts and that shirt? Not a chance babe."

Ziva placed Chaya in her bassinet and took Tony's face between her hands, kissing him lightly. "You are very good for my confidence."

His arms came around her back, reluctant to let her move out of his space. "This is only the beginning."

That sounded like he was planning something but Ziva didn't bother asking because he probably wouldn't tell her anyways. And that was okay, sometimes it was best if she didn't know what was going through his head until he was ready to explain his logic. She said goodbye and pushed him gently out the door because he looked rather frozen to the spot, suddenly uncertain whether or not he actually wanted to leave the house today. Smirking, Ziva closed the door and picked up the phone. She had plans to attend to.

**NCIS**

Tony came home later than he'd planned because someone brought extra equipment in their trunk and basketball became football which turned into an intense competition of ultimate frisbee. He was completely worn out but couldn't stop grinning, reminded once again how much he enjoyed sports and missed being physically active in a way that didn't include chasing down suspects with guns.

Ziva greeted him at the door, took one look at him and ordered him to shower and dress nicely before he came downstairs. Puzzled, he held up his hands in surrender and did as asked, going dressy casual in a shirt and slacks but no tie or jacket. Abby and McGee sat on the couch when he returned with Sammy wandering around and sniffing things as he looked for the human that was more his size, and Tony eyed them suspiciously before kissing his wife properly.

"Gonna tell me what's going on?"

It was then that he noticed she'd changed from her earlier outfit to a pair of form fitting capris, a fancy shirt and more jewellery than she usually wore. Ziva smiled. "Abby and McGee have come to babysit. We are going out."

His eyes widened. "On a date?"

Her gaze laughed at him and she bit her lip to keep from smiling any wider. "Yes Tony, on a date. I do believe I owe you one." She brushed her hand down his chest. "My undivided attention for a whole evening, remember?"

Her words brought back to mind the conversation they'd had two weeks ago about how many extra points he was racking up and Tony grinned. "I do now. I just didn't think I'd be getting lucky so soon." The room froze at his statement and Tony wished that his mouth would check with his brain before spouting out something that would cause a reaction. He cleared his throat. "Lucky enough to be spending the evening out with my beautiful wife, that is."

Ziva's eyes locked with his, the look there thanking him for amending the meaning to save them all from a potentially embarrassing and awkward moment. She slipped her fingers between his and glanced at Abby. "Any questions?"

She shook her pigtails. "I've got cellphone numbers and this notebook full of information, plus everything you told me about what to expect, I think we'll be fine. Go have fun!"

"Oh, we will Abs," Tony grinned, "thanks."

They left the house hand in hand and Ziva gave Tony the keys. He seemed surprised and she chuckled. "It is a man thing, yes? To want to drive? Unless you would like me too..."

She left the question hanging and Tony followed her around the car to open the door for her. "Nope, I'm good." He got in on his side and put the keys in the ignition. "So, where to?"

Their destination was a quiet, intimate restaurant and their table sat in front of a window, looking out over the water. The couple accepted menus and gave their responsible drink orders, since Ziva still had to nurse again that night and Tony was driving, and then she handed him a single red rose with a sprig of baby's breath in a little plastic tube. He accepted it but looked a little confused, so Ziva elaborated.

"It is customary to bring flowers when you ask someone on a date, is it not?"

"Yeah," Tony said, staring at the rose before laying it in front of his plate. "But I don't think anyone's ever gotten me flowers before."

"It is just one flower," Ziva commented.

A grin spread over his face. "Thanks Zi."

They enjoyed their meals, sharing as always - Ziva trying a few bites of his perfectly done steak and encouraging him to have a couple of the carrots off her plate to go with his mashed potatoes, while she cut her chicken breast into small pieces and ate them one at a time. He held her hand across the table whenever possible and they managed to have an entire conversation without mentioning work, the team or their baby daughter. Not that those were bad topics, but tonight was special and it was all about them.

Soft music drifted through the restaurant as they took turns eating the white chocolate cheesecake with real whipped cream that had been recommended for dessert. When she put down her fork, Tony held out his hand and Ziva followed him to the dance floor. The last time they'd done this she was eight months pregnant and in short sleeves for the first time. Tonight the soft, thin material of her gauzy green and gold shirt drifted past her wrists, but Tony thought she looked beautiful no matter what.

Pulling her close, he slid one arm around her waist and wrapped his fingers around her left hand, while the other came to rest on his shoulder. They stared into each other's eyes and the rest of the world faded away until it was just them, moving in perfect rhythm and harmony, anticipating what moves were coming next, with Ziva following Tony's lead as if she'd been doing it her whole life. Several songs later her hands were linked behind his neck and Tony's head was bent next to hers, breathing in her curls as Ziva's soft breaths warmed his skin. Of all the ends he'd imagined to this night, he couldn't have come up with one that was better than his wife in his arms and the peace in his heart. Today was a good day.

**NCIS**

Sunday morning again found Ziva off to the gym, but this time she told Tony before she left. Shortly after a lunch of salad and sandwiches, they received an unexpected visitor. Tony opened the door and made a face. "Dude, I just saw you yesterday, you're smothering me."

Adrian laughed. "You think I came to see you DiNozzo? I'm here for the lovely ladies in your life." He stepped inside and smiled at Ziva.

"Adrian, are you going to make this a habit?"

His eyes widened. "What? You don't want to see me either? I come bearing presents." He held up another envelope and album.

Ziva's face lit up. "Baby pictures?"

"And your pregnancy pictures too, remember?"

Tony's eyes met his wife's and they both thought back to the Sunday before Chaya was born. Adrian had rearranged the livingroom furniture and requested that they change into black and white clothes - Ziva in a black tank top and white yoga capris, Tony wearing a white t-shirt and black jeans. He had Tony stand with his back to the wall beside the piano and put Ziva in front of him, leaning back against his chest.

"_Tony, slide your hands around Ziva's belly and Ziva, put your hands over his. Now both of you look down, that's it." He snapped a few pictures. "Okay, now look out the window. Pick a point and fix your eyes on it. Beautiful."_

_Adrian changed the settings on his camera and went back to giving orders. "Okay Ziva, turn and face Tony and Tony, take her hands and just stare into her eyes." That wasn't a problem and Adrian almost felt like he was intruding. He cleared his throat. "Guys." No response. He rolled his eyes. "Hey lovebirds, focus for a minute, will you?"_

_They snapped out of it and looked at him. "Better. Now Ziva, can you roll your shirt up so I can get some belly shots?" Ziva froze and Tony started stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. Adrian looked between them. "Did I say the wrong thing?"_

_Tony whispered something to Ziva and she shook her head, but he held her gaze and finally she sighed and inched the shirt up until it was just under her bra. A fleeting thought made Adrian wonder if there was a modesty issue that came from Ziva's culture, but he decided not to draw any extra attention to what was already uncomfortable for her._

"_Tony, lean down and kiss her bump." He did, smiling at Ziva first. Adrian could've sworn she was blushing but couldn't figure out why. "Can you guys sit down? That's right. Ziva, get comfortable and Tony, put your arm around her. Perfect." Adrian kept taking pictures. "Alright, left hands on Ziva's belly so I can see your rings. Nice." Tony picked up Ziva's hand after, kissing her ring finger and Adrian captured that too._

_He had them pose several different ways and then got some of Ziva by herself, bathed in the light from the window, head bent and hair covering her face as her hand caressed her belly. Adrian grinned, they were going to look great in black and white._

"Hello," Adrian called, "earth to Tony and Ziva! Geez, where'd I lose you guys to?"

The couple didn't say, but both remembered what a beautiful and intimate afternoon that had been, even with Adrian there. It had given Tony a chance to touch Ziva and Ziva a way to see his love in action. She shook her head and focused on Adrian. "Sorry."

"Y'know, it' s kind of awkward when you guys do that, look at each other like no one else is in the room."

"You're just jealous," Tony grinned.

"Weirded out is more like it. But anyhow, here they are." He made to sit down, then stopped and just handed everything to Tony. "Actually, I think I'll leave you to look through them alone, there's only so much of those loaded looks I can handle."

Tony shook his hand. "Thanks man, I appreciate it."

Adrian stuck his hands in his pockets. "You know what you did for me back then Tony, no favour is too big."

"We've gotta be even by now Ade, it was a long time ago."

"Yeah, well, my memory's longer than most. You kids have fun." He left and Ziva looked at her husband.

"It must have been significant, whatever you did for him," she commented.

Tony shrugged. "One of the few times in my life when I wasn't thinking about myself."

Ziva tugged him towards the couch and opened the album, leaning over to kiss his cheek. "Then I am proud of you for being a good friend."

The pregnancy pictures had turned out gorgeous and Adrian had printed most of them off in black and white. Ziva ran her finger over the one of Tony kissing her bump and tried not to blush remembering how private that moment had felt. Partway through the album, pregnancy pictures became newborn pictures and the parents ooh'd and ahh'd over their adorable baby girl. Tony stared at the one of Chaya sleeping against his chest as he rubbed her back, naked except for the diaper that was covered by his hand.

"I'm really glad we did this Zi," he told her, his voice husky.

She looked at him. "Baby pictures or something else?"

Tony tapped her rings. "Getting married. I don't know what it would be like if I wasn't her dad, if we weren't together and I was still trying to find a way to get into your life."

She trailed her fingers over his hand, catching the solemn mood. "Do you think you would have eventually given up?"

He put his arm around her and Ziva curled into his side. "I don't know Zi, I want to say no, but it probably would've depended on how hard you pushed me away. I can't imagine being on the outside, watching you try to do this by yourself and not be allowed to help."

She nodded slowly. "I do not know what would have happened, so I am glad the choice is already made." Ziva kissed his jaw and glanced towards the wedding album. "I had hoped never to have to tell her how she was conceived. But when Chaya sees those pictures and realizes that not all mothers are pregnant at their weddings, and when she is old enough to figure out that her birthday is three weeks after our anniversary...she will know there is something we are not telling her."

Tony squeezed her hand. "We don't have to tell Chaya what happened, just that we did things in a different order than most parents. It's not a lie."

"No," Ziva sighed, "but I fear her questions just the same. I will keep the real truth from her at all costs."

"I know," Tony said heavily, not wanting to think of the burden his daughter would carry knowing what was done to her mom.

They sat in the stillness for awhile before Ziva sat up. "We need frames."

Tony frowned. "Frames."

She rolled her eyes. "For our pictures. I want to put them up all over the house. I want everyone who comes in to see our family everywhere."

They spent Chaya's next feeding sorting through the enlarged pictures to see how many needed frames and then looked at the pile from Abby. They took all the CDs and their own camera's memory card, which held Chaya's birth pictures, with them when they left and stood for more than an hour in front of two picture kiosks at the mall, printing off the memories they wanted framed. Then they went in search of frames, which was a tedious process that Tony left mostly to his wife, giving his opinion only if it was asked for.

Once their collection was complete, they picked up ice cream and a movie and returned home in time for supper. They watched the movie between Chaya's cluster feeds and after her bedtime routine was followed. Once their baby was fast asleep in her crib, Ziva spread out pictures and frames in the livingroom and on the diningroom table, eager to display them.

Tony helped and carried the pile around the house as they found homes for each one. Finally Ziva stood back and looked around. "Now it is perfect." Tony slid his arms around her waist and kissed her. He couldn't agree more.

_A/N: Hey all! Hope you're still enjoying the story, thanks for sticking around. Since I've had some comments about the pace of the story, I just wanted to clarify - as much as I'd love to speed the process up and have them get to okay now, I feel like I'd be cheating the characters out of everything they've worked so hard for up to this point. So T&Z will start working on intimacy stuff in the 70s chapters, but it will be a SLOW process. Unfortunately there is no rushing this healing. _

_And on another note, I know there's been a distinct lack of A&M, but it's only because I am fully out of ideas for integrating them into this story, minus the handful of scenes I already have for them later on. If anyone has any suggestions or things you would like to see with A&M, I'm open to hearing them. Thanks again for everything, you guys are fantastic! ~ Love, Aliyah._


	63. Chapter 63

_A/N: Thank you guys so much for all the encouragement and wonderful comments last chapter. I was feeling a little uncertain about some things and my confidence was a bit shaken, but you guys totally fixed all that, so thanks :) The positive feedback I got really meant a lot :) ~Aliyah_

The next morning Ziva leaned over to kiss Tony awake before she left their bed to nurse their baby. He moaned and she giggled, pressing her lips to his throat. His eyes popped open and he blinked a few times. "Hi."

"I dreamed of sunshine last night," she whispered, brushing her fingers over the shadow of scruff covering his jaw, "of laughing and playing with you and our daughter. Do you remember when you wished that for me?"

Tony thought back several months to the two weeks when they shared his apartment. He kissed her palm. "The night you told me what you saw in your nightmares."

She smiled. "They may not be gone for good yet, but I am sure someday when I fall asleep, there will only be happy memories behind my eyes." With that she got up and left him to lay there, pondering her words and wondering if he could be so lucky as to be the cause of her good dreams.

Ziva left for the gym as soon as Chaya fell asleep after her morning feeding. She carried the carseat into the childcare room and a young woman met her. "Good morning, I'm Jamie."

"Ziva DiNozzo," she responded, "and Chaya."

The girl's face lit up. "Well hello sweetheart. Aren't you little!"

Ziva bit her lip. "She is six weeks old." She scrutinized the girl. "You look very young."

Jamie smiled reassuringly. "I'm nineteen. I've been babysitting for seven years. I have three younger siblings and lots of little cousins. I have a lot of experience with babies." Ziva still wasn't sure and Jamie figured it out. "First time, huh?" she commented.

Ziva nodded. "Yes. I do not like leaving her."

"It won't be for that long," Jamie said. "Does she have a bottle? Is there anything I need to know?"

"No bottle. Chaya should sleep until I am finished, but please get me if she wakes."

"Of course," Jamie agreed. "I'll just get you to sign her in and I'll give you a wristband. If there's any problems, your number will flash on the TV screens."

Finally Ziva set the carseat down. "Thank you."

She got changed and started stretching. Ziva interrupted her jog three times to check on Chaya, who hadn't stirred at all. "She's fine Mrs. DiNozzo," Jamie tried to assure her, but Ziva had to see for herself.

Letting the girl know she'd be in the pool, Ziva pushed away all distractions and dove into the water. She swam steadily, going longer than before and felt a good kind of fatigue when she got out. Returning for Chaya, Ziva found Jamie kneeling down and talking to her softly. She stood when she saw Ziva. "Not a peep, she must be tired."

Ziva chuckled. "When she is not eating, she is sleeping. Apparently growing is a lot of work."

"I guess. Bring her back any time. Have a good day ladies!" Jamie waved at Chaya and turned back to the children on the other side of the room as Ziva left.

After another feeding and a nap, Ziva started doing dishes, almost expecting it when there was a knock on the door in the early afternoon. "Hello Grace," she smiled, "please come in."

Grace looked around. "I don't supposed your little angel is awake?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not right now, but she will be soon, then you are welcome to her."

Putting on the kettle, Ziva got out two mugs and glanced at her baby. A visit with a friend was just what she needed.

**NCIS**

Matt and Tami were enjoying one of their usual coffee breaks, outside on a bench this time, when he decided to try again. "Tam?" She turned to look at him and Matt felt like he could get lost in her clear blue eyes so easily. He swallowed. "If I were to ask you that question now, would I get a different answer than last time?"

Tami's gaze softened and a smile touched her lips. "I made you wait a month, sure you still want to ask?"

He took her hand. "I know I'll keep asking until you say yes."

She bit her lip. "Okay, do it."

Matt focused completely on her. "Tami, you're my best friend, but you already know I want us to be more. So will you be my girlfriend?"

Tami took a breath. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into," she said softly, then smiled. "Yes, I will."

Matt hugged her for the first time and Tami's arms slowly snaked around his back. She relaxed more the longer he held her and Matt rubbed her back gently, grateful to have finally gotten to this moment.

He walked back into the bullpen with a self-satisfied smile on his face and Tony picked up on it immediately. "Spill AP, that look has got to mean something." Matt pressed his lips together and Tony moved in front of his desk. He crossed his arms and chuckled. "You got our little lab rat to go out with you."

Matt had no intention of saying a word, but Tony was getting plenty of information from his non-verbal cues. "Huh, not bad Collins. She's only here two months and you've already staked a claim." He glanced at Tim and then his own ring. "You sure learned faster than the rest of us."

McGee leaned around the partition. "Could you not get her pregnant any time soon? The last thing we need in this building is another hormonal female."

Matt choked on a cough and Tim's cell rang as if on cue. "Hi Abbs, what's-" he paused. "A banana split? Where am I supposed to-never mind, I'll see what I can do." He listened again. "With sprinkles, right. Yup, love you too babe." He hung up and looked at Tony before grabbing his things. "Tell Gibbs...something. Improvise, you're good at that. Apparently the baby feels like ice cream. I'll be back."

They waited until McGee left before bursting out laughing. Matt raised an eyebrow at Tony. "Was Ziva like that?"

Tony chuckled. "She had a few interesting cravings, but none while we were at work. Abby...Abby's in a class by herself with this pregnancy. Frankly, I'm surprised McGoo has survived this long." He stared evenly at the younger man. "If I were you, I'd be taking notes."

Matt flexed his fingers. "I'm in no rush, especially when I had to wait a month just for her to agree to date me." He shook his head. "Tami is worth taking things slow."

"Good man," Tony nodded, remembering how careful he'd been with Ziva until she was ready, how careful he still had to be ofttimes. The sooner one learned what they were willing to work for, the more fulfilling it would be.

**NCIS**

That night was the second time Tony came to bed after his wife had fallen asleep. Chasing a suspect had kept them out late and it was nearing the middle of the night before Tony was able to make it home. He left his jeans and shirt outside their bedroom door after peeking into his daughter's room to make sure she was okay, and got into bed in only his undershirt and boxers.

Ziva stiffened when the bed dipped under his weight, but instead of reacting, she simply froze. Tony moved closer to share her pillow and slowly ran his hand up and down her back, over and over until he felt the tension drain away. Then he tucked her hair back, kissed behind her ear and closed his eyes. They didn't have to say anything that time.

**NCIS**

Ziva and Chaya attended their first mom and baby swim at eleven-thirty on Tuesday morning. She'd switched therapy to the afternoon to coincide with Chaya's nap. The baby looked so cute dressed in her new suit and Ziva had decided to wear her full body swimsuit and not care about what the other ladies thought. She'd let them assume it had something to do with her culture or religion.

She stepped into the water carrying Chaya, joining several other moms with babies of various ages, Chaya was among the youngest. They smiled warmly and Ziva found a place in waist deep water before getting Chaya wet. She started with dipping the baby's toes in and Chaya's eyes widened as she gurgled.

"Do you like that tatelah?" she asked, putting the baby in a little more. Chaya flailed her arms and splashed herself in the face, looking quite startled. Ziva chuckled and wiped the drops of water away, gradually getting Chaya's whole body in the water except her head. She held the little girl in front of her and dripped water from her fingers while Chaya reached for it.

The class went well. Chaya was as happy as she was getting a bath. Ziva felt relaxed when they got out but was a little apprehensive about getting ready - showering with a slippery baby made her nervous. In the end she settled for rinsing off but washed Chaya thoroughly, not wanting the chlorine to irritate her skin.

Chaya was very tired by the time they made it home and Ziva took advantage of her sleeping time to grab a shower before they headed to NCIS. Tony met them at the elevator and kissed his wife. "How was swimming?"

"She loved it," Ziva shared. "Poor thing was all tired out by the time it was over. She will probably sleep right through the session."

Tony stood behind her in front of the door, his hand on the small of her back. "Let's do this."

The couple sat close on the couch as usual, Ziva's hand on Tony's knee and his arm around her. Devon smiled. "It looks like you two are in a good mood." She glanced down at her notes. "So, highlight of the week?"

Ziva's eyes lit up. "We got our baby pictures back. And Chaya smiled."

Tony grinned. "That was pretty cool. Now we've got pictures all over the house to show off our little bundle of joy."

"Pictures speak a thousand words," Devon commented. "Okay, that was the easy part. What was the toughest thing you guys faced?"

Ziva glanced at Tony, reaching for his hand. He cleared his throat. "Going straight for the jugular, huh?"

"It's like ripping off a bandaid, better to get it over with quick."

He sighed. "Wednesday night was-"

"One year since I entered the camp," Ziva finished, not wanting to make him do all the dirty work. "I told him when he got home from work."

Devon's eyes filled with sympathy. "Lots of memories?"

Ziva's brow furrowed. "I did not have any nightmares, I just wanted to be held, to hold Chaya. Everything we have now is in some way because of Africa." She shrugged. "It confuses my feelings."

"I'd be concerned if it didn't Ziva," Devon told her. "But I'm glad you were able to share with Tony, to let him close. That's something."

"I think Friday was worse," Tony admitted. "I got stuck on the six week thing and I felt like Ziva didn't care that it was a big deal to me too."

Devon looked at her patient questioningly. "How was your appointment Ziva?"

She shrugged. "Cleared but not...ready."

Tony caught her eyes. "But we talked about it. I didn't want us to go to bed frustrated or upset."

"That's a good habit to start early in your marriage. Is that something we need to go over further?"

Both husband and wife declined to answer and Devon took it as a no. They made it through the session without incident and at the end Dr. Andrews looked at the couple. "I'm sure you'll be relieved to hear that I'm cutting your joint sessions back to twice a month, but only one of those is set. The other I'll leave open if you need it, or Tony, if you want to come see me by yourself. So Ziva, I'll see you for your normal appointment next week."

With their time wrapped up, Tony and Ziva were happy to go. Ziva was secretly glad to have her sessions to herself again. It gave her more freedom to share her thoughts and as the days ticked by, that was something she was finding she needed more and more.

**NCIS**

Tony woke Ziva up with a kiss Wednesday morning and she broke away to look at the clock. As soon as she saw that they had half an hour before Chaya woke up, she pulled him down until he was half laying on her and attacked his lips, her hands holding his face.

He had a hard time remembering to think at first, and then invaded her mouth, ending the kiss only when air became necessary. With a groan he sucked her bottom lip gently and then kissed her long and slow, turning the passion down a few notches. Because as much fun as making out with his wife was, he knew it couldn't go any farther. To lighten the moment, Tony skated his fingers down her ribs and Ziva squirmed, laughing into his mouth.

"Tony!" she gasped before he smothered her with another kiss. He tickled her again and Ziva pushed him away. "Stop! Did you not learn your lesson last time?"

Tony grabbed her hands, drawing his lips over her knuckles. "Thought it might be safer if I was in control."

Ziva's eyes flashed and she flipped him over in one smooth motion and sat straddling his stomach. She leaned over, the tips of her hair brushing his jaw. "Do you feel in control now?"

The look he gave her was almost smouldering in its intensity. But then he turned away. "Zi..." was all he managed in a pleading tone and she sighed, moving off him and falling on her side.

"I know, I know, red light behaviour." Sometimes she was as frustrated as him that they could not just come together and release the tension. But the thought of anything more than kissing and touching still chilled her blood and she sighed.

Tony rolled to face her and propped his head up, running a finger down her arm. "Not exactly unwanted but..."

"Too much," she finished, disappointment in her eyes as well.

It was hard for Tony to see that. Ziva had no problem teasing him, flirting with him, and playing games but when it came to more than kissing or mostly innocent touches, her walls went back up and he was left frustrated in more ways than one. He tucked a curl behind her ear and leaned over to whisper, "Someday."

Before she could answer Chaya woke and Ziva got out of bed quickly to fetch the infant. She avoided his gaze during the feeding, stealing only quick glimpses at his face. But thinking about his words consumed her thoughts and Ziva wondered fleetingly if someday really was as far away as she thought, or if it was slowly growing closer, one step at a time, with every little extra bit of trust she bestowed on her husband. As with everything, she would just have to wait and see.

**NCIS**

It still wasn't easy to leave Chaya with Jamie while she did her workout, but Ziva knew for this outlet to work she needed to force thoughts of her daughter away and focus. And of course, after the moment she and Tony had shared that morning, Ziva needed to work out the emotions.

Where had that playful part of her come from? She didn't know but Ziva had missed that side of herself, missed the old days of flirting with the man who was now her husband and driving them both crazy. If normal was finally ready to make an appearance, Ziva wasn't going to argue. But she had to be careful to stay on the right side of all the lines she'd drawn. To do otherwise when she wasn't ready would not be fair to Tony.

Several hours later had Ziva pacing the floor as she waited for news. When Tony walked in the door, Ziva nearly cried in relief and she flew at him. He caught his wife and swallowed her in an embrace. They clung to each other and Tony ignored the tender bruise on his right side that protested the pressure. Ziva's words into his neck were muffled, but he could still make them out.

"Gibbs called. When he said you had been shot..." Her body trembled and Tony held her tighter.

"Vest took it," he managed to choke out, still feeling the panic that engulfed him when he realized he couldn't get out of the way fast enough. All he'd thought about was Ziva and Chaya and getting home to them. He could've so easily lost everything that mattered in one moment.

Time didn't matter as long as the couple stood there, wrapped in each other's arms, savouring the feeling of being together. Ziva's mind had flooded with images of Tony bleeding, Tony at the hospital, Tony laying in Autopsy, and she did not want to let go of her husband in case they became real.

From her bassinet in the kitchen, Chaya's fussing noises became noticeable and Tony squeezed Ziva quickly then finally let go, going over to get his little girl. He slipped his hands under her small body and lifted her into his arms. "Hi princess," Tony whispered, blinking back tears as he stared down into Chaya's trusting eyes. Her tiny fingers wrapped around his and Tony sank to the floor and leaned against the wall, Ziva right at his side. "I could've lost this," he whispered.

Ziva tucked herself closer to him and put her hand on their daughter as well. Her own heart broke at the what ifs but they could not focus on what might have happened, because it didn't. "But you did not," she said softly. "And you are home."

Tony nodded slowly, hearing but not yet able to let go of the fear. In her daddy's arms, Chaya fell asleep again and Tony could not be prevailed upon to put her down for the rest of the night. He held her through Ziva fixing supper and gave her a bottle when he wouldn't relinquish the baby so Ziva could feed her.

Ziva remained a silent shadow as he gave Chaya a bath, taking note of every detail, all of the mundane stuff that he had no right to take for granted, and stood back to watch him dress and cuddle her before her second night feeding. At that point Ziva took the little girl from him - the evening feeding was special quiet time for her and Chaya.

Tony didn't protest, but stayed close, watching the tender way Ziva was with their daughter, listening and wishing he knew what it was she murmured to the baby in Hebrew. He wasn't able to read her a story tonight, the emotion was still making it hard to speak. But he kissed her head and watched her lay in the crib, counting breaths and feeling like nothing had ever meant so much. When Chaya was almost asleep, both parents whispered goodnight and quietly left the room.

Once outside in the hall, Tony reached for Ziva and she went willingly into his arms. His hold on her was gentle and yet almost desperate. When he sought her lips, Ziva poured her whole heart into the kiss, wishing tonight more than any other that she was ready to give her husband the comfort of her body. But they both knew she wasn't, so Tony settled for kissing his wife breathless.

They went downstairs and spent the remaining hours cuddling on the couch while a movie played. Ziva barely watched any of it because her attention was on the slow, almost thoughtful way Tony was stroking her skin, noting when he stared at her like he was memorizing everything about her. Ziva turned to him and tried to smile but Tony was so serious and she could think of nothing that would help, so instead she pulled his head down and pressed her lips gently against his.

For a moment Tony didn't move and Ziva sat back to see his eyes closed and something that looked so very like pain in his features. Understanding, Ziva kissed him again, coaxing his lips apart and finally getting a response. She expected the desperation that always came from trauma and emotional moments between them, but Tony's lips moved slowly over hers and the sadness in his touch was something so tangible Ziva could almost taste it. Then she did and realized his tears had fallen on her lips.

"Oh Tony," Ziva whispered, opening her arms and holding her husband tightly against her. "I am so sorry. I wish-" but he cut her off with a kiss as if he couldn't bear to hear the words.

They stayed on the couch for a long time, unwilling to move and lose the contact they had with each other. But finally it was bedtime and Tony and Ziva walked slowly up the stairs holding hands, since Tony wasn't able to let her go just yet. In their bedroom, Ziva sat on the bed and watched Tony undress. He pulled his shirt off and she gasped, moving into his space to ghost her fingers over the large dark bruise on his stomach. Her eyes filled with tears and Ziva couldn't speak.

Tony held her hand over the mark, wincing at her touch but wanting it. Then he put her hand to his heart. "Still here," he whispered.

Suddenly her mouth was on his, urgent and demanding, desperation clear in the way she held him. But Tony wasn't about to argue and pushed her back onto the bed, lying beside her as his lips continued to caress hers, pulling away and coming back for more. His hands slid down her sides and up her back, causing Ziva to shiver at the heat from his touch.

How many long moments they lay there kissing and touching and just being together the couple wasn't sure, but eventually they reached a point that was either stop now or go further. Tony's lips slipped down her neck and Ziva tilted her head to give him access before she'd even consciously thought about it.

It felt so good that for a few seconds Ziva let him touch her like that, then she found her words and put her hands on his upper arms. "Tony." Her voice was a breathy whisper and even to her own ears lacked conviction. Tony got to her collarbone, brushing his lips over the scar and she knew she had to stop him. Pushing him back, Ziva shook her head once. "We cannot."

His eyes were clouded with desire and Ziva ached to be able to give him what he wanted and needed from her. Even now she could not say for sure what held her back, but she knew this was not the time. Tony sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face and through his hair. "I know." He studied her and saw something. "But you want to be able to, don't you?"

Ziva's gaze faltered and she looked down only to see the bruise that reminded her how close she came to losing him today. "Yes." Her eyes came up and she searched his. "I wish tonight...I know you need me, I can see it." Ziva's fingers swept over his cheek. "Oh my love, I am ashamed of my fear because you deserve this and I want to have new memories. But it is not that easy."

Tony slid his body closer to hers. "Isn't it though?" He wove his fingers into her hair. "Think about it Zi - when I was kissing and touching you, were you afraid? Because I was not getting that vibe."

Ziva let him see all the way to her heart. "No, I was not. But that could change in a moment. If you put your hand under my clothes, if you touched me the wrong way...I am afraid I would hurt you before I could tell you to stop." Her hands came up to hold his face. "I refuse to fear you, and because of that I still must ask you to near."

Tony put his hand over hers. "I promised Zi, and not only when it's convenient but when it's not." He held out his arms. "Can I hold you, please? I need this."

The fear that cloaked his gaze was one she well understood and Ziva pressed her body into his, her arms firmly around his back, her weight shifted so she didn't lean on his bruise. Occasionally Tony trembled and he would tighten his grip on her, Ziva didn't think he'd ever held her so possessively before, like he couldn't get close enough. She was sure he wouldn't let go of her all night, so she got comfortable, her head resting on Tony's chest. She wanted to hear his heartbeat and be so thankful that he made it home tonight. With his wife in his arms and her breath warm and soft on his neck, Tony sighed and closed his eyes. This was what it meant to be alive.


	64. Chapter 64

_A/N: Hey guys! So sorry about today! I worked really early this morning and didn't have time to get the chapter up. When I got home I had to finish the editing and then I went out with my family before I was ready to post. The original Ch 64 was up for all of about thirty seconds before I realized I'd missed an entire scene and had to take it down. Sorry for the confusion. Hope this makes up for it. Thanks so much for all the support! ~ Love, Aliyah_

Ziva awoke to Tony tossing restlessly beside her. That he'd let go of her at all was surprising considering the way they fell asleep, but her heart broke when he thrust his hands out in front of himself and cried. "No, please, don't. Please." The last word ripped from his throat and startled him into consciousness and Ziva was in his arms before he even had the presence of mind to reach for her.

"Shh," she whispered, holding him tightly and stroking his hair. "It is alright, I am here. You are fine Tony." He buried his face in her shoulder and she felt the sobs shake his body. Aching to do something that would help, Ziva had to be content with what she could offer.

Finally he took a deep breath and moved back to see her face, brushing her hair back and looking into her eyes, searching them for a truth only he knew. The kiss that came next did not surprise her and Ziva molded her mouth to his, willing to give as much as she could of what he needed.

Tony broke away and dropped his head into his hands. She sighed, her fingers never leaving his skin as they skated over his chest and arms and back. "Did they shoot you?" Now it was his turn to talk about a nightmare.

He nodded. "No vest this time. And I was trying to tell them they couldn't, that I had a little girl at home, that my wife...but no one was listening and then gun went off and then there was just nothing."

"I could not sleep easily after my first close call at NCIS," she confided, without going into detail about what she had done in order to forget. It was not an option this time. "You do not very quickly forget what it is like to almost die."

"I don't want to miss any of this," Tony whispered hoarsely. "I don't want to miss our marriage or watching Chaya grow up. I don't want to lose this life where I finally know what it means to be happy and loved and proud of something for the first time in a long time."

Ziva wrapped her arms around her husband. "I know, I know that fear. Please remember that you are okay. You came home Tony, that is my gift today. It will be alright."

He lay back down and pushed his hand through his hair. "I'm not sure about that Zi, but if you keep looking at me like that, I'll try a whole lot harder to believe it."

She placed a soft sweet kiss on his lips and settled with her head on his chest and her hand resting on his neck. Tony's arm came around her back and his lips lingered on her hair. "I love you Zi," was whispered into her hair, the last words she would hear until morning.

**NCIS**

Gibbs wasn't surprised when Tony didn't come into work Thursday. He remembered the first time he'd been shot at after Kelly was born - only direct orders got him out of the house and back to his job. Tony stayed at home in bed with his wife, and Chaya when she was nursing, until noon. At that point Ziva poked him.

"You need to feed me."

He lifted his head from her shoulder and glanced at the clock. "If I must."

"It is not negotiable."

Tony got up and went downstairs, followed closely by Ziva and their hungry baby girl. He looked torn between making them something to eat and feeding his daughter. Ziva shook her head. "Next time." He sighed and got out a frying pan, whipping up omelettes and grilled cheese sandwiches to make up for the breakfast they missed. Ziva gave him the baby when she finished and Tony cradled Chaya against his shoulder, patting her back gently.

"You got a burp for Daddy princess? Your tummy will feel much better without that extra air, I promise." It took a little doing but finally the bubble of air burst forth and he smiled. "That's my girl. Let's go upstairs, huh? Change that stinky bum." Chaya's eyes fluttered and she nestled her head into his neck. Tony hugged her gently. "Yeah, I love you too honey."

Ziva did dishes while she awaited her husband's return and they sat down together, practically devouring the food. Tony was across from his wife, holding her hand and sliding his finger over her wrist, finding comfort in her steady pulse. Because she remembered what it was like to have a close call, to know she almost died, to think that she should've moved sooner or been faster, Ziva did her best to comfort her husband.

After eating they settled on the couch, Tony laying down with an icepack on his bruise and his head in her lap. It had taken some convincing before he was willing to take the painkillers the hospital prescribed, because he knew what he was like on drugs and he wouldn't put it past his wife to videotape the experience if it was entertaining enough. But she promised her lips would be glued and no part of his loopiness would end up on YouTube, so he gave in and swallowed the pills before stretching out along the couch. Ziva scraped her fingers lightly through his hair and he closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. Ziva smiled and bent to kiss his forehead, continuing with the gentle pressure on his scalp.

Tony groaned. "Do you have any idea how good that feels?"

Ziva smiled. "Probably as nice as it is when you do it to me."

He caught her hand and kissed her palm. "Thanks Zi."

Her fingers skimmed lightly over his face. "You are not the only one who was scared ahava."

The only thing that prevailed upon Tony to move was his daughter gurgling in the bassinet and smacking her lips for her next feeding. He sat on the lazyboy side of the couch with Chaya and put the footrest up, holding the bottle for her. The little girl sucked greedily and Tony couldn't tear his eyes away from her. Ziva stood in the kitchen watching father and daughter together before going upstairs to express milk. Her breasts missed when Chaya didn't nurse.

Their evening passed quietly except for when Chaya insisted on exercising her lungs after her second cluster feed. She'd been doing three the last few days so Ziva was expecting a change. When she woke at four am thinking Chaya would be hungry, she was confused to find the baby still sleeping peacefully. Returning to her room and the comfort of Tony's arms, Ziva closed her eyes. Tony nuzzled her neck and drew her close and she relaxed back into sleep. Chaya didn't cry for her food until six am.

**NCIS**

Ziva wanted to start getting things back to normal on Friday, so after feeding Chaya she kissed Tony on the cheek and left to go for a jog. She didn't push herself too far, only two miles like when she first returned. She got home before her husband left for work and walked into the house just as Tony was pouring himself a cup of coffee.

There was colour in her cheeks and light in her eyes and Tony stood and stared for a long moment until his brain got his feet moving to go kiss her. Ziva smiled and Tony felt like his world started spinning again. "Hi. Nice run?"

"Yes. I love being able to get out now. This is what I have always done." Ziva took a sip of his coffee and kissed his cheek. "I am going for a shower." She raised an eyebrow. "Do not get hurt."

He saluted. "Yes ma'am." Her eyes narrowed and he looked away. "I mean, yes dear." Ziva shook her head and took the stairs two at a time. Watching her go, Tony thought of what he'd seen in her eyes. It was a glimpse of the old Ziva, the confidence that was slowly beginning to return. If working out made that happen, he was all for it.

When Tony put himself on desk duty, Gibbs got concerned and fought the urge to slap some sense back into the man. He watched his agent all day and finally decided to talk it over with Celeste and bring up the subject on Monday if it was still an issue.

**NCIS**

After she got out of the shower, Ziva dialed the doctor's office and asked for Mandy. The receptionist connected her and after three rings, the call was answered. "Dr. Meyers."

"It is Ziva DiNozzo, do you have a minute?"

Mandy put down her pen. "You've caught me between patients Ziva, what can I do for you?"

The woman rubbed her forehead. "Chaya has been sleeping seven hours at night, should I be worried?"

Mandy laughed. "You should be celebrating! You're one of the lucky ones if Chaya is going to sleep through the night at seven weeks."

"I feel badly letting her go so long without a feeding," Ziva admitted.

"She's cluster feeding at night, right?" the doctor inquired.

"Yes, sometimes up to three times."

"Good, then she's getting what she needs. If Chaya gets hungry during the night, she'll let you know Ziva. If she was only four weeks, I'd be telling you to wake her after four hours, but she's coming up on two months. Relax Mommy, you're doing fine."

Although not completely certain, Ziva felt better getting her doctor's opinion. "Thank you."

Mandy chuckled. "Anytime. I remember those days when every new thing was scary. So enjoy the extra sleep and I'll see you guys next week."

Monday's case kept the team late and Tony didn't make it home until well after everyone's bedtime. Out of the times that he'd come home once she was asleep, something Ziva was getting more used to, this was the one that really stuck out. He watched her from the doorway of their room for a long time after he came upstairs, then finally moved to take his place beside her, kissing the skin behind her ear softly, as had become his signal. Without any hesitation at all, Ziva completely relaxed, her body practically melting into his as he spooned her. Contentment bloomed in his chest and Tony wrapped an arm around her waist, buried his nose in her hair, and fell asleep. Knowing she trusted him was the best feeling in the world.

**NCIS**

When the baby woke at five am, Ziva was roused from her blissful, dreamless sleep to find her husband close enough to kiss. So she pressed her lips to Tony's cheek, fed her daughter and got changed into workout clothes. She went for a jog and to the pool after for a longer swim than usual. It was incredible how refreshed she felt after a full night's rest. She was not at all surprised to find Tony still asleep when she returned two hours later. She stood and watched him for a moment, then decided to wake him in a memorable way when she got out of the shower.

Feeling completely human for the first time in ages once she had washed and shaved and done her hair, Ziva walked into the nursery and collected her daughter, who was cooing at her reflection in the mirror. She went back to their room and laid the baby, tummy down, on Tony's chest.

Chaya gurgled, slapping her hands on his t-shirt. Ziva kept her palm on Chaya's back so she wouldn't roll off and waited for Tony to open his eyes. He did, still groggy even after more sleep than he'd had in two months, and smiled a little. "Hi princess, couldn't wait to see me, huh?" The baby laughed when his voice rumbled through his chest and Tony and Ziva's eyes met. "First smiles and now laughs C? I don't know how much change Mommy and I can handle." He sighed and lifted Chaya to kiss her cheek. "I love you sweetie."

Ziva held out a bottle and Tony sat up a bit, settling Chaya into a laying down position. After watching his daughter for awhile, he looked at his wife. "Zi, do you ever think maybe I should get a different job?"

Her brow furrowed. "Why? You love working at NCIS."

He glanced away and shrugged. "I don't know. It might be good to do something...less dangerous.

Ziva sighed and drew her knuckles down his cheek. "You cannot let one incident make you afraid."

"But what if-"

She cut him off with a shake of her head. "We have a rule about 'what if', or at least," Ziva thought about it, "we have dealt with them enough that we should have a rule. You cannot think in 'what ifs'." She made sure he was looking at her. "You are a cop Tony, it is part of who you are and part of what I love about you. You made a choice to fight for the victims and the innocent, please do not give up." Ziva kissed his lips. "Keep fighting for them like you fought for me and Chaya, and I will cherish each moment we have together, for however long that is."

Tony squeezed her hand. "Fifty-seven years, remember Zi? You're stuck with me." He looked down at Chaya. "I'll be faster next time baby girl, I promise. I don't ever want someone to tell you I'm not coming home."

**NCIS**

Later that evening Gibbs and Celeste were in his basement sanding the boat. Celeste had been reading her book but it hadn't taken much coaxing from Gibbs for her to abandon the story and join him. Now he was a couple feet away from her using slow steady strokes with the grain while she waited for him to share whatever was bothering him.

Gibbs sighed. "Tony did not take getting shot well." He'd gone over to her house that night, needing her help getting his confidence back, his hands shaking as he thought about what he would've told Ziva had the worst happened. "He stayed home Thursday and yesterday he put himself on voluntary desk duty. His head's not in the game."

Celeste put her hand on his arm. "Tony has much more to lose now than he did before, it might take him a few days to shake off the fear."

Gibbs dragged a hand down his face. "Don't want to lose any of them Les."

She moved closer and rubbed his back. "I know you don't Jethro, and you've done such a good job keeping them safe so far."

"Getting too old for this," he grunted.

Celeste laughed. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs does not quit. You are beyond a doubt the most stubborn man I've ever known. Now," her expression grew stern, "you will go back to work on Monday and make sure your agent is alright. Then you will do your job and catch the bad guys. And just like always, you will bring your team home safe. Is that clear?"

Gibbs gave her a glimmer of a smile. "Yes ma'am." He moved behind her and held her tight against his chest. "Gonna stick around, right Les?"

She turned to face him with raised eyebrow. "Tonight, or forever?"

He chuckled. "I was kinda thinking forever but if you're offering..."

Celeste shook her head. "You don't need a babysitter Jethro, you've done this without me for years. But I will stay right here until you are okay. And as for the rest, my forever is here." She kissed him. "I love you."

He cupped her face in his hands, pressing his lips to hers, taking all the comfort he could get from this woman he now needed in his life. He breathed his response into her hair. "Love you too."

**NCIS**

Sunday had been a good day to break out the video camera and record some of Chaya's new behaviours, but that afternoon she woke up early from her nap and none of the usual things worked to soothe her. Finally Tony held her out towards Ziva. "Maybe she needs something to eat."

Ziva rubbed her eyes and sat down on the piano bench. "That is not her hungry cry Tony." He made a face, wondering why he didn't know this. She shrugged. "I have been around her more, I can tell the difference."

Aimlessly her fingers wandered over the keys, pressing them at random. Chaya suddenly stopped crying and looked towards the noise. Tony's eyes widened. "Zi, do that again."

She did, turning to sit properly and playing something from memory. Chaya quieted instantly, staring intently at the instrument as she listened. Amazed, Ziva continued to play through a list of songs in her head before opening the lullaby book from Ducky and singing as well as playing. When she stopped Chaya started crying again, but it sounded different this time and she moved to the chair, holding out her arms.

"Now she is hungry."

Tony watched the process and shook his head. "That was really cool."

Ziva looked up and smiled. "Both of us have sung to her and I practiced on the piano when she was still inside of me. Perhaps Chaya just enjoys good music."

"That's something to remember," he noted, heading into the kitchen to warm up dinner. "You never cease to surprise us little girl. I can't wait to hear what you have to say when you start talking. I have a feeling there's a lot going on in that pretty head of yours. Those bright eyes see everything." Yeah, life with his daughter would never be boring.

**NCIS**

Monday morning Gibbs stopped at Tony's desk first. "DiNozzo, you good?"

Tony met his eyes, the question unexpected, but it didn't take him long to work out the meaning. "Yeah Boss," he said slowly, rubbing his wedding ring. "You can thank my wife, she put it in perspective."

Gibbs grunted. "Good. Guess we really do need the women in our lives."

The comment shocked Tony but he nodded. "More than we know."

Later, when Tony was gone for coffee and Matt had disappeared downstairs, Gibbs approached McGee. "Book done yet?"

McGee jumped, startled out of his concentration on the computer. He rarely expected to be spoken to. "How-" he began and then shook his head. "Abby. Yes, I finished it awhile ago. It comes out the middle of July. Why?"

"Need a copy," Gibbs said gruffly.

Tim's mouth fell open. "You...want a copy of my book?"

"Signed copy," Gibbs clarified, then sighed and elaborated. "Celeste's birthday is Wednesday, she's a big fan. How much?"

McGee shook his head. "Tell her it's a gift. I'll have it for you Wednesday morning."

Gibbs nodded and turned to go but looked back. "Thanks Tim."

McGee was so surprised he could've been knocked over by a feather. Now there was something he didn't see every day.

**NCIS**

Tony had only just stepped into the lab when Abby spun around and glared furiously at him. "How dare you!" she cried in outrage, stomping over and giving him a headslap Gibbs would've been proud of. "You idiot! You could have died!" He stood there, stunned, but then the next second she had her arms thrown around him so tight he could barely breathe. "But I'm so glad you're okay." Abby stood back and punched him in the shoulder. "Don't do that again!"

Slightly concerned about her reaction, he tentatively held out a peace offering of No-Caf Pow and rubbed the back of his head, trying not to wince. "For the record, it wasn't on purpose."

She took a long drink and sighed. "I know. But my heart was in my throat and then McGee wouldn't let me go see you in the hospital and Gibbs said you were fine and they sent you home but I wouldn't believe him until I saw you myself. Why did it take you so long to come down?"

Tony checked his watch, two in the afternoon. According to Abby, he probably should've been in the lab by 0700 to show off his relatively unscathed self. So he just shrugged. "Gibbs." Seeing the concern in her eyes, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her gently, feeling her protruding belly pressed against him. "Don't go freaking the baby out just because of me." Abby made a face and he chuckled. "I'm alright Abs. A few scrapes, one monster bruise, and a healthy respect for bad guys with guns. But I'm all in one piece, I promise."

Abby sniffed. "I was afraid it was going to be like Jenny all over again and I'd never get to say goodbye. I love you Tony. You're the best big brother I could've ever wanted."

"And I'm blessed to have you as a little sister." He tweaked one of her braids. "Tell McGoo not to be too hard on himself, okay? No one saw that coming."

Knowing her husband was struggling with that very issue, she smiled slightly. "I will. But it might mean more coming from you."

Tony nodded. "I'll take him out for a NutterButter later, I don't think he's had his quota yet today."

"Thanks Tony." Abby took a breath and turned back to her computer, all business now that he'd been properly reamed out and forgiven. "Now, about those fingerprints..."

**NCIS**

Tony came home from work before Chaya woke up and Ziva met him at the stairs wearing a pair of small white shorts that made her legs look like they went on forever and a wide necked grey sweater that was falling off one shoulder. Tony stood and stared at her long enough that Ziva knew she'd made an impression.

With her hair down and curly and a possible 'come hither' smile, his wife was entirely irresistible so Tony didn't even try. He snaked his arms around her waist, claiming her lips. He felt her smirk and quickly slid his fingers under her shirt to attack her ribs. Ziva laughed and squirmed away, swatting him. Tony grinned.

"You're doing this on purpose."

Her eyes twinkled. "And you are not complaining."

Tony brought his mouth to hers again, kissing her breathless, gently sucking on her bottom lip as he pulled away. Remembering that day in the backyard, he took a chance and kept going, softly touching his lips to the corner of her mouth, her jaw, and slowly working his way down her neck. Ziva's eyelids closed and she leaned into him, focusing on the way it felt, her hand sliding into his hair as an encouragement. Tony brushed his fingers over her shoulder and pressed a kiss to the skin.

Ziva's eyes fluttered and had the unfocused look one got when kissing and touching took over the senses. She sighed. "I like that."

He leaned his forehead on hers. "Yeah, I can tell." Tony raised an eyebrow hopefully. "There's more where that came from."

Apprehension clouded her gaze and she dragged one finger over his neck and down his chest. "That may not be a good idea." She smiled a little and kissed him again. "But it is very nice to be wanted."

Tony threaded his fingers into her hair. "I don't think there will ever be a day when I don't."

Ziva stared into his eyes and a small smile touched his lips. "That is how you used to look at me," she whispered, pushing away from the wall. "I think it is time for supper."

Tony stood frozen for a moment, thinking back to their conversation after Abby and McGee's married and pregnant announcement. That she was okay recognizing the look he wore when he was flirting and thinking about more gave him just the tiniest bit of hope. Without arguing with her, Tony followed his wife into the kitchen and got out plates, still lost in thought. Every step forward seemed to bring them to an immediate standstill and all he wanted was the freedom to go full speed ahead just to see what would happen. One day they might get a breakthrough.

**NCIS**

Much later, after their baby girl had been tucked into her crib for the last time that night, Tony came downstairs with a blanket and flashlight and held out his hand. Come outside with me Zi."

It would do no good to ask why, not with his eyes twinkling like he had a surprise, so Ziva slipped her hand into his and walked with him into the backyard. Together they spread out the blanket on the cold grass and Ziva copied Tony by laying flat on her back and looking up at the stars. The moon shone white against the dark sky and she smiled.

"It is beautiful."

Tony folded his fingers between hers. "It's the biggest full moon of the year tonight." She moved closer, resting her head on his shoulder. Tony shifted to put his arm around Ziva and turned to breathe in her hair. "What's your favourite constellation?"

Ziva searched the sky and sighed. "Orion, I suppose. My nickname in Mossad, when they dared to give me one, was The Hunter. I never lost a mark."

He tried to lighten the moment. "I think of Men in Black every time someone mentions those stars. 'The galaxy is on Orion's Belt'."

She rolled onto her side, placing her hand over Tony's heart. "And yours?"

Tony looked up and pointed. "My astronomy knowledge only ever got me as far as finding the Big and Little Dippers. As long as I see something I recognize, I'm happy."

For a brief second one of the pinpricks of light in the heavens came to life and shot into the night, a bright trail marking its path. It was gone before they could blink but both Tony and Ziva had caught the moment. "I have not seen a shooting star in years," Ziva said softly. "I love the stars. They are so bright in the dessert, but I never got to look at them...last time."

"Now you can," Tony whispered, lifting her hand and kissing her fingers, not wanting her thinking about Africa, "anytime you like. The backyard is all yours." Ziva snuggled against him and they stayed there on the blanket until their eyes started getting heavy and it became time to go to sleep. That was one of the most peaceful nights either could remember.


	65. Chapter 65

"You are going to get tired of hearing the same things over and over," Ziva warned her therapist as Devon began her usual line of questioning.

"It's the only way to tell if something's changed," Devon countered, then raised an eyebrow. "Rumour has it that Gibbs' MCRT had an interesting day last week."

Ziva closed her eyes and brought her hands up to her mouth. "Yes, I do not know if I have ever been more afraid. When he walked in the door..." she shook her head. "I did not want to let go. And then he held Chaya for hours, he would not put her down." Ziva sighed. "Tony was so quiet and so sad, it does not make a good place inside your head when you know how close you came to dying." She looked down at her rings. "Then at bedtime it hit me and I needed him close, to feel his touch. I did not want him to stop kissing me, but I was afraid of what would happen if he did not."

"Did you want to have sex with Tony at that point?" the doctor asked, blunt as usual.

Ziva swallowed. "I wished very much that I was brave enough to allow him the comfort of my body, yes."

"That's progress."

"No," the other woman shook her head slowly. "Progress will be when I actually can, instead of just wishing it."

"You've got to give him more freedom sometime Ziva, otherwise we'll never know what your worst triggers are and how to work through them," Devon pointed out.

Ziva nodded, thinking about yesterday and how she had dressed for the weather but more to see what kind of reaction she could get from her husband. He had not disappointed. "I will think about it."

Devon would take what she could get. "What else is new?"

Glancing towards her baby, Ziva smiled. "Chaya is sleeping through the night, seven hours." She sat back. "It is amazing to feel rested again, I almost forgot what that was like. The energy I have now compared to a few weeks ago is a nice surprise."

"That's exciting," Devon grinned, "and just in time too. Back to work Monday, right?"

Ziva's eyes shadowed. "Yes. And it is coming too quickly. As much as I have looked forward to returning to my team, much has changed. I am a mother now, a wife, not just an assassin or an investigator." She ran her teeth over her lip. "I worry about how these new realities will affect the way I approach my job."

"It might take awhile," Devon agreed, "but I think you'll eventually find a balance. It's going to be hard to juggle both, a struggle to leave your daughter in the care of others, but this is everything you've worked for are you ready?"

The Israeli woman looked down at her hands, then back up. "No, but I will be."

At the end of the session, Devon set everything aside and leaned forward. "Ziva, I've made a decision. You've been coming to see me for over six months now. The progress you've made from those first visits to now is incredible and more than anything I want to see that continue, but I also want to step back enough to see if I've given you the skills to deal with things on your own. So today will be your last once a week appointment, after this I'll want you to come back every other week instead."

Ziva's brow furrowed and Devon hastened to add more. "Not to say that if you need me I won't be here and I'll stagger your therapy and the couple's sessions so that there will be a Wednesday afternoon appointment available every other week if you need to talk. I think you can do this and I want you to show me."

The announcement came as a shock, Ziva hadn't expected it. "That will change things, will it not?"

"Change isn't always a bad thing Ziva, give it a chance and see what happens."

Taking a deep breath, she nodded her acceptance, but in her heart she was not as confident of her ability to handle things on her own.

**NCIS**

Later that night Ziva arrived at Gibbs' house, a little unsure of what she would do if he had company. But when she peeked in the basement, it was only the lone silver haired man working on his boat. He glanced up, his expression unreadable as always. "You runnin' again?" Ziva shook her head and he stared at her for a minute. "Well don't just stand there, come down and help."

Walking slowly downstairs with Chaya's carseat, Ziva set the baby by Gibbs' workbench and picked up a sanding block, moving to where he pointed. The older man took a break to crouch down and watch his granddaughter sleep while he waited for Ziva to talk. It took several minutes before she stopped and ran her fingers over the smooth wood, sighing.

"After today I will only have therapy every other week." Ziva dropped her eyes to his, fiddling with the sandpaper. "I have been going so long I am unsure of what to do without it. There was a time when I did not need anyone, now that is hard to remember."

Gibbs stroked Chaya's hand and stared at her mother. "You need to learn to trust yourself again Ziver. I think a break will be good for you, show you that you can handle things, maybe make you see how far you've come since September."

Ziva looked down at the floor, her eyes falling on the faded stain from her brother's blood that had never been completely washed away. "So often it feels like I am moving backwards, perhaps there is no end, no way to ever be normal again."

Gibbs shrugged. "Normal is overrated, you need to make your own and decide what that's going to be."

Ziva frowned. "Do you always have an answer for everything?"

"Just helping you see what's already there."

She checked her watch. "It is almost time for her last feeding, I should go."

Gibbs moved in front of her, propping his hands on her shoulders. "Don't give up Ziva, you're going to find yourself again, I promise."

Ziva didn't look convinced. "I hope that is one you can keep." She sighed and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Gibbs."

He watched her walk up the stairs, baby seat in hand, and rubbed his face. Gibbs knew she was still in there somewhere, that there had to be a way to get her back. Unfortunately, it was something no one could do for her. Ziva would have to fight that battle herself, with all of them around to cheer her on.

**NCIS**

It was a good thing that Gibbs thought to call him when Ziva left, otherwise the surprise could've easily been ruined. As it was, McGee had just left when she pulled into the drive. Tony met her at the door with a grin and a kiss, both of which were hardly returned.

She was quiet and Chaya lay awake in her seat, sucking on her fingers, so he got her out and headed upstairs. Ziva settled in the rocking chair to nurse and Tony got a beginner's book - A Fish Out of Water, reading it to his daughter but keeping a close eye on his wife the whole time.

He followed her into their room after Chaya was changed and in her crib and sat on the bed waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. Leaning back on his hands, Tony looked at her. "Going to tell me?"

She reached for the covers on her side, avoiding his eyes. "What?"

He rolled his eyes. "We both know no one goes to Gibbs' house for the cheery atmosphere, there's always a reason."

Ziva sighed. "I am tired Tony, there is a lot in my head tonight. I do not want to talk, I just want to go to sleep."

Tony moved to lay behind her, his fingers idly wandering through her messy curls. "I know you're tired honey, but maybe you need to share some of the stuff in your head. It only gets worse if you don't talk about it."

She shook her head. "It is nothing Tony, do not worry."

Which of course was the easiest way to get him to worry.

**NCIS**

But whatever distance he'd sensed her putting between them in the night was gone by the time the sun rose when she kissed him before she got out of bed to feed Chaya and go for a jog. She came back after more than twice the time it would take her to run the little she was supposed to be doing while she was still taking it easy, but just like any other morning Ziva stole a sip of his coffee, teased him with a kiss and a look and went upstairs for a shower.

Tony hated having to leave without talking to her but Gibbs was the scarier of the two these days, so he put it behind him and went to work. A text sent around lunch time just to say 'I love you' put a grin on his face for the rest of the day and no one was surprised by the speed with which he exited the building as soon as Gibbs released them to go home.

When she fell asleep in his arms that night, whispering that finding herself now was harder than she thought, he knew where her thoughts had been before and forgave her for shutting him out by cuddling closer to kiss the skin behind her ear and share her pillow, feeling the soft rise and fall of her chest against his arm that proclaimed all was right in their little world.

**NCIS**

So far Gibbs was doing a very good job with her birthday. It started with a phone call that woke her up, then an unexpected appearance so he could deliver a perfectly creamed and sugared coffee and kiss her before he went to work. And just now a bouquet of lilacs and forget-me-nots, her favourite flowers with a message.

Celeste held the purple blooms to her nose and breathed in the best scent in the whole world. She couldn't help but smile as she took them to the kitchen and put them in water, the man knew how to be sweet. When she checked her mail in early afternoon, Celeste found a card from Jenna, a black envelope with silvery writing from Abby - the biggest surprise - and a formal invitation requesting her presence at her ex-husband's house for dinner.

Dressing to make an impression in a skirt, blouse and the necklace he'd given her for their first anniversary, Celeste applied make-up, dabbed on a bit of perfume and walked leisurely down the street to knock on his door. "Wow," Gibbs smiled when he came to let her in, "you look great." He closed the door and kissed her cheek. "Happy Birthday Les."

She followed him into the kitchen. "You've been saying that all day in different ways, I had no idea you were so good at surprises."

"More to come," her winked, escorting her to the table and pulling out her chair. There was a wrapped package sitting by her plate and Celeste's eyes gleamed but Gibbs' glare warned her away. "You have to wait."

She made a face at him. "Tease."

"It'll be worth your patience," he promised. "Supper is almost ready."

To Celeste's amazement, the food he served did not include steak, but rather homemade soup and salsa chicken with peas and salad. She raised an eyebrow. "You can make real food."

"Don't sound so skeptical," he grumbled. "I've been married enough times to pick up a few things." Gibbs poured her a glass of wine and one for himself, then sat down around the corner from her. "Dig in."

Celeste did, feeling incredibly special for all the work he'd gone to. When it came time for dessert, she was instructed to close her eyes while he got it. Gibbs set the plate in front of her. "Okay."

She looked and her expression softened. "You got me ice cream cake."

"Blow out your candle." Celeste pursed her lips and snuffed out the flickering light, closing her eyes for a moment. "What did you wish for?" he asked.

Her eyes widened. "You know I can't tell you, then it might not come true."

Gibbs kissed the back of her hand. "I know what mine is."

She took a bite, savouring the cold sweetness on her tongue. "You're spoiling me Jethro."

"You're my-mine to spoil now," Gibbs corrected himself, almost saying something not yet true. Celeste's small smile understood and let him gloss over it for now. They held hands through dessert and curled up don the couch after to watch a movie. Celeste recognized the music instantly and turned to Gibbs with shock in her eyes.

"We're watching Titanic?"

He sighed. "It is your birthday."

Her expression grew infinitely tender. "You don't like it."

"Love you," Gibbs said firmly.

Celeste cuddled close to him. "Thank you."

Gibbs kissed her hair. "Kiss me? It'll get me through."

She leaned up to push her lips gently into his. "As often as you want."

He tightened his hand on her hip. "Be careful what you promise."

Celeste met his eyes. "No regrets Jethro, not this time. I want this." Her fingers slid through his and she got comfortable. "You don't need an excuse to hold me, you know," she informed him a minute later.

"I'll take it," Gibbs said gruffly and the way she smiled, the feel of her in his arms, the intoxication of her kiss was worth three hours watching a ship sink. She wasn't going anywhere and nothing had made him feel so right in a really long time.

**NCIS**

When the credits finally rolled and Celeste stood to stretch, Gibbs went to the kitchen and returned carrying the wrapped package. Her eyes twinkled. "I almost forgot."

"Can't leave without your present," he replied, holding it out.

Celeste looked up. "I would've been happy with the flowers."

Gibbs shrugged. "Wanted you to have more."

She smiled and peeled back the paper, gasping in delight when she realized what she held. "Tim's new book. I didn't even know it was finished. Is it out?"

"Advance copy," Gibbs admitted, nudging the cover. "Look inside."

Celeste did and her lips curved upwards. _For Celeste Casey, whose work I admire. I'm glad you came back. Your friend, Thom E. Gemcity._

"Looks like you've got one vote at least," he said, reading the words upside down.

"Maybe even three, with Ziva, and Tony if he's choosing sides. But it's Abby's vote I need."

"It'll come Les," Gibbs assured her, though his own confidence wavered. Abby had not been pleased when he confronted her about the impromptu interrogation she and Tony had staged. And even though their Monday nights were helping, Abby still refused to discuss anything related to Celeste.

Celeste ran her fingers over the raised letters on the shiny dust jacket. "She may already be on her way." Meeting his eyes, she shook her head in slow bewilderment. "I got a card from her today." Celeste bit her lip. "I've been afraid to open it."

"Have it with you?" She nodded and pulled the black envelope out of her clutch, studying it for a moment before she handed it to him. Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Coward."

Celeste snorted. "With good reason." She sighed and crossed her arms. "Just get it over with Jethro."

Gibbs got his knife and slid it along the sealed flap. The card was black and sparkly, decorated with birthday bats wearing party hats, leaving him to wonder yet again exactly where Abby found Goth greeting cards. Opening it, his eyes skimmed the words and then he read it again while Celeste chewed on her lip.

"Think you're going to want to see this Les." He gave the card back and Celeste's eyes hesitantly read what was written inside.

_Dear Celeste, Timmy heard it was your birthday. Happy Birthday! Gibbs doesn't make great cake, but he's very good at birthdays. He's never forgotten mine and if he can remember both of ours, then I guess maybe he's got room for one more person. I don't hate you. ~Abby Scuito-McGee_

The last words were underlined and Celeste looked up at her ex-husband. "It's a start."

Gibbs stared at her. "Abby called you for Ziva, she trusted you with her friend. I'd say she's well on her way. And that's as close to a peace offering as you're ever going to get."

Celeste swallowed and wrapped her arms around him. "When we decided to start this, I never thought about how intimidating your kids would be. But I'm not sorry."

Gibbs' lips brushed her temple. "You'll be fine Les, just be yourself. How could they not love you?"

Her mouth meeting his became her response and he stood in the livingroom kissing her softly for several minutes, but finally pulled back to see her. "That book won't be an easy read. Tim's telling a hard story."

Celeste picked the thick volume up and nodded. "I think I need to know what happened to the team last summer Jethro, what you all went through."

"Remember that he couldn't tell it exactly right, but he did a good job reflecting how it changed us."

Celeste raised an eyebrow. "Did you read my birthday present?"

He shrugged. "Flipped through it, wanted to see what kinda story he decided to write. You'll need tea."

"I'll keep that in mind." She checked her watch. "It's getting late Jethro, walk me home?"

Gibbs held out his arm. "My pleasure."

Celeste gathered her things and smiled. "Abby was right, you're really good at birthdays."

Gibbs closed his eyes as the phrase echoed in his head, sounding suspiciously like an eight year old's voice. He hadn't heard those words in eighteen years.


	66. Chapter 66

Thursday morning after Chaya's five am feeding and a quick run, Ziva hid Tony's cell phone, tucked his watch under the mattress and turned off his alarm. She slid back beneath the sheets and relaxed against him, lulled to sleep by his steady heartbeat. Two hours later Chaya woke them, smacking her lips and sucking on her fingers, fast becoming more disgruntled as her hunger made itself apparent.

Ziva got up to get her, smiling when Tony yelled from their bedroom. "Dang it! Zi, I missed my alarm! Oh man, Gibbs is going to kill me. Where's my cell? Wait, why didn't he call?" He turned around and glared at her. "Why are you smiling?"

Coming towards them put Tony in Chaya's field of vision and she squealed delightedly at the sight of her daddy. His agitation evaporated and Ziva transferred the baby into his arms. "It makes me happy to see you too sweetie. I wish I could stay home with you and Mommy all day."

"You can," Ziva said simply, leaning up to kiss his cheek. "Happy Father's Day ahuvi."

Tony rotated his wrist to check his watch but found nothing and looked to his wife. "Father's Day, already?"

She nodded, smiling. "I called Gibbs, you have today off. What do you want to do?"

"Kiss you," he replied, sliding his hand behind her head and bringing his lips to hers. "Thank you," he whispered against her skin.

Ziva went to her side of the bed and reached into the drawer of her night table. "I got you something. It is not as nice as this," she touched her bracelet, "but it is still a present."

Tony sat down and traded her the baby for the small package. Chaya started rooting and Ziva helped her latch on, looking at him expectantly. He pulled the wrapping away and found a beautiful mahogany frame with the words 'Daddy and Me' across the top. A picture of him holding Chaya and kissing her head stared back at him in black and white. Underneath was a smaller copy of the snapshot Ziva took when he and Chaya fell asleep on the couch.

"I wanted you to have something in your wallet, for when you miss her," Ziva explained.

Tony swallowed and walked around the bed to reverently set the frame by his lamp. He reached into his suit jacket from the day before for his wallet and opened it. Tucked behind one section was an old worn photo. "I carry this one of us."

Ziva stared at the picture - her and Tony cuddled together on the couch, a memory from a team night the summer Gibbs left when Abby got out her camera and demanded they pose. She was already sitting close, it wasn't much effort to lean back against him and smile. "You have kept this for five years?"

He traced her face in the picture. "We looked happy in this. It was something to hold onto when things weren't always so happy." Tony sighed. "I looked at it every day when you were gone Zi, I tried so hard to remember what that moment felt like, because I wasn't sure I'd ever smile again."

Ziva switched Chaya to the other side and her fingers drifted down his cheek. "Then I will remember what a gift it is to see you happy now." He kissed her again, sliding his lips over hers and soaking in the joy of being here together. When he pulled away, Tony tucked the picture of himself and Chaya back in with the old one of them and closed his wallet.

"Got everything I need now." He stood and started looking for clean clothes. "She's two months old Ziva, let's go to the zoo."

Ziva chuckled and looked down at her daughter. "I think we are going to have fun with Daddy today tatelah. Are you ready?" The baby's contented gaze stared back at her. As far as Chaya was concerned, they only ever had happy days.

**NCIS**

Abby waited until Gibbs left for coffee before she snuck upstairs and set two items in his top desk drawer. Winking at her husband, she hurried back to the elevator before she got caught. When Gibbs returned, he opened the drawer to store his gun and badge and lifted out two small parcels. Although Leroy Jethro Gibbs wouldn't admit to curiosity, he sat down to open them right away.

The first was from Ziva, entrusted to Abby at Girl's Night. Gibbs took off the paper and found a framed picture capturing his first meeting with Chaya. The baby looked so small in his hands and in the background a blurry Ziva smiled, blinking back tears. Without a thought, he set the frame by his computer and looked to the next gift.

There were two things in the box from Abby - an ultrasound scan clearly showing her unborn baby sucking his thumb, and a picture McGee had snapped at the wedding, Abby wrapped in Gibbs' arms for a gentle hug. Gibbs stared at both and finally set the baby-to-be picture beside him and Chaya and tucked the one of he and Abby into the inside pocket of his jacket. Family should always be kept close to the heart.

**NCIS**

Celeste put the book down for the tenth time in the last several hours and stared out the window. This time Tim was almost too good at what he did, describing the way Tibbs, Amy, MacGregor and Tommy dealt with the news that there were no survivors when the Darien sank off the coast of Africa in a storm. Thinking of the team she knew, Celeste found the pain too real and needed a break, just as she had after Tommy shot and killed Micah in self-defense and when Lisa shut them all out, her ability to trust shattered in the wake of a lifetime of betrayals.

But no matter how much she wanted to sometimes or how hard she tried to concentrate on other things, Celeste was drawn back again to the story that continued to document the way their world had slowly spiraled out of control. She read about Lisa's capture and the painfully detailed descriptions of what she suffered at the hands of men who had a deep grudge against the military and took it out on her.

The perspective shifted back and forth between Lisa's tiny cell and the team's less than adequate coping skills. When Tommy finally decided enough was enough and someone had to answer for his partner's senseless death, Celeste closed the book and went to bed, wondering just how close to the truth the narrative came. But she was afraid to know, because to make any of it real seemed too cruel. They didn't deserve what they'd gone through.

**NCIS**

During Chaya's afternoon nap, Tony and Ziva lounged on the couch watching Magnum because very little made Tony happier unless it was James Bond. At one point he dragged his attention away from the TV and reached a hand over to Ziva's ribs, dragging his fingers up and down her side quickly. She jumped at his touch and he simply moved closer, doing it again.

"Tony!" Ziva said in exasperation, locking her fingers around his wrist. "Stop!" He looked hurt and she rolled her eyes. "How many times do I have to tell you that I do not want to be tickled? If you wish for me to hurt you that can be arranged, however, I assume it is not on top of your to be done list."

Tony sighed and dropped his hands, returning to his previous position. "You're no fun."

Ziva leaned over and brushed her lips against his ear. "I will have you know that I can be very fun. But you will have to wait and see."

He groaned as she pulled away with a twinkle in her eyes, smirking in triumph. Teasing Tony was so much fun. Apparently he didn't agree because he gave her a dirty look and pouted for awhile until she got Chaya from the bassinet and dropped both baby and a bottle in his lap. Then his grin returned full force and she tucked herself into the corner of the couch, loving just to watch him be a dad.

Later, once their daughter was asleep for the night, the couple settled back onto the couch and Tony looked at Ziva with hope in his eyes. "C'mere," he whispered, tugging her into his lap. Biting back a smile, she went willingly and sat back on his thighs, watching as he drank her in.

Then Tony closed the gap between them and kissed her, his lips gentle but insistent on hers. She closed her eyes and held very still, memorizing the sensation. He pulled away but she would have none of it and claimed his mouth again. Tony deepened the caress and pulled her into his body, wanting her closer than she already was.

There was nothing but delight coursing through her veins as Ziva savoured the taste of her husband's lips and cherished the experience, glad to share these moments with the man she loved. The stirring in her abdomen caught her off guard and Ziva broke away from the kiss, closing her eyes and tilting her head down. "Tony," she begged while his warm hands still cradled her face and his breath feathered over her hair, "please do not make me want you."

Tony blew out a breath, trying to focus his thoughts when all he wanted to do was kiss her again. "We're married Zi, we're getting closer to each other every day. Isn't it okay to start bringing up those feelings now?"

Ziva looked at him with eyes torn between desire and fear. She rested her hand over his heart. "I am glad that we do not have to be so careful now as before, but I am still afraid to get too close to you."

Tony stroked her hair back. "Why sweetheart?" She'd given him so much, and yet still more she held back from him. Was is necessary for Ziva to protect her heart when he had promised her his forever?

Her expression reflected a need to run away and he wondered if the truth would hurt. "Because I cannot bear the thought of being intimate with you."

His heart squeezed with real pain and Tony made sure his wife was really listening before he spoke again. "I would never hurt you Ziva."

She raised her hand to touch his face. "No, but you are very dangerous just the same." Confusion coloured his expression and Ziva tried to explain. "When we are together, sometimes you make me forget that I am afraid."

"Is that such a bad thing?" Tony asked. That was what he wanted, for her not to be afraid to be with him.

Ziva leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. "I do not want to hurt you Tony." Her honesty always seemed to wound him, because he could not take away the pain of last summer, and he was helpless to keep it from haunting her.

"It's okay to tell me even if you don't think I want to hear it," he whispered into her hair, holding her tight against his chest.

Sorting out the right words took some time. "It is hard to remember past Somalia, to a time when sex did not bring pain. Sometimes..." her voice faltered, "sometimes I think that is all my body will ever feel."

"Oh Ziva." Tony's throat closed and he wished that his touch, his love, could make everything alright for her again. But instead they were still taking baby steps together - some forward, some back - and the backward ones always tore at old wounds that might never properly heal.

"I get to hold you in my arms every single day." He spoke each word clearly and firmly. "I have the honour of being called the one you love. I fall asleep beside you almost every night, and in the morning it's you and Chaya all over again. I wouldn't trade everything we've built even if it meant free access to your body whenever I want." He grinned when she squirmed at his bluntness. "The first time we come together will be so much sweeter because we had to work for it, and it will be a gift. I'm willing to wait," Tony told her for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I promise Zi, I will wait."

Ziva kissed him then, her lips soft and yielding when he returned the gesture. Then they sat on the couch wrapped up in each other's arms and their love, knowing that moments like these were beyond any words.

That night when they went to bed, Tony turned to his wife and slid his fingers into her hair. "Thank you Zi, for my Father's Day."

She smiled slightly. "You deserved it Tony. You are a good father. You love Chaya in a way I never could have hoped for, when I first found out I was pregnant. I do not know how you have made peace with yourself about her conception, but I want to thank you for being her father, for making her your daughter, for showing me that family does not have to be blood related. I should have learned those lessons long ago, when you and Gibbs and the team brought me into your circle, but it is a lesson I am still learning every day when I watch you love our baby."

He kissed her, just a brush of his lips over hers because no more boundaries could be pushed tonight. "You're a smart lady, I knew you'd figure it out one of these days. It's love that makes a family sweetheart. When you get a miracle like I did with a wife and daughter I can never deserve, you realize that a lot of the time, the details just aren't that important."

Ziva snuggled into his arms with a smile on her face. Chaya would never be left out of her father's love the way she had been as a child. Instead, Ziva knew Tony would spend the rest of their marriage demonstrating what a daddy was supposed to be like. Their daughter was the luckiest little girl in the whole world.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke early on Friday to go for a run as soon as Chaya was done eating. She managed a shower before Tony woke and he was still laying in bed when she came out, drying her hair. He moved to sit behind her, taking it between his fingers when she separated the dark locks for a braid. Ziva smiled and let him weave her hair together, into a much shorter plait than before, checking his work after. She leaned back into him and sighed.

"Doctor's appointment today?" Tony asked, rubbing his thumb over her shoulder.

"Yes. And I do not know if I can handle someone sticking her with needles."

Tony grimaced. "They're kinda mandatory, huh?"

Ziva fiddled with her nails. "Mandy seems to think so. I wish you could come."

He nuzzled her cheek. "Me too. But taking an extra long weekend won't put me in good with the bossman." Tony kissed her neck. "Going to see Lina today?" He had yet to meet the young Spanish woman who had befriended his wife, but he looked forward to that day. Ziva always came home happy after spending time with her new friend and that was not something to be taken lightly.

She nodded. "I have missed our visits the last two weeks, it will be nice to talk. And she walks fast, so we will get a good workout."

Glancing back at the clock, he sighed heavily. "Gotta go babe. I'll see if I can be home for supper tonight, okay?"

"I will make a spaghetti casserole," Ziva decided, moving so he could get dressed. "Can you pick up ice cream after work? We are almost out."

"Absolutely." Being in charge of junk food was a task he was all over.

She kissed him on her way out and Tony stopped and stared after her. He was more than ready to test the boundaries a bit, but was it worth possibly ruining what they had now? The answer was no, which didn't help because Tony didn't know how else to move them forward. Every day was a struggle to take only what she gave him, no more. And like a thirsty man in the dessert, all he wanted was water.

**NCIS**

Mandy walked into the examination room to see a nervous new mother with her baby. Ziva was holding Chaya against her chest, murmuring to her in Hebrew and keeping an eye on the door. She looked apprehensive when her doctor walked in and Mandy smiled warmly.

"Hello DiNozzo ladies, how are we today?"

Ziva rubbed Chaya's back. "We are fine so far, but I do not think that is going to last."

"First shots are hard," Dr. Meyers commiserated, "believe me, I've been there. But I'll do my very best to make this as quick and relatively painless as possible." She didn't look convinced but no mother was ready to see her child hurt, even if it was for a good reason. "Can you lay her down on the table please?"

Ziva did and Chaya regarded the doctor with wide inquisitive eyes, blowing spit bubbles as she waved her arms and kicked her legs. "Hello gorgeous, look how big you've gotten! I'm just going to listen to your heartbeat, okay angel?" Mandy held the stethoscope against Chaya's chest and smiled. "Nice and fast, I bet Mommy remembers that first time she heard it on the ultrasound, like the beating of hummingbird wings." The Israeli tried to appear calm but her focus was entirely on her baby and she hovered nearby, uncertain about what came next.

"How are those lungs doing, hmm?" Mandy listened to Chaya's breathing on her chest and her back and then pulled a clear tube out of her pocket and twisted off the end, sliding it into the baby's mouth. The little girl sucked at the liquid for a moment, made a face, and then kept going. "There, not so bad, is it sweetheart?"

"What is that?" Ziva asked, frowning.

"This is an oral vaccine, we always start with it." While she was talking, she squeezed the remainder of the tube into Chaya's mouth and waited for her to swallow, then ripped open an antiseptic wipe and quickly swabbed both of Chaya's thighs. "Okay Mom, I just need you to hold her hands by her head."

Ziva did as she was asked, kissing her baby's forehead as she leaned close to her. The first needle was over in a second and Chaya fussed, getting a little upset, but didn't do much else as Mandy pressed a small bandaid over the mark and readied the next two parts. The second needle brought forth a sharp piercing cry that broke Ziva's heart and the third just made it worse. They were over before she could blink, little bandaids covering the tiny holes, but that didn't matter.

Giving Mandy a dark look that the doctor didn't take personally, Ziva gathered her daughter into her arms and started rubbing her back, whispering reassurances and speaking comfort in a soft voice. Instead of getting better, Chaya's screams only intensified and Ziva felt a hundred times worse when she lowered the baby and saw tears leaking from her eyes. "I am sorry tatelah, I know it hurt. Did that scare you? Oh my poor tsiporkatan."

Dr. Meyers stuck her hands in her pockets. "First time with tears?" Ziva nodded miserably as the baby cried her little lungs out, refusing to be soothed. "Try nursing her for a few minutes," she suggested. "Breastfeeding is the highest form of comfort you can offer at this stage."

Without even stopping for a blanket to cover herself, Ziva quickly rearranged her clothes and brought Chaya to her breast. At first she would have none of it, but when Ziva rubbed her nipple over the baby's lip, Chaya latched on and started suckling in earnest, looking up at her mom with such trust in her eyes, even as tears rolled down her little face.

Mandy watched as the feeding slowly calmed both mother and baby. She smiled. "The good news is no more shots for two months. And she won't remember any of these early ones, I promise."

Ziva ran her hand down Chaya's arms and legs, careful not to touch where the needles had gone in. "I will make Tony come next time."

The doctor chuckled. "I guess that's only fair. I know this wasn't easy for you Ziva and the rest of the day might be a little rough. There are a handful of symptoms that Chaya might get following the vaccination. She may run a slight fever which can last for a few days, there might be redness and swelling at the injection site, she might be cranky for awhile, or she may get very sleepy." Mandy listed them on her fingers. "You're free to put cold compresses on her legs to help with the swelling and baby tylenol is fine if she gets a fever. Things should be back to normal within a few days." She touched the baby's hand. "Is that all better now honey? I'm sorry to have to be the bad guy." Dr. Meyers surveyed the infant's now peaceful features. "Look at that, she already knows Mommy can make everything better."

They left the doctor's office once Chaya fell asleep and Ziva headed straight for NCIS. The elevator dinged and Gibbs looked up, then to Tony. "Ziva, ten o'clock."

Tony's attention shifted from his report wrapping up their current case. They'd arrested an encryption analyst earlier who though he could supplement his income by selling classified information. It involved a short foot chase but once caught, all Gibbs had to do was look at the man and he admitted to everything. Apparently Agent Gibbs' reputation was well known. Having that part over with meant they might get to leave early and Tony had been looking forward to it. He was not expecting to his wife to come to him.

He was on his feet as she approached and set the baby seat by his desk. Tony saw the storm in her eyes and grasped Ziva's arms, pulling her around the corner and into the alcove. While Gibbs got Chaya, Ziva fell into him and started crying. Completely bewildered, he held her tightly and waited for an explanation. Finally Ziva stood back and sniffed.

"She cried when Mandy gave her the needles, with tears Tony! I have never felt so awful. And then I fed her and she looked at me with all this trust..."Ziva dragged her fingers through her hair, causing several strands to fall out of the braid to hang around her face. "I did not deserve that when I let someone hurt her."

Tony brushed back a few curls. "Oh honey, you didn't let anyone hurt her. The vaccinations are to protect her from things that could hurt her, even if she can't understand that yet." He rubbed her back. "I'm sorry it was so bad." He leaned in and kissed her. "Tears, huh?"

"She looked so sad. My heart broke when she screamed."

Tony held her gaze. "It probably won't be the last time Zi. You're her mother, everytime she's hurting, so will you."

Ziva glared. "Does that not apply to fathers too?" she demanded.

He traced her lips with his thumb. "Of course. But dad's are different Zi. We fight the things that hurt our girls. Mom's try to hurt for their daughters." Tony gave her a half grin. "Want me to go have a talk with Mandy? I could bring my gun."

She pressed herself against him and shook her head. "Sorry."

Tony kissed her hair. "I wouldn't've done well with her tears either Zi, trust me." Anyone that made his little girl cry better be prepared to pay.


	67. Chapter 67

While Tony and Ziva waited for Chaya's last feeding, they sat in bed together with Tony flipping through the channels and Ziva reading her book. He finally settled on a show, noticing too late that Ziva had moved behind him when he leaned forward and was now gliding her hands over his back, checking for knots. He managed to be okay until her fingers dug into his muscles, starting the first massage she'd given him in years.

Ziva felt his tension but ignored it, knowing he'd sleep better when his back wasn't such a mess. She was halfway done before Tony began to even marginally relax. She smiled when he involuntarily moved back into the pressure of her fingers. She was barely aware when working on his lower back that her hands had slipped under his t-shirt to work on his bare skin. Tony jumped and Ziva smirked, pressing a little harder than necessary, relishing the warmth of his skin and appreciating his toned muscles.

Tony only lasted another minute before turning and pushing her down on the bed, his body weight keeping her immobile as he went for her lips. Panic flared in Ziva's chest and she shook her head frantically. "Tony, no."

He assessed the situation, quickly moving to his side, letting her recover. "Okay?"

She licked her lips and nodded as the fear retreated with Tony's gentle hands finding places to rest. Tony cupped Ziva's face and captured her lips, pulling her into him. Her body molded to fit his and Ziva slipped her leg between Tony's, trying to get closer, and felt him hard against her hip.

It was impossible to conceal the immediate tension that gripped her body, but she didn't break the kiss, taking time to convince herself that it was a natural reaction of a husband to his wife and she should be flattered. She moved her hands to his hair and slipped her tongue into Tony's mouth, playing along with what she thought he wanted.

He groaned and then pushed her away, breathing hard, an unfamiliar look in his eyes. "Ziva stop this, stop teasing, please." Tony shoved his fingers into his hair. "I can't keep doing this and having to stop. I can't be this close and not make love to you. I just-" he stood up in a hurry and stumbled backwards, grabbing his jeans. "I gotta go."

Tony was gone before Ziva could really process his words and then she sat in bed with her head in her hands and cried silent tears because it just wasn't fair.

**NCIS**

Tony burst into Gibbs' house without knocking and headed straight for the basement, not even glancing into the livingroom to notice that his boss wasn't alone. Celeste moved her legs off Gibbs' lap and sat up. "That doesn't look good." Gibbs was torn, so she solved the problem for him. Kissing his lips, she reached for the remote. "Go, he needs you."

Gibbs made it downstairs just in time to see Tony reach for the bottle of bourbon. "Hey!" He slapped the back of his agent's head sharply. "I am not sending you home smelling like booze." Gibbs shoved a sanding block at Tony's chest and pointed to the boat. "Drown your sorrows in labour, not liquor."

Tony stared at the sandpaper for a minute and then put it on the wood, pushing it back and forth in long slow strokes that quickly picked up speed. He didn't stop until a sheen of sweat appeared on his forehead, and even then he took his time turning around to lean against the boat.

Shifting the sanding block between his hands, Tony cleared his throat. "I need some advice Boss, but you're not going to like the subject." Gibbs just stared back, waiting him out. Tony swallowed. "I uh...I don't know how much longer I can wait for Ziva. To have to lay beside her each night, to want her all the time and not be able to do a thing about it..." He breathed out hard and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm afraid that soon I'll give in to the temptation to take more than she's ready to give me. And the last thing in the world I want to do is scare her. But we're not making any progress, it's the same dance all over again every time and I can't do it any more."

Gibbs did not like the direction this conversation was going. He sighed and muttered under his breath. "When your kids start asking for advice on sex..."

Tony spun back around to face the boat, scraping the paper over the wood roughly. "You think this is easy for me? Well it's not, but I don't know who else to talk to."

"If patience isn't working, maybe you need to try something else," the older man said at last. Tony looked up hopefully and Gibbs cleared his throat. "Sometimes you have to push a little, take a few extra steps to find out where the edge is." His words weren't quite getting through, Tony's confusion was evident.

"Work her into intimacy DiNozzo," Gibbs said gruffly, "gradually. A little here, a little there, experiment with things you've done, try things you haven't. But whatever your plan for healing includes, you better be prepared to get all worked up and have nowhere to go because I guarantee that if you rush this, you will both pay for it."

Tony took it all in and his eyes started to clear. "Thanks Boss."

"Don't thank me yet," Gibbs warned. "Now either get back to work or go home."

He did stay awhile longer, enough time to absorb the advice and start to get his thoughts in order for talking to Ziva, but when he got home she was coming downstairs with her pillow. They stared at each other for a tense moment and then she looked away. "If you cannot handle being near me, I will sleep on the couch. Goodnight Tony."

Ziva lay down and covered herself with a blanket, closing her eyes and shutting him out. Tony felt cold as he trudged upstairs, checked on Chaya and undressed, sprawling out across their big empty bed. When Gibbs said push, he hadn't meant push Ziva away and that was exactly what was happening even if he hadn't meant it that way.

Downstairs Ziva struggled with her thoughts and feelings. She was hurt by his rejection, by his abrupt departure and how long he stayed away. But she was conflicted because she knew it was her fault he was having these issues. Guilt over not being able to satisfy her husband swamped Ziva and she curled into an even tighter ball, tugging the blanket more firmly around her shoulders.

What was wrong with her? Why was this so hard? She'd had sex with over a dozen men in her lifetime before Somalia, though only a few of them had meant anything to her, the others had all been for the purpose of accomplishing a mission. And now she could not give her body to the one man she wanted to have her. Twisting her rings around, Ziva's heart sank and she wondered what the point was of anything if they could not get past this one particular hurdle.

**NCIS**

An hour later neither one of them were sleeping yet and Ziva was caught off guard when a shadow materialized beside her. She looked up to see Tony and turned her back to him. He sighed. "Ziva, please come back to bed."

"Why?" Her tone was brittle, the hostility rippling off her despite the fact that he'd done nothing wrong.

He knelt beside the couch and gently rolled her to face him. "I'm sorry, about before. This isn't easy for me Ziva, not by a long shot, but I don't want you to stay away." Tony smoothed back her curls. "I miss you. The bed's too big and empty and lonely. Please?"

She nodded once and stood, hugging the pillow to her chest like a shield. "Fine."

Tony didn't touch her again until they were laying in bed and then he faced her, drawing his fingers across her palm and watching as she tried to hide her reaction. "That's all it takes y'know, one touch. The things you do to me without even trying...Ziva," he swallowed and looked up, "I don't want you to stop, but sometimes it kills me that I can't be closer to you."

Curling his fingers around hers, Tony took a breath. "You've given me so much trust honey and I'm afraid of betraying it." He rubbed tiny circles in the soft hair at her temples. "It would be nice to try things we haven't done yet, not sex, just other things, but if I scared you and we had a setback that would make it even longer before you could be okay with intimacy, that would be worse." Tony shook his head. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Zi, I don't want to ruin that."

She skimmed her fingers across his cheek, letting them linger at his lips. "You are much more than I deserve ahava, that much I am sure of. And I hate that it is my past, my memories, my nightmares that are keeping us apart. But I do not know how to stop being afraid." Ziva closed her eyes. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? I want to sleep."

Tony nodded, kissing her wrist and refusing to relinquish her hand. "Sure, that's probably a good idea. I'll still be here when you wake up." The smile didn't reach her eyes but at least she tried and they fell asleep holding hands, grateful for the connection. It was one thing that never changed.

**NCIS**

Without hardly even realizing it, they got an extra hour of sleep that night and when she opened her eyes, Ziva understood why Chaya had nursed so long at her last feeding. Trying not to wake her husband, she gently disentangled their fingers and kissed his cheek like always before going to feed her baby.

Since it was Saturday, Ziva skipped her run and lay back down beside Tony after Chaya ate. He was sprawled out on his stomach and she couldn't help but smile. Until sleep claimed her once again, Ziva watched her husband dream and thought about how very much she loved him.

Hours later Ziva held her little girl propped up against her knees and played with the baby's fingers. "I did not know a heart could love so much until I met you tatelah," she told her daughter. Then she switched to Hebrew. _"I hope someday you will understand what Daddy has done for us. He saved me Chaya," _Ziva whispered,_ "in so many, many ways."_

Tony rolled over and blinked slowly at his wife and baby. "No fair telling her secrets in a language I don't understand."

Ziva laid Chaya down next to Tony and stretched out facing them. "There is only one language you understand ahava," she pointed out.

"Hi princess," he said to Chaya, ignoring Ziva's observation. "Mommy is making fun of me. Did she get you up just to tell secrets because you can't share with Daddy yet?"

Chaya looked up at him in her little purple sleeper and shoved her fist in her mouth. "I think someone's hungry." Tony raised his eyes to Ziva. "Want me to get a bottle?"

She nodded. "I like to watch you feed her."

Ziva put her hand on the baby's chest while Tony got a bottle from the mini fridge in Chaya's room and brought the bottle warmer back with him. A couple minutes later it was ready and Tony lifted the little girl into his arms. Ziva slid close and rested her head on his shoulder. Chaya sucked greedily, always eager for her morning meal.

Tony gazed down at his daughter. "How's my girl? Is that a yummy breakfast?"

Chaya's dark brown eyes stared back at him as if memorizing his face. "She adores you," Ziva said softly.

Tony grinned at her before watching the baby again. "Yeah, well, the feeling is mutual munchkin."

Ziva raised an eyebrow. "You are comparing her to _Wizard of Oz_ creatures?"

He laughed at the indignation in his wife's voice. "Nah, don't worry Ziva, she's much cuter."

"Good." Ziva brushed her finger over Chaya's curls. "She is going to be beautiful."

"Just like her mom."

"You are sucking up," she accused.

He adjusted his hold on Chaya. "It's the truth Zi. If I was trying to get brownie points, you'd know it."

Ziva eyed him suspiciously for a moment and then relented. "What should we do today?" She checked with him in case she was remembering wrong. "You are not on call?"

Tony shook his head. "Nope. I'm at your disposal."

"A picnic then," Ziva decided.

"I like the sound of that. At the park? Leave Chaya in her seat and maybe play some frisbee?"

With her baby now eight weeks old, Ziva was thrilled to for any excuse to be more active. "Yes. And Monday I get back to real training right after work."

Tony frowned. "Tell Duke to be careful."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "He is a professional Tony. He will make sure I follow the rules." She touched her stomach self-consciously. "I cannot wait -"

He cut her off. "Ziva DiNozzo if I hear you make one more negative comment about your body - which is perfect by the way - so help me I will kiss you senseless."

Her eyes twinkled. "Do you think that is a punishment Tony?" Ziva shook her head lightly. "You will have to do better than that."

Tony's expression grew dangerous. "I'll tickle you."

Ziva's smile fell. "You would not." She had a strange dislike of being tickled, even if it was fun to mess with her. But it was mostly because her reflexes made it a bad idea for someone to touch her like that without warning.

"Chaya, as soon as you're done eating, I think I need to prove Mommy wrong."

Ziva held up her hands. "I will not say any more." She would just think it where he couldn't hear it and correct her.

Tony leaned over and kissed her anyways. "Good. Now why don't you grab a shower and I'll get this one changed and dressed?"

"That sounds like an offer I cannot refuse."

"Zi," he caught her attention before she left, "I love you."

Her smile appeared, the one she saved just for him. Ziva kissed him gently. "I feel like I have always loved you." Then she disappeared into the bathroom and Chaya grunted, demanding his attention.

"Okay baby girl, let's get this show on the road." Chaya agreed and promptly spit up all over his shirt. Tony wrinkled his nose. "Really? Yuck, that's gross C." He sighed. "Looks like we both need a bath now."

**NCIS**

"Nice catch Zi!" Tony called as she leapt up and came down clutching the yellow and black disk triumphantly.

She sent it whirling towards him and looked in the direction of their daughter, who was still sleeping peacefully in the shade. Tony caught the frisbee and let it sail back across the expanse of grass between them. Ziva plucked it out of the air and grinned, tossing it at him before she headed for their bags in search of one of her bottles of water.

"This is fun," she grinned, "we should do this with the team sometime."

Tony choked on his water. "I don't think Gibbs plays frisbee but he could always be in charge of the baby. McNerd's hand-eye coordination is probably lacking, but I know Abby would be decent competition if she wasn't twenty-eight weeks pregnant."

"Well, maybe later," Ziva conceded. She downed the rest of her bottle and slapped his knee gently. "Ready for another round?"

"If you are, I am," he grinned. "Winner picks where we go for dinner tonight."

Her eyes lit up. "We are going out?"

"We are now. Deal?" If he'd known she'd be so happy about it, he would've suggested dinner at a restaurant days ago.

"Deal." She grabbed the frisbee and stood up. "You will eat my dirt."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Dust Zi, the saying is 'eat my dust'."

Ziva shrugged. "As long as I win."

Taking the challenge seriously, Tony jogged back to his place. "In your dreams David...uh, Ninja," he corrected, recognizing his slip. "Let's do this."

**NCIS**

Celeste took a sip of her wine and looked at Gibbs. "You were right about the book." Their eyes met and she saw a lot there that he wasn't ready for her to understand yet. She sighed. "How much of it is real Jethro?"

He swallowed the rest of the bourbon in his glass and seriously considered pouring more. "Enough. Some stuff is missing, some of the story only Tony and Ziva know for sure, some Tim used but completely changed the context of, but you get the gist of it."

"I'm sorry."

Gibbs dragged a hand down his face. "We got her back Les, that's the part to hold on to."

Celeste slid to his side and Gibbs put his arm around her. "Does she dream about it, when she was held captive?"

He sighed. "For weeks after Ziva came home, she didn't sleep because the nightmares were so bad. I saw some of them, so I can understand better than others. Now...I think they got less when she married DiNozzo and she's only had one that I know of since Chaya was born. She's getting better, that's what we have to focus on."

She was quiet for a long time, tracing her fingers around the rim of her glass. "Were you glad to shoot him Jethro, the man who hurt Ziva?" Celeste couldn't bring herself to use the actual words for what that terrorist had done.

"We thought she was dead," he said hoarsely, "no survivors. When I saw her there in that chair, the emptiness in her eyes that said she had already died inside, when he held a knife to her throat..." Gibbs clenched his jaw. "No one messes with my family and gets away with it. Yeah, I'm not sorry he's dead and I'm not sorry it was me who killed that dirtbag. If anyone deserved to die..." He shook his head. "We only know some of what he did to her, the rest she'll carry forever. It was justified."

Celeste rested her head on his shoulder, hearing words from Tim's novel echoed in their conversation. It was eery in a way, to know reality was reflected in the fiction she'd read. Placing her hand on his chest, she spoke softly. "I'm glad you brought them home, that you got her back. We don't often get second chances."

"No," Gibbs sighed, holding her close, "but when we do, it's something to cherish."

Their lips met for a long moment and then they just sat there together. Feeling his heartbeat and his warmth seeping into her side, Celeste couldn't agree more.

**NCIS**

The couple fell back into their car, still laughing at the story their server had told as they were leaving. Then sounds died away and comfortable silence wrapped around them like Tony's hand over hers. Ziva smiled at her husband and leaned back, completely content. It was a feeling to savour, because so often to simply be was not allowed with all the baggage she carried.

With less than an hour left before Chaya would need to be fed, Tony and Ziva claimed the couch and sat absorbed in a romantic Hallmark movie while they waited. Tony's hand settled on her knee, his thumb caressing her skin softly. Ziva shivered and Tony pulled a blanket from behind him, draping it across both of them. But she wasn't sure if she was really cold or if it was her husband's touch that had caused the reaction.

Chaya had her second evening feeding when the movie was over and was put right back to bed, her bedtime routine having been completed at the earlier nursing session. Ziva returned to their room and because it was hot, changed into shorts and a tank top for sleeping. Tony eyed her appreciatively before shaking his head and trying to focus.

"We need to talk about last night Ziva."

She sat on the end of the bed, one leg folded beneath her, keeping space between them. "I know. I am not trying to avoid the conversation, but it needed to wait until there were no distractions."

Tony checked the clock, they had eight hours before their daughter would wake and want her breakfast. He swallowed. "I don't know where to start."

Ziva pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She closed her eyes briefly, then looked over to meet his gaze. But she couldn't say the words with his heart on full display and dropped her eyes to a single spot on the bedspread.

"The worst part about being raped is that it takes away your voice, your power, your control, your choice. It is forced on you against your will and without your consent. The enemy was stronger and at least in the beginning I could still fight, but I always lost and in the end I let it happen rather than continue to do something that never worked and only made things more painful."

She swallowed and dared to glance at his face. "I just wanted it to be over, so I stopped fighting when they came. And then after awhile, I could do nothing to stop them. That is my regret, my shame." Tony started to come to her but Ziva shook her head. "No, please, you cannot hold me this time." Her skin crawled with the invisible feel of Somalia and she couldn't bear to sully her husband with that filth.

His expression crumpled as images ran rampant in his head. He held out his arms. "Please Zi."

The pain in Tony's gaze was her undoing and Ziva crawled across the bed, tears already falling down her cheeks as she melted into his embrace. She settled her back against his chest and Tony drew his arms tightly around her to soothe the pain they both were feeling.

"It's not your fault," he whispered into her hair. "You have to believe me, you did nothing wrong. You did what you had to in order to survive that place. Zi, it's not your fault." Tony slid his hands over hers and Ziva's fingers curled around his, her grip almost painful. "Let it out sweetheart. Just tell me and get it over with." It was the moment they had both dreaded since that first night when she shared a little bit about her captivity with him.

Closing her eyes, Ziva took them back to the desert. For the next hour she poured out the true, unaltered tale of three months of suffering. He was amazed at her recall, wishing she wasn't so good at remembering the details. Some things were foggy from times she'd been knocked unconscious and lost a day or two, and the numerous beatings all blended into one another so she couldn't always tell one from the other.

When she finished, Tony picked a few scars and asked for their stories and Ziva felt his tears drip onto her hair when she gave him the facts of how they came to be and what instrument had carved them into her flesh. He rubbed his hands down her arms. "How many broken bones?"

Ziva leaned her head back on his shoulder and thought about it. "My arm, several ribs more than once, a few fingers and my left leg, but it was only a hairline fracture I think and somehow healed before it could get worse. Ribs hurt the most, I wished I could just stop breathing altogether, but no matter what I tried, the need for air always overcame my desire to quell the pain and leave that place."

He struggled to draw a breath and forced the question out, though he wasn't certain he wanted her answer. "And...inside?"

She didn't understand right away. "I never punctured a lung, which is surprising, and that would have been the end in a camp with no medical attention. But I am quite sure I had internal bleeding a few times. There were many instances after I was returned to my cell where I coughed up blood and wondered where it came from."

Tony shook his head once, tightening his hold on her. "Zi..."

"Oh." She ducked her head when his meaning sank in and her posture wilted. "No. For six weeks they came and for six weeks I was always in pain, bruised and torn and bleeding. There was never any time to heal between...visits, and nothing has ever caused so much agony in my body and my spirit." Ziva dug her fingernails into her palms. "There were very few days when they left me alone, and then I always dreaded their return. It was hard to be thankful for hours left alone with my thoughts, constantly reminded that I had brought this on myself."

"Ziva..." Tony wasn't sure how much more he could take hearing. He already felt like a wet rag, wrung out and dragged across a rough surface. He wasn't sure how to be okay after hearing everything she went through.

She turned slightly and laid her palm against his cheek. "There is nothing else ahava. Whatever you can imagine was done and more until the day Saleem dragged me into the room and pulled off the hood and you were there. That was the day my life began again even though I thought I was ready for it to end."

Tony swallowed and stared into his wife's eyes, cradling her face in his hands. "I swear to you Ziva, I will show you there's no reason to fear being with me." He kissed her softly, briefly. "I would rather die than see you hurt ever again."

She nodded. "I know Tony. I do not know how to explain that I am not worried you will hurt me, rather about what the memories will do to both of us." Ziva ran her fingers through her hair. "I am afraid for you to touch me, afraid that no matter how many times I shower, I am still dirty from them. I still feel dirty every time I think about what happened, as if I never left that cell. I was helpless and defenseless with they forced themselves on me and telling you this story Tony...it has been hard for me, maybe even harder than it was for you to hear."

Ziva wrapped her fingers around his wrist. "To become physically intimate with someone, to actually...have sex, it takes so much more trust than I ever thought and I just..." she shook her head. "I do not know how to trust you to that point."

Tony rubbed his face. "I don't know how much more truth I can take tonight." He breathed out hard. "Since we got you back, I have learned that I can live without physical intimacy. The emotional bond we have is far more important and I'd rather be in a loving relationship with no sex than a sexual relationship with no love, that much I can promise. But the limitations are hard because sometimes I want so badly to show you my love through getting physical." He brushed her cheek. "And I want to connect with you that way too. So is there any chance we can start working our way towards that?"

Ziva settled back into his arms. "Tell me what that means."

Tony leaned in and touched his lips to hers. "It means more of this." He slipped his hand under her shirt to caress her back. "And more of this." Tony stared into her eyes. "Trying things we haven't done, slowly, and taking this road to healing one step a time, together. And you can tell me when something isn't okay."

Ziva buried her head in his neck and took a deep breath, then let it out. "Okay," she whispered.

That was all he was going to get, but Tony didn't mind. In fact, his heart was lighter than it ahd been in awhile. At least she was wiling to try.

**NCIS**

Tony woke with a start in the middle of the night, covered in sweat and shaking. He ran a hand through his hair, desperately trying to block out the images of Somalia and what they had done to his wife while she was their prisoner. Too restless to even considering going back to sleep and reluctant to close his eyes anyways, Tony got up and went downstairs to the basement, the one place no one was likely to hear him if he had to scream out his rage and frustration at the dirtbags who had died too quickly, without adequate payment for the pain they'd caused.

But instead he clenched his jaw and walked over to Ziva's old couch. Wishing he could use the punching bag but not wanting to be too loud and give away her surprise, Tony settled for punching the cushions with every ounce of strength in his body. At last he growled and hurled one of the pillows at the wall. It gave a very unsatisfying thud and fell to the floor. Exhausted and hurting but with his anger not nearly spent enough, Tony finally had the presence of mind to return to the livingroom, in case Ziva came looking for him. He didn't want her snooping places that weren't ready for her to see yet.

He collapsed on the couch but was too antsy to lay there for more than a few seconds and got up to pace. Back and forth, up and down, around the kitchen, through the diningroom, past the piano and back to where he started. Tony made more rounds than he cared to count before finally sitting at the table, twirling a pencil he'd found around and around and around in circles. He stared at the spinning object, unaware of anything else but the turmoil in his heart and his head.

Clad in the silk dressing gown from Abby, Ziva watched from the shadows of the stairs. She wanted so much to go to him, to hold him and somehow soothe the hurt her truths had caused, but there was nothing she could say that would make this better for him, nothing that would take away the pain of knowing what she'd suffered. So she went back to bed and slid under the covers, wondering how such hurt could be a pathway to healing.

Ziva remained awake until what felt like hours later, when Tony returned to their room. She couldn't help the small sigh of relief that escaped when he settled into his customary position behind her and put his arm around her waist. Tony knew then that she was awake and kissed behind her ear.

"I hate that they hurt you in so many ways, but all I can do is promise I will never purposely cause you pain."

She leaned back and turned her head slightly to see him. "I never thought you would."

He held her tightly and they welcomed slumber together, once again so grateful for this life they shared. The good, the bad and the incredibly ugly, but what mattered was that they would never have to face it alone.


	68. Chapter 68

Any apprehension Ziva might have had following the heavy conversation they'd shared the night before fled when she opened her eyes at eight-thirty and found her husband staring at her, an undefinable tenderness in his gaze. With the contentment of a man who'd spent a satisfying night, he picked up one of her curls and moved it off her face.

"Good morning beautiful."

Ziva frowned at the clock. "I did not hear Chaya."

He shook his head. "I did her first feeding, thought we needed some daddy/daughter time since you always get her at night. Plus, I didn't figure it would kill you to sleep in for once."

She stretched, then curled around her pillow with a smile. "That was nice. Did you enjoy your visit?"

"Oh yeah," Tony grinned, "it was great. "We talked about all sorts of things - the weather, baseball, her plans for college. You know, just the basics."

Ziva chuckled and slid her fingers into his hair. "You really are an idiot."

He laughed. "Let me guess, it's a term of endearment?"

She shrugged. "I say it with love."

Tony moved closer and rested the top part of his body on hers, leaning down for a taste of her lips. Her heartrate sped up and he could see it pulsing through the vein in her neck. "Zi?"

Ziva's eyes were wide and she tried to breathe slowly to offset the reaction. "Being pinned is...not okay." He moved immediately but stayed right at her side. She felt the panic subside and looked at him. "But I would like for it to be, someday." Her response was the same when Tony repeated the action, but Ziva pulled his head down. "Make me forget I am afraid," she whispered.

So he did, distracting her with his kiss and his touch, delving into her mouth with his tongue and reluctantly coming up for air to search her eyes and read what she needed to tell him. Ziva smiled and put her hand on his chest. "I think you should do that again."

Proving how well he could follow orders, Tony did, his hand disappearing under her tank top, his fingers playing over her stomach. Ziva made a face and shook her head, still self-conscious because of the difference after she gave birth. With one hand tangled in her hair, Tony slid his other one further under her shirt, brushing the base of her breast. Ziva seemed torn between enjoying his touch and not being sure what to do with it, so Tony retreated, drawing his lips down her neck instead. She tilted her head to the side and sighed happily, causing Tony to grin against her skin. So she definitely liked that. But when Ziva felt the warmth travel to her lower abdomen, she nearly threw Tony off of her and lay there shaking.

He frowned, wanting an explanation and Ziva ran her fingers distractedly through her messy curls, wishing she didn't have to tell him. "Zi, what was that?" Tony seemed afraid to touch her, it was obvious something wasn't right.

Trembling, she sat up and yanked her tank top down, blowing out a breath. Meeting his eyes so she wouldn't have to say it out loud, Ziva knew the precise moment Tony read the minutest amount of desire in her gaze. The little bit she felt a couple days ago when they were kissing on the couch was suddenly magnified tenfold, until she was fighting more than just the memories, she was fighting against herself as well.

He closed his eyes and swallowed. "You want more?"

Ziva nodded miserably. "And that terrifies me. How can I want something that was used against me, an act that hurt me in so many ways I cannot even begin to describe them?" She blinked back tears. "Sometimes I want normal Tony, but I do not know how."

He scooted over until their feet were touching, holding out his hands. Ziva bit her lip before offering hers. "No one ever said this would be easy honey. I wish it could be, for your sake, but we'll keep trying, keep testing things, and I promise I'm not going anywhere." His hand came up to brush her cheek and Ziva leaned into his touch. "I love you."

She gave him a hint of a smile. "You always know just what to say."

Tony grinned, leaning back. "So, last official day off, what's the plan?" They needed to move to a safer topic.

Ziva flopped back onto the pillows. "I would like to say do not move, but our daughter would not like that." She rolled her head to see him. "Actually, I think we should go to Ops and warn Duke that I will be back."

Tony chuckled. "Yeah, give him a chance to hide all the paperclips."

She tossed a pillow at him and he caught it, shoving it under his head, resisting the urge to tickle her until her laughter rang freely through their room. He wanted to keep all his limbs intact, thank you very much. Ziva slid her foot over until it rested on his and Tony raised an eyebrow. He was just about to comment on her wanting to play footsies with him when right on cue the baby cried and he jumped up.

"My turn!"

Ziva watched him go, smiling in amusement at how excited he was to see Chaya. All daddies should be like him, she decided, to find joy in their children even when it was hard work or the timing was inconvenient. Tony came back a few minutes later and tossed her a couple books. "I feed her, you read. Deal?"

"You fed her last time, remember? So I believe it is my turn." Ziva held out her arms for the baby. "You can read to us instead."

He sighed. "Fine." But it was all for show. Tony didn't care what they were doing or who was doing it as long as they were doing something together. Reaching for the first story with a duck in a chef's hat on it, he smiled. "It's a good deal." Ziva settled against the headboard with Chaya and Tony stretched out beside them, and opened to the first page, unable to think of a better way to spend a Sunday morning. This was perfect.

**NCIS**

That afternoon while Chaya was sleeping, Tony drove Ziva back to Ops, the gym she hadn't set foot in since Duke kicked her out at thirty weeks pregnant. Under his orders, she'd stayed away nearly four months and now, finally, she was allowed to return. Pulling open the door, Ziva stepped inside, breathing in the familiar atmosphere. She was not surprised to see Duke sitting at the front desk like he'd been expecting company.

A grin spread over his face and he stood to give her a gentle hug, able to read a lot into the fact that she didn't flinch, though she did keep it quite brief. "David, look at you. Wow." Duke's eyes were immediately drawn to her rings and he raised an eyebrow. "So, the man stepped up, did he?"

She smiled and nodded. "It is Ziva DiNozzo now." Looking behind her where Tony was carrying Chaya, her expression softened. "And our daughter, Chaya."

Duke held out a hand to shake Tony's and the other man set the carseat on the counter. "Thought you should meet the reason you lost your best client."

As she'd come to expect, the big, tough man turned into mush with her daughter. Duke leaned down and rubbed his fingers over her hand. "Hello angel, look at you! Aren't you just the spitting image of your mom." He winked at Tony. "Good thing, huh?" Duke shook his head. "Daddy's gonna need a bigger gun to keep the boys away, I think."

He stood up. "Congrats, she's gorgeous." Eyeing Ziva, Duke crossed his arms. "So, back just to show off or back for real?"

Ziva's eyes lit up. "For real starting tomorrow." She shrugged. "Chaya is eight weeks, so another month before there are no restrictions, but at least I may come again."

Duke jotted something in his calendar. "After work as usual?"

She glanced at Tony and he nodded. "Yes. For as long as you will let me stay."

"Hm, we'll talk about that," her trainer decided. "Let's start with three times a week for now and go from there."

Ziva smiled. "Thank you." She slipped her hand into Tony's. "I will see you Monday."

Tony grabbed Chaya's seat and lifted his chin to Duke. "Make sure she behaves."

He shrugged. "I'll do my best, but you know how stubborn she is."

Tony laughed. "Don't I. I remember-"

Ziva put her hand over his mouth and glared at them. "That is enough, I am right here. Goodbye Duke."

The men chuckled, but wisely kept quiet and outside Tony leaned in to kiss her. "You know we're just teasing."

She rolled her eyes. "I am always out counted. I will have to start keeping Chaya with me all the time so we can stick together."

Tony snapped Chaya's seat back in the car and held the door for Ziva. "Outnumbered. Love you."

Ziva smiled. "I am not sure if that gets you out of trouble." He captured her lips again and drew the kiss out slowly, his fingers flirting with the curls at the nape of her neck. She wrinkled her nose. "Well, that is a start."

"Extra points?" Tony asked hopefully.

Ziva laughed. "Do not push your luck."

Later when they were at home after supper and Chaya was still awake following her feeding, Tony lifted the baby up and held her in front of him. But instead of curling under her like they used to, her little legs pushed up and she stood on his lap, smiling around the fingers in her mouth and looking immensely pleased with herself.

"Zi."

She turned and looked, moving to sit right beside them. "What a big girl you are yekarah." _Precious_. Ziva placed her finger in Chaya's hand as the little girl basked in her parents' attention. "Kol hakavod!" _Good job._

Tony kissed Chaya's forehead. "I love you princess. Don't grow up too fast, okay?"

Chaya's legs gave out and Tony brought her to his chest, where she put her head down and promptly started drifting off. Tony cradled his daughter's small body against him and glanced at his wife. "Best feeling in the world."

Ziva stroked the baby's hair and sighed. "No wonder she's comfortable, that is my favourite place to fall asleep also."

He kissed her hair and leaned back with a smile he couldn't get rid of. His girls were his greatest joy.

**NCIS**

Celeste called Gibbs Sunday night and he could hear something different in her voice. "Jethro? I did something."

Gibbs sat down on the couch, holding the phone. "How bad?" Her usual precursor to news he might not like made him wince and he tried to prepare himself.

She hesitated. "Can you come over?"

That made him even more nervous. "On my way." Celeste met him at the door but only opened it enough to peek her head out. Gibbs almost laughed at the expression on her face. "Let's get this over with."

She glanced behind her. "You like dogs, right Jethro?"

He closed his eyes and groaned. "Les, you didn't."

Celeste stepped back to let him inside. "I only went to the rescue center to look, just to look," she protested.

Gibbs stared at her. "Celeste, you have never been able just to look at something cute and furry."

She crossed her arms. "I always said when I had my own house and my own yard, that I'd finally get the dog I've wanted all my life." Celeste sighed. "I haven't had a dog since my parents gave Gimmer away. I was twenty-two, I think I've waited long enough."

Gibbs shook his head. "Am I arguing with you?"

A memory lit her eyes. "You had a dog when you were young."

He nodded. "Boomer. He was mine for twelve years and he loved me every day of that time."

Hope grew on her face and Celeste turned towards the kitchen. He followed her out the sliding door and watched as she sank onto the swing and a medium sized, long-haired, black, brown and white dog set its head in her lap. She fondled the dog's ears and smiled. "Jethro, I'd like you to meet Lexie."

Gibbs hunkered down and held out his hand for Lexie to sniff. He looked up. "Girl dog, huh?"

She shrugged. "You have a basement and a boat, I figured us girls should stick together."

Lexie, unsure about Gibbs initially, now pushed her head into his hand, begging to be pet. He indulged her. "Good girl." The dog turned back to Celeste and she drew her fingers over Lexie's muzzle and up into the soft hair on her head.

"Just you and me, right girl?" The dog's tail slapped the ground excitedly and Celeste's face lit up. "Yeah, I love you too."

Gibbs stood. "Room for me?"

She patted the seat beside her. "Always Jethro." Celeste looked at him uncertainly. "Are you mad?"

"Nah," Gibbs waved his hand. "Just wait until she meets the grandkids."

Celeste leaned over and hugged him tight. "I love you."

Gibbs kept her close and stole a kiss. "Me too. Congrats Les, I'm glad you finally got your dream."

A smile slid slowly across her lips. "Oh Jethro, not just one." Celeste touched his face. "They're all coming true at the same time."

Folding her into his arms, Gibbs sat there in the dark and held the woman he loved, with her dog laying at their feet to make the picture complete.

**NCIS**

Ziva's watch went off at five am the next morning and though it put her a little short for sleep, she still felt invigorated. Sliding out of bed without waking her husband, Ziva changed into workout clothes and went for a nice long run, hoping to work off some of the anxiety she felt about returning to work. Today would be the start of a lot of changes, some Ziva looked forward to and some she dreaded.

Returning home, Ziva woke Tony with a kiss before bringing Chaya into their bedroom to nurse. She savoured those moments, stroking Chaya's cheek and holding her hand and staring into her eyes. She hated knowing that she'd miss three feedings today and Chaya wouldn't understand where Mommy was when she was hungry. Tony sat watching his wife and baby together, sensing her sadness as much as it was evident in her actions as well. Finally Chaya finished eating and Ziva kissed her head, handing her over to Tony for burping.

Propping the baby up on his shoulder, Tony rubbed her back and murmured in her ear, breathing in her sweet scent. "Te amo princesa," he whispered, scrounging up the meager amount of Spanish he knew as he took her to the nursery to get changed and dressed.

Ziva watched them go, trying to shake off the melancholy when today was supposed to be a happy day. She went into the bathroom for a shower, surprised to find Chaya still awake and laying on the bed with Tony when she came out. He had one finger held captive in his daughter's fist and looked up.

"I think she knows something is different. She didn't want to go back to sleep."

Sitting down, Ziva rubbed the baby's tummy, smiling as she kicked her legs and gurgled. "Ooh-ah," Chaya said, staring at her hands.

Ziva laughed. "Is that so? Tell Daddy he needs to take a shower, his hair looks like a porquswine."

Tony rolled his eyes and kissed her, slipping his arm around her waist. "I know you get that one wrong on purpose."

She leaned into him. "Some things will always be funny. Now go, we are running out of time."

He sighed and did as he was told. Leaving Chaya leaning up against a pillow, Ziva took her time choosing clothes to wear, wanting to make the right impression for her first day back. She was limited to nursing shirts because she would be doing one of Chaya's feedings and taking unpaid breaks to pump at the times her daughter would normally be nursing.

The breast pump she and Abby had picked out on their last Girl's Night - after looking through the research Abby and McGee had done - was small, portable, easy to clean and would fit nicely into her backpack. The extra bottles they'd purchased would be used to store the milk until she got home and could freeze it.

Finally Ziva settled on a green, long sleeved shirt and tan pants that would stand up well to field work. She debated about footwear for awhile but finally went back to her boots, though she hadn't worn them in months, deciding substance over style would be more practical. By the time Tony came out in a towel, Ziva was ready but she stopped and stared, then gathered up a now sleeping Chaya and muttered something about needing to pack the diaper bag before she fled the room.

Tony was puzzled until he looked down and realized what he'd done. He usually came out of the bathroom dressed, never in a towel, but this morning the thought never crossed his mind. Heaving a sigh, he put on a grey suit, did his hair and went downstairs to do damage control. Ziva was in the kitchen packing them lunch from the pre-made meals, the supply of which was finally dwindling, after two months of enjoying their friends' efforts. The thank you gifts they had were tucked safely in his backpack and it was sitting by hers along with Chaya in her carseat and the diaper bag. Getting out of the house now required three times the supplies of their pre-baby days.

Turning to Ziva, he tried to see into her eyes, but she just smiled vaguely and fixed his tie. Tony wasn't sure there was anything wrong with it, but it was such a wife thing to do that he couldn't help grinning. They were running a bit late once everything was packed in the car and he was relieved when Ziva reached for his hand as soon as he got in. He'd offered to let her drive, but she shook her head and it worried him until Ziva looked at him, letting Tony see that there was nothing wrong besides her anxiety over their next stop.

Less than fifteen minutes later they pulled into the NCIS parking lot and took the elevator to the second floor where the daycare was housed. Tony carried Chaya in her seat, still asleep, and they stopped at the reception window to give their names. The woman checked her list and smiled.

"Chaya DiNozzo, here she is. May I see some ID please?" Both Tony and Ziva pulled out their badges. The lady took them to make a copy and returned them a few minutes later. "We have photo ID and we'll take a picture of Chaya today with your permission, to make sure only you can collect your daughter."

Ziva handed the receptionist a list with the names of the team written down beside their badge numbers. "Any of these people may also pick her up if we are not available."

The woman took the list and read through the names, adding it to Chaya's file which lay open on her desk. She pushed a button and the door buzzed. "Welcome to LEO's."

The acronym stood for Law Enforcement Offspring and it made Tony chuckle when he read the sign. Holding the door for Ziva, he followed her in and was met at the end of a very short hall by a young woman with bright blue eyes and a short pixie haircut.

"Mr. and Mrs. DiNozzo?" They nodded and she smiled, holding out her hand. "I'm Aria, I'll be one of Chaya's primary caregivers." Ziva nicely corrected her pronunciation and the girl blushed. "Sorry, I'm too literal. I just assume everything is said the way it sounds." She turned and waved her hand. "If you'll follow me I'll show you to the baby room."

Tony and Ziva took a moment to appreciate the brightly lit, colourful, gated toddler room that the entrance opened up into before going in the direction Aria had. Down another short hall was a very peaceful feeling room with soft music playing and four cribs set up against the walls. Toys perfect for the developmental level of infant to six months were on shelves in the corner and the floor was covered in soft rubbery mats. Ziva liked it instantly.

Aria pointed to another young woman in a rocking chair, holding a bottle for a baby who looked to be about Claire's age, four months. "This is Bethany. Infant care is on a 2:1 ratio here, two babies for each caregiver. We're one week on, one week off when we rotate to a different room, but it will always be the same people with your daughter so we can get to know her and gain her trust." She gestured to a row of pictures near the door. "Next week Jasmine will be with Chaya and I'll return the following week.

"If you have any concerns, please let us know or mention it to Ms. Amy, our supervisor. Kennedy Morrow runs LEO's and yes, she is former Director Morrow's daughter. It was his wife who first suggested a place to care for the agents' children when both parents worked and we've been running successfully for almost twenty years now." Aria opened a couple folding chairs and invited them to sit. "So, what do I need to know about Chaya?"

Ziva retrieved the baby notebook she'd been keeping all her information in and turned to the pages she'd worked on yesterday, summarizing Chaya's routine, likes and dislikes etc. "This is the schedule she's on right now," Ziva explained. "She is usually awake fifteen minutes at the most after a feeding and sleeps the rest of the time. I will be coming at one pm to feed her and there are bottles in her bag for the other times. Leave her in her seat for now, but after her next feeding, try a crib." Ziva bit her lip. "It may take awhile for her to get used to this new routine. She has had one of us around constantly since she was born."

Aria sympathized. "It's always hard leaving them the first time, especially when they're so little like Chaya. But I promise I will take good care of her. Here's a LEO pager and my daycare cell number. If you need to get ahold of me it's always on and if we have any problems, we'll page you. The first door before the toddler room is the Mommy and Me room - it's a quiet and private place for our nursing moms to feed their babies." She checked her watch. "Do you have questions for me?" They couldn't think of anything at that moment and she shrugged. "You can always ask later, I know you're probably due to start work anytime."

Reluctantly the parents stood and Tony moved Chaya's carseat to beside Aria. "We're leaving you our greatest treasure," he said, swallowing. "Take care of her."

"I will," Aria promised, looking at Ziva. The woman knelt down by her sleeping baby.

"Lehitraot tatelah. Daddy v'ani ohev atach."

The girl looked surprised and Tony smiled. "Hebrew." He put his arm around Ziva. "She's teaching both of us."

Aria gave them a reassuring smile. "Have a good day."

The couple joined hands and hurried away, signing Chaya in as they left. They got to the elevator before Ziva looked back and Tony squeezed her hand, knowing nothing about this day would be easy. He could only hope it was worth the sacrifice she was making.


	69. Chapter 69

_A/N: Hey guys! I know the new reviewing system is a little odd and sometimes I wish they'd stop changing things, but if you're leaving a comment anonymously (as Guest), could you include whatever name you usually use in your review somewhere? I just like to know who is who even if I can't reply to those who aren't signed in. Thanks again for all the support. I'll be really relieved when this is all over, but for now I'm just glad to have such loyal readers! ~ Love always, Aliyah _

_PS. Almost 1am counts as tomorrow, right? :P One less thing to do when I get up in the morning. _

_PPS. To any fellow Canadian readers - Happy Canada Day weekend! To everyone else, I hope you get to enjoy the lovely summer weather and hopefully a break from work tomorrow. Thanks for reading!_

When they got off the elevator, Tony grinned to see everyone gathered in the squadroom to welcome Ziva back. Abby was especially happy to see her and ran over with pigtails flying and arms outstretched. Ziva received her friend's embrace with a smile and gratefully accepted the hugs from Gibbs, Ducky and McGee and even a short, awkward one from Jimmy. With great flourish Tony strode over to Ziva's desk and removed the 'Reserved' sign.

"Good to have you back, partner." He kissed her cheek. "You're a lot nicer to look at." They shared a smile and a look before he cleared his throat and held up his backpack.

"We come bearing gifts!"

Abby's eyes lit up. "Presents?"

Tony opened the zipper and handed Abby hers first. "Just a little thank you for everything you guys have done for us over the last couple of months."

Ziva took part of the pile and started giving out the small, wrapped packages. To Gibbs, because he already had a picture of himself with Chaya, she gave the photo of them on her wedding day. "You will always be my Abba," she whispered and got a rare smile in return.

Abby squealed when she tore the paper off hers and saw the moment she'd first held her niece. She grinned like mad and flung herself at Tony. Ducky mentioned clearing a spot on his desk to show off the little girl for whom he would be a second grandfather. Jimmy said he wanted to show Breena his, because she'd never met Chaya.

Tim smiled fondly at the picture of himself and the little pink bundle as he set it in front of his keyboard. "In a couple months I'll put another one right beside this." When Abby heard him, she kissed his cheek and moved his hand to her bump.

Gibbs cleared his throat and pointed at Tony and Ziva. "You two, with me. The rest of you, back to work!" Everyone jumped to obey while Tony and Ziva exchanged nervous glances and trailed after their boss to the elevator. Once they were inside and the switch had been flipped, Gibbs crossed his arms.

"One of you will leave every day at five-thirty unless it's an extreme emergency. In that case Celeste has offered to babysit or you can set up a playpen in the Ballistics Lab. Once a month you will each take a day off to spend with your daughter, as well as one long weekend now and then to be a family. And keep the married stuff out of my bullpen!" He stared them down. "Any questions?"

Mutely Tony and Ziva shook their heads and Gibbs turned the elevator back on. They made their way to their desks where Matt was waiting, looking a little awkward with a box at his feet. "Welcome back Ziva." He nodded at McGee and Tony. "It's been good working with you guys." Holding out his hand to Gibbs, he tried to look hopeful. "If you ever want me back..."

Gibbs nodded. "You're okay Collins. Carter's getting a good agent."

Matt grinned. "Thank you Agent Gibbs." Then he picked up his things and walked to the elevator. Agent Carter's team was based one floor down.

The doors slid open and he was surprised to see Tami standing there. "Hey." He stepped in quickly and pushed the button, then flicked the emergency stop switch, figuring he'd been on Gibbs' team long enough to utilize the elevator as office space just once. "Everything okay Tam?"

She twisted her fingers together. "I wanted to see how you were doing."

They'd talked last night about him switching teams and Tami knew he didn't feel great about it. Even though he'd known it was only a maternity leave position, Matt hadn't expected to get so attached to the team when he had spent all six months of his time with them as an outsider. So despite what he knew, he still felt shafted somehow and he was struggling with the sense that the team had turned their backs on him, even if that wasn't quite the case.

He sighed. "I knew right away that no one could replace Ziva for them. But I really liked these guys." Matt shrugged. "I didn't expect it to feel like this."

She gave him a sympathetic look. "I thought maybe you could use a hug."

Matt dropped his box and pulled her into his arms, the tightness in his chest loosening almost immediately. He was honestly surprised at how comfortable they'd become with each other after only two weeks of dating, but so far things were great.

Tami moved back a little and looked up at him. "Will I still see you at lunch?"

Matt tugged the end of her ponytail. "I hope so. I guess it'll depend on how Agent Carter does things. I'll text you if I can't make it." He leaned, pressing his lips gently to hers. "Thanks Tam, I needed this."

Her palm found his face and she kissed him again, almost shyly because this was still so new. "I'm glad it helped." She stepped away. "Now go meet your new team, I don't want to make you late."

Flipping the switch back on, Matt smiled at her and waited for the ding. "See you ."

"Good luck." Tami touched the button for the lab and wrapped her arms around herself. When it came to change, she was almost as bad as Abby.

**NCIS**

The forensic scientist didn't even bother turning around when she heard the elevator ding. "I can smell your coffee all the way over here," she announced from her desk as Gibbs walked in. He set a blue and white cup on her desk and Abby picked it up and turned it thoughtfully, but didn't drink from the straw. "Come down to ask me about tonight?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Just because Ziva's back doesn't mean our deal has changed."

"No," Abby agreed, "but you could use the extra time for working on Tony's project, right?" He nodded, but didn't feel the need to state the obvious out loud. Crossing her arms, the Goth sighed. "I suppose I won't feel too ignored if we hang out on Tuesday or Thursday for awhile instead." Her eyes lit up. "Can we work on my baby furniture again?" They'd started that three weeks ago and Abby had been thrilled with what he was making for her and felt infinitely special because he was allowing her to help.

"Don't see why not."

Abby clapped her hands, then put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "You need to use more words." Gibbs raised one eyebrow, wondering where that came from. "You don't even use full sentences. I mean, I know that girls speak twice the amount of words per day that guys have to use, but you don't even use a fraction of them."

He kept it simple and just signed instead. _Problem?_

Her eyes narrowed. _So I bring it up and you decide to say nothing at all?_

_Can't argue with you Abs_, Gibbs confided, kissing the top of her head. _Thank you. Love you._

The shorthand sign for the declaration made her smile and Abby shook her head at his retreating figure. The man was never going to change. But that was good, because she liked him this way and if he ever did suddenly start talking more, they'd likely all drop to the floor in a dead faint, unable to handle the upset to their little world. She nodded. Yes, best to let Gibbs be Gibbs and they'd handle him just like they always did. Sometimes it was nice to know what to expect. In certain cases, change could be a very bad thing.

**NCIS**

When things quieted down a bit and after Gibbs went to see Abby and Tony left for a coffee break, McGee pulled a package out of his desk drawer and walked over to Ziva's desk. She had thirteen weeks of cases and reports to read and catch up on and he had to clear his throat to get her attention.

Ziva looked up and smiled, rather than jumping as she might have done months earlier. "Did you need something McGee?"

He shook his head. "No. Uh, here." Tim held out his gift. "This is for you. It's a welcome back present."

Delighted, she peeled the paper back and ran her fingers over the cover. "Your new book." It was dark coloured with a lighter shadowy section in the middle showing the form of a person kneeling on the floor, head down and hands tied behind them. "Abandoned." Ziva swallowed and her gaze flickered to him for clarification.

McGee slid his hands in his pocket. "I told our story this time - losing you, getting you back, the events that lead up to both. It's not all true," he hastened to explain when her eyes widened, "I took my share of creative license. But anyone who was apart of that time will recognize the similarities." Tim swallowed. "Look inside."

Ziva opened the book and flipped a few pages, stopping at the dedication. She read it out loud. "'To Amy, who inspires me always.' I am sure Abby appreciated that."

"Yeah," he grinned, "and she didn't mind sharing either."

Looking back at the words, Ziva continued reading. "'To a dear friend (she knows who she is). Radiance is that which shines so bright that the darkness cannot subdue it, no matter how hard it tries. Thank you for returning to be our light. You are the missing piece that can never be replaced. - Thom.'" She blinked and swallowed, touching her Star of David necklace and traced the words. "Ziva means radiance."

McGee nodded. "I know."

She threw her arms around him, still holding the book and Tim hugged her firmly, like that first time in her apartment when she asked him to be the brother she missed. "Thank you," Ziva whispered.

It was awhile before he let go as they both remembered Africa, then McGee grew serious. "I don't expect you to read it. You were there, you know what happened, even more than I do. But I just wanted you to have a copy."

Ziva kissed his cheek, cherishing his sensitivity. "You are a good friend Tim."

The moment broke when the other members of their team returned and the hours sped by until finally it was lunchtime. Knowing his wife would be spending the hour with Chaya, Tony invited McGee to join him in the breakroom to eat and watched his wife head downstairs. Ziva had been anxious all morning, calling Aria twice to check on her baby. Gibbs and Tony tried to tell her it was going to be fine, that Chaya was in good hands, but being so far away did not sit well with the new mom. She showed her badge at the window and Michelle the receptionist let her in.

Making her way down to the first baby room, Ziva knocked softly and slowly opened the door. Chaya was awake in Aria's arms and the girl quickly handed the baby to her mother. "Hello tsiporkatan, did you miss me? Ima is not used to being away from you." She reached into the diaper bag for a blanket and toy and smiled at Aria. "We will be back."

Returning to the entrance hall where the Mommy and Me room was located, Ziva stepped inside and settled into the rocking chair. Chaya was already rooting on the front of her shirt. She quickly unhooked her nursing bra so Chaya could latch on. Even though she'd pumped earlier at the same time she would usually feed her baby, Ziva still felt relief from the pressure as Chaya sucked now.

They spent the time rocking slowly and Ziva sang quietly as her daughter enjoyed her lunch. Chaya had just turned away from the nipple when the door opened and Tony slipped in. Ziva's momentary concern vanished and she handed him the baby. "Hi princess, how's my girl? Bet you missed Mommy's milk earlier, huh? Or at least you probably missed Mommy being there while you had your milk." He walked around the room with her as he waited for Chaya to burp, rubbing her back and breathing her in.

When she was ready to be changed, Tony laid her down, smiling this thanks at Ziva for already getting out a clean diaper and wipes. Tony talked to his baby the whole time while his wife watched and they spent a few precious minutes playing with their daughter before it was time to leave.

"I will take her back Tony," Ziva volunteered, "you go."

"Okay." He kissed them both and slipped an energy bar in her pocket. "You'll have to eat lunch later. See you upstairs."

Ziva reluctantly returned Chaya to Aria and left, climbing the steps slowly as she thought about the change this day had brought. She was so absorbed in herself that she didn't realize she'd forgotten to replace the breast pads in her nursing bra. She was still thinking about her daughter when she returned to the squadroom and Tony looked up to smile at her but his expression dropped and his eyes widened. He was in front of her in seconds, shielding her from the others. Confused, she opened her mouth to ask but followed his gaze to the front of her shirt.

She closed her eyes in embarrassment at the wet spots darkening on her chest. Tony gave her a half-grin but declined to share his thoughts, probably for the best. Instead he turned her gently so her back faced the room and dug around in the bottom drawer of his desk, returning with a dark grey t-shirt and pointing her towards the restrooms.

Ziva smiled her thanks, grabbed extra breast pads from her bag, and hurried to change. Stripping off her shirt in front of the mirror, she placed dry pads in her bra, donned Tony's too-large one and twisted the bottom into a curl at her waist to make it look better, using an extra hair elastic to secure the material. Then she faced her reflection, immediately noticing the scars visible on her forearms. For a long time she stood there, debating with herself whether or not she could face them like this. But then she thought of how Tony had faith in her, how he was proud of her and she pulled open the door and returned to her team.

Tim was the first to notice the scars and to his credit he didn't let his shock show. Instead he caught her hand before she could walk by his desk and gave her a small smile. "You're braver than me Ziva."

She blinked back tears at his simple words. "You were brave when you needed to be McGee." Ziva laid her hand on his cheek. "Thank you for not letting him go alone."

Gibbs was next to stand and wrap his hands around her wrists. "Badges of honour Ziver," he told her, touching her rings and bracelet briefly and glancing towards his senior field agent. "Look what you have overcome."

When she got to his desk, Tony hugged her close, whispering in her ear the words she knew were coming. "I'm so proud of you." Ziva pulled back and rolled her eyes as she watched him check her out wearing his shirt.

"Stop drooling," she commanded, laughing when Tony's hand automatically went to his mouth to check before he realized she was teasing.

He tugged her ponytail. "Nice to have you back Probette," he quipped, but the look in his eyes said so much more. She was back, she really was. This was where she belonged, with the people who loved her and would fight for her. In that moment Ziva truly believed that some day, maybe someday soon, everything was going to be okay.

As she sat down, Ziva noticed the new frames on her desk and couldn't contain her smile. Tony had furnished her with pictures of them and Chaya from the newborn photoshoot, one the day of their wedding, and the last was Ziva laying down on the bed with Chaya beside her, her hair falling over her shoulder as she smiled at the baby who stared up at her.

Gratitude welled up in her and she looked across the squadroom at her husband, smiling in a way that was for him and only him. Tony leaned back in his chair with a satisfied grin on his face and undisguised love shining from his eyes. He would do anything to see that smile on her face every day for the rest of their lives. It was worth everything.

**NCIS**

Much to Tony's relief and Ziva's disappointment, they didn't get a case that day. Gibbs watched her slowly get more and more fidgety as time went on and she had nothing more to do than read old files. Finally he rolled his eyes. "Ziva, shooting range. Get some practice in."

She looked up in relief and grabbed her gun. Tony stood too and Gibbs glared. "Sit! You're married, not attached at the hip. She can go by herself."

Ziva gave him a sympathetic smile and took off while Tony looked longingly after her and finally returned to the cold case he was working on. For Ziva, the ability to do something meant a lot. She felt useless sitting at her desk and needed the outlet. Positioning herself at an empty station, Ziva put on the earmuffs and shifted her gun from hand to hand.

Not since she'd broken her arm at fifteen had she gone so long without shooting. And even then Eli had just made her learn to use her other hand, so it wasn't really the same. The weight hadn't changed, the gun was as familiar as her own name and as she took her stance and lined the barrel up with the target, Ziva smiled. Despite the nervousness, despite leaving her daughter in daycare, despite not feeling exactly like herself yet, it was still good to be back. This was home.

**NCIS**

Near the end of the day Tim had run out of ways to pretend to be busy and made his way down to the lab. He stood in the doorway watching his wife work. After a minute Abby glanced up smirked. "Timmy, no lurking without a permit."

McGee remembered the last time she'd said that. The case held bittersweet memories because though they'd spent a lot of time together, he had also come very close to losing her more than once. Pulling out his wallet, he held up a small, laminated card. "I have one this time."

Abby frowned. "Let me see." She lifted it to the light and examined the signature he'd copied off an evidence log. She wrinkled her nose and gave the permit back. "I think it's forged. But you can stay as long as both Baby Beta and I get a kiss."

Tim grinned and obeyed, leaning down to kiss the top of her belly before pulling Abby close and capturing her lips. "That price I'm willing to pay even more than once." Abby slid her arms around his neck and tilted her head. Their lips met softly, the give and take of the kiss intensifying until they broke for air.

She giggled. "It's a good thing my assistant isn't here right now, that would've made her blush."

McGee was in no hurry to move away. "Where is she?"

Abby shrugged. "Taking a coffee break with Matt, Sammy's with her."

"How're they doing?" He wasn't one to pry but the assistant and the temporary agent were friends after the weeks they'd spent together and he cared what was going on.

Abby leaned back and sighed. "I think moving to a different team has been harder for Matt than he let on. Tami is trying to be there for him, but this is only the first day and things have already changed. Agent Carter doesn't run his team like Gibbs does."

"Think they'll make it?" Tim asked, twirling one of her pigtails.

Abby grinned. "I think I've seen that look on another agent's face before and if we're doing perfectly fine, I think they'll make it as far as they want to go."

McGee kissed her again. "So Gibbs sent Ziva down to the range. Let's hack the camera and see how many targets she's killed."

"Timmy, I like the way you think." Abby's fingers flew across the keyboard while he looked over her shoulder. This was really his favourite place to be.

**NCIS**

When the clock hit 1730, Tony and Ziva locked eyes and she nodded. "You go. I am meeting Duke as soon as Gibbs tells us to leave."

He stood and collected his things, stopping to kiss her on the way out. Tony took the elevator downstairs and after checking his badge, Michelle let him in and he went in search of his daughter. Aria met him at the door and gestured to the sleeping baby in her carseat.

"I let her nap in there after her bottle, since I knew you guys would be leaving soon."

"Thanks." Tony crouched down to get a better look and turned to the girl. "How was she?"

"A little fussy after Ziva left," she replied honestly, "but she was too tired to cry for very long. Chaya's been fine since then."

He slung the diaper bag over one shoulder and lifted Chaya's seat with both hands. "Thanks Aria, I guess we'll see you tomorrow."

Feeling a bit loaded down, Tony made a mental note to bring the stroller next time as he signed Chaya out and headed for the elevator. Once he got her buckled in the car, he realized something else they'd forgotten about. Pulling out his phone, he texted Ziva that she'd have to take a work car home tonight and they'd drive two cars the next time they left separately.

The first thing he did at home was get changed and start supper. He went simple with a casserole that required prep but wasn't hard to put together and would be good warmed up, then dropped onto the couch and put on _Air Force One_ while Chaya slept. It was weird to have her all to himself and be alone without Ziva, but so far, so good.

**NCIS**

Half an hour after Tony left, Ziva was almost giddy with excitement when Gibbs gave the order to go home. She ran to the woman's room to change and then signed a car out for the night so she could go to Ops. Ziva walked in the door at six-thirty, tying her hair up in a tight ponytail. She dropped her stuff in the locker room and Duke met her in an empty studio.

"Welcome back Ziva."

She smiled. "I have been looking forward to this." Ziva glanced down at herself. "It will be good to get my body back into shape. I have never been so idle as these past several months."

Duke crossed his arms. "For the next month ground rules apply. There's still limitations until the hormones are gone." He held up his fingers. "1 - you will only come Monday, Wednesday and Friday. 2 - you will spend no more than an hour and a half in my gym. 3 - you will do as I tell you without pushing the boundaries until we do an assessment in four weeks. Is that clear?"

She rolled her eyes. "Stop acting like my big brother, I know I need to be careful." Ziva settled into fighting position with her hands up but Duke shook his head and pointed to the treadmill.

"Warm up. And no sparing until after three months post-partum." Because of the attitude in her eyes, he pushed her hard on cardio equipment and floor work, going easier with weights while her joints were still looser than normal. He wanted Ziva to hit a wall, to know her limitations and what she could do now.

But stubborn person that she was, the Israeli refused to give up and when the clock hit ninety minutes, she got up from the mats and managed a smile. "You will have to do better than that."

Duke raised an eyebrow. "Never challenge a Marine David, you might not like the consequences."

She shrugged him off and went to shower. "It is not punishment if I enjoy it."

Duke narrowed his eyes but quickly gave up, deciding to pick his battles carefully. Ziva DiNozzo was a handful and he'd never been more tested as a trainer, but she also inspired him and Duke was glad to have her for a friend. That Ziva could still smile after what she'd gone through was simply amazing.

**NCIS**

It was shortly after eight pm when Ziva returned home to be greeted by the sight of Tony and Chaya laying on the couch, a Disney movie playing in the background as he stroked her back slowly. Ziva set her stuff down and walked over to sit on the arm. "Is she asleep?"

Tony peeked at the baby. "Nope, just chilling out."

Ziva kissed Chaya's hair and smiled. "I will get my nursing pillow."

The baby was more than happy to take Mommy's breast for her next feeding and started crying as soon as she was moved away when she finished. Sighing, Ziva tried again to see if Chaya was still hungry but the infant didn't eat, she just wanted to be close. Sitting back against the cushions, Ziva pressed play and watched the colourful characters dance across the screen. When Chaya was asleep, she slowly took the baby off her breast and lay Chaya on her lap, carefully maneuvering her out of the checkered onesie she wore. Then Ziva opened her shirt and rested the mostly naked infant on her bare skin, realizing how much she enjoyed the contact with her baby after being away from her all day.

Tony returned from the bathroom and leaned against the wall, watching his wife and daughter. Ziva kissed Chaya's soft head and whispered in her ear, one hand running from the baby's neck to her ankles and back up. He went to the stove and dished up a bowl of casserole for Ziva, heating it in the microwave. Tony brought it over and sat down beside them, basking in Ziva's smile and the way she closed her eyes and leaned her head back when he skated his fingers lightly over her collarbone and shoulder. He bent to kiss the exposed skin on her neck and blew lightly on the spot until she shivered.

Grinning, Tony held out his hands. "Food for baby?"

She eyed him lazily. "That is a tough bargain, and you would have to take your shirt off or she will wake up."

Laughing, he complied and tossed his t-shirt on the arm of the couch. "Come see Daddy princess. I bet Mommy's pretty hungry after all that hard work." Tony flipped up the footrest and leaned back, his hands holding Chaya to his chest. The baby shifted, lifting her head briefly and then relaxed, her fingers curling around a handful of Tony's chest hair.

He winced and loosened her grip a bit, then began a soothing rhythm with his fingers over her spine. Tony looked at his wife eagerly digging into her meal. "How was your first day back?"

She shrugged and swallowed. "Not as exciting as I hoped and I hate leaving Chaya, though Aria is very nice. I am looking forward to working a case with you again." Chewing thoughtfully, she thought about her afternoon. "I am glad Gibbs let me use my gun. It has been too long and I needed to feel confident about my abilities again."

Tony stroked her knee. "I've never had any doubts about your abilities." She shook her head slightly as if he was a little too gullible but he completely ignored her. "And the gym?"

Ziva looked smug. "Duke has rules until I am three months after baby, but he underestimated how much I want this."

His expression was a little leery. "You didn't hurt him, did you?" He would hate to have to explain that one.

She rolled her eyes. "No fighting yet."

"Good."

"I feel badly for Matt," Ziva said after awhile. "He was just getting settled with the team and now I am back, like I am taking his spot."

Tony shook his head. "No. Matt was just holding your spot Zi, he knew that. Just because we're so lovable and he got attached doesn't mean you don't belong here."

She sighed. "I know." Finishing the last bite, Ziva smiled at him. "Thank you for making dinner and taking care of Chaya."

Tony kissed her hand. "Na'im me'od sweetheart. _My pleasure._ We're supposed to share all this stuff, right?"

She leaned over and kissed him slowly, her fingers sliding through his hair with a teasing touch. "Yes, but not all husbands are like you. I do not want you to feel unappreciated." Ziva caressed his lips with her thumb. "There has been too long in your life when no one told you that you are a good man. I am hoping to change that now."

Kissing him quickly, Ziva headed for the kitchen and started running water for dishes, leaving Tony absolutely stunned. With her words she had reached right into his heart, touching the abandoned little boy, the misunderstood adolescent, the shallow adult he'd been while trying not to feel the hurt of a lifetime of being pushed aside.

Feeling Chaya's tiny heart beating and hearing her soft breaths, Tony swallowed and cradled her in his arms. All this time he'd been focused on helping Ziva heal, never realizing or even expecting that she might do the same for him. The rewards that came from loving her never ceased to amaze him. Having Ziva in his life was more than he'd ever imagined. These days all his wildest dreams were coming true and Tony was still trying to catch his breath.


	70. Chapter 70

They got a case the moment they stepped off the elevator Tuesday morning and there was no need for Gibbs' usual call of 'grab your gear' because McGee was following him and Tony and Ziva hadn't taken theirs off yet. As usual, Tony and Ziva and Gibbs and McGee drove in two cars to the crime scene. Tony took advantage of the time alone and threaded his fingers through Ziva's. She smiled briefly and put her hand to her hip, checking for both knife and gun, which were still where she'd strapped them before leaving the house.

Once at the location where a man lay face down in the creek, things fell seamlessly into place as if nothing had ever changed. "DiNozzo, perimeter," Gibbs barked. "McGee, bag and tag. Ziva, sketch and shoot." She raised an eyebrow, perhaps wondering whom she was supposed to shoot, and he glared. "Pictures. Don't make me smack you David."

Tony opened his mouth to protest the use of her maiden name, but with a glance at Ziva he knew they both realized two DiNozzos on the same team was not likely to work and it would be easier to keep them separate. So he sighed, clamped his lips together, and got to work.

They spent the day chasing leads and interviewing people on their suspect list. After returning from one of those meetings, Tony dropped his backpack onto his chair and grinned. "The wife did it."

Ziva crossed her arms and stared at him. "You are telling me that tiny woman forced a grown man twice her size into a car, took him down to the creek and somehow got him to the ground, holding his face in the water until he drowned?"

Tony's expression fell. "Well, I didn't say she did it alone."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "Tell me how and we'll bring her in."

The senior field agent sat down slowly. "Uh, right. On it Boss." And just like that the team was back to normal.

Several hours later however, when the bickering and flirting had turned into intense stares across the bullpen, Gibbs got fed up. "Hey! Keep your eyes to yourself."

Tony grinned and dropped his gaze to his keyboard. Ziva's lips curled up and she too averted her eyes. That they were deriving great pleasure from the situation was clear. McGee squirmed in his chair. "I'm going to see if Abby needs help." He left before he had permission to go but Gibbs didn't blame him. Tony and Ziva married were definitely worse than Tony and Ziva as partners pretending they didn't feel more.

Ziva left first that night and Tony stared longingly after her before taking McGee with him to pick up a potential killer. Three hours later they'd run out of leads and Gibbs checked his watch, then finally gave up and send them home. Gone were the nights they could work until ten or eleven or later on a case. Abby simply couldn't be on her feet fourteen hours a day anymore and Tony and Ziva had a family, it wasn't fair to make it impossible for them to spend time with their daughter. For once work would have to come second.

**NCIS**

Tony was relieved to find Chaya still awake when he got home. Ziva kissed her husband and handed him the baby. "I do not like leaving without you."

He took a seat on the couch. "Chaya needs to have one of us around. This way we both get to see her at night." Tony leaned down and kissed his daughter's forehead, smiling when she couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. "That's right princess, go to sleep. Mommy and I will be here when you wake up." He reached for Ziva's hand. "How was she?"

Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "Very fussy for awhile. She woke up early from her nap and nothing would calm her except laying on my chest. She fell asleep, so I did not move until her next feeding." She sighed. "She is probably very confused. One day she has us all to herself, the next she is left with a stranger and only sees us a few times during the day."

Tony didn't like the tone in her voice. "She'll get used to it Zi, we all will."

Ziva sat up and glared at him. "I do not want to get used to it! I do not want another person raising my child. It is not fair. Even if I took a year off I still would not be ready to let go."

Waiting out her rant, Tony stroked Chaya's tummy. "It sucks for me too Zi. I never thought I'd have a daughter, that I'd be wearing a wedding ring. So getting you back as my partner means I hardly ever have to be without you, but I miss out on her."

Ziva slumped back into the cushions. "I hate this. But I think...our jobs are so important Tony, do you think Chaya will understand?"

He swallowed. "As long as she knows she comes first. That we love our jobs but we love her more. Chaya will always be our first priority. If she's sick, if she had a bad day, if she has a school play or dance recital, if she just needs to take a day off from life, we'll be there for her, that nothing else is more important."

She leaned against his shoulder. "I never knew you would be so good at this, that you would have so many answers. But you are right." Ziva kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Tony chuckled. "I can only hope I have as many answers when Chaya starts asking why the sky is blue and how caterpillars turn into butterflies and why all the worms come out when it rains."

Ziva chuckled. "I think your answers will be more fun than McGee's. He and Abby knew the scientific answers, but a three year old wants everything to be magic."

He got the feeling she'd never had that luxury as a child and he was glad their daughter, at least, would have the chance to just be little.

**NCIS**

While waiting for Ziva to come out of the bathroom, Tony paced nervously back and forth at the end of their bed, thinking. Many little things that might've originally needed to be worked through had kind of slipped under the radar in the wake of having a newborn and adjusting to their life together.

Ziva changed in the same room with him when Chaya was feeding every two hours around the clock and she was too tired to care if he saw her in her underwear. Tony had been sleeping without a shirt since before the baby was born and in just boxers starting when she was two weeks old. And once the weather got warmer, Ziva's t-shirt and capri pant pyjamas became a tank tops and shorts without even a thought. But tonight was different. Tonight he had plans to test Ziva's 'okay' from Saturday and she how willing she really was.

He laughed at himself, finding his anxiety amusing. "Come on DiNozzo, you got this. You already married the girl, just man up and ask." But Tony was still pacing when Ziva opened the door, rubbing lotion into her hands. "Uh...hi." _Yeah, you're gonna sweep her off her feet with that eloquence, _his inner voice scoffed.

Ziva looked at him curiously. "Who were you talking to Tony?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "Oh...no one. Just me."

She chuckled. "I hope it was a good conversation." Ziva made a face and sat down on the bed. "What?"

His eyes darted around the room. "What do you mean?"

She gestured to him. "That. You are so nervous you are practically sweating."

Tony swallowed. "Right. So uh...remember that talk we had Saturday night?" Ziva visibly tensed but he rushed ahead. "I was wondering if we could...try something."

Ziva closed her eyes and resisted the urge to wrap her arms around herself for protection. "What kind of something?" she asked in a small voice.

The bed dipped as he joined her, hooking their fingertips like months before when that was the most she could handle. Tony tipped her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes. "Will you come to bed without pyjamas? In just your bra and underwear and let me touch you?"

Her heartrate sped up and Ziva looked away, remembering the night she bared her scars, the first time since being undercover that he'd put his hands on her mostly naked body. He'd been gentle then, she had no reason to think now would be any different. She'd been too busy all day to think about not having therapy, but now Ziva knew she would miss the decompression time, especially after tonight. This was the moment Devon had mentioned, when Tony would ask for just a little bit more and Ziva knew what her answer had to be.

Slowly she nodded and stood, hesitating before lifting the tank top over her head and letting her shorts drop to the floor. Tony knew what a struggle it was to be this exposed, knew the reason she kept her eyes closed was so he wouldn't see the fear that lay in the chocolate depths.

He led her to the bed and once she got in and lay down, Tony went to his side, moving close to Ziva but not touching. Brushing his fingers over her hair, he took a breath, embarrassed for what he had to say next. "I promise Ziva, not to do anything that scares you, but you're going to have to tell me if something does. And I..." Tony stopped and let out a breath. "I want you to be prepared to feel my reaction to touching you. It's awkward, but I won't be able to help it, not like this."

Ziva met his gaze and tried to smile. "I know Tony, and I cannot say that it will not affect me, but I trust you and we have to start somewhere."

Tony swallowed and slid closer, knowing it wouldn't take long for his body to respond to her nearness. He started simple, caressing her arms from shoulder to fingertip, then holding her against him while he traced gentle patters on her back, smoothing his fingers across her scars. When he moved below her bra strap and got to her lower back, Ziva stiffened, so Tony stopped moving and just kept his arms around her, tucking his head into her neck.

Eventually Ziva slipped her hands under his arm and over his shoulder to rest on his back. She kissed his collarbone and Tony took that as a signal to continue. He hesitated to touch her even over her underwear, so Tony hooked Ziva's leg over his hip and gave her a moment to get used to the position, then ran his hand from her knee down to her ankle and slowly back up.

But it was too close and pressing into him too much. Ziva bit her lip and pushed away, softening her resistance with a gentle kiss. And as Tony nudged Ziva onto her back and started at her collarbone, working his way down, he quickly realized that she was tired of talking. Because every time something bothered her, she simply sought his lips, needing to know the difference between right now and before, when it had been other hands on her body that had no intention of being careful.

He took things slow, noting the places that made her uncomfortable and finally sliding his fingers into her hair and molding his mouth to hers, both thanking her for allowing him this freedom and to reassure any of her fears that were still present. Ziva smiled but seemed glad to get out of bed and put her clothes back on. She settled down on her side and Tony didn't push, waiting until his body calmed down before cuddling up to her and kissing behind her ear.

"I love you Zi." She didn't say anything, she'd been mute since he'd asked to touch her, but her fingers moved over the back of his hand in a familiar pattern and that meant almost as much as hearing the words out loud.

**NCIS**

By Wednesday afternoon the case was closed and to everyone's dismay, Tony had been right about the wife, which meant they got to listen to him gloat until Gibbs shut him up with a stinging headslap. That night was supposed to be Girl's Night but because Ziva was back to Ops now, they moved it to Friday night and had decided to go out for drinks after Ziva finished at the gym, which in their case meant No-Caf Pow and tea. Being pregnant and breastfeeding meant they had to change their definitions of what used to be a fun way to hang out.

Tony left early to get Chaya, taking an unguarded moment to kiss Ziva goodbye. Once at home, he started supper even though it would be hours before Ziva got to eat it. He was just putting his first solo try at quiche in the oven when Chaya woke up with a start and immediately began crying.

Checking his watch and frowning because it was an hour and a half too early for her to be hungry, Tony wiped his hands and went to the carseat, kneeling down to unbuckle his daughter. "Hi princess, what's the matter?" She cried louder and he chuckled. "Aw honey, it can't be all that bad." Lifting her out, he checked her diaper, but no problems there. She'd just eaten at five and wasn't due for another growth spurt until three months.

Uncertain what else there was, Tony started walking the floor, bouncing Chaya a little and swaying back and forth the way she usually liked, but that didn't help. Running his fingers up and down her spine had little affect and even laying skin to skin only calmed the infant briefly. Running out of ideas, Tony was ready to call someone for help when suddenly he remembered the last time they couldn't get her to stop crying and Ziva played the piano.

Taking Chaya with him, he went upstairs to the spare room and looked under the bed for his guitar. He hadn't played in a couple years but surely he could remember enough to appease a baby. Moving them to the nursery, Tony clipped Chaya into her bouncy seat and retrieved the Mommy blanket to tuck around her. That almost instantly made things better, but Chaya was still upset and Tony brushed away a tear on her cheek.

"Oh, don't cry sweetie, Daddy's here." He took a minute to tune his guitar and then wracked his brain for the right song to play. One came to mind and Tony started picking out the chords, his voice low and soothing as he sang.

"I've got sunshine on a cloudy day./When it's cold outside I've got the month of May./I guess you'd say what can make me feel this way?/My girl, talking about my girl. My girl, my girl."

Chaya's wide eyes focused on him and Tony continued singing. She watched, silent and transfixed as he moved to _What a Wonderful World_. The baby was fast asleep again by the time he got to _You Are My Sunshine_, but Tony strummed softly and whispered the words to her anyway.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine/You make me happy when skies are grey/You'll never know dear, how much I love you/Please don't take my sunshine away."

Leaning forward, he kissed Chaya's forehead. "I love you C, you'll always be my sunshine."

Carefully carrying the sleeping baby downstairs, Tony checked supper and collapsed on the couch, startled when a full scale invasion of team members walked in the door shortly after seven. "We've got ninety minutes," Gibbs announced, heading downstairs with McGee. "Manning will let us know when she leaves."

Tony's jaw dropped. "You got Duke involved?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Needed a lookout."

He rolled his eyes. So much for a secret. They disappeared downstairs and Tony turned awkwardly to the redhaired woman waiting by the door. "Celeste, I'm s-"

She stepped forward and put her hand on his chest. "I know you meant well Tony, you're forgiven." Celeste raised an eyebrow. "Jethro wasn't too hard on you, was he?"

He shook his head. "I expected worse. At least I still have a job," Tony chuckled.

She shooed him towards the basement. "Go, I'll keep an eye on your little girl."

Tony hesitated. "Supper is in the oven too. The timer is set, do you mind...?"

Celeste smiled. "I'll take care of it. Good luck with your project."

He grinned. "Thanks." As much as he missed having Ziva around at night, they now had built in time while she was at the gym to work on the basement. It was coming along nicely and he couldn't wait to finish and show Ziva. Tony only hoped she liked it as much as he thought she would.

**NCIS**

True to his orders, Duke texted Gibbs when Ziva left Ops and they packed up everything and got out of there in a hurry. Tony was surprised when they came upstairs to see Celeste burping Chaya. His eyes widened and jumped to the clock. "Oh man, her eight o'clock feeding, I totally forgot."

Celeste handed over the baby. "I found the bottles, we got along okay."

He smiled, rubbing Chaya's back. "Thanks."

Gibbs and McGee left with the promise of returning Friday when Girl's Night would give them extra time to work, and shortly after they pulled away Ziva's car drove in the lane. Tony was upstairs changing Chaya and heard her voice. "Be right down!" he called, gathering the now clean and changed baby into his arms. At the bottom of the stairs he kissed Ziva. "Good workout?"

She smiled. "It feels great to be doing something again finally. How was Chaya?"

"Fussy like you said," Tony reported, pushing her towards the kitchen for food. "Honestly, I think she misses you." Ziva raised an eyebrow and he shrugged. "The Mommy blanket helped but you might have to sleep with it again so it still smells like you. I think she's just adjusting to day care and not always being able to breastfeed even if she's getting breast milk."

Ziva reached for her daughter and cradled Chaya against her chest. "I am sorry tatelah. We will have some time together tonight, I promise." She kissed the baby's head. "I miss you too." Sighing, she looked at her husband. "Why did no one tell me this would be so hard?"

He put his arms around her. "Probably because you never would've done it. I'm sorry Zi."

Ziva leaned into him. "She can have me now. That will have to be enough for both of us."

In the end, Ziva had to lay Chaya in her bassinet so she could eat supper, but when the baby cried at nine-thirty, Tony did dishes instead of going upstairs with them, giving his wife some time alone with her daughter. She settled in the rocking chair and undid her nursing bra, pleased when Chaya latched on right away and started sucking.

"Is that better hakatan? You just needed Ima, hmm?" She smoothed her fingers over the baby's soft curls. "I wish I did not miss so many of your feedings. I wish I had cherished them more when I had you all to myself for those weeks." Ziva kissed Chaya's hand. "We will look forward to the weekend, yes? And I hope nothing will interrupt our time together then."

Tony didn't join them until it was time for Chaya to be burped and changed, and then it was only to say goodnight. The timing for a story would have to be reworked to fit this new schedule. Once in their room and ready for bed, he turned to Ziva. "Will you let me hold you again, like last night?"

She shivered but agreed, wishing she could find pleasure in her husband's touch, but being so close to naked put her on edge and Ziva had a hard time forcing herself to relax. After his hands had touched her whole body except for mostly avoiding the private areas and Tony kissed her again, Ziva sighed. "I want to enjoy this Tony, being close to you, but it has been too long and I do not know how."

He swallowed and swept his fingers over her forehead. "You learned how to be afraid in that camp, and what to fear. Let me teach you that what you remember from Africa doesn't apply here with us. I want to show you that I'm safe Zi." Ziva nodded and tucked her body against his, needing his comfort. Doing something different was a start, but Tony desperately wished that every little step didn't have to hurt so much.


	71. Chapter 71

_A/N: For Tiva Lovah - so sorry! I forgot to post this at the beginning of last chapter but yes I can see your reviews :) Thanks for adding your name. And are you 100% sure you don't want to get an account? I'd even say pretty please :P I would enjoy replying to your reviews. But even if you don't, I still adore having you around. Thanks for all the support! ~Aliyah_

_PS. torontogirl12 - if you enabled PMs, I could reply to your reviews. Always love the comments you leave! Thanks!_

_PPS. Over 2000 review? I am flabbergasted. Thank you all so much!_

Thursday was McGee and Abby's eight month anniversary and they celebrated with a candlelight dinner and _The Princess Bride_. Cuddling on the couch together, McGee watched Abby rub her belly and smiled. "What's Baby Beta up to?"

Abby made a face. "Cartwheels. He'll be eligible to join the circus at birth if he keeps this up."

Tim paused the movie even though they'd both seen it a hundred times. He played with one of her braids. "Why do you always refer to the baby as a 'he'?" McGee raised an eyebrow. "Know something I don't?" To his disappointment, he hadn't been able to make it to all of her midwife appointments.

Abby shrugged. "I have a brother, I spend most of my time around guys, I can handle a boy." She twisted her fingers together. "I don't know about girls, not really, and I wouldn't know what to do with one."

"So you want a boy?" The revelation surprised Tim, somehow it was something they'd never talked about.

Abby nodded. "Yes, I think so." She turned to him. "And you?" It was crazy that she was seven months pregnant and they hadn't had this conversation before.

Tim put his hand on her bump. "Dads are supposed to want boys I guess, carry on the family name and all that." He lifted one shoulder and let it drop. "But remembering when Sarah was little and holding Chaya...I think a little girl would be nice, especially if she looked like you." He saw the insecurity in her eyes and kissed her. "But whatever we get will be fine, of course. And it's not that far away anymore, less than three months."

"It's gone pretty fast," Abby agreed, trying to recall the last thirteen weeks and wondering if that's all it had been. "I think because I haven't had any problems, sometimes it doesn't seem like a big deal. Other than the fact that I'm getting huge."

McGee laughed. "Abbs, you're pretty much all baby. And this is isn't huge. You have a cute little baby bump, that's all."

She rolled her eyes "You're biased. Sweet, but biased." Her lips caressed his briefly. "So, it's time for dessert."

Tim kissed her back. "Before the movie is over?"

Abby gripped his shirt. "You better not make me wait that long Timmy, cheesecake is not to be trifled with."

"Ohhhh..." he drew the word out, "actual dessert. I thought you were talking about something else."

"Tim!" she smacked him. "You've been spending too much time with Tony if you start seeing everything as an invitation to the bedroom."

McGee sobered. "The old Tony, you mean. This new one must have the patience of a saint." He sighed. "I don't know how he can just wait like that. At least we can act on our love and attraction, but Tony and Ziva..."

"Somehow they're making it work," Abby confirmed. "When I watch them at the office I can't believe how much they've changed or how much is still the same. I hope someday Ziva isn't afraid anymore." She raised an eyebrow. "Now about that cheesecake..."

Tim stood and leaned down to taste her lips again. "As you wish babe. Happy Anniversary."

Abby smiled. "Happy Anniversary. I love you."

"Always and forever," Tim answered. "I promise."

**NCIS**

That same night across town, Gibbs and Celeste were in his basement, carefully drawing brushes dipped in varnish across the surface of the bar he'd made for Ziva's ballet studio. The two had spent days sanding it smooth, wiping it clean, sealing and varnishing it. This was the last coat and then it would be ready for transportation and installation.

Celeste lay her brush on the upside down lid for the varnish and leaned back against his workbench, watching as he finished his end. "It looks beautiful Jethro, Ziva will love it."

Gibbs wiped his hands and moved to stand in front of her, slipping his arms around her waist. "I liked working on it with you."

Her hands slid up his chest and around behind his head. "Do I get a reward?"

Smirking, he lowered his lips to hers and kissed her sweetly. Celeste deepened the caress almost immediately and it wasn't long before his hands were cradling her face and her fingers were working into his hair. They pulled apart to breathe and chuckled when Lexie looked up from her place on the floor and cocked her head.

Celeste smacked her hand lightly against her leg and the dog joined her mistress. She knelt down to pet her soft fur and Lexie nudged Celeste's face with her nose, her tongue darting out to catch the woman's cheek. She laughed. "I think you have competition for my affection Jethro, who can say no to a face like this?"

Gibbs rolled his eyes and joined them on the floor, his rough hand running over Lexie's shining coat. "I love her too girl, you're gonna have to share." Lexie pushed her head into Gibbs' chest, wriggling closer when he started scratching behind her ears. "Yeah, you're okay."

Celeste leaned her head on his shoulder. "You know the way to a woman's heart is through her dog, right?"

He glanced over at her. "Is it working?"

She kissed the corner of his mouth and sighed happily as he stood and wrapped her in his arms. "Definitely. I'm head over heels for you Agent Gibbs. I'm going to be impossible to get rid of."

Gibbs molded his mouth to hers for a long moment and only stopped kissing her when he ran out of air. "Good, because I'm not letting go this time Les. Not now, not ever. That's a promise."

Celeste smiled and the joy in her eyes made his heart hurt. When had it become okay to be so happy? Gibbs wasn't sure, but it wasn't anything he was willing to give up. Celeste had worked her way into his heart again, helped him heal in a way that shouldn't even be possible, and brought light back into his life where there'd only been shadows since his family died. And in a month he'd finally get to show her how much that meant.

**NCIS**

Friday bought the guys two hours to work on the basement and Tony was pleased at how well everything was coming together. They had the studio flooring laid and the layer of mats for the exercise area put together. Gibbs currently had a treadmill, punching bag and weights in his garage, plus the finished ballet bar in his basement. If all went according to plan, they'd be bringing everything over tomorrow.

Tony shook their hands as Gibbs and McGee prepared to leave. "Thank you. I know it's not much, but I really appreciate all you've done for us, for Ziva."

Gibbs looked at him. "You make her happy DiNozzo."

McGee nodded. "The woman we brought back from Somalia wasn't Ziva, but you found her Tony and if anyone can help her be herself again, it'll be you. You know her best of anyone."

He cleared his throat and stuck his hands in his pockets. "Thanks." There didn't seem to be any more to say.

Ziva returned home minutes later and went upstairs to check on their baby. Chaya was just starting to fuss and Ziva scooped her up. "Hello tatelah, Ima missed you." She settled the baby to nurse and looked at Tony. "Will you read to us? I miss hearing your voice telling a story."

With a grin Tony went to the bookcase and selected one called The Princess and The Three Knights. He sat down on the stool and began regaling his girls with a tale of true love.

**NCIS**

On Saturday morning Tony accompanied Chaya and Ziva to a parent and tot swim at the pool where she did swimming lessons. Although it was less than ideal, Ziva nursed the baby in a private cubicle in the family changeroom so she could take her into the water while she was still awake.

They stuck to the kids area and Tony enjoyed watching Chaya experience the pool. He sailed a small plastic ship around her making all the right sound effects, held her while in a colourful innertube just hanging out, and floated her in a circle laying on a flutter board while Ziva made sure she didn't fall off.

They had fun and took turns showering after to make sure neither dropped the slippery baby. Chaya was worn out by the time they strapped her into the carseat and only fought sleep briefly before falling into its grasp. It was shortly after eleven when the little family made their way home and found a message on the machine.

"Shalom Ziva, zot Lina. Mah chadash? _I wanted to see how your first week back went. Do you have time this afternoon to go for a walk? Claire misses Chaya. Call me._ Lehitraot." _(Translation: Hi Ziva, it's Lina. What's new?)_

Tony set the carseat down and went over to his wife. "Who was that?" The whole thing was in Hebrew and though he understood some of it, he didn't want to let on yet how much of the language he knew. His covert language lessons, now done on lunch while Ziva nursed downstairs, were slowly beginning to pay off.

"Lina. She wants to meet at the park later." Ziva turned around. "Do you mind? I have missed our talks."

"Nope, doesn't bother me. I can keep the princess if you like."

Ziva shook her head. "Thank you, but Lina will bring Claire, so Chaya should come too."

He sighed. "Well, I suppose I can start a James Bond marathon until you get back." Snapping his fingers like the idea had just occurred to him, Tony looked at his wife. "Why don't you see if Lina wants to go out for lunch? That would give you lots of time to catch up."

She smiled slowly and moved close. "I could not leave you alone for so long querido, you might be lonely."

Tony chuckled. "I'm pretty sure that wasn't Hebrew. You can't just stick to the one language I speak, huh?"

Ziva smirked. "Yediat safa ahat eina maspika."

He rolled his eyes. "What does that mean?"

She winked. "One language is never enough."

Just for that Tony dragged her into him and kissed her breathless, pulling back to lean his forehead on hers. "Seriously though, if you wanted to go out, I could find something to do."

Ziva frowned. "Tony, are you trying to get rid of me?"

His eyes widened in shock and guilt, though he hoped she didn't see the second part. "Of course not. I just-"

The phone rang then, saving him from trying to explain. Ziva kept her eyes on him and picked up the receiver. "This is Ziva." Her expression brightened. "Hello Grace, how are you?" She listened and her gaze flickered to him. "Well no, we did not have plans but-" Grace said something else and Ziva paused. "Oh, I would love to see your garden. Yes, that is fine. Twelve-thirty? I think that will work." She looked over the couch at her sleeping baby. "Of course I will bring Chaya, she will be very glad to see you. Alright, thank you Grace. Goodbye."

She set the phone down and her eyes narrowed. "You planned that."

"What? No I didn't!" Tony protested. "Come on, it's Grace, she'd never do anything underhanded. If it was Abby, you could be suspicious." As soon as they words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. If she started wondering about Girl's Nights, their whole plan could be shot.

Ziva sighed. "We are invited for lunch, but it is the girls only. Grace thought looking at flowers and old photo albums might bore you."

"It's nice of her to think of you," Tony pointed out. "It's been awhile since she came over, right?"

"Two weeks," Ziva confirmed. "It is so hard to keep up with friends outside the team. I do not know how other people do it."

Tony chuckled. "Other people have nine to five jobs and time to include friends in their plans." He kissed her. "What do you want to do until it's time to go?"

She linked her hands behind his head. "I will watch James Bond."

He grinned. "Good answer. I love you Zi."

She tilted her head. "Because I watch your favourite movies?"

Tony shrugged. "That and about a hundred other reasons. You're...ha'or hakayim sheli, the light of my life."

Ziva leaned in and slid her lips over his. "Someone is teaching you all the good things," she purred in his ear. "I think you get points for that."

He grinned. "After what I got the last time they were cashed in, I think I'll save them for something big. It's definitely worth the wait."

She hugged him, her lips grazing his neck. "Ani ohevet otcha. Toda hakol beeshveel." _I love you. Thank you for everything._

Tony sighed into her hair. "Anytime."

**NCIS**

As soon as Ziva's car was out of sight, Tony grabbed his keys and headed over to Gibbs', this was what they'd hoped for. But even with three of them, they realized another person was necessary to load the equipment onto the trailer Gibbs had borrowed again. A quick phone call gave Jimmy a break from worrying about his exam results when he quickly agreed to help. Tony knew the Autopsy Gremlin was just excited to be included. He pulled up fifteen minutes later while the guys were enjoying some lemonade Gibbs had apparently made. It shocked his agents and when he wasn't looking, Tim whispered that Celeste must've helped because it tasted really good.

"Black Lung!" Tony grinned. "Thanks for coming." He crossed his arms and glared. "You are hereby sworn to secrecy. Tell Ziva what we're doing and we'll..." he paused to think of a good threat.

"Shoot him," Gibbs offered, looking dangerous.

Jimmy paled. "I uh...promise. Cross my heart and everything Agent Gibbs...sir," he stuttered, edging closer to Tony.

"Let's go," Gibbs waved at them, "got a deadline."

Even knowing Ziva was going straight from lunch with Grace to meet Lina, which gave them three and a half hours at least, Tony still worried that something would change and she'd find out. However, three hours and four very sweaty guys later, he stood back and grinned. "Wow."

It looked great. The mirrors made the space look twice as big and reflected the light from the half-windows. The punching bag hung in the back left corner with the weight rack in pieces on the wall in front of it. The treadmill sat near the edge of the matted part, creating a separating between space for dancing and working out. It wasn't working yet, Tim would have to come back and fiddle with the electronics, and Tony still wanted to find a refurbished stereo to set up so Ziva could have music too. But they were so close to done and that the finished product so closely matched his original vision only made it better.

"When it's 100% complete, we'll go out to dinner on me, though that's hardly anything compared to everything you guys have done."

Gibbs checked his watch. "Better go, no buffer today." Which just meant Ziva wasn't with someone who was in on the plan and no one wanted to get caught and ruin everything they'd worked so hard to keep confidential.

"Yeah, good idea. She's already suspicious."

Gibbs glared. "Why?"

He made a face. "I was trying to get her out of the house today by encouraging lunch with a friend and I guess I pushed too hard. Then a lady we know called and invited her over, so she thought I had something to do with it."

The older man smacked him. "Don't blow this."

"Yeah, working on it Boss. Thanks guys, see you later. I better be watching James Bond when she walks in the door." Another week should do it, then he'd finally get to show Ziva her surprise.

**NCIS**

"Well," Devon said brightly Tuesday morning, "did you miss me?"

Ziva looked around. It was disconcerting to not have her baby here as a distraction. She slipped her hands between her knees. "I noticed, yes."

"That look on your face is very telling Ziva, care to share?"

She sighed. "Do you remember when I used to be difficult?" The therapist bit her lip to keep from emphasizing 'used to be' and nodded. "I think it takes too much energy to fight." Ziva toed off her shoes and crossed her legs. "A lot has happened in the last two weeks."

Devon raised an eyebrow in interest. "Alright, is it easier for me to ask questions or just let you share?"

Ziva shrugged one shoulder. "As your questions."

"How was your first week back to work?"

"Surprisingly easy,"Ziva admitted. "We only had two cases, nothing very difficult, and it was nice to be with my team again."

"I hear a 'but'," Devon observed.

"But I miss my baby. It is so strange to one day be with her twenty-four hours and the next see her for only three or five hours out of the whole day, leaving her in the care of people she does not know." Ziva sighed. "Weekends are made all the more precious because I do not have to be without her."

"For the last six months your whole identity has been as a mother and for two months all you have been doing is taking care of Chaya. This change will take time to get used to and I hope you are always excited for the time you get with your daughter. But work is very important for getting your independence back, so I'm glad for your sake that you chose to take one more step towards normal."

Ziva nodded but didn't have anything to say to that and Devon continued. "So, with a return to work also came a return to the gym, right? How's that going?"

Her eyes brightened. "I feel a thousand times better. Even if it is awhile before I see the difference in my body, I am thankful for the outlet of exercising again."

Devon leaned back in her chair. "Is that outlet something you've felt the need for recently?"

Ziva averted her eyes, trying to will away the blush that rose to her cheeks. She swallowed. "It started on Father's Day."

The other woman sat straight up. "What did?"

She still couldn't meet her doctor's eyes and shrugged, at a loss for words. "More."

Devon's gaze immediately fell to her notes where a question was highlighted with a star beside it. _If Tony asked you for a little more, what would you say?_ Last time they talked, Ziva hadn't known the answer. "And?"

Ziva wrapped her arms around her waist. "And at first it was just kissing, then the next night I gave him a massage, which led to more kissing." She twisted a piece of hair around her finger. "But it was too much for Tony and he left. He was gone for so long and I was very hurt. When Tony came back, I moved to the couch but he would not let me stay there."

Letting out a breath, Ziva continued. "Saturday after Chaya was in bed, we talked about...intimacy things. I told him..." her throat closed and she blinked rapidly. "I told him about Somalia, every detail I could remember. After when he asked me if we could try more...I said okay. I am still trying to decide if it is."

"Wow, Ziva, that's-"

She shook her head. "Do not tell me it is progress or a big deal, because it did not go well. The morning after our talk we were laying in bed kissing and he had his hand under my shirt." Ziva swallowed and closed her eyes, both ashamed and embarrassed as she hugged her knees to her chest. "For the first time since Somalia I felt desire for a man and it scared me more than I can say."

"Why Ziva?" the therapist asked softly.

Ziva rubbed her eyes, trying to hide the sheen of tears. "I already told Tony, I do not want to say it again."

"Okay, skip that part and tell me the rest then." So much for not being difficult, but Devon could tell this was a very tough topic for her patient.

Ziva's fingers combed through her hair. "Tuesday night he finally asked to try something - he wanted to hold me in bed with nothing on but my underwear."

"Did you let him?" She was opening up so much and she didn't even realize, Devon wished Ziva could see the progress the rest of them did.

Nodding reluctantly, Ziva continued. "But I did not enjoy it. Tony's hands are so gentle on my body, yet I cannot stand them near where my underwear covers. He paid attention very well to anything that bothered me, but that did not make it any easier." She sighed. "Last night was seven times of doing the same thing and I still cannot take it as a compliment when his desire is obvious because we are so close." Ziva dropped her head into her hands. "I think I am hopeless Devon."

Dr. Andrews arched an eyebrow. "You think one week is going to erase a month and a half of time when men's hands took advantage of your weakness and hurt you and were always unwanted? Ziva, you're practically naked in bed with an aroused man holding you. The fact that you didn't end up in the nearest corner screaming and shaking from a flashback doesn't seem like an accomplishment to you?"

Ziva sighed heavily. "I only see what I am unable to handle. I am only aware of how far I have left to go to get back to normal."

"Look behind you Ziva and see how far you've come. Forget normal," Devon ordered. "Normal has nothing to do with what the last year has looked like for you. Focus on the changes - from no touching to allowing full body contact, from occasional kissing to what sounds like making out, from unable to even think the word sex to feeling desire. Ziva, you astound me. Concentrate on the positives, on how much trust you've given Tony, and be grateful for how much more you can do now. There is no need to carry such a burden when this healing need only be taken one step at a time and then celebrated."

It took a long time for Devon's words to filter into Ziva's heart and mind. But finally she made eye contact and lifted her chin. "I will try." For now that was all any of them could ask.


	72. Chapter 72

_A/N: Sorry guys - I had to babysit at 0630 this morning so there was no time to post a chapter. Thanks so much for all the reviews for Ch 70 & 71 - y'all are the most amazing readers any author could hope for. Enjoy!_

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_**Zivatjl12 **__- the new FF reviewing system has made it impossible to sign your name unless you actually sign in. But I appreciate when 'guests' still tell me in the review who they are. I just like to know these things :) Sorry I can't help!_

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Gibbs and Celeste were walking leisurely down the street after going out for ice cream to celebrate three months as a couple. Their fingers were tangled together and every time Gibbs looked at her, Celeste was smiling. Finally they stopped at a bench and he turned towards her.

"Gonna ask you something next month Les." In normal cases, men didn't usually warn woman of impending proposals, but their situation was far from normal. His thumb rubbed over her empty ring finger. "Know if you can handle what it means to say yes." He had no idea how he would handle it if she said no.

Celeste looked into his eyes, curious at the insecurity that lay there, and brought her hand to his cheek. "Silly man," she said with eyes so full of love and a tender smile on her lips, "I said yes once, didn't I? What makes you think the answer will be different this time?"

Gibbs sighed. "Now you know what you're getting into. I'm not an easy man to live with." He'd learned that the hard way and three wives later was still paying for how much of his soul had died with his girls. He would never again be the man Shannon had married and too often he realized he didn't like the change.

She chuckled. "As long as you trade the couch for a bed, neglect your boat just a little bit and tell your kids, I think we'll be just fine."

He cradled her face in his big rough hands and took possession of her lips. "Promise?" Gibbs whispered hoarsely.

Celeste curled her fingers into his hair and kissed him back with surprising force. "I promise. I love you, get that through you head. I'm not going to change my mind."

Gibbs enfolded her in a tight embrace, burying his face in her neck. "Okay." And that was the end of that. Thirty days from now, things would change once more. And this time it might actually be the best thing that had happened to him in years.

**NCIS**

It was Ziva's night to take Chaya home early and Tony finally came through the door hours later carrying a medium sized, flat cardboard box. "Zi!" he called. "Come see what I have."

She came downstairs carrying Chaya in front of her, who smiled at the sight of Daddy and flailed her arms. "What is so exciting?"

He laid the package on the diningroom table and got out his knife to slice the tape. "Got a call just after you left," Tony explained, lifting the flaps on the box.

Ziva's eyes widened. "Oh Tony, our ketubah." She reached out to caress the frame. "It is beautiful."

He grinned. "Only took three months, not bad." Glancing around the room, Tony shrugged. "Where do you want it?"

Chaya started fussing and Ziva handed the baby to her father. "We will have to decide later, it is time for her to eat." She retrieved a bottle, warmed it, and headed for the nursery.

Tony followed and got settled with Chaya while Ziva found a book to read. During Chaya's next nap, Tony and Ziva finally chose to put the ketubah in their room, along with a framed copy of the vows they'd said to each other, done in their own handwriting. Tony stood behind Ziva and kissed her hair. "So we never forget," he whispered and she leaned back into him, a contented smile on her face.

**NCIS**

Wednesday was a rare day off in the middle of the week and the team, by order of Abby and including significant others and assistants, gathered at the park for a picnic lunch, prepared to thoroughly enjoy their Independence Day Holiday. Despite being thirty weeks pregnant, Abby was more than happy to play frisbee, though she and Tim stayed together in case any running needed to be done. Matt and Tami were glad to be included, even if not an official part of the team. They spent most of their time with Jimmy and Breena, who also felt a little out of place.

Ziva was content to sit with Gibbs, Celeste, Chaya and Sammy - who was torn between chasing the blue disk and cuddling with his baby - just talking. Though when her husband called for her to join the game, she left her daughter in the care of others and ran out to be with the rest of the group. Abby was still giving Celeste a fairly wide berth - not hating her didn't automatically mean she loved the woman. But at Gibbs' look later the Goth did offer her boss's girlfriend one of the red, white and blue striped cupcakes she was handing out.

For the sake of the team's comfort, Celeste kept her shows of affection towards Gibbs to a minimum. But they did leave to go for a walk at one point and Tim distracted Abby by suggesting they set up the croquet game Tony had brought. Eventually they were all laying out in the sun, Abby and Ziva using their husband's chests as pillows. Matt and Tami were off flying a kite, Jimmy and Breena knelt by the pond looking for minnows and frogs. Ducky and Dr. Jordan wandered along the edge of the park where a border of trees and plants grew, examining the flowers and having a fascinating discussion about the flora and fauna native to DC.

That left Gibbs and Celeste in charge of both baby and puppy, who seemed to be greatly enjoying each other's company. Chaya was on a blanket in the shade, laughing and squealing in delight as Sammy ran around her in circles. She turned her head to follow his progress and practiced her sounds - ah, ah, ah, eh, eh, eh. Finally the puppy lay down and rolled onto his side with his back against Chaya, sighing contentedly. Her arms flailed and she smacked him in the face. Sammy yelped and jumped, but then relaxed, returning to his previous position and licking the baby's arm. It was quite funny to watch.

Celeste reached out towards the baby and Sammy raised his head, giving her a suspicious look. They'd only met for the first time today, not including the hospital, and she wasn't one of the people he was used to seeing around his baby. The redhead let him sniff her hand and rubbed his tummy. Sammy closed his eyes and yawned, enjoying the attention too much to consider her a threat.

Gibbs put his arm around her waist. "You should have brought Lexie."

Celeste shook her head. "I think she would've been overwhelmed by all the people and an energetic puppy. Lex is still getting used to people in general and her world usually just includes you and me." Lexie was only three but she'd been abused in her previous home and was leery of strangers, though she'd bonded with Celeste quite quickly and seemed to like Gibbs, probably because the man was quiet and attentive and rarely raised his voice or made any quick movements when he was around her.

She sighed. "I know Abby isn't quite sure about me yet, but it is nice to be included today. At least I can pretend I belong to this group."

"You do belong Les," Gibbs assured her. "It's just gonna take awhile for them all to realize it."

Not that Celeste wasn't making progress. Besides the letter she'd written Tim after reading _Abandoned_, she'd also pulled him aside to offer a personal thank you for his present. Bringing treats for Sammy that she gave to Abby earned her a smile, and just now another idea occurred to her. "I'll be right back," she told Gibbs when Abby stood to get another bottle of water from the cooler.

Celeste approached the girl and lowered her voice. "Abby." Her head whipped around and she eyed the older woman warily. "It's Tony and Ziva's three month anniversary today. I have a suggestion." Abby's eyes widened and she leaned forward eagerly to hear the plan.

When Tony and Ziva came over to check on their baby, who was now sleeping peacefully with Sammy sprawled out next to her, the group slowly gathered around them and Abby grinned. "You can't have her back." Ziva's brow furrowed and she explained. "Apparently the tradition is to give you two some alone time on the fourth of every month." The couple exchanged surprised glances and it was obvious that they'd forgotten. Abby waved her hand. "So shoo. We've got this. I think ten adults can handle one two and a half month old baby girl."

Tony opened his mouth to argue at the same time Ziva started to say something about feeding Chaya but Abby crossed her arms. "There's a bottle in her diaper bag, I already checked, and at least half of us are capable of changing a diaper. Goodbye."

Considering they weren't being given a choice, Tony and Ziva gave in and he slipped his sunglasses on, holding out his hand to Ziva. She took it and they headed for their car. He chuckled. "Gotta love being exiled."

Ziva's strides matched his and they turned towards the shops, deciding on a walk instead of a drive since it was such a beautiful day. "I think it is sweet that they remember even when we do not. And I like the chance to be alone with you."

Tony's thumb caressed her hand. "Three months Zi, isn't that crazy? Does it feel that long to you?"

She shrugged. "It feels like forever. When I think back to October and being at my apartment and wondering if I could ever let you be more than my friend, and then looking around now how we are admitting to being in love, we are married with a house and a daughter...I begin to think that time has no meaning at all, it is just about the moments and sharing life with the people who love you."

Her answer was so good that Tony stopped right there and kissed her in the middle of the sidewalk with people flowering around them. That Ziva didn't shy away from such a public display of affection and instead returned the gesture, closing her lips around his bottom one as her mouth formed the shape to kiss him back was a tremendous ego boost and when they finally pulled apart, he was grinning.

"Wow." Ziva blushed and looked away as Tony ran his hands down her bare arms. She was wearing green capris, sandals and a blue smocked shirt that was loose in the middle but tight at her waist. She'd french braided her hair and looked beautiful, but the greatest accomplishment was wearing short sleeves in public, something Ziva had slowly started trying after that first day back to work when she'd been forced to don his t-shirt and expose her scars to the team.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered, his fingers following the marks on her forearm. "Your courage amazes me."

Ziva swallowed hard and didn't look into his eyes, not when what she wished she had the courage to do was probably written all over her face. She placed her hand over his shirt. "It is because of your love that I am taking any steps forward at all," she told him, quite seriously, then forced her lips into a smile. "It is hot, a good day for ice cream, yes?"

Seeing she needed distance from the subject, Tony linked their fingers and nodded. "I agree. I think Scoops is around here somewhere. Let's check it out."

One the street corner a young girl was selling daisies. Tony traded her money for one of the yellow and white flowers and broke the stem off short so he could tuck it behind his wife's ear. Her smile was real this time and Tony wanted to take advantage of it. "So, your first Independence Day as an American. Is there anything you really want to do?"

"See the fireworks," she responded immediately.

He chuckled. "That's a given. I bet you a kiss that when we get back Abby will already have talked Gibbs into having a barbeque at his place so we can watch the sky light up from his backyard."

Ziva raised one eyebrow. "When did we start betting with physical affection?"

Tony shrugged. "Now. It sounded like fun."

She laughed. "Very well. But it seems to me we both win. If you are right, you get to kiss me. If you are wrong, I have to kiss you. There is no downside."

He rolled his eyes. "Geez, don't make it sound like an obligation or anything." Tony sighed. "I guess you could save your kiss for later and make me wait." He flashed a grin. "But I'm irresistible and I know I'm right."

"I think you need to buy me some twinklers," Ziva decided, returning to his previous question.

Tony made a face. "Twinklers?"

She frowned. "Yes. You know, the little sticks you light and they glow and crackle?"

It took a second but then the light went on. "Ohhh...sparklers."

"Yes, those."

"You might have to share them with Abby," he warned, knowing how his little sister loved playing with sparklers.

"As long as I get half," Ziva agreed.

Tony slung his arm around her and laughed. "You know what babe? I'll get you two packages, then you can have all twelve to yourself."

Ziva leaned up and kissed his cheek. "I will let you have a few."

It sounded like a privilege and Tony refrained from making a 'you want me to light your sparklers?' joke that might come off sounding dirty even if to him it sounded like fun. "Deal."

**NCIS**

An hour after her parents left, Chaya woke up and her cry was so pathetic it made Abby's heart hurt. "What's wrong with her?"

Gibbs scooped up the baby and nodded towards her diaper bag. "Need a bottle Abs."

She was back in a flash and handing it to him, watching in awe as Chaya instantly settled and started sucking. Her eyebrows drew together. "How did you know she was hungry?"

He chuckled, looking down into the baby's deep blue eyes. "Never forget the way that cry sounds."

With evidence that the youngest and cutest member of the Team Gibbs family was awake, the group slowly drifted back to sit under the tree with Gibbs, Celeste, Abby and Chaya. Sammy curled up beside his mistress with his head on her knee and she absently stroked his ears as she watched her niece eat.

When the bottle was empty, Gibbs looked up. "Someone's got to burp her."

Wanting to show off for Breena, who seemed to be very interested in the baby, Jimmy held out his hands. "Let me." Gibbs eyed him sternly for a minute, remembering how awkward he'd been with Chaya in the hospital, but Celeste touched his arm and he relented, handing his granddaughter over. "Be gentle."

Jimmy set Chaya on his knee and held her face carefully with his thumb and forefinger supporting her jaw, and started patting her back lightly. Breena moved closer to watch and the baby suddenly burped, but with it came a stream of spit-up that dribbled over his fingers. Abby made an 'ew, gross' face and Jimmy reached for the cloth Celeste handed him, wiping Chaya's mouth first and then his fingers. "Well, it's no worse than bl-uh...the stuff we see at work," he amended, remembering the baby he held.

Gibbs leaned back against the tree. "She needs a new diaper."

All eyes slowly turned to Abby and she jumped. "What?"

"You're the one who volunteered," Tim pointed out.

She held up her hands. "I volunteered us, all of us," Abby argued quickly. "I don't know how to change a diaper." She looked at her husband. "You could, you've seen it done."

"Practical experience and one time observation are two very different things," he reminded her.

They all looked at each other, hoping someone would take responsibility for the chore. Finally Matt spoke up. "I'll give it a try." He shrugged. "How bad can it be?"

Famous last words. Chaya had chosen that moment to dirty her diaper so badly it leaked out partway up her back. The guys all groaned and Matt desperately grabbed a handful of wipes, hoping not to get any of it on himself. Between Matt's clumsy attempts, Abby's advice and Celeste's eventual taking charge of the situation, Chaya was changed, cleaned up, dressed in a fresh outfit, and fast asleep by the her parents were due back. Luckily for Matt, Abby had hand sanitizer. That was not an experience he wanted to repeat any time soon.

**NCIS**

Knowing that Abby would have rules, Tony and Ziva stayed away for two hours before making their way back to the park. Just as Tony predicted, Abby announced a BBQ and fireworks party at Gibbs' house immediately following their exit of the park. With great flourish Tony claimed his prize, kissing Ziva deeply in front of their friends but not going too overboard lest he lose his freedom to do that. Gibbs rolled his eyes but couldn't say anything because they weren't in the office and it was still too rare to see Ziva so happy. Abby and Matt clapped and Ziva retrieved her baby, who was completely undisturbed by the commotion. The others started packing up and putting things in cars. One by one they left and then arrived on Gibbs' street and started taking up one whole side.

When everyone was inside, Gibbs collected the guys to help with barbequing and the rest of supper and Celeste was put in charge of supervising the whole operation. That left Abby, Tami, Ziva and Chaya with Ducky and Dr. Jordan in the livingroom. Breena decided to stick with Jimmy for moral support, knowing how flustered he got around Gibbs. Just because the baby was sleeping didn't mean she wasn't going to get passed around. Despite Abby's pleading, Ducky got Chaya first and started telling her stories about some of the things Tony and Ziva had done as partners. Dr. Jordan smiled and watched, commenting that Donny was such a softy, but didn't ask for a turn.

When Ducky could finally be prevailed upon to give up the little girl, Ziva looked at Tami. "Would you like her?"

Tami's eyes lit up. "Yes please. It's been a long time since I held a small baby." She cradled the infant in her arms. "Hi dolly. Oh you're so little!" Tami worked her finger inside Chaya's fist and smiled. "You've just made my whole day, do you know that? Nothing is better than holding a baby." She lightly touched the baby's hair and her little ears. "My sister used to be the same size as you. Gosh, I barely remember those days. But I remember what it was like when Mom put her in my arms and I realized I was a big sister." Her fingers swept over Chaya's face. "You look like an angel," Tami whispered.

Because the girl's head was down, her focus solely on the baby, she didn't notice her boyfriend catching a glimpse from the kitchen and coming closer to get a better look at the scene. Matt crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway, a fond smile on his face as he watched his girlfriend with a baby. Tami looked up and their eyes met, a blush colouring her cheeks before she dropped her gaze back to Chaya. Matt returned to supper duties, but Abby had a feeling the subject would come up later. It was obvious from the way he looked at her that he was thinking long term, wedding rings and babies, while Tami was still just getting used to being in a relationship.

Eventually Ziva got her daughter back and put Chaya in her carseat for the remainder of her nap. About that time Celeste came in to announce that food was ready and McGee borrowed Tony and Ziva's phones and spent a few minutes programming them to become an intercom system, so they could leave Chaya inside but still hear if she cried.

Gibbs' backyard was soon full of talk, laughter and the company of friends as they ate, drank and thoroughly enjoyed their fourth of July holiday. Around eight o'clock Ziva heard Chaya and stepped inside to nurse. She took the baby upstairs to Gibbs' spare room and settled in the rocking chair. While her baby ate, Ziva stared across the room at the bed she'd spent her first three days in after returning from Somalia.

Gibbs had stayed by her side each of those nights, sleeping in the chair when she did and holding her in his strong embrace when the nightmares drove her awake in a terror. She'd cried more in those first days than at any other time, but Gibbs never said a word. He just wiped them away with his big rough hands, smoothing over her fears just as he smoothed the wood on his boat.

When Ziva couldn't go back to sleep, Gibbs would take her down to the basement and put on as many lights as possible to drive the shadows away. Then together they'd work on his boat. At that point she'd been too weak to do more than a few strokes, but she found it comforting to listen to the repetitive scratch of sandpaper on wood. If she fell asleep Gibbs carried her back to bed, hating that she was light enough for him to do so, and tucked her in, staying a watchful guardian during the night hours remaining.

Neither of them had spoken much except when Gibbs would encourage Ziva to leave the room that was her safe haven and shower, or when he made her drink a small amount of broth so she had something in her stomach. He was the one who began her healing, for she trusted him fully, and Tony had carried on where he left off.

Ziva clearly remembered the second day when he'd gone out on errands for a short while, leaving her terrified to be alone with herself. He returned with a small black duffle bag holding a few pairs of yoga pants and several loose, long sleeved shirts in different colours. She was embarrassed to find underthings even when they were desperately needed and extremely self-conscious to realize he'd gotten the sizes very close.

Gibbs tipped her chin up, reading more into her silence than she knew. "I was married Ziver and I can guess pretty good. I knew you needed something to start with, so don't even try to refuse. Just use them."

She'd swallowed and nodded and they'd said no more about the subject. After her shower, Ziva changed into the new clothes and just stood there looking at herself in the mirror. Gibbs had guessed right that she would want to cover up the scars and because her physical healing was only in the beginning stages, loose clothing would be less likely to bother her injuries. She left the bathroom and found Gibbs downstairs where she hugged him, her first voluntary contact since being rescued. His touch was incredibly gentle and didn't make her feel trapped, so she held on longer than she planned.

Finally Ziva moved back. "Thank you," she whispered in a voice hoarse from disuse and he brought his hand up to her face.

From the way she tensed and closed her eyes, Gibbs knew Ziva was expecting to be hurt. Shoving down his anger at the animals, now dead but not punished enough, who had made her afraid, he caressed her cheek tenderly and pressed his lips to the skin briefly. "You're safe here Ziva, no one is going to hurt you." Her eyes opened full of tears and she nodded, in a bit of awe, returning to her room.

A tap on the door startled Ziva out of remembering and she realized Chaya had come off her breast. Covering herself up, she looked to see who their company was. "Hey," Tony said softly, "I thought it might be time for my part." He'd been worried when it was over half an hour and she hadn't returned. "Where were you just now?"

She pointed to the bed. "Do you remember when you woke me?"

He knelt by the chair and touched her cheek, his eyes very serious. "The first time I saw what your nightmares looked like. That was when I knew I'd gotten another chance and I promised I wouldn't screw it up this time."

Ziva leaned forward and kissed him, resting her forehead on his. "Thank you."

Tony lifted the baby to his shoulder and stood. "I'm going to keep that promise Zi." He kissed Chaya's head. "This is too important to screw up."

**NCIS**

By ten pm Chaya was down for the night and her carseat had been moved to the basement in hopes of muffling the noise of the fireworks which were about to start. Ziva rejoined the group, noticing in amusement that all the couples had gravitated to each other. She found Tony sitting on a blanket on the ground with his back against the porch and she settled between his legs, leaning back on his chest.

Abby and McGee were in much the same position on a lounge chair across the yard, McGee's hands encircling Abby's belly. Jimmy and Breena were sitting on the edge of the porch, leaning their arms on the boards that formed the railing. Gibbs and Celeste sat to the side, holding hands in lawn chairs beside Ducky and Dr. Jordan, who had her hand tucked around his elbow. Matt and Tami, the newest pair, lay side by side on a blanket on the grass, their fingers intertwined and Tami's head resting on Matt's shoulder.

Suddenly a burst of colour lit the dark sky and Ziva instinctively tensed, her hand flying to her hip. Tony's quiet chuckle and his hands on her shoulders reminded her where they were and she pulled his arms around her, relaxing to enjoy the show. The fireworks were amazing and went on and on - little ones exploding inside bigger designs as the sparks showered down. Crackly ones and booming ones, all sounding like thunder in the distance. Green and gold and purple and orange and of course, plenty of red, white and blue, even in the shape of a flag.

They all clapped and cheered when the last one finally faded from view and the silence sounded strange after all the noise. Then Tony pulled a package of sparklers from his pocket and reached for Gibbs' barbeque lighter. "Come and get 'em ladies!"

With a squeal of delight Abby scrambled away from McGee and ran over to Tony with both hands outstretched. Tami joined them with Breena and he let them take what they wanted, then pressed the lighter button. Sparks flew as the thin gray sticks hissed and popped. The younger women laughed, twirling in circles and drawing patterns in the air.

Tony handed Ziva one and kissed her cheek. "Happy fourth of July sweetheart." A smile spread across her face and Ziva slowly moved to join the others, their joy catching as they danced around the yard. To watch his wife truly let go and enjoy herself, a light in her eyes he so rarely saw from a childhood lost, was for Tony the best part of the day.


	73. Chapter 73

_A/N: Negative Angel - thank you for that lovely, heartfelt review. I was hoping to respond to it, but was sad to discover you do not have PMs enabled. Would you consider enabling them?_

_Aspenxo - how did you get the site to let you sign in under your own name? Everyone else reviewing anonymously is getting tagged as 'Guest'. Aww...I'm always so honoured when people re-read the stories, I would think once might be enough! I always had an idea where the story was going, but definitely it would've been hard to imaging T&Z making it here when you start back at the beginning. Glad you liked the sparklers, they're always my favourite part. Thanks for reviewing! I don't suppose you want to sign in so I can reply to your reviews?_

_Tiva lovah - your reviews are always so enthusiastic, they just make me smile :) Thank you so much for your diligence in following and responding to this story, I appreciate it. Yeah, I always wanted to go a little deeper into what things looks like for Ziva between After Somalia and TWL. Your comments are always so encouraging, thank you :)_

It took a week and a half for Ziva to realize she liked hearing 'David' again. The name reminded her of the woman she used to be, a woman she wanted to be again. Tony though, we less happy about it. He only used Ziva's maiden name to introduce her, otherwise she was always 'Ziva' to him. And in case he felt as though she liked her old name better than her new one, Ziva would flick her ring finger at him occasionally, letting her husband know she was glad for the change.

Friday night while his wife was at Ops, Tony put on _Beauty and the Beast_ and snuggled with Chaya on the couch before the guys arrived, making the most of their daddy-daughter time together. Tony held a toy for her that was a square piece of flexible yellow plastic with a different textured item hanging from a loop of material on each side. The baby was fascinated, touching them all, her eyes wide like saucers when one of the objects squeaked. He chuckled and kissed her.

"If you think that's exciting, wait until you can crawl. Even Sammy won't be safe."

They had just started _Gnomeo and Juliet_ with Tony throwing in more involved stories from his boarding school pranking days when Gibbs and McGee walked in. Chaya was asleep but Tony kept talking, wanting her to hear his voice and equate it with feeling safe and happy. When the rest of the construction crew showed up, Tony reluctantly returned his daughter to the bassinet and followed them downstairs.

McGee brought a set of speakers he'd found and left Tony to find a place for them while he went straight for the treadmill, his mission to get it up and running by the time they left. Gibbs retrieved painting supplies from the garage and moved to the last section of drywall where they'd left off last time. The plastic sheet still covered the mats so he got to work. Tony set up the speakers in both corners of the workout area on small wooden stands that were once used for plants. Then he got out tools and started putting the weight rack together. They'd only gotten up to forty pound dumbbells, figuring an entire set wasn't necessary. They were gently used, but Tony knew Ziva wouldn't care as long as they worked.

At the end of two hours the treadmill was in perfect condition, the speakers wired and operational and all three guys bore evidence of having painted. But after two months of hard work, they were done. Gibbs, McGee and Tony stood back to admire what they'd accomplished and Tony grinned. "Thanks. I couldn't've done this without you both."

"Keep the fans on it overnight," Gibbs ordered, heading upstairs.

"Let us know what she says, okay?" McGee asked, following their boss. "I'll be calling in that favour later."

"Yeah," Tony nodded, "I guess that's three I owe you now. You deserve them."

"Have a good weekend," were the probie's parting words.

Tony looked down at himself and hurried to the garage to find something to take the paint flecks off. He was still scrubbing at spots when he heard Ziva's car, so he ran upstairs to hop in the shower, hoping to take care of any remaining specks so as not to give anything away. Tony was surprised to find Ziva sitting on their bed when he got out, a strange look on her face.

"When did Chaya eat?"

Tony dropped down beside her, propped up on one elbow. "Eight."

It was almost ten. Her brow furrowed. "Nothing since then?"

He shook his head. "No, but she had her cluster feeds really early tonight."

Ziva sighed. "It was the same last night. And while I am glad for the extra sleep and time, I feel like I never see her." She ran tired fingers through her hair. "I may have to change my schedule at Ops somehow so I can do her last feeding."

"We'll figure it out. She's worth whatever adjustments need to be made."

Ziva met his eyes. "Are you okay always having her by yourself when I am at the gym? I do not want it to feel like an imposition. You are always doing things for me, I am not sure how to give so much back."

He shook his head. "She's my daughter Ziva, not an imposition. I love spending time with her, even if she is fussy sometimes and asleep the rest. And I'm glad you're finally okay to go back to the gym. This is normal honey, this is what life is supposed to look like. I don't want that to change."

She kissed him. "You are too good to me."

Tony rubbed her back. "No one mentioned how hard it would be to be working parents. I've never been more grateful for weekends."

She raised an eyebrow. "We do not have anything planned?"

"Nope," Tony confirmed. Which just goes to show how much anyone knows what will happen to them next.

**NCIS**

At three am on Saturday morning a phone call jerked Tony and Ziva out of a deep, peaceful sleep. Only semi-coherent, the partners groped for their cell phones and it was Tony who flipped his open first and pressed it to his ear, trying to force his eyes open. "H'lo?"

"Dead body on the USS GW DiNozzo, up and at 'em."

He groaned and dropped his head back onto the pillow, his arm returning to its place around Ziva's waist. "Please tell me this is a bad dream."

Ziva was already pushing herself up and squirming out from under the blankets. She patted his cheek and chuckled. "Come on Tony, we are needed."

"So much for a quiet weekend," Tony muttered into the blanket as she reached for her phone to call Celeste.

It seemed Gibbs had gotten to her first because she answered on the first ring. "Celeste Casey."

Ziva shook her head. "You can assume it is only family that calls so late, or early. Did you talk to Gibbs?"

"You got a case. Do you want me to come?"

"If you do not mind. Chaya will sleep three more hours and you are welcome to our spare bed."

"I'll be there by the time you're ready to leave," she promised.

Tony had just hung up with McGee. He sighed. "That Abby can still be bubbly at this inhuman hour is very unfair." Dropping his cell phone, Tony rubbed his face. "Gosh, I'd really hoped full night sleeps were going to be the usual when Chaya started going seven hours without nursing." He started looking for his clothes, pulling on the shirt he'd taken off earlier. "Tim's going to drop Abby at NCIS and meet us at the scene."

Ziva buttoned her pants and smoothed her shirt before looking at him. "Are you alright Tony?"

Tony was still searching the floor for the belt that had mysteriously slithered out of his pants in the hours since he'd undressed for bed. "Hmm? Oh, yeah. This is just harder than it used to be when I was twenty-five."

Ziva wrapped an elastic over the knot of her hair and looped a tie around his neck, pulling him close for a kiss. Tony dropped his pants and gave himself up to her comfort, his hands joining behind her back. She broke the caress and buried her face in his neck as she hugged him tightly. Pulling away, she flickered her gaze over him, smirked and slapped his cheek lightly. "Hurry up. I think Gibbs would prefer you to be clothed."

Celeste showed up just as tea and coffee were being poured into travel mugs. She looked remarkably alert for 0330, or maybe she was just faking well. "Good morning," she smiled.

Tony groaned and Ziva patted his arm, sipping her tea. "He is not quite awake yet."

Celeste chuckled. "Jethro is a bear before that first cup of coffee. Trust me, I understand." She checked her watch. "You better go, he's rather impatient when a case interrupts his night."

Tony gave a harsh laugh. "He's always impatient."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Come on Tony. Thank you Celeste."

"Anytime Ziva, I mean that. Good luck."

Thinking they were going to need it, Tony and Ziva nodded and went out to the car. Saturday morning passed in a blur as they processed the scene, got background on the players and tried to piece the story together. At first they thought it was a revenge killing related to a recent promotion. They kicked in a few doors tracking down the truth, with Tony always taking the lead and clearing the area before his partner came in.

The discovery of a second body that washed up in the afternoon blew all their theories out of the water and complicated the heck out of the investigation. Two sailors, unknown to each other as far as they could tell, suddenly showing up dead with a cause of death that had Ducky stumped and Abby convinced that something hinky was going on did not make for a happy team. Gibbs was growling and going through coffee like it was the elixir of youth, McGee's eyes were bloodshot from scouring computer records, Tony was practically falling asleep sitting up after interviewing hundreds of the victim's shipmates, and Ziva was still pouring over the email and phone histories belonging to the dead men.

Shortly after lunch Celeste packed up Chaya, found the keys to Ziva's car with the base for the carseat in it, and took the baby to see her parents. Having forgot to pump earlier because they were so busy, Ziva was just starting to notice how full her breasts were and she barely took time to say thank you before whisking Chaya away to an empty conference room to nurse.

Tony looked up at her with tired eyes. "Thanks. That's the first reason I've had to smile all day."

Gibbs didn't say a word, he just reached for Celeste's hand and took her to the alcove. She responded to the need in his expression and leaned into his kiss. Gibbs wrapped her in his arms and sighed. "Too old for middle of the night calls. I should just give DiNozzo the team, retire and spend the next thirty years watching you edit stories and following you wherever you go."

She laughed. "That's the caffeine and lack of sleep talking. It wouldn't be so hard if we hadn't been up past midnight counting stars and talking."

Gibbs took her face in his hands, joining their lips again. "Did more than just talk."

Celeste swatted him. "I remember. It's been a long time since we made out like teenagers. Now, what's this nonsense about retiring? You'd last a week before you were bored of me and my coloured pens, maybe a month until building boats wouldn't compete with pulling your gun on bad guys." She caressed his face. "I'll give you thirty years Jethro, but don't quit just because of a long night."

He kissed the back of her hand. "When did you get to know me so well?"

Celeste hugged him. "Somewhere between being married and being friends. Sometime after leaving and realizing I never stopped loving you. Somewhere after showing up on your doorstep and waiting for there to be room in your life for me again. I got to know you because I suddenly saw how much I missed the first time."

Gibbs had no words and let his actions speak what he wished he could say. Celeste only allowed him access to her mouth for a few more minutes before pushing him away. "Not here. We could have an audience any moment and you haven't told them yet." She slid her fingers around his. "Come on, back to your case."

He frowned. "You take all the fun out of visiting me at work." But he followed her to his desk anyways.

Ziva came back shortly after, relinquishing the baby to her husband, and Gibbs resigned himself to the fact that productivity would cease until his granddaughter left. Leaning back in his chair, the older man watched Tony with Chaya - kissing her head and holding her hand, talking all kinds of gibberish while looking into her bright eyes and trying to make her smile.

Celeste, who was perched on the edge of his desk, leaned down. "What are you waiting for? You need a dose of that baby's comfort just as much as Tony."

Squeezing her knee gently, Gibbs walked over and stood in front of Tony with an expression more demand than request on his face. Tony sighed and handed over the little girl. Gibbs took her for a walk along the window, well aware that the whole team was probably watching and trying to listen in.

"You light up the room angel, did you know that? Mommy and Daddy were so glad to see you tonight. Daddy just about fell over himself waiting for his turn, not to mention Grampa and Aunt Abby. You have quite the fan club honey."

Moving to McGee's desk while she kept an eye on her ex-husband and the baby, Celeste dug in her pocket for the ziploc bag of dog treats she'd packed earlier and handed them to Tim. "Can you make sure Abby gets these?"

He studied the bag for a moment and gave it back. "Why don't you take it to her?" Celeste's brow furrowed and Tim grinned. "Puppy treats and her niece? That's got to be good for something."

Celeste smiled and slowly nodded. "Thanks Tim, maybe I will."

Soon after she retrieved her charge and promised to bring Chaya back in the evening so Ziva could feed her again if they were staying late. Feeling a little apprehensive, Celeste left the bullpen and pushed the button on the elevator for Abby's lab. Tami, taking her lunch later now to coincide with Matt's new schedule, was just leaving and Sammy stood at the lab entrance watching her go.

Celeste smiled at the puppy and bent down to pet him. "I brought your friend."

Sammy's tail went wild and he eagerly shoved his nose against Chaya's cheek. The baby looked startled but smiled at the puppy, shrieking in excitement when his rough pink tongue darted out to lick her neck and fingers. She squirmed but didn't cry and Celeste stood up. Sammy barked, putting his paws on her leg and looking up at his baby.

"Sammy, down!" Abby commanded, and the puppy dropped to the floor, looking suitably chastened. She crossed her arms. "What are you doing here?"

"Hold your fire Abby," Celeste said lightly, "I come in peace for a tour. And since I'm babysitting today, I thought I'd share."

Abby's expression instantly brightened and she reached for Chaya. "Hi there princess, did you come to visit Aunt Abby? Nah, I bet you're only here for Sammy and Bert." She glanced over her shoulder. "Follow us. We'll start in the Ballistics Lab."

It wasn't exactly progress, but Celeste would take what she could get. For more time than she bothered to count, Celeste trailed Abby around the rooms that belonged to her little kingdom and learned more than she ever wanted to know about the art of forensic science. Abby happily held the baby and chatted a mile a minute about her machines, her team, and her assistant - who returned silent as a shadow and continued whatever she'd been working on without a word. Abby only stopped talking and surrendered her niece when Gibbs came down in time to hear Major Mass Spec beep, indicating that results were in.

She grinned at Celeste. "I told you, the man has ESP."

Celeste chuckled and held Gibbs' gaze for just a moment. "I don't doubt it." She handed Abby the dog treats, said goodbye to Sammy who gave her the saddest face ever for taking his baby away, and decided to continue making the rounds since she'd already stayed for half of Chaya's nap.

Ducky and Jimmy were in the middle of autopsies, but covered up the bodies and gladly took a break to spend with Celeste and Chaya. Ducky delighted in showing his domain to the ladies and shared several of his numerous stories. Jimmy didn't have as much to say, but every time he held Chaya, he got more comfortable with her and Celeste had no doubts that someday he'd make a wonderful father.

**NCIS**

Hours later it was Ziva who finally discovered the link between the two men. Their case ended on a sad note when a suicide pact between the victims was found, driven by the hurt of learning their wives were cheating. Saying 'case closed' didn't change the fact that one selfish act had ended two lives, and once reports were completed, it was after midnight and they were more than ready to leave the heaviness behind.

Tony and Ziva said goodbye and headed home, trying to be quiet and not wake Celeste. She heard them anyways and after getting a recap on the case, declined their offer to stay the night. Knowing that one of Gibbs' ex-wives had cheated on him made her anxious to check on him and promise her loyalty again, if that's what he needed. Exhausted, Tony and Ziva dropped into bed, barely taking time to undress. And for the first time ever, Ziva didn't even notice she'd forgotten pyjamas. She just curled up next to her husband and fell fast asleep.

When Tony woke with Chaya at six am, Ziva didn't even stir. Not minding, he forced his eyes opened and dragged himself into the nursery to warm her bottle. Refraining from talking too much because he wanted - needed - her to bo right back to sleep, Tony was content to hold and rock and burp and change his little girl, before laying her back down and turning on the mobile from Gibbs, which went around and around but made no noise, and pressing play on the lullaby CD from McGee.

"Go back to sleep princess. Daddy will see you in a few hours, okay?" Chaya was already flaked out, arms up beside her head and lips still occasionally moving as if she were eating. Tony chuckled and closed the door.

He was all the way back in bed before it registered that Ziva had fallen asleep in only her underwear. Willing away his reaction to her near naked state, Tony ran his fingers softly down Ziva's back, stopping often to map her scars. He closed his eyes and found them by touch, trying hard not to remember the pain they caused when they were brand new. Tony's hand strayed to her hip, locating the numbers tattooed there to help identify her body if anything had ever happened on one of her missions for Mossad.

His fingers stroked lower, down the outside of her leg and Ziva's hand came to rest over his. "Tony."

He kissed her shoulder. "Sorry Zi, didn't meant to wake you."

She didn't move his hand, instead flattening it against her skin and skimming her fingers over the back. "I am awake as soon as you touch me. Old habits."

Tony sighed. "I guess I was just glad for the excuse."

Ziva leaned back into him. "What time is it?"

"Still early. Go back to sleep."

Obeying orders without question, Ziva did, not waking until three hours later when Chaya's cries reached her ears. She shuffled into the nursery still feeling like she was in a fog and lifted her daughter out of the crib. Holding Chaya to her shoulder, Ziva brushed her lips over the baby's forehead.

"Boker tov tatelah, you are hungry, yes?" settling into the rocking chair, she breathed in Chaya's sweet scent and positioned the baby to nurse. "Ima missed you yesterday. Did you have fun with Celeste?" Ziva lowered her voice. "Do not tell anyone, especially Aunt Abby, but I think she may be your grandma someday."

Tony leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms. "Know something I don't?"

A smile tugged at her lips. "Eavesdropping is considered rude in some places."

He shrugged. "It's the best way to learn important information." Sitting on the stool, he rubbed her knee. "So, Gibbs and Celeste?"

Ziva shrugged. "I think they both know what they want. She is good for him. I like her."

Tony leaned back. "I like her too." He made a face. "I'm not sure about Abby."

"Abby will get used to Celeste just like she got used to me. It will take time and Celeste will have to be patient." She switched Chaya to the other side and the little family sat there quite absorbed in each other until the baby finished eating and Tony took over Daddy duties.

Ziva kissed his cheek. "I am going swimming...or for a run. Maybe both. Will you be okay without me?"

"Never," Tony said firmly, pressing his lips to hers and lifting Chaya up. "But we can probably let you go for a couple hours."

She shook her head slightly. "You are very sweet." Dropping a kiss on Chaya's head, Ziva returned to their room to change.

Tony wandered around until she left, then strapped Chaya into her carseat and clipped it onto the stroller. "Let's go for a walk princess." They meandered leisurely down the street until they came to the park. Chaya was still awake, squinting at the bright sunshine and generally about as content as could be. Gently Tony got her out and carried her around, dodging small children playing tag as he took his daughter on a tour.

"That'll be you someday C, running around and giggling, chasing brothers and sisters and cousins." He sat on a swing and moved gently back and forth, keeping a firm grip on the baby. "We'll have races to see who can swing faster when you're older, but I can almost hear you asking already for me to push you higher when you can't do it yourself."

Tony brushed his lips over her forehead and got up. "This is a teeter-totter. You need two people, so if you can't find anyone your size, I'll go on with you." They continued to the jungle gym. "I bet you'll be a little monkey, scrambling up furniture and climbing trees at home, giving Mommy and me fits. But this," he touched the bars, "this you'll have fun with and I'll be right here in case you fall."

Ignoring the looks he was getting from the kids milling around, Tony climbed the play structure and sat down on the slide. "One of the best parts of the park. Hold on princess. Whee!" He slid down the long red half-tube and stood up, feeling the static in his pants. He grinned at the baby. "Don't tell Mommy. You're probably still too little for that."

After doing a thorough round of the park equipment and testing out some of it, Tony returned his sleeping daughter to her stroller and headed home. Breakfast suddenly seemed like a good idea even if it was after eleven, so he whipped up some scrambled eggs and toast and put together a batch of M&M pancakes for Ziva, figuring he could share a couple of those with her as well.

Getting comfortable on the couch, Tony flipped through channels until he came across a Hitchcock marathon, which kept him happy until Ziva returned, her short ponytail heavy and damp from a recent swim. Sniffing the air, she looked around hopefully. "Breakfast?"

Tony chuckled. "Sit m'lady, and allow me."

A few minutes later she eagerly dug into the round patty, grinning in delight as the melted chocolate coated her tongue. "You are still spoiling me," she murmured, savouring each bite. He winked at her over his shoulder but said nothing, sliding another steaming pancake onto her plate just as she finished the first one.

After three Ziva was slowing down and Tony finished up the batter, eating two himself and sharing the last with her slowly. He speared a triangle and held it out for her. Ziva shook her head and Tony smiled. "Come on, you know you want it."

Opening her mouth, she allowed him to feed her, smirking at the twinkle in his eyes. Ziva pointed. "I want to know what that is all about."

Tony glanced over at their still sleeping baby and kissed her knuckles, feeling butterflies all of a sudden. He swallowed. "I have a surprise for you."

Excitement lit her face and Ziva's smile was so beautiful he couldn't resist leaning over to taste her lips, still sweet with syrup. She caressed his face. "I like your surprises."

The nerves were getting to him. "I really hope you like this one, I had to get a lot of help on it."

Curiosity was written all over her features as he took her hand and led her to the basement door. Ziva tilted her head to the side. "Sometimes I forget we have a basement. I have never had a reason to go down there."

"Yeah," Tony acknowledged, "that's what I was counting on. But you'll have one now."

He flicked the lights on and walked down the stairs ahead of her. Ziva looked around the room with wide eyes. "Tony, what have you done?"

Wrapping his hands around hers, he walked backwards into the center and swept his hand out. "Gibbs, McGee and I built you a place to escape. Somewhere to work out, and your own ballet studio so you don't have to break in any more." His eyes flickered from her to the finished space. "Do you like it?"

Ziva stepped onto the mats and took everything in, then crossed to the smooth wooden flooring and ran her hand over the bar. She returned to him, not even trying to hide the tears in her eyes. "Why?"

Tony folded her in his arms. "Oh Zi, don't cry. I did it because I love you."

She cried anyway, not having the words to say what this felt like, to have another person care so much. Tony held her, one hand rubbing her back, the other arm tight around her waist. Finally Ziva composed herself and kissed his jaw. "This is wonderful, thank you," she whispered, but it was not enough and her soft lips found his, yielding immediately when he cradled her face and deepened the kiss. It lasted several moments and then Tony pulled back and grinned.

"You can thank me like that any time you want."

Ziva's lips curved up. "Maybe I will, but I do not think I can handle any more of this, of you doing everything I could have ever dreamed and more. Ahuvi sheli, I hope you know how much I love you."

He lowered his mouth to hers again, the tender kiss speaking a hundred words. "If it's even half as much as I love you, I'll be a happy man for the rest of my life."

Ziva hugged him again and then pushed him to the edge, against the half wall that separated playroom area from dance floor. "Stay there," she said, moving back to the bar and beginning a series of long graceful stretches. Tony leaned back and just watched as she went through the basic poses and began. Though there was less room here than at a professional studio, it was still enough for her to dance the way she loved.

Tony stood there, never taking his eyes off his wife, loving the energy and happiness he could feel in the way she moved. This was so different form the last time he'd seen her dance, broken and grief stricken and weighed down by burdens too heavy to carry alone. Now she shared those burdens, she was healing, and her grief was slowly turning into a joy for life.

Switching from ballet through several other forms of dance, Ziva finally slowed and beckoned to him, breathing hard from the exertion. Tony drew close and kissed the back of her hand. "Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? How amazing you look doing that?" He nuzzled her cheek. "Some of those moves are pretty hot too."

Ziva wavered between embarrassment and pride. "Take me to a club sometimes and you can see them up close and personal."

Though the tone was teasing, her offer was serious, but Tony knew enough to realize going out like that wouldn't be an option until they were able to have sex. Because there was no way he could dance with her to the rhythm of club music, pressed up against her with their bodies moving in sync, without taking her home to continue what they'd started.

He brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I will, you can count on it."

Her face flushed and Tony wondered what she was thinking. "I need to shower," Ziva whispered, wanting an escape from the way he was looking at her. "Thank you for this Tony, it is the best surprise ever."

One more quick kiss to his cheek and she was gone, while Tony stayed in the basement for a minute just gazing around. The look in her eyes had been priceless, worth every drop of sweat, every dollar, every hour he'd put into making this happen for her. And now he had another idea, the only thing he wasn't sure about was her answer to the question he was going to ask next.


	74. Chapter 74

_A/N: Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone for all the lovely reviews I got for Ch 73. As always, I think you guys are fabulous! Just a request for my 'Guest' reviewers - I truly love hearing from you but I feel bad when I don't know who you are. Could you please just leave me a name somewhere in your review? I like to know who people are. Thanks! Here we go again...the drama begins!_

Halfway-through Monday they got their next case - Navy recruits were being sold a new designer drug that was highly addictive and made them prone to violent outbursts. Two had already died of an overdose and Vance wanted the dealer caught yesterday.

It was a lot of legwork - interviewing friends and acquaintances, trying to track who they might've come into contact with. Finally the team got a lead and went tearing through a quiet neighbourhood to converge upon an innocent looking house where their main suspect lived.

Their calls of "Federal Agents, open up!" were met with sounds of breaking glass and even though Gibbs shot around back, they were too late to catch the guy. Back at the base McGee and Ziva continued interviewing recruits who has taken the drug. One question too many and a young blonde man took a swing at Ziva.

She ducked and came up ready to fight, but Tony was suddenly at her side, taking the guy to the ground and growling about the charges for assaulting a federal agent. Ziva stood back with a frown, frustrated by his actions, but there was no time to dwell on it and she went back to her job.

Ziva missed Ops that day because of the all hands on deck case and they didn't get to leave until after Chaya had already fallen asleep for the night. Once she was settled in her crib, Tony and Ziva returned to their room and before he could even ask, she shook her head. "No tonight Tony, I am tired."

They weren't even having sex yet and she was already giving him the lines? Great. He shoved his fingers through his hair. "Fine." Climbing under the covers, he kissed her cheek and rolled over. "Good night."

Ziva curled around her pillow feeling very small and missing the warmth of her husband's touch even if it was almost too hot to cuddle. The air conditioner rumbled to life and she shivered, pulling the covers up over her shoulders. She couldn't have it both ways. Either Ziva wanted Tony or she didn't, but trying to be somewhere in the middle was serving to do nothing but frustrate both of them.

**NCIS**

The couple woke up the next morning in unpleasant moods and got ready for work barely speaking to one another. With a hurried goodbye and quick kisses, Chaya was dropped off at LEO's and the partners entered the squadroom and waited for orders. They were late, which didn't help matters any, and Gibbs merely glared in their direction before handing over a piece of paper.

"Pick him up, McGee caught a break."

"Of course McGoody Two Shoes acts like he's been here all night," Tony grumbled, checking his weapon and the address.

"I was," Tim said pointedly, scrubbing his bloodshot eyes. "You're not the only one who's tired Tony." Eyeing the dark look he was getting, the computer geek frowned. "Geez, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

Tony opened his mouth to reply but Ziva snatched the paper out of his hand and headed for the stairs. "I am driving." McGee tossed her the keys and left to catch a few z's in the lab, hoping that whatever had gotten into his teammates would sort itself out by the time they got back.

Silence marked the drive between headquarters and their new target's house in a perfect little subdivision somewhere near the warehouse district. A shot was fired as they drove up and both Tony and Ziva took cover behind the car. Looks and hand signals took the place of words and Tony covered her while Ziva dashed to the front door.

It was already open and she cleared the entrance before going fully in. Tony checked for danger before following her and arrived in the kitchen just in time to see Marcus Colbern, the dealer, point a gun at his wife's head. "Ziva!" he yelled, raising his own weapon and wondering what tactic was least likely to get them both killed.

Ziva rolled her eyes at him, stared daggers through Marcus and swiftly spun, catching him off guard and kicking the gun out of his hand, then falling to the floor to sweep his feet out from under him. She barely broke a sweat and stood over the man, aiming her gun just below the belt.

Marcus winced and groped for his weapon but Tony dragged it out of reach with one foot. "I wouldn't if I were you, she'll do it. If you want to keep your family jewels intact, I suggest you roll over and put your hands behind your head." He jerked his head at Ziva. "Agent David, read him his rights."

The tone in his voice brought a flush to Ziva's cheeks and the feeling that she'd just been reprimanded for doing her job. He snatched the keys out of her reach when they got back to the car and things between them cooled to practically icy. By the time they made it upstairs after booking the suspect, Ziva was fuming and Tony's temper flared. He grabbed her arm, jerking her around to face him.

"What the heck were you doing?" he demanded, anger hiding the fear in his eyes. "We go in together, you should've waited for me!"

"And let him escape again?" Ziva hissed, ripping her arm from his grip. She got in his face. "Stop trying to protect me from everything!"

Tony stepped even closer and reached for her left hand, holding up her rings. "This says it's my job to protect you Ziva, remember?"

Equally frustrated, Ziva yanked the badge from her belt. She slammed it down on her desk. "And they gave me this because I can take care of myself!" she declared vehemently.

Through the heated exchange it suddenly dawned on the couple that they had an audience. McGee sat there with his mouth hanging open, unable to tear his gaze away, and even Gibbs had stopped to stare. He lifted his coffee cup only to find it empty and trashed it. Brushing past them, he issued a quiet order.

"Settle this."

The curious gazes from around the room drew Ziva's ire and she flashed them all the most pointed look she could muster that didn't come with a death threat. "This show has ended." Ziva grabbed Tony's hand and dragged him towards the restrooms. Seconds later she scared the last lady out and locked them in the women's bathroom. Turning around, she crossed her arms and glared forcefully at her husband.

He leaned back against the wall and mirrored her stance, not in the mood to compromise. Suddenly Ziva was in front of him and she put her hands on his face as her lips landed on his. Tony's response was immediate and he kissed her back, rolling with the emotions of the moment. Their touch soon grew desperate as hands sought places to land and their tongues tangled in a fight neither wanted to lose.

Finally Ziva broke their connection and stumbled backwards, panting. Tony's eyes swept over her from head to toe and he managed a half-grin. "You call that a fair fight?"

Ziva's hand was shaky as she tried to smooth the hair his fingers had been buried in mere moments ago. "What is wrong with us Tony?"

He held up one hand and started ticking off the reasons. "Six years of unresolved sexual tension. Your independent streak. And my need to keep you safe from all harm since the Big Man saw fit to give you back to me."

She took a step forward and her hand came up to caress his cheek. "I do not like fighting with you."

Tony chuckled. "I might fight with you a lot more if that's the way we start settling arguments." Ziva's look reminded him to be serious and he nodded. "So, what should we do?" He settled his hands at her waist. "Because I do not want to spend another night like last night, feeling alone when I'm laying right beside you."

Ziva's arms came around his neck, fingers trailing through the hair above his collar. "I know when I am your partner you cannot forget that I am your wife. But I need you to trust my instincts. Have my back but do not smother me. Know that I will not put myself in unnecessary danger and that if something goes wrong I can handle myself, but I will always rely on your backup."

Tony blew out a hard breath. "You don't ask much, do you?"

She kissed the corner of his mouth. "Please let me do my job Tony. I will be careful."

He closed his eyes, leaning his head forward to rest on hers. "I love you Zi and with you and Chaya I'm happier than I've ever been. I don't know how to keep my heart out of my throat when I see a gun trained in your direction or watch some drugged up sailor take a swing at your head, even if I know you're more dangerous than most of the suspects we go after." His lips lingered on her forehead, then landed featherlight on both of her eyelids. "But I'll try to remember that you're my crazy ninja chick with unbelievable skills and you don't need me to intervene." Tony chuckled. "Please note the word 'try', I really can't promise that my desire to protect you won't win sometimes."

Ziva nestled her head into his neck and breathed in the scent she loved so much. "That I can live with." She pulled back and raised an eyebrow. "We are okay?"

He tugged the end of her ponytail, which now needed to be re-done. "Yeah." One more kiss sealed the deal. "We're okay."

She pulled the elastic out of her hair and bent at the waist so her hair hung down around her head. Using both hands she scooped the brown waves up in both hands and tied them neatly back up in a ponytail that swished when she walked thanks to her hair being so much shorter now.

Offering her hand, Ziva led him out of the room. "Good. Gibbs will want us working."

Tony flashed a grin and squeezed her fingers and they went to their separate desks. By the end of the day the case was closed and Gibbs, for once, let them all go at the same time. To make up for the lack of contact the day before, Tony and Ziva held hands and cuddled as much as possible between picking up their daughter and going to bed a few hours later. It was strange, in a way, to have so much time for each other now. With Chaya sleeping longer they had the evenings available to just be together or time if they wanted to experiment with more intimate touching.

Tonight Ziva pulled her shirt over her head and undid her pants, stepping out of them and into Tony's arms before he even thought to ask. After two weeks of laying in her underwear beside him, letting him put his hands on her body and eventually gaining the courage to touch him back a little, she found that being close to naked no longer made her so uncomfortable as it had at first.

They fell into bed as soon as Tony undressed and the tension from earlier became tangible as mouths melded and hands wandered slowly over smooth skin and scarred skin now fully committed to memory. Tony went bolder than usual, letting his hand slide down her back and over the silky underwear she had on. Ziva's mouth paused on his as she considered this change, but it didn't bother her enough to stop his exploration and he decided to see how far he could get.

Renewing his attack on her lips, Tony ran his fingers up her back and teased the clasp on her bra. She stilled, and he waited to see what would happen. Finally he felt Ziva give in and she reached back to unhook it herself. Her lips grazed his earlobe. "Please do not rush this," she whispered.

Moving the two ends aside, he caressed the marred skin under her shoulder blades, in no hurry at all. He kissed her shoulder all over before sliding the first strap down, and held her tenderly against him, focusing on her body language as he reached for the other side.

Ziva's head fell to his shoulder and she fought with herself again before slipping her arms out and letting him discard her bra. "Do not look," she requested softly, hoping she would not leak milk all over him.

Tony was having too much trouble keeping himself under control to acknowledge her words. He wasn't prepared for the sudden feel of her naked chest against his and it was sending his thoughts dangerous places. Struggling just to breathe normally, Tony drew his thumb over the side of her breast and felt Ziva shudder. That did it.

He pushed away gently, tucking the sheet around her. Tony kissed her forehead. "I love you Zi, but I need to go have a shower before I do something I can't take back."

Ziva didn't meet his eyes until she was redressed in nursing bra and pyjamas. "No one has ever cared so much," she whispered. "No one ever cared if I was ready. I have no way to thank you for being so gentle and patient."

"Always will be," he forced out before shutting himself in the bathroom. He was the one who wanted to try new things, but he'd never expected that just touching his wife would assault his senses so fully or, in a way, be more sensual than actually making love to her. This healing process would be worth it in the end, but the journey there would be more difficult than he'd ever expected.

**NCIS**

Wednesday morning Matt dropped by the lab before the day officially started and looked pleadingly at Abby. "Can I borrow my girlfriend for a minute?"

Abby rolled her eyes and nodded at Tami. "Fine. But the puppy is mine."

"Deal." He flashed a grin and grabbed Tami's hand, pulling her into the stairwell. From behind his back came a bouquet of beautiful orange roses with red tipped petals. He kissed her softly.

"One month Tam. Sorry you agreed to go out with me?"

Tami breathed in the flowers and set them on the ground, flinging her arms around him. "No way." He set her down and Tami put her hand on his chest. "Thank you."

Matt tugged her ponytail. "I'm going to get you flowers more often if they make you so happy."

Tami made a face. "It's you who makes me smile Matt, the roses are just a bonus."

He couldn't resist kissing her again. "Free for dinner tonight?"

She checked her watch. "I don't know...I might have plans." His face fell but Tami didn't stop. "You know, plants to water, dog to walk, dishwasher to load. Lots to do."

Matt leaned against the wall. "Last time I checked you didn't have plants, pet or dishwasher."

Tami's eyes twinkled. "Well, look at that. I guess I am free after all."

He rolled his eyes. "It's a good thing I l-" he coughed, "uh, really like you. So, I'll pick you up after work?"

Her cheeks coloured and Matt knew she was stuck on what he almost said. She looked down for a minute before smiling again. "Sure. Come keep us company if you're done early." Unlike Agent Gibbs, Carter usually sent his agents home in time for a late supper. "If you're good, Abby may even let you play with Sammy."

He touched her cheek. "In that case, I'll be on my best behaviour. See you later."

"Bye," Tami said quietly, sighing once he left. Okay, so her boyfriend of only one month had almost said 'I love you'. No big deal, right? He probably just meant it in fun, but realized it might make things awkward. No way he actually felt that for her, he couldn't, not yet. Tami was pacing, a trait picked up from her father. What was love anyways? "And why do guys have to be so complicated?" she muttered to herself.

At that moment her phone rang and Tami didn't even check. "Trevor. Aren't you at work?"

"Not for another two hours sis, we don't get up at the crack of dawn to work on computers." He paused for a second. "What's wrong?"

She frowned. "How did you know?"

Trevor chuckled. "Because I was trying to finish a really great dream and all of a sudden I'm extremely antsy and nervous. There's nothing in my life to cause that, so I call my twin because it must be her. Now spill," he demanded. "Or I'll call Tristan."

"You won't. You just say that to get me to talk," Tami countered.

"Not that I ever have to try very hard," her brother pointed out. "Now I demand to know why you are pacing."

Tami froze. "How did you-"

He cut her off. "We've been twins for almost twenty-six years. If you're upset, you're pacing, just like Dad. Give me a little credit Tami Rae."

She made a face. "We're at middle names already, really?" Sighing, she plopped onto the steps. "How long should you know someone before you say 'I love you'?"

Trevor laughed. "Well, I love you but we shared a womb, so I think that's different." Then he stopped. "Wait, are you talking about the guy you're dating? Did he say it? You've only been together a month!"

"And friends for two before that." She sighed. "He didn't actually say it, he just almost said it. But Matt probably meant it in fun, like - you know I love you, but..." Tami trailed off. "It's not that big a deal, I don't know why I freaked out. Sorry I woke you Trevor, I'll-"

"Hey," he interrupted. "If it's a big deal for you, I want to know about it. But don't let him rush you into anything Tami, if he cares that much he'll wait until you're ready to hear a commitment before he says anything."

"This is a failing experiment. I should have just stuck with my chemistry and lab work, I can't do a relationship."

"We've been together two and a half decades and I haven't split yet," Trevor teased.

She choked on a laugh. "You don't have a choice dork, we share the same DNA."

"I think I know you better than anyone Tami. Matt's a lucky guy. Don't doom things before they even get started."

Tami sighed and took off her glasses, chewing on one arm. "Thanks Trevor." She thought for a minute. "Can you come visit soon? I miss you." What she really needed was a hug, but all her siblings were too far away.

He groaned. "Oh Tami, I wish I could. We just started this huge project, I'm tied up for the month." Trevor searched his phone calendar. "Maybe the end of August though. I get some vacation time so I'm trying to split it between you and Tristan and Tori. She's been begging me to come and take her to the amusement park."

"She's finally tall enough to go on all the rides."

"Yeah, Tori takes after you shorty," he baited her.

"Star the shrimp jokes again and I'll reprogram your phone to play 'Barbie Girl' every time I call," she threatened.

Trevor knew better than to push. "Yeah, that was such a hit last time." In the middle of a high school English class his phone had gone off with a Spice Girls song. The teasing lasted weeks and his friends never forgot. Lesson learned about ticking off one's twin sister.

She giggled. "I remember. Thanks Trevor, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Be a nervous wreck with no social life," he answered immediately.

Sarcasm dripped from her words. "Sure, take a minute and think about it why don't you?"

"Love you too sis. We'll talk later."

"Always do. I love you Trevor, thanks."

"Anytime. Now get back to work."

"Bye."

Wandering back into the lab, Tami knelt beside Sammy and lifted the five month old puppy into her arms. He licked her cheek and she smiled. "I need more guys like you in my life buddy, cute and furry and uncomplicated."

Abby glanced over. "I can't argue with that. But it's the ones who hold you while you sleep and bring your favourite drinks and do stuff just to make you smile and love you even when you aren't that loveable that you have to hold on to."

Tami nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind." Why did she get the feeling that Matt might just be that kind of guy?


	75. Chapter 75

Matt walked up the stairs slowly, hands shoved in his pockets, scuffling his feet on every landing. What had he been thinking, almost blurting that out? It was just a joke, just for fun, but he'd seen Tami's eyes widen when he hesitated and all of a sudden he knew she wasn't ready to hear that word yet and probably wouldn't be for a long time.

Frowning, he leaned against the wall outside his floor. Did he mean it? He'd known the girl for three months total, been infatuated with her since she followed him out of the lab to both scold him and give him advice in the same moment, and pined for her for weeks wondering if he'd ever hear the answer to his question that he wanted.

With a sigh Matt pulled the door open and made his way over to his desk, completely absorbed in his thoughts. _Do I really love her? Is it possible to love someone that fast? I've never even thought the word until today._ That much was true, but he'd been thinking some pretty heavy things since the team's Fourth of July party when he saw Tony and Ziva's baby in Tami's arms. She was talking to the infant and touching her so gently and all of a sudden visions of something that could be their life had popped into his head. He still saw them in his dreams sometimes.

Nate Martin, the other junior agent on Carter's team, walked by and clapped him on the shoulder. "Head's up Collins, didn't you hear the boss? We got a case."

Startled out of wherever he'd been, Matt shook himself and reached for his backpack. Agent Carter's senior field agent, a man about Tony's age, gave him a stern look. "Focus Matt, I don't need you going into the field distracted."

Matt rolled his eyes. "Get a life Shawn. You're only the boss when Carter isn't here."

Agent Mason muttered something under his breath about insubordination as he headed to the elevator. Matt brought up the rear, trying to rein in his erractic thoughts. He needed to be careful, both so he didn't get distracted by Tami when he was supposed to be working, and so he didn't end up saying something that would scare her off before they even got anywhere.

But somewhere in his heart, Matt knew he must feel something sort of like love for his girlfriend, because if not, he had no idea where that sentiment had come from. Hopefully he'd be able to sort himself out before their date tonight. Tami worried too easily and he just wanted her to feel special and important. Because to him, that's exactly what she was.

**NCIS**

Tony heard the curtain slide across the rod and gave Ziva a few minutes to dry off and get covered, then he pushed the door open and walked right over to her, ignoring the way his wife's eyes widened. Her lips parted to ask and he fit his between and over hers, his fingers sliding under her damp curls to cradle her head.

Initially Ziva stiffened because they didn't do this, come into the bathroom while the other was showering or immediately after, but his mouth moved slowly and undemandingly over hers and finally she gave in, matching his movements, her soft hands running up his bare back - the urge to be with her had hit him before he found a shirt.

They stood there in the bathroom with steam from her shower escaping through the door and rising to the ceiling even as it began to dissipate from the mirror. Tony's lips left hers and traveled across her face and down her neck. Ziva tilted her head and closed her eyes, her fingers sliding into his hair. When his hands grazed her shoulder and settled at her waist, pulling her into his body, Ziva finally came to her senses.

"Tony." There was no conviction in her voice and when he swiped his tongue experimentally over the dip in her neck, she lost control of herself.

He froze when Ziva made a noise that could've been a whimper or a moan. Swallowing, he took a step back and stared at the floor. Ziva wrapped her arms around herself, confusion in her eyes. She didn't, couldn't know how hard he was fighting for control so he didn't do something that wasn't yet allowed. Tony couldn't stand the uncertainty he saw in Ziva's face and moved closer, joining their lips briefly once more.

Finally meeting her eyes, Tony brushed his thumb over her cheek. "I just wanted to be close to you, to touch you like that. But Zi, you're going to undo me and you don't even know it."

Ziva cupped her hands on his face and leaned her head against his. "I hope that the day is not far when we can do this without stopping." She looked up and smiled. "It is a nice way to start our morning." She pressed her lips to his cheek. "I know Tony, I wish I could offer you better thanks for so much patience, for all the time you have waited." Pushing him gently towards the door, Ziva's eyes bored into him. "You are not the only one who wants more."

Back in their room Tony flopped back on the bed, burning from his wife's kiss and touch, her words and promise. She might just be the sweetest affliction he'd ever been faced with. He wasn't going to stop and he wasn't going to give up because someday really was on its way.

**NCIS**

They were sitting on the couch enjoying the silence Thursday night, but Tony was paying close attention because Ziva had been quiet all evening and if experience was anything to go by, it meant she was thinking. If he was patient enough, she would eventually tell him what was on her mind.

Ziva stared at her rings for a long time before raising her eyes to his. "Would you have married me without the baby? If I had not been pregnant? If I was just me?"

Her forlorn tone made him want to wrap her in his arms and hold her tightly until she forgot any doubts, but her question deserved an answer. Luckily, he had a good one. Tony put one hand on her legs that were draped over his lap and took her hand with the other.

"Do you remember my proposal Zi?" he asked tenderly. "Baby or no baby, I knew I wanted you in my life permanently. The way things were going before you found out? I don't think that would've changed. Maybe being together wouldn't have taken as long, maybe it would've taken you longer to trust me had you not been pregnant, I don't know. But sooner or later we were going to end up here, in a house together, wearing rings that symbolize our promise."

He kissed her knuckles. "I loved you long before I said it Zi, no way that was going to change. Different house, different engagement ring, different proposal maybe, but everything else would be just the same. And y'know," Tony grinned, "I'm kinda glad we got the munchkin out of this deal, she's pretty cute."

A smile touched her lips and Ziva nestled her head against his shoulder, sighing softly. "You always know what is right to say."

Tony brushed his lips over her hair. "I hope so." His voice lowered to a whisper. "And in case you don't already know, just you would've been more than enough for me." He shifted his arms to fit around her waist and back firmly. "I never would have let you go Zi, you are my world."

**NCIS**

Friday's case had been a doozy and since it was Ziva's night to stay late, she ended up pulling an overnighter at work, something neither of them had expected. Tony was up early on Saturday to feed Chaya and once Gibbs called him to say Ziva was on her way home, he decided to stay up and fix breakfast for her. Grabbing the first sweater he could find, Tony pulled on trackpants and went down to the kitchen, pulling out everything he needed for scrambled eggs and toast.

He was just buttering the browned slices of bread and getting it ready for jam when Ziva walked in the door, looking weary. She took one look at him and frowned, staring at his sweatshirt. Looking down to see if he spilled something, he recognized her issue. It was the one of his that was now hers, because she refused to give it back after that movie night long ago before they were even engaged.

Ziva marched over. "Off," she ordered and Tony chuckled when she held up her arms so he could pull it over her head.

"Bad case?" he asked, unsure of what the outcome had been. He's missed all the important information about it, leaving shortly after they got the call.

She snuggled into the shirt, lifting the collar to breathe in his scent. "I missed you."

Tony grinned and pulled her into his arms. "The real thing is better. And believe me, sleeping without you was no picnic for me either."

Ziva rested her head on his chest and savoured his strong arms around her. Nights apart were never fun and sleeping on the floor behind her desk on the sleeping bag she'd stolen from Tony's stash was no comparison to curling up in her warm soft bed with her husband's heartbeat lulling her to sleep.

"Being married has spoiled me."

He slid his fingers along her cheeks. "It's spoiled me more."

Their lips joined and the kiss deepened as they drank in the comfort and familiarity of each other. Then Ziva broke away, wrinkling her nose. "Is something burning?"

Tony leapt towards the stove and quickly pulled the frying pan off the burner. Stirring the eggs furiously, he looked over his shoulder. "They're a little singed," he said apologetically.

Ziva got plates from the cupboard and sat down at the island. "I am sure they will taste wonderful. I missed supper."

Refraining from commenting because just like Mandy he was concerned about her weight but he also knew she was not purposely avoiding meals, Tony scooped the eggs onto her plate and his, then added toast and got out a different kind of jam for each of them. She kissed his cheek as she reached for the grape. "Thank you Tony, you make a very good house-husband."

He laughed out loud and dug in to breakfast. No one made him smile like she did.

**NCIS**

To spend some time together as a family, Tony and Ziva took Chaya to the pool later that morning for the parent and tot swim again. The baby was happy for awhile but then got inexplicably cranky, so they left early and took her home, where a backrub from Daddy and some skin to skin time with Mommy soothed the infant right to sleep.

Realizing that he still smelled like chlorine, Tony made a face. "I'm gonna grab a shower."

Ziva turned around from putting Chaya in the bassinet and caught something in his eyes. "That is fine Tony, I will go after you."

He hesitated, preparing for rejection again. "Do you want to come in with me?"

Her mouth opened a bit, then was clamped shut as she considered her next words carefully. "Okay."

Tony wasn't sure he heard right. "What?"

A light appeared in her eyes briefly. "Okay, I will come."

He hadn't been expecting a yes and even though it was what he wanted, the answer threw him. "Why?"

Ziva tilted her head to the side and regarded him seriously. "You have been so patient these last several weeks Tony, for months actually. This is the least I can do for you."

Tony smiled and took her hand, leading her upstairs to the bathroom. He stripped his clothes off and tossed them on the bed, waiting until Ziva was already in the shower before he joined her. For awhile Tony just held her, Ziva's back to his chest, while they stood under the hot spray. Then she moved and let him put shampoo and conditioner on her hair.

Tony was prepared to be hands off when it came to bodywash, but Ziva handed him the cloth to do her back and then to his surprise, slowly turned to face him. She guided his hands over her breasts but didn't like him touching her stomach, which still bore evidence of the baby she'd carried. Private areas were hers to do also, but Tony took whatever he could get.

He watched the soap run in little rivers down Ziva's chest and stomach. Swallowing hard, he lifted his hand to her ribs, his thumb barely brushing the base of her breast. Ziva shivered and closed her eyes. Tony took a chance and cupped her breast in his hand. Ziva shook her head and gently pushed him away.

Tony shrugged off his disappointment and folded his fingers through hers, keeping them in a safer place. "Too much?" He tried not to pay attention to the fact that she was wet and naked in front of him, but it was almost painful to ignore and a dozen fantasies shot through his mind before Tony could force himself to focus on what she was saying.

Ziva shrugged, struggling for a way to explain. "It is nice," she admitted, "but if you had any idea how hard it is to let you so close...Tony, please do not rush this." It was easier than trying to tell him that she felt her breasts were only for her daughter right now and as much as she liked his gentle hands on her body, she did not feel sexy yet, more mother than woman or wife, and the timing was still wrong.

Tony's expression showed remorse and he moved to pull her close but Ziva kept him at a safe distance. "You can hug me when we are dressed," she told him firmly. Standing together in the shower with her naked and him nearly so was enough. To be held flush against him with only the thin cotton of his boxers separating them...that would definitely qualify as too much.

After a moment, Ziva squeezed more soap on the cloth and started washing his back. Tony froze because to have her purposely touching him was the last thing he expected. Ziva noticed but remembered their conversation from weeks before and did not stop. She moved to his front, slowly drawing the cloth over his chest and down his sides towards his stomach.

Tony caught her hands and held them in place as he bent his head to kiss her. Wisely keeping his hands off her, he took as much as she was willing to give. He nearly groaned when she pulled away. "I will leave you to finish," Ziva told him, the glint in her eyes knowing. After she got out Tony leaned his head against the wall. Being with her like that was self-inflicted agony and he wasn't sure how much longer he could handle it.

**NCIS**

Tony used comp time to take half a day Monday to spend at home with his daughter. The little girl had been acting off all weekend and he thought some quality time might help. Ziva fed Chaya after her run and got ready as quickly as she could, hoping to be able to share a cuddle before work. The baby fell asleep and barely stirred when Mommy and Daddy switched places so Ziva could leave. Chaya spend the morning napping on Tony's chest in bed and on the couch while _Hercules_ and _Lion King 1 ½_ played on screen.

Arriving promptly at one pm, just in time for Ziva to nurse, Tony delivered Chaya to his wife and started working through the stack of reports and paper on his desk. Ziva took advantage of the Mommy and Me room at LEO's to spend a quiet hour with her daughter, not taking Chaya in to be with Jasmine until she was already asleep in her carseat. Returning to her desk, Ziva frowned at the official looking envelope waiting for her. She glanced at Tony and he was grinning.

"Open it."

She did and a smile took over her face as she held the small black book. "United States of America." Flipping a couple pages, she found her picture. "Ziva DiNozzo."

"You're official now babe." Ziva went to him for a hug, unable to stop smiling and Tony picked her up, twirling her around once. "Congratulations," he murmured into her hair.

She was an American citizen, a wife and a mother and now she had a new passport too. Ziva's current life made it impossible for her not to feel like she belonged.

**NCIS**

There was a bit more force behind her punches as she took her emotions out on the black bag at Ops that night. Duke made a face. "Take it easy or I'm revoking your privileges." She glared at him and he crossed his arms. "Don't give me that attitude David, you've got my rules to follow for another week and I will call your husband if you start being difficult."

Ziva huffed and took her stance again, controlling her movements as she worked through jabs and punches. Tony hadn't asked to share the shower with her again after Saturday, but she knew it was coming and she was trying to prepare herself. Figuring she'd give him an opening, Ziva merely draped a towel around her neck when she finished her workout and headed home instead of to the locker room.

Chaya was asleep for the night when she got home, but they'd adjusted their schedule at work and stayed later so Ziva could nurse Chaya before Tony took her home to do the second cluster feeding. It wasn't ideal, but as the current solution, it worked okay. Ziva found her husband in the spare room on his computer, but he cleared the screen as soon as he heard her. Ziva raised an eyebrow and he spun around in the chair.

"Don't worry, it's not porn."

She cocked her head to the side and wiped her face with the towel. "That actually never crossed my mind. Somehow I do not see you that way any more."

Tony got up and moved toward her. "I even canceled my GSM subscription, just for you."

"I am flattered." He stood staring at her and Ziva frowned. "What?"

"I seem to remember there being a rule about me coming home sweaty. I'm trying to decide if it works both ways."

Ziva shrugged with forced nonchalance. "If you want to kiss me so bad, come with me."

His hand froze partway to her face. "You're offering?"

She sighed. "I am trying to make an effort Tony, there is not much else I can give you when I cannot give you what you want."

Tony took her hands. "I'm not asking you to forget what happened in Somalia Ziva, I know it doesn't work that way. What I want is for you to trust me now, with the memories still haunting you. It's okay to let me in sweetheart, I won't take advantage of your trust."

Her lips trembled and Ziva fought for control, no one would recognize Ziva David ice queen now. She swallowed. "Let us...start small, yes? I am making no promises Tony, but I will try."

They walked together into the bathroom and Tony stopped awkwardly in the center of the room. "How do you want to do this?"

She turned on the water. "Normally, like other husbands and wives."

"With both of us naked?" Tony clarified, not expecting that yet.

Ziva closed her eyes and searched desperately for some good memory to hold onto, but nothing blocked out the pictures that were suddenly brought to her mind. Tony saw the tremors start and immediately gathered Ziva into his arms, holding her tightly. She jerked and he moved his hands to her face. "Ziva." When he got no response, Tony's pulse jumped. "Open your eyes Ziva." Nothing. "Look at me!" he commanded. His loud voice startled her out of the flashback and Ziva blinked. He turned her face into his shoulder and surrounded her body with his arms. "You haven't done that in awhile. What happened?"

She wouldn't look at him. "I cannot tell you without the answer hurting," Ziva whispered.

Tony pulled back to see into her eyes and pressed his lips tenderly to hers. "I can handle it honey, tell me."

Ziva kept her eyes open, fearing another return to the cell she still carried with her. "I have not seen a man naked since..." she trailed off. "I am not comfortable with-" not wanting to say the words, she gestured to his lower half.

Shoving his fingers through his hair, Tony sighed. "I'll keep my boxers on."

Frustrated, Ziva pushed away from him and marched across the room. "No Tony, you do not understand! I am so tired of this, so tired of being different. I do not want you always to have to be so careful, to fear setting off a memory every time we try to move forward. I just want us to be able to act normal together, but every time I try something gets in the way." She crossed her arms tightly. "When will it be enough? Have I not paid for my mistakes by now?"

Tony wanted to hit something. Life was never going to be fair for them, never going to be easy, but he'd chosen being with her instead of without her, so this was the path they had to walk. He slowly moved forward, stopping when Ziva held up her hands to keep him back, but then they dropped like she wasn't sure what she wanted anymore. Tony caught one hand, spun her around and pulled her back against his chest. Ziva's body instinctively moved with his as he swayed gently back and forth to invisible music.

"I get it Zi, I do. Not from your perspective or inside your head, but the frustration you feel and being tired of all this. I am too. This isn't a punishment babe, this is what healing looks like. It's messy and painful and one step forward, ten steps back. It's give and take and sometimes takes a lot more than it gives. But we are getting there Zi, one day, one week, one month at a time. I'm not giving up, so please don't you give up either."

Ziva had relaxed completely into his touch and finally turned back to face him. "Okay." These days it seemed to be the only answer she had, but at least it was something.

Making sure they still had hot water, Ziva faced away from her husband and pulled her workout shirt over her head. Her knee length pants went next and at that point Tony decided he'd better stop gawking and be ready to get in the shower when she was undressed. He waited until Ziva was under the water before climbing in behind her. He could tell she wanted to close her eyes but the threat of a flashback wouldn't allow her to. Her gaze darted around the small space and Tony took a step closer and lifted her chin so she had to focus on him. Tony's concentration was on her reaction and he didn't even take time to enjoy looking at her. Other stuff was more important.

"It's okay Zi," he said in a low voice. "I know this is a big step. You're naked, I am, but I'm telling you now that nothing is going to happen unless you tell me it's alright."

Ziva nodded and put her back to him. Tony squeezed shampoo into his hand and started working on her hair, a considerably shorter process now due to the new length. He repeated the action with conditioner and then Ziva handed him her cloth. Moving her hair aside, Tony drew the soap filled material over her shoulders and back and down to her behind. Before he could push any boundaries, Ziva's hand came back to stop him and he slowly rotated her to face him again. Her eyes flickered over his body and even though there was nothing sexual or suggestive about it, Tony started doing math in his head, anything to keep himself occupied and hopefully prevent a response she couldn't handle yet.

Lifting her leg to the side of the tub, Tony rubbed the cloth over her feet and up her leg to her knee. He got as far as mid-thigh before Ziva tensed and he got the message loud and clear. The other leg was washed in much the same fashion before Tony moved to Ziva's stomach and up over her breasts. As the water rinsed the suds away, he leaned down and lightly touched his lips to the top of each one before checking her reaction. A smile glimmered in Ziva's eyes but she put her finger over his mouth to stop any ideas he had about taking it further.

He tried not to watch as she finished cleaning herself and then braced himself when Ziva turned the cloth on his body. Down his neck, across his shoulders and over his entire back. She hesitated and he almost looked back to see if she was checking him out, but resisted, thinking that by now he really should get an award for his self-control.

The test came when she had to do his front and the effect the situation had on him could not be hidden. Ziva dragged the cloth over his chest and down to his stomach, but stopped there. "I cannot touch you," she whispered, ashamed.

Tony wrapped his fingers around hers. "Zi, don't worry. You don't have to." She looked up at him in confusion and he chuckled. "One day, yeah, I want that to be okay. But this is still a first. I'm in no hurry."

Ziva kissed him then because she had no words and when she moved away Tony finished his routine and shut the water off. Sliding back the curtain, he grabbed a towel to put around his waist and two for Ziva. She tucked the first one into itself to cover her and he used the other to rub the excess water from her hair. Then Tony left to get boxers and returned to put the cream on Ziva's scars, a task he looked forward to in the evenings. She got dressed in the summer version of pyjamas and fell into bed beside him, utterly exhausted from the effort the last hour had taken. But to learn a new way to trust her husband, to take one more step forward - Ziva figured it was worth whatever she had to give.


	76. Chapter 76

_A/N: Sorry...it's going to be a long one._

_First of all, my sincerest apologies for the unexpected break, I never intended to take a week off. On Saturday I started experiencing problems with my FF account (caused by an accident on my part) and I have emailed the support people several times and impatiently waited to have something done about it, but alas here it is almost a week later and the problem persists. However, I don't want to be absent from this story any longer so I will resume posting._

_Second - as of Monday I officially finished writing SMH! Yay! Lol...it ends at 94 chapters and in the last chapter I'll let you know what happens next. But because I no longer have to worry about running out of chapters, and if no one has any arguments, I think I'll post every day for awhile and see how that works out :) Thank you for your patience this week._

_As always I love to hear your thoughts. Thank you so much for those of you who checked on me to make sure I was okay when you didn't see me around for a few days. You guys are truly the best readers, and friends, that anyone could ask for. Thanks so much for all the support! ~ Love, Aliyah :D_

_PS. This chapter picks up right where the last one left off. At the end of Ch 75 on a Monday night Ziva offered to share the shower with Tony for one of the first times and now it's Tuesday and she's still working through the emotional ramifications._

Ziva sat in the corner of the couch with her tea, in the same position as when she first came. Devon checked her watch. "Fifteen minutes, are you going to talk to me or should I just say goodbye now?"

That got her patient's attention. "I was just thinking."

"Think out loud for me," the doctor suggested. "What's going on in your head?"

Ziva wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from the world. "Healing is so hard."

At those words Devon abandoned any other plans she had for the session and just listened. "I know Ziva."

"No," the woman said flatly, "you do not. No one does. They do not see how hard I am trying or feel the emptiness each time I fail. Everyone is ready for me to be better. It is hard to be sympathetic, to be patient so long. But I am ready to be better too. I am so tired of the consequences for something I did not mean to choose." Her fingers crept into her hair. "Dying would have been far easier than living with all these scars."

Devon took in the long sleeves Ziva wore, unusual since her return to work. "Scars fade."

Ziva's eyes flashed and she dropped her mug on the table so hard the liquid splashed over the side. "They do not fade fast enough!" she spat.

"What happened Ziva?" This kind of attitude was not normal.

Ziva sank back into the cushions. "Somalia happened. Being pregnant happened. Tony happened. And now Chaya is eleven weeks and I still cannot...I cannot," she finished sadly. "I am done Devon."

"I wish it were that simple, but life doesn't work that way," her therapist pointed out. "You can't just take a break or give up when it's hard. You aren't done healing but you are getting there, and one day you'll realize you aren't moving backwards at all, you're actually a thousand positive steps from where you started."

The hopelessness in Ziva's gaze broke Devon's heart. "I was not born for easy or good or happy. But Tony..." She swallowed and leaned her head back but didn't finished. Suddenly she stood up. "I have to go."

Devon tried to stop her. "Ziva-"

"No, please, I have to go." She hurried for the door and the doctor threw her parting shot.

"I can't have you go back to work like this Ziva. If you leave, you're benched for the day."

With a toss of her curls and a flash of her brown eyes, Ziva was gone. Devon sat back down. "That went well," she muttered to no one in particular, before going to her desk for Agent Gibbs' card.

**NCIS**

Gibbs put the phone down and stared at Ziva's desk. "DiNozzo," he said quietly. Tony looked up and Gibbs jerked his head. "With me."

Wondering what he could possibly be in trouble for this time, Tony followed his boss outside the bullpen. "Ziva skipped out on therapy and her shrink won't let her back in the field today. Something about her being upset." He glared pointedly at Tony.

He shook his head. "She was fine-" Training off, he rubbed his face. "Actually, I don't know when the last time was that she was fine. But I wasn't worried about her earlier."

"Find her," the older man ordered in a clipped tone before stalking off.

Tony stared at the wall for a minute, trying to sort out where to start. First things first. He went back to his desk and called Jasmine to see if Ziva had picked up Chaya. But no, his daughter was still sleeping and the girl hadn't heard from his wife. Heaving a sigh, Tony scrolled through his list of contacts and chose the number for Ops."

"Operation Central, this is Duke."

"Duke, Tony DiNozzo. If Ziva shows up there, can you give me a call?"

Duke frowned. "Problem?"

He squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I don't know, maybe. Will you let me know?"

"And keep her here if I have to," the Marine confirmed.

"Thanks." Out of options, Tony grabbed his things and headed downstairs. Their car was still in the parking lot but just because Tony had the keys didn't mean anything. He wouldn't put it past Ziva to have hot wiring on her list of skills. The attendant also reported that she hadn't signed out a work vehicle.

Puzzled, Tony began walking, trying to figure out where she might have gone. A run seemed most likely, but she wasn't wearing the right clothes. Dialing her number, Tony listened to it ring until the frustrating message that the party he was trying to reach was currently unavailable came on. She'd probably turned it off.

Feeling frustrated and helpless, Tony made his way to the river and finally saw a lone figure sitting on a bench under a large tree. He let out a sigh of relief, but Ziva's posture spoke completely of defeat and his concern doubled. She didn't look up when he got close, nor acknowledge Tony when he sat down. The silence enveloped them, broken only by birds chirping and distant traffic noises.

Itching to do something, he finally reached for her hand. It remained lax within his and Tony frowned, wondering if she was even with him. "Ziva?"

She turned a beaten gaze towards him without actually looking into his eyes. "They have won, Tony."

He didn't like the sound of that. "Who? Who won?"

"I thought they would never break me, I thought I was strong enough. But I am not and I am broken, Somalia has won."

Tony's heart beat painfully in his chest. What on earth was he supposed to say to that? What words could he use that didn't sound like a bandaid for wounds so deep he had yet to see the bottom? He lifted her fingers and pressed a soft kiss to each one. "I don't think you're broken forever sweetheart."

The emotion in her eyes swirled, just a glimpse at the turmoil inside. "I do not think I can fight any more."

"I'll fight for you," Tony hastened to reassure her. "I'll be your strength."

A part of her wanted so much to fall into his arms and take shelter in his love, but the sharp edges of her shattered spirit hurt him too and Ziva did not want to be responsible for any more bloodshed. "You cannot win," she whispered, feeling the darkness gathering like a thunderstorm in her soul. "I am so tired Tony."

He hurt for her, knowing nothing he could do would make it better. Trying to keep his own tears at bay, Tony helped her up and moved to the ground, positioning Ziva between his legs and encompassing her in his arms. She didn't resist, didn't do anything at all except curl up in a tight ball and lean against his chest.

Holding her as firmly as he could without hurting her, Tony kissed the side of her head. "I'm here Zi, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. You're stuck with me, okay? For the next fifty-seven years at least. I won't let go."

Shuddering, Ziva suddenly turned her head into his shoulder and twisted his shirt up in her fingers. The dam broke and finally tears started streaming down her face, though the sobs that shook her body remained soundless. Burying his face in her curls, Tony tried to give her what she needed, but the wetness on his own cheeks gave away his weakness. They needed each other. He had to hope that someday that might be enough.

**NCIS**

When Ziva stopped crying, she was so quiet and motionless that Tony wondered if she'd fallen asleep. She was drained and she didn't want to move, for just awhile Ziva needed to pretend that the world didn't exist. Finally though she lifted her head and brushed her fingers over Tony's cheek. "Why do you stay?"

The look he gave her wondered why she asked questions to which she already knew the answer. "Because I love you. "And in case you've forgotten , I can't be without you."

"Kiss me," Ziva begged. "Please Tony, make me forget."

Gently, his fingers slid along her face and into her hair. Ziva's lips met his in a desperate caress. She drank in his touch, his comfort, like it was water. Tony poured his heart into the kiss, soft and reassuring, but deliberately holding back because they didn't need to push it further. Ziva broke away first and her head fell to his shoulder. Tony caught his breath and realized for the first time what had been nagging at him about her appearance today. He drew his fingers up and down her arm, slipping them into the sleeve a couple inches to both touch her scars and feel her pulse.

"Why the long sleeves?" It was near eighty degrees out, not cold even by the standard of one who grew up in the desert.

She shifted positions. "It is an easy way to hide." Somehow he knew she didn't mean the scars.

Tony tilted her face up and Ziva met his eyes fully for one of the first times since he found her. "What happened Zi? Is this because of last night?"

She shook her head. "It is because of everything. I knew I would not be okay right away, that getting married and giving birth did not fix anything immediately. But I was not expecting it to take so long."

Tony's back ached but he decided to deal with it a little longer. "I know this is hard honey, I can't even imagine what it's like trying to come back from what you've been through. But you need to fight Zi, you promised me you would, and no one else can do it for you." His gaze sharpened. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Snap out of this hopelessness. You have a husband and a family who love you. Not when you're healed, but even now when you still feel broken. You have a daughter who needs you and a new life here. Stop acting like you're giving up."

The harshness of his words startled Ziva and she frowned. "You are angry with me."

He needed space and stood up, bringing her with him. "I don't know what else I can say, what promise will convince you that you're worth it Zi. I've waited, I'm still waiting and I'll continue to wait until you're ready. I'm here, but you need to fight with me, because I can't do it on my own." Tony kissed her lips lightly. "I love you Ziva, I'm not going anywhere, but you have to decide to beat this no matter how hard it gets or how long it takes." He dropped the keys in her hand. "You've got half an hour if you're coming back to feed Chaya. Otherwise I'll see you at home tonight."

Just like that he turned and walked away, leaving Ziva stunned at what had happened and not knowing it was one of the hardest things he'd ever done. She stared at the car keys and looked up to watch her husband walk away and realized she had two choices and only two - hide or fight. And if she wanted to hold onto the life she and Tony had built together, there was only one option.

After spending more than an hour with her baby girl and renewing the reasons she had not to let the desert beat her, Ziva walked back into Devon's office, learned that she didn't have a client, and opened the door. Sitting on the couch in the same spot as always with fire in her eyes and new resolve in her heart, Ziva looked up and nodded at her doctor. "I am ready to talk. I need you to help me find how to be okay."

Devon eyed the woman in front of her, completely changed from four hours ago. She sat back in her chair and smiled. "Now we can begin."

**NCIS**

Ziva texted Tony after her session finally ended, late enough that she stayed to nurse Chaya again, and asked if he could pick up their daughter when he finished work. Debating about whether or not they needed the evening alone, he concluded it would be best to bring the baby home, another reminder of why Ziva couldn't quit now. The car keys were delivered back to him by Gibbs, who hadn't been able to let his agent leave without knowing if she was safe to be alone with herself.

LEO's was open until eight pm, but Gibbs kicked them out an hour before and Tony gladly went to get his little girl. For once he wished she wasn't asleep because a cuddle would have done him a lot of good, but it would have to wait. The house was quiet and dark when they arrived, but Tony could feel the vibrations of music coming from the basement. Pleased that the soundproofing had worked so well, he left Chaya by the couch and cracked open the door. Ziva was running full out on the treadmill, a focused look on her face and determination in her strides. Feeling a little awkward about how he'd left things earlier, Tony walked down the steps, knowing the instant she became aware of his presence.

Ziva slowed her pace gradually and finally got off, turning down the music and grabbing the towel draped over the weight rack. "Hi." She started stretching slowly, giving him an idea of how long she'd been working out. "This is much easier than explaining to Duke why I need to be at Ops on a Tuesday." She rolled her eyes. "He would ask too many questions." Ziva's smile was bright, her eyes clear and Tony was grateful, if a little suspicious, of the change from earlier.

"I'm glad you're getting to use it," he said, slipping his hands into his pockets. "About what I said before-"

She moved into his space, laying a finger on his lips. "I needed to hear it Tony. Sometimes I forget that my healing does not only affect me."

Tony ran his hands up her arms. "Are we okay?"

Ziva nodded. "Yes. And I would kiss you, but there is a rule..."

He snorted and used the towel to gently wipe the sweat from her face. Tony claimed her lips for only a moment and glanced up the stairs, checking his watch. "I'm afraid your shower will have to wait."

Right on cue Chaya cried and Ziva grimaced. "I am too gross to be nursing."

Tony chuckled. "I doubt the three month old cares honey. And you probably both need it tonight."

Making a face, she followed him to the livingroom and let Tony get their baby. She pulled the workout shirt over her head and tossed it in the direction of the laundry. He stared at her, standing there in just her bra, but Ziva was busy drying off as much as possible so she could feed her daughter and didn't notice. Up in the nursery, Tony transferred Chaya to Ziva's lap and looked for a story, finally going with Robert the Rose Horse.

Chaya and Ziva both paid great attention as he read and then Tony burped and changed Chaya while Ziva picked out pyjamas - a little yellow sleeper with bright, happy-faced suns all over it. Tony walked the room with her to get his Chaya time in and the cuddle that made him feel peaceful for the first time in hours. At last he laid her in the crib, watching her eyelids flutter as dreamland called. They kissed her goodnight and left.

Back in their room, Ziva headed for the bathroom but Tony stopped her. "It's been a rough day honey, what about a bubble bath?" She struggled not to take a step away from him and he pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. "Just laying together Ziva, no pressure, and you won't even see all of me." Tony looked hopeful. "I'll wash your hair."

Her expression softened into a smile and she sighed. "Okay." Ziva opened the bathroom cupboard and came up with a lavender and chamomile bubble bath she'd never tried. "You will smell like a girl," she warned.

He laughed. "What? Lavender can't be manly?"

Ziva shook her head and started the water, pouring a generous amount of the purple gel under the faucet. Tony found some candles while they waited and set them around the room, turning the lights down low, both for her comfort and the ambiance. When steaming water filled the large tub, Ziva turned to face him, still in just her bra and shorts, and undressed, sinking into the water and under the bubbles quickly.

Appreciating her bravery, Tony shed his clothes and joined her, enjoying the heat on his tired muscles. Ziva was leaning back with her eyes closed, waiting for the relaxing properties of the bath to do their work. Taking a chance, Tony lay back against his wife's chest, gratified to feel her arms come around him. They lay there in the water, barely moving, for a long time. Then Ziva placed a row of kisses down his neck, her fingers swirling through his chest hair before moving to his back.

Tony didn't dare turn around, because if he did his resolve would be tested more than he was ready for. So he just let Ziva's hands work out the kinks and tried to relax. Finally he sat up and kissed her, before encouraging his wife to lay back so he could get her hair wet. She did and he gently massaged shampoo and conditioner into her scalp and rinsed it out, moving to the body wash next. Ziva took it from him and did his back and chest, smiling when he returned the favour.

Once the water cooled, Tony pulled the plug and got towels for both of them. It amazed him sometimes how often they didn't need to use words to communicate. But as they were laying in bed, he molded his body to hers and kissed behind her ear. "I love you Zi." Those words, for sure, would always be important to use. And hearing them back was one of his greatest gifts.


	77. Chapter 77

Wednesday Ziva skipped Ops because she was still sore from her own workout the day before. Duke wasn't thrilled but figured one day wouldn't matter much. They got out of work in time for a late supper, so it was a complete surprise when Gibbs and Celeste showed up an hour later.

Ziva opened the door and let the couple in. "Chaya is sleeping right now if you were hoping for a visit. But she will be up in half an hour."

Gibbs jerked his head towards the window. "Go take a walk. We know where the bottles are if you're not back in time."

Tony looked puzzled. "But it's not the fourth." The glare he got sent the younger man running for the door. "Right, thanks Boss!"

He and Ziva set out at a brisk pace for their favourite park just out of the neighbourhood and around the corner. As they started out on the path, thunder rumbled overhead and the skies opened. Tony tried to tug Ziva out of the downpour but she didn't move, instead lifting her face and hands to the sky. She smiled at him.

"I like rain."

Tony stepped closer, blinking away the water dripping from his forehead. "I remember." He held out his hand. "M'lady."

Ziva curtsied. "Why thank you sir."

At the edge of the park they danced in the rain, completely drenched and completely delighting in it. Laughing, they kicked off their shoes and Tony chased Ziva across the grassy expanse. She was quick as a deer but he finally caught up to her under a large tree. They stared at each other for a long moment and then came together, their lips eagerly seeking the other's mouth. Tony's hands cupped Ziva's face and hers were splayed over his back as they stood there kissing while rain streamed down their faces.

After awhile, Ziva stood with her back to Tony's chest, his arms across her shoulder and waist, just watching the thick curtain of rain that covered the park. Finally it dwindled to a light shower and then just the occasional drop here and there. The couple retraced their steps and found their sandals before beginning the slow, soggy journey home, hand in hand.

Tony and Ziva walked in the door with clothes and hair plastered to their bodies, grinning like fools. Gibbs rolled his eyes at them and gave Celeste a look. "Newlyweds."

But Celeste's quick glance at her ring finger and a tap on her watch reminded him that they would soon fall into that category again, if he kept his promise. He laced their fingers together and smiled slightly. No way he wasn't going to follow through. It was a day he greatly looked forward to seeing.

**NCIS**

Thursday marked Chaya turning three months old and the new parents left work early to spend time with their elated baby. When Chaya woke up Tony zoomed her around the livingroom like an airplane, eliciting laughter he couldn't get enough of, finally landing her in Ziva's arms. He knelt and kissed her cheek. "Three months old princess, I can't believe how fast you're growing."

Chaya clapped her hands, her newest trick, and Ziva adjusted her shirt to feed her baby. Her fingers traveled down Chaya's arms and legs. "She is starting to get a little chubbier now. She was such a skinny newborn for so long."

"Must be all that healthy breast milk," Tony cooed, tickling her feet until the little girl squirmed. Ziva smacked his hand away and shook her head, but he wasn't easily distracted this time. "And ten pounds the last time we weighed her, right? That's almost double what you were when we brought you home sweetie. Gosh," he sprawled out on the floor at Ziva's feet, "time goes so fast!"

After Chaya finished eating, Tony and Ziva laid on the floor with her, watching the baby kick at the dangly toys on her floor gym and pointing out all the pretty shapes and colours. Later, they put her on her tummy - which still wasn't her favourite, but after two months of practice she was used to it - and took turns rolling different sized balls to Chaya and helping her reach for them. At last the baby gave an angry squawk and turned her head away from them, her signal that she'd had enough.

Tony and Ziva got her ready for bed, complete with bath, and put her down for the night. Making the most of the time they now had together before going to sleep, the couple retired to the couch to relax. Ziva was stretched out on the couch with her head pillowed on her husband's lap as she read and he watched a movie. The peace of knowing Chaya wouldn't wake until six-thirty the next morning made it easy to relax, even if Ziva would be up at five am for her run.

Not too many minutes later, Tony paused the movie, his eyes becoming intent on their study of one of her brown curls wrapped around his finger. Ziva put the book down. "A nickle for your thoughts?"

He gave her one of his half-grins. "I didn't realize the price had gone up." With a sigh, he ran his finger over her rings. "Does it ever bother you Zi?"

She shifted to face him a little more. "You will have to be more specific than 'it' Tony."

He still hadn't looked at her. "Right. Uh...so I kind of just realized that November will be your thirtieth birthday."

Ziva's expression was confused. "You did not know how old I am?"

Tony tried to cover his discomfort by wiping his eyes. "The subject never really came up Zi. But that means," he shook his head slowly and finally met her gaze, "you were only twenty-two when you came to NCIS."

She still didn't understand. "It is not like I kept it a secret."

"No," he sounded frustrated now, "but you didn't exactly advertise it either. Gosh Ziva, you didn't act like you were twenty-two." Tony's face became incredulous. "Do you know what I was like at twenty-two?"

Her lips curved into a smile. "I may be able to guess." When he didn't respond Ziva sat up and moved to straddle his lap, making it near to impossible for him to ignore her. She linked her hands behind his neck. "What is really bothering you Tony?"

"I'm a lot older than you," he said slowly.

Ziva raised one eyebrow. "I did the dossiers on the team for Ari, I am perfectly aware of your age."

Tony frowned. "And that doesn't bother you?"

She made a noise in her throat. "It is not like you are twenty or thirty years my senior Tony, I do not think twelve is so bad." Ziva tilted her head. "Why is this coming up now?"

His eyes traveled from her face to her torso, then followed the tan skin of her arms as far as he could without turning his head. They lingered on the scars etched into her forearm and Tony kissed them gently, his hands moving to grip her hips lightly.

"You've seen more in thirty years than most people see in a lifetime." His voice was soft, his expression earnest. "And I feel like you should be at least my age, but you're not. That night we stood outside your hotel and watched the rain fall I wanted you, because you were beautiful and exotic and hot and mysterious and you intrigued me." He made a disgusted face at himself. "I just didn't realize I was lusting after a girl barely old enough to be finished college."

Ziva traced his familiar features with gentle fingers. "It was not all your fault." He didn't believe her so she tried to explain. "It was my job to get close to all of you, to learn what I could and pass that information on to my brother." She shook her head.

"I was not a child Tony. I had been using my body to get what I wanted and needed for longer than you probably want to know. I was taught to use my looks and appeal as a tool, to treat my sexuality the same as any other weapon." Her eyes darkened. "Men with far less integrity than you used to have had fallen for my act, but," she ran her finger over his lips just before she kissed him, "you are one of the only ones who did not take advantage of it because of what I could have offered."

"I wish I'd seen more of you," Tony admitted, then hastened to clarify when a sly look began to steal across her face. "Not like that Zi. I mean," he closed his eyes briefly, "I saw everything when we were undercover, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Perhaps you should elaborate," she replied, trailing her fingers through the soft hairs at the back of his neck.

Tony nearly groaned. She was sitting in his lap and touching him like that and now she wanted him to concentrate on something serious? He let out a breath and made sure to focus on her face, and not what she was wearing underneath her lazy day clothes. "What I'm trying to say is that I wish I had seen you more as a person with hurts and feelings and a history, instead of a sexual object, albeit a dangerous one, that I wanted to play with. You were a flame I wanted to touch even if I got burned. I didn't care about the consequences."

Ziva considered his argument. "You see me now," she said simply. "Who am I?"

Tony leaned towards her a little, letting their foreheads touch. "You are Ziva DiNozzo. Still my butt kicking ninja with mad skills but also my wife, and mother to our beautiful daughter." He nuzzled her cheek, whispering in her ear. "And I do believe well on her way to becoming my lover as well."

Pulling back, he noted the way her eyes dropped and continued. "You're an American citizen with less than six months left before your probation is over and you will officially be a Special Agent with NCIS, not that that was ever in question." Tony tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "You are a daughter, a sister, a beloved friend, and if I do annoy you too much, I realize you can still easily kill me with a paper clip or some other innocuous item." He captured her lips for a few quick kisses before finishing his list. "And you are the woman I love." Tony smiled at her. "Did I forget anything?"

Her eyes held just a glint of teasing. "I think you covered all the important points."

Tony nodded slowly. "I did leave out crazy driver and fabulous cook. Oh, and the best partner I've ever had. You I can trust to watch my back, McGeek I'm not so sure about."

She rested her head on his shoulder. "I think you see the best even when you should not." Ziva was thinking about a hot day in September when he was sitting tied to a chair in front of her, lips parched by heat and thirst, looking at her like she was a mirage or a dream instead of real.

"Hmm," he murmured against her hair, "I think it's my job to see the best parts Zi. Maybe I'm biased because I love you so much, but everything I see is the best stuff, there isn't room for anything else."

She sighed against his skin. "How did I get so lucky?"

"You're not the only one," Tony said quietly, content to hold her like this for as long as she wanted.

Ziva brushed her lips over his neck before sitting up. "I think that since you have been so nice, we can take a bath before bed."

Tony's eyes widened. "You're sure?" Baths and showers were new for them, but if she was offering, he wasn't going to say no.

She swallowed back any hesitation, because they had to overcome this barrier she shielded herself with at some point, and nodded. "Yes, I am sure." And because she knew what he was thinking, Ziva put her mouth by his ear. "You have shown that you love me more than any of the physical things." She laid her cheek against his. "I trust you."

Those three words were so significant, that she could trust him with her body, her memories, her scars, her fears and feelings. And Tony had absolutely no intentions of doing anything tonight that would make her question that trust. He'd been right in the beginning - Ziva really was worth so much more than any pleasure they would ever share together. This was just one more step in the right direction.

**NCIS**

Friday afternoon Abby left Tami in charge and made her way upstairs, hoping for a few minutes alone with her husband. Instead she came upon a scene that stopped her in her tracks. An attractive blonde woman stood at Tim's desk, far too close in her opinion, staring at him with big blue eyes as McGee explained something to her. The woman replied and put her hand on his arm and Tim laughed.

Tears welled in Abby's eyes as she spun around and ran for the elevator. What she couldn't have known because she didn't stay long enough, was that the blonde was a witness and Tim was explaining how it would work if they needed her to testify. As soon as she touched him, McGee eased back subtly and brought Abby into the conversation, his facial expression and tone making it clear that he was very much in love with his wife. But she'd been too shocked to read their lips and she left too abruptly.

McGee wasn't aware of anything that had happened, so he was rather perplexed when he arrived in the lab to pick up Abby, only to have Tami tell him she'd taken a cab home. Hoping she wasn't sick and wondering why she hadn't told him she was leaving, McGee hurried back to the house.

"Abby," he called as soon as he got in the door. There was no answer so Tim began checking all the rooms, his concern growing with each minute that passed. He found her in the baby's room, now painted and decorated and just waiting for furniture to be assembled. She was holding a stuffed blue giraffe and looking very solemn.

"Abby, why didn't you answer me?" Tim turned her to face him and saw tear tracks dried on her cheeks. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"I saw you," she said quietly.

He frowned. "Saw me when?"

Her finger jabbed into his chest. "Don't play all innocent with me McGee, I saw you flirting with that blonde bimbo. What, are you tired of me now after all this time? I get that I'm not as attractive anymore with all this extra weight, so I guess I can see why you'd want to cheat. But did you really think I wouldn't find out Tim?"

Abby's rant had completely blindsided him. He grabbed her arm. "What are you talking about? I haven't looked at another woman since we got back together. How could you even think that?"

The tears started again and she faced away, throwing the toy at him. "She touched you Tim! And you were smiling and laughing and it was so sweet it was sickening!"

"How can you even think I'd want to cheat on you Abby?" McGee demanded. "After everything we've gone through, after almost nine months of marriage and eight years of knowing each other, now you decide not to trust me? I would never go behind your back. Geez." He scraped his fingers through his hair and stared at her.

Abby crossed her arms. "I don't believe you. I saw you with my own two eyes, but now I can't even look at you. Go away!"

"Abbs," he implored her, holding out his arms, but her expression hardened.

"No! Don't talk to me, don't touch me, just get out. Get out!" she shrieked when he didn't move.

Hurt, angry and feeling out of control, Tim spun on his heel, ran downstairs, grabbed his jacket and left. As soon as Abby heard the door slam, her hand covered her mouth and the other fell to her round belly, feeling the baby kick within her. "Oh no," she whispered, "what have I done?"

**NCIS**

At Ops that night Duke was waiting with a frown on his face, blocking the entrance to the training studio. "Heard you went AWOL on Tuesday."

She raised an eyebrow. "How could you possibly know that?"

Duke shrugged. "Because your husband cares enough to cover his bases. He called to see if you were here."

Ziva shook her head. "I never even thought to come here. Tony found me before I could get further than the Navy Yard."

"Need to talk?" he offered, unable to imagine what she was still fighting through to get her life back.

"No," Ziva answered, "I have talked enough to last me several lifetimes. What I need is to work out."

"Thought you told me Tony built you your own place," the trainer pointed out, walking with her into the relatively quiet gym.

"That is for off days, for when I need stress relief and cannot be here. But this is the place that was my refuge when I first came back and this is where I can practice and sharpen my skills."

A smile spread slowly across Duke's face and he bowed. "Is that so? Well then, we are honoured with your presence. Alright David, let's find an empty room. You and I are going to work on our stick fighting techniques." He laughed. "Then I'll let you loose on the guys, if you still have some fire left."

She nodded, glad he understood. "Thank you."

He smirked. "Don't thank me yet, wait until we're finished."

If Ziva knew her trainer, that sounded like a challenge.

**NCIS**

Shortly after ten pm, just as Tony and Ziva were getting ready for bed after their shower, the phone rang. Tony flopped back on the bed and glared at it. "If that's a case, I'm going to shoot someone."

Ziva chuckled. "He will just call back if you do not answer."

Groaning, Tony reached for the offending object. "DiNozzo."

"Tony?" came Abby's tearful voice, and he jolted upright.

"Abby? What's wrong?"

He heard more crying and wanted to shake the receiver. "Tim's gone. I waited and waited but he never came home. I'm worried." Abby sighed. "We had a fight. He's probably drinking somewhere."

Tony rubbed his face. McGee had hardly touched alcohol since Somalia, if he went on a bender tonight, it wouldn't be pretty. "Why me Abs? Why not Gibbs?"

"Because Tony, I want him alive," Abby explained indignantly. "Will you look for him, please?"

He was already pulling on his pants. "On my way. I'll let you know when I find him."

"He's not answering his phone," Abby added, a fresh wave of tears streaming down her face. She'd texted him twenty times at least trying to apologize, but not one was returned.

"Go get Sammy Abs, it'll help to have someone to cuddle while you wait. I'll find him."

"Thanks Tony." Abby hung up and he turned to his wife.

"When I get my hands on him, Probie is dead," he muttered.

Ziva kissed him. "I will wait for you. Keep me noted."

He chuckled but didn't bother correcting her. "I love you." Shrugging into his jacket, Tony grabbed the keys and left.

For nearly two hours he drove around the city, checking every bar and club and place he could ever remember hanging out with McGee or the team. Finally he remembered an obscure little place Tim had mentioned one of his gaming buddies liked. Tony found his friend sitting at the bar, head down on his arms and several empty shot and drink glasses surrounding him.

"Hey!" he snapped, Gibbs-slapping him with enough force to make McGee jerk forwards. "What the heck are you doing? Your thirty-two week pregnant wife is worried sick and I've been looking for you for hours." McGee's eyes drooped and Tony glared. "How drunk are you?"

"Not 'nuff," Tim slurred, trying to set one of the shot glasses back upright and failing.

"Let's go," Tony ordered. "We need to get you home."

"Abby doesn't want me," McGee declared. "Didn't do anything wrong, but...hates me now."

"Oh brother." Tony closed his eyes. He'd forgotten how depressed Tim got when he was wasted. He grabbed the other man's arm. "Come on McPlastered, time to leave."

"Don't wanna go back!" he cried pitifully. "Don't wan' her to loo' at me like...betrayed her."

Tony hauled McGee to his feet and found his wallet in the pocket of his jacket, tossing several bills onto the counter, and helped his friend out. Once they were in the car, Tony pulled out his cellphone. "Hi Abs. Yeah, I've got him." He glanced over at McGee. "Sorry, he's not in any condition to see you right now. He can stay with me and Ziva tonight. We'll send him home in the morning." He smiled. "You're welcome. Me too. Night."

McGee looked like he was ready to cry. "She doesn't wan' me back?"

"Get a grip McGoo," Tony ordered. "You can see your wife when you're sober."

Tim lapsed into silence then and Tony rolled his eyes but refrained from commenting. McGee had pulled him out of some pretty deep dark places when Ziva was gone, more than once. It was time he returned the favour. When Tony dragged McGee up the stairs and into the house, Ziva's eyes showed relief but she held up a finger so he wouldn't speak as she wandered the kitchen, a portable phone held to her ear.

"I know you are feeling hurt right now Abby and believe me, the hormones only magnify everything, but we are talking about Tim. The man has loved you longer than Tony and I have been partners. Think about what you saw, think about the man you know. I am confident you will come up with the right answer." She smiled patiently at Tony, who was settling McGee on the couch. "Yes, they are here now. We will. Get some sleep Abby. Good night."

Hanging up the phone, Ziva sighed. "Shall we compare stories?"

Tony took off his jacket. "I've been dealing with drunk and depressed. I'm guessing you were talking down hysterical and emotional?"

Ziva filled two glasses with water and brought them to the coffee table, returning for aspirins which she set in Tim's palm. "You will need them." He swallowed the pills without comment. "I was trying to return logic to Abby's emotional state, but I am not sure if it was a success." Nudging up the glass McGee held, Ziva encouraged him to drink more. He finished three glasses of water before she was satisfied.

"It is a start. Now McGee, can you tell us what happened?"

Tim began mumbling something about a blonde witness and it being all Gibbs' fault. Tears streamed down his face as he tried to defend himself. "I di'n't mean to laugh. When she touched me I moved. We were talking 'bout Abby, why wouldn't she listen? I don't wanna lose her. I don't wan' anyone but her." He slumped over on the couch and buried his face in a throw pillow. "She hates me and I didn't even do anything wrong."

"You know how Abby is," Tony joked as Ziva stroked Tim's hair like she would a child. "She'll be over it by morning, you'll see."

McGee gave his friend a dirty look, suddenly lucid enough to be profound. "How would you feel if Ziva made you leave?" he asked, frowning. "Go away. Don' try to help, jus' let me be miserable."

Ziva draped a blanket over him and Tony removed his shoes. "Goodnight McGee." A trash can was placed by the couch in case his stomach rejected the alcohol before he made it to the bathroom, and the couple walked upstairs slowly. Undressing for bed a second time, Tony and Ziva gravitated towards the center of the mattress and Ziva curled into her husband's embrace. After a moment of listening to him breathe, she propped her head up on one hand and tapped his cheek lightly.

"Stop that," she commanded.

Tony shifted his gaze to hers. "What?"

"I know when you are thinking bad things. McGee's question jangled you but do not worry. I can never see anything so bad between us that I would ask you to leave."

He rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Bet that's what Abby thought six hours ago too."

"Tony." Her tone was a warning. "I have not seen you google any girls since I have been back. You are a different man and I love you. Now please stop those thoughts."

Tony stroked her cheek with his thumb and leaned in to kiss her gently and sweetly, with no attempt at anything more. "I love you," he whispered hoarsely. Ziva lay her head on his chest and drew lazy circles on his collarbone as she listened to his heartbeat and waited for sleep to come.

**NCIS**

The next morning after Chaya's nine-thirty feeding, Ziva slipped quietly downstairs to check on McGee. He was sitting on the couch, holding something in his hands. Bringing water and pills with her, she joined him. Tim smiled gratefully and swallowed the aspirin, his pounding head reminding him what a stupid move it was to go to a bar while upset.

Ziva touched the small black and white picture gently. "When is this from?"

McGee sighed heavily. "Wednesday. He looks perfect."

She raised an eyebrow. "He?"

Tim shrugged. "Abby wants a boy, I guess I picked it up."

"You will be a good father McGee. You know how precious a gift this child is," Ziva reassured him.

"Not if his mother isn't speaking to me," Tim replied bitterly, tucking the ultrasound scan back in his wallet.

Ziva rubbed his back. "I will take you home McGee. You and Abby need to talk."

He glanced toward the stairs. "What about Tony?"

She chuckled. "He will sleep until someone wakes him up. Chaya will not be hungry again until this afternoon. Come Tim."

Reluctantly McGee pushed himself up off the couch and fumbled with his shoes, then followed Ziva out to her car. Their drive over was very quiet and when she pulled int the lane, he put his hand on the door latch and hesitated. "What do I say?"

Ziva's smile was sympathetic and she touched his arm lightly. "Perhaps you will not have to say much."

He nodded. "Thanks Ziva. Thank Tony too."

"I will. Good luck."

Taking a deep breath, McGee got out and walked slowly up the steps. He opened the door and saw Abby perched on the livingroom couch. She jumped up and they just stared at each other for a long moment before she flew into his arms. "Timmy I'm so sorry. I don't know why I said all those things. I didn't mean them. I didn't want you to go."

Tim's hands crept up to her face. "I didn't...I wasn't flirting with her Abby, I never even noticed until she touched me. But I swear I moved even if you didn't see that part. And I told her about you, that my wife worked in the lab and we're expecting a baby. The only one I see is you Abbs, I promise."

She leaned in and kissed him, the baby bump between them keeping her further away than she preferred. He tasted like mouthwash and was slow to return the gesture. "I saw all the wrong things when I walked in right then." Abby sighed and clutched his jacket. "Ziva asked me a lot of questions last night and I didn't have to think very long to find the answers. I'm sorry Tim, I don't care if it's breaking a rule. I shouldn't have accused you no matter what I thought I saw. I know you better than that."

"I don't want to be with anyone but you Abby," McGee said in a choked voice. "It hurts that you could lose faith in me so easily."

Tears pooled in her eyes. "How do I fix it?"

Tim wrapped her in his arms. "I don't know. But I know I'm not going anywhere while we figure this out. You can't get rid of me that easily. I won't leave you again."

Her husband's words were exactly what she wanted to hear, but Abby's heart was in turmoil because he was hurting and it was her fault. How was she going to make it up to him?


	78. Chapter 78

The weekend was a blur for Tony and Ziva as Chaya entered her twelve week growth spurt and started feeding every two hours around the clock. They slept as much as possible, only leaving their bed or the couch when hunger became impossible to ignore. By Sunday night they were both exhausted, but Tony still had the presence of mind to suggest a shower, not wanting to lose the progress they'd already made. After a week and a half sharing the shower was becoming such a habit that Ziva barely even thought about it. They were too tired tonight to put much effort into it, but Tony was glad for the relaxing, uninterrupted time together, getting clean was just a bonus.

Monday Tony and Ziva took comp time to spend the day at home. Chaya was feeding too often to be in daycare and Tony felt like a zombie, so it was easier that way. Ziva didn't realize until the phone rang at eight pm that she'd forgotten to call Duke. Since she was nursing the baby, she let Tony get the phone.

He answered and looked at her. "Hi Duke. No, nothing's wrong. Chaya's in the middle of a growth spurt and hungry all the time." Tony listened and nodded, covering the receiver to talk to Ziva.

"He expects to see you Wednesday, no excuses. He has good news." Ziva raised and eyebrow and Tony grinned. "No he won't tell you what it is, you'll have to come in and see."

Tony said goodbye to her trainer and hung up, then returned to the couch to sit with her and Chaya. "Call me crazy, but sometimes I miss the newborn days when it was just the three of us all the time."

Ziva slid her fingers into his hair and Tony fairly groaned in pleasure. "Things have changed a lot. But at least we still have some feedings and baths and our time together at night. And we are so much closer than we were in those early days."

His look was part contentment and part desire, but he tamped it down and pressed his lips to Chaya's head. "I love you baby girl. More than anything in this whole world except Mommy." Her expression was so tender he wanted to bottle it to keep for a reason to smile.

Later, in between feedings and at a time when they would normally be getting ready for bed, Ziva followed her husband into the bathroom and joined him in the shower. She leaned against him and put her lips by his ear. "I want your hands on me Tony."

His surprise and hesitation were clear, so Ziva smiled and slowly moved his hands to where she wanted them. Tony stared into her eyes, never looking away as his fingers explored and gently massaged the soft skin of her breasts. His reaction was obvious, but Ziva ignored it as she always did, having learned over these past days that Tony would always keep his promise to respect her body, no matter how naked she was or how much he wanted her.

She bit her lip to stifle her response to his touch, knowing full well how any little noises she made tested Tony's resolve to take things slow. Ziva looked up and her breath caught at the depth of emotions in her husband's eyes before Tony swiftly claimed her lips, his mouth taking over hers more ardently than normal. Ziva gave in to the kiss, letting him draw it out until finally the tension between them was too much and she broke away.

"Tony," she whispered and he blew out a breath, understanding what she didn't need to say, and reached for the shampoo. One step at a time, he just really needed to be reminded of that sometimes.

**NCIS**

Tony returned to work Tuesday because one of them had to be getting paid, but he drank coffee like he was practicing to be Gibbs and barely teased McGee all day, a tell-tale sign that things weren't right. He kept a close eye on Tim, waiting for the opportunity to talk without anyone listening in, before making his way to the probie's desk.

The senior field agent picked up and fiddled with the action figure that had been a gag gift for McGee awhile back. "So, you and Abby make up?"

McGee leaned back in his chair and met Tony's eyes. "We're working on it, but it's slow." He sighed. "I'm having a hard time forgetting the things she said when she was upset, and Abby...Abby just wants everything to be alright."

As if on cue, Abby appeared beside her husband. "A moment, Agent McGee?"

Tony smiled and backed away and Tim followed his wife to the alcove where she wrapped in him a long, tight hug and pulled back to kiss him slowly. "Just because I love you," Abby replied, answering the question in his eyes and turning to leave. McGee caught her hand and tugged her back to him, resting his hand along the side of her belly and waiting to feel movement. She slid her hand over his. "Not much going on today. It's probably getting a little crowded in there now."

He kissed her knuckles. "Thank you."

Abby turned away, not letting her smile drop until she was inside the elevator. Angry words hurt and they couldn't be taken back, she'd learned that lesson too well. But Abby missed the easy way she and Tim were together. He hadn't touched her in any more than an innocent way since Saturday, and that wasn't doing anything for her self-esteem even if she knew it wasn't because of the way she looked while pregnant. But he still said 'I love you' every morning and night and kissed her cheek before rolling over to sleep, and it was embarrassing how much she looked forward to going to bed for those reasons. Also because, whether he knew it or not, in his sleep Tim always reached for her, often spoke her name, and his body craved her nearness even if awake he was uncertain. That more than anything was proof of how wrong her assumptions had been. McGee loved her and only her, but it was hard waiting for the hurt to fade.

**NCIS**

By early evening Chaya's feedings were dropping back to three hours, though the time between them had been lengthening all day. Believing and hoping that her daughter would at least start attempting to sleep through the night again, Ziva dropped onto the couch and reached for the remote. The TV came on and the scene that she saw chilled her blood - a reminder of suffering that took her back to Somalia and shocked her so much she couldn't even switch the channel right away.

Finally she hit the off button and leaned over with her head in her hands, trying desperately to get control of her breathing, which was far too fast. Her vision narrowed and Ziva couldn't draw a full breath, so panic set in. That's what Tony walked in on, Ziva shaking on the couch and gasping for air.

He was in front of her in an instant and Ziva was too busy being overwhelmed to fight him when he pulled her back against his chest and encased her in his arms. "Breathe Zi, just breathe. That's it sweetheart, one at a time. A little slower, okay? Listen to my words Ziva, breathe with me - in, out, in, out, in, out. There." He brushed back her hair and twisted the rings around on her finger until finally Ziva blinked and tears of relief streamed down her cheeks when the tunnel vision and desert blurred images faded away and her heart slowly returned to its normal rhythm.

She shifted and tried to move away, but he wouldn't let go. Ziva patted his hand. "I am fine Tony."

"What I just saw wasn't fine Ziva, how often has that been happening?"

She frowned at the sharpness of his tone and looked over her shoulder to see worry heavy in his eyes. "I do not remember the last time. I would tell you if it was a regular occurrence."

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, finally releasing her. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound like I don't trust you. That freaked me out."

"Not just you," Ziva assured him.

"What happened?"

She waved her hand at the TV. "I saw the wrong scene in a show. It was too similar." She shivered and he folded his arms around her again, kissing her neck.

"Want me to make supper?"

Ziva pulled her knees up, quite content not to move for awhile. But finally she stood and reached for his hands. "We can make it together."

Tony kept a close eye on his wife for the next couple hours, but she seemed to be coping well. It wasn't until they went to bed that Ziva got restless, unable to find a comfortable position and not wanting to close her eyes. He'd been expecting some kind of reaction from her earlier panic attack and hadn't asked about showering or touching despite their recent progress.

But now he took Ziva in his arms and kissed behind her ear. "Have I told you lately that I love you?/Could I tell you once again somehow?/Have I told you with all my heart and soul how I adore you?/Well darling, I'm telling you now." Slowly Ziva relaxed and her body melted back into his as she listened to him sing. Running his fingers slowly over her hand and up her arm, Tony continued. "My heart would break in two if I should lose you/I'm no good without you anyhow/And have I told you lately that I love you?/Well darling, I'm telling you now."

"I love you," she breathed out, slipping her fingers between his. "Thank you."

"I'm just lucky my girls like my singing, not all guys have an appreciative audience." He tightened his arms and took a breath infused with the scent of her shampoo. "Sleep honey, I'll be right here."

It would've been nice if simply those words could have granted her a peaceful sleep, but Tony woke an hour later when Ziva's body started trembling beside him. It was instinct now to roll over and wrap his arms around her, though he couldn't remember moving away from her, but when Ziva shrank back into his chest, a whimper escaping as she tried to get away from whatever was hurting her, Tony felt tears sting at the corners of his eyes. He held her tighter, sheltering her with his body.

"Please Zi, don't do this," Tony whispered, even though he knew she had no say in the matter. "Don't go back there, stay here with me."

He was now in a quandary. To shake her out of the dream, he would have to let go of her and Ziva was clinging to his arm like he was her last link to safety. So Tony spoke in a normal voice into her ear, telling her about what Chaya had been doing that day, sharing his dreams for the future, remembering moments from their relationship - anything that might bring her out of the terror. She hadn't had a nightmare in weeks but Tony never forgot how painful they were to watch.

Finally, mercifully, Ziva woke with a gasp, jerking in his arms. Her face was wet with tears, her pjs damp with sweat. Without even a word she rolled towards him, seeking the comfort of her husband's embrace. When she felt tears drop on her hair because Tony was crying too, Ziva's heart filled with guilt...and love. They held each other through the early morning hours, needing the contact, the touch, to be sharing the same air. Sometimes it took moments like this to remind them that they really were alive.

**NCIS**

The nightmare rattled Ziva enough that sleep wasn't an option even after she'd calmed down. So, like in the old days, Tony got up and made her tea and brought a comedy upstairs to watch in their room. He was grateful when it made her smile, but the shadows in her eyes were deep and dark and even when they finally lay down again when the film was over, he wasn't sure she'd let herself rest.

Ziva got out of bed at four am, once her husband slipped back into slumber, and dressed quickly in workout clothes before hitting the sidewalk. She pushed herself hard and ran further than she had in months, not returning until it was time to feed Chaya. Quite unlike her usual self, she brought the baby in with a bottle so Tony could take care of her and sat huddled in the shower with very hot water streaming over her as she tried to forget the horrific pictures playing in her head from last night.

But Tony wasn't about to let her pull away so when she came out, back in long sleeves with her hair down and hiding her face, he placed Chaya in her arms and led both of them back to the bed, settling his wife and baby between his knees as he held them. He tucked Ziva's hair back and whispered 'I love you' into her ear, his fingers stroking lightly over her collarbone and up her neck over and over.

All of Ziva's murmuring to their baby was in Hebrew today, so he scrolled through the phrases he was slowly committing to memory and kissed her temple. "Yi'heye beseder." _It will be okay._

She looked up at him with eyes trying so hard to be brave. "Azoy?" _Really?_

Tony swallowed. "Ani mavti'akh." _I promise._

Ziva nodded, wanting to believe him, but she was very quiet. They walked into the bullpen an hour later holding hands and Gibbs took one look at Ziva, then glared at Tony. _Nightmare_, he mouthed and that was that. They case they got soon after was sufficient to distract everyone for the rest of the day and it was with great reluctance that Tony left her at six-thirty after Chaya nursed to take his daughter home. He was glad it was a Wednesday, Ziva desperately needed to be at Ops.

**NCIS**

Duke's eyes narrowed when Ziva walked into the gym at seven-thirty pm. She seemed almost timid, resembling the same unsure, beaten but not broken woman he'd met in October. "David." Her head jerked up and she dropped her bag in the corner before joining him. He looked her up and down and decided this was a really good time for his announcement. "I've got good news, you look like you could use some." Ziva waited. Without speaking, he gestured to the training ring and let his message sink in. "You're cleared for combat training Solider. Want to start with a little sparring?"

Light began to return to her eyes and Ziva climbed between the ropes and settled into position. He joined her and moved quickly, trying to catch her off guard. But Duke had underestimated her reflexes, especially tonight, and she spun away, circling around and watching him, wariness in her expression.

Duke thrust out a hand towards her, but Ziva deflected it and ducked the punch he threw next. With each movement they both upped the level of difficulty until both were going all out. A few of the guys gathered to watch, shouting encouragement and making bets. Finally, in an act that used Duke's momentum against him, Ziva took him to the ground and they ended up in a stalemate when he flipped back up and reached for her.

The crowd of men and a few woman clapped and cheered and Ziva smiled, feeling better for the first time since last night. A few men she recognized came up to ask for a try, but Duke sent them all back to work, not wanting her to overdo it on her first time. After that they moved to a small empty studio and spent time on disarming techniques and knife fighting with fake knives that beeped on contact but didn't hurt. Finally he put her on a stationary bike to cool down and ordered her to stretch well before she left.

Ziva didn't fight him on anything and once finished, dragged herself into the woman's locker room for a long, hot shower. When she walked into the house with wet hair, Tony's face fell and she knew right away that he'd been hoping to spend time with her in the shower, but despite the emotion she'd been able to work out, Ziva didn't think she could deal with any of that kind of togetherness right now.

She walked over and kissed him, smiling before she asked. "I would like to go to Ops every day Tony. I can do everything now and there is so much I hope to accomplish. Would you mind?" Ziva tilted her head to the side. "I will not go until Chaya is in bed." The baby fell asleep earlier since her growth spurt, leaving their evenings relatively free.

Tony swallowed hard. She'd come home already showered, so he automatically felt like Ziva was shutting him out. Now she wanted to spend every night at the gym with another man? That fact that Duke was a friend and not competition didn't make him feel any better. His heart beat painfully hard but he forced a neutral expression. "Sure, if that's what you need." Tony didn't know how to read the situation tonight and he was afraid to say no.

Ziva got a glass of water and trailed her hand across his back as she headed upstairs. "Thank you. I will be glad to see my body return to normal."

The last part was said under her breath and Tony didn't think it was meant for his ears, so he didn't try to correct her. She didn't listen anyways, even when he tried to tell her what he saw when he looked at her. He didn't think there was anything wrong with her, but Ziva obviously did, so he'd support whatever she needed to capture the elusive feeling of normalcy she sought. Following his wife to bed, Tony lay there for a long time with his eyes open, hoping she wasn't getting further away.

**NCIS**

His fears turned out to be unfounded, because the next night Ziva came home sweaty and disheveled and looking extremely hot when she led him upstairs to the bathroom. There was a whole lot more kissing and touching than usual, and though Ziva was growing bolder each time, he had yet to feel her hands on him any lower than his stomach. Since she seemed to be doing okay, tonight Tony went a step closer to the edge.

Once they got out and were towel clad, he took her hands and walked backwards to their bed. Tracing his fingers over the top of her towel, Tony looked into Ziva's eyes. "Lay with me sweetheart, just us, no clothes or towels. Will you let me hold you like that?"

She stiffened and looked away, frowning as her mind scrambled for a way to get out of this. But Tony's gaze was intense, his intent sincere and finally Ziva sighed. "Tony, I do not like being naked." In the shower was one thing, that couldn't be avoided, but on a bed in the arms of a man who could not conceal his desire for her? Very little made her more ill at ease.

Tony slid his fingers into her hair. "It's no different than the shower Zi, I promise. I won't do anything I haven't done before. Please?"

How to refuse a request like that? Slowly Ziva nodded, closing her eyes when Tony pulled the towel away from her body and let it drop to the floor. The cool air made her shiver, but it was more than the temperature. Tony got in first and she joined him, but as soon as he touched her, Ziva flinched. This was not okay, she did not like how vulnerable it felt.

Tony noted her reaction and made her look at him, but that wasn't enough. Ziva gritted her teeth for only a few minutes of his hands running slowly over her back and down her arms and legs, but then he made the mistake of moving too close and Ziva nearly jumped out of bed. She fumbled with her clothes and ran to the bathroom. Tony watched her go and sighed, rolling over to face the window and trying to think of anything but his warm naked wife in his arms.

When Ziva came back, he was wearing boxers and pyjama pants for an added layer of protection. He leaned up on one elbow and looked her over - a t-shirt and cotton pants were more than she usually wore. "Too much, huh?"

Ziva's fingers combed through her hair distractedly. "I am sorry."

Tony lifted one eyebrow. "Why?"

She dropped onto the bed. "For being a coward."

He slid closer and drew her in for a kiss, slowly so she didn't feel threatened. "That's the last thing I'd call you Zi."

"Well, this is how I feel. It is not as if I have never been close to a naked man before!" she said in exasperation.

"No," Tony agreed, "but the last time didn't exactly leave you with warm, fuzzy feelings. I get it Zi, I do."

Ziva frowned. "Well I do not. It has been ten months! Why can I not just get over it? Do not tell me these things take time because I am tired of hearing that." She sighed. "It does not make it any easier to want to be with you but be physically incapable of allowing that to happen."

"One step at a time Ziva, we only have to work on that." He brushed his fingers down her cheek. "It will get easier honey." _It has to_, he thought wearily. "Look how far we've already come."

Ziva leaned back into his arms. "You do not always have to be so understanding."

He held her tighter. "I spent too much of my life being angry and bitter, both about things I couldn't control and those which were my own fault though I didn't want to claim any responsibility. I don't want that now, with you."

She turned and kissed his cheek as she had in the bathroom when she apologized after Somalia. "You know that I love you?"

Tony stared into her eyes. "Babe, that is the one thing I never have to wonder about."


	79. Chapter 79

_A/N: I need to do a reader's poll. For the chapter where Ziva finally gets to see Tony's letters to her (don't get your hopes up yet, it's in the last 4 chapters) I'm planning to put in many letters that were referenced but never shown in the previous installments. How many is too many? Pick a number between 5 and 25 (yes, there are that many that are potentials, between a couple lines to a couple paragraphs long). I'd hate for you guys to get bored since y'all have been waiting so long for that moment to happen. Let me know! And as always, thanks so much for reading, reviewing, and never giving up on this story! Love you all! ~Aliyah_

Ziva was gone from their bed when Tony woke up just before Chaya and he wondered again how she managed to get out of his arms without waking him. _Must be those dang ninja skills,_ he mused, hearing the front door close and then Ziva's footsteps on the stairs. Yawning, he got up and shuffled down the hall to the nursery, leaning against the doorframe to watch his wife and daughter together.

"Mornin' beautiful."

She looked up with a smile. "To whom are you referring?"

Tony opened his mouth and then eyed her suspiciously. "That's a trick question."

Ziva laughed lightly. "Perhaps. And your answer?"

He moved closer and kissed her, then leaned down to press his lips to Chaya's forehead. "Both of course." Tony toyed with Chaya's soft curls. "I can't wait to see what she looks like when she gets older."

A shadow passed over Ziva's face. She wanted to say Chaya would look a little like both of them, but it would be a lie. So she said nothing and Tony let the silence rest. Work kept them busy all day and as per their new schedule, Tony stayed until after Chaya's last feeding and then went home, an hour later than a few weeks ago, to spend time with her before putting the baby to bed.

Ziva left for Ops shortly after seven pm, when Gibbs deemed that they'd been at their desks long enough. Duke was working with an injured Marine when she arrived, so Ziva headed for the punching bag. With very little warm up, she attacked and soon her entire focus narrowed to the swinging black bag as emotions welled up and ran over, finding their release in every hit, jab and kick.

Duke made his rounds, always keeping an eye on the woman who didn't know when to quit. Finally he ended up in her line of vision and raised an eyebrow in interest. "I always fight my punching bag like it's threatening my life too."

Ziva dropped her hands. "There is nothing stopping me from going hard now."

"No," he agreed, "but that looks like a different kind of intensity." He leaned against the wall. "What demons are you fighting tonight David?"

She blew a piece of hair out of her face. "Only ones inside."

Duke nodded knowingly. "Who's winning?"

His quiet words made her sigh. "I guess I will find out when I get home."

Because she seemed to need it, Duke set her up with a couple of his best guys for sparring sessions. Ziva was careful not to completely shatter their egos, but when two hundred and fifty pound SEALs and special forces soldiers were taken down by a woman less than half their size and weight, it still made an impression. They were good sports about it and gave her a run for her money, but after that Duke led her to an empty studio in back and they worked through some ju jitsu moves until her time was up. It didn't escape the owner's notice that she was staying two hours now, but he'd seen her like this before and knew he had to let Ziva run her course. Something would break sooner or later, of that he was confident.

**NCIS**

Ziva showered at the gym and came home to a quiet house. Wandering upstairs, she checked on her daughter and found Tony watching a movie in their room. He smiled and paused it, but his smile faded as he took in her appearance. "Are you trying to tell me something?" The rejection stung, but Tony tried not to let it show.

She bit her lip. "Yes. I have been thinking about this all day and..." Ziva took a breath. "I am willing to try again, what we were doing last night."

He knew what it took for her to come to him with the offer, could only imagine how she'd struggled with herself over the issue, and he was thankful that she was trying to be brave. Tony walked around the bed to stand in front of her and Ziva held up her hands. "You have to let me undress myself."

Knowing he'd be okay with anything as long as they could call this progress, Tony took a step back and started undoing his pants and Ziva turned away to shed her clothes. They slowed by the time they reached their underwear and Tony looked at his wife to see what she was doing. Last night had been simpler because they were already naked beneath their towels. Ziva met his eyes and held his gaze as she slowly pushed her panties down and unhooked her bra. He swallowed hard and waited until she crawled under the covers before following suit and joining her. They'd barely kissed before his body reacted and Tony shifted away, embarrassed. She touched his face.

"There is probably something wrong if that does not happen when you have a naked woman in your bed," Ziva commented lightly, guiding his mouth back to hers.

That could have been an awkward moment, Ziva could have let it push her away, but he was so glad she was taking the attitude she was. Maybe, just maybe, it meant they were one step closer.

**NCIS**

Saturday dawned bright and sunny after two days of rain and Tony and Ziva were not motivated to do anything. But it was too nice to stay inside, so Tony spread a blanket under the maple tree, covered it with pillows, books and baby toys, and went inside to help Ziva make a picnic lunch. Then he carried the basket and she brought Chaya and they all got comfortable. Since it was so hot outside, Ziva undressed Chaya down to her diaper and the little girl was quite happy with that arrangement, kicking her feet and waving her hands. With her parents' full attention focused on her, Chaya squealed and giggled and smiled, reaching for toys and shaking the rattle Gibbs had made her with great delight.

Then came the moment she was laying on her tummy and kicked her legs just the right way, and all of a sudden she was on her back, looking just a bit startled before she grinned up at them, showing off her toothless gums. Tony and Ziva stared at each other. "Did she just-" he started and Ziva blinked.

"I think so."

Just in case it was a random fluke, Tony picked up his baby and laid her carefully on her stomach again. Chaya made a noise of displeasure and slapped the blanket with her hands, then kicked her legs and again just turned herself over. He scooped her up and peppered her cheeks with kisses while Chaya giggled. "You rolled over, good job princess! Oh, you're going to be dangerous as soon as you can move a little more than that."

Ziva lifted the baby into her arms and cuddled her. "What a big girl you are Chaya! I do not know if we are ready for all of these changes."

Chaya nuzzled her chest and Ziva frowned, but positioned her to breastfeed while Tony watched, checking the time. "That wasn't three hours."

She seemed unconcerned. "Mandy mentioned she might nurse more often when it is hot out. Chaya is too little for water, so when she is thirsty she still needs my milk."

The baby made a contented happy noise and Tony laughed, leaning down to kiss her head. Several comments that could've been made about her proximity to Ziva and how he wished he could touch her with that much freedom passed through his brain, but Tony kept them to himself. "Enjoy it while you can munchkin. I have a feeling sippy cups just won't be as much fun."

Ziva gave him a 'really?' look and he shrugged innocently, laying back on the blanket to soak in the sunshine.

When Chaya finally fell asleep, Ziva leaned back on a stack of pillows and picked up the second book in a new series she'd started, while Tony found a magazine that looked interesting and stretched out on his stomach, his fingers idly wandering over her feet as she turned pages. The day passed peacefully and it was late afternoon before they finally packed everything up and headed back inside, smiling and happy. These moments were meant to be cherished.

**NCIS**

_(__**Note:**__ I have read that the Reflecting Pool isn't really all the nice up close, something about dirty water and the smell? But for the sake of this scene, let's pretend it's all clean and clear and fresh and beautiful the way it will hopefully be when they'd finished the reconstruction, okay? Thanks.)_

Gibbs and Celeste spent Saturday wandering around DC and touring the most famous memorials. "Les," he'd groused at the beginning, "you've seen all these before."

Celeste reached for his hand. "I've never seen them with you," she replied and his mood changed on a dime.

They walked around hand in hand, sharing quiet conversation as they explored the different monuments. At lunch he bought them hot dogs from a street vendor and later Celeste wanted to try a gelato, even if nothing compared to what she'd actually had in Italy. The couple sat on a bench and people watched while they ate their dessert and finally Gibbs and Celeste ended up sitting on the edge of the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool, leaning back on their hands, with one foot each in the water and admiring the view.

"This is probably not allowed," Celeste commented smiling.

Gibbs made a noise in his throat. "It is 'til someone makes us move."

She bumped his shoulder gently. "Thanks for coming today."

"I like spending time with you Les," he answered.

Celeste pulled one knee up and regarded him with happiness in her gaze. "I know, ditto. Dinner at my place? Then you can work on the toys if you want or go home to your boat. Jenna really will throttle me if I don't make some serious project on the book this week." She'd been spending a lot of time with his family lately and work had been put off for another time. Her boss was losing her patience.

"Kicking me out already?"

She rolled her eyes. "Trying to save you from a slow death by boredom, actually, but if you want to stay that's fine. I just have to ignore you."

He leaned over and kissed her. "I could make that a challenge."

"Then I really will make you leave," Celeste warned. "Lexie and I will be fine by ourselves for one night, I guess."

Gibbs lay back and laced his fingers together behind his head, thinking that love must have something to do with wanting to be with someone even if they were doing something that didn't include you.

**NCIS**

A week after the disaster of a fight that left McGee with a nasty hangover and Abby trying to make up for mistaken assumptions, the couple celebrated their nine month anniversary. They'd made up from last week and were slowly returning to their easy familiarity with each other. It was still taking awhile for the memory of Abby's angry accusations to fade, but tonight at least Tim wanted things to be the way they were. Which included making love to her for the first time since last week.

Pregnancy required a little more creativity when it came to positions, but Abby had never been shy about trying new things and Tim just wanted to be close to her, whatever that took. With less than seven weeks left in her third trimester, Abby was finding sex almost uncomfortable and sometimes things had to be done much more slowly and gently than before. But in the end the result was still two tired, sweaty, content people.

Tim pulled Abby close, still breathing hard and nuzzled her neck. Abby sighed happily. "I missed you that way," she whispered, turning her head to kiss his arm. "I never realized how normal it is for you to touch me until you stopped."

He pressed his lips to her shoulder. "That's the longest we've gone without since you were sick."

She rolled over to look at her husband. "Are you still mad at me Timmy?"

McGee sighed, combing his fingers through her damp hair. "I'm not mad Abby, I just wish I could forget how it hurt, knowing what you thought, what you'd assumed, and then hearing you tell me to leave."

Abby smothered him with a kiss, blinking back tears. "I'm sorry. I won't ever say it again."

He swallowed and moved his hands to her belly. "Please don't." The baby kicked at his touch and Tim smiled, leaning down to kiss the spot. "Soon Baby Beta. We're really looking forward to meeting you."

Abby caressed the smooth, hard bump. "I can't believe there's less than two months to go."

Tim met her eyes. "Are you scared?"

"Yup," she responded without hesitation. "A puppy I know how to take care of. A baby, not so much."

"We'll figure it out together," Tim promised, getting comfortable to sleep.

Abby slid her fingers through his and shifted onto her side, hoping that things would finally be back to normal again.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva hopped in the shower after dinner and a movie, pleasantly relaxed following a day of doing nothing but spending time outside being a family. Unlike some of their other joint showers, this time wasn't so much about getting clean as it was wanting to be close and alone. Tony pulled Ziva under the warm spray and kissed her with water running over them. Ziva laughed and leaned her head back, exposing her throat. He took advantage of the moment and dragged his lips down her neck, flicking his tongue over her collarbone.

Ziva pulled back and looked at him, smiling coyly. "Anthony DiNozzo, are you trying to seduce me?"

Falling back on old habits to hide his deep desire to be doing just that, Tony reached for a movie quote and grinned at her. "Why? Are you seducable?"

Shaking her head slowly, her eyes telling him she remembered the film that moment came from, Ziva leaned into him and bit his earlobe gently. "Not yet," she breathed. But not saying no meant someday, and because she didn't elaborate, Tony could hope that someday was soon.

They touched and kissed and stared into each other's eyes as hands slid slowly over bodies that responded whether they wanted to or not. Then, while Ziva's lips were locked on his in a deep kiss, her fingers trailed over his chest, down his stomach and finally lower. Tony jerked when he felt the first tentative brushes of her hand against a part of him that up until now she had not been able to touch.

Staying very still, Tony let Ziva explore and tried to keep her distracted with kisses so she wouldn't think too much about what she was doing. His body was wound tight and he ached for release from the tension, but for now this was more important. At last though she did find a rhythm and used her hands to bring him pleasure for the first time.

Ziva washed herself while Tony leaned against the wall and recovered, and he took over to do her hair, pushing it back to kiss her neck. "Thank you," he whispered. They finished and got out to dry and dress for bed and Tony assumed that spending time in bed naked might be too much after the 'more' they'd experienced in the shower, but was glad when Ziva still felt okay to curl up in his arms.

She kissed his cheek and spoke quietly into his ear. "I am trying Tony," before settling down to sleep. He smiled against her hair, so very proud of her for making so much effort. They both deserved for things to get better.

**NCIS**

After making several phone calls on Sunday afternoon, Tony and Ziva managed to set up reservations at a restaurant for later that evening, and get all of their guests to agree to come. The last thing needed was someone to watch their daughter. "No," Tony shook his head. "Ziva, Jimmy should always be a last resort. I mean, he's a good guy but he's still learning how to hold her properly. I wouldn't be able to relax if we left him alone with Chaya." Ziva sighed and he shrugged. "What about Tami and Matt? Two against one is better odds."

She chewed on her lip. "I am not comfortable with that idea. I like Tami but I do not know Matt well enough. And it may seem an odd request when we have never spent time with just them or had them over to our house."

Tony scraped his fingers through his hair. "We're running out of options Zi." Then a light went on and he smiled, reaching for the phone. "I got it. You're going to love this idea babe."

The phone was already ringing and when the person on the other end answered, he grinned. "Hey Nonna, how's it going?" Tony managed to look sheepish about whatever she said. "Yeah, I know it's been awhile, I'm sorry. I never realized how fast time moved until I got married, had a kid and was still working. But I'd like to remedy that today."

He listened and nodded. "Well, if you don't have any plans, Ziva and I would love to have you over, but I was also wondering..." Tony hesitated. "Would you be interested in babysitting tonight? We're going out for dinner with some members of our team and we're way too distracted if C is around." He chuckled and his expression brightened. "Yes that means you get the angel all to yourself for a couple hours. You can even put her to bed." Grace said something in response and Tony looked at Ziva. "We're looking forward to seeing you too. Thanks so much Grace, come over as soon as you're ready. Okay, bye."

Hanging up, he sighed in relief. "I just gave away our afternoon, that okay?"

Ziva bent forward to kiss his cheek. "Very okay. It has been too long since I saw Grace last. That was a very good idea Tony."

"Thank you." He bowed dramatically, then sat back. "Now what?"

Ziva stood suddenly and went to the kitchen. "I think I will put together a bunch of cinnamon buns. I have not made them in ages and they are good to serve to company."

Tony came up behind her and slid his arms around her waist, dropping a kiss on her shoulder. "Grace isn't company, she's family. And it's 'batch', not bunch."

She looked at him. "I could have meant either." Ziva elbowed her husband and moved away. "Go watch a movie, you are in my space."

Tony frowned. "I could stir something."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you not ever get tired of being around me so much?"

Taking that very seriously, he turned her around and stared into her eyes. "You're my best friend Ziva, my other half, every good thing in my life. How could I get tired of that?"

Ziva pressed her lips to his. "I think I will keep you. Find a movie, I will let you know when I need an assistant."

Saluting, Tony began perusing his movie collection and put in an old favourite before Ziva requested his help. By the time she was cutting the rolled up, brown sugar and cinnamon covered dough, Grace arrived and he let her in. She barely set her things down and then pulled Tony close for a hug. Ziva was next, dusting off her hands and holding the older woman close.

"Hello Grace, welcome. I am glad you could come."

"It looks like I came at the right time," Grace commented, aiming her gaze at the counter.

Ziva went back to what she was doing. "I hope you like them." The tray was soon ready to go in the oven and Tony volunteered to do dishes so she and Grace could visit, but Grace insisted on helping.

"If I'm going to enjoy the fruits of your labour, the least I can do is be a part of the clean up."

There was no arguing with this lady and between the three of them, the kitchen was put to rights and Grace was able to catch up on all their news. The commotion hadn't woken the baby, but the clock did and promptly at 1530, Chaya started squirming and fussing. Ziva dried her hands and lifted her daughter up, kissing her soft cheek.

"Shalom achat yafa sheli, are you ready for Ima?" _Hello my beautiful one_. She settled on the couch and began nursing with no hesitation, though she did smile when Tony brought her a receiving blanket.

Grace and Tony chose seats near mother and baby and spent Chaya's feeding time chatting about life in general. When Chaya was ready to be burped, Grace held out her arms and Tony's expression dropped when Ziva gave the baby to their friend. Grace laughed lightly. "You get her all the time Anthony, I think it's my turn."

Tony had gotten the cinnamon buns out of the oven when Chaya woke up and now Ziva went and got two for each of them to enjoy. Chaya was good for Grace and the woman kept the baby on her shoulder even after she burped, with the little girl lifting her head up to look around. When Tony and Ziva left the room to get changed for going out, Grace reached into her bag for the books she'd brought, reading in a gentle voice until Chaya's eyelids started closing. Then she returned the infant to her bassinet and settled back in the chair with the slipper she was knitting.

The parents returned and checked on Chaya, kissing her head lightly before looking at Grace. "Bottles are in the fridge, she'll probably be hungry again at six," Tony began.

"Her blankets are in the crib and I laid out a sleeper and diaper things for later." Ziva's brow furrowed. "Is there anything we forgot?"

Grace stood and shooed them toward the door. "I think we'll be just fine. And if I have any questions, I know how to use the phone."

Ziva chuckled. "I am sorry if we seem untrusting. You are just our first babysitter outside the team."

The older woman's face creased into a smile. "Well, I'm honoured, but you are going to be late for your outing."

They nodded and Tony grinned at her. "Right. Thanks Grace, we'll see you in a couple hours." Slipping his hand around Ziva's he squeezed lightly and they headed out.

Gibbs and Celeste were already at the restaurant, standing off to the side, and the four of them continued to wait until Abby and McGee showed up a few minutes late. Abby's face was flushed but she looked very nice in a black and white maternity dress. At thirty-three weeks her bump was still smaller than she'd expected, but impossible to hide, so she tried to show it off in the best light possible.

A waiter showed the group to their table, a round corner booth for privacy, and they all gave their drink orders and took menus. "How much are you springing for Tony?" McGee asked teasingly.

His friend's eyes were serious. "Get whatever you like, you guys deserve it."

The conversation drifted to their weekend and Abby started sharing Sammy stories, but soon had to abandon talking to concentrate on making a decision. At least she closed her menu. "The baby can't make up his mind, so we're having dessert first."

None of the others dared to laugh, uncertain about how stable Abby's mood was. But McGee chuckled quietly, Tony hid a smirk and Ziva's eyes danced with amusement, though she averted her gaze to hide it. When their server returned with drinks they were ready to order. She raised an eyebrow, looking confused at Abby's choice, but Tony and Ziva distracted her, hoping to smooth over any questions she was planning on asking as they would not be appreciated.

Finally they were alone and Ziva smiled, making eye contact with each person in turn. "I want to thank you all for the work you put into my present. From distraction," she shared a look with Celeste and Abby, "to all the heavy lifting, I have slowly been learning about all you did to make this possible." She leaned into her husband. "I wish there was more I could say, thank you seems so inadequate for something that was so much work. I love it very much."

"It was our pleasure Ziva," Celeste said, confirmed when Abby nodded."

"DiNozzo's idea," Gibbs continued.

McGee shrugged. "We like to see you happy Ziva. It was worth the work and the time."

"We're family," Abby finished. "I'm glad we get the chance to be here for each other, no matter what it is."

Ziva merely smiled, out of words and still unsure how to take their kindness. Sometimes she still didn't feel like she deserved it. The moment was saved when appetizers began arriving and not long after that, steaming plates of food appeared in front of them. All except Abby, who dug into her mile high, double chocolate brownie, still warm and topped with a swirl of whipped cream. With great reluctance, she offered for everyone to try a bite but no more, which they did, and they were all wise enough not to ask for a second taste.

Laughter and shared memories encompassed most of the meal and at the end the guys got coffee and the ladies tea, and the two remaining couples shared a raspberry cheesecake - Celeste's favourite, and Tony's choice - apple crumble. Thoroughly stuffed, they all leaned back against the padded booth.

"We should do this more often!" Abby exclaimed happily.

Tony folded the bill and reached for his wallet. "We'll all be broke if we do."

She rolled her eyes. "It doesn't have to be expensive, but more stuff as a group. Dinner at each other's houses, team barbeques like Independence Day, more movie and board game nights or days like that first one after Ziva came back." Abby's gaze sharpened to a glare. "We need to see each other more than just at work."

"I think that's a good idea," Celeste agreed. "And assuming I'm invited, I'll enjoy getting to know you all a little better."

All eyes slowly shifted to Abby, who sat chewing on her lip and regarding Celeste seriously. "Yeah," she said eventually, "you're invited."

An inaudible sigh of relief traveled around the table and Gibbs nodded at her.

"I like your plan Abs," Tony grinned. "But we're going to have to talk about chick movies vs. guy movies. I can only handle so much of _The Princess Bride_."

She shot him a dirty look and didn't reply, but the decision was unanimous. They parted ways soon after and Tony held the door open for Ziva. "That was fun."

Sliding her arm around his waist, she matched his strides. "I am glad we could treat them. They definitely merited the extravagance."

His hand warmed her bare shoulder. "Yeah, but we're going to have to start being more careful with our money after this." Ziva looked at him in concern and he shrugged. "Until I can pay off the supplies for the basement, things might be kinda tight, and we should be saving as much as possible. I love being able to use comp time, but it is in place of being paid."

Ziva slowed to a stop when they reached the car and faced him. "I can cash in some of my comp time, if that would help." She hadn't really thought that much about money since they got married. Before that she was pinching pennies with what she made and saving because she had been thinking she was going to raise the baby herself. But then Tony stepped in and she'd let him handle things, without even worrying about what their finances looked like. It wasn't fair to expect him to carry that burden alone.

He kissed her forehead. "Thanks Ziva, but of the two of us, I have more and you're Chaya's mom, it's going to be you she needs when she's sick or teething or growing. You need to keep your comp time for her."

Ziva ran her fingers softly down his cheek. "In a few years then, we will trade." Her voice dropped to a whisper as she leaned in for a hug. "I have a feeling that as soon as she can talk, Chaya's favourite person will always be her daddy."

When they returned home Grace was watching re-runs of _Matlock_ and _Murder She Wrote_. She smiled as they walked in. "Have a good time?"

"We did," Ziva smiled. "How was Chaya?"

Grace beamed. "She was such a good girl. We made a bit of a mess with her last bottle, so I gave her a bath. I expected fussing but she was happy as a clam. After a little rocking and a bedtime story, she was headed to dreamland. You two are doing a good job with her."

Tony sighed. "That's a relief, because we're just winging this parent thing."

The older lady chuckled. "So is everyone else. There are no experts except people who don't have children."

It was getting late, so Grace gathered her things and they hugged her goodbye, saying thank you once again. "A couple hours spent with a three month old? There's no easier way to make me happy." She winked. "Have a nice night."

Once they were alone, Tony pulled Ziva into his arms and rubbed his nose on hers. "Too much to ask to fall asleep naked with you?"

Ziva's gaze was thoughtful. "Maybe not fall asleep, but I will lay with you."

He brushed his lips over hers. "I'll take it."

They climbed the stairs, peeked into the nursery and undressed in their room. Ziva felt a little nervous this time, wondering if Tony would expect a repeat of last night. But it seemed that all he wanted was to kiss and touch her, holding her close to his body. So Ziva let go of her concerns and concentrated on her husband. Her lips left his and traveled to his jaw, down his neck one kiss at a time, and onto his shoulders. She moved her hands over his back, exploring the toned muscles and smooth skin before working her fingers into his hair and giving into his insistence of meeting her mouth with his.

Since she'd touched him in the shower, Tony had been thinking and decided it was time to test her reactions. Not that he would touch her intimately yet, but he wanted to see how close she's let him get. Drawing one hand down her leg, Tony slipped it between her knees and began gently caressing her inner thigh. Ziva's ministrations stopped and she barely breathed while he moved further up. He'd barely gotten halfway when suddenly she slapped his hand away and wrapped the sheet around herself tightly, moving to the edge of the bed.

"Ziva," he said softly, "honey, can you hear me?" She nodded, but when he reached for her, she practically cowered and Tony couldn't take it anymore. He jumped out of bed and roughly pulled on his boxers, frustrated beyond belief in more ways than one. "Dang it Ziva!" he yelled. "I don't know how to make this better."

Ziva stood up and reached for the midnight blue dressing gown she loved, pulling it tightly around herself. "Maybe you cannot," she said softly and Tony gaped at her, his anger gone in an instant and replaced by desperation.

"Don't give up Zi, please," he begged, wondering if she'd finally had enough.

She shook her head, finally looking at him. "I am not. But some things you cannot fix or make better. You have to let them hurt because they do hurt and they may hurt for a long time. It is unfair, but it is true."

Tony rubbed his face, breathing out hard. "So what can I do?"

She hesitated. "Maybe you can just hold me. Not in bed, not naked, not under the covers, but fully clothed and sitting up somewhere." Without waiting for an answer, she slipped out of the silk covering and started putting on pyjama pants and a long sleeved shirt.

Following her lead, Tony grabbed sweatpants and the nearest t-shirt, dragging them on quickly. Then he approached his wife, who looked small and unsure standing in the center of their room. He didn't really breathe again until she accepted his touch, didn't draw a full breath until he had his arms wrapped around her, holding her against him.

Ziva clung to her husband, needing his love now to show her it hadn't changed, even if they still couldn't get physical with each other yet. Eventually Tony led her out to the couch downstairs in the livingroom and Ziva sat so close she was practically in his lap. For half an hour he didn't let go once. After it had been quiet for awhile, Tony started reminiscing, telling Ziva stories about pranks he'd pulled on McGee, the time he and Kate threatened to burn Gibbs' boat, and what things were like when he first joined NCIS and found himself on Gibbs' team.

When Chaya cried unexpectedly, she hadn't had a late feeding in weeks, Ziva hurried to get her, bringing their daughter downstairs. She handed the baby to Tony before pulling up her shirt, exposing the white nursing bra that unhooked in the middle. She glanced over at him, then took a breath and opened the left side so Chaya could nurse. Tony expertly handed the little girl over in the correct position, and Ziva slid close to his side, placing her hand over his and letting him help Chaya latch on. Tony put his arm around her shoulders and kept his other hand on his baby's back. Holding both his girls was his favourite thing to do.

Loving how Ziva still trusted him, he kissed her head and watched Chaya eat, confident that one way or the other, they would make it through. Like always, he would just have to be patient for a little bit longer. That was something he'd had a lot of practice doing in the last several months, hopefully he could keep it up. For both their sakes, he had to try.


	80. Chapter 80

Devon smiled when her client walked in Tuesday morning. "How are you doing Ziva?" After their last session when everything crashed and burned for awhile, she was planning to monitor the woman very closely.

Ziva shrugged. "Just trying to keep up."

"Oh?" Devon raised an eyebrow. "Care to elaborate?"

"Tony and I are...making progress," she said slowly, choosing her words carefully.

"Such as?" the doctor prompted.

Ziva sighed. "I shower with him now, often, and we have tried baths as well. Last week I...wanted him to touch me." She smiled slightly, recalling the memory. "His hands are so gentle Devon and sometimes I am not afraid at all. But then something happens like he will get too close to me when naked and it is as if nothing has changed."

"What are your triggers?" Devon wanted to know.

That took some thought. "Feeling him pressed against me, if his hand is too close to private areas, attempts at intimate touching after a nightmare." And those were just the few that came to mind right away.

"Any of those this week?" she inquired.

"One," Ziva answered tensely. Devon waited and she made a face. "I saw the wrong scene in a TV show, Tony came home in the middle of my panic attack. That night I did not sleep well."

Guessing that was a gross understatement, Devon moved on. "Tell me something positive Ziva."

She drew her knees up and studied her fingernails. "It is personal."

"We've gotten personal before," Devon felt compelled to remind her, feeling intrigued now.

Ziva didn't meet her eyes. "I touched him, Saturday night in the shower. I have not...that is the first time."

The doctor's eyebrows rose. "Touched or pleasured?" It was an important distinction.

"Both," Ziva confessed in a whisper, colour rising to her cheeks.

"Don't tell me that's not progress," Devon said softly. "Good for you. So now what?" Ziva frowned. "You've come this far, things are definitely heating up between you two. What's next?"

Ziva twirled a piece of hair around her finger and took a deep breath. "I think I'm going to have sex with my husband."

She looked a little shocked that she'd said it out loud and Devon stifled a chuckled. "Did you just decide that now?"

"Yes," Ziva admitted, "but I mean it."

"Do you have a plan? Are you just going to go home and try to sleep with him tonight?" Devon knew she was nowhere near close to being ready to initiate that kind of intimacy.

"No," Ziva shook her head and bit her lip as she thought about it. "However, if something happens I will not try to stop it."

"That's very brave," Dr. Andrews commended. "Just be careful to temper your expectations Ziva. Deciding you're going to be ready for this doesn't necessarily mean your body will cooperate with you. Be prepared for setbacks, but also seek to take pleasure in being with Tony. You have both waited so long for this to be okay."

With those words in mind, Ziva returned to work and tried not to let her eyes stray too often to Tony. He knew her too well and she was not yet ready to let him read the resolve in her heart that would soon change everything they'd been up to this point.

**NCIS**

Wednesday during lunch hour found Tony sitting on Devon's couch and leaned over with his elbows digging into his knees. He chuckled self-consciously and ran his fingers through his hair. "This is really awkward."

Devon smiled sympathetically. She'd been shocked when he showed up because Anthony DiNozzo was the last person she expected to see on a Wednesday, even if she did reserve an hour for the couple each week whether they decided to use it or not. "What can I help you with Tony?"

"I can't seem to do anything right with Ziva!" he blurted out.

Devon frowned. "From what I understand, you've done very little wrong. Did I miss something?"

"She's still scared," Tony said hoarsely. "I've tried really hard to be patient, to do only what she can handle, but then I push a little and she's back in Somalia. I can't see her in that kind of pain anymore, I can't!"

His words made her heart ache and Devon set her clipboard down. "Healing is painful Tony. Especially with what Ziva experienced, it can't be anything else. But just like a broken bone takes time to mend and broken ribs hurt every time you take a breath, the things Ziva is dealing with hurt now, but they'll hurt a little less the longer she's home and loved. If you stop because it's hard, this may be as far as she gets. Could you deal with that?"

Tony lifted his eyes to hers. "Do you think we'll ever be normal?"

The therapist sighed. "What is normal Tony? If you mean do I think you and Ziva will eventually have sex, then yes. If you mean do I think her scars and memories will eventually fade, then yes. What do you want normal to be?"

He swallowed hard. "I want Ziva not to be afraid to love me, to touch me, to have my hands on her body. I want to stop being so careful and just be able to enjoy our marriage without having to wonder what is coming next. I want us to be comforting and loving and reassuring and everything we both need. Is that too much to ask?"

"No," Dr. Andrews replied, "it's not too much to ask. Look at how far you've come in ten and a half months. Can't you see that ten and a half months from now, everything you hope for you and Ziva may already have happened?"

Tony sighed. "It's hard to imagine that far in the future when I can't see past tomorrow."

"None of us can," she reminded him gently, "but that doesn't mean it won't be worth working for."

His head came up. "Ziva's worth it. Chaya's worth it. Our marriage is worth it. I won't give up."

Devon tilted her head and looked at him carefully. "I wonder how many times you've promised that in recent months. What do you think you're worth Tony? I believe it's time someone started making promises to you. Don't you ever get tired of giving?"

"Yes," he answered honestly. "But look how much I'd lose if I stopped now."

"You didn't answer the other question," Devon pointed out.

"What am I worth?" he spread his hands. "Hard to say when no one ever taught me. But I hope, I want to be worth the commitment Ziva made to me, the trust she's given, the child she's letting me share."

Shaking her head slowly, Devon leaned back in her chair. "They underestimate you. I don't think anyone gets to see the real you. They need to give you more credit."

Tony smiled faintly. "I'm a year into changing the reputation I've spent a decade building. I don't expect them to see me with new eyes yet. As for the real me? Only my wife and daughter need to see him, because that's the man I want them to remember."

He stayed longer than either of them thought he'd last and the weight in his chest felt a little bit lighter when Tony finally returned to his desk. Watching the stairwell door for his wife, he felt a tingle of anticipation from Devon's encouragement. Tony looked forward to approaching every day as if it was the someday he'd been hoping so hard for.

**NCIS**

Ziva hesitated outside the doors to Autopsy, still fighting the desire to run back upstairs to her desk, but she had to know. Edging closer, she watched as the doors whooshed open. Only Dr. Mallard was inside, sitting at his desk as he pored over a report. At the familiar noise, he looked up and smiled kindly.

"Ziva, do come in. Would you care for a cup of tea?"

The woman made her way over to his side and nervously tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "No thank you Doctor."

He raised an eyebrow. "After six years can I not convince you to call me Ducky like everyone else?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not always."

Ducky gave her his full attention. "What's troubling you?"

She squeezed her eyes shut, briefly reliving both examinations she'd been subjected to by this man. First under Gibbs' orders and secondly, before she found out she was pregnant. Swallowing hard, Ziva looked at him. "Did you test my blood Doctor, when they brought me back?"

Confusion claimed his expression. "I tested your blood several times Ziva, most recently to tell you the news that you were with child."

"Yes, but did you..." she wasn't sure how to say it. "Have I been tested for any diseases from the camp?" Ziva blurted at last.

The light came on in Ducky's eyes. "Oh my dear, have you been worrying about that since December?"

The shake of her head was jerky, almost like a spasm. "No. Just since...yesterday," she finished in a whisper.

Making the decision that she was actively going to prepare herself to make love to her husband was one thing, but then doubts had begun swirling around in her mind, along with unwanted memories of all the men in the camp who had used her for their pleasure. A question had suddenly flared before her, lit up as if with neon lights and Ziva knew she could not even think of letting Tony get that close to her without knowing that she wouldn't be endangering his health in any way.

"What brought this on, if I may ask?" Ducky inquired.

"That is personal," she replied tersely. "I just need to know."

"Sit down," he requested, opening the door of the supply closet to get what he needed. Ziva eyed him warily when she saw the needle and Ducky put his hand on her shoulder, something he wouldn't have been allowed to do six months ago. "I looked for a great many things both times I examined your blood Ziva, but I'd like to draw a new sample and answer your question from that. May I?"

Looking away, she offered her arm, not showing any reaction when he slid the needle slowly into a vein on the inside of her elbow. Ducky took six vials of blood, labeled them, and sealed them in a clear plastic bag. Sensing her concern, he knew exactly how to reassure her. "I'll send it out to the same lab Jordan uses, alright? The results should be back in two days, depending on their backlog. I can always speed up the process, if necessary. Jethro is not the only one who knows people in the right places."

Ziva held the cotton ball over the small hole and nodded once. "Thank you Doctor...Ducky." They sat in silence while she waited for the blood to clot and then threw away the evidence. She could not go back upstairs with a bandaid on because Tony would notice and ask and she wasn't ready to answer his questions, not today.

Ducky smiled when she stood, great compassion for the young woman filling his heart. Her team leader was not the only man in the building who cared deeply for her and what happened to her. "Try not to worry." The words were placebo only, Ducky knew Ziva would think of little else for the next forty-eight hours.

**NCIS**

He was right, of course. Doctor Mallard was seldom wrong and sometimes it was a burden to bear instead of a gift. Ziva was noticeably quiet for the remainder of Wednesday and disappeared into Ops' clutches the moment Gibbs allowed his team to leave the squadroom. She worked hard, ignored Duke's comments about her intensity and showered at the gym. Tony was disappointed, of course, hoping for more time to explore as they had been doing. But Ziva barely said at word to him at all and acted very gingerly with their daughter, almost as if she didn't trust herself. She donned long sleeved pyjamas at bedtime despite the temperature outside and shifted away from his touch, like she might somehow get him dirty just by being too close.

Tony was frustrated, thinking they were past all this hiding and keeping things from one another. So the next morning before she could leave on her run, he reached for her, wrapping his hand gently around her wrist, ignoring when she flinched. "Tony, please," she begged, not letting him get a good look at her eyes. They both knew he was right in what he'd said, that her eyes never shut up and right now she couldn't bear for him to see what they might have to say.

"Ziva," he said softly, "it's okay. I'm not going to hurt you."

She pulled away abruptly. "That is not what I am concerned about."

He took in her posture, her attitude, the difference in her body language. She was regressing, hard, and Tony had no idea how to stop it. "What then?"

"It is not me I am worried about hurting," Ziva whispered, an echo of a long ago conversation they'd had about Jeanne.

"Zi, let me in, please. I feel like I'm losing you and I don't even know why."

She shook her head, tears shimmering in her eyes. "I cannot...I cannot." She grabbed her clothes and locked herself in the bathroom within seconds, leaving him no time to go after her. But Tony wasn't giving up and he was waiting there when she came out, dressed for exercise, her hair up in a severe ponytail that was just another of her tells about not being alright.

Without asking permission because they were far past that now, Tony put his arms around Ziva, holding her firmly against his body and not giving any ground in her struggle to be released. She fought him for ten seconds, fifteen seconds, and he almost let go when she suddenly stopped trying to push away and instead buried her face in his neck and held onto him for dear life. Tony kissed her head and whispered nonsense he wouldn't remember later against her dark hair. Finally Ziva pulled back and touched his face with a look that reminded him of their bathroom scene after Somalia. Then she left quickly and he was at a loss for how to help.

Thursday evening was no different, except that she worked out longer than usual and spent a long time in Chaya's room, watching her daughter sleep and breathe and listening to the little noises she made, before coming into their room. Tony eyed her with apprehension when it seemed as if last night were doing to repeat itself, but this time when she laid down, she reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers. "That is all I can give," she said softly, her chocolate brown eyes meeting his for barely a second. Then, offering no explanation for her behaviour, Ziva closed her eyes and pretended to sleep and Tony felt like they were back to those first two weeks and he was lucky if he was allowed to be in her personal space, let alone getting to touch her.

By Friday Tony was planning to trap them both in the elevator for as long as it took for her to open up, even if it meant that half the building had to take the stairs to get their coffee. But mid-afternoon Ziva got a phone call and took off without saying a word. She stepped into Autopsy a few minutes later and glanced around, relieved to find the room void of his assistant. Ducky noticed her scan. "I sent Mr. Palmer up to entertain young Abigail and Tamara."

Ziva's forehead wrinkled. "Is that Tami's full name?"

Ducky tilted his head. "I'm not certain. But considering that the Hebrew translation means 'twin' and she is one, I thought it was appropriate. But that is not why you came down here."

She shook her head. "No. You called?"

"I did. And I wanted to give you the results in person." Fearing this would be like last time, Ziva clasped her hands in front of her. Ducky smiled gently. "You are fine Ziva. Perfectly healthy and remarkably so considering all you went through. Regardless of what you suffered at the hands of those charlatans, the only thing they sent you home with was a baby, not any disease or sickness that can be transmitted to anyone you care about, intimately or otherwise. Rest easy my dear, your blood is clean."

Ziva closed her eyes in relief, fighting the tears that wanted release. "Thank you Doctor," she answered, spontaneously hugging him before she took the stairs back to her floor. The bullpen was empty except for Tony, and Ziva was glad to not have an audience. Without warning she marched straight over to him and kissed him deeply, her hands feeling the familiar warmth of his skin and basking in the touch she'd deprived them both of since Wednesday. Tony, in complete shock that she would so blatantly express affection at work, or at all considering the last couple days, still managed the slide his arms around her waist and return the kiss, having missed her as much as she missed him.

Finally they broke apart to breathe and Ziva pressed her lips to his cheek. "I love you." She went back to her desk and sat down, eyes fixed on her computer. Tony watched her for several moments, dumbfounded, and though he knew they needed to talk about whatever had been doing on that was apparently no longer an issue, for the moment he just sat back and pondered the fact that even if he were married to Ziva for fifty-seven years, he would still never understand women.

**NCIS**

Later, after their daughter was tucked into bed and fast asleep on her side, Tony sat on the bed waiting for Ziva to be finished in the bathroom. She came out in a spaghetti strap tank top and shorts, with a pale pink silk dressing gown on over top, still rubbing lotion into her hands. She frowned at his serious expression and lowered herself beside him. "What?"

"We need to talk."

Ziva visibly tensed. "Now I know why men prefer not to hear those words."

He brushed his fingers over her knee, testing her reactions. Nothing changed, in fact, she might've relaxed minutely as his skin rubbed hers. Ziva wasn't scared or uncomfortable with his touch, that was a plus. "Want to tell me what the last couple of days have been all about?"

She looked away. "Want may be too strong of a word."

Tony picked up her hand and kissed the inside of her wrist. "Tell me what's going on Zi, please."

Ziva sighed and looked down at the bedspread, one finger tracing the pattern. "We are getting closer."

He frowned. "That's a problem?"

She shook her head. "No. But sometimes I think about how few steps are left between what we are doing and what we have never done. This time I found a question I was afraid to have answered."

"Zi, you're not making much sense."

Meeting his eyes, Ziva tried to put it all into words. "Thinking about the possibility of becoming intimate with you made me realize that I did not know if I was safe."

Tony was still not following. "Safe?"

Ziva sighed. "Things can be passed between people during sex Tony, dangerous things. And I could not be sure I was not carrying something within my body that might hurt you."

His eyes widened. "Oh my gosh. That never even crossed my mind."

She shrugged. "Mine either, until this week. So I asked Ducky to test my blood. I have waited these past two days for the results, and because I was unsure of the answer, I was afraid to let you touch me or have you too close."

"Oh Ziva." Tony gathered her into his arms and buried his face in her hair. "I wish you'd told me instead of keeping that all in your head."

"I did not know how to tell you. The last thing we needed was one more reason not to be together."

He pulled back and kissed her slowly. "I love you. And I know we can fight any obstacles life throws at us. We've gotten this far, right?"

Ziva nodded. "And I am okay."

Tony's eyebrows rose. "Okay?"

Her smile was faint. "Ducky told me today. There is nothing wrong with my blood. Nothing in me that can hurt you."

His lips sought hers again, caressing gently, and holding the kiss until their air ran out. Tony grinned. "That's good news." She nestled her head in his neck and just listened to him breathe for awhile. Finally he made her look at him again. "Hey Zi, in case you were wondering, I got tested before last summer, and again before I asked you to marry me. Looks like we both have clean bills of health."

"And one more huddle crossed."

Tony chuckled. "Hurdle Zi. Hopefully there aren't too many of them left."

"I am scared," she whispered.

"I know." He dropped kisses all over her face, let his hands and lips travel down her neck, and pushed the dressing gown off one shoulder. "But we'll take it slow, always slow, I promise."

Ziva tilted her head to the side and closed her eyes, letting him reassure her with his touch. His hand slid under her tank top and she held very still, the heat from his skin sinking into hers. When he tugged on the material she stood up and peeled her shirt off, then stepped out of her pants, standing naked before him for only a moment before crawling under the covers. Tony followed her example and shed his clothes, getting into bed and laying next to her.

"It is alright for you to touch me," she whispered, having missed this closeness between them.

Tony took her at her word and slowly explored her body, nudging the boundaries of where his hands had been allowed before and always making sure she was ready for what he was doing. Their time together was already emotionally charged and he didn't hold her very long before suggesting they get dressed again. There were only so many lines he was willing to cross on the first night of being able to put his hands on her in two days. He'd been patient for months, he could wait a little longer. Then Ziva kissed him goodnight and Tony hoped that soon all the waiting would finally be worth it.

**NCIS**

Gibbs set their supper dishes in the sink that night and brought over the bowls of quick and easy strawberry shortcake he'd put together for dessert. He held Celeste's hand as they ate and when she laid her spoon down, Gibbs slid his thumb over her skin. "Marry me Les?"

A smile broke over her face and she blinked back the sudden moisture in her eyes. "Yes," she whispered.

Pulling her to her feet, Gibbs wrapped Celeste in his arms and dropped his head to her shoulder. "What?"

Celeste leaned back, framing his face with her hands. "Yes," she repeated, kissing the corner of his mouth for good measure.

Gibbs fit his lips between and over hers, drawing out the moment he wanted to seal in his memory for years to come. They stood holding each other for a long time before he led her to the couch and sat down, keeping no space between them. Celeste held out her left hand. "I think something is missing."

Reaching for the box on the end table, Gibbs kept it in his hand rather than open it. "I didn't get you an engagement ring this time, just a wedding band." She looked curious but not upset, so lifting the lid, he tried to explain. "I wanted things to be different this time."

Celeste peered into the box, which held two white gold bands, both engraved. One had was narrower and had small diamonds and sapphires embedded in it all the way around. "They're beautiful. I hope you don't make me wait too long to wear mine."

He laced their fingers together. "What are you doing tomorrow?"

Far from being shocked, Celeste pulled up one knee and leaned against the cushions. "Somehow I'm not surprised. Where?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Gazebo in the park, Justice of the Peace, early enough that we can enjoy the rest of the day together."

One of her eyebrows rose when he said 'enjoy', but a smile teased her lips. "I accept. And the team?"

He grunted. "They'll know as soon as they see the ring. I'm not taking it off this time."

"I appreciate that." Her brow creased. "I don't have time to find a wedding dress."

"Need one?" Gibbs wasn't sure, to women the details were important.

Celeste thought about it a moment and shook her head. "No, I guess not. In fact, I have something in mind that should work. Do we need to decide anything else?"

Gibbs tried to recall not his most recent wedding, but his first. "Flowers?"

"I'll bring some bright ones from my garden," she said with barely a pause. "What house are we going home to?"

"Mine," he answered firmly. "Done sleeping on the couch."

"I expect so." Celeste fiddled with her fingers. "I'm very attached to the idea of owning my own home Jethro."

"Want me to move in there?"

The offer was unexpected. "Only what you need, I suppose. Thank you. But I don't want you to give up this place."

"Won't." Gibbs crossed his arms. "Been paid off for years. Good place to find perspective, have my own space."

Celeste moved closer and placed her hands on his cheeks. "No matter what reason you have to come back here, I hope you will always return home to share the bed with me."

Their lips met and Gibbs held her securely against him. "Count on it," he whispered.

Celeste stayed later than usual and much of that time was spent cuddling on the couch and occasionally finalizing plans. It was hard for Gibbs to let her go that night, but finally he walked her home and kissed her goodnight, lingering until only sheer willpower forced him away. "See you tomorrow."

She let her hand fall down his chest. "I look forward to it. Come get me at one o'clock?"

"I'll be here."

They locked eyes, reading a myriad of thoughts and emotions in each other's gazes before Celeste turned and went inside. Gibbs shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way home. She wouldn't regret saying yes this time, he'd swear to it and do whatever it took to prove that to her.

**NCIS**

"I now pronounce you husband and wife." Justice Trask closed his black book and smiled. "You may kiss your bride." Gibbs obeyed, lowering his mouth to his wife's lips for a sweet moment. Then he pulled away, looking down at her in a white and blue sundress and up into her smiling eyes. The Justice grinned. "Congratulations folks," and took his leave.

Celeste stared at the ring on her finger and twisted it around. "I can't believe we're doing this again." She brushed her fingers over the buttons on his shirt, liking his dressed down suit ensemble.

Gibbs kissed her hand. "Learned a lot since the last time Les." She nodded but still seemed in awe and he lifted her chin. "Can I take you out somewhere to celebreate?"

Celeste nodded, tucking her hand into his elbow and following him to her car, where he held the door for her to slide in. He went around to his side and she leaned against him. Gibbs pressed his lips to her hair. "Thank you for doing this."

"Oh Jethro," Celeste smiled tenderly, a light there that he'd missed for so many years, "don't you know? This is what I wished for."

"I love you," he said softly and Celeste took his hand.

"I love you. I'm so glad to finally be home again. I have waited a long time to belong."


	81. Chapter 81

_A/N: Sorry, forgot to put this in the last chapter. And as always, thank you guests for reviewing, I appreciate it. If you want to leave a name so I know who you are, that would be nice, and if you want to sign in so I can reply, that's even better :D_

_Guest reviewer from Ch 78: Thank you so much for your lovely comments :) Your review put a smile on my face. I'm glad you think the story could actually happen, that is the idea. I wish I could've put more M&A in, but they weren't speaking to me as much as T&Z and G&C, so I did what I could. There will be some of them at the end tho, promise :) Wow! That is a very high compliment, I feel very special now. Lol...I'm not sure if Z is ready for that Faith Hill song, but it would be nice. I always love the idea of Tony singing to his girls, so I use it whenever I can. Thank you. You're not the first person that's asked about the Only In My Dreams universe lately and I have to say I'm still up in the air about it. I'm not sure if I can get back into it, and I'm not 100% sure if I want to. I'm considering it, but I can't say yes or no at this time. I'm glad you liked it to. Thanks so much for reviewing!_

_Guest reviewer from Ch 79: A&M have their baby shortly before the end of SMH. Lol...yes, T&Z will eventually get to enjoy each other the way a married couple should, but that's all I'm saying about it :P Can't make any promises about the nightmares. This is may very well be an experience that Ziva has to carry and deal with in some degree or another for the rest of her life. Thanks for reviewing!_

Gibbs opened his eyes, blinking slowly at the sunlight. The first thing that registered was not being on his couch but in a comfortable bed, then his arm around the warm body nestled against his. He frowned for a moment because sometimes the memories were so vivid he couldn't tell the difference. But the short curly hair of his companion made it clear that he was not laying in bed with Shannon.

The sun reflected off the new familiar ring on his left hand and for the first time in ages, the thought of Shannon didn't pierce his heart like a dagger. He'd let her go finally, because she would've wanted him to love again, to be happy, and on this the first day of his new start, Gibbs felt that it might be possible this time. Plus, Celeste deserved his whole heart this go around, where she'd only gotten fragments of it before.

With his mind fully in reality now, Gibbs pulled Celeste a little bit closer and tried to just enjoy the change. It wasn't long before she stirred and he felt the pause as she too remembered yesterday and the commitment they'd again made to each other, with their eyes wide open this time, not blind to the challenges they'd face. Gibbs held still and kept his breathing even, wanting to see what she would do.

He felt more than saw her soft smile, then Celeste's fingers gently traced his ring and she leaned back into his chest, pure contentment in her sleepy voice. "I know you're awake."

Gibbs kissed her neck and rested his chin on her shoulder. "When did you get so smart?"

She rolled over to face him. "I know you Jethro."

He slid his fingers into her hair. "Yeah," he admitted, "you do. Hope you know what you're getting into."

Celeste barely had to move to touch her lips to his. "I do. And I don't expect it to be easy, but loving you will be worth it."

Gibbs smothered her mouth with his, beyond thankful to be getting a second chance with this woman. It had been years since he'd truly felt love and been capable of giving it back, but Celeste was showing him how much he still had to give. When he pulled back, she couldn't stop the smile.

"Is that what I get for telling the truth?" Her eyes twinkled. "My my, that's pretty good incentive."

Gibbs lifted her hand, kissing the gold band again adorning her fourth finger. "I love you Celeste Casey." She was keeping her maiden name this time because of her work and also to make it different from their first marriage.

Celeste stared into his eyes. "You can say that to me anytime handsome."

Her fingers flirted with his chest hair while Gibbs kissed her wrist, slowly making his way up her arm. When her eyes slid closed so she could focus on the sensation his mouth evoked, Gibbs pulled her flush against him, immediately reminded that they hadn't bothered with clothes before falling asleep hours earlier.

"Did you enjoy last night?" he murmured in her ear and Celeste was surprised enough to move back from his touch so she could see into his eyes.

"I thought that was a given."

He frowned. "Not necessarily. Not when it's been sixteen years since the last time."

Celeste slid her hand down his arm. "Last night was wonderful Jethro." She tilted her head. "But it was different."

Gibbs wasn't sure what to make of that statement. "Different how?"

"In a good way," she assured her husband, the word new to her again. Her eyes were soft. "You didn't hold anything back." There was an unspoken question and Celeste tried to explain. "A woman knows when she's being given all of you." She shrugged. "Last time Jethro, you seemed almost afraid to really love me, so I got your body but not your heart. This time," her smile brightened, "this time I know that you're not afraid to let yourself love me."

His eyes shadowed. "I hurt you last time."

They'd promised to be honest, even if it was painful, so she nodded slowly. "It's hard to be alone when the one you want is in the same room. I couldn't understand why you pulled so far away. But I know now and that's why I know this marriage will be different."

"What else should we change this time around?" Gibbs asked, wanting to get the serious stuff over with so they could possibly get back to indulging in a little more physical pleasure.

"A honeymoon," Celeste said promptly, "away somewhere. We never really got a proper one in '92."

Gibbs smiled slowly. "You want me to leave DiNozzo in charge?"

"He's man enough now," she pointed out.

He propped his head up. "Yeah, Tony's grown up a lot in the last year."

"So can we?" Celeste pressed. "It doesn't have to be now, but maybe after Abby has the baby, around our three month anniversary?" She touched his face. "I have a feeling Grampa duties are going to be pretty popular for awhile."

Gibbs laced their fingers together. "What did you have in mind?"

Her expression showed a great deal of thoughtfulness. "Will you take me out on the water somewhere? I've watched you build boats Jethro, I'd like to see you sail one."

He loved the subtle ways she was trying to get to know him deeper than the last time. Thinking about it, he nodded slowly. "I think that can be arranged. Anything else?"

Celeste bit her lip. "Somewhere with dolphins?"

Gibbs kissed her. His wife had had a lifelong obsession with dolphins, one of her biggest dreams was to go swimming with them. And even though he knew she'd managed it on her own during their time apart, he wanted to experience that with her, to see the joy on her face as she got to do something she'd wanted since she was a little girl.

"Deal. Sailing and dolphins, I'll see what I can do."

She rewarded his willingness with a long, slow kiss. Just as he was dragging her into his body, wanting to make it more than just a kiss, Celeste rolled out of his arms and got out of bed. He stared appreciatively at her unclothed form, but when she pulled on his shirt to cover herself, his stomach tightened.

Celeste turned to smile at her husband but stopped, catching something in his eyes. She sat down on the bed and reached over to him. "Jethro? What's wrong?"

He sighed and wiped a hand down his face. "Shannon used to..." Gibbs gestured at the shirt and she understood.

"Did you want me to change?"

While he appreciated the offer, Gibbs finally shook his head, making another decision. "No, it's okay. I think I just need new memories to replace the old ones."

"I don't want you to feel like you have to forget the time you had with Shannon." Celeste looked sad and Gibbs realized that he didn't want her to have to tiptoe around Shannon's memory, afraid of ruining something he cherished.

"I'm not going to forget Les, I can't. We had ten years and a daughter together." He tipped her chin up. "But you're my wife now, I love you, and you deserve for me to live here in our present not back in my past."

Celeste scooted over the covers and wrapped her arms around him. Gibbs knew how much she loved hugs and he held her tightly, his body language reaffirming his words. It was a long time before she wanted to move and he had no complaints. When she pulled back, Celeste smiled a little coyly.

"So, breakfast?"

Gibbs brushed his fingers over her hair. "I was kinda thinking you and me, bed all day."

She laughed. "Were you now? Well, I'm hungry, but if you help me make some food, you may just get your wish."

He was up in a flash and grabbing his discarded boxers. "Lead on then m'lady, I'm at your service."

Celeste slid her arms around his neck and teased his lips with hers. "Mmm...that might be a dangerous offer."

Gibbs' hands rested on her hips. "I'll take my chances." And he would, this time he really would take every chance he got to love her. They both deserved to make their marriage work this time.

**NCIS**

Ziva slipped out of sleep slowly Sunday morning a few hours after her daughter's first feeding. The bright sunshine brought a smile to her face before she even opened her eyes, and then another sensation froze her. Tony was laying flush up against her back, his arm encircling her like always, but something was different this time. Instead of being draped across her waist, his arm was higher up with his hand cupping her breast and fingers moving slowly over it, even in sleep.

She bit back her reaction to the way it felt right, for his hands to be touching her like that, and concentrated on her breathing. Finally she put her hand over his, stilling the movement. "Tony," Ziva whispered, trying to determine if he was awake. He barely stirred, so she pinched him.

Tony buried his head in her neck and groaned. "Good morning to you too."

Ziva waited for the moment the situation would dawn on him and could practically hear the seconds counting down as he woke up and realized what had happened. He tensed and started to withdraw his hand. "Zi..."

She rolled over and looked into his eyes. "It is alright for you to touch me ahava." She kissed the scruff of his jaw and put her lips by his ear. "I like the way your hands feel on my body."

Tony captured her lips then, one hand sliding into her hair while the other worked under her shirt to caress the soft skin. Ziva shifted herself further under her husband, enjoying his warm weight, and he slid his hand into her shorts to rub her backside over her underwear. Arching into him, Ziva ran her own hands down his back and over his boxers, fleetingly wondering if this was the time she didn't make him move away.

Just as his lips were drifting down her neck, Chaya woke up and started babbling to herself. They both sighed in disappointment because the few minutes they had left before she cried weren't nearly enough to continue the exploration they were taking such delight in. Tony moved first and Ziva blew a piece of hair out of her eyes, not brave enough to discover what he was hiding behind that unreadable expression.

She leaned up and kissed him again, then slowly got up to attend to her daughter's needs. Tony watched her go and let out a breath, thinking that maybe a shower was in order before he saw his wife again. Ziva hadn't pushed him away this morning, hadn't asked him to stop. Did that mean he was allowed to hope, finally, that she would soon be ready? Perhaps he'd get his answer tonight.

**NCIS**

Lina and Claire came over for a playdate later that afternoon and Tony answered the door. "Hi Lina, welcome."

She stepped inside carrying her almost six month old baby on her hip. "Shalom Tony, I have heard so much about you. This is Claire."

Tony bent down and took her hand. "Hello Claire, it's very nice to meet you."

Ziva came down the stairs holding Chaya against her and grinned at the sight of her friend. "Lina, I am so glad you could come today."

The other woman kissed Ziva's cheeks. "Thank you for having me. It has been too long. I miss our talks."

Tony grinned. "And that's my cue to bow out. Excuse me ladies, I'll find something to occupy myself elsewhere."

Lina and Ziva exchanged looks and Ziva caught Tony's arm as he turned. "Stay yakiri. _Darling._ I think Lina would like to get to know you as well."

Giving in because he hadn't really wanted to leave anyways, Tony took a seat on the couch and watched as the moms laid both girls under floor gyms to play. The babies contentedly kicked and waved and reached for the items hanging over them, though Claire's movements were more focused and coordinated than Chaya's.

Tony watched them. "It's like getting a glimpse into our future," he commented. "Two months and Chaya will be doing all that stuff."

Lina's eyes were fixed on her daughter. "They never run out of ways to amaze and terrify you. The first time Claire rolled over all I could think about was what would have happened if she'd been on the couch or bed or her changetable and I'd turned around for a second. It is no wonder they say mothers need two pairs of eyes."

"And extra hands," Tony added, rubbing Ziva's leg. "Although my wife is much better at multitasking with a baby in her arms than I am."

Lina shifted to face them. "So Tony, I've heard a lot about you. Tell me something I don't know."

He leaned back with his customary grin firmly in place. "When I grow up, I want to be Magnum."

Lina's eyebrows drew together and she looked at Ziva for clarification. "_It is the character from an old TV show, his favourite,_" she explained in Hebrew.

Crushed that his joke had fallen flat, Tony cleared his throat and tried again. "I can't draw. I like thunder, movies and long walks on the beach - if there was one in DC. I'm a man of many words but few secrets, and I love my wife and daughter more than anything in the world."

Lina smiled. "You are very candid. But you did not need to tell me the last part, it is all over your face whenever you look at them."

He slid his fingers between Ziva's and met her eyes for only a second. "Good." Then Tony returned his attention to their guest. "Tell me about growing up in two different countries, that must've been challenging."

She did, recounting her childhood in Spain and her young adult years in Israel - where she'd chosen to stay even after her parents left because she fell in love with a young man named Adam and decided her home would be wherever he was. "So for now home is America," Lina finished, twisting her wedding ring around, "but I look forward to returning to Israel."

That was news to Ziva. "You are going back?"

Lina's expression softened. "That is where my heart is Ziva, and men like Adam are needed there." She glanced at Claire. "Though we may spend some time in Spain as well, so our daughter will learn both cultures." There were Israeli embassies all over the world where her husband might find work.

"When?" Ziva demanded.

Lina shrugged. "It could be months, it could be a couple years, but we will go back." She leaned over and touched her friend's hand. "Don't worry, I will tell you when the time comes. Besides, Claire was born here, I would want her to know this country as well."

The conversation continued, making the playdate more for the adults than their children in the end. Then one of the babies giggled and it set the other off and the room was filled with the echoes of infant laughter. Lina and Ziva just watched, unable to help joining in, but Tony thankfully had the presence of mind to grave the camera and catch some of it on video. Finally it was time for Lina and Claire to go and after saying goodbye, Ziva came up behind Tony and put her arms around his waist.

"I will feed Chaya, but then I need to go out and pick up a few things. May I leave her with you?"

He turned and captured her lips. "If you're sure you don't want company."

"Not this time." Ziva had no wish for an audience, this shopping trip was special. "I will not be long."

Tony slung his arm around her shoulders and led her back to the couch before getting Chaya. "I'll pick a movie while you ladies get settled."

Less than an hour later Ziva stood outside a store in the mall, gathering her courage before she went in. Finally she walked through the doorway and looked around, surrounded by racks of attire she'd once thought she would never have need for again. A flash of green silk with black lace caught her eye and Ziva moved closer, brushing her fingers over the slippery material. An image of Tony's face popped into her mind and she knew he would love to see her in something like that. Holding it up to herself briefly, Ziva's eyes widened at the length. To wear a garment that short would take almost as much nerve as what she planned to do while in it.

After a moment's hesitation, she laid it over her arm and continued her perusal. Getting ready to have sex with her husband meant she could not shy away from anything that went with it, so she made a mental note to stop by a drugstore on the way home and pick up a few other supplies. Continuing to wander through the store, she found several other things to try on, and spent more than an hour examining her reflection in the dressing room mirror. In the end Ziva had a hard time deciding what to get - some outfits made her feel too exposed and others did not portray the right image - but finally she settled on a few things she hoped she would soon have a reason to wear often, for both their sakes. Tony had been patient long enough.

**NCIS**

That night Ziva stood by Chaya's crib longer than usual, watching the baby sleep. Tony put his arm around her waist. "Whatcha thinking?"

Ziva barely touched her daughter's curls. "That someday moments like these will only be memories, and I do not want to forget."

He kissed her neck and stayed with her, basking in the peace he felt having both his girls safe and happy. Eventually Tony followed her back to their room and sat on the bed looking up at her. "So this morning..." he could see her fight to stay relaxed when he brought up the topic, "what was that?"

She took a deep breath and forced a teasing smile. "Do I really kiss you so little Tony, that you cannot recognize making out when it happens?"

For once he decided to be the serious one. "That's not what I meant. Why didn't you ask me to stop?"

Ziva could not meet his eyes and picked at an invisible thread on her shirt. "Because you have been patient long enough."

Tony tried hard to breathe normally. "Look, usually I'm not too bad at reading between the lines, but let me make sure I'm hearing you right. Are you saying you're ready to have sex with me?"

Ziva rubbed her forehead, trying to stick to her decision when every instinct was screaming at her to run, to get out while she still could. "Ready might be too strong a word," she answered finally and saw his face fall. Ziva touched his cheek. "But I am willing to try."

Tony's expression struggled with whether or not he was allowed to hope. "So now what?"

She held out her hands. "Now we have a shower and go to bed. I think we still need some time to explore before we do anything new."

Ziva was promising what she could and Tony wasn't about to turn her down. Once in the bathroom, they stripped and got in the shower, washing each other first and leaving the fun stuff until after. When her hair was rinsed clean, Ziva faced her husband and stood on tiptoe to kiss him, enjoying his attention until she was ready to touch him. Over the past week she had gotten more used to bringing Tony pleasure with her hands and was glad she could do that much for him, at least.

By the time they made it back to bed, Tony was more than ready to take his turn and see how far he could get with her. He'd taken things slowly since her flashback the previous Sunday. Now he could gently rub her inner thighs from knee almost all the way up before Ziva would put her hand over his to stop his progress. Tonight Tony continued the process, and knowing he wanted to get her comfortable with more, Ziva guided his hand over the inside of her leg, pausing the closer they got to the area that was her most vulnerable point. He waited but she shook her head. No, she could not handle any more tonight, even if the warmth in her lower abdomen that sprang from his touch disagreed. So he kissed her lips and let her leave to get pyjamas on, aware that patience and love had gotten him this far and if he continued with both, they would eventually make it exactly where they needed to be.

**NCIS**

Gibbs brought a mug of coffee into the bedroom Monday morning and sat down beside his sleeping wife, leaning over to kiss her. Celeste was curled on her side with one hand tucked up near her face, she looked beautiful. Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled. "Well, this is a nice way to wake up."

He handed her the coffee and brushed his fingers through her hair. "Back to the real world today Les. You said you wanted to get an early start."

She sipped the steaming brew and looked him over, noting his damp hair. "You should have woken me earlier, we could've shared."

Gibbs met her mouth with his and kissed her slowly, then shook his head. "Never would've made it to work."

Celeste smirked. "Can't handle temptation huh? You're good for my ego Jethro."

"Take you up on that offer some other time," he promised.

"I'll hold you to that." Celeste lifted her left hand, letting the sunlight catch her ring and make it sparkle. "How long before they notice?"

He snorted. "Seconds. McGee would be the last. I'll let you know."

Her eyes shadowed. "Should we talk to Abby together?" Although she and the Goth were making progress, Abby's pregnancy hormones made nothing a certainty and this was a big change they were asking her to accept.

Gibbs shook his head. "I'll let her get mad at me first, if she's going to. You two will work it out eventually."

Celeste chewed on her bottom lip, wishing she had his confidence. "I hope so." Then her expression cleared and she set the mug aside to brush her lips over his again and share a hug before he left. "Good luck."

He chuckled. "Gonna need it." On his way to the door Gibbs turned back. "Really like having someone to wake up to."

"Every morning," she promised. "I love you."

"Love you too," he replied, leaving before he was tempted to stay.

Tony and Ziva were the first ones to show up at work and they dropped hands before entering the bullpen, which was Gibbs' domain. Tim was right behind them and checked the clock, looking puzzled. "Tony, since when are you early?"

Tony laughed. "Since I have a wife to kick me out the door and a daughter to get to daycare on time." He dropped his backpack on the floor and glanced at Gibbs, who was standing up and leaning over his desk, scrawling his signature on reports, and stared. A heavy silver ring with 'Semper Fi' engraved across the top adorned his left ring finger. Assuming it was probably some special Marine Corps thing, Tony nonetheless couldn't resist making the joke.

"You get married again Boss?"

Gibbs looked at his watch - less than a minute - then glared fiercely at his senior field agent. "Better be the last time."

Tony and Ziva exchanged shocked looks and McGee simply stared before Tony's voice started working again. "So wait, you did get married?" Gibbs rolled his eyes and Tony took the lack of argument as an affirmation. "Well, to who?" he sputtered, hating to be left out of anything.

Ziva crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow. "Who do you think Tony?"

It took a minute for the light to come on and then his mouth fell open. "Celeste? You married Celeste? Wow, wait until-" he stopped and cleared his throat, wanting to avoid getting headslapped. "I mean, congratulations Boss."

Gibbs grunted and headed for the back elevator before the rest of his team could echo the sentiments. The walls in this building had ears and if Abby heard the news from anyone else it wouldn't be pretty. As it was, her reaction was impossible to predict. When he got out at the lab, Gibbs caught Tami's eyes and jerked his head towards the door. "Take a break."

Her expression indicated a still healthy fear of the legendary Agent Gibbs and she hurried away. Abby walked out of her office wearing knee length maternity shorts and a red and black checkered shirt stretched over her bump. "You didn't have to scare my assistant away."

"Need a minute."

She stopped and stared at him. "Why?"

He sighed. "Wanted you to hear it from me first." Gibbs held his left hand in front of himself and waited.

Abby's eyes widened and she dropped the papers she was holding. "Is that what I think it is?" He nodded and her eyes flashed. "What, so now this is payback? I didn't tell you about my wedding so you left me out of yours?"

"Abs," Gibbs tried, but she wasn't done yet.

"I can't believe you got married and didn't tell me! I know Celeste and I aren't best friends or anything, but I thought you'd at least let me know when things got serious. But no, I don't find out until you're already married!" She was pacing, her words and gestures getting bigger and louder with each point. Finally she turned on him, hurt pooled in her green eyes. "I used to be your favourite Gibbs, now I don't know where I stand." Abby swallowed, restoring to ASL for the last thing she was thinking. _I feel like I'm losing you._

Gibbs shook his head, replying in kind, which was easier than talking anyways._ Never. You're my girl, my heart. You taught me to love again Abby, no one was ever supposed to get that close. But you did and I should have said thank you a long time ago_. He stepped closer._ I love you Abby, that's never going to change. And I'll always have time for you, but I need Celeste in my life. She's been around a long time and she knows me better than anyone. Everyone should get a second chance at love lost. _He paused. _You did._

Abby blinked back tears. "I've never heard you say that much before."

"I wanted you to understand."

She bit her lip and arched an eyebrow. _Celeste knows you better than anyone? How?_

Gibbs wasn't sure he'd ever planned to tell any of them the whole truth, but the time seemed right. "This is the second time Celeste and I have been married."

Her jaw dropped but she quickly worked through the details. "Oh my gosh," Abby whispered, "she was your first ex-wife."

"She was," Gibbs confirmed shortly, "but it was too soon after losing the girls and Celeste paid the price for that. We've been friends for fifteen years and she knows everything. We stopped keeping secrets a long time ago."

Abby swallowed. "Wow. Umm, congrats, I guess." She stared at him a moment before throwing her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry Papa Bear. I'm happy for you, really." Abby pulled back and her face lit up. "We should have a party for you guys! A post-wedding shower or something. How about Wednesday?"

He smiled. "Sounds good. If we don't have a case." Gibbs put his hands on her shoulders and kissed her forehead. "Thanks Abs."

"I love you Gibbs," she whispered, watching as he left. Abby sighed and went to her computer to start the day, wondering if it was possible for anything else to change.


	82. Chapter 82

Celeste was waiting at the door when Gibbs got home that night. "So?"

He kissed her. "Tony got it first, Ziva knew who, McGee was too shocked to say anything, and Abby freaked out at me in more than one language."

She made a face. "I hear fighting in sign gets kind of messy."

"It's hard to miss, that's for sure," Gibbs agreed. "But it wasn't nearly as bad as when she found out we were dating. After she calmed down we actually got to talk." He pulled her close. "If we're lucky we'll get a party. Can't argue with Abby, especially a pregnant Abby."

"I can imagine that would be an exercise in futility." Celeste trailed her fingers over his face. "So they're all okay with this, with us?"

He shrugged. "Got a case after the announcement, they never really had time to say much more. But Tony and Ziva liked you before, so did Tim. Abby'll come around in time. Think of the party as a peace offering. It might be the chance you've been looking for with her."

Celeste raised an eyebrow. "My my, someone's talkative tonight."

Gibbs chuckled. "My mistake. Where's Lexie?"

"Out in the yard barking at squirrels," Celeste answered. "Want to come with me to take her for a walk?"

"I'll take her," he offered. "She makes a good walking companion."

"If you're implying that you prefer silent company Jethro, that can be arranged, but-"

He cut her off with another kiss. "Never. I like people who talk."

"Mmhmm."

She wasn't buying it, so he cupped her cheek and looked directly into her eyes. "You're the only person who can see into my heart, who can have a full conversation with a three word sentence. I appreciate you."

"Okay." Celeste gave in and hugged her husband. "I love you."

Gibbs kissed her nose. "I love you too. That's something I never get tired of hearing."

"Wait until Chaya gets old enough to say 'I love you Grampa'. I bet you'll like that even better," Celeste predicted.

He looked at her seriously. "How could anything be better than this?"

**NCIS**

Abby opened the door of Gibbs' silent house and crept inside. Even though she was alone, she still felt the need to be stealthy. After a couple of trips in from the car, all of the supplies she'd brought were piled on the couch and she reached for a package of balloon print streamers. The creak of a floorboard alerted her and Abby whirled around, eyes wide. Standing in the doorway was Celeste. Her hands came to her hips and the girl glared.

"You nearly scared my pigtails off. What are you doing here?"

Celeste smiled. "I was downstairs and I heard somebody clumping around. I knew it had to be family, so I came to see what was going on."

"Oh." Abby shrugged and held up the streamers. "I'm decorating for the party tonight."

"Need some help?" the woman offered.

Abby made a frustrated noise. "You can't help decorate for your own party."

"Can't I?" Celeste asked lightly. "Who made those rules?"

"I did," the Goth asserted, then bit her lip. "But I guess you can sit and watch." Celeste took what she was offered and moved a few of the bags on the couch to make room. Something in a grey bag caught her eye.

"What if I blew up balloons?"

Abby considered the request. "Well, okay." She watched Celeste open the package and sort through the rubbery pieces until she found a shiny purple one. "Congratulations, by the way."

The redhead looked up in surprise. "Thank you Abby. I must say, that's not exactly the reaction I expected."

Abby had the decency to appear slightly sheepish. "You should've heard what I said to Gibbs then, that was the real first response."

"I heard," Celeste said quietly. "So you don't hate me?"

The forensic scientist sighed. "No. He's different since you came back, even I can't deny the change." She paused. "You make him happy in a way we never could."

Celeste stood and walked over to put her hand on the girl's arm. "Oh Abby, you have made him happy. The team has made him happy. I didn't know if he would ever truly love again after he lost Shannon and Kelly. But he loves all of you. There's just something special about the love between a man and a woman. I like to think that I'm helping the healing along, healing that you started, if I recall the story properly."

She smiled faintly. "Gibbs didn't know what to do with me at first. My clothes, my music, Bert. But then he found out I could sign and all of a sudden we had a connection. That only grew the longer we worked together. The first time he brought me here to show me his boat, I was honoured. I saw the picture of the little girl tacked above his workbench. I don't think he ever meant to talk about them again, but he told me."

"I remember," Celeste said softly. "When we met the first time I asked about the framed picture on the endtable." They glanced over at it - Gibbs, with his arm around Abby, at what looked like a staff party.

Abby giggled. "He's such a stick in the mud, he hates parties."

"But he lets you talk him into them," Celeste pointed out.

"Yeah." She shrugged. "You're alright Celeste. I'm glad you guys stayed friends. I want Gibbs to be happy again, he deserves it. I'm just...not ready to be best friends with you yet."

"That's okay," Celeste reassured her. "Believe me, I understand that this whole process of acceptance is going to take time. But as long as you're willing to let me in just a little, eventually we'll get there. That's all I'm asking."

Abby sighed. "Okay." She turned her back and went to find a chair to stand on. "We need lots of balloons."

"Yes ma'am." Celeste smiled to herself and went back to the couch. Perhaps today was a breakthrough, but even if it was just progress, she was happy with that too. Becoming a family might take awhile, but she looked forward to the day when she made it into the circle.

**NCIS**

The party was thrown in typical Abby fashion and was loud and busy and fun. It was a potluck, so everyone brought food to be shared and Celeste made punch while the Goth was letting the others in and getting them settled. Gibbs had stopped at her house on the way home and brought Lexie over. The poor animal cowered in the face of so many unknown people, but after Celeste explained the situation to Abby, she spread it around the group and one by one each person came over to meet her dog and let her get familiar with them.

Sammy helped a lot. Lexie took an instant liking to the bouncing ball of fur and followed him everywhere once they were introduced. During the meal, eaten on paper plates with people landing wherever there was a spot free, Sammy and Lexie lay together in the kitchen, wrestling playfully. Lexie was gentle as if she knew this little bundle of energy was really just a fun-loving baby, and Sammy bonded with the older dog, enjoying the kind of socializing he'd only ever had occasionally with Matt's dog Chaz.

As soon as he'd delivered the dog to his wife, Gibbs claimed Chaya and spent the next couple hours carrying her around, relinquishing the baby only when she had to be nursed. The three and a half month old repaid his possessiveness by poking his nose and trying to put her fingers in his mouth, laughing when he pretended to nibble them. Tony was very put out at having to share the little girl, so Ziva made his lap her chair, if only to bring out that teasing, suggestive smile she loved. Of course, then he protested whenever she got up, so she soothed him with a kiss, to the delight of their friends.

After the plates and glasses had been cleaned up and the leftovers were divided, portioned and ready to be sent home, Ziva pulled Celeste aside while the group was busy setting up for the board game Abby had insisted on. She tucked some hair behind her ear and leveled her gaze at the other woman. "Gibbs already has one grandchild, soon he will have two."

Celeste was confused. "I know Ziva. I'm not trying to get in the way of the family you all have created. I hope someday to be part of it."

Ziva crossed her arms and directed her gaze at her daughter, safely ensconced in her father's arms for the first time all night. "You are already family, because you have married the man I call my father. So I guess my question is - do you want to be seen as their grandma?"

Surprise lit Celeste's face and she regarded the young mother carefully. "If I did, how would you feel about that?" She shook her head slowly. "I don't want to take anyone's place Ziva."

Ziva shook her head. "There is no one else to fill that spot. If you said yes, I would ask what you want us to teach Chaya to call you." She shrugged. "Gibbs will already be Grampa because that is what Tony talks about him as."

Celeste's smile was slow and genuine. "They can call me Nan," she decided. "It's what I called my grandmother."

Ziva nodded. "Very well."

Just like that she left and went back to sit with her husband and child. Tony made the comment that she'd forfeited her place when she moved and that Chaya got his lap now, but if she asked nicely he'd let her share later. That earned him a glare and a not so gentle kick under the table. Tony yelped, as was expected, but the laughter from the group and the smile on his wife's face made it worth the discomfort.

Gibbs met his wife's gaze across the room, quirking an eyebrow to ask if everything was alright. Celeste dipped her head once and watched the team settle in around the table. _I think I've just been accepted._ She glanced at Abby, whose prominent bump proclaimed her thirty-five week pregnant state. She'd been quite civil since their earlier conversation, but Celeste knew that could change at any moment given the less than predictable moods Abby had been experiencing lately. But she wasn't going anywhere and she would wait and work for as long as it took. She smiled at Ziva and returned to sit in the chair at Gibbs' side. _One down, one to go. _Daughters were always the hardest sells.

**NCIS**

After their shower Friday night, Tony and Ziva lay on the bed kissing and touching for awhile before they even bothered to get up and put on pyjamas. When Tony turned around, Ziva was smiling at him shyly. Instead of her usual tank top and shorts attire, tonight she'd slipped into a short, silk, lavender nightie. She didn't have to say a word, somehow he just knew she'd made the decision that tonight she was going to be with him in every way.

He approached her slowly, sliding his arms around her waist and trying to convey with just a look how proud he was, how nervous for this first time, how he'd longed for this moment but sometimes hadn't been sure it would ever come. Her hands glided up his bare chest and Tony leaned down to take possession of her lips. She pressed into him, eager for his touch and very aware of his obvious desire for her, but she didn't let that stop her.

Gently he pulled away and guided them both to lay down next to each other on the bed. With a small smile claiming his lips, Tony stroked his finger softly over her face. Down her nose, across her cheek bones, around her lips and down her neck, building anticipation until he finally kissed her. Ziva kept her eyes closed, letting Tony's touch engage her senses. When his lips tugged playfully at hers, she smiled, trying so hard to relax. It didn't take long for Tony to pull her into his arms and then she got lost in the sensation of his kisses.

The first flashback hit when he ran his hand gently down her leg. It didn't matter this was something they'd done many times, there was intent to it this time and instantly she was back on the floor of her cell in Somalia. It had been a month and she was weakening. Their torture had not made her break the silence that protected the people at NCIS, but the bare rations and injuries were taking their toll. Even so, it took three of them to wrestle her to the floor and two to hold her still so the third could get her pants off. Realizing what was about to happen, Ziva fought even harder, kicking and flailing with all the strength she had left, but she didn't stand a chance. Saleem paced in the background, laughing, while one of his men forced her legs apart and became the first in an endless line of leering, cruel faces who would violate her, both body and soul, over the next eight weeks.

Trapped in the memory, Ziva tensed, her whole body going rigid. Tony immediately stopped what he was doing, hardly daring to breathe as he removed his hand from her leg and placed both his palms against her cheeks. He'd seen this before and he knew what to do. "Ziva? Ziva! Sweetheart, it's me, it's Tony. Come on babe," he begged, "open your eyes." Her eyelids fluttered and he brushed his thumbs over her eyebrows. "That's it Zi, come on. Open your eyes, look at me." That was the key to getting her out of a flashback, she needed to know where she was.

The terror and panic washing her beautiful brown eyes hurt Tony more than anything else. But he knew it wasn't him she was afraid of. "Ziva." Her gaze flickered to the right, then left, before finally settling on his face. Wanting to cry, Tony forced a resolved expression instead. "Hey, stay with me Zi. Whatever you see, it's not real. You're here with me, you're safe. I'm here honey, I won't let anyone hurt you again. It's okay Zi, it's okay." Her eyelids slid shut again and Tony was afraid he was losing her, but Ziva was only trying to keep the tears at bay. "Ziva!" His voice was growing desperate, but this time she responded, her hand coming up to cover his.

"It is over Tony," she whispered, shuddering at the fading images. Feeling awful for letting him down again, Ziva fought the urge to curl into a ball and hide from the world. Her past was everywhere they ever tried to be together and it made her wonder if she would ever truly be free of it.

"What can I do?"

Always, no matter what her memories interrupted, especially in these last couple weeks when they were getting so close, those were the first words out of her husband's mouth and Ziva wanted to cry because she so often didn't feel like she deserved to have him love her so deeply. Focusing on him, Ziva tried to smile but failed. "Kiss me," her voice was soft. "Touch me the way you do, so I will know it is not them."

Heart breaking, Tony clenched his jaw and looked down, blowing out a hard breath. Then he let all the anger go, felt it drain away like water through a sieve. He leaned in and captured Ziva's soft lips, kissing her gently. Then he slipped a hand under her back, encouraging her to turn over. Expression curious, Ziva did what he wanted, not afraid because she trusted him. He had proven over and over and over again that he loved her above anything else. He threw a leg over her, straddling her body with his knees and waiting to make sure she wasn't going to freak out. Ziva breathed out, relaxing, and Tony drew his hands across her shoulders and down her back.

When his fingers snagged on the silk of her negligee, which he knew she'd bought special just to share with him, Tony put his lips to her ear. "Will you take it off Ziva?"

Pushing herself off the bed a little, Ziva worked the material up her body. "You can help Tony," she told him a minute later.

Because of everything, much of what Tony wanted to do to her, he couldn't. Even something as simple as undressing his wife required her to do it unless he had permission. His patience tried to make up for all the times no one had asked if it was okay, and had taken what they wanted from her in so many terrible ways. Slowly he pulled the delicate garment over her head, watching her hair fall free and loving that he had access to so much more of her skin now. With a touch that was achingly tender, Tony swept his fingers over her back and felt Ziva shiver. But because of the way her body stayed relaxed, he knew it was from pleasure, not fear.

He traced each and every one of her scars, still becoming familiar with the pattern they marked on her body even after four months of marriage and seven weeks of increasingly intense closeness as they experimented with his plan to help heal her fear of intimacy. Pressing the heels of his hands into her tight muscles, Tony followed the path down her back, stopping occasionally to bestow gentle kisses on any skin he could reach. "You need to know, to believe that my hands will never hurt you Ziva."

She nodded into the sheet. "I know."

"I always want to be the last man who has touched you this way," he murmured. "But my claim on you won't leave any marks, only memories that will not scare you."

Ziva didn't respond with words, but she turned her head enough that he could kiss the corner of her mouth. It was enough. Eventually he moved and nudged her to roll back over. Tony continued the trail of kisses down her neck, across her breasts and along her stomach, taking his time, not rushing even a moment. He cherished time like this with Ziva, peaceful and trusting. At last he looked into her eyes again and smiled slightly, but Ziva answered before he could even open his mouth.

"Do not stop," she whispered, knowing what she had just given him permission to do. She wanted so badly to be able to give this to him, Tony had been more patient than any man should have to be. Ziva knew he wouldn't do anything else without asking, and this time she wanted to let him take the next step.

Tony's gaze dropped to his boxers. "Do you want me to...?"

Sitting up, Ziva touched her husband's face, let her hand fall slowly down his chest until her fingers flirted with the waistband on his underwear. A stir of desire and the now familiar tingling began in her lower abdomen and she took a shallow breath. Tony rose up on his knees and Ziva pushed the material over his hips and down as far as she could.

Taking over, Tony kicked the boxers off and pressed Ziva gently back into the bed. He knelt beside her. "Zi, I'm just going to put my hand between your legs." It was the opposite of every time she'd been used when he announced what was coming next and gave her a chance to say it if wasn't okay. Tony didn't want their first time tainted with any of the bad things, so he'd take whatever precautions were necessary.

He slid his hand between her knees and turned it, parting them a little. This was the part that was hardest for Ziva, the one thing she had mentally struggled with more than anything else except the joining. Opening herself up to him, trusting that he would be everything he'd so far proven himself to be - a man who loved and respected her, a man who would even now wait if that was what she needed.

Trying to stay calm, Ziva spread her legs apart, completely and utterly vulnerable before the man she loved. Her trust floored Tony and he had to work hard to get himself under control before he touched her. When Ziva was ready, Tony held himself over her, willing this night to be the time it finally worked for them, though logically Tony knew it could go one of three ways. It could be awful and she would withdraw, causing them to start this whole process over again weeks down the road. Or it could be great, because after all these months they deserved a break. Or it could be uncomfortable and that would leave a question about trying again.

Not willing to move without hearing something from her, Tony waited. Only seconds passed before Ziva smiled and leaned up to kiss him. "Okay," she whispered breathlessly, wanting to give herself to him. Then she put a hand on his chest and swallowed, meeting his eyes. "Remember that you promised to be gentle."

"Oh Zi," he sighed, laying his body over hers and pressing his lips to her willing mouth, "did you really think I could be anything else?"

She shook her head, tears leaking from her eyes. "No, but that does not stop me from being afraid."

Calling on the last dregs of self-control he possessed considering they were both naked and he wanted her more than he'd ever wanted anything or anyone before, so much so that his body was actually trembling, Tony brushed her hair back. "We don't have to babe. We can...we don't have to do this now."

"No," Ziva's voice was firm, her gaze locking on his. "No, I do not want to wait anymore. I do not want you to wait any more. We need this Tony, please." Her plea was entirely unnecessary, because he would do anything she asked. "I am ready."

He sucked on her bottom lip gently, and drew her in for a deep kiss before aligning their bodies again. They'd never gotten this far before and Tony honestly wasn't sure what to expect, so he moved slowly, agonizingly slowly, aware that rushing would only cause problems, praying that it would not hurt for her. Finally he held still to let her body adjust to his presence and waited for her reaction, holding his breath until he knew. Ziva's expression stayed unreadable and her eyes were closed as she worked to assess the situation. She felt...okay. It was a little uncomfortable, but as more than a year had passed since she'd willingly had sex, she was not surprised.

When she smiled and nodded, whispering that she was good and pulling him down so their lips met, Tony felt like his world opened up. They took things slow, he was gentle and loving, but there was no joy greater than knowing they could be together this way now. It might not always be easy, but it was worth the work. As far as Tony was concerned, their lovemaking was over far too soon, but Ziva let him stay and they touched and kissed until he finally moved away. Even then he didn't let her go, just enjoyed the feel of her sweaty, naked, and tired pressed up against him, thinking he'd never felt closer to her than right now in this moment. They fell asleep in the contentment that hadn't faded, truly man and wife now, in life, heart, soul and at last, body as well. Finally he could say they were one in every way.

**NCIS**

Tony woke to the sound of Ziva throwing up in the bathroom. He hurried towards the door, then remembered his naked state and stopped to throw on a pair of boxers. Inside he found Ziva kneeling in front of the toilet, clad in long sleeve pyjamas with pants for the first time in days, maybe weeks. That detail bothered him because she'd already explained what it meant when she went back to them, but helping Ziva was more important at that moment than why she was hiding.

She flinched when he touched her, which was a big tell, and Tony noted the reaction for later as he grabbed a scrunchie off the counter to tie her hair back, and reached into the cupboard for a washcloth. He was crouched beside her with a glass of water and the damp cloth when she finished and flushed.

Ziva took the drink and wiped her mouth, being careful not to touch him, and without making eye contact. To say that this reaction was a blow to Tony's ego when they'd made love for the first time only a couple hours ago, would've been an understatement. But they could come back to that.

"Hey." He reached over to touch her face, freezing when Ziva pressed her back into the wall, trying to get as far away as possible. Tony sat back. "Are you okay?"

Ziva brushed a shaky hand over her hair. "I...need to take a shower," she said quietly, almost to herself.

Tony's earlier confidence plummeted. "That bad, huh?"

She jerked her eyes up to his, looking so lost and scared that all he wanted to do was hold her and keep the monsters away. "It is not you, I just..." Ziva pulled her knees to her chest. "There are too many memories," she finished in a whisper.

"Ziva, please." Tony heard the begging note in his voice, but couldn't help it. He held out his arms to her and Ziva scrambled to get to her feet, breathing hard, barely contained fear in her eyes.

"No! No..." she repeated less frantically, "do not touch me yet."

He stared at her, having not heard that warning since nearly a year ago after a nightmare when she stayed at his place. Not knowing what to say and clearly unable to help or make it better, Tony walked out of the bathroom and closed the door behind him. Several moments passed and there was a click as the lock engaged and the sound of water running.

Tony couldn't face their bed, where he'd held her in such an intimate way earlier, so he left and walked softly down the hall to Chaya's room. He pushed the door open and tiptoed across the floor to peek into her crib. The baby slept on her side with one arm up by her face, consistently defying the experts who insisted babies should sleep on their backs. A whimper cut the silence and Tony reached down to rub Chaya's back lightly.

At his touch she relaxed completely and Tony smiled. "I love you sweetie." Sometimes that little girl was the brightest light in his life, especially when the darkness following Ziva enveloped them both without warning.

Though he longed to pick Chaya up and cuddle with her, because holding his daughter seemed to make everything better, Tony knew he couldn't disrupt her sleep because he needed the comfort. Backing out into the hall, Tony stared around and sighed. Did he return to their bedroom and hope they could talk, or go downstairs and make tea in case Ziva couldn't go back to sleep? Indecision wavered him, but Tony didn't want to be any further from his wife than necessary. Her rejection of his presence hurt, but all the more reason to wait for her to be done so they could work together to get past whatever it was that was haunting her this time.

**NCIS**

Ziva sat in the shower, curled up in the corner with hot water warming her body. She closed her eyes but immediately saw images from her nightmare and they flew open again, darting around the shower to check for danger that might lurk in any corner.

Her heart was pounding, her breathing erratic, and Ziva couldn't even stand up because that felt too exposed, even though no one was watching. But eventually she had to move, and then Ziva turned the water up until it was too hot, pricking her skin with stinging drops. A washcloth was loaded with body wash and she scrubbed it all over her whole body again and again. It was back, the feeling of being dirty, defiled, used. She felt phantom hands pushing, pulling, hitting, grabbing, touching every part of her and she could do nothing.

Back in her cell there had been a day when Saleem filled a syringe with something unknown and plunged it into a vein in her arm. Ziva lay there naked on the floor, unable to move or speak, her eyes the only thing left unaffected. The temporarily paralyzing agent worked quickly and it wasn't until several men came in that dread filled her heart. When they began their systematic violation of her, Ziva realized that though she had no control over her body, the drug hadn't affected her sense of touch, so she felt everything that was happening and every sensation seemed magnified.

Closing her eyes, shame washed over her once again and Ziva's hands began to shake. Curling her fingers into fists, Ziva fought to get control, to not go back to last year and everything that had been done. In quick, uncoordinated movements, she shampooed and rinsed her hair, finally shutting the water off when it began to cool.

Ziva didn't feel like she could get dried and dressed in the protection of clothes fast enough. DC was so far from Somalia but the memories were not a respecter of distances. She needed Tony, needed his arms around her, but she'd already pushed him away, what if he didn't come back? Could she let him help?

She stepped out of the bathroom and glimpsed Tony sitting on the edge of the bed, now wearing a shirt and pyjama pants. Ignoring him, Ziva climbed into her side and pulled the covers around her tightly. She faced the other way, but could feel Tony's gaze watching her. Finally he got back under the blankets too and laid still, trying to get a sense of the situation.

He saw the shudders ripple through her and paid no attention to her 'stay away from me' body language. Instead Tony slid over and fit his body against hers, brushing aside the way she stiffened. "You're trembling Zi," he whispered, "let me hold you. Let me keep you safe."

She fought his comfort for longer than usual, but finally her arms came up to grasp his and she pressed herself into him, wishing he could somehow erase everything she didn't want to remember. With a little difficulty, Ziva rolled over and slid her arms around his neck. Tony tightened his grip on her and closed his eyes.

It seemed like hours before he pulled back to look at her. When she was like this, Tony was always careful not to touch or kiss her, avoiding anything that could be seen as even remotely sexual. But this time Ziva initiated it, kissing him like her life depended on it and desperately drinking in the love and comfort he poured back into her.

Tony kissed her hard, shoving his fingers into her hair, but following her lead for what she could handle. Several kisses later, Ziva broke away and laid her head over his racing heart. Tony didn't dare let go of her, she might not let him back in. Silence reigned until he couldn't deal with the unknowns any longer.

"Sweetheart, will you tell me?"

She curled her fingers into his shirt and with broken sentences and halting words let the nightmare, the memory, spill out. After, when he couldn't make his tongue form any words that would help, and fighting nausea himself, Tony squeezed his eyes shut.

"I knew it was bad Ziva, but I never expected..." he trailed off and she laced their fingers together.

"That was within a week of the interrogations being mixed with that type of abuse," she sighed. "I could still fight and it wasn't worth the time for them to...subdue me, when none of the men had seen a women in many months." Ziva swallowed hard, hating the images she could not get rid of.

"So was it the sex that brought this up?" Tony wondered, his hopes of overcoming that particular hurdle drowned in the wake of her truth.

Ziva considered the question. "I want to be clear Tony, that being with you does not remind me of them. Those men only touched me to hurt me, or take pleasure I wasn't willing to give. You have only touched me with love, want, need and care since I came home."

"But?" He knew there was more, that it couldn't be so easy.

She rubbed her cheek on his shirt, reluctant to continue even if he needed to know. "But simply the physical act of sex takes me back to all those men who forced themselves inside my body against my will." She shrugged. "That act only ever brought pain, and that is what my mind remembers, even if my body does not hurt from you."

"Did I lose my chance?" Tony felt incredible selfish worrying about what he wanted when she was dealing with nasty flashbacks, but he needed to know.

"No Tony," Ziva said softly. "I will not bar you from touching me ever again. I want this to be okay between us. I want to feel you and think only about our pleasure, not the memories. But it is also something I cannot control, so please...do not ask me again right away."

He pulled her back into his shoulder, wrapping his hand around the back of her neck. "I wish I could make this better for you Zi," he whispered.

"You have no idea how much it helps just to be here with you."

That admission made him feel like he could do something. "What do you need babe?"

She thought seriously about that before answering in a small voice. "Will you brush my hair?"

There had always been such an intimacy that surrounded them when he played with her hair, so Tony agreed immediately and got up to get her brush from the bathroom. When he came back, Ziva sat forward so he could settle behind her. The thick, dark waves were still damp from her shower and Tony made his movements slow and unhurried as he drew the brush gently over her scalp and down her back.

Ziva sighed and relaxed even more, leaning her head back a little. When all the tangles were gone, Tony set the brush aside and combed his fingers through her hair, then separated three sections and wove the brown tresses into the braid he'd had so much practice at, though it was much shorter than before.

Out of habit, Ziva checked his work and smiled. "You are getting good. Just wait until Chaya has enough hair for you to do hers."

"If she's anything like you Zi, she'll probably never hold still long enough for me to brush her hair, let alone braid it."

"I guess we shall see," she answered. "Promise me something Tony?"

"Anything." He'd give her the stars if he knew how to reach them.

"That this will never be too hard. That my memories will never be too much and you will leave."

Tony grabbed her arms. "Never Ziva, I promise." He grinned at her rings. "You're stuck with me now Ninja."

"Forever?" she asked quietly.

"Maybe even longer." Tony tipped her chin up. "I love you honey, I never want to go back to living without you."

Their lips came together and the kiss spoke of comfort, reassurance, and love. Sleep was short that night, but their promise stood and both knew that no matter how hard they had to fight to have this life that they cherished and shared, they'd do it, because the rewards far outmatched the work that was required.

_A/N: I couldn't put this at the beginning, as it would've given too much away. I'm sure some of you are tired of hearing how nervous I am about this intimacy scene. After all, I've only been building up to this moment with three stories and 81 previous chapters. I would like to mention that, given the circumstances of having no personal experience, I really tried to do my best to capture this first time for T&Z. I apologize if it didn't live up to expectation or disappointed anyone, but this was all I could do. Again, thank you so much for all your support and encouragement and the love you have shown for this story. I will forever be grateful to have had the chance to share my writing with all of you. ~Aliyah_


	83. Chapter 83

_A/N: 46 reviews? Wow. I'm...yeah, I think overwhelmed is a good word. Oh my gosh, thank you so much! You guys are really fabulous at knowing when I need an ego boost because even if it's not that important in the grand scheme of things, I really stressed over the last chapter and hoping that 'first time' scene lived up to all the expectations you might've had. So now that my fears/concerns have been significantly quashed by all your kind words and encouragement, I just want to say again, thank you :) ~Aliyah PS. Sorry to take so much space, but there were several un-signed in people I just had to reply to._

_Sarah (Ch 81) - Thank you so much for reviewing, it's always so nice to see someone new! :) Even if after 82 chapters 'slow' is starting to feel like a four letter word, it had to be that way because of the issue we're dealing with, so I'm really glad it came across as realistic, that was my goal for the whole story. I didn't like past love interests for Gibbs either, hence Celeste. Because whenever the 'mysterious redhead' was around, he seemed happier. Yes, there is still Three Years Family but it really is just a series wrap-up and won't be any longer than two chapters. Snapshots, however, will be comprised of about thirty-five one-shots, give or take a couple. I'm sad to see it end as well. I thought I'd be relieved but I'm missing my characters already and I've only been done a couple weeks! Thanks for your vote, I'm still considering how to handle the letters. Thank you so much for all your sweet comments, I really appreciate them :) Oh wow, really? No, I don't think I knew it was that popular. I feel totally special now! Thank you!_

_debbieells (Ch 82) - Thank you :) It was such a relief that so many people thought the scene was done well. I wasn't ever going for graphic or smut because I don't like to read and am incapable of writing that, but I definitely wanted to capture the emotions etc. It's also good to hear the characters are consistent, I'm sure it helped that I wrote the story straight through. You're welcome. I'm proud now of how it turned out so I know the work was worth it :) Thanks for your understanding, that's pretty much exactly what happened. My inspiration was there and then it was gone and I'm leery of trying to get it back. I really appreciate the time you took to review, thank you :)_

_zoey (Ch 82) - yes, Ziva and Tony will eventually have the 'no more kids' conversation but all I can say about it is that it's very near the end of the story. Thanks!_

_Guest (Ch 82) - Oh wow. It's always nerve wracking for me to have someone who's actually experienced trauma like what I'm writing about read the story. And in the same vein, I'm always completely humbled to be told that you find this story helpful, that you think I've captured the emotions and reactions well. I don't even know what to say except thank you for taking the time to share that with me, and I'm so sorry for what you went through. ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (Ch 82) - Thanks :) Again, every review I got that said that made me breathe a huge sigh of relief. I'm glad you weren't disappointed. Lol...oh, I couldn't write graphic if my life depended on it, and I wanted it to be more about their feelings anyways. I did some research on reactions for women who have sex after they've been violated, that's how I came up with what Ziva experience post-intimacy. Thanks so much! :)_

Ziva woke up Friday morning to Tony's fingers combing gently through her hair. She turned her head and smiled, but the insecurity in his eyes made it disappear. "Tony?"

He stared at her, swallowing hard to get the words out. "How do you feel?"

Her hand came up to his face and Tony closed his eyes, leaning into her touch. "I am fine." He frowned at her and Ziva sighed. "I am sore." Pain flashed in Tony's gaze and she hastened to explain. "It has been a year ahava. I do not hurt in a bad way." How she felt now was nothing compared to what she had suffered through on a daily basis in Somalia." She shrugged. "It reminds me of my first time. I am just very aware of that area of my body right now."

Tony pushed the blankets away and looked her over, as if he had x-ray vision to check for hurts he couldn't see through the pyjamas she still wore. His hands soon followed his eyes, running gently down her arms and legs and torso and checking her reaction. When he finished his examination, Ziva pulled her husband down for a kiss, hoping to soothe his fears. Tony clung to her, drawing out the moment until they both broke for air.

He pushed back a curl. "Did you even enjoy last night?"

Ziva fought the urge to close her eyes so she could think without his vulnerability drowning her. "Letting you in made me more afraid than I have been in months. But you did not betray the trust I have given you. Thank you for being so gentle and careful with me."

"You're not answering my question Ziva."

She shook her head. "And I cannot without disappointing you." He started to pull away but Ziva held him in place. "It was our first time together Tony, and on top of that it was my first time in a year, when the last time was violent and cruel and extremely painful. So did I enjoy it? I am not sure. I think it will take time for me to get used to sex again, to be able to experience pleasure that way. But that is not a reflection on you."

Tony moved her arms and got out of bed. "Not exactly what I hoped to hear." He dragged a hand down his face. "I'm going for a shower."

When the door shut, Ziva squeezed her eyes closed against the tears that were threatening and left to go to Chaya's room. The baby was sleeping but Ziva still craved her presence. She leaned over the side of the crib and brushed her fingers across Chaya's soft curls.

"I did not mean to hurt him tatelah," she whispered. "Daddy does not know how much I want to be able to enjoy being with him, how much I want this part of our marriage to be as wonderful as everything else. But it is not that simple and it will take time." Ziva sighed. "I love him so much, I wish my healing did not hurt him so badly."

Tony leaned his head against the wall and tried to keep from crying. He'd come out of the bathroom to grab the clothes he forgot and ended up hearing Ziva's quiet words through the monitor. Why for once couldn't life be fair for them?

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva were never subtle when they weren't getting along, so minutes into their day the team could tell that something was wrong. The couple hadn't spoken a word since arriving and had yet to make eye contact, though every time the other wasn't looking, their gazes drifted across the bullpen, heavy with sadness and longing. Perhaps it wouldn't've been so obvious if they were busy working a case, but today was just paperwork and the silence felt almost suffocating. The hours dragged by and Gibbs left for coffee more often than usual, while McGee chose to spend his time in the lab with Abby and Tami instead of braving the thick tension between his teammates to be at his desk.

Gibbs let them go early for the night, needing a break as much as everyone else. Ziva immediately fled to the stairs and Tony packed his things slowly before taking the elevator to go get Chaya. They had driven in separate cars and they left in separate cars for separate destinations, feeling the crack between them getting wider all the time. Tony drove around for awhile with his sleeping daughter in the backseat before making a decision. He headed for McGee and Abby's, got Chaya's seat and diaper bag out and knocked on the front door.

Tim answered the door and seemed surprised. "Tony, come in."

The older man shook his head. "No thanks. I just wondered if you and Abby can watch Chaya for a couple hours. I know it's last minute but-"

Abby heard and came up behind her husband. "It's no problem Tony, we can take her."

Tony swallowed and handed the baby to McGee and her bag to Abby. "Thanks." Then he turned around and walked away.

McGee closed the door and met Abby's concerned eyes. "Tim, what is going on?"

He rubbed his face. "I don't know Abbs, but I've never seen them like that before."

**NCIS**

Ziva worked herself ragged at Ops. More than once Duke cautioned her to tone things down a notch, but as soon as he wasn't looking, she went right back to her previous intensity. The guys gave her a wide berth and any harbouring ideas of sparring with her quickly changed their minds in favour of self-preservation. By the time she abandoned the punching bag and had been running flat out for half an hour, Duke laid down the law. "You're done David."

She looked at him, startled out of her zone, and slowed to a stop. "Why?"

Ziva was panting and shaking, sweat dripping off her and she wondered why he wouldn't let her stay? Duke shook his head. "Because it's been three hours and if you collapse in my gym it'll make me look bad." He raised an eyebrow. "And I'm sure your husband and daughter would like to see you at some point tonight."

Her eyes darkened. "One of them might, but she is already asleep."

Duke frowned. "Ziva..."

She grabbed her towel and mopped the moisture from her face. "Never mind. Good night."

Watching her leave, Duke couldn't shake the apprehension in his gut. Something was definitely going on. And from the looks of her, it wasn't good.

**NCIS**

For hours Tony wandered the streets of DC. The sun sank lower, the air cooled and still he walked, head down, hands in his pocket, heart heavy and defeated. Finally he came to a bench and dropped onto it, leaning over and holding his head in his hands. Footsteps approached but Tony didn't look up, hoping he looked miserable enough to be ignored. But instead of moving on, the person sat down.

"I thought you were never going to stop walking."

Tony closed his eyes and sat back. "You stalking me now McGoo?"

"Not really," Tim said lightly, and Tony glanced at him with a frown.

"How'd you find me?"

McGee held up his phone, showing a street map with a blinking red dot. "There's a GPS tracker in your watch."

Tony turned his wrist and fiddled with the time piece. "You bugged me."

Tim chuckled. "Not me. Remember when Ziva was gone and things got real bad? Abby was determined to keep tabs on you, said she refused to lose another family member." He shrugged. "I don't know what else she did, but you freaked her out leaving Chaya with us and disappearing. So Abby told me about the tracker and I figured sooner or later you'd slow down enough to need someone to talk to."

Tony stared at his watch. "I'll have to remember to thank her someday."

McGee got comfortable and texted his wife quickly before turning to his friend. "Care to share?"

Tony scraped his fingers through his already disheveled hair. "Ziva and I had sex last night," he said bluntly. "First time. I hung a lot of hope on that moment Tim, I waited months for her to be ready, but it made everything worse."

Realizing he was about to learn a lot more than he ever cared to know about his friends' personal lives, Tim cleared his throat. "How so?"

Tony sighed. "She had a nightmare flashing back to one of the first times they gang raped her. Threw up, had to shower, wouldn't let me near her. Afterwards we talked and I thought things were going to be okay, but this morning I wanted to make sure, so I asked." A pained laugh escaped his throat. "Do you know what it's like to be told she didn't enjoy being with me? After everything, all the time we've waited, all the progress we've made, I was so thrilled to finally get the chance, but..." He trailed off. "That's one thing I was always confident about Tim, and now...I don't know what to do."

Tim hurt for his friend, but he couldn't see Ziva saying something like that. She would never wound Tony intentionally, not now. "That's what she said?" he pressed. "No explanation, no nothing, just 'you're not good enough'?"

Tony felt like beating his head against a wall. "She said it's different - our first time and the first time she'd done it by choice in over a year. She said she wants to know what it's like to find pleasure in sex again. But I wanted so badly for her to experience that this time. I feel like a failure and I can't...I don't know how to face her now."

"Even though she'd beating herself up about it just as badly as you? That she hates hurting you even if it's because she was honest? Ziva loves you Tony," McGee reminded him. "You should've seen the way she was looking at you today."

He lifted his eyes. "How?"

Tim eyed him pointedly. "The same way you were looking at her."

Tony leaned back and was quiet for a long time. Finally he spoke. "I think I better go home."

"Good choice," McGee clapped him on the shoulder. "Tell me where you left your car, then come back and get your daughter." He grinned. "If I go home without you, you're going to end up with an unexpected visitor later so Abby can see for herself that you're alright."

Tony swallowed. "Thanks Tim."

They shook hands. "It's like Abby always says, this is what family is for."

**NCIS**

After stopping in at Tim and Abby's to retrieve his daughter, and assure his little sister that he would be okay even if he wasn't yet, Tony returned home and moved Chaya from her carseat to her crib, kissing her soft head. "I love you sweetie. Sleep tight, okay?" He held her longer than necessary before laying her down and closing the door. Outside Chaya's nursery, Tony leaned against the wall and blew out a breath. Slowly his ears tuned in to the noises of the house - fans whirring, the air conditioning humming - and over them he recognized the sound of the shower running. Gathering what was left of his shredded confidence, Tony went into their room and undressed down to his boxers.

He walked into the bathroom and watched Ziva's silhouette through the curtain for a moment, then stepped inside before he could change his mind. Ziva opened her eyes from rinsing her hair and jumped, not expecting to have company. The vulnerability in her husband's eyes broke her heart and she reached for his hands, pulling him close. "Tony?"

Putting a finger over her lips, he shook his head, replacing the digit with his own lips. Ziva let go of all her questions and eagerly drank in Tony's kiss. The distance between them all day had been killing her and she'd wondered more than once if maybe she was getting a taste of what he had been feeling for months. So right now she would take whatever he was offering. Tony slowly ran his hands up and down her back, dragging her flush against him. Ziva broke away when she noticed the difference.

Gesturing to his underwear, she frowned. "Why? I have not asked that of you in weeks."

He dug his fingers into her hair. "So you don't feel pressure. So I can try to concentrate."

Ziva sighed. "If this is going to be a serious conversation, can we at least get out of the shower?"

Tony nodded. "Soon. But can I just touch you first?"

She seemed confused, then agreed. Tony took his time, using fingers and lips to explore her body, paying special attention to the softness of her breasts. Lastly he turned her around so that her back was against his chest and crossed his arms over her front. Ziva leaned into him and held his wrists, content to just be.

Finally Tony kissed her shoulder. "Okay, I'm ready."

They got out and dried off but donned robes instead of pyjamas and sat on the floor with their backs to the tub. Tony kept careful hold of her hand, not saying anything until Ziva nudged him. "I am sorry for this morning."

He swallowed hard, eyes fixed on her fingernails. "I'm the one who asked."

She sighed. "I hope I will have a different answer for you next time."

Next time...wasn't it strange that he now dreaded the very thing he'd longed for? "I don't know how to feel."

Ziva traced the veins in the back of his hand and debated before opening her mouth again. "How was it for you?"

So, he wasn't the only one struggling with insecurity. Good to know even if it offered him little comfort from the struggled inside. Tony turned her hand over and drew his fingers up her arm and over each scar on her wrist. "I felt relief that we could finally be together that way. I thought it was too short. When I dreamed of making love to you, I spent hours touching and kissing you and then drew the act out as long as possible. So yeah, it was good for me. I guess that's why I wanted you to feel the same."

Ziva made him look at her, placing her hands on his cheeks. "You are the first man I have allowed to touch me that way in more than a year. And you are the only one I can imagine letting that close. I know for awhile sex may not be perfect or even good. But I promise that I will do whatever it takes for us both to enjoy the experience. I just need time to finish healing Tony, and I am sorry to have to ask for more of your patience."

He gave her a half-grin. "Well, I've spent all these months building it up, it would be a shame to waste it."

She kissed him, sliding her fingers through his hair. "Can I do anything to fix the hurt?"

Tony rested his head on hers. "Just sleep close to me tonight, okay? I don't want to forget what is good."

That night when they went to bed Ziva crawled in behind her husband and held him tightly against her. Tony fell asleep with the scent of her shampoo in his nose and the strength of her arms to remind him of all that they'd gained. Maybe tomorrow the future would look bright again.

**NCIS**

Later that evening Celeste joined Gibbs on the couch, where he was half-heartedly flipping through a book while he drank his tea. It was a secret the team was not meant to find out - that even the great Leroy Jethro Gibbs, coffee afficionado - enjoyed a good cup of tea on quiet evenings. She brushed her fingers through his hair. "You're preoccupied."

He glanced up at her. "Long day."

Celeste leaned into his side. "Want to tell me about it?"

Gibbs sighed and the sound caused Lexie to look up. When no one reassured her, the dog padded over and rested her muzzle on his knee. He rewarded her concern with a gentle hand on her head and her mistress kissed his cheek. "See, we both care."

He put his arm around her and Celeste rested her legs over his lap. "Something was wrong with Tony and Ziva today."

She frowned. "Wrong how?"

"Didn't talk, didn't touch, didn't so much as look each other in the eye the whole darn day!" Gibbs shook his head. Sometimes I'd give anything for DiNozzo to shut up. Need to be careful what I wish for."

"It's a pretty good gauge of his mood if he's not talking at all," she agreed. "I hope they're not fighting."

He snorted. "If they're fighting, the whole building knows it! I told you about the last one."

"In detail," Celeste grinned. "That must've been a sight."

"I don't care to have it repeated," Gibbs admitted. "But this was different. More like they were both wounded somehow."

"You can't fix all their problems Jethro. Some things Tony and Ziva will have to work out for themselves." She kissed his cheek. "Experience has shown that if they need help, they know who to ask for it."

Gibbs leaned against Celeste's shoulder and sighed. "Probably drive myself crazy if I didn't have you. Being a single parent is hard."

Celeste chuckled. "You just need a sounding board. Even Lexie could be that for you."

He cradled her against his chest. "Yeah, but I like you better. You're what I've been missing Les."

She met his lips with hers and indulged in the kiss, knowing now that they had no reason to pull back or stop. They finally parted and Celeste smiled at the look in his eyes. "Can you believe it's already been a week?"

Gibbs' hand caressed her leg to the top of her thigh and back down, taking pleasure in the way he could see her fighting to focus. "Shoulda done this three months ago."

Dragging her fingers down his chest, Celeste shook her head. "We needed that time to be friends again, to see if we could be in a relationship now." She raised an eyebrow teasingly. "Maybe a month ago though."

He tickled her and Celeste squirmed, fighting off his hands and trying to get away until she ended up pinned beneath his weight on the couch. Taking advantage of his position, Gibbs stroked her face and joined their lips briefly. "I wish I had appreciated having you to come home to the first time," he whispered gruffly.

Celeste's eyes twinkled. "Remember that this time, just as I will be glad every time you walk through the door and I see your ring." She pushed him away and got up feigning a yawn. "Well, I think it's time for bed."

He gave her an incredulous look, but she pretended not to notice and headed upstairs. Gibbs only put up with her actions for a minute before following. He caught her in the hallway near their room and spun her around, trapping Celeste in his arms. Lowering his head, he started dragging his lips across her collarbone. His wife's body sagged in his arms.

"Not...playing...fair," she said breathlessly, barely able to think clearly. The man had an advantage - being married to her previously had taught him exactly how to get her to respond.

Gibbs stared at her with dark, hungry eyes. "Who said it had to be fair?"

Celeste gave herself up to his kisses and touches, knowing her husband loved being in control. But he wasn't the only one who knew bedroom secrets and next time she'd have him begging for mercy. One had to be very careful when playing with fire. It was hard not to get burned.


	84. Chapter 84

Sunday afternoon McGee picked up the phone and dialed the number for the DiNozzo house. After two rings the call was answered. "Hi. You've reached the bachelor pad. I'm watching James Bond right now and cannot be disturbed but if you want to try again later, I'll-"

"Tony!" McGee cut off his monologue.

The older man paused his DVD. "Oh hey Probie, what's up?"

He chuckled. "The bachelor pad, really?"

Tony laughed. "Only because my girls are gone for a couple hours. Ziva's hanging out with one of her girlfriends, so I'm all by my lonesome until they get back."

That was news to McGee. "I didn't know Ziva had girlfriends."

Tony sobered. "She didn't used to, but she met Lina while on maternity leave. They're really good for each other."

"Glad to hear it."

"So, what can I do for you?" Tony asked, grabbing another handful of popcorn.

Tim sighed. "I'm calling in a favour."

"Oh?" Tony's ears perked up. "Well in that case, I'm at your disposal."

"Good," McGee grinned, "because Abby is thirty-three weeks pregnant and demanding I assemble the rest of the baby furniture. I started with the crib, but after one look at the directions, I realized I needed backup."

"I'll be there in twenty minutes," Tony promised, glad for the chance to even things up a bit. Trying to gauge how long it might take, Tony realized Ziva and Chaya might be home before he got back. He left a note for his wife anyways, to meet him at Abby and McGee's.

He arrived and Abby met him at the door. "Thanks for coming." She giggled. "Timmy needs moral support."

Tony sniffed the air. "Do I smell dessert?"

She crossed her arms and glared. "Chocolate cake, from scratch." Tony licked his lips and she swatted him. "Work first, we'll talk about compensation after I see how you do."

"It'd be pretty good incentive," he pointed out, but Abby shook her head and gestured to the stairs.

"Go help my husband."

He saluted. "Yes ma'am."

Entering the nursery, Tony found McGee sitting on the floor with parts spread out around him and a page of instructions abandoned in the middle. "Giving up already?"

Tim looked up and grinned. "I'm programming the baby monitor, that is much more in my area of expertise."

Tony lifted an eyebrow and propped his fists on his hips. "It's baby furniture, how hard can it be?"

An hour later he wanted to eat those words. "Why do they give us so many of these little pieces anyways?" he grumbled. "This is the third time and we still have parts left over!"

McGee covered his face with his hands and groaned. "Abby's going to kill me."

Gibbs appeared in the doorway with a coffee and appraised the situation. "Yup."

Both men jumped and Tony frowned. "Boss? What are you doing here?"

He looked down at the nametag Abby had pressed onto his shirt. "Safety Monitor."

"She doesn't trust us," Tony summed up. McGee's face fell but Tony shook his head. "I wouldn't trust us either, look at this mess!"

"Abby wants a safe place for her baby to sleep," Gibbs put in. Then he picked up the instructions and started giving orders that Tony and Tim were quick to follow, glad to have someone who knew what they were doing take charge.

More than two hours after they first began, the guys were adding the finishing touches. Finally they stood back and surveyed their handiwork. "There, done," McGee declared happily.

Tony made a face. "I still don't see how something this simple could be so complicated. Good thing you were here Boss."

Gibbs finished his second coffee. "Mmhmm."

Just then the doorbell rang and Abby left the kitchen to answer it. Ziva stood on the front porch with Chaya, holding a note. "Do you have my husband?"

"Yes," Abby laughed, pulling her inside. "And you're just in time for dessert."

The men came downstairs and Tony made a beeline for his wife and daughter and lifted Chaya into his arms. He kissed Ziva. "You found me."

She rolled her eyes. "It is not hide and find when you tell me where you are."

"Hide and seek," Tony corrected. "Can't wait until you're big enough for that game princess." Gibbs came up beside him and just stared. Tony heaved a sigh and handed over the baby. "I don't know who gave you first dibbs," he grumbled.

Abby shook her head. "Stop complaining and come have cake Tony," she suggested. His face lit up at the prospect of something sweet and they all settled at the table.

After one bite, Ziva's eyes darted to Abby. "This is very good."

She grinned. "Thank you. Old family recipe." A minute later Abby looked at Gibbs, uncertainty in her gaze. "Should I have invited Celeste?"

Tony's head came up. "Yeah Boss, how's being married?" He refrained from adding 'again', hoping to avoid the inevitable headslap.

Gibbs chewed and swallowed slowly, aware that all eyes at the table were slowly being drawn to him. "Good," he said at last, turning back to Abby. "She's working on her editing project. Almost done. Even I wasn't allowed to interrupt her today."

Abby sighed. She and Celeste were slowly becoming friends and she was trying hard to accept the treasured place the woman held in Gibbs' life. No longer trying to shut Celeste out, Abby often just forgot to think of her. "You can take some cake home for her," she decided, feeling better about it.

Once dessert was over, the company got ready to go and Gibbs was handed a plastic wrapped plate. Abby hugged them all in her usual flamboyant fashion and then hurried upstairs to examine their handiwork while McGee cleaned up. Gibbs drove home - they'd decided to stay as his place on weekends - and walked in to find Celeste sitting at the kitchen table, papers spread out all around her and a look of intense concentration on her face.

He set the plate down on a clear space and kissed the back of her neck. "Almost done," Celeste murmured, not even moving.

Gibbs got a fork out of the cutlery drawer and put it with the cake, then started running water to do dishes. When he glanced over his shoulder, Celeste was rapidly jotting down notes at the bottom of a page. _She must be one of the only editors left in today's world who still does everything by hand_, he mused. Just one more reason they got along so well, even if she was better with computers.

He was rinsing the last dish when she came up behind him, drawing her hand slowly down his back. "Hi." Gibbs dried his hands and turned around to kiss her. Celeste smiled. "Sorry for ignoring you."

His lips brushed her nose. "You gave me fair warning this morning. All finished?"

Her eyes lit up. "Packed and ready to be sent." She made a face. "Now I have to face Jenna again."

He slid his hands behind her back. "What are you going to tell her?"

Celeste sighed. "I'm not sure. I enjoy working for her and it's a good place to make contacts, but I don't want to give up my freedom by staying too long."

Gibbs rubbed his thumbs over her lower back, feeling the tension she carried from sitting all day. "So make her a deal. Say you'll work on two or three projects a year and the rest of the time you do your own thing."

She put her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his. "Good idea. I knew I married you for a reason."

"Something more than just the obvious physical benefits," he smirked.

Celeste rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't go that far yet. I want to sample my cake before you start thinking about taking me upstairs."

"Can't say it's not on my mind."

"You are worse than a teenage boy sometimes," she accused, returning to the table. Patting the chair beside her, she looked back at him. "Come tell me how supervising went. I see you got tagged."

Gibbs pulled off the label and tossed it in the trash. "If Abby's child is anything like her mother, I'm going to come home from babysitting covered in stickers."

"And loving every minute of it," Celeste predicted, then drew her eyebrows together. "Her? I thought Abby wanted a boy."

He shrugged. "What she wants and what she gets may be two very different things. 50/50 chance either way. But I like the idea of having granddaughters running around, little mini-clones of their mothers."

Celeste took a bite, savouring the moist chocolate dessert. "You are a softy."

Gibbs leaned back in the chair. "Don't tell anyone, it'll ruin my image."

"I think your girls are onto you already, but my lips are sealed," she promised.

"Good." He kissed her because he could and sat there basking in the peace of what was now his life. It was good not to be alone.

**NCIS**

"Blitz!" Tami crowed triumphantly, causing groans around the table.

Jimmy dropped his cards on the table. "Why are you better at this than us?"

Tami and Breena shared a look and giggled. "Because girls can multi-task," Breena said gently, kissing his cheek.

"Well, you are just learning," Tami conceded. "But when Trevor and I play in pairs games, we're unstoppable."

Matt leaned his head on his hand. "Isn't it kind of unfair to play with someone who can read your mind?"

Tami shrugged. "It's not like we can help being twins. But it's nice too, no one knows you better."

Breena started sorting cards into piles based on the pictures. "I'm glad you introduced us to this game Tami, I never heard of Dutch Blitz before I met you."

"I'm just thrilled to have people to play with again," Tami shared, starting to shuffle her cards. "I always keep a deck with me, but it's hard when you need three other people. My siblings and I used to play all the time, but I haven't gotten much practice since school."

"It seems like we've known each other longer than a couple months," Breena observed, "but Jimmy and I really like having another couple to hang out with."

"I love the team," Jimmy clarified, "but I don't always fit, especially now that they're all married."

"I know what you mean," Matt agreed, counting cards into his ten pile. "I miss working with them, but I was always on the outside."

Jimmy nodded in sympathy. "Replacements never go over well on Gibbs' team. When Ziva...well, when she was gone, no one stayed longer than a month. It just wasn't the same."

Curiosity lit Matt's eyes. "Do you know the story? No on would ever tell me why she's so special."

The autopsy assistant pushed up his glasses and folded his hands nervously "I know some of it. But I'd have to ask permission to tell you. It's very personal."

Frustrated at being left out again, Matt nonetheless respected Jimmy's position. "That's fair. Okay," he rubbed his hands together, trying to lighten the mood, "let's get started. I'm feeling lucky this time."

Tami couldn't hide her smile. "That's what you said last time."

He raised an eyebrow. "Bet you an ice cream cone that I win."

She chuckled. "As long as you're prepared to pay up."

"Someone's got to knock you off that high horse."

Tami's competitive spirit kicked in and she counted them down to start. The table was a flurry of hands getting first cards out and then quiet while they flipped through their piles. As soon as one person got a streak it seemed to set everyone else off, but in the end no one was more surprised than Jimmy when he came out the victor. Even though Breena had to nudge him and remind him to announce his win, he was so excited that the others couldn't help applauding.

Later when Breena and Jimmy left, Tami went to the shelf in her livingroom and pulled out a book, holding it carefully before she looked up at him. "We're not supposed to know about this," she began, biting her lip, "but Abby said something once about Tim writing a book, so I did a little digging." Tami handed the thick volume to her boyfriend. "It came out last month. Maybe this will have the answers you want."

Matt took the book, his eyes drawn to the hazy cover shot. He opened it and skimmed the description, feeling a heaviness in the pit of his stomach. He nodded, not sure now if he wanted to know. "Thank you."

She shrugged. "I haven't read it yet. I tried, but after a few pages all I could see was our friends and...it was too much. But I hope it helps you understand them better." Tami hugged him and touched her lips to the corner of his mouth. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He pulled her close. "Not even going to say goodby properly?"

Tami gave in and kissed him, then closed the door behind him. Maybe they actually could make this work. No one had ever stayed as long as him. That had to mean something, right? She could only hope. She didn't want to let this man go - ever.

**NCIS**

Gibbs entered the lab Monday morning carrying the required blue No Caf Pow cup. Abby turned around and he stopped to take in her appearance, frowning. "We got a case I don't know about?"

Abby looked down at the red evidence garage overalls and shook her head. "Nope. But I'm huge and I give up trying to wear normal clothes. I'm going to stick with these from now on."

Argument was futile so he handed her the beverage and kissed her cheek. "See you tonight."

She nodded. "Yup. But Sammy's staying with McGee this time. There's too much in your basement that puppies shouldn't get into."

Gibbs remembered the interesting time of it they'd had a couple weeks ago and nodded. "Okay. Don't get bored."

Abby chuckled. "With a puppy, an assistant, and Bert I'm set."

"Okay." Gibbs turned to go and Abby hesitated.

"Umm...is Celeste going to be there?"

He shook his head. "Nah. I heard something about a romance movie marathon." Gibbs made a face. "I think we'll have lots of time."

Abby grinned. "Good."

**NCIS**

The beginning of the week only made Ziva acutely aware that she didn't have therapy to attend tomorrow. It nagged at her all day and finally she took her cellphone to the alcove by the stairs and dialed Devon's extension. Her assistant, Jorah, answered. "Dr. Andrews' office."

"This is Ziva DiNozzo. Does Devon have any appointments available tonight?"

Jorah flipped a page in the daytimer. "She stays late on Mondays Ziva, she could see you at seven."

"That would be fine, thank you," Ziva agreed, feeling a surge of relief. For all the time she'd spent at Ops working out emotions and the talking she and Tony were doing, it just wasn't enough this time. Speaking of Ops, Ziva realized she'd better let Duke know she couldn't come today so he wouldn't call looking for her.

Tony left early as usual, once Chaya had nursed, and took her home for a bath. Half an hour later Ziva also said she needed to leave and Gibbs didn't ask any questions. While her husband thought she was training with Duke, Ziva made her way downstairs to a familiar hallway. Devon's outer office was dark since Jorah had already gone home, but light showed under the door, so Ziva let herself in.

Devon looked up from the paperwork on her desk. "I didn't expect to see your name on my schedule today."

Ziva took a seat in the chair for once, facing Devon. She liked that the room was only lit by a lamp, it felt less formal somehow, easier to talk. "I could not wait until next week."

The doctor's eyebrows drew together. "What happened Ziva?"

She shrugged. "We had sex."

There was no excitement in the announcement and Devon's heart sank. "And?"

Ziva ran her fingers through her hair and sighed. "It was not what I expected. Tony was...he was so gentle Devon, but as much as I was able to take him into my body, the experience was not what I hoped."

"How so?" her doctor asked.

Her eyes flitted from place to place. "It was uncomfortable. I had a flashback before we even started, but Tony helped. He did not last long and I did not mind." She pulled her knees up to shield herself. "Later I had a nightmare - I threw up, I could not be near him and I had to shower. But we talked after and I thought everything was okay. The next day I was sore, it reminded me of a first time. Then Tony asked me and I had to be honest, that enjoy was not the right word." Ziva shook her head. "He pulled away very hard and we did not speak all day. But that night he still joined me in the shower to kiss and touch me and reassure himself. Afterwards we talked and I held him in bed. We have been okay since then, but I did not expect it to be so difficult."

"You and Tony have made physical intimacy a goal," Devon observed. "And I think it was in the back of both your minds that when you could finally have sex, everything would be okay. You would be healed and life would be normal. But it doesn't work that way. You still have horrible memories that reflect on sex and your body had not forgotten what it feels like to be violated. So yes, intimacy is possible now, but that does not erase the consequences of your captivity."

Ziva frowned. "I do not understand the nightmare - Tony did not frighten me. The worst part was letting him in, but at least that was a choice this time. He did not make me think of Somalia."

Devon's expression was understanding. "Maybe not at the time, but your subconscious was well aware of the similarities. You're not afraid of Tony, but his touch is real and he is there - your actual experience with him is bringing the memories back up and make them real, that's what you're fighting, what your mind and body are reacting to."

Ziva's next words came out very quiet. "He is afraid to touch me now. Not that he has stopped," she elaborated, "but Tony is careful not to let any of our time together get to the point of acting on desire." She seemed uncertain. "I am not entirely sure I want to have sex again right away, I dread disappointing him or falling back into Somalia as a result of being intimate, but neither do I want us to avoid it forever."

Devon tapped her pen. "I wish I could tell you that this will not last long, that if you give it a little time your desire for your husband will eventually not be tainted by shadows of that terrorist camp. But I can't make any promises - each case is different and you and Tony will have to find what works for you."

That wasn't what Ziva wanted to hear. "Will they ever go away, my memories?"

"One day they'll fade into the background Ziva. Some parts of that event you will always carry, but you are working so hard to overcome everything, that I think your life here, the love that binds you to this place and these people, will eventually be strong enough to keep the nightmares and all recollections of Somalia far from your mind."

Ziva nodded, her eyes fixed on the rug. "I would like to stay for a little longer."

"Of course," Devon agreed. "As long as you need. That's what I'm here for."

**NCIS**

Hours later a Goth walked slowly down familiar basement steps. Gibbs had a large worktable set up in the back corner, which he'd cleared of boxes to make room. With his glasses on and a small toy in hand, he reminded her of the toymaker from an old kids movie. He looked up. "Hi Abs."

She approached the table. "It's coming along great." Abby ran her hands slowly over the smooth wood of the completed toy chest. "Thank you for doing this."

Gibbs met her gaze. "He or she is my grandchild Abby, you're my daughter. I want to do this."

Abby sat heavily on the stool and reached for a piece of sandpaper to work on the dresser drawer knobs. Gibbs put the last piece into place on the train engine and moved onto the dresser drawers that still needed to be assembled. They worked in silence for a long time before Abby sighed. "I don't think I'm ready to be a mom."

"You're never ready to be a parent," Gibbs informed her. "But then you are and you figure it out as you go."

She dragged the rough paper carefully over the round knobs. "When Kelly was born, were you scared?"

He stopped what he was doing. "Scared spitless from the moment they put her in my arms. She was so tiny and delicate and helpless, I didn't know how to deal with the fact that she depended on me for everything. It was weeks before Shannon could convince me to give her a bath by myself. I was so scared I was going to drop or break her."

Surprised that he'd shared so much, Abby got in more questions while she could. "Did that ever change?"

Gibbs leaned his hands on the bench and thought back. "When she was two months old Kelly fell asleep on my chest when I came home after working a late shift on base. That was when it hit me - I was her dad. She trusted me, she knew me. And I knew that for her I could do this. So I did."

Abby's hand caressed her stomach. "I love my baby Gibbs. We didn't plan him, but I don't regret getting pregnant. I just...I'm afraid to be alone. Timmy will go back to work and I'll be all by myself." She looked down. "I'm not good at being just me without anyone else. I need people."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over her shoulder. "We'll make sure you aren't alone Abs. The team will visit, you can come to NCIS, even spend time in your lab as long as Tami isn't doing anything dangerous. I promise."

She threw her arms around him. "I love you Gibbs."

He held her close. "Love you too Abby. Always will."


	85. Chapter 85

_A/N: A few more replies... PS. Guests, I totally love you guys, but if you could leave a name when you review so you know which reply is for you, that would help :) Thanks!_

_Guest (Ch 79) - Oh, uhh, wow, that's kind of awkward. While it may be a possibility, getting into the mechanics of biology was not something I was prepared to deal with. Sorry._

_Guest (Ch 83) - I'm glad you're enjoying the daily postings, always happy to give people something to look forward to :) And it's nice to be a favourite too. Thanks, that was one of my goals, realism in this story, so I appreciate hearing that. Thank you, you're very sweet and I'm thrilled you're enjoying the story._

_Sarah (Ch 83) - I love to reply to as many people as I can, you guys have already done me such a favour by reviewing :) I know, me too. I was hoping for TYF to be 3-5 chapters at the least, but then I wrote it and it was just kinda...done. I could expand, but I think it does a good job of wrapping things up. I guess we'll see when I post it. Snapshots is by far my favourite, so many good moments in there to look forward to. Oh man, I had to do so much research for the Hebrew it was ridiculous. Finding transliterated Hebrew phrases online is much harder than it sounds. Even then I'm sure I messed things up, I really did try. Congrats on starting to learn it! Wow, that must be interesting. I agree, it seems like a very beautiful language. I've already gotten attached to some of the words and phrases I've been using, tho I'm sure I'm pronouncing them totally wrong. I guess you'd probably have to go to Israel to have a conversation tho, huh? Too bad. Thanks :) I know it was sad but I agree, better to be honest because he's going to figure it out eventually. More resolution of that to come I think. Thanks for reviewing! PS. If you ever want to get an account, it's not as scary as it sounds and so much easier to chat! ~Aliyah_

_Guest (Ch 83) who wishes the story could last forever - Me too! I thought I'd be relieved to have it over with but I find I'm missing my characters/world much more than I expected. Especially now that I'm writing the last Snapshot (tho I'm totally open to adding more of them if the inspiration hits). I'm glad you think it's good, thanks :) Check out my profile if you're interested in other stories. There's several Tiva and a couple McAbby one-shots, they're all labeled. Thanks for being interested!_

_zoey (Ch 83) - I have doubts that I will ever write another Tiva story of this magnitude (tho I cannot speak for the slightly obsessive plot bunnies that seem to keep finding me) and I have no plans for a McAbby story. I had a few ideas floating around but I'm okay taking a writing break for now. So at this point I'd say, don't get your hopes up. This is pretty much the last of my inspiration. As for the future *shrugs* I guess we'll see. Thanks for asking!_

On Friday Tony and Ziva both took the afternoon off so they could go to Chaya's doctor appointment. There'd been no question at all if Tony was accompanying her this time - the dark look when he suggested only one of them go had him agreeing in seconds. By two pm they sat in Exam Room #4 with Chaya on Tony's lap, chewing on the toy he held.

Dr. Meyers walked in minutes later and smiled knowingly. "I thought I might see all of you today." She leaned down to look at Chaya. "It's a good thing you don't remember last time or you wouldn't be grinning at me like that." She straightened and smiled encouragingly. "Okay Dad, I guess it's your turn. Lay her on the table please."

Tony could feel his palms sweat as he lifted Chaya into his arms and stood, brushing a kiss to her head. "It's okay sweetie, Daddy's here." Ziva stayed in her chair and kept a wary eye on the doctor.

Watching both of them, Mandy shook her head. "It's always harder on the parents. Tony, sit down, I've changed my mind. You can hold her for this." She listened to Chaya's breathing and heartbeat and inquired how she was after the last shots. Then she reached into her pocket and brought out the needles.

Tony's eyes widened. "You're going to stick her with those? Is this entirely necessary?"

Mandy glanced back at Ziva and moved to block her view of the baby. "I'm afraid so. But I'll make it quick and then you can go and you won't have to bring her back for two months."

He held out a hand. "Wait, she has to get more? How many?"

It was a demand and Mandy tried not to laugh. Dealing with Chaya's dad was definitely worse than her mom. "Four. Six months, one year, fifteen months and a year and a half. That's the vaccination schedule."

Tony fought the urge to snatch up their things and storm out, never to return again. It was unrealistic, but that didn't matter. He locked eyes with his wife for a moment, then cradled Chaya protectively against his chest. "Get it over with," he muttered.

Following orders, Mandy positioned his hands out of the area she needed to swab and injected the first vaccine, then quickly turned the baby to do the second one, pressing little round colourful bandaids to both legs. It was over in a matter of seconds but Chaya shrieked, then kept up a continuous wail even after the doctor moved away. Tony held her close and murmured into her ear, rubbing his fingers firmly up and down her spine. The tears rolling down her cheeks broke his heart and he understood now why Ziva had needed a hug after getting Chaya through this alone.

The baby finally quieted and Mandy went over the instructions again for symptoms Chaya might deal with before letting the little family go. It turned out to be a good thing that they didn't go into work. Chaya was fussy at her feeding half an hour after returning home and by late afternoon she was running a fever. Ziva went upstairs for the baby tylenol and Tony undressed Chaya down to her diaper, holding cold cloths to the red marks on her legs.

It was a long day. Ziva had to pump because Chaya refused to nurse and it was nearly bedtime before she would take Ziva's breast again. Her sleep that night was fitful and they took turns comforting her when she cried. Both were very glad the next day was Saturday. Tony and Ziva kept her home from swimming and turned down the offer of guests since a cranky baby was no fun to hang out with.

Despite their protests, Gibbs and Celeste came anyways to give the parents a couple hours' break. Instead of going out, they curled up on their bed and took a nap, grateful that Chaya was sleeping when they woke up. She slept for a long time, nursed, spent an hour crying and then settled down in her crib as if it was any other night. Worn out, Tony and Ziva got into bed and slipped into dreams before they even said goodnight.

**NCIS**

Tony opened his eyes, gradually becoming aware of his surroundings again. The despair from what he'd been seeing held on hard, and relief filled him when he saw that his wife slept peacefully beside him in their bed. It had all been a dream. He reached up to wipe his face and found tears. No, it had been a nightmare all too close to reality. Slowly Tony sat up, trying not to disturb Ziva. He propped his feet on the bedframe and rested his head in his hands, sighing heavily, but quietly. Thank God it wasn't real.

"Tony?" her sleepy tone belied that fact that Ziva was completely alert and ready for action if need be. He didn't answer, not sure he could trust his voice at the moment. Instead he just continued to stare out the window until Ziva knelt behind him, wrapping her arms around his chest and shoulders. "What is wrong?" Her voice was full of care, her breath warm on his ear.

"I couldn't do it Ziva," he choked out at last, emotion clogging his throat. "I couldn't do this without you."

She tilted her head, trying to figure out his meaning, her dark curly hair falling over his arm like a soft curtain. "You do not have to ahava," she tried to reassure him, "I am not going anywhere."

One of his hands wrapped around her wrist, and Ziva tightened her hold on him. "Do you remember why we got married early?" Tony asked quietly.

Memories of the doctor's appointment, of Mandy's concern and ultimatum concerning her pregnancy flooded back into Ziva's mind and suddenly she knew what her husband was thinking. "Oh Tony." She buried her head in his neck, muttering in Hebrew while she tried to sort out what she could say to make it better. His body shuddered, waves of emotion rolling off of him. After several moments, Ziva had a plan.

"Look at me," she commanded, and Tony kind of glanced at her over his shoulder, wondering if he was in trouble. Ziva let go and panic flashed on his face. She sat back on her feet. "No, look at me Tony."

Turning, he did as she asked, automatically reaching out for her hands. Touching her had always enabled him to remember what was real. After a moment of silence, he lifted an eyebrow. "What am I supposed to be seeing?"

"Me," Ziva said simply. "I am here. I am okay. Chaya is okay. You are okay," she put emphasis on him. "Nothing bad happened Tony. I know it feels real, I dreamt that it was when I asked you to marry me sooner. But it is not real and we are together and I am not going anywhere."

Tony closed his eyes and nearly fell into her arms. Ziva lay down again and pressed herself into her husband's body, knowing he needed the contact. Tony gathered her as close as he could, turning his face into her messy hair to breathe the scent of her curls. Slipping one of her legs between his, Ziva held him. It was minutes later before she finally thought of two other things that would help. First, she took his right hand and laid it on her over her heart so he could feel the steady beat, a reassurance that everything she'd told him was true. Then Ziva lifted her face and brushed her lips over his. That was all the encouragement Tony needed and he greedily drank in the kiss. One kiss led to two, then three, then four and that was when Ziva stopped counting.

The make out session was only the beginning and their lovemaking that night was slow and gentle and passionate, as Tony savoured every second of the connection he was still so newly allowed to have with her. Using her body, Ziva proved to her husband that she was very much alive and very much in love with him. They fell asleep together, tired and sweaty but content as Tony held Ziva in his arms, lacing their fingers together before he closed his eyes. He didn't really want to go back to sleep in case the dream was still there waiting, but with Ziva laying naked against him, he couldn't help but think his dreams would be of an entirely different nature this time. And he was okay with that. As long as they were together, they could get through anything.

**NCIS**

The sound of the shower brought him out of sleep and when he understood, Tony wished he hadn't woken up. It had only been a couple of hours since their middle of the night talk and the subsequent comfort her body had offered him, and if it were a weekday Ziva would be going for a run. But it was very early on Sunday morning and once again Ziva had to take a shower because they'd been intimate.

He rolled over onto his side away from the bathroom door and sighed heavily. After the first time it happened, Tony had started to research the effects of rape on women, specifically the results when a woman tried to have sex again. Some women were okay but most had vivid flashbacks and freaked out, some fought back especially if they hadn't during their attack, and some experienced physical symptoms after the act of making love. But as far as he could tell, it often took having sex several times before any of those things began to wear off. And even then there were no guarantees. Possessing that knowledge was useful, but it still didn't make it any easier to stomach the fact that his wife couldn't be with him and not think about all those other men.

Abruptly, the water shut off and a few minutes later Ziva crawled back into bed and spooned up behind him, slipping her arm under his and over his chest. She was warm and smelled of that milk and honey body wash she always used. Feeling the tension in her husband's body, Ziva rested her head between his shoulder blades and said the words softly.

"It is not your touch I am trying to wash off ahava, please believe that."

"But it is my touch that makes you feel the need to shower every time we have sex." His voice was monotone, a statement not a question because he already knew the answer.

Ziva closed her eyes, wishing this wasn't so difficult for him. "Tony do not do this."

He flipped over to face her, his eyes flashing. "Don't do what?" he hissed. "Pull away because sleeping with me makes you feel dirty? Get angry because it sucks? Hate the guys who made you afraid to be with me? Me, who would do anything for you and I've proved it over and over again. Me, who waited for you, longer than I've ever gone before. Me, who loves you. Dang it Ziva!"

The fury poured off of him but Ziva did not shrink away. She too was so ready to be done with the symptoms of Somalia. She looked down at the sheets. "I am sorry Tony."

He stared at her hard for a second before flopping back down on the bed. "Yeah, I'm sorry too." Silence fell between them for a long time before Tony tried to make things right. "It's not you I'm mad at." It was a sorry excuse for an apology, but at the moment it was all he had.

Ziva tilted her head and the moonlight reflected in her eyes. "Just like it is not you I am afraid of. But we are the only ones here. There is no one else left to be angry with except me. There is nothing that can make me afraid except the memories, but it is your touch that is real and it is the only thing I can fight."

Tony pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Geez Ziva, you've been spending way too much time with that shrink."

A glimmer of a smile ghosted across Ziva's lips. "She has helped me to understand so much of what I still carry. You should be glad for her."

"I am, I just..." he sighed. "I wish this was easier, for both of us." Taking her hand, he held it in both of his. "I don't want to take out my frustration on you."

Ziva slid her fingers into his hair. "And I do not want you to feel like a failure, or like less of a man when I have to deal with the memories that come after our time together. So what do we do now?"

Tony sat up and leaned against the headboard, drawing Ziva in to sit on his lap. "Will you just promise that I can always hold you? No matter what you see in those flashbacks?" He cradled her against his chest. "If you just let me hold you Zi, maybe it won't seem so bad."

Her arms went around his neck and she nodded into his t-shirt. "I will try Tony. If I can stand to be touched, I will let you hold me." He felt her sigh through his shirt. "This is where I want to be."

Tony rested his head on her shoulder and just held his wife. It didn't make anything better, talking cut into their already shortened night and they still had to be coherent in a couple hours to care for their daughter. But it was necessary, and the couple realized that compared to everything else they'd fought through to get to this point, Ziva's reactions were just a small bump in the road that they would eventually get past, together. Because making it through the tough parts was what this particular DiNozzo couple, did best.

**NCIS**

Ziva left the shelter of Tony's arms shortly after the sun rose that morning, placed a note on her pillow, and ran to the pool. Diving into the cool, welcoming water felt like coming home and she realized it had been too long since she'd last gone swimming. Instead of aiming for a certain number of laps, Ziva decided just to swim until she could relax. Last night's events confused her and she needed a quiet, solitary place to think. No one else was using the pool at this hour, so it worked perfectly.

The experience of making love last night, for her at least, had been completely different from their first time. There hadn't been long enough of a warm up for Ziva to even get nervous, and because her focus had been so entirely on what her husband needed, reassuring and comforting him, what they were doing barely even registered until it was over. Coming up for air, Ziva plunged under again, trying to sort through their middle of the night activities. Tony had been gentle and attentive, putting her needs first even as she sought to make their intimacy about him. And even though she'd woken up later with a desperate need to shower, Ziva felt like the nightmare didn't colour their time together as much as it had before.

She swam with long even strokes until her muscles no longer obeyed her commands, and then she heaved herself out and sat on the edge with a towel, thinking of the weeks and months when she had come here in the beginning. And later, with Tony following her like a puppy, unwilling to be too far away or let her out of his sight too long. He always pretended to be playing games on his phone, but even in the days before she could handle acknowledging his attention, Ziva knew that Tony was watching her - making sure she wasn't pushing herself too hard, looking up to be sure she was still there, unable to take his eyes off her because he'd loved her so long before he actually got to say those words.

Finally she stood and made her way to the showers before realizing she hadn't brought a bag. It was a slow walk home but Ziva didn't want to call and ask for a ride. Besides, for too long her ability to move had been hindered and she wanted to appreciate the freedom she now had. By the time she walked in the door, Tony was making breakfast, a babbling Chaya held in his arms facing the stove while Tony explained how to make scrambled eggs and cautioned her not to reach for the frying pan because it was 'hot'.

He looked over and grinned. "Hey. We weren't sure when you would be back." Tony slid the frying pan off the burner and brought her the baby. "Just in time though, someone wants to eat before we do."

Ziva lifted Chaya to eye level and rubbed noses with her. "Hello my darling, are you hungry?"

Chaya grinned at Mommy, showing off her toothless gums. "A-da, a-da, a-ba," she announced, and Tony turned towards them, bowls of oatmeal in his hands.

"Quite the little chatterbox we've got there. She's been doing that all morning. First thing I heard when I woke up was Chaya jabbering to herself." He raised an eyebrow at Ziva. "Can you eat and nurse at the same time?"

She settled in one of the kitchen table chairs. "Yes."

"Good," he grinned, retrieving plates while Ziva got Chaya situated. "I made your bacon and mine, just so no one feels left out."

Ziva tasted the oatmeal and seemed surprised. "Berries?"

"Yup," Tony confirmed proudly. "Strawberries and blueberries. Those are healthy, right?"

She chuckled. "They are better than brown sugar."

"And scrambled eggs with cheese to finish off the meal."

Ziva sampled some of each, always aware of how her daughter was doing. "I never realized breakfast was your specialty."

Tony shrugged. "When my mom was sick I spent a lot of time in the kitchen at home. Anna and Louise felt sorry for me and showed me everything, did whatever it took to keep me occupied." He gave her a half-grin. "Guess I picked up a few tricks of the trade."

Ziva's expression was nostalgic. "There was always family in the kitchen at home. We had servants, but my mother loved to take care of us, so she spent a great deal of time overseeing things and took responsibility for making certain foods, especially challah bread."

Tony put down his fork. "Is that something special?"

She nodded. "It is made each Friday night for the Sabbath, a tradition in every Jewish home." Ziva smiled sadly. "I miss that."

"So make it," Tony suggested, wanting her to be happy.

Ziva smoothed her fingers over Chaya's hair. "Maybe I will."

They fell silent then as they ate and when Chaya was finished, Tony took her to do his part, leaving Ziva in quiet contemplation, playing with her Star of David necklace and wondering if it was finally time to return to the faith she had grown up with. She did not want to forget who she was.


	86. Chapter 86

_A/N: lol...this is starting to be a habit. Reviews for the un-signed in ones! :)_

_Sarah (Ch 84) - Thanks :) lol...the nametag seemed to be an Abby thing to do. And poor Jimmy is so awkward sometimes, I think it's fun that he won and they were happy for him. Ah yes, we will get a bit of insight into Matt's reaction to Abandoned, but later. That's possible, it might be Z's first time recognizing how much she needed therapy. I love G&C together, they make a great couple. I think Gibbs would be fine with grandsons too, but it's adorable to think of him spoiling little girls. Never heard of Dutch Blitz? Oh, then you are missing out! Lol. That game has been a staple in my house since forever, but I learned how to play when I was ten. It's fast paced and fun and is for four players. I teach it to all the friends I meet just to pass on the fun. Thanks for reviewing!_

_a from Jamaica (Ch 84) - I'm glad you're enjoying it. Lol...if you think a day is bad you should've seen the beginning, I used to only post twice a week! But I'm glad they're worth the wait. Thanks for reviewing!_

_Guest174 (Ch 85) - Hi! Thanks, that's sweet. Oh...I don't know about that. Lol...the plot bunnies might give me something to work with, but I'm not sure I know how to write T&Z now when the TV characters are so much different than how I've been writing them in this series. Thanks for the thought, but I probably won't. I'm likely going to take a break from writing FF when this series is over. Umm...Ziva was never on birth control in this story. Mandy gave her a prescription but she never filled them, figuring what's the point if she can't get pregnant anyways? Thanks for reviewing!_

_Sarah (Ch 85) - Thanks :) Yeah, I figured Tony would be even worse with the shots than Ziva was. I agree, I liked the role reversal after Tony's nightmare. That's true too. I'm always relieved when Tony has a bit of a blow-up because it shows he's not perfect and he's struggling with this too. But it's so much harder when there's no one to blame. I've never had challah bread, but it sounds nice. Are you Jewish? No worries about the account, it was just a thought. I forget that not every person on the planet has an email addy. Replies here work fine too :) Thanks for reviewing!_

"Abby, Gibbs said you had something for us-oh," Ziva stopped. "Are we going to the evidence garage?"

Abby looked confused, then remembered her outfit. She laughed. "No, I'm just wearing these because nothing else fits." She made a face. At almost thirty-seven weeks she'd given up trying to find clothes that were comfortable.

Ziva smiled sympathetically. "I remember that feeling. Near the end I wore Tony's pyjamas a lot, but no one noticed because I was at home." She shrugged. "I found it very reassuring to be able to smell and feel him all around me."

The Goth's eyes lit up. "I hadn't thought about that." Abby chuckled. "It would probably drive Tim nuts if I started walking around like that." There was a glint in her eyes that suggested she might find it fun. "The things it does to guys to see us wearing their clothes..."

"I think it is such a movie thing for a woman to put on her husband's shirt the morning after," Ziva mused. "But someday I would like one of those moments."

Before Abby could get personal and ask how Ziva and Tony were doing with the whole intimacy thing, Sammy trotted over to sit at Ziva's feet and looked up, whining at her. She knelt down to ruffle his ears. "Why are you so sad little one?"

Abby crossed her arms. "He's feeling left out. No one's bringing his baby to visit anymore and he misses her."

Ziva glanced at her friend. "Not just him, hmm?"

"Guilty," Abby smiled. "How is my adorable niece?"

"I will let you see for yourself," Ziva decided, "and you too." She kissed Sammy's muzzle. "Chaya and I will come stay while she is nursing."

A grin took over Abby's face. "Good. And Girl's Night has been getting neglected lately, so we'll have to figure something out."

"I agree." Ziva stood. "We need to do more things as a family. The party was fun, but let us think of other things and make a list."

"I like the way you think." Then Abby and Ziva focused on her computer so Gibbs could have his results.

**NCIS**

Ziva came home from Ops that night and immediately went for a shower. Since they no longer had to be as careful with physical intimacy things, Tony didn't always feel the need to join her, so he kissed her quickly and let her go. It was almost time for Chaya to eat anyways, so he couldn't ask if she wanted to share, as much fun as that would be. Wandering over to the closet, Tony opened it, unable to remember what had gotten stored there beyond the game that were piled on a lower shelf. He was missing some old things from when he was a cop and wondered if they might've gotten put inside when the team was helping him unpack.

On the top shelf at the back, Tony came across a small cardboard box with no label. Curious, he got it out and took it to the couch. Chaya woke up from her nap and cried pitifully, as if they'd been starving her for hours. Tony chuckled and got her, reaching into the fridge for a bottle and running it under hot water. "Hey there princess, what's all this fuss for, huh? You know Mommy and Daddy always feed you." He returned to the couch and lay Chaya in his lap, teasing the nipple into her mouth. Recognizing food, Chaya started sucking in earnest, looking up at him with blue eyes he swore were getting darker every week.

"Want to see what Daddy found?" Tony asked, maneuvering the box flaps apart. "Of course you do." Looking inside, he found all the personal effects he'd cleaned out of his desk before they left for Africa, assuming he would not be coming back. "Wow, I haven't seen this stuff in awhile."

His blue Mighty Mouse stapler that would've gone to Abby if anything happened, the picture frames and some mementos off the wall behind his desk. A letter opener Ziva had once tossed at his head, missing him by an inch. A handful of pens people were always stealing, the key to the black box holding Gibbs' medals and commendations, some old magazines and finally, a pile of photographs. But it was those on top which made him drop everything else.

"Oh man." Tony let out a breath, adjusting the bottle for Chaya. "I thought these were lost."

There on the glossy paper Ziva looked up at him, hair held back by sunglasses, a book in one hand, her head propped up on the other, and her gorgeous body covered only by a modest black bikini. Tony just stared. "Mommy wasn't very happy with me for taking these munchkin, but I never could get rid of them." He shook his head. "The memories kept me going for four months on a ship without her and everyone else I cared about. They were all I had of her when I thought she wasn't coming back. These are very special pictures."

He was fascinated, flipping through them, memories of being in LA with Ziva flooding back into his mind as he thought how long ago that day felt and was amazed by how much they'd both changed since then. Tony was so engrossed in the photographs that he didn't hear his wife coming down the stairs. A towel was draped around her neck as she dried her hair and Ziva smiled to see Tony with their daughter. Then her eyes fell on what her husband was holding and she stopped dead, heat creeping into her cheeks and gaze locked on the pictures.

She didn't know pictures of Mossad Ziva still existed. When her apartment blew up, she lost everything. There were few pictures of her before Somalia besides the ones he held. Ziva wasn't ready to see them now, to be faced with the evidence of what she'd lost. Her body didn't look like that anymore, not even close, and her fragile self-esteem couldn't take the shock. Angry, agonized words, "How could you Tony?" ripped from her throat before Ziva spun around and disappeared through the basement door, slamming it shut behind her.

Tony hadn't even noticed Ziva standing there until her words tore through his focus in a tone of betrayal he'd hoped never to hear again. His first instinct was to leap to his feet and follow her, but Chaya wasn't finished her bottle and he couldn't just leave. Faint pounding could be heard through the door and Tony began to panic, still not sure what he'd done wrong. Then he registered the pictures still in his hand and understood a little bit. Stroking his daughter's cheek, Tony tried to stay calm for her sake. When she finished the bottle, he took Chaya upstairs and got her ready for bed, then spent precious moments rocking her until her eyelids grew heavy and he could lay her down.

Gathering what he had for courage, Tony closed the door and took a breath, preparing himself to confront his wife. He clattered down the carpeted basement steps and saw Ziva in the corner, beating the stuffing out of the punching bag. Her hair was in her face, sweat began to form on her brow - that she had just had a shower was of no concern in this moment. Her expression was pinched and she was crying, but Tony couldn't tell yet if they were sad or angry tears.

Ziva spun around when she heard him, a dark emptiness in her eyes that took him back to their rooftop encounter in Israel. Then it happened again and before Tony could register her movements, Ziva took him to the ground and he landed on the mats with a grunt. He lay there for a minute, shocked and trying to catch his breath while his wife leaned over him, glaring sharply. There were no injuries this time, though he resolved to tread carefully lest she suddenly revert to violence. The only thing clear in Tony's mind was that he had no intention of letting her walk away this time. Without warning he leaned up and kissed her. Outraged that he dare take liberties at a time like this, Ziva placed both hands on her husband's chest and pushed him away. Swallowing the hurt, Tony slowly got up and Ziva faced him like a caged lion.

"Do not touch me." She spat the words out like venom.

"This time I have a right to hold onto you Ziva," Tony countered, still trying to work out his approach.

Her gaze smouldered. "Now you are going to demand your rights? Now when it is convenient for you?"

He froze, clenching his fasts. "That's not fair. I forfeited all my rights before because that was what you needed."

"What I needed?" Her voice rose. "This is about what I needed? You lied!" Ziva accused him. "How could you still have those pictures Tony?"

Tony's eyebrows jumped up and frustration began to colour his words. "I didn't lie to you Ziva. I completely forgot about them. I only just found them now, and I didn't get them out to hurt you."

His wife paced back and forth, managing to look incredibly hot when she was somewhere between distraught and livid. "All those months before you said a word about loving me, every day you pretended with me. You lied!" Ziva was confident in being right.

Tony gritted his teeth, knowing that she needed to fight right now, that the emotions coursing through her gave her no other outlet but to take everything out on him. "I did not lie to you," he repeated.

"Prove it!" she screamed, panting and so worked up she didn't know what to do.

It was one of the first times their disagreements had led to yelling since Israel and Tony did not like the way it felt. Deliberately he relaxed his stance, determined to fix or finish this, whatever came first. "What's going on in your head Zi?" he asked softly. He needed to know where her thoughts were, what was making her so upset.

Shutters fell across her eyes as the fire in Ziva was snuffed out like a candle. For the first time in months she shut him out of her heart. "I knew you would always want what I was before," she said finally, not looking at him as her shoulders sagged in defeat.

Tony jammed his fingers through his hair. "Why can't you understand? I like you better this way! I love the scars because they show your strength. I'm so proud of you for owning them, for not being ashamed." He inched towards her. "When you started changing the way you dressed and stopped hiding the marks, I was so pleased for the progress you'd made." Her expression refused to believe him, but her eyes begged him to be telling the truth. Tony took a step closer. "All I see when I look at you Zi, is my beautiful wife and the mother of my daughter. I love the change in your body because it reminds me that you carried and gave life to our baby when you could've given up." He swallowed hard and brushed a piece of hair out of her face. "I don't even see the scars anymore sweetheart, I just see you."

This time Ziva moved first and Tony framed her face with his hands as her lips sought his fervently. Again and again they kissed and even with their bodies pressed together, they still couldn't get close enough. "I am sorry," Ziva managed as she took a breath, and the next moment his lips swallowed hers until they broke apart, panting, their hearts keeping a frantic pace.

"I love you Ziva," he whispered, sliding his hands all over her, wanting to touch as much of her as he could. "On our ten year anniversary I'm going to take you someplace warm so I can see you in a bikini again. By then the scars will only be shadows of memories Zi and they won't be able to hurt you any more."

Words were not enough to reassure her this time and even if their bed was more comfortable, it would take too long to get upstairs. Ziva lay down first on the mats, pulling him on top of her, and the moment went from frenzied and desperate to passionate and loving. He took her there in the basement with the same cautious gentleness that had worked before. The sounds Ziva tried so hard to keep quiet could not be heard through the soundproofing and Tony relished the ability to use making love as a way to comfort his wife, to prove his love and his words.

They lay there as long as they could, holding onto the connection and closeness, sharing soft kisses and whispering sweet somethings against hair and skin. Finally Ziva sat up and they put themselves back together. They didn't talk about it any more, but he stayed near her all night, never further away than arm's reach, his touch saying everything his words could not remember how. Tony held her tightly when they got into bed, feeling an ache at even the thought of losing her, and didn't let go of her all night. Ziva fell asleep feeling protected and infinitely loved, despite or maybe because of how her husband had handled their earlier situation. As she snuggled against his chest, Ziva decided that this kind of comfort was worth the fight.

**NCIS**

Tony woke up when Ziva got out of bed and sat there with his knees up and his head in his hands until the water turned on. Then he let himself into the bathroom, and took her towels downstairs to the dryer, needing to do something to help in this moment. She probably wouldn't be long in the shower, but he still wished Ziva didn't feel the need to shower at all after being with him.

Sighing, he grabbed the warm bundle in his arms and returned to the bathroom, handing the towels to her when she reached for where they had been. Ziva hesitated when she realized she wasn't alone, but took the offering and left the curtain closed while she dried off. Tony averted his eyes when she got out even though she was covered, but as soon as Ziva was in pyjamas again, he held out his arms - waiting, hoping she'd remember their deal.

Taking a deep breath, Ziva steeled herself against the remnants of Somalia that still clung to her subconscious and pressed in close to Tony's body, sliding her arms around his waist and tucking her head under his chin. Tony sagged in relief and tightened his hold on her, brushing a kiss over the top of her head. They stayed that way without moving or talking, Tony's hand traveling a slow path up and down her back, whispering reassurances in English and the Hebrew he was still learning.

Finally the tension had completely left her and Ziva looked up to meet his care filled eyes. She lifted her hand to his cheek. "I am sorry to put you through this."

He cradled her face in his hands, touching his lips lightly to hers. "You don't do it on purpose."

"No," she sighed, "neither can I stop the nightmares and memories from coming." Ziva swallowed. "I do not know what I would do if you were not here."

"I wouldn't've given up Zi," he said firmly, finally having an answer to the question she'd asked him weeks ago, "you mean too much to me."

Ziva traced his face gently. "It is good not to be alone. I love you."

"I love you too." He wasn't quite ready to let her go yet and Tony wasn't brave enough to ask whether she'd felt pleasure this time or not. He didn't think he could take hearing a negative answer again.

Ziva drew random patters on his chest over the t-shirt he'd pulled on. "It has mostly been comfort sex," she commented.

Tony tried to hide the apprehension in his voice. "Do you find it comforting?"

She wished sometimes that his heart wasn't always so exposed. She wanted to validate him, but lying about something so important to both of them would be wrong. Tony would know anyways, and that would only hurt him more. He wasn't sure what to make of her silence, but he'd learned that words could be worse. Finally he sighed heavily. "Zi, you don't have to pretend it's okay if it's not."

Her eyes met his and Tony couldn't even begin to decipher everything they were telling him. "I am getting used to having sex again," she shared in a quiet voice. "And when my focus is on you, I do not think as much." Ziva laid her hand over his heart. "I wish I could give you a different answer. I am afraid if things do not change soon, you will feel like this is not worth the effort and all the time you waited."

"Not gonna happen," Tony forced the words out. "We both knew none of this would be easy, but I have to believe that a breakthrough is coming. I'm holding out for that. Ziva," he stared at her seriously. "I won't give up on you, or this, or us. You have my word."

She met his mouth with a long kiss, desperately wishing for a way to convey everything in her heart. But it was all still too much and for now this was all she could do. Tony deserved more, so much more, and one day Ziva was determined to give it to him. One day when the nightmares stayed away.


	87. Chapter 87

_A/N: Review replies... And to my wonderful readers, who continue to amaze and humble me with your consistent, encouraging, sweet comments about this story that was in my heart to tell - thank you :) ~ love, Aliyah_

_Jillian (Ch 86) - Wow! You read all 86 chapters in one night? I'm super impressed, that's a lot to get through! haha...always happy to have another addict tho ;) Aww...I'm glad you love Chaya, I've had a lot of fun with her, especially the daddy/daughter scenes. Tony is so cute with her. I'm happy you like the family scenes, I tried to include as many of those as I could. Thanks so much for reviewing!_

_Sarah (Ch 86) - Thanks. Yeah, I think intense pretty much sums it up. I did want to highlight the similarities between this fight and the Israel one, but I'm certainly glad this one didn't end with her walking away. Oh, I'm glad you liked that line. Ooh...and I'll give you a little sneak peek - there will be a one-shot in the Snapshots series that goes back to that line ;) Hmm...I think partly she was accusing him of lying about the pictures, because (on the show) he told her several times that he'd gotten rid of them. The other part was saying that he 'lied' to her in a manner of speaking, for months before their engagement, saying they were only friends when he was in love with her. But the fight wasn't supposed to be rational and it doesn't necessarily make sense, Ziva was just angry and needed a reason to fight with him. I'm glad you liked their conversation at the end, I alway like it when they're honest with each other. Thanks for reviewing!_

Ziva wasn't the only one who noticed a difference in Tony on Tuesday. He was quiet, sullen almost, preforming his duties carefully, consistently, and without comment. A case that came their way mid-morning was a good distraction, but even as they processed the scene Ziva and McGee exchanged questioning glances when Tony had nothing to say about an obvious 'the wife did it' scenario. When he didn't even pick up on the fugitive angle, both went from curious to concerned. But there was no time to talk while they worked and Ziva left for the night knowing there was nothing that would make him feel better, no matter what he said about being okay. Because she knew the real reason for his mood, and all the honesty in the world wasn't going to mend the hurts her healing continued to inflict on him. Ziva stood at the elevator and stared at her husband's desk, but he never looked up, not once, and her heart sank even further. For once Tony was shutting her out, and she was learning quickly that it sucked to be on this side of the line.

Instead of picking Chaya up to go home after he'd left his report on Gibbs' desk, Tony used the daycare cell number they had and asked if Aria could keep her until LEO's closed. Then he headed downstairs, knowing he had some serious stress to work out, and that he couldn't go home until the intense emotions inside of him were released. He didn't trust himself to talk to his wife or hold his baby girl. He didn't trust himself to be alone with his thoughts either, but that couldn't be helped. The gym would have to be his therapy tonight, right now it was all he had.

Gibbs was ready to go home not too long after his team, but when he left the building Tony's car was still in the parking lot. Stifling a sigh, he went back inside and started with the most likely places where he might be hiding out. After a few ideas didn't pan out, he finally found Tony in the basement gym and checked his watch. "Thought I sent you home."

The former athlete hit the bag a few more times and didn't look up. "Yeah, well I'm still here."

Sipping his coffee, the older man watched as Tony continued rhythmically punching the bag. From his red face and sweat soaked shirt, he'd probably been there since they were released an hour ago. "Built you a place to work out at home," Gibbs pointed out.

Tony huffed and shuffled his feet, firing off a couple quick jabs. "That's Ziva's," he managed between breaths.

"She's waiting for you."

Clenching his jaw, the agent put a bit more force into his next set of blows. "I'll get there."

Gibbs was starting to think seriously about headslapping the man, but then Tony's eyes came up and he glared darkly at his boss. "I just want to be mad for awhile. Let me have that."

Surprised, Gibbs scrutinized Tony. Something was definitely up. "Okay Tony," he said quietly. "You need anything, you know where to come." He was too frustrated to appreciate the sentiment and nodded curtly, returning to his workout with great concentration. Gibbs walked slowly out to his car and dragged a hand down his face. He hated not being able to fix it. This wasn't good.

**NCIS**

Celeste was out in the backyard laying on the hammock he'd put up for her last week, with Lexie standing nearby having her ears rubbed. It was quiet outside, the full moon lighting up the sky while the stars twinkled in their dark blanket. She sat up when she heard the sliding door and Gibbs walked over slowly to sit next to her, lavishing a little attention on her dog before putting an arm around her shoulders and sighing into the silence.

She rubbed her hand slowly over his thigh. "You usually call me if you're going to be late." It wasn't an accusation, Celeste understood that he'd rarely be home at the normal dinner hour, but he tried to at least give her a ballpark time of when to expect him back.

Gibbs dragged a hand down his face. "Almost left on time, but Tony's car was still there. My gut was telling me something, had to go find him."

Celeste was familiar with the reliability of Gibbs' gut. "And?"

He leaned back. "He's not okay tonight Les."

"Did he tell you why?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Wasn't in a talking mood. Practically threw me out of the gym."

Her eyebrows rose. "And you let him?"

"Right thing to do, this time."

She nodded slowly, then looked up at him. "Do you have any idea what's wrong?"

Gibbs grunted. "Have an idea."

Celeste waited, and then poked him in the ribs gently. "Care to share?"

He met her eyes and she saw the heavy sadness there. "I think they tried having sex and it didn't turn out the way Tony hoped."

His wife closed her eyes. "Just when I thought they might have finally climbed all the mountains, then another, even more impossible one, looms on the horizon."

"They'll get over it," Gibbs replied eventually. "But it won't be easy. Sometimes it isn't easy for couples with no issues, Tony and Ziva have their fair share."

She sighed. "There's so much stacked against them."

"If anyone's beating the odds Les, it's them. You know that."

Celeste kissed his cheek and cuddled closer to his side. "I'll take your confidence tonight Jethro. Right now I just want to hug them both. I love your kids, your family, I'm privileged to be here, even on the outside. But I wish loving them could help when it hurts. I don't know how to help."

She wasn't often this uncertain and he wasn't used to being the encouraging one. Gibbs made a note to find out what her day was like, positive that something had happened which put her in this kind of mood. "What'd you tell me? They know where to come if they need help. If they don't, we have to let them tough it out on their own."

Celeste chuckled. "Those don't sound exactly like my words."

He huffed. "I paraphrased." Switching topics, Gibbs tipped his wife's chin up and met her eyes. "Tell me what I'm seeing Les, I'm not good with twenty questions."

Knowing he wouldn't let it go, Celeste proceeded to share the events of earlier that afternoon with her husband, all the while worrying about Tony and Ziva in a back corner of her mind, and hoping they'd somehow be okay.

**NCIS**

Tony just made it back to LEO's as Miss Rachel was getting ready to lock up. Aria already had Chaya's things waiting in the lobby and held the baby in her arms. He shot her a tight smile. "Thanks for staying, sorry I'm late."

"I was wondering if I'd have to page you," the girl commented, looking down at Chaya. "I think she's waiting for you." She handed over his daughter and walked out with her supervisor. "See you guys tomorrow."

Looking down into Chaya's beautiful eyes, Tony found himself having to blink back tears. "Hi sweet girl, did you miss me? It's past your bedtime, how come you're still awake?" She smiled at him and Tony sank to the floor, leaning against the wall where the reception desk was. "I'm sorry I couldn't come get you earlier princess. Daddy...Daddy had to try to feel better first, I didn't want anything I was feeling to rub off on you." He sighed. "Why is this so hard C? I love Mommy and Mommy loves me. She said yes, we promised forever, and we got you. But now everything is falling apart. I'm trying so hard to be strong sweetie, but I don't know if I can do it any more. I wish both of us could just stop hurting."

"Ba-a," Chaya said, hiccuping, and Tony kissed her head.

"Do you have all the answers princess? Maybe we should do this more often."

Chaya squealed in obvious delight and stuffed a few fingers in her mouth, rolling her head from side to side as she tried to fight off sleep. Tony buckled the little girl into her carseat and drove home, still having no idea what he was going to say to his wife.

Ziva was waiting in the darkened livingroom and made a move as if to come to them, but held back. "Do you want to put her to bed?"

Tony shook his head. "I've had my cuddle time, it's your turn."

She released the baby from her confines and gathered her into her arms. "You are very peaceful when you are sleeping tatelah, let us hope your night is only full of sweet dreams, yes?" Ziva pressed her lips to Chaya's fist and climbed the stairs slowly. "Ima missed you tsiporkatan. It seems there are not enough hours in the day for us all to be together, hmm?"

Upstairs in the nursery she laid the baby in her crib and tucked a blanket around her waist. Although the baby had no need of comfort, Ziva did, so she leaned over the rail and sang softly to her daughter. "Laila tov, say goodnight/Laila tov, sleep tight/dream of peace/dream of love/Laila tov." She didn't finish the whole lullaby, but it was enough to help her feel a tiny bit of peace as she feathered her fingers over Chaya's soft, soft hair. "Laila tov my love," Ziva whispered.

Going back downstairs to her husband was the hard part, when she didn't know what to expect. Tony was slouched on the couch, staring at the blank TV screen. Ziva joined him and sat close, but not touching. Moments later he reached out, offering his hand for hers. Gladly she let him take her hand, and waited, finding it very hard to say nothing. Ziva did not know if she should apologize again, or ask if he was okay when he was clearly the opposite. Finally Tony looked at her.

"You know I love you, right Zi?" She nodded, already blinking back tears. He swallowed. "Good. Because that's the most important thing to remember, even when...especially when this isn't easy."

"I will not forget, if you will remember that my heart belongs to you, and no one is more important to me than you, unless it is Chaya."

Tony kissed her palm and stood up and Ziva followed his lead. They went upstairs to get ready for bed, and once in bed she curled up, trying not to expect anything from him. _This may be_, she mused, _the point where he runs out of love and assurance to give. When he is empty, and there is no more. _But then Tony rolled over and rested his arm over her waist, burying his nose in her hair. "Buona notte mia bella," he whispered and Ziva closed her eyes in relief. If they were touching, they were going to be okay and she knew it would be morning before Tony let her go again. Maybe by then, she'd have something to offer him, even if it was just her promise that they would figure this out, together, because they were so much better together than apart.

**NCIS**

Wednesday after lunch it was quiet in the bullpen and Ziva approached Tony's desk, perching on the edge. He couldn't be so close without touching her and it was almost funny how his hand moved to rest on her leg while he finished writing the last line of his report. Then he dropped the pen and looked up. "Something I can do for you Agent Dah-veed?" Tony's eyes flickered to the clock. "Don't you have an appointment to get to?" Since they'd been working on a case yesterday morning, so her therapy session had been pushed back a day.

Her fingers skated over his hand and touched his ring lightly. "Come with me? We are both on call anyways."

Tony leaned back. "You don't like talking to Devon with me there." He'd picked up on that part fairly quick.

"No," Ziva admitted, "but I need to learn sometime. I want to be able to share with you."

He took her hands. "You share honey, everything you can, I know that."

She sighed. "Just come, please? I think it will be good for us."

There was no one around to save him or give him a reason not to go, so reluctantly Tony stood and followed Ziva to the elevator. A few minutes later they entered Devon's office together and she looked up in surprise. "I was beginning to think couple's counseling was a figment of my imagination, since no one has shown up for it since I split it from Ziva's sessions. Somehow," she said in what could've been considered a sarcastic tone, "you two always manage to be 'busy' in the middle of the week." Then Dr. Andrews sat up straighter and gestured to the couch. "Never mind, you're here now. Please sit." She had now talked to both parts of the couple separately and together, making sure confidential information didn't slip out was tricky, she'd have to tread carefully.

Tony and Ziva sat on the couch, leaving no space between them and keeping their hands firmly clasped. It would be telling either way if one had to move away or loosened their grip on the other. "So," Devon said slowly, drawing out the word, "anything I need to know about?"

Ziva glanced her husband's direction but not at him and shifted slightly. "I am still reacting after..." she hesitated and the therapist finished her sentence.

"After you and Tony are intimate."

Relief flooded the other woman's features and she nodded. "Yes."

"Is it immediately after?" Devon inquired.

Ziva shook her head. "No. It is several hours later that the nightmares wake me and I need to have a shower to get rid of the dirty feeling."

"And where is Tony when this is happening?"

She rubbed her pinky along the side of Tony's hand. "He waits for me to be okay, he holds me. Last time he warmed my towels."

Devon shot a wink at her patient's husband. "Extra points for being sweet."

"Yes," Ziva smiled faintly, "I will add that to the list."

"Okay, so Tony, how do you feel when Ziva experiences these reactions after being with you?"

Tony swallowed. He'd really been hoping to not become the center of attention. "It sucks," he answered honestly. "It hurts. Ziva, she touches a place deep inside me, but it's just as painful as it is wonderful when something not so great happens." Tony sighed. "I guess I just had too many expectations about what our sex life would look like."

Ziva wanted to curl up in a corner and disappear. This morning they'd woken with a resolve to ignore the events of the previous evening, and it had been working fine until now. Devon could see her pulling away and caught Tony's gaze, glancing at his wife pointedly. "Do you blame Ziva for your disappointment?"

His eyes widened and his whipped his head to look at Ziva. "No," he said firmly. "I don't. I know she can't help it, that I'm not the only one frustrated. But I want this to be good for both of us."

"Do you blame yourself?" Devon asked next.

Tony was quiet for several moments. "I don't know. But I want to blame someone."

"Does it bother you that you can't bring Ziva pleasure?"

He was shocked and looked at Ziva. "How much did you tell her?"

She shrugged meekly. "Everything Tony. Nothing you did not already know too." They'd never discussed it, but both knew it to be true. She wouldn't lie to him by faking something she didn't feel.

Tony scraped his hands over his face and blew out a breath. "I know other things that she enjoys - where to kiss and how to touch her. As far as sex...well, I guess we're still working on that." He was still trying to pretend it wasn't that big of a deal, hoping to convince himself as well as the shrink and his wife.

It was an awkward and uncomfortable session and Ziva was beginning to wonder if honesty was all it was cracked up to be. They rode the elevator together to get back to their floor and just before the doors opened, Ziva threw the emergency switch and they were plunged into semi-darkness. She moved in front of her husband and stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, willing him to respond. Tony couldn't help it. All the hurt from talking, from trying to beat out his emotions in the gym, from waking up to find that she was in the shower hours after being with him imploded and he grabbed her face in his hands, pushing his lips between hers and letting his fingers get tangled in her hair.

Ziva pressed closer, eagerly returning his passionate kiss, her hands resting on his neck and fisted in his shirt. They didn't stop when they needed to breathe, barely paused to grab a quick gulp of oxygen before joining their lips again. Ziva rubbed her hands over Tony's chest and back and Tony drew his fingers along the skin of her lower back under her shirt. He pulled her even closer, unable to get enough of her lips and her mouth and the way she tasted, the need he could feel in her touch that mirrored his own. And she loved being desired, being wanted, feeling cherished.

Finally Ziva broke away and put her head down on his collarbone. Tony tried to catch his breath and cradled her against him, dropping a kiss on her hair. He was attempting to shove away any ideas involving elevators and fantasies back into the recesses of his mind. They could barely have sex at home, let alone somewhere she might feel exposed. Listening to his racing heart, Ziva rested in her husband's love, eventually pressing her lips to his neck and looking up to meet his eyes.

"I know talking hurts and listening hurts and all our truths hurt. But I do not want you to feel so far away."

He leaned his forehead on hers. "That's a good way to keep me close. I need you Zi, not just sexually, but every other way too. Help me hold on."

She nodded and brushed her lips over his. "I will." Flicking the switch, she smiled. "Time to go back to work."

Tony hugged her from behind. "I like this spontaneous side of you babe. You can lock us in an elevator or a storage closet or a small dark room anytime you want."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You wish." But she was glad to hear the teasing lilt back in his voice. Home was one thing, work was another. She did not plan on encouraging his fantasies. At least, not here.

**NCIS**

That night Tony couldn't seem to sleep close enough to her. He kept tightening his arm around her waist like she might suddenly disappear or try to escape. Not really understanding Ziva kept up a soothing rhythm of stroking his skin, deliberately writing three letters over and over again on the back of his hand in case he had reason to doubt. Finally she couldn't take it any longer and rolled over to face him, hating the involuntary whimper that came from his throat when she moved. Ziva caressed his face gently. "Tony, wake up." He scrunched his eyes shut and tried to pull her nearer, but she resisted. "Come on ahuvi, open your eyes."

Tony finally obeyed and blinked slowly, frowning as she tried to focus his eyes, not quite sure why she was right in his face. "What's wrong?"

Ziva arched one eyebrow. "I was hoping you could tell me."

He shut his eyes again. "Not that I'm complaining, but why are you so close?"

She chuckled. "Because you would not let me get any further away."

Tony looked down, finally registering how tightly he was holding her. "Oh." Deliberately he relaxed his arm.

"What were you dreaming?"

Tony shrugged. "Wasn't really. Just kept hearing Devon's words over and over about how I can't bring you pleasure like you do for me."

Ziva tried to hide by leaning into him, but Tony kept her back and she swallowed. "It is not that you cannot do that for me. I have not been able to let you."

"Why is this so hard Ziva?" His voice came out raspy and she suspected he was fighting tears.

This time he let her snuggle close and fit her head into his neck. "I do not know Tony, I wish I understood. But I think it will get better. I know you are tired of being patient, just as I am tired of waiting for time to heal things. I am sorry. But I need you to stand with me, to continue to fight for you and me and us and what we deserve. I cannot face the battle on my own."

Tony tangled their legs together and surrounded her with his embrace. "I'll stand Ziva, we'll do this together. We'll figure it out. I love you."

She held on tight. "I love you too."

One day Ziva hoped they no longer had to fight for this life, but could instead bask in all the joys being married had to offer.

**NCIS**

The next evening at Ops Ziva was quiet, intense and focused. After working with and watching her awhile, Devon motioned Ziva to follow him down the hall and into a small, empty studio. "What's going on with you tonight?"

She shrugged. "I suppose I am dealing with personal things."

"Seems to be a lot of that going on these days," he commented. "Need me to come rough up your husband a bit?" Duke meant it as a way to lighten the tension, but Ziva's eyes darkened.

"He is not the problem."

Duke crossed his arms. "Just how much of Africa did you bring home?"

Ziva's hand unconsciously touched her now toned stomach and she looked away, though the other scars on her wrists that were steadily growing fainter still caught her attention. "Too much," she whispered.

"I've never met anyone stronger than you David, even when you think you're not. Don't let everything inside ruin what you've worked for."

She nodded slowly and left to get her things. Ziva was quite ready for this week to be over.

**NCIS**

Friday afternoon Abby sent Tami to the squadroom to deliver Sammy to Ziva as she was on her way to meet Matt for a late lunch. Everyone looked up when she strolled through and handed Sammy's leash to the dark-haired woman. "Have fun!" Tami chirped, heading for the elevator.

Puzzled, Ziva knelt down to receive Sammy's enthusiastic kisses and pet him gently. Then she noticed a piece of paper pinned to his collar. Unfolding the little square, Ziva read - _Come to Labby. Bring puppy. No questions_. She looked up and frowned, then stood facing Gibbs. "I got a note from Abby."

Gibbs and McGee exchanged glances and the boss waved her away. "Better do what it says, not safe to argue with her right now."

Knowing that Abby was farther into pregnancy than she'd gotten, Ziva agreed. She could only imagine how grumpy and miserable she would've been if Chaya hadn't come until her due date. As per orders, Ziva tugged on Sammy's leash, smiled at her curious husband and left for the lab. Abby was waiting for her and squatted down to reward the puppy with a treat, since bending over wasn't possible.

"Hi buddy, did you give Ziva my message? Good boy." Sammy yipped excitedly and made a beeline for his bed and favourite chew toy.

Abby straightened and sat back on a stool while Ziva waited. She folded her hands. "Timmy says things have been strained between you and Tony this week."

Ziva could feel a headache starting and rubbed her temples. "It has been harder than normal, yes."

"So a night to yourselves probably wouldn't hurt?" the girl continued.

Not sure what she was getting at, Ziva nodded. "Yes," she replied cautiously.

Abby beamed. "Good. McGee and I will get Chaya from daycare then. There's extra outfits in her bag?"

"Yes." Ziva shook her head, needing to say something more intelligent. "You are offering to babysit?"

"Yup," Abby answered.

"Overnight?"

"You bet," the Goth confirmed.

"You will have to change diapers," Ziva warned.

Abby shrugged. "Only three weeks left, we need practice. Does she have enough bottles?"

"I will add what I pumped today, but she falls asleep early now and eats less often than she used to. You should be fine. Are you sure?"

"Absolutely," Abby reassured her friend. "It'll be good for both of us. Take Tony out to dinner or to see a movie or something."

Since they were conserving cash as much as possible, 'or something' was more likely. "Thank you," Ziva finally thought to say. This was going to be interesting.

**NCIS**

Ziva came up from doing Chaya's second last feeding and found Tony and McGee packing up. Tony looked at her and smiled. "Gibbs said we could go. What time will you be home do you think?"

She shrugged. "Now."

His brow furrowed. "What about Ops?"

Ziva reached for her bag. "I called Duke. I will only be going three times a week now."

Tony was completely confused. "Why?"

Ziva walked over and stood in front of her husband, placing her hand on his chest. "Because it has been a month and a half and I am pleased with my progress. And I want to spend more time with my family. It is too precious to waste, especially while she is so young."

He tipped her chin up and leaned down to kiss her, her lips softening under his. "That sounds like a good reason to me," Tony whispered against her skin.

They walked to the elevator hand in hand and Ziva pushed the parking garage button. Tony cleared his throat. "Uh...aren't you forgetting someone?"

Ziva laughed. "Did I not tell you? Abby and McGee are taking her for the night so we can have some time together."

He sighed in frustration and reached over to tickle her, but Ziva jumped away just in time. "No you did not tell me that!" His eyes gleamed. "Wow, a whole evening to ourselves? I think we owe them big time. What are we going to do?"

Ziva leaned into him once the threat of being tickled dissipated. "I thought I would start with making you dinner."

Tony grinned. "I like it so far."

Less than an hour later they were standing at the island in the kitchen, each topping one half of Ziva's homemade pizza dough. Garlic bread was broiling in the oven and the vegetable platter his wife had insisted on having to counteract the unhealthiness of their meal was already on the coffeetable. Tony had picked the film - _It Happened One Night_ - and everything felt just like their two weeks in Tony's apartment, except that this was their house and the rings on their fingers symbolized a bigger commitment than either had been willing or able to make last October.

Finally supper was ready to cook and Tony and Ziva curled up on the couch, Tony munching on garlic bread while he waited for pizza and Ziva going with carrot sticks and cucumber slices. Once she had her fill, she rested her head on his shoulder and trailed her fingers slowly up and down his chest until he shifted. "You're making it very hard to concentrate on the movie." Not that he minded, they probably needed the outlet after the stress of this week, even if her reaction might start the dominos falling all over again.

Her expression was a barely concealed smirk as she lifted her face to kiss the underside of his jaw. "Perhaps that was the point."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Keep it up and the pizza we worked so hard on is going to burn."

Ziva's eyes twinkled. "Be patient my love, we have no deadlines tonight."

He rolled his eyes and pressed his lips to her hair, breathing in deeply. "I hope that's a promise." She said nothing in response but the subject wasn't taboo anymore so he could look forward to the possibility of being with her unless she told him otherwise. Tony was just thrilled that she was feeling comfortable enough to be able to flirt with him that way again, it gave him hope.

When half the pizza had been devoured and the credits rolled, Tony and Ziva took things upstairs. For awhile they lay on the bed kissing and slowly caressing each other, but eventually that dissolved into resting in each other's arms, basking in the peace and not feeling the need to fill the quiet between them with words. Tonight was one of the first times they had been truly alone since their wedding.

Ziva didn't want to ruin everything, but the question burning in her heart needed an answer. Toying with her husband's ring, she dredged up the courage to find out. "Tony, can I ask you something?"

He looked down at her, running his fingers through her dark curls. "Anything Zi, for you I'm an open book."

Frowning at the phrase she only vaguely understood, Ziva hesitated. "You may not like this question."

Tony sat up a little, paying closer attention at her warning. "Okay. I'm ready."

Taking a breath, Ziva met his eyes. "Did you love Jeanne?"

Working very hard not to look away, Tony stared into his wife's eyes and wondered what on earth he was supposed to say to that. Finally he came up with something that seemed safe enough. "I think that was one of the first times I thought I knew what it meant to be in love."

"Did you know?" Ziva wasn't sure why she was even asking, she could not fault him for feelings he'd had before her. Just as he did not hold her previous relationships against her.

Tony slid his hand along her face. "I knew what love was when the bag came off your head in Somalia. I knew it when I watched you sleep on my couch the nights I wasn't supposed to know you were there. I knew what it was when you said yes. And when you suffered through labour to give birth to our daughter, I knew it was possible to love you more. But the first time I held Chaya, I realized I didn't really know love at all. All I knew was that every day with both of you would teach me a little bit more."

Ziva really liked his answer, and she was almost ready to leave the subject. "Does it still hurt you to think about her?"

Tony leaned back against the headboard. "When I think about how much the situation hurt her, I still feel badly. She had no part in what was going on but I played her knowingly and it was my fault that I got in too deep, that I let her hope we had a future. But my future was never going to be with Jeanne. She wanted me to choose." He sighed. "If I'd really loved her, I would've left to be with her. If she'd really loved me, she wouldn't have asked me to make that sacrifice."

"I am sorry," Ziva didn't like the guilt on her husband's face. "I should not have -"

But he cut her off. "Ziva, you're my wife. You have every right to ask about my past relationships, to know what I learned from them and what I was like then. You can always ask me those questions. I just don't want the answers to hurt you."

Ziva held up her left hand, looking at the two rings that tied her to him forever. "I am wearing the only answer I need," she told him. "You chose me. I cannot always understand why, but you will always be my greatest gift next to Chaya."

"You know what? I'll take it," Tony grinned. "Now Mrs. DiNozzo, may I have this dance?"

Tony grabbed the remote off the bedside table and clicked on the stereo system in the corner. Soft strains of music floated out to them and Ziva took his hand as he helped her off the bed. He swayed her gently around the room, moving to the rhythm of the song. But instead of singing along this time, Tony held her close and looked down into her beautiful dark eyes.

"I'm sorry Zi, for the way I treated you when I was with Jeanne. I was so angry and hurt when you stopped spending time with me outside of work that I didn't want to see how much you cared and worried when I was keeping things from you."

Ziva touched his face. "I forgave you a long time ago Tony. I can understand now that for so long we were just two hurting people who hurt each other because you and I were always closer than anyone else. What matters now is that you have my heart and I have yours and we are never letting go."

Tony kissed her slowly, coaxing her lips apart to deepen it. He would never get enough of this. Neither noticed they'd stopped moving, so lost were they in one another. It seemed natural then when Tony took small steps backwards and sat down on the bed, then eased onto his back and brought her with him. Ziva smiled and relaxed into his body, glad to feel his hands on her again. There was no rush as they undressed and explored every inch of skin they could reach before coming together. There was less hesitation this time and Ziva was better at letting him know what she needed. Tony savoured every second he was allowed to be with her and held off as long as possible because he didn't want their intimacy to end.

He knew Ziva was close, that she was still fighting her need for release, so he kissed her and brushed his lips over her earlobe. "It's okay Zi, just let it happen." Tony wanted so badly for these times to not just be about him. Finally she did, and watching and feeling the bliss flood her body sent him over the edge too.

Tony was careful to fall to her side instead of collapsing on top of her, knowing she wasn't yet able to enjoy his weight holding her down. For the longest time no words were exchanged as they both caught their breaths. When he pulled Ziva close and dropped a kiss on her shoulder, Tony noticed she was crying and immediately worried that he'd hurt her somehow. "Zi?" he whispered, stroking his knuckles over her cheek.

She swallowed and met his eyes, blinking back moisture. "I was not sure I would ever be able to enjoy sex again, to know the difference in making love instead of being violated. But I remember now how good it can be." Ziva kissed his fingertips. "Thank you."

Relief so great he couldn't help but reflect it poured over Tony and he framed her face with his hands, pushing his lips onto hers. Ziva responded with equal feeling but soon lighthearted laughter broke them apart. When she spoke, her eyes were shining. "This really is going to get better, yes?"

Tony grinned and toyed with one of her curls. "You bet. I'm one hundred percent positive that we can call tonight progress." He kissed her cheek. "I love you." Tony wrapped her in his arms and closed his eyes, thankful for one more step forward.

**NCIS**

Hours later Tony knew the instant Ziva moved from his side and instead of wallowing in self-pity and feelings of inadequacy, he followed her into the bathroom. Ziva looked up, startled, and he leaned against the counter, staying far out of her personal space for the moment. He held her gaze. "Can I come in with you?" Her eyes widened and Tony extended his hands pleadingly. "Let me help you wash them away babe, please." She closed her eyes briefly, then nodded and he felt hope. Tony bit his lip. "Are you going to be okay if I go in naked?"

Ziva's expression softened. "I am no longer uncomfortable with your body Tony."

That sounded like permission so he took it, stepping into the shower right after his wife. Ziva squeezed an obscene amount of body wash onto the cloth but Tony understood and took it from her, slowly but more roughly than he normally would scrubbing the material over her skin, watching the lather get washed away. She let him do everything this time, even if she helped with private areas, and when no more soap was left in the cloth, Tony massaged shampoo into her scalp and combed conditioner through her hair, finally just holding her and wondering if there were tears mixed with the water on her face.

At last Ziva kissed him and got out, saying 'thank you' in a barely audible voice. After they were dressed he sat holding her in the corner chair until she was ready to go back to bed. Tony didn't blame Ziva for keeping to her own side while they fell asleep, all that mattered was that she finally trusted him with everything and somehow that had to mean something. He only hoped they'd see the evidence of that sooner vs. later, because for once Tony wanted to sleep through the night with his wife, content and satisfied and finally no longer afraid.


	88. Chapter 88

_A/N: First of all, apologies for no chapter last night. I was having a bit of a pity-party and not in the mood to deal with updating. That said, I may be pushing updates back to every other day. I have to look over the last few chapters and I think I might want to add a few things, I'm just trying to decide how much, so I might need the time. Thanks for sticking with me!_

_And second, I feel like I should add a disclaimer of sorts for the conversation T&Z have at the very end. I have tried to do my research about Jewish faith and beliefs, but if I've gotten anything wrong, I offer a sincere early apology. And I hope it's okay, because I really like how it turned out. Thanks so much for everything, you guys are awesome! ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (Ch 87) - You're welcome, I like being able to reply to people. Oh, there are some very fun one-shots in the Snapshots series, I'm really looking forward to posting them. Thanks for your confidence :) Yes, Tony definitely needed the outlet for his anger. He's been doing small things for it, and he decompresses differently than Ziva, but sometimes he just needs something physical to let all the emotions out. It was a very uncomfortable session but I agree, somehow it's still progress. haha...oh Sammy, I love that puppy. I can't have one, so I use him here as often as I can. Thanks! I have had that scene for awhile, I kinda wanted to deal with Jeanne and just get that out of the way. I can't remember a lot of specifics either. But he shut her out, he ignored her, he wouldn't let her help. She was very concerned that he was sick again and Tony never disputed that. But Z did try to be around when he needed someone. Even if her advice wasn't necessarily always gentle. Thanks :) Always nice to hear that. Yes, Z letting Tony help at the end was huge, as was her ability simply to enjoy their interactions. Thanks so much for the review!_

As a federal agent, Matt Collins didn't often find himself nervous. But today, standing outside his girlfriend's apartment and preparing to meet one of the most important guys in her life, Matt had to rub sweaty palms on his shorts and take a deep breath before knocking. Tami answered the door with a smile and a quick kiss - she was still shy about being affectionate with him around others. A man his height but with blonde hair that matched Tami's, blue eyes, sporting glasses and an earring in one ear, came up behind her and put his hand on her shoulder. He assessed Matt quickly.

"Gonna introduce me sis?"

Tami's smile grew nervous and she cleared her throat. "Uh, Trevor this is my boyfriend Matt. Matt, this is my twin brother and best friend in the whole world, Trevor."

Matt shook the hand Trevor held out, not missing the significance in his gaze or the almost uncomfortable firmness of his grip. "It's nice to meet you."

Trevor nodded. "Likewise. Usually nobody gets to be with her as long as you without going through me and Tristan, but when she moved to a different state, Tami complicated the process."

Red crept into her cheeks and she elbowed her brother. "Keep it up and I'm not feeding you," she warned. Then to Matt. "Excuse his manners, twenty-five years later I'm still working on him."

"Whatever you say nerd," he teased affectionately.

Tami rolled her eyes, he was a lost cause. "Matt, can you help me in the kitchen?"

He started to follow her but Trevor held up a hand to stop him. "Nice try, but Romeo here doesn't get off that easily."

She sighed but said nothing, knowing it would be ten times worse if he'd managed to drag Tristan here with him. Thank God her oldest brother lived on the other side of the country. Being the only girl of dating age in her family was never easy. Disappearing around the corner, she left the boys to their bonding time.

Trevor pointed to the table. "Sit. I'll be right back." Seeing as he had no choice, Matt pulled out a chair and Trevor was back in a minute with two cups of coffee. "Black with sugar?" Matt accepted the mug and Trevor sat across from him. "So, you like my sister."

Matt chuckled. "Three moths later I'd say yeah, that's a definite possibility."

Trevor didn't seem amused. "Are you serious?"

Matt took a sip. "Is this an interrogation?"

"Just a friendly evaluation," Trevor corrected.

The agent leaned back. "I think Tami's old enough to make up her own mind."

"She may have chosen you, but Tami and I, we're closer than normal siblings. There's things I need to know."

Accepting that the matter was out of his hands, the dark haired man nodded. "I'm serious."

"What do you want out of this relationship?" Trevor pried.

"I'm in no hurry," Matt made that clear. "I enjoy spending time with her, we were good friends first before I asked her out. I'm looking forward to getting to know her better and seeing how and where this all goes. But she took a month to decide that she wanted to date me, I refuse to rush anything."

"Good, because Tami doesn't do relationships well with people that aren't family," Trevor said bluntly and a quarter sailed through the air, smacking him in the back of the head. "Ow!" Trevor sat up and looked over his shoulder to find Tami staring darkly at him.

"Stop acting like you're my babysitter," she demanded. "If you have anything important to say, ask it now. Supper is almost ready."

Trevor's expression became sheepish and he turned back to Matt. "Busted."

"You guys always so protective of her?" Matt questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes." His answer was immediate. "Tami was picked on a lot when we were young and until he left for California, Tristan protected both of us. When he moved he passed that job to me. I don't want to see my sister get hurt."

"Neither do I," Matt said solemnly. "I want to make her happy. I like having her in my life. What more can I tell you?" Whatever happened, he needed her brother's approval.

Trevor looked at him intently. "That's enough for now. Come on, let's get stuff to set the table."

Matt knew where to find things and handed plates and cutlery to Trevor. Before leaving, he kissed Tami's cheek. "He's not going to scare me away. But I'm glad he cares enough to ask those questions." His whispered words made her smile and a few minutes later she brought out several dishes to put on the table.

"Help yourselves."

Trevor said a quick blessing once their plates were full and the conversation among the group ranged from sports to jobs to growing up stories. Tami had made raspberry and peach pudding for dessert and the guys each had several servings. Finally Trevor excused himself to the bathroom and Tami held out her hand to Matt. "Sit with me?"

He followed her to the couch, pleased when she curled up beside him like normal. Trevor came back and eyed them warily. "You get to pick the movie," Tami told her brother cheerfully. Trevor snapped himself out of it and perused her collection, settling on _Transformers_.

The longer Matt stayed the more comfortable he got and soon he was touching and kissing Tami just like he usually would. Trevor gave them several sideways glances hoping they'd give it up, but they didn't. He wasn't a huge fan of seeing Tami so cozy with a guy, his thumb stroking back and forth over her knee, but the smile on his sister's face made him think twice about saying anything. At the end of the evening Tami walked her boyfriend to the door and said goodnight. Trevor held out his hand and smiled, giving Matt the feeling he'd passed some sort of test. He kissed his girlfriend softly and left, promising to see her at work the next day.

"I'm taking the day off because Trevor is here," she reminded him. "Lunch Tuesday?"

"You got it. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," the twins echoed.

Closing the door, Tami faced her brother with crossed arms. "Well?"

Trevor shrugged. "He's not so bad. Wanna play Scrabble?"

She was used to him switching gears quickly when he was uncomfortable and went with it. "You'll lose," Tami predicted. "But we can do chess after."

"Deal," Trevor grinned, slinging an arm around her shoulders. "I've missed you Squirt."

"I'm glad you could come Pip," she affirmed. "I get the blue pieces."

Trevor rolled his eyes. "You always get blue and you always win. Should I be seeing a pattern here?"

Tami shrugged and winked. "Just because your favourite colour is orange, don't blame me. As for my secret, I guess you'll never know. Go make the kettle corn." It was a staple game playing snack food for them.

Doing as ordered, Trevor smiled. Sometime he missed the old days. Being grown up wasn't always what it was cracked up to be. Some days he really missed his family.

**NCIS**

Tony came upstairs Wednesday night after locking the doors and paused at the nursery to look in on his daughter. Smiling at the way she slept, he headed for his bedroom but stopped dead and gaped at Ziva, laying innocently under the covers. "That's my side of the bed!"

Ziva lifted an eyebrow and sent him a coy smiled. "You can fight me for it," she offered and shock showed on his face.

Tony pulled off his shirt and let his pants fall to the floor before approaching the bed and leaning over her, his hands on either side of her body. "Well that sounds like an offer I can't refuse."

She pushed him back but the twinkle in her eyes was a confirmation that this was merely the beginning of the game, not a fear reaction. Tony tried to rip the blankets from her hands but Ziva held them tightly, so he reached under and attacked her ribs. Ziva jumped in surprised and he used the moment jerk the covers away and bent to get a kiss. Rolling over, Ziva hid her face from him, curling up in a ball.

Tony flopped on the bed beside her, always being cautious of a response that would mean this wasn't fun anymore and tried to get her arms down. They wrestled for several moments and Ziva ended up on top of him, staring down into his eyes before she let him claim his prize. Tony's hands slid down the silk of her nightie - green this time and v-cut with black lace lining the top - and over her backside, stunned to immobility when he discovered Ziva wasn't wearing anything under the lingerie.

His eyes snapped to hers. "I am braver now," she whispered, capturing his lips and caressing his face with her hands.

This wasn't their first time, nor second or third, and despite her assertion Tony was still careful with her just in case. But when they lay sweaty and satisfied beside each other some time later, he wondered if this was when it became okay to actually have fun together. This was what intimacy was supposed to look like.

**NCIS**

Ziva tossing beside him was what brought Tony out of a deep peaceful sleep. He rubbed a hand down his face, trying to wake up, and reached over to touch his wife. But the nightmare had her hard and she slapped him away, her expression fierce and arms up to ward off an attack. Tony sighed and moved cautiously to wrap his hands around her wrists. Surprise made him more alert when Ziva wrenched away from his grip and Tony suddenly realized how much stronger she'd become since their early days after Somalia.

"Ziva," he called and her head whipped toward the sound of his voice. Tony tried to get his arms around her so he could pin her against his chest until she calmed down, but Ziva scrambled out of bed and backed herself into the corner, hands up to protect her face.

"Do not hurt me," she whimpered and Tony wasn't sure he was strong enough to keep fighting. But he had to get her out of there, it wasn't safe.

"Ziva please," he begged, getting up to go to her. She lashed out when he got in her space but Tony grabbed an arm and spun her around, effectively trapping Ziva in his arms, though not fast enough to avoid the elbow that rammed into his ribs. Grunting, he caught his breath and shook her. "Ziva, wake up!" She came out of the dream with a gasp, shivering as her head swivelled frantically from left to right, eyes searching for somewhere safe. Tony turned and pressed his back into the corner, bringing them both to the floor. "It's okay Zi, it's me."

Ziva sobbed in relief and tried desperately to shrink into him further. Tony just held her, running his fingers through her hair and waiting for the memories to subside. Finally she sat up and pushed her hands into her hair, leaning her elbows on her knees. "I want it to stop Tony," she whispered hoarsely. "I want to wake up and remember us, not the camp, not all those other men doing things I cannot forget."

His heart broke for her and Tony dropped his head to rest on hers. "That's what I'll wish for you then, that someday when you wake up it will just be us. I wish I could make that reality for you now."

Tears caught in her throat and she leaned back against him. "Tony, please do not let go."

"Never," he promised, rocking her gently. It would be tearing out his own heart to give up on them now. "Never."

**NCIS**

Friday was Abby's last official day of work until she returned after the baby was born, approximately ten weeks from now. Although Gibbs and McGee had tried, no one could get her to take maternity leave earlier than thirty-eight weeks, and even then she continually moaned about how much she would miss everyone and everything. All through the day cards, packages of licorice, blue cups of Caf-Pow with 'We'll miss yous' scribbled all over them and bouquets of black roses had been pouring in. By quitting time, Abby was overwhelmed to the point of tears and failing in her attempt to get Gibbs to reconsider letting her stay until her water broke.

"I don't know what I'll do at home all day, and Major Mass Spec will miss me, and how can I keep Bert and Sammy away from Tami for so long? You know how much she loves them. She probably won't be able to work without them. You need me Gibbs! To put up with Tony's jokes and drink the Caf-Pow you bring and -"

Gibbs gently put a finger over her lips. "We'll all miss you Abs, but it's time to get ready for your baby."

Her face fell just as the team filed in, including Matt who moved to stand behind Tami with his hands on her shoulders. Each person was holding a different stuffed animal wearing a red or black ribbon. "For the baby," Ziva explained, handing over her offering of a grey elephant.

"Trust you to be unique even with baby toys," Tony quipped, sitting a crocodile beside his wife's choice.

McGee added a smaller version of Bert to the group and smiled. "He laughs when you hug him. We can call him BB, for Baby Bert."

Abby's smile softened and her surprise rose when Tami stepped forward, proudly displaying the soft stuffed spider she'd work hard to find. "It seemed to fit the theme," she shrugged, gesturing to some of Abby's decor before returning to Matt.

"I know I'm not really on the team anymore, but I didn't figure a giraffe could hurt," Matt explained, setting the animal in front of Abby.

In a surprise move, Abby threw her arms around Matt and hugged him hard. "You still count."

Relieved to hear it because he wanted to fit with these people, Matt hugged her back. "Thanks."

Abby pulled away and grinned. "The Bossman doesn't take kindly to any couple stuff in the lab, so if you're going to kiss your girlfriend, make sure you lock the door." She winked at Gibbs and stepped back to look at the group.

"Thanks guys, for everything. Don't forget about me."

"You will not be gone forever Abby," Ziva reminded her, "even if it feels that way."

"Forget about you Abs?" Tony asked in amazement, wrapping his little sister in a hug. "Not even possible."

Gibbs drew her into a tight embrace and kissed her cheek. "You won't be alone," he whispered, reaffirming his words from a recent conversation in his basement.

"I'll have Caf-Pow waiting when you come back," Matt promised.

Tami was nervous. "It won't be the same without you."

Abby eyed her seriously. "You're in charge now. Don't let anyone push you around and take care of my babies." She pointed a finger at Matt.

"I'm deputizing you. Make sure no one bullies my assistant, not even him," she looked over her shoulder at Gibbs, giving him an 'I know you' look when he shook his head.

Matt grinned. "Yes ma'am."

Abby clasped her hands and faced her boss. "Can I keep her?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Whatever you like Abs, your lab."

"Good."

She grinned at Tami. "You can stay, if you want."

"Uh...sure," she stuttered, then cleared her throat. "I mean, I'd be honoured," Tami managed, having not expected that. "Thank you."

Abby sighed and gathered up the toys, then gazed around the lab one last time. "Okay, let's go."

McGee carried her flowers, cards, and candy in a box out to the car, fitting everything into the back seat before helping Abby get settled and lifting Sammy in to sit at her feet. Abby was unusually quiet on the way home and once they got inside, she sat down on the couch and burst into tears. Knowing nothing he could say would help, Tim placed Sammy beside her and the puppy rested his head on what was left of her rapidly shrinking lap, sensing her sadness.

Then McGee put his arm around his wife and just let her cry. Finally she sniffed and wiped away the wetness, smearing streaks of black mascara across her cheeks. "I miss my lab already Timmy."

"I know you do honey, but it won't be so bad, you'll see." He kissed her temple. "Why don't you go take a bath? It'll probably help."

She nodded and pushed herself up, moving slowly to the bathroom. Once there she looked in the mirror and gasped. "McGee, why didn't you tell me I look like a raccoon?"

He poked his head in the door. "You're a really, really cute raccoon."

Abby tossed a wet, mascara stained cloth at him and closed the door, laughing. Tim waited for a moment until the water started running, and returned to the first floor to start supper and get her flowers put in water. This was going to be a big change. All he could do right now was be there for her and make sure to always have a hug available. Hugs were Abby's favourite medicine.

**NCIS**

Tony stepped into the house Saturday afternoon, ready for a break from tinkering with the sprinkler system, and was caught by surprise at the sight of Ziva dancing around the dining area with Chaya, loud Hebrew music pouring from her iPod speakers. The little girl was laughing and Ziva was smiling, her eyes completely unshadowed. That was rare.

He stood at the door and watched them until Ziva put Chaya in her high chair and danced her way into the kitchen. Then Tony walked silently up behind her and slid his arms around her waist. Ziva tensed, but relaxed almost immediately when he nuzzled behind her ear. "Hello beautiful."

Ziva turned in his arms and smiled, playing along as her husband spun her around the kitchen. Finally she pulled away. "What was that for?"

He tugged her back into him and covered her lips with his. "Because you're irresistible Zi."

She kissed him back, patting his cheek lightly. "Extra points for that," Ziva whispered, then went back to the dough she had been working with before her favourite song came on and Chaya became her dance partner.

Tony wasn't about to be put off so easily and leaned back against the counter, watching her movements intently. "What're you making?"

Ziva wiped the back of her wrist across her forehead and separated the dough in half, then began evenly dividing the first half into six pieces. She formed the pieces into balls and started rolling them out into strips with her hands. "Challah bread."

Tony washed his hands and then continued observing. "I thought that was for Fridays."

She shrugged, evening out the foot-long strips and pinching the tops together, her fingers moving gracefully to weave the dough together in a thick braid. "Yes, as a tradition. But I have not taken part in it for many years and I want to make sure I can do it right, before I do it for real."

He waited until Ziva tucked the ends underneath and moved the raw dough to a baking tray before offering his assistance with the second loaf. She nodded and Tony followed her lead in making the same number of balls and rolling them out, but left the braiding to her. "Well, as previously stated, I'm always happy to be a guinea pig for your fabulous cooking experiments."

Ziva laughed. "You should wait to see how it turns out before you get too excited."

The second loaf was transferred to the tray and slid neatly into the oven, then she began wiping the counter while Tony started water for doing dishes. They worked together and the stack was soon clean and dripping on the drying rack. He grabbed a towel and helped her dry. "Zi?"

She looked up. "Mmm?"

"Do you wish you were...more Jewish?"

Ziva frowned. "I will always be Jewish Tony, you cannot be more or less."

"No," he shook his head, "I mean, do you wish you still followed all the rules and stuff?"

She sighed. "I was so angry after we lost Tali, I did not want anything to do with G-d, all I cared about was revenge. But when I got it, it was not sweet at all and it did nothing to heal the hurt and bitterness in my heart. Still, I flaunted my actions in the face of my faith, daring G-d to do something about me. For a long time I thought Somalia was a punishment for my recklessness, and my disregard of the truth I was raised to know. But I have come to understand that my life is a gift, that you and Chaya and our family is proof I can see that HaShem never stopped caring for me, no matter what I did before." Ziva set the towel down and tried to sort out her thoughts. "I told Devon once that I miss being observant. I have become an American Tony, but my heart will always be Israeli, and the Jewish faith is a large part of me. I think, in some small ways, I would like to being moving back to everything I once walked away from."

Tony took her hands. "What does that mean for us?"

She gave him a small smile. "I am not asking you to convert, but perhaps you could encourage me in what I am trying to do." Ziva shrugged. "I would like for you to join me at Temple just once, to see what it is like. But I think I will go first by myself and speak to the rabbi." She eyed him seriously. "Do not let me give up."

His hands rubbed up and down her arms. "That I can promise. What about Chaya?"

The question took some consideration and when she answered, Ziva spoke slowly. "I believe I would like our daughter to have the freedom to choose. That is a precious gift."

Tony kissed her. "You're so wise sometimes."

She smirked. "Only sometimes?"

He snorted. "Not falling for that one." Tony slid his arms around her waist. "If you let me know what you're planning to do to return to your faith, I'll do everything I can to support you. Deal?" He held out his pinky finger and Ziva chuckled, linking hers with his.

"Yes, it is a deal."

Tony brushed his lips over her forehead. "Good. Now when do I get to taste this bread? Because it's starting to smell like heaven in here and I think I need a sample."

Ziva rolled her eyes and snapped him with the damp towel, checking the timer. "Ten minutes, maybe less."

"Really?" He strolled across the room to check on his sleeping daughter in her swing and then tugged his wife towards the couch, falling backwards onto it with Ziva in his arms. "I believe that's just enough time to show you some of my talents in the kissing department."

She raised an eyebrow. "Is that so? Well, never let it be said I turned down a free lesson."

Tony wiggled around and got more comfortable, then guided Ziva's mouth to his. "Good choice Mrs. DiNozzo," he whispered against her lips. "This is my favourite way to say I love you."

For the next several minutes while Tony practiced his tried and true techniques honed over years of practice, Ziva had to agree that making out with her husband was just as good as hearing those words spoken out loud. And she wouldn't trade this moment for the whole world.


	89. Chapter 89

_A/N: After having a couple of people mention it in reviews, I realized I made a mistake. For those of you picturing Tami as a brunette, you'd be right. I don't know where I came up with blonde, but that was a typo. I see her with mousy brown hair and glasses. And she smiles a lot. Anyhow...just wanted to clear that up. Thanks for noticing the details guys!_

_Sarah (Ch 88) - No problem. Yeah, time speeds up at lot after this chapter so I want to make sure it's not rushed and that I got in all the details I wanted. lol...I figured I had to have the 'interrogation' scene with Matt and Trevor. From my experience with my best friend who has an older brother, they do not appreciate seeing a guy get touchy with their sister. And you were right about Tami's hair colour, my mistake. Definitely the worst one in awhile, but even if it sucked for both of them, not needing to shower and immediately wanting Tony's comfort was still progress. haha...if Abby wasn't married, she's probably just live in her lab. I'm all about stuffed animals, I have my own collection, so I wanted her baby to get some unique stuff. haha...glad you liked McGee's line. Aww...glad you liked the end. I added a lot more to that scene so I wanted to make sure it came out okay. Thanks goes to a reviewer who mentioned the website where I got the instructions for challah bread off of. I hoped the explanation would make sense for Ziva. I'm still not sure how much I can add in this story about her faith, but maybe in a Snapshot I can go into more detail. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

_Guest who loved the chapter (Ch 88) - I'm so happy you liked it so much, along with the rest of the story. It's funny, because at the beginning everyone hated Matt and was suspicious of Tami, but now there's actually readers who admit to shipping them, I love it! I never thought they'd become so popular or that they'd have such a part in the story. So much for background characters, lol. So I'm glad you're enjoying M&T, I find they add something to the story that I didn't expect. Thanks so much! :)_

Early Tuesday morning Celeste rolled over and woke Gibbs up with a kiss. He responded to her before opening his eyes, surprised when her hands wandered, making it clear that she wanted to initiate more than just making out. Not one to argue with any kind of physical activity involving him and his wife, Gibbs began getting Celeste out of the little clothing she was wearing. She did the same for him and it wasn't long before they were lost in each other.

After they finished, Celeste lay on her husband's chest, fingers swirling lightly through his chest hair. Gibbs turned his head and kissed her nose. "Not complaining, but why? I don't often get morning sex."

Celeste pressed her lips to his. "Happy One Month Jethro."

His eyebrows rose. "Already?" he asked incredulously.

She chuckled. "I'll try not to take it personally that you didn't know."

Gibbs rubbed his hand up and down her arm. "It's not that Les. Sometimes this feels like forever, then the next day I'm sure it's only been a couple weeks."

"I'm assuming that's a good thing?"

He answered with a long kiss. "We fit, it's a very good thing."

Finally Celeste moved away and Gibbs immediately missed her naked warmth lying against him. She rolled over and cuddled with her pillow. "Go to work."

A glance at the clock showed a time that meant he'd be late if he didn't shower now. "Tease," he grumbled.

"I did more than tease," Celeste shot back, already closing her eyes. She peeked one open to watch him get up. "As for morning sex, wait until you retire and it doesn't have to be so early."

He looked back to comment but Celeste was steadfastly pretending to be asleep. "I'll keep that in mind," Gibbs muttered, trying to think of something else. She sure made it difficult to go to work these days. With Celeste waiting for him why would he ever want to leave?

**NCIS**

Gibbs was in far too good a mood that day but none of them wanted to know why, some things would just be too much information. It was enough to know that he was clearly enjoying married life and leave it at that. Just before Ziva had to leave for her therapy appointment, Tony set a steaming cup of tea on her desk. "Okay?" Despite things getting better, they hadn't been intimate that week. The lingering effects of her last nightmare haunted both of them and Tony was afraid of it happening again, he wasn't used to them anymore.

She looked up from putting a cold case into the system. "Thank you." Her eyebrows drew together. "What is wrong?"

He swallowed. "Did you...want me to come?"

Ziva's hand covered his and she smiled. "It is very sweet of you to offer, but no. I think I will be fine."

He seemed relieved but wouldn't admit it, because if she'd said yes he would've come no matter how uncomfortable the experience was. "Lunch after?"

"Only if you bring it down to LEO's, Chaya needs me."

Tony's lips grazed her ear. "I need you too."

Ziva turned her head and met his mouth with hers. "I love you," she whispered, her warm breath on his skin sending tingles down his spine. Then she took her tea and left Tony standing there, wondering if he would ever get used to loving her.

Downstairs in Devon's office Ziva sat in the same place as always and waited for the first question. "Got an anniversary coming up soon I see," her doctor began. Ziva's brow furrowed and Dr. Andrews smiled gently. "Did you forget? Tomorrow is a year since you came home."

Ziva opened her mouth but no words came out, so she closed it again and swallowed. "I did not realize."

"Does it feel like a year?" Devon inquired.

She sipped her tea and thought. "It feels like a lifetime."

"In a way it is," the woman agreed. "Things have changed drastically in twelve months. Look at all the progress you've made Ziva, you're a different woman now than the one I met to do psyche evals with."

Ziva fiddled with her hair absently. She was amazed at how much it had grown in three months. "Sometimes I miss the woman who went into the camp. In so many ways I will never be her again."

"That woman was missing a lot of the wonderful things you now have," Devon observed. "A husband, a daughter, a family, a job she loved, friends, a home."

Staring out the window, Ziva found a bird to watch. "Yes, but she was beautiful, confident, strong, proud. She never backed down, never lost a fight. She was so sure of herself. And I am not."

"Oh Ziva," Devon sighed, "I wish you could see yourself through the eyes of others. To those who know and love you, you are all of those things. You haven't lost them, they've only changed. I hope a day is still coming when you will be able to believe that."

Ziva wrapped her arms around herself. "I am happy Devon, I have learned to love. This new life is everything I could not have imagined. It is sufficient."

"We want more for you than just what is adequate," Devon said softly. "But we have other things to talk about." She looked at Ziva seriously. "How are your nightmares?"

Ziva was thoughtful. "They have changed a lot since I got married, since Chaya was born. Sometimes with Tony sleeping near me there was nothing, other times the dreams struck without warning. Then for weeks after Chaya came there were none at all, but the first was about losing her. Now," she shrugged, "they are usually only connected to sex."

"Any steps forward in that area?" Devon wanted to know.

A faint smile crossed the woman's lips. "I think we are close to normal."

Devon gave her a knowing look. "You're starting to enjoy yourself.

Ziva looked down at her hands. "Yes."

"And your reactions?"

"Not as bad. Last time it was a nightmare without needing to shower, but my thrashing woke Tony and he had problems getting me out of it." Ziva pushed away memories of the dream that had sent her running from her husband's touch. She was glad she had not been awake to watch his heart break in his eyes.

"Give it time Ziva," Devon recommended. "Sounds to me like you're going in the right direction. Don't stop."

They shared questions and observations and details for awhile longer and at the end of the session Dr. Andrews set down her clipboard. "It's been almost a year since you started coming to me Ziva, and to watch you heal has been such a heartbreaking and rewarding experience for me. But I think it's time I step back a little more and let you see how far you've come. I'd like to see you once a month from now on."

Instead of getting worried like last time, Ziva sat back and nodded. "Okay." She was beginning to believe that she could do this, she could be released to live life on her own and deal with whatever came. It was a slow process, but little by little she was getting there.

Smiling, Devon stood to hug her patient briefly before she left. "Okay."

**NCIS**

Tony was waiting at the elevator with her backpack when Ziva returned from therapy. "Gibbs and McGee just left to check out the crime scene again. He's sure we missed something. You and I are picking up the mistress. Abby thinks she's hiding something."

For the drive Ziva watched buildings flash by and let Tony slowly play with her fingers. They were all business once they reached the house and acted professionally to one another during the trip back and while they performed the interrogation, using their little code language of looks and gestures to determine who was doing what. But when it was over Ziva kissed his cheek and put in her lunch request before going down to see Chaya. Tony touched the spot her lips had been and was suddenly struck by how quiet she'd been for the last two hours. It was time to do some digging.

Downstairs in the Mommy and Me room, Ziva used her foot to keep the rocking chair in motion while she fed her daughter, drawing her fingers softly over the baby's cheek. She hummed a Hebrew lullaby and really focused on the way it felt when Chaya sucked, the tenderness that filled her when a small hand came to rest on her breast. Ziva patted Chaya's back and thought about how much more of her arms the infant filled now. It was hard to believe she had once been so little that she could lay comfortably along their forearms with her head in their hands.

A tap on the door tore Ziva's attention from her daughter and she smiled when Tony came in carrying a takeout bag. "Sandwiches," he elaborated, pulling out two foil wrapped squares. "I wanted something you could eat one handed."

Ziva reached for hers, glad to see cucumbers and other vegetables, she'd been craving something healthy. "Thank you."

Tony dragged a stool over and sat beside his wife and child. He let her finish one half, while he inhaled all of his sandwich, before taking a swig of chocolate milk and leaning back against the changing table. "What's going on Zi?"

Her eyebrows rose in a protestation of innocence. "What?"

He sighed and pointed to her expression. "That. There's shadows in your eyes again. And you've barely said five words to me since your appointment. What did Devon say this time?"

Ziva shrugged and turned her attention back to Chaya, doing her utmost to remain relaxed while her daughter nursed. "She merely reminded me what tomorrow is."

Tony frowned. "And?"

She looked up then and stared straight into his soul while her lips whispered the words. "September sixth."

"September-ohhh..." he let out a breath and his head sank into his hands. "How did I forget about that?"

Ziva's smile was melancholy. "Because you were not trying to remember. Neither was I."

Tony rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands and caught her gaze. "It's been a year. That's hard to believe."

"Time soars," she agreed, thinking that maybe a year was too short a span of time to encompass all that had happened since her return.

He chuckled and kissed her hand. "Flies Zi, time flies."

"Yes, well, whatever, but it has both crawled along and gone so fast that I am still trying to catch my breath."

"Are you okay?" Tony asked, unsure of the answer.

She lifted on shoulder and let it drop. "The date has made me think of how much has changed. I am not sure I will ever forget or stop comparing now to then."

Tony made a face. "What do you mean?"

"I wish sometimes to be more of the woman I was when I walked into that camp. I miss her confidence and her abilities. But I do not miss being cold and empty and having none of the things my heart longed for, as I do now."

"You've still got all the things that matter Ziva," Tony told her, combing his fingers gently through her hair. "You've still got the crazy ninja skills, a sharp mind and those adorable idiom issues." He grinned when she made a face. "You've got the gorgeous hair, a hot body that every man you walk by wants, and eyes that see all the way through me. But you also have this," Tony kissed her ring, "and our beautiful little girl, a home and a family." He shook his head. "I don't think you're missing anything that really matters."

Ziva ruffled his carefully styled hair. "Perhaps you are right."

"I'm always right, thank you for noticing," he quipped and she kissed his forehead.

"I love you."

Tony brushed his lips over her wrist. "Then I'm the luckiest guy in the world."

**NCIS**

Later that afternoon Tim found his friend sitting outside the building with a cup of coffee he was staring into but not drinking. "Learning how to read coffee grounds?" he asked, joining the senior field agent.

"One year ago today we were on a military plane on our way to Africa to purposely get captured by a terrorist cell so I could avenge my partner's death," Tony related in monotone.

McGee cleared his throat. "There's a flashback."

Tony glanced sideways at his teammate. "Why did you come? You knew the risks, knew what could happen if we did one thing wrong. And surely somewhere in the back of your mind you probably were wondering if you could keep your promise to Abby to return. Maybe you didn't know as much as Gibbs, but I think you knew I wasn't trying too hard to come back."

Tim shrugged. "If we'd gotten ourselves killed in the dessert, what I would've missed out on hurts like heck. But you needed someone to watch your six and I was determined to do my best to cover your back. For Ziva's memory, if nothing else."

"We were there a day," Tony mused. "Punched, kicked, pistol-whipped, deprived of water, interrogated - how much of that did you bring home with you?"

McGee sighed. "Enough to have no clue how Ziva survived three months there. I had nightmares for three days so bad I was scared to close my eyes. Then Abby called because Ziva's dreams freaked her out." He rubbed his face. "I think about it sometimes, but I don't dream with Abby by my side." Tim cut his eyes to Tony. "Do you dream about it?"

"Only in so much as I dream of the hundreds of ways she could've died before we got there. Or now that I know the story, seeing scenes of what they did to her. Those first couple weeks were the worst," he confessed. "Gibbs wouldn't let me stay past the first night, so I lay at home in my bed thinking about how terrified she must be to see it again and be trapped by sleep, unable to get out. When she stayed at Abby's and I didn't see her for a week, I wasn't even sure the rescue was real. The day we came into the office and she was at her desk, I almost fell over in relief. But she didn't talk to me until the day she came to spend two weeks at my apartment." Tony shoved his fingers into his hair. "And then all I saw were her nightmares."

"A year seems like nothing when I think about how far she's come," Tim observed. "You gotta let it go Tony. Lay the memories rest. She's home, she's safe, she's yours, and we all came back in one piece."

Tony forced a smile. "Yeah, but there's still sometimes I'm afraid to let her out of my sight, or when I think this is a dream and I'll wake up and still want to wither away to nothingness because life had no meaning without her." McGee reached over and headslapped his friend. Tony stared at him in shock. "You didn't!"

"I did," Tim said firmly. "Let it go. Or that fear will colour everything and you'll never just be able to enjoy the gift your life is now." He stood. "Think about your wife and daughter DiNozzo. Somalia doesn't matter anymore."

**NCIS**

Something told Gibbs to swing by his house while he was taking Lexie for a walk that night. "Just a quick stop girl," he promised, guiding her up the path. Ever eager to please, Lexie trotted happily by his side. When they climbed the front steps, Ziva was sitting in one of the chairs on the front porch. Lexie approached her cautiously and Ziva held out a hand for the dog to sniff, then Lexie burrowed her nose between Ziva's knees.

"Shalom ha-chavera sheli," she murmured, drawing her fingers over Lexie's head. _Hello my friend._

Gibbs sat down beside her. "Would you have come to Celeste's?"

She shrugged. "I have not been waiting long. You always know."

He sighed. "I try to be there when you need me, but I may not always be at this house."

Ziva continued to pet Lexie and the dog cuddled up to her like she'd found a new best friend. "I suppose I would have figured something out."

That wasn't very reassuring. "No baby this time?"

The woman shrugged. "She is asleep. And Tony is in the basement." She trailed fingers through her tangled hair. "Do you know what today is?"

He started to shake his head, then stopped. "I know what tomorrow is," Gibbs replied gruffly. "I was laying on a hill watching Tony and McGee through my scope when Saleem brought a ghost into the room." He blew out a breath. "Thought I was seeing things, wasn't sure I could shoot straight, but that dirtbag had my team and I wasn't going to lose any of you on my watch, not this time."

"I am not sure of who I am now, even after a year," Ziva shared. "Perhaps you were right and I did die out there after all."

Gibbs shook his head. "Not my words. I said the killer in you died out there and it's true. I've seen you work hard this year not to make any fatal shots if you could help it. You've changed Ziver, but I don't think it's for the worse."

Her expression begged to be reassured so he stood to pull her into his arms, glad that she came to him and that he could try make her believe the truth, or at least give her a new way to look at it. "We love you, all of us. We loved you before and we love you now. Maybe you miss the old Ziva, but we're just grateful for the one who came home to us."

Ziva rubbed her face on his shirt and hugged him tighter, finally whispering, "Thank you," when she kissed his cheek. Lexie didn't like the sadness and lapped gently at Ziva's tears when she knelt down to say goodbye, drawing a smile from the woman. Once he knew she was okay, Gibbs returned home and sat beside Celeste on the couch where she was reading a book. Lacing their fingers together, he picked up the phone.

"Abs, how fast can you put together a party?"

**NCIS**

By lunchtime on Wednesday Ziva knew something was going on. The team was being awfully cagey, and people had been sneaking around all day, talking only in whispers and falling mute as soon as she got too close. Even Tony seemed closed off, avoiding her eyes and not giving her a chance to corner him or get him alone. Frustrated, Ziva wished that Abby had not left for maternity leave, because she needed someone to vent to. Deciding a phone call would be good enough, the agent retreated to the alcove with her cell and dialed the McGee house.

"Hello Abby, it is Ziva," she began.

"Ziva!" Abby squealed. "Hi! How is work? Is my lab okay? Tami's a great assistant but she's not totally used to everything yet and I just-"

Ziva chuckled. "Your lab is fine Abby, still in one piece when I was down this morning. How are you?"

The girl sighed. "Bored already. I can't believe I have another week and a half of this. Gibbs should've let me stay at work."

"I remember feeling useless too," Ziva commiserated. "You should try to nap when you can, there is not much time for rest once the baby is born."

"Yeah, that's what I hear. At least I've got Sammy around to keep me company."

"I am sure he is entertaining," Ziva smiled, finally able to get to the point. "Abby, the reason I called is that I was wondering if you want to do something tonight. We have not had Girl's Night in awhile."

"Oh." Abby hesitated and Ziva shrugged.

"If you do not already have plans."

"What?" Abby asked. "Oh no, no plans. Yes, Girl's Night sounds great. Maybe eight-ish? We could just hang out. And Timmy can go keep Chaya and Tony company."

"I like that idea, thank you."

"Okay, great. See you tonight!"

"Goodbye Abby."

Minutes later each member of the team besides Ziva received a text message explaining the change in plans. That night Ziva stayed to nurse Chaya and then left for Ops, her mind full and a heaviness inside. Duke greeted her at the front desk and took a hard look at her eyes. "Congrats."

She frowned. "For what?"

He crossed his arms. "For making it. Not everyone can survive life after war and captivity Soldier. You do me proud."

Ziva swallowed hard. "I need to get rid of the thoughts in my head tonight."

Duke nodded curtly. "Your wish is my command. I'll keep you so busy you won't have time to think."

She smiled faintly and they got to work. An hour and a half later Ziva stood outside Abby and McGee's house, worn out but feeling much less burdened. It came to her mind that she should encourage Tony to stay and spend time in the gym on the nights she left early with Chaya. It really did help with the dark thoughts and emotions.

Ziva rang the doorbell and Abby answered with a bright smile. "Ziva, come in."

As soon as she stepped inside, her eyes fell on the banner stretched across the livingroom with their whole family standing under it. "Welcome home Ziva," Gibbs said quietly, lifting his glass of punch.

The others followed suit and echoed the sentiment. "Happy One Year Home!"

Ziva blinked back tears and felt a body slip behind hers. Tony put his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head. "I'm so proud of you," he murmured.

McGee came out of the kitchen carrying a round marble cake with a few little candles and the words 'We Love Ziva' written across the top. "It's not your birthday, but I bet you could still make a wish."

She looked around at every face and shook her head. "What would I wish? There is nothing missing anymore." Holding back her hair, Ziva leaned over and blew out the flickering flames.

A cheer went up and they all clapped. "Let's eat," Tony announced.

The party ensued and everyone talked and mingled, enjoying the chance to be together outside of work. Each person made a point to stop and say a few words to Ziva, who spent most of the evening sitting in the corner and just basking in the love that filled the room. Suddenly a thought hit her and she moved to find her husband. Ziva put her hand on his shoulder. "Tony, where is Chaya?"

He smiled. "She's sleeping upstairs in Abby and McGee's room. I never took her out of the carseat after daycare."

Ziva nodded. "It is not that I do not trust you with her, I am sorry if that is how it sounded. I just needed to know."

Tony chuckled. "You're a mom Zi, there'd be a problem if you didn't wonder where your baby was."

"I think I will go check on her." Just as Ziva turned to go, Matt approached the couple.

"Can I talk to you guys for a sec?" Puzzled, Tony and Ziva agreed and followed him into the kitchen. Matt shoved his hands into his pockets. "I read McGee's book," he blurted, watching Ziva's eyes widen as her hand sought Tony's. Matt sighed. "I never got it Ziva, I never understood why you were so special, why they were willing to fight for you so hard." He swallowed. "But I understand now and I just...I think you're amazing. If the story is even close to true, if you went through all that and came back and started a new life..." Matt trailed off and shook his head. "No one else I know is that strong. So congratulations, you deserve this chance to be happy." He held out his hand.

Ziva stared at Matt, then her husband, and finally shook his hand and smiled slightly. "Thank you Matt. And I am sure that if we ever have an empty place on the team, we would all be glad to have you back." While she was thinking of Gibbs' eventual retirement, Tony was wondering about the possibility of another maternity leave for Ziva a couple years down the road.

Matt grinned. "Thanks, that means a lot." He caught sight of Tami, finally released from updating Abby about NCIS and the lab, and cleared his throat. "Excuse me."

Tony turned to Ziva and cupped her face. "Breathe honey. Only people on the team know that book is partly truth. To everyone else it is just another story. No one will know that you are Lisa."

She drew a shaky breath. "I am alright Tony, he just surprised me. I think I will go see how Chaya is now." She slipped away before he could gauge if she believed him and Tony sighed. Ziva didn't need another reason to feel ashamed.

**NCIS**

Upstairs Ziva found her daughter fast asleep and sat down beside the carseat, running her fingers gently over the baby's fist. "I think I might have fought harder if I had known I was pregnant," she whispered. "When Daddy and Grampa and Uncle Tim brought me home, I felt so empty. It would not have seemed so lonely if I knew about you." Ziva leaned over and kissed Chaya's forehead. "I was not aware that there was another life inside me that needed taking care of. Oh tatelah, I wish I had known then what a gift you would be."

Sitting with her baby gave Ziva comfort but she did not want to hide forever, so eventually she returned to the party in her honour and sat with Ducky. "Does this night remind you of anything Doctor?"

Ducky settled back and smiled. "Now that you mention it, I recall a time when I was a lad in Scotland and my father was invited to one of the manors for an important function. It was my first formal event and as you can imagine, I was ecstatic. Now mind you..."

Peace spread through Ziva as she listened to one of the stories people at NCIS were usually trying to escape. She paid rapt attention and encouraged every detail. Tonight the normalcy of the ME was a refuge. Sometime later things began to wrap up because as Gibbs pointed out, "Cases don't care what time you went to bed." After thanking everyone, Ziva and Tony retrieved their daughter and went home, where Ziva was in charge of getting the sleeping baby from carseat to crib without waking her up.

Once Chaya was settled, Ziva went through her nightly routine and crawled into bed behind Tony, waiting only moment before reaching out and drawing her fingers slowly down his back. He shivered and she moved closer, planting soft kisses along his spine. He glanced back. "Trying to start something?"

Her eyebrows rose. "Do you really have to ask?"

Tony rolled over and caressed her face. "I thought maybe tonight you wouldn't want to."

She kissed him to silence the thought. "It has been a year. I want the memories to see that they no longer own me."

"Well in that case," he grinned, "I believe we have some lost time to make up for Mrs. DiNozzo."

Ziva yielded easily, readily to his touch and slid her hands over all of him that she could reach, igniting desire as if her fingers were on fire. Her need to be known this way tonight of all nights, to experience being wanted and loved, to give her body for his pleasure rather than have it taken against her will, to be vulnerable with the man she loved and had given her life to along with every part of herself made Ziva anxious to be ready. To have his wife want him was such a precious gift, but Tony still took his time, still too in awe of their intimacy and cautious of potential reactions to rush anything. In the end the desires of both their hearts and bodies were satisfied, but there was sadness evident when they parted.

Ziva kissed Tony slowly and curled into his arms. "Thank you," she whispered.

He sighed, pressing his lips to her shoulder. "I wish we could stay like this forever."

"Physically impossible," she countered. "But we have all of forever to experience it over and over."

Tony laughed. "We're going to be tired tomorrow."

Ziva closed her eyes and pulled his arm around her. "It will be worth this time." He couldn't agree more.

**NCIS**

In the middle of the night Tony woke and was instantly alert and ready to act. But then he looked down and found Ziva still asleep at his side. He lay back down and moved a little closer, breathing in the scent of them that still clung to their bodies and the sheets from hours earlier. It was almost morning and Ziva hadn't had a nightmare, hadn't left to shower, hadn't even moved from the position in which she'd slipped into sleep. A satisfied smile crossed his face and Tony closed his eyes. If her struggles were truly over, what a blessing that would be! After so many months of waiting, they really deserved this night.


	90. Chapter 90

_A/N: For the people who have inquired...I am feeling better, thanks :) When I finished SMH, TYF and Snapshots all in a couple weeks, I was feeling really lost because this is the first time in two years I haven't had a story to work on. So I was bummed and being all poor me about it. But God gave me the inspiration I was looking for and I've got some new stuff in the works, enough to keep me busy for the next couple months at least. Thanks for all the support, I hope you know you guys make any bad day ten times better! ~ Love always, Aliyah :) _

_PS. Really sorry guys, I'm super behind on responding to PMs right now, but I promise I'm not ignoring any of you. I should have some extra free time this week so I will try and get caught up on those. I always love hearing from you, thanks again for everything!_

_PPS. Apologies for the longest A/N ever! Just one more thing...I tried to do my research for the Jewish scene in this chapter, but again, please forgive me if I got anything wrong. I've never been to a Temple service before. It took so long to put this up because I wanted to make sure I tried to get it right._

_ADR1989 (Ch 88) - I'm always so disappointed to see people's PM feature disabled :( But at least I can reply to you here :) lol...no worries, I'm just glad to hear from you. Trust me, vacation is much more fun! Always glad that people are STILL reading even after 90 chapters, wow! T&Z really have made a lot of progress. haha...well, I'm glad you enjoy the love scenes, that's totally the best I can do but I like them. I don't do details :P I know, Chaya's growing up so fast, it's crazy! I am so honoured to have my OCs accepted almost as well as the characters from the show, that's pretty cool. Thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it!_

_jaena (Ch 88) - umm...wow, that's kind of awkward. Well...it's not for me to say how much time they spend in foreplay or exactly how they achieve pleasure. My job is just to gloss over the act itself and deal with the reactions. The love scenes in SMH are just a taste, I don't go into detail. Who knows how they get stuff accomplished? I never give a time period for the act happening, so there's room for a lot of interpretation/imagination._

_ADR1989 (Ch 89) - I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter :) Yes! T&Z have waited so long for sex just to be about them without involving her memories. I agree that they totally deserve the peace._

_Sarah (Ch 89) - Thanks :) I know, right? Time is just flying by, even though by 'flying' I mean it took us 153 chapters total to get here, lol :P Well, we're running out of chapters to read anyways, so I doubt you'll have time to miss her therapy sessions, but I'm glad you enjoyed them. Those are usually the ones I'm least confident about writing. haha...it's true, but every once in awhile Tony needs a wake-up call from someone other than Gibbs. I think turning the anniversary into a family thing gave them all a chance to attach new memories and feelings to the event. I wanted Matt to at least get a chance to explain, but I agree that Z is not at all comfortable knowing that someone outside her 'immediate family' is aware of what went on in Somalia. Oh boy...that is the question of the year! I can only hope that the 'no more kids' convo comes out good enough to live up to expectations. I guess we'll see. Oh, then I'm glad to hear you gave M&T a chance even before they proved themselves, that's good to know :) Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

Ziva sighed as she awoke Thursday morning and delayed opening her eyes for as long as possible. She couldn't remember the last time she'd slept so well. Finally she gave into the gaze she felt fixed on her and blinked, smiling at her husband. He lay beside her with his head propped up on one hand and the other resting on his thigh, probably just itching to touch her.

"Hi."

She felt the smile go all the way to her eyes. "Good morning."

He gave into the urge and lifted a curl away from her face. "No nightmares?"

Surprise was reflected in her expression and Ziva shook her head. "Not even a tip."

Tony smirked. "Hint. You didn't wake up?"

"I think I would remember."

His grin grew wider. "So no reaction at all?"

Her happiness mirrored his. "Nothing. I just feel...cherished."

Tony swallowed and kissed her. "You are that. Does this mean...?"

He didn't know quite how to ask, but Ziva understood what he was getting at. Taking his face in her hands, she stroked the shadow of stubble on his cheeks. "I think it means that as far as intimacy is concerned, it is just you and me now. I make no promises, but I can hope."

After that Tony couldn't seem to stop kissing her and Ziva had no intention of preventing him as she rolled onto her back and felt his weight come to rest on her and his hands slide under the sheet covering her to explore her bare skin. They were rushed getting ready for work and taking Chaya to daycare, but Tony and Ziva looked so happy when they walked into the bullpen holding hands that Gibbs couldn't summon the anger to headslap either one of them. He wondered and hoped that maybe the couple had finally found the normal that worked for them.

**NCIS**

Halfway through the day Tim answered his phone and encountered a very distraught Abby. "Timmy!" she wailed. "They're going to take my puppy!"

McGee rubbed his face. _Oh boy_. "Honey, I know you're really upset right now but can you just calm down a little and tell me what happened?"

She sniffed. "They called Timmy, just now. It's been five months and they want to take him back!" At that she burst into tears and McGee glanced helplessly at his teammates, all of whom seemed concerned.

"Abbs, I'll be home in," he checked with Gibbs, "twenty minutes, okay? It's almost lunch time anyways. Yeah, I promise. I love you." McGee hung up and Gibbs stared.

"Well?"

Tim sighed. "I think she forgot Sammy isn't hers to keep."

"Crap," Tony muttered and Gibbs drank some more coffee.

McGee shook his head. "This is the worst possible time for them to take him back. That puppy is all that's keeping her entertained until the baby comes."

Gibbs shrugged. "Ask for more time."

He made a face. "I don't think that's an option. He goes to another family after this for a year and then takes the guide dog training."

"It cannot hurt to make a few calls," Ziva suggested.

McGee nodded and stood to go. "I'll try to be back in an hour Boss."

Gibbs waved him away and Tim started scrolling through his contacts looking for the name of the lady in charge of the puppy raising program. He'd talk to her on Bluetooth. Nothing right now trumped getting home to his wife. Less than half an hour later he stood in the livingroom with a pregnant crying Goth in his arms. He rubbed her back soothingly and whispered soft words into her neck for awhile until her tears subsided.

Brushing back the hair that had escaped her pigtails, Tim gave Abby a half-smile. "I talked to Laura Walker. She agreed to give us another week under the circumstances. They're going to come get Sammy next Wednesday." Her bottom lip quivered and he led her to the couch. "You knew this would happen eventually, right?"

She sighed and picked up the puppy, letting him lick her tears. "Yes. But I lost track of time - five months already? It doesn't seem like we've had him that long and," Abby's voice grew quiet, "I want to keep him Tim."

McGee kissed her. "I know you do babe. I wish that was an option."

"Only if he fails the training, and that's a year and a half away. But I can't even wish that because he'll make a great guide dog and I love him. I want him to succeed."

"That's what love is," Tim mused, holding her against his side. "Wanting what's best for someone even if it means you miss out."

Abby fondled Sammy's ears. "I'm going to miss him."

Tim smiled. "Me too. He kind of grows on you."

They sat there for an entire hour and when McGee left, his wife was curled up on the couch with Sammy, fast asleep, one arm around the puppy that in six days would no longer be hers.

**NCIS**

On a suggestion from her husband, Celeste took a break Monday afternoon from the new book she was editing and drove herself to Abby and McGee's. She wasn't entirely certain about showing up without warning, but they'd been doing better since the post-wedding party the team threw, so she decided to chance it. Celeste rang the doorbell twice before Abby answered, looking surprised. "Hello Abby," she smiled, "may I come in?"

The dark-haired woman stood back. "Sure." She wasn't really sure what came next. "Do you want a drink?"

Celeste nodded. "Tea would be nice. I could make it, if you show me where everything is."

Abby tilted her head. "That would be helpful. The kettle is under the cutlery drawers and bending over is..." she gestured to her bump.

"Impossible," Celeste guessed, chuckling.

"Pretty much." Abby sat in one of the table chairs and gave directions and Sammy kept them occupied while the water boiled and Celeste fixed her tea. Once she joined Abby, the girl shrugged. "Okay, what gives?"

Celeste stirred her tea. "Pardon?"

Abby raised her eyebrows. "Why are you here?"

"Because you're on maternity leave and Jethro thought you might like company. Unless you're not bored."

Abby made a face. "I passed bored about two days ago. Now I'm really, really done being pregnant and I just want to get back to my lab."

"Tami's not going to take your place," Celeste commented and Abby frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Setting her mug down, Celeste thought about her words carefully. "Everyone loves you Abby. Why do you seem so insecure about something so obvious?"

Abby's expression darkened. "Insecure?"

Celeste sighed and held out a few fingers. "Like you're afraid. Afraid of losing your place in Jethro's heart, afraid Tami might do a good job and you won't be needed anymore, even afraid something might draw Tim's attention from you." She'd heard through the grapevine about last month's blow up over a misunderstanding.

The fight went out of Abby and she shrugged one shoulder. "I guess there's some things you never grow out of." Celeste tilted her head to the side, listening carefully. Abby wrinkled her nose. "Let's move to the couch."

After retrieving Bert and giving him a comforting squeeze, Abby unexpectedly offered Celeste to hold Sammy. Gratefully accepting the gift, Celeste sat cross-legged with the puppy in her lap, eyes closed in bliss as she scratched behind his ears and under his chin in one particular spot. She waited while the girl gathered her courage.

"I was eight when my brother was born," she began at last. "I was Daddy's little girl, but from that day on I always knew my mom loved Luca more than me. The summer I turned fourteen, my best friend drowned in the river. That's when it really started, this niggling fear inside me that something would always take away the people I loved the most." Abby swallowed. "Luca and I lost our parents a few years ago - my dad first, then my mom. And the last thing I said to her is something I can never take back." She blinked back the moisture in her eyes. "That's the story."

Compassion filled Celeste. "I'm so sorry for your losses Abby."

"Yeah, me too." She squeezed Bert and fingered his ear. "Kate died. Paula. Jenny. Ziva almost. Tony's car blew up. I never know if I'm going to get them back. So I'm clingy with them for the time I have."

"That's understandable," Celeste agreed, "but no matter what this team goes through, I hope you know nothing will change their love for you. You're daughter, sister, wife, friend. Irreplaceable, unforgettable, unique in the best way. Try to hold onto that next time the fear comes calling."

Abby looked at Celeste with new eyes and a definite respect that hadn't always been there before. "Thank you."

Celeste smiled. "Anytime Abby, I'll be here." It was another clear step towards her goal.

**NCIS**

Saturday morning Ziva stood in front of the mirror and stared at an image she had not seen in years. Her hair was french braided and covered with a scarf. She wore a pretty but plain, light gray shirt with sleeves that covered her wrists, and a tasteful navy blue skirt, finished off with pantyhose and simple dress shoes. Fussing with her skirt, Ziva turned from the mirror to face her husband. "I have gone to shul my whole life," she blurted, "why am I nervous now?"

Tony leaned back on his hands, assuming a casual pose to combat her tense stance. "It's kind of like going to a family reunion when you haven't seen your family in years. It's familiar, because they're family and you know them, but awkward too because it's been a long time and you wonder if anyone is going to judge you for not coming sooner." Ziva's shoulders sagged and he stood to take her hands. "Are you sure you don't want me to come?"

Ziva pulled away and started pacing slowly. "Yes. No. I do not know." She met his eyes. "I think this first time I should go alone, I need to remember what it is like. But I wonder if I would do better with you there." She shrugged. "I would miss your presence, and your support."

"Then I'll come," he offered for the tenth time since she announced yesterday that she was going to the morning Shabbat service.

Biting her lip, Ziva stared out the window and then sighed. "Please." She hurried down the hall to get Chaya from the nursery. Luckily for them she had just eaten and would sleep through most of the service. Even though many synagogues had no problem with mothers breastfeeding as long as they were discreet and kept themselves covered, that was not something she was ready to face on her first day back.

Tony dressed in a dark suit and tie, unlike his gray work suit which was more business and less dressy. He fixed his hair, slid his feet into shoes and went downstairs where Ziva was kneeling down and buckling Chaya into the carseat. It was strange to see her like that, as if she'd suddenly shifted cultures. The last time he'd seen her with her hair covered was a couple years ago when they had to go into a mosque to ask questions and Ziva was trying not to offend anyone.

She was quiet on the drive, only speaking to give him directions on where to turn. They arrived at a huge building done in yellowish stone, with many small windows. The first level was almost square, but on top of that sat a large dome with large, intricately designed stained glass windows. The architecture was amazing and Tony kept trying to get a better look at it while they waited at the lights. There was more than one entrance, but it was clear which was the main one. Several stone steps led up to three separate tall wooden doors under stone archways. Ziva stared at the temple out the car window as they parked. Tony got Chaya's seat out and reached for Ziva's hand. Her skin was clammy and he smiled easily, squeezing her hand gently.

"Relax Zi, you've done this before."

Ziva swallowed and nodded, then looked at him with wide eyes. "Tony, you will have to wear a yamaka."

He made a face. "A what?"

Her hand fluttered as she explained. "It is a little round cap Jewish men wear on top of their heads, as a symbol of their humility before God."

"But I'm not Jewish," Tony pointed out.

"It is a sign of respect. Even visitors are asked to wear one."

He raised their linked hands and kissed her fingers. "It's okay honey, I'll wear it. Don't worry so much."

She snorted. "I will tell you the same thing should we ever darken the door of a cathedral."

Tony cleared his throat. "Ahh...I see your point. For that I would need Abby. She makes church much less scary."

Ziva smiled. "Perhaps we will go one day then. Chaya should learn the heritages both of her parents come from."

"Let's start with one Zi, she's not even half a year old yet."

Their familiar banter helped to calm her a little and she was able to offer a sincere smile to the man who greeted them. "Bruchim ha-baim," he said. "Welcome."

The Hebrew settled her even more and Ziva nodded. "Shabbat Shalom." She took the siddur that was offered, explaining it to Tony as they made their way in.

"This is a prayer book, we will read from it many times during this morning's service." Ziva flipped through it, starting at what Tony would consider the back of the book, though it was the front. "It is written in Hebrew and English, so you will not feel out of place like a fish."

He chuckled. "Like a fish out of water. As long as I have you with me, I'm sure I'll get along fine." Tony picked up a black yamaka before they entered the sanctuary and Ziva showed him how to put it on properly. Then they found a couple empty seats. He was glad this was the kind of synagogue that allowed men and women to sit together. Especially on his first exposure to a temple service, but also at any other time, Tony didn't like the idea of being separated from his wife and daughter.

There was a lot of visiting going on while people waited for service to start and it gave Tony the opportunity to look around. Ziva took him on a verbal tour, pointing out all the important things. "All synagogues are built facing Jerusalem." She gestured to the front of the room. "The Ark is where the Torah scrolls are kept, they are all handwritten by a Hebrew scribe, a sofer. Those words above the Ark say 'Know Before Whom You Stand', and above them are tablets with the first two words of each of the Ten Commandments on them. That small silver dome hanging down is the eternal light, in memory of the original in the first Temple that was always burning." She looked at the stand holding aloft seven candles. "Surely you have seen a Menorah before Tony?"

"Yeah, that's about as Jewish as I get." Ziva made a face and he resolved not to make any jokes while they were there. He only did it because he was nervous too. But his wife seemed to be getting more at home the longer they sat in a building like so many she had been in before, and he was glad to see it, even if he felt out of place. "Please, keep going."

She didn't look convinced of his interest, but pressed on in her explanation. "The platform in the center is called the bima, and the service is led from the reading desk. Some services can be four hours in total, but I think this one is roughly two and a half hours."

The length of time gave Tony a bit of a pause, the Catholic Mass was roughly an hour in length. He had a feeling this would be an experience unlike any he'd ever had before. Just as he was about to ask another question, the rabbi moved to the bima and faced the congregation. "Shabbat Shalom to all of you. Good Shabbice and good morning. Let us begin."

The service started with a selection of morning blessings and the singing of Hebrew poetry rejoicing in the attributes of G-d, then a call to prayer. They were done in a mixture of Hebrew and English, and Ziva translated anything he didn't understand. Then came the Shema, which even Tony had heard before, though he couldn't put his finger on where. The people recited it together. "Hear O Israel, the Lord our G-d, the Lord is One."

That was followed by the Amidah, a standing prayer that included nineteen blessings, some repeated by the reader and some by the whole congregation. Tony followed along in the prayer book. "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts: the whole world is full of His glory!"

Then it was time for the reading of the Torah. The congregation sang a Psalm while the Ark was opened and a scroll taken from inside. The rabbi carried it in a procession around the room while the singing continued, finally returning to the bima and the reading desk. The cover was taken off, the large scrolls unrolled and the correct section, one out of fifty-two that was read each week of the year until they ran out and started over again, revealed. People were called up one at a time to read a portion using the yad, a hand shaped pointer, to follow along with and Ziva leaned over to whisper to him.

"It is a great honour to be asked to read from the Torah." With all the ceremony, Tony could understand. He could feel the tradition and reverence that filled the room.

Blessings and readings took a good portion of time, then there were prayers for the community and the congregation, and finally the Torah scroll was returned to the Ark with the singing of another Psalm. Next came the rabbi's sermon. Tony had prepared himself to be bored and not understand much, but contrary to his expectations, it was an amusing reflection on that morning's Torah reading interwoven with events that had been going on in the city recently. It ended with a lesson that anyone, Jewish or not, could take an apply in their own lives and homes.

The service concluded with an important prayer affirming their commitment in the unity of God and their belief in His omnipotence. The Kaddish was read by those in mourning and then they were released with a blessing. "May the Lord bless and keep you. May the Lord let His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. May the Lord look kindly upon you and give you peace. Shabbat Shalom everyone."

Ziva sat quietly for a moment, just absorbing the wondrous feeling of being among her people again and in this familiar place of faith. Then she joined her husband and daughter out in the main hall for the Kiddush, a sanctification of the day. A blessing was said over the wine, pieces of bread eaten, and light refreshments served. It was meant as a time to greet family and friends but since this was Tony's introduction to a synagogue and Ziva's first visit in years, they left quietly, wishing anyone in their path 'Shabbat Shalom', a peaceful Sabbath. The words felt strange coming off Tony's tongue but he had promised to support Ziva in this and he was determined to have her back in her return to her roots, just as he had it in all other aspects of life.

They got out to the car and right then Chaya woke up and started crying, acting as if they'd ignored her hunger for the past hour. Ziva got her out and spoke softly to her in Hebrew, then settled in the passenger seat to nurse her baby. Tony got in on his side and watched her with their daughter. "So," he asked after awhile, "what did you think?"

Ziva looked up and smiled, brushing her fingers gently over Chaya's ringlets. "It felt like coming home Tony. I do not want to forget that feeling."

He ran his fingers down her cheek. "I'm proud of you babe. Going back took a lot of courage. Whatever steps you have to take from here, remember that I'll always be right by your side."

She leaned over to kiss him. "Thank you my love. That is one of the most precious out of all the gifts you have given me this year. I love you."

Tony winked. "Ani ohev atach. You're my heart Zi. There's nothing better than that."

**NCIS**

The following Wednesday Tim came into work and found three small wrapped present on his desk. The screen saver scrolling across his computer read, 'Happy Birthday Probie!', leaving little doubt as to the culprit. He smiled. "Thanks guys."

Tony looked up. "I expect a similar gesture tomorrow." At first the guys had been dismayed to learn their birthdays were only a day apart, but over the years they'd come to accept and even embrace it.

Ziva leaned her head on her hands. "Are you going to open them?"

McGee sat down and picked the one he assumed was from Ziva. Inside he found a Chocolaholic's Choice cupcake. "So you do not have to eat Abby's." She smiled slightly. "I am taking her two after work today."

"Thanks Ziva." He hoped the dessert would cheer up his wife. She'd been awfully mopey the last couple days, not that he could blame her.

Next was a DVD from Tony and an envelope of one dollar bills. Tim raised an eyebrow. "The movie has a lot of cool computer stuff. And the money is your NutterButter stash. Don't say I never gave you anything."

McGee chuckled. "Nice Tony, I appreciate that."

The last present was a small envelope with a bow on it and inside Tim found a gift card for his favourite video game store. He looked up in surprise at the names of the givers. "Boss?"

Gibbs strode in with his coffee. "Celeste's idea." He paused. "Happy Birthday," and with that the day began, but Tim couldn't remember the last time something so little had made him smile that much.

Using comp time the way Tony and Ziva had been, McGee left in early afternoon so he could be with Abby when the volunteers came to get Sammy. He watched her slowly gather up all his toys, bowls, treats, food, leash and little blue jacket - everything that had come with him in April and all that had been added since. Finally she sat down on the floor with her back against the wall and just held him. McGee joined her and they talked very little, but when the doorbell rang he was the one who led the puppy away after Abby gave him one last kiss.

Tim scratched under Sammy's chin. "Be good buddy, make Abby proud okay? We're gonna miss you around here." He closed the door and looked around, surprised to see that his wife had moved. She walked slowly down the stairs and smiled bravely.

"Happy Birthday Tim." In her hands was some gaming accessories for his computer and a new jazz record. She shrugged. "If you do decide to keep writing after Abandoned, you might need something to help you get in the creative mood."

He kissed her. "Thanks Abbs, these are awesome. I can't wait to try them out."

She waved him away. "Go play, I'll start dinner."

Though she was trying to hide it, the sorrow flowed off of her in waves. Tim set everything down on the couch and followed her into the kitchen, snaking his arms gently around her. "Nah, I think I'll say here with you and the baby. I wouldn't want to miss anything."

Abby blinked back more tears and leaned her head on his shoulder. "I love you."

"Always," he murmured, kissing her.

They might've stayed that way longer but there was a knock at the door and it was Tony and Ziva and Abby suddenly felt like dessert before supper. They let her hold and feed Chaya before Ziva and Abby sent Tony upstairs with McGee to show him again how diaper changing was done. By the time they left Abby's smile had returned and Tim considered the evening a success. Just a few more days and she would have all the distraction she could handle, they both would.

**NCIS**

Thursday morning Ziva walked into the nursery after her shower and found Tony playing peek-a-boo with Chaya. She was laying on the change table in just her diaper and he was leaning close to her face, with part of a receiving blanket draped over her eyes. "Where's Chaya?" he asked in a sing-song voice. Tony lifted the blanket and rubbed noses with his baby while she giggled. "There she is!"

Ziva chuckled. "Are you two having fun?"

He nodded in the affirmative. "Hard not to with this one around."

She linked her fingers behind his back and leaned up to kiss him. "Happy birthday ahuvi."

Tony's grin bloomed. "You remembered!"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You have only been telling me every day for two weeks." She touched his cheek. "But I would not have forgotten."

"Did you get me a present?" he asked hopefully. From the back pocket of her jeans came two cards - one a gift certificate to MovieWorld and the other a sparkly blue laminated one that simply said 'Redeem Your Points'. He looked confused. "What is this?"

Ziva smiled. "You have enough extra points and may cash them in for whatever you like."

His eyes gleamed and he gave her the elevator look of his gaze sweeping up and down her body. "Anything?"

She smirked. "Anything. Then you give it back and I will let you know when it is full again."

Tony kissed her deeply, keeping one hand on Chaya. Ever since she learned to roll over there were no guarantees she'd stay put. "I think I like this game." Ziva traded him places to get the baby dressed and swatted his rear as he left the room. Then she turned her attention to dressing their daughter.

All through the day Tony received gifts and well-wishes and he was feeling suitably special by the time they got home. Minutes after they walked in the house, Ziva looked over at her husband. "We are having company."

His ears perked up and he settled Chaya on his hip. "Oh yeah? Team coming over?"

Before she could answer there was a knock on the door and when Tony opened it, Adrian, Brent, Mark, Jordan and Darien spilled in. "Happy birthday man!" "Getting old Big D?" "You made it another year!" "Just like fine wine, right? Get better with age?" "Bet you wish we weren't too old for Spring Break, huh?" and other similar sentiments filled the air while Tony looked questioningly at Ziva. Adrian answered for her.

"We thought we'd bring the party to you this time."

"And we wanted to meet the gorgeous wife you can't spend more than a few hours away from," Brent added, bowing playfully at Ziva.

"What about this little lady?" Mark asked, reaching for Chaya. She started to cry and turned her face into Tony's shoulder, confused by all the commotion. Tony kissed her head and rubbed her back, cradling her against his chest. Mark, a dad himself, felt terrible. "I didn't mean to scare her," he said apologetically.

"Just give her a couple minutes," Tony advised. "We usually don't have this many people over at the same time. I bet you'll all be best friends by the time you leave."

"We brought pizza," Jordan piped up, holding the boxes high.

"And soda," Brent added.

"Then let's get this party started," Tony grinned. "Try to agree on a movie, okay boys?" He walked over to Ziva.

"You realize you just let my frat brothers invade, right?"

Ziva kissed him, drawing wolf whistles from the guys. "If you do not have fun without us, I had to find another way to make this day memorable."

"You've succeeded," he assured her, stroking her cheek with his thumb. "Thank you babe." He leaned closer to whisper to her. "And I can think of a few other ways too, for later." She blushed and shook her head, knowing there were people watching.

"Get a room!" Jordan hollered. "Later though." He held up a DVD case. "_The Fast and the Furious_ brother!"

"Nice." Tony joined them and a few minutes later Ziva brought over paper plates, napkins and bowls of chips. Despite her plan to stay out of the way, Tony kept her by his side with an arm around her waist the whole time.

After about an hour Chaya had warmed up to the guys and since Mark was closest, he received the benefit of her attention. She turned her head and batted her eyelashes at him, laughing when he kissed her hand and cuddling back up to her daddy when she occasionally got shy. "You're gonna have your hands full with this one Tony," Mark commented. "Five months old and flirting already."

Tony sighed. "If she's anything like her mother I'm going to need a guard dog and a bigger gun."

Ziva elbowed him and Tony let out a very unmanly squeal before handing his daughter to Mark. By the end of the evening all five guys were doing everything they could to make Chaya laugh and she thoroughly enjoyed the attention. Tony loved having his friends there but was ready to be alone with his girls. Grinning, he held up the baby and sniffed her bum, making a face. "Okay, who's volunteering to change diapers?"

Eyes widened and Adrian lifted his hands. "I limit contact with diapers to photoshoots."

Brent checked his watch. "Oh, look at the time! I think I better...y'know."

Mark laughed and slapped Tony's shoulder. "You're on your own man. My diaper changing days are over."

Jordan nodded at Ziva. "Thanks for having us. But I suddenly remembered this...thing I have to get to. Bye." Darien merely shook his head and beat a hasty retreat with the others.

When the door closed Tony laughed and Ziva took Chaya, raising an eyebrow. "There is nothing in her diaper."

He put his arm around her shoulders. "No, but it's the best way to clear a room."

She smirked. "Trying to get me alone DiNozzo?"

Tony appeared shocked. "I don't know what you're talking about. I think it's time for Chaya's bath." Then he leaned down to whisper in her ear. "But if dessert is an option later, I sure won't pass it up." Her eyes twinkled and Tony had the feeling he just might be getting lucky tonight. What a great way to end his birthday.


	91. Chapter 91

_A/N: The end is near. 3 chapter left..._

_Sarah (Ch 90) - No problem :) Thanks. Hmm...how's this, I'll announce new story stuff at the end of TYF. But it still still T&Z related. Me too, he just became part of the family. Thanks, I like to find reasons for why people behave the way they do, that seemed to fit Abby. I think she probably had a fairly happy childhood, but I got the impression that she and her mom didn't get along so well. I wanted something that would open a door for her and Celeste to grow closer. She's not 100% accepted yet, but better than before. Thanks. I had to do a lot of research and I'm sure I didn't get all the details right, but I wanted to try. I'm glad Tony went too, Z would've missed having him there and focusing on him and explaining things helped with her uncertainty. Thanks, I had fun with the guys' BDs. haha...babies always seem to be flirting, cutest thing ever. And I like Tony's frat bros, they add a fun element. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

Abby waited all day Friday for something to happen. She kept her cellphone handy, ready to call McGee at the first hint of a contraction. She packed and repacked her hospital bag four times, checked the diaper backpack to make sure they didn't forget anything, and spent hours in the nursery dreaming and rearranging toys and folding receiving blankets again. At six pm she got tired of doing nothing and started supper - a smorgasbord of Southern comfort food. Tim came home shortly after seven and stopped outside the kitchen.

"Wow Abbs, that's enough to feed an army. What's going on?"

She turned away from the stove and crossed her arms. "Nothing happened."

He frowned. "What do you mean?"

Abby glowered at him and stamped her food. "I'm forty weeks pregnant McGee! We were supposed to get a baby today!"

Tim edged closer. "Honey, you know due dates are just guesses, right?"

"I'm done being pregnant," she pouted. "I just want him to come."

He hugged her and kissed her cheek. "Soon Abbs, I promise. Soon."

Letting her get back to cooking, Tim grabbed his cell and retreated downstairs. It was time for some serious distraction techniques. An hour later the entire team including Matt, Tami, Celeste and Breena, crashed the McGee house with ballons, baby furniture, board games, movies and lots of shiny black bags. While the ladies set up in the livingroom, the guys helped Abby lay out a buffet on the kitchen table and get drinks, leaving Gibbs and Tim to barbeque with Tony tagging along as entertainment. Celeste stayed with Abby, doing anything that was needed and somehow calmed the girl's agitation just by being there.

Finally everyone found places to sit and balanced plates in their hands, laughing and chatting and keeping the atmosphere lively until it was time for presents. "We did not forget about a baby shower for you Abby," Ziva explained right off, "we just could not decide if we should do it before or after. So I am glad tonight worked out."

Abby grinned and gleefully accepted the basket from Tony and Ziva. "After five months of practice, we've figured out what baby stuff new parents really need," Tony said wisely, sitting on the floor with his wife and child.

And so it continued. Baby clothes and shoes in every size, blankets and brightly coloured toys, bottles and pacifiers, stacks of diapers and boxes of wipes, baby powder and rash cream and many tiny pairs of socks. Colours were wide and varied, some deep, vivid colours for the mom-to-be's preference, but more neutral than not, since the gender was undetermined despite what Abby wanted. By the end Abby was overflowing with thanks. She hugged one of the blankets to her chest and grinned. "I don't know what to say."

Gibbs stood and reached for her hand. "Come with me." She followed him up to the baby's room where empty spaces had been filled by a beautifully stained dresser and toy chest and a shelving unit complete with storage boxes. Her eyes widened. "Oh Gibbs, they came out so well!" Abby ran her hand over the smooth wood. "It's perfect."

"One more." He took her to the master bedroom and pointed to the two legged, two armed co-sleeper tucked neatly against the bed with the arms fitting snugly under the mattress. "That way when the baby cries you don't even have to get up, but you also won't be afraid of rolling on him or her during the night."

She hugged him tightly. "You're the best."

Gibbs kissed her cheek. "Anything for my girl." That made everything better and Abby grinned bigger than she had in days. Nothing made her feel more special.

Back downstairs the group split up to play games and later gathered around the TV for a movie of Abby's choosing, with all the couples finding a place to sit and cuddle while they watched. She went to bed much later than normal that night and fell asleep in her husband's arms feeling happy, content and infinitely loved.

**NCIS**

A day later Abby woke her husband in the middle of the night. "Timmy, Timmy!" she hissed and he jolted into awareness.

"Huh? What's wrong?"

She bit her lip. "I'm not sure. I felt something."

His eyebrows rose. "Contractions?"

Abby shrugged. "Maybe."

McGee put his hand on her belly. "Gonna meet Mommy and Daddy today Baby Beta?" he asked. "Mommy's pretty anxious for your birth day."

They waited together but the next pain didn't come until almost twenty-five minutes after the first. Abby sucked in her breath. "Oh yeah, definitely a contraction."

Tim rubbed the back of his neck. "Why do babies always insist on being born in the middle of the night?" He left that as a rhetorical question and looked at his wife. "Hospital?"

Abby shook her head. "No point. They'd just send us home until they're closer together. Let's try and get some more sleep, we're probably going to need it."

They napped for a few more hours and the contractions gradually shrunk to every twenty minutes apart. At six am McGee called Gibbs, who wasn't even thinking about getting up yet. It was Saturday, and since he married again that meant it was a good lazy day to spend in bed with his wife. He reached for the phone with a groan. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Boss, it's McGee."

Gibbs' eyes snapped open fully. "Abby?"

He sighed. "In labour. But we talked to her midwives and it's safe for her to do at least the first part at home. I'll call when that changes. Just thought you'd want to know."

Gibbs grunted. "Thanks. Take care of her."

"On it," Tim yawned, rolling over and closing his eyes.

Gibbs returned to his place behind Celeste and draped his arm over her waist, kissing her neck. "Think we're getting a grandbaby today."

She smiled without opening her eyes. "Wake me when it's time to go."

They didn't get the next update until eleven am when they were in the kitchen fixing a late breakfast. "Abby's water broke!" Tim announced, sounding a bit frantic. "We're meeting her midwives at Bethesda."

"I'll tell the others," Gibbs promised. "Drive careful."

Fifteen minutes away at the DiNozzo residence, Ziva was pulling the second casserole out of the oven. They too had gotten the early call about Abby's condition and Ziva had determined to do for Abby what they had done for her. Tony decided it was a great idea and got ahold of everyone else. Ducky, Jimmy and Breena, and even Matt and Tami were happy to contribute to the cooking. The phone rang and Tony answered.

"DiNozzo diner, we cater to your requests."

"Abby's water broke," Gibbs growled, "team's meeting at Bethesda ASAP."

"Yes Boss," Tony agreed cheerfully, hanging up.

He lifted Chaya out of her swing to toss her gently into the air and catch her again. "I think you're going to get a cousin today princess," he grinned.

Turning to Ziva, he raised an eyebrow. "Want me to get her dressed?"

Ziva shook her head and glanced at the clock. "Not yet. It will be an hour before Abby is settled, probably two before everyone arrives and visits. I want to make two more dishes before we go."

"Okay." He kissed her cheek. "I'm going to run a few errands. Be back in an hour?"

She nodded and returned to cooking. By one pm the rest of the group had dropped off their meals, which were then divide up into single portion sizes. Then Tony and Ziva drove to Abby and McGee's and rearranged the freezer downstairs to hold all the small labeled containers. Tony left a card and envelope on the table by the phone and they finally made it to the hospital and found the right waiting room.

Gibbs glowered at them. "What took you so long?"

Tony shrugged. "We had to do a few things." He handed Chaya to her grandfather. "Peace offering?" When Gibbs only glared instead of smacking him, Tony assumed the offering was accepted.

Around the corner in Abby's hospital room, Tim wiped her forehead with a cool cloth. A contraction gripped her body and Abby closed her eyes, squeezing her husband's hand. She was panting when it eased and looked at McGee. "How long has it been?"

He checked the timer on his watch that had started with her first contraction and sighed. "Eleven hours."

Tears streamed down her face. "It hurts Tim."

McGee kissed her hand. "I know it does honey, I'm sorry. I wish I could do something to help."

The next pain came before she could answer and Abby gritted her teeth and tried to breathe through it. Cassie walked in at the end and smiled sympathetically. "How are we doing?"

Abby's glare would've made Gibbs proud. "'We' has nothing to do with it. I am tired of being in labour."

Having long ago learned not to take anything said in the delivery room personally, Cassie sat down at the foot of the bed. "I'm just going to check on your progress Abby." A few moments later she stood. "Almost fully dilated, I don't think it will be long now."

In this case the medical professionals were wrong and two and a half more hours passed very slowly for Abby and McGee, filled with lots of yelling and a little screaming when the contractions got really intense. But finally she felt the unignorable urge to push. At that point two of the other midwives had joined them and along with Tim began coaching her through the process. Finally Abby snapped. "Just shut up and let me concentrate!" she shouted, groaning with the next contraction.

Cassie understood her frustration and kept quiet unless absolutely necessary. After three more pushes her eyes lit up. "The baby's crowning, I can see the head! Keep going Abby, you're doing great. Big push this time."

Giving it all she had, Abby bore down and the head was born. Only a couple contractions later the baby slipped from her body in a wet rush and at the first cry she fell back against the pillows, tears of relief falling this time. Tim kissed her. "I'm so proud of you."

Cassie lay the wet, squalling infant on Abby's stomach. "Congratulations, you have a beautiful baby girl."

Abby's eyes widened in shock. "A girl? No, I can't have a girl!" She looked at McGee. "I don't know anything about girls Timmy." Her panic would've been amusing except that it was very real.

"We'll learn babe, together we'll figure this out," he tried to reassure her.

Abby's hands fluttered. "No, I wanted a boy, I can handle a boy. I can't have a little girl, what if I totally mess her up?"

Her distress hurt Tim because he wanted to enjoy these first moments as a family with his new baby and he wanted Abby to be happy. Cassie could see the fear Abby felt and shifted the baby higher. "Undo your gown Abby."

She did as asked without even wondering why and moments later the baby latched onto her breast and Abby gasped in surprise. She stared down at the wet little creature covered in guck and blood and fluid and lifted one finger to touch her cheek. "Ohh..." she breathed, "hi."

"Daddy, want to come cut the cord?" Delaney asked, and Tim tore himself away from the time of bonding between his wife and daughter long enough to hold the scissors. Then he was right back at Abby's side. He reached over to rub a finger over the baby's tiny hand and a reflex that had connected fathers and daughters for centuries curled her fingers around his. That was it, he was a goner.

"Hi precious," McGee whispered, love for this tiny, helpless baby flooding his heart so much it ached. "Wow."

Abby's eyes met his. "She's perfect."

McGee smiled. "So you can handle having a girl?"

She frowned and held the baby tighter. "Well I'm not going to give her back."

"Good," he grinned. "Because she's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Plus it was impossible, but that was beside the point.

The midwives waited for the baby to finish her first feeding before cleaning her up and doing a few brief tests - all while she lay on Abby's chest, since the new mother had gone from hands off to extremely possessive in a matter of minutes. Then Cassie and the others whispered congratulations and crept out, leaving the new McGee family alone together. Their tiny daughter was wrapped snugly in - to Abby's disdain - a pink blanket with a little white cap covering her dark hair. Abby had gotten cleaned up and changed with help from the midwives and now her trademark pigtails were back and she had on a nightgown that would easily allow her to nurse. She sat the bed up higher and looked at her husband.

"We should tell the team."

He chuckled. "That we have an unnamed baby girl? I think that's against the rules."

Abby frowned and huffed. "We don't have any girl names."

"Only because someone refused to look at that section of the book," Tim teased, thinking better of it when her eyes darkened. He cleared his throat. "Any ideas?"

She shrugged. "I don't want something normal. It needs to be different."

_There's a shock_, Tim thought. He leaned forward and put his hand on the baby. "I have a suggestion for her middle name."

Abby looked intrigued. "Okay."

"Elyssa," he revealed. "I heard it once and I always thought it was a pretty name."

"Elyssa," Abby repeated slowly, rolling it around on her tongue. She nodded. "I like it."

"That's half the battle," McGee smiled.

Abby kissed the sleeping baby on her hat. "You haven't held her yet Timmy."

He swallowed and rubbed his hands on his pants, suddenly and inexplicably nervous. "Uh...I don't know Abbs, maybe you should keep her. I might do something wrong."

She raised an eyebrow. "Mr. MIT is afraid of a little baby?"

Tim shook his head. "Not exactly."

Abby's expression softened. "Hold out your arms."

He did as she asked despite his reluctance and soon felt the warm weight of his baby settle against him. She was smaller than he'd expected and so light and fragile that he was afraid to move. She made a face and pursed her lips, then settled back into sleep. It was awhile before Tim realized he could hold her with one arm, and lifted his other hand, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "Hi sweetheart, I'm your dad." Abby blinked back tears as McGee continued to stare at the infant. "I've got you baby, and I promise I'm never letting go. My arms will always be your safe place."

The words struck a chord in Abby and she thought hard for a moment. Suddenly she smiled. "I know what to call her."

He looked up in surprise. "Really?"

Abby nodded. "You told her your arms would always be her safe place and I remember those early days when you slept over because I was scared to be alone with Ziva's nightmares and how you told me I kept your bad dreams away. Our love has been a safe place for both of us, so I think we should name her Haven."

Tim stared at his wife and then back at his baby girl. "Haven Elyssa McGee," he whispered. "That's just right."

She leaned over and kissed him and McGee stood. "Can I take her to meet the others?"

Anxiety gripped Abby's heart and she held out her arms, a pleading expression on her face. "No, please. Tell them they can come. Haven and I will wait here."

He handed the baby back to her mother and pressed his lips to Abby's cheek before leaving the room. Tim rounded the corner with a huge grin on his face. "We have a girl! Haven Elyssa McGee, six pounds three ounces, twenty-one inches long. She's perfect!"

The team swarmed him to give their congratulations. "Biased already, huh?" Tony joked, slapping him on the back. "Welcome to the club."

Ziva hugged him. "That is wonderful." She looked at Chaya, who had been their entertainment while they waited. "They are only five months apart, perhaps our daughters will grow up to be friends as well as cousins."

"I hope so," he nodded, unable to think any further ahead than this moment.

Celeste put her hand on his shoulder. "You will be a great dad. She already has your heart."

Tim chuckled. "From the first touch."

Gibbs held out his hand. "Congratulations."

"Thanks Boss."

"Take care of them," he ordered. "There's no greater gift."

McGee swallowed. "I will."

Everyone else offered their own words and then he stood back. "Abby said you could all come meet her."

The group followed him and crowded into the room, eyes fixed on the bundle in Abby's arms. She grinned. "Gibbs? Your turn first."

Tony got out the camera Ziva insisted they bring and they watched as the baby was transferred to her grandfather's arms. He stared down at her for the longest time without a word, then kissed her forehead. "I love you little girl," he whispered, signing something to Abby. A few tears escaped and she replied in kind before Gibbs jerked his head at Ziva.

"Ziver, come meet your niece."

Surprised that he would part with her so soon, Ziva handed Chaya to Tony and stepped close. "Mazel tov Abby," she said softly, receiving the baby to hold.

Then she looked at her husband. "I think Chaya should meet her new cousin as well." He brought their daughter over and Chaya squealed at the sight of the infant in Ziva's arms, clapping her hands.

Tony chuckled. "I think she approves. C, this is Haven. I can't wait to see what kind of trouble you two cook up together."

One by one each person got to meet the newest addition and when Abby couldn't keep her eyes open any more, they all began filing out, Gibbs and Celeste last. "See you tomorrow," were his last words.

"Well Grampa," Celeste smile once they were in the elevator, "what do you think?"

"I got really lucky. You, the girls, granddaughters. Can't ask for more."

"Indeed," she agreed. "How many people have a family like this? We have a lot to be thankful for Jethro."

He slid his arm around her waist. "I am Les. Every single day."


	92. Chapter 92

_A/N: 2 chapters to go..._

_Sarah (Ch 91) - Thanks :) lol...I figured the impatience sounded like Abby. I knew she wouldn't react well to the baby being a girl, but it's seriously hard not to fall in love with a newborn, no matter what the gender. I'm glad you liked the name. I had it picked for awhile, the harder part was inventing a reason why it fit them :) I liked the little G&C bit at the end, they are so cute married! Thanks for reviewing Sarah!_

_Guest (Ch 91) - Well, I'm always glad to hear from you, whoever you are :) Thanks so much, that's so nice to hear. lol...yeah, initially I guess A's reaction was a little harsh, that's why getting attached to a gender is dangerous when you don't know for sure. But I think she's going to be a great mom. She'll never be the type who's too grown up to play with her kid. Yeah, G&C are good together, huh? Thanks!_

_ADR1989 (Ch 91) - Finally, right? It only took the whole freaking story! lol. I'm glad her name went over so well. I know, me too. I'm really gonna miss these guys :( Well, TYF is the sequel, but it's only 2 chapters. Fitting, I think, to wrap up the series with a short story when it started with a one-shot. But Snapshots is a whole series of one-shots about the time between SMH and TYF, and later, as the years pass, there's just over thirty of them right now. Thanks so much for reviewing! PS. If you enabled PMs, I could respond to you directly._

Abby fell asleep before the baby did but Tim was too jazzed to even consider closing his eyes. Instead he pulled his chair close to the plastic bassinet and gently stroked the baby's cheek. "Hi Lissa, it's Daddy again." She stared up at the ceiling, forehead wrinkled as if she was thinking deep confusing thoughts. "Gosh, I can't believe you're finally here. I still remember the day Mommy told me you were growing inside her, and the first time I got to hear your little heart beat. I waited so long to feel you move and I was jealous that Mommy got you all to herself for so many weeks. But now we can share."

McGee tucked his finger into her hand again, her touch so light and soft it reminded him of butterfly wings. He sniffed and wiped his eyes. "I love you precious. I'm not always so sure about being a dad, I'm so afraid I'm going to make a mess of it. But I promise I'll do my best, okay?" Her eyelids slid closed and Tim swallowed. "That's it little girl, just sleep. Mommy and I will be right here when you wake up." Leaning back in his chair, the new dad smiled and watched the two most important women in his life sleep soundly for the first time.

**NCIS**

Abby's first nap was not nearly long enough, but more than she expected. Two hours passed before Haven's thin, pitiful cry broke through her rest and when she opened her eyes McGee already had the baby in his arms. "It's okay honey, don't cry, Mommy's awake." He handed her the little girl and after a few failed attempts that just made Haven cry louder, Abby got her to latch on properly.

Tim watched somewhat in awe and moved his eyes to Abby's. "Weirdest feeling ever?"

Abby made a face. "Kinda. My nipples are tender right now but that's supposed to go away. It's just like a...tugging, I guess."

Haven's cap had come loose and he brushed his hand over her head. "She's got a lot of hair," he commented. "Look how dark it is. Haven will probably look just like you Abbs."

"Maybe. Pigtails and everything," she agreed, already imagining her daughter old enough for all that. "Though I hope her eyes come out darker green like yours." Abby yawned. "You better go home and sleep Timmy. In a couple days we're not even going to recognize that word."

Reluctant to leave but consoling himself with the ability to help tomorrow because he'd be somewhat rested, McGee stood and kissed both his girls. "I love you two."

Abby smiled. "We love you. Don't forget to come back."

He grinned. "Just try and keep me away. See you tomorrow babe."

**NCIS**

An hour later Abby wasn't expecting to be woken from a light nap by a knock on the door. She pushed herself up a little and rubbed her eyes. "Come in."

The door cracked open and Tony peeked his head in. "Hi Abs."

She frowned. "Is something wrong?"

He came all the way in and sat down beside her on the bed. "No, I just...couldn't stay away." Tony glanced over at baby Haven asleep in her bin. "Pretty crazy, isn't it?"

Abby made a face, not sure thinking coherently was a feat she was capable of at the moment. "What?"

Tony shrugged. "Being a parent. I thought I knew love until the first time I held my daughter, then I realized she'd teach me something new about it every single day."

Abby reached over to touch her baby, then thought better of it. She needed Haven to sleep as long as possible. "I didn't expect a girl. When the midwife told me, I kinda freaked out. I grew up with a little brother Tony, I know about boys, but a girl scares the crap out of me."

"You looked happy about it when we came in," Tony pointed out.

She laughed. "Yeah, well, that was after I freaked out about having a daughter first. But as soon as she started nursing I fell in love." Abby glanced at Haven. "I think she's my greatest accomplishment."

Tony grinned. "I'm sure she'll appreciate the compliment, when she's older." He tugged gently on one of her pigtails. "How're you doing sis?"

Abby shrugged. "Tired. Exhausted. Sore. Next time Timmy gets to try."

He chuckled. "That you can even think 'next time' five hours later is impressive. Although I think Haven will be an only child if McGee is your only choice to carry a second kid."

She wrapped her hand around his. "Did you really come just to check up on me Tony?"

Tony brushed the comment off. "Nah. But I did want to get my alone time in with you. I bet Gibbs shows up tomorrow for his turn."

Knowing that they'd only have this moment once, Abby nodded at the bassinet. "You can get her. Just try not to wake your niece up just yet. She's only been asleep for an hour."

He walked around the bed and gathered the tiny, six pound baby into his arms, returning to sit by Abby. "Hi there sweetheart, I'm your Uncle Tony." He touched her cheek gently. "I'll be the one your dad doesn't want you taking after."

Abby leaned over and kissed Haven's head. "He'll be the cool uncle," she corrected.

Tony adjusted his hold on her. "Wow, I guess I'll never remember just how small you guys are when you've just arrived. Y'know, Chaya was littler than you when she was born. You met her earlier, but you won't remember by tomorrow. Don't worry though, she's lots of fun. She'll be crawling before you are, but I bet you guys will be wreaking havoc together as soon as you're both mobile." He looked up at Abby.

"The family's growing."

"It's already gotten so much bigger than I ever expected," Abby agreed. She was quiet for a moment. "Do you remember when it was just you, me, Gibbs and Kate?"

He held her gaze. "Kate would've loved your baby Abs, I know it."

Abby looked at the ceiling, blinking rapidly as she tried not to cry. "She was my best friend Tony."

Tony rubbed her leg soothingly. "I know she was. You two were so much like sisters."

"I'm happy we have Ziva," she tried to explain, "I wouldn't trade her for anything. But I wish we could've kept them both."

Tony forced a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. "The ninja vs. former secret service? They would've killed each other."

Abby giggled, picturing a fight between the two women. "Yeah, probably. Kate wore skirts too often to win a chick fight. But it would've been cool to watch."

"Do you remember the case with the little blind girl?" Tony asked. "When McGee and Kate went to check out the house and she was wearing a skirt and used poor McGullible as a ladder?"

"Timmy was so nervous that day," Abby laughed, thinking back. "He told me when they got back. I don't know if I've ever seen him turn so red."

"Maybe the first time he saw you," Tony mused.

"No," Abby shook her head, "he wasn't embarrassed. Nervous and stuttering and he couldn't stop staring, but he didn't blush until I took his arm to walk to the elevator." She sighed. "I should've known then Tony, that we'd make a great pair, even if we were as different as black and white. Why did it take us so long to see it?"

He gave her a look. "You're talking to the guy who spent six years flirting with his partner, and didn't realize he loved her until it was almost too late." Tony rubbed Haven's back. "The timing worked out when it was supposed to, and we both got everything we didn't know we needed, Miss I'm-Never-Getting-Married."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Gibbs did not appreciate my rollerblades phase. I thought it was genius. And I'm glad to say I was wrong about the married thing." She yawned and frowned at him. "You're taking up my sleeping time mister."

Haven started to stir and he handed her over, expression apologetic. "Sorry about that."

She smiled. "I wouldn't trade time with you for sleep big brother," Abby assured him. "I love you. Go home to your wife."

Tony stood and kissed her forehead. "I think I'll do that."

Before he could leave she grabbed his arm. "Kate would've been proud of you Tony. To see the man you've become. To see you as a husband, to watch the way you've learned to be Chaya's daddy. She would've been so proud."

He swallowed hard and tried to smile. "Thanks, I hope so. Good luck Abs."

Abby watched him go, apprehension building. "Now why do I think I'm going to need it?"

**NCIS**

It was a long night for Abby because after a couple feedings Haven began struggling with latching and Kylie had to come and give some advice. Then Haven wasn't sure how much or how often to eat and ended up just snacking all the time, so for a couple hours she was feeding every twenty minutes. But after awhile the midwives devised a strategy to help her eat longer and woke her every hour, then every ninety minutes so she could nurse. They also show Abby how to make sure Haven was sucking and swallowing. That worked better but Abby was still exhausted by morning. Catnaps did not leave one feeling rested, a truth she discovered after spending a night that way.

She was just burping Haven when Celeste knocked lightly on the door. "May I come in?"

Surprised to see her, Abby nodded. "Hi Celeste."

The other woman held out a bouquet of roses. "Jethro said black are your favourites, but I added a few pink ones for Haven." She smiled. "New moms should always have flowers." Celeste arranged them in a vase beside the bed and Abby found she liked the contrast of the pale pink roses against the black.

She bit her lip. "Thank you, they're beautiful." Sighing, she cuddled her daughter against her chest and considered the woman. "Did you, umm...want to hold her?"

Celeste's eyes lit up. "I'd be honoured."

Carefully Abby transferred Haven into the redhead's arms. Celeste cradled the little girl expertly and smiled down at her. "Hello sweetheart. Oh, what a tiny thing you are!"

"Wouldn't've known that when I was pushing her out," Abby grimaced, remembering the long hours of labour she endured yesterday.

Celeste cocked an eyebrow. "But you're glad she's here?"

The new mom fiddled with one pigtail. "Soreness, bleeding, sleepless night and all," she admitted. "I still can't believe something so beautiful and perfect came out of me. It's weird to know that Tim and I made that little person. Weird and probably the coolest thing ever since Bert."

Celeste chuckled and stroked Haven's cheek. "Did you not let Mommy get any sleep last night little one? She's going to need her energy you know. Even someone as small as you takes a lot of work to look after."

"You're telling me," Abby agreed. "I got my diapering practice in earlier. Yuck. Timmy's turn next."

Celeste looked up. "Yes, where is that husband of yours? I'm surprised he left the room at all."

Abby shrugged. "I sent him home. One of us needed to sleep."

"That was very generous," she commented.

"He'll get to share all the joys of hour and a half feedings when he takes me home," Abby promised.

Celeste returned her attention to Haven, whose eyes were getting heavy. "It's hard to stay awake, isn't it?" She yawned and the older woman though it was the cutest thing ever. "Well, I don't mind if you fall asleep in my arms. There's very little that makes me happier than to hold a sleeping baby."

Abby smiled tiredly. "You're good with her."

"I like babies," was Celeste's reply. "I've been around my share."

Lowering the bed, Abby got as comfortable as possible, but then realized she had a problem. She made a face. "Celeste, could you help me up? I need to..." her eyes flickered to the bathroom door and the woman understood. After placing Haven back in her bin, Celeste offered her support to get Abby to the bathroom and retrieved the supplies she needed from a duffle bag on the floor.

"That's disgusting," Abby commented several minutes later when she came out. "I can't believe there's still more stuff to come out of me after yesterday."

Celeste chuckled. "I think your body probably will never cease to amaze you."

Abby shuffled across the floor slowly. "And walking? Not my favourite thing ever. Whose idea was this anyway?"

Celeste raised an eyebrow. "God's?"

Abby contemplated that. "Huh. Can't even argue with Him."

"No, I think not," Celeste agreed. Seeing exhaustion gathering in the girl's face, she stepped back. "I'll leave you to nap. Congratulations on your baby Abby, she's beautiful."

Abby closed her eyes. "Thank you."

Celeste watched them both a few minutes more before making her way home. Gibbs looked up from smoothing the hull of his boat when she walked down the stairs. "So?"

She leaned against his workbench. "The flowers were a hit. Abby let me hold Haven."

"You looking for a sign from the heavens?" he grumbled. "I think she likes you."

Celeste moved into his arms and kissed him. "Thank you," she whispered.

Gibbs shrugged. "I just gave suggestions. You did all the hard work."

"Well, thank you anyways," Celeste smiled, checking her watch. "What time are you going in?"

He turned her wrist so he could see the time. "Now." With all the excitement of yesterday, Gibbs gave Tony and Ziva permission to come in a few hours late for work. "See you tonight." He pecked her cheek. "Love you."

Celeste watched him go. "I love you too."

**NCIS**

Tim stood in the lobby later that morning waiting for an elevator, rested, awake and impatient to see his wife and baby. An older lady entered the car just after him and McGee smiled. "What floor?"

"Fifth," she answered and he pushed both the five and seven button. The woman's eyebrows lifted. "Maternity?"

Tim chuckled. "Yup."

"New dad?" she asked.

He pulled out his phone and showed her a picture he'd snapped before leaving last night. "Guilty. This is my daughter."

"Oh what a treasure!" the woman exclaimed. "Congratulations."

McGee beamed. "Thank you. But my wife did all the hard work." He looked at her quizzically. "You know all the floors of the hospital by number?"

She nodded. "I've spent my share of time here over the last few years. My Thomas isn't doing very well and will often spend a week in Palative Care, so I stay with him."

His eyes shadowed. "Oh, I'm sorry."

She shook her head. "Don't be. This is just part of life. I often go upstairs and look at the babies in the nursery while he's sleeping, to remind myself of the joy in the midst of sorrow."

"I hope he gets better," Tim said sincerely.

"Thank you," she nodded. "He may, for a time, or he may go Home and leave me here. Either way I will be thankful for our years together."

"You have an incredible attitude," McGee commented.

She fingered the tiny cross on her necklace. "I have a reason for my hope." The elevator dinged and she stepped out. "Enjoy your new family young man, and remember what a gift that baby is even when she cries all night."

He nodded. "I will." Just before she turned away, Tim pushed the button to keep the doors open. "Wait." He held out his hand. "I'm Tim McGee."

Her face crinkled into a smile and she put her soft hand in his. "Nice to meet you Tim. I'm Grace McPherson."

Tim had it in his mind to tell Abby about the older lady he'd met, but the second he walked in the room and saw both Abby and Haven sleeping, every other thought just flew right out of his head. He crept slowly over to the chair he'd occupied last night and just watched his girls dream. It wasn't long before Haven's face scrunched up and her cries for food began. McGee slid his hands under her body and lifted his blanket wrapped baby into his arms while Abby groaned and rubbed her eyes, slowly coming back to consciousness.

He propped Haven up on his chest and she rubbed her face on his shirt, rooting. "Sorry precious," he chuckled, "I don't have what you're looking for. That's all Mommy's domain right now."

Abby unbuttoned her nightgown and reached for the baby. "C'mere dolly, I've got your breakfast." She winced when Haven latched on and sighed. "Can you get that cream on the table Tim? I think I'm going to need it."

McGee retrieved the tub and held it. "How was last night?"

Abby looked down, watching her baby nurse. "Pretty terrible. I thought I could handle being up for most of the time because I never really go to bed early and I was worse before we got married. But I didn't know tired until Haven was feeding every twenty minutes or every half hour or every hour and a half. She still hasn't really got a pattern yet, but Brittney said that's normal for newborns and she'll settled down eventually."

"At less than twenty-four hours old I'd be surprised if she's figured anything out yet. She's probably still adjusting to the huge change in her life. "Abby frowned and Tim explained. "Haven went from falling asleep to your movements to being wrapped up and laying in a plastic bin that holds still. She's used to hearing your heartbeat above her and all the noises that come from living on the inside of your body. Now it's quiet most of the time. She was tucked snugly in your dark womb for months but out here it's so bright it's no wonder she's squinting so much." Tim kissed the back of Abby's hand. "Our lives aren't the only ones that have changed drastically."

Abby rubbed Haven's back. "I never thought about it that way. I guess I'd be all out of whack too."

"So we can probably cut her some slack, for awhile at least."

His wife smiled. "Yeah, I guess we can."

When Haven finished, Abby gave Tim a turn with burping, then unwrapped the baby and laid her on her chest with a black blanket overtop. The pink one hadn't lasted past her second feeding. "So she can hear my heartbeat," Abby explained, slouching down against the pillows. Tim wished he could climb into bed and hold both of them, but had to settle for just observing for now. When Abby fell asleep Tim left to get a few things but didn't expect to find his wife nursing once more when he got back. His eyes jumped to the clock and Abby sighed.

"Like I said, no schedule." McGee held up the blue plastic cup in his hand and her eyes lit up. After a long swallow, she smiled. "I feel better already."

A few hours later Tim got to experience diaper changing on a newborn and took his turn with skin to skin time. Haven fell asleep on his chest and Abby was reminded of the story Gibbs told her about Kelly doing the same thing. "Does it scare you Timmy, to be a dad?" she asked.

He kissed Haven's head. "Actually, no. I think I'm braver now because I have to be for her. She needs me and that makes me feel like I can do anything." McGee slid his fingers between hers. "What about you?"

Abby sighed. "I never knew how much work being a mom was, it's way different than taking care of a puppy. But she's mine and that makes every missed minute of sleep worth it. I love her Tim, more than I knew it was possible to love."

McGee nodded. "I know the feeling."

**NCIS**

Later in the afternoon Abby and McGee looked up when they heard a soft voice from the hall. "Excuse me."

Tim's eyebrow knit together. "Grace? What are you doing here?"

She smiled. "Just making my visit to the nursery. I'm sorry to intrude but I was walking by and the door was open...I hope you don't mind."

Abby looked back and forth between them in confusion and Tim turned to her. "Sorry. Grace, this is my wife Abby. Honey, this is Grace. We met in the elevator earlier." He switched to sign language to explain further. _Her husband is dying._

Grace faced Abby directly. "Do you read lips?"

Abby shook her head. "Not very well. I'm not deaf, but my parents were and I grew up signing. It's still my comfort language."

Grace nodded. "Fascinating. I wish I knew something like that."

Abby looked down at Haven. "Did Tim tell you about our daughter?"

"He did, complete with picture. Every inch the proud father that one. But the real thing trumps any picture," Grace added.

"Come see her," the new mom offered, happy to show off her baby, even to a complete stranger.

"What a little beauty!" Grace exclaimed. "And look at all that dark hair!"

"I guess she gets that from me," Abby commented. "But I hope she has her daddy's eyes."

Grace studied Tim and then the baby and nodded. "Dark green eyes and black hair, you might have a hard time keeping the boys away."

McGee's hand fell to his hip and Abby glared at him. "Timmy, you are not allowed to shoot anyone!" Then she grinned. "I have much less messy means of persuasion that leave no trace."

The older woman wasn't completely following, but she got the drift. "I think she's in safe hands. What's her name?"

"Haven," Tim answered. "It was a bit of a surprise, we weren't expecting a girl. But I like the meaning behind her name."

"It's lovely," Grace agreed. "Thank you for letting me meet her, but I better be going."

"It was nice to meet you Grace," Abby smiled. "Maybe we'll see you again sometime."

Grace's eyes twinkled. "Maybe you will. Goodbye."

Tim and Abby looked after her. "What a sweet lady."

"You just never know what you'll get out of a chance meeting. Who knows," Tim shrugged, "she could've been an angel."

"If she was," Abby giggled, "we're going to have a great birthday story to tell Haven someday."

**NCIS**

Shortly after Grace's visit, when the shadows outside Abby's window were beginning to lengthen, another person appeared in the doorway. "How ya doin' Abs?" Gibbs asked.

Her smile bloomed and she held out her arms. "Hi Papa Bear! You came back!"

He chuckled and hugged her. "Had to get some holding time in with my granddaughter."

Abby raised her eyebrows hopefully at Tim and he turned to surrender the baby he held. "Boss."

Gibbs cradled the little girl in his arms. "Get some coffee McGee, I got this."

The new dad seemed about to protest when Abby interjected. "Could you find us something for supper that isn't hospital food Timmy? It tastes like gross and it's no wonder there's so many sick people in here."

McGee nodded. "Okay honey, I'll be back. I love you."

"Us too," Abby answered for herself and the baby, watching him go.

Gibbs settled on the side of the bed, unable to tear his eyes away from Haven. "She's beautiful, huh?" Abby asked.

"Just like her mother." He barely touched the baby's dark hair. "I can already see it in pigtails."

Abby giggled. "Carrying around her stuffed bat or Baby Bert. She may be younger, but I think Haven's gonna give Chaya a run for her money."

"Better look out if she gets her energy from you," he noted, getting comfortable. "Remember the first time we met?"

She bit her lip. "I was flying by and I bumped your arm, spilled your coffee. Got my first and only Gibbs lecture about the rules and then offered you my Caf-Pow."

Gibbs snorted. "I learned fast that your favourite form of caffeine didn't do it for me."

"But you brought me one anyways, the next day, and apologized for yelling."

"And you just shrugged, then proceeded to list off the rule's of Abby's lab," he recalled.

Abby leaned back. "You didn't know what to do with me - my music, my clothes, Bert. But you accepted us anyways."

"Then I found out you signed."

"I sign to myself when I'm tired or stressed, run through the alphabet and numbers. You just happened to walk in at the right time one night we were staying late to solve a case."

"That's when it happened," Gibbs shared. "Like your heart connected with mine."

Her smile was reflective. "Yeah. There was no introduction or asking me how I knew, you just started talking to me in sign language, more than I'd ever heard you say out loud. I was so shocked I forgot to pay attention, but then you brought up the case and I found what you needed. After that we were friends."

Gibbs drew his finger over Haven's barely visible eyebrows and down her cute little nose. "That first night you came to the house and asked about Kelly's picture - I was so mad I almost threw you out, but you weren't trying to hurt me and I realized nobody knew what I carried. Never planned to tell a soul, but I told you."

"And I cried, because I cared about you already and it wasn't fair that you had to hurt so much." Abby put a hand on her baby. "I think I have a better idea now of what it feels like. When I think of something happening to her my chest gets to tight it hurts to breathe. But for you it was more than just a worst fear."

Gibbs rubbed one of her pigtails between his thumb and forefinger. "Don't dwell on it Abs, just hold onto her with all your heart. This little baby's got a lot of protectors, that I promise."

"Guardian angels with guns and badges," Abby smirked. "I didn't know they came that way."

He huffed. "They do now." Slowly Gibbs stood and handed Haven back to her mother, kissing Abby's cheek before he left. "I love you Abs."

She swallowed and blinked back the moisture behind her eyes. "I love you Gibbs. Thank you for making us family."

**NCIS**

Tim and Abby hadn't been finished their supper very long before Cassie came in with Brittney, Kylie and Delaney. "Do you want the good news?" Abby perked up. "You can go home tonight, if you want."

Abby closed her eyes. "Oh yes please. I want my own bed."

"I figured as much. Let's take care of the paperwork and then you can take your time getting ready to leave."

Happily filling out and signing everything that was required, the couple soon were able to pack their things, though Abby wasn't moving very much. "You try walking after pushing a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon," she grumbled and Tim wisely made no comment.

After a few tries to figure out how the carseat straps and buckles worked, Haven was secure and they left the hospital. Haven cried the entire way back to the house where Abby promptly went upstairs to nurse her again and laid her in the co-sleeper. Tim followed with their bags and found an envelope by the phone when he checked for messages, so he brought it up with him. "Look at this Abbs, Tony and Ziva left us something." He opened the note. "'For all you've done for us and because new parents deserve to be spoiled, here is a little something to help out.'" McGee pulled out the cards and read them. "Wow, they got us a gift certificate for someone to come in and clean once a week for the first month. And this must've been Tony's idea - a gift card that lets us order take-out from a whole list of restaurants."

Abby took the note and read the bottom. "'P.S. Your freezer is stocked. Don't forget to eat once in awhile. Love, Tony, Ziva and Chaya, Ducky, Jimmy and Breena, Matt and Tami.' Wow, they all pitched in to help us? That's so sweet."

Tim leaned down and kissed her cheek. "Gotta love family."

At his wife's urging, Tim undressed and lay down with her, able to get really close for the first time in months. He kissed her shoulder and held her gently, happy to finally be home with his family.


	93. Chapter 93

_A/N: 1 chapter left...wow. This has been an amazing journey. Thank you for taking it with me :) ~Aliyah_

_Sarah (Ch 92) - Thank you. I know, it feels like there's still so much left to cover but time is running short. Glad you liked the T&A moment. When I'm watching the early seasons, I like Kate, but as soon as Ziva shows up, she's my favourite. But Kate was very important to them, so that's wh at matters. I know, I never got why she wore skirts. In that job I'd want to be in jeans and running shoes all the time. I've been waiting awhile to use Haven as the reason for A&C to take that last step to being friends, I'm glad it worked. Oh man...if they ever pair Gibbs with someone on NCIS, I'd probably be wondering what happened to Celeste! lol. Sweet...I think that word is Grace personified. It was kinda fun to get to use her here. Thanks for reviewing Sarah! :)_

Thursday after work Ziva left Chaya with Tony and went over to see Abby and McGee. McGee answered the door with bloodshot eyes and a faint smile. "Hi Ziva. Abby is upstairs."

Ziva looked him over critically. "How are you?"

He shrugged. "Somewhere past exhausted. Haven isn't sleeping much."

"You may not believe me now, but eventually that will change."

Tim smiled. "Something to look forward to then."

Ziva made her way upstairs and found Abby breastfeeding Haven in bed. She knocked on the door. "Would you like some company?"

Abby's usual grin fell flat and her eyes were dull, but at least she tried. "Sure."

"Well?" Ziva inquired.

She sighed. "I'm not exactly the poster girl for motherhood right now," Abby admitted. "If I was totally honest, I'd probably scare everyone away from ever wanting to be a parent."

Ziva chuckled. "Be honest with me. I am already there. It is too late to be scared."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Between bleeding through a diaper sized pad every hour or two and sweating so much I'm changing shirts every time I get up to nurse, I feel like some sort of mutant or someone's creepy science experiment. And Haven...I love her dearly, but if she even slept for two hours that would be the best gift ever. I try, but I have no idea what I'm doing and I feel like a failure because sometimes my breasts are so sore she can't nurse. She cries and cries and there's nothing I can do. She spits out the pacifier after a couple of minutes and we can't find anything else to help her."

"The first few days after your milk comes in are miserable," Ziva agreed. "I was a mess with the hormones and pain and Chaya crying because she was hungry. But in a few days everything will settle down."

Abby swallowed tears. "Promise?"

Ziva shook her head. "I cannot promise because every baby is different, but I think it is a safe guess."

Haven pulled away from Abby's breast and she reached for the cream while Ziva took the baby to burp. Abby leaned back and closed her eyes. "Any advice?"

"No more Caf-Pow for starters," Ziva stated as Abby looked guiltily around at the few small empty cups laying within reach. "And sleep whenever Haven sleeps. Even if it feels like you and Tim are sleeping all day long. It does not matter how much you want to, it is impossible to function properly on six or eight hours of very broken sleep. That is the best thing I was every told, that is how Tony and I survived the newborn days."

"At least Tim is here now," Abby said slowly, "but I have no idea how I'm going to do this by myself when he goes back to work."

"One hour at a time I am afraid, with lots of help from friends."

Her smile was weak. "That means a lot."

Ziva rubbed Haven's back gently, trying to remember when her baby was so small. "Can I get you anything?"

Abby shook her head. "You guys already did more than enough. Thanks for the food and the gift certificates. I have a feeling we'll use them a lot."

"It was our pleasure," Ziva assured her, laying Haven down in the co-sleeper. "Get some rest and call if you need company. Tony and I will come."

"I know. Thanks Ziva."

"What is it you are always saying?" the dark-haired woman asked. "Abby, this is what family is for."

**NCIS**

Tony had Chaya sitting on his lap when Ziva returned, staring at her intently. Ziva smiled. "Chaya." The little girl turned her head and smiled at Mommy, clapping her hands.

Ziva walked over and took the baby into her arms, rubbing noses with her and murmuring in quiet Hebrew. "What were you looking at?"

Tony grinned. "Her eyes are getting darker." Ziva looked confused and he continued. "I've been checking out her eyes for days Zi, they're getting darker." He pulled his wife down to sit on his lap. "They're going to be brown, just like yours."

She stood Chaya up on her legs and examined her previously blue eyes. Slowly she smiled. "I believe you are right Tony."

"I'm always right," he boasted, expecting to get elbowed, but Ziva just sat Chaya down again and kissed his lips.

"That is yet to be determined."

Fingering one of her curls, Tony changed the subject. "How's Abby?"

Ziva moved, laying Chaya down on her tummy. Right away the little girl pushed herself up to look around and reached for the nearest toy. Ziva settled in beside her husband, placing one hand on his knee. "Exhausted, frustrated, uncomfortable, sure she will be no good at all this." She leaned her head on his shoulder. "But I think once Haven starts following a bit of a pattern, things will be different."

"What about McDaddy?" Tony asked.

Ziva chuckled. "He looks like he has spent all weekend playing video games. I think he is very tired, but he is still in one piece."

"Sometimes that's as good as it gets. Do they need anything?"

She shook her head. "Not right now. Abby thanked us for the food and gift cards. I think we should drop by every couple of days, just to check on them."

Tony nodded. "I can be moral support. I don't necessarily want to change some other kid's diapers, but I'll help out."

Ziva kissed his neck. "Thank you." She watched Chaya roll over and lay with her legs straight up in the air, chattering to herself. "Haven is just under six pounds now and so tiny. It is hard to believe that Chaya was smaller when we brought her home."

He stretched his arm behind her. "It seems like a lifetime ago. She's gotten so big."

"Chaya is growing very fast. In another few months she will be sitting and trying to crawl and starting to use words. I will miss her being a baby."

"When she was a newborn, some days I thought we'd never get here," Tony admitted. "All I could think of was getting a full night's sleep. And now," he shrugged, "I wish I'd enjoyed it more when she was small enough to fit in my hands."

"You are a good daddy Tony," Ziva whispered. "Thank you."

He tipped her chin up and pressed his lips to hers. "For her, for you, I'd do anything. You know that, right?"

Ziva got comfortable with her head on his chest, not taking her eyes off their baby. "I know. And that is still my biggest miracle. Ani ohevet otcha."

"Yeah," Tony grinned, leaning down to roll a ball to Chaya and glancing over his shoulder. "I love you too."

**NCIS**

Friday night while Ziva was at Ops, Tony sat in the spare bedroom staring at his computer screen and turning his SecNav coin over and over in one hand. There were seventy-four letters, he'd counted. Seventy-four letters for fifteen months of missing her, mourning her, trying to avenge her, loving her and fighting for a place in her heart. Seventy-four letters for finally having her, for marrying her, for sharing a life, and having a baby, being parents and finally getting her back as his partner. Seventy-four letters that she finally needed to see.

He sighed and began the process of moving the documents all to one file so he could print them off. Beside his computer the printer hummed to life and Tony waited for the first sheet. Some of them he skimmed, each one was folded into three sections, and the pile on the desk grew. Finally they were all done and he walked across the hall to his daughter's room to watch her breathe and remember again that the life he had dreamed of really was real.

The front door slammed and Ziva came upstairs and got in the shower. Tony returned to their makeshift office and went through drawers until he found Ziva's present wrapping supplies. When she came out of the bathroom in comfy clothes, he was waiting in the doorway and moved slowly forward, resting one hand on her shoulder. "I have something for you."

Ziva looked back at him and smiled. "A present?"

He sat down on the bed beside her and lifted her left hand to kiss her rings. "Something long overdue."

Intrigued, Ziva gave her husband her full attention. Tony thumbed through the folded papers he was holding before laying two separate bundles tied with ribbon on her lap. He touched the first pile. "I wrote these last year after you left and when we thought-" Tony choked on the words and emotion that came with them. "When we thought we'd lost you." Shaking his head sadly, he reached for her hand. "I couldn't do it Zi, I couldn't really be alive without you. I never knew how much you were a part of me until you were gone."

Ziva's eyes began to fill and she blinked back the tears, a confession she knew she would have to make beating in her chest. But she'd let him finish first. Ziva squeezed his hand, encouraging him to go on. Tony swallowed.

"And these ones I started after we brought you home, when I could see for myself that you were really alive." He met her gaze. "I wrote them while you stayed with me, after you moved, during your pregnancy and continued after the wedding and once Chaya was born. The most recent one is from this month. I just...thought you should have them." Tony smiled. "They're all to you anyways."

Ziva's fingers caressed the letters gently, surprised at how many there were. She put her hand on her husband's chest and looked down. "I knew about the letters Tony, at least some of them."

Tony's head popped up and he frowned. "How?" He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Do I divulge deep dark secrets in my sleep?" It wouldn't completely shock him.

Ziva shook her head slowly. "One day you showered at my apartment and I wanted to see what was on your computer." She shrugged and let her hand drop away. "I cannot remember why. The folder had my initials, I did not understand until I read the first one." She couldn't meet his eyes and see the trust she'd betrayed. "I read three before the water shut off and I went to my room so you would not know."

Tony's posture slumped. "So you knew? From the beginning you knew how I felt?"

A phrase replayed in Ziva's head and she whispered, "I think I might have loved you, but now I will never know."

His expression darkened. "You knew and you still wouldn't let me in!" he accused. "Why Ziva?"

Ziva took his anger for what it was, a deep hurt that still wasn't fully healed even if she had been his for months. Finally she looked up at him with sad eyes, opening her heart. "I was not in a position to believe your words Tony. I could not understand, I could not accept that you could care so much." She traced his face with one finger. "That was so long before you showed me the past did not matter." Her smile returned. "And later you were never able to hide how you felt, I just never told you how much I could see."

Tony nodded slowly and let his hurt and anger drain away before pulling her into a hug. "They were yours even then," he said finally. Then he leaned back to look into her eyes. "Tell me again." He needed to hear the words in her voice, from her heart. It was never enough.

Ziva laid her hand on his cheek and kissed him softly. "I love you Tony." He held her tighter, needing the reassurance. Ziva turned in his arms and held up the first pile of letters. "Will you read them to me?" Tony's eyes widened. He'd wept just glancing over them while they printed. To hear his thoughts out loud, the grief and helplessness, might be too much. Ziva's fingers threaded into his hair. "Then you can look into my eyes and know that this ahava, we, are what is real now."

It made sense, so Tony scooted back against the pillows and Ziva tucked herself against his side. With one arm around his wife, Tony pulled the first letter free, but before starting, he cleared his throat. "I was in some really dark places when I wrote these Zi. They may not be easy to hear." She nodded, weaving their fingers together in a show of support. Tony took a breath and began to read. The first one she had heard, but he had been right to warn her about the others, and several times she had to put her hand on his heart or press herself closer into his side just to remind herself of what they were now.

Halfway through the first stack Ziva pulled Tony's head down to hers, brushing her lips over his. "I am here," she whispered and he closed his eyes, fighting back the emotions of last summer. Then she slid the next letter free of the ribbon and opened it for him. Tony swallowed and continued.

"_They said you went missing on a mission for Mossad, but I think they're lying. You're Ziva David, and Ziva doesn't just get lost. Either you didn't want to be found, or something happened. But ninjas have nine lives, just like cats, right? I know you're out there somewhere Zi, please come home. Just come home. We miss you."_

A couple more of the memories were familiar to Ziva and she rubbed soothing circles onto his hand, feeling the tension building in him. Tony scanned the brief lines of the letter that came after and remembered what it had been like, the search for the man responsible for taking away his partner. _"We know who did it Zi, the guy who indirectly caused your death. Saleem Ulman, he was your mission, now he's mine. I swear Zi, I'm going to find him and make him pay for what happened to you. No one kills my partner and gets away with it. We're gonna find him."_

"You did," Ziva told him quietly.

He heaved a sigh as he set the sheet of paper aside and looked at the next one. "Ziva..."

"Tell me," she whispered, "tell me what it was like to be lost. I know your heart Tony."

Tony held her tighter and spoke through an emotion clogged throat. _"Vance gave the okay. A wink-wink, nudge-nudge thing with Gibbs that let us make a plan to get Saleem. Probie's coming to cover my six, Gibbs is our back-up. We've got to get into the camp Zi, so we're trespassing on enemy territory on purpose. We'll look like two dumb white guys who got lost in the dessert. And once Saleem dies, well, then I did what I came to do. I know you never really thought I was brave enough to do my job, but I'm doing this for you. And after that...I think I might just die with you too."_

His warning had been with good reason and Ziva clung to him, hating the visual she was getting, of her partner so deep into grief that he was going to lose his own life just so he wouldn't have to live without her. "You never knew how true those words were," he admitted, "the ones I told you in Somalia. Now you do." She kissed him again and again, felt some of the sadness haunting his features drain away at her touch. Finally he pulled away and lifted the next pile of letters. "Now comes the happier stuff honey. Not right away, but...well, you'll see."

He cleared his throat. "_You're home Zi. A month ago I never imagined saying those words. But you're here and you're real and if you tell anyone I'll deny it, but I cried last night after you fell asleep, after the nightmare was over. I cried in relief, in joy, and in pain because you're so incredibly broken right now and I don't know which piece to pick up to help put you back together. But you're here and you're alive and I love you. I'm going to tell you that here, in these words I only hope you'll have an occasion to read someday, because I can't say it out loud yet. I love you, I love you, I love you. And because of that I'll do anything. I'll wait any length of time. I'll do whatever it takes to be in your life. I'm not going to screw it up this time Zi, I promise_."

Ziva touched the words gently. "If you had told me that night, I would not have believed Tony DiNozzo would cry because of my pain." Her fingers caressed his cheek. "But I believe it now. And I do not think you have it in you to screw up what we have built."

Tony swallowed and tightened his arm around her, his lips brushing her temple. "DiNozzo men don't cry," he choked out. "Don't make a liar out of me David."

"Mmm...I do not think you like me to have that name anymore," she said with a smile.

He leaned down and captured her lips, indulging in a slow, soft, reassuring kiss. "Of course, Mrs. DiNozzo suits you much better."

Ziva stretched out her legs alongside his. "Go on. I am waiting for the happy ones."

"Got a few left yet before we get to those ones," he warned, unfolding another letter.

"_It hurts me to watch you move. At work I can't take my eyes off you, I'm afraid if I blink maybe you'll disappear. I'm thankful that you allow me to stare, it lets me keep breathing, keep hoping this is real. But every time you stand or turn or take a step, I see you check your movement. Press a hand to your ribs, try not to take too deep a breath, walk gingerly as if you aren't quite sure your feet will carry you. You get headaches a lot now, but you never reach for the bottle of pills I put in your desk drawer even though I know you know they're there. Are you trying to punish yourself? I wish you'd talk to me, but it's been days and you've barely looked my way. I hate to watch you struggle every day just to live again. You never ask for the help we would all gladly give. I have you back, just like I wanted, but I wonder..._" Tony hesitated, reading the last few words again and Ziva looked at him.

"I will not fault you for your thoughts ahava, I promise."

He sighed. "You know how I told you once that your truths are always painful? Some of mine are too."

"Go on," she encouraged him.

Tony shook his head, looking back at the typed page. "_But I wonder if you're still the woman I knew_."

Things got quiet real quick and he silently berated himself. This whole idea was stupid. She was just going to hear things that would make her feel bad, things he wasn't sure he wanted her to know. These letters were his heart, his hurts, his longing, his love poured out onto blank pages that had received them and gave him some sort of balm for the pain in his soul. He wasn't sure if Ziva was ready for all that.

Her head came to rest on his shoulder. "Does it bother you?" she asked in a soft voice.

Tony squeezed her fingers. "I think you're going to have to be more specific about 'it' Ziva."

Lips he loved to feel on his curved upward in a faint smile at the echo of another one of their conversations. "That I may never again be the woman you knew."

"No." His answer was so quick she looked up and frowned at him. Tony slid his fingers along her neck and into her hair. "I know this woman. I have this woman. And I've learned a thousand more things to love about her than I ever would've known when we were just partners."

Ziva's hand rested over his heart. "You give the best answers. But I do not want you just to say what you think I want to hear. You do not always have to be the noble one."

"I'm not." His shoulders dropped. "Believe me Zi, sometimes I'm so selfish it's disgusting. But I promise I haven't lied to you once since you got back. And every word you've ever heard out of my mouth in the last year has been the truth." Tony leaned his forehead on hers. "It's not just what you want to hear babe, it's what I want to say too."_ Everything was the truth_, he thought, _except when I was trying so hard to pretend I didn't love you, that friends and partners would somehow be good enough._

"Okay." She nodded and he took that as his cue to continue.

"More observations," Tony noted, opening another. "Brace yourself." Ziva tucked her hand around his arm and held on.

"_You need to eat Zi. You turn down every offer of food at work, sip the same cup of tea for hours on end. The circles under your eyes just get darker and I never thought I'd say this, but you seem so fragile now, like one wrong word might make you fall apart. Gibbs watches you a lot, almost as much as I do. He's worried and so am I. Abby and McGee don't say much, they try to respect your privacy. But Abby's afraid to hug you these days and it makes me wonder what happens at night when you're sleeping on her couch."_

"Unfortunately, you learned all too quickly what happens at night."

"Except I was the one sleeping on the couch," he reminded her.

"Not for long. What was it? Two days before you declared you were sleeping on the floor? And another four or five days of making up dumb excuses to keep coming back. When I finally said you could stay, I was as relieved as you were."

"Well, somebody had to be close." Tony lifted her hand and kissed her knuckles. "Those screams were the most chilling sound I'd ever heard Zi. You were in agony, tormented by suffering you couldn't escape and I hated to think what you might be seeing that would cause you to scream like that."

Ziva rubbed her wrists absently. "And now you know."

"Sometimes I still wish I didn't," Tony admitted. "But when you trusted me enough to show me the scars, when you told me that one night about everything that had happened during those months...I knew I had all of you then. And that's still worth the pain of knowing. Sometimes I'd imagined much worse."

She wrapped her arms around herself. "Is it too painful to relive all of this? All of before we were us? All of the hurt you felt because continuing to live was harder than I thought?"

"Hey," Tony tipped her chin up. "There's good stuff in this pile too Zi. Just hang in there with me, okay? Remember that I did this for you. For me first, because talking to your memory was better than accepting I'd never see you again. But for you later, so someday you'd be able to see everything I felt on paper. Maybe it'll help you believe that you're worth loving."

"You are teaching that lesson very well," his wife replied, curling into his side. "Alright, I am listening."

"_More than anything I wish I could touch you. A hand on your shoulder or arm, the freedom to tousle your hair because it used to make you smile, even if these days I'm not sure anything does. Just to stand close to you would be better than nothing. But you still jump when a shadow falls across your desk and loud noises make you skittish. The only ones who can get close are Gibbs and Ducky, but I don't know if you're as comfortable with them as you pretend. You're scared now Zi and I hate it. I would do anything to make you not afraid."_

"You did," Ziva whispered, drawing invisible but important letters on the back of his hand. "For two weeks you were my sanctuary. You taught me that touch did not equal hurt and nightmares did not mean I could not be rescued. When you hugged me that last morning in bed, after I wouldn't let you tell me you loved me, I was so close to pushing you back and running away. But I knew you needed me just like I'd needed you, and that was the most contact I'd had with anyone in months." She swallowed. "You know how to make me feel safe Tony. Thank you."

He was torn between kissing her breathless and the need to share the rest of his heart with her. So he joined their lips for a long moment, but just when he could feel Ziva getting needy, he pulled away and kissed her nose. "Hold that thought, okay?"

Ziva swatted him. "That is mean."

Tony gave her the thousand watt grin that had charmed a hundred girls but was now for her alone. "But you still love me."

"Yes," she said contemplatively, "and there is nothing you can do to make me stop."

He stared at her with open adoration for several seconds before tearing his gaze away and sitting up straighter. "Gosh, you are the best distraction. Stop looking at me like that. It makes me want to hold you and never let go."

One eyebrow arched gracefully. "And why would I want you to let go?"

He huffed. "That's not what I mean. Just listen, okay? I have to finish these. Then you can do whatever you want with me."

"That is a dangerous offer," Ziva murmured, but Tony chose to ignore her, and held up the next letter.

"_I used to think about someday a lot. Someday I'd get the courage to tell you you were more than just my partner. Someday the timing would be right and I'd ask you on a date. Someday Rule 12 wouldn't exist and we'd finally have a chance. Someday I'd find out if there was any way you could love me too. You've been home almost two weeks Zi, and now it's my turn to put you up. But in fourteen days you've barely said five words to me. I'm beginning to think someday might not exist."_

"We wasted so much time pretending," she lamented. "By the time I realized I wanted you to care, you were with Jeanne and it was too late. And I think you might've said something when I returned home from Israel, only then there was Michael and we missed another chance. I am so glad there was one more left."

Tony tilted his head and brushed his lips over hers, then moved to the other side and their mouths met for a sweet instant before he broke it off. "We always would've made one more chance Zi, as long as there was time."

She touched his ring. "Then there was no more time, but we got that chance anyways."

He tried to think of a joke to throw in to lighten the moment, deep was sometimes too much, but he came up empty, so Tony merely smiled lovingly at her before starting to read again. He got through several, finally coming to the time period after Ziva moved out. _"Nothing is worse than being just down the hall and hearing you scream, but being unable to go to you. Because I'm not supposed to know you're here even if I'm only pretending not to. Five nights and sometimes I even get up and walk to the doorway. One night I made it halfway down the hall and I could hear you crying. I've never wanted to hold you more, to be your comfort and your strength, everything you need. But you're making me let you do this on your own and I'm learning that doing nothing is harder than I ever thought."_

Ziva sighed. "I wish I could have let you rescue me, but I did not want to be weak. Now I think that accepting your love might have taken more strength than doing it on my own."

"Well, you've got it now honey," he assured her, "and this time I won't let you push me away."

She kissed his neck and rested her head over his heart. Tony dropped a kiss on her hair and continued reading. Opened letters piled up beside him until finally he came to one that made him smile, and Tony had the grace to look a little sheepish. "I bet you didn't know about this." Curiosity flared in Ziva's gaze and she waited to hear what he'd written. Tony closed his eyes for a moment, flashing back to the night he'd typed these words.

_Tony couldn't take his eyes off the picture. So innocent, so perfect, so new, this little life. It didn't deserve the way it had been conceived, but he had no doubt Ziva would be able to love her child enough to make up for the darkness of its beginning. And after the way she acted today, he wondered if one day Ziva might just let him have a role in their lives._

_Opening his laptop, Tony clicked through his documents until the 'ILY' folder appeared. Saving a new file, he positioned his fingers over the keys and began._

_**The last few days have felt like a dream Ziva. In some ways, for you, I'm sure it has been a nightmare, but this time I got to be there, you let me be there, and I hope I was able to help, even if only a little.**_

_He sighed, thinking back to Saturday night after Ziva finished dancing and how he'd longed for a way to express his heart while he tried to sort out his thoughts before Gibbs called._

_**I love you Ziva. If I hadn't known it before this weekend, I am certain now. When you let me watch you dance, you weren't just answering a question, but you opened your heart and soul for me to see. I meant what I said, it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. A glimpse was enough to be overwhelmed, but forgive me for being greedy Zi, I still want more.**_

_Memories of holding her, kissing her, waking up with her flooded Tony's mind and the ache he felt was so strong he could almost touch it._

_**You gave me one night Ziva, one night to see what it would be like if we could make it work. I wasn't trying to rush you with the kiss, it was more something I couldn't've stopped even if I wanted to, which I didn't, unless you said no. But you allowed me that one moment Zi, and if that's all I ever get, I will make it be enough.**_

_Please don't let that be it, his heart begged in the silence. _

_**The memories of falling asleep and waking up with you in my arms is something I won't forget Ninja, and even though it's too much too soon, I want you to know I've dreamed about that since you stayed at my apartment. Stay strong honey, you can do this. And I will always be right here, as close as you let me for as long as it takes. I love you, Tony.**_

_Reading back over the words, Tony hesitated and almost deleted them. He sounded like a lovesick puppy. But the possibility of Ziva one day seeing those letters held him back. She deserved to know how much he'd changed. He wasn't the same goofy playboy anymore. He'd grown up, now all he was looking for was a place to belong._

Tony finished explaining the memory and Ziva suddenly got up from beside him and left the room. Uncertain what that was all about, Tony stayed where he was, hoping she'd come back and explain. A minute later Ziva returned, carrying with her the baby book from Grace. She was silent as she flipped through the early pages with Chaya's newborn stats, her hand and footprints, and the little clear plastic piece that held a tiny wisp of dark hair. Finally she came to the section where she had saved all of her ultrasound scans. Gently, she traced the grainy image in the first picture.

"You made a copy of this one?" she asked, turning to look at him.

He gave her a half-grin and sorta chuckled. "Yeah."

"That was right after I found out, and you were already thinking about us being a family? You wanted to protect my baby, you imagined her..." Ziva shook her head. "I do not know what to say."

Tony frowned. "You're acting like that is a bad thing."

"No," Ziva drew a shuddering breath, "it is more than I ever expected. And I just wish that I had not kept you out so long. I could have had you there by my side for the whole time, but I did not let you in until...much longer than you should have had to wait to be a part of our lives."

He slid his palm over her flat stomach, clearly remembering the first time he'd felt Chaya kick, back when her name first became Chipmunk, the first time he ever spoke to her out loud while Ziva was sleeping in his arms on his couch after a long case and a movie night. "You were doing what you thought was right. As much as it hurt to be left on the outside of those days, it's better that we didn't rush anything Zi. I wouldn't change even a minute of the last year, painful as it's been, because I don't want to change the life we have together now. And this is so much better than anything my imagination ever conjured up."

Ziva's gaze sought his and for a moment she entertained the idea of pushing everything off the bed and offering herself to him, but as tempting as the thought of making love to her husband was now that she had no reason to fear what would happen after, she knew it was important to Tony that they read the letters he'd saved for her. So she looked away, hoping he didn't catch the colour she felt rising in her cheeks, and closed the baby book gently.

"I am ready."

Tony blinked, wondering if he'd imagined the invitation in her eyes, and shook himself, trying to concentrate. McGee was right, they really had to keep the eye sex to a minimum, it wreaked havoc on his focus. "Right." He cleared his throat. "Okay."

"_This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done. We're just friends, at least, that's what you say, but I've stopped trying to convince my heart. I bought you a ring today Ziva, an engagement ring. I've opened the box a hundred times since this morning to look at it and think how pretty it will look on your finger. But the way things are going I'm still afraid you'll never let yourself accept it, or me. I wish you knew how much I need you."_

Ziva crawled into his lap and held his face between her hands, staring into his eyes. "I know now. And I need you just as much, maybe more."

For several minutes the letters were forgotten in place of passionate kisses the couple shared. Tony's hands moved slowly over Ziva's back and up her sides, pulling her further into him as her lips slid between and over his, while they shared breaths and heartbeats, trying to communicate with the language that had been theirs since 'I do.' Finally she kissed him one final time and slid off of him to side by his side. "I love you."

Tony laughed and pushed his fingers into his hair. "I love you too. Now let's finish these. If that was a preview of tonight, I'm more than willing to join you for the main attraction." An elbow to his ribs brought him back to reality and Tony grabbed the next folded paper.

"_I missed a chance with you today Zi, to tell you something I've been keeping in my heart since we brought you home. I've said it a hundred times in a thousand different ways - every look, every touch, every kiss, every word - in the months you've been back. I don't know why I couldn't say it out loud today when you were in my arms with your heart open. It was the perfect moment and I let it go. I'm sorry. I love you."_

They'd already talked about that one in a way, during one of their conversations about when they fell in love, so he moved on. _"I don't want to lose you Ziva. The panic I felt when you made me promise to do this without you is something I can't even describe. I'm so glad it was only a dream, except then I remember how it was a nightmare I lived for three months. Don't leave me to do this by myself Zi, please. For our baby I'll do anything, but I can't live without you. I wish you hadn't asked me to."_

Tony looked at his wife and wiped away the tear on her cheek. That had not been an easy day for any of them. A quick peek at the following letter had a grin spreading over his face. "Now comes the happy stuff." It was the first letter he'd written after their engagement.

"_You said yes Zi and today I'm the happiest man in the world. Giving you the ring like I've dreamed of doing for more than a month was a hundred times better than Spring Break. I'm sorry for the early call, but I couldn't wait until we got to work to hear it again. Yes, and you love me, and in two months I get to be someone's daddy. Thank you sweetheart, for showing me that someday really does exist."_

Then from the morning following their wedding. _"You're wearing my ring and sleeping in my bed with our baby growing inside you. Welcome to your new life Mrs. DiNozzo. This is my dream come true."_

"Mine too," she whispered, leaning against his shoulder.

And when he had to go back to work after a whole weekend with his new bride. _"I'm sitting at my desk with a stack of reports to do, but the desk across from me is empty and I just can't seem to concentrate without you looking at me and teasing me and inventing ways to get in my space. I miss you Zi. I miss being at home with you and holding you, seeing you smile and hearing you laugh. It's been six hours but I can still taste your kiss and I'm addicted, so I really need my next fix. Be careful at home without me, I want you both safe and healthy. Love, your husband."_

The pile was getting smaller now, but the next one made Tony catch his breath. He skimmed it and squeezed his eyes shut. "I forgot about this one."

"_I'm so angry right now Ziva. What they did to you...what you went through...every time I think about it I feel like I'm going to be sick. It's not fair and I'd take your scars on me if I knew how. I hate knowing how much they hurt you and I remember what our Rule 2 is, but I'm still sorry, I'm so sorry babe. I swear on my life Zi, no one is ever going to touch you again. It's my job to protect you and they'll have to go through me first. I'll never let anyone take you away from me, Africa will never happen again, no matter what. You have my word."_

Ziva sighed. "That was the morning you did not say goodbye."

Tony hugged her against him. "I didn't want you to see how mad I was, even then you could read me too well. I didn't want you to think that what you told me in any way affected my love for you, but I couldn't get the pictures out of my head."

She sat up and kissed the side of his head. "We should not both have those pictures inside, one of us is enough."

"They'll go away," Tony said, half-pleading, half-begging. "Someday I know they'll go away."

"I hope so."

Then came another page that made him hesitate, and take a breath before starting. _"I never planned to tell you about therapy, and then Devon spilled the beans. But I'm not mad at her, because I've beaten myself up so many times for my part in what was done to you, and now you have no idea what it means to hear your words, to have your forgiveness and love, to feel that weight lifted off my soul. Thank you for listening and letting me cry, thank you for all the promises you made in a language my heart is still learning to speak. Thank you for not letting go. I love you Zi."_

Her fingers slid between his. "I will not let go."

Tony rubbed his thumb over the side of her hand. "I should've told you that night, but-"

"I knew," Ziva whispered. "I knew that I had touched your heart. And I am glad Devon told me, even if it was breaking confidence, because otherwise I never would have guessed how much you needed to hear what I said. It was an easy gift to give."

He kissed her again, thinking that something that made him feel so good should probably be illegal, and flipped through a few more of the folded papers, soon coming to one from a day after Chaya's birth. _"I held our baby yesterday Ziva, a perfect little girl who's already stolen my heart. I am so proud of you for not giving up. Look who we would've missed out on. Our daughter is the first miracle I've ever seen. I love you babe."_

"Chaya was the first miracle I ever held after you," Ziva told him softly, wishing she'd told him long ago that he had been her proof, the one bright spot in her life that had renewed her hope in the God she thought had abandoned her.

Tony's lips grazed his cheek and he laughed at the single line on a new page. _" I have my partner back. All is right with the world." _He shrugged. "I guess that about sums it up."

"We are not the same partners that we used to be. I think everything changes once you know that you love someone," Ziva reflected. "We will never approach our jobs and dangerous situations the same way again."

"No, but it never hurts to have the person who knows you best in the world and loves you anyways watching your back," Tony pointed out.

Finally they were down to the last letter and Tony smiled. "This one is only a couple weeks old." She nodded in interest and he began.

"_I've never been so glad to see you sleep through the night, or to see that sleepy, satisfied smile on your face. This is what we've been waiting for, the chance for intimacy to be all it can be and more. I know we've got a long way to go yet, but last night was such a huge leap forward in progress. Thank you for the freedom you've given me with your body, for being brave enough to give me pleasure and for making love to me. This is only the beginning sweetheart, for everything else we have the rest of our lives."_

"I love you," Ziva murmured, gathering up all the letters and pressing a kiss to the stack. "Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I suspect even after twenty years there will still be things about you that I do not know."

Tony set everything on the floor and wrapped his arms around her. "That goes both ways. And I'm more than willing to start on the rest of our lives right now. What about you?"

Her smile could only be described as seductive when she lay back and pulled him on top of her. "There were a hundred 'I love yous' in those letters. I think it is time you show me."

Tony chuckled and kissed her neck. "Mrs. DiNozzo, that's the best idea I've heard all day."

He leaned down covered her mouth with his, and all Ziva knew for the rest of the time she was awake was the loving tenderness of her husband. She wondered fleetingly if this was what they called happily ever after.

_A/N: Well, here it is, the chapter people having been waiting for when Ziva saw Tony's letters at last. If anyone wants a refresher, here is a list of where all his other letters to her, the ones that we've seen before, can be found. Thanks again for all the support and love and encouragement, you guys are awesome!_

_Two Weeks Later:_

_Ziva's first discovery of the letters and Tony writes her one - Ch 25_

_Tony writes letters to Ziva when she sleeps at his apartment because of the nightmares - end of Ch 30 (mentioned, but no actual examples of letters)_

_Three Months Alive:_

_background to the letter in Tony's flashback scene - Ch 8 (it was actually a missing part of the chapter, added later in my hard copy but not on FF. The flashback scene starts right where the chapter ends)._

_Tony's letter to Ziva when he goes back to his apartment after being sick - Ch 26_

_Six Months Home:_

_Tony's letter to Ziva the night before their wedding - Ch 19_

_Letter to Ziva on Day 2 of being parents - Ch 42_

_Poem to Ziva when she was feeling hopeless + first letter to Chaya - Ch 48_


	94. Chapter 94

_A/N: So we've finally come to the last chapter and I feel like I should warn you. Even now with all the progress they've made, it still can't be sunshine and rainbows for Tony and Ziva. And as much as I wish it could, this story doesn't end with happily ever after. Keep that in mind as we come to the second part of this chapter._

_mishka (Ch 93) - I'm glad to hear it, it's always lovely to know that people are enjoying it. One of the best you've ever read? Wow. That is such a high compliment and an honour for me, thank you! I'm glad you're excited about future stuff, more about that at the end of this chapter._

_Sarah (Ch 93) - You're welcome :) Aww...thanks. I thought it was good that Ziva could be that kind of support. She's been there not too long ago, she remembers how hard it is to be a new mom. Yeah, A&M are going to have it rough for a little while. Tony did not expect to be reading those letters out loud to Ziva, I'm actually surprised he didn't cry. There was a lot of history there. I'm glad Z confessed too but Tony's understanding was appreciated. Oh good, since they were written after the fact, I'm glad they still sounded in character. haha...glad you liked the line. Tony is good at using humour to deflect just about everything. Thanks for reading and reviewing Sarah!_

"It's been a week!" Abby blurted on Saturday. "I can't take it anymore! Timmy, can't we just get out and do something?!"

McGee would've been perfectly content to stay at home and get whatever sleep their daughter would allow, but he could see that Abby was going stir crazy and nodded. "Let's see what Gibbs and Celeste are doing."

"Okay," his wife beamed. She'd do anything as long as it meant leaving the house. "You call, I'll get Haven ready."

Tim picked up the phone and dialed, bracing himself to explain the situation to his boss. But Celeste answered the phone instead and was delighted to hear from him. "Of course you can come over, we'd love to have you. And Jethro has been itching to spend some time with Haven." She covered the phone and McGee heard muffled voices.

"Quit scowling Jethro, you've been moping for days and I know it's because you need granddaughter time. Now shush, we're talking."

Celeste came back on the line with laughter in her voice. "He's growling at me Tim, but I know he's excited. Why don't you bring Haven's stroller and we can go for a walk?"

He sighed in relief. "That would be great, thanks Celeste. Abby is dying to get out. She's not used to being housebound. Half an hour okay?"

"Whenever you're ready," she replied.

"See you soon."

McGee made it into the nursery just as Abby was picking Haven up. The baby was wearing a white romper from Tony with words across the front that said, 'I'm Only Cute When I'm Sleeping'. Tim chuckled and reached for his daughter, kissing her soft head. "I disagree Lissa, I think you're always cute, even when you're screaming your head off for a reason we can't figure out."

Abby put her hands on her hips. "Why did we bother putting Haven as her first name if you're going to call her by the middle one all the time?"

He shrugged innocently. "Every kid needs a nickname. Plus, I never had a middle name. It's gotta be good for something besides yelling when she's in trouble."

Her features softened and she stood in front of him to rub Haven's tummy. "Okay, I guess that's a pretty good reason."

Tim grinned. "Ready to go?"

Abby's eyes lit up. "Absolutely. Get me out of here!"

They made the drive to Gibbs' house with no trouble and seconds after they walked in the door, Gibbs was kneeling down to undo the straps on Haven's carseat. Celeste stood behind him with her arms crossed. "Stay away from that baby Jethro," she commanded. "Abby doesn't need to just go from one house to another. We're taking a walk."

"Les," he protested, but she just shook her head and Gibbs gave her a look that might've been a pout if they didn't know better.

Celeste hugged Abby, pleased when the girl reciprocated. "How are you?"

"Exhausted," she relayed cheerfully, "but Haven's finally settled down as far as nursing is concerned, so that helps."

Gibbs pulled Abby into his arms. "Good to see you Abs. We miss you at work."

Abby's lips curved up and she glanced at Celeste. "That's good. And if the sleep deprivation doesn't kill me, I'll be back in seven weeks."

"Well, let's go, shall we?" Celeste asked, and Gibbs went with Tim to get the stroller out of their trunk. Celeste stared fondly at Haven. "She's such an angel."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Give her an hour. When she decides she's hungry the whole world is going to know about it." She picked up the carseat and walked out to the car with Celeste behind her. Once the baby was secured in her stroller, they started down the street, stopping at Celeste's house to get Lexie from the backyard to go with them. It was only a couple times around the block because Abby was still sore and uncomfortable, but that was more fresh air than she'd had in days and she was happy.

Back at the house Gibbs claimed Haven before anyone else could say a word and settled on the couch, looking down at her and talking softly. Lexie left her place by Celeste and slowly approached man and baby. Abby started forward to stop the animal but Celeste went with her dog and told her to sit. Gibbs leaned forward and Celeste crouched down, petting Lexie.

"Be very gentle girl, this little one is brand new." Lexie licked Chaya's hand and pushed her nose closer to sniff the baby. Then she laid her muzzle on Gibbs' knee and just watched.

Abby sat down beside Gibbs. "I think she likes you Haven."

Celeste smiled. "Lexie knows how to be careful. Which is surprising considered what she went through. But instead of making her violent or vicious, the abuse made her timid, careful, and eager to please. I hope someday she won't be afraid anymore."

Tim landed beside his wife and Abby slid her fingers through Lexie's silky coat. "You're a good girl. You watch over my baby, okay? I trust you."

Gibbs broke his focus on Haven long enough to meet McGee's eyes. "Been a week Tim, what do you think?"

"About being a dad?" his eyebrow rose and he rubbed his face. "Nothing has ever been so hard or so rewarding. When I hold her it's like...holding a miracle. I feel like I've got the whole world in my hands." Tim shrugged. "It's the best feeling I've ever known."

Gibbs nodded. "Don't ever forget."

McGee chuckled. "Of course, I've also never been so tired in my life."

Laughter spread around the group and then died away. After a moment of silence Abby piped up. "We need to do something."

Gibbs frowned. "Like what?"

Abby shook her pigtails. "I don't know, a barbeque maybe? Tomorrow with everyone? I'm deprived of people and the team's always looking for an excuse to get together. Can we have it here?"

Gibbs and Celeste exchanged glances and he nodded. "Okay."

She beamed. "Good. I'm going to make some phone calls."

Gibbs stared after her and then at Tim. "You sure she hasn't had any Caf-Pow?"

"Not since Ziva came over earlier in the week. I think she's just found something that makes her happier than caffeine."

He nodded slowly and stroked Celeste's hand. "Me too."

**NCIS**

The following afternoon found the entire group, including significant others, a former team member and babies, gathered in Gibbs' backyard as mouthwatering aromas floated from the barbeque he was manning. The women, minus Dr. Jordan and Celeste, sat in a circle on the deck with Haven passed carefully from person to person while the moms shared and compared baby stories. Chaya lay on her tummy on a blanket in the middle and played with some toys, thoroughly amusing everyone with her jabber. Celeste was in the kitchen with Jimmy and Matt, who had volunteered to help with salad and vegetables, while Tim and Tony tossed a baseball around near the fence. The whole day was casual and relaxed and meant to be enjoyed.

When the food was ready, everyone carried paper plates around and sat wherever they could find a place, with some of the couples gravitating back together. Lexie wandered carefully through the people without begging, though she received several treats just by being present. Partway through the meal, the doorbell rang and Tony looked up, meeting Ziva's eyes.

"Uh, Boss...Ziva and I invited a friend of ours to come as well. I hope that's okay."

"Little late now DiNozzo," Gibbs growled, at the same time Celeste smiled.

"Of course."

The others laughed at the contradiction and Gibbs sighed, giving up and waving Tony towards the door. He sprang up with a grin and came back moments later escorting a white haired lady who carried a heaping plate of cookies. "I'd like you all to meet the woman who has kindly consented to being adopted as my nonna and has been a great help to Ziva and I over the past several months. Everyone, this is the lovely Grace McPherson."

"Hello," she nodded. "I hope you all have room for dessert."

McGee dropped a carrot into his mashed potatoes. "Grace?"

She seemed just as surprised. "Tim?"

Now Tony looked confused. "You know McGee?"

Grace looked around the group again, spotting Abby near Matt and Tami with Haven sleeping in her carseat at their feet and her eyes lit up. "Yes, I met them at the hospital when I was visiting Thomas last weekend. Who are they to you?"

Tony waved his hand to encompass them all. "This is our family. Chosen, not born into, mind you. Our boss Gibbs and his wife Celeste. Ducky and Jimmy who work in the basement, and their escorts Dr. Jordan and Breena. Matt, who was Assistant Probie while Ziva was off and his girlfriend Tami, who is Abby's assistant and temporarily in charge of the lab. And of course you already know Ziva and Chaya."

"It's a pleasure to meet you all. Thank you for including me."

Celeste stood to take the cookies from her. "Around here there's always room for one more. Can I get you a plate?"

Grace shook her head. "I'll help myself if you don't mind. First I need to catch up with these beautiful little girls."

Just as Tony suspected she would, Grace blended into their group with no problem and cemented herself in their hearts indefinitely with her offer of delicious chocolate chip cookies. She made her rounds and got to know a little bit about each person before getting something to eat herself. After a couple hours it was clear she had been welcomed with open arms.

When she finally returned to the porch, Tony crossed his arms. "Nonna, I didn't get my hug."

A smile spread across her face and Grace enveloped the man in her arms. "Thank you for inviting me."

He shrugged. "I knew they'd love you." Tony got her a chair and leaned against the railing. "How's Thomas?"

The joy faded from her eyes. "The doctors don't think he's leaving this time," she shared slowly. "I believe I am losing him."

Tony sighed and covered her hand with his. "Grace, I'm so sorry."

She mustered a brave smile. "As am I. But I am grateful that God has given me unexpected family, so I won't be alone when the time comes."

"Never," he assured her. "We'll be here Nonna."

She touched his cheek. "Thank you."

Once dessert was over, Abby approached Celeste with a full, content, sleeping Haven in her arms. "I think you missed your turn earlier."

Celeste gladly accepted the baby and kissed her forehead, looking into her blue eyes. "Do you remember me from yesterday sweetheart? I know you've seen a lot of people this afternoon, but I'm your-"

"Gramma," Abby cut in quickly, swallowing hard. "You're her gramma."

A tear slipped down Celeste's cheek as she stared at the new mother. "Are you sure?"

Abby nodded. "You've earned it."

Celeste wiped her face and kissed Haven's forehead. "Did you hear that little one? I'm your gramma. But when you get older, you can call me Nan." She met Abby's eyes. "Thank you," she whispered.

Gibbs stood and kissed his daughter's cheek. "Thank you Abby."

"Sometimes change is a good thing," she whispered.

Turning to Matt and Tami, who were sitting nearby playing crazy eights on a blanket on the grass, Abby went up to them next. "Trial's over," she announced. "I think you guys are...cousins." Matt's forehead wrinkled but Tami started smiling, knowing exactly where she was going with this. Abby held out one hand. "We have a dad and stepmom, a grandfather and now a nonna, brothers and sisters and a handful of cousins and of course, babies." She shrugged. "We have everyone we need."

At that Matt rose to hug her and whispered, "Thank you," moving aside so Tami could have a turn. A feeling of wholeness settled over the group. So this was what it felt like to be family.

**NCIS**

The office was quiet Monday morning with McGee off and Gibbs gone for coffee. Ziva was catching up on last week's reports when a twinge gripped her abdomen. Frowning, she put a hand to the spot but it disappeared and she dismissed the feeling. A couple hours later occasional twinges had become full blown cramps and she'd already had to reassure Tony twice that she was fine, schooling her features into the impassive mask that hid both thoughts and pain.

Then Ziva felt something leak out of her and her eyes widened. Quickly she got to her feet and hurried to the women's bathroom. Thankfully some of the ladies on the floor kept feminine products under the sink and she took what she needed, promising to replace the items later. Claiming an empty stall, Ziva pulled down her pants, grateful they were dark coloured, and confirmed her suspicions. For the first time in over a year, she was getting her period.

It was while she was cleaning herself up that the thought hit her. If it wasn't for Somalia, she would now be able to become pregnant again. All the pain from the day Mandy told her that more children were not in her future flooded back and the feelings were overwhelming, but Ziva would not allow herself to give in to tears, not at work. After a long time she realized people might start looking for her and came out to wash her hands. But Ziva couldn't bring herself to face the others yet and locked the bathroom door, splashing water on her face and letting it drip off her chin.

For weeks, even months, she'd avoided thinking about the significant secret she was still keeping from her husband. But Ziva could no longer ignore the reality and everything inside her quaked at the thought of confessing to Tony. They were supposed to be done with secrets, but this one would be by far the most painful, with the longest lasting repercussions and furthest reaching consequences.

Finally she squared her shoulders and returned to the bullpen, prepared to put on a happy face, but Tony was grabbing his backpack and Gibbs was already on his way to the elevator, so there was no time for anything except what needed to be done. Thankful for a crime scene where she could be focused and busy without it seeming suspicious, Ziva threw herself into her work, covering double duty with McGee absent.

Gibbs kept Tony occupied with doing perimeter and witness interviews while he conferred with Ducky about cause of death. But it didn't escape the senior field agent's notice that his wife had been nearly silent since they left the building. And he didn't have a chance to talk to her because Gibbs took him back to NCIS and Ziva said she would wait for Ducky and Jimmy to finish and meet them there. She took longer getting back than he expected and barely said two words to him before going downstairs to nurse Chaya.

That time was even more precious to Ziva today than usual and she savoured every second of the connection with her baby, softly touching arms and legs and fingers as Chaya ate. "I am sorry tatelah," she whispered. "If it was my choice you would not be the only one." Ziva held the baby tighter. "But I will love you enough for the others that should have come after you."

Knowing Tony was already suspicious of her behaviour, Ziva came back to the squadroom and kissed him, glancing at him but not lingering long enough for him to read her eyes before returning to her desk. "What did I miss?"

Tony grinned. "I glued McGee's action figure to his desk."

She rolled her eyes. "Must you really be so juvenile?"

"You wouldn't want to take away all my fun, would you?" Ziva just looked at him and he shrugged. "It's in my nature. Let's hope Chaya doesn't pick that up." Tony shuffled some papers on his desk. "We might have to borrow someone from cyber crimes to do McGeek's computer stuff, but I did find something on the security tapes."

Discretely Ziva swallowed a couple pills and walked back across the room to lean over his shoulder and look at what he had. Tony turned his head to breathe in her shampoo and put his hand over hers while he pressed play. Ziva raised an eyebrow lazily and shook her head. Now was not the time for distractions. Tony sighed dramatically and got serious. They had a killer to catch.

**NCIS**

Hours later, after they had a suspect in custody and were released for the night, Tony had come to a disturbing conclusion - something was wrong. Ziva had been acting off all day, becoming more closed the closer they got to being alone. Avoiding his eyes, shrugging away his touch, and most recently, brushing off every attempt he'd made to kiss her and start something they could continue later. Every time Tony noticed another thing that was out of the ordinary, his concern grew. Yes they were still very close to the one year anniversary of bringing her home, and because of that he'd been watching her closely for the last couple weeks. But somehow this felt different than just memories that might be haunting her.

It was quiet in their house, the only sound the happy squeals and giggles of their daughter as she sat in her chair on the livingroom floor and chewed on the leg of a stuffed giraffe. Now that he thought about it, Tony wasn't sure Ziva had said one word in English since they'd returned from work. But she'd been murmuring to Chaya in Hebrew whenever she was close. Even though Tony was making progress with the language CDs McGee had hooked him up with and could pick out several words and a few phrases here and there, it still wasn't enough for him to understand what she was talking about, if she was even talking about anything in particular.

Since Ziva was avoiding him in favour of doing dishes and reorganizing cupboards in the kitchen, Tony went and sat down with Chaya, kissing his daughter on the head. Chaya looked at him, thrilled to pieces to be the center of someone's attention, and leaned forward to chomp on one of his knuckles when he offered her a different toy.

"Hey, cut it out monster," he chuckled, "I know we already fed you. Don't be going all Gremlin on me now."

Chaya laughed as if she understood every word and started blowing spit bubbles. Tony mimicked the sound she was making and the little girl stared at him like she was trying to figure out how he did that. Tony's heart swelled with love for Chaya as he lifted her out of the seat to stand with his help. She was getting stronger all the time and her progress both amazed and scared the living daylights out of him.

"Look at you!" he exclaimed. "Baby girl you are getting so big!" Chaya held on tightly to his fingers, staring at her feet in great concentration. After a minute Tony held her up to eye level and blew raspberries on her cheek. Chaya's baby giggles were his favourite music. "I love you so much sweetheart," he told her softly, kissing the dark curls so like her mom's and breathing in the scent of his daughter. Tony swore it was what innocence smelled like. "Please don't grow up too fast, okay? I'm going to miss you being little."

He happened to glance towards the kitchen just then and saw Ziva leaning against the wall, watching them. Tony hadn't realized he had an audience and smiled, but Ziva's expression was one he couldn't read and the emotions in her eyes were a strange mixture of sadness, love and regret. He wanted to ask, but she quickly looked away and he forced his attention back to Chaya.

"Come on princess, time for your bath. Then Daddy will get you all ready for bed and you can have your bottle."

Twenty minutes later Tony was almost as wet as the wiggly baby he'd just gotten out of the tub. Chaya wailed in protest as the cold air hit her skin, but Tony expertly wrapped her in the soft pink towel with a bunny hood and cradled her close to his chest. She quieted and he smiled. "See, that wasn't so bad. Tony looked around with a frown on his face. "Alright little lady, where did Mommy hide the lotion?"

Ziva appeared in the doorway holding Chaya's bottle. "It is in her room on the changetable."

Tony threw her a grin. "I knew that." He handed over the baby and headed across the hall to pick out a sleeper and get her diaper stuff ready. They often did Chaya's bedtime routine together when they could and had it down pat by now.

Ziva cuddled with her baby girl while also getting her dried off, then joined her husband in the nursery and laid Chaya on the changetable, dusting her with baby powder and getting her diaper on in seconds while she whispered to the little girl in her native language.

"Aha!" Tony said triumphantly, having dug his favourite pjs for Chaya, purple with crowns and scepters and jewels all over it to match her royal nickname, from the neat piles in her dresser. Ziva moved out of the way and Tony slipped the outfit under his daughter, gently working her flailing arms and squirmy legs into the correct holes - though the process was complicated by Chaya's endeavours to use her toes as a soother.

"All ready," he announced at last, settling Chaya on his hip and reaching for her bottle. "Say goodnight to Mommy sweet girl."

Ziva leaned in to give the baby her customary goodnight kiss. She nuzzled Chaya's soft cheek and breathed in the precious scent of her child. Then she stepped back and Tony settled into the rocking chair Gibbs had made, sticking the nipple of the bottle in Chaya's wide open mouth. They had been taking turns with night feedings ever since Ziva cut down on her hours at Ops.

She watched them for a moment, then turned away, having too much on her mind to read to them tonight. "I will see you downstairs." It was the most they'd spoken all evening.

Tony's gaze followed her out and he was determined to get to the bottom of her mood as soon as Chaya was asleep. But he wasn't about to rush this peaceful time with his daughter. Tony smiled down at Chaya and started telling her the story of the three bears, embellishing here and there and ad-libbing when he couldn't remember exactly what was supposed to happen.

By the time Chaya's eyes started drooping, her bottle was almost empty and he laid her on her back in the crib. "Sleep sweet princess," he whispered, brushing his hand over her hair and pressing his lips to her forehead. Ziva had gotten confused about 'sweet dreams' early on, so now they used her version to say goodnight. Tony liked that they had something unique.

Closing the door with a sigh, he headed downstairs. Ziva was pacing back and forth between the front door and the kitchen, something she only did when she was too agitated to sit still. Coming up behind her, Tony put his hands on his wife's shoulders. Almost immediately she pulled away and he couldn't keep the hurt and confusion out of his voice. "What did I do Zi?"

She hugged her arms around herself as if she needed the protection and wouldn't meet his eyes. "You want another child. I can see it in the way you act with Chaya."

Tony drew his eyebrows together, trying to figure out why that was a problem. "Well yeah, someday maybe. But I'm not in any hurry, she's not even six months old yet." He studied her posture for several seconds. "Do you want more kids honey? I don't think you've ever talked about it."

Ziva turned to him, her eyes bright with tears, a deep loss tearing at her expression, and finally told him the truth. "I cannot have any more children," she said brokenly.

Tony didn't understand. "Sweetheart, I know the way Chaya was conceived made your first pregnancy hard, but it wouldn't be like that with us." He took a step closer. "There's no pressure, I'll wait until you're ready."

Ziva shoved her fingers into her hair. "Tony, you are not listening to me. I am not able to get pregnant again."

His brow furrowed. "Why?"

She closed her eyes. _Somalia._

Ziva didn't even say the word out loud, but Tony read it on her lips and his shoulders sagged. "How long have you known?"

She looked away. "Since before we were married. Mandy told me in March, the appointment you couldn't come to."

"Oh Ziva, you've carried this burden by yourself all this time?" He sighed. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Tears clouded her vision as she finally met his eyes and her words were barely a whisper. "I did not want you to change your mind when you found out I could not give you your own children."

Her truth hit him hard and ripped open old wounds he thought had healed. Feeling angry and betrayed, Tony clenched his fists and his expression grew darker. "How could you keep that from me Ziva? How could you not tell me?! No more secrets, remember? You promised!" Tony stabbed his finger in the air at her.

"I-" she tried, but he wasn't done yet.

Tony started pacing back and forth across the room. "How are we supposed to work through anything if you can't trust me with the important stuff?" Then he stopped in his tracks and stared at her, trying to grasp the meaning of her words. "You actually thought I wouldn't marry you? That's I'd give up everything we had just because you couldn't get pregnant again?" Scraping fingers through his hair, Tony fought back the emotion in his throat. "Ziva, haven't I shown you anything yet? What more do I have to do to prove that I love you no matter what?"

The pain in his gaze was what broke her. "I am sorry!" She fell back on the arm of the chair and sighed. "It has killed me to keep that from you, but at first I could not share it, and then I tried to forget. I wanted so badly to give you a child, to have a baby that was yours and mine, and every dream inside me broke when Mandy gave me the news. With everything else I was asking you to deal with, one more thing seemed like too much." Ziva trailed off into a whisper. "I did not want to lose you."

He leaned back against the wall, getting a glimpse of her logic. "You're enough for me, you always were. I wish it was the same for you."

She swallowed. "There was nothing I wanted more than to have you in our lives Tony. But then Abby and Tim told us their news and I wondered - what would it be like to get pregnant by a man I loved? By a man who did not force himself on me? By a man who had chosen me?" Ziva shook her head slowly. "That was when it was too much for me, dreams torn away before they even began. I never talked to you about more children because I did not want to see that look in your eyes when you realized what had been taken from us, before we even knew there would be an us."

Tony sank to the floor and dropped his head onto his arms. A sob shook him, then another and Ziva could not watch very long before she knelt beside him, wrapping her arms around him tightly. "I am sorry," she whispered, "oh my love, I am so sorry." Her fingers ran gently through his hair over and over. "This is why I did not tell you. This is the hurt I did not want you to feel. I was trying to spare you." _I was trying to spare both of us, even if my fears were unfounded._

Ziva's tears fell on his shirt and Tony's own sadness spilled down his cheeks. For long moments they sat holding each other, clinging to each other, grieving together for a loss that hurt, even if they couldn't touch it. Finally Tony lifted his head. "Why now Ziva? Why tell me today and not yesterday or a month from now?"

Her eyes lowered. "Because I got my period today, for the first time since Somalia, and I was reminded that now, if not for last summer, I would be able to conceive again." Tony swallowed, feeling like they never ran out of things from Africa that would follow them the rest of their lives. Ziva stroked his cheek gently. "After Mandy told me, I watched you over dinner and thought about the child we would never have. A little baby with your eyes and smile, maybe my hair and colouring. Then it hurt too much to imagine what was impossible and I never let myself thing those thoughts again."

Tony rubbed his eyes. "I thought of more kids with you. Brothers and sisters for Chaya, children born out of our love." He banged his head back against the wall. "I wonder if it will ever stop hurting."

She had no answer for that, and so they sat there a long time, sharing in the grief. Finally Tony looked over at her. "Zi, whether we can have another child together or if it's just you, me, and Chaya forever, nothing will ever change my love for you."

She nodded, leaning forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder. "I know that now. I am sorry. I should not have kept it from you."

Tony hugged her against him, shifting positions to be more comfortable because he didn't want to let go, and blew out a breath. "I forgive you sweetheart, I do. You can tell me anything Ziva, please know that. You can trust me. Don't make me tell you again."

Ziva tried to smile. "I know." Another apology died on her lips, because nothing could right the wrong she had done him for six months of keeping quiet.

"So," he kissed her slowly and pushed away from the wall, bringing them both to their feet, "you make the popcorn and I'll pick the movie?" They had to pick a piece of normal, something to start with, to cling to. They couldn't dwell in the sadness any longer, it was so heavy it felt like it was suffocating them.

Ziva appreciated what he was trying to do and latched onto the idea. She shook her head, a teasing glint pushing past the pain in her eyes as she wiped the wetness from her face with her sleeve. "It is my turn to pick."

He feigned uncertainty. "It's not going to be one of those girly movies, is it?"

Ziva shrugged. "Perhaps. But you do not seem to mind if we copy them, yes?"

Though Tony would happily watch a chick flick with Ziva, no strings attached - it was his ninja's guilty pleasure - she didn't know that and bribed him with the promise that she would kiss or touch him every time the characters kissed and touched, which was sometimes an awful lot. That compromise worked like a charm and he forced a grin to hide the ache in his heart. "Okay, you've got me there."

She gave him a knowing look. "I thought so."

Soon they were cuddled together on the couch, the bowl of popcorn firmly in Ziva's possession. She'd chosen _The Prince and Me. _It was a little cheesy and unrealistic, but the couple definitely didn't argue with making out like they were ten years younger. Tony was pretty sure they spent more time kissing than actually watching the movie because they sometimes got caught up in the moment, but that was alright with him. Tonight especially they needed that closeness and connection, a way to release the emotions building up inside, which came across in the quiet desperation felt through every touch.

He wasn't sure they could bring themselves to have sex this time, knowing that no matter how badly they might want it to, the act would not lead to them creating a life. And besides, Ziva might find it uncomfortable and Tony couldn't handle it, not after what they'd just shared. So instead he held her close and kissed her hair, holding on tight to the best thing in his world. Sometimes he still couldn't believe, on nights like this with Ziva in his arms and Chaya sleeping upstairs, that this was really his life. Even tonight's bombshell didn't change how thankful he was that they'd really gotten this chance to be them.

**NCIS**

Despite Tony's reassuring words to his wife about their situation, he still ended up in Gibbs' basement an hour and a half after they'd gone to bed. He'd waited until his wife fell asleep and then slipped away. He was still struggling with Ziva's revelation, fighting the loss he felt for something he'd never even had, much less known he wanted until it was already gone. Tony stood leaning back against Gibbs' workbench, staring at the plane he was turning over and over in his hands.

"Ziva and I, we can't..." he swallowed, "we can't ever have our own kids Boss. I guess Somalia left her with too much damage." Tony closed his eyes and dropped the tool back on the wooden bench, still wishing he could again kill the men who'd hurt his wife so badly.

"You have a daughter," Gibbs pointed out, finally abandoning the stain he was slowly rubbing into the smooth wood. Mondays had been his nights with Abby, and while she was busy with Haven, he still kept them free in case he was needed.

Tony looked up, his eyes darkened with pain. "I know. And I love Chaya with everything that I am. But I guess I still...hoped someday to see both me and Ziva reflected in a child's face."

Gibbs sighed and rested his back against the boat. "She told me," he admitted quietly, "months ago."

The younger man's face fell. "You knew? Why..." he trailed off when Gibbs' eyes met his.

"Wasn't mine to tell."

Tony rubbed his hands over his face and up through his hair. "What am I supposed to do Boss?"

Gibbs laid a hand heavily on Tony's shoulder. "Love her DiNozzo, just love her." His tone was rock solid serious. "You waited seven months for Ziva to say yes, now you've got her and Chaya both. Remember that when it hurts."

Tony nodded and stood there in silence for several more minutes before leaving. Gibbs watched him go, pride swelling his heart. His agent had become such a good man. He was confident Tony would handle this the same way he'd handled Ziva's pregnancy and healing - with determination and unwavering love.

**NCIS**

Ziva woke in the middle of the night, poised to respond to a cry that never came. Frowning because if Chaya didn't bring her out of a deep sleep, she wasn't sure what had, Ziva lay back down, rolling over to get closer to her husband. Her eyes flew open when only empty, cold sheets met her touch. She sat up again and looked around, but Tony wasn't in the bathroom or at the window.

A scrap of paper on his pillow caught her gaze and Ziva shivered as she reached for it. The message was simple, allaying her fears even though it didn't answer her question. _I love you Zi, T_. She clutched the note to her chest and rested her elbows on her knees.

_I am tired of what Africa stole from us too ahava. I wish..._ she sighed and lay back down, curling up on her side though she knew she wouldn't sleep again until Tony came back to bed. _I wish I could give you everything you deserve. I am sorry._

It wasn't very many minutes more before she heard the front door close and Tony walking quietly upstairs. Her ears trained to every movement, Ziva could tell that he'd stopped to check on Chaya first. It had been months since she'd started sleeping through the night, but it was habit now to simply look in on her before going or returning to bed.

He opened their door slowly, keeping the noise to a minimum, but his caution was unnecessary. "Where were you?" Ziva demanded, her tone infused with worry and concern.

Tony sat on the bed beside her. "I'm sorry Zi, I just needed some time to think."

"I did not mean to hurt you," she whispered. Ziva twisted her rings around. "I do not want you to regret this."

"Hey," he tipped her chin up, "don't talk like that. I meant it when I said life with you and Chaya is everything I didn't even know I wanted and needed. You're both my miracles Ziva, don't ever doubt that."

"But you wish she was really yours." Resignation coloured her voice.

Tony closed his eyes, a deep ache in his heart. "Chaya is my daughter Ziva. I can't even wish to take back Somalia anymore because then we wouldn't have her. But I do wish you hadn't been hurt like that." He could see it on her face, that Ziva couldn't believe him. Tony reached for her hand. "Zi, I won't deny that I've thought of having a child with you, a little life created out of our love, a little face that would look like both of us together." He wiped at a tear glistening on her cheek. She felt the loss as well, they had been her dreams too. "But I love you and I love Chaya. Yeah this news is going to hurt for awhile, but that doesn't mean I regret one second of our time together or that I don't want at least fifty-seven more years with you. Okay?"

His words, while heartfelt and true, didn't fix anything, but Ziva still sat forward to lean against him. "I am sorry Tony." It was all she could think to say.

"No," Tony was firm, "Rule #2. This isn't your fault Ziva, not even close. Stop blaming yourself."

It was an old argument and neither of them ever won. Whether she kissed him to shut him up or change the subject he had a hard time telling, but when Ziva took her time exploring his mouth and teasing his lips with hers, it ceased to matter. Tony had almost forgotten his own name by the time she was done with him.

"I love you," she whispered into his neck, holding on tight.

Tony hugged her close. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

It took them a long time to fall back to sleep and their hearts still hurt at the truth they had to bear, but just like everything else, they would face it together. Because nothing, not even Africa, had been able to keep them apart, and Tony and Ziva weren't going to start letting things get in the way now. They were partners, they'd promised. And promises, like their love, were forever.

THE END

_A/N2: 1600 notebook pages, 16 notebooks, 7 months and 94 chapters later, we have finally come to the end of SMH. I know this may not necessarily be the happy ending after people were hoping for, but this is meant to be a mirror of real life and I think T&Z still have a long way to go._

_Thank you so much for your support and loyalty and for the hundreds of reviews I cherish so much. I will admit that I'm glad to have this story over with, because it has taken over my life. But I will miss these characters and the love we got to watch them spend a year building. Since __**Three Years Family**__, the final installment of the Remnants of Somalia series (which just wraps everything up) is already complete, I'll post the first of two chapters on Monday. Then I have __**Snapshots**__ - a series of one-shots that capture missing moments (currently numbering thirty-three) which I will start posting next Friday. Though I can make no promises, I am taking requests for things you would like to see included in Snapshots._

_I'm also working on some new, short, T&Z stuff unrelated to this series. One is __**Glimpses**__ - a look through the series from Seasons 3-6 of how Tiva could've happened in certain episodes. It might only be a handful of one-shots and I'll only update sporadically on that one. The second is __**Moments In Time **__- T&Z moments from Season 7 of how they could've worked towards a relationship. Last is my favourite, __**To Live Without Regrets **__- Season 9 starting after A Desperate Man and what would've happened if T&Z took Agent Burris' advice to cherish each other. But these are all just in the beginning stages, so don't look for them until the end of October._

_At some point in the near future I'm hoping to put up an AU story involving Ziva called __**Never Again,**__ though it's completely different than anything else I've ever done, so I'm a little nervous because I don't want everyone to hate it (or me) for the subject. Until then, I can't wait to hear what you think! _

_I couldn't do this without my readers and friends, so thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart. ~ Love Always, Aliyah_


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